#i love my parents they’re so funny
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queengmine2crayon · 3 months ago
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Family dinner this evening, my mom’s talking about how the girl in the train last Friday was a jerk:
Me: "wow, Mom, that’s so funny, you start being [can mean "acting" in French] like me!" [big motions with hands, mocking the girl by acting absurdly]
My dad, in a fake-exasperated tone: "oh no… you’re gay??"
Guys I laughed so hard I almost chocked on my drink. I love my dad xD 💚
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crybaby-bkg · 1 year ago
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new dad Bakugou who’s going back to work full time almost a full year after his daughter his born and he now has to grapple with the fact that….goddamn, he’s spoiled the shit outta her.
well, he doesn’t think it was spoiling her. in actuality, he just created a routine with her, gave her every bit of his attention, held her when she cried, scolded her (yes just at eight months) whenever she’d babble for more puffs even though she’s had enough already. it wasn’t spoiling, it wasn’t. he vowed to never be that dad, to raise a snot nosed brat, one similar to himself.
but here he is, on a Tuesday morning three weeks after her first birthday. he’s standing halfway between the front door and the living room in full uniform, with his still sleepy baby and her even sleepier mama. she’s gripping his neck like he promised to abandon her, wailing and crying so loud and dramatically, that you can’t help but chuckle at her antics and how he wavers ever so slightly.
“You promised you’d go back to work,” you scold him gently, rubbing at your daughters quivering back when she whines again the moment he acts like he’s gonna pull her off. Bakugou frowns at you, and you shrug, smoothing her unruly blond curls away from her sticky forehead.
“But you guys need me.” He pouts, eyebrows downturned as he pulls her away enough to wipe at her wet face. she blubbers again, whimpering out a small dadaaaa noooo, that absolutely breaks his heart.
“And so does the world.” You smile at him, gently pulling your daughter away from the matching glassy red eyes who watch her go. “We’ll be fine, my love. Promise.”
Bakugou looks unconvinced, especially since your daughter reaches for him with another cry of his name. you don’t say anything when he sniffles discreetly, quickly reaching down to the coffee table to snatch up his utility belt that he dropped when she waddled out of her room in tears. he snaps it on wordlessly, and you go to turn to the kitchen when he wraps you both up in his arms.
“Love you,” he whispers against your forehead before pecking it, leaning down to kiss your lips next, and then your daughter’s fat little cheeks. He whispers another love you to her, and wipes away at her rosy cheeks when she pouts at him.
“Rub you.” your daughter pouts, the both of you freezing in shock.
“Oh my god,” you whisper, grinning. “She said I love you back!” Bakugou matches your grin, laughing under his breath as he presses another torrent of kisses all of her face. for the first time since she’s opened her eyes today, she laughs, loud and joyous and familiar. he thinks that maybe going back in today won’t be so bad after all. not if this is what he’ll be coming home to.
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hanzajesthanza · 8 months ago
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geralt and ciri are like the parent-child version of “would you still love me if i was a worm” test for relationships like “would you still love me if i was Evil incarnate and was a damaged child sick with a thirst for revenge and you would regret teaching me how to kill”
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fyllophobia · 14 days ago
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cheep cheep
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dayurno · 10 months ago
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who up doing brilliant and unparalleled things to his cervix. who up putting kevin’s name in their ignorant mouth. who up learning french so it could be our secret. who up watching a beautiful boy lean in. who up feeling tempted over kevin’s conspiratorial whispering. who up getting fucked over by a pretty face. who up doing anything for that stupid man
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gods-favorite-autistic · 4 months ago
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I feel like a lot of fantasy high parents are just like yeah in the context of the fact that it’s 1 a comedy show and 2 a dnd suburbia combo a lot of this stuff is normal for who these people and how they raise and interact with their kids but oh my god that is fucked up
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whenthegoldrays · 9 months ago
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💡
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sappy-detective · 1 year ago
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sophegg · 2 years ago
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i love the egg child part of the qsmp so much i just need to put it into words. it’s such a smart idea for how to make sure the server stays active — it’s not an activity requirement, but if you don’t take care of your egg, it will die. theoretically, you could just let your egg die and you can let someone else take care of it when you aren’t free to join. but people fall in love with their little pixel children and then they WANT to be active, it’s not an obligation they have to fill but something their consistently excited to do.
and having the parents be an english streamer and a spanish streamer is such a good way to make sure they all interact with each other across the language barrier. sure, there is some in-game translation to make things easier, but they also end up talking on discord to coordinate childcare and in the screenshots we’ve seen i think it’s so interesting how they’ll often speak the other person’s language rather than just picking one to both use or only using their own. co-parenting also gives them the basis for building up strong and unique relationships between the streamers themselves and their qsmp characters, which would’ve been much harder to develop without being given a starting point given the language barrier.
it’s just so clear how much thought quackity has put into this server and it’s so fun to watch everyone fall in love with their little egg children
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bibleofficial · 7 months ago
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went to the beach w kp & 4 other indian friends & 3 of us had NEVER surfed before girl WHEW it’s SO fun literally only 20quid to rent a wetsuit & board & i fucking smashed my toes on the sand so much, but also we 1) got the wrong tickets so we got off 1 stop early 2) went to find a bus & the bus that was supposed to be 15 min turned into an HOUR 3) on our way to find a bus back everyone’s phones are dying or dead bc it took us 3hrs longer to get there, cigarettes are out 4) all of the shops in town are closed & the town seems to have ONLY a tesco extra & 1 off license that sells a PACK FOR 15.65 A PACK WHICH IS FUCKING CRIMINAL ITS CHEAPER TO BUY IT FROM TESCO ARE U INSANE 5) the bus back to the other town kept skipping us bc the bus stop wasn’t the ACTUAL bus stop - i had 1 bowl since literally 11a & we got back at fucking 11p 😭😭😭
#diary#i was honestly abt to strangle EVERYBODY#‘do u have a cigarette’ ‘where’s ur vape’ ‘where are we going’ ‘which bus is it’ ‘do u have a ___’ ‘did u bring ___’ girl what am i DORA w#the magic fuckin BACKPACK ??? while ur UP MY ASS dig around & SEE IF SMTHGS IN THERE 😭😭😭😭#i literally broke sobriety again bc i was just#girl i was so agitated & there was 1 TRAIN LEFT BEFORE 11P so we needed to get the 2ND TO LAST BUS OF THE DAY#i deadass was like ‘if we miss that train i will make sure u all go blind’ ‘did u bring a knife’ ‘I DONT NEED 1’#AKSJAKSKAKKSJSKSSJAKJSKAHSKSHDLASKAKDLA#LIKE U BITCHES SMOKED ALL MY CIGARETTES MY VAPES DEAD MY PHONES DYING UR ALL DRUNK IM GOING TO KILL YALL 😭😭😭😭😭#<- me knowing i could never be a parent#tbh if i caught my kid smoking a cig id make em do the ol ‘im going to sit down in front of u w a fresh box of cigarettes & make u finish#the box or pass out’#YES IM STRICT#i think it’s so funny ok unrelated but like they’ll speak hindi & i’ve just#learned it through being around them kind of like i can’t speak it except for some word u know like matachot etc but i’ll Understand the#Context & what’s being Said#ASLKALSKALSKLAKSLAKSLAKSLA like while waiting for the train back 1 of them was talking abt me being a fool to the others - literally they’re#all indian & i had walked away so when i walked back he was still talkin but then i started giggling bc i knew he was talkin abt me & how i#pinched a bit of the kebab to throw to the seagull bc he offered it to me & i needed to bait the seagull w something & i pinched & tossed &#& he looked at me like 😦 bhenchod ! & then the seagull came over & i was like :D hi bestie <3333 but then when i started giggling after i#walked back he was like ‘what the fuck does he just know hindi now’#it makes me laugh so fucking HARD 😭😭😭😭😭 LIKE FUCK U I LIKE TO PARTICPATE IN COVERSATION IDC ABT LANGUAGE#like i’ve been surrounded by yall for the past#girl it’s been like a year i don’t even talk to british ppl or americans#ALSKALSKALSKALKSLAKSLALSLA MESS ! i love to slavsquat & kp hates it bc he’s like ‘we’re in the uk why are u sitting like this’ bc he thinks#it’s ’too indian’ ALSKALSKALSKALJSKAKDLA 😭😭😭😭😭 this hips were made for sitting#we’re definitely going to go back bc it’s SO CLOSE IF WE ACTUALLY USE THE TRANSPORT PROPERLY ITS ONLY LIKE AN HOUR OR SO COMMUTE EACH WAY#bring lunch whatever#i’m exhausted but also socially like bro i had to leave the donner place just to walk around the block for SOME QUIET#i’ve just been sososososo busy LOSING MY MIND
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bucky-barnes-diaries · 2 years ago
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Some venting in the tags because sometimes it’s easier to vent into the void than talk to my therapist 🙂 Although I should probably make an appointment and bring this up with her. Don’t mind me being depressed for a minute 😂 Carry on with your whoring and other shenanigans
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ursamajori · 2 years ago
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the thing you need to know about me is that i will drop everything to get into a story with a good sibling plot like out of all the character dynamics there can be in stories good sibling dynamics (not even positive just interesting) are my favorite no contest
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drunk-poets-society · 2 years ago
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Man, working with kids is so entertaining. This 8th grader I’m teaching is so enamoured by me and I just lie to him abt the most inconsequential shit lol.
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toothandfeather · 3 months ago
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guys
the silliest thing happened today
While we were eating dinner, I was talking about a childhood friend and I randomly said: “I wonder if she likes k pop”
then my sister said “why”
my mom nodded while eating,
and my dad was like “hm no they eat Chinese food”
and we all looked at him
Then I asked: “what did you think I said”
and then I added
“kebab?”
my mom asked:
“Gong bao?” (As in Kung Pao chicken the dish)
and he said:
“Nutmeg”
😭how he heard nutmeg beats me
shenanigans with Chinese parents I guess
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rackartyg · 1 year ago
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tinwë stayed an extra day with my parents over the weekend last weekend and came home sunday night. she did so well on the car ride out (when i was there) but apparently had an absolutely horrid time on the car ride back (when i wasn’t). my mum carried her out of the car and halfway up the stairs to my flat where i met them, and when tinwë saw me she started wriggling to get to me and when my mother transferred her to my arms, she instantly started purring just so loudly and sat so still all the way back up. she hates being carried.
she loves me! she really does! i’m her safe space!
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thundersoothers · 22 days ago
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spike, the dog (still derogatory)
who: John Price x wife!reader
what: continuation of this fic and this thought about john price being a softie for his wife and the dog you found on the side of the road (y’all LOVEDDDDD this, thank u omg)
word count: 0.9k
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“We are not naming the fucking dog Gremlin.”
“Pooh Bear.” 
“No.” 
You and John are sitting in the living room, staring at the dog you picked up from the side of the road a few days ago, trying to come up with a name for him.  
Convincing your husband to let you keep the dog was a challenge.  It felt like you were debating with judge, jury, and executioner.  Stakes were high.  He was sitting across from you at the dining room table, leaning back in his chair, arms crossed.  His eyes were narrowed at you and his face was expressionless, giving nothing away as you plead your case. 
Somehow, you won. 
So now, here you both are, brainstorming names to replace “Puppy”.  You’re holding the dog in your arms on the couch and John is sitting across from you in his chair. 
“And where the hell did you come up with these names?” 
“I have a list.” 
“You have a list?” 
“I have a list,” you say, “of dog names and baby names.  Every girl does.” 
And then, for just a second, the room stills. 
“Baby names?” John asks. 
A shiver runs up the bottom of your spine and you sit up a little straighter.  You feel the air buzz and John’s heavy gaze on you. 
“Yeah,” you say, glancing at John and then back at the dog in your lap.  “But—Pooh Bear?” 
After a long second, he says, “No.”
“Georgie Banks.” 
“The actress?” 
“Wha— no, fucker, Georgie Banks from Mary Poppins.” 
“… I’ll consider it.  What else.” 
“Ja’Marcus.” 
“My love,” he says, leaning forward to put his elbows on his knees and clasp his hands together, looking at you seriously.  “What the fuck are you talking about.  It’s a dog.” 
“Tra’davious.” 
“I’m making a list,” he scoffs, sitting back again.  “Jesus.” 
“It’s a nice name!” you exclaim.  “What are you gonna name him, Scout?” 
He looks at you.  
You look at him. 
“No.”  Your face drops and you almost shudder.  “No, John, that’s not even funny.” 
“Oreo?”  The corner of his mouth twitches but he quickly steels himself. 
“Stop.”  You hold the dog close to your chest, horrified. 
“Rocky?” 
“No!” 
“Buddy?” 
“John.” 
“We could just call him Puppy.” 
“What is this, Bird Box?  When Sandra Bullock named her kids Boy and Girl?  We can’t just name the dog Dog.  We would sound like neglectful parents.” 
“Your friend has a dog named Cat,” John says. 
“And that gets confusing because she just got a cat.  I think she’ll have to rename Cat.  And by Cat I mean the dog.  Jesus,” you mutter, shaking your head, eyebrows furrowed.  What a mess that would be. 
“We could name him after your team…?” you say, the idea popping into your head.  Then, you frown.  “I’m not calling him Kyle, though.  That’s too human.  Ghost?  He is—you know.”  You rub over the dog’s mangey back gently.  “A little ghastly, still.” 
“Riley?” 
“Who’s Riley?” 
“No one.”
You eye him.  “Must be one of your other wives…” 
He ignores you.  “It would inflate their egos too much.  They’re already insufferable enough.  And,” he adds, “they don’t need another reason to suck up to you.” 
“They don’t suck up to me,” you say. 
“Sweetheart,” he says.  “They suck up to you.” 
“A pun with Price?  Uhhhh… High?  Low?  Buy one get one?  Bogo?”  You hold up the dog, as if to present him.  “Bogo Price, son of Mr. and Mrs. John Price?” 
“You think you’re funny,” John says. 
“I think I’m hilarious.” 
“How about Mackie?  For Mack?  Soap’ld love that–Scottish for ‘my son’.” 
“… I’ll consider it.” 
“You did find him near Notting Hill.  Maybe Notting?” 
You shudder.  “No.” 
“Why not?” 
“Knotting.  It’s a—I’ll explain it to you later.”  
(By later you mean never.  Explaining A/B/O to your husband who doesn’t have any social media?  And has never heard of the website Ao3?  He’d have an aneurysm and then wonder why you know about it.  And you cannot have that conversation.) 
“What are the characters from Notting Hill again?” he says, scratching his chin. He needs to shave—well. You need to shave him, rather. “We just watched it.  William Thacker, Anna Scott, uh, her shit husband, what’s his name—“ 
“Jeff King.” 
“Jeff King, yeah.  King, maybe?” 
“Look at him, John.”  You turn the dog to face him.  He wiggles in your hands and yips, his tongue falling out of his mouth.  “He’s not a King.” 
He sighs and shakes his head.  “He’s not a King.” 
“What about William’s weird roommate?  Uh, Spike?” 
“Spike,” John repeats slowly. 
You nod.  “Spike.” 
You both focus on the dog. 
“I like Spike,” you say. 
“I like Spike, too.” 
You hum, considering this.  “Spike…”  You narrow your eyes and study the dog closely, holding him tighter in your hands. 
He yawns with a high-pitched whine and then hacks.  
“Jesus,” John mutters, shaking his head. 
“Better than Georgie, Banks, or Mackie?” 
“Yeah,” John says, “look at ‘im.  He’s a Spike.” 
“He’s such a Spike,” you muse.  “He’s gonna be huge, too.  I mean, look at his ears and paws–they’re already too big for him.  Shit, he’s probably gonna be 70 pounds or 30 kilos.” 
“We need to train him.” 
“Yeah.  I can hire a trainer?  Find one online.” 
“I could get a trainer from base.” 
“I do NOT want an army dog.” 
“It wouldn’t be an army dog.  It would be a dog trained by the army.” 
You eye him.  “John.” 
“Love.” 
You sigh.  “Fine.”
“Good girl.”
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note: prob gonna make wife!reader and spike a universe/series bc i loveeeee them. I hope you enjoy!!!!
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posted 01.02.2025.
do not repost or modify any of my original words on any other platform.
to masterlist.
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