#im actually so mentally ill its insane
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
hello securitywaiter nation have you thought about ness being abby’s teacher bc I HAVE
below the cut because i can't shut up ever :D
-abby does well enough in school academically but is still needs some work in the socioemotional dept
-when she starts a new school year mike is a bit worried but then she comes back home absolutely ecstatic and mike is like “okay this is good”
-she talks all about how mr. ness lets her color while he teaches and how mr. ness gave them all name tags w silly drawings (hers is a bear) etc etc
-mike is actually really happy bc most teachers have a hard time understanding abby (heck, he has a hard time understanding her) so he’s looking forward to meeting this mr. ness during back to school night
-it goes on like this for awhile, with abby raving about mr. ness and mike is just happy that his little sister seems to be doing better in school. the first time she comes home talking about these kids she hung out with at recess he practically cries
-back to school night is here and the first time mike sees this mr. ness he’s like abby u traitor you didnt tell me this man was exactly my type (he doesn’t actually tell her bc he never brings up his lovelife around her - not that he’s had much of one - but still isn’t this the type of things siblings know intrinsically)
-anyways they’re having the kids show their guardians around the classroom and their seats and everything and then mr. ness is explaining the way his class works and mike is totally paying attention. yup. he’s not distracted by those chocolate brown eyes at ALL
-so they’re waiting to do the one-on-ones with the teacher and mike crouches down next to abby and tries to be all chill “hey, abs. has mr. ness ever mentioned a partner or anything?” acting all nonchalant
-but abby sees right through him and is immediately like “he’s single! do u want me to put in good word for you?” and mikes like “NO i have no idea what ur talking about haha i just wanted to know bc it’s important to know that about ur teachers okay wait why are you smiling like that”
-(abby’s a little menace and already ships it)
-when it’s finally their turn mike is just chanting to himself “be normal. be normal. be normal” lmao
-but now that he’s sitting face to face with the teacher he notices that he has freckles and every chance he had at playing it cool goes out the window
-ness is telling him all about how well abby is doing in class and if there was anything he could do to make it easier for her in the classroom and abby’s just sitting there looking at mike internally screaming with a smile
-so she turns to her teacher and is like “you should get mike’s number just in case something comes up. he’ll probably think of some things later since he’s been taking care of me alone for awhile” (bc u know when kids do that things where they kinda trauma dump at the most random moments lmao)
-and ness at first refuses and is like “im sure email works just fine!” and abby’s like WHYY is he not just taking the bait and then she has like a lightbulb moment
-bc ness probably assumes like everyone else that mike is a single father and abby’s his daughter and abby’s like oh no how do i make this work
-so she goes full anya mode (for my spy x family watchers) and is like “im sure mike would appreciate having your number on hand! he’s a very protective older brother you see. taking care of his little sister must be hard. i’m sure being a big brother like him is hard so it’d be for his peace of mind. did i mention he’s my older brother”
-and ness also has a little bit of a crush already forming so he doesn’t catch the obvious set up and is instead distracted by the fact that the handsome guy in front of him is in fact NOT a single father so maybe he does have a chance wowow
-yup so they exchange numbers andddddd ill come back to this later i really need coffee
#do i know what grade abby is in?? no#do i even have a vague idea of how i could muddle the ages for this work? also no#i am literally jsut here what more do u want from me#yknow purple rotting michael when he done got scooped#thats what i feel like with the amount of brain rot that i have#im actually so mentally ill its insane#also i very specifically wait for someone else to post on the tag before i make another post#bc i ahve wayy too many thoughts on these two#fnaf#fnaf movie#kitty.twt#ness the waiter#securitywaiter#mike schmidt#mike x ness#fnaf ness#abby schmidt#i love abby being securitywaiter shipper no. 1
124 notes
·
View notes
Text
i love my frens... they love me they think im cute
#kostik speaks#when theyre not peer diagnosing me with schizophrenia it makes me happy im in their lives#and they see me cuz im a silly guy and im helpful to them and also being with them is grounding#im glad i have people#its been a lot of being traded between doctors and phone calls and feeling insane because the voices and depression have been so much#but i just went out to smash shit and yapped and now i feel happy. my body is exhausted. but im ok#happy happy... i am seen. i am human#i have silly cringe interests and huge autism and weird personality traits but that makes me so cool#im cute too#i have mental illness. but im cute. and im human. and its part of me like anything else#god tbf im actually so glad i got to express my grievances with being pathologised#i actually feel so much normaler now
11 notes
·
View notes
Text
people who do STEM or administration as a career full time and continue to do art as a hobby, I am scared of you but like in a hot way. youre like if we were allowed to have cold drinks in winter. i look at you and think of miles morales with his two cakes. do you want to make out sometime
#i say all of this positively bc i just! i cant help admiring it!! even if its mundane or not a big deal to you i seriously cant wrap my head#around it.. this is in no way at all meant to be condescending or anything. whenever i look at someones bio and theyre like oh im working#as a lab assistant biologist pharmacist realtor etc im like woag.... thats insane.. and then i peep your art tag and it knocks my socks of#how?? what lives do you lead??? im so curious. i seriously want a peek inside your brains someday. or at least shadow you at work lol#i cant help but feel sad when someone says smth like well i have to support myself and art cant do that for me. or maybe you were#pushed into pursuing a 'safe' career bc i hear it a lot. all of my relatives have the same story working as nurses and OFWs for the family#i think for me its not about missed potential but rather its being sad about making a decision to put your happiness aside to get by#ive tried so hard to do it but it didnt work out. i guess watching you guys do it is fascinating to me#or maybe youve made peace with your decision or actually like what you pursued but im still amazed!! it makes me wonder what made#you pick one over the other in that case.. is it like putting time for two different things the way you would for a schedule?? hmmm#im doing graphic design so i dont really interact with ppl in other faculties even humanities like sociology or childcare... so i cant help#wondering what it must be like as someone whos pursuing visual communication both as an interest and career#i seriously wish i could do smth like a desk job or even admin and maybe ill try that if this doesnt work. or i could look into trades#but dyscalculia already makes it hard to do things like cash and mental math so i get overwhelmed if i think about this too hard#yapping
107 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
See the thing is. I know I'm good at writing. Like I have my weak areas or things I need to improve in, but it's not a skill I otherwise spend a lot of time feeling insecure about because a) if I don't believe in my writing literally who will b) if I want to publish my writing I ought to at least feel a resting level of good about it because editors and agents likely will not be cradling my face like a prize cat and telling me how talented I am while asking for their edits c) I've always had an audience for my writing even at its worst– I started sharing my original works online when I was around 16 & that really helped sell to me the idea of 'there will always be someone out there who likes what you do' d) untalented men never think this hard about the quality of their works and they always end up published anyway and e) I don't have many other thoroughly developed skills so why not have one I feel good about. Having said this. Awkward feeling to realize you're one of the authorial weak links in your postgraduate creative writing degree's social circle
#part of the issue is definitely also like. i am good at what i do! its just that im the only one doing it#40 people in my fuckass degree and im the only one who writes fantasy fiction. we had one more girl but she did romance & dropped out#(to be an agent) (this isnt a sad story)#but yeah no im mostly surrounded by very talented poets and screenwriters. which makes my works seem a little. frivolous. in comparison#and my friends especially are so fucking talented it makes me ill. and they engage politely with me about my writing but its also#superficial and i cant blame them because its simply not what they write/what theyre interested in! i feel the same about poetry#but my friend actually seemed surprised a while ago when i mentioned a thing id been writing and i joked that it looked like she was#surprised i could have good ideas and she didnt answer. and like. man.#i am a good writer! i fucking know im a good writer but im a good FANTASY writer and these people are. different writers and theyre good an#im floundering in this environment next to them and theres something not as like.. artistic in what i do its so fucking embarrassing#and they also display just such a lack of curiosity as to others' writing like.. they wont check the moodle forum to read what the others i#our module have uploaded for each assignment?? like arent you even just CURIOUS? but now im also just wondering if theyre like 🤞 this#with each other in a way that excludes me and my stupid flop ass fiction. i dont know. its just so silly. everyone always talks about#finding community in writing groups & degrees & such and that is exactly the last and most isolating place ive ever been insofar as my#writing goes. like at least way back in high school no one cared in general. here people do care. just not about what i can bring to the#table. although again i really dont know if this is a larger scale lack of curiosity/involvement in others works so i digress.#notnow#tbd#sorry this is a very priveleged complaint to have i AM deeply enjoying my degree and ik im so lucky to get to go where i attend. i just#occasionally feel sad. and knowing i failed my last assignment (which WAS fiction) (one chance to prove myself! cute) isnt helping much#if the poetrypeople are better at me even in the thing im meant to be good at. baby we're about to enter the mental health meat grinder.#but we stay silly. i think i just need to find people online etc to talk to about writing again like i did at 17.#just full insanity paragraph analysis. that was fun. i enjoyed that.
16 notes
·
View notes
Text
Fuck my stupid lonely gay life
#AUGHH. AM I EVEN CAPABLE OF CONNECTING WITH OTHER HUMAN BEINGS#gun to my head. am i even a real person anymore#i dont even like talking to other people is the worst part#sometimes i wonder how my life would be if i hadnt developed insanely severe social anxiety in high school#never trust how you feel about your life after 8pm <- repeating this over and over#how do people even make online friends. like. i guess i would have to actually talk to people#but even then what if i say something wrong. what if i dont have anything to say. scary#i think a new hyperfixation would fix me (haha ) but i havent been able to enjoy anything on that level recently and its kind of#PISSING ME OFF but whatever. is this what neurotypical peoples lives are like. how do they do it#pacing in a circle zoloft takes 8 weeks to work zoloft takes 8 weeks#i guess i use this account as a vent mostly but thats because i have no where else to . LOL#whatever. another vent post for the ages. this ones not even coherent. im so good at talking about fucking nothing dude#vent#talking#i like going through my own vent posts and analyzing my character development like im from a story#hey past me i hate to zay it but stimulants did not fix your problems. in fact they sent you into a major dissociative episode#got put on ritalin now but i dont think its gonna help probably. but maybe thats because the last two adhd medications were so terrible#but i think my adhd too bad for weak stimulant and my anxiety too bad for strong stimulant . my mental illness cocktail untreatable#im so glad you cant see views on tumblr that shit made me so anxious on twitter i deleted an entire account lol#bro cant make friends and he cant maintain the friendships he has 😭 what a loser
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
love seeing a mental health and disability advocate immediately turn around and go "haha im so delusional <3" in the same moment
#sarcasm i obviously hate this#i hate that delusional has been turned into some silly quirky thing like no!!!!#like if i tried to describe my delusions to these ppl theyd think im fucking insane#ppl understand why u dont use intrusive thoughts to mean impulsive#so why cant they understand not using delusional when they just me unlikely events#like god#im so fucking tired#-anon#actually delusional#delusional#sysblr#system#plural#plurality#mental illness#not saying who this was originally made about. its not the point the point is ppl using delusion as a silly quirky thing
34 notes
·
View notes
Text
lets go
#last class of the year got canceled!!! guess who doesnt have any lectures left :3 YAYYAY#ok time to be proud of myself because aside from the class i predetermined to watch online I WENT TO EVERY CLASS THIS SEMESTERRR#and that is. so incredibly hugeeeeee#didnt go to every workgroup bc wth PLUS in the last month or so i stayed on campus to do work by myself almost every day anyway!!#owowowowowow#ive been such a good boy this semester its insane#^-^ im so proud of myself#especially considering that last years spring semester was soso bad really. its nice to be not-depressed ig. really does help#sillyposting#anyyyay im so glad i magically got better in like january this year. i think there might be a reason but also that doesnt make much sense#oh wait yeagh it does actually combined with getting a new job#(trans guy wonders why his life got better a few months after being out at his new job) oTL being out saved me ig. despite the horrors#like genuinely that and coming out to most of my highschool friends was what did it. thats crazy.#anyyayy big yippee for being better mentally. never knew that school was actually fun and not-that-bad if i want to live#yk i actually also have hope for the reason of panic yesterday afternoon. i feel like i can handle myself with that. a bit better.#i will still talk to my counselor before taking action but. i do want to take action. i just need to figure out what that means for myself.#=w=bbb#one could say.... big day for jace..........#hmhmmhmh mainly exams only now.... scary..........#i feel like ill do fine on 3 easily. 1 is a retake from last year that ive been slacking on and i am so scared of. and the last is so-so#^-^bbbb#big yippeepilled day today. awesome
2 notes
·
View notes
Note
for the violence ask game: 8 common fandom opinion everyone is wrong about. for milgram. i know exactly what you're going to say i just want to see you go off again
Hiii bestie. You do know what I'm about to talk about. Yippee
Disclaimer that this whole essay is like. For fun and how I say things is ramped up to be funny. I don't mind if you disagree w me cuz like that's the nature of things! We disagree but we can get along.
Anyways short answer for people who don't wanna see the essay: organ harvesting theory. This is about shidou.
Idk how prevalent it is rn since not many people even talk about shidou but it was prevalent enough in June when I got into milgram that I believed it for a bit anyways the rest in under the cut cuz I'm insane sorrg
SO the main reason I think the theory is WRONG (hyperbole‼️) is because I just think it's unrealistic. Man works in a hospital in Japan. How would he pull it off. Scuff an operation bad enough to cause braindeath/death and I'm p sure they suspend your medical licence, if he participated in an organ harvesting operation pre-family-accident his case would then be black and white cuz he was doing it in complete sound mind with no regard for human life. Also it wouldn't justify the extreme reaction he's had to realizing, specifically, "what I've been robbing people of" (t1 voice trailer), and he wouldn't have as heavy a focus on the relatives' feelings and reactions. At least story writing wise it'd make less sense since it doesn't allude to anything if that's the end goal? Imo at least. Idk maybe this is because I really like tragedies in media. Also because it'd be a really disproportionately severe crime compared to every other direct murderer???? Like. We have strangled someone, stabbed someone, bludgeoning, bludgeoning, kicked someone to death. Organ harvesting looks cartoony in this context. It's also not a very prevelant issue in Japan iirc.
Also to prove my point further. If we use this theories the murders would be
Strangling, abortion??????, cyber bullying, stabbing, organ harvesting, toxic r/s, telling the truth (lmao), bludgeoning, bludgeoning, bludgeoning (minus weapon). Organ harvesting is goofy cuz it seems so.... Extreme,,,,,,,
ALSSOOOOO funny point. If he's not directly involved in his murder (as in, unintentional and indirect) that makes 5 direct and 5 indirect. Silly.
Also also his murder seems somewhat tied to how he feels about his job itself ("I wanted to contribute to society (about his career choice)/I had thought my work was a contribution to society", use of past tense) and to me it reads like hes disillusioned w his job esp since his reason for getting a highly sought after, high paying and high social ranking job is "I wanted to contribute to society". Doctors with that empathy can be affected by the death around them more severely and I think that's a fun topic to look at
I count this under "common fandom opinion" cuz it was common enough around June (whenyours truesly got into milgram) that I believed it. I mean I introduced shidou to my friend (hello clown) as "maybe Dr malpractice. Organ harvesting dude" and said friend (hello again clown) is also the one who's heard me bash the organ harvesting theory like 6 times at least now so. Yippee.
Take none of this seriously I just got off a plane and am so very eepy. If you like the organ harvesting theory good for you!!!!!!!💥💥💥💥💥 you do you bestie !!!!!!!!!!!!!! I literally do not think less of anyone who believes that theory I just personally dont lmao
#sand speaks#hiiiii bestie my silly mutual. youve heard this rant before now for it poorly formatted in text#i mean its better formatted than when i actually talk abt it cuz if i wrote it the way i originally did the points would not be organised#like at all. itd be so bad#anyways all of this is lighthearted i dont think less of anyone with different opinions i just. dont believe the theory at all#i like the tragedy thag comes woth it technhcally not being his fault but also kinda being his fault.#like maybe he had really bad manners towards relatives. or horribls bedside manner (youre in my way just die already“ like ok mr kirisaki.#dont say that to a comatose patient my dude. but yeah it can be argued that morally hed be in the wdong#or if he persuaded relatives to dknate patients organs. which is rude and also malpractice (coercion and taking advantage of ppl in vulnerab#and with his themes of lying (covers) i fhink it could wither be lying to relatives of patients OR. him seeing hsi work and the promise of#saving people from illness or death as a lie and a hoax becasye so many people died anyways despite those promises#anhwyas im insane about this man. characters with extreme worldviews entirely of their own making my beloved#like nothing told him to believe this. he just does and thats whats interesting to me#anywasy suuper sorry about the big essay and the many tags. i love this fandom#i have so much to say but so little phone battery. and mental battery its Zzzzzzzzz time#tell me if abything in here sounds mean or anything btw im too used to being mean as a jokiing thing so im worried ill offend someone
21 notes
·
View notes
Text


okay, okay. yea i practically disappeared off of the face of the earth for a minute, but it’s cool i guess. it’s nearly 4 a.m, i’m not gonna get ANY sleep for school…
#diary entry#entry#journal entry#last resort#lolz#lolzers#lonelihood#loser girl#losercore#depressing shit#actually mentally ill#anxienty#severe anxiety#social anxiety#coping#diary#mentally fucked#i need friends#i feel insane#working girl#hypersexual#mentally insane#its whatever#im so tired#i need sleep#journal#lol#mentally unstable#mental health#working hard
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
Using my brain like a metal detector to figure out what the FUCK it wants to do
#*shakes brain* what do you want??? food isnt working acnh isnt working weaving isnt working#im gonna fucking riot#im understimulated but just listening to a video feels OVERstimulating#i get bored & tired two minutes after starting a thing#but i want to do SOMETHING#i was in bed almost all day yesterday b/c i couldnt get myself to do anything else for more than. like. an hour at a time#or maybe less (it felt like less anyway)#i do NOT want to do that again#if my new meds dont do anything to help istg (im not gonna do anything im just gonna be upset)#depressions a bitch and i hate it!!!#im tired but i got a good amount of sleep the past few nights so its not from that??? i know its the Mental Illness but. still#i do NOT want to just take a NAP all DAY i want to DO things when im OFF from WORK#is this what it was like pre-meds??? b/c if so HOW#i legitimately dont remember#personal#jay rambles#mental health cw#depression cw#im. so fucking tired of this shit if the new meds do the thing where it makes things worse for the first few weeks#im still not gonna do anything im just gonna be upset about it. and there's a real chance i wont be able to work full hours#which i cant afford atm#i MADE SURE i had enough food for lung and i havent had half of it b/c i started and my brain went “mm no you're full actually”#(i very distinctly am NOT full. but now it has a bad Mouth Feel and im going insane)#(gonna try knitting next to see if that works)#food mention
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
they should invent a me that doesn’t have an irrational and intense reaction to bugs or the very concept of cleanliness.
#emyrs.txt#it’s not all bugs i’m in fact super into most bugs it’s one in particular. that makes me start having breakdowns#i so wish i was being hyperbolic i’m not. having to talk myself down from a panic attack bc one was On My Bed#can’t even name the fucking insect bc i feel like ill manifest it into being or some shit.#hey guys i don’t this is normal i think im actually mentally unwell. surely its not common to have this intense of a reaction.#it’s less about the bug i think and more about what they represent. like the very concept of uncleanliness. i’m so frustrated i just want to#not think about this but i can’t. and every step of the way involves me rolling my eyes at how fucking insane i’m being.#worst part about being irrational is when you know you’re being irrational but u still can’t stop The Rituals.#ok. bye. i need to. cry maybe.
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
Screaming
Sobbing
Ripping my rotten flesh at the seams
#can i just get one fucking day of peace? ever? no? didnt think so.#insane creetur ramblings#vent#im so exhausted living in this damned society that was built against me and abused me. i fucking hate it.#tw self destructive behavior#disabled queer#actually mentally ill#bpd#su1c1dal#living with cptsd#psychotic#mental breakdance#bpd vent#why did i have to be like this#its not fair
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
the way i need him to like me back and be obsessed with me. its not even funny. i NEED him to think about me all day like i do to him. i NEED him to message me and start it off because i wont. i NEED him to be as obsessed with me as i am with him.
#🥀#🩸#🪫#🩵#older guys#obsessive love#actually obsessive#the way im going back to being so mentally ill over this man#id let him do anything to me#like genuinely#ANYTHING#its so bad because we dont even talk#i just work with him lol#hes barely ever at my work too because he works at another place in the same company but#ive been trying to find his socials but he doesnt even post anywhere#and its driving me insane
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
okay hi hello I started playing Road 96 again today and I just got the event with Jarod where he just gives you a ride and talks about dinosaurs and movies and the last time I played this game I was much more careful bc my bestie told me the man's dangerous, but now I fully know how dangerous he is after playing the entire game, and also I am very much in love with him, so I was a bit less careful this time and uh. He shot me. I died. Never happened to me before, I knew it's possible but. Damn. I am, of course, completely normal about that
#that was a lie i am not normal#i didnt do it on purpose of course i wanna actually play this game normally and experience it fully#but yknow. sweet i got shot by the mad man 😳#and then before he pulled out the gun he was like youre not gonna like what im gonna do next#jokes on you sir im mentally ill im into that shit#anyway gonna keep playing#got a new laptop so i can finally replay the whole game in good quality and its so fucking cool when its not super slow#lmao#im going slightly insane after that. but yea gonna keep playing as normal#road 96#bee buzz
14 notes
·
View notes
Text

at any and all times i'm thinking of this
#david haller#text#LEGION OF X 6 REREAD GOES WRONG (I START THINKING OF LEGION OF X 6 AGAIN)#HE ENVIEDDDDDD THE HERO'S DEATH.......#IS THE WORLD A BETTER PLACE WITH HIM DEAD AND ME ALIVE.#[THE VOICES]#just the absolute devastating loneliness of that last panel kills me every day the effect that wuide shot gives it its actually insane#oh FUCK your judgment space boy#he knew. i rule me. he knew :(#My god. ltierally i have 39 mental illnesses finally someone trusted him finally he made someone proud and he died .#AUGH. HES MOURNING MAGNETO TOO.. LITERAL HONORARY HOUSE OF M MEMBER TO ME#THAT IS HIS STEPFATHER . TO ME#there *must* be those who fight and live..or why fight at all? and so? i trust you......#im crazy. imcrayz. im crazy oyou have no idea. yuou have no idea.#DAVID I MISS YOUS O MUCH PLEASE COME BACK.
17 notes
·
View notes
Text
being californian and caring about local politics and how they affect people makes me like wanna rip my hair out so often cuz so often we will just see some bullshit prop come by thats so so bad but californians always have these awful superiority complexes about how theyre "so much better than the south/midwest states" and let these props fucking pass
#personal#california being seen as a 'leftist' state is such a joke. im like so insanely mad#if anyone in this state actually cared about homeless people and mentally ill people prop 1 wouldve lost already but its at 50-50 still man
3 notes
·
View notes