#nothing will ever get me the way siblings do.
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I loveeee kelvin and pregnant reader. Can you do a aaron version?🥺🥺
i love when y’all are asking for thingssss pls keep doing this it makes my day. Hope you’ll like it !!
aaron pierre x pregnant!reader
husband!aaron who promised himself he would only get you pregnant after putting a ring on your finger first. (yes he is intentional like that.)
husband!aaron who actually can’t go on with his day without imagining how pretty you would look being pregnant. And he knew you’d be the most incredible mother ever.
It’s the way you coo at any baby looking in your direction or how you would soften whenever you two would pass by the baby section at the store.
"Look papa ! that’s actually so tiny.." you would say, holding a random onesie in your hands.
husband!aaron who softly takes your hand and let you handle things every single time someone asks when y’all will be having kids, wanting to remain calm because he actually hated these type of question.
"I know you’re not all up in my business, cousin." You would say, pointing teasingly at your cousin.
husband!aaron who can’t help but look at you like you were the most beautiful and priceless woman every time he would see you napping with a relative’s kid during a family gathering.
husband!aaron who starts to stress himself when thinking about having a kid with you, leading him to be awake at 3 am but still holding one of your hand in his since he wants to be close to you.
"..baby ?" he would watch you tilt your head towards him, your fingers rubbing your sleepy eyes. "why are you not sleeping ? what’s wrong ?" you would ask, pulling yourself up.
"nothing lovie, go back to sleep."
"uh-uh." you answered, going to take his hand, laying you two down again but this time he had his torso and head on your belly, his arms circling your waist. "tell me."
he would sigh, his fingers tracing shapes on your belly. "actually.. I’ve been meaning to talk to you about something but I’m starting to overthink it." he explains. "I want to have a baby with you. I think we’re ready. But I can’t help but wonder if we’re really ready, and if you really want this with me, if we’re stable enough and what if-"
he would stop himself at the feeling of your hand going down his face, using your finger to pull his chin up so he would be looking at you. "doudou, I wouldn’t have married you if i didn’t want babies with you." you say in your typical softness. "I’ve always wanted you to be the father of my kids."
husband!aaron in who from this day, something primal awakes every time y’all make love. Best believe it’s either he asks you if you really want this, or you tell him to just get you pregnant.
husband!aaron who tries to be between your legs every time of the day. He really has no business wanting to make love to you like that.
husband!aaron who is actually the one who tells you that you’re pregnant. He would immediately notice something different about you. that something being your boobies.
"baby have you seen my br- why are you lookin at my tits like that, you freak ?" You would ask, actually bare chest, only your legs covered by your towel.
"baby, have you thought about taking a pregnancy test ?"
"boy you have lost your mind. Help me find my bra, my mom is waiting for me !"
husband!aaron who is so nosy he would ask to be in the bathroom while you took the test.
husband!aaron who only smiled brightly at you when the test came back positive. He would hold you close to him while you started to cry a bit because of the shock.
"I got you, baby. I got you." He would kiss your forehead, actually grateful for this moment.
husband!aaron who would watch your every move, every breath you would take only to make sure you were okay. he would actually get on your nerves.
pregnant!reader who goes full kylie jenner on the world, since she wanted a quiet pregnancy.
husband!aaron who goes to his mom to ask for baby clothes him and his siblings wore when they were born.
husband!aaron who quietly cries after the first ultrasound. Seeing the tiny flicker of the baby’s heartbeat on the ultrasound overwhelmed him in ways he never thought possible.
husband!aaron who started documenting everything, especially every silly craving you had.
"can you hold this for me, pretty ?" He would ask, stopping in one of the grocery store’s aile. Indeed, he was really adamant about taking pictures of every cravings you had.
"bubba needs to know what you put me through,” he joked, snapping a picture while you rolled your eyes.
husband!aaron who sat beside you during every sleepless night, rubbing your back when the discomfort got too much. “I wish I could take this part for you,” he whispered, pressing a kiss to your temple. "I wished you could too." You would answer, laughing.
soon-to-be-father!aaron who nearly passed out when you went into labor but composed himself immediately because he knew you were going through one of the most traumatic experiences of your life.
soon-to-be-father!aaron who held your hand, murmuring words of encouragement even as his own hands shook.
“You’re so strong, lovie. You’ve got this,” he said, tears slipping down his cheeks when he heard the first cries of your baby.
mom!reader who sobs as she looks into her baby’s eyes.
"Aaron ! the baby has your eyes color !" you would cry, looking at your baby beautiful eyes.
boy dad!aaron who held your baby boy for the first time with trembling hands, staring at his tiny face like it was the most precious thing he’d ever seen.
“He’s so small… but so perfect,” Aaron whispered, his voice cracking as he kissed the baby’s forehead.
"I’ll forever be grateful for this gift you have given me, baby." he would say, looking back at you with his eyes full of love.
@ melosliving 2025
#aaron pierre#aaron pierre fluff#aaron pierre x black reader#aaron pierre x reader#dad!aaron#mufasa : the lion king
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Big Black Car- 3
Rafe Cameron x Maybank reader
2
Warnings: slow burn, L*ke, topper is very much noncanon compliant (he’s like a mix of topper and Austin’s character in IDDI), alcohol, abuse, parental death, not proofread, kook/pogue bullshit, swearing, w*rd, let me know about anything else.
•••••••••
“Just let me get you a new one.” Topper insists and you groan.
“I don’t even swim, why do I need a swimsuit?” You argue, Tired of this conversation. Topper dragged you to a mall on the mainland after going through your wardrobe and determining that you have nothing suitable to wear to his parents wedding anniversary party.
“Because one day you might want to.” Topper says.
“I’ve gone this long without swimming, I’m sure I can make it through however long I’m staying with you.”
“Come on, I’ll teach you how to swim-“
“Topper.” You warn.
“No- no, come on. You can learn how, just for-for emergency purposes.”
“Emergency purposes.” You scoff, skimming through racks of clothing, “this one?”
“Hate the color.” He responds and you look at the dress once more and nod, “just let me get you the swimsuit and if you use it, you use it. No harm no foul, right?””
You exhale through your nose and give him a pointed look. He gives you an exaggerated pout and you concede.
“Fine.”
He pumps his fist in the air like his team just won a football game. You hold up another dress, it’s dark blue with ribbony straps, it was classic, simple.
“That one.” Topper basically decides for you, snatching it out of your hands when you go to look at the price tag.
He pays and drags you into a swimwear store, forcing you to go through the selection of bathing suits until you find a simple black two piece with enough coverage that you were confident your tits wouldn’t fall out of it.
Topper again took it from you and once again paid before you could even look at the price tag.
You liked being around him more. You haven’t really ever had an older sibling or anyone to protect you like one. JJ tried for a while but you both when to different schools and therefore your social problems felt separate. You didn’t want him to ever see you as weak. Topper was the closest thing you had to a true protector since your father died. He was your closest relationship aside from the one you had with your brother. You and JJ didn’t need to be around each other all of the time, you liked different things and people and so your lives were very separate but that didn’t make you any less close.
Topper just happened to be able to be there when you needed him and that resulted in this relationship that was very close and comfortable.
Topper had always had Rafe though. Rafe was his best friend. They knew each other in the way boys knew each other and that was that, they had an unspoken love for each other even though you would never hear them say that they loved each other.
For years Topper tried to tell you that Rafe wasn’t as bad or as rude as he came off, you obviously never believed him because why would you. Rafe had never given you any reason to believe he was anything more than he seemed.
He was an entitled prick who couldn’t care less about anyone else. He was the picture of first world problems and the apathy of the upper class.
But you found yourself second guessing that depiction of him more and more.
A few days after going shopping with Topper he’s finally managed to convince you to get into the pool so he can at least attempt to teach you how to swim. He had just managed to get you to step off of the stairs when Rafe walks through the garden gate into the backyard.
“No. I’m done, did enough for the day.” You say, moving back towards the stairs. Topper lunges after you, wrapping his arms around your middle and lifting you as you hit his arm repeatedly.
“You’re doing this.” Topper says, setting you down in the water so your feet touch the ground. The water is to your shoulders and you stare at Topper with a look that can only be described as pitiful wet kitten after a bath.
“No. Not with him here.” You argue, finally acknowledging Rafes presence.
“What is she not doing with me here?” Rafe asks and Topper sighs deeply, his hands holding onto the sides of your arms in case you attempt to escape again.
“She doesn’t-“
“Topper!” You exclaim but he puts a hand over your mouth.
“She doesn’t know how to swim so I’m trying to teach her.” Topper tells him. He shrieks when you bite down hard on his hand and dart away from him, aiming for the stairs.
You’re able to get up onto dry ground for one glorious second before strong arms are effortlessly catching you.
“Rafe! Put me down!”
He goes down the steps in the pool and sets you down in the shallow end, guarding the stairs. You expect him to make some smart remark about you not being able to swim when you live on in island, but instead he looks at you in total seriousness, his face solemn, “you need to know how to swim.”
“I’ve gotten this far-“
“Yeah, and you’re lucky you have.” He snaps, his voice raising and you flinch. You can feel your pulse quicken.
“I don’t need to hear anything about luck from you.” You shoot back and he rolls his eyes.
“Walk to Topper.” Rafe commands and you scoff.
“I don’t have to listen to you.”
“Walk to Topper and do things his way, or stay over here and we’ll do things my way.” He shrugs and you frown at him.
“I don’t need to do either, I can float just fine.”
“Yeah well, you live on an island, one bad storm and floating just fine will end up with you literally dead in the water.” Rafe retorts, his face morphing into surprise when your frown grows deeper and your hands start to shake.
You’re either about to punch him in the face or cry, and either outcome makes him incredibly wary. He automatically feels guilty when your eyes well up with tears and you fold your arms in front of yourself. You suddenly look so much smaller to him.
Topper stands still, watching your interaction unfold, prepared to either get the first aid kit or make Rafe go home.
“I don’t mean to be extreme or anything, I just don’t want you to end up hurt or worse because no one taught you how to swim.” Rafe says, surprising both you and Topper with his softness. It’s limited to his voice, his eyes are unreadable and his body language is stiff.
“Someone did teach me to swim.” You say resentfully, your voice sounds like you’re going to cry and for some reason that makes something in Rafes chest go tight, “I think I’m done for the day actually, I uh, I’m pretty tired.”
You walk past Rafe to get to the pool steps and this time he doesn’t stop you. Topper tries to grab your hand and you move at the last second. When he looks back to Rafe, he has his eyes trained on the pool in front of him, like you’re still standing there.
“You didn’t know, man-”
Before he can finish his sentence Rafe is halfway to the garden gate.
•••
Topper showers loudly. He hums in the shower, opens and closes the door loudly, he knocks over shampoo bottles like a bumbling idiot. You wake up most mornings to him humming repetitively or slamming the shower door.
You turn over in bed and face your door. The dress you had gotten for the anniversary party is hung up on it, still in its garment bag. It hadn’t been there when you went to sleep. Topper probably put it there to remind you it was today and that you had to get out of bed at some point.
You left the house for work and that was it. You didn’t want to speak to topper, and you definitely didn’t want to run into Rafe.
You were embarrassed by how you reacted. You hated that it happened so long ago and it could still affect you like this. You felt weak and in front of Topper is one thing but in front of Rafe?
You felt like seeing him again could kill you.
For the first time in days Topper dared to enter your room, he had something on his hands and ignored the face you made at him as he got closer.
“I know I fucked up, I get it, but your skin looks like a croissant.” He starts, kneeling onto the bed and holding his hands in front of your face as you tried to push him away, you couldn’t help but laugh a little, “I washed my hands, I promise.”
He’s laughing as he tries to wrestle the moisturizer onto your skin, “this is supposed to be relaxing!” He gasps and you lightly kick him in the side and he makes an odd sound before tumbling off the bed. You sit up to check on him and you can’t help but have a smile on your face, “I’m sorry. I mean it. I shouldn’t have pushed you, especially once Rafe got there I just- I want you to be safe.”
You know he’s being sincere. You don’t want to let him off the hook so easily but you can’t help it, he’s your best friend.
“Just- just no more pushing. Especially not around Rafe. I never want him seeing me cry ever again.”
“If I have to blind him I will.” Topper says, completely straight faced. You smile at him and reach to grab his wrists, pushing them into his face and rubbing your moisturizer into his skin, “okay, that’s fair.” He says before sticking his tongue out, “ith on my tongue”
He gags for a few minutes and you laugh as he runs to the bathroom to rinse his mouth out.
A few hours later you're in the passenger seat of this jeep, fiddling with the pleats on the fabric of your dress and staring out the window.
You had never really gone to the country club, you didn’t really have any reason to. Your dad used to take you when you were smaller, he would be there to see friends of his or do a business thing and you would be attached to his hip, listening quietly.
It didn’t look much different than you remembered.
Almost immediately upon arrival you and Topper are greeted by at least fifty people who know Topper's parents. When asked for your name you panic and Topper swoops in, he introduces you to various different people. But he tells them your fathers last name. Not yours.
Eventually you make it away from the crowd and find your names sat next to each other on place cards on the table. You both sit there and talk, pointedly avoiding making eye contact with anyone else so you don’t end up having to make any more small talk.
Topper looks at his phone periodically, deflecting when you ask what he’s doing. Eventually he gets up to go get drinks and you look at your phone for the first time since arriving.
JJ: have you seen Luke lately?
You furrow your eyebrows and you’re about to respond and tell him that you didn’t know where Luke was and that you didn’t really give a shit if he was dead or alive but Topper comes back and sits down.
“That was qui- Rafe.” Sitting in front of you is not Topper, Rafe sets a glass down in front of you and you eye it warily.
“It’s ginger ale, peaches.” Rafe assures you and you nod, taking a sip, “how are you?”
“Fine, thanks.” You respond and Rafe stares into the space between the two of you.
“I didn’t me-“
“Don’t. I’m not mad at you, don’t apologize cause we’ll both hate it.”
Rafe presses his lips together and takes a sip of his drink, “if you aren’t mad then why won’t you talk to me? Or look me in the eye?”
You make eye contact with him for the first time since he sat down. It’s almost a challenge, “keep looking me in the eyes and I won’t ask you any questions you don’t want to answer” And the strange thing is that you don’t want to look away. You want to sink into his eyes and never have to hear another voice again.
“You’re pretty.” He smiles, breaking eye contact so fast it almost startles you, “I like your dress.”
You blink at him for a moment, the words taking a minute to find their way to your brain, “oh uh, thank you, I like it too. You look…”
“Handsome?” He deadpans and you roll your eyes.
“Like less of an asshole than you are.” You smile and he returns it. You like how his eyes crinkle when he smiles. It makes them look shinier.
“I’ll take what I can get.” He shrugs, downing the last of his drink, “I understand why you reacted that way.”
The abrupt change from easy going conversation has you avoiding eye contact with him again, “do you?”
“Uh, yeah. I uh, we’re in similar boats in the parent department.” He clarifies, giving you a knowing look that gives way to more than you thought to know.
“Oh.” You mutter, thumb sliding across the condensation on the side of your glass, “it really is okay, I was mad I was just-“
“Embarrassed?”
“I guess. Um, I mean crying in front of Topper is one thing but I don’t think I’ll ever know you well enough t-“
“I understand. I just um, I didn’t mean to upset you or anything I don’t uh, I don’t tend to think before I do… anything.” He tells you, eyes squinting like he’s having to put in work to admit he was in the wrong.
“Really? You seem pretty purposeful to me.” You retort and he rolls his eyes, meeting yours for more than just a fleeting moment and suddenly you’re sinking into them again.
“You think so?” He smirks.
Before you can come up with some smart come back a hand is on your shoulder and you look up to see Toppers mother smiling at you, “honey, i need you to come out front we’ve got a-“
“I said I wanna see my daughter!” A slurred voice cuts through the music and chatter of the party.
You stand so quickly that your chair falls over as you try and locate the voice. You find him outside of the door yelling at the person in charge of the guest list.
“Luke.” Your stern voice cuts through his drunken tirade and he looks up.
“Hey, sweet pea! I was just trying to explain to this-” he’s interrupted by your hand gripping his arm and dragging him away from the party
“What the hell are you doing here?”
“I couldn’t find you, and I heard this was going on and that boy you’re always hanging out with was gonna be here, I connected the dots.” He shrugs.
“Leave.” You order.
“Oh, come on. You don’t mean that.”
“I do, get the hell away from here and away from me or so help me god I will-”
“You’ll what?” He laughs and his drunken affection turns right back to loathing, “what’s your prissy ass gonna do to me? I ain’t scared of you. Sitting up there in that fancy club in your fancy dress with the handsome boys in well tailored suits? Give me a break. You’ve gone full fucking kook. You didn’t even scare me before you started traipsing around with those boys. You think you scare me now?” He laughs.
“Those boys have nothing to do with any of this.”
“You think I should warn them?” He starts, stumbling slightly and leaning on a tree for support, “think I should warn those boys that you’re a whore just like your mother? That they shouldn’t hope for any long term anything with you cause you’re not worth th-”
You punch him in the face with speed you didn’t know you were capable of. He holds his nose as blood slowly starts to seep through the cracks of his fingers.
“You’re no better than her Luke. In fact you’re worse. You’re an abusive alcoholic hick who never amounted to anything and who couldn’t even care for his own children. I’m not scared of you either.”
He slaps you across the face and you can feel the blood on your cheek as the wind hits it and makes it feel cool. You barely have time to respond before Luke tries for another but the hit never lands. Instead Topper is stood in front of you, holding Luke’s wrist.
“Mr. Maybank, I think it’s time for you to go home.” Toppers mothers voice rings out behind you.
“And why should I listen to you?” Luke steps forward, wobbling slightly.
“Hey kids, how about the two of you go inside and grab something to eat, they should start serving the cake soon.”
Topper guides you back up the hill. Rafe is standing behind Mrs. Thornton, he stands beside two security guards, his gaze meeting yours for a fleeting moment before you’re quickly whisked in the direction of the country club restrooms by Topper.
He doesn’t seem to care that he’s in the ladies room as you sit on the counter. He’s gently wipes the blood off your cheek, his voice quiet as he tells you to move your head to the side so he can see it better.
“That was one hell of a hit.” He says and you shake your head.
“Stung like a bitch.”
“No I meant the punch you threw at him.” Topper clarifies and you nod.
“I hope I broke his nose.” You sigh.
“Me too, kid.”
#rafe cameron angst#rafe cameron x reader#rafe cameron x you#rafe cameron#rafe obx#rafe cameron fluff#rafe cameron x reader fluff#rafe cameron x reader series#obx
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the thing you need to know about me is that i will drop everything to get into a story with a good sibling plot like out of all the character dynamics there can be in stories good sibling dynamics (not even positive just interesting) are my favorite no contest
#seriously it just Gets Me#my ttrpgs are all so funny bc i always need something going on w siblings#one of them is just my character and another pc having a one that got away plot. with (almost) adoptive siblings. IYS REALLY GOOD#yes this is my casboy and his sister tcheuran . there’s also the party’s warlock ida who is also cas’ new sister. i fucking love found famly#but even then like. not just found family i lose it over any sibling dynamic found chosen raised with bio whatever i just love siblings#again my character cas has. literally some of All of those to differing levels of positive / negative but they’re all interesting as hell#but i’ll stop w that for now bc i WILL be here all day#yes this is bc i’m thinking abt king ohger literally look at the last post i made.#and don’t get me wrong i love a good platonic or romantic or parental dynamic but just#nothing will ever get me the way siblings do.#(well ok sometimes platonic depending on how close the characters are bc often it can be similar to found/chosen siblings but—#—a found family doesn’t Need specific terms and often doesn’t/is a mix of multiple types of relationships so. yknow. platonics more broad)#anyways i’m gonna be normal again and take a nap#starspeak#my campaigns
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#snake#snakes#pets#hognoses#hognose#sakura#sakura kurīmu#this was shortly after she joined our family and was still in her baby bin#she wanted a friend so bad she befriended the camera#this poor poor lonely noodle#it was not long after she and scoria were allowed to meet and then refused to be separated#they go in their own little sleeping hides at night#but they both get very upset if the other is away for long#they'll watch me holding the other#and sakura has a conniption if I take her sister out of the room to play in another area#they absolutely need each other#The way she initially attempted to bond with the camera reminded me of Harry Harlow's monkey experiment with surrogate monkeys#it is INCREDIBLY sad that these animals desperately wanted love and affection SO BADLY they turned to the closest they could find#which were inanimate objects that couldn't really love them back but it was better than nothing#that can't have been good for their psychological development for so so many reasons#but now that Sakura has the love and support of her sibling Scoria I don't ever intend to separate them so long as adult hormonal changes#don't suddenly make them go to sweet with each other to aggressive#again I think the agression or at least eating of smaller males comes from psychological issues not the species seeking out and eating them#like king snakes intentionally do#at least with girls I do not have experience with boys#but maybe someone with a strong understanding of snakes and their psychology and body language might pick up where I cannot examine such#once again my tags are longer than the post itself lol
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I am incredibly unwell about Remus actually. It’s never Remus and Roman, only Roman and Remus. Yeah sure, he can be accepted, but only if he changes x, x, and x and stops making everyone uncomfortable and scared. Hes only ever tolerated. Hes TOLERATED. Can anyone hear me. He’s just tolerated. He’s humored, sometimes. People can deal with him. He can be hard to handle, sometimes. He’s someone that’s tolerated. Can ANYONE hear me.
#Everyone shut up I’m listening to Brutus by the buttress#does anyone have songs about fratricide#Remus sanders#Listen you give me twins and I go fucking crazy bonkers insane I’m obsessed with the both of them#like. God the pressure of being the golden child but the loneliness and ANGER of being the the silver child#he’s only ever player two at best#it’s ROMAN and Remus not the other way around#CAN ANYONE UNDERSTAND ME AM I EVEN GETTING MY POINT ACROSS#there is nothing that makes me more insane than siblings. Do you know how unhealthy they could be
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//ooc posting: I NEED to find more fun/silly things to do with my two they are Not meant to be all agony all the time I swear- I just have a penchant for the dramatic and they're a little in the torment nexus o(-< but on god they will Have Fun too
#//ooc#even in the torment nexus there's spots of brightness!! I need to start playing with them too I'm not a grimdark writer I swear!!#I have ideas for softer bits and pieces. sibling stuff. cute things. I will get to it somehow hell or high water o7#T-E purrs!! they can do that!! it's part of their genetic alterations and I want to play with that too as well as the horrors!!#now don't get me wrong either The Horrors are one of my fav things to write but it's chiaroscuro y'know you need the contrast#it can't be a fight for personal autonomy all the time sometimes it needs to be T-E's huge kitty eyes or Helios being a dork#all this might be unnecessary I just get a little self conscious sometimes about how full-grit my writing can be wehh#holding my creatures in my hands. they are capable of such a beautiful joy. it's actually vital that they are#since I'm rambling anyways: huge part of what I want to do with T-E's pre campaign rp is start pulling them out of their shell#they start the planned game still stuck on their rules but it's talking to people that's gonna put them in a place where like#they know there's something else out there. they want it. they feel so much guilt for wanting it but it's the WANTING that's important!!#helios can't do that on his own because he doesn't know either. neither of them know jack about what exists beyond their narrow purview#making a HA clone to me is in part an examination of how miitary as industry will always result in steadily increasing dehumanisation#it's the commodification of a human body to ever increasing heights. soldiers to products to nothing but parts to be scrapped#military as an endless churn less for the sake of any kind of protection and more for the sake of resources. capital. money#it's part of what makes HA so fascinating to me y'know? the way it takes that concept to a far flung conclusion. how bad can it get#the other part is playing someone realising for the first time it's possible to break from what's expected of them#the wonder. the guilt. the disbelief. all of it carefully hidden. it's a huge part of what's so compelling about writing them to me#three huge cornerstones of T-E are: masking - military - the horror of having to exist in a body.#that last one is my taking the weird sensory relationship I have to Flesh/mind and doing horror with it dw too much about that njbkhjv#okay okay I think I'm done this got a little out of hand I'm just like#there's so MUCH about thirteen/T-E that makes me insane. alas I'm tired and it takes me like 4 hours to write a simple post sobs#anywaysss that's my ramble. I like them#helios too I like him. guy absolutely dead set on finding reasons to smile amidst the Horror
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#cassy bitches#i am. so fucking tired and annoyed and stressed#our fucking shower hasn't worked in two weeks bc my parter decided to remodel and then didnt finish the job!#and now her fucking sibling fucked up our dishwasher and it leaked water EVERYWHERE including apparently under the floorboards#and im pretty sure i can smell black mold in the kitchen now which! great! another nightmare we're gonna have to fix ourselves#since we cant afford to get a contractor and even if we could no one ever returns our calls when we do try to hire someone#AND my friend went to surgery for appendicitis and that's freaking me out#and ON TOP of that ive been creatively juiced out and feeling like shit about the things i make and my ocs and like. me#like everyone's just been secretly tolerating me all this time and if i disappear no one's going to notice#i feel like nothing i make or am doing is worthwhile and im just GROSS and ANGRY and ANNOYING#and even complaining in tags on a post makes me feel like a whiny baby like. there are wars etc why am i complaining boo hoo#so i cant even talk to people about how i feel bc it makes me so ashamed that im feeling this way to begin with#ive been resisting the urge to just delete everything at this point bc then at least i wont have the urge to check everything and feel wors#why does awful shit always happen right around my birthday. why am i cursed like this
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but can we talk about plan 99. the audio. how quiet the music is, and how loud Tech is over it. his quiet resolution as he does what he does best, making hard decisions for the safety of his siblings. the way you can hear the gun move, cock, and your stomach drops before he even fires. it’s quiet, somehow both still in time and dragging out, everyone frozen, until the car and him drops and the music swells, and Wrecker and Omega start to scream, far too late to save him. the sky car snapping back up onto the track and moving fast, too fast, the music loud and scene chaotic and confusing.
can we talk about how emphasized his shot is, loud and final? and can we talk about how Tech fell and took the clarity with him?
#the sound of his blaster when he says when have we ever followed orders will haunt me for forever#the way everything else is quiet nothing matters but him aiming and firing. it’s sickening#and then his music after he falls. how chaotic everything gets. i just#he’s thinking clearly in stress and he isn’t afraid to face the truth head on. he was clarity and sharp wit and now he’s just#sorry y’all I’m coping with analysis instead of crying again#I’m going to be sick#can we talk about how he would do anything for his siblings. how he wanted to save crosshair more than them all combined#Jennifer Corbett I’ll never forgive you for this#tbb#the bad batch spoilers#tbb tech#the bad batch#z speaks
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ok. giving myself 4 minutes to make this post and then i finish my homework. i just am so deeply miserable. i really think i made a mistake. i should not be in grad school. i only took a year between this and undergrad and i am still so burned out and mentally ill. im working full time. im only taking one class and this program is supposed to be so good and aligned with what i want and all of that. but i just cant stand having homework. i just cant stand it. i think i am not cut out for academia even though i work in academia. i think i will never get better as long as im still living at home but i have to get better before i can no longer be living at home but i cant get better until im not living at home and every day i still live at home saps away at my will to live quite literally. i should not have started doing grad school without regaining my will to live. without restoring my love for reading and writing that i used to have voraciously when i was younger and less deeply miserable. without recovering from the burnout. i think i made a mistake. i need a masters degree so bad so that i can be safe but i need to not have fucking homework when i already struggle to get through my days without school. i feel so stuck in my life and hopeless and helpless. i dont know what to do
#purrs#i cant drop out or anything because. lol and this class isnt even that big of a deal like i TRULY am freaking out over nothing. but my life#situation is so bad rn bro like i cant get my parents to take me out to drive and i cant get myself to get my parents to take me out to#drive and every day i am guilt tripped berated etc etc and i feel like i am never ever ever going to be able to have my own life where i a#stable and safe and happy. it can happen for other people except for me and my siblings. i dont know. im not explaining anything well.#i just cant do this. i need to not have this one more thing on my plate but i have to because if i dont have a masters degree in my field i#am nothing even though everyone is telling me that isnt true and all of them are credible but im just so mentally ill i cant believe anyone#and icant accept any advice or hope or whatever good about me i just. am stuck. this is as good as it gets and its not even good.#delete later#that was 7 minutes not 4 and i didnt even write anything substantial. nutshell. i just have been so fucking depressed lately oh my goddddd#this is maybe too strong of a thing to say but like. i know it isnt technically neglect if i am an adult but... i think i may kind of be#neglected by my family in some ways a little bit and always have been but like. emotionally. like in the ways in which im never a priority#and the things i need are seen as burdens etc etc. and theres nothing anyone can do about it even myself because im an adult but like lol.#24 year old dependent moment <3#well there is one thing i can do about it as an adult actually. its called move out. but that requires strength i will#never possess unfortunately due to the inherent flaws in my character and constitution so. guess this is it lawl 🥰#side note (and i swear im done after this lol): i think i was doing a lot better mentally over the summer. funny how when the semester#starts i get depressed and the depression just gets worse and worse until the end of the semester 😻 funny how this is my seventh year like#this. willingly subjecting myself to this. that should be a clue no? but i love my job and if i could just have my job and be stable in it#would be happier but also im lying to mysaelf and i will always be unhappy but its because of my mental illness not my job being bad or#anything its like. i am just sick in the head with impostor syndrome and thats how i got myself into this whole mess. lol#well that and the not moving out thing which is partially my fault but also because i live in hell as described earlier! <3
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really kinda feels like I just never developed my own personality. I copy what people that I like like. I pick one person at a time to get obsessed with (actually not a choice, but), and then I become them. unconsciously and unintentionally. and it feels bad. real bad! when there's no one it feels like I'm not even real. there's nothing underneath all the pretending. I'm just not there.
#had a conversation about this with my best friend#and they said maybe it'd help if I try to figure out who I am apart from all that#but there's just. nothing? except panic and fear and anxiety#it's just thinking and thinking and thinking about all the ways in which I am wrong and not good and not interesting and not real#it's not a good experience. it's not something I want to do#and it doesn't tell me who I AM#like I've never been more than that? I've never been anything but defined by other people#I'm not a person. I'm someone's kid someone's sibling someone's wife someone's friend someone's aunt#I don't exist. if I disappeared people would say that they miss me but what would they even miss? that I'm always nice? because being hones#is always bad when it's me? that I help them? because that's all I have to offer? that I try not to contradict anyone ever? because I know#I'm wrong and my opinion is wrong and I shouldn't bother anyone by voicing it#I don't know. it just feels so damn pointless. even if I 'get better' at some point (don't know how and can't imagine it). what will be lef#I never experienced life without all-encompassing anxiety and fear and panic#everything has always scared me. I can't think outside of that because there has never BEEN anything outside of that for me#I'm just very tired#yeah ignore me I'm just being stupid again
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Wrt the previous post i still get so mad about how stupid some people are about that like okay thank you for letting me know you failed basic reading comprehension
#Listen to my problems#yeah sorry this post is going to be about the incest horror game again#like yes of course the game will attract incest loving audiences this is not the games fault. its extremely well written imo#like yeah the game has the incest ending. you mean the ending where external forces literally discourage you from making it happen ?#‘are you sure this is the route you want to go down?’ like you have to purposefully choose to make it happen for it to happen#thats not the story the game is trying to push you towards thats the ending you get because you went out of your way to get it#‘ashley thinks its funny that they had sex in a prophetic dream’ do her previous actions mean nothing to you ? like did you forget that#ashley literally says things that she knows will make her brother really upset specifically because she wants to see him upset#the incest ending is what you get when you let ashley win and she is like ... not exactly the hero#she doesnt even want to sleep with him like she is not even attracted to him. this isnt a ‘my sibling is hot and i want them’ thing. this is#a ‘im terrified of my brother leaving me and i will do anything to make him stay’ thing. its not a happily ever after it was a last resort#im going to look real stupid if the dev turns out to be pro incest
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One day I am gonna start journaling again and then I won't post all this sad shit on here but until then! *posts another sad post*
#it's dark and I'm tired so this means NOTHING. but.#there's no heartbreak like raising your younger siblings and them growing up to side against you#I lost my childhood to playing parent and trying to distance my siblings from the fighting and verbal abuse I witnessed and endured#I learned to read the room early on so I could get them out of situations before they turned bad#I knew I had to be perfect so I could take the fall for shit I'd never do and get a lighter punishment than the 'problem children'#I understand the younger kids. I was older so I could shield them better until they were old enough for our parents to mellow out a bit#of course they would choose the parents who don't care enough to parent them over the bitch who had multiple public breakdowns over them#but my brother. I don't understand that. it was our war. we had to figure it out together#of course he didn't though. he'd hit every landmine and it was up to me to pick up the pieces and salvage what I could.#instead of there being a solidarity between us as survivors of a pitiful childhood he's taken to blaming me for it all#I'm the reason he's depressed. suicidal. can't get a job. can't drive. never leaves the house. it's all because of me.#he'll joke around and egg on the man who used to corner and scream and threaten and insult him.#he'll wax poetic about how he has our bio father's blood. how he shares so many traits with a man who never wanted him. will never care.#I won't say I was perfect or that I did right by him in every way. I was a child trying to survive and I lashed out plenty of times.#I never understood why he couldn't just shut up. couldn't just let words be said and meekly take them. always had to get the last word in.#couldn't just curse the man in his heart with his head bowed and a 'yes sir. sorry sir.'#I blamed him for that at the time. I was wrong for that.#so yeah. I can accept my part of making things worse for him. I should've tried harder to understand him.#what I can't accept is that the blame falls solely on me. not our bio father who beat our mom and abandoned us.#not our stepfather who made every day a walk on eggshells. not our complacent mother. not the external family who only ever made it worse.#just me. I'm the only thing that ruined his life.#and sure. he can believe whatever he wants. if that's how he feels then so be it.#but he has to tell everyone. yeah my sister ruined my life. yeah she's the reason I want to kill myself.#over and over and over. all the family believes him.#my mom tells me to be nicer to him. my grandma asks me what I've done to hurt him so badly. he tells our siblings I'm a bitch and a liar.#I haven't even spoken to him in years. but every time he has a mental health crisis it's my fault.#in what way? who fucking knows. he talks in circles and the only thing he says for certain is it's my fault. and that's all my family needs#it truly got to the point I had to stop speaking to him cuz no matter what I said he decided it was an attack on him.#so. I've dealt w a lot. sacrificed an entire life stage. got nothing to show for it#except mental illness and a creeping sense that it was all for nothing
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#just me crying into the void like I always do#I got into another fight with my mom#I dont feel good and I’m tired so I was going to tell her goodnight#and she started getting mad at me bc I was running water#so I got upset bc all o wanted to do was tell her goodnight#and I walked away mad and she goes#I can never say anything right everyone is always mad at me#and I told her to repeat herself and she did and I started to respond and she turned the fucking tv on so she couldn’t hear me bc I was far#so I got upset and then she tried to call me#so I did t pick up bc she’s being mean to me#and she sent me a hateful text message that she’s not going to answer any of my calls anymore#and no one cares#I’m literally such a burden#why can’t she love me like when I was little#she’s so mean to me now compared to my siblings it’s ridiculous#I literallt went grocery shopping for everyone today and the first thing I heard when I walked through the door was to not say a word bc#they were watching tv#all I want is someone who will listen#no one has time for me anymore#I feel so alone all the time#why does she have to be so mean to me#why can I do nothing right#all I wanted to do was go to fucking bed at a reasonable hour#but fuck me right?#everyone loves to fucking shit on me#I cant do anything right ever#again I’m convinced that everyone who actually loves me is dead#and my parents are just putting up with me bc I’m their child#they don’t love me the same as they love my siblings#and it’s always been that way
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Oh yeah..... midnight gospel be hitting.... sitting in my bed fuckin. Crying. Get a grip girl
#Its the trudy ep which is actually the episode that made me keep watching#I love love love this episode.....#Something about how.......... idk.... its a very profound ep that I can't explain and it's a nice cry#This ep kind of shaped my outlook on life especially after finding out about my friend dying#All the regrets and things left unsaid.... I make my peace daily by being really straight up#If I love and care about ppl I tell them... I say they are appreciated and cared for man#I am always thankful for people and I *love* people as a whole#And as long as the people around me intrinsically know that they are loved and cared for and cherished.... like that's it#That's the end game truly#I will never ever be sorry for that. This was THEEEE episode.#There's a lot of nuance behind my feelings best described by revolutionary girl utena#But still. I'm deep enough in my tags bc I'm crying over my s/o but not in a bad way#Fml I am so grateful to him as just an entity. As a person in my life even if our lives only intersect for this brief period of time#He hasn't been texting me much and we didn't talk much at work and I didn't even get a goodbye (rude lol)#But I know he was having a rough day. I know he needs a bit of tlc.#He could be on a downswing because I am certainly on an upswing#So I'm kind of like trying to focus on doing my own thing rn without worrying about it#Because I can't do anything about it so I might as well continue My Thang#But as I sometimes come to terms with us never talking again (gotta be prepared at all times to be ghosted)#I also come back to terms with needing him to really understand#how many people in his life depend on love cherish and admire him#And im not just talking about me... he has a lot of siblings and a not great mom. Two kids he loves.#He has always taken care of everyone else in his life#He deserves to really know and idk. It makes me think of this moment.#Realizing how much I dont ever want to question if he knows#I don't want to question if I could've done more or tried harder etc. I did my very best and didn't lie cheat steal or whatever#I am so grateful to him for letting me have that. Even if nothing can come from it in the end#Even if we should be torn apart!!!! Take my revolution!!!#Anyways. Here's wonderwall#Banger of an episode. Worth the rewatch
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older man nanami who finally found joy in his retirement years with his younger bimbo! it wasn’t supposed to happen, he was okay staying in a loveless marriage - smoking his cigars and watching his grandkids run around. but god bumping into you while at his favorite country club changed it all. then everything else came just a quick. the divorce. the marriage to you. the family dinner where everyone hated his decision and you. then how nanami yelled he was not longer living for them, but for himself.
now as the hot sun blazed in the beautiful tropical place, nanami under shade with a small glass of whisky and his handy cigar just watching the small bakini on your curvy frame while you played in the water of the beach that was just for you two. his cock hard, harder than ever with every bounce of your breast when you made your way too him. “nana! why won’t you come out with me?” your glossy lips pouted. you pulled your glasses up straddling him while wrapping your hands around his neck.
“was just enjoying the view babydoll” you kissed his cheek giggling at nothing, then his neck, your lip gloss leaving a glossy lip print. it wasn’t supposed to happen; but your hips began to buck again his hard print. the thin matiral of the bathing suits doing nothing. the somehow you found yourself slumping down onto the old man’s curved cock rocking your hips to fit his big size, mouth open in a silent scream. “you’ve taken him plenty of times beauty. be a good girl you can handle it” he landed a slap to your ass, your small yelps and bounces as you felt him in your throat. your words stuck, tears falling down on your puffy cheeks damping the whispy lash set.
“faster.” nanami command, buckling into your cunt and growling at how warm and wet you were. wrapping around him so well. the glass of whisky and his cigar were now long forgotten- his hand wrapping around you while he mumbled how much of a bad slut you were. “never listen to daddies instructions huh?” he held you tightly, fucking into fast - hard. the sound of your wetness and it’s splashing, his balls slapping against your ass, and your cunts creams dripping all over your bathing suits. “n-nana pleaseeee!” you cried trying to push away, your head becoming dizzy and your abdomen feeling a full sensation. your puffy clit kept bumping against things overstimulating you so bad that you squirted with a loud cry. “that’s it, give it to nana.”
nanami worked himself a little slower and sloppy, but not enough to stop the shooting pleasure. his ropes filled you just as your second orgasm came, your body shaking, pussy pulsing and clenching so bad that it set nanami’s second orgasm off. now after your beautiful vacation you had to sit down the same two kids that hated you and tell them that after 30 years they were finally getting another sibling!
#— writings!#nanami x chubby reader#nanami x black!reader#nanami x reader#nanami kento x black reader#nanami smut#nanami kento smut#nanami kento x reader#jjk x chubby reader#jjk x black reader#jjk x plus size reader#jjk x reader#jjk smut#jujutsu kaisen x black reader#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jujutsu kaisen smut#anime x chubby reader#anime smut#anime x black!reader
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im scared i am losing the ability to work
#my colleagues are frustrated at me#they laugh about me . they think i cant understand what they say in german but i do#the words on the screen get jumbled or erased or they move#i dont know!!!! i cant remember shit!!!! i cant remember anything !!!!!#’use your head. its in a logical pattern’ OKAY!!! but i cant REMEMBER the pattern nor do i GRASP the pattern!!!#im missing all these details and it stacks up#time either warps around me or it stands fucking still#but in a way i cannot describe. like 1000 different conversations/things happen around me & when i glance at the clock its only been 10 min#or nothing ever happens/i hardly do anything and when i glance at the clock its been 2 hours#i feel insanely Abnormal . i feel like im the Odd One . everyone else can function but why cant i????#idk. idk . sometimes i feel like i’ve died & everyone’s not real#in any case i feel as though nothing right now feels real. it just doesnt.#my expiry date is coming up . i dont see myself surviving past the summer#my siblings will visit me and then? i dont know#i really do not know.#im missing words and phrases when i read or write or speak#i only know this happens because my colleagues point it out to me or make me realize it indirectly#im tired of people percieving me as stupid . im tired in general
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