#i lost my head doing this im not sorry
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arsenicflame · 3 days ago
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It's a time-honoured tradition- every time Sam comes across Izzy (and Ed) in their travels, he asks Izzy to marry him. And every time, Izzy turns him down.
At this point, Sam is asking more for the sake of it than any belief Izzy will ever say yes, a remnant of childhood dedication touched with 30 years of heartbreak and regret- though even now, a small part of him still holds out hope. Sam's promises have only got more extravagant over the years, from a job as his first mate, to a captaincy, a fleet at his command, a whole fucking island if that's what Izzy wants- but he knows it isn't though, not really. If Izzy was ever going to agree to marry him, to leave his life and go with Sam, it wouldn't be for anything Sam could offer him. Izzy never did care for flashy shows of wealth, for a ship or to be captain. The only thing that ever mattered to him was loyalty given, and loyalty shown in return. 
It all comes to a head after Stede left and came back, after Izzy lost a toe, lost his leg. Sam hasn't seen him since before things with Ed started to really slide off the rails, before stress permanently set into the lines of Izzy’s face. So, when he sees a dishevelled man with a hoof for a leg in a no-name port, he doesn't even consider the idea that he might know him. It's only when he turns towards him, and Sam catches a glance at those oh too familiar tattoos, he realises this is Izzy, his Izzy, that stands before him.
Knowing Izzy's discomfort with pity, he doesn't treat him any differently than he would in years gone by, positioning himself in Izzy's line of sight before approaching and sweeping him up into a bone crushing hug.��
“Israel-goddamn-Hands!” he exclaims, as Izzy grumbles back a begrudging “Samuel-fucking-Bellamy”, a tradition almost as old as their friendship itself. Izzy might not hug him back, but he can’t keep the corner of his mouth from twitching, just for a second.
(If Sam holds Izzy a little tighter and a little longer than usual, well. That's his business)
By the time Sam lets go, most of the crew has appeared in the town square, drawn in by the commotion. They may have given Izzy his leg and welcomed him as one of them, but still there’s an underlying tension, with nobody quite ready to set aside everything that happened before the Kraken. Seeing him cosying up to an unknown man sets everyone on edge, unsure whether to come to their first mate’s aid, or to assume that they've been betrayed once again.
When Ed sees that the yelling was Sam, his hand goes tense where it's held in Stede's. He knows the routine, has seen it more times than he can count, but as he watches them part he realises that this is the first time in a long time he's unsure of what Izzy's response will be.
Knowing that something’s different, knowing that Izzy's feeling vulnerable already, Sam doesn't go for the same flashy proposal he’s been giving for years. He doesn't promise Izzy the world, he doesn't cause a scene (or, any more of a scene than he already has, anyway). He looks at the fractured man in front of him, takes his face in his hands, and says the exact same thing to him he said when they were little more than boys. “Israel, I have to ask you. I know what you'll say, but I have to try. Come with me. Marry me and sail away with me. I'll keep you safe”
And Izzy… hesitates. He glances over at Ed, at Stede, and says to Sam “...We’re staying in port for a week. Ask me again then”
That's the moment Sam knows there is something deeply, horribly, wrong. He's not just looking at an Izzy who got seriously injured in a fight and is struggling to cope, this is something so much bigger than that- and that Ed has something to do with it. Izzy wouldn't even be considering leaving if he didn't. Whether it was negligence or something more sinister, Sam doesn't yet know, but he intends to find out.
#i feel like the little paragraph about the crew is real clunky and out of place but i wanted some kind of establishment of where those#dynamics are at. its important that the crew is something for izzy to consider in his decision; but also that their relationship isnt so#solid he would stay for them alone; yknow?#im sorta aiming for a s2e5 era but like. early in those themes. he cant be all sorted yet i need him to be struggling#anyway this is part of a much larger scenario in my head that im never ever doing anything with but i wrote THIS bit in a daze in like. jun#and i got thinking about it again and i think?? it holds its own as a 'hey think about THIS' snippet. idk you decide#youre welcome to interpret this as solo bellhands but in my head it Has morphed into sam/izzy/ed/stede#because i cant not put edizzy in things any more. izzy has two hands#i also think the comedy potential of one of your boyfriends HATING your other boyfriend is gold. 10/10 dynamic#stede is mostly along for the ride in this but also i think they need him#aaaaand. the sam/ed bracket i think can only be closed in exceptional circumstances. i think they 'hate' each other too much#...which is WHY someones getting kidnapped!!! yay#anyway its all irrelevant because ill never write it out. i can do silly chill things but thatll require work#nyxtalks#ofmd#our flag means death#izzy hands#israel hands#sam bellamy#bellhands#i wanna also say. the general concept of repeated sam proposals has been floating around my head forever#it used to be a more silly thing like i referenced at the start but. s2 gave me angsty feelings i guess#i cant not have izzy have feelings for ed right now which inherently adds layers to Any bellhands scenarios i think.#but yeah. its a Classic Bellhands vibe for me. sam seeing izzy at sea or on shore and asking him to marry him (again)#i like to do this with jackie too. i think i just want that man to be obnoxiously desired#(theres also layers of my personal hornigold era lore built into this but i hope it holds up without u knowing it. tldr. sam lost izzy by#being an idiot n fumbling the bag. thats what matters. izzy went with ed and sams been trying to fix it ever since)#i probably should have readmore'd this but i didnt think it was Quite long enough. or had a good break point. sorry <3
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thegreatyin · 6 months ago
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scoundrel?? what scoundrel???? the magnificent mr cards (who ironically has more of a flower aesthetic going on) is completely unrelated to any "bandaged scoundrels" running around the neath. in fact it's never heard of the word scoundrel ever in its entire definitely long definitely ancient life. but yknow, hypothetically, if it did know the scoundrel, it's confident that they're really really really handsome and cool and epic and they're almost just as amazing as it is and you should totally donate all your valuables to them and stuff
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aaand because i like them too much, have a transparent version. the Creachure. the Thing, even.
#the scoundrel's flower theme vs the 'canon' cards gambler theme. the latter lost this round im afraid#i do really like how they came out though#yin art#fallen london#sorry for posting cringe (my art) in the maintag it will probably inevitably happen again#while im here: design notes!#in my head their robe is like. Heavy. very thick velvet probably getting very dirty dragged around on the floor everywhere#the little drapes around their body are probably gold of some kind. the bangles and rings definitely are#the flowers here are almost certainly fake compared to their usual ones.#do you know how much tax must happen on surface flowers going neathward.#the scoundrel probably spends half of their rent budget keeping their stupid aesthetic alive#their glasses stand out like their eyes while wearing the robe mostly due to cartoon logic#they probably mostly have their normal look on underneath. aka still have their bandages#the ones on their hands are fraying bc bat claws grow sharp and grow large. they're a bit fraught over it.#they dont like looking at any part of themself including the hands#it DOES help their mastersona seem authentic though. so that's a hashtag bonus#they mainly trade in luck and debts. and hijinks. they dont officially trade in hijinks but they definitely sure do get up to it#word is probably already starting to spread about how much mr cards hates boats.#surely this has nothing to do with the scoundrel's famed dislike of the exact same thing.#surely.#scoundrelventures
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wildstar25 · 8 months ago
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MiqoMarch Day 21 - Lost
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bicon-crange · 5 months ago
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ppl on twitter are finally finding out that the creators of smiling friends are racist assholes who believe the great white replacement theory and were roommates and great friends with JONTRON
and im like yeah. he's a fucking newgrounds animator. are you all stupid and braindead?
but noooo keep drawing your fucking yaoi of those ugly fucking characters and keep making a literal fucking nazi a millionaire by getting his show renewed a million times i guess !!!
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rafyki · 18 days ago
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My thoughts are still a mess™. I go from wanting to write poetry and essays about Jack and Joke, both about them individually and their relationship; to thinking about Aran and the beautiful way his character is written and the way he has grown as a person even though we haven't seen it all happen on screen; and then I find myself distracted thinking abou War and how I would beg for just one chance please
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nafohcnis · 4 months ago
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what the fuck...what the fuck.......
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horizonslut · 2 years ago
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i love just doing a brain dump of all my weirdest horizon thoughts (mostly bc i’m too lazy to do a full art piece lol)
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villalunae · 11 months ago
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stop 👏 telling 👏 lesbians 👏 to be 👏 attracted 👏 to 👏 MEN
stop 👏 telling 👏 lesbians 👏 to be 👏 attracted 👏 to 👏 MEN
stop 👏 telling 👏 lesbians 👏 to be 👏 attracted 👏 to 👏 MEN
stop 👏 telling 👏 lesbians 👏 to be 👏 attracted 👏 to 👏 MEN
stop 👏 telling 👏 lesbians 👏 to be 👏 attracted 👏 to 👏 MEN
stop 👏 telling 👏 lesbians 👏 to be 👏 attracted 👏 to 👏 MEN
#personal#SAW A POST. LOST MY MIND#''nothing changed u mistook a man for a butch and were attracted to them so really youre just small minded and should be okay with that#attraction bc clearly you hate yourself <3''#This Is The Lesbophobia We Are Talking About When You Guys Pretend We Cant Have Boundaries#like ohhh ishould just love a man instead <3 i should change my sexuality for you <3 i should just fuck guys huh <3#how fucking dismissive of our experiences. how deeply sick and disgusting of you. i hope ur an adult so i wont feel bad ripping ur hair out#like how dare you! how dare you tell me NOTHING changed. how dare you look me in the eye and tell me that its the same#its not! its not. sorry some people are comfortable with labels that assert boundaries xoxo to you but im a lesbian bc i like women. not bc#i have an aesthetic attraction to a person. if i see a butch i think oh! a butch! a fellow lesbian! and am attracted#turns out to be a guy? oh! not a butch! not a fellow lesbian! nevermind :) and omg i am so normal for that <333#like god. GOD. what a fucking piece of shit to tell lesbians we should just Let ourselves be attracted to men bc we secretly do anyway#top ten reasons i hate associating with ppl who flout no labels like it works for you im glad but you keep shoving that down my throat#and im going to commit vehicular manslaughter#i have boundaries for a reason! i am attracted to women! i dont like men! WHAT IS SO HARD TO GET THROUGH YOUR HEAD#stop TELLING every lesbian theyre secretly bi but theyre repressing and too attached to the label i will FUCKING kill you#ANYWAY. IGNORE ME LMFAO
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annoyingcat413 · 5 months ago
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An special interest ending feels like telling your wife of 6 years that you’re not in love with her anymore, and it is kind of like that.
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attractthecrows · 6 months ago
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retconning stroud out of the deep roads so i can shove laure amell and the hawke siblings and varric and anders all into the same little camp. they would all have such a bad time
#carver: dying of blight. with an inferiority complex. but mostly dying#danie: MY BROTHER!!! MY BABY BROTJER HELP HIM!!!!!#anders: oh god oh fuck. wait a minute. i recognize this area. isnt this where the commander should be? oh hell#varric: we are all going to 🪦die⚰️ in a 🕳 hole. not even a GOOD hole#warden commander laure amell of ferelden and amaranthine: oh. anders. glad you're not dead or a darkspawn but Why The Fuck Are You Here#anders: oh hell. uh.#warden commander laure amell of ferelden and amaranthine: actually shut up. darkspawn incoming. its too open here so follow me to camp#'uh- commander-' 'shut it. there are shrieks about. this is a nasty area to be in with non-wardens' [glaring disapprovingly]#they awkwardly walk to camp. sigrun and a couple other wardens are there. they all sit down & drop their stuff#amell sits on a stump and pulls out a corked bottle. pops the cork. sniffs it. takes a swig. her white hair almost seems to glow?#she coughs then asks anders 'so why *are* you this far in the deep roads with a band of nonwardens? how'd you even get here?'#anders pulls out the map and hands it over. she looks at it. her expression darkens. she rolls up the map and says 'Anders.' he looks up.#she whaps him on the head with the map and gripes 'do you have ANY idea how long I spent looking for these fucking maps?!' whap 'you dick!'#she whaps him one more time then stuffs the maps into her bag. 'that still doesn't tell me WHY you're here. out with it.'#varric speaks up: 'my asshole brother locked us in a thaig. we came down on an expedition and found an idol that he betrayed us for'#amell frowns. 'a *thaig*? there aren't any records in the shaperate of any out this far. this isn't even a main branch of the deep roads.'#'it could be ancient!' sigrun offers 'or an unsavory secret the shaperate 'lost'. like Caridin?' amell nods & turns back to varric.#'so you're looking for a way out.' they nod. 'and just happened to come by this way?' anders says 'no commander- we need your help.'#amell takes another swig of her bottle. her hair is definitely glowing slightly. 'who *doesn't* these days. but for a pair of old friends-'#she winks at anders. 'what is it you need?' danie interrupts. '-please- my brother is sick- if you can't help him he'll die!'#amell looks at hawke then at carver. gets up and steps over to him. kneels in front of him and unceremoniously grabs his face#tilts his chin up (carotid + jugular blackened) peels his eyelid back (sclera greying and bloodshot) pries open his mouth (tongue greying)#then releases his head and stands shaking her hands. 'oh yeah. that's blight for sure. this is why you sought me out?' anders nods.#'we'll take him. but you know- he may not survive the joining.' 'any chance is better than letting him die!' 'i agree.' amell says coolly.#'youre lucky. we can do it here but the prep will take time. rest. eat. be on your guard. and DO NOT touch my whiskey if you're not a mage.'#it takes like a day of prep. also no one has used amell's name so they havent figured out the Cousins thing yet#eventually amell pulls carver over to the fire and hands him a cup of the joining potion and says 'you get one warning. *don't flinch.*'#he drinks it. he lives. but he's unconscious. amell sends the party on their way#to anders: here. i found this not long after you left. *hands him the phylactery* you and justice be careful. it's getting chaotic out there#to hawke: for what it's worth im sorry. if ever you need the wardens' assistance i grant it under the authority of warden-commander amell
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todayisafridaynight · 1 year ago
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obsessed with the bullets from my 'physical impacts from 'gaming'' notes for class cause they all talk about violence and aggression an yeah that sure is a thing in videogames but have you considered ichiban deserves to enact a lil violence. just a bit. also he's the light of my life and the ray of sunshine in the dark and
#snap chats#the videogame segment funny as hell in general cause theres bullets where its like#'yeah youre putting yourself in the position of these hyperviolent and dangerous people'#and then im thinkin of ichiban calling a fuckin crawfish on his phone like yeah. deadly stuff right there youre right professor#tho now that i mention ichiban Aw Fuck he might be the worst/best example of videogames and the correlation of violence#if not solely because his fighting method is literally influenced by dragon quest but i repeat hes valid and its ok <3#anyway sorry i have to be sick in the head stop reading now if youre a fish. or daigo bear GET OUT#theres a note here like 'increase in arousal' and Honey. if my eyeballs observing this community have a comment on that--#im not guiltless tho 😔 saw that forbidden masato katsu screenshot and i got sick <- still obsessed with how gorg he is#AND WHY DID THEY REMOVE THAT SCENELVKLVKJ ITLL FOREVER BE FUNNY AS HELL#THERES JUST THIS GORJUS AS CHRIST SHOT OF KATSU AND ITS LOST TO THE RGG VAULT#rgg please one high-rendered cutscene of ishin masato is not enough for me. his smile was so cute in the scene pleeaaaaasssee bro#im so ill. anyway im gonna lay in bed for the next five hours until my last class#i thought i was gonna stream but if i even try talking i just might throw up. also i should prob do my comm work instead OOP#luckily its just sketches this week so.... maybe i can stream tomorrow or thursday...#dont quote me on that i suck. anyway bye
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loverofallthingssmart · 10 months ago
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i’m like if the beast and machine formed to make an insane scientist
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stormyoceans · 11 months ago
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mon, i’ve been wanting to text you since friday night, as soon as i finished ep9 but i’ve been so incredibly overcome with emotion, i just have not had the courage to process everything and put what i feel into words.
i have been bawling since the very start of the ep, mon. right from the night-&-day conflict-cause reveal, to the first time day realises he’s losing sight, to the intimate scene, to (of course) the final scene, i have literally been in tears, unable to process any of my feelings. hell, i couldn’t even watch the full ep from between my tears, but i’m too scared to go back and watch so soon. there are so many things i felt, so many thoughts i had that i wanted to share with you but i’m just so overwhelmed even as yet, and i just want you to know, that if ever my thoughts become a little bit more clear and my feelings a bit less overwhelming, you will definitely be the first to hear all i want to say (sorry to be a bother but you’re like one of the few people i can share the utter happiness that this show is for me and i really want to discuss ALL ABOUT IT with you, and get all your thoughts!! but i get so overwhelmed and am so random with being active on this app, ughh it’s so hard 😭😭😭😭😭)
i just wanted to share this one thought with you that i had while watching the ep though, because i know you’d appreciate it so damn much. this series feels like such a beautiful gift to all us fans from jimmysea and p’aof, mon. like the heart that has gone into this project and the sheer beauty that everyone involved has created feels like the best present one could ever ask for (🥹). truly, i have no words other than the fact that i have never, ever experienced anything like this ever before and i am truly so, so overcome with a myriad of emotions, half of which i can’t even name.
WELL FIRST OF ALL YOU’RE NEVER A BOTHER AND YOUR MESSAGES ALWAYS PUT A SMILE ON MY FACE AND MAKE ME INCREDIBLY HAPPY SO JOKES ON YOU SAM!!!!!!!!!!! YOU’RE ACTUALLY STUCK WITH ME NOW AND I WILL BE SITTING HERE PATIENTLY WAITING FOR YOUR THOUGHTS ON LAST TWILIGHT WHENEVER YOU’RE READY TO SHARE THEM
take all the time you need tho, i definitely understand feeling overwhelmed by this show and not being able to write down everything you want to say. and idk if im the only one experiencing this, but these past couple of months since last twilight started have been so surreal to me like. i haven’t even begun to process 13% of the things that happened in episode 9 or any past episode really and it’s already time for episode 10 tomorrow. we’ve waited for this show for a whole year and in two more weeks it’s already gonna be over and yet somehow im still stuck on the very first episode with so many things to say and so many emotions to deal with and so many thoughts i want to share with you all but it seems too late now except it’s not!!!!!! we’re still here talking about vice versa after almost two years, we’re gonna be here talking about last twilight long after it ends!!!!!!
and to me this does feel like a show that you need to let sink in and settle a little before you can fully appreciate it, not because it’s overly complicated or controversial, but because it strikes something so deep into your soul that you need to watch it multiple times to unravel all its beauty. the feelings you get when you experience something for the first time can’t ever be repeated, but there is new understanding to be found in all the times after it. like you said, even just by watching episode 9 you can tell that there’s so much love and so much care that went into this show, and then you watch the bts videos and you see how hard everyone worked to make this happen, how the entire crew climbed that quite literal mountain just to deliver something special to us
i think that’s why despite all of my fears and worries about the ending that i can’t quite shake off, im also trying really hard to have faith in everyone involved in the show, because it’s a product of love and i will always be so deeply grateful to them for gifting it to the world
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lateseptemberdawn · 1 year ago
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It's so confusing even to me sometimes especially when it perhaps matters the most how I am an empath as in I will feel like crying while watching someone else cry out if their hearts and I could literally feel their pain but then I'm also so detached like so much so that if someone I know is going through something (as in trouble in paradise (yeah I'm eloquent)) and completely losing it over that person, not being able to function properly like not eating being sad feeling depressed -- it just makes no sense to me??? Like I can't even begin to try to comfort other than just pat pat like??? So you found out they don't care about you don't you just instantly lose all feelings as well? Don't you feel cheated and ridiculed?? Does that mean nothing to you, your self-respect?? And if it does all those things then why do you feel sad. What do you feel sad for. I would feel angry. So incredibly angry and I would simply think I was an idiot to not notice the signs or to stay for as long as I did and it would be like a switch just completely off. I don't think I could ever hold a human above myself. And this makes me wonder if I could ever love at all.
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smoothoperador · 1 year ago
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#sorry i need to vent ignore this#my new years resolution for 2023 was to work out consistently and get fit#bc i was really embarrassed at how physically weak i was last summer#and for the most part i did but with prepa and stuff i couldnt exercise as much as i wanted#but i still lost a bit of weight and was somewhat happy with the results for a while but#now i hate it again i hate it so much#ive been dancing a LOT (like 4h/week min. which is a lot for a fulltime uni student) bc it's convenient and good cardio and most of all FUN#and yeah the weight i lost is due to that and my cardio is good and im definitely much more fit than last year but#i still hate the way i look. so viscerally. and i know its my brain telling me nonsense bc it's not like a body can 'look bad'#and i'm lit a healthy weight im just a little thicker than french standards?#but i need to exercise more i want to lose all this fat i pinch my skin and wish it would melt beneath my fingers#but i dont have time or money for the gym and no buddy to go with and im intimidated so i just work out from home but#it's not enough i feel so discouraged. body dysmorphia in the summer really doesnt help my seasonal depression#like i truly believed this year would be my 'summer body' or whatever shit that means and its not and idk what to do i just want to be#in another persons skin. have another persons body. anyone truly#to the point that dancing isnt even fun for me anymore it's just competitive w myself i want to maximize the calories i burn and#i sometimes record myself cause i want to see the steps i miss and i did and i saw my body and it killed all my joy.#made me wanna die and cry. i stopped dancing immediately and i just swallowed back the tears cause theres no way i look like that.#so repulsive and nowhere near where i wanted. and again i know it's in my head there's no such thing as a 'repulsive' body due to weight!?!#but i cant apply that reasoning to myself. and i hate myself so much rn#im being called for dinner rn but i'd honestly rather not eat. i think i'd feel horribly gross if i ate anything right now#i told my friends i'd stop using hunger as a form of self-punishment but it almost feels satisfying in a twisted way... like i deserve it#clara tais toi#like ia m SO obsessed with my appearance in a way that is borderline unhealthy i am SO#preoccupied by how im perceived (physically) if i look hot if i look pretty if i look cute at any and all times and#the answer is never ever satisfactory because other ppls judgement of me cannot fix my own but like#it's so exhausting. i'm so exhausted#dl later
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digmeout97 · 2 years ago
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being the comedic relief is sooo over need a new typecast asap
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