#and crying and feeling sad and sorry and taking your anger out on everybody else

[lateseptemberdawn]

It's so confusing even to me sometimes especially when it perhaps matters the most how I am an empath as in I will feel like crying while watching someone else cry out if their hearts and I could literally feel their pain but then I'm also so detached like so much so that if someone I know is going through something (as in trouble in paradise (yeah I'm eloquent)) and completely losing it over that person, not being able to function properly like not eating being sad feeling depressed -- it just makes no sense to me??? Like I can't even begin to try to comfort other than just pat pat like??? So you found out they don't care about you don't you just instantly lose all feelings as well? Don't you feel cheated and ridiculed?? Does that mean nothing to you, your self-respect?? And if it does all those things then why do you feel sad. What do you feel sad for. I would feel angry. So incredibly angry and I would simply think I was an idiot to not notice the signs or to stay for as long as I did and it would be like a switch just completely off. I don't think I could ever hold a human above myself. And this makes me wonder if I could ever love at all.

[pursuedbyamemoryy]

hiii !! could u write something about reader comforting charlie after the punishment? if u don't feel comfortable w it its totally fine its just that i always thought in the movie it was so sad that he was crying and all alone pretending hes okay :(

⋆.ೃ࿔*:･ salty tears and warm embraces 🧸

warnings : gn!reader, mentions of the punishment

author’s note : tysm for the request anon, i apologize for taking so long to get this post out!! i feel like i’m not the greatest at writing comfort but i tried my best 😭 <3

you paced in neil and todd’s dorm, waiting for charlie’s return with the rest of his and your friends. everyone else was sitting around on either the floor or one of the beds, and there was a tension in the air.

“i’m sure he’ll be fine, sit down for a minute.” neil said, placing a gentle hand on your shoulder. your pacing was making everyone even more nervous than necessary.

“he could be expelled neil!” you practically shout. you sigh, pinching the bridge of your nose in frustration. “sorry, sorry, i don’t mean to yell. i’m just nervous for him is all.” you apologized for your almost outburst, and gave everyone a weak smile as you continued to pace.

charlie had been sent to mr. nolan’s office, no doubt to be punished for the stunt he pulled with the schools newspaper. you couldn’t deny that it was a dumb thing to do, and some punishment may have been deserved. however you knew the way mr nolan handled discipline, and you hated the thought of charlie going through it. especially alone.

the room went quiet again and you heard footsteps and the voice of mr. nolan down the hall. one pair of footsteps faded and the other grew louder, and you and your friends quickly made it to the door, opening it to see charlie walking back to his dorm.

his head was down and he was walking with a slight limp, which made you frown. you pushed your way through the small crowd, quickly making your way to charlie.

“are you alright?” you said, clearly worried as he made his way to his dorm door.

“you kicked out?” neil asked softly.

he ignored your question and only answered neil. “no.” charlie replied through quiet sniffles.

“so what happened?”

charlie stopped in the doorway of his room, still refusing to look his friends in the eye. “i’m to turn everybody in, apologize to the school, and all will be forgiven.”

everybody’s breath hitched slightly, and you pushed your way through everyone, following charlie into his dorm.

you closed the door behind you, and charlie stood with his back facing you. his shoulders shook with quiet sobs. you slowly made your way over to him, placing a gentle hand on his shoulder. you felt him tense underneath your touch.

"charlie..." you spoke quietly.

"i'm sorry." he said through quiet sobs. he hated crying, you knew this. “i… shit.” he sighed, frantically wiping away tears.

“i didn’t mean for this to turn into a whole big deal. i didn’t want to get anyone else in trouble.” he said through quiet hiccups.

you gently held his chin and tried to get him to look at you. he turned slowly, making eye contact for a moment before looking at the floor between you. his eyes were red and his cheeks were tear stained.

you cupped just face gently, carefully wiping away his tears. “it’s okay, charlie. yes, you made a mistake, but we’ll figure it out.” you speak softly, your eyes wandering across his teary face. “we always do.”

“you’re not mad?” he asked quietly, finally looking at you instead of the floor. his tears said a lot about how he was feeling, but so did his eyes. they were swimming with heavy emotions. ones of anger, shame, regret, embarrassment, and other complex feelings you couldn’t even begin to describe or imagine yourself.

“a little bit, but i’ll get over it. right now the only thing i care about is whether you’re okay or not. and if not, what i can do to change that.” you smiled, making sure he knew that you weren’t totally upset at him.

he nodded slowly, still looking up at you. “thank you. i love you” he breathed out, letting out a quiet sob as he moved to hug you. he rested his head in the crook of your neck, his tears making your skin damp. you ran your hand gently up and down his spine, whispering comforting words into his ear.

to see him so vulnerable, so upset, was rare, and it broke your heart. you’d go to the ends of the earth to make sure he was happy. sure he made a dumb mistake, but he was a teenage boy, it was to be expected. it’s not like he set the school on fire, although mr. nolan make it seem as such.

he gradually started to calm down. his breathing slowed back to a normal pace, and his sniffles became less frequent. however, he stayed on your arms, and you held him tightly.

“i love you too” you whispered back, placing a kiss to his temple.

[leschanceux]

Philip and the Christmas that almost wasn't.

"I'm sorry, your highness," Philip's housemaster starts, looking genuinely sympathetic, "your father said he's too busy to take our call right now."

Philip, eleven years old and not really the type to cry these days, curls his fingers into his palms and fights off the tears that burn behind his eyes. Dad's too busy to take a call about him? Logically, he knows there must be something else going on. This has never happened before - Dad always has time for him, for all three of them.

But Philip's all wound up, his nerves shot from the phone call with his grandmother - a personal phone call, not one made through a member of her staff. She'd been stiff and cold, anger in her tone as she told him that he wouldn't be going home for Christmas, would have to sit in his room at school and that there would be no visits, no presents, no trips, no Christmas dinner. Princes, she'd said, did not get into fights at school. Hooligans got into fights, and hooligans went to prison, so Philip should experience the closest thing to prison an eleven year old could --- isolation at school over Christmas break.

His mind is not working through logics, he's filled with sadness and desperation and all he wants is for his dad to show up at the gates because gran had changed her mind.

He'd cried down the phone when she'd passed her sentence, gran, please- please, I'll be good, I promise, I'm sorry, gran. Please let me go home. Nothing had helped; she'd simply told him that he'd ruined Christmas for them all with his selfish, stupid actions, and then she'd hung up. The school nurse had hugged him, let him cry into her shoulder with soothing words and a hand that had rubbed circles into his back, but she wasn't the same as Mum and he'd drawn away after a couple of moments, asking her and his housemaster to call his parents.

"Can I try, please?" he requests, and is immediately granted use of the phone ( he wonders for a second if it's because he's the prince of England, or if they want to send him home as soon as they can so they don't have to stay at school over the Christmas holidays either ) and some privacy to make his call.

Dialling with shaky fingers, it feels like years until Dad picks up the phone with a tense yes, hello? "Daddy?" He hasn't called his father daddy in years - not since his first term at boarding school at eight, because he didn't want to be picked on mercilessly like one of the other boys in his class had been when he'd called one of their teachers mummy accidentally. "Daddy, it's Pip." It's amazing how steady he sounds, even as his eyes swim with more tears. He listens for a moment as Dad says something to someone before he comes back to the phone, his voice so soft as he asks what's going on.

"Gran called me," Philip begins, his voice so small, "she said I can't come home for Christmas." That's as far as he gets before he lets out a hiccuping sob, desolate and feeling like the criminal Gran had likened him to - all because he'd defended his baby brother from another boy who had decided that Henry was weird for clinging to Mum when he was scared by the shouts of a crowd! "Daddy, I'm sorry I ruined Christmas and I was stupid and selfish and I just want to come home," he cries down the line, clutching at the plastic receiver with both hands as he works himself up into hysteria, "please, I want to come home! I won't be stupid and selfish anymore, I promise! I won't even have Christmas, just please, please, please, please tell Gran I'm sorry, I want to come home."

Dad's saying something but Philip can't hear anything over the sounds of his own sobs. There are hands on him all of a sudden, gently tugging the phone from his grasp even as he lets out a strangled whimper, trying to take it back because he needs to know if Dad can forgive him for wrecking Christmas for everybody, but the nurse is holding him and she's pointing to a mug of hot chocolate and his housemaster is talking on the phone now, so Pip allows himself to be pulled into the nurse's lap like he's still as small as Henry is, a blanket around his shoulders and the hot chocolate steaming gently into his face as he coughs and sniffs and spasms with sobs.

It takes an hour - and they only live half an hour away by car from Ludgrove, a fact that made his first term of boarding so hard to start with - but the nurse is suddenly pointing at the window of the office door and Dad is there looking cold and windswept in his long coat and scarf, and Pip is on his feet and launching himself like a cannonball into his father's arms, sobbing again as he shoves his wet face into Arthur's neck and holds on. Dad's hand is steady at his back and he's holding Pip tight, sitting where he'd been sat with the nurse not even a moment ago. The three adults are talking over his head, but Pip is content enough to stay where he is, hidden in Dad's neck, warm and safe and breathing in Dad's Dad smell as he revels in the fact that Dad's here even though Gran said no visitors.

Maybe he can have a Christmas after all?

[imagineryupfuckedworld]

Are you okay?

Fandom: Solo Leveling Genderneutral Reader Pairing: Sung Jin Woo x Reader TW: Uhm mention of blood, depression, abandonment Part 1? Idk

You always knew he was something special. Even though it needed time to come through. It needed time to become, what he is now. Like a Diamond who once was coal, he now shines brighter than anyone. Maybe “shine” is the wrong word, but regardless, everyone now knows it. Everyone can finally see it. The way you always saw him. Sung Jin Woo finally broke through the shell that was around him. You never knew why he changed. What happened, except what was heard from others. After his major change Jin Woo begun to keep his distance. Maybe it was unintentional, maybe not. But he keeps drifting apart from you. Week to Week, day to day, hour to hour. No more daily calls till one fell asleep. No more patching him up and scolding him lightly because you were so worried about him. No more Bubbleteas and weekly get together. No more need to help him pay for the hospital bills and rent. No more anything. Jin Woo now reached a World, were you can’t be a part of it anymore. You aren’t a Hunter. So you can’t even support him in that matter. Helping him to pay off the bills was one of the only things you could do to support him but even now that isn’t needed anymore. Not to mention being emotional support when he needed it. He doesn’t need you anymore. Or so you feel. He doesn’t call anymore. He doesn’t tell you about the dungeons, how his family is. He doesn’t reminisce about old days with you anymore. Not even a text that he is okay, alive, unharmed. Nothing. No updates, only what you can see online from his new friends and his sister. Seemingly forgetting about you. You are happy for him. That people finally realize what a good person Jin Woo is. That he gets what he deserves for having such a difficult life. But it hurt that you don’t seem to be a part of it anymore. Even after he was...is such a major part of your life. Is it because you are weak? Ugly? Annoying? You don’t know because he never told you. He doesn’t tell you anything anymore...and you begun to keep silent about your life. At the beginning, you still updated him about your life, trying to keep small talk and texting about random things like you always do. Sending him memes and videos. But it slowly faded after his replies got shorter and shorter and shorter, then left in read and in the end, you weren’t even worthy enough to be left on read. It all came to a halt. No texts, no calls, no meetings. You even begun to avoid everything that has to do with him. Things that would remind you of him. All the pictures, gifts, everything physically was but into a box and placed somewhere, where you wouldn’t see it. You can’t. It just hurt to be reminded of how worthless you got. Your daily life changed and you tried to forget him, even to replace him but it was difficult. Somehow you managed to get your act together. When you have to socialize it is. At home, alone, it was a different story. It broke you how easily you were tossed away. As happy as you are for him, it hurt as much. You tried to talk to him so often, but he always found a way to avoid you. The more often you tried, the easier he slipped away. This was till you two had no choice but to interact. When the Dungeonmonsters came out of the Gates, all hell broke lose. It was terrifying seeing the things that Hunters are supposed to hunt, for yourself. They were monstrous, tall, bloody, horrendous and dangerous. Nobody expected that such things would come out, even though everybody feared it after the JeJu-Island-Raid. At that time, you were near the Gate. Shopping for Groceries. You were almost squashed to death from a big foot that stepped right in front of you. Your throat tightening. Gulping down a scream you fell on your behind. The groceries were now splattered everywhere. You saw dead bodies between the big toes of the Monster, seemingly the Hunters who wanted to clear the Gate. Wasn’t it a small D-Rank-Gate? Why are these monsters here? You did not had the time to think about it as the Monster seemed to notice you. It bend downward, his arm reaching out to you. You tried to scramble away. To get up and run inside in hope you would be safer there but you toppled over and over. Tears begun to well up into your eyes. Hiccups bubbling in your throat and your heart clenched. Your breath irregular. You don’t want to die. Yes, you go through so much pain right now and life is shitty but you don’t want to die. Help! Was your only thought. Someone, please help me! Anybody! any “anybody” came to rescue you. The second he took you in his arms you knew, who it was. The smell was what gave him out. The smell of Ebony that never left him. He shielded your eyes, so you wouldn’t see the blood he spilled or anything else, that would be to gruesome for you, knowing how sensitive you are. You can’t even watch a horrormovie properly without hiding your face in his shoulder. “Are you okay?” hearing his voice after so long made you tear up. The question he gave you, these simple words, stirred something up inside of you. It wasn’t pain or sadness that you felt all the time. No, it was anger. Anger at him for that it was of all the people him that rescued you. That he asked this question, after all the time. Asking, because of the monsters and not, because of all the other things or because he really want to know. You pushed him roughly away. Your head turned away so you wouldn’t see him. Not wanting to spare him any glance. “Thanks...” You tried to rescue what you could from your groceries, not waiting for anything he could say. You just want to go before you say something that you could regret. But what is it, that you would regret? Saying how you feel? How Jin Woo made you feel? How he threw you away? Or is it, that you would regret saying all these things knowing, it could hurt him like it has hurt you? “I asked if you’re okay?” The grip around the now ripped plastic-bag tightened. Your lips formed a thin line. Why can’t he just go and leave you alone like he already did? He is stirring up emotions, you never wanted to feel regarding him. “Why do you care?” It was a simple question. But filled with so much emotion and at the same time none. He looked taken aback. His eyes widened a bit when you looked him dead in the eyes. You gaze as dead and hollow as you feel at night. He opened his mouth to say something but you beat him to that. “I mean, you didn’t cared since a long time ago about me, no? Ignoring me, avoiding me, replacing and throwing me away. And now? Now you come here, rescuing me for what I am thankful, but asking me if I am okay? No. I am not. A monster almost killed me. In fact I am scared to death and at the verge of crying,” your voice begun to break a little, hiccups threatening to come out “But it is also a fact, that this isn’t the worst of all the things.” instead of hiccups, a bitterly laugh came out. “No, worse is, that it is you who rescued me. The Person who I did not wanted to see. So, no, I am not okay but it doesn’t concern you anymore, so goodbye.” Leaving your groceries behind you ran. As fast as you could. Never stopping or looking back. Not before you got home. You ran so much and so fast, you almost doubled over and puked on the floor. Your entire body was shaking, you sweat. You feel hot and cold at the same time. Your mind was racing faster, than you just ran. Everything just bubbled up and came out. It was too much to hold in it, so you screamed and trashed. Screamed our lungs out till they gave in and your throat begun to hurt and burn. You knocked everything over, throwing and kicking things. Hammering your fist against the walls till they bleed. You don’t know how long you did that but you stopped when you felt his arm around you. Again. The smell was intoxicating. A cloud of his smell formed around you. “I’m so sorry...” it was then and there, that you begun to cry. You pounded against his chest. Cried. Screamed at him. Merciless at how much he hurt you. How you hated him. How you never want to see him again. Asking him why he did that. Insulting him till no end. While you did all that. he just silently embraced you. Taking everything in you said. Never saying something against it or making excuses. Only these three words came out of him. Over and over and over.

[arvinsescape]

Me for Me.

A/N: I personally struggle with a lot of these insecurities so if anyone else does please know my inbox is always open.

Summary: Y/N is closed off and Tom finds out why.

Warnings: Couple of swear words.

W/C: 2K.

At first Tom thought he’d upset you in some way or another without meaning to. You’d been cast in a film together and while you were always pleasant, he found it difficult to get close to you. When he’d asked you if there was anything he’d done you’d laughed and said no, said that he didn’t need to worry. Every time he tried to hang out after set you’d politely reject and make your way back to your trailer. He decided he wanted to get to the bottom of it.

“Hey, Jane.” He collared your agent as she was walking past.

“Tom, what can I do for you?” She replied, Jane was lovely.

“I was just wondering if I’d upset Y/N somehow and she won’t tell me what I did.” He asked as he scratched the back of his neck.

“She hasn’t said anything why?”

“Well, I don’t know she just seems difficult to get close to, like we have a laugh on set but then when I try and do something outside of set she just disappears.” Tom said as Jane sighed.

“Look Tom, Y/N’s like that a lot of the time, she’s quite closed off. It’s not my place to talk about it though.” She said with a sad smile and Tom sighed.

“Is she still in her trailer?” He asked and she nodded as he made his way towards your trailer and knocked, you looked shocked when you saw him standing there.

“Tom, hey, what are you doing here?” You asked with furrowed brows.

“Any chance we can talk?” He asked and you hesitantly nodded as you let him into your trailer.

“What’s wrong, did you wanna go over some stuff from the script?”

“No, I actually just came to talk to you.”

“Oh.” You said as you both sat down.

“Look, if I’ve upset you please will you tell me. I really feel like I’ve missed something.” He said as he sighed.

“You haven’t done anything, look I just struggle to let people in, that’s all.” You said as you smiled at him and he nodded.

“Wanna talk about it? We don’t have to if you don’t want.” He said and there was something about the way he said it. Something seemed safe about telling him, that he wouldn’t tell anyone else and you really enjoyed working with him, he was a really nice guy. You sighed as you spoke.

“I just have a lot of insecurities you know. I’ve had a lot of people use me in this industry to get where they want to be and then cut me off like we never knew each other.” You swallowed and he looked at you as you spoke, attention fully on you. You felt tears brim your eyes as you carried on.

“I’ve had people that claim to be my friends talk shit about me and then when I asked them about it they just said that everybody talks shit behind everyone’s back regardless of who they are to them. Which I get it, your anger gets the better of you sometimes and I can understand that but some of the things they said had nothing to do with anything I did to them, it was about my looks or my acting, that sort of stuff. That started a lot of insecurities for me, I always fear that people don’t actually like me or that they put up with me for a short time before I bore them.” You let a few tears slip as you spoke and sniffled.

“I feel like I’ve never really had a best friend you know. Never really had someone who gets me, never really had someone who itches to tell me things first. It sounds so childish but I just wanna be someone’s first thought for once you know. Even the boyfriends I’ve had have treated me like that.” You were crying now as you let it all out, knees pulled up to your chest and you felt guilty for a second. Tom probably didn’t wanna hear this.

But you were wrong Tom did want to hear this because now he understood. You won’t get close to him or anyone else because you’re scared that they’ll turn out like everyone else. He understood now that all you really wanted was a friend, someone who would stick by you and tell you when you’d annoyed them or upset them, not talk shit behind your back. You wanted people in your life you knew you could trust but so many people had let you down that you’d become guarded. Tom moved towards you and moved your legs so he could pull you into his chest as you cried.

“Hey, it’s not childish to want a proper friend you know.” He said as he rubbed your back. “I get it, you don’t want people to hurt you so you don’t give them the chance and I understand that. I want to help, be someone you can rely on, call a friend. I care you know, I came here to find you because I care.” He said as he continued to rub your back as you cried into his chest.

You cried for a while before you eventually calmed yourself down and Tom didn’t let go for a second, he just held you because that’s what you needed. You’d expected him to get bored and leave you crying to yourself. When you’d composed yourself you pulled away from him as you wiped your nose on your hoodie and sniffled.

“I’m sorry about your shirt.” You laughed as you gestured to the puddle of tears you’d left there.

“It’s fine. I’m sorry my prying made you cry so much.” He said and it was sincere, he meant it.

“It wasn’t really you. I’ve just kept it in for so long you know. It felt good to get it out. No one’s ever really asked me about it.” You said, it was true no one had taken it upon themselves to find out why you only ever interacted with people on set. Maybe he did care.

“We get on so well on set I genuinely want to spend time with you outside of it you know. I would love to wind down properly with you, laugh about the shit that’s gone wrong, you know.” He laughed as he moved a few strands of hair out of your face and you sniffled again.

“God, I must look a right state.” You laughed. “Listen, I’m sorry if I’ve been standoffish I just don’t wanna put myself in that position again. I would love to do all those things but I’ve just held myself back you know.” You sniffled again and he nodded.

“Well I am prepared to show you that you can trust me and it’s okay if that takes time, I just wanna get to know you.” He smiled and it seemed so genuine you nodded, he seemed like a safe place you’d not found in a while.

He did prove to you that he cared. He invited you to so much, he seemed genuinely interested in you and your life, work, anything. You became inseparable on and off set, you really did become best friends, you even considered his brother a best friend and it made you feel so good to be able to have people around but of course, filming wrapped up, press tours were done and the movie was out. You became filled with the dread that this would be it, he was gonna drift away now.

You were sat at home thinking about the last time you’d heard from Tom and it had been almost a week but you knew he was busy and you hadn’t reached out either. You were pulled from your thoughts when your phone vibrated. Tom. You quickly answered.

“Hi.” You said probably overly excited.

“Hey. I’m so sorry I’ve not called or texted this week, I’ve been so busy seeing family and getting shit sorted at home.” He said and you smiled.

“No it’s fine, I didn’t call or text you either.” You reasoned.

“Yeah but I said I’d call and I didn’t forget I just ran out of time most days and it’d be way too late at night to call you.” He explained.

“Tom, it’s fine.” You laughed.

“Listen, I’m your way again in a couple days, you wanna hang out? I miss you and I know Harry does too.”

“That sounds amazing.” He wanted to see you. He really does care. You by this point of course had a crush on him and you didn’t know if he felt the same but it didn’t matter because he was just being the one thing you really wanted and needed: a best friend.

You met up with the boys as planned and it was amazing. You had a lot of fun and when they were heading back to their hotel Tom had asked if you wanted to go for dinner the night after and of course you agreed. So here you were, sat in a nice restaurant, enjoying the best company.

“So Y/N, there’s something I’ve been meaning to talk to you about.” He said as he looked at you and you smiled.

“Anything.”

“Look, when we first started hanging out I really enjoyed it, you were funny and we got on so well that at some point I started to like you. I didn’t wanna make it seem like that was why I was getting close to you because it wasn’t, the crush came after the friendship. I know you don’t like letting people in and I respect that but I would love it if you could let me in, you know completely. Let me be there for you as partner and a best friend.” He said and you felt tears brim your eyes.

He’d gotten to know you and then started to like you. He didn’t base it off your looks, he based it off your personality, something you’d not had before. Most men had wanted to date you and then didn’t want to get to know you. But Tom was the opposite and it filled you with a happiness that you’d never felt before.

“If you don’t like me back, that’s fine but at least I’ll know. It won’t change anything, I’ll still be here as much as I am now.” He finished and you smiled at him.

“So you like me for me?” You asked.

“I really really do. Of course, you’re beautiful on the outside but that doesn’t compare to how beautiful you are on the inside. Like I said, I really did come to find you that day because I cared and I wanted a friendship. I developed my crush on you a couple of months later. I’ve always found you attractive make no mistake about that but getting to know you was amazing because you are an amazing person.” He said.

“I really like you too.” You said and he grinned.

“So you wanna make a go of it? I promise things won’t change, I really do like you for you.”

“Yeah, I wanna make a go of it.” You said and he smiled as he leant over the table to give you a kiss to which you happily returned.

Tom really did prove a lot to you, he was there for you all the time and he showed you what it was like to be loved properly, you made new friends through him, people you could trust and people who didn’t let you down and for the first time in a long time you were genuinely happy with your life.

[urimaginespimp]

Last Kiss (This Love pt 6)

Bucky x reader (elemental witch)

Set on Endgame.

Note: This one is a rollercoaster of emotions

previous part

--------

Fear was creeping up within you as you stared at Thanos’ army approaching definitely outnumbering you and the rest of the team. Nevertheless, you were ready to fight in honor of Nat. The wound in your heart from losing her is too fresh.

But before you knew it, a golden ring, followed by another one after another started appearing behind you, and you were too struck to move when one by one, everyone who disappeared five years ago started walking out.

And then you see him, weapon in hand, ready to finish the fight.

The fear within you was long gone, and was suddenly replaced with hope.

--------

Everybody was working together in the fight. You were holding your own pretty well, just killing any one of Thanos’ army near you or overwhelmingly attacking anyone else on your side. You paused for a second to catch your breath when a voice spoke behind you.

“Can’t you look ugly for once, doll? I mean we’re in a middle of a fight and you still look like an angel.” You turned and faced a panting Bucky. He was still holding a weapon, dirt and dried blood on him, but he was giving you a small grin.

Your eyes welled in tears as you take him in. Hell, you don’t know what to say...

“I-”

But before you could finish embarrassing yourself before the man you’ve been waiting on for five years, he closed the space between you and captured you in a kiss.

His lips were softer than you’ve imagined them to be, but before you could even comprehend what was going on, he broke away.

“Buck-” you whispered.

“Just wanted to do that in case I turn to dust again.” he whispered with a shit-eating grin, before turning back to fighting.

You chuckled, shaking your head to not get too distracted from that welcomed rude interruption and went back to fighting.

---------

Nat and Tony. Two of the first Midgardians you’ve met, and now you swore to hold in your heart forever.

It was just a little while after the funeral when you decided to sit with Tony’s daughter Morgan, and Happy.

“You’re Y/N.” She gazed up to you with wonder behind her eyes.

“Yeah, I was your dad’s friend.” you smiled, looking down next to you where she sat. You didn’t know Tony talked about any of you to her.

“He said you would be the best one to build forts with and that he didn’t like your boyfriend.” She tilted her head to the side, reminding you of Tony’s mannerisms.

“I uh... don’t have a boyfriend.” you coughed awkwardly.

“That’s ok, I’m not allowed to have one too.” she gave you a toothy grin. Happy and you exchanged looks.

“Is it Jesus with the robot arm? I saw him staring at you.” She asked you with no hesitation, prompting Happy to stand before you two.

“Yeah, that’s enough. Wanna get that cheeseburger now?” He offered his hand to her, which she took happily and said a quick bye to you.

You made a mental note to pay them a visit someday. Standing up from the seat, you walked down and stopped by the lake when Steve approached you, now in his suit.

“I saw the punk finally kissed you.” He smiled at you.

“We haven’t really talked about it yet. A funeral is hardly the best setting for it.” you shrugged.

“I hope that was the end of you being dumbasses around each other.” he nudged your shoulder, chuckling.

“I don’t know, Steve. I quiet enjoy making you want to pull out that golden hair of yours.” You smirked at him.

“Take care of each other, okay?” He faced you now, making you turn his way as well in confusion.

You were about to ask him why he was talking like he was leaving for good when it clicked. He smiled at you when he saw the realization dawn on you.

“Take care of us yourself, coward.” You smirked, but your eyes were also tearing up. Steve was leaving too.

“I just lifted your father’s hammer.” he feigned offense, and took a step closer to you, taking you in his free arm. “I love you, kid. Despite how much you like making my old heart uncomfortable sometimes.” you felt him kiss the top of your head.

“Again, I called you ‘daddy’ once and it was out of a dare.” you weakly punched his chest. “I love you too, old man. No matter how boring your war stories are.”

Breaking away from him, you wiped the stray tear on your cheek. “Go get that dance.” you smiled genuinely at him, which he returned.

“What, no last snarky remark to remember you by?” he teased, making you roll your eyes at him.

“Don’t break a hip doing so.”

“There we go.”

--------

“Are you sure you wanna stay?” Thor asked you for the third time.

“I don’t like space that much.” you smiled at him. He decided that he was gonna join Quill and the rest of the group. “And with the amount of people who just missed 5 years, I wanna help them get back on their feet.”

“And the old man?”

“Father, I’m older than him.” you reminded. He still couldn’t accept it when Mantis pointed out to him that you have sexual love for the man with the lomg hair and metal arm. He was acting like a protective father.

“If he hurts you, you tell me.”

“Do you have a phone now? A computer?”

“No, what for?” He laughed at you.

“You’ll hear from me through Rocket.” you promised. “You guys take care of yourselves, ok?” and he assured you with a nod.

Throwing your arms around him, you promised to take care of New Asgard, and to stay out of trouble. Your father sealed his departure with a kiss on your temple and a promise to visit you when he can.

--------

You were now walking around the property, exchanging greetings and goodbyes to the people who were still there while looking for Bucky, when you finally see him walking around aimlessly. And as if sensing your eyes on him, he looked your way.

You tried to give him a smile, and you were confused when he didn’t return it, just nodded at you and walked the other way.

You decided to follow him. Catching up, you were now only a few steps away from him when you called him.

“Buck are you okay?” you asked him, concern lacing your voice.

Stopping on his tracks, he turned around to face you with a serious expression.

“Steve left.” He stated looking at you with a frown etched on his forehead.

You nodded as a reply. You couldn’t begin to think how he was feeling.

“You know, it seems that everyone else already knows which path to take next except me. All I’ve been doing is jumping from one fight to another.” He started to rant.

“Wakanda-”

“Y/N I was hiding in Wakanda. I need... I want to start finding myself now that I’m recovered. And let's face it. You need it too. We can’t keep living in a sanctuary. And I just think I can’t start fresh when I’m around people who would remind me even the tiniest of my parts as the winter soldier.” you were still trying to wrap your head around what he was saying when he spoke again.

“I’m sorry for kissing you. I wasn’t thinking straight.” he looked anywhere but you, but his face was contoured with certainty.

“Buck what are you saying?” deep down you knew. You just didn’t want to believe it.

“I’m saying I’m letting you go, Y/N.” He said, his eyes finally meeting yours. “Take care of yourself.” he finished, and turned away again, starting to walk away.

“Bucky I...” You wanted to tell him. To just let it finally out, but now something in you, maybe a little anger, stopped you from making any more of a fool of yourself.

But it didn't go unheard by the super soldier as he turned to look at you one last time.

“I know, Y/N. And I’m sorry but I can’t... I can’t love you the way you'd hope me to. You’ll see that I’m right someday, and you’ll thank me for it.” He gave you one last sad attemot of a smile, before finally leaving you, glued to where you were standing, unable to fathom what just happened while simultaneously feeling a part of you just... break.

--------

(set a little into TFATWS finally)

WARNING: Mention of assault. Look out for *(start) and ** (end)

Six months. It’s been six months since you’ve last seen him. And every day it was getting harder to keep yourself from finally admitting to yourself that you’re mad at him.

True to your promise to Thor, you were taking care of the people of Asgard, using some of the wealth him left you with to send some of the younger ones to school, and with the help of Pepper, even buy some shares of some companies. To say the New Asgard was doing well would be an understatement. The people were merely taking up jobs out of interest.

Val as usual, saw through you. She told you it was okay to be mad – that it was a stepping point to start moving on.

“Come on Y/N. The dude kissed you and changed his mind just like that. I would’ve broken his nose if I were you.” She told you one night after catching you looking at a photo of him given to you by Steve. “You can’t tell me you’re not holding even just a tiny grudge.”

“Okay, if it makes you feel any better, I am holding a little resentment.” you shrugged at her, making her reply ‘good enough’.

You just didn’t think it was going to end that way for you both. And now you were wishing you’ve taken those 5 years as an opportunity to rid of any romantic feelings you had for him. Maybe then it wouldn’t have hurt at all when he left.

You tried to ask Sam a number of times if he had any idea how he was doing, but he’d say that Bucky kept ignoring his texts.

For a few weeks every night, you’d been wearing one of the only shirts he owned back in Wakanda. And before you sleep, you think of the image you’ve engraved in your mind – him sleeping peacefully next to you in Wakanda, just after a nightmare.  Then you’ll wake up the next morning hoping he’d have a good day, and that maybe something would remind him of you and make him wish he’d stayed. And It went that way over and over, until one distinct night.

*

There was knocking on your door late at night, waking you up from your sleep. Opening the door, you were met with three of the women you know, holding up a younger one who was crying and shaking in shock.

They explained that she’d been close to getting assaulted after a night of partying and losing sight of her friends. Thankfully the three women found her and were able to pry the man away. But what was worse was that this wasn’t the first time something like that happened.

**

Save the world once or twice, there would still be shitty people. That was what you realized that night.

So maybe he was right. You realized that what the Avengers taught you about Midgard didn’t cover much of the shitty things that happen frequently to innocent people.

And that was when you decided to replace nights off wallowing in self-pity, with going out at night, staying in clubs or hanging out in its bathrooms, just making sure everybody was safe. And soon enough, crime rate at night in your area reduced significantly.

Maybe if you divert your attention to literally anything else besides the man, you’d actually get over him.

All was well until one morning as you were kicking off the heels and taking of your dress from the night before to finally get some sleep, the tv you had on flashed something that caught your attention.

A stranger holding Steve’s Shield was being called the new Captain America.

What the actual fuck?

--------

@eternalharry @iheartsebandchris @lizzarooni @the-ayo-lit @tanyaherondale @knowyourworth-sellyoursoul

[anonymousfiction211]

(reader is from asgard) After Loki faked his death, he transforms into the smallest creature and watches over the avengers tower only to see his childhood only friend and crush fall in depression. The others try to help but her anger is so much for her that she almost destroys everything with the powers she didn't knew she had. She admits to them how much she loved him and only then he realizes. I can't think of an ending. Also, sorry if this is too specific!

Word count: 2.026 words A/N: This story is set between Loki’s fake death in Thor 2 and the end of the movie. Hope you like it! Warning: Angst

Watching over you You were stirring in your sleep again. Something you did often lately. From behind your closed eyes tears started to flow over your cheeks, wetting the pillow underneath you. Right now, Loki wanted nothing more than to wake you and hold you close to him, hoping to comfort you. Tell you that everything is going to be okay. But he couldn’t do any of that. He was dead, or at least that is what everyone thinks. Plus, he had to change back to himself, and he couldn’t risk that either. It was safer to stay in this form. He wasn’t even supposed to be here, he should be in Asgard, planning the best moment to strike against Odin. But he couldn’t help himself, he had to see how you were doing. Even with dark circles under your eyes and in lazy/comfortable clothes, you still were beautiful to him. Something he would have told you, he wanted to tell you for so long, but every time you looked at him his tongue had failed him. You finally fell back in a peaceful slumber. Loki decided he would stay for one more night and then get to work. He flew to the ceiling above you, looked one more time at you sleeping form, before falling asleep himself.

Next morning

The sun was already shining brightly trough the windows. Loki had been watching you all morning. You hadn’t bothered setting an alarm clock, and when you woke up you grunted and turned around. There was a knock on the door.“(Y/N), time to get out of bed!” Natasha said. When you didn’t respond she entered the bedroom. It was her day today. You didn’t know it, you hadn’t even noticed a pattern. But some of the Avengers divided days among them to look after you. They were worried about the state you were in. Barely coming out of your room, not eating, not showering, and not wanting to talk about it. Not everyone agreed to it, however. Since not all people could understand that it was losing him what was causing you to act this way. To be honest, Loki never anticipated that you would be this much affected by his death. The two of you were friends since you were kids. You were one of the few people that somehow got him to open up. It didn’t take long to develop a crush on you, but he wasn’t the only one. A lot of guys in Asgard had, how could they not? You were beautiful, kind, patient, and the way you laughed sounded like Valhalla itself. Even tough you had a lot of friends, you always made time for him. You truly were the kindest person he had ever met.

Loki’s thoughts were interrupted when he heard you yell. “Just leave me alone!” He was shocked. In all the time that he’d known you, he never heard you yell. You never even raised your voice. Always staying calm, because no matter how angry you were ‘raising your voice was a sign for people that you weren’t in control of yourself anymore’ you once said to him. Natasha somehow got you to agree to get out of bed. The Widow is rather good in manipulation, Loki had to admit. “Once you’re ready, meet me in the training room. Oh, and don’t forget to open a window. You’re starting to attract flies.” Natasha said while she was leaving your room. You turned around and were staring at the fly on your ceiling for a few minutes. Loki thought you were about to cry again, but you held back your tears and got out of bed. If only you knew it was him on the ceiling.

Once you were gone, Loki in his fly-form, buzzed towards the training room too. Settling on the top of a punching bag, giving him an excellent view over the whole room. Your training with Natasha was hilarious to watch. He loved to watch you kick someone’s ass, and as a trained warrior Natasha didn’t stand much of a chance. Tough she held up against you longer than Loki would have guessed. “So, are you liking Earth, or ehm.. Midgard as you say it, so far?” Natasha asked you. “It’s fine” you replied rather uninterested in engaging in a conversation. “Thor hoped bringing you here would distract you a bit. Is it working?” Natasha went on. “Look, I get what you all are trying to do. And it’s not that I’m ungrateful, but I just want to be alone right now” you replied while making your way to the exit. “(Y/N), we can help you” Natasha tried one last time. When you turned back Loki saw different emotions on your face. It went quickly, but he noticed the sad expression with tears forming in your eyes. You blinked to vanish the tears, and your expression changed from sad to angry, and he swore that in between he saw regret. Why regret? Regret for what? he wondered. “Stop, just stop okay. You all hated him, so don’t for a second pretend that you even care” you spat back, angrily slamming the door on your way out.

The rest of the afternoon, you got your wish. Nobody bothered to see how you were doing or to get you out of bed again. This angered Loki much, but then again it was his fault you were feeling this way. While you were crying, Loki was lost in thought again. He should, he really should go back to Asgard after today. But how could he, knowing you were hurting. He couldn’t leave you like this, but he also couldn’t bare to watch it for much longer. If he knew how much his death would affect you, he would have thought of another plan to avoid going back to his cell. Even when he was locked up, you visited him often. You weren’t angry with him, just glad he was still alive. To his surprise you got guards to agree to let you into his cell. Playing games, reading, and laughing together. He thought he would never see you again after his failed attempt to rule Midgard. Even tough he never truly wanted to rule Midgard, but had to fulfil his assignment, and saw no way of escaping his faith. That was something he couldn’t tell people. He had almost told you, the first time you visited. He really wanted to, he couldn’t stand the thought of you thinking of him like everybody else did. But he was struggling with the words and then the guards came to tell the two of you, that the visiting time was over. Before you left his cell you gave him a kiss on his cheek. “When you’re ready to tell me, I’ll be there” you had whispered. That kiss on his cheek was the best moment of his life.  

In the end of the afternoon the Soldier had entered your room. He convinced you to get out of bed and took you to the living room. Loki, of course, flying right behind the two of you. Most of the team was already sitting in the living room. Thor was still on Asgard, and Loki noticed that Tony and Clint were also missing. You sat down, staring at the floor. “(Y/N), we really think you should get some professional help. We are getting worried about you” Steve began this little intervention. He was getting on and on about mental health, grief, and your sudden anger outbursts. If Loki were able in this form he would have rolled his eyes at the boring lecture. Before you got a chance to reply that door of the living room burst open. A very intoxicated Tony walked through them, going straight to the bar to pour himself another drink. I should have killed that men when I had the chance Loki thought.

Steve cleared his throat “Do you mind?” he said, clearly irritated by Tony’s behaviour. “Come on, is she still moping around because he’s dead” You looked up and gave Tony a murderous look. “Tony, stay out of this” Natasha warned him. Instead of taking her warning, Tony walked towards the group. “Come on, we all know the world is a better place without him” he continued. You stood up from your chair, balling your fists. “It’s not. Now, shut up” you yelled. “He was arrogant, egotistic, a murderer and just evil” Tony said while raising his voice. “Why would you even miss him? Why would anyone even care?” The anger was flaring through your eyes. At this point you were screaming. “He was not perfect, but who is?! He was kind, funny and incredibly smart. And given what he had to deal with in his life he is a better man than you ever could be!” You fell back in your chair, and noticed the tears falling from your face.

There was a long silence. Then Natasha broke it “You were in love with him” she said. Everyone looked at you. Loki began to grow very nervous and was holding his breath, waiting for you to react. “I am” you whispered. “Did he know?” she asked. “I- eh, no… Right before he and Thor would leave I wanted to tell him. But I got scared and decided to tell him afterwards.. and now..” you cried. “Maybe if I had, he would have stayed, or things would be different” you went on. Loki couldn’t believe what he was hearing. You were in love with HIM? Why? How long? And why hadn’t he noticed or told you that he felt the same way? He really was the stupidest man alive right now. Wait, what? You’re blaming yourself for his death?

“How could anyone ever love that monster?” Tony said. Before Loki could keep track of his thoughts you were on your feet. A sudden energy blast flew across the room, knocking Tony to the wall, he was laying unconsciousness on the ground. Everyone, including you and Loki, were in complete shock. Bruce went to Tony and confirmed that he was okay. “You have powers?” Steve asked. You were standing in pure shock, staring at your hands. Loki was also in shock, he recognized that kind of magic. It was the same as his. All this time he’d known you, he never sensed that you had magic. How could he never have known all these things about you? How could he have been so stupid? So blind? You ran towards your room and Loki flew as fast as he could. Maybe he should reveal himself, after all the only other known person for her magic was his mother. But she wasn’t alive anymore. He was, he could teach you everything he knows. Before he had a chance to decide the Soldier walked in your room.

“(Y/N), are you okay?” he asked. Stupid question, she thinks the person she loves is dead, she just discovered she has magic, a underappreciated trait from where she’s from and is currently crying Loki thought. After your stopped crying you finally spoke up. “How’s Tony doing?” you asked meekly. Loki couldn’t believe that you would even consider his wellbeing, but also loved you for it. “He will be fine, he had it coming. He is an ass when he is that drunk” Steve said. “Thor comes in next week, and we will figure something out. Maybe he knows someone who can teach you” he went on. “Do you guys want me to go back to Asgard?” you asked. Steve gave you a reassuring smile “You’re welcome for as long as you like” he said. You started to cry again, and he put his arms around you, holding you close. Loki felt jealousy stirring inside him. He wanted to be the one who could hold you in his arms. Not being able to watch anymore he flew away. He had work to do. He had a throne to conquer and think how he was going to make up for everything he is putting you through. He couldn’t wait to have you rule by his side. His queen.

[musecharm-writes]

Keep Your Nose Clean (Platonic Reader X Hopper)

ANONYMOUS: hey, i love how you wrote hopper! can we get a dad hopper insert �

Summary: It just happens that you have a harder time keeping your anger in check than most people do. That doesn’t mean you’re bad.

You’re getting pretty tired of people telling you that you are.

(**Note: Reader’s mother says and does some subtle things that could potentially trigger people who have dealt with manipulative or emotionally abusive parents. It isn’t extreme, but I still wanted to include a warning just in case.)

You aren’t a bad person.

All right, you’ll admit it: you have a bit of a short fuse, and sometimes you don’t have the best judgment because of it. But who doesn’t lose their temper every once in a while?

It just happens that you have a harder time keeping your anger in check than most people do, that’s all. That doesn’t mean you’re bad.

So you’re getting pretty tired of people telling you that you are.

“God, I just can’t believe you,” your mom says, pulling at her hair in frustration. “Every other week, you’re getting into a fight, or skipping class, or keying Mrs Dombrovsky’s car!”

“She kicked me out of class for ‘being disruptive’ even though literally everyone talks in her class! She hates me, Mom!”

“So that gives you the right to key her car?” Your mom shakes her head and sighs. She looks defeated. “I don’t know what I’m going to do with you.”

You cross your arms and look away stubbornly, setting your jaw.

Your mom stands there in silence for a moment, trying to ice you out you guess, before she gives up.

“I have to get to the diner. I’ll be home late, so you’ll have to find something to eat.” She waits for you to say something, and when you don’t, she takes a step closer and puts a hand on your shoulder. “Honey, I just want what’s best for you. I don’t understand why you don’t see that.”

You jerk your shoulder out of her grip. “Maybe because you never listen to me,” you fire back.

She looks hurt, just like she always does when you tell her the truth. You regret it immediately.

She sniffs and lifts her chin. “I’m leaving now. I hope you have a better attitude by the time I get home.”

She turns and leaves, grabbing her keys from the dish on the hall table without stopping. When she closes the door, the sound seems to echo through the house.

You stay there, standing in the middle of the living room, listening to the wall clock tick, for several long seconds. Then you sit down on the rug and cry.

--

When you get to the cabin, you knock on the door and wait -- you don’t try to go in because you know the door is locked.

When the door opens, revealing a girl with curly brown hair in baggy jeans and a flannel shirt, you say, “Is he here?”

She nods. “Yes.”

“Can I see him?”

“Yes,” she says again, stepping aside so you can enter the cabin.

The creaking of the old wood floors alone is enough to ease some of the tension in your shoulders. You breathe in the smell of wood and old furniture, and when you breathe out, the anger and the sadness isn’t gone, but it doesn’t seem so crushing anymore.

Hopper is in his recliner with his feet up, a half-finished beer on the side table. He looks over at you and seems surprised, but not unpleasantly so.

“Hey, kid,” he says. Then, because he’s always understood you better than anyone, he adds, “Bad day?”

You nod.

He nods back. He reaches down and throws the lever on his recliner back into its original position, and then stands with a grunt, leaning backwards a little to pop his back. Without saying a word, he heads for the porch, and you follow.

The two of you sit on creaky old deck chairs, looking out over the lake. Hopper takes a carton of cigarettes and a lighter out of his breast pocket, sticking a cigarette in his mouth. You hold out a hand and he raises an eyebrow.

“When’d you start smoking?”

You shrug. “Few months ago.” You keep your hand extended.

He eyes you for a moment before sighing and putting a cigarette in your hand. “Just this once, though. I want you to quit; ‘s a bad habit.”

“Really?” You say, putting your own cigarette in your mouth. He lights his and then hands you his lighter so that you can do the same. “I don’t think you get to lecture me about this , Hop,” you say, eyeing the lit cig between his fingers.

He chuckles and takes a drag. “I’ve been smoking since I was younger than you. I think I have every right to lecture you about it.”

You consider this for a moment, and then you shrug and nod. He does have a point.

“So, what brings you here on this lovely, overcast night,” Hopper drawls, turning to stare out at the horizon. You do the same, taking a long drag from your cigarette.

“My mom,” you say simply.

“Ah,” Hopper says. “Givin’ you grief again?”

You sigh. “Yeah. She’s pissed off because I got caught keying Mrs Dombrovsky’s car.”

Hopper whistles. “That’s somethin’. What’d Dombrovsky do?”

“She kicked me out of class for talking and wrote me up for being disruptive. Which is utter bullshit because everybody talks in that class, but I’m the only one who gets in trouble? Like, whatever, bitch, I know you hate me, I don’t care,” you roll your eyes and lift the cigarette to your lips again.

“She didn’t do anything else?”

You exhale smoke through your nostrils. “...Why do you ask?”

“Because that’s not the kinda thing that really grinds your gears, kid. The shit that really gets to you is more personal than that. You don’t key somebody’s car because they kicked you outta pre-calc.”

You hesitate. “She… She called me a burnout.”

Hopper nods, grimacing. “That sounds like Dombrovsky, all right. That woman had it in for me, too.” He looks over at you. “That all she said?”

You bite your lip and shake your head. “She said I was nothing but a burnout and a delinquent, and she didn’t want to see me in her class for the rest of the day if all I was going to do was distract the other students,” you say. The words are practically burned into your memory. Just thinking about it makes you so mad you want to punch something. “All I did was ask somebody to move so I could see what she was writing on the board.”

Hopper shakes his head. “I’m sorry, kid,” he says, and he sounds it, too. You know there’s nothing he can do about it, though; Hopper’s not your dad, and it’s not like he can arrest Dombrovsky for being a heinous bitch to you. At least he can be there for you, though.

The two of you are silent for a while, just listening to the cicadas and the gentle lapping of the waves on the lakeshore.

Then, Hopper says, “How’re your grades?”

You shrug. “Okay, I guess.”

He raises a brow. “‘Okay?’ What’s ‘okay’ mean?”

You pick at a loose thread on your shirt with your free hand and smoke to buy yourself time. “I have a C in English.”

“Uh huh.”

“...And a D in Spanish…”

“How come? And why do you have a C in English, I thought you liked English?”

You sigh in frustration. “I didn’t wanna do this stupid oral presentation in Spanish so I skipped class that day. And the book we’re reading in English is really boring, I can’t focus on it when we have to read at home.”

Hopper shakes his head, frowning. “Kid, c’mon, we’ve talked about you skipping school. You’re gonna get into trouble if you don’t stop ditching.”

You look down at your lap, feeling guilty, like you’ve let him down. “I know. ...Sorry.”

He sighs and takes a drag from his cigarette. “It’s fine,” he says, smoke trailing from his mouth and nose. “Just try a little harder, okay? I know school sucks and it’s boring, but you have to stick it out until you graduate. Don’t be like me that way, all right?”

You nod.

“You know, when I was your age, I was dealing with a lot of the same… issues you are. Shitty teachers, boring classes, parents who either aren’t there or aren’t listening to you. I was angry. Hell,” he laughs shortly, bitterly, and you know more than ever this man recognises something in you most other people never will. “Sometimes, it felt like I’d never stop being angry. But I want you to know it will get better. And if you ever start to feel like you’re all alone in the world… If that anger and hurt ever starts to feel too big…” He looks you dead in the eye. “I want you to come talk to me. Okay?”

You swallow thickly and nod. “Okay, Hop.” You feel wetness on your cheeks, and you swipe at them with your palm, sniffling.

Hopper notices and stands, wordlessly opening his arms to you. You accept gratefully, and he lets you cry into his chest for as long as you need before you pull away slowly, sniffing and wiping your eyes.

“Thanks, Hop.”

“Anytime, kid.”

[the7thcrow]

indulgence | part three

~

pairing: felix x (fem) vampire!reader

summary: an indulgence grows to become dangerous as the society of hampden college takes note of y/n’s new blood bag.

series masterlist.

word count: 6.6 k

genre: forbidden love. this part is very angsty oh boy, suggestive.

warnings: blood and blood drinking (because they’re vampires lmao), character death, themes of guilt surrounding said character death, themes of lying and betrayal, murder, sex is discussed but not described, alcohol.

rating: 16+

taglist (open!) : @katya-moro​ @leximb1997​

a/n: hi everybody! here’s a new part of indulgence for you! definitely a bit of a darker tone to this part, as we take a bit of a turn in the storyline (but frankly, i’m very excited about it). if you enjoy this, please let me know (only if you want, of course)! i’m a sucker for feedback. and once again, thanks for reading! i appreciate it. <3

previous chapter.

...

..

.

“No, Felix Lee will be the one to pay this price. Kill him, and the damage you’ve caused will be forgiven.”

The words echo in your mind as you leave the councilroom, your ears ringing. This couldn’t be happening. You expected something terrible of course, but you at least figured it would happen to you.

Then again, wasn’t this punishment worse? To suffer with the fact that this was all your fault, that Felix Lee would die by your hand, while you lived on. No, this was no form of mercy. The Council was cruel, and this was no exception.

As you enter the main hallway, you feel a hand rest on your shoulder. “Y/N,” a familiar voice speaks softly, but it does anything but soothe you.

You whirl on Chan, smacking his hand away. “Don’t fucking touch me,” you spit, staring daggers into him. While you expect him to be smug, or even amused, his eyes seem empty. Sad. He feels guilty.

Of course he does, because that’s who Chan is. He isn’t a monster, no matter how badly you try to make him out to be. No matter how much easier it would be to hate him. You know Chan, and he would never be giddy about something like this.

“I’m sorry,” he pleads as you turn away from him and stride down the hall. “I didn’t think that this would happen. I didn’t think that they would kill him.”

“Oh, you didn’t know?” You mock, refusing to slow down or look him in the eye. “Well, I guess it’s fine then.”

He chases after you. “I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness, Y/N. That’s not what I’m asking for. I want to help you.”

At this you turn around to face him, pulling him into a separate, less busy hallway that leads to the library. “What? You want to hand me the blade? Cock the gun?”

Chan opens his mouth, but no sound comes out. His eyes are wide, shocked by the venom of your words.

“No-no? That’s not what I mean-”

“Or do you just want to be in the room while I drink him dry? Try to lend some moral support, because God knows I’ll need it.”

“Y/N, if you’ll just let me talk-” he pleads, once again placing a hand on your shoulder. It’s all too familiar, and only makes your anger spark further.

“No!” You cut him off, your voice dangerously loud. “You sold me out, Chan. You fucked me over. And I don’t care why, I don’t care how you try to justify or fix it now. I don’t care. It’s over. I have to kill someone I care about, someone… someone I could have loved one day because of you. Because of your-”

“Hey, uh, are you guys okay?” A voice asks from over your shoulder. You turn your head to see Jeongin, eyes imploring the both of you with a nervous curiosity.

Chan plasters on a reassuring smile. “Yeah, we’re good, man. Don’t worry.”

“Are you sure?” Jeongin asks carefully. “Because I heard yelling-”

“We’re okay,” you say, putting on your own fake smile. “We’ll meet you down at the front in a second, we just need a minute.”

“Ah, alright, if you say so,” he says, not sounding so sure. Slowly, he turns around, disappearing down the hall.

Once you hear the sound of his footsteps fade, Chan turns back to you, his voice low. “Turn him,” he states.

“What?” You ask, eyes narrowing.

“Look,” he sighs. “I messed up, I’m sorry. I thought they’d make you stop seeing him, not have you kill the guy. It was petty and stupid, and in some messed up way I thought that I would be protecting you. Clearly, I’ve managed to do the exact opposite. I’m sorry.”

You open your mouth to fire back, to tell him his apology is not accepted, but as his eyes meet yours, you can’t bring yourself to. His eyes are glassy, on the brink of tears. He swallows deeply, stabilizing himself before continuing.

“And I know if they kill him, you’ll never forgive me. Hell, you shouldn’t forgive me. But that’s the last thing I want, for us to be like this.”

He stops for a second, a breath of silence passing between the two of you. Your eyes begin to sting, overwhelmed by the emotion of it all. It could be your current situation. It could be that familiar look of painful affection swimming in Chan’s eyes. It could be a lot of things. Perhaps it is all of them.

“What do I do, Chan?” You whisper, your voice coming out hoarse. “Fuck, what do I do?”

He hesitates for a moment, before pulling you into a hug. That’s the final push that breaks you, tears fall from your eyes, sprinkling your cheeks. You would be embarrassed, if it weren’t only Chan there to see you. Despite all that has happened, there is still that comfortable acceptance that hangs in the air around the two of you. That involuntary form of care that doesn’t flare out, even after the love has dissipated.

“You turn him into one of us,” Chan says. “It’s the only option, maybe then The Council will cut him a break.”

“I can’t do that to him,” you whisper, shaking your head. “I can’t make him suffer like this.”

“Maybe,” Chan says, setting his chin on top of your head. “But is this really a fate worse than death?”

~~~~

That is the question you contemplate on the lonely walk back to your apartment. Chan had offered to walk you back, but you declined. Despite the moment of reconciling the two of you had shared, you still aren’t ready to be around him. He still hasn’t earned your forgiveness.

As you arrive home, your apartment feels haunted. Not by Chan’s ghost, as it once had been, but Felix’s. You can see him lying on the couch, television playing some history documentary you were both only half paying attention to. You can smell his cooking wafting in from the kitchen, a familiar sweet that had long since been devoured.

You can feel his touch against your skin, the phantom of his fingertips dancing along your back. Your neck. Your thighs.

You can’t kill him, that much you know. However, if you don’t, someone else will. No, you have to fix this, and as much as you don’t want to admit it, Chan is right. The only way Felix has a chance of survival is to turn him, but could you really do that? After knowing just how terrible this life really was?

If you had been given the option in being turned, there was no way in hell you would have accepted. You remember that dreadful night, roughly three years ago. You’d been new to Hampden, and eager to meet new people. You stumbled into him at a party. He was a little older, a little classy. You’d been interested in him right away, not yet having a clue about what he or The Society was. Vampires were nothing but a myth, a fairy-tale, a form of media-culture.

This would change later that month. For good.

The two of you began to see one another casually. It was fun, thrilling. You kept each other a secret, for reasons you didn’t understand the full extent of at the time. He was unlike anyone you’d ever met, for both better and for worse. With his charisma and passion, came a strange, devious obsessiveness. A terrifying need for control. You’d go as far as to say, a lack of humanity.

Then came the night you decided to end things. The last night of your life as you knew it. You told him you wanted to stop seeing each other, he refused to leave. He yelled. He broke things. In the end, he turned you.

When you awoke, your new and rejuvenated self, he was already gone. This wasn’t a desperate attempt at staying together, at making you need him. No, it was revenge. You would pay the price for rejecting him, for the rest of your life.

Which was to say, forever.

You stare at the telephone sitting on your coffee table. Could you really do that to Felix? Could you really take away his life as he knew it? Make him say goodbye to his roommates, his freedom? Everything would become controlled by The Society.

The answer is no. No, you can’t make him do that. But as always, this is not a matter of what you do and don’t want. It never has been. It never can be.

You keep this in mind as you dial Felix’s cell, your fingers pressing the familiar keys deeply lodged in your memory. You don’t have to think, you’ve dialed this number so many times before.

The phone rings three times before he picks up. “Y/N?” His voice echoes through the speaker. He sounds worried. Perhaps he should be. “You there?”

“Yeah,” you mumble quietly, clearing your throat. “Yeah, I’m here.”

“Is everything okay?” He asks, his voice full of concern. “This is a lot earlier than you said you’d call. Did you talk to Chan?”

Felix doesn’t know you had a meeting with The Council today, you hadn’t mentioned it to him prior. He knows nothing. Nothing of his death sentence. Nothing of the weight of what you have done.

“Yeah, I talked to him.” You say quietly, before a moment of silence passes by, as Felix waits for you to continue. “Listen, could you come over?”

“Right now?” He asks. “It’s the middle of the day, are you sure?”

“It doesn’t matter,” you think. “There isn’t anything to hide from anymore.”

“I’m sure,” you say, controlling the waver in your voice. What are you going to say when he gets here? How do you tell someone that they’re on death row? How do you offer them immortality? How do you explain the price?

“Okay,” he replies, in that sweet, deep voice of his. “I’ll see you soon.”

~~~~

You don’t know what to expect will happen when you open the door for Felix. How will he react when you tell him? Will he scream? Cry in silence? Or will he just leave, not being able to stand looking at you any longer?

Your stomach knots. You don’t know how he will react, but you know at the very least, he won’t be thrilled.

The doorbell rings, rattling through your apartment, shaking you from your worried daze. You approach the door slowly, hand shakily finding itself clenched around the door knob. With only a breath to settle yourself, you twist the handle.

When Felix see’s you, he can already tell that something is wrong. Perhaps it’s the way your eyes are staring at him as if he’s going to disappear. Or maybe it’s how your hands are shaking, arms wrapped around you, as if you’re trying to make yourself smaller.

All he knows is that something didn’t go according to plan.

“Y/N, are you okay?” He asks, pulling you into a hug. The gesture is warm, comforting. You could so easily slip away, immerse yourself in the feeling. Forget about The Council. Forget about it all, for just a moment. For just a night.

But oh, how selfish that would be.

“No,” you whisper into his chest, unable to look up and meet his gaze. “No, everything isn’t okay.”

“What’s wrong?” Felix asks, gently breaking away from you. He takes your hand, slowly leading you over to the couch. “Did they do something? Did they hurt you?” He asks, beckoning for you to take a seat.

You laugh, although it sounds far more like a sob. Of course, before all else, he’s worried about you. It is just so utterly Felix, to have all his concerns focused on you, and not an inkling of worry towards himself.

Maybe you should have been more like him. Maybe if you had focused on what danger your little arrangement could have put Felix in, rather than trying to save your own hide, you could have prevented this.

So many maybe’s. So many possibilities you’d never know the answer too.

“No, Felix. They didn’t hurt me.” You sigh, looking up to meet his eyes, which are wide and swimming with concern. He’s panicking, that much is obvious.

“Then what happened? Was it Chan? Did he say something?”

You sigh. Time to get this over with. Rip off the bandaid.

“No, Lix. It wasn’t Chan. It’s about you,” you say. He freezes, slowly pulling his hand away from its place on your thigh.

“About me?” He asks slowly, the look in his eyes shifting from a worried concern, to fear. “What about me?”

You stare at him for a moment, unsure of how to break the news. In the end, you decide to just be outright.

“They want me to kill you,” you state. You expect him to jump away from you. To run, or yell. Something, at least. Instead, he blinks.

“Are you going to?” Felix asks, his tone emotionless. As if he were asking what you were doing that day, rather than whether or not you planned to murder him.

“What do you think?” You look at him, trying to read the expression on his face, but draw blank. You can’t tell what he’s thinking.

He sighs. “Alright. So what are we going to do, then?” He’s awfully calm considering the circumstances. Almost too calm. An eerie chill passes through you.

“Well, that’s the tricky part,” you start, inching away from him slightly. Why is he so relaxed? Did he expect this to happen? How, if you certainly didn’t? “I talked to Chan, and we both agree there’s only one way to solve this.”

“Wait,” Felix looks at you, his eyebrows furrowed. “Chan? As in the same Chan who probably turned us into The Society in the first place? That Chan?”

“Yeah, that Chan,” you mumble, almost embarrassed. When he puts it like that, listening to Chan’s advice sounds foolish, but you know it’s more complicated than that. Chan had fucked up, there was no denying that, but you and Felix didn’t have many allies in this. It’s important to accept help where you can find it.

“Okay, and what did he recommend?” Felix asks, and you can hear the resentment in his tone.

“That I turn you,” you say. Frankly, you’d expected Felix to keep up this strange, cold exterior. Instead his jaw drops and he jumps to his feet.

“You-you want to what?” He stammers, taking a few steps back. His eyes are wide, full of nothing but pure terror.

“Woah, calm down! It’s okay,” you say, rising to your own feet, extending your hand out towards him. It reminds you of that first night you met, when he told you he knew what you were. About how his childhood neighbors were just like you. It is strange, looking back on how much has changed, yet also remained the same.

“You wouldn’t do that,” he states, refusing to take your hand. Instead, he wraps his arms around himself, shrinking backwards. He’s utterly terrified. “You want to make me into a monster?”

At that you frown. You know he’s frightened, that much is blatantly obvious, but a monster? That stung.

“A monster? Is that what you see me as?” You say, your tone sharp.

“Y/N, you know that’s not what I meant,” he huffs, rolling his eyes. Your anger spikes sharply.

“Really? Because that seems to be exactly what you meant.”

“You’re a vampire, Y/N. I think that’s quite literally an example of a monster. You? No, you aren’t one. But Chan? The Society? They are.”

“You don’t seem to find it so monstrous when I drink from you, do you? No, you actually like it. So don’t act like you know what you’re talking about, Felix. Because you don’t.”

“But, I do know!” He shouts back, closing the space between the two of you. You stare up at him, and suddenly you see it. The flicker of something behind his eyes. The flicker of something more.

“How?” You whisper, your breath hot against his lips. “How do you know?”

“Because,” he says, his heart beating rapidly in his chest. You hear it, pounding, the blood rushing through his veins.

“I’m a hunter.”

~~~~

7 weeks prior…

Felix hadn’t originally expected to like you. From what Changbin had told him, vampires were the embodiment of evil. Blood-thirsty murderers, who revelled in the pain and anguish of their victims. Frankly, there really didn’t seem to be anything to be fond of.

No, he had expected to despise you. Fear you. Take the greatest risk he’d ever gambled walking into the library that night. He wasn’t even sure if he’d walk out alive.

Especially after what happened to Hyunjin.

Hyunjin was one of Felix’s roommates. He, Changbin and Han lived together for over a year before Changbin invited Felix to move in a few months ago.

Felix had really liked Hyunjin from the start. The guy was funny, always ready to share a good story, or listen to one of Felix’s own. He was greatly accepting, treating Felix as if he had always lived there, right from the day he’d moved in. He was sweet, creative. A Dance major. Everything about the guy screamed likeable, and Felix couldn’t help but admire him.

Right up until the day he was murdered.

Hyunjin had started seeing someone. Although he wouldn’t admit it to any of his three roommates, the signs were undeniable. He’d disappear late into night, and always come home early in the morning. He’d cancel plans because he “had to study,” and when they came home he was nowhere to be found.

Changbin had confronted him about this, but Hyunjin had denied it. In that care-free, sweet nature of his that made Felix want to believe he was telling the truth.

But he couldn’t, because Felix had seen all the signs too.

Felix remembered one morning, when he woke up to find Hyunjin in the kitchen, brewing a pot of coffee. The man hadn’t noticed him walking in, and Felix went to grab him by the shoulders. Just to make him jump a little, nothing too menacing.

But that’s when he saw them, peeking out from Hyunjin’s collared shirt. Two bites marks, clear as day.

When Hyunjin noticed him, he jumped back, quickly pulling the collar of his shirt higher. “Oh! Hey, Felix! You’re up early,” he’d said, laughing. However, Felix could see the falseness of his smile, the intense look in his eyes.

Hyunjin was hiding something, and whatever those bite marks were held the answer.

Now, Felix had never heard anything about vampires before. Therefore, when he saw the marks, he just assumed Hyunjin was into something… a little less than vanilla, to put it lightly. He shook it off. Tried to distance that day in the kitchen from his thoughts.

Yet, the marks stuck with him. They just looked so… real. They were not a human bite, nor any animal Felix could think of. They looked like something straight out of a horror film. The way the skin bruised around them, swollen. The holes themselves were dark. A hollow red.  

Felix should have been concerned. Worried. Instead, he was intrigued. He wanted to talk to Hyunjin about them, but it felt too personal. He’d only known the guy a few months, and the marks seemed to be something Hyunjin wished to hide. He couldn’t just come outright and ask him.

So Felix kept it to himself. A mistake. A huge mistake.

As roughly 3 weeks later, Felix would walk into their apartment to find Changbin curled on the floor, trembling. His cheeks were stained with tears, eyes unfocused as Han sat behind him, patting his back to grant the smallest inkling of comfort.

“What happened?” Felix asked, panicking as he rushed to his friend's side. He may have only moved in a few months ago, but he’d known Changbin almost all his life. They’d gone to the same elementary school, parents being childhood friends themselves. They were close, unbelievably close. And in all that time, Felix had never seen Changbin so upset. So disheveled. Broken.

When Changbin didn’t respond, Felix turned to Han, who was already staring at him with somber, empty eyes.

“Hyunjin’s dead,” Han said, so quietly Felix wasn’t sure if he heard him correctly.

“Dead?” Felix choked, eyes subconsciously trailing to Hyunjin’s bedroom door. “What do you mean? He- he can’t be dead?” There was no way. Hyunjin had to be in there, dancing to his favourite mixes or reading a webcomic, gushing about his favourite dramas. He couldn’t be dead.

“He is,” Changbin spoke suddenly, still not deterring his eyes from their place on the wall. “I saw it happen.”

The silence that followed was suffocating. Felix wasn’t sure what to say. He wasn’t sure how to form words. Shock enveloped him in a fuzzy, mind-clouding fog.

The three of them sat there for what felt like hours, until eventually, Changbin spoke.

“Don’t you want to know what happened?” He asked.

“Okay,” Felix whispered. He wasn’t sure if he really wanted to know. If he could handle it. Yet, his curiosity got the better of him.

“I was asleep in my room, woke up to the sound of banging on the door,” Changbin spoke quietly. “Heard Hyunjin get up to grab it, assuming it was fine. When he opened the door, he sounded shocked. Afraid. He spoke like he knew why they were here. Like he was in danger.”

“I heard them come inside. Hyunjin started shouting, “get away from me!”, “don’t touch me!” I got up, rushing towards the living room. However, as I was coming, I heard Hyunjin suddenly get cut off. Confused, I carefully peeked around the corner. Can you guess what I saw?”

When Felix didn’t answer, Changbin turned to face him, his eyes finally meeting Felix’s own. Felix swallowed, his heart rising into his throat. Changbin’s eyes were dead, holding a darkness that made Felix shiver.

“They were drinking his blood, Felix. Like a fucking vampire. The guy had Hyunjin pinned to a wall, and didn’t let go of him until Hyunjin was gone. Until he drank every last drop in his body. Then they dragged him out of here. Left as if nothing had happened.”

“That… that’s impossible,” Felix shook his head. The story had to have been fake, Changbin’s way of dealing with the trauma. It couldn’t have been true.

“Is it?” Changbin asked. “Is it really? Because I think we’ve all seen those sickening, fucking bite marks Hyunjin has been carrying around these last couple months.”

Felix froze. That was true, but still, that couldn’t have meant vampires were real. No, that was ridiculous. They weren’t any more real than mermaids, or werewolves. It was simply impossible.

But… was it?

Suddenly, Changbin leaped to his feet, storming across the living room and whipping open the door to Hyunjin’s bedroom.

Han, who had been uncharacteristically quiet, chased after him. “Changbin, no! It’s too soon. Don’t do this to yourself. Not right now.”

“No!” Changbin yelled back, not looking back at Han. He began digging through Hyunjin’s drawers, throwing everything inside out onto the bed. “It’s my fault he’s dead, and you know that. I should have tried to stop it, something at least. But I froze! I didn’t do shit! And now Hyunjin is dead, Han.”

Changbin rushed over to Hyunjin’s nightstand, ripping out the bottom drawer. “The least I can do now is try to prove what happened to him. Try to show that it wasn’t just my bloody imagination, like Felix over here clearly thinks it is.”

Felix, unsure of what to say, remained quiet.

“He doesn’t think you imagined it, Changbin,” Han reassured, carefully putting a hand on his friend's shoulder. “But trashing Hyunjin’s room? That’s not going to solve anything.

Changbin shrugged off Han’s hand, scowling. “You don’t know what will help,” he spat, half-mindedly flipping through one of Hyunjin’s old notebooks. “There’s got to be something in here. Something that will prove that-” he began, but quickly stopped.

Changbin stood silently for a moment, staring at the words on the pages with an intensity that made Felix nervous.

“This is it,” Changbin said quietly, not looking up at them.

“It’s what?” Han said, quickly placing himself beside him, beginning to read whatever was on the pages. He quickly went quiet, his eyes growing wide as he scanned the paper.

Changbin looked up at Felix, an unreadable expression on his face.

“It’s our proof.”

         ~~~~

Hours passed and Felix finally found himself sitting at his desk, the dim light of his lamp cascading over what turned out to be Hyunjin’s journal.

Changbin had finally given it to him, spending hours obsessing over every word and detail. God knows where he was now, having left the apartment around midnight. A couple hours had passed, and he still hadn’t returned.

Han had gone to sleep a while ago, leaving Felix alone with nothing but the ghost of Hyunjin’s words that he left behind. A chill passed through him. This was all he had left of him, these entries discussing what would later become the reason for his death.

Felix paused on a certain entry, one dating back roughly a month ago, regarding the bite marks.

October 23rd.

She fed from me today. Finally. It hurt seeing her so starved, so weak and frail compared to when we first met. Everytime I’d look in her eyes, I’d see how glazed over they were, how blown out from hunger. It physically hurt, knowing how she was putting herself through this pain when I could help her, if she’d only let me.

I had to beg her to do it. She’s so worried about them. So paranoid they’re going to find out. I’m scared too, I guess, but I’m willing to risk it. For her.

As for the feeding itself, it’s difficult to explain. It hurt, undoubtedly, but at the same time it was wonderful. It felt wrong, wild. Raw. But I don’t think I’ve ever felt so connected with someone. It’s not the same as sex, somehow it felt more intimate? Like I said, it’s difficult to explain. Strange.

It’s weird, looking in the mirror now, seeing those marks. Yet, they make me smile. They remind me of her, as if I’m branded with the fact she trusted me enough to do this.

I think I’m starting to love her. Even if worse comes to worst, I don’t think I’d ever regret this. She’s shown me so much, I only hope our time doesn’t run out.

I’m seeing her again, tomorrow. I think Changbin is starting to get suspicious, he made a comment about me leaving late at night. I denied it, but I know he thinks something is up. Maybe Han and Felix do too, but they haven’t said anything.

I want to tell them, I really do. But I know I can’t. I promised her. Besides, roping them into this might make matters worse.

I hope I’m making the right choice.

~Hyunjin.

Felix felt like he was going to be sick. So Hyunjin knew. He knew what was coming, even a month ago. Yet he didn’t stop seeing this girl. Why? Hyunjin was a hopeless romantic, sure. But even so, this seemed ridiculous. Why would he keep doing this, knowing the consequences?

Felix’s mind wandered back to the marks on his neck. The deep gashes of where she’d drank from him. The feeding, as Hyunjin had called it. Was that what made him stay? This strange, monstrous intimacy?

Felix didn’t understand. He didn’t understand how this feeding could possibly be a good thing. And yet, to his own shame, he was curious. Curious of how it felt, how it led Hyunjin down this road to his death.

God, if Changbin could hear what he was thinking now.

  ~~~~

The following weeks passed by in a blur of grief and obsession. Changbin was rarely home. Sometimes he was at the library, doing as much research as he possibly could. Others, he was searching for more hunters, anything to find out more about what exactly Hyunjin had gotten himself into.

Today, the three roommates were sitting on the living room couch, discussing a rather important next step in Changbin’s mission of avenging Hyunjin.

“I found one,” Changbin stated, taking a sip of his gin and tonic.

Han frowned. “What do you mean you found one?”

“I mean one of those bloodsuckers is at the library every night the same time I am,” Changbin stated. Felix shifted nervously. He didn’t like the look on Changbin’s face.

“Okay,” Han continued, his frown deepening. “What do you want us to do about that? You’re not planning on shoving a stake through their heart or anything, are you?”

“No,” Changbin replied, although he didn’t seem to be as appalled by the idea as Han. “I plan on using them.”

“What do you mean?” Felix asked, an unsettling feeling passing through him.

“I mean, one of us has to get close to her. Close enough to figure out who this “they” Hyunjin keeps referencing is.”

“Then what?” Han asked, his arms crossed.

Changbin shrugged. “Then we make them pay for what they did to him. The only question now, is which one of us is it going to be?”

Now, Felix didn’t like vampires. Not at all. Not after what they’d done to Hyunjin. However, he couldn’t seem to find this deep-seeded hatred that Changbin had developed.

No, in fact he felt a level of sympathy for the girl who lived on Hyunjin’s pages. For the sweet and generous girl who would almost rather die than subject him to any danger. She wasn’t a monster, that much was obvious. No, the vampires that murdered Hyunjin, the vampires that she was so terrified of, they were the monsters.

But Changbin didn’t seem to see that. Felix didn’t blame him, he was blinded by both grief, as well as the overwhelming guilt that Hyunjin’s death was his fault. It wasn’t, of course.  Felix was sure that if Changbin had stepped in, they simply would have killed him too. But that wasn’t what Changbin wanted to hear.

So, before he could properly comprehend what he was doing, he spoke. “I’ll do it,” he said, causing the two men to raise their eyebrows.

“Really?” Han asked nervously, putting a hand on his shoulder. “Felix, you don’t have to. You could get yourself killed.”

Felix knew this. Hell, he knew this well. He also knew it was the right thing to do. This girl at the library… If Changbin attempted getting close to her in the state he was now, he’d end up getting one of them killed. Han, bless his soul, was far too paranoid to pull it off. Even now, he tried to distance himself from the entire topic of vampires. Maybe it was fear, maybe he didn’t like the spite in Changbin’s voice when he discussed them, but in any case, Felix knew he wouldn’t be able to do this.

Besides, he could handle it. You deserved to be given a chance. Perhaps you were an exception, like the girl in Hyunjin’s notebook.

“I’m sure,” Felix said. And so your mutual destruction began.

~~~~

Felix had met you in the library under Changbin’s instruction. Made some small talk, a little bit flirty but nothing too wild. He was surprised to find that you were rather pretty, a clean academic look and mysterious eyes. He was also surprised to find that you were witty, as well. Charming.

Based on the way Changbin had described you, well, you were supposed to be nothing short of a demon sent from hell.

You were both sitting in silence, Felix watching as you translated passages from The Iliad into Greek. Which he had to admit, was undoubtedly impressive.

It was then he noticed how glazed over your eyes were, pupils blown out in hunger, just as Hyunjin had described in his journal. Which meant he also knew that you were struggling, refraining from eating.

That’s when he felt it, that slightest pinch of sympathy. You weren’t eating, which meant you also weren’t sucking people dry in their apartments for their roommates to see. No, you were refraining yourself, and that wasn’t a monstrous thing to do.

The pieces fell like dominos after that. He kissed you. You invited him back to your apartment. You both went inside. You kissed some more.

Then he proceeded to scare the ever living hell out of you.

The look on your face when he told you he knew still haunts him. The sheer terror in your eyes, the unchained panic and fear. It was the kind’ve look someone had right before death. As if he were going to murder you.

He hadn’t expected it. He hadn’t realized that him knowing you were a vampire would be so catastrophic to you. It wasn’t like you told him, he already knew, but that didn’t seem to matter.

He quickly made up a story about his old neighbors being vampires, anything to calm you down. Then, to his own surprise, he offered to let you drink from him.

This wasn’t a part of the plan. If Changbin saw what he was doing now, he’d ring his neck for sure. Yet, Felix was curious, even more so then he was before. This intimacy, this incredible feeling that Hyunjin talked about, was it really true? He wanted to know.

There was also the fact of the matter that he genuinely wanted to help you. You were so scared, so petrified, and he was to blame. You were not a monster. You weren’t. You were just a scared girl who had clearly been starving herself, and if he could help with that, he should, shouldn’t he?

You were hesitant at first, but you agreed. Climbing on top of him, your breath hot against his neck. He braced himself for your fangs. Yet even so, nothing could have prepared him for the feeling of breaking through his skin.

It was painful, a throbbing ache erupting from his neck and flowing throughout the rest of his body. Felix could feel the blood pumping through his veins, escaping through his newly punctured wounds. He grabbed your arm for support, his mouth opening in a cry from the pain. Although, he doubted you could hear him, based on the way you lapped so lavishly at the blood, leaning into him.

Yet, with the pain came an undeniable sense of pleasure, pulsing through his body in waves. A dizzying, overwhelming sense of ecstasy, clouding his mind in a hazy fog of desire. It was overwhelming, how the feeling casted over him, draining him of anything but eachother. Here it was just you and him. There was nothing else. Nothing but the two of you.

He didn’t want anything else. Your name rang through his skull, shattering all other thoughts that existed outside this moment. His vision blurred, all his senses drifting from him. Yet, he didn’t want them. Didn’t need them. All he needed was you. You. You. He felt himself fall back, sinking into the floor, his limbs growing limp.

Then it stopped. You pulled away from him. He blinked, attempting to regain a proper sense of consciousness. He saw your face, your beautiful face, and smiled.

At that moment he understood. He understood it all. How Hyunjin followed down that path, how in the end he didn’t regret it.

He knew he’d come to make all the same mistakes.

~~~~

So your little arrangement continued, and slowly it began to develop into more. While enjoyable, it wasn’t just about the feeding. Not at all.

Felix thought you were incredible, to put it lightly. You were unlike anyone he’d ever met. Clever, kind, selfless. You held an unbelievable sense of passion in everything you did.

His favourite days were the ones spent at your place. The comfort of your bed became his safe place. Your kitchen became his creative outlet. His home whenever he was wrapped in your arms.

No, nothing made Felix more happy than the time he spent with you.

That’s what he thinks of now, walking back home from your apartment, after having told you everything. You were angry of course, feeling lied to, betrayed. He doesn’t blame you. He blames himself.

He blames himself for everything that has happened. He knew what would happen from the beginning, what his sentence would be, he’d seen it all before. Yet, he chose to ignore it. Some little voice inside of him said that he was different, that it was merely unlucky what happened to Hyunjin. That you two would beat the odds.

Felix knows that he had been lying to himself. He knows Hyunjin had been careful, just as much as the two of you had been. He brought this upon himself.

Why? Because he loves you. He can admit it to himself now, after everything that has happened. He isn’t sure if you feel the same, especially after the last couple hours. He doesn’t blame you, if you don’t.

He should have just told you the truth from the beginning, but he didn’t want to lose you by scaring you again. His roommates wouldn’t tell anyone, he’d made sure of it when he talked to Changbin and Han a couple days ago. Now that was a horrible conversation, Changbin still hasn’t spoken to him since. 

Felix had told both of them that things hadn’t worked out after the first night he spent with you. That way, he wouldn’t feel pressured in divulging anything you’d told him of The Society. As much as he hated them, so truly hated them, he’d promised you secrecy. He’d honoured that promise as much as he could, even if it ultimately put him in danger.

Yet, that’s not what he’s worried about right now. No, he is thinking of your face that first night you spent together, that look of pure terror. It was something he had never wanted to see again.

That hope was futile, however. As when he told you, he did have to see it again. Watch as your eyes widened, your mouth gaping open and eyebrows furrowed as he told you how his roommates knew. How he came to the library that night looking for you. The details of Hyunjin’s murder.

How a part of Felix knew that his fate could be the same.

You had walked into your kitchen, trying to get yourself away from him. Saying that you needed time to think this all through, and that he should do the same. After all, immortality and eternal bloodlust were two difficult things to be offered.

You told him to leave. He did. He’d said that he would call you within the next couple days, when he came to his decision. Then you’d turn him, if that’s what he decided, and that would be it. He didn’t know what this meant for the two of you afterwards, but there’d be time to figure that out later.

Oh, there would be so much time.

Because Felix already knows what his decision will be.

He hates Vampires. He hates The Society. The way they torment your life, just as they did to the girl in Hyunjin’s notebook. The way they killed Hyunjin. How Chan, someone you once trusted, turned the two of you in without a second thought.

But it doesn’t matter if he hates them. Not anymore.

As in this moment, Felix Lee has decided that he will become one himself.

~~

next chapter.

[fandom-imagines-stories]

Black Umbrellas

Josh Lyman x Reader

Words: 2277

Part One

Summary: The funeral arrives and everything seems to fall apart. Josh tries to keep his temper in check with Celia, but soon the reason behind their ongoing feud is revealed. 

Notes: Josh is definitely one of my favorite fictional characters and it seems like more of you are liking his imagines. As always, comments are always welcome!- Side note: I know that it’s been forever since I posted part one to this, and I’m very sorry. I hope to be writing for more West Wing, including more characters. 

-

It was just like he would have wanted. The morning was bright and sunny and began with laughter. Josh was standing in the kitchen with your mother and something he had said made her laugh, making the rest of you feel a little lighter on a day that would leave a great deal of weight on your hearts. It’s how your dad would have wanted his funeral to start. Not with sorrow, but with the sense of being together. 

Your mother made blueberry pancakes for breakfast using your dad’s famous recipe and  the three of you had coffee on the porch. Celia and Thomas were still asleep, so there was no danger of an argument breaking out for now. 

“It’s a beautiful day.” Marissa hummed, taking a sip of her coffee. Josh nodded in agreement, wrapping an arm around your shoulders, drinking in the morning sun as it rose over the trees. 

“How are you feeling?” He whispered as you rested your head on his shoulder. You shrugged. 

“Best that I can be, I guess.” He nodded in understanding and sweetly kissed the top of your head. 

“I’ll be here the whole time.” You placed a hand on his leg, drawing circles on the denim. You loved it when he wore jeans. It made him feel like he was yours for the day and not rushing off to assist in a national crisis. But even now, he was still the Deputy Chief of Staff. 

You probably noticed his pager buzzing before he did. He looked at you mournfully, his tone apologetic. “I’ve got a call from Leo.” 

You gave him a small smile and a node. “You better take it.” 

He moved out onto the lawn for some privacy and your mother gave your hand a gentle pat. 

“You picked a good one.” She smiled. You both watched as he ran a hand down his face, his expression morphing from saddened to angered to calm in a matter of seconds. 

“Is he seriously working right now?” Your sister’s shrill criticizing voice emerged from inside the house. 

“He’s the Deputy Chief of Staff for the President,” You scoffed, “the world didn’t stop just because he’s here.” 

“Sorry, I forgot. Not all of us are lowly small town journalists like me and dad.” 

“Are you serious, right now?” 

“No, you’re right, I’m sure it’s a matter of national security.” She spat and you stood up from the swing. 

“It very well could be!” You shouted. You wanted to slap her. Who was she to criticize Josh? 

“Girls!” Your mother finally interjected. You both turned your heads towards her and you immediately felt guilty, seeing the tears welling up in her eyes. “Don’t do this today. Please.” 

“Sorry mom.” You both said, hanging your heads. While you could feel everything start to burn up in your chest, you pushed it down. You had to be strong today. Luckily, your own pager went off before any more arguing could occur. 

“Hey Sam.” You sighed in greeting, grateful for a distraction. 

“Hey, how are you doing?” His voice was sympathetic and sweet. Typical Sam. 

“Okay, all things considered.” You laughed lightly, hoping to keep the conversation from getting too emotional. “How are things there?”

“Crazy as usual.” He chuckled. “I just wanted to call and check in.” There was something in his tone that told you there was more. 

“Sam… something is wrong with the speech, isn’t there?” 

“Well,” He blew out a breath, “Since you pushed it back, we’re speaking after Congress is handing us our asses which means that Toby needed to make some changes so we don’t sound like-”

“Kids trying to start a fight on the playground?” You finished. Josh had said the same thing. 

“Yeah…” 

You thought for a moment, but couldn’t focus on any one thing. “Just make sure that he sounds like we’re still coming out on top.” It was the only thing you could do. 

“We’ll try.” He paused, but you already knew what he was going to say. “And Y/N-”

“I know.” You smiled slightly to yourself. “Thanks Sam.” 

You strolled along the wrap-around porch, hoping to avoid Celia for at least a few more minutes, telling yourself it was the stress of the day. She would cool off eventually. 

“I hope everything is doing okay.” Your mother’s comforting tone helped to calm you down. You shrugged. 

“As okay as it ever is.” She nodded with understanding. She knew how messy the political world was. It didn’t stop because someone died. 

Josh came back, the stress clear on his face. When he locked eyes with you, he tried to brighten up, but you could tell that there was something weighing down on his shoulders. You implored him with a look, but he shrugged it off. 

“The usual.” He whispered, draping his arm around you again. “Don’t worry about it.” He turned to your mother with a sad smile. “Leo McGarry and The President send their deepest sympathies.” 

“I appreciate that.” She nodded and looked out over the orchards. How was she so strong through all of this? You felt ready to fall apart at the seams, but your mother was the picture of grace. She always did everything for everyone else and now she wasn’t giving herself the chance to grieve. 

Celia had gone inside to make calls to the funeral home and Thomas was in town picking up groceries. He wanted there to be one less thing for all of you to worry about. 

With a few hours until the funeral, all you wanted was to make it through the day without any more arguments. Josh had a few more calls with Leo and did his best to hide it from your judgmental sister but there was still that tension between them. You took a few sympathy calls from Donna and C.J.- both of whom were very kind in expressing their regrets in not being able to make it to the funeral. 

It was about noon when the President called. Your mother must have spent an hour talking to him in her office before she came back into the living room, passing off the phone to you. 

“Good afternoon, Mr. President.” You started, forcing yourself to keep it together. 

“I’m sorry I didn’t catch you the other day before you and Josh left.” He sighed. “I wanted to give my condolences in person.” 

“My family and I appreciate it nonetheless, sir.” 

“I am truly sorry for your loss, Y/N.” His fatherly tone made you want to cry. Truthfully, you’d always seen President Bartlet as your work-father more than your boss. “Bill was a good man and a good friend.” 

“He would have been honored to hear you say that, sir.” There was a long moment of silence between the two of you as you both let those words sink in before he concluded. 

“He was always very proud of you, Y/N. I hope you know that.” 

Your breathing hitched as you held back a cry. “Thank you, Mr. President.” As you hung up, you tried to keep the tears from falling. Your quiet moment to yourself was interrupted by the sounds of whispers growing into shouts on the front porch. Celia and Josh. 

As you approached, their words became more and more clear. 

“When are you going to stop treating her like a child?”

“I’m sorry, but I figured I would let her go on thinking that her sister is a crazy lunatic!” 

“Keep your voice down! She’ll hear you.” 

“Let her hear, Celia.” Josh’s voice became a growl. “Let her hear that after all these years, you’ve just been jealous of everything that she’s been able to accomplish and you couldn’t.”

“I don’t know why we’re even having this conversation.” Celia scoffed. You opened the door a crack and watched her step closer to him. “I’m not jealous, Josh. I’m right. Y/N has had everything handed to her since the day she was born. She doesn’t deserve her job.. And she doesn’t deserve you.”

“You’ve got to be kidding.” Josh ran a hand down his face and turned away, but she was persistent.

“We met first, Josh. We started seeing each other and then you fell for her little charms just like everybody else.” 

“You two were seeing each other?” You gasped, finally stepping out from behind the door. Josh let out a frustrated groan. 

“No, honey, we weren’t-”

“Is that why you two are at each other’s throats all the time? Because you were together?”

“We were never together!” He exclaimed. He reached to put his hands on your shoulders, but you stepped away, staring down your older sister. 

“You really think I don’t deserve my job… my husband… my life?” 

She said nothing. Her mouth formed a thin line as she gave you a silent, hard stare. You wanted to slap her. You wanted to scream. Instead, the sky let out a low, tumbling growl of thunder that served as the final straw. You looked up at the darkened clouds as the first raindrop landed on your cheek. 

“No no no no no. This isn’t what he would have wanted.” You cried, holding out a hand as more water fell. “It’s supposed to be sunny and beautiful and… and…” 

“Y/N,” Josh started, but you didn’t hear him. 

“I can’t deal with this right now.” Was all you said as you took off down the steps and towards the road. You didn’t know what to think, but the rain hitting your skin was enough to fuel your fury to hide your sadness. 

“Where is she going?” Marissa asked, feeling the tension in every thunder roll. Josh slammed his hand against the porch railing. 

“I don’t know. But I’ll take care of it.” He gave Celia a glare that could halt an army before running after you.

-

You ended up in an old tool shed somewhere in the orchard, your cries drowned out by the rain pounding against the wooden walls. Your clothes were soaked but you didn’t care. There was just an hour until the funeral and the storm didn’t show any sign of stopping. This was all wrong. 

Your dad was the only one who could have fixed this mess. Whenever either you or your husband fought with Celia, he was the one that could settle everyone down and make you all laugh until your sides hurt. What if you never laughed like that again? 

The rain turned into a soft- but consistent- drizzle and you were sure you heard the sound of a car approaching the shed. You heard your husband calling your name before you even opened the door. 

“How did you know I’d be here?”

He gave you a long, sad look. “When you ran off, your mother said it’d be best if I took a car so we’d have someplace warm to sit and talk. She said you’d probably come here.” He opened the passenger door of his car and just waited. 

Instead of running into the warm heat of the car, you ran into his arms. While you felt like you had no more tears to shed, your body just shook with silent sobs. After a while, he picked you up and put you in the car, quickly going over the driverseat so he could take you in his embrace again. 

“I feel so stupid.” You sniffed. “We’re supposed to be mourning dad and I’m running off like a child.” 

“Don’t beat yourself up.” He muttered into your hair. “Grief does something to our heads… everyone has to deal with it.” He pulled away to look at you. “I shouldn’t have argued with Celia.” 

“No.” You shook your head. “No, I’m glad I know what she really thinks of me. Of us.” 

He pushed a hair behind your ear and gave you a small smile. “You have to know that I would never hide something like that from you unless I thought it didn’t matter. Celia and I got drinks one time before I met you and now she likes to hold it over my head.” He sighed. “And don’t beat yourself up about what she said. You’re one of the hardest working, badass women that I know. You deserve everything that you’ve built.”

He kissed your forehead and you fell into silence again. Without any words, he knew that you believed him about Celia and that the whole thing was blown out of proportions by your sister’s need for attention. He just hoped that you and Celia could start over. As much as he despised her most of the time, he knew what it was like to lose a sister. 

“Why don’t we head back to the house and try and dry off before the funeral?” He suggested softly. You just nodded, laying your head on his shoulder as he drove back to your childhood home. 

-

It wasn’t the sunny day that you wanted it to be. Everyone stood with black umbrellas and somber faces and you did your best to keep it together. Josh held your hand the whole way through, his support not faltering for a single second. You knew this couldn’t be easy for him either and yet he was your rock through all of it. 

The clouds blocked the sun for the rest of the day but you told yourself that it was okay. They were the cloud-kingdoms your father always talked about. The ones he wrote in those little books tucked away in the house. And you took comfort in the fact that you knew, now, that he was up there with them. 

[bakugohoex]

Do you still take request? Can i request an matsukawa x reader angst where matsunn and the reader are in a relationship and one day reader wanted to surprise matsun by visiting him at practice and then she caught him talking badly about her like how annoying and clingy she is and that kind of stuff and then oikawa's like "matsun look behind you" and then issei just realized hes caught. Its up to you whether or not its a happy or sad ending sorry if this is kinda long hehe

“our relationship ended as soon as you called me a ‘clingy bitch’”

pairing: issei matsukawa x female reader x toru oikawa (separate)

cw: angst, kissing and swearing

word count: 1400+

a/n: i mischaraterised matsukawa so much as i know he’s baby, personally i don’t simp for him so i made it lead to oikawa but he’s nice in the anime, in this however he a dickhead

summary: in which you walk into the gym to find matsukawa chatting shit about you to oikawa, as matsukawa tries to win you back you find comfort in the most unlikely of people

↞ back to haikyu!! masterlist

“She’s just so fucking boring, all she does is talk and talk about her life.” Matsukawa was complaining about you again, he had done this multiple times to the members of his team and now it was Oikawa’s turn to listen.

 Iwaizumi had heard himself this morning about Matsukawa complaining, something about how you had tried to call him to tell him about your birthday plans next week but he had hung up once you started talking. Iwaizumi had reeled this back to Oikawa as both of them were pissed. You were too nice and too selfless to have Matsukawa make you feel as if your birthday wasn’t special.

 Oikawa knew it wasn’t right for Matsukawa to talk about you like this, you’d known them both since you were all first years and the third years felt sorry for you with how much Matsukawa had been treating you.

 The way you’d come help with practice with the brightest smile and he’d say one thing about how your skirt looked tighter which would make you insecure. Even after Matsukawa had said that Kindaichi had tried to comfort you saying that he was joking. You gave a soft smile as you no longer were joyous at all.

 You’d even gone as far as coming to matches to support them, the whole team had heard him scowl at you, the way he grabbed your arm leaving a bruise with how he called you an embarrassment. It hurt, you knew it and Oikawa knew it and that was the last thing he wanted for you.

 He spotted you nearing the corner of the building, he admired the way you had a hop in your step, you had told him in the morning about how you hoped you passed your maths final and it seemed you did a lot better than pass with the grin that rested on your face. Oikawa and Matsukawa were audible, and he hadn’t noticed you standing right behind him.

 “She’s just a cling bitch.” He scowls rubbing his forehead, “she’s always there and really I don’t even know why anybody would like her.”

 The words stung, Oikawa looked at your teary eyes face, the mascara and eyeliner clumping down, “Y/n”. Oikawa barges pass Matsukawa who sees the tears fall down your cheek, he doesn’t speak. Just watches as Oikawa hugs you, the way his arm wraps around your smaller frame but still bring you comfort.

 “Y/n I did…” He gets interrupted as Oikawa lets go of you but still keeping a hand on your lower back.

 “You know you meant all of that, we’ve all had to hear the shitty things you’ve said about her. I never even understood why she’d date you.” Oikawa mutters as the tears continue to fall, Oikawa brings a finger up to wipe them away as he shakes his head at the situation.

 “Y/n lets go back to mine okay?” Oikawa asks softly, you nod not wanting to be around Matsukawa anymore. You never thought that accepting his date months before would lead you to feeling so numb and worthless. His anger boiled at the way Oikawa was touching you, comforting you, he hated how even his team who had arrived looked sympathetic to you rather than him.

 What about the pain he was feeling? He was the one who had to date a fucking bitch who only cared about herself. You were the one who called him late last night to talk about your birthday as if that was more important than the volleyball matches. He watched Iwaizumi walk up to you and Oikawa as Oikawa explained, Iwaizumi nodded letting the two of you leave.

 “Y/n don’t listen to anything he says, you’re nothing like that.” Oikawa makes you come closer to him, he had always had a crush on you but as soon as Matsukawa asked you out, his feelings had simmered down.

 “I’m worthless aren’t I, I’m clingy an…and I’m annoying an.. and I’ve gained weight, I’m selfish aren’t I.” Mascara filled tears fill your eyes as you can barely get your words out.

 “Y/n listen to me, he is a fucking idiot, you’re perfect okay, your face your body your personality everything about you is perfect.” Oikawa’s hands reach for yours as you grab them to feel some sort of comfort.

 “Does he really hate me that much?” Oikawas hands went to your face to wipe away the tears as he shakes his head.

 “I don’t know what’s going on with him, let’s get you to mine, we can get you cleaned up and we can watch anything you want.” Oikawa smiles, he wasn’t good at comforting, but he was trying at least. You nod, your hands still in each other’s before you heard shouting from the gym.

 “What the fuck is that now?” Oikawa questions quietly, he wanted to take you far away from Matsukawa but also wanted to make sure Iwaizumi was fine as well.

 He saw as Iwaizumi came out with Matsukawa, his grip tightly around the boys wrist. “Y/n, please wait, let me explain.” His pleading made you even more angry, he didn’t love you, fuck he didn’t even care about you, he loved that he could tell people he was dating you, the way he bathed in the way people would stare at you up and down and all he had to do was hold your hand or kiss your lips and everybody would see that you were taken. He loved his ability to make everybody love and adore your relationship as if it was perfect.

 It wasn’t, the nights you had spent crying alone as he ends the calls and facetimes, the way he’d leave you on read, or leave you alone when you’d hang out or cancel just as you arrived to where your date was supposed to be. You stayed out of fear that he’d make everybody hate you but watching at the whole team were on your side empowered you, you didn’t need him. And as your eyes reached the enclosed hand of Oikawa’s.

 You realised who was truly always there for you, the way Oikawa would give you his jacket when the team had late practices, the way he’d come up to you after matches to make sure you were okay, every morning how he’d wait near the tree which was passed both your houses to walk to school together. He’d buy you food when you had spent it all on anime and manga merch, he’d comfort you when he saw you were insecure.

 You knew who you truly had loved, ever since that day when you met little Oikawa fresh out of middle school who had dreams of reaching the top. Who wanted to become a professional and go to nationals. The dreams he had and all you could see was yourself by his side, you loved the setter and had settled for somebody who was never even in the same league.

 “Y/n, please we can get over this, I ne…

 You interrupt him finally gaining confidence, “our relationship ended as soon as you called me a ‘clingy bitch.’”

 You had done it, you had stuck up for yourself, his eyes fell into anger as he watched you smile at Oikawa and lead the way out of school. Oikawa shrugged as he saw the glare he was getting. “Toru.”

 “Yeah.” He speaks almost scared of your confidence he felt like he was about to get eaten alive.

 “It’s always been you.” It clicks as he smiles, the way you look at him, the way you both bring out each other’s best. But even more the way you were both still in sight of the whole team.

 “How about I make you mine then?” He smirks as he brings his face closer to yours, you smile as you close the gap closing your eyes.

He moved along with your mouth, his hands on your waist bringing you closer to him, as your own went to his hair. The kiss was something more, it was hungry and long awaited, and it brought something else, a newfound relationship, were you weren’t useless, and he treated you like a princess.

 “I’m going to kill him.” You both hear in the distance as Iwaizumi grabs the boy and drags him back into the gym.

 You and Oikawa were left kissing under the hues of orange and yellow, it was a picture-perfect scene, and it was all you both ever wanted.

i’d really appreciate if you guys could leave a like, reblog or comment, thanks x

if you guys want to be a part of a tag list, just reply to any post and i’ll add you xx

@samusimp @alaina-rose13

[hearts4-robin]

# flying colors - Katsuki Bakugo

# genre - fluffy angst

# pairing - Katsuki Bakugo x y/n (no specific gender)

# warnings - yelling, swearing, inappropriate words, intense arguments, crying, anxiety, trauma, panic/anxiety attack

# ages - Katsuki Bakugo: 16 - y/n: 16

# authors note - I hope you like this short story (: let me know if you like it and send in some requests! <# this story haven't been read through and English isn't my first language so sorry for any grammar mistakes etc.

------------------------------------------

# - Thursday - 01.46 a.m. - U.A. Class 1-A dorm building - #

You had forgotten what you were arguing about. But it was heated. It was horrible, the yelling from your boyfriend was driving you crazy. He had just came back from another late extra practice and he had been lacking on giving you any attention. You got that you were both hardworking students but you missed the tingling feeling from when he'd hold you close at 2am while discussing why Mineta is a total asshole.

"You never talk to me anymore!" You voice almost cracked as the words left your mouth. Katsuki's frown sunk deeper, his vein in his neck starting to pulse faster. "Maybe I don't want to pay attention to you, y/n! Ever thought about WHY I always practice so late?" he snapped back. You could clearly see how he was holding back his anger. "Well- no, I haven't-" the thought struck you like one of Kamanari's shocks. "Are you cheating on me?" Katsuki's eyes widened as he watched tears prickle up in your eyes. "What-, no what kind of boyfriend do you actually think I am?" He was yelling. On the brink of screaming at you. "Clearly one who avoids me! Avoids my company! If you're so sick of hanging out with me, why don't you just go right ahead and break up with me?" Now you were yelling too. Holding back wasn't a thing anymore. You watched as Katsuki's hands started releasing small explosions as I his eyes turned darker. You couldn't tell if it was in disappointment, anger or sadness.

"Now why would you say that! Huh? Why?" He was screaming, a hidden growl and sadness under his voice. "Because it's how I feel, Katsuki!" you frowned deeper as your nails dug into the palms of your hands, creating small moon-shaped marks. "I don't care about how you feel, y/n!" You immediately felt a sting of pain in your chest as you watched your boyfriend clench his fist and walk past you and into his dorm room. Well aware that he just woke up half the for building, he slammed the door shut. You covered your mouth with your hand as warm salty tears started streaming down your cheeks. How could he say that to you?

"y/n-chan?-" You looked up, snapping out of the daze you had fallen into. The worried face of your fellow classmate, Eijiro Kirishima, appeared from his bedroom door. "Are you okay? I couldn't help but overhear you and Bakubros argument." He stated as he walked out the door and closing it, revealing himself in a fated red sweatshirt with a big 'Crimson Riot' over the chest and a pair of black pajama pants. You shook your head no at his question as he walked towards you in his big slippers. He frowned worridly as he allowed himself to wrap his arms around you and pull you into a hug. You let out a low sob before you buried your face in Eijiros chest. "H-He doesn't ca-care-, he doesn't care a-about me anymore!" You clung onto Eijiro as he rubbed your back in soothing circles in hope of calming down your mixed feelings. Your chest hurt, your throat was sore and your head was pounding in a quick pace.

"You know Bakubro-, he's not always easy to handle. He won't tell you but he really does love you. He cares for you a lot, y/n." Eijiro looked at you as he lowered his arms around you. You looked at your red haired classmate before he looked towards Katsuki's bedroom. "Give him three days alright? If he doesn't do anything, dump him. I know it sounds harsh but that's the rule I've lived after and it's one of the best decisions I've ever made. Think about it." You nodded at his words before wiping your tears off your cheeks, even though you knew they'd be back as soon as you'd close your bedroom door. "Good. Sleep well dude! I'll see you at breakfast tomorrow. Don't stay up too late!" Eijiro grinned cheekily as he waved at you. He closed his door as he disappeared behind it. Your lip quivered as you slowly walked to the elevator. You weakly pressed the button to summon the elevator. Stepping inside after the doors opened with a low 'ding!' you leaned against the wall. You pressed the button to your dorm floor before the elevator moved slowly. You rewinded the whole argument in front of you, everything passing like flying colors with all the wrong shades.

The elevator once again let out a 'ding!' before the doors slit open. Sniffling, you walked out of the elevator with your head down. "Young y/n."

You looked up with slightly wide eyes as you heard Mr. Aizawa speak. "M-Mister Aizawa-" You got cut off by his stare. It told you everything. You bowed before walking to your room. "I'll go to sleep. I'm sorry for waking you up." You sniffled back a few tears before you closed your bedroom door after you. Letting out a small sob, you feel onto your bed. You felt absolutely miserable. You felt horrible. The pain and guilt in your chest had spread to your stomach and you felt sick to the guts as you broke down in tears again. After almost 6 months with Katsuki as your #1 wingman and your boyfriend, hearing his words hurt you. 'I don't care about how you feel, y/n!'

Those 8 words burned in the very front of your brain while you tried to sleep, escape from the aching pain.

# - Thursday - 05.30 a.m. - U.A. Class 1-A dorm building - #

You had been wide awake for the past 30 minutes, distracting yourself by getting ready. Brushing your hair, getting dressed in your uniform and doing whatever was left to do. Your appetite was small, but your stomach still craved some food. You opened the door and stepped out, rubbing your tired eyes. You followed the other few classmates on your hall to the elevator.

“Good-morning y/n…” You looked to your right to see Ashido yawning, dark circles under her eyes. “Good-morning Ashido-. Didn’t you sleep?” She leaned back and stretched her arms, her shirt rising a little as the elevator continued moving down slowly. “Not much-, Bakugo was throwing around with stuff all night! Mr. Aizawa had to tell him to keep it down and go to bed. Nobody knows what’s going on with him right now.” She yawned again after finishing off. A little sting poked you in your chest as she spoke before the elevator let out another ‘ding!’. The door opened, revealing Katsuki, Izuku, Tenya and Eijiro at the table. You and Ashido walked towards the table, and both sat down. You sat down beside Tenya, as far away from Katsuki as possible, which was odd. Very odd. Katsuki was frowning more as usual before he angrily got up from the table and violently grabbing his tray of breakfast. You avoided eye contact at all costs. You looked at the tray of food Tenya had pushed towards you. You looked up to see everybody at the table looking at you with various different expressions. Worry, confusion and awaiting. “y/n… What happened?” You looked at Tenya as he spoke. You poked to your food, the appetite you had earlier suddenly disappearing. “Nothin’.” You mumbled before standing up, holding your tray with weak hands. You left the table to the kitchen.

You froze in your tracks as you saw Katsuki in his usual black shirt with the white print on. He was holding his empty tray in his hands as the unfinished food was thrown in the nearest bin. He glared at you before tossing the tray on the counter and leaving the room. You looked after him, tears prickling and threating to escape from your tear-bags. You placed your full tray on the counter before walking back to the common area. Those moments that felt like hours in the kitchen was just a few minutes. Within those minutes, Katsuki had left the dorm and just about everyone else was up and eating. Walking towards the shoe racks, you picked up your shoes and slipped them on. You stepped out the door, already feeling the early morning cold from December. You stepped onto the road leading towards the school and started walking.

"y/n! Wait up!-" You looked behind you, seeing, once again, Eijiro running towards you while clumsily putting on his shoes. "Eijiro?..." You voice was sore from barely talking this morning. Usually, you get along with Tsu and Ashido pretty well, Yaoyorozu too.

Eijiro caught up to you as you both started walking. "Did you hear Bakubro yesterday?" He looked at you, adjusting hid headband. You shook your head. "No. Ashido told me about how Mr. Aizawa had to stop it." You were mumbling, you never mumbled around people like Eijiro. "Hm.. He'll get better. How are you feeling today? Did you get sleep yesterday?" You both reached the front of the school. He opened the door for you as you, once again, shook your head. "Hard time falling asleep?" You nodded at his question as he walked in behind you. "Do you need to talk about anything? I suck at advice but I'm always here to listen!" You nodded, smiling a little bit. You truly were grateful for people who checked up on you like Eijiro did. You both entered the empty classroom.

"Where's Bakubro?" Eijiro looked around, frowning in confusion. "I think her went for a walk or something like that. I don't know, he didn't tell me..." You dozed off as you sat down in your seat. "Tenya should be here soon." You stated as Eijiro sat down, leaning back in his seat. "Tenya is so manly! Taking responsibility to keep the class in line!" You nodded as Eijiro continued to ramble about manliness. Soon, the class was filled up, even Katsuki had shown up.

You were laid over your desk, looking up towards Mr. Aizawa as he spoke. Another practice day. The costumes slid out the wall, everybody standing up to grab their case with their costume.

# - Thursday - 08.27 a.m. - U.A. Gym Gamma - #

"Wow, y/n! Did you choose a new color scheme? It matches Bakugo's!" You looked down at yourself as Ashido, Kamanari and Tokoyami admired your new costume. You nodded at their questions. "I did. I don't know if he likes it." You were mumbling again. Kamanari opened his mouth to speak but was cut off by Cementoss.

"Alright, everybody. Pair up in two and try improve your quirks." Everybody nodded and paired up in two. Mezo walked up to you, kindly asking if you wanted to pair up. You nodded as you both walked to one of the platforms. Using you quirk, you made your way up to the platform along with Mezo.

# - Thursday - 10.58 a.m. - U.A. Gym Gamma - #

"T-Ten-... Tentacole-..." You crouched forward, your lungs hurting as you gasped for air. "I-I need a break." Mezo immediately stopped his movements as he noticed your shaking limps. "y/n? Are you okay?-" He runs to you, helping you sit down. "Shit..." Your head started spinning as your breathing became uneven. You could feel Mezo's multiple arms wrap around you to support you.

"LOOK AT ME WHEN WE'RE FIGHTING, SHITTY HAIR!" Eijiro looked away from you and towards Bakugou who was flying towards him. He quickly shielded himself and hardened his arms. "WHAT'S SO IMPORTANT THAT YOU CAN'T LOOK AT ME?" he screamed as he dodged one of Eijiro's hits. He looked away again, Bakugou taking his chance to land a hit on Eijiro. "y/n-" Eijiro fell back as he kept his eyes locked on your small form being supported in Mezo's arms. "y/n? WHAT ABOUT HER?!" Bakugou was furious, letting out all the anger from the night before. He looked around, finding it weird for shitty hair to talk so much about you. His eyes widened as he saw you, knowing what was happening to you just now. He quickly took off in a run. "Y/N!"

You looked up weakly, seeing Katsuki flying towards you. "Katsuki..." You let out a small cry as you tried calming down your breath. Your vision started blurring. "y/n! Squidward get away from her!" Mezo knew better than to talk back. He looked at you before slowly letting go of you as Katsuki ran to you, gently picking you up and into his embrace. "Are you mad?! What the fuck happened-" He didn't look worried but you knew he was. The glint in his eyes showed it. "y/n- breathe. Did you drink and eat? Of course you didn't- you left as soon as you saw me, you little dipshit." He grumbled under his breath as the others started to notice Bakugo screams fading. He picked you up and jumped down, running towards a place to put you down. Cementoss approached you both but you vision was failing you right now.

"What happened?" He looked at the two of you. "She's having a panic attack. Water." Katsuki sat down with you, holding you close. "I'm sorry, firecracker-. I shouldn't have said that-" He held you closer as Cementoss walked out to get you some water. "It's okay-" "No shut up. It's not. Don't fucking say anything." He growls at you as he sits down, leaning against the gym wall and laying you between his legs. He ripped off his big hand gear and threw them beside you both before propping you up against his chest. "Breathe. Breathe you dumb-ass-" he took a deep breath as you tried to follow his breathing pattern. "It's okay. I got you. I won't let anyone, not me either, hurt you." He was whispering now, gently caressing your arm. Cementoss returned with a bottle of water. Katsuki quickly grabbed the bottle and ripped the cap off before gently helping you chug down the water. "We'll wait till lunch. Cementoss, the time." He looked at Cementoss. "It's 11.47. Lunch is in about 15 minutes." Katsuki nodded before he looked back at you. You were blinking slowly, your breathing back to normal now as he lowly talked to you.

"It's okay. I got you. And I'm not letting go of you again, never."

[chalkrevelations]

Ep 27 of Word of Honor, and that was … Well. That was definitely the unicorn chaser to spending so much time and hugging with Awful Yifu in the last episode.

(Spoilers, as ever, so scroll away and come back later, if you’re still planning to watch unspoiled.)

I mean, what is there to say?

Ha, no, really, I can find plenty to say. Buckle up, I guess.

Clearly, I’m going to talk about The Scene, and there’s a lot going on here, besides the obvious cake frosting of everyone coming to everyone else’s rescue and the fighting and the crying and the declarations, and then once it’s all over, when everybody’s still hopped up on adrenaline, before the crash hits, the shouting and the laughing. At the end of it, we’re not even 20 minutes into the ep, and I feel like that should have been the climax (har), but they probably knew nobody would be able to concentrate on anything else that came before it. I’ve seen a couple of interviews now where Zhang Zhehan said he wanted to play Wen Kexing, and given the chance, he would probably still pick that role, and then everyone involved in the interview rambles on about the complexity of the Wen Kexing character, and it makes me worry that Zhang Zhehan isn’t giving himself or Zhou Zishu enough credit for the depth and range that he pulled out of the character. There’s a lot of various people yelling at various other people in many different places in this show, but there’s not been a scene yet that I felt it like I did when ZZS shouts at WKX after Ye Baiyi finally goes away, wanting to know what the fuck he was thinking. That felt real, and it felt layered – like, there’s a bone-deep fear that’s giving that anger extra strength, fear about the fact that WKX could be so self-destructive. Which also may force ZZS to confront for the first time the idea that WKX could die and leave him alone, just like all his other shidi died and left him alone. I’d have to go back and rummage around in previous eps, but I feel like this could be the first time ZZS really has to confront the idea that could happen, and he’s probably not at all prepared for it, because he’s understandably expecting to be the first to go. But this idea that WKX could just disappear, and get himself killed (because let’s face it, Ye Baiyi tossed them both around like toys), and ZZS would never see him again – that he would abandon ZZS like that, just to hide his secrets – I think that might be part of the anger, here. (You don’t fail me … and Zhou Zishou’s expectations for what constitutes not being failed are a pretty low bar, consisting mainly of not getting yourself killed like a fucking dumbass, and even that bar suddenly seems to be too high for Wen Kexing to clear.)

There’s also a clear parallel here, need I say, to the scene in a previous ep when Gu Xiang (WKX) begs Shen Shen (Ye Baiyi) that even after Shen Shen (Ye Baiyi) kills her (him), could he just for god’s sake not tell her (his) boyfriend who she (he) really was. Wen Kexing’s supposedly thought-out plan was basically just going to be what A-Xiang came up with on the fly, and stupid babies need the most love, I remind myself grimly, particularly when all this is about something Zhou Zishu already knew anyway, because he’s a brilliant former merciless assassin, not a good-hearted self-deprecating cinnamon roll who thinks he’s the least talented person in his sect like Cao Weining. We’ve also got some tasty philosophical stuff in this whole confrontation, including competing responsibilities – loyalty vs. justice vs. integrity – along with ideas of retributive vs. restorative justice. This is another good Zhang Zhehan acting moment, because that whole bit about how, actually, Grandpa, his shifu would have been about guiding his shidi toward kindness and making up for the mistakes he made – I actually believe he’s wholly thinking about Wen Kexing when he pulls out this philosophical rapier, and not at all about how restorative justice benefits ZZS, himself, considering how much blood he has on his own hands and that earlier conversation about frying in oil for 80 vs. 100 years. Good job, my friend. The one thing that makes me sad about this scene is that I’ve seen That Extra, and I hate we were robbed of not only Zhou Zishu actually laying his head on Wen Kexing’s shoulder but of Gong Jun’s single crystalline tear spilling down his cheek. Zhang Zehan’s right, that was a better take.

Anyway, Ye Baiyi proceeds to put WKX under house arrest, which, just. So he has to live with ZZS for the rest of his life? Please don’t throw him into the briar patch, right?

Also, yes, WKX. He’d die for you, dumbass. God.

Just to drive home the point of how the Wen Kexing/Zhou Zishou and Gu Xiang/Cao Weining relationships are the same relationship, we then go to a scene … well, we then go directly to a scene where Cao Weining is just sitting there, chin in hand, gazing adoringly at Gu Xiang, much the way Wen Kexing has been gazing adoringly at Zhou Zishu since about Ep 3 2 1 …  but that also leads into a scene where Cao Weining is interrogated about Gu Xiang by his shixiong in a milder, miniature version of the grilling ZZS just took from his elder. “Do you know who she is?” Whoever she is, he’s going to continue to respect her boundaries. “I promised her, so I won’t betray or distrust her.” “We’ve been through so much together.” (“We’re in the same boat anyway, we might as well stay together.”) I won’t fail you. Nobody in this scene has actually made the Ghost Valley connection, yet, and Cao Weining is not as canny as Zhou Zishu, so we’re not yet going to get any kind of resolution on the issue in this relationship - but given the way these relationships are running on parallel tracks, I have positive feelings about how Cao Weining is going to meet this challenge (not that I didn’t, anyway) once the info finally does come out.

What else, what else? We do go back to Xie Wang and Awful Yifu in this ep, and oh boy.

Xie’er: Ghost Valley Master’s faithful minion Heartless Amethyst Fiend has been sent by her master to sneakily follow Cao Weining and infiltrate the Gentle Wind Sword Sect where the Glazed Armor is being held.

A-Xiang, chillin’ outside the gated community in a rustic cabin with her fiancé, doing some mending and waiting for her wedding day: Never speak of my former master again, I have utterly left that life behind me. Also, what should we have for dinner?

I can see how you would come to the conclusion you did, Xie’er, but wow, the only time you’ve been more wrong in your life is about your Awful Yifu. Speaking of which, it appears the cat Awful Yifu is out of the bag. Xie Wang is still all, “Since you saved me, you can take my life back if you want,” and here we are in Zhou Zishu-Prince Jin territory again, shades of ZZS in Ep 1 not even blinking as he offers himself to Prince Jin and takes the gamble that he won’t just get his head cut off for his troubles. ALSO, I distinctly remember telling you, Xie’er, that you were empathizing (although not sympathizing) a bit much with the women of the Department of the Unfaithful, and here we do in fact get an explicit comparison, looking back to the conversation with Beauty Ghost about her loser boyfriend, when you refer to yourself as “also a gambler” as you take your leave of Zhao JIng. You need some Water of Lethe, buddy. Or do you think – to return to that conversation and the parallels with Beauty Ghost – that if you remember all this, you’ll stop making the same mistakes?

A last few random things:

lol, let’s all take a minute to giggle over the fact that ZZS has, in Ye Baiyi’s words, associated with this dude. Is that what the kids are calling it these days? Sorry, but I had to pause the show at that point to snicker like a 12-year-old.

Chengling: “How dare those ruffians beat my two dads! Let’s burn down their house.” Wow. OK. Xiang-jie has been … some kind of influence on her didi.

Last scene of ZZS and WKX, oh my god:

ZZS: You’re feeling bad for keeping a secret from a kid? What about me? How are you going to make it up to me?

WKX: Oh, my goodness, look at the time. I’m feeling so … sleepy. Yes, that’s it. I must go to bed. You also must be so … sleepy. You should. You know. Go to bed. Too. Also. To cure your … sleepiness. As you do, in a bed. Where I will also be.

Me, to the screen: He’s going to make it up to you on his back.

Also me: :facepalm: You are a pair of merciless killers. How are you this adorable?

[arvinsescape]

Can you do one where Tom comforts reader when she’s upset after y/n has to go pick things up from her ex and they get in a huge fight like they always use to. 🥺

A/N: So happy you sent one in! I love this idea, I really hope you enjoy reading this as much as I did writing it 💕

Warnings: Swearing. Mentions of a shitty relationship.

Tom hated seeing you upset, it was something that felt so out of place to him. You were always the person to light up a room, never taking anything too seriously, you were the best person to lift someone's mood, the happy go lucky attitude wore off on others. So to see you upset? Tom hated it.

"I'm sorry it didn't work out." Tom said, your head was currently stuffed into his chest as he ran his hands on your back comfortingly, chin resting on your head.

He knew it was harsh but it was a complete lie, he hated the man you'd spent the last year and a half with. He was so negative, he found an issue with absolutely everything in your life and Tom had almost punched him last week at your birthday party.

"Y/N, I want to go." Justin said as he found you. He'd been moping at a table all night, showing no interest in your birthday what so ever.

"Really? It's only ten." You pouted and Tom wished the guy would piss off, he was clearly putting a dampener on your evening and Tom wondered if it was on purpose.

"Yeah, no offence but I'm a little bored." Justin shrugged.

"Oh," you replied, clearly deflated. "I haven't seen Tom for a while, I was hoping to stop out with him, celebrate my birthday like we used to. He couldn't make it last year." You said. Tom had come back from filming last month and was taking some time off, he felt so guilty about missing your birthday last year that he made a massive effort to clear his schedule so he could be here this year.

"So? You're taking a break aren't you? You can see her tomorrow, tell her." Justin directed his attention towards Tom.

"Mate, it's her birthday. I think she can go home when she wants to." Tom fired back, challenging look in his eye. Justin and Tom weren't fond of one another, everyone knew that.

"I think she should come home with me, I am her boyfriend after all." Justin snapped back, Tom felt angry, he didn't deserve you. You deserved someone who could make you happy and Justin never seemed to want to do this.

"I'll see you at home?" You said with a sad smile and Justin huffed as he made his way towards the exit.

"Whatever, don't be home late and please don't be fucking pissed out of your head." Justin snapped, Tom wanted to follow him and punch him for being such a dick.

You'd broken up with him a few days after, showing up on Tom's doorstep.

"I don't even know why I'm crying. He was such a dick all the time. He's demanding I go pick my stuff up. Today." You sniffled and Tom nodded.

"Want me to come with?" Tom asked and you sighed.

"We'll only fight, I know we will and I don't want you to feel awkward." You said, he adored this about you, if you thought it was going to affect someone's mood you tried not to involve them.

"I don't care darling. I'll come with you." Tom said comfortingly. He'd been in love with you for a very long time, since you were teenagers, you were his first love and however hard he tried he could never get over you, he'd do anything for you.

"You really don't have to, this isn't your problem." You said as you put your shoes on, Tom following suit.

"You're my best friend, of course it's my problem too." Tom spoke and you smiled.

**

Here you were outside yours and Justin's old flat. You'd managed to get most of your things into Tom's car without much hassle, that was until you were ready to leave.

"So that's it. A year and a half, done?" Justin snapped.

"Yeah, I guess it is." You shrugged.

"You don't seem overly bothered, moved on already?" Justin gestured towards Tom and you felt your anger boil over. It was strange for Tom to see you so angry, something he wasn't used to after only having witnessed it a handful of times.

"How dare you," you snapped. "Tom is my best friend and he has nothing to do with any of this. I left you because you are an angry arsehole who wants nothing more than to drag everybody down with him. You're not happy? You sure as hell make sure no one else is." You shouted.

"Bullshit. This is all so you can run off with lover boy over there." Justin shouted back and you laughed sarcastically.

"This again? You are ridiculous. Don't blame Tom because you can't make me or anyone else happy. That's on you, not him. He knows how to make me laugh, maybe if you spent less time being so jealous and more time getting to know my best friend, you'd also know how to make me smile every once in a while." You were shouting at each other now and Tom noticed as a couple of neighbours stopped what they were doing to watch the interaction.

"Y/N, come on. We should go." Tom said as he gently grasped your hand.

"Fucking hell. You know what? Have her. I don't give a fuck." Justin snapped as he slammed the door. You couldn't help the anger that was coursing through your veins as you stomped over to Tom's car, getting in and slamming the door shut, Tom winced at the action.

"I hate him. I hate him so much!" You shouted into the small space of the car as Tom climbed into the drivers seat. "He's such a fucking arsehole, he's obsessed, thinks you're in love with me." You said and Tom almost laughed as he thought about how true it was.

"He was just trying to get a reaction out of you, ignore him." Tom said comfortingly.

"Every time we'd fight like that he'd always do this. It used to piss me off when he brought up the fact that I told him I was in love with you a few years ago." You said in your anger, eyes suddenly widening as Tom almost missed the red light, the car jolting as you stopped suddenly.

"What?" Tom asked, completely in disbelief. You'd been in love with him?

"Shit, Tom. Please forget I ever said anything. It was years ago." You said and Tom felt like he couldn't string a sentence together, the honking of a horn bringing him back to reality as he looked up at the green light.

The drive back had become somewhat awkward, Tom parked back up and you sat there in silence.

"Tom it was a long time ago." You said, voice small.

"Do you still have feelings for me?" Tom asked, he couldn't help himself, he had to know that he had a chance with you, not now obviously but when you'd gotten over Justin.

"I don't- Tom, does it matter?" You said, voice still quiet.

"Yes. To me it does, yeah." Tom said almost frantically and you looked at him for the first time, eyebrows furrowed. His expression was completely readable to you, like an open book. He was almost begging to hear you say you were, but why?

"Tell me why it matters?" You asked, face softening.

"It just does okay? But I need to hear you say it before I say anything to you." Tom's heart was pounding in his chest.

"I do." You whispered. "I'll always have feelings for you Tom, I can't help it." You sighed, Tom's heart lifted as you spoke.

"I do too. Have feelings for you." Tom spoke as he cupped your cheek. "In time, I'm gonna take you on a date, show you just how well you deserved to be loved. Fuck Y/N, you have no idea how long I've waited to hear you say that."

[sokayisaidiot]

One thing for another

“You and me dream. One last duel. Just like in the first war.” The air was so thick, you would have been able to cut it with a knife. Or a sword, with everyone carrying it around. Tommy, seeing it as the last resort again, burning passion in his eyes, was ready, this was it, he was either falling or standing. He grew in the Times. Fundy and Tubbo inhaled sharply. George, Sapnap, eret and punz turned wide eyed to him. They were there when it happened the first time. They were there, when Tommy and Dream had their first duel. The other ones who just heard of this story, whispered. Philza and Technoblade looked from Tommy to Dream. While Phil had a slight nervous look, Techno remained calm. After all, he respected Tommy by now. Even if he was a fool.

“And the conditions?” “Easy, if I win, I get the disc, full freedom to every land in the dream smp and you will repay for your crimes. If you win, I’m dead and everybody else has to deal with you and your shit.” The silence from the stunned audience was something Tommy stopped caring about. He figured nobody was on his side. Might as well, ignore them for that. “Alright, deal.” It was shaken upon. Two death grips and a promise. Both knew the destination of the duel. The ones to saw the first one too. The rest followed them. The footsteps on the broken ground and sounds of mobs all around them filling the silence and nervousness.

The pathway, Tommy’s place, where he died a second time was a not so rather nice place. But it was more filled. More People. Nobody looked Tommy in the eyes. And why should they? Tommy was the loud annoying child, that was selfish and made dumb decisions. Fundy walked up to Tommy. Nothing no was said and Tommy was suddenly in a tight hug. A silent, good luck came from the other as he passed on the bow. Strangely and funny enough, it was the same bow from the first duel. He cracked a smile. “So were doin it again, hm?” “Ghostbur come over.” Dream said, fully ignoring Tommy. Ghostbur slowly made his way over to them. “Would you do us the honor and count for us again?” Ghostbur looked nervous. He didn’t liked the feeling that was creeping on him. “Tommy will die when he loses this battle... won’t he?”, he brought out, the air getting more and more tense. “Yeah, he will.”, the masked man replied.

“Don’t worry Wil- Ghostbur, I won’t let you down.” Tommy’s smile was big, his shoulder pretty relaxed, though he was just hiding how tense he was. Pokerface, the A+ weapon for a fight. Techno smiled. The child might be dumb and risky, but not stupid enough to forget how to an honorary warrior. Phil, next to him smiled too. Relaxing more from the tension. Even if his last son is in danger and probably getting killed. “Alright then, Tommy. Don’t forget, do whatever-“ “your heart tells me to do. I won’t ever forget it, trust me.” One last warm smile, to Wilbur, to the people he fought alongside with, a snarky smile and tongue out to Phil and Techno and atleast Tubbo, whom he gave a thumbs up and a mouthed ‘you’re clingy’. Then he exes the bottle of poison, immediately feeling the pain washing over his body. Ghostbur wanted to come and help him bear the pain, but Dream put his Arm in between and looked at wilbur stern. The ghost walked up to the position of his earlier spot. The uncomfortable feeling of lost, sad, dark and angry memories returning. The sadness of seeing his brother die by his countdown.

The poison stopped working, leaving Tommy to stand up wanking, rubbing his burning eyes, the dying throat screaming for milk or water. The others looked at the young soldier. Who were they, to let him become him one. But it was all fastly forgotten, when Tommy spit on the ground, cursing. Turning back to back to Dream left the air thick again. It all led up to this moment. All the pain, loneliness and problems he has been through. “1” It began rather slowly, or Tommy thought so atleast. His life was on the line and he has just noticed. He could die here. There was still time to stop it. He still could scream stop, surrender, give it all up and never looked at his family, friends, allies, Tubbo again- Tubbo. It was always him and Tubbo against the world. It started with them. The easier days. The fun chaos...

Tommy took a deep breath, and suddenly, 10 seconds were over. He turned around, made his bow ready and fired. It was silent. The other arrow, hit him. It stung. But... the pain. It just left a scratch. The arrow scratched him on the side. It hit him, but just his side. Dream on the other hand. He puffed in air. He was killed. Tommy did it. He won... he did it! He WON! He let out an shaky breath when fundy and quackity let out an yell of yes. When the two of them run over to him and closed him in a hug. When his allies suddenly let out victorious screams. They won, they actually did it! Phil not seen by the others than just Techno let out an breath of relief. Techno had a tini tiny smile on his face. He just shared his head. Who knew the kid was just a lucky born star. The sun started rising and L’Manburg cheered on that. They won, and nobody died-

“P-punz? W-what are you doing?!”, everybody turned around by the source of this shaky voice. Revealing Punz with Tubbo under his sword. Tommy’s eyes were widen. They were so close. What? “Punz, what are you doing?” “Punz?” “What the hell, Punz?!” They shouldn’t be so surprised.

Tommy could have smacked himself with the axe of peace. He was such an idiot.unz was the traitor. Next to him Awesomedude, who looked uncomfortable. He defiantly didn’t liked the situation either, but why, what happened? Suddenly, Dream appeared in front of him. Him and his stupid admin power. “Well Tommy, you and your stupid fatal flaw... what was it again? Loyalty?” He started. Tommy walked up to him, but stopped when he saw that this just brought Tubbo in further trouble and danger.

“Dream, what the hell are you doing? This wasn’t a part of the deal we made!” Everybody turned to saw Techno and Phil looking rather du, founded. “What the fuck dream? We lost a battle fair and square! They won? What the fuck are you doing?”, Philza, this time spoke up. “Well, I dont like losing, right Tommy? You can’t agree more with me. So I want to make a deal with you. Tommyinnit.” The silence that was there before was nothing compared to now. Tommy looked from everyone else to Tubbo and then to Dream. “What is it for a deal?”, slowly picking out the words, not wanting to do one thing wrong to bring everyone in danger.

“You for tubbo. You come with me, and I will let Lmanburg, el something, the badlands and everyone else have their full on freedom. And Tubbo here will also be free. You just have to come with me. You for the rest of them. And when you don’t want to, I will just end Tubbos last life here and now.” A chorus of no’s and pleads against it was heard. But not for Tommy. His ears started to beep and drown all the other sounds out. He has to sacrifice himself? After everything and he has still to suffer? For people who don’t respect him, who didn’t help him, who left him... for a friend who left him To die... for Tubbo... the best friend he could have ever asked for...

Tommy looked around. In all the faces he was getting to see, all reflecting memories. Good and bad. His eyes wandered to Tubbo who’s face practically screamed part: ‘Tommy, don’t do it!’ And ‘Tommy, help me...’. He saw those eyes once. On Schlatt festival. The time he wasn’t able to safe Tubbo. After everything he has done for him. He smiled at everyone. Letting each weapon fall with a clirr or a loud bong. They looked at him as if just died. Maybe he just died and is just hallucinating. That would been fun. But when he touched his Armour straps to undo them, he knew this was real and suddenly he could hear everyone again.

“Dream, you can’t do this!” “You’ve lost Dream! Fair and square!” “Please Dream!” “Tommy! Don’t do this!” “Tommy!” “Sam, Punz how could you do this!” “You traitors!” He could hear everyone and everything. Nikis crying, Eret’s yelling, Ponk’s whispers, tubbos silent cries. As he undid everything George came over, in help of Sapnap, who’s silent regret is written all over his face. Heavy cuffs connected Tommy’s wrist behind his back.

“Tommyinnit, your hereby arrested for vandalism, murder, stealing, fleeing exile, minor terrorism and many other accords. You will be taken in prison and taken to justice.” “WHAT KIND OF JUSTICE WILL YOU DO RIGHT TO THIS KID?!”, the scream of Fundy, yelling against Dream, anger repeating in the sounds.

Tommy got escorted but Techno stepped in front of the group and Phil behind them, the other taking fighting positions or helping tubbo. “I’m sorry Dream but I have to interrupt. You have to know, Phil and me are people who have honor. So we would appreciate if you let Tommy go and just vanish. Phil and I will do the same.”, the rather monotone Voice had a hint of challenging as he snarled at the masked man and his companions, who had Tommy in his shackles. “Oh Techno, you should know how much of a danger Tommy is to us all. He always starts fight and unnecessary stuff, and we’re the ones who have to take care of it! Tommy is way too much of an danger to run around freely. After all, didn’t some of you knew him earlier?” That was right. All the people who lived in the server named SMPEarth knew Tommy from before. And yes, they knew his chaos like demeanor.

“This soll doesn’t give you right to inprison him!”, Jack Manifold, to everyone’s surprise, spoke up. Even Tommy looked to Jack with bigger eyes than before. “Dream, you have no right to do this.”, Phil spoke up but Dream just tsks. “Phil, why of all people are you talking up for tommy? You aren’t even his father! His father would have helped his son! Not leave him alone on an island to die with the former shell of a brother! Actually, nobody here has a right to speak for him! So if you could all move along, thank you!”

And with that, the group, with Tommy, made their way to Tommy’s doom. The boy who is cursed to never be happy...

[futurewriter2000]

Heartless - pt. 8

A/N: This is turning out so good. 

XX

“Finally.” you breathed out, closing the door behind you as you threw your heels off your feet and felt the softness of the rug beneath you. 

You were leaning on the door, quietly, just trying to wrap your head around Sirius, around Marcus, around your family, around your back that continued to scorch your whole spine after the fall. It was killing you- you barely even walked in your heels when you were with Marcus but now it was over. This night can finally be over. 

“I’m home!” you shouted at the living room but it was empty... empty and quiet. “Hello?” you walked into the kitchen, looked through the window on the balcony and left upstairs. You checked your parent’s bedroom but nobody was there. “Where is everybody?” you asked yourself and left to James’ room, knocking on the door and opening it slightly. “James?” 

You stopped when you saw him sitting next to Sirius, who was holding an ice pack on his eye, getting more blue and purple by the minute.

“What the hell?” you asked, taking a few more steps in. 

Sirius looked at you with an empty look in his eyes; guilty? Remorseful? Sorry?

James was glaring at you, only you with resentment, with hate, with rage and with anything that would make him explode at you... and that made you scared. 

It didn’t take you to put two and two together.

“You told him?” you looked at Sirius with disbelief, feeling shame and anger mix together in you. 

“Of course, he told me!” James exploded, storming his way to you and stopping an inch away. “WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING?!!”

“WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING?! HE KISSED ME!!”

“YOU’RE SMARTER THAN THAT! YOU KNEW THAT IF DAD AND MUM FOUND OUT THEY WOULD KICK HIM OUT!”

“THEY WOULDN’T FIND OUT! YOU WOULDN’T LET IT! I WOULDN’T!”

“THEY COULD! HE CAME UP TO ME WITH BLOODY HANDS! BLOODY KNUCKLES! WHAT DO THEY THINK IT WAS?! Oh, sure. Sirius just punched a bloody tree because you broke his heart-”

“Hey-” Sirius stood up but James turned sharply to him and pointed his finger at him.

“You shut up, you bloody traitor! She’s my sister! MY SISTER! MY TWIN SISTER and YOU  couldn’t keep it in your pants!” 

“It was not like that!” Sirius shouted back, whether that as from anger or guilt. 

“You both fucking betrayed me-”

“Fuck you, James! If anyone here betrayed me, it was you!” you pushed your finger at him, once, twice, maybe a few more. “Constantly over the years! So what if I snogged your best friend!? What are you gonna do? Punch me too? Give me a blue eye?”

“I wish I could but you know I would never!”

“Can’t share your best friend, James? Huh? It’s not like I had to share you and my whole family and friends with him because of you?!”

“And I had to share my whole bloody life with you! I just wanted something mine! My life is mine! My best friend is mine! Sirius is mine and not your friend! I had to share Marcus and Nina and all of our childhood friends with you! I had to share my room, my toys, my food, everywhere we went as kids, you had to be there! It was annoying! When I met Sirius! He was mine! Remus and Peter are my friends! They are in my life and you don’t get to have that, (y/n)! I want at least a little bit of life that is mine and not ours! Is that so much to ask without you having to be jealous of it!”

“JEALOUS!?!” you scoffed. “Do you know how selfish you sound, right now?! They weren’t your friends, Marcus and Nina and the others! They were our friends! We met them together! We were friends together! And I’m sorry that I was sorted in your house! I’m sorry I was born one bloody second after you! I am sorry that all my bloody life I HAD TO SHARE MY LIFE WITH YOU TOO BUT THE DIFFERENCE IS JAMES THAT I LOVED SHARING MY LIFE WITH YOU!” your voice started to get raspy and loud by every word you spoke, tears filling your eyes. “You’re my fucking brother, James! Siblings are supposed to be there for each other but you left the moment you met that asshole and you pretended like I didn’t even exist- and the moment- THE MOMENT I MET LILY YOU HAD TO TAKE HER AWAY FROM ME! SO DON’T TELL ME YOU WANTED A LITTLE BIT OF LIFE THAT’S YOURS WHEN YOU TOOK MINE!” tears started to pour from your eyes as sobs escaped your mouth. You turned around because you didn’t want to face him after saying that, not when you looked such a mess and Merlin! The pain was so high in your lower back that you wanted to lay down but how could you lay down after such a heated argument.

“No. You don’t get to cry because of that. You risked Sirius with that- now I get Sirius to do this but you? You, (y/n)? I thought you were smarter than that.”

“I am smarter, you fucking twat.” you turned around, glaring at him. “I took care of your drunk arse when you came home last night! I cover for you, every single time meanwhile you don’t give me a single think in return. Because let’s be honest here, James. If it wasn’t Sirius, you’d snitch on me the moment mom and dad would come home!”

“No, I wouldn’t.”

“Yes, you would!” you pointed your finger at him. “That’s why I don’t tell you stuff. That’s why I don’t trust you at all. That’s why none of you knew about me! I was like a ghost here! I was depressed for a year! A year of dark thoughts! A year of just wanting to end my life- you all didn’t even care to see! I slept throughout the day and you called me lazy! I ate too much and you all started insulting my weight. I didn’t eat at all and you didn’t even see. I cried every bloody night for a year because I hated my life and YOU WEREN’T THERE! YOU WEREN’T THERE JAMES BECAUSE YOU WERE TOO SELFISH BEING YOU!” you shouted again. “You didn’t help me when I needed you. When I asked you to help me with my grades that were dropping, you blew me off. When I asked you to help me- you didn’t even listen. You didn’t even give me the chance and then I stopped asking you! But Marcus was there-” you now looked at Sirius, glaring at him. “That summer Marcus noticed! He was the only one who noticed and to me he wasn’t just some guy! He was the person who saved me from myself! And he wasn’t some guy! He put an effort into writing me every week to check up on me and he made me happy-” you looked back at James, who was watching you with a questionable look.

“You weren’t depressed. I would notice.”

“Well, you didn’t. Just like you never do.” you let out a laugh. “You know, it was funny to me when Sirius fucking noticed that I was taking more pills than I should. He even noticed that I was getting to my bad habits of taking pills to numb not only my back pains but to sleep through the days because I didn’t want to live them- and then Marcus finally came to England and I was happy. I was so happy because he just knew and he took care of me when nobody else could.”

“You’re not a kid, (y/n)...” he tried to find more excuses but it all came out weaker and quieter. 

“I was a kid.” you said, putting your hand into your purse and pulling out a pack of pills, throwing them at James and letting them spill on the floor. “I was a kid who ate those to fall asleep faster and harder but you didn’t notice. You didn’t know. Nobody knew. Nobody knew what was going on with me. You knew about Sirius though. You knew what was bugging him and Remus and Peter and half of the Quidditch team but you never bothered to to check on me.”

“You looked well! I never worried about you because I know you’re strong!”

“WELL, I WASN’T JAMES! Some days I just wasn’t strong! Some days I just wanted to die!

“Then why didn’t you tell me!”

“BECAUSE YOU AVOIDED ME! For your life that I was “stealing” away from you! The one that we had to share!”

“That isn’t fair.”

“No. It really isn’t, James. I listened to you whine all the time and I’m sick of it.” you felt another stabbing pain in your lower back, up your spine and to your head until you felt your head spin. “FUCK!” you let out a groan, holding to your hips. 

“What’s wrong?” Sirius and James both tried to walk to you but you managed to keep yourself up and sober.

“Nothing.” you hissed at them. “Leave me alone- I’m going to Nina’s for tonight.” you said and left the room. You made your way to the bathroom, grabbed two of your dad’s painkillers and threw them into your mouth. 

With that taken, you took a few more just in case and made your way out of the house. 

You weren’t sad anymore. You weren’t angry either. You were just a storm of so many emotions in one small body. You forgot your jacket, you were in crocks with no socks and no purse- you were just storming away into the unknown. Not to Nina’s because Nina was in Cuba with her family, but you couldn’t go to Marcus either because of tonight, so instead you just walked with extreme back pain and cold wind on blowing against you. 

“Hey, there pretty lady!” you heard someone behind you but you only started to walk faster.

Great. One more thing you needed was catcallers and men out on the pull. 

“Oh, where are you going so angry so fast.” he ran to you but you sneaked away from him.

“Leave me alone.” you grumbled, your lips trembling from the cold. 

“Ah- come on.” one pulled you by the arm, meanwhile his friend appeared next to him. But as he did pull you, you only slapped his cheek, hard.

“I said leave me alone, you freaks!” you shouted, shoving him away and trying to wriggle your wrist out of his hold. 

“Oh, she’s a feisty one, John.” his friend smiled behind him. 

“We like them feisty, don’t we Will?” the other, John, said pulling you closer to him, where you could smell his reeking breath. 

“If you don’t let me go now, you will regret it.” you seethed, taking a hold of your wand and gripping it tight around its core. 

The two men laughed hard and you could feel the man’s grip tighten around you but when you did, you immediately pulled out your wand and stupefied him- both of them until they were passed out on the ground. 

Blowing out a strand of your hair that fell, you walked towards them and looked down on their pathetic passed out faces. “Only weak men pray on women.” you kicked one of them with your crock and made your way to where you were going. 

By now, you already knew where to go. You would just make a round down the field until you would come back to the nets your dad hung a few days ago. You’d maybe sleep there for the night- not sleep. Just be there and think in peace, without anybody knowing or disturbing you. It would be just you and the sky and the tree. Maybe a few mosquitos to give you company. 

Your back sent you another jolt of pain, up your spine to your head. You had to stop at the edge of the woods, holding yourself against the tree trunk. You grabbed the bottle of pills and tried to pull it out but jolt after jolt it kept entering your head, making the night go darker and blurrier. The next thing you knew, your hand slipped from the trunk and you were on the ground, falling, tumbling amongst the trees and the branches. One scratched your face, thorns dug deep into your stomach. You tried to stop but everything hurt and you couldn’t stop tumbling down. Lights, stars, trees and the last thing you saw was the tree trunk you were approaching with extreme force. 

“No, no, no, no, no.” you dug your nails into the dirt, trying to stop yourself from colliding, pulling out the grass by its roots but it didn’t help because the next thing you knew was a strog force to your chest and then... it was dark.