#It kind of feels fake? Forced maybe? This joy I sometimes get. Because I think I just feel empty mostly.
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Some venting in the tags because sometimes it’s easier to vent into the void than talk to my therapist 🙂 Although I should probably make an appointment and bring this up with her. Don’t mind me being depressed for a minute 😂 Carry on with your whoring and other shenanigans
#I’m so deeply depressed that it’s not even funny anymore 🙂#Even with all the help I’m getting with therapy and how wonderful my parents are in letting me know that they’re here for me and will help#me no matter what I’m still so fucking depressed and bordering falling into a deep dark fucking hole 🙂#And I feel so guilty because with all this help and love? I surely shouldn’t be feeling like this?#It just fucking sucks and I literally just want to disappear into a fucking cabin in the woods away from all the bullshit#that’s making me so depressed and miserable.#This is kind of dark but I don’t want to live but at the same time I don’t want to die(?)#Idk I find pleasure and joy sometimes in the small things but at the same time I just don’t feel any real joy or light deep inside me.#It kind of feels fake? Forced maybe? This joy I sometimes get. Because I think I just feel empty mostly.#Like there is no real life in me or something. I always think I’m overreacting or being dramatic but this is literally how I feel.#I’ve been trying to suppress this for so long and act like everything fine but I don’t have the strength for that anymore tbh.#So idk? Am I actually depressed or just overreacting? I should probably be asking my therapist this and not the Tumblr void 😂#and I’m sending a little hug and strength out into the dark void of anyone needs it 🫂
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FOR UR FELLOWSHIP REQUEST THING maybe the fellowship with an depressed reader? like how each of them would treat the reader (i wanted to go for su1c1d@l but idk if ur chill with it(ONLY IF U WANNA))
Remember that you are not alone so please reach out for help. There are hotlines to call/text if you are struggling, suicidal, or in a crisis
My messages are always open if you want to talk but I am no replacement for professional help and support of your loved ones
The fellowship x depressed!reader
Aragorn:
-He recognizes the signs quickly
-I imagine he’s had his bouts of depression
-He definitely takes a very gentle approach
-Offering a shoulder and an ear
-He’s kinda an unpaid and unlicensed therapist
-He gives lots of tips on how to keep going in your daily life
-For some people depression is kind of a way of life; you have to learn to live with it
Legolas:
-He doesn’t fully understand at first
-To elves, depression is really only experienced after loss
-So to have it chronically is a new concept to him
-He’s remorseful that you feel so low and he knows there isn’t much he can do
-But he will try
-He will force you to get up and out of bed, even if he has to throw you over his shoulder to get you some fresh air
-He will constantly point out little beautiful things to be grateful for; little joys
-Maybe it’s the smell of dawn or crunchy fall leaves
-Or maybe it’s him; he is very insistent that you would miss him most
Gimli:
-I literally love this dwarf so much; he would be such a cutie that you can’t help but smile at him
-Like he is so gentle and patient with you; which is saying something because dwarves are not patient beings
-He isn’t someone who will beat around the bush though; he will very bluntly tell you your worth and why he and everyone else needs and wants you around
-He gets you involved in anything he can
-Is it against your will? Maybe
-But I’ve found I sometimes end up feeling a little better and enjoy the time out even after I’ve bitched about it and my friend had to drag me out of the house by my hair
Boromir:
-Big brother mode is always active so he picks up on your subtle changes very fast
-Maybe even before you do
-He will tell you stuff like “even if you can’t, you must”
-Wether or not you find that helpful or not; just know he’s trying
-His experience with depression is seeing it with his soldiers
-And that’s the sort of thing he tells them so he just kinda hopes can be applied to you
-He is very action oriented; I think he may have a difficult time sympathizing with not feeling able to get up and do anything
-But damnit if he doesn’t try; he wants you to tell him everything so he can learn and be of better support
-He also gives the best hugs
Frodo:
-He is a very steady friend
-Like he’s not going anywhere; no matter how dark things look he’s still there with a torch
-He makes you go on walks like clockwork to give you some feeling of routine
-He always invites you over because if he can’t help he’s sure Bilbo can
-How can you be sad when talking to Bilbo?
-Well actually he talks a lot so maybe it’s a bit exhausting; but it’s a kind thought
Sam:
-So Sam wants to help so bad; the idea that he can’t fix it doesn’t sit well with him so he will keep trying
-He will help with tasks obviously because acts of service is his love language
-But I also imagine him trying to give comfort but not in the “let me hug you and you can cry on my shoulder way”
-More so in the “look at this photo of a piglet in rain-boots! You can’t be sad while looking at that!”
-Yes you can because that’s not how depression works but still; you put on a smile anyway because he’s just so adorable and he’s trying his best
-This may turn into a sort of “fake it till you make it” situation where eventually you may feel better from his antics
Merry:
-We know this hobbit likes to plan things and is always up for adventure with his friends
-And he’s basically Sherlock of the hobbits so you don’t have to say anything for him to read you like an open book
-He will set you a schedule and will hold you to it by joining you
-He’s not going to go easy on you ngl
-Not in a mean way; but he won’t give you a day to take a break and stay in bed
-Even if you have to half ass everything; you will be doing something
-“you don’t need to wash your hair but you do need to sit in this tub for at least 10 minutes”
-This can feel exhausting at the time and may make you snap at him sometimes but he’s determined because he loves you
-And sometimes tough love is the most helpful
Pippin:
-Can’t get out of bed?
-Don’t worry! Pippin won’t let you be lonely
-He won’t always drag you out of bed. Instead he will join you and talk your ear off
-He brings the “fun” to you
-With the hope that he will either annoy you so much you get up
-Or that his stories give you some level of intrigue to want to go out and see whatever it was he is talking about
Gandalf:
-This is a very old man, he’s seen depression in all states and forms
-He’s a quiet type of comfort
-He definitely says some vague poetic shit that isn’t necessarily helpful but it does have a meaningful lesson
-Offers his pipe
-He is also sort of they type that you are a little afraid to disobey
-Like if he tells you to get outside more; even if you don’t see him, he knows if you have or haven’t
——————————————————————————————————————————————————————
Idk how good this is. I personally do have depression so I know my own experiences with how it affects me, but it shows in different ways for everyone. In terms of comfort and support I’m not fully sure this does any justice, hopefully it’s a little comforting. I have a great support system but I’m notorious for being too stubborn to accept help. Don’t do that by the way, because eventually it will likely stop coming. Let your friends and family support you; it’s not out of pity; it’s because they care and want to help in anyway they can even if that just means checking to make sure you are alive each morning to let you know they are there.
Anyone can message me if they need someone to talk to. I’m no therapist or expert in any sense but I can be a friend :)
#lotr#lord of the rings#lotr headcanons#lotr preferences#legolas#lotr fellowship#aragorn#frodo baggins#boromir#meriadoc brandybuck#peregrin took#merry and pippin#gandalf the grey#gandalf#gimli#samwise gamgee#lotr x reader#lotr x y/n#lotr x you#legolas x reader#aragorn x reader#boromir x reader#merry x reader#pippin x reader#gimli x reader#sam gamgee#frodo x reader#the lord of the rings
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Last time I went about five months between doing a set of STAR WARS fic recs, this time it’s only been three months! Hurrah! It helps that, as always, this fandom puts out an incredible amount of excellent fic, so I feel like I’m never hurting for fics I want to yell about and shove at people, which is something I continue to appreciate as it often feels like so much of the world is such a huge tire fire. It helps to be able to find fics to retreat into, to have fun with, to express joy and creativity with, and so many of the authors in this fandom are just so good at this! To the point that these sets sometimes take awhile because there are always more fics I want to add, until the post starts threatening to be overly long instead of a decent length–in my defense, no seriously, you guys are just too good! Also, I forced myself to stop at 69 fic recs, because yes I do think it’s funny. (Nice.) STAR WARS FIC RECS: PREQUELS RECS: ✦ a comedy in four acts by jesuisdeux, obi-wan & dooku & yoda & qui-gon & cast, time travel, 4k This was what time-travel is: staring at the dark sockets of skulls everywhere your gaze lands on. Being haunted by ghosts long gone. The apprehension of the slow yet sure approach of the inevitable which is sending chills down your spine. ✦ No Rest for the Weary by Peach_Bitters (peachybitters), obi-wan & anakin & jedi & ocs, 61k Needing a break from life at the Jedi Temple, Obi-Wan Kenobi and his apprentice, Anakin Skywalker, visit a Jedi AgriCorps settlement on the Midrim planet of Helia. There they encounter new friends, new enemies and have new adventures, all while attempting to navigate their sometimes turbulent relationship as Master and Padawan. ✦ Stars of Tatooine by Be_Right_Back, ahsoka & kanan & mace & rex & obi-wan & cast, 10.5k After the end of the world, Ahsoka more or less kidnaps a child, has to air some old grievances, and tries to find whatever peace the universe can still offer. All paths in the Force lead home, eventually. ✦ Festival of Light by dendral, obi-wan & anakin & ahsoka & rex & cast, 8.7k During his first year at the Jedi Temple, Anakin learns that even the Jedi celebrate holidays. ✦ the master, the padawan, the Force by skatzaa, depa & caleb, 1.4k Caleb expects things to be different after Master Depa takes him as her padawan, but really, it feels like nothing really changes. ✦ desecrate my lungs by loosingletters, obi-wan & anakin & ahsoka & padme & cast, 16k wip Time-travel fix-it in which Mustafar haunts Anakin decades after it happened and years before it would. ✦ Grace by dismantlingsummer, obi-wan & anakin, 2.3k Shortly after Mustafar, Anakin realizes what he has done. He finds Obi-Wan to beg for death. ✦ Fifth Migration by wrennette, yoda & mace & obi-wan & ki-adi & yarael & coleman & plo & palpatine & cast, 2k How about an AU where the Sith’s Grand Plan accounted for everything -everything that is, except the fact that the Jedi temple is actually an very ancient spacecraft and the second word got to the Jedi about there being clones on Kamino, all Jedi are called back inside and they take off immediately? Just imagine the dear chancellor’s face… ✦ fill pages with scribbled ink by magneticwave, obi-wan/padme & sabe & mace & quinlan & cast, 9.8k A year after the Invasion of Naboo, Jedi Knight Obi-Wan Kenobi is invited by Queen Amidala to return to Naboo and participate in a rite known as the Night of Fireflies. Things kind of snowball from there. ✦ Mind Your Words by Peach_Bitters (peachybitters), obi-wan & anakin, spanking, 7k Obi-Wan reminds Anakin that there are consequences for careless behavior for young Jedi on missions. ✦ (you taught me) the courage of stars by grumpyhedgehogs, obi-wan & anakin & ahsoka & cast, 5.1k wip Ahsoka Tano flees after a warrant for her arrest is issued, but not before receiving aid from an unexpected ally. (Ahsoka proceeds to go on a road trip filled with a bunch of strangers who all say the same thing: Obi-Wan Kenobi is much more than he has ever appeared to be.) ✦ they faked it (guess everything’s complicated) by katierosefun, obi-wan & anakin & ahsoka, 4.5k Ahsoka temporarily loses memories of the events of Obi-Wan’s fake death. To help with the healing process, Anakin and Obi-Wan have to pretend that they’re okay. ✦ programed to dream by ghostwriterofthemachine, obi-wan & anakin & ahsoka, body horror, 1.3k The spaceship Comet-rider is the fastest, most efficient vessel in the galaxy, and is crewed by Separatist-funded pirates. Anakin Skywalker is missing. Unfortunately, these two things are connected. ✦ Unpleasant Truths by hellowkatey, obi-wan & anakin, 2.1k Obi-Wan and Anakin are stuck in a room with one another while waiting for truth serum to wear off. ✦ moment’s silence by skatzaa, obi-wan & owen & beru & luke & leia (pre-obi-wan/beru-owen), 2k Owen had long since resigned himself to trouble, whenever Beru got that particularly stubborn set to her jaw. ✦ hold gently and let go by shatou, obi-wan & anakin (pre-slash?), 1.7k A troubled Anakin comes to Obi-Wan to discuss attachments. ✦ sun child by Ro29, obi-wan & anakin, 2.1k (or; sometimes being so tied to the Force causes problems, Obi-Wan helps his Padawan as best he can) ✦ A Dinner Out by Peach_Bitters (peachybitters), obi-wan & anakin & cast, 1.6k Obi-Wan can’t get his young Padawan to eat much, so he tries something new. But trying something different has unintended consequences. ✦ Shades in the Desert by loosingletters, obi-wan & anakin & luke & owen/beru, 10.8k Not even from a certain point of view did Darth Vader kill Anakin Skywalker. He wished he did, but the specter of the Jedi’s light escaped before he could finalize his fall to the dark. Meanwhile, Anakin is raising his son on Tatooine. ✦ somewhere along in the bitterness by CallToMuster, obi-wan & anakin, major character death, 3.8k It was probably the twelfth day floating alone in space that Obi-Wan and Anakin realized no one was coming for them. ✦ Songs for Little Jedi by soft_but_gremlin, mace & younglings, ~1k The initiates are having nightmares, so Mace sings a lullaby to comfort them. ✦ atmosphere level by softredscrunchie, obi-wan/satine & qui-gon, 1k As a joke, Satine tells Obi-Wan she thinks Mandalore is flat. He doesn’t take it well. ✦ on sith holocrons and misunderstandings by billowypants, obi-wan & anakin & mace & yoda & cast, de-aged!obi-wan, 7.2k or, de-aged!Obi-Wan has the same Force bonds as adult Obi-Wan, and he does not react well. ✦ Perseverance & Resilience by loosingletters, obi-wan & anakin, 1.1k In the aftermath of Naboo, Obi-Wan realizes he needs strength to protect his new Padawan. Growing up, Anakin needs peace. ✦ A Delicate Balance by Peach_Bitters (peachybitters), obi-wan & anakin & yoda & jedi, spanking, 9.6k As Anakin’s skills grow, so too does his penchant for getting into trouble. After a training mishap, Obi-Wan struggles with his role as Anakin’s master. ✦ mirror, mirror by CallToMuster, obi-wan & anakin, 5.4k Obi-Wan has been rescued by Anakin after being rather embarrassingly kidnapped on the remote planet of Ilnuria during his investigation of rumored kyber crystals deep beneath the planet’s surface. …But is all as it seems? ✦ Mace Windu Appreciation Week by Redminibike1, mace & obi-wan & anakin & ponds & cody & jedi & cast, 12.5k Set of unconnected ficlets for Mace Windu Appreciation Week, because he deserves it :) ✦ begin again as a quiet thought by skatzaa, obi-wan/quinlan, d/s, ~1k Cool, smooth leather touched his jaw—gloves. Because of course Obi-Wan had thought of that as well. ✦ Drunken Lullabies by Siri_Kenobi12, obi-wan & anakin & siri & quinlan & aayla & garen & bant & ferus, 6.5k “Do I really have to go to this thing?” Fourteen year old Anakin Skywalker dramatically sighed. “It’s sooo boring!” ✦ heaven knows how I love you by the_13th_battalion, obi-wan & anakin & ahsoka, 1.2k Anakin, Obi-Wan, and Ahsoka are stranded on an unfamiliar planet overnight. They spend their time exploring the community- and maybe they get a little closer to each other along the way. ✦ A Reckless Padawan by Peach_Bitters (peachybitters), obi-wan & anakin & ahsoka, spanking, 3.9k When Ahsoka upsets Anakin with an act of reckless disobedience, it falls to her grandmaster to help her see the error of her ways. OBI-WAN/ANAKIN RECS: ✦ Too Hot by secretsolarsystem, obi-wan/anakin, NSFW, 4.8k Too Hot: A game where two players kiss without stopping and without touching each other. If one player touches the other, that player loses. The winner gets to do whatever they want to the loser. ✦ Nostos by intermundia, obi-wan/anakin & padme, NSFW, 17k Or, how Obi-Wan and Anakin discover that there are many ways to come home. ✦ to touch the light, darkest by treescape, obi-wan/anakin, NSFW, 1.9k Obi-Wan begins to fuck Vader back to the light ✦ encode by loosingletters, obi-wan/anakin & padme & handmaidens & cast, 26.3k wip Instead of being accepted into the Jedi Order at the age of 9, Anakin Skywalker became a ward of Naboo. ✦ Hunting the Homeward Light by GreenQueenofClubs, obi-wan/anakin & mace & ahsoka & shmi & padme & cast, 31.9k wip When Anakin Skywalker was nine, he left his whole life and mother behind to follow Qui-Gon Jinn to Coruscant and the Jedi Temple. When Anakin Skywalker was twelve, he left his whole life and Master behind to follow Mace Windu to the Outer Rim and away from the Jedi Order. When Anakin Skywalker was twenty… ✦ use my body to break your fall by tennessoui, obi-wan/anakin & cast, NSFW, sith!obi-wan, 44.7k wip Obi-Wan Kenobi is too good at being a Sith Lord general of the Separatist army. The Jedi Council approaches Anakin with an offer he can’t refuse. These things are, actually, related. ✦ Over and Over by obiwanobi, obi-wan/anakin, 1.4k “I love you,” he blurts out, loud and impossible to miss. Obi-Wan blinks once, twice. And freezes. The first time Anakin tells him is a mortifying experience. ✦ Exceptions by rinverse, obi-wan/anakin & ahsoka & mace & quinlan & cast, NSFW, modern au, 23.4k Young and brilliant, Anakin is the mind behind JEDI Tech’s latest innovation. Obi-Wan is the company’s perfectly composed Director of PR & Marketing. And last night, they were just two strangers at a bar, looking for something quick and easy. But life had other plans when it crossed their paths again the very next day. ✦ Here There Be Dragons by Ghost_Owl, obi-wan/anakin & ahsoka, 10.1k Anakin knows why he can’t shift into his animal form like every other Jedi. It’s because he doesn’t want to, it’s because he’s had a vision of what he would become, and he doesn’t want it. ✦ Waiting in a Sea of Stars by Peach_Bitters (peachybitters), obi-wan/anakin, ~1k Stranded in deep space, Obi-Wan and Anakin wait for rescue. ✦ Tristitia by JSwander, obi-wan/anakin & cast, NSFW, sith!obi-wan, 5k An alternate timeline where Palpatine focuses his attentions on Obi-Wan Kenobi instead of Anakin Skywalker after the attack on Naboo. ✦ Prompted - Chapter 11: Communication, What Communication? by intermundia, obi-wan/anakin, NSFW, modern au, mobster au, 7k a 7k obikin PWP that is somehow a prompt mashup of a mobster au, an accidental sugar daddy au, with a soupçon of an anakin never left tatooine au, and a pinch of qui-gon was anakin’s dad au ✦ who a person truly is cannot be seen with the eye by RexIsMyCopilot, obi-wan/anakin, NSFW, d/s, spanking, 3.6k Anakin purposely avoids doing what Obi-Wan tells him to do. ✦ Prompted - Chapter 12: Potidaea, 432BC, obi-wan/anakin, NSFW, historical au, 4.3k Here is a short smutty scene inspired by all those classics asks, Alcibiades praising Socrates in Plato’s Symposium, and this vase c.490-480 B.C. depicting standing, face-to-face intercrural intercourse between a bearded man and a youth, which as far as we can tell was the most common and accepted position for it in Ancient Greece. ✦ Prompted - Chapter 13: Minikin and Tiny-Wan by intermundia, obi-wan/anakin, NSFW, 5.4k Happy May the Fourth! In honor of this happy day, I have written the fluffiest, crackiest, vanilla-flavored smut imaginable. Based on long discussions on discord with tomicaleto about her adorable Tiny AU. ✦ to hold until brightness by treescape, obi-wan/anakin, NSFW, 1.4k Obi-Wan feared that it drew out the darkest in him, to bring Vader to these flashes of light, but it was a trade he would make again and again without hesitation. ✦ May Be Found, If Sought by ghostwriterofthemachine, obi-wan/anakin & mace & quinlan, magical academy au, 2.3k In which Quinlan, Mace, and Obi-Wan teach Non-Traditional Magical Philosophy in an institution rampant with academic snobbery and discrimination, something dark is stirring in the nearby forest, and no one is ever prepared for Anakin Skywalker. A small story about first meetings in magical academia. ✦ infinitely varied by loosingletters, obi-wan/anakin & ahsoka, modern au, 2.2k Also known as Obi-Wan and Anakin teach a tiny program called A.H.S.O.K.A. how to be something more than lines of code via the power of linguistics. ✦ recipe for disaster by tennessoui, obi-wan/anakin & ahsoka, modern au, 9.8k When Ahsoka tells Anakin she doesn’t want to learn piano anymore, Anakin is heartbroken. He doesn’t care about the instrument, obviously, but he’s practically in love with her teacher. Obi-Wan offers up a solution to their impending separation, and it’s not dating like any normal person would suggest. Instead, he’s gonna teach Anakin how to cook. Except Anakin’s a pretty well-known chef, and Obi-Wan is absolutely awful in the kitchen. ✦ Pretty Kitty by GayCheerios, obi-wan/anakin, NSFW, 2.2k “Master, you always take such good care of me,” Anakin says, a little chirp coming after his sentence, as his thumb rests on Anakin’s plump bottom lip. ✦ As One, Into Eternity by Pseudonymoose, obi-wan/anakin, force ghosts, 3.1k Death comes, but the man who was, and is, and will be Anakin Skywalker is not gone. And in the Force, he will never be alone again. ✦ does he make you laugh? by y0u_idjits, obi-wan/anakin & ahsoka & cast, fusion fic, 3.6k “Tell me it’s not about screwing the guy who’s screwing your husband.” ✦ Rotten Work by secretsolarsystem, obi-wan/anakin, 2.8k Obi-Wan: I’ll take care of you. Anakin, with bloodshot eyes and a broken back from hours of terrible posture: It’s rotten work. Obi-Wan, who needs to bathe this man for his own sanity and health: Not to me. Not if it’s you. ✦ afterimages by shatou, obi-wan/anakin, 1.3k Mustafar is nothing but a bad dream. ✦ understanding is honoring the truth beneath the surface by RexIsMyCopilot, obi-wan/anakin, NSFW, d/s, 7.3k Anakin asks Obi-Wan to take control. ✦ The strongest stars… by Tomicaleto, obi-wan/anakin & beru & cast, NSFW, 7.4k The war’s end seems to be close, with everyone looking forward to it. And when Anakin is doubting himself the most, an unexpected visit arrives at the Temple. ✦ home has a heartbeat by izazov, obi-wan/anakin, 5.6k Or: Anakin and Obi-Wan are together, but there are still some things left unsaid between them. ✦ turn back now (i’m haunted) by tennessoui, obi-wan/anakin & padme & quinlan & ahsoka & cast, modern au, ghosts au, 25k wip Anakin Skywalker’s house is haunted. Luckily for him, Padmé knows a ghost hunter. Unluckily for him, it’s the hottest, most english-professor ghost hunter he’s ever seen. And extremely unluckily for him, he’s starting to get the feeling he understands maybe ten percent of what’s actually going on here, not to mention what’s at stake. ✦ game plan by treescape, obi-wan/anakin, NSFW, 11.2k Or, Vader keeps capturing Obi-Wan during the Wars. Obi-Wan keeps escaping. It’s kind of a thing. ✦ Provocation by ToolMusicLover, obi-wan/anakin, NSFW, 4.9k Or: Obi-Wan and Anakin attempt to navigate their complicated relationship with barbed words and wilful ignorance. It wasn’t going well. ✦ Languages by Crowgirl, obi-wan/anakin, NSFW, 6.5k So Anakin pulls out a map and makes a list. REBELS RECS: ✦ The Scent of You by ambiguously, kanan/hera & cast, a smidge of nsfw, 2.9k Everything changes after Malachor, and Kanan has trouble finding his balance. ✦ Heard It in a Love Song (Can’t Be Wrong) by ambiguously, zeb/kallus, 2.7k Kallus can’t quite figure out what makes Zeb tick, but he keeps trying. ORIGINAL TRILOGY/MANDALORIAN RECS: ✦ A Discussion of Choices by Peppermint_Shamrock, luke & mace, 2k Mace Windu has traveled the galaxy since the fall of the Republic, keeping out of the Empire’s sight and teaching where he can. Upon the request of a ghost of an old friend, Mace finds himself instructing Luke Skywalker, who is still reeling from the truth of Vader’s identity. ✦ staring down the barrel of the hot sun by magneticwave, luke/din & obi-wan & grogu & mace & cast, 25.7k “Gone to a Child of the Watch, the Darksaber has,” Grand Master Yoda announces in his creaky little voice. “Peace, there is not, and yet peace, there must be.” ✦ Released by Peppermint_Shamrock, cody & rex & luke & cast, 6k Nearly two and a half decades late, Cody’s chip is finally removed. Adjusting to having his mind returned to him after so long takes time, and Cody struggles with questions of his purpose of the past, present, and future. Fortunately, he does not have to struggle alone. ✦ A Tatooine Rainstorm by skatzaa, leia & luke & shmi, 1.7k Leia meets a ghost. ✦ Dealing with the Darksaber by Peppermint_Shamrock, din & bo-katan & cara, 1.3k After her recovery, Bo-Katan contacts Din to challenge him for the darksaber. Din is still very much not interested in the whole affair. FULL DETAILS + RECS HERE
#obi wan kenobi#anakin skywalker#ahsoka tano#mace windu#obikin#fic recs#star wars fic recs#long post
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Acceptable
Remus Lupin x Reader Words: 1.1k Warnings: self-doubt, feelings of self-inferiority Summary: Sometimes it is enough to be satisfied with oneself. When expectations are too high, it is helpful to have friends who remind you that acceptable is good enough. A/N: I would like to take this opportunity to thank everyone who has been following me, liking my posts or reblogging me for the last few months. I wish each of you a good start into a hopefully better year.
Acceptable. Again. Y/N stared at the piece of paper in front of her. She tried to ignore the lump in her throat and the rising tears while she let the corrected test disappear into her school bag. She was surrounded by her classmates sharing their results and eagerly comparing their answers. Frantically, Y/N tried to avoid eye contact to escape questions about her grade.
When the bell rang indicating the end of the lesson, Y/N grabbed her bag as quickly as she could and made her way out of the classroom. But she had barely reached the corridor when she heard her friends laughing and calling behind her.
"Hey Y/N, wait for me!", Lily called to her as she forced her way past two third graders.
Internally, Y/N screamed. She didn't want to see anyone right now, and certainly not Lily. Not because she didn't like Lily, on the contrary she was by far her best friend. No, but Lily was just always so...perfect. Everything always seemed to be so easy for her. No sooner had Y/N finished this thought she felt guilty. Lily deserved to be successful, she spent as many hours as she did in the library. Yet for once, Y/N wanted the same kind of success.
Y/N turned to face her red-haired friend and tried to fake a smile. Behind Lily, Marlene, Remus, James, Sirius and Peter were now coming out of the classroom. "You've been so quiet, is everything okay?" her friend asked as she caught up to her.
"Oh, um...yeah...yeah everything's fine. Just...a little tired," Y/N replied, trying to master a convincing smile.
"Maybe you'll feel a bit more awake after lunch," Marlene laughed, loping in between Lily and Y/N. Normally Y/N looked forward to lunch, but she had lost her appetite for today.
"Oh, you know, I think I'll skip lunch and lie down for half an hour instead."
"Are you sure? Everything's really good?" asked James now, raising an eyebrow. Y/N nodded, said goodbye to her friends and headed in the opposite direction.
But instead of going to the Gryffindor dormitory, Y/N made her way to the library. She needed peace and quiet, wanted to think. As she dropped to the floor between two shelves, the first tears were already running down her cheeks.
She felt childish, crying over a grade that wasn't even particularly bad. But her fear of disappointing her parents was greater. Unwillingly, Y/N thought back to last summer when she had received her O.W.Ls results. Beaming with joy, she had told her parents that she had passed seven of her courses. But instead of the congratulations she had hoped for, they had asked her why she had failed the other two.
She had never felt as miserable as she did that day. And to think that in the next letter she would have to confess that a test had again not met her parents' standards? Y/N noticed how she felt sick and her stomach cramped.
"Strange place to sleep." Startled, Y/N looked up and tried, without being very successful, to hide her tears. Remus Lupin was standing in front of her. Hands in his pockets, head tilted and a smile on his lips.
"What are you doing here?" Y/N tried to sound as neutral as possible, but a loud sob escaped at the end of the question.
Remus settled down on the floor beside her. "I wasn't buying that you were tired. Before getting the test back, everything was still fine. What happened?"
Y/N shook her head, pulled her test out of her pocket and passed it to Remus without comment. Next to Lily, Remus was her best friend, someone she would trust with almost anything.
"My parents will have a fit when I tell them about this," Y/N finally said, new tears welling.
Remus looked up from her test. The result wasn't the best, but it wasn't downright awful either.
"You did your best. You can't always be perfect at everything. Your parents will understand," Remus tried to comfort her, putting the test back into her bag and putting an arm around Y/N.
"My best is never good enough," Y/N sobbed without lifting her head from her knees. "You should see the disappointment in my parents' eyes when I tell them I did worse than 'Exceeds Expectations'. My entire family are Ravenclaws, except me. They expect me to maintain the family standard. Sometimes I think they are ashamed of me."
"Then your parents, considering they were Ravenclaws, are pretty daft." Y/N lifted her head and stared at Remus, perplexed. Remus grinned at her, pulled a tissue from his cloak and handed it to her.
"If they had to worry about your future, okay. But you're doing pretty well in most of your classes. Who cares if you don't get an 'Outstanding' in one or two classes? If they care more about your grades than your happiness and mental health, then I'm sorry to say it, your parents aren't very smart." Y/N had stopped crying and using the tissue she had been handed, dabbed the tears from her cheeks.
"I just don't want to disappoint them Remus. I want them to be proud of me, I want to show them that I'm just as smart as they are. That I can make it just as far as they have and work at St. Mungos." Y/N leaned her head on Remus shoulder and began to play absently with one of her rings.
"And you don't think you can do that? Just because someone knows all the answers to some stupid test doesn't mean they're any better in real life practice. You don't become a good healer just by knowing all the theory. You have to have empathy and compassion and be brave to make tough decisions." Remus took her hands in his, forcing her to stop playing nervously.
"Hey, everything will be fine, okay? Don't think about what others expect of you, always think about whether you can tell yourself that you are enough for you. Got it?", Remus looked questioningly at Y/N, let go of her hands and stood up from the floor.
Y/N knew Remus was right. She was sure she couldn't have studied harder for the test and had gone into it feeling quite good about herself. And come to think of it, she herself had no problem with the result, it was only the thought of her parents that brought her the uneasy feeling that dampened her mood.
"Yes, you're right," she nodded, stowing the tissue inside her cloak.
"Come on then, if we hurry Padfoot and Prongs haven't shoveled it all in yet," Remus grinned, reaching a hand out to Y/N and pulling her up.
'If you are happy with yourself, don't listen to what others expect of you', from today onwards this would be Y/N's mantra.
#harry potter imagine#harry potter fanfiction#harry potter series#marauders#marauders era#the marauders#remus lupin x you#remus lupin x reader#remus lupin x y/n#remus lupin#sirius black#james potter#lily evans#remus lupin fanfiction#remus lupin fluff#one shot
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Not Going Anywhere (Tom Holland)
a/n: finally! lmao. gosh, i haven’t posted a fic in a while and im scared lol. also, i’m sorry for the lack of fics recently, i’ll try and be better with it. anyway, i’m not going to babble any more asdfghjkl hope you guys enjoy this one!
pairing: tom holland x actress!reader warnings: emotional scene, blood (fake), gun shots (kinda fake), character death (very fake lmao), lots of crying, and tom just being a wholesome boyfriend. word count: 7.5k+ requested:
first off, thank you angel! 💓 you’re too sweet omg 🥺 requests are a bit tricky for me ‘cause it depends if i get inspo or not but i did with this one haha so second, i’m so sorry this took soooo long. i hope i did it justice and that you like it love!
masterlist on bio & pinned post
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It was the last scene of the day but neither you nor Tom were too keen on it. Both of you read the script, of course you knew this was a long time coming. This scene has been sitting in the back of your heads from the moment you both decided to take on the roles but still, it never really does prepare you mentally no matter how much you try.
Death scenes are always tricky to shoot, depending on what the undertone is. It can be a slightly easy one, the death of an enemy in which you'd channel relief, pride, a sense of accomplishment—maybe even in a sadistic, evil sense, happiness and joy. Or it can go around the hard route, the death of someone you love. There are so many ways you could go about it, so many emotions you can tap into. You can have regret, guilt, hurt, sadness, anger, fear, loss, and the list goes on.
It would've been easier to act it out with a regular colleague or a friend, easier to separate from reality and to snap out of it when they call cut. It'd be less daunting if that was the case. But when it's done with someone who you love off screen, a person who you can't ever imagine a world without, to get your mind to a place where you'd have to picture losing them, then it gets even trickier, much, much harder.
Couples don't usually do movies together that often, it can become unprofessional as some would say, but that wasn't the case with you and Tom. Both of you have been praised so many times with your individual works as you two can stand alone and carry a role with nothing but award winning performances. But whenever you two share a screen together, then it's an even bigger force to be reckoned with.
It's always a director's dream to work with you individually and as a pair. You were a match made in heaven off and on screen, the one-take-wonder duo. You two just bounce off each other so well no matter the roles you play, may it be enemies, acquaintances, lovers, past lovers, co-workers, and so on. You two share a look and it all clicks, then everything just falls into place.
You two get it done right away in the right way.
You love working with Tom, love seeing him do his thing in the flesh and you enjoy watching all the breathtaking and raw performance he gives. Plus, you get to spend time with your man, a gift with how conflicting your schedules can get sometimes. Not to mention, you get to do what you love together, a fun time on set as you make the most out of it while staying at the top of your game, be each other's cheerleader while maintaining proper professionalism.
But when it's heavy and emotional scenes like this upcoming one, you do find yourself wishing that it wasn't with him.
"How do I look? Still gorgeous I hope," Tom joked the moment you entered the set, posing over dramatically with one hand on his head, the other on his jutted out hip and a duck face to match, sporting his dirt—with specks of blood—covered and torn outfit. What he wore was a white shirt, black pants, black boots and a gray coat combo. While you on the other hand, wore dark blue jeans, a black t-shirt, a gray zip up hoodie that was fully open and a black leather jacket over it.
On a normal day, his silliness would've made you roll your eyes with a laugh, but today, it didn't even manage to make you crack a smile. In fact, a frown made its way onto your lips at the sight of him all dirtied up, a purple bruise under his left eye, a couple gashes on his cheek and a cut on his bottom lip to complete his beat-up look.
"Stop trying to ruin my Zen," you grumbled, crossing your arms over your chest with a pout on your lips. It was already dark inside your mind, emotions at the ready for when they call action. And seeing him be his dorky self, trying his best to make you laugh, just being the sweet boy who owns your heart, it wasn't at all helpful in a sense that with what's coming, it makes you think what life would be like if those adorable traits of his would become a memo—
"I'm not," Tom chuckled softly as he slowly made his way over to you. Once he reached a close proximity, his warm palm found its way to rest on your cheek. His touch was gentle, thumb caressing your skin comfortingly, a loving smile making its way onto his lip as he kept his gaze steady on your troubled face. "Just making sure you don't get too into your head, darling."
Tom's eyes held nothing but utter concern because he knows you like the back of his hand, knows how you work. With actors, it's always taxing mentally and emotionally when it comes to scenes like this, but with you, there's an added weight. Because, one, you always go that extra mile, to dig much deeper into your thoughts, to make your brain work harder at channeling emotions on command and in a quick switch. That's what made you known to be such an incredible actress, pure talent mixed with hard work of course.
And two, you were doing the scene with him, your real life lover. For you to see his face and watch him slowly wither away, Tom can't even stomach the thought of what you could possibly be feeling, what kind of thoughts were swimming inside your head. He can't even begin to imagine if it was the other way around. He absolutely admires your strength for holding it together because if it was him, he would've already been balling before he could even get out of his trailer.
With that said, Tom was worried to the bone. It always pains him to see the struggle you go through to get your mind there. He hates seeing you in a state that wasn't pure happiness, even if it was all acting.
"It's really hard not to," you whispered, flashing him a small smile as you leaned into his touch. Tom's heart broke at the soft shake in your voice, a sigh coming out of his lips as he moved closer to press it against your forehead. His strong arms found their way around your form to give you the warmest hug he can muster without getting all the dirt and the little bit of fake blood he had on him, on you.
"I know, angel, I know," he whispered against your skin, giving your waist a gentle and loving squeeze that made you close your eyes with a shaky breath.
Tom has had a fair share of tough, emotional scenes, of course he understood. Some of them were even done with you, though none were as tragic and heavy as to what lies ahead.
He knows how hard it is to not let those dark thoughts cloud most of your mind. He's been guilty of failing at it a couple of times. Some scenes just affected him in real life before he could stop it. Tom so badly didn't want you to experience the same. He doesn't want you to go far too deep for the sake of your mental state, especially with how much worse this scene is going to be compared to previous stuff you've done. But there's not much he can do other than to be there for you to help you get through it and to make sure to snap you out of it before it gets way out of hand.
"You two ready to go?" Jessica, the director, interrupted with a sympathetic smile. You unwillingly broke away from Tom's embrace to give her a small nod.
"Don't think I'll ever be ready but let's get this over and done with," you breathed out. She watched the two of you for a moment, the gloominess in the atmosphere too obvious for anyone to miss. It's always like that with emotional scenes, the set catered to help the actors be in the zone, but it's a lot heavier this time around. When it's a real life couple, the difference is huge.
With a soft, understanding smile, she reached over to you and gave your shoulder a squeeze. "Two more minutes and then we start." Jessica nodded at the both of you curtly. You and Tom flashed her grateful smiles to which she gladly returned.
Once she walked away, Tom's gaze landed back on you, slight dread and concern glowing in his eyes but a reassuring grin played on his lips. He was trying his best to stay calm about it, even though he wasn't looking forward to it as well. He just didn't want to add more to your already worrying mind by looking too frantic with his concern.
"Come here and give me one last kiss."
"Don't say it like that," you groaned, squeezing your eyes shut as his choice of words weren't exactly the best.
"I'm sorry! I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that, darling," Tom rushed once he realized how it sounded like, rubbing your arms comfortingly and giving it a gentle squeeze, silently urging you to look at him. Once you opened your eyes and met his gaze again, he tilted his head to the side with an adorable pout. "Can I have a kiss? Pwetty please?"
You shook your head at your man with a sigh, the corners of your lips lifting just a little as you met him halfway for a short but sweet, loving kiss.
"You've got this, okay?" he whispered once you pulled away, his breath hot against your lips as the tip of his nose nudged yours tenderly. You flashed him a small yet thankful smile, nodding in response before leaning close again to give him a quick peck.
"Places you two!" Jessica called out.
Tom's hands found yours, his fingers delicate as he lifted them up to his lips, a kiss on each of your knuckles and another reassuring squeeze before he lets you go.
You treaded your way towards your first marker, Tom's just a couple feet behind you. You looked over your shoulder in hopes to find his eyes before everything starts, a wash of relief coating your body once you saw that it was already set on you. You two shared a look, Tom flashing you one of his many charming grins—one that you adore so much—in reassurance, throwing in a thumbs up as he put his right foot forward. You did just the same, only breaking his gaze when you felt someone tap you on the shoulder.
You turned to one of the crew who handed you a Glock filled with blanks, a soft thanks escaping your lips followed by a deep intake of breath. You closed your eyes before exhaling slowly, clenching and unclenching your fist around the gun as you slowly slipped into character.
The two of you were undercover agents, partners turned recent lovers to be specific. The start of the scene was that you've just managed to get Tom out from his unfortunate capture, the abandoned warehouse where he was kept and you just escaped from, situated behind. You've managed to take out all the guys in the warehouse together but you have no idea if someone had called in backup so it was needed and safer to get as far away from the place as soon as possible. Hence why you two are going to be running from point A to B. But once you reach point B, then the scene happens.
"Ready and action!"
You took on a sprint, chest heaving as you kept looking back to make sure Tom was following. He was running just loosely behind you, a slight limp in his movements given that he isn't in the best of conditions due to the kidnapping.
"Come on!" You slowed down a little to wait for him, offering out a hand for him to take. He was so close to reaching it when his gaze shifted from your hand to somewhere behind you, eyes widening at the sight.
"Look out!" Tom exclaimed, hand quick to grab your outstretched one to pull you into his body. Both his arms wrapped around you tightly as he turned around in one swift motion so that your places were now switched. Then you heard five deafening gun shots, Tom's body jerking the same number of times before he slowly leaned forwards, his body getting heavier as his weight slowly rested more on you.
"No!" you shrieked, one hand wrapping around his torso as you lifted the other one hurriedly to aim your gun at the armed person behind him, pulling the trigger a couple of times to let loose of the blanks. You heard a thud next, an indication that the person has been taken care of.
Tom's whole body slumped, you struggling to hold his weight as he gradually slipped from your grasp, your heart beating rapidly against your chest when you felt something damp coat your fingers that were rested on his back. Your gaze landed on his face with wide eyes, calling out his character's name a few times as you tried your best to let him down on the pavement as gently as you can manage.
Tears welled up in your orbs, your throat closing up as you kneeled beside his body, anxiously checking to see what was wrong even though you already knew that everything was wrong. You took off your jacket hurriedly, bunching it up and placing it under his head for support. A sharp pain squeezed at your heart at the sight of him struggling to breathe, coughing out blood while he willed his eyes to stay open, his white shirt slowly turning crimson.
"No, no, no," you croaked, letting go of the gun to cup his face, fingers trembling as you tried to keep his head steady. Frantically, you reached into your pocket with your free, blood-covered, shaking hand, taking out the phone and hastily dialed zero to send out a distress signal.
Tom lets out a groan laced with pain as his eyes scanned your face, muttering out your character's name to get your attention, voice barely audible.
"Yeah, I'm here, I'm right here," you whispered as you met his brown orbs, a soft smile on your lips as you dropped the phone so you can tend to him with both hands. You brushed away the hair that managed to stick on his sweat-littered forehead, his blood from your hand tainting his crown, not the best of sights to see.
Tom's eyes started to gloss up as he kept letting out ragged breaths. You let out a broken sob as the heartrending sound filled up your ears, squeezing agonizingly at each vein in your heart. "S-Stay with me, please," you stammered, his skin turning a bit colder against your warm palm, your breathing turning shallow as you struggled to keep your own self together.
"Help! Please help!" you wailed, looking around the empty place frantically before your gaze landed back on the man in your arms, life slowly slipping from his grasp. "You're going to be okay," you repeated over and over, unsure if the words were said to reassure him or yourself.
The feeling of your jeans getting wet at the knees from the blood that pooled on the ground made you let out a broken cry of despair, eyes scanning his body for only a moment, the sight of red making you want to hurl. And you were too scared to look away from his eyes for far too long, scared that things will take a drastic turn in a split second.
Slowly, weakly, Tom lifted a hand up to cup your damp cheek, thumb caressing your skin as a small, tired smile made its way onto his lips. This made you cry even harder, your nimble fingers curling around his wrist, turning your head slightly for a second to give his palm a warm kiss.
"R-Remember when I-I said I'd t-take a bullet for y-you?" he sputtered, though the smile on his lips was still there, charming as always, his thumb capturing the tear that escaped your eye before it could have the chance to land on your skin.
You bit your bottom lip to suppress a whimper, shaking your head at his ability to make light of the situation. You let out a shaky breath. "I do, I remember. To prove how much I mean to you even when it's not necessary."
"I'm sorry," he whispered, running his thumb over your cheek, a few tears escaping his eyes as he scanned your gorgeous face distorted in utter distress, as he stared at the pain that glowed inside your beautiful orbs.
"N-No, there's nothing to apologize," you breathed out, your thumb grazing the apples of his cheeks as you stared right into those brown eyes you've grown to adore and more. "You saved me," you sobbed, flashing him a small smile laced with gratitude. "You saved me."
Tom nodded slowly with a hum, eyes staring right back at yours with the utmost adoration coating them, although in a few short seconds, it was quick to be replaced by worry. "You n-need to g-go," he hissed in pain, his hand grabbing your wrist to try and pry you away from him. It still wasn't safe to stay and he wanted nothing more than for you to be as far from harm, well and alive.
"No! I'm not leaving you here," you protested, a sob tied at the end of your sentence as you took his hand and placed it back on your cheek. And he held it there, channeling all the strength he had left for him to feel your skin for a couple moments more. "Help is on the way just, s-stay with me," you croaked.
Tom's breathing started to turn labored, his head falling back gradually as there was not much strength left for him to keep it still. "Hey! h-hey, look at me," you rushed, command in your tone as you went to hold his face with both hands, keeping his head steady only to see that his eyes were slowly fluttering close. "Keep those eyes open! Keep those eyes open," you said through gritted teeth, your man listening to your voice that was filled with desperation as he met your gaze again.
"P-Promise me—" Tom interrupted himself with a cough of blood, letting out a soft groan before his eyes were back on yours. "Promise me, y-you'll find h-happiness."
"N-no, don't say that, you're going to be okay." You shook your head desperately with a whimper.
"Promise me," he repeated, voice firmer this time.
Your bottom lip trembled. "I promise, just h-hold on, p-please," you choked. "Somebody! Please h-help! Please!" you yelled at the top of your lungs, urgently looking towards nothing, a sob following suit as your voice broke, hope slowly leaving you.
"H-hey, sweetheart, l-look at me," Tom called out as he tapped your cheek weakly. A whimper escaped your lips as you met his gaze once again, the emotion that shined in them so clear as day. He knows that it was time, and the certain look he was giving you made you understood. Although, you still shook your head in pure denial, muttering protests after protests under your breath as you gave his hand that rested on your cheek a tight squeeze while you kept the other steady on his face, horrified to let go even for a split second for he might be gone when you do.
"I love you," Tom breathed out, voice soft but the truth loud and clear. It was the first time he had uttered those three words, and you so wished it was done in a much, much more different circumstance. You leaned down to swiftly capture his lips in a bitter-sweet kiss, a sigh coming out of him only to be mirrored by a soft cry from you.
"I love you too, oh so much," you whispered to no one but him and him only, pulling away to meet his eyes, a certain glow now coating them at the sound of those lovely words filling up his ears. A satisfied smile made its way onto Tom's lips, his eyes locked with yours, glowing with utmost love.
But as Tom took in one deep, sharp breath, you held yours, only letting it out in a form of an excruciating sob once he completely stilled in your arms. His hand slowly slipped away from your face until it fell limp on his side, his chest laying flat, no more sign of any movement.
"No, no, no," you cried, tapping his cheek to get him to move again but to no avail. You shook your head frantically, your tears blurring your vision some more, heart in your throat as the droplets coated his face at a faster pace. "No! P-Please!" you screamed, cupping his face with trembling hands, letting go for a moment to hold his shoulder, shaking him harder in utter anguish. "C-Come back! P-Please! Come back to m-me." Your fingers found its way back to rest on his cheeks as you choked in short breaths, his eyes wide open but already dimmed, those bright, brown beautiful eyes somewhat turned gray.
"Don't leave me please," You croaked out, voice now hoarse from all the crying you've done. "I can't live without you. Please, come back to me," you whispered one last time, taking a few seconds more to stare at his face, looking at him as a flicker of hope coated your eyes for a split second before it completely died out. You dropped your head onto his chest and let out deep, broken sobs, choking in sharp breaths in between each sound that only made things more heart wrenching to hear.
It was so hard for Tom to keep his own tears at bay, a stinging, horrible feeling gripping at his chest as you cried your heart out. To watch the absolute hurt across your beautiful features, the desperation on trying to "bring him back" was too much of a painful sight to see. If he had a choice he would've opted on closing his eyes, but Jessica had specific instructions to keep them open, to make it more realistic, more effective in a sense that it would pull at the viewer's heartstrings a bit more.
But my God it was so hard to watch you be in so much pain and lay completely still, the heartbreaking sound of your sobs, the way you begged, it was absolute torture, especially when he can't do anything about it just yet. And the way your touch was frantic, desperate, it was hurting his heart harshly, agonizingly and he so badly wanted it to end because he can't take any more of just watching you go through so much pain. But most especially, he wanted it to end for your sake.
At the sound of your own cries, lungs burning with your head pounding, ears ringing, chest too tight and filled with utmost pain, you didn't even notice Jessica call out cut. The moment you knew it was all done was when you felt strong arms wrapping around your form that was still shaking with sobs.
"Hey, hey it's okay, it's over darling," Tom rushed as he sat up quickly, prying you away gently so you could meet his eyes. It broke his heart to pieces when he saw the hurt that still coated your orbs, though he was glad to see the relief slowly seeping back in once you blinked away the tears. You finally snapped out of it once you were able to take a good look at him, your bottom lip trembling as you tilted your head to the side, as if to examine if he was actually real. "I'm okay, see?" Tom hummed, voice gentle as he took both your hands and placed one on each of his cheeks, his skin warm against your touch. "I'm here my love."
All you could do was nod with a breath of relief, body falling forwards so you could sink into his arms, not a care in the world about the fake blood that drenched him. You just needed to be close to him.
Tom sighed as he pulled you tighter in his embrace, pressing his warm lip against your crown in the process. "Breath my darling angel, it's over," he murmured, followed by sweet nothings as his hand ran up and down your back comfortingly, your breathing slowly growing calmer at the tender sound of his voice.
You stayed like that on the ground for a minute, Tom only pulling away slightly when he heard footsteps approaching. "Do we need another take?" he asked dreadfully as he saw Jessica make her way over. He desperately didn't want you to go through that all again but it was out of his control. And if another take was needed, he's going to have to ask for an hour break, for your sake.
You lifted your head up just in time to see Jessica shake her head no, gesturing towards the both of you as satisfaction coated her face. "It's already the best for me. I mean, they call you two the one-take-wonder duo for a reason. And I've got tears in the crews' eyes to further prove my point." With a knowing look, she added, "But you two can watch it back if you like."
Tom turned to you, hand going up to wipe the couple more tears that littered your skin, touch sweet and reassuring. "Do you want to?" he asked softly.
You gave out a small nod. "Yeah, maybe I can do things better," you sniffled.
Tom scoffed loudly at that, gawking at you with wide eyes, taking full offence of your own words for you. "Are you kidding me? That was already amazing," he stressed. "Quit being so overly critical of yourself, darling," he added, taking both your hands in his comfortingly.
"Thank you bubba," you whispered, looking at him with an adorable pout, eyes glowing with the utmost gratitude that Tom felt his heart melt ten times over, especially with the nickname.
He flashed you a bright smile. "Now, let's get you off this wet floor." And that he did as he helped you up, pulling you in for another warm hug once you've got your feet under you.
Crew members quickly crowded you both as they helped you out of the now wet hoodie and coat, giving you each some water and two big, black warm jackets to compensate for the cold. You and Tom then made your way over to the director's chair right after.
You now stood beside Tom in front of the monitor as they started to play the clip back. Both your arms were fully wrapped around him, cheek pressed up against his chest as he slung his arm over your shoulder. His heart was turning soft at how adorable you were being, although he felt a sense of worry as well, since it seemed like you were scared to be too far away from him.
Even when they were fussing around the two of you, he saw how you kept giving him a glance, like you were scared to let him out of your sight. And once they were done, you were quick to grab his hand, as if you didn't want to feel the absence of his touch for far too long. So, he made sure to keep you as close as he can, giving you random kisses and squeezes in comfort from time to time, to reassure your mind that he was, in fact, here.
"Whew, look at you go," Tom praised, staring in pure awe at the monitor as he rewatched your performance, giving your arm a loving squeeze with a kiss on the forehead to match. "You make me look so talentless, love."
"Shut up," you said in pure disagreement given that his performance was breathtaking just as always. He did make things more real, made it hurt even more the way he portrayed dying so well. Your own performance improved because of his. As said in the beginning, you two just bounce off each other so well.
You peeked at the monitor for only short moments as you can't bear to watch it back fully, snuggling into him every once in a while with your eyes fluttering close. Tom was quick to notice this, giving you another peck on the forehead to remind you that it was okay, that things were alright. You hummed at his sweet gesture, squeezing his torso lovingly in return.
"Damn," Tom gushed once the clip ended, wiping away the stray tear that slipped with the back of his hand before turning to you with nothing but utter pride in his eyes. "And the Oscar goes to..."
"Stop," you whined, burying your face on his chest shyly, prompting a hearty chuckle from him.
"One-take-wonder duo I tell you," Jessica admired, giving you both claps on the back before she lifted up her megaphone. "That's a wrap everyone!"
Loud cheers and applause filled the air, Tom giving you a tight, warm hug as you both slowly relaxed in each other's embrace, glad that the day was almost over. You then made your way to where your teams were sat. Both of you were quick to notice how most of them were smiling proudly at the two of you with a bit of shine in their eyes.
"Harry," Tom gasped as soon as his brother came into view, Harry's face red with a faint sniffle coming out of him. "Were you crying?"
"No," the young lad grumbled, turning away in hopes to hide the way he wiped his face but still failing miserably.
"Oh Harry come here," Tom lets go of you for a moment to tackle his brother in a bear hug, making smooching noises as the older sibling tried to give the other a kiss on the cheek, Harry squirming like his life depended on it. You couldn't help the soft laugh from escaping your lips at the sight of the two boys, Tom's head perking up at the sound, a bit of relief coating his features as he tilted his head at you with a smile of his own.
"Get off you div," Harry groaned, pushing Tom away playfully, the older lad laughing before pulling away from him. "It's not my fault you two made it look so real. I genuinely thought Tom died for a second."
"Aw, thanks bro—"
"Correction, Y/N made it so real. The moment you started crying," Harry paused, blowing out his cheeks with a shake of his head, turning to you with both hands up in surrender. "I went."
"Thank you Harry." You shot the young lad a tired but grateful smile, giving him a quick but lovely hug.
"I'll let that pass for now because I do agree," Tom said, shooting his brother a playful glare before he made his way back to you, arms taking home around your waist as he looked at you adoringly. "You were incredible my love."
You smiled at him, leaning closer so you could give him a sweet kiss, just to show more of your gratitude. Tom hummed in pure satisfaction against your lips, giving your waist a tender squeeze before pulling away.
"Let's wrap up the day shall we?"
With that, the two of you made your way over to the wardrobe trailers to get out of the dirty work clothes and into comfier ones. Once out of the trailer, you now wore a pair of black leggings and Tom's pink hoodie to which he insisted on letting you wear over your tank top, given that it was starting to get colder out. He, on the other hand, wore his black sweatpants and a tight maroon t-shirt, handsome as ever but the make up on his face—the bruises, cuts, fake blood—were a bit of a distraction, feeding more thoughts to your still troubled mind.
"Come here, love." Tom beckoned you over once he noticed how you stared at him with a certain look in your eyes and a matching frown. His warm hands found yours, pulling you closer to him so he can give you loving kisses all over your face, all sloppy, loud and sweet. He only stopped when he was satisfied with the little giggles that escaped your lips. "Stop thinking too much, darling."
You flashed him a smile, nodding to say that you understood. "Are you not cold?" you asked in concern, slight guilt swimming in your orbs given that you somewhat stole his hoodie. Tom chuckled with a shake of his head, slinging his arm over your shoulder to pull you closer to his side as you then made your way to the make-up trailers.
"As long you're here beside me? My human heater? Never."
***
It was finally time to get back to the hotel.
You and Tom sat at the very back of the van, your head rested on his shoulder while his head rested atop of yours. You've been nothing but silent the whole ride, Tom not pestering you much because he knows you were drained to the bone. He just gave you occasional squeezes on the thigh, his fingers sometimes drumming some random beat just to distract you a little for what was going on inside your mind.
The moment your shared hotel room door closed, lock clicking in the process, Tom dropped your bags on the floor with the loudest sigh of relief.
"Shower together?" Tom offered with a wriggle of his brows, jokingly of course as there was no malice in his intent. You both were too tired for it, a simple shower would suffice.
A sweet smile made its way onto your lips as you nodded, taking up on his offer.
Tom moved over to you to give you a short kiss, mumbling a��'wait here' against your lips before pulling away and disappearing into the bathroom. He came back out not long after sporting nothing but his black boxers, beckoning you over with an open palm to which you gladly took. Hot steam met your skin as you stepped inside the en suite, Tom stopping by the sink as he turned to face you.
"Arms up," he said, your brows furrowing in confusion but you did as told anyway. Once you have both hands in the air, Tom took hold of the hem of your—his—hoodie and lifted it up your body, a pout making its way onto your lips once it was off. He gave your jutted out lip a peck, chuckling at the slight confusion on your face before he went to take your tank top off next.
"I'm not a baby anymore Tom. And I didn't lose any limbs," you pointed out with a soft giggle, top-half now naked in front of him
"Says who? As far as I know, you're still my baby." He shrugged, hooking his fingers on the hem of your leggings and pulling them down—along with your underwear—until he was squatted on the floor. He tapped your thigh lightly, silently telling you to lift each leg up one by one so he can take off the fabric fully. Now, you were left completely bare for him. You looked down at your man and shot him a pointed look, Tom meeting your gaze through his eyelashes as he lets out a sweet chuckle.
"Just let me take care of you love, you've had a long day," he hummed, giving each of your thighs a chaste kiss before he stood back up to his full height. He just wanted to let other things occupy your mind instead, didn't want you to sit too long and think about the scene you just did. Plus, he really did want to just take care of you, to show you the utmost love and affection as you deserve nothing but all and more, especially after today.
Another sweet kiss landed on your lips before he got rid of his boxers next, taking your hand soon after as he guided you inside the glass shower box, pulling you right under the hot water. And take care of you was exactly what he did as he helped you wash up as well. You've told him a couple of times how he was being a bit much, especially when he stole the loofa off your hands to do it himself, shampooed and conditioned your hair. But he simply repeated the same thing over and over:
"Just let me take care of you."
A few more giggles and chuckles with a couple sprinkles of making-out later, you two got out of the shower and dried up. Then after that, Tom gave you one of his shirts to wear—paired with only your panties—and helped you blow dry your hair so you could take a quick nap, an easy breezy task for him since it was not the first time. He's done it before on various occasions.
Once you were soundlessly asleep—after a few more kisses from him as he tucked you in because yes, your boyfriend is extra—Tom took it upon himself to order in some food, that way you'd have something to eat when you wake up, knowing that you probably wouldn't want to go anywhere to have a meal. He sent Harry a text in the process saying that the two of you would be staying in for the night in case the team wanted to go out for dinner.
In his gray sweats and white t-shirt, Tom sat down on the couch right by the window near your side of the bed, pulling out his computer to get a bit of work done while he waits. He didn't want to risk waking you up by slipping in beside you, didn't want to disturb your blissful sleep.
He kept giving you glances from time to time, just to check up on you, his heart growing bigger whenever he does so. Warmth just spreads across his chest each time he sees your beautiful face with nothing but slumber and peace coating your features.
The food arrived about thirty minutes later, Tom setting his laptop down to open the door, room service strolling in with fresh and hot food. He closed the door after he tipped the guy generously, walking over to the table to take some chips off the plate, humming at the wonderful taste.
Opting on letting you sleep for a couple minutes more, Tom went back over to the couch. But just as he was about to sit back down, he heard you let out a troubled groan in your sleep. Surely enough when his gaze landed on you, your face was now contorted in pure distress, brows knitted together as you shifted on the bed, one hand desperately clinging on the pillow while the other on the white sheets.
"Tom!" you yelped and bolted straight up, eyes frantic and chest heaving as you looked around the room for him.
"Hey! Hey." Tom was by your side in an instant, the bed dipping as he sat down, his hands cupping your face gently to make you look at him straight in the eyes. "Darling, hi, I'm here," he whispered with a sweet smile, heart aching at the sight of fear and the fresh sets of tears that now coated your eyes.
Your bottom lip trembled as you stared at him for a couple seconds, moving closer towards him so you could bury yourself in his arms. "I'm sorry," you mumbled against his chest, both your arms wrapping around his torso as you let out uneven, shaky breaths.
"Nothing to apologise for angel. It was just a nightmare," he murmured, rubbing your back sweetly as he swayed you side to side. "It's okay, you're okay." He held you like that for as long as you needed, whispering sweet nothings into your ear in hopes that it'll help you calm down. Tom only loosened his hold around when you softly pulled away, breathing now calmer, sniffling close to none.
"Want to watch a movie while we eat? The chips are really good," he said, both hands now holding your face, thumbs caressing your cheeks tenderly as he wiped away the little tears that sat on your skin. "Spider-Man: Far From Home so we can nitpick and criticize my performance together?" he added jokingly, earning a soft giggle from you as you nodded.
With half of the food gone, you were well into fifteen minutes of the movie. There were a couple of pauses done of course. Now you were snuggled up cozily beside him, your head on his chest as he rested his back against the stacked pillows. He had one arm over your shoulder to keep you close, fingers grazing up and down your arm soothingly while his eyes were set on the screen in front, his warmth comforting you in more ways than one.
The whole pole sequence in Venice was when he felt you start to shift in his arms, a shaky breath coming out of you when you saw him hit that wall as he got drenched in water. And then you spoke,
"Tom, what if—"
"Stop it right now and don't even finish your sentence," he scolded, already knowing where you were going with this. You pulled away from his embrace and sat up straighter just so you could have a full look at him, a deep frown already on your lips.
"You do your own stunts," was all that you said, but Tom already knew what you meant by it, didn't need you to explain further.
With a sigh, he sat up as well, touch tender as he ran it up and down your arms. "Darling, I am being careful with the stunts, you know that. And when it's something too dangerous, you also know that I refuse to do it," he said. "Plus, you're right there to stop me when I'm pushing myself too hard. You're looking out for me too, my love."
Even though you gave him a nod, Tom saw how that still didn't ease your mind, saw it clear in your eyes. He couldn't blame you either knowing how that scene made you think the worse of thoughts. He understood you completely, knowing that if the roles were switched, he would be behaving just the same if not much worse with how overprotective he is of you. He'd probably wrap you in a bubble to be honest, to make sure you're as far away from harm as possible and that nothing was going to happen to you.
"Come here," he hummed, taking your hands and pulling you close until you were straddling his lap, giving your fingers warm kisses before he placed them, flat against his cheeks. Tom's warm palms found their way under his shirt that you wore, settling his hands right on your waist, his thumb running over the swell of your belly fondly, skin touching skin, makes you feel much closer to him.
Tom gaped up at you with nothing but absolute love in his eyes, a glow that's made your heart grow warmer, a look that's added more sincerity to his words. "Nothing's going to happen to me okay? You're going to be stuck with this very handsome face for a long, long time."
You giggled at that, dipping your head so you could capture his lips in a kiss filled with the rawest of emotions from gratitude, happiness, adoration, passion, love. Tom didn't need words for him to know that you were thankful for him, that you were so happy to have him in your life, he can already feel it. Your actions will always speak louder volumes, justifying all the emotions you needed to get across that simple words never could.
With a satisfied groan, Tom pulled you even closer, his hands snaking up your bare back, your shirt hiking up at his action. He felt up your warm skin deliberately, touch driven with passion as he nibbled on your bottom lip, wanting to taste more of you. You happily obliged with a soft moan, your fingers treading through his slightly damp curls as you welcomed him in. And Tom made his presence known through his touch, to remind you that he is here with you, that he will always be here, and that he is—
"Not going anywhere."
-:-:-:-:-
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Just watched the Endwalker trailer.... I am super excited but also heavily thinking about the expansion, and what it will mean for Zenos as a character.
Long ass thoughts under the cut.
He’s posed as the final boss here, the big bad guy, but it made me think a lot when the game and some characters explicitly say: “Maybe Zenos isn’t even our final obstacle, the final days will be’. Which also leads me to think that Zenos is just... well, vibing and thriving in the destruction, but that he could not be the reason the final days are happening and everything is going to shit.
He sure as hell is enabling things to happen, but I don’t know if I believe that he’s the instigator and the one behind the idea. I think he’s more of the opportunist taking advantage of chaos and delirium to act his plan of the final hunt, but I think it has been made clear enough that he doesn’t exactly care about Eorzea ending or wars happening to create an intricate plan such as the one put in motion by Fandaniel, he just wants to relive the hunt with his first friend and enemy once again. (Which don’t get me started, it’s so fucking sad man, don’t make me think about it or I’ll tear up...)
This led me to think ... where will this character go? What will happen? I am VERY torn about this, mostly because SE has done an incredible job at keeping everyone guessing and surprising people everytime with the story.
Could Zenos end up being an ally? Could he be spared? Can he come to reason? I see people even mentioning that he could be a Scion... I honestly really don’t see that happening, the man is batshit insane and as much as I love him, he doesn’t give a shit about Eorzea or helping the world, and I’m sure 99% of the Scions despise him or just want to see him dead. He won’t be a Scion, that would be really out of character for everyone. (For him to be one, for everyone to accept him as such)
But I do wonder if he will end up being spared, or changing his mind. Maybe being a ‘neutral’ force? Maybe even temporarily allying with the WoL (and only with the Wol, he doesn’t care about the others) to prevent him from dying, because he doesn’t actually want his rival and friend to die. A ‘villain turned ally out of necessity’ situation with him would be cool, and would make sense if he wanted to protect the Wol temporarily from another foe, even for just ‘being the one that has to kill / defeat them’. He’s very possessive over the Wol, I feel like.
I just hope we won’t have to kill him... he’s one of my favourite characters now, so I would honestly be DEVASTATED to see him go, even if I perfectly know he would deserve it and everyone would probably be happy if he did. But I just can’t help thinking about how much I love this character, his story, what he implies, what he represents, all the things he carries with him... I feel like Endwalker will surely give us a lot of content for him, which I am excited and happy about, but I just wish we could not kill him so we get to see more.
This is where I get conflicted because my realist side tells me we already got a fake death, even if we DID kill him, and fight him with the intent to kill. He managed to escape death though, and came back. I just think it would be a bit unrealistic to have him escape death once again, and even more unrealistic having him being an ally. One could argue we already have examples of Garlean villains turned allies, with Nero, Cid and Gaius, but like... they weren’t like this.
What I love about Zenos is also what makes him unreedemable.
Zenos is mad. Zenos doesn’t give a shit about anyone, about life, death, people, slaughtering innocents, about Eorzea, hell, he doesn’t even give a crap about the world ENDING if it means he can have a final dance with his beast. And I LOVE all these unique parts about him, but I also realize those parts are what make imagining him surviving so hard, considering the circumstances.
Cid, Nero and Gaius weren’t mad with power. Sure, they all did bad things, but you don’t see them talking about how they just wanted to fight one person to feel an emotion and destroyed countries and people for that reason. The others had reasons behind their actions (as bad as those reasons could be, their actions were still guided by logic), Zenos doesn’t. Zenos is a feral animal and follows his istincts, that’s why I find it so hard to imagine him as someone who is not a villain. I would LOVE for him to be saved, to have someone give him a chance, my humane (and emphatic ass) wants someone to take a chance on him also because I feel so close to his struggle, but my realistic side says ‘Yeah, it’s not gonna happen’.
As much as I love this character and would like him not to die, I also realize he did horrible things and slaughtered innocents without even thinking about it. I went back to check on dialogues of people talking about facing him in the war, and man it’s bad. People basically describe how he wouldn’t even find enjoyement in killing people or winning wars, but how we was just ‘looking for a feeling’ even on the battlefield, while destroying people’s hopes and dreams in Doma and all Yangxia. It’s bad. It’s REAL bad. Sometimes I forget how... bad this character is.
“...I do not think there was any joy in it. Nor justice, nor morality, nor meaning. To him, the weight of one life is no different from that of a thousand. A challenge had been issued and was accepted. But on finding us no challenge at all, his objective changed. There were tales of imperial soldiers being flayed for slaughtering families. For breaking brave men’s spirits. Only later did I come to understand why. He did not desire obedience. He desired hate… and men consumed by it. A new battle. A new enemy. A new challenge. The hunt, I am told he called it. A hunt without end. And when all our best lay dead and broken, he left. He left, muttering that we had “bored” him. But our weapons, at least, held his interest. For he took a fallen samurai’s sword, having grown… fond of it. Since that day, he has ever wielded Far Eastern blades. He is said to be fascinated by ones with storied histories, and so soldiers who seek to to curry his favor often present those of defeated enemies as gifts.
Lyse: It’s like all a game to him. People are suffering -- dying -- and he’s collecting swords? “
But man. I don’t know what Endwalker has in store for me, for Zenos, but I sure hope maybe something can happen where he doesn’t die. I don’t know how the fuck that would happen, maybe we would need to see more of him and understand his story/his side better, and see if he actually does want to work with the WoL side by side instead of just fighting him. Maybe that can happen, he does care about the WoL after all, and he knows enjoyement and thrill will come out of being with them. I just don’t know how that could realistically *WORK*... But I sure does hope there’s some kind of compromise, where he maybe just can reflect on his actions and do something about them.
This is my stupid ‘I see too much of myself in Zenos to talk rationally’ self talking, but I am so sad at seeing a character that has struggles and grew up feeling nothing but apathy, being loved by no one, end up like a villain again. Having to just be put down like a feral animal. Again.
I guess my stupid ass would just like him to be happy, found peace maybe, HELL, I don’t know if he deserves it, but some parts of me tells me he does. I just get so sad when I am reminded at how much his father, family, nation, no one gave a shit about him. That’s too much human and close to home for me to disregard everything entirely and just call him a villain.
I also am conflicted because I wonder if what I want for him isn’t also out of character, and something that would ruin his character and story. I love Zenos because he’s unapologetically himself, does what he wants, and obeys no one’s agenda, but his wants and instincts. I don’t want his personality and story arc to be ruined by salvation or him randomly becoming an ally and everyone pretending he didn’t do anything wrong, that would make me hate him and SE so much. I would much prefer him dead than him ruined as a character. I do wonder if me wanting him to be spared death and him being unapologetically himself are two things that can’t co-exist- it FEELS like that, honestly. I have faith in SE that they will write him and the story well, and make me enjoy what happens, so at the moment I’m not particularly worried about him being ruined as a character. But I just got to the point where I am so attached that I am of course scared of losing my favourite character. I guess we will have to see, honestly only the game and what will happen in the story can tell me if I am right in having hope for him or if I am not. There’s a lot of possibility in the story, a lot of surprises in SE’s writing everything everytime, and i how they make things WORK, so there’s hope in THAT.
And maybe I want to see a different solution for him that isn’t death. Call it retribution, maybe I am projecting TOO MUCH in this character, but yeah, just being honest and baring my emotions to the world here. I guess we will have to see what happens.
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thinking about jealous bill a lot these days, lei, and how he’d fuck her so good after. one of those fucks where he’s just making her HIS, fucking her from behind and just making her forget any words. especially if she was already small and some guy hit on her at a bar that she already didn’t want to be at and bill just assures her the whole time home. but once they’re home? he knows what he’s gotta do and that’s making her mind blank.
Oooooooof I've been sitting on this for too long, but it has had me tingling for days. I've been itching to get my thoughts out on it, but idk sometimes this routine that I think I have nailed down with my little furry dude just goes to shit all of a sudden and there's really no reason to it. Last week I was rocking it, his nap times were on point, I was eating dinner by 7, we had walks, play time, then he conked out. This week I'm like DURRRR HOW DO I DOG PARENT? and I'm eating dinner at 10 and I feel like even Bongo is looking at me like he really needs me to get my shit together.
ANYWAY.
Let's get into this.
What I love about this here is the small but incredibly important detail that you mentioned that like...maybe tiger is already a little small. Maybe she's somewhere she doesn't want to be and Bill knows this, maybe she's not feeling too great about it and is getting worse, maybe she wants out or needs a reprieve and Bill knows it. And that right there flares up his protector side, the primal side of him that just wants to pick her up and carry her out, get her somewhere dark where she can sit on his lap and he can shove his thumb in her mouth and hold her there for as long as she needs. Tiger being a little overwhelmed, a little uncomfortable in a place she doesn't want to be in, tiger getting a little small in a place that's not safe for her to be small in and she knows it so she's spiralling a little...oof, Bill morphs into the alpha male that he keeps buried deep, and his own instincts are on fire to protect her, comfort her, provide for her. Throw in a little jealousy on Bill's side because tiger being small is....like, that's his you know? Only he gets to see that. And her mood is completely imperceptible to everybody else, but she may as well have a sign on her forehead that says "PUT ME ON MY KNEES" to Bill. It's so obvious to him, and his feathers are all ruffled because that's his. That's his look.
So alright, maybe tiger is just having a fucking shit week. She's due to be riding the crimson wave in a few days so she's bloated and the tatas are sensitive , her clothes aren't fitting, she's been kind of nauseous all day with a dull ache in the base of her skull. Maybe it's 38754596660 fucking degrees in a heat wave and like, tiger doesn't do heat. Her commute to work is not air-conditioned, so by the time she gets home she's overheated and sweaty and even more puffy and just full of fucking bad feelings. She's physically uncomfortable for a million different reasons, she's tired, SHE'S SO DAMN HOT--it's just all bad.
But it's a friend's birthday and at the moment, tiger kind of thinks that friend is a fucking asshole for organizing something in the middle of the week--let alone the worst week of life--but she's going. They're going. They have to.
But Bill's not convinced.
"You know kid," he says gently as he leans against the doorframe, sipping a beer as tiger tries on the millionth dress. The rejects are in a heap on the bed, and she struggles with the zipper as she shoots him an annoyed look.
"We can sit this one out if you don't feel like going," he says. He doesn't move to help her with the zipper--not when she's in a mood like this. Instead, he just swigs his beer.
"No we can't Bill," she snaps, and with a frustrated huff the dress goes up and over her head and is tossed into the pile of rejects. "She'll be pissed if we miss this."
"Then she's pissed," he shrugs, "We can make it up to her."
Tiger yanks another dress out of the closet, pulls it on. She pokes at it, turns a few ways in the mirror.
"That one's cute," he says.
But then she unties the belt, flings it off so the dress billows loosely around her frame.
"Fuck it," she says, grabbing his beer on her way out of the room, "I'm fucking wearing this fucking potato sack to fucking dinner."
Bill watches as she downs the beer in two gulps.
"Ugh," she mutters lowly, "Fucking lite beer bullshit."
At this point, he really just has all the sympathy in the world for her. Her friends are important to her, and tiger always feels a sense of obligation to never let them down. He knows this is the last place she feels like going tonight, but she's forcing herself to.
And like the thing with tiger's bad moods is sometimes they make her full of piss and vinegar and ready to fight everyone, and sometimes they just make her small. Bill never knows which way it's going to go, but given the fact that she's a little hormonal and he knows she's close to shark week, he can take a guess at which way the dice will roll tonight.
And it basically starts in the car on the way there. She's fidgety, even with the A/C cranked on high. She's pulling at the hem of her dress, huffing, she's rubbing at her temples. At one point she takes the seatbelt, pulling it away from her body and Bill shoots her a quizzical look.
"If my tits could stop feeling like they're about to fucking burst, that'd be great," she mutters.
"I'll give you a massage later tonight," he kisses her knuckles.
"Fuck all of this."
"I know, kid."
And it just gets worse. When tiger is in this kind of mood, really the thing that makes it worse is to just....surround her with people. Surround her with people that she has to fake joy and happiness with. She doesn't have the patience or the fucking energy for it, and despite her best efforts, Bill can see the scowl permanently etched in her forced happy face. And he can see the shift start to happen--the way she fidgets a lot more, and can't get comfortable. The way her shoulders hunch over. The way she's flinching or jumping at loud noises, squinting or wrinkling her features at the bright lights. Her eyes are getting a bit of a spaced out look, she's not really engaging in conversations--everything is just too much. The environment is starting to get way too stimulating, way too overwhelming, and she's getting small on him. He gives her knee a hard squeeze, hard enough to ground her and catch her attention and she jolts.
"You good?" he murmurs lowly. And he knows she's not. SHE knows that he knows she's not. But she forces a fake smile, so wide that it's almost sarcastic.
"Peachy."
A few minutes pass, her knee bouncing, her eyes flitting everywhere, and she stands.
"I need some air," she says, "It's too fucking hot in here."
Bill stands immediately, but she puts a hand on his shoulder and pushes him back down.
"I'm fine," she says, "Really. Just give me a minute."
He doesn't like it, not one bit, but he lets her go. Alone.
A few minutes pass, and sure enough she comes back in. She motions her hand to the bar, but Bill holds up his full pint to let her know he doesn't need another round just yet. She nods, heading there anyway to get a refill for herself.
Bill has eyes on her. Bill always has eyes on her. And tiger doesn't see it, but Bill does--he sees the guy standing next to her give her a little once-over, sees a smirk tilt up the guy's lips, and Bill knows what's about to happen. He doesn't hear the conversation, but he doesn't need to. He sees the guy speak. He sees tiger tense up a little, a tight smile in politeness, and she turns her head to try and make eye contact with the bartender a little quicker.
The guy doesn't get the hint, and keeps talking. Bill stands up. His eyes are on her the whole time, and now she's ignoring the guy. Turning her body slightly away, leaning forward a bit in hopes of getting her order in with the bartender faster. Her shoulders are practically up by her ears, and the guy with the sleazy smirk is still talking. Bill is ready to fucking punch the guy into next week just for the reaction that he's eliciting from his girl--making her scared, making her uncomfortable, even fucking daring to talk to her when she's like this. Bill eats up the distance with quick strides.
He makes it in the nick of time, right as this guy had raised a hand and was poised to place it on tiger's back in a rather unwanted caress. Bill grabs his wrist, steps between him and tiger, and gets real into his space.
"Just try and touch her motherfucker," he growls, "I dare you."
And listen, if nothing else--Bill is tall and that's intimidating as fuck when it gets right up in your space real quickly. But Bill also came out of nowhere, he looks a little crazy, and this guy suddenly ain't so down to rumble.
"Bro, I didn't know--"
But Bill just stands even taller and tiger actually shrinks behind him, her hand gently on his back, and it's the only thing that's keeping him remotely calm. This isn't about his anger. This is about protecting her, especially when she's like this for him, and nothing else matters.
The guy just holds his hands up, and backs away into the crowd. When he's out of sight, Bill turns to her.
"We're leaving kid," he says, and god it's so gentle, "Go wait for me by the car okay?"
"No," she mumbles immediately, fisting at his shirt a little bit, "No, can I stay here with you?"
And he realizes that she's a little scared and just a whole lot overwhelmed, and Jesus he could fucking melt into a puddle for her right that second.
"Of course you can," he tugs on a lock of her hair gently, "Of course you can."
Bill gets the bartender's attention in no time--a giraffe at your bar will do that--and he pays for everyone's tab. They make a hasty exit but he takes the blame--it's par for the course when you're friends with Bill, he's often tiger's ride and he's always getting all kinds of urgent calls--and then they leave.
And listen, the second that they're in the car? Tiger can finally start to let her walls come down, which is just fucking igniting Bill's jealous side and his protector side.
"Are you okay?" he murmurs to her. She looks so fussy, so small for him.
"I want to go home," she whines.
"I know sweet girl, I'm taking you home."
"He was awful Bill," she says, "Ugh, he was so sleazy and so slimy and--and he tried--"
"He tried tiger," he says softly, "He can try all he wants. He'll never have what's mine."
"No he won't," she sniffles. Bill tucks her hair behind her ears, taps two fingers against her lips and she sucks at them.
"Are you mine?" he asks softly, "Is this mine?"
She nods, but he tuts her.
"Yes," she mumbles, "Yours."
"Good," he murmurs. He pulls his fingers from her mouth and she whines, but he drags his hand down and cups her mound softly. She moans and grabs onto his wrist.
"What about this?" he asks, "Is this mine too?"
"Yes," she chokes out, "Yes. God Bill get me home."
"I will sweet girl, I will."
And listen, when they get home? oof. There's no stopping Bill. He can't switch it off, he doesn't want to tame it, and tiger doesn't want him to either. She's his. He's possessive, he's rough, he's jealous--and all it does is make her smaller for him, make her even more soft and subby, which just makes him even more alpha. It's rough because he needs it, SHE needs it, needs the pain of it to feel grounded, needs the sting of a spanking so that she can feel his strength, so she can feel like she's his, so she can feel owned and possessed and protected. And Bill needs to mark her to feel like she's his, because goddamnit it came so close tonight to everyone seeing her only the way he gets to. Too many people almost saw what is only his to see.
For as much as he wants to wreck her, maybe tiger wants to be on her knees for him. Maybe she needs to be on her knees for him. And for however much he might need something else, nights like these are always about her, and what she needs comes first.
#sub tiger#bill skarsgard#bill skarsgard drabble#BFF!Bill#oof#it's been a hot minute since we got subby up in hurr#and it does a bitch some GOOOOOOOOOD
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Slender bros rewritten by me
Cause I want character development
(This is mostly Offender, trender, and Splendor. Also if you like Slendey/slender dad you might not wanna read this cause I do not make him a good guy in the slightest)
Possible tw for mention sexual assault, pedolophilia, necrophilia, and zoophilia!
To start off, Offender is not a rapist, he isn’t a pedo, and he doesn’t fuck animals
He doesn’t do anything without consent, plain and simple. Him being all those things was a rumor started by someone he fucked in the past who got caught cheating. They said Offender forced them and the rumors have escalated since with his legend.
He actively avoids children cause he doesn’t like them. So he literally couldn’t be a pedo.
He doesn’t hate kids, he just prefers to not be around them.
He won’t fuck someone with kids unless the kids are out of the house and somewhere safe.
He’s wary about fucking 18 and 19 year olds and usually doesn’t
Occasionally if he sees a kid sad while he’s on a walk or whatever he’ll give them some daisies or something. Though they kinda just appear near the kid. He doesn’t actually go near them.
Though he will fuck old people. He has no problem with that. But he will go gentler cause they’re frail
He likes animals, but not like that. Like.. ew
He has a kind of respect for the dead, even people he’s killed to eat, so he’d never do that. Also it goes back to the consent thing. They can’t consent so he ain’t gonna fuck them.
He’s pansexual.
He’s very kinky, obviously. He’s willing to do pretty much anything in bed
He prefers to top but he has no problem being pegged-
Has tried every drug there is.
Usually just sticks to weed, alcohol, crack, shrooms, and the occasional LSD
Bath salts fucked him up majorly and he will never do them again.
He works for trender, who has a whole ass company (will be touched on later)
He helps trender make clothes for more alt styles (punk, grunge, goth, emo, all that good stuff) and he helps with lingerie (masc and fem. trender makes both. Offender tests it out and gives feedback on what could be added or changed)
He also finds models for Trender (there’s really no qualifications to be a model, you kinda just have to want to be one. Trender, his assistants, and other models will help fill new models in. And they never have to wear something they don’t want or pose a way that makes them uncomfortable. also theres do discrimination when it comes to models, any one of any race, body type, gender (or lack there of), sexuality, and age to an extent (depending on the clothes being modeled and (if parent permission is needed if they get it)) are welcome)
He also does side jobs like art (he does realistic art) plays piano or violin for songs, every so often he’ll join a strip club. Definitely has an OF.
He learned piano from his dad. Their dad made them all learn piano. His dad was very against him learning violin but his mother let him learn it (she knew how to play)
Their parents kept them pretty reserved from the rest of the world (particularly humans) for safety reasons. The brothers didn’t find out they were the only ones of their kind till they were like teens and went hunting for the first time.
Their parents suddenly disappeared when they were teens. They still haven’t found them and have no idea what happened to them.
Zalgo killed them cause the dad was constantly fighting him, so was the mom but less so.
There were originally 5 brothers, but one got murdered (It was Tenderman. Who wouldve been the oldest, then slender, offender and trender are twins, then splendor)
They don’t know how tender was murdered. All they know is they can be murdered. They still haven’t figured out how tho.
They do know that they can regenerate any part of their body (teeth and nails grow back almost instantly, limbs take longer, they can just put their head where it should be and the bone, muscle, skin, tissue and all that will pull back together, skin can either regenerate in about an hour or two or a couple days depending on the size of the wound. Their organs can regenerate but it takes like a month.)
Drugs don’t effect them the same way they do us. Our massive hangovers that put us out of commission is what happens after they do LSD. A regular hangover for us is what happens when they do coke or a drink shit ton of alcohol.
Offender has the highest tolerance, then it’s trender, splendor, and Slender has the lowest cause he hasn’t done drugs.
Splendor has tried them but doesn’t like doing them. He doesn’t drink much either.
Trender will do them every so often, usually with Offender. He either drinks or smokes a blunt usually. Shrooms are for special occasions, and LSD gives him major anxiety so he doesn’t do it.
Trender and Offender were the only ones to try bath salts. They don’t know what happened. Splendor says they disappeared for a month and murdered a shit ton of people. They almost got caught. And at some point Offender ate a whole ass headstone and took a chunk out of a mausoleum
Slender hunts whenever the hell he wants, he doesn’t care about being caught
Offender hunts every couple of months or so
Trender hunts about 2 times a year. He spreads out his food pretty evenly
Splendor hates hunting and usually Offender or Trender will do it for them. They’ll maybe hunt once a year.
Human food to them is like sweets to us. They can’t live off it but it’ll keep them from starving. If they don’t eat human for about 3-4 years they’ll start to starve, but the process is slow and would probably take a while to actually kill them
Trender, Splendor, and Offender try not to get caught or make suspicions rise. They just wanna live their lives.
The amount of people they consume and how long they stay in their human form determines their power levels.
Slender is the most powerful, then Splendor, Offender, and Trender is the least powerful (but they’re all still mega powerful)
Slender is never in his human form and consumes humans whenever he wants so he has nothing holding back his power
Splendor may not eat human much but they’re rarely ever in his human form. And if they are it’s not for more than an hour usually
Offender is in his human form about 50% of the time. He’s in his normal form at home or hunting and any other time he’s human so-
Trender is in his human form like 90% of the time since he spends most of his time at work (he’s a workaholic to the highest extent. When it becomes really bad is when Offender will step in and be like “hey let’s grab a drink and chill out”)
Offender and Slender’s relationship is like Raph and Leo’s from tmnt if their relationship was genuine hatred and violent
Splendor tries to med their relationship and makes times where they all hang out and have dinner together but to no avail
This is the only time Slender can be seen in his human form. He doesn’t want to go but for some reason he does
Slender is stuck in his ways
Their dad hated humans with a passion, and Slender looked up to their father and wanted to be exactly like him so the hatred rubbed off
Slender blames humans for his parents disappearing and Tender’s death. Tender was the brother he bonded with the most
Splendor used to be a really emotional kid and their father hated that so now they bottle up everything
Their mother tried to help as best she could
V support
Trender’s company is a fashion company that produces just about everything
And the sizes go up to 4 or 5 x
And the prices are reasonable and don’t go up with the size
Trender really doesn’t give to shits about money. If he could he’d just give everything he makes away but unfortunately he needs some money to produce what he makes.
He makes kids clothing, teens clothing, adults clothing in every aesthetic you can think of. Rarely will you see basic shit from him
He makes jewelry (real and fake (for the kiddies) and specifies very obviously which is which so someone doesn’t accidentally buy the wrong one)
He makes shoes!
His prices are usually around 10-25 dollars for clothing, sometimes 30 if it’s a specific brand (like Gorillaz or something. He doesn’t work with brands like Victoria secret, brands that have sweat shops, things like that. He doesn’t support them whatsoever)
His business is huge but he always listens to the people and tries to improve. And all his products are made ethically. He tries in every way possible to produce good products without polluting the earth more
Splendor usually only hangs around babies-young adults. They help them through rough home lives, trauma, and helps them find joy. They do everything they can to make them feel better
Splendor is the one who takes care of Sally. And they feels incredibly guilty for not being able to stop what happened to her, or punish her uncle himself.
Animals and mystical creatures are drawn to them and their home. They go to it for shelter and safety, as well as some food. But because Splendor isn’t always there they have a nymph friend there to look after everything.
Slenderman is the only one with proxies
Splendor is demisexual and bi, leaning towards men
Trender is queer and demisexual/demiromantic
Slender doesn’t love anything. Ever.
Trender gets annoyed easily but rarely ever gets pissed pissed (like original face altering pissed) if he does it’s either cause someone did something to his brothers or his models. And the unfortunate soul who did such will never be seen again afterwards
Offender doesn’t really get pissed pissed cause he usually either bottles it up or makes a joke out of it. It’s really only if something happens to his brothers that he gets pissed pissed.
Splendor has a list of people they wish they could rip to shreds. All of them parents. But they don’t want to do that to the children. They only intervenes and gets pissed pissed when the abuse gets physical or sexual. When it’s physically they’ll give the parent one change to never do that again. They’ll scare the shit outta them but won’t hurt them. If it’s sexual they kill them. Plain and simple.
Splendor started wearing pokadots to make the kids happy. Trender hates the suit but doesn’t comment usually
Splendor’s black hands are a skin disease their species can have. The skin is black and kinda ridged.
Splendor wears gloves because of their skin disease. the blood stains and they can’t get it out. Also they’re very insecure about their disease
Splendor put the bells on their tendrils so their movements didn’t scare the kids. They would always know when he was moving and where he was moving to so they’d be more comfortable. It was painful but it was worth it
Slender was in the woods when he was younger and almost got attacked by humans, but his mother came and saved him. (Her tendrils could be used as a shield)
Eden is not related to the brothers.
But eden looks a lot like their mother, so much so that Spendor legitimately mistakes her for their mother.
Slender’s human name is John (splendor had to come up with it on the spot leave them be)
Offender’s human name is Dimitri and I’ll die on this hill
Splendor’s human name is Faer
Trender’s human name is Quael
They can change their physical appearance to be fem or masc. like their body can change.
Slender doesn’t give two shits about pronouns
Offender doesn’t care but he/they/xem works
Trender goes by he/him
Splendor goes by they/them
(Im including Slenderwoman now so uh... 🤷)
Her hair is her tendrils.
She’s not part of the Slender bro family nor does she know they exist (though eventually she will. She’s way younger than them so)
✨Lesbian✨
Has met Slenderman tho. She hates him
Like genuinely hates his guts
She hates almost sharing a name with him.
Prefers to go by her human name; Eden
As long as you don’t use the pronouns he/him she doesn’t care.
She just kinda... appeared at the ripe age of 4? (She doesn’t remember anything past 4 so that’s what if feels like to her.)
Splendor is a switch and you can’t change my mind
Trender is also a switch
Slender doesn’t get any cause he’d kill them, purposely or not, being radioactive and all.
Eden is a top but can bottom is convinced
Offender, Splendor, Trender, and Eden can all control their radiation output so they can glitch tech when they chose and won’t hurt anyone
Slender could but doesn’t want to 🤷
They can be killed by their hearts getting impaled. The reason they don’t know that is because the skin will heal, but the heart can’t.
Offenderman’s real name isn’t Offenderman. That name was dubbed to him when people believed the rumors of him. But he kept it. He can’t really explain why but he did. And now he forgets it’s not his real name sometimes. Though he does prefer to go by Offender/Smexy.
Splendor calls him Offendy and he’s the only one allowed to do so
Trended has four arms, plus his tendrils. He can hide his second pair of arms like his tendrils but it takes energy
Getting their limbs/tendrils cut off only stings to them. They’re only in full on pain when their organs are involved
Eden’s blood has healing properties.
Someone can be turned immortal by being injected with one of the brother’s (or Eden’s) blood in large amounts. It’s extremely painful though.
Doing it slowly can ease the pain, so doing it over a week’s time nonstop will get the job done.
The injected person will be very weak after it for a couple days. A week. 2 weeks in worse cases.
The only one who’s done this is Splendor. They were dating a guy for a very long time and they told him about the procedure and he wanted it. After gaining back his strength he left Splendor. They’re not entirely over this even though it happened a long time ago.
They (mainly Offender and Trender) had to track him down and kill him. (Ya know, heart stuff)
That’s when they figured that’s probably how they could get murdered 
#slenderverse#slenderman#offenderman#trenderman#splendorman#Creepypasta#creepypasta headcanon#slenderverse headcanons#stars slenderverse
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Mint ice cream with chocolate chips
Marcanne Week 2021, Day 2: Ice cream! https://archiveofourown.org/works/36207028 When excitement and joy passed, Marcy realized she had made a crucial mistake.
No matter how this new world could be awesome and full of various possibilities, without her friends – it wasn’t going to be what it was supposed to be. Loneliness and grief used their best moment to attack her. Slowly, like cancer cells, which, without proper treatment, could kill a patient in a time of a few months.
She wanted to run away from something what the world called her home but she realized that Anne and Sasha were her home too. There was something ironic in fact that she wanted to find happiness, when instead she just found another dimension of love caused by pain. It was bitter and obvious, like chocolate chips in cold, mint ice cream.
The King was some kind of relief in this all but he couldn’t replace the people with which she started her life actually. So when Anne found her, she would’ve found her worlds and lives apart, her heart started to beat again. Her soul tied itself with missing pieces, whose Anne was and it wasn’t letting go, saying: who am I without you?
Sometimes she couldn’t believe that this pretty girl with soft hair, chocolate brown eyes and with a smile like the sun was here. She wasn’t perfect, even if her feelings didn’t want to admit it, but she was Anne, who offered her to play that day on the swings, who always held her hand and was ready to hug her until every single insecurity went away. Maybe that was why Marcy totally lost head for her, as the experiences shared were making it whole.
But she was. She really was here, it wasn't a dream or really good simulation, she was here and her intrusive thoughts were gone, like the light dissipating the darkness.
“Do you miss something?”, Anne asks. Both of them are laying on the grass, next to each other but in opposite directions. Sun was going down and Marcy could see Anne’s eyes shining in it.
“Like?” Marcy doesn’t want to say no, but inside her heart she can’t remember anything that she would’ve missed. So she asks, hoping that Anne will forget about her or give her an idea. She was aware that people would perceive her as a freak or would start about her, if she would tell the truth. She “couldn’t stand the social norms” or “something was wrong about her”. It was easier to pretend than explain.
She really didn’t want to worry Anne. She knew that she should be more or less emotional, but you can’t run a modern game on a messed up pad from the past generation. This game was real life. Running worlds of an escapism way less difficult work.
“Like, I dunno. I miss my parents. Domino. Going out with you after school. Maybe even school too. Frog, we’re gonna have a lot to catch up, aren’t we?” Anne laughs but Marcy recognizes it as fake laughter, as it sounds different. It’s missing… a soul.
But she smiles back, even if it’s forced too. “Yeah. Yeah, we are.”
She feels how her stomach is in knots. It was her fault after all, that they were here. Of course, she didn’t know it was going to work, but she hoped so, didn’t she? She opens her mouth and words are ready to slip but an invisible hand of hate for herself covers it.
“Don’t”, it says, “she’ll hate you. Who wants to be friends with a liar?”
But Anne sees it.
“Something is wrong, Mar-mar?”
And even from the other hand, she knows that’s Anne, she would forgive her everything, she decides to speak with the language of lie. It was easier to pretend than explain, right?
“Mint ice cream with chocolate chips”, she says. “I miss mint ice cream with chocolate chips. They have similar flavour here, but without chips, and it’s not the same thing. Choco-bugs don’t appear on this side of Amphibia. It’s actually hard to get them here, as they prefer unsettled areas.”
Anne looks at her and Marcy thinks she could study her eyes for hours, because it was awesome, how, even after looking into it a thousand times, it was still breathtaking. She smiles and it should be making her soft, but instead, she feels how the guilt is clenching it’s hands around her throat
“You totally should try it next time in Wartwood. I really wish that I’d known about this sooner. Can you believe that Plantars told me about them after a few months?”
“At least you tried it.” Act, act, act.
“I’m still mad at them. I guess it's a family thing.” Family.
“Do families hide information from each other like that?” “My mom does it all the time. She uses my dumbness as help.” Anne sighs.
“You’re not dumb.” Marcy says and rolls over. Even if she can’t get rid of guilt and hate for herself, she still sees Anne as a priority. It’s like an algorithm, if she would need to explain. She hesitates for a while, but finally decides to gently jab Anne’s cheek with her finger. “Boop.”
Anne smiles. “It tickles, Marce.”
She jabs her again and again, which eventually makes Anne laugh. Marcy leans over her face and continues booping her. Anne laughs so much she begs her to stop in the end and Marcy even thinks about kissing her, but it passes away, like it never was here. It’s stupid. She focuses on only them, not flawless, but it’s human, isn’t it?
“I’m gonna take you to mint ice cream with choco-bugs in Wartwood next time.” Anne says, when Marcy comes from her and she calms down. “You really miss these, huh? Without chips you don’t enjoy it so much.”
“I just like having this feeling of having a little bitter bites in your mouth.'' Marcy shrugs.
“Even if Sasha says it tastes like toothpaste?”
“This is the best part.” Marcy allows her to smile.
Maybe things weren’t perfect, but, for a moment, the perspective of mint ice cream with chocolate chips is very nice. No matter for the world.
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Internalized Aphobia
I got a confession to make.
I have a bad case of internalized aphobia.
I never actually thought about it until recently. But I honestly do. To the point where I feel like I’m absolutely ridiculous for even considering the fact internalized aphobia is a thing. Sometimes I think we’re all ridiculous for even thinking aphobia on its own is a thing. We’re all just overreacting to plant jokes, come on now.
Not to get into the argument-that-must-not-be-named, but part of me blames that. I was never even active in that mess. Back in those days, I’d occasionally scroll through the tag out of curiosity. Or boredom. Or maybe I was actually doing it as a form of self-harm. Who knows. All I know is, I’m familiar with the shit aphobes say, and I’m pretty sure that affected me in ways I never considered.
It all starts with the fact that I’m a “cishet ace” in a “straight” relationship. I have not experienced direct oppression of any sort. No one is beating me up. No one gets upset when they see me with my boyfriend. I can use the woman’s restroom with no consequences. No one is going to refuse service to me. My family is not going to disown me. I am exactly what aphobes are describing when discussing the (in)validity of “cishet” aces. The worst thing I’ve experienced was feeling broken my whole life until I discovered the ace spectrum. Sometimes I feel like I don’t fit in with the rest of the world. Sometimes aphobes say things about aces that hurt my feelings. But that’s it. I never experienced oppression for being ace. So I assume other aces are in the same boat. Aside from corrective rape, what “big” problems were there?
There was one major, fatal flaw I did not see in my experience compared to what other aces may go through.
I never came out to anyone.
It’s kinda hard for an asexual to have these kind of issues if the asexual hasn’t told anyone they’re asexual. So how is someone gonna beat me up for being asexual, when no one knows I am? How is someone going to refuse me service? How will my family disown me? No one knows any of this. (Except my boyfriend, who was supportive but it probably helped that he was the only person I was sexually attracted to.)
Why have I not come out to anyone?
I see no need to. To everyone, I look like the average “straight” person. Since I’m already in a relationship, nobody is asking me questions about dating and whatnot. Maybe if I was single, I’d tell people. But since I’m in a relationship anyway, why bother? There’s no need to come out anyway because saying I’m asexual is like announcing my sex life to the world and no one wants to hear that.
I see no reason in telling anyone I’m ace. What’s the use in it, really? It would be all risk and no reward.
All risk? What risk?
Dealing with invasive questions about my sex life. Dealing with ignorant questions and remarks involving my relationship with my boyfriend. Getting hit with aphobic comments. Having my feelings and orientation invalidated. And the biggest one- corrective rape.
Corrective rape seems to be the only, legitimate problem. So what if someone hurts my feelings or interrogates me on every aspect of my relationship? That’s nothing compared to the risk the other letters go through. No one beats up asexuals. No one disowns them. No one fires them. Right?
Then again, how would I know what people would do if they knew I was ace? I’m not a mind reader.
Then there’s the fact I’d never even hint to a doctor I’m asexual. I’m not risking that shit. Anyone kind enough to read this far already knows why.
Shouldn’t that tell me something?
There’s no asexual conversion camps. Only the other letters go through that. Except for part where medical professionals feel like a disinterest in sex is a thing that needs to be cured. People are attempting to cure asexuals of their orientation. That sounds like a form of conversion therapy. But no, that’s not the same thing at all. This is horrible. I’m horrible for comparing doctors thinking there’s a medical reason for being asexual to something so serious as conversion therapy.
Back in college, I was seeing counselor for depression. At some point during that time period, I discovered I was demisexual. I was so excited, I considered sharing my joy of this with her. But we discussed other things and I figured, what was even the point of bringing it up? Plus there was a small part of me fearful that she would invalidate it somehow. And that would’ve killed me inside.
I could tell my counselor all about how I wished I didn’t exist, but I couldn’t bring myself to say “I’m demisexual.” How pathetic is that?
Despite all this, when the ace you-know-what first popped up, I was 100% neutral on the subject. I felt as a “cishet,” I had no say in the matter. It was up to the other, actually oppressed, letters to decide whether or not I counted as LGBT+. After all, I had never experienced oppression for being asexual and therefore, neither has any other heteroromantic ace.
And yet I began hearing stories about asexuals being disowned for being ace. Being pushed into having sex. Being harassed. Being forced to see a doctor to be “fixed.”
But no, those are just stories on the internet and people lie on the internet all the time. If it happens, it’s rare. Besides, why do asexuals need to come out to anyone other than their romantic partner anyway? This is all easily avoided by keeping it to yourself.
I haven’t even gotten into the internalized aphobia I have regarding the gray area of asexuality. But this post is long enough. Maybe some other time.
If I don’t end up with an askbox full of death threats for simply using the word “oppressed” in regards to asexuals. After all, asexuals don’t experience oppression like the other letters. Internalized aphobia isn’t real. All of this is fake and my existence is a joke.
#asexual#asexuality#internalized aphobia#my experiences#issues#tw aphobia#okay to reblog but aphobes dni i have enough of this shit to undo
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my rant on episodes 31/32
I feel so conflicted about them.
On the one hand, I wanted to watch the shared horse scene so much. On the other, there were so many inconsistencies and WTF moments. I can't bring myself to touch those episodes again to make more gifs, which is such a pity because WKX falling down the cliff? SO PRETTY.
Spoilers behind the cut. If you do follow the drama with Chinese fans, you’ll probably have heard the same things like a million times. To save yourself more angst/stress, skip my post.
The upside is that the director took the fans complaints to heart. They were making edits until 2am last night. I heard it’s already live, but I’m still trying to prepare myself. There’re some things that can’t be fixed ><
*hopes for the best on Tuesday*
In episode 11, WKX wanted to tear the Scorpion assassins into ten thousand little itty bits because ZZS had some blood on his lip, which made me mentally scream so much from joy. In episode 31, he LETS Duan Pengju, that evil dickface(TM) go, just like that? Where's the rage? Where's the anger? Do you see the colour of ZZS's face? Can you see what he's wearing? Do you know what dickface did?
Although it's a very touching moment when WKX decides to acknowledge the shixiong/shidi relationship, it's super weird that the ghosts are behind. I mean, I suppose it can make sense if we focus on the fact that he's planning to "retire" from being the big bad CEO of Ghost Valley. But it seems careless to expose a weakness in case someone tries to take advantage of it since they have to kill you to get to be the new CEO.
There's no follow up on the injuries sustained from being tortured by the evil dickface(TM). How could they make WKX seem so callous? Maybe a scene where ZZS asked Wu Xi to hide his injuries from WKX, but WKX's right outside. He overheard ZZS telling Wu Xi to hide it from him, so he pretends not to know. *cue angsty scene for WKX here*
The only thing related to injuries was when Wu Xi said ZZS could be saved from his self-inflicted nailing. Okaaaay. What about the piercing of the scapula? (穿琵琶骨 (piercing pipa bones) - it's supposed to cripple your martial arts ability until you heal ok)
WKX suddenly decides to go off and be a career man, which is perfectly fine. But he suddenly has Gu Xiang watch over ZZS like a hawk, not letting him drink. (Seriously, I forgot if this belongs in TYK or if this is yet another thing stolen from Sha Po Lang) Where is WKX showing any concern over ZZS's total loss of 2 out of 5 senses? I ASK YOU MS. SCRIPTWRITER. What have you done to WKX's character??? Poor WKX, poor ZZS.
And did everyone laugh off the fact that ZZS can't taste, so why should he drink wine? Ok, I can make myself accept this if I remind myself that ZZS would not like people making a fuss and pitying him anyway... (but shouldn't someone, anyone care???)
We get many hints that WKX has a sneaky scheme, but he doesn't tell Gu Xiang, his closest friend since childhood. He doesn't talk to his soulmate about this either.
WKX and ZZS's dialogue just before he falls down the cliff... Seriously reminiscent of Silent Reading, when Fei Du makes the same self-flagellating confession & Luo Wenzhou stops him.
ZZS draws his sword and stands beside WKX. What is going on?! How does he still have his martial arts ability? Did months pass since WKX saved him from evil dickface (TM)? Nothing makes any sense!
ZCL's hidden weapon is what forces WKX over the cliff. If ZCL did not know about the sneaky scheme, then WTF is this kind of scriptwriting? ZCL's character turned from a good, young child to a prop-causing drama and angst. Even if he felt betrayed, was he not there to see how depleted WKX made himself trying to save Han Ying? Did he not see how WKX tried to keep his shifu safe? Or taught him how to fight? Did ZCL become stupid all of a sudden just to create angst?
It only makes sense if ZCL knew about the scheme because of all the info he was privy to, such as Zhao Jing as the villain behind it all (when he heard WKX and ZZS talking). How would he go from knowing that to thinking ZJ should be the new head of the alliance? As a matter of fact, how could Shen Shen?
Ye Baiyi has to be in on it unless WKX suddenly gained so much martial arts ability in the short time since they last fought. I mean, it only makes sense that WKX got so much stronger because he got injured by YBY, then depleted his strength saving Han Ying.
So ZCL, YBY, Scorpion King and his buddies, fellow ghosts, possibly Shen Shen... WKX only kept it from the two people closest to him? The two most likely to do something stupid when they find out? *flails at this logic*
The scene where ZZS's nails magicked their way out of his body... It's so awkward!!! I mean, we're supposed to feel emotional, but the special effects are just awful. I tried not to skip through it, I failed.
So now what? ZZS essentially sacrificed himself to help WKX complete his goal. He gave up on his chance to be saved to fulfil WKX's pursuit of revenge (and take revenge for WKX's death). And it's all because of a misunderstanding.
Between ZZS's nails and the ZCL-issue, I'm drowning in dog blood. What happened to WKX and ZCL's characters/personalities????
Also episode 32 is VERY choppy, it seems like we’re jumping to scenes randomly, the flow isn’t there.
I can only say that the "Priest" spirit is gone; it's not a bad drama by any means. I'm still watching & I'm still going to buy the new episodes on Tuesday. But the random angst and abusive scenes inserted without no reason nor much logic are very un-Priest-like.
I feel a little cheated about the scriptwriter being a fan of Priest. Priest's novels always feature couples who communicate. The supporting characters can come off flat in a drama sometimes because they're so normal. They don't have ridiculous backstories that make them tragic villains, and they behave logically.
The angst "created" in Priest's novels makes sense. Characters don't suddenly change their personalities so that we can watch something exciting. The "dog blood angst/drama" is the big failing of so many Asian dramas. *CRIES*
Now, the GOOD & HAPPY STUFF.
WKX SAVING A-XU. *heart eyes*
NGL, no matter how short it was, I liked the horseback scene
There was a cute moment between Qi Ye and Wu Xi, scriptwriter knows how to ship!! & knows how to make it clear who’s gong/shou lol.
THE HAIRPIN SCENE. IT’S EVERYTHING.
Even though I’m 90% sure the no-alcohol thing is copied from Sha Po Lang... I have so much love for Gu Yun and ZZS that it made me happy. My drunkards <3
Did I mention WKX looks extremely pretty when he falls down the cliff? How do you fall so prettily? Plz teach me.
WKX also looks pretty fake-dead. ZZS looks pretty when he’s heartbroken
I ship xiangcao so hard even though I know what’s gonna happen. (Cao Weining & Gu Xiang) They’re too cute.
I love the Poisonous Bodhisattva, I thought the Tragicomic ghost would be my favourite because of how gorgeous she is, but she’s too tragic & not enough comic. Poisonous Bodhisattva is my new goddess.
#word of honor#opinion#just in case#i don't think anyone would want to#but just in case#don't reblog this#i just wanted to rant
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why won’t you love me | peter parker
[Warnings] peter parker x dark reader, yandere reader, sub!peter, dom!reader, crime boss au, stalker au, senior year au, kidnapping, violence, underage drinking, noncon sex, oral sex (male receiving), bondage, peter and reader are 18
A/N: This is inspired by two ideas I received as well as the lyrics “I will have you, yes, I will have you. I will find a way and I will have you. Like a butterfly, a wild butterfly, I will collect you and capture you.” Obsession- Animotion for @mariessecretfantasies 500 Follower Writing Challenge! Please go follow her and read her dark fics :)
TRIGGERING ADULT CONTENT AHEAD
In which Peter won’t love you so you force him to.
word count: 3.4k
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Mr. Shum was famous. You, his daughter, were not. This led you to hosting parties at your father’s mansion to up your cool points. It was senior year and, since everyone wanted to party, you were often the one people called. Your father didn’t mind, it only solidified his cover as a gracious and kind businessman. His kind eyes and humor was enough to make a lot of believe it but you knew that you were the only person he was kind to.
You’d seen enough severed limbs to know that was true.
Brad had set the entire thing up and all you had to do was order your servants to get things in order. Peter was coming tonight and you’d finally get the chance to properly thank him for saving your life a few months ago. Maybe you’d even confess your feelings and the life you always dreamed of would start tonight.
Maybe you’d start with like instead of love. You loved him but maybe telling him that would scare him away. You didn’t want him to run from you.
You had known Peter since fifth grade but he still felt out of touch with him. You were never more than friends. Not even close friends, practically acquaintances. That was going to change.
The dress you were wearing was completely out of your comfort zone but you did your best to dress like the other girls did at your school. It was a silver body con dress that gripped your curves and highlighted features that you didn’t even know you had. When Brad saw you, his mouth was completely agape, “Woah, you look great!” Your mouth began to tug into a smile but, before you knew it, he was shoving a large paper bag into your hands, “Put this in the punch, will you?”
You looked down to see several bottles of vodka, “Is that safe?” You asked, your tone worried.
“Yeah, of course,” Brad insisted, starting to walk away, “This is going to be amazing, Y/N!”
You sighed walking over to the refreshments table. People were already starting to show up and soon the entire senior class would be there. You twisted open the bottles and poured them to the glass bowl. It wasn’t long before kids were shoving their red cups into the mixture.
After you were done, you simply dusted your hands together and went to look for your spider darling. Your giant living room flashed with multicolored lights as a song by a rapper you didn’t know played loudly over everyone’s shouting. Like instinct, you could sense where he was. You found him slouched against a white pillar, sipping at a red solo cup.
He was wearing one of his nice button ups and a pair of jeans. Oh god, you loved the color blue on him. Any color looked good on him actually, “Hi, Peter,” You smiled, tapping his shoulder. He seemed to be distracted but you blamed it on the alcohol, “Enjoying the party?”
As his head turned and those brown eyes looked into yours, your heart melted, “Y-Yeah,” He stuttered awkwardly, leaning his hand against the pillar, “Your house i-is beautiful … nice decor.”
“You think so?” You tried not to seem eager as you imagined Peter coming over all of the time. After school to study … maybe the two of you taking a dip into the pool. You imagined that his body was heavenly. Sculpted by a God-
“Yeah, it’s great,” Peter grinned. He grinned at you, “Y-You look nice. I’ve never seen you dress like that.” Did he think you were cute or was he trying to spare your feelings? Did he prefer how you normally dressed? You were overthinking.
“I’m trying something new. You look nice too,” Peter nodded his thanks, “You’re drinking?” You gestured to his cup.
“Nope, sprite,” Peter said, “May would kill me and I have to make sure Ned gets home in one piece. I don’t know if alcohol is really my thing…”
Did he look down on you because you were throwing a party that was serving alcohol? Did he look down on you because you were drinking? You held your cup close to your side as you said, “Me too. I mean, I don’t really get the people who can only have fun when they’re drunk …” You were sure your conversation wasn’t going well but Peter still seemed to be receptive to you. Maybe you were wrong. Maybe he did have feelings for you, “So, we’ve missed you at Academic Bowl.”
“I’ve missed you guys too,” Peter said, causing your cheeks to heat. You knew he was referring to everyone in Academic Bowl but you couldn’t help but take it personally, “I wish I had the time. This moment right here is the only freedom I’ve had in like six months.”
“And you’re spending it caring for a drunk Ned?” You raised an eyebrow.
Peter shrugged, chuckling, “Well, when you say it like that it sounds crazy,” You loved his laugh. You loved how he nervously tucked his hand into his front pocket.
“Peter, I’ve been wanting to tell you something for a while,” He perked up and looked at you attentively like he actually cared. You played with the ends of your dress nervously, looking down a bit as you decided to finally let your feelings go, “That day on the bridge when our bus was about to go over the edge … I never knew real fear until then. I thought I’d experienced all the trauma in the world but nothing could compare to that a-and you save me. I’ve never really met someone who’s cared for other people so much … It made me start thinking,like actually thinking about things and-”
As you looked up, you noticed he was looking past you. He had completely tuned out of your speech, and as you turned your head, you got a glimpse of what he was looking at. MJ was standing by the mantle of the fireplace, talking to some girl.
You couldn’t breathe. Your heart was shattering. Peter reached out to grab your shoulder, “I’m so sorry. Keep going, please.”
You shook your head, a fake smile on your lips, “It’s fine. I have to do something. Thanks for coming!” You scurried off before he could utter another world. The moment you turned back, he was already gone and walking over to MJ.
You crushed your cup, causing the liquid to spill out.
You could kill MJ. She already broke Peter’s heart so why was he running back to her? Why couldn’t she let you have him? Why was everyone so hell-bent on destroying your happiness? Your thoughts were overwhelming and the only thing that seemed to keep them at bay was Brad’s special punch.
+
You tossed your cup down, watching it fall three stories to the ground. Looking over, you wondered if you could survive the drop. As you lost your balance for a moment, you pressed your back against the roof, giggling. Your world was spinning so much.
It was a wonder that you hadn’t fallen off from climbing up here in the first place. You took a deep breath and pulled out your phone. You scrolled through your contacts, your vision blurry, before recognizing the heart emojis attached to his name.
You closed your eyes for a moment as you pressed the phone to your ear. You guessed he was in the middle of a conversation, the hint of laughter and joy in his voice, “Y/N? You’re calling me from your own party?”
His voice only reminded you of why you loved him in the first place. You hated the control he had over your every emotion. You hated how you craved him and he remained oblivious to it.
“I didn’t … I didn’t want to throw the party. I just wanted to see you. I wanted you to see me in this dress,” Your voice was solemn as you slurred into the phone.
“I got that you had to tell me something but then you stormed off … You sound very drunk. Where are you exactly?”
You shook your head as if Peter could see you right now. You opened your eyes and the night sky was above you, “I try so hard … nothing ever works out the way I want.”
“You try so hard to do what? Where are you, Y/N?” You could hear him moving around, his feet shuffling, and the murmur of Pop music.
You looked around, “On the roof … I needed fresh air.”
“On the roof? And you’re drunk?”
“I think …” Your voice trailed off, “I just wanted to tell you that I’m over everything. I was being crazy. I get so attached sometimes even though it hurts me-”
“Please don’t move, Y/N, I’m going to help you down,” You sat up from your position which only made your head spin more.
“Peter, just listen to me! You never listen to me,” You pouted, “You never see me. I have to accept that it’s never going to change. You’re gonna chase the girls who break your heart, not the ones willing to love you …. Peter? Peter?” You heard nothing from the other side.
Before you even had time to be disappointed, Peter’s head peeked over the side of the roof, “How did you even get up here?” Peter groaned, lifting himself up. He was still a good twenty feet away from where you had wandered on the slanted roof.
Peter actually came. He cared enough to talk to you in person. You’d been wrong about him. It caused you to grin but Peter’s face only held worry. Peter began to slide towards you, even taking a second to look over and see how far the drop was, “Give me your hand,” He ordered you as he moved closer.
You proceeded to pull your feet from over the edge and try to stand up, “Just let me tell you how I feel-”
“Y/N,” He whisper shouted your name, attempting to not frazzle you, “Sit back down, please.”
“If I don’t tell you now then I’ll never get the chance!” You slurred, trying not to stumble.
“You’re going to kill yourself, please sit back down,” Peter said back, every step closer only caused you to step back. Peter stopped, subtly trying to equip his web-shooters.
“It doesn’t matter! I don’t want to live in a world where you’re not mine-” A shriek left your lips as you finally stepped the wrong way and you fell over the edge. You waited for the impact but the jolt you felt was not from the pavement. You were spinning and, as you looked up, a web was connecting you to Peter.
Peter let out a heavy sigh as he pulled you up. He carried you back to the balcony. The two of you didn’t stay upright for long because your knees gave out and Peter caught you with his arms. He softly brought you to the ground and you stared up into those brown eyes with admiration.
He saved you.
You reached up to touch his cheek, “Y-You love me?”
“Jesus,” Peter shook his head, “What?”
Suddenly, you were sober.
You noticed a crowd had gathered around the two of you. You looked like a disaster, your dress riding high, and your mascara running down your face. Peter pulled your hand away, an exhausted look on his face. He stood up before saying, “Can someone get her some water? And find her somewhere to sleep?” That was all he said before he left the balcony.
This was different than any other rejection you had ever felt.
+
“Darling, it’s the ninth day you haven’t gone to school.”
You didn’t look up from your desk as your father entered your room. You were still typing at your computer, writing a scientific article for your organic chemistry class. You were still typing away as you felt a hand on your shoulder. It caused you to pause as your lips pressed into a thin line.
“I’m getting my work done,” You said to him, still not willing to look at him. You weren’t going to school and you were using your work to distract you from the fact that you asked Peter Parker if he loved you in front of a bunch of people. Not to mention that you drunkenly fell off your own roof.
Peter hadn’t attempted to contact you, and judging by the talk you heard online, you were officially psychotic in everyone’s minds.
Your father set a white box on your desk and you immediately recognized the log. DONATELLI”S PASTRIES. You opened the box to find your favorite, a red velvet cupcake, “Thank you,” You said, your mood threatening to improve.
Your father sure did know how to buy your affection.
He sighed before saying, “I hate to see that boy breaking my little girl’s heart. First, he threatens my business, a goddamn child is getting my partners arrested, and now this. I preferred it when he was fighting aliens.”
Your fist clenched tightly as you listened, “Superheros think they can do whatever they want.”
Your father agreed, “I really came in here to propose an idea to you,” You perked up at that, “What if I told you I could take care of your spider-boy problem?”
“How?”
“It’s a matter of keeping him distracted long enough to strike. Putting civilian lives on the line seems to do it for him. Besides that, I’ve come into a very valuable resource that will keep him sedated long enough to toss him into the Hudson and makes sure he sinks to the bottom.”
You thought for a long moment, “I don’t want you to kill him, Dad.”
Your father cocked his head to the side, his eyebrow raised, “You know you collect things … Mr. Medina’s left pinky … that police officer’s badge,” Your father was well aware of what he did with his enemies but he had not expected his daughter to take after him, “I want to add him to my collection.”
“I see,” Your father nodded, “Then it’s done. Anything for my little girl.”
A spider for your collection.
You smiled wickedly.
+
It was a screaming bus of children. That’s what landed Spiderman in the clutches of Mr. Shum. Luckily, they had survived but Peter wasn’t sure if he would. His face was dripping with blood and the bullet wound to his abdomen didn’t look to be healing anytime soon.
Peter hung from the ceiling by his wrist, the chains he suspected were made of vibranium or at least a knock off version of it. His spidey sense was completely off and his swollen eyes didn’t even allow him to see the punches as they came.
Peter fought as hard as he could but the darkness eventually consumed him.
He awoke to the feeling of warmth being pressed to his skin. As his eyes slowly opened, he found a smiling you hovering over you. Immediately Peter jolted up but was pulled back by chains attached to the bedpost. As he attempted to move his legs, he felt the same thing.
You shushed him, “Hey, calm down, you’re going to tear your stitches,” You whispered, dabbing the wet cloth against his face. Peter flinched at your touch but you kept it up. You were straddling his waist and as Peter looked down he realized he was completely naked, “I didn’t think you’d wake up so soon-”
“Y/N, what the hell is going on?” Peter’s voice was tired, desperate, his face starting to turn red, “Where are my clothes?”
“I had to give you a bath, it’s been days since you passed out,” You told him and it frightened Peter how calm you were, “I’m not like my father, I’m going to take care of you. He just had to show you what would happen if you tried to hurt me.”
Peter watched as you hinted at his bandaged abdomen, “Why? Why are you doing this?”
“Because I love you,” You grinned, running your hands over his muscular chest. You assumed right. His body was completely perfect and now it was all yours.
“Don’t say that,” Peter winced.
You leaned down closer to his face, “I’ve loved you for a long time, Peter.”
“Don’t say that!” Peter started pulling at the chain again which only led you to press your fingers, hard into the bandage on his abdomen. The boy cried out in pain and it broke your heart.
“Why don’t you love me too?” You asked, starting to grow frustrated, “I love you so much but you don’t even care! Why can’t you just love me back?”
“Because that’s crazy!” He shouted back, “We’re only friends and kidnapping me is not going to change that!”
“Kidnap?” You questioned, shaking your hand, “You are my one and only love, Peter. How can it be kidnapping if I must be with you? If I must have you as my soulmate?”
“Y/N, please. My family and this city needs me-”
“And MJ needs you?” You pressed your hand against his chest, staring him down, “Huh? The girl who rejects you and yet you chase her while I’m here willing to love you. If only you loved me back-”
“Y/N,” Peter tried to calm himself and ration with you, “If you just let me go, we could make this work. You’re right, I’ve been blind. I’ve been chasing MJ when I should’ve been chasing you.”
Your shoulders slumped and your eyes seemed to lighten as you heard his words, “You mean it?”
Peter nodded eagerly, “Y-Yes, and we could go on a date together. We could get to know each other more,” You were nodding now, the idea of it sounding completely magical. This was all you ever wanted, “If you undo the chains, we could do that.”
Your mouth quickly turned to a frown and you sighed. Peter watched as you went still, “I can’t risk it. You’ve shown me time and time again that you don’t know what’s good for you,” Peter shook his head, the fear starting to settle in as your hands rubbed up and down his chest. Peter continued to flinch as they moved lower, towards the area between his legs, “You’ll have to learn to love me, Peter.”
“S-Stop,” Peter begged as you finger traced along his length. Like the teenage boy you knew he was, he easily started to grow hard beneath your grasp.
“I’m not one of those girls who thinks you should save your virginity for marriage. I think you should wait until you meet the right person,” You palmed his cock in your hand, feeling it getting harder. You watched as he pulled at his chains and his face contorted into different expressions of disgust and desperation, “And you’re my person, Peter.”
You licked your palm, lubricating it before placing it back on his cock. You pulled and tugged, pumping up and down. You smirked as moans threatened to escape those pink lips. You leaned down and, as Peter turned his head, you placed kisses along his jaw.
“Y/N, please…” He begged.
“Please keep going? Please show your love for me by milking me dry?” He shook his head and you grinned, “My hearts been a toy for you all these years, perhaps now you'll understand what it is to be someone’s toy.”
You moved down Peter’s body, planting kisses and hickies before your mouth reached the member between his legs. Peter lifted his head, watching, “Okay, okay, I understand! Don’t please!” You felt his legs thrash as your tongue licked his pink tip.
You held onto his muscular legs as your tongue swirled around his tip. Peter’s head flew back in ecstasy as you took him further into your mouth. You bobbed your head up and down, your tongue still swirling.
His deep groans effectively soaked the area between your legs and you loved how they turned to whimpering and pleading. Peter lasted longer than you expected but it wasn't long before his body contorted and warm liquid sprayed down your throat and into your mouth. As you removed your mouth, you continued to pump his softening cock which caused him to thrash around even more from the over stimulation.
You swallowed what was left in his mouth and began to kiss up his body. His eyes gave a look of defeat, “It’s okay, you don’t have to tell you how much you liked it,” You said as you kissed his neck, “Baby steps, right?”
You laid down beside him, basking in his warmth. Now you weren’t just the awkward daughter of the famous Mr. Shum. You loved somebody and that somebody was going to love you.
You deserved that love.
+
hope you enjoyed this!
#maries500challenge#dark fic#peter parker#peter parker x reader#dark!peter#dark!reader#dark!reader x peter parker#dark peter parker#peter parker smut#peter parker x y/n#peter parker x you#dark!peter x reader#sub!peter parker#dom!reader#smut#mcu smut#avengers x y/n#dark avengers#tom holland#tom holland x reader#sub!tom holland#dark tom holland#writing challenge#yandere#yandere peter parker#yandere!reader
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i’d be your valentine – s.todoroki
[warnings: none really, I wouldn’t count this as angst]
summary: in which todoroki is unclear about his intentions
word count: 2,646
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For some reason, you weren't expecting the people at UA to be nice. You were expecting snobby kids that thought their quirks were the best and it was all just a competition. Well, of course, there were some students like that but the other students were super nice.
You fit in with your class right away and you also made sure everyone else felt comfortable and included. Though you were friends with the whole class, you were close to Midoriya, Ida, Uraraka, Tsu, and Todoroki. You guys would hang out after classes, not only to study but just to do regular teenager stuff like go to the mall or the movies. You guys hung out so much and got so close to each other that it was normal to also hang out one-on-one. That's how you and Todoroki became so close.
Before you lived in the dorms, you two lived in the same neighborhood and you would walk home together. And when the others couldn't make study sessions, you'd typically invite Todoroki over so you two could study.
It wasn't necessarily something you could help, but you started catching feelings for the boy. You admired how laidback and quiet he was. You weren't a loud person yourself, so you enjoyed each other's company. You'd sometimes playfully debate whether cold or hot soba was better. Sometimes you'd even talk about his fire quirk and why he held so much resentment toward it. He wouldn't always go into great detail but it made you happy that he somewhat trusted you.
And because you had such a strong friendship, you didn't tell him about the feelings you had for him. You didn't want to ruin something that meant so much to you especially if he didn't reciprocate those feelings. You've never seen it happen in real life, but in books and movies confessions usually led to the downfall of a relationship and you didn't want to risk that.
But it was the season of love. Valentine's Day was right around the corner, and you were more in touch with your romantic side. You liked seeing the pink and red decorations everywhere, hearts hung up on the wall and dangling from the season. And you loved the idea of expressing love and care with those you loved, whether it be romantic or platonic. It was nice making people feel loved; giving was always more important than receiving to you.
During lunch, you always sat with your close friend group and today wasn't any different. Everyone else often changed where they sat and who they say next to, but you and Todoroki always sat next to each other.
He sat to your left, eating his soba, giving you and your hot soba a playful side-eye making you lightly punch his arm.
"Any plans for Valentine's Day?" Uraraka asked the group, making you look up from your food and look at everyone's reactions.
Midoriya shook his head profusely as his cheeks started to turn pink, but everyone else just shook their heads. No one seemed to be hung up about it; life goes on and you guys had more important things to worry about. You admit it would be nice to have one, but you remember you have plenty more Valentine's Days left in your lifetime.
"I've never had a Valentine," You spoke up and leaned your head onto your hand.
"Me either, but I don't think Valentines are something we should focus on. School and our hero training is the most important thing!" Ida spoke seriously, making you chuckle.
He was always too serious and it was funny to watch sometimes. Small things that weren't important were kind of turned into a teaching moment or a lecture; it was like having a parent on campus.
"I'd be your valentine, Y/L/N," Todoroki shrugged and turned to face you, a small smile on his face.
You froze for a second, taking in what he was saying. Was this the confession you were waiting for or was he just trying to be a good friend? He had never said anything like this or showed any interest before. Maybe he meant it like: "if we were in another dimension and I liked you in that way." So it was best not to overthink it; overthinking never failed to get you in trouble.
"I'd be your valentine, too, Todoroki," You nodded, a big grin spread across your face.
He nodded and turned back to his lunch, but you kept an eye on him. You just wanted to admire him, the person you considered to be your closest friend. You watched as he kept a smile on his face while he ate, not letting it drop even while he was chewing. He was such a calm and collected person, someone you could run to in a crisis. He'd either have your back or try to get you to relax but he'd never be against you. You admired his strength, which you knew he had a lot of by what he told you about his family and home life. But to keep it short, he was your favorite person and he wasn't something you were willing to risk.
But as the days passed with you hoping that your best friend would ask you to be his Valentine. You weren't supposed to be digging into his words, but you couldn't help it. Maybe overthinking would be your friend this time. As delusional as it sounded, you still had hope. But that hope completely dwindled the night before the big day. That was your last opportunity to grab something for him before you saw him the next day but he didn't ask you.
Everything was regular. He acted the same around you, sneaking glances during class, passing notes back in forth laughing at how irritable Bakugo was. The small touches were normal, a hand on your shoulder sometimes or accidentally touching hands. There was no grand gesture but you expected this. You expected it yet, it still upset you. "Hope for the best, but expect the worst," is how the phrase goes. Next time you just won't hold out any hope and maybe you won't be so disappointed.
You forced yourself out of your bed the next day, for once dreading the Valentine's Day decorations and romantic aura. You were hoping (though you'd never admit it) that some prankster ran through the school and tore down the decorations. You just weren't in the mood for it, and you knew others wouldn't be either.
You thought of this, how many people would resent the holiday and be moody all day, and that's why you got everyone in your class candy and a card. Even though you were sulking last night, you still stayed up to write thoughtful notes for each of your classmates and taping a heart-shaped lollipop to the inside of the card.
You snatched the bag of candy and cards off the floor before leaving your dorm and walking to class. You made sure to plaster a smile on your face as you walked around the school. Fake it 'til you make it.
Before walking into the classroom, you grabbed the first card, written to Aoyama.
"Happy Valentine's Day, Aoyama," You greeted him as you walked toward his desk, holding out the card.
His smile matched yours and hit eyes light up at the sight of you holding out the card. This turned your fake happiness into a real sense of joy. You loved making people happy and Aoyama's smile was a great way to start the day.
You walked through the class, your mood steadily increasing as you handed out the cards. Even as you moved on from Bakugo to Midoriya, your mood hadn't changed.
"How old are we?" The ash-blonde boy asked, before trying to snatch the card out of your hand.
"Uh uh, what do we say?" You asked, trying to coax a "thank you" out of him.
"Ugh! Just when I thought you weren't as bad as the rest of these extras," He snarled and sat back in his chair, arms over his chest.
You mulled over his words for a second before reluctantly handing the card over.
"So, I'm your favorite classmate you say?" You teased him and raised an eyebrow.
"Hey, Bakugo what-"
"I didn't say that!" He cut Kirishima off and rolled his eyes.
"We don't even talk that much," You hummed.
"Exactly," Bakugo scoffed. He went to snatch the card out of your hand but stopped and gently took it from you. "Thanks, Extra."
When you finished handing out the cards, you looked in the bag and saw two were still left. One was for Mister Aizawa and the other was Todoroki's.
This made you turn and look at the empty seat that would usually be filled by now.
You frowned slightly but sat back in your chair. Maybe he overslept and was running late. Or maybe there was a villain attack- no, you would've known by now.
You were anxiously tapping your pencil on your desk and picking at your lips, sorting through scenarios when he walking into the room. You only knew he arrived because you heard a collective gasp from the girls, pulling your eyes from his empty desk to the door of the classroom.
You inhaled sharply at the sight. His cheeks were pink and his eyes were cast toward the floor, embarrassed. You knew he didn't really like all the attention he just garnered but instead of bailing him out, you couldn't help but notice his hands were full. In one hand he held a teddy bear that was half his size and in the other hand, a bouquet of red roses.
"Who are those for, Todoroki?"
"How do we know someone didn't give them to him? I mean, he is the prettiest boy at UA..."
"Did someone give you those?"
Before he could respond to your classmates, you turned your head toward the window, ready to zone out. The girls were asking the questions you wanted the answers to, but you doubt you could handle it. Did someone confess to him? Did he confess to somebody else? Of course, his Valentine offer was simply platonic, you were a fool to ever think otherwise.
"Y/L/N?" His usually stoic voice now wavered with nervousness. You sighed and turned to him and saw his face fall. The blush on his cheeks disappeared as he paled and he gave you a concerned look. "Why are you about to cry? Are you alright?" His voice was hushed, trying to make sure other people didn't hear.
You hadn't noticed until he mentioned it but you could feel the wetness pooling in your eyes and your bottom lip trembling. You just shook your head and blinked the tears away, determined not to cry in such a public space.
"I'm okay, I'm fine. What did you need?"
The smile on your face wasn't a big one, small and no teeth showing. And you made sure to speak in your nicest voice, not wanting him to think you were upset with him.
"You sure?"
"I'm positive. What is it?" You asked, looking back and forth between him and the gifts in his hand.
You gulped and blinked back more tears; you weren't sure how long you could keep the facade up.
"Right," He nodded, getting back to his point. Todoroki wasn't going to push you to open up, he knew how annoying that could be, especially since you were in a room full of people. His face got pink again, which was funny because he has never been this nervous, especially around you. "These are for you. Happy Valentine's Day."
He held the roses and bear out for you to take while you gasped quietly.
You mumbled, "for me?" as you hesitantly took the gifts from him.
"Yes, of course. You're my Valentine," He spoke, his voice laced with confusion as if he didn't know why you were confused.
After setting the gifts down on the desk, you quickly stood up and pulled him into a hug.
"You're the absolute sweetest!" You squealed, though it was muffled because your face was buried in his neck.
He slowly wrapped his arms around you and returned your tight hold. You two stood like this until Mister Aizawa called for the class to settle down a few moments later.
When you pulled away from his warm body, your eyes met making your cheeks heat up. You turned away from him shyly, unable to believe he was looking at you the way he was. Full of joy and admiration, like you were the only person in the world.
The second your eyes pulled away from him, you noticed the looks your classmates were giving you, which made you even shyer. The girls were cooing and the boys were cheering Todoroki on. You could hear Kirishima admiring how "manly" he was. Bakugo of course was slouching in his chair, crunching on the lollipop, not caring about what was going on.
Your Valentine walked over to his desk and you sat down in your seat, sighing happily. You leaned your head on your hand getting ready to ignore your teacher and whatever he was about to say.
Everything your teacher said went in one ear and out the other. You were too busy thinking about what just happened. The questions you had before were answered but you had so many more questions and thoughts roaming around in your head. He never asked you to be his Valentine, right? Did you miss something? You were moping around because he didn't ask. But at least he didn't buy you those nasty chocolates that come in the heart-shaped box.
You held the caramel brown teddy bear in your lap and moved to squeeze it. You leaned down to nuzzle your nose in the fur and you sighed contently as you recognized Todoroki's signature scent: mint and cedarwood. To you, it was calming and grounding; you felt comfortable and at home. And since the bear smelled like Todoroki, you wondered how long he had the bear for. Was it sitting in his room since that day you talked about Valentines? Or did he buy it last night and sprayed his cologne on it?
You had so many more questions, but the answers didn't matter. You were happy that you had a Valentine this year and you were happy it was someone you liked. Whether he was just doing it in a platonic way, you appreciated the effort he put in.
Once homeroom was over, you grabbed your things and handed your teacher the card and candy, making him raise a suspicious eyebrow before saying "thank you." You then walked over to the half-hot half-cold boy, a big smile on your face and butterflies in your stomach.
"So, since when was I your Valentine?" Your tone was playful but you were genuinely curious. "You never asked me."
"I did. At lunch the other day," He said as he paused putting his things in his bag. An eyebrow was raised as he continued, "I said I'd be your Valentine and you said you'd be mine. Was I unclear?"
You blew air out your nose as you chuckled at him. You just shook your head and brought the bear close to your chest.
"Just a little, but that's okay. I got you a card and a lollipop. Had I known you were being serious, I would've gotten you something better. I apologize."
You were fiddling with your fingers, nervous about what he'd think about you being unprepared. And you were somewhat embarrassed that the only thing you got him was a card and candy, but clearly, you didn't know.
"That's okay. We always have next year," He shrugged and gave you a reassuring smile.
"Right. Next year."
[AN: hi um hopefully this was somewhat enjoyable for you guys. this is my first time writing for my hero outside of a smau so I’m a bit nervous. on another note, I’ve been super busy with work and school so if I’m not active when this goes up, happy valentine’s day! I love you all and I hope you’re doing well]
#stylesluxx#bnha x reader#mha x reader#my hero academia#todoroki x reader#todoroki x y/n#todoroki#shoto x reader
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Heya! First i want you to know that your blog is wonderful and your hcs are really good!
So here it is- Main 6 (maybe add Valerius too if it's okay) with a really kind and soft MC who loves everything (even the simplest or silliest things) and is really sweet and loving to everything and everyone? Thank you!
Ahhhh thank you so much 🥺🥺🥺this was such a sweet message, and I love this request! We need more people like this MC in the world 💗
Asra
he loves to watch the way you love the world
you find joy in everything and it never fails to bring a smile to his face to watch as you smile at a stranger or stop to smell a flower you find on the edge of the road
sometimes he worries that the world is a hard place that will crush the kindness out of you, but he’s seen the strength you have under the surface, and he knows that being gentle doesn’t mean you’re weak
he tries to find ways to make your life even happier, bringing you flowers or taking you to his favorite places around the city to see your excitement
there was a time when he thought he might never see your sweet smile again, so he never takes a moment of your happiness for granted
Julian
he’s truly never met anyone like you, someone who so genuinely sees the good in others
your outlook on life is so different from his bleak one, and he loves being able to see the world through your eyes instead
you find the beauty in everything and he hopes that someday that happiness and wonder will rub off on him
he loves to watch the way your eyes light up when you smile and the love he feels for you when you’re being so sweet feels nearly overwhelming
at times he doesn’t feel like he deserves how kind you are to him, but you’re always there to remind him how worthy he is of kindness and love and every other good thing that life can bring
Nadia
she never mistakes your kindness as naivety, despite what others might assume
your softness is your strength and you remind her every single day to be better and to do better
in the stressful role of countess she sees so little kindness from others and she loves you for giving your kindness so freely without ever demanding something in return
she’s dealt with too many people who try to flatter her to get what they want but she knows that you’re being genuine
if someone takes advantage of your kindness she’ll be the first to stand up for you and make sure that you’re given the respect you deserve
Muriel
for so long he’s been alone with his pain, but now you’ve come along
he’s had to face all of the cruelty that the world could throw at him and he almost doesn’t know how to handle someone so kind and gentle
you treat everything in the world so kindly, from the smallest of creatures to your dearest friends, everyone you meet is treated with the same gentle sweetness
he’s amazed at your ability to stay soft in a world so hard, at your ability to make him feel safe and worthy of kindness from others
you inspire him to be kind, to open up to others, and to see the beauty in everything, and it makes all the difference in his life
Portia
being with you is like seeing the world through the eyes of a child, the eyes of someone who chooses to see the good even amidst the bad, and it’s Portia’s favorite thing about you
your excitement for life, for the simple things, is something she shares with you and the two of you could spend hours in the garden soaking up the beauty of nature
she thinks it’s endearing that you extend your kindness to everything, even if it’s just you trying to save a spider while she screams at you in fear to “GET RID OF IT!!!!”
your first instinct is always to be kind, even when facing your enemies, and she wishes she could be more like that
she calls you “sweetheart” constantly because you truly have the sweetest heart she’s every seen
Lucio
his whole life he’s been taught that being soft or kind is a sign of weakness and, in his world, only the strongest survive
your kindness takes him completely off guard and he doesn’t trust it at first, assuming you must have some ulterior motive
when he learns that you really are as kind and gentle as you seem he’ll be unable to resist the pull to be just as kind and gentle to you in return
he loves to surprise you with things to make you smile, but he soon learns that what makes you happiest is watching him learn to be kind to others
you’re nice to everyone you meet and it reminds him to mind his own manners, if only to make you happy
it’ll take him a long time to understand how you can stand to be so vulnerable and loving all the time, but he loves it about you all the same
Valerius
his first instinct is to assume you’re being fake, there’s no way someone could actually be so sweet to people they don’t know
he’s surprised that you continue to be so nice, even as he insults you and treats you coldly, until finally he’s forced to realize that you are as genuinely kind as you act
his personality doesn’t change much, he continues to insult you or try to make you upset, but your kindness in return always shakes him
he watches as you go about your days, smiling at everyone you meet and trying your best to make everyone feel accepted and seen even when they don’t treat you well in return
almost unconsciously he finds himself seeking you out, looking for someone kind to talk to in the midst of a palace full of plotting and uncaring courtiers
he doesn’t want to admit that seeing you smile is what gets him out of bed in the morning, he’s eager to see you smile again, if only from a distance
#thank you so much for the request 💗#i love writing soft characters#the arcana#the arcana headcanons#asra alnazar#julian devorak#nadia satrinava#portia devorak#muriel the arcana#lucio the arcana#count lucio#consul valerius#valerius the arcana#asra the arcana#julian the arcana#nadia the arcana#portia the arcana
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I'm drowning in the gender sandbox guys.
I am agender. At least....I think I am. It's the closest to what I'm feeling. In that I really do not have an attachment to any gender and cannot conceive how people identify with a gender. Like....they just FEEL a gender? All the time? No matter what they look like and what they're wearing they FEEL a gender?? Whaaaa??? Sounds hella fake but okay.
And now I'm gonna talk about that and my experience for a while, in a series of ways that's probably gonna get the gender and sexuality neo-puritans to come yell at me for not being ritually pure enough in the way I talk but.....I'm talking from my own brain, baby. This is the toolkit I'm packing right now and the world I live in and I just need to spit it out. Maybe see if it resonates with people who know more than me. I don't know. Help.
I didn't question being a woman for the longest time. I grew up in a rural area culturally dominated by "Christians" (Not Catholics. I was Catholic. That comes with a whole different set of religious traumas pre-installed. I mean the ScAaRy protestent and nondenom Christians.) You didn't question anything. Not an adults orders. Not authority. Certainly not straightness. Gender was biological. I'd never heard of a trans person. There were rumors of Gays™. For most of my life it was just "Gender is the meat suit you got stuck with, right? I got stuck with this meat suit so it's my gender, I guess." And when I finally left the middle-o-nowhere for Le Citè and I met some (mostly bianary) trans people I was like "OH! OKAY!! Having strong feelings about being in the wrong meat suit can make a gender!" And the non bianaries that I met were still playing on that bianary scale. The "bit of boths" and the "different genders for different days" varieties. They has strange attachments to genders. And the whole retoric of "Questioning your gender and feeling things about you gender is the indicator that you might be trans!!" Just furthered my feeling that I must just be female by default cause like.....I didn't question anything. I didn't think about gender. I had a COMPLETE lack of feelings about gender whatsoever and that was normal, right?? Just meat suit gender. I certainly didn't have a strong feeling about wanting to be the opposite: *gag* a man?? A straight white man? Nope! I have no desire to be a bianary man and frankly I find 99 percent of men and male culture traumatic. So I must just be meat-suit gender.
And yes, I wanted to scrape my breasts and hips and thighs off with a cheese grater. But I wrote that off as a symptom of having started putting a finger down my throat after meals when I was 6 and having a family that forced hour upon hour exercise with their thighs and tummies wrapped in saran wrap and sang "I don't love her! She's too fat for me!" to a literal toddler and put that same toddler in oversized clothes to hide the healthy baby squish that toddlers HAVE. OF COURSE I wanted to die when my breasts grew in and my hips and thighs filled out. They were evil fat deposits. And they meant nothing but unwanted attention from yucky men. (Lesbianism to be discovered some 15 years later. My comphets we're almost as bad as my compgenders.) It had nothing to do with gender. Gender is just the meat suit ....and I already hated the meat suit by the time I had breast buds, they just enhanced a disgust that I thought was normal by then. Everyone kind of hates their meat suit, right?? Yes I wanted to look like men sometimes.....but they were skinny heroin chic men. I also wanted to look like kate moss. I wanted to look like a sideways door but my family is Italian and we have hips and thighs. It's just the meat suit I was assigned. Just have to learn to deal with it and dress it in the way that it looks most socially acceptable and get on with life. And my meat suit had a very gendered look, even in the deepest throws of my illness. "All woman." "The curves of a real woman." So that was just the hand I was dealt. Like having a hard to match foundation undertone. You don't gotta like it, it's just reality. Yes, I wanted to wear nothing but waistcoats and gay vampire clothes but they weren't cut for my body type so *shrug*.
Did I start to have way too much fun cosplaying and embodying male characters? Yes. But that was just identifying with characters. I'd always identified with characters. Did I still distinctly identify with the character's gender, even when I femmed the costume to avoid the hellish pain of binding? Yes. Did it make me feel weird when people referred to my Thor as a woman, even though it was technically a femme? Yes. But that was just feminism. Heroes don't need to be called girl heroes. No gender issues here!! Besides it's not weird in fandom circles to stongly identify with people across gender lines. The fact that I found the gendernope option if there was one available in the fandom and *attached* was surely just coincidental. Right??
Did I absolutely loose my mcfreaking mind when the gyno started talking about having to take my uterus away because the amount of blood it was loosing was doing irreparable harm to my body? Yes. My gender is my meat suit. When you take it away....what am I???? A *gag* man??? Nothing at all?? Am I still even human?? If I am not *gag* male and you take away the female part of the meat suit am I an aphid? A plant? A chair? But I was comforted by a chorus of voices saying "No!! You're a WOMAN. Infertility doesn't make you not a woman! You still have a woman's body!! Because you're a woman!!! Just look at you in your skirts and with your long hair!! You're a woman!!!" So.....still a woman, I guess. Because I still LOOKED like one. Gender = the PRESENTATION of the meat suit. That made sense. The structure of my meat suit made me limited to woman-presentation. So I was woman.
Then, it was the stupidest thing, I was talking to the other half of my life on the 4/5 train on the way to a friend's house about HER issues with gender presentation and the amount of attention to detail it takes to be socially acceptable as female and she said "You just know you're a girl. Like if they just picked you up and put you in a robot body you'd be a girl?" And I was like "......no? I'd be a robot?????" "But you'd still feel like a girl???" "No.....I'd feel like a ROBOT." "BUT you'd still like hear she/her and identify with those???" "No. I'd probably identify more with It/it's because that's what I'd be. A ROBOT!" And she's like "But what if your brain got transplanted into a boy body???" "Then I'd be a boy." "But what would you feel like?" "A BOY?" "Okay but what if you had a very neutral body with like no genitals? What would you feel like then??" "I mean....then it would depend on how I'm dressed. I'd feel like what I was dressed like." And we went around like this till she surmised that my entire relationship to gender was basically "You are what you look like." Which is apparently NOT how people relate to their own gender. They "feel" it somehow?? (I genuinely thought "FEELING" like a gender was what made trans people.) I feel nothing. I identify with a lot of things and ZERO of them are a gender. I thought that was normal. I thought that was the default. Apparently it's not. And then if you ask me what I want to be.....I can't answer. I really don't want to be a gender. I guess I want to be able to put different genders on at my will, like outfits, for societal convenience. But I don't "identify" with any of them. Hell, I have sweaters I identify with more than any particular gender. But there aren't really systems in place for describing and portraying that.
Gender.exe was not installed.
I did a lot of research. Agender felt closest. I actually felt closest to a Good Omens meme about Aziraphale describing his gender as "No, thank you!" That's what I feel like. But all the agender folks were vibing that moment. So I joined 'em. I am aware that puts me under the trans umbrella, but I don't really identify with that word. I don't feel like there's any transition. Any changing. Can't change what was never there. Also I feel like it's for people who....CAN present as their gender. I would be seen as an invader in those spaces. Its not bad enough to justify being in those spaces. I can live with being gendered. I just don't have one.
In the society we live in one cannot present as "not a gender". Someone with MY body definitely cannot present as "not a gender". The clothes that they make in size "giant human with planet tits" are agressively gendered. And even in a binder.....they're still REALLY there. (Yes, a reduction is desirable but I don't have reduction money.....and you can't reduce the fact that I'm the bowl shaped robust extreme female hipbone they use in Forensic Anthropology textbooks.) It is what it is. My body will always be perceived the way it's perceived. And frankly a lot of what we perceive as genderless is just "skinny body in masc style with short hair and makeup". That's not really want I want. I don't want to cut off my hair. It's my one really good feature and I've worked hard to grow out these Valkyrie worthy lengths. Mens clothes are so limiting. And there are no gender: no thank you clothes. (One well meaning friend kept trying to send me "genderless" clothes......but it was all rail thin afabs in mens clothes with short hair and heavy makeup. That's not looking genderless. That's just being skinny.) Gender no thank you presentation is very tied to short hair and thin bodies. So I've accepted that I don't get to play in the gender sandbox outside of the privacy of my own mind. It's a societal flaw. But whatever.
But pronouns are starting to really bother me. Everyone is so into them and identifying with them. And like.....I don't get it. I don't get the joy. I don't think I've found the one. Like.....I'm used to she. I will always be read as she. I will always be Miss and Ma'am in stores and restraunts. So I just kind of roll with it. I don't hate it. I don't like it. It's just a thing that I have to have to exist in society. Like a social security number. I actually think I identify with my social security number more. There's no point in making myself uncomfortable with something that's just going to be a part of my life. And I don't want to be the kind of person who expects people to address me by a pronoun they can't see and aren't used to. It's too much to ask of the average citizen of a gendered society to go through that much gender theory for just me. So "she" is an inevitable part of my life. And He....well ......I don't hate it. I dont like it. It's just there. I certainly don't get called it. And I'm not capable of presenting it well enough for this to be relevant. Now they......fuck I HATE they. I hate that it's the acceptable pronoun for anyone not bianary male or female. It just rubs me the wrong way. When people refer to me as they, I feel like they're referring to me and the host of mental illnesses I carry around and you don't have permission to address those troops thank you very much. They causes a genuine squick. But it's kinda the only widely acceptable option. I kinda like "it". I VIBE with it. It feels good. Unfortunately the people in my life have a certain reluctance about calling me it as they believe that happy vibe around a traditionally dehumanizing pronoun may be a trauma symptom. They might be right so I'm tabling "it" till I find a good therapist. Also...I cannot ask strangers to call me it. I don't have the confidence it takes to explain why and I frankly don't want to be faced with the criticism and questions I would face because I am unable to make my body be perceived as Nonbinary. I don't have the confidence or conviction to face that every day forever. Ditto neopronouns. I also haven't found one that I vibe with at all yet.
And queer labels get harder when you pull away from gender entirely. Like ... I am a Lesbian. I am solely attracted to women. But now I'm getting a lot of "You can't be a lesbian if you don't have a gender!!!" And like ...can I??? I like being a lesbian. It feels right. It conveys what I want it to convey. I like the exclusion of men entirely, after being taught to structure my life around men. I have a kinship with womanhood. It's where I was raised. It's how people see me. I just don't identify with it. It's not how I see myself. I guess that can kind of exclude me from the label? All of our terms are defined by being attracted to "your own gender" or "the opposite gender" or "both your own gender and other genders" and like ... I don't have a gender. And the opposite of nothing is....?? Fuck if I know? So what term am I allowed to use? I love queer for exactly this reason. But it just doesn't have the same clarity that lesbian does.
So I'm just kind of in a hole rn. Grappling with the fact that I really don't have a gender in a gendered world, and dealing with the fact that so much of our understanding and acceptance of gender is about presentation, a door closed to my body. I don't have the confidence or the spoons or the knowledge or the experience to fight this fight. The path of least resistance is sticking my head back into the sand and going with straightforward womanhood....but now it feels like I'm lying. I feel like an intruder in woman's spaces. And I can't go in men's spaces, they see me as....well...a woman. Lesser.
Someone out there who's better at the genders please help.
#agender#gender crisis#gender identity#gender problems#pronouns#nonbinary#enby#nb#non bianry#agender lesbian#nonbinary lesbian
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Since your request's open, I was wondering if you could do a geralt yandere where he's in a village with darling, when the pair sees a pregnant couple. Darling makes the mistake of gushing over how lovely couple looks and how their child would look just as lovely. Geralt then takes this as darling wanting a child of their own. Since witchers can't technically have children, this frustrates him and makes him go a little feral back at home and just breeds darling into oblivion.
Thank you for requesting! Hope you enjoy ^-^
Rated Lemon
»»————-———— ♡ ————————-««
You were no newbie to the topic of sex. And surely no rookie to the feeling of Geralt’s cock buried inside you.
Still, he usually wasn’t as ferocious as he was that night. You two barely made it back to a tavern, his hands constantly all over you, grasping at what his gloved fingers could reach. Throwing you over his shoulder and navigating Roach into a designated spot, he only grunted, “Room,” at the innkeeper, throwing way too many coins into his direction before staggering upstairs in the next best private room with an open door.
Geralt was many things. A witcher most of the time, murderer to some. You’re always doting, a little possessive partner usually, and on some nights a lover. He’d never let you become what he was, but you were thankful for the guidance that he gave you after you traveled so long to meet him. To you, he was a legend, somewhat of a hero - even if other people didn’t see in him what you saw.
Perhaps, you were a little blinded by the holiness of traveling with the person you were praising to the heavens and back. Maybe it would have done you good to see the truth more clearly, realize what really was going on. It’s not like the love and admiration you felt was something you expected him to reciprocate, but you liked to imagine that the hints he showed you were his form of affection only for you. He cared, always keeping other people who gave you lecherous sideglances a good scare. And despite you being a burden and sometimes too rowdy for the companion of a witcher, he did his best to keep you around.
Surely you could do without getting strapped to Roach ever so often, so that he could keep you where you were and not follow him into dangerous areas. And admittedly, he took your words a bit too serious sometimes, buying you whatever you deemed ‘fancy’ and taking more than the usual odd job to pay for it. You also really couldn’t remember a night anymore without him watching you falling asleep, laying on top of you all night, and then greeting you even before you opened your eyes. It was intense some nights, where you insisted on sleeping on the floor or at least as far away as the bed allowed, Geralt just sighing and pulling you closer again. A war of tug that only ended with you back in his arms, suffocating by his embrace, standing no chance against muscles and knowledge of what would make you subdue to his strength.
Geralt also tended to misunderstand you - a lot. That morning you had sighed longingly at a small family of three, so happy as they taught the little toddler to walk. Not like you wanted a child or a to settle down, but you might have joked about how cute it would be if the two of you did build a family of your own someday. Had you known it would have caused the pressure in his pants, your hips grinding against his as he turned around and urged Roach back to a city with an inn, you would have worded it more carefully for sure.
But this way, you were out of options other than complying. Geralt always had a need for efficiency, and he usually did not waste time on minor things. While he still worked to strip himself out of gear and armor, his fingers were already tugged under your undies, freeing one leg of any hindrance like clothes. Part of you was well aware of what was happening, but it felt different than usual. Latest by the force he tugged at your ankle as you tried to move up the bed and make some space for him, you knew this wasn’t what you could expect from laying with him.
Parting your legs, this clearly wasn’t the love-making you were used to, glove barely off his fingers as he pushed his digits in to test the waters. You flinched, self-lubrication being a wonder of nature, but not always the most reliable form of self-help. Reaching for his wrist, you tried to pry him out again when his second hand snaked behind your neck, pushing you forward and against his lips, rough and demanding.
He at least changed the number of fingers to one as he pumped it in and out of you, trying to arouse his hole. Still wearing more clothes than usual, the fabric brushing up against your thighs with the harshness of worn-out cotton, sending stings of pleasure up your nerves. His hair fell in your face, and before you knew it, you were breathing him in more than you were getting air to supply your body with, falling victim to the man.
When he finally laid you down, you were enticed with his touches, seduced by the feeling of his lips and tongue crawling down your skin from your lips to your collarbones, nipping at your shoulder. Hands came up to caress your nipples, pushing the annoyance that was your shirt aside for access. You couldn’t notice the goosebumps that appeared on his skin when your first moan escaped you, no one else but you bringing this kind of tickle over him these days. It was a desirable sound, urging him on, telling him that what he was doing was right, and he was quick to free his stiff member from his trousers, having waited long for the meal you were to his troubled desires.
Because truth be told, after all this time, you were only the fourth person ever to bring quite this joy into his life. And Geralt was planning to taste as much as possible from it. His rational brain told him that the idea you had put into his head was absurd, but maybe the faintest hint of hope came from his heart, that, perhaps, he might get you pregnant if he tried hard enough.
When his hips approached yours, your legs willingly parted further, though the feeling of his tip entering you still forced you to whine. Luckily, he was well-endowed, but with your body calling out that something wasn’t right, you weren’t quite ready to accept him yet. Most of the time, you were at least a bit drunker than that night. One time you two did it to get rid of an awful spell when one of his potions broke. There was always something to relax you - just this time, you were bareback and well aware.
Not heeding your ragged breaths, he forced himself inside, groaning over the tightness of your cunt as he spread your walls. You bit your lip in the weirdest feeling of pain and pleasure, legs flinching as if they were ready to kick him off. This feeling was new, and you weren’t all to sure you liked just how little he seemed to care as he began to pull out and push in right away. Hands pushing against his chest, you pleaded for him to give you a moment, his movements hurting you internally. “H-Hold on, give me a moment!”
But no matter how hard you gripped the shirt he was wearing, Geralt didn’t slow down, much less stopped. Forced to fold your arm, the witcher leaned down, bodies rubbing together, and stealing your breath as he kissed you again, tongue slipping in. It only got more unbearable as he caged you in between his arms on both sides, stinging eyes looking down at you, showing you your miserable reflection, an expression on your face that clearly wasn’t as willing as it sounded when you did a half-moan, half-sob.
However, no matter your attempts to stop him, he wasn’t one to stray away, too deep in it, and in you, to stop anymore. In an inefficient wiggle to get free, you heard the low rumble of a groan in his chest, followed by a couple pulsating pushes into you. Before you knew it, he shifted, pushing himself even deeper inside of you. Warm spurts of hot cum shot right into insides, coating your walls, adding some fake lubrications to the already irritated flesh.
You were relieved once he took a few breaths and proceeding to sit up again, thinking it was over. But the sudden grip on your thighs was something you did expect, and you struggled as he pushed your legs back, never having excited your pussy completely. Legs over his shoulders, he used them to continue to fuck you, holding on to them roughly with his fingers digging into your skin.
Geralt’s cock slit in and out easier of you now, cum bubbling on your entrance and spurting out with every hard thrust he did. Altering his technique a little, he started to grind his cock into you, his tip pushing up against your abdomen and low into your bowels, making you squeal whenever he managed to hit a new and sensitive spot.
“W-Wait, at least give me a break!” you demanded, but his answer was an inaudible mutter, followed by his grunts and the smacking sound of your hips. You were given no break as you couldn’t help a toe-curling orgasm as his member forced it’s way up to your cervix, kissing the entrance with force upon every push into you.
In the blink of an eye, Geralt spun you around, a moan escaping you as he gripped your asscheeks hard, pulling your entrance smack against the end of his shaft. With force and diligence, he wiggled his way forward into you, knowing that if he wanted to make any difference, he had to bring his semen as far as he could. Your body too recognized the breeding position, but you were to weak to resist under him, victim to his hips smacking and grinding into you, cock threatening to burst its way into your womb. And at least the hot strings of cum managed to get inside, despite if they’d impregnate you or not.
“Don’t say you didn’t want this,” he mumbled into your ear as he hovered over you, giving you little personal space or time before he resumed his grinding. Lips pressed down your shoulders, smothering them in pecks and kisses while you rode the waves of pleasure. “You know I’d do anything for you. You shouldn’t test me by saying you want a family.”
All he needed to do was pull you up by your arm to turn you onto your back again, satisfied eyes watching him through the shine of tears. “Next time, just be honest if you want to be bred so badly, no need to hide it behind the idea of a family that you know we can’t have.”
It was a low effort to slip into you again, your walls instantly clenching down hard on the overstimulation. “I-” he grunted, pulling your hips onto his, not minding the bruises his hands will leave on your skin. “-would do anything for you. Just say the word.”
And with his final orgasm, Geralt finally pulled out, having to watch all his effort slowly beginning to drip out and stain the rented bedsheets. Maybe, so he thought, plugging you up and hoping for a wonder would do well, your abdomen lovingly swollen under the multiple cumshots he had put into you. Reaching for an empty glass bottle for his potions, he pulled out the cork in it, opening up your hole with two fingers before slipping it inside under the weak protest of your mouth that ended in a sigh.
You were pulled snug against his body as he settled down next to you, taking a sip of wine he found at the bedside table, and making a mental note to give another tip to the innkeeper later just so you two wouldn’t be damned for all eternity. But with a sense of satisfaction did he watch the little swelling under your tummy, caressing it with his hand under your shallow gasps. Kissing your temple, he pulled a blanket over you, happy with just holding you in his arms that night while you lost conscience. You were unable to think for yourself anymore as you sighed in his hold, just relieved to have someone to lean on after going through such a carousel of emotions, unsure how you two would be able to proceed after experiencing this.
Unsure if he had other plans with you, once you woke up again even.
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