#i love being insane and mentally ill
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Remake of the edit that made me insane
Xena: "Didn't your mother ever teach you it's rude to stare?" - Motive
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fellas, is it gay to get flustered when your colleague wraps his magic around you to keep you out of trouble? 🤔
#cookie run#shadow milk cookie#shadowvanilla#pureshadow#creme university au#ive been sitting on this doodle for like a month now lord have mercy on my soul#god im mentally ill about what my friend and i did with these two#shadow milk used to be blueberry yogurt but he did a fuckin huge amount of forbidden magic in one go and it shattered his mind#so now hes unhinged as shit and insane but being around pure vanilla sometimes calms his mind#and he sometimes feels like his old self again#this is only possible because pure vanilla Did Something after the accident to try and save blueberry yogurt#cause they were pining after each other like the idiots they were#and now they are linked on a magical level#and pure vanilla is still trying to reverse the effects of the forbidden magic on the love of his life#shadow milk had no fuckin' idea but in this scene he ended up piecing some things together#i should try drawing pure vanilla's lab but omfg room drawings are not my strong point#okay ill shut the fuck up now i love them so bad
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hi.
#i know most of you didn’t even realize i was gone#but man…#my mental health was like in a state of 📉📉📉 in the past 30 days like we love being mentally ill and fucking insane <3#it was mostly bc i panicked and started obsessing over possible water damage in my flat kind of out of nowhere#like it started when my landlord came to check my bathroom bc my downstairs neighbours had water stains on their ceiling back in july#which had been caused by their shower curtain apparently but i was already spiraling when my landlord told me so i was sure it was my fault#i was assuming it was bc of me bc i had sometimes been spilling some of my bathwater and i was like WHAT IF IT HAS GONE THROUGH THE FLOOR?#and it didn't help that it has been hot af and very humid in my apartment LIKE WELL OVER 25 DEGREES AND 60% HUMIDITY#anyways i couldn’t shake this not matter what i tried and my fucking insane brain made me think i was going to get arrested for like#flooding the whole building or for causing some sort of mold infestation#i had SO MANY panic attacks; i wasn't able to sleep; i wasn't able to eat; i was on edge and panicky basically 24/7 so fun fun fun :D#and i kept waking up in the middle of the night and HAD to go check my walls or the space below my kitchen#it was compulsory like i couldn't not get up and go check and tbh i would've thrown out all of my furniture if i could've to check for mold#(and shhhh i know how fucking insane this sounds but having a mentally ill brain that's anxious all the time does suck ass sometimes 🥲)#(the worst thing about it tho was that i was SO AWARE of how insane about this i was being and yet i couldn't stop losing my mind over it)#(also i was so ready to move tf outta here bc i couldn't handle being triggered 24/7 which is why my mom let me stay with her last week )#i was so out of it that i couldn't even let myself do the things i usually enjoy... like at all#like watching my shows or spending any ungodly amount of time on tumblr... or replying to messages i got from people who i love#ig this goes to show HOW bad this actually was for me mentally bc usually tumblr and my shows are like my safe place#anyways we finally had a leak detection dude come over today and we had him check the water levels in my walls#and he said everything is fine and he specifically told me i should stop worrying about any water damage BC THERE IS NO WATER DAMAGE#he also said that the weather has just been insanely humid this year so it's not surprising that the humidity levels are higher than usual#i’m still a bit scared about some possible mold but ig this is good enough for now#i am aware how ridiculous this must sound for anyone who's reading this now but couldn't let it go not even with meds so let me live pls :(#TLDR I WAS GOING THROUGH IT BUT I AM BACK I THINK AND I AM MOST LIKELY GOING TO START BOTHERING YOU WITH MY GIFS AGAIN <3#AND I JUST REALIZED I HAVEN'T EVEN SEEN ANY OF THE HEART KILLERS STUFF YET ASIDE FROM ONE OR TWO PICS LIKE :(#OH AND I NEED TO START WATCHING SUMMER NIGHT ;_;#sabrina talks#@AIRENYAH GIRL I AM SO SORRY I WILL PROBABLY REPLY TO YOUR MESSAGES LATER TODAY OR TOMORROW MORNING ;_;<3
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Lovely lovely jade told me to pursue my idea of a leopard gecko insert so here she is i never made a self insert before i dont know her name but she really likes crystals and tarot and uses them in her daily life, she would probs live in hither (cause im super scared of thither although the weather there is better im very scared of skabatha and the god damn moving forest i am NOT going there). Also shes obviously kremys bestie and they gossip together why not. She gave kremy an opal kinda like a friendship gift because opals to me have unicorn vibes. She would absolutely do a tarot reading for each of the krew, perhaps lying a bit to not discourage them or make them sad.
Also shes besties with jades self insert. Obviously. Okay bye.
#i feel awkward do people care about this??#im not gonna ouaw tag this this is for me and perhaps some insane szarers#i was actually thinking of naming her szare?#cause thats not my actual name#but ive grown so attached to being called szare that it fits me better than maria#so idk what her name would be#but shes so cool#its not like for the past month ive been imagining myself in ouaw#and a spotted gecko was my first idea#i love lizardfolk no not only because of kremy#okay its mostly because of kremy#but especially with ocs#it feels much cooler to not look human at all#jealous at how you cant tell if theyre male or female if ur not lizardfolk urself#yeah yeah i dont believe in a gender for myself but sure im okay with she her and being called a woman#i have a job and i go to uni and im depressed i dont have the mental space to also debate my gender#so ill become a spotted gecko girlie who likes to smoke with a certain gator#and she likes trinkets#yea
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"We should have taken more pictures together."
"We should have taken better ones."
Some of my favorite details are, of course, the bedrockbros at the bottom left. And the L'manberg sticker purposefully slashed. Then on the top right is most likely an image of a young Wilbur with Phil's crows, (always a sprinkle of sbi) so it looks older than the rest. The state of the photos depend on the time they were taken. (yes)
I think I drew this around december of 2022. It still remains to be one of my favorites.
"We should have taken more pictures together." Tommy said. I wish we had more time.
"We should have taken better ones." Wilbur replied. I wish we could've been better to each other.
#crimeboys#ctommy#cwilbur#i love being able to ramble about my mentally ill drawings#I'm sorry for the emotional damage i may have caused#dsmp fanart#tommyinnit fanart#ccrimeboys#crimeboys fanart#wilbur soot fanart#fanart#dsmp art#im still a little insane over them#why are they like this#dirty crime boys#they are brothers your honor
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when i kms, i hope my friends grieve over it FOREVER and never forget me. cuz i dont wanna be forgotten, no matter what!! ^_-
#﹕〝 random#jirai kei#jirai#jirai girl#jiraiblr#jiraiblogging#landmine girl#landmineblogging#landmine kei#landmine type#landmineblr#im insanely mentally ill and LOATHE the idea of being forgotten EVER by my loved ones... cuz i want them to feel how much i admire them#mental illness#i swear im mentally stable :3#im going insane#pls give me attention#10k tags!! order up!!! >.<#jirai onna#lifestyle jirai#obsession#landmine#remember me
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“ Pera ? Hindi ako nauubusan — pero pasenysa sa inyong lahat ? Ubos na ubos na . ”
Prince of Manila in my Manila by Night chronicle — Alejandra Miriam Salvador de Silva
( “Money? I don’t run out of it — but patience for all of you? Barely any left.” )
#alejandra is an icon she is a legend and she is the moment baby#alejandra vs being a normal person when#godd i love making ventrue women who are just fuckin insane#alejandra you should be getting a therapist not a new boy toy#alejandra has 97 mental illnesses and cannot be banned from most places because she OWNS THEM!!!#manila by night#marquisecupid#vtm oc#vtm#vampire the masquerade oc#vampire the masquerade#ventrue#vtm ventrue#clan ventrue#vtm chronicle
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actually. the specific phrasing that boy Kevin wants to kill older Kevin with "I must disassemble him, piece by piece, so that everything inside of the Old Kevin comes out. Only then can the New Kevin truly begin." is so incredibly the idea that to heal from trauma and "improve" you have to destroy every "wrong" part of yourself, that everything "tainted" by it has to somehow be replaced by something untouched (which isn't possible)
#reading back that phrasing I do think that'll be the way brinknor takes it#this arcs seeming like it'll be so. breaking the cycle of abuse and violence and coming to terms with yourself#and maybe understanding that you can never remove the parts of you impacted by trauma and start again completely ''pure''#but you can treat yourself with the kindness you should've been given#which i hope it is that because. and understand i am biased. but i'd love that direction for Kevin#it feels much more satisfying than any more. angsty way this arc could go imo#like he's been through enough!#because of the way Kevin is portrayed in fanon. not as frequently anymore but still pretty common. I worry about coming off as woobifying#by saying I want him to heal I want him to have nice things I think he deserves them#when he's also simultaneously Not A Good Person#yknow the poor little innocent cinnamon roll baby etc etc fanon#but. well for one im Not Like That about him. but my main point of bringing that up is. him not being a good person is why I want to see hi#get better and generally have a good life. why does someone have to be good to deserve to heal from trauma#especially when trauma is a big reason for the way they are#like its fiction yeah yeah i'm still tired of mentally ill people having to be ''good'' to ''deserve'' to get better yknow#i mean especially in fiction you tend to either see mental illness as the poor traumatized one who's allowed recovery because they're nice#or the insane psychopath who cant be ''fixed'' so ''deserves'' bad things-up to deserving to die!- for it#i didnt mean for this to be a rant erm. oops#wtnv#wtnv spoilers#joyousposting
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my favorite baby style ncu continuity is cute tiny hopeless romantic kindergarten disney prince stan falling in love with kyle broflovski at first sight and buying every flavor of ring pop trying to propose to him like 'you are...the most Beautiful person i've ever seen.'
and evil feral kindergarten nj kyle threatening to bite him, fight him and end his pitiful life like 'and you are...so Gahdamn WEIRD. stay the hell away from me, yA FREAK!' and trying to bear mace him skdhs
— but then k-garten stan doing something incredibly wholesome, mindboggling stupid and storybook chivalrous to save k-garten kyle's life, the ice around his cold black heart melting, bein forever changed and falling head over heels in love w boy hero k-garten stan...
...all to take the fATTEST L OF ALL FUCKING TIME because he is too emotionally constipated to confess his feelings and end up gettin stuck in the super best friend zone FOREVER bc every day perfect stan marsh gets lovelier, handsomer and....Fucking STUPIDER.
#nina speaks#i really do feel for ncu kyle...i do#that man got shafted#please note: if the super popular extremely pretty dark haired boy w/ big blue eyes confesses his love to you on day one#just say yes like just go along with it#however i will say that kyle being unapproachable and hating him and wanting to bear mace him did make him obsessed#which is soooooo mentally ill i am actually CRYING#but yeah because then youre going to realize that he is actually v sweet and cute and kind and wonderful and special#and your chest will start to swell and youll get light headed and want to start smiling and singing and swinging#and then you think he's gonna ask you to marry you again and he just asks you to be his super best friend forever#because he doesnt want to push it clearly u dont like him and he is just happy to be near you and spend time with you#and you want to push yourself off a cliff because now every person on planet earth is in love with stanley marsh#including you#and you are legitmately FUCKED#they really are who fell first who fell harder and i mean it#i love insane yandere black lab bf kgarten stan he is so funny like he has mental problems but i admire his detirmination#i also love emporer of evil probably has rabies new jersey potty mouth orange cat bf kgarten kyle who without a doubt 100%#would have a crush on a boy and send him death threats and be like Get Out Of My School because he makes him nervous#obsessed with my silly gay opposite attract sbf sons#ft baby stan like aw! u wrote me something <3#( can't read bc he's illiterate ) ( hugs kyle ) you're the BEST! ( ft kindergarten kyle having shaking and having convulsions )#pour one out for kyle#specifically jersey#because his stan d*ed he never recovered and then fell in love with the sexc rockstar vers
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okay so if i may be ill for a second here. because the calore brothers will always bring it out in me. the fact that cal tried so hard for maven and maven like to talk big but when it came to actually killing cal he couldn't. bc cal loved him so much, and even if maven couldn't even love him back in the same way because elara literally twisted love in his mind.... maven still cared. It might not have been love but whatever it was it was enough for him to still care. and if that doesn't make you go insane about brotherly bonds then i don't fucking know what.
another thing too is that maven was literally cast aside, a shadow. tiberias vi was indifferent to him at best, julian openly hated him, elara wanted to carve him into a perfect heir to get one up on coriane EVEN AFTER she killed her with her own two hands.
cal one the other hand was brought up to be perfect and placed expectation on him by not only his father but the whole court who were watching him like hawks
NEITHER of them had their own agency. it's just that cal's actually gave him a chance to gain a more positive outlook and maven's only choice was to be cynical.
when maven did try, thomas was killed and he lost his ability to love. LIKE!!??!?! TO LOVE
and cal still tried his fucking hardest to love him, despite. and even if it wasn't enough to save maven in the end, it was enough to grant cal the mercy of not killing his brother with his own hands.
#I FEEL SO MENTALLY ILL ABOUT THEM ALL THE TIME#ITS ABOUT CARE. ABOUT LOVE. ABOUT DISTRUST PERVADING EVERY INTERACTION BUT STILL KNOWING THAT THEY'LL BE THERE IF YOU NEED#ITS ABOUT BEING PAWNS. AND CLAWING YOUR WAY INTO YOUR OWN AGENCY ONLY TO LOOK BEHIND AND SEE YOUR BROTHER ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE CHASM#someone PLEASE start being insane with me#maven calore#cal calore#red queen#ELARA WHEN I CATCH YOU ELARA? WHEN I CATCH YOU ELARA? WHEN I CATCH YOU ELARA?#calore brothers
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hello securitywaiter nation have you thought about ness being abby’s teacher bc I HAVE
below the cut because i can't shut up ever :D
-abby does well enough in school academically but is still needs some work in the socioemotional dept
-when she starts a new school year mike is a bit worried but then she comes back home absolutely ecstatic and mike is like “okay this is good”
-she talks all about how mr. ness lets her color while he teaches and how mr. ness gave them all name tags w silly drawings (hers is a bear) etc etc
-mike is actually really happy bc most teachers have a hard time understanding abby (heck, he has a hard time understanding her) so he’s looking forward to meeting this mr. ness during back to school night
-it goes on like this for awhile, with abby raving about mr. ness and mike is just happy that his little sister seems to be doing better in school. the first time she comes home talking about these kids she hung out with at recess he practically cries
-back to school night is here and the first time mike sees this mr. ness he’s like abby u traitor you didnt tell me this man was exactly my type (he doesn’t actually tell her bc he never brings up his lovelife around her - not that he’s had much of one - but still isn’t this the type of things siblings know intrinsically)
-anyways they’re having the kids show their guardians around the classroom and their seats and everything and then mr. ness is explaining the way his class works and mike is totally paying attention. yup. he’s not distracted by those chocolate brown eyes at ALL
-so they’re waiting to do the one-on-ones with the teacher and mike crouches down next to abby and tries to be all chill “hey, abs. has mr. ness ever mentioned a partner or anything?” acting all nonchalant
-but abby sees right through him and is immediately like “he’s single! do u want me to put in good word for you?” and mikes like “NO i have no idea what ur talking about haha i just wanted to know bc it’s important to know that about ur teachers okay wait why are you smiling like that”
-(abby’s a little menace and already ships it)
-when it’s finally their turn mike is just chanting to himself “be normal. be normal. be normal” lmao
-but now that he’s sitting face to face with the teacher he notices that he has freckles and every chance he had at playing it cool goes out the window
-ness is telling him all about how well abby is doing in class and if there was anything he could do to make it easier for her in the classroom and abby’s just sitting there looking at mike internally screaming with a smile
-so she turns to her teacher and is like “you should get mike’s number just in case something comes up. he’ll probably think of some things later since he’s been taking care of me alone for awhile” (bc u know when kids do that things where they kinda trauma dump at the most random moments lmao)
-and ness at first refuses and is like “im sure email works just fine!” and abby’s like WHYY is he not just taking the bait and then she has like a lightbulb moment
-bc ness probably assumes like everyone else that mike is a single father and abby’s his daughter and abby’s like oh no how do i make this work
-so she goes full anya mode (for my spy x family watchers) and is like “im sure mike would appreciate having your number on hand! he’s a very protective older brother you see. taking care of his little sister must be hard. i’m sure being a big brother like him is hard so it’d be for his peace of mind. did i mention he’s my older brother”
-and ness also has a little bit of a crush already forming so he doesn’t catch the obvious set up and is instead distracted by the fact that the handsome guy in front of him is in fact NOT a single father so maybe he does have a chance wowow
-yup so they exchange numbers andddddd ill come back to this later i really need coffee
#do i know what grade abby is in?? no#do i even have a vague idea of how i could muddle the ages for this work? also no#i am literally jsut here what more do u want from me#yknow purple rotting michael when he done got scooped#thats what i feel like with the amount of brain rot that i have#im actually so mentally ill its insane#also i very specifically wait for someone else to post on the tag before i make another post#bc i ahve wayy too many thoughts on these two#fnaf#fnaf movie#kitty.twt#ness the waiter#securitywaiter#mike schmidt#mike x ness#fnaf ness#abby schmidt#i love abby being securitywaiter shipper no. 1
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if anyone does anything that makes me feel even remotely out of control it changes my brain chemistry about them forever even if I know they mean well and want so badly for things to go back to the way they used to but they can never go back and I hate myself for that
#ill literally ruin every friendship ig#does anyone else experience this bc it’s actually so fucked up I hate it sm#and like im good at pretending it’s ok so even if the other person goes back to normal I never am#it’s like the grudge just stays forever no matter how much forgiveness I logical have#and the association w the person just feels sickening even if they r so full of love#and I think that talking about it will help but it just digs a further hole#like it always get resolved on their end but somehow I feel worse#I’ve lost some of the greatest ppl bc of this :(#like ppl make mistakes#and sometimes it’s not even a mistake or anything wrong im just insane#and then I feel I don’t treat them as well but not in ways they would notice ugh idk im actually fkd#hence I mostly cut them off bc I don’t wanna treat them badly they don’t deserve it#but im also sick of cutting ppl pff who r genuinely so nice and made one off comment#bc I’ve made plenty of off comments im sure bc im human and yet other ppl r ok w it like y can’t I be#anyways usually the whole reason they have even said anything that has put me off them is just their reaction to me being mentally ill#so it kinda all stems from me everytim LOL yay
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In discussions about mental health, I am so tired of the only voices mattering being other people or other people who do not deal with a condition/disorder or a specific situation.
"Here's how I deal with loved ones with [x] condition!"
"If you do [y] because of [x mental health reason], you're selfish and everybody who loves you is having their lives made harder by you!"
"If your symptoms are [z], you're gross, and you deserve no sympathy for struggling"
I understand to an extent why people do this, but holy hell, as somebody who struggles and struggles often, the last thing any of us need to be told is that we're a burden that others have to carry. And it's terrible how everybody else's feelings but ours matter - even if we are the ones most affected by our condition or situation.
If you are dealing with issues surrounding your mental health and well-being, know that everything above isn't true; you are worthy of patience, understanding, kindness, and love. You are worthy of being listened to without judgment. You don't have to apologize or "make up" for who you are or what you struggle with.
#mental health#mental health advocacy#sanism#sanism tw#ableism#ableism tw#since when do we just go 'you're sick? well I'M more affected by YOUR illness than YOU are so my voice matters MORE'#i'm actually genuinely angry that people think saying stuff like that is appropriate#and when i say 'deal with' i mean when people treat those they say they love like a burden#simultaneously discussions about mental health have gotten better and have stay horrific and lack compassion or nuance#like people have more words to describe mental health but they cling to their disgust for us ~insanes~ like it's a lifeline#TW FOR MENTIONS OF SUIDIDE AFTER THIS TAG#when i actively wanted to take my life being told that i was selfish did NOT help. it made the desires STRONGER#because i had something ELSE to use to justify why my death was imperative. if i was selfish then why do i deserve others?#do you see why these discussions are harmful at *best* and can be the final factor in a decision like that?#sure. maybe those discussions alone won't be what pushes somebody to pass like that.#but it will have contributed to the demonization of mentally ill people#those discussions aren't going to save us from suicidality or something equally seen as drastic#videos like abigail thorn's cosmonaut video were actually way *more* helpful because she was compassionate#she provided compassion and empathy and was vulnerable enough to share her *own* experiences#i think i'm going to re-watch it for the....... 500th time#i'm so glad she kept her old videos up. this one is one of my favourites#heavy watch but i forever will be grateful to her and the others who helped me out of that pit
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Listen I understand why some people disagree bc I love them as characters but personally I don’t particularly want another full season with the Bad Kids. I will watch it if they do one, but I feel like not only have the characters reached the natural conclusions of their arcs, the Intrepid Heroes have all grown so much as players from when Fantasy High came out like 5 years ago that I think it would feel a bit disingenuous. Like Ally had never played D&D before Fantasy High, and Kristen was played accordingly. Ally even said in Starstruck “no more bumbling Kristen shit”
All that being said I wouldn’t mind a short season (up to 10 eps) for junior/senior year or for the IH to do live shows of the characters. I would love a cross over season between Fantasy High and the Seven or even PirOL, I think that could be fun.
#Riz found his babysitter made a bunch of friends became a liscensed PI and resolved stuff with his dad#Fabian learned to be his own personal outside of his fathers shadow disavowed toxic masculinity and embraced his elven heritage#Fig went from not knowing her bio dad and having a bad relationship with her mom and adoptive dad to having good relationships will all of#them and she became a famous rockstar and got a gf#Gorgug found his dad got a girlfriend and faced his fears about not being smart while becoming closer to his adoptive parents#he managed to learn about communication and friendship and himself#Adaine went from having a shitty relationship with her abusive parents and sister to killing her dad driving her mother to insanity to#die in a magic forest and befriended her sister. she got adopted by a better dad and got her mental illness diagnosed and treated#Kristen is the only one who I think has some growth left in terms of no longer being a jokester sex obsessed teen with unresolved parental#trauma. that being said Kristen did get deprogrammed from her church realize she’s a lesbian move out and found her own church and discover#a whole ass god#I love all those characters. I don’t think another season is what they need#cienna talks#fantasy high
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why not me?
#mitski#washing machine heart#female hysteria#femcel#jealousy#jelous#girl rotting#bpd#hell is a teenage girl#loser girl#mentally fucked#bpd thoughts#borderline blog#depressing shit#tw depressing stuff#tw depressing thoughts#sorry for being depressing#tw sui implied#im not good enough#girlblogging#gaslight gatekeep girlboss#actually mentally ill#femcelcore#i need a lobotomy#i hate my self#irl yandere#yanblr#love me#manic pixie dream girl#im going insane
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thinking about knights on the clock
#THINKING ABT. THEE KNIGHT#im seriously considering inquiring abt becoming a jouster next year...#they'll train you from the ground up... and yea its Florida but like.......#i think travelling around doing ren fests all year + otherwise being around horses and shit would fix my mental health#the only PROBLEM. is fucking. MEDICAL AND STUDENT LOAN DEBT#idk what the pay is like and im gonna be so real w/ you guys i do need a stable paycheck rn#not to mention the fact that if i DID like. get hired by them. then thats critical exposure to Thee Knight#who i am quite literally giggling and kicking my feet abt right now#hes so fucking gorgeous im insane about him hes like quantifiably Just Some Guy but hes MY Just Some Guy#he doesnt have a hole in his chainmail skirt anymore... sad day for me. a faggot#the newly darkened armor does look REALLYYYY good tho and i do love the scale on him#SOZ EVERYONE. IM ILL
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