#which is funny because she’s normally the worst about respecting boundaries

[rackartyg]

tinwë stayed an extra day with my parents over the weekend last weekend and came home sunday night. she did so well on the car ride out (when i was there) but apparently had an absolutely horrid time on the car ride back (when i wasn’t). my mum carried her out of the car and halfway up the stairs to my flat where i met them, and when tinwë saw me she started wriggling to get to me and when my mother transferred her to my arms, she instantly started purring just so loudly and sat so still all the way back up. she hates being carried.

she loves me! she really does! i’m her safe space!

[linkspooky]

Buffy Season 2, Episode 17 Passion Thoughts

Welcome back to my Buffy retrospective where I give my long, rambly thoughts on certain episodes. Passion is another episode that shows how season 2 of Buffy took the show from being a fun, urban fantasy show to a long running story with IDEAS and THEMES and THINGS TO SAY.

Passion is an episode that both has a self-contained theme it explores within the episode, like how lie to me is about lying to yourself, and at the same time contributes to the whole of the season 2 arc involving Angel and Buffy's relationship. It's got some deeply dark things to say about both characters.

1. Angel

It's impossible to talk about this episode without mentioning the spoiler. I made it the banner image of this post. This is the episode were Angel kills Jenny Calendar.

This is more than just a fridging, it's a turning point for Angel's character. It's no coincidence that the season 2 ending episode Becoming pt. 1 focuses on Angel's origins while Becoming pt. 2 focuses on Buffy learning who she is without her friends and family. You could say that Season 2 is just as much about defining who Angel is, as it is who Buffy is.

In season 1, we eventually find out that Angel is a vampire without a soul but besides that twist and his action of staking Darla he doesn't really do anything of importance to the plot. He's not a fully explored character at that point, if anything he's just a trope. A brooding, anti-social vampire trying to redeem himself for his past. At that point Angel is exactly what he says on the can. You know what his role in the story is supposed to be, romantic figure, and Buffy's love interest but there's little you could say about Angel the person. What does he like? What does he dislike? What's his favorite food?

Season 2 could have just continued with having Angel play the love interest, but it decided to go there instead. Over the first half of season 2, the more you learn about Angel's character the more the audience is pulled away from the romantic image of him. Before he even becomes Angelus, Angel often violates boundaries with Buffy. In reptile boy Angel brings up their age difference and then Buffy brushes it off. In Lie to Me he deliberately goes behind Buffy's back to investigate a former friend of hers without telling her. While at the same time he also deliberately conceals his relationship, and every terrible thing he did to Drusilla, because he didn't want her to dislike him for it.

The age difference between Buffy and Angel, Angel's tendency to talk down to her because of that age difference, his lack of respect for her boundaries, even things like watching her sleep, these things happen in the first half of the season and they seem small and easy to dismiss because genre. Angel's a vampire so of course he's older than her, that's just how these stories go. Angel and Buffy have this amazing tragic romance going for them, so of cousre they don't have to do things like communicate. I find it funny that Buffy brings up the idea of just getting coffee with Angel in Lizard Boy and he finds it so difficult. Why? Probably because it'd just be a normal date. Which doesn't fit for the whole tragic gothic aesthetic of their supposed love story.

Which is what makes Buffy and Angel's relationship, and Angel's character in particular fascinating to me, because in a sense it's like both of them are roleplaying in a relationship. Characters in story constantly bring up and talk about Buffy and Angel like they're some tragic, forbidden love. Buffy constantly brings up the difficulty of being in a relationship with someone who's supposed to be her worst enemy, and often very simple arguments in their relationship come off like they have life or death stakes.

Angel: You just wanted coffee or something? Buffy: Coffee? Angel: I knew this was gonna happen. Buffy: What? What do you think is happening? Angel: You're 16 years old, I'm 241. Buffy: I've done the math.... Angel: You don't know what you're doing. You don't know what you want. Buffy: Oh no, I think I do. I want out of this conversation. Angel: Listen, if we date, you and I both know one thing's gonna lead to another. Buffy: One thing already has led to another. You think it's a little late to be reading me a warning label? Angel: I'm just trying to protect you. This could get out of control. Buffy: Isn't that the way it's supposed to be? [Angel pulls her close] Angel: This isn't some fairy tale. When I kiss you...you don't wake up from a deep sleep and live happily ever after. Buffy: No. When you kiss me, I wanna die.

This is another quote from reptile boy, and before this Buffy was jsut trying to ask him out for coffee. Buffy and Angel both dramatize their relationship. Angel says "This isn't a fairy tail", and yet while he was the one who points out their age difference he still acts like he was controlled by an overpowering love at first sight for a sixteen year old girl. He tells Buffy later on in season 3 how he loved her from the first time he saw her.

That above quote mirrors a lot of the early foreshadowing in season 2 in regards to Angel's turn to the bad side, there's the unpleasant reality in Angel reminding them of their age difference, and then Buffy sweeping it under the rug with her romanticism. Which is the big twist of season 2, and of Passions in particular. Angel is the dark, brooding romantic hero until he's not. Until he's the villain.

Jenny's death signals that turning point for Angel, because yes Buffy is traumatized and humiliated in innocence, but it still ends on a slightly triumphant note of her recovering just enough to kick angel in the balls even if she still can't finish him off.

Think of watching Passions as an unspoiled member of the audience as it was airing though. Imagine being deeply invested in Buffy and Angel, and thinking while what happened in Innocence was terrible for Buffy that wasn't Angel's fault it was only because he lost his soul. At this point the audience is still likely rooting for the two of them to get back together. Angel turning into a leather pants wearing, smoking bad boy who's now an enemy to Buffy just adds some delicious angst to the ship, right?

At this point Angel turning evil still sort of adds to the forbidden romance allure of their relationship. That idea is still romantic and appealing to the audience... at least until it starts having a body count.

Passions is the episode that shows us that no, Angel is not coming back. Not only that, but it makes us question whether or not we should want him back in the first place. Every single one of Angel's actions in this episode are things he did earlier in season 2, that got ignored because of the romantic lens both Buffy and the audience were judging Angel's actions by.

The age difference that Angel brings up in reptile boy, and Buffy dismissed, is now a problem. Angelus appears in front of Buffy's mother as a "college boy" who she slept with once, and then broke up with who then resorted to stalking her.

Angelus: Did buffy tell you about us? Joyce: She told me she wants you to leave her alone. Angelus: I can't do that. Joyce: You're scaring her. Angelus: You have to help me. Joyce. I need, I need to be with her. Y-you can convince her. You have to convince her. Joyce: Look, I'm telling you to leave her alone. Angelus: You don't understand, Joyce. I'll die without Buffy. She'll die without me.

Angelus' lie to Joyce isn't even that far from the truth of his actions, because he spends the entire episode tormenting her because he's unable to rid himself of his obsession. Behavior which, even Spike finds a little bit weird.

Spike: Are you insane?! We're supposed to kill the b¡tch, not leave gag gifts in the friends' beds. Drusilla: (cuddles her puppy) But, Spike, the bad teacher was going to restore Angel's soul. Spike: What if she did? If you ask me, I find myself preferring the old Buffy-whipped Angelus. This new, improved one is not playing with a full sack. (gets a look from Angelus) I love a good slaughter as much as the next bloke, but his little pranks will only leave us with one incredibly brassed-off

In Lie to Me, he asks Willow for permission to enter her room. Then te two of them snoop on one of Buffy's old friends who suddenly reappeared in that episode behind her back. That action seemed harmless at the time, but in Passions because Willow gave him permission earlier he's able to enter her room and kill all her fish as a sign he's been there.

In Passions his habit of sneaking into Buffy's room while she's unaware is no longer romantic, when he is leaving drawings of her sleeping in her room to let her know he broke in and could have killed her in her sleep at any time.

The romanticism of Angel's actions are peeled back, and the dangerous reality is shown to the characters.

Angel is the narrator of the beginning and end of this episode, and you could say this episode is all about understand what's going on inside his head. If you take the role of the romantic hero away from Angel, then who is he exactly?

Angelus: Passion. It lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unwanted, unbidden, it will stir, open it's jaws and howl. Cut to even later in her room. The camera closes in on a sleeping Buffy. A shadow comes across her bed, and a hand reaches over to stroke her hair with its fingers. The camera pans over to the person, and it's Angelus, sitting on the edge of her bed and looking down at her. He continues his narration as the camera pulls out for a shot of him sitting next to her while she sleeps. Angelus: It speaks to us... guides us... Passion rules us all. And we obey. What other choice do we have?

The last line "What other choice do we have?" speaks a lot to Angel's nature. Just like he acts like he is swept along by passion, he also acts in general like he's swept along by a bigger story. Angel is no longer buffy-whipped Angel. He's no longer playing the role of the brooding, romantic love interest, and yet he still talks about everything like it's taking place within a story.

Angelus pretends to be Buffy's clingy ex boyfriend in front of Joyce as a joke, saying I need her, I need her, acting the role of a spurned college boy and yet, Angelus is equally as obsessed and deperate about their love as Angel was towards Buffy. He doesn't just kill her, despite Spike telling him to stop messing around and do that.

I asked again and again who Angel is, but watching this episode this question isn't easy to answer. Angel's not trying to be a person, he's trying to play a role. He's just switched from the love interest, to the villain. Angel still sees himself as a character within a love story, he just decided to be the villain now.

However, Angel was always like this. He was never capable of having a relationship where he and Buffy go out for coffee because he wasn't trying to be a person. Angel wants to be someone greater than who he really is... and that's why this episode is about the extremes of love, about being possessed by grand sweeping emotions.

Angelus: Passion is the source of our finest moments. The joy of love... the clarity of hatred... and the ecstasy of grief. Angelus: If we could live without passion, maybe we'd know some kind of peace, but we would be hollow. Angelus: Without passion, we'd be truly dead.

In the closing narration Angelus talks about how much is missing without passion in our lives. The same Angelus who was judged by a literal machine able to detect humanity to have 0 humanity whatsoever. The same Angelus who loathes having a human soul. The same Angelus who when possessed by a ghost that forced it to enact its final goodbye to its lover, immediately showered himself afterwards and scrubbed his skin raw because it made him feel too human.

Angelus hates anything to do with love, and feelings and wants to torment Buffy for making his souled self love her. That same Angelus claims that without passion in our lives we'd be truly dead. Which means in Angelus mind, love and passion are not the same thing.

2. Dead Girl Walking

Which is where I loop right back to the start. Buffy and Angel are both characters who speak often about how in love they are, while in the same breath complaining about how miserable it makes them. Why then, do they get involved in this big, epic love of theirs if it seems to hurt them far more than it ever does mend them?

The answer of course is in Angel's monologue: without passion, we'd be truly dead.

Angel and Buffy both use narrative as a coping mechanism for their lives, which is haunted by death. Angel, because he's literally a 200 year old undead man. Buffy because she is the slayer, and so not only does she deal death, but people constantly die around her. Buffy herself who will probably die young.

Buffy and Angel are both staring at a hopelessly bleak reality. So, they romanticize it. They are also both incredibly isolated. Angel, because he is 200, and Buffy because she is a 16 year old with more responsibility than any adult around her. They both have a longing for companionship that would release them from their isolation, along with a fear that no one would truly "Get it."

In such a circumstance it makes sense for both of them to lean into the storybook aspects of their relationship. They both feel like they are completely cut off from the world around them. In the Season 6 episode Gone, spike just describes that as being dead.

SPIKE: Not too put off by it though, are you? (drinking) INVISIBLE BUFFY: No! Maybe because for the first time since ... I'm free. She tosses the sheet aside. Spike looks around, trying to figure out where she's going. INVISIBLE BUFFY: Free of rules and reports ... free of this life. SPIKE: Free of life? Got another name for that. Dead.

To be cut off from the world, to be isolated from your peers, is to be symbolically dead. Which probably makes you feel pretty dead inside. Buffy doesn't want that. She even sings a song about it.

Whatever, I don't wanna be... Going through the motions Loosing all my drive I can't even see if this is really me And I just wanna be... alive

Buffy frequently talks in later seasons about how she being the slayer makes her feel like she's turning to stone, but it really starts here. Giles even make a comment in the episode that Buffy can't allow herself to be ruled by her passions. It's the only time the word 'passion' is mentioned in the episode outside of angel's narration.

Giles: Buffy, I-I understand your concern, but it's imperative that you keep a level head through all this. Buffy: That's easy for you to say. You don't have Angel lurking in your bedroom at night. Giles: I know how hard this is for you. (gets a look from Buffy) All right, I don't. But as the Slayer, you don't have the luxury of being a slave to your, your passions. You mustn't let Angel get to you. No matter how provocative his behavior may become.

It's a scene where Buffy is understandably freaked out by Angel's stalking, but Giles instead of listening to a scared teenage girl tells her she has to calm herself down and act rationally about this. In this scene Buffy's not allowed to just feel fear like any other teenaged girl in her situation would. She's not, because she has to push her feelings down to be the slayer.

In fact this is topic for another day, but you could say a lot of Buffy's inability to process her emotions from later seasons come from the fact that Buffy was never allowed to just sit there and be afraid of the 200 year old man terrorizing her and inflicting psychosexual trauma on her. She wasn't even allowed to think of herself as a victim. In fact, on a couple of occasions, some people (Xander) acted like everything Angel did was Buffy's fault for sleeping with him.

Buffy never gets to be the scared girl that she is, because she's continually called by both the situation and the people around her to be a slayer. In a season where Buffy is the target of the stalking, and the one getting traumatized she still has to be the brave heroine for the sake of everyone around her because she's never allowed to be the victim.

Because, look what happens when Buffy fails to be the hero.

Jenny dies.

Something which is not Buffy's fault, but is a consequence of her decision not to kill Angel when she had him cornered in Innocence.

Which just speaks again of the weight on Buffy's shoulders. It's not just Buffy who's getting stalked this episode, Angel drags everyone around her into it, as a play to get at Buffy. Buffy has to make decisions that will result in people dying if she makes the wrong one, so of course she isn't allowed to be emotional or ruled by passion. She has to shut her emotions down and act as the Slayer.

However, living life without those emotions just isn't living. The end result of all that emotional repression is Buffy feeling like she's dead inside. So, she seeks some kind of escapism.

Feeling SOMETHING is better than feeling nothing. Even if that something is slowly torturing her, she'll take the misery and grief romance brings her over nothing at all.

Which is why Buffy and Angel act out such a fairy-tale like love, because they're both seeking some kind of escapism from the isolation their lives bring them. However the thing about stories is they don't hold up to reality. You date a person, you don't date a prince, or a vampire, or a character from a story.

Having a relationship with a person requires things like communication, rules, boundaries, neither of which Buffy and Angel have any healthy idea of. Buffy because she's a teenager, and Angel because he's a socially awkward vampire who's been eating rats for a hundred years.

They are both completely inexperienced with any kind of healthy relationship, so any relationship they get into they end up being drawn to what they know. For both of them, it's once again the death and tragedy that seems like it's a constant in their lives. Buffy has no idea what a relationship even is, but being with Angel makes her feel a whole bunch of things, and she's familiar with the constant pain and anxiety from watching her parent's disordered marriage so that makes her go "Yeah, this is it!"

The Thanatos and Eros symbolism in this episode is especially heavy too, to the point where I could make a whole other post about it. That being Freud's theory that all of life can be divided into the life instinct Eros (drive for consumption and recreation) , and the death instinct Thanatos (risky behavior, aggression, reliving trauma).

Sex and death are overlaid frequently in this episode, and in past episode too in regards to Buffy and Angel's relationship like Innocence.

Angel: Spike, my boy, you really don't get it. You tried to kill her and you couldn't. Look at you. You're a wreck. She's stronger than any Slayer you've faced. Force won't get it done. You gotta work from the inside. To kill this girl… you have to love her.

When Angel snaps Jenny's neck he says "This is where you get off..." Which is an obvious sexual inuendo, while at the same time being an inuendo for death. While he's holding her to snap her neck, it looks like a lover's embrace. After he does it, he pants and groans.

Angel flits between making suggestive comments and making violent ones the entire episode. His goal is to kill Buffy. He's a predator, being a vampire, and yet not only does he get compared to a sexual predator (a stalker / older man sleeping with a younger girl) but he acts like one in front of Buffy's mom.

When Giles discovers Jenny's body, he's tricked at first to thinking that Jenny has planned a romantic surprise for him and is waiting at the bed because Angel went to the trouble to dress the whole scene up and leave rose petals at the door. Giles thinks his lover is waiting for him in bed only to find a corpse, and the camera cuts to Giles standing still outside the room as the police arrive with the opera music in the background still playing.

Sex and death, sex and death, it's a constant theme in this episode and obviously for Angel they are practically the same thing. Not only does Angel view relationships that way, he also inflicts that kind of love on Buffy.

Which is I think the most important part of the episode, because so much sexual violence has become inflicted on Buffy she sort of starts to mirror the way Angel approaches sex and sexuality too. Buffy too, doesn't really see love, just passion. Buffy too, will later go out of her way to see out the most torturous romance possible because she doesn't know anything else.

Jenny is the victim of this epsode, but Buffy is the greater victim of Angel's passions and it will effect her in the story long after this.

[stinkybreath]

I’m proud of how this turned out so I’m crossposting from fb but I respect you so I’m putting it under the cut. Here’s 5 of the absolute worst bullshit I put myself through consuming in 2023 in my lifelong pursuit of cultural literacy. Individual explanations underneath each for those who are interested in me being a hater 🫶

I have tried really hard to develop my critical perspective this year so I do have actual thoughts about these but I did me best to make them entertaining as well.

The Stand - This year I embarked on an effort to read more Stephen King because I really like the Ranged Touch guys and I wanted to better engage with their show Just King Things. I read Carrie first (more on that in another post), which really set me up for such monumental disappointment when it came to this fucking book. Jesus Christ. I have scarcely read a better selling or more beloved work of popular fiction, and I have also separately scarcely read a more offensive and poorly constructed work of popular fiction. I don’t even know how to begin addressing the headache it gave me, but I was pissed off almost the entire time I read it. Caveat here that, like everyone else, I did love the “no great loss” section both on its own merits and as a cute little Vonnegut nod.

Goodnight Beautiful - I read a lot of shitty thrillers because they get miscategorized as horror very commonly- and while I don’t think genre boundaries are hard and fast I do think that these are very distinct groups- but they’re almost as satisfying so I guess I’ll take it while I’m here. But my lord. This is one of the shittiest shitty thrillers I’ve ever managed to make myself finish. I have brain problems that make it difficult for me to distinguish between characters when there’s a lot of action or time weirdness or whatever whatever, but based on reviews that I trust, it was so poorly done that even normal people couldn’t follow what was happening until the author took the reader by the hand and shoveled the answers directly into their mouth.

Stolen Tongues - for YEARS I’ve been hearing people rave about how unique and effective and just good this book is. My experience, however…

1)author can’t turn a phrase to save their life *vine boom*

2) this has such an extended ‘nlog breasting boobily’ description of the girlfriend that I think I literally gagged *vine boom*

3) racist. *vine boom vine boom vine boom*

No One Is Talking About This - one of my biggest pet peeves is the way most people (authors, journalists, thought leaders, your parents, congresspeople) talk about the internet. It is broad, with both the lack of specificity and the extremity that implies. The way someone talks about the internet can tell you so much about their perspective that they must not know how revealing it is or they’d be more embarrassed about how they sound (again, more on this in another post). This book is a great example- it’s inauthentic to the core. There are some readers who clearly interpreted this as funny glibness but the particular way Lockwood takes internet haterism ad absurdum lets me know she’s never had one single internet argument with someone. It pissed me off so royally that I nearly sent this author an email except I’m not convinced she understands how to open those.

The Vile Thing We Created - the only book on this list that I did not finish and yet felt qualified to speak on anyway. Suckered again by booktok! There was sufficient hype for this book that I let myself get excited, I even spent a few of my actual dollars to get the ebook for convenience. I am really enthusiastic about engaging with themes of the horror of parenthood, good or bad, because I find them an interesting reflection of social ideas about parents. However. Let me just excerpt some of this dreck so you can feel the full force of the normie milennial local cringe that is baked in to every sentence:

Lola was elbow-deep in her fifteenth batch of macaron batter for that week. Spring orders were in full swing, as were an ocean of orders for baby shower treats. It never failed. She never refused the business. Quite the opposite. Macarons meant time. Time meant money. She easily brought in an extra twelve-hundred dollars a week during baby shower season. Music floated into the kitchen from the living room record player. Depending on her mood, Lola’s extensive vinyl collection met her every need. While baking, she usually threw on some David Bowie, Foreigner, something along those dramatically-opposite lines. Today, Louis Armstrong’s “A Lot of Livin’ to Do” danced in the air, trumpet notes accompanying Lola’s bopping around the kitchen.

……….yeah. You can see why I ragequit at 15%. It’s also really fucking weird about the dialogue of the black characters.

[i-need-entertainment]

Haikyuu!! Boys as stepdads PT.2

It’s likely i’ll do a part 2 for most of them (some I emotionally, mentally, and spiritually CANNOT), but this one was voted as the most wanted sequel in the poll I did.

**Funny story, this was actually the FIRST Haikyuu!! Boys headcanon I ever did :) So please keep in mind my format, and writing style have changed, so they’re gonna be a bit different🥰**

Warnings: Mentions of stepdad, stepdads, implied divorce, teenage angst, siblings mentioned (ignore if only child)

PT.1

Characters: Meian, Omimi, Kita, Suna, Ohira, Yamagata, Kunimi, Kindaichi, Yaku, Numai, Sakusa, and Komori

Meian Shugo: A little clumsy at first, but he gets the hang of it

Is better if you guys are little, cause he can work with little kids.

But if you guys are teenagers??

He’s completely lost.

Does his best, he really does! He tries to have normal conversations and ‘dad things’ but man...it’s rough for a good 6 months.

When he does adjust, he’s honestly not bad.

He’s pretty great actually. There’s a lot of perks to having a pro athlete as your stepdad cause *aHeM* money

Omimi Ren: You’re suspicious at first cause he just seems suspicious, but he’s really a pretty nice guy

When your mom first brings him home you’re on guard.

Not cause you necessarily think he’s a bad guy, he just seems intimidating? Quiet? Maybe it’s just cause he’s unknown to you.

But after a few months, you realize he’s a pretty solid guy.

Very responsible, he’ll never be late to pick you up from school or parties, and you’ll always be on time to school.

But he’s also not against spoiling you and your siblings every now and then.

You guys actually have a really good relationship.

He deals with your teenage angst really well, he doesn’t take anything personally and does his best to be understanding.

Kita Shinsuke: s t r i c t. But a good stepdad

Doesn’t care he’s not your biological dad, you are his responsibility and it’s his job to help make you into a functional human.

Isn’t like the military strict, just on certain things like grades and chores. He’s not pretentious about it either, he just expects all of you to do your parts.

He’s honestly a strange mix of strict and laid-back.

Strict when it comes to responsibilities but chill most everywhere else.

Puts a lot of trust in you, he doesn’t question your choices because he trusts you to make good ones. But if you ever breech that trust he’d have no problem going into lock down mode for a bit.

Isn’t very controlling, especially when it comes to boys or friends.

Lets you enjoy your teen years while making sure you’re becoming a functioning adult.

Suna Rintaro: Would let you get away with murder if he could

Very chill, doesn’t yell or argue, just kinda coexists with you/your siblings.

But he’s not a push over, if you do something wrong wrong, yeah he’ll say something or tell your mom but he’s not super strict..

Tells you to just call him by his first name, last name, he doesn’t care.

I can see him being a little caught off guard at first cause...how do you UwU interact with them.

Not too pushy or anything he just kinda...lets you do your own thing.

Ohira Leon: Another one you might as well adopt as your real dad

You could be nothing but sinister to this man and he’d never despise you for it.

He genuinely loves your mom, and by circumstance, he comes to love you and your siblings as his own.

Treats you all really well, but respects any boundaries you guys put up.

Doesn’t pull the ‘listen to your mother’ thing stepdads do, cause he knows he only has so much power y’know?

But he honestly doesn’t need to, you and your siblings are pretty darn happy he’s your stepdad, heck he might as well just be your real dad.

Yamagata Hayato: Pretty solid honestly, you wonder where he’s been your whole life

You weren’t crazy at the idea of having a stepdad, but when you got to know him, you were pretty cool with it.

He’s the perfect mix of responsible with fun, and also parent and friend.

He’s a good hype man, and he encourages you guys to do a lot, like sports and clubs.

He encourages you guys to be active!

Doesn’t force you though, he’s good about trying to understand and appreciate all of your different interest and hobbies!

Doesn’t care about grades as long as you do your best, if you give it your all, he’ll be happy.

Will get you a tutor or help if he sees you struggling, but he’d never stress you out about it.

Kunimi Akira:...wait, he’s a father now?

He wasn’t too concerned when your mom said she had kids.

I mean, they can’t be that difficult right? Just feed them, give them things and a little pat on the head right?

w r o n g

He’s not bad, he does care about you guys but man...the teen years are going to be rough.

Definitely was better when you guys were younger, it’s the teen years he struggles with.

Man was not prepared for the sweet little girls to turn into moody monsters out for blood at the drop of a hat.

He’s doing his best alright..

Kindaichi Yuutarou: He’s more scared of you than you are of him

Had no clue what he was doing.

You were quite amused when you first met him though, he looked like he was a teenage boy meeting his girlfriends parents.

Nonetheless, you found he’s very nice and he treats your mom, and you and your siblings well.

He’s actually a really good stepdad!!

Very supportive, but very good with boundaries. He made sure to have a good relationship with you and your siblings, he’s more like a friend than a father, but that’s perfectly fine with all of you~

If you have an argument with your mom, he’s playing mediator instead of taking sides.

Yaku Morisuke: Is fine...until your teen years

lol it’s not you and your mom arguing, it’s you and HIM.

Pretty strict, and definitely takes on a more parental role in your life.

Which he is good at, you guys are still alive after all.

But especially when you become teens you guys go at each others throats almost every other day.

Never even thinks about making any ‘it’s my house get out’ threats because he genuinely cares about you, but it’s a bad matchup of temper vs hormones.

Things mellow down when you grow up, you guys get along much better when you’re an adult.

Numai Kazuma: Little lost at first, but once he warms up to it he’s a pro

When you guys first meet he’s a little lost cause...he kinda has kids now.

But once it really sinks in and he comes to terms with it, he’s honestly kinda pumped.

Wants to have a good relationship with you and your siblings, and you guys find out he’s a really cool guy!

Tells you stories from his high school days, and will teach you guys to play volleyball.

Treats you as he would his own kids cause he lowkey does love you guys<3

Sakusa Kiyoomi: mutual despising from both parties

Neither one of you are thrilled about having (a) stepdad/stepkids.

It’s not personal so to say but...

it is awkward. The first time you guys had to be in a room alone together was the worst 5 minutes of your life, it was so painfully quiet.

He does...try...he gets you guys Christmas presents, and birthday presents, and he does what you need to survive but...

Good about letting things be, and not fueling the fire when you’re moody or upset.

But he is going to side with your mom, every.single.time.

Komori Motoya: ‘fun’ parent, he’ll turn a blind eye to a n y t h i n g

Sees you doing something irresponsible and he’s like ‘ooh, looks fun’

Would never let you put yourself in danger, just let you do stupid things because he’s genuinely interested to know what happens.

Helps you avoid punishment and makes sure your mom won’t catch you.

It physically hurts him to see you guys upset, so he’s a really good comforter and supporter!

He comes too all of your games, recitals, whatever it is you’re into!

He really just wants you guys to be happy and to like him.

[serendipitous-posts]

The hard part about Miraculous is that these unhealthy behaviors will likely never get referenced or fixed (or worse, they'll just magically make it stop without having any reason why) becuase its a kids show and they're framing it as 'ah ha see what silly crushes can make you do? how cute and funny!' but in reality as an older fan with awareness of it, its just 'god this is creepy and sad'

And that's one of the actual worst parts of it all! The writers actually have a great opportunity for growth for these characters, but they refuse to take it.

I know a lot of people say things like 'it's only a tv show' but there's a reason kids tv shows have lessons or morals (don't lie, share things)- it's because kids do emulate these kinds of things. People who are like 'well, nobody is gonna look at this show and emulate this behaviour'

But what if the writers actually acknowledged it? What if we had an entire arc about Chat Noir learning that if a girl rejects you, it will hurt but you have to move on? That you should stop making her uncomfortable? That you aren't entitled to her? The amount of Nice Guys (tm) that are out there that need to learn that lesson is staggering, and putting that out there and telling others 'no, this is not okay. This is a person. They have boundaries and separate feelings. Respect that.'

An entire mini arc just about Marinette finding out that stalking someone and repeatedly trying to sabotage his relationships while being in a relationship herself? Phenomenal actually. Especially if you go down the route of Adrien, who wanted to go to school to be treated as a normal boy, needs a bodyguard because he will get accosted on the street by people who he doesn't even Know-you could easily spin not just a story about realising faults but also parasocial relationships-Adrien talks to Marinette the least out of the entire class because she's too scared to talk to him, she doesn't really know what 'Adrien' is like (because she doesn't know he's Chat). She only really knows he's 'nice'. Which in this day and age, is an extremely important thing for kids to learn

If they did that, I'd be ecstatic. Find me on this site extolling their virtues for the entire platform. But the writers don't want to acknowledge that, hey, maybe this could be kind of unhealthy.

And so they're passing up what could be one of the best lessons they can teach kids.

[a-small-batch-of-dragons]

No, It's Definitely Funny

Prompt: Can I request a second part to "Let's Call It Funny" where Bucky, Sam, Steve, and Peter unite forces to confuse and concern all the other avengers (with at least one instance where two or all of them respond to something by pretending to jump off a building?) Love you! -Auggie

Does it count as being back on my bullshit if I never left?

Read on Ao3 Part 1

Warnings: none, unless you need a warning for gen z humor

Pairings: it's still found family hours

Word Count: 2259

Peter’s gonna be honest, he may or may not have some competition for the funniest person in the Tower right now.

Because let’s look at the list here:

Traumatized? Everybody and their private jet’s worth of vintage and designer baggage needs therapy.

Queer? If you think Steve Rogers, Bucky Barnes, or Sam Wilson is straight, you need to tell them everything they’ve ever done to make you think they’re straight so they can stop doing it immediately.

Superhero? Yeah, okay, shush, now you’re being stupid.

Neurodivergent? Have you seen the way these men behave? Definitely the model of Perfectly Normal Person™, what on earth are you talking about, absolutely 100% Normal™.

The only things he’s still got going for him that the others don’t are high-schooler and trans. That’s not a lot when it comes to the fact that hey, two of them are from the Great Depression—let’s be honest, they’re the OGs when it comes to fatalistic humor—and they’ve all got years of practice.

Sure, Peter’s got some trauma-given raw talent, but it’s not refined by years and years of throwing yourself off of buildings and out of planes to avoid having conversations about your emotions.

The day Aunt Nat dropped all of SHIELD’s files on the Internet and Peter found out that Steve yeeted himself out of a plane—without a parachute!—to avoid Nat’s prodding about getting a date was the best day of his fucking life.

“Don’t you go stealing my moves there, kid,” Steve had scolded playfully, winking over the rim of his mug.

“Try and stop me, I dare you.”

“And this is why,” Tony had sighed, looking every bit his 79 years—“Hey!”—as he watches this interaction go down, “you have a parachute built into your suit.”

“I’ll just wear my old one, don’t worry about it.”

“That heinous thing that’s just a cut-up old hoodie and goggles? Peter, no, that thing is being held together with safety pins and hope!”

“I mean, me too, so it’s fine.”

“Peter!”

“Also, like, it’s the one I almost got crushed to death in, so it’s got the emotional trauma seasoning already.”

“Wait—“ Bucky had sat up— “you almost got crushed to death by a building? Sheesh, kid, you’re really flirting with the reaper, huh.”

“It wasn’t so bad, I had training from the years and years of carrying the weight of my sins crawling on my back.”

“At least ask Death for his number next time, he’s not returning my calls.”

“Sergeant, I swear to God—“

“Actually, Death uses they/them pronouns, I asked when I met them last weekend.”

“What the fuck did you do last weekend?”

“Really? Oh cool, well, can you get their number for me? We had a date back in ’45 that they missed.”

“Yeah, sure, no problem.”

“Tony, why are you screaming? Not keeping dates is a very serious matter.”

“Trust me, I speak from experience, Tony, it’s not a good habit to get into.”

“You should respect your elders and not scream while we’re talking to you, mister.”

“All of you shut the fuck up.”

See? On one hand, it’s great to have more partners in this venture of making Tony’s hair turn grey—he’s that age, it’s bound to happen any time soon now— “One more crack about my age, kid, I swear.” — but on the other hand, Peter is seriously losing his massive lead on funniest person in the Tower.

The other thing he’s worried about is Sam’s ability to make it so the others can’t actually worry about him.

Because—listen, Sam Wilson is a fucking national treasure and all you fuckers better acknowledge that. It’s no secret that the Captains take turns going out with the shield, all of them answer to ‘Captain America’ because that’s what they are, but no one—and Peter will never say this under threat of death because he does not need any more of the Steve Rogers’ Puppy Dog Eyes™, thank you very much—no one does it better than Sam.

And that means that Sam fucking Wilson can turn a fatalistic, self-deprecating joke into a motivational speech that doesn’t feel disingenuous or cliché at all and everyone is too busy processing the philosophical revelations they’re having to scold him for his, frankly, outstanding sense of humor.

It’s not fair and Peter can’t do it.

He tried. Once.

Didn’t go very well.

No, he’s not gonna talk about it, let’s just move on.

Sam has offered to catch him a couple of times when he gets himself a little too deep into the Mamma Spider™ or Iron Dad™ trap of feeeelings, and he gratefully scoots out of the way when Sam sits down next to him and just makes another joke.

Sam is also a fantastic role model for the brand of ‘I’m going to the store and only have twenty bucks, stop asking for your will to live back’ jokes.

“Hey, Pete!”

“Yeah?”

“Let’s go, bodega run.”

“Can we pick up some hopes and dreams, too, all of those got scribbled out in fat red Sharpie yesterday.”

“I said bodega run, not Court of Miracles run.”

“But Sam~”

“Listen, kid, if you manage to find your hopes and dreams in this bodega, keep an eye out for your childhood innocence, that might be on the next shelf over.”

“Deal.”

“Do you two need some more therapy appointments?”

“Only got fifteen bucks, man.”

“I’m literally a billionaire!”

Peter eagerly studies under this pinnacle of humor and keeps his worries to himself.

Because if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it, and Peter’s sense of humor is wonderful, but he is a tad intimidated by the amount of variety the others have got going for them.

“You’re a fucking terror, Spider-ling, that’s what you are.”

“Not true! I was ‘a pleasure to have in class.’”

“Oh, is that why you’re taking ‘Little Shit’ lessons from Barnes and Rogers?”

“And Sam! Don’t forget Captain Wilson, he is an invaluable part of this team. I’m surprised at your ignorance.”

“Pete—no, that’s not—“

“I’m ashamed for you, Mr. Stark.”

“Listen here you little shit—“

Anyway…

Steve and Bucky have a habit of telling these like, really awful jokes that have Peter in stitches for half an hour. It’s not fair and he doesn’t get why they’re so funny because they aren’t, and yet here he is, laughing anyway.

It’s probably some combination of Steve’s perfected innocent face that he wears when he has to do interviews and Bucky’s habit of not giving a single solitary fuck. But they’re able to make the worst jokes with completely serious expressions and it’s not fair.

“Hey, can you guys come help me with something?”

“Sure, Peter,” Steve says instantly, bounding over with his 95-year-old Golden Retriever energy as Bucky trails behind him like a cat that’s sitting in your lap because he wants to, not because he likes you or anything, “what’s up?”

“I have a history project on WWII due tomorrow and I haven’t started it yet.”

Bucky snorts, taking a swig of coffee and sitting down on the floor. Which, same. “You got your eulogy planned?”

“Drafted, sighed, notarized, but Aunt May said no so I gotta do this.”

“Well, if Aunt May says no then I guess that’s that.”

Tony, from far away in another part of the Tower, has a sickening feeling that May Parker has once again proven that she is the most powerful parent and there’s nothing he can do about it.

“I, um,” Peter mumbles, fidgeting with his pen, “I want to be respectful of your boundaries, and if you don’t want to talk about anything then—“

Because it’s one thing for someone to make jokes about their trauma and another for someone else to go poking and prodding at it.

“Hey,” Steve interrupts softly, nudging him with his knee, “first off, thank you for saying that and we appreciate your respect, but we got you. You worry about enough, sweetheart, let us take care of ourselves.”

Peter gives him a look.

“When it comes to this,” Steve amends, having the decency to look a little sheepish, “we’ll take care of ourselves.”

Bucky scoffs. “Uh-huh.”

“We will, Buck.”

“My therapist will be real happy to hear that.” He looks up at Peter and winks. “Besides, what good is our trauma if we don’t pin it up and display it for good grades?”

Peter huffs, the joke undercut a little by the way Bucky knocks his foot against Peter’s and Steve’s arm stretches over the couch behind him.

Peter has to resist the urge to lean his head onto Steve’s shoulder, because then Steve’s hand will come up and ruffle his hair and Peter’s eyes will droop slowly closed as he loses himself in the warmth and safety of Steve’s embrace and then Steve will lean down to press a kiss to his temple and—

Right. Homework.

“What’s it on specifically,” Bucky asks, clearly spotting the temptation on Peter’s end, “home front? Overseas? Time period?”

“Uh, it’s an analysis of total war.”

“Like, how much of the country was devoted to the war effort?”

“Yeah, basically. It’s talking about how the Nazi War Machine made their war total and how that extends to a lot of other countries, but also about the reasons why the war was fought—“

They delve into a conversation about total war, Peter pointing out how Italy’s motivation for territory keeps it from being a total war on their part, Bucky speaking to how the different dynamics worked in various countries and the fallout, Steve bringing up how much of the home front was devoted to bringing attention to the war being fought overseas. Then, of course, as is inevitable, they devolve into storytelling.

Peter’s notebook—with notes! He did his job!—is set aside as he gives in to the need to let Steve cuddle him on the couch. Come on, the man is warm and big and gives good hugs, how is he supposed to not? Bucky sprawls out on the floor, leaning back on his hands as he smiles fondly.

“You know,” he remarks casually, “I fought a Nazi in my pajamas once.”

Peter blinks sleepily. “Wait, really?”

“Yeah, though how he got in my pajamas, I have no idea.”

Peter snorts. Then he giggles. Then he’s collapsing into Steve’s side, positively sobbing with laughter.

It’s not funny.

It’s really not that funny.

But here he is, fucking dying, and he doesn’t even have the wherewithal to welcome the sweet embrace of oblivion.

“Okay, note to self,” Bucky murmurs when he’s calmed down a little, wiping away tears, “sleepy spider likes corny jokes.”

“Just don’t break our baby spider, Buck, Momma Spider would kill you in cold blood.”

“Listen, if Natasha Romanoff kills me, don’t prosecute. That’s on me.”

Peter can’t do corny jokes. He really can’t. He just sounds like he’s a recording so old it’s unintelligible and it’s bad. He has a reputation to maintain here!

However, there is one sense of humor that Peter is very eager to learn and adopt, and hey, it might actually be Iron Dad™ Approved!

It’s a rookie mistake, asking Bucky Barnes for a hand, but in his defense, Peter was left unsupervised and was distracted.

“Hey, Bucky, can you give me a hand?”

“Sure thing, Peter.”

Something nudges his arm and he looks down. It’s Bucky’s metal arm, bumping up against his elbow.

It’s a cheap joke. It’s bad. It does not deserve Peter’s laughter.

He snorts anyway.

“That’s on me,” he says after a second, “you know what, that’s my fault.”

“What, is this not what you meant?”

“No, no, you’re fine.” Peter scruffs a hand through his hair. He looks down at the prosthetic again. “Well, that’s disarming.”

Now it’s Bucky’s turn to snort. “You gotta hand it to me, though, it’s a good joke.”

Oh, it’s on.

“No, no, of course, I understand. You really can’t let an opportunity like that slip through your fingers.”

Steve chokes on his next sip of coffee. “Stop making the kid shoulder the burden of making puns with you.”

Sam raises an eyebrow. “Don’t palm this off on someone else, Steve, you’re as bad as he is.”

“Oh, it’s not that bad.” Peter shrugs. “You just gotta knuckle-down and find the right one.”

“Do you have any idea how many times I’ve had to reach for puns?” Bucky hefts his arm.

“I’m gonna go out on a limb and say a lot.”

“Jeez, Pete, good one.”

“What, are you not finding them humerus?”

Sam’s gone, Steve shortly after. Bucky just grins proudly at him.

Then there’s a massive thunk from behind them. Peter turns around to see Tony slamming his forehead into the counter.

“You are all going to kill me,” he mutters, glaring up at them, “all three of you.”

“Oh, come on, Mr. Stark, Captain Barnes would never hurt you.”

Tony raises a skeptical eyebrow.

“After all,” Peter grins, gesturing to Bucky who is doing a very good innocent face—he must’ve been taking notes from Steve— “look at him, he’s completely armless.”

“Peter Benjamin Parker—“

Okay, so maybe it’s not Iron Dad™ Approved.

Oh, well.

[ablackfangirlwrites]

A/n: A new chapter for those of you who were waiting for this! I hope you enjoy it 💕🖤💕 again tagging @ayocee because you were a big help in making this love u boo😘

Part 1

Part 2

“You are too damn cute,” Daichi said breathlessly as he kissed you against the library bookshelf.

You couldn’t help but giggle, “Daichi- you’re going to get u-us in trouble.” You said inbetween his kisses, But he didn’t seem to care as he pushed up closer against you and deepened the kiss. 

That’s how the last few days had been. You had been wrapped in everything that was Daichi. And you had been enjoying every second of it. 

How did you get so lucky? Was all you could wonder. First, a random guy who is insanely hot pops up into your life and returned your precious wallet; And on top of that, he was interested in you!

And it’s been since that day you the two of you had been meeting up. 

You had been right. You did have a few classes with him. And when you saw him the next day he offered to sit next to you and walk you to your next class. To which you happily agreed.

And after a few walks around campus and late-night texting sessions, you found yourself really enjoying his company. Hints the reason why you were making out during one of your study sessions in the library 

So needless to say the two of you really really did hit it off. 

And things really had been blissful with Daichi. He really was all the things you had thought he was, handsome, charming, funny, caring. He was literally everything you wanted in a guy. 

Except there was one problem…

He wasn’t so keen on being in a relationship. 

“I just got out of a relationship Y/n…” He told you the first time you brought up being his girlfriend and making things official.

“But I do like you a lot so I can definitely see myself with you if we keep this up, ” And looking into his beautiful brown eyes you believed him. And you had hope that there was a passionate relationship in the future for you two.

“But doesn’t that upset you? It’s been like a month since you started talking. What do you wanna do? Are you going to keep seeing him? ” Your friend asked you once they knew you and Daichi had been seeing each other for a few weeks. And nothing had been declared official yet. 

“I don’t know...I mean I get why he doesn’t want to rush into anything, but I believe if I give him a little time we’ll be together...He’s a good guy.” You told her confidently. If anything you were trying to convince yourself. Maybe it was because of all those bad relationships of your past you were doubtful. "He just got out of a relationship he just needs time."

Daichi was different. He had to be. He was nice..he’s a good guy.

Her only response was a sigh, “Alright I trust your judgment. But even nice guys can have a bad side.” 

Once again you found yourself just hoping you were right. 

Things kept getting more intense with Daichi. Which was good and bad; Bad because even after seeing each other for over 3 months he still didn’t want to make it official and good because even though that was the case you still couldn’t get enough of him, he was just so good to you. He always listened to you. He was was making sure you were comfortable with him. He was literally perfect.

But you weren’t so stupid and naive, and again it might have been because of all the other times you had been used. That you had made a deal with Daichi. No sex until you were official.

The only problem with that was Daichi seemed okay with it. Make out sessions and dry humping was working for him. And he respected your boundaries, And it annoyed you to no end because the whole reason you said that was to encourage him. But that didn’t work.

There was one other issue too...His friends.

You weren’t sure if they like you or not. It wasn’t that they were mean to you either. If anything they were indifferent. Daichi talked about them all the time, making them sound fun and lively. And when you met them they all seemed great, but whenever you were around you couldn’t help but get the feeling they were all having a conversation about you behind your back. It made yoi feel uneasy. But you pushed it too the back of your mind.

“You really falling for all that? His one friend Kuroo asked you one day. After Daichi had left to do something, leaving you with his friends. Out of all of Daichi's friends he was the one that you were sure you didn’t like. As far as you were concerned Kuroo was a nerd and who was annoying and he seemed to always have something snarky to say whenever he saw you with Daichi. 

“What jealous? You can't be as charming as him?” You quipped back at him.

Kuroo snorted with an eyeroll, “Sure.”

Annoyed with his attitude you spoke up again, "Whats you deal anyway? Aren't you supposed to be his friend? Or do you just not like us together?"

Kuroo signed closings his notebook and packing up his things where he was studying, “I’m just watching this one play out. It’s a shame tho you seem nice.” He was so condensing. It was always something vague with him.  But you just roll your eyes and continue about your way, not giving his words much thought.

Having no idea what his words really meant. 

But all good things must come to an end. 

It was a random day when you saw Daichi. He had been texting you as normal all-day. And everything seemed fine. You guys even planned on seeing each other later that night to study.

But then you saw him as you were heading back to your dorm.

That itself wouldn’t have been a problem if not for the fact he told you he was still had work to do in one of his classes, and the fact you saw him with someone else. And not just anyone. Another girl.

And again that wouldn't have been a problem either if not for the fact he had his hands wrapped around her, and she him as the two of them stood there kissing in broad daylight. Not caring who saw them. Which was very different from anytime you were with him. It wasn’t like he was keeping you a secret he took you around his friends after all...but now that you were really thinking about it you never been with him kissing outside in the middle of the campus who was she?

They stopped kissing and stood there talking for a bit smiling and staring into each other eyes, just like you usually do with him and you felt the sting in your heart. You almost felt bad for just standing there watching them. Like you were invading their privacy, but they were out in public…

You wanted an answer.

You don’t know where you got the courage from but you didn’t want to be a bystander in this. So you went up to them. Praying that she wasn’t anyone serious to him. That maybe she was like you and they hadn’t been made official and you still had a chance. You still wanted hope that you and Daichi could be together. 

“Hey, Daichi!” You said in a voice that was way too high.

Daichi seemed to freeze for a moment when he saw you, “oh-Y/n...Hey..er- how have you been?” 

He really was acting like the two of you hadn’t been texting just a few hours ago. And you felt your heart sinking.

“I’ve been fine, Daichi…” You started to trail off

But the girl spoke up, “Who’s this Di?” 

He cleared his voice, “Um a girl I study with sometimes."

You couldn't believe it, Daichi didnt even have the decency to tell her your name.

Daichi seemed to pick up how that made you feel so clearing his voice he spoke up, "Y/n.."

But the girl looked at him expecting him to say more which he also picked up on, " Annnd Y/n- this my girlfriend (girls name)” He answered avoided your gaze.

You didn’t know what hurt the most that he couldn’t look at you, or that he was in a relationship when he had been leading you on all this time.

But not wanting to embarrass yourself in front of him anymore. You faked a smile, “Yeah, ummm...I-I was just asking if you had any trouble- with that problem number 4 on the test today?”  You asked him out of the blue.

Daichi seemed to sigh with relief that you weren’t making a scene, “Yeah, I did actually. But I’m sorta busy right now but we can go over it later alright?” 

You were so hurt, and you were trying not to cry, “Don’t bother...I'll figure it out” You told him before walking away.

This was a nightmare! You felt betrayed! How could he? The events of the last few minutes replayed in your head. A girlfriend? No wonder he didnt want to be in a relationship with you, he was already in one! You wished so hard that it wasnt true. That he would run after you and tell you it was a joke. That you were the one he wanted. That the last few months with him weren't a lie.

But that wasn't going to happen.

You got far enough to where you were sure they couldn’t see you before you let your emotions flow....He had a girlfriend you repeated in your head over and over again. You felt so used, and stupid. This was far worst than the other guys, Because you actually believed he was different; that he was your Mr. Perfect. 

But you were so wrong.

“Oof that was awkward,” You heard someone say besides you, you quickly tried to wipe away the tears on your face. Only to look to see it was Kuroo. Great, of course, it was him out of all people you thought.

“I bet you’re really enjoying this,” You said trying your best to sound tough as you fiddled with your clothes and tired to make yourself look like you werent crying.

But kuroo wasnt so cruel to tease you while you were clearly upset, and he knew the reason why, “Y/n, I’m sorry-” He tried to tell you but you werent listening.

"I dont need you pity kuroo," You said rolling your eyes and leaving.

 You didn’t have time to deal with another jerk. You thought you were done with them. Daichi was supposed to be a good guy. The one you could trust. The person that was going to make your life better. 

But from what you just went through and that hollow feeling in your chest, you knew how wrong you were.

[our-kendrick]

Anna Kendrick on life, love, sex toys and COVID-19

©: Janet R. Nepales

Read here, or below.

Talk about the relationships of mothers and daughters which is sometimes more difficult than the relationship between daughters and fathers.

The relationship between Darby and her mother, we don't know a lot about it until a little later in the show. And I love it so much. It has such an impact on who Darby is, and you really see that once you get to know her mother. And we get to know her mother even more as the show goes on.

There's an episode where we really get into Darby's relationship with her mother. And I was so surprised and happy. You know, happy might be the wrong word, but I was so amazed at how many women on the set, on the crew came up to me and they were like, this is my mother, this is my relationship with my mother.

Darby has a difficult relationship with her mother so it made me sad, but I definitely felt that made me really proud of the show that we were making, and that it resonated with so many people. And it also made me call my mother and say how grateful I am for what a wonderful mom she is.

There's a scene where Darby breaks down crying, and her mother doesn't know how to comfort her. And this happened a lot throughout the show; that it brought up a lot of personal stuff for me, but not necessarily to do with the content of the show.

That was one example where I have a close relationship with my mother and she's so empathetic but just having the experience of breaking down crying and having somebody just go like, what is your problem? That's something that reminded me of relationships that I was in when I was much younger. And just how painful that experience is and how grateful I am that there are things that I don't accept any more from people.

I expect empathy from people if we're going to have a relationship. It made me grateful that my mother modeled that empathy for me. Because if you don't have an empathetic home life, it's hard for you to know that you deserve empathy. The relationship between mothers and daughters is so complicated and so fraught sometimes. This show made me grateful for the way that my mother really modeled what empathy was for me.

What are the red flags for a woman on deciding relationships?

I remember somebody telling me when I was maybe, 14 or 15, I remember them saying it was a really specific example. And yet I have thought about it in almost any relationship I've ever like entered into or if I'm on a first date or something. Somebody told me when I was 14, if you're ever in a car with a guy, and he's driving, and as a joke, he lets go the wheel and makes you grab the wheel, because he's goofing around or something like that is not a guy that you want to be with. He might think, hey, I'm just joking. Why are you being so sensitive? We're just having fun. I wouldn't have let the car crash. But really, he's testing your boundaries. He's testing like what you're gonna put up with. And he's trying to make you uncomfortable. And it was such a weird, specific example. But I feel like I've had moments in my life where I'm like, oh, this is the guy letting go of the wheel to see what I'll do.

This is silly, but I dated a guy when I was 19, who tickled me all the time. And I don't like being tickled. I feel very claustrophobic, I panic and I don't like it. And I kept saying, this is a problem for me. Please don't do it. And he kept doing it and I broke up with him.  And he thought I was being crazy because I broke up with him for tickling me.

I was like no, I broke up with you because you didn't respect me. I asked you for something and you did it to make me uncomfortable. I feel little things like that are so specific and you never know the exact situation it's going to be, but I'm really glad that somebody told me that when I was younger because it has come up a lot for me over the years.

Your show is titled “Love Life.” So let’s talk about your love life. Your first crush, best relationship you’ve had, worst breakup?

My first crush was in elementary school, and his name was Robbie. And I told him that I had a crush on him. And he told me that I was too short. So that was very heartbreaking for me. And now I really like being short. I actually love being a petite woman, that's fine with me.

My worst break-up was something that we tried to put in the show in a very, wait, that was like, a lot of stuff in the show is stuff that I mined from my own life, but it's all changed just enough so that I don't get angry phone calls from ex-boyfriends.

So, the worst breakup was something that I really wanted to put in the show. And I felt it was important to talk about the fact that I feel like most women don't make it out of their 20's without dating a guy who's a little scary. And you don't have to be in physical danger to be able to ask your friends for help. I was young and this was a short relationship, but he started to feel scary to me. And I felt like I was being dramatic. I felt like if I told my friends about it, they would say that I was overreacting. And it wasn't until later that I realized that my friends would have been happy to help me. And, luckily, that was a relationship that I got out of after only five or six months.

But in the show, for Darby, that relationship is longer. And so it was important to me to show that things can get uncomfortable and scary in relationships, and threatening. But sometimes when the good times are so good, it's really hard to leave. So yeah, a lot of the best and worst stuff of my relationship history is sort of in the show. Hopefully in a way where I have plausible deniability.

I watched your other TV show “Dummy.” Have you found a new appreciation for sex toys after having done that?

Well, I think during “Dummy,” which is about a sex doll for those who don't know, it did give me a new appreciation for people who are owners of sex dolls. Because it turns out that a sex doll is really heavy-lifting, way heavier than you think it's going to be. So, I feel like there's a level of commitment there to the people who enjoy sex dolls. No judgement here.

So, I tip my cap to those people.  And actually, the director of “Dummy,” who created all the episodes of “Dummy,” her names is Tricia Brock, She also directed the Danny Coupons episode on “Love Life.” The one episode that opens with Darby using a sex toy. So, I was like, Tricia, you just like to have me doing something gross every time we work together.

You have lots of intimate scenes with all your love interests in the show. So talk about your views on doing nudity or intimate scenes.

It's funny that you say that because when we started doing the show, it dawned on me that in every single episode, I was gonna be doing like a kissing scene or a sex scene with someone brand new. Like each episode is a different person. So, that was nerve-wracking, but my personal feelings on nudity have stayed the same, which is that I'm not really interested in nudity for me. But I've never had a problem with simulated sex scenes. To me, that feels like that's about the character whereas I only get one body so nudity just isn't for me.

I was just so totally grateful each new episode that each cast member that we had and we had so many talented guys come on the show to say nothing of the women on the show, who like blow me away so talented. But I was very grateful that every person that Darby dates on the show is like such a class act, such a good actor, such a professional. Because it was definitely weird to know we're going to meet, and then immediately start filming. And within a week, we are going to be in bed pretending to have sex. So I was just very grateful that everybody was the coolest.

Tell us where you are right now and what are you doing for your mental and physical health during this time.

I'm in my house in LA. I'm by myself. I think it comes in waves. I could say I've been exercising every day and cooking and doing everything. I don't know what the experience has been for you, but there's definitely been days where I feel really helpless. I think that's probably something we're all dealing with. Just that feeling that something really terrible is happening and I can't help. I can't do anything and it makes you feel really powerless. You're trapped in your house and I definitely have gone through different cycles of letting that get me down and then just trying to let it happen rather than say a lot of other people have it worse than you, stop feeling sorry for yourself. So, just letting the bad feelings exist and knowing that they'll pass and that we will all get through this together.

I do feel grateful for the sense of community that exists even though we can't be together. Getting on Zoom chats, or Skype, or whatever the platform is and talking to my family, talking to my friends. Twice a week I do family movie nights. So, my parents are in Maine and my brothers in New York, and we pick a movie and we all press play at the same time. We watched that Robert Redford movie “The Natural” and “Princess Bride” and movies like that. We're all texting each other during the movie, which normally would be a no, but under the circumstances is really sweet. So, we're finding creative ways to stay connected.

Love Life’s first three episodes will debut May 27 on HBO Max, and the following seven will stream the Thursdays following.

[gloriafc]

Chris dating someone with a child

You were hired to help set up the playlist for a movie Chris was directing. He originally just wanted you to redo some of your songs as acoustic songs but really liked your input for other songs that'd work for different scenes, so he had you come in to watch the different scenes play out to get your input for background music, or to get your input on how a scene could focus around a song.

Occasionally you'd bring your two year old daughter with you, and she'd be an angel. She'd sit behind the camera silently, and Chris having a soft spot for kids would let her 'direct'

She'd even have a mini megaphone, yelling out orders which the cast would funny enough obey, some of her ideas actually getting used.

She decided that her favorite person besides you was Chris. Some days Chris would bring Dodger with him for your daughter to play with, it got to the point where whenever she saw Chris she immediately asked "Where Dodger?"

"So she can't say hungry, but she can say your dog's name perfectly.

One day Chris asked you about her dad, curious to know, and not admitting he was starting to get feeling for you. You quietly told him that he died in a car accident shortly after you had your daughter.

After a while, you and Chris started dating, your daughter immediately adapting to the change of not just seeing him at work but also at home.

Everyone could see how much he cared for not only you, but that your daughter had a very special place in his heart.

When the movie was finished you and Chris decided to show up to the premier together, confirming the many rumors of you two being together.

Months later you finally decided to go out with both Chris and your daughter. Normally when you'd go out with your daughter paparazzi would usually be respectful about staying a distance away to prevent scaring the small child.

But that day wasn't one of those days. As soon as they caught sight of the two of you, they started swarming. Chris pushed through the group first to make way for you and the small girl who had her face pressed into your neck. When Chris lost contact with your hand he started to get nervous, it wasn't until he heard your daughter start to cry that he snapped.

"Can you back the fuck up!? You're scaring her."

Chris opens the back door of your car and you quickly climb in to buckle her in, as Chris goes around to climb into the driver's side. You quickly climb over the center console, instead of getting out not wanting to deal with the crowd.

A couple weeks later you do an interview, and of course they bring up your daughter and the incident with the paparazzi.

"How has your daughter reacted to your relationship with Chris?" "I actually think that she and dodger both had a part in us getting together. But she loves being around him. And it's gotten to the point where we both understand that she sees him as the male figure in her life." "You don't think he's replacing her dad, since he can't be there." "No. I do have pictures of him around the house, and I think she understands who her dad is, she may not really understand my relationship with Chris, but she knows she can trust him like she would her dad if he was here." "So you don't think Chris overstepped a boundary with the paparazzi." "Of course not. I've never been out with her and had something like that happen to us. And I know that it's because me and him were out together, but to feel so enclosed and to have my daughter in the middle of that and her feeling unsafe to the point where she was trying to hide, I just wanted to get out of there. I think that she wasn't as scared because Chris was there, but once she lost sight of him she started crying because even as a child she was having her personal space violated for what? A couple pictures? The way he reacted, he never once got violent, honestly if he wasn't there I would've reacted way worse. His actions just showed me that he understands that it's not just me and him in this relationship, my daughter is a big piece of who I am. And to see him do that first hand just tells me that I can trust him to keep her safe if I cant and that's the most important thing to me."

When an award show comes around, since it is a smaller one, you decide on taking her with you, not wanting one negative event to have a big effect on her. She gets excited to put on the fancy blue dress along with what she likes to call shiny shoes.

Having gotten ready at Chris's house, he soon walks in making your daughter excited to see he has a black jacket on that matches hers. "MATCH!"

You're quick to pick her up and meet Chris's brother downstairs, Chris deciding to bring him along since you're bringing your daughter as your date. Chris's whole family were quick to take a liking to you and the now three year old, happy to see him happy, so it's no surprise when she runs to Scott and he instantly picks her up, swinging her around.

The red carpet goes by smoothly, your daughter actually taking the spotlight making you laugh when she poses alongside you.

As the award show goes on, your daughter chooses to sit on Chris's lap, playing a game on his phone and making faces at Scott.

By the end of the night, your daughter is fast asleep on Chris's shoulder, his jacket draped over her like a blanket. And you can't help but think about how much he really means to both you and her. He didn't even have to try and win over your daughter.

Chris can only think about you the same way as he stares at your mini-me fast asleep on his shoulder. He thinks of how much he cares about you, and how he'd do anything for her to keep her happy and safe, she has him in the palm of her hand.

It was already decided that you'd soon move in with him, but he knew he wanted to take things further sometime soon.

He spent months planning what to say, telling you he was writing another movie, planning how the evening would go

Knowing how simple you can be Chris made dinner for the two of you, your daughter at your parents house knowing exactly what was going to happen. Little did he know you had something up your sleeve as well.

After the two of you ate he brought you to the backyard, "Chris as much as I love the garden it's freezing." He quickly dropped down to his knee and proposed. He quickly became nervous when you started crying and dropped down to your knees.

He didn't understand until you grabbed his face and whispered, "I'm pregnant."

He was quick to pick you up and spin you around, dodger jumping around in the background sensing how happy the two of you were.

The two of you sat with your news at home, spending weeks not confirming engagement rumors thankful you weren't showing just yet. The two of you explained as best as you could to your now four year old.

She quickly became excited when you told her Chris would become her dad, bringing tears to your eyes when she said, "But I already thought he was like my dad."

By the time the two of you were ready to confirm both your engagement and pregnancy rumours, some getting thrown around due to a slight weight gain, you were set to go on a small acoustic tour.

To avoid another paparazzi incident, Chris confirmed the rumours himself during an interview, you watching at a hotel in a different state along with your daughter.

"Now Chris, we aren't one to believe the many rumors that go around about you, but there's two specific ones that everyone is wondering about." "Right." "Can you either confirm or deny that either one is true or untrue?" "They're both true." Chris laughs when the audience goes wild before the interview continues, "Wow, really? Tell us how you found out about the pregnancy." "She never told me how she found out exactly, but I'm guessing it's just because she already went through that she knows the signs, but uh she actually told me the night I proposed." "Wait really?" "Oh yeah, I looked it up after she fell asleep and read how pregnancy emotions can get everywhere. But when I proposed she started crying and dropped to her knees and I was thinking oh God what is going to happen. Like I was expecting the worst and ready to get my heart broken. The whole time I was just thinking of how much I love her and Y/D/N so much that it'd suck if they both just left. But she quickly stopped crying enough to grab my face and just flat out said I'm pregnant."

You continue to watch with a smile on your face.

"So you both had to explain to Y/D/N how did she react?" Chris laughs, "So we told her about the engagement first, because she kept asking to wear the ring. You know little girls always want to play in their moms jewelry, and Y/N doesn't wear a lot of jewelry so she was asking about the new ring and we both just sat her down and explained that I'm basically joining their small family, that'd I'd be considered her dad. She looked so uninterested in the conversation but when she said I thought he was already like my dad, my heart almost exploded. I've been in her life since she was two and I never considered myself as her father figure, I'd do anything for her but I never wanted to overstep that boundary with her until I was sure. As for the pregnancy she's excited, hoping for a brother so she doesn't have to share her toys but she's excited about it. We're all excited."

[natsunoomoi]

Oh yeah, addendum to the other post from earlier because I went to bed after I found it, but yeah. I found the spot where it talks about it finally. But just annoyed because I think it was an issue with like textual clean up or my phone browser at the time screwing with me as I went back and forth to the translation notes that it probably wasn't as clearly input into my memory the first time around. I don't have ad blockers on my phone so when I was originally reading it I was having formatting issues that I think distracted my reading sometimes. I still managed to remember quite a lot of details in general for the plot, I think, but I remember it was frustrating to try to get to the end. Checking now on my desktop and the formatting issues are near nonexistent so it's easier to read and jog my memory that oh yeah I did read this part.

But also still annoyed that it's improperly cited on the wiki cuz ugh, that's not how you write a wiki. Proper chapter citations, yo. It is in 81 not 92. *facepalm* Still kind of wondering where that other part I read when I started this book was mentioned? Still haven't seen that at all.

I think also I remember I was a bit more concerned about the overall meaning of what the ending meant too than what Qinghua was saying. Like the way everything turned out in the book it was really sweet and all and I like Qingqiu and Binghe together, but I was and still am really concerned that they only really work as a couple in this book specifically because of the circumstances of the book. I can understand people IRL are repressed or don't think about their own sexuality and maybe discover it later or under the right circumstances, but at the same time the way things unfolded also gives me some concerns. It's more possible that someone who is straight might only think so because it's just the normal accepted type of relationship we see in our modern society so they don't question or explore it so they don't know, but at the same time, I'm also concerned because your sexuality doesn't just change because of one person either. IRL if someone is not into you, they're not into you. I'm a little worried as well that the relationship between the characters is also a little coercive. Like when we're talking about enthusiastic consent IRL it means for all partners and both people in a relationship should thoughtfully respect the other's boundaries and needs, and unfortunately, Binghe tends to not respect boundaries. It makes for good comedy and cuteness in a fictional work, but a lot of young people also read this book and it worries me a bit what some people might learn about relationships in that regard.

Like this maybe a separate thing, but like thinking about the consent in the relationship in this book reminds me of a Reddit post I saw where this one guy was asking for advice about a situation with his gf where his gf would only sleep with him if he put on Sasuke cosplay and she wore Naruto cosplay and basically they acted out her BL fantasy. And like he was very kind and onboard with her roleplay because he wanted her to be happy, but also like when he asked to maybe not do the cosplay, she would get upset and refuse to be intimate with him in any other way. And like, yeah, the situation is very funny, but because this is a real life couple you can see how when only one person bends to their partner's desires and needs, it can leave the other person feeling unheard and empty. As hilarious as it sounds, a lot of people were very sympathetic for the guy and feeling for him cuz like he was doing everything right and giving it a try for her and then also just approaching her maturely and trying to talk about his own comfort in that regard and she wasn't hearing him. So similar to how I feel bad and afraid for that guy, I actually feel kind of concerned and afraid for SY/Qingqiu a little. Like if both of them were my friend IRL, I would legit be worried that Binghe wasn't always listening to Qingqiu's needs. The relationship needs to be an equal give and take or at least balanced, but one side tends to take more and act more selfishly, and it's like, you only feel worried and want them to talk to each other more and grow because you want them to be able to last together.

Still kind of getting into the other books, but in comparison the other relationships in the other two books seem to be more positive and supportive. Like TGCF seems to be the most healthy and functional as an actual relationship.

Also a bit concerned that Airplane's original outline was a teacher x student relationship. Like we can argue it's okay for SY cuz he's not really Qingqiu, but that relationship being the original outline is also risque and that is NG at worst and a huge risk at best. Like it was viewed bad enough already that Qingqiu was written to eye Ning Yingying, it wouldn't be viewed any better if that part of the original outline was in it too. On the plus side the way SVSSS plays out Binghe is an adult already when the situation happens and it is at a more appropriate time, but the optics are pretty bad just because of like ideas of society that a master is like a parent and a disciple is like a child. It's also related to the titles and such that they call each other like shixiong, shidi, etc. They have family dynamics with each other so it's not great. It's not like there aren't some situations IRL where teacher and student become a couple, but in many circumstances it's highly inappropriate. The underage issue is the normal problem. But if they are grown and it is later when you are no longer their teacher I've seen some couples where it worked out, but it's a situation of consenting adults at least. Still a little concerned about the power imbalance dynamics. In IRL situations that's a big thing too. Other than age, one person being able to affect other parts of your life on a whim is a huge stressor on a relationship you don't need. I can kind of understand how it would have worked out in a positive if like Qingqiu had shown empathy for Binghe when they first met because their lives mirror each other's, but like a lot of the other things Qinghua added into the story like the extent of Qingqiu's traumas being played out as asshole behavior became huge barriers. Like I mentioned, with just his traumas it would be very difficult for him to be able to have even a deep friendship with other men, which is similar to how IRL people in real life don't have a chance to explore themselves because of various issues and stuff in society. But also Binghe being ultimately unhappy by just doing what the world thinks he should do and not what he wants on both an in-world level and a meta level. We don't get a whole lot on Shen Jiu, so I'm really curious how that would have actually worked on his end because he seemed really broken, but it's impossible to parse out what of the original plot we can imagine to remove to understand the original outline and how it would have happened. He was very alone and even though the pipa player called him a friend, it doesn't seem like he was able to have a close enough friend to talk with or confide in at all. But is that isolation part of the original outline or part of the PIDW plot?

Anyway, it's things like that that I think about all the time and that's why I end up going into dives into the wiki cuz I want to like think about something and want to check notes real quick to make sure I'm thinking about it right. But the wiki is unreliable. Like also there was one part where it says that the bad cultivation manual was only something the other disciples did to Binghe, but in SJ's POV chapter he literally says that he gave him the shitty one. The wiki also claimed that him pouring tea was also actually an application of medicine misunderstood, but I haven't found any evidence of that either and it's just stuff like that that send me into a rabbit hole that derail me from my original thoughts I'm trying to work out.

[masterthespianduchovny]

I believe Kendall is the most popular character in the series, but Roman is far more compelling in my opinion.

His emotional arc and burgeoning maturity is a compelling thing to watch, esp when you get glimpses as to why he is the way he is.

In the beginning, I wanted to root for Roman because he was a Culkin, and then Roman tore up the check and I was like, “Fuck this dude.” I mean, clearly, the character and not the actor.

But, in retrospect, that doesn’t seem like something Roman would do. Yes, it’s canonical that he did it, but it’s also canonical that he was wearing, presumably, a wedding band in that same ep that we’ll most likely never get answers for. My point is: the pilot ep is almost always the rough draft of characters going forward. This doesn’t erase his actions, but it just seems “out of character.”

With that being said, we see Roman going from a yes man to his father and caring about his own bottom line to genuinely assessing situations and giving his honest opinion. 

His journey to get there was strange, unusual, yet sweet.

Roman was sex obsessed, vulgar, and a fuck up. It was easy to assume that he’s this way because he’s spoiled when, in reality, he most likely suffered the worst of his father’s abuse and was punished for being “weaker.” The implied explanation behind Roman’s behavior is that Logan put his youngest son down in one way or another to uphold the hierarchy between him and Kendall. We see that Connor knows his place and doesn't challenge it, but Roman did and does.

Logan made it where Roman was self sabotaging and heavily insecure about himself and his abilities. 

I want to resist the urge of labeling Gerri as the catalyst behind Roman’s change, but I see no other significant factor beyond her. Roman has always wanted to prove himself to his dad and repeatedly failed because that’s how he was molded. But, something happened during the trip to Japan that made Roman and Gerri become closer. Even if it was unstated and imperceptible, there was a change that bonded them.

The Roy children are conditioned to want their dad’s approval, despite failing or it never being enough. Which is why Roman keeps trying.

But, things change with Gerri.

After getting business advice from the wrong person, he finally asks the right person. If it hadn’t been for Japan, would he had asked her? And what’s more noteworthy is: he takes her suggestion seriously. 

Back in season 1 episode 2, we see that Roman respects and admires Gerri’s skills at her job. 

Interestingly enough, Roman wants her in the room during a business dealing, which is a stark contrast to his vehemence of Frank being his babysitter. IMO, Frank most likely made it very known that he looked down on Roman and probably gleefully reported Roman’s mistakes and fuck ups to Logan. Although he didn't have many dealings with Gerri before season 2, she sasses Roman back, but treated him like an adult; albeit, a very spoiled one, but she did humor him, take him seriously, and keeps whatever mistakes he made between them.  

The thing that really spurs Roman’s maturity and self awareness into motion is Gerri checking on him. How often do we see people check on Roman’s emotional well being? Or touch base with him? But, Gerri does and Roman asks her what he needs to do to be taken seriously.

He wouldn’t had ever asked Frank that. And Frank would’ve given him some smart ass reply if he did.

But, Gerri gives him practical advice and is open to being the person Roman leans on. She gives him great, but obvious advice that benefits him in the long run. Her advice also addresses Roman’s glaring flaws of not having practical experience, training, or knowledge surrounding running a business.

Gerri is the first person that Roman allowed himself to be completely vulnerable regarding his insecurities and desire for his father’s approval who made him feel safe and validated. She didn’t give a smart ass reply or justify why his father didn’t trust him, she advised him to do things that will get Logan to trust Roman.

And this is important because Gerri goes from, Gerri Kellman, job good-doer to, Gerri, someone Roman can confide in about professional issues.

After that, we see Roman calling and telling her about every little thing. He sees her as a mentor, but also a friend and someone who isn’t going to judge him.

And maybe this is where the change truly starts. Perhaps, the rocket incident is still on his mind, but having Gerri being a soundboard and help guide his career, Roman can finally begin to grow into his own. This is further underscored when their relationship crossing into a sexual boundary. Roman reveals this incredibly intimate part of him and Gerri doesn’t judge him; she doesn’t make him feel bad about; she inherently understands his need. What interesting about the second “conference call” scene is that Roman is fully prepared to leave and apologizes before realizing that Gerri is in character. And then, he goes into character instantly.

After their first conference call, he’s awkward around her. With their second, he’s his normal self and cracking jokes and telling the truth because it sounds like a lie.

Since this was around the time Roman found out that Shiv was the heavy favorite for the next CEO, he’s down, but is also showing self awareness. He hasn’t reverted back to his old self. Gerri has to beg him to talk to Eduard, but she basically informs him: I went to bat for you, despite your father wanting Tom. I find it noteworthy that he describes her suggestion as “make up sex” and her “grinding against him” to apologize for the Shiv thing. He’s allowing himself to be upset with her in that moment like normal people do opposed to the repressing his true feeling like he does with his family. Whether Gerri revealing that she suggested him to his dad meant something in that moment, it definitely meant something going forth. I believe after this we get an increase of “Gerri says”, Gerri thinks”, and “Gerri cares...”

Gerri is the only one who has consistently taken Roman seriously, was a resource for him to improve his business skills, and allowed him to be vulnerable without making him feel bad about it. 

That, in turn, made Roman take himself seriously as a person even when it came to offering a suggestion that continued to threaten Waystar as they knew it.

It takes a lot of maturity and self awareness to say, “hey, this is an important deal for us; I may not be the guy for this”, despite you knowing what this opportunity could mean for you. And Logan’s decision to keep the course with Roman wooing Eduard has everything to do with Gerri’s faith in him. Would Logan care that Roman was good with people, if Gerri hadn’t pushed for him, stressed that the panel went well, or the other things she’s done? Gerri constantly put Roman in a position to succeed, which fed him confidence and allowed it grow in a healthy way. This is highlighted times a million when he tells his dad to reject the offer after him kidnapping.

But, we also have his interpersonal relationships with his family members.

Roman asked his father if he was doing well and had someone to talk to about Marcia. He was truly concerned about his father’s emotional well being. Roman wasn’t just content with, “You good?” No, he also wanted to see if his dad had a support system to deal with his marriage falling apart. This is not the Roman of season 1, that’s for sure. On the yacht when he asked Kendall and Shiv if they could have a normal conversation if they came out of the situation, he WAS the only mature one in the discussion. I know they were having funny, but it did appear that Kendall and Shiv have difficulty having normal, healthy, and productive conversations with one another. They’re so used to competing, undercutting each other, and looking for an angle. They don’t fully trust each other.

Roman wants to know that his loved ones are doing okay and connect to and with them, but ironically enough, he is the only one having a healthy “relationship.” His needs are being met.

For him to trust Gerri the way he does to not only 1. Propose a business team up, but 2. Defend her at the blood sacrifice, speaks volumes.

It shows that he has come a long way from the asshole who ripped up the check in front of the kid and the guy who washed his hand and pretended a rocket didn’t explode. 

This also makes Roman dangerous, but in a good way. Kendall has always had the advantage over Roman because he knew the business and how to speak in business terms. But, with Roman working through his issues and actually putting in the work, Roman could give Kendall an actual run for his money. I've said this before, Roman is a killer. But, he lacked the confidence and knowledge to be useful. With Gerri’s guidance and his ever growing confidence and skill, Roman is growing into a better successor in reality, esp because I think he has better negotiating and people skills. 

[benjaminjofaiho]

The Captain Next Door Ch.5

Summary: You’re a doctor who also just so happens to be a fan fiction writer. You love lots of fandoms but Captain America is by far your fave, so what happens when you get a new job, move to Brooklyn and realize that the brownstone you bought is right next door to Captain America? Obviously shenanigans ensue.

Warnings: Swearing.

It’s worth noting that I do not care for or abide by the timeline, there are some people mentioned that haven’t technically been brought together yet [ As per Winter Soldier ] but I did it anyway.  P.S. I do not currently have a beta and the ‘f’ and ‘u’ keys on my keyboard are messed up so incase you see repeating letters anywhere they aren’t supposed to be feel free to let me know.

AN: I had so much fun writing this chapter. Please reblog and share. Your feedback is always welcome and I love hearing from y’all.

You looked at his back muscles and not to mention nice ass as he walked up the steps to your house. Yeah. This was definitely going into a fic. The world needs to know about this physique. He turned back to you and asked you if you were ready with that milliwatt smile. You were ready alright. Ready to jump his bones. Just as he was about to turn his keys into his house your phone started to ring. You lifted it to see The Bone Man’s smiling face.

           “Boner, what’s up?”

           “Hey babe, Do you got time for a couple consults?” A couple? Usually it was just the one or two.

           “What do you mean a couple?” You hesitated, putting your finger up to Steve, you were completely taken out of your flirty and laid back mood it was work time. He turned to completely face you and lean on his front door.

           “Yeah I know you’re not working today but there was a freak accident on the highway. I have about 10 patients that need to go into surgery but I need your okay and the on call doctor isn’t answering his phone.”

           “Fucking Daniels. I bet he’s golfing with members of the bboard. I’ll be there, gimme 20.” Ending the call and biting your lip you looked at Steve. You were going to get to go into CAPTAIN AMERICA’S house but Dr. Daniels was in absentia so you were the next call.

           “Listen I’m really sorry but I have to go, there’s emergency at work.” Looking at your watch you absent-mindedly said “I told him 20 but it’ll be more like an hour, I totally forgot it’s rush hour. Alright Captain, duty calls.” Turning and running to go to your brownstone and get your workbag and change your clothes you heard Steve calling out for you.

           “Y/N! Wait!” You turned to see him jogging up to you “Where do you work?”

           “Mount Sainai. Why?”

           “It doesn't have to take that long.”

           Scrunching your face you told him “ I know about the subway,  but I don’t know it that well and I don't want to risk getting lost. Plus I heard the MTA is really unreliable and I don't have time for any delays right now” Spinning back around your continued to your house but you were stopped by an arm around your bicep. It felt as if your body came alive. Usually when you were thinking about work you had a really one track mind. Work was still on your mind while your bicep burned, it just wasn't at the forefront. You looked down and saw a large hand that you would have imagined was very rough but was actually soft and then looked up to Steve’s face. For a moment he was staring down at his hand too. Snapping out of whatever haze he was in he let you go.

           “Sorry.” His hand shot up. “I can get you there in 15.”

           “15 minutes?” You asked, confused. It took 20 minutes to get to work without traffic. How was he going to get you there faster than that? You decided to voice that particular concern.            

           “Just trust me, Go get your stuff and I’ll be waiting for you when you get out.” Knowing you had no time to argue you just turned and ran up the steps into you home. Within ten minutes you were back with your hair up in a bun and jeans with a blouse. All signs of Saturday rest and relaxation were off of you. And there he sat. Atop a fucking motorcycle. You almost tripped over nothing and your eyes were bugging. You were sure of it..

           “Absolutely not.” You began.

           “You’ll be fineeeee” He started to persuade. “ Think of all the people you could save. And potentially loose if you call an Uber. Come on. Get on.” Realizing he was right you were about to get up behind him and then you stopped again.

           “What’s up Doc?” He smiled. Under normal circumstances that would have gotten a light chuckle out of you. But aren’t weekend Y/N. Weekend Y/N had checked out and Work Y/N was here and in complete control despite her faltering 10 minutes ago.

           “I can’t get on that death trap without a helmet” You shrugged pulling out your phone about to open the Uber app.

           “Hey” He said and he was in front of you in an instant. “Of course I would get you a helmet. We have to protect the precious cargo.” Handing you an all-black helmet. How many times would he alone you make you grateful for your melanin that a blush you could feel was creeping up behind. He took your bag from you while letting you put the helmet on.  He sat on the bike and waited for you to get on. This was the closest you’d been to him in your almost 3 months of knowing each other and you weren’t touching him but you might as well have been. You could feel the heat radiating off his back. Flipping the face shield up you asked how you wouldn't fly off. Was there some sort of mini motorcycle seatbelt or something?

           “Yeah of course look at the end of your arms” He laughed. “You can either wrap them around me or hold on to that little railing on either side of the back.” You looked back and indeed there was a little railing, then opting to respect his boundaries; hold on to those. The engine come alive beneath you and you let out a little squeal you hoped he didn't hear.

           “Ready? He shouted.

           “Yeah” You shouted back trying to sound as normal as possible. You were off and zipping through your borough and were on the highway in 4 minutes. Shortly after you pulled up behind a sedan where you stayed for almost a full minute. Traffic was no joke and you started to think maybe it would have been better for you to take the subway. Moving  closer to Steve so he could hear you began to shout over all the engines around you.

           “Traffic is worse than I expected! I think I should have gotten on the subway”. In lieu of responding he just shook his head. You heard him saying something from behind the screen shield of his helmet. After asking what several times, he annoying flipped up his visor and said “I said hold on!” You were the closest you'd ever been in your months of knowing each other.  You were able to see his eyes weren’t all the way blue actually, they had a bit of gold flecks in them. Only being able to manage a strangled ‘okay’ he flipped his visor down.

           Grabbing the handles behind you and clenching your teeth you closed your eyes and prepared for the worst. But you weren’t prepared for what happened. The world started to fly by you and all you could see the back of Steve and the your blurred surrounding. Before you knew it you were screaming and found your arms all the way wrapped around Captain America. Boundaries be damned, this man was trying to kill you. Did you he know you belonged to people? Did he know you were someone’s child? You both made it to the hospital in 9 minutes and you got off the back of his bike with shaking knees.  

           “Steven. It feels like my esophagus dropped through my chest knocking my heart into my stomach causing a ripple effect that made my uterus fly out of my asshole.” Before being able to stop yourself your hands shot up to cover your mouth. “Excuse my language. I appreciate the ride but that was crazy.” Meanwhile Steve was keeled over his handlebars laughing enough for the whole island of Manhattan.

           Between fits of laughter he managed “Y/N, you know to call me Steve come on. And plus it was my pleasure, you've been feeding me well for months so this was honestly the least I could do. By the way what time do you get off work?”

           “Oh Steve, you don’t have to do that-” he cut you off immediately.

           “I’ll  be in the area. I was supposed to come down here during the week but since I’m already here I might as well get stuff done. Plus, I’ve been hearing a lot about global warming, and that its my generations fault and how we can help emissions by doing communal rides and such which, so I’m picking you up because it’s my civil duty, and to collectively lower our…carbon footprint?” you couldn't help but smile. You were had no idea the great Captain America was a rambler.

           “Okay.” And you both looked at each other smiling small and you turned to walk away. Turing back around “Oh! By the way, if you happen to finish your…stuff before I’m done take Sonia’s number. She’ll be able to direct you to my office where you can wait and if you’re hungry she can grab you something to eat as well. There’s a TV in there so you can watch the news or whatever old men do” You ended laughing and his smile got bigger as well. Turning around and walking through the automatic doors of the hospital Work Y/N was back. It was game time.

           After quickly changing into your scrubs and lab coat you paged Boner and were able to find him near intake with a patient.

           “Bone man, talk to me” You began. You heard a patient laugh and question Bone man?

           “Excuse me ma’am, Dr. Y/L/N. knows my name is Dr.Siriboe she just likes to joke.” He leaned in close to her like he was about to reveal a top secret and put his hand up to the side of his mouth. “You know I heard she wanted to be a comedian at first, but she didn’t have the chops so she settled for being a doctor. Not as funny but I guess it keeps the lights on” He ended with a shrug. The patient began to laugh. You knew Boner was funny but he wasn't tears in your eyes funny. This was because he was a handsome surgeon. You were woman enough to admit his good looks. Keeping it as professional as you could with someone you’d known for so long, you got started.

           With a smile still on your voice you asked “So, what do we have here?”

====================Steve’s POV=======================

           He had nothing to do. Absolutely nothing. But when he felt her arms wrap around him like that? He knew he was hooked and was looking for any way to get a fix. So he pulled up to the place he would always go when he needed time to think. The Met.

           The Met served as a sort of mental relief and motivation/inspiration, depending on his head space when he decided to visit. But as of late, he hadn’t needed to visit because. He didn’t know he just felt, satiated. He looked around at various exibits and found himself staring at a portrait of an open field of flowers. Physically he was staring at that painting but in reality he was looking through it, and thinking of you. He spent the next few hours wandering around the Meuseum for hours. Around 6 he decided to head back over to the hospital to see if she was ready to go.

           Upon arrival he texted Sonia and got the instructions to your office. Finally walking in he saw the smile on your assistant’s face welcoming him and asking him if there was anything he needed.

           “I’m fine thank you ma’am, although, would you be able to help me turn the news on in Dr. Y/L/N’s office?”

           “Of course Sir.” she replied. “And please, Sonia is fine.

            After a few minutes of silence with her setting up the TV for him he asked “Please don’t take this the wrong way. But why aren’t you acting more nervous? Not that I want you to or anything…just curious.” Sonia let out a light laugh.

           “To be honest I kind of know of you a bit. I speak with Sam a lot and you’ve come up in conversations plenty of times seeing as how the both of you are in some type of love affair” She began to audibily laugh and then absentmindedly added “Plus I can’t the good Doc to shut up about you, so I sort of feel as if I know you already.” She continued to search for the right channel. Before he could stop himself he found himself asking

           “Really? Y/N talks about me? What does she say?” All he heard was a distracted ‘hmm?’ in way of response.

           “Excuse me, Sonia” He began again. “What does she say about me?”

           “I’m sorry what?” Sonia turns her face in his direction with her eyes still glued on the screen. It was clear she was responsive but not present.

           “Sonia?”

           “Yes! Oh I’m so sorry! I always get confused by this TV.” She said landing on BBC and finally turning to give him her full attention. “What was your question again?”

           “Y/N? What does she say about me?” He’d never thought it would be possible to see the color drain from a person with such a rich complexion but he was witnessing it.

           “I don't think I said that, Captain”

           “Oh yes you did. You said, and I quote ‘To be honest I kind of know of you a bit. I speak with Sam a lot and you’ve come up in conversations plenty of times seeing as how the both of you are in some type of love affair. Plus I can’t the good Doc to shut up about you, so I sort of feel as if I know you already’ Actually. By your words it seems as if she talks about me a lot. So, what does she say?” Sonia started backing out of Y/N’s office.

           “ You know the usual…nothing unscrupulous…You know her, shes a sweetheart. Only good things and you can believe me about that” She answered nervously.

           “Can’t you give me any specifics?” He turned the Captian America charm on 3000. Who was he becoming? Since when did he imagine doing sinful things to beautiful women and it was getting out of his control. Since when did he try to do anything possible to get closer to a woman ? Physically and otherwise? Since when did he draw the same subject over and over for God’s sake? He was a disciplined, responsible, respectable man. Who was Y/N turning him into? Even in the midst of this mental crisis he knew she wouldn't be able to refuse the Charm.

           “ Nothing much. You’re really friendly and helpful, and brave because of your job and all that ya’know? And that you have a nice smile but your eyes. Good lord when she starts on your eyes I know to take a seat because we are gonna be here for a while.” She began to playfully mimick your accent “Oh my God Sonia, I’ve never seen eyes so blue” and then as if noticing she was spilling all the beans her hand shot up over her mouth. “You never heard that! You never even spoke to me! In fact I’m just the pretty lady with the beautiful accent to you!”

           He couldn't help but laugh. And he was happy for it because before her little outburst he was feeling something that he was sure other people would deem as shy? Or was he blushing? He had no idea but he didn’t like the feeling one bit so laughter was a nice change of pace.

           “Hey” He said grinning as he shot his hands up “ No one will ever get a word out of me.”

           “Thank you” she breathed a sigh of relief  “That would have been my ass.” With that she left him in the office. He had a little while to think to himself it didn't last long because he could see the profile of a man talking to Sonia out in the little reception and shortly he turned and walked into her office.

           “Hello Sir, it’s such an honor to meet you. I’m Dr.Siriboe, I work in a different department than Dr. Y/L/N, but when Sonia told me you were here I couldn’t pass up the chance to meet you. Thank you for all your service and sacrifice. My grandfather fought in WW2 so I grew up hearing stories about the front line and I know the tax it takes on a person. Your hard work does not go unnoticed, Captain.” He smiled. Steve smiled back

           “It’s good to meet you, Dr. Siriboe. I’m just a guy that decided to put on a uniform one day but you, decided to put on a white coat and save lives. That is an equally if not more taxing and hororable carrer so the pleasure is mine.” Simling widely Dr.Siriboe gave a small nod in way of accepting the comment and asked the captain to sit down with him.

           “So” He began “You like 2k?”

           “Love it!” Steve replied with a big smile.

           “Wanna play? You know what matter of fact I can’t do that to you. I’m sure whopping your ass would be considered treason or something.”

           “To be commit treason you would have to be in possession of some type of threat.” Looking around the office Steve continued “But I don't see anything threatening in here.”

           “Ohhhh Cap’s got jokes!” Kofi said laughing with Steve. “But its not gonna be so funny when I decimate you in this game. Then Imma be the only one laughing.”

           “Now son, If I go in on you it would be considered heroism in defense of our great nation”           Steve snapped back laughing. “You don’t want these problems.”

           “Son? Sir. Sir. Excuse me, sir. If I were to really get started by the time I was done witcha they’d arrest me on elder abuse and I’m liable to catch a case.”

           Before he knew it they had been playing a game of madden for about 30 mintues and between the little conversation and a whole lot of shit talking he really took a liking to Kofi. He enjoyed his company and he was always looking for new friends that weren’t attached to S.H.E.L.D. in any way possible. He seemed down to earth, and a happy go lucky fellow. Obviously he was smart to be able to become a doctor so he had that going for him as well.

He seemed like the type of guy that would already had been Steve’s friend if they hadn’t just met, he had a friendly personality. Then he wondered why he had never heard of this man before. This is the type of man Y/N should hang around, not that Boner fellow. They seemed as if they would be good friends and he decided then, that he would introduce the two. As if she was a genie and manifested though her doors.

           “Oh! Hey! Steve! You’re here!” She said looking winded.

           “Yeah I am. I’ve been here for a little under an hour just chilling with-” turning behind him to gesture to Kofi “Dr. Siriboe. Dr. Siriboe officially meet Dr. Y/L/N, Dr. Y/L/N, meet Dr, Siriboe, he works in…well actually I didn't even get his department. I’m sorry what department do you work in? You never really mentioned it.”

           “He’s in ortho” She said, cutting him off. Kofi and Y/N stared at each other for bursting out laughing leaving Steve uttlerly confused.

           “Steve, this is the Bone man!” Steve felt something sour in the back of his throat. This? This was dR. bOnEr? THE dr. Boner? That she wouldn't ever leave out of important decisions? The one that helps her when she needs it and doesn't know who to call? This is the guy she was referring to as ‘sort of her work husband and sort of her husband husband?’

           “Oh.” Was all he could manage. He was sure if he could see his own face in that moment it would look something like a 6month old who was constipated. He’d been on the couch fraternizing with the enemy?! Why would he be the enemy? Why would he even think of that? Why had he been internally monologuing this whole day? Again what the hell was she doing to him?

           “Well” He began trying to recover “Are you ready to go home?”

           “Oh! You came to give her a ride? I thought we were gonna split an uber and Rate the Pache as usual and maybe pick up some Thai?”

           “Shut up about Rate the Pache boner! Damnit that's supposed to be between just me and you!” She whisper shouted. He couldn't help himself and asked.

           “What’s rate the pache?” He asked turning to Kofi knowing you wouldn't give him an answer.

           “Well,-” Kofi started

           “Traitor!” She shouted and to be honest it startled Steve a little. He had never seen this playful and mischievous side to her before. He’d seen glimmers of it with Sam but never this full out and raw. He assumed it was because of their old friendship, but that didn't stop the little green monster coming to life within him. Who was he becoming?

Laughing Kofi continued “Rate the Pache is something we started doing back in med school. At the end of the day we get together and rate the patients we worked with on that day. Who would we bone, if there was no repercussions to our careers.” Looking over to you he saw your hands covering your face with what he thought was embarrassment. The practice was a little iffy admittedly, but he couldn't help thinking that she just looked so damn cute acting shy like that.

           “Anyway!!!” She shouted and turned to him. “Steve, I just have to get a couple things done here iff you don't mind waiting like 20 minutes and then we can head home.”

           “Sure, no problem” He said.

           “Well, we can try to finish this game” Kofi said interrupting his train of thought.

           “Ahh I didn't know you were open to public beat downs Kofi, lets do it!” Steve laughed.

           After about 15 minutes of playing, she asked Sonia for a cup of tea and Sonia told her it would be ready in a few, however the next person to open her door was not Sona, but a man instead.    

           “Dr. Daniels” She started, “How nice of you to answer your page” looking at her watch “hmmm… 6 hours too late. People could have died.” The room went silent and everyone turned to look at the late doctor.

           “Dr. Y/L/N, I’m terribly sorry. It started off with me trying to just have a meeting with some of the board members and then they refused to let me leave without playing a round. But I promise the meeting was worth while. I was able to get cardio 3 million dollars for research!”         She let out a squeal.

           “Really?! Damnit Daniels! I was really prepared to rip you a new one but I can’t be mad at this. This money will change so many lives and help preventative care so much. Thank you.” She ended quietly.

           “Of course. Meanwhile I swung by my house and got you something.”

           “Is it what I think it is?”

           “Your blueberry tea leaves as requested. And I threw in some blueberry scones just as you like them. Try one now. I added something new and I want to know if you can taste a difference.”      

           Biting into one she moaned which was the most beautiful sound he’d ever heard. If he weren’t so busy being something in the neighborhood of jealous he might have actually started to feel aroused. Why the hell was she surrounded by all these…Men? Men who had eyes just like him to see how wonderful she was. Men who had dirtier minds than him imaging all sorts of things.

           “Is this lemon glaze drizzled overtop?” She asked.

           “Good pallete! I call them blueberry lemonade.” He replied.

           “I mean this with all repect daniels, if things don't work out here in the hospital and I fire your ass for something you do to annoy me, you could definitely make it as a baker.”

           That pulled a laugh for a quiet Kofi which made this Dr. Daniels aware of his presence as well as Steve’s as well as if he didn’t notice the both of them before.

           “Kofi, what’s up man? Sorry I missed the pages.” Daniels said nodding to Kofi.

           “Don't worry about it man. You know Y/N zoomed in to save the day as usual.” Turing to face Steve it was then he noticed who he was. Steve could always see the change in people when they recognized him. He noticed the Dr. stood up a little taller, and cleared his throat lightly. Oh, he was a fan.

           “Hello, my name is Dr. Gerald Daniels, It’s a pleasure to meet you Captain America.”

           “Nice to meet you Dr. Daniels, likewise.” Steve said giving a patented smile. “Congrats on your new research money by the way.”

           “Thankyousomuch” Daniels rushed out. Then zipping back to her “Enjoy the tea and deserts. See you Monday. I’ll go round on the patients you had today, so you can get home.” With that he was out of the office and left a bouncing Y/N at her desk happy as could be.

           After she finished her scone, Steve watched her walk out of her office and go talk to Sonia. He watched her throw her head back in laughter and couldn't help but imagine yanking her hair back and burying his face in her neck taking in her sweet smell. He wanted to bury something else in her too but then he heard Kofi aggressively clearing his throat.

           “You like what you see?” He started.

           “Sorry?” Steve decided to play stupid.

           “ I mean any other day, I would let you be distracted and continue to score on you while you look in a completely oppsite direction just as I have in the last 2 mintues already scoring 3 times but...” He paused the game “ That’s Y/N. I’m protective over her.” He said seriously.

           “I really don’t know what you think you-” Steve started but Kofi interrupted him.

           “Listen man, I’m not blind. What are you trying to do with her? You know what? That’s none of my business. Whatever it is, make sure you’re clear about it and don't hurt her. Because at that point you’re gonna have more to worry about than aliens falling out of the sky.” With that he unpaused the game and continued to play as if nothing happened between them. Steve turned back to Y/N and Sonia to see Sonia walking out of the office and Y/N looking out the big window. All of a sudden she turned and looked directly at him and gave him a small smile that felt like an ember lighting a fire.  It was a smile he returned.

           “Alright people.” She started after walking back into her office. “I’m just about ready to go and Sonia’s gone for the day, apparently she has a date to get to.” She said wiggling her eyebrows and laughing. Kofi stood.

           “Okay I just got a page myself, so I have to run.” He stretched his arm out to steve. “Nice to meet you man.” Kofi had that easy go lucky smile but his grip was telling another story. It said if you fuck this up I fuck you up. Steve didn’t know where he stood with Kofi. Thiking of him as boner he didn’t like him at all but getting to know him as Kofi he knew he was someone he could befriend plus him sticking up for Y/N like that really won him points in Steve’s book as much as he hated to admit it. He sorta liked the guy.

           Turning to Y/N kissed her cheek and jogged out the door and she looked after him. What the hell was going on with those two?  He couldn’t place his finger on it. Was she maybe into him? Before he could even think of the situation further. She sat on the couch next to him while putting her feet up on the table and let out a big sigh.

           “So how was your day Steve?”

            “Well” he began mentally scrambling. “ I finished those errands I told you about but I ended up at the Met as I usually do.”

           “Usually? What do you do there usually?”

           “I look through Picassos stuff, they’re permanently on display. Then I go through the current exhibits. I like looking at things from all over the world and from varying time periods. Sort off broadening my artistic palette if you will” He said with an easy smile.

           “I’ve never been to the Met! It’s on my list of to-dos before I officially become a New Yorker.”

           “Then I have to take you down there one of your free days. We can. Make a day of it. Remember, doing my civil duty and all.”

           “Sounds good, I’ll let you know” She said quietly. Off course. She was back to her normal self now, trying to let him down easy. He didn't want to make her any more uncomfortable than she already was and suggested they go home.

           She turned off her light in her office and her stomach let out a noise that demanded for attention and she let out a laugh.

           “I’m a little hungry, can you tell?”

           “Right!” Steve said snapping. “Kofi mentioned something about Pad Thai? I know the best Thai restaurant in all the boroughs.”

           “I have to stop ya there chief. If it’s not New Saigon then you are sorely mistaken. Me and boner have been eating there since I used to visit him here in the city and lived back down south. He’s something of a foodie and I’m inclined to believe him.”

           “Hey! I know something or two about food as well. I promise you you’ll like it.” He stared at her while she stared at him and the both of them had a silent battle of wills.

           “Fine! But if I don't like this place, I get to choose where we eat from now on.” Now on? Does that imply that we’ll be doing this more often? Steve decided not to over think it and just live in the moment. He told her wait at the front of the hospital while he pulled the motorcycle around. He couldn't help but notice a pep in his step and it all began with him thinking of having her arms wrapped around him again. Pulling up to the hospital he saw he nervous face in view and let out a little laugh. She was the cutest. He handed her the helmet.

           “Where are we going anyway?” She said taking the helmet from him.

           “It’s this little hole in the wall called Jai-Yen.

           “Jai-Yen” She repeated quietly. “I’ve never heard of it.”

           “Well you have now.” Steve smiled. “Let’s get going.”

           “Alright, take me on your devil machine” She said putting on the helmet. Steve laughed and shook his head. As soon as she was stable on the back of the bike they were off.

Taglist: @champagnesugamama@smooth-sunflower@queenwinchester27 @hamilboots @trees-are-friends

[fallen029]

Reform

Lisanna's eyes lazily watched the seith's wooden babies danced around the table she was seated at, happily chatting nonsensically to one another as they enjoyed the warm day. Surrounding them were the Thunder Legion, their papa grumbling slightly as he was scolded by Freed over something with Evergreen sneering behind her hand fan all the while. Lisanna used to feel out of place when she sat at the table in these sorts of moments. She was, after all. These conversations were meant for no ears other than the three assembled before her, but over time, they seemed less and less to care what she heard and what she didn't.

Bickslow would only relaying it all back to her anyways. With it slanted in his favor, of course.

"I'm serious, Lissy," he'd say, tongue flapping, waving his guild mark with pride, "they give me no respect. When all I do is exhibit the upmost for them. Ridiculous. I always take their feelings into considerations. But do they mine? No."

This was his speech once after getting griped at for, once more, oversleeping and skipping out on practice after staying out the night before with Lisanna who had no real drive or goals, really, other than to live her best life (edging on her twenties, mostly consisted of partying) and saw it fit still to stay out all night, hanging out with Natsu and Happy. Goofing off. Bickslow though had drive and momentum and something to work towards.

Before.

Now he seemed content to bum around with Lisanna and experience all the things she thought she'd never get to have. Which was fine.

Except for the fact that it did nothing to instill trust and respect from his teammates.

Lisanna saw through him, when he tried to paint the others as the monsters who mostly just seemed to want reliability out of him. She got little of it either, interestingly enough, as rather than shifting it to her, he seemed to just slowly lose it, the longer they dated.

It felt less like she was changing the seith to suit her needs and more like he was just changing to benefit his own while using her as a scapegoat.

"Maybe I should break up with him," she mused to Mira once, softly, as if testing the waters. Bickslow and his only two real friends were on the outs, once more, over him ditching out on too many jobs to just hang around with Lisanna who, short of pulling some shifts here or there at the bar, was kind of just not feeling jobs, recently, and didn't feel much up for them. "Do...do you think?"

"Mmmm," Mirajane hummed as they stood in the Strauss backyard, pulling laundry down off the line. Well, Mirajane was. Lisanna was mostly bemoaning her own life. Which was fine. Mira was always just glad to have her sister around. She always would. "I mean, it's really not your fault, is it? That he's, what? Skipping out on the others? You're not asking him to ditch his friends, are you?"

"Of course not. But-"

"You could encourage him," her sister suggested with a grin. "To be better. Laxus tells me he's a bit of a mope, recently. And a drunk. And-"

"And," the slayer called from the back porch where he was watching Mira pull down the laundry, his laundry, which he wanted her to do for him after returning from a grueling S-Class job. He was seated in a patio chair back there, feet propped up on the railing around the porch as Mira's mangy mutt sat at his feet, not bothered one bit by the cigar the man was smoking. The demon said he couldn't in the house, so this was his only option. Other than, you know, just not. Which was hardly an option at all and he was very upset when she suggested it. Fuckin' demon. "A louse. He's also gotten less funny since you guys started dating. You're turning him into a drunk. Break up with him. Now. Lisanna. Date Freed."

"What?" Mirajane frowned over at him. "Dragon, Freed's not interested in Lisanna. At all. And she's not him."

The perfect crime.

"All," Laxus grumbled who'd more than tired of thinking about just what Lisanna and Bickslow got up to when they were spending their days getting so drunk and stoned back at his apartment, "the better."

Still, something had to be done about the current state of affairs. Lisanna didn't want to break up with Bickslow, not at all. She was having fun with him. And he was with her. It was just that their fun was beginning to intercede so much on his life, his real, work related life, and she wasn't oblivious to it. No. Lisanna wasn't aloof or only out for herself. She did want Bickslow to continue to grow as a mage. To prosper. All that. They were friends, really, underneath everything else they'd begun to become in recent times. She just...didn't really like having to spend her time worrying about the well-being of someone who should be more than able to do that.

"It's part of a relationship," Mirajane told her another time, when she griped a bit about this. They were in the kitchen, preparing dinner. Well, Mira was chopping vegetables while Lisanna mostly pretended to debate helping (she definitely wasn't). "And have you considered he can't? You know? Look after himself? Maybe something happened that has nothing to do with you. He has a quite sharp personality change of late-"

"Nothing happened to him," Laxus griped from the living where he was reclining in the big chair, glancing over the newspaper as Mirajane's gross stupid dog sat at his feet and no, Laxus hadn't brought him that new squeaky toy he was annoying chewing on, he'd just found it and happened to give it to the dog, so there. "He's just a punk. You know, he told Freed that he was going to meet up with him, yesterday, to discuss the upcoming job, and what'd he do? Come late. What a fucking ass. You're fucking a fucking ass, Lisanna, just so you know."

"My sister is not," Mira complained right back, glaring at the wall that separated the kitchen and living room of the tiny Strauss home. The walls were so thin that she was sure the slayer could feel her gaze, "Fucking anything. Dragon."

Well…

Lisanna only sighed though. Her sister was right. Somewhat, at least. Like normal. Whether she liked it or not, Lisanna did care about Bickslow. A lot. And that was new to her, to care about someone in this sort of way. She'd never had a boyfriend before, not really, and that was what Bickslow felt like. His well-being was his own concern, of course, but she also felt a strong desire to be sure of him. To know that he was, at least, attempting to be a good person.

"I'm not a good person, is all," he informed her more than once. "At least not one without a struggle. A dark knight. A begotten hero. All that, yeah, Lissy? You understand?"

Sort of. Being a dark knight mostly seemed to just mean he could act like an asshole when he was drunk but still be a good guy because he deemed himself one. Except for when he didn't.

She felt like he was though. A good person. It was pretty obvious. Being a jerk at times hardly made someone not good. No. Bickslow was just...complex. Complicated. When you really looked at it. On the surface though, which they skated on for the most part, he was just someone who was looking for a good time and, yeah, she was finding that was all she wanted too. Perhaps a bit darker take on the sort of fun she used to fill her days with, when she spent more time around the hall and had a safer sense of boundaries, but where had that safety gotten her? Killed, just about. If you could die doing the right thing, why not at least taste the wrong sometimes?

"Do not taste," Laxus growled once when she found herself alone in a room with him rather than her sister, "Bickslow. That's sick. This is sick. Stop talking to me. I'm busy."

"You're playing with the dog."

"I am not," he growled some more, "playing with this stupid dog."

He was playing with the stupid dog.

Lisanna had come into her sister's room that afternoon hoping to find the off Mirajane there to give her guidance, but instead, she just found the slayer with his headphones in, lazily playing a game of tug-of-war with a pull rope with Mirajane's equally as lazy old dog on her bed. For a second, Laxus and Lisanna only stared at one another, as if calling each other's bluff, but Mira was in the adjoining bathroom so, apparently, if she needed immediate help, he was the only taker.

"Anyways," the youngest Strauss sibling went on as she stood there watching the slayer definitely play with the dog, "I just mean that, like, Bickslow isn't the best, fine, sure, but does that make him the worst? No."

"For you? Yeah, he is." Laxus was tired of constantly having to reiterate this. "Why are you even asking me about all this? Huh? You know how I feel about your relationship. It's horrible."

"How can you say that? When it makes both of us happy?"

Because it made him miserable. Very miserable. He'd been dating Mira for all of two years then and had known Lisanna for all of a late more. She was still a kid to him. Not some yahoo who thought that dating Bickslow of all people was a good idea. It really ticked him off, the idea of them together.

"Because I don't care about your happiness," said the man who would still deny the fact he was very clearly playing, still, with the dog. "Either of you."

"You're such a liar."

"Am not."

"You're one of Bickslow's closest friends," Lisanna pointed out. "How could you not care about-"

"I am no one's friend." Except the demon and her dog. Err, definitely not the dog. "The only friends he has that you can go to are the ones that he's fucking over because of you. Forty minutes. In the rain. He made Freed wait. Imagine it. Imagine sticking up for such an asshole. Imagine waiting for such an asshole."

"But you're definitely not friends with Freed, right?" Lisanna prompted. "Even though you're sitting here going on and on about him-"

"Stop," Laxus order simply, "dating Bickslow. Then he'll go back to normal."

"But I don't want him to go back to normal."

"You're the kind of girlfriend that friends dread."

"How would you know? Huh? If you have no friends?"

He was glaring then, darkly, and even let that mangy old mutt win their game of tug-of-war.

"Do," he ordered once more, "the right thing, Lisanna."

"So you're telling me that if Mira started flaking on all her friends for you, stopped showing up to work for you, that you would break up with her?"

He laughed. The dog, who'd never seen this, barked in reply.

"As if." Laxus was just as quickly snorting. "That's the dream. I'd move her far away from you freaks and never let her come back."

"I… Then what's your argument?"

"Mira and I are in love." He was pretty comfortable with this statement in those days. Just not any declarations to that stupid dog of hers. "You and Bickslow are in an endless cycle of nonsensical idiocy. It will never get any better. It will just stay the same. There's nothing better for either of you to be found in one another. Your relationship is a joke." Just as quickly though, his glare was gone and he was picking up his end of the rope once more, exciting the old mutt. "Now, if you would like for me to set you up with someone sensible or better yet, point you in the direction of a monastery-"

"You're not funny."

"Nether is your joke of a relation-"

"Dragon, are you being a bully?" Mira's head poked out of the bathroom door then, frowning over at them. "Because it sounds like you're being a bully."

"I'm offerin'," he grumbled, "guidance."

"Well, stop it. Behave."

This meant that it was time to put his headphones back in for the slayer and forget the entire thing, but it wasn't that easy for Lisanna. She knew that their relationship was, ultimately, the cause for the changes in the seith, but she never thought that someone would actually levy the blame at it. At her. While she knew Laxus was being his usual overly dramatic self, it really bugged her that Freed and Ever (mostly Freed; Ever didn't seem to like anyone...other than Elf...sometimes…) might be upset with her over the entire thing, rather than just their flaky friend.

And was she to blame?

"No," Freed sighed.

"Yes," Ever hissed.

She met them at the guildhall one day, when Bickslow wasn't around. He was actually busy sleeping off a hangover and while she was supposed to be working an early shift up at the guildhall, but when she saw the other two Thunder Legion members all alone, well, it wouldn't hurt to shirk those just a bit. Would it?

"Ever," Freed sighed once more, though mostly, he was annoyed that his planning time was being interrupted for such foolishness. At the moment, he had a map spread across the table and was trying to logically figure how they were going to snag two jobs he wanted from the board and travel to each location realistically in a time period that would make sense. It wouldn't take them long to knock out the first job, but it was further away, and that complicated things a bit. "Honestly, Lisanna, what you and Bickslow do is none of our business."

"Yes, it is." Evergreen wasn't busy with maps or planning. No. She had been counting the minutes until Elfman showed up so that she could begin looking super busyw ith those things, but for the moment, only fanned herself in annoyance that he was making her wait so long. "It's more our business than anyone else's."

"Ever-"

"No, Freed, I'm serious." And she was. Enough so that she dropped her hand fan into her lap and stared full on across the table at the youngest Strauss sibling. "I don't give a shit when Bickslow stays out all night drinking, when he sleeps with questionable women, or when he's just an overall drag to be with."

"Wait, am I the questionable one?" Lisanna cocked her head to the side. "Or-"

"But," Ever continued on, "when he makes me look like a fool, waiting around on him, when he ditches out on practices and jeopardizes us out on jobs, that's what gets on my nerves, Lisanna. That's what bothers me. If I was with a man who was completely ignoring his duties, even just to be with me, well, I certainly would not want to be with him. Nor would I consider him a man."

"And we all know," Freed remarked as he glanced over at his friend with a knowing smile, "that you must have a man, Ever."

"I do not know what you are implying-"

"I believe," Freed insisted, "that you do."

They had a weird glare going on then and Lisanna was rare to hear the rune mage so jovial, but when he got to digging at someone, he really could burrow his jabs in there.

"Anyways," Ever started again, looking once more to Lisanna. "You can do as you please. I'm sure you intend to. But if it comes down to who I hold responsible for Bickslow and his actions, realize it is you."

Lisanna blinked, looked to Freed, but the rune mage could only shrug.

"Ever," he told the young woman, "has a hard time finding faults in herself. The same could be said for her friends."

"I'm find many faults in you right now," the woman of stone retorted, but Lisanna just glanced between them.

"I guess I've just been a bit worried, is all," she said slowly as the pair sent one another glares. "About him. Bickslow. I really like, like, a lot, and I think he really likes me too. But I'm kind of worried about how he's behaving recently. I know I should just, like, tell him, right? To just go out on his jobs, make sure he keeps his appointments, not stay out all night, but… It's selfish, I guess, to let him waste all his time with me when he has so many other things that he needs to be doing. Important things. Thanks, guys, for your help."

"Eh?" Freed frowned over at her as he'd hardly heard a word. "Lisanna? Did you say-"

"What," Evergreen complained with a glare, "are you still doing here?"

They were right. What was she still doing there? When she had a seith to go confront? After, you know, pretending to work a shift.

As she rose though, Laxus came over, originally to gripe at Lisanna about her sister not being around (how was he supposed to get off to a good morning if the demon wasn't there to complain about his early hour drinking and smoking?), but had caught wind of what was going down and was not pleased. At all.

"Did you morons," he growled at his two bodyguards as she walked off, "tell her to break up with him? Huh?"

"Yes," Ever said with a glare after the woman.

"No," Freed said with a sigh as his eyes only fell back to his map.

Lisanna just ignored them though, finally heading back into the kitchen to get started on the breakfast orders. Her mind was lost in thought then though and, when Mira finally got int hat day, she begged for a few hours off early (try a lot hours off), to go deal with what was waiting for her at the seith's apartment.

"I guess you can," Mirajane remarked as she stood before Laxus' table. As the slayer readied himself for a kiss to the cheek though, the woman only reached over to snatch his cigar from his mouth.

"Demon," he growled.

"It's gross," she replied simply, snubbing the cigar out on the table.

"IT's a bar! Everyone here smokes!"

"I'm not kissing everyone, now am I?"

She had a point.

Still, Laxus only glared at Lisanna as he asked, "What are you going to Bickslow's to talk about? Huh? Let him down easy? Well, do it quick. I need him to come training with me tomorrow. Don't need some weepy, whiny little shit all heartbroken. Understand?"

"You're not funny," Lisanna insisted as, sitting up taller as the demon finally pressed her lips to his cheek, the slayer snorted.

"I'm," he told her with confidence, "hilarious."

"You are, dragon," Mira agreed with a pat on the head and they were so gross to be around, when they were like that.

"Grosser," Bickslow whispered from his drunken slumber as she relayed to him as she sat there, on his filthy apartment floor, knees to her chest.

She'd never had one before. A boyfriend. She hadn't been sure how to tell him about what was bothering her. Bothering him, really, which in turn was bothering her. So she did it how she would a friend. If Lucy or Levy were giving her a hard time, if Natsu was being an ass, if Elfman was getting on her nerves, she'd just tell them what was going on.

Should it not be the same in a relationship?

"Grossest," Lisanna finished, just as she did all her worries and fears over what was going on with them. It felt better, even, just in her chest, to have it all off there. "But you get it, right? Bicks? I just… I don't wanna break up."

"Me neither."

"I just want to… I like hanging out. A lot. A bunch. But you can't do that, you know? Treat the others like trash. They're your friends. You know?"

He said nothing then and she just sighed, shaking her head a bit.

"Why?" she asked then, voice barely a whisper as she sat there, mostly in the dark as the man kept blankets over his windows. Even blinds weren't enough to keep the light out. He liked it that way. Black as night.

"The exact opposite," he told her, that first day she came over, "of how I take my coffee."

Which got at least half a dispenser of sugar dumped in. At least.

But it suited them, usually. The darkness. It made for excellent movie lacrima quality, even during daylight hours. Not to mention it was pretty cool, when he lit up, and his babies would float about in the smoke rings, eyes glowing green. Homes all had their own atmospheres. Ambiances. And his fit the seith and his quirks perfectly.

He grunted, finally, Bickslow did, as if questioningly, and she tried again.

"Why are you acting like such a flake recently? Laxus is getting the most upset, I think because he just hates us together, but maybe also because you're disappointing him? I don't wanna pry, but… Why, Bickslow?"

He was slow as he shoved up, and even in the darkness, she could tell he really didn't want to. Still, blinking heavily, he took in a deep yawn before shifting to sit back on his butt, right beside her, in the mess of an apartment. His babies laid neatly though, across the coffee table, dormant. It was hard not to take notice of the silence this caused.

It was always so weird when they weren't just floating about, nonsensical noises and all.

"S'not your fault, kid," he assured her, voice a bit rough though the day was only continuing to get later. "You know."

"I know," she swallowed because yea, deep down, she did. She ahd. The whole time. "But-"

"It's mine." He paused then, thinking, before saying, "I just… Who wants to hang around someone always gone? Always trainin'? Who can't pull all nighters and drunk until the sun comes up? That doesn't wanna goof off in that weird place out in the woods that you and your cat and Salamander friend like to chill at-"

"Um, that's their house. And it's in better shape than your apartment."

Debatable.

"I just," he whispered, "want to feel too old. For you. For everything. I feel a lot older than I am. You know? We were so fucking serious about our magic. Jobs. Back then. When we were just entering our twenties. Now I'm halfway done with them and I'm just blown out, I guess, on 'em. Jobs. Training. Magic. I just wanna hang out. Kill time. More time. To only feel older. A vicious cycle, eh?"

"You're only, like, two years older than me."

"Four."

"Ew."

"Lisanna-"

"What's it like to almost be twenty-five?" She hummed as she pondered. "That's, like, almost thirty. Is Laxus thirty? Do you know how old he is? And when you add in the seven years we were- You guys are super old. So gross."

"Grosser."

"Grossest."

She fell against him then, resting up against the shoulder of the man, as she whispered, "It's okay, you know? To not wanna be so serious about your magic? It's still your job or whatever, but other than when you have to go out on jobs, you don't...have to. You know?"

"I know."

"But you can't make plans with your friends and then ditch them. And let people think it's my fault."

"Who's blamin' ya?"

"Mostly Ever, I guess."

"Evergreen would blame ya for anything that goes wrong."

Well? Who could blame her? It all was Lisanna's fault. Or anyone Evergreen deemed in that moment as a rival.

"And Laxus wants me to date Freed."

He considered this in silence, the seith did, before shrugging some as he said, "You can, I guess. If you really wanna. He's younger than me, anyways."

"By, like, what? A few months?"

"He won't ever flake out on nobody, either, which seems pretty big to ya."

"Bickslow-"

"Boss told me," he informed her then with a shake of his head, "that I'm bad for you."

"No."

"Uh, yeah, Lisanna, that's what he said."

"That's not what I meant."

He knew.

"You're not bad for me," she said. And then, louder a bit, as if to reassure them both, she said, "You're not. Honest. I was doing this all before you. Well, most of it, I guess, but… I just want to live, Bickslow. You know? Really live. Really experience things. Stuff I wouldn't have before. If I die-"

"Don't talk about that."

But she had to.

"If I do," she insisted, "then I want to know that I got everything out the way. Or at least most of it. Had fun. I mean, I did have fun, I guess, before all that happened, but it was a different kind. A reserved kind. I wanna just have complete freedom. I've had complete freedom, for awhile now. And I'm enjoying it. If I'm not hurting anyone, why should I feel bad about it?"

"Feel the same way."

"You are hurting people," she pointed out. "By not showing up. Which is such a dick thing to do."

"I… It's just hard, is all, Lissy." He looked down at where she rested against him. "To tell them that. That I don't wanna go out on a job. Or be at our weekly training session. Meet up to talk about plans. And maps. Freed and his fucking maps. I'm just not in that headspace right now, but if I told them that-"

"It's better," she reaffirmed, "for you to just do it. No matter what happens because you did it, it's better than to not and make them wait on you. Make them lose faith in you. If you want something different, say it. Don't make other people think that you're still on the same wavelength as them when you've left it. You know?"

Neither spoke then and the seith wrapped his arms around her shoulders then, pulling the woman close. For awhile, they were content that way.

"I'll get back to it eventually," he added though, just as she started to lull off against his shoulder. "Being super serious about it. Magic. Work. Trainin'. I gotta get to S-Class, eventually, you know."

"I will too," Lisanna insisted. "Maybe not, like, S-Class, but I'll want to be serious too. You know? Full time. You'll never see me."

"Not if you never see me first."

This hung between them and it didn't feel like too good a place to stop things. So they didn't. Instead, Bickslow added, "By thirty. At least."

"Not when you turn thirty though," she was quick to add. "That's only, like, what? Half a year, was it?"

"Ya cut me deep, Lissy."

Still, she shut her eyes as she said, "Treat your friends better, Bickslow."

"Bossin' me around, eh?"

"Please?"

He nodded some and, that time, his babies arose from their place on the table and they hung out for awhile before eventually arriving at the guildhall together. This was annoying to Laxus, who became very focused on glaring down at his beer.

Lisanna left him though, she did Bickslow, letting him head over to Evergreen and Freed. They needed, after all, to have a talk. Natsu and Happy were there, anyways, for her to goof off with while Mirajane debated whether or not she should remind her sister she, technically, could clock back in and help out some. She was scheduled for that hour, anyways, before she'd taken off.

"This is very disappointing," Freed sighed, over at the Thunder Legion's table, "Bickslow, but I am glad that you have found within yourself the courage to be upfront about your feelings. Yes. Friends should never keep-"

"Yeah, okay, whatever." Evergreen had to move things right along then as super late (for something she'd never even told him about…), Elfman strolled through the guildhall. It was time for her to begin ignoring him. But if it looked like she was just having a conversation with Bickslow and Freed, it wouldn't be blatant enough for the big oaf to notice. And she needed him to notice this. "You won't be on jobs that much anymore. Who cares? Go sleep with stupid Lisanna, Bickslow. Who even gives a shit?"

Freed blinked at her language, but Bickslow only wagged his tongue.

"To the original Strauss fucker," he said with a wink, "I'll take that as an endorsement."

Things would stabilize from there (though, that specific day, Ever called all out war on Bickslow and it took freed a bit to calm them both back down) and, slowly, it even became comfortable. Lisanna didn't feel so new and fresh about her relationship and the nerves she once had about her standing with both Freed and Ever now that she was dating their friend faded.

Nothing much had changed.

Except, well, as she sat around at the table, mediating a bit where Freed failed to be able to, between Evergreen and her boyfriend (they seemed to have as many fall outs as an oak had leaves), but mostly watching the seith's babies float about, Lisanna found her eyes drifting over to the bar where Laxus was quickly downing a mug of ale. Usually Mira would gripe when he slammed drinks in such a way, but she said nothing then as he tipped her with a kiss and prepped to leave.

"Where are yo going? Laxus?" Lisanna teased as he passed the table because she knew, oh, she knew, but she wanted to hear him say it.

"Dog's sick," he grumbled as he passed. He had to answer when the demon's siblings spoke to him. It was a rule. She'd made that very clear. With Elfman, the words he said were usually much harsher, but for Lisanna? "You know that."

She knew that.

"But what are you-"

"He needs his afternoon shot."

That broke the stalemate between Ever and Bickslow as they both took to snickering, softly, while Freed bemoaned his fallen idol. Laxus just glared though, at all of them, and then back at the demon, muttering something about how the woman was makin' him, was all, but it was useless. Futile.

They all knew the truth.

Laxus loved a dog.

And a demon.

But Lisanna loved a seith and, no matter how many ways this got under the dragon's skin, he'd just have to get over it.

[wxldchxld]

I'll do all of them for Charmaine if you do all of them for Beck

let’s do this

send 🍯 for a food headcanon

Beck doesn’t trust processed or prepackaged foods. She also doesn’t really like for people to cook for her. She grew up in a family and a cultural environment where she learned to do everything for herself, and she has a little bit of a melt down when people try to do for her. So generally… unless you want to fight that demon… let Beck cook.

send🥛for a drink headcanon

You will never meet a person on this planet that loves goat milk more than Beck. She thinks that if you don’t drink it, you just can’t be healthy. Especially if you’re a child.

send 🐢 for a mental health headcanon

I’ve been really hesitant to come out and label Beck with any mental disorders or disabilities but she does have PTS* triggered by the rather extreme abuse heaped on her by her family. Her brother hanged her familiars, fully sentient beings connected to Beck’s soul through a magical bond, in front of her while she was forced to sit and watch. Her mother did everything from refuse to feed her to beating her to burning her in the three years between Beck’s father’s death and her own demise. 

Beck deals with this in basically the worst way possible—aka pretending it never happened and everything is perfect and fine all of the time. When she sleeps (which is a rarity in and among itself for separate reasons) she tends to either use charms to keep from dreaming or she dream walks so she doesn’t have to be in her own head.

*I say PTS because as long as Beck isn’t directly confronted with situations that remind her of her abuse (being physically intimidated/harmed) Beck tends to be able to go about her life without having many bad days. I’m not sure if the fact that she still has it after several years would push it into the category of PTSD or not. I’m not a doctor, and I’m even a little uncomfortable putting this label on her.

send 🦄 for a physical health headcanon

Beck isn’t extremely buff or anything, but she’s pretty physically fit. In most verses she spends her life wandering the wilds and fending for herself, and she does a lot of that on foot. She loves to do shit like climb cliffs and trees or swim in rivers and oceans or even just go for runs. 

send ⌛for a sleep headcanon

As a dreamwalker, Beck doesn’t do a lot of actual sleeping, and if she isn’t actively wanting to dreamwalk then she really doesn’t spend a lot of time sleeping. If she wants she can just kind of open herself up and absorb energy from the natural world, making it on a ludicrously small amount of sleep. Two or three hours a day broken up into several tiny naps usually do her just fine. Beck only really settles down and learns how to live with a normal sleep pattern when she has a partner that will settle down with her and sleep beside of her.

send 💕 for a love headcanon

Beck has only ever been in love with one person in her life, and leaving Harper is one of her greatest regrets. They had their problems, but Beck can’t remember ever being so deeply and passionately loved than when she was with Harper. So while Beck doesn’t do regret or guilt, she has plenty of days where she thinks about Harper and pines for the love she doesn’t believe she’ll ever have again.

send 💣 for a stress headcanon

Close proximity to people is going to bring Beck stress. She senses things a little different from a non-witch and struggles to communicate to them just why cities feel like they’re “strangling” her. For a while she can push this stress down, but if she doesn’t find some sort of outlet for her frustration it will quickly turn into pacing around, running her fingers through her hair, threatening to hex anyone in a mile radius if they don’t get out of her space even though they’re half way across the room.

If she’s around people that make her uncomfortable for more reasons than proximity (like if they’re violent, threatening, or pushing her space boundaries when she’s uncomfortable) Beck can actually be dangerous. She won’t shy from shifting into a cougar or a bear or a wolf, and letting people know that it is a VERY idea to respect her space. (Also this is a problem she has with strangers, with people she likes—they can touch her all day long and she’s totally happy so long as she’s in a form she’s ok being touched in).

send 😵 for a sickness headcanon

Beck rarely gets sick, and when she does she is the worst, because she hates being cared for. She will hide sickness/injury like a dying cat wandering off into the woods to be alone—constantly lying about being ok, covering up her wounds, and avoiding people if she is going to throw up/be visibly ill.

send 🤲 for a religious headcanon

I don’t know honestly, because Beck’s not religious. She’s technically a “priestess” because of the day she was born and the fact her people consider their culture as sacred as religion—but it’s not necessarily the same thing?

Also she’s a bad priestess and hates when she has to do her rites.

send 🏡 for a home headcanon

Beck doesn’t need possessions or even people to make her feel at home. She feels at home anywhere natural and free. She doesn’t miss things like comforts and possessions, and as callous as it is to say she can go a good deal of time without missing people. So long as she can be in nature she feels at home.

send 🍬 for a family headcanon

Beck’s family sucks end of hc…. ok fine.

Because her family sucks Beck has a really hard time forming familial bonds. She doesn’t really do extended family and most of the time she doesn’t even do close friends after so many years having the lesson “even the people you love most will fuck you over” drilled into her head.

Beck is, however, exceptionally talented at making you think you know her and are much closer to her than you actually are. But for real closeness with Beck, it’s going to take time and the specific will and desire to make a closer, more intimate relationship with her.

send 💼 for a work headcanon

While Beck is difficult to motivate to work (as in doing something she’s told because you told her to), when she does work she’s actually crazy hard working. She throws her weight in the harness and she gets shit done and she expects everyone around her to keep pace.

send ⛈️ for a sadness headcanon

Beck wants me to say she doesn’t get sad and that is definitely a lie.

The verse/situation she’s in will depend on whether or not Beck is ok expressing her sadness and crying (fear crying doesn’t count she can’t stop that). But in verses like ours where she’s surrounded by people that are very physically strong and violent and she doesn’t have a lot of ways to make herself seem strong around them, she figures one of the easiest ways to look even marginally tough is to not be a crying mess. But she does that for her own protection, not because she’s necessarily ashamed to cry. 

send 😡 for an anger headcanon

Beck really doesn’t get angry often and that’s not just me saying it. You’re much more likely to upset or frighten her than you are to piss her off. If you do manage to rile her up she’s still generally harmless. She’ll huff, or maybe even hit you with a hex, but it’ll be more annoying/funny than it will be painful or scary. 

If you are stupid enough to basically follow her around and metaphorically (or literally) stomp on her tail until she just gets absolutely enraged, or you do something like try to hurt one of her familiars, then I’d stock up on bear spray and big ass guns.

send 💩 for a ridiculous headcanon

Isn’t everything about Beck ridiculous at this point? 

Ok if you think Beck hasn’t pulled the Oliver and Company “pretend to get hit by a car” scam you’re wrong.

send 🌼 for a happiness headcanon

This isn’t a particularly new hc but Beck generally sings so long as she’s happy. She’s one of those stupid people that like, sing about what they’re doing or have a song for everything. She… could not care less if people think she’s crazy…. at least she has a really nice voice?

[vanderstein]

My INFP  take on an ENFJ question  below ;  ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- How can I enforce a personal boundary without upsetting an INFP? I want to say "That you keep your word is important to me. But I understand that sometimes things will come up. If you continue to go against your word I'm outta here." But that seems aggressive? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Infp here first psychology rule i know ... and lesson i learn... is you can't force another human being to behave a certain way..i mean you can. theorically ..but they will either act out of fear which in my opinion is never good ...or will say what you want to ear just to not rise up to the occasion ...later on. I ve lived this stiuation..(was the infp) ...and wish almost everyday ..that i could turn back time and really understand that ENFJ ( didn't know any mbti stuff at that time) ..do not play with the "doing what you say you were going to do and do it in time please "...and yes us INFP don't like ultimatums ..no one does..the thing is not really about being mean by setting your boundaries..it's totally ok to do so ..we (INFP) actually love to know what is expected from us..and it's very gentle to give a second chance to implement things that i do not naturally do...in my case ...i didn't do what i was she asked of me and that i agreed to do..because the boundaries was crossed multiple times during a long time without having the reaction she was upset about it..so i unconsciously was not taking that person seriously..and secondly despite any mbti thing..i wasn't committed ..but she stayed around me on her own free will and i also took that gesture for granted..i guess i'm part of the people who need to be put against the wall even worst fall of the cliff to get it..i now pay a lot of attention to others and i 'm so scared loosing any other relationship like the one i had with this ENFJ ( which i have a great bond with still but apart no..cause she married now..so we don't speak cause family are sacred to us) that i now am very considerate of others and do what i was going to do for someone ..and even just being more in tune with other people feelings ..and respect them by giving back and keep my promises ... basically just being less individualist..i laugh sometimes cause it's funny that this kind of make me a bit ENFJ like ..which is normal when you know that we have our 8 function the in the same order..but just oriented differently..hope it helps you

klaws vanderstein _ aka away off life

[nolongerironicteenwrites]

Please hook me up with that Fred x reader good shit

let’s see if i can deliver there’s some pressure here

reader prompt: “blissful banter”

Fred Weasley x reader

You were having a great day. Your potions class went well, you managed to successful brew that antidote that had been giving you issues, you turned in all your homework and you were free now.

“No, no, no that could never work.” Fred groaned. He was alone for once.

“No of course not it comes from your head.” you replied plopping down by him on the common room couch.

“Bout to tell you to sod off thought you were George.”

“Like to think I’m better looking and more interesting to talk to.” you replied bumping his shoulder.

“Matter of opinion. Spend a few minutes with George and you may say other.”

“Have, kinda dating you which implies both and can still stand by what I say as I’m the better one.” your smirked winking at him.

He leaned in and kissed the tip of your nose. You giggled. You two were constantly bantering to see who can one-up the other. It’s actually really entertaining to see because people know Fred and they’re never sure if you are honestly ever really mad. You two brought out the best and worsts in one another you made him take things more seriously and he taught you how to let loose.

“Face it (y/n) you’ll never be me.” George interjected.

“Oh darn now I have to cancel all my reconstructive surgeries thanks guys..”

“No one can be and or beat Gred and Feorge.” George laughed sandwiching himself between you and Fred. That was expected.

“Ya know Georgie, I think we had a talk about personal space. More specifically mine.” you started, but his attention had been stolen by Fred. You sighed maybe later.

You rosed up and made your way to the dormitories door. Thin fingers wrapped around your wrist. You knew the cold grip all too familiarly.

“You’re not mad are you (y/n)?” asked Fred.

“No we’re fine. I just have some homework to catch up on.” you replied smiling and turning around. You kissed his forehead thine tugged your hand from his grip and went upstairs.

“Wait a minute.. YOU SAID YOU TURNED ALL YOUR HOMEWORK IN TODAY!” he called., “Urgh George!”

George looked at his twin.

 “C’est moi. May I help you?” he asked.

  “We just gotta talk about boundaries. I know sharing me is new to you, But sometimes you just can’t insert yourself into me and (y/n) relationship. Gotta respect her.” 

  “I would have never realized honest you guys don’t act much different than as friends but I can be more mindful.” 

Now to talk to you. Honestly, Fred didn’t know how he couldn’t get into the girl’s dorms. He could ask Johnson but he thinks she’s in the pit with Oliver helping train Harry more. Then Hermione and Ron walked through the portrait. 

   “Hello Hermione would you like to do the favorite Weasley sibling a favor?” he asked. 

   “Sure where’s Percy?” she asked. 

   “Very funny, no I need you to get (y/n) I unintentionally made her upset and I need to make it better.” 

Hermoine shrugged her shoulders. She conjured a rose for Fred and told him to stay put. She then went to find you. She figured you were in your dorm. The door was ajar so she knocked and waited till she heard your faint ‘come in.’ 

   “Oh you're doing homework?” she asked. 

   “I’m working on  Charms essay due in two weeks and avoiding Fred.” you replied. 

   “Something happened?” she asked. 

   “Just George not setting boundaries.” 

   “I think Fred took care of that why don’t you go see? He seems like he’s eager to talk to you.” 

You sighed and figured you might as well. You capped your inkpot and followed Hermione out the room. She headed back to her room and you went down. Fred stood there with a rose in the middle of the empty common room. 

   “Look (y/n) before you say anything I am so sorry, I talked to George about respecting boundaries I never knew how much time the two of us spent together, normally it’s just Fred and Geroge, George and Fred, but now it’s us plus you and it’s not an excuses and I never know what to say an- uh- I’m sorry.” 

You quickly pecked him. 

   “You are the sweetest Weasley.” 

   “Well, I don’t mean to-” 

   “I will strip the title and give it to Charlie”

  “You meet him once.” 

   “Exactly.” 

He gave you the rose and pulled you into a kiss again.