#i live in autistic hell
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When can I relax? During morning? No ❌
During evening? No ❌
When it's finally peace and quiet at like inbetween of 2 and 5 AM? Bingo! ✓✓✓
#I'm suffering#actual autistic#actual autism struggles#also#i live in autistic hell#there is more noise here than during a plane takeoff#i swear to satan#get me outta here#get me outttt
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a moment of silence for all us disabled ones who had to watch each of their friends move on with their lives without you and get jobs, go to school, have partners come and go, get engaged and move house etc.
shout out to my fellow struggling people who are still sitting in the same bedroom they grew up in. the ones who can't get a job, can't make new friends, can't find a partner or partners, can't move house and can't go to school.
I hope one day we can all find someone to at least sit with us in our rooms. I see you and I understand... and I'm sorry we can't be that person for each other
#hell o void#hell o hadal#disabled#disability#invisible disability#nuerodivergent#nuerodiversity#mental health#agoraphobia#depression#anxiety#chronic pain#chronic fatigue#autistic#autism#i know this applies to more people but i am too tired to think of more tags and i really need to stop posting and do other things#but this is something i struggle with constantly and cant get over so#about#it hurts even more knowing that my friends who have done this are also disabled#like.... what do you mean they can overcome their disabilities and have lives why the fuck cant i do that
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*Trying to look for quick and easy recipes on BBC Good Food especially soups*
*Every single recipe including unclear instructions, secret prep, incredibly long prep or completely alien language of cookery*
Me, a severely ADHD autistic with major cookery sensory issues, dyscalculia, and rapidly worsening intrusive thoughts about poisoning myself or others accidentally:
#I just wanna eat#I gotta start making soups because then I can eat so many vegetables#I can’t live on potatoes and boiled broccoli#especially because there’s no freezer space#cooking is my hell#actually adhd#actually autistic#deaf#queer#tw food
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are you okay? horse figures are important, but so are you!
Horse is how I cope but thanks<33
#short story: i'm too autistic to function and don't know when to quit#and i've been very very angry and anxious and frustrated for the last? 3 weeks??#and basically i just told someone to turn off their music in the least diplomatic way possible and almost got choked out for it#it's extremely embarrassing because it was a bunch of high schoolers and i'm an adult like#i'm not supposed to let my anger out at kids. even if they're being extremely annoying at midnight. and i have an exam tomorrow.#but also they shouldn't have threatened me or grabbed me or tried to smash my phone so like#one of them grabbed my neck and without thinking i grabbed their neck too and i have no idea how it didn't escalate to an actual fight#idk man#i hate living at a dorm with such a wide age range#why the hell do they force 30-somethings to share dorms with 15-year-olds#i actually had a nightmare last night that someone was listing all my autistic/adhd traits as reasons to hate me so that was fun
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Aromantic Jon who doesn't know they're aro who treats romantic relationships like yet another chore they have to do now that they're an adult. They're in their twenties now. They've put it off for long enough but they're going to have to do it eventually, it's just what adults do. They sort of approach every relationship like an obligation they're checking off of their to-do list. People keep breaking up with them for it. They used to think everyone else also felt like being in a romantic relationship was a huge burden, but after a few comments landed weird they now suspect it's just yet another short-coming of theirs (they've never been good at understanding other people anyways).
They don't think about it for most of the plot of the podcast, due to the. Everything. Until maybe around S4. But by that point they've basically decided that that doesn't matter any more. Too much time, effort, and risk for anyone not already involved (and no one who IS involved is an option). It's a massive weight off their shoulders. They draw no larger conclusions from this.
#aro jon#obligatory do not tag this with martin or j//mart please and thank you#tbh one of the reasons i 'just wasn't interested in dating right now'#was that 'i barely have enough energy for my friends let alone an actual PARTNER'#'would i have to text them a lot? see them multiple times a week??'#i remember eating dinner with my extended family about a year or so back#and my cousin was w/ his gf (and maybe her family as well?) instead (he was visiting her like every day)#and someone (i think it was my uncle?) told me that it was normal for people who were in love to want to spend all their time together#which i thought was fucking. Weird As Hell. who has the time?? the energy???? to hang out with the SAME PERSON every day??????#when my family pointed out that my parents see each other all the time i was like#'yeah. they live together. they'd have to go out of their way to avoid that'#and i was so fucking confused. because i sort of thought that the USUAL romantic relationship thing was#you go out with them like once a week#and maybe you stay over at their place occasionally#and then you move in#this was around the time when i was questioning if i was aro. no i did not realize then and there that the answer was YES#fuck it. maintagging this. aro jon rights!!#jonathan sims#jon sims#tma#the magnus archives#also implied autistic jon. that man is so auDHD to me#no i'm not projecting. shut up.
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Gyakuten Saiban 4 Anthology Comic - 1 (Fan Translation)
Thank you very very much to @turnaboutarchives for the raws.
(Usual disclaimer: I am not fluent JP speaker so I might have made some mistakes, I Apollogize)
#translfiations#ace attorney#Apollo justice#I am at roach land right now I am so sorry for the lack of image ID I will add one when I have the time to#Typesetting is hell and I’m not very good at it#Apollo justice saying ‘air gitaur time’ verbatim (in katakana) lives in my head rent free I love his autistic swag
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It feels like every day I read attempts to debunk the social model of disability that fundamentally misunderstand what the social model of disability is and who the people who developed that model were, including what the nature of their disabilities was, and I want to scream.
But I don't, because yelling at people on the internet is basically pointless. Instead I check to see that I'm not mutuals with whoever reblogged said misunderstanding and vague about it.
#'but [x impairment] would still exist and have [y implications] even if the world were completely accessible!'#okay well yeah but equating impairment and disability is explicitly the opposite of the social model of disability#the union of the *physically impaired* against segregation who developed this model#*were* by and large privileged in ways many other disabled people are not‚ yes#mike oliver who wrote the fucking book on the social model of disability#(social work with disabled people‚ published in 1983)#was a white man with a phd who pioneered an academic field‚ for one#and there *are* criticisms about the limitations to a purely social model of disability to be made#but like... our pal mike oliver was also a wheelchair user who broke his neck in a swimming accident as a teenager#which caused paralysis that affected his upper and lower body#not a clueless 'physically abled' autistic who didn't understand how physical limitations work#he lived the first 17 years of his life as a physically abled person#so I think he was aware of the difference between what his body could do before and after his accident#and like 'disability is socially constructed'#is not saying that differences between people and what they are able to do or do easily do not exist??#my eyesight is so bad that if I could not access corrective lenses I would be functionally blind#and even with glasses my myopia and astigmatism cause a lot of tangible effects on my body#e.g. migraines‚ eyestrain‚ so many floaters that even looking through pristine glasses is like the lenses are scratched to hell#but my eyesight is not considered a disability#because the accommodations that enable me to participate in society fully in this area are so standard as to be invisible#can I magically see without corrective lenses? no#does wearing glasses not being considered a disability mean that I do not get migraines and eyestrain? no#so the arguments the thing I am vaguing are trying to debunk are not what is being argued!#well seems like I screamed about it after all#oh well
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anyways i reiterate: the discourse my brother would cause would smash this site in pieces
#i have lived ‘’erm hes autistic? so he can be as shitty as he wants? and youre the REAL ableist?’’ too many times irl for it to work on me#online#echoed voice#sometimes its like ‘’yeah you are being unfair to this disabled person’’#and hell that person does need help if they fly off the handle THAT easily online and this isnt a good environment for them#but sooooo often its just people going ‘’um im allowed to treat people like dogshit? and be racist? im autistic?’’
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For the Love of God if I see one more person use the term ND as a synonym for higher-functioning ADHDtism I will take my jaws and rip out the flesh of all the people within an 100 mile radius from me starting with myself
#People looove to exclude Intellectual Genetic and Developmental disabilities in their advocacy#Oh you're such a martyr but suddenly you see somebody with DS or FXS or something else and you cower in fear#Hell this goes for lower functioning/higher needs Autistic ppl too Hell Even Non-verbal or Semi-verbal autistic ppl#You're so quirky then someone who relies on social security to maintain a living comes at you and all of a sudden they're freaks of nature#Or like youll see someone with Cerebral Palsey or Down Syndrome apply for a job and all of a sudden it's “why are you working”#And taking 10 steps backwards in ending infantilization and ableism#“Anti-Ableism” until someone w psychotic OCD comes knocking on your door for genuine help with paranoia and intrusive thoughts#And All Of A Sudden.#Like Girl#The call is coming from inside the house#Sorry I saw a post in disabled tag and got filled to the brim with rage that I started seething and seeing red#it's not the first time Ive ranted abt this and its certainly not going to be the last#And next month in July Just You Wait#I will Not stfu about disability the entirety of Jully#Anyway#How are yall
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MY FRIEND LITERALLY FOUND THE REAL LIFE ADAM FROM HAZBIN HOTEL ON THE PLANE SHE WAS ON
Guys, I was here, okay, then I received a message from my friend, because she arrived from a trip a while ago, she had traveled to Spain with her parents and she was returning home yesterday. So far, so good, I'm very happy because she's coming back, I'll be able to see her because I was missing her and so on, everything's fine, then she sent me an audio message in my group of friends on whatsapp, And the audio was simply the following: she was taking a flight because she had to take a flight from Spain to São Paulo and then return to our state because we are from Espírito Santo in Brazil (Yes, it's the name of our state, Espírito Santo), And on this plane that she was taking from Spain to São Paulo she simply saw a man looking exactly the same to Adam from Hazbin Hotel, looking exactly the same.
Guys, when I heard this I was freaking out, I was literally freaking out 😫, She had literally met the man of my dreams on the plane she was flying home on, man that was so wow. She literally described him to me, she described him perfectly to me and man, everything matched, appearance, even the way the man dressed was exactly the same, and she said that she just didn't take a photo of him for me because he was sitting exactly next to her and it would also be kind of wrong, right, for us to take photos of people we don't know and about that.
But man, I wanted so much to be on that plane, wow, I would lose my shyness right away and start a conversation with him like, I'm an incredibly shy person, like for those who know me outside of social media, but man, I was going to lose all my shyness and I was going to try to make friends with him, I was going to try to start a conversation with him, even maybe get his number, but man, that was something that will never happen again, I hope that someday I see this guy like it could be really impossible but I hope because man, I needed to see it with my eyes, it's impossible for her having found the perfect copy donated just a flight home, like man this is something that happens every one and a billion you know.
Like imagine, you're just coming home from a trip and then you look to the side and you literally see the guy exactly like the character your friend is obsessed with. And then you go and send her an audio describing the whole guy and then, like, everything matches, the entire appearance matches, even the guy's appearance matches, like, you know
At this moment I'm so freaking out, so happy, so excited, also disappointed that I couldn't see the guy with my own eyes, that to write this post I'm practically using a voice recorder together with a translator like i'm talking and the translator is translating post, like dude I'm literally jumping in the middle of my living room while I'm recording this like dude I'm really freaking out, Man I'm even going to put Adam's song Hell is Forever to play here now, because bro that's an incredible thing at least for me that was incredible.
And I'm sorry for the people who are seeing this post now, I could have posted this incredibly out of nowhere, causing such a freak out. But lately I've been kind of missing from here because I'm going through some things, some things run in the family, some things are psychological and also because I finally bought a digital pen so I can draw better and also because recently the news came out that about the Beetlejuice sequence film here in my city and it's kind of coming out on September 6th and I'm going to go to the cinema to watch it and after I watch the film I'm going to do an analysis, a really big analysis and Will POST.
Well to finish this here I just really wanted to tell you about what my friend told me and the bread excited and freaked out I was over it because I really wanted to tell you guys this.
And man, I really hope someday I meet this man, I need to see him with my eyes, I really do it will become one of my life goals now.
#hyperfocus#adam hazbin hotel#adam#adam hazbin hotel fandom#hazbin hotel fandom#vizziepop hazbin hotel#hazbin hotel#hazbin adam#adam my love#hazbin hotel adam#adam of the real life#im freaking the fuck out#im freaking out#actually autistic#im jumping#im jumping in my living room right now#hell is forever#hazbin hotel Vizziepop#vizziepop#hazbin hotel vizziepop#surge of joy and euphoria#VERY VERY EXCITED#I need to know this a man I NEED
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i hate every "environmentalist" ever who's blindly pushed non-plastic disposable cutlery above the needs of disabled people. i am now in a situation where i cannot use disposable cutlery or straws from anywhere local to me because it's a sensory nightmare amongst other literal fucking health reasons like straws dissolving in your drink, and there are other disabled people who will have similar or totally different issues with the cheap, poor, pourous, splintering, easily-breakable, shoddy, unmalleable, dissolving, dangerous, inaccessible materials companies have almost across the board chosen to use to replace plastic disposables.
disabled people have criticised the concepts proposed for non-plastic disposable implements for many years and they have not been listened to at all. if your environmental activism is ableist, i do not want it.
#autistic#actuallyautistic#ableism#where is that chart that shows all the reasons why plastic straws are used above wood and bamboo and metal etc etc#and someone please tell me if there's one that shows the use of bamboo in cultery#i live in executive disfunction hell and now i have to carry dirty unwashed cutlery and straws with me if i want to consume meals while out#gonna scream#nz#environmentalism#activism
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"but dylan wouldnt you have qualified for an aspergers dx years ago?" well no bc im a black woman who was diagnosed w adhd and odd. im autistic. im low support needs autistic. but i am autistic. keep your nazi dx and fuck off from me
#txt#im like... not Fully sure where i fall. a Not Awesome low needs situation for sure i very much resonate w a lot of like#medium support needs autistic ppl and their shared experiences#but i generally mask very well so im not sure if its like the adhd autism combo that makes me feel more burnt out and frayed#but school is hell and work in any area except obsessions is virtually impossible#either way like. i know im fucking autistic#but still low needs nevertheless. idk if work or school + living alone is properly on the cards for me. at least not w/o help#but in terms of a lot of rly pressing areas outside of living circumstances very very much lsn. i dont think im msn. just a burnt out lsn
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55-75 dollars an hour for being a therapist? And all this time I’ve been giving services to adults for free since I was 10.
#I have a feeling that if I went into therapy it would be ridiculously easy for me#(maybe not the emotional side; but the creative interpersonal part)#Hell I could probably be someone’s therapist right now without going to college (not that I’m the healthiest person SJDNDJ)#but do as I say not as I do#But I am SO good at coming up with solutions and talking to people in an authoritative but non-threatening way#I can bond with anyone if you give me enough time to work my magic#and once that happens I develop superhuman levels of being attuned to them#I notice microscopic details in situations… I can just pick up people’s vibes#I’m almost what could be called an “empath” but I’m not because all I do is analyze and interpret data all day long#It’s an obsession and I like doing it#And as a result I have needlepoint precision in how I execute plans and interact with others in a work setting#but oddly enough not in day-to-day life… in day-to-day life I do whatever the hell I want#and usually whatever the hell I want constitutes staying fifty feet away from everyone#What kind of hell do I live in that I am a people person but simultaneously introverted to the point of being asocial?#I guess I like being around people if I’m paid to do it? Because it’s in a controlled setting and I know I can go home at a set time#I am prepared to interact with people at work; if I am not prepared I can do fuck all with people socially#A lady tried to talk to me about where I worked while I was in line at the bakery#She was like “Your tag… you work at [school]?”#And I was like “No I work at [other school]… Autistic students.” Then promptly moved to the back of the line#If I am there to eat; I am there to eat. I am not there to talk. No offense. My brain just isn’t calibrated for speaking at this time
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steaming hot take but there are just some things self diagnosed people just can’t talk over professionally diagnosed people about
#actual sugar post#don’t kill me for this I’m autistic#and I’m not completely anti self dx either#the medical industry is awful and has the power to take away the benefits my diagnosis allowed me to access at any time#and I’m not going to pretend that professional diagnosis is always the most reliable option because there is a lot of ingrained bias#but at a certain point#if you are self diagnosed you have to understand that you and I are different#and you have to be willing to listen to us sometimes#and hell. sometimes you’ll even have to listen to a doctor on the subject#sometimes their input can be valuable when they’re not calling you a fat hysterical bitch and asking you to cough up thousands of dollars#I’m not denying your symptoms and experiences as a self diagnosed person. i don’t know you and im not living your life#but maybe a second opinion from someone who’s been diagnosed is a bit more valuable than you think it is#we’ve had a lot of experiences that you haven’t#besides. You don’t need a label to acknowledge something you’re going through or validate your problems#for example it doesn’t NEED to always be autism if you show a few traits. you can just tell people you show those traits#do whatever makes life easier for you. you don’t need all these labels to have these issues#I’m going to get the worst anons for this I just know it#idk#sugars opinions#self diagnosis#professional diagnosis#autism stuff#autism#actually autistic#neurodivergent#adhd#audhd#actually audhd
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Shout-out to everyone who survived a "fun" easter with the family
#fucking hell#it started with finding out my dad smoked in my car when I picked up my sister#who was equally dreading the day#my mum turns into the world's tensest and judgemental presence. worsened by my aunt#then hell for autistic people (of which there are multiple present)#multiple deaf people means one uninspired conversation that isn't interesting in any way.#combinations of passive aggressiveness and people not saying a thing because they can't participate. voice volumes too damn high#weirdass food situations. Very full table. so many smells.#this goes on for over an hour. wishing for literally anything but being there. soul crushing.#then you still have to sit in that room for 2.5 hours. it just goes on and on.#my autistic deaf dad physically looks like how I feel. my mum and aunt keep piling on top of him to demand his mental presence#i leave the room once (to get my phone to show pictures to my uncle) and am immediately followed upstairs by my mum#who demands I don't leave the room (What's next. following me when I need the toilet?)#me and my sister are so bored we start throwing paper planes and fake fighting.#Which amuses the bored and the deaf#but of course my mum and aunt have opinions and this is not allowed. only soul crushing boredom allowed#they complain to each other over it while aggressively doing dishes#finally it ends because my mum and aunt start insisting my dad should go to bed if he's 'that tired'. *sprinkle on some additional ableism*#still sitting through a conversation about allergies one of my sister's friends has. my mum preaching that people should take that seriously#(meanwhile i had to cook for myself for 9 years because when my allergies were really bad no one bothered to check if i could eat something)#me and my sister go sit upstairs to discover our mum has made things we care about vanish in her room#and made things appear that should not be there#I've washed the interior of my car and hope the smell will go#you think it's over after that. but woke up with the realisation that even more things have disappeared from my sister's room.#i can't remember a time when things left outside of my room didn't disappear#I don't know why we do these family gatherings at all. no one has fun on days like that.#the housing crisis isn't making these things easy. my sister is losing her place to live again as well#she'll go hiking for a month and then work on a campsite over the summer#maybe I'll go house sitting again. idk.#can't make commitments a few months in advance like that because I'll cancel everything the second Sparks announces anything important
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another appearance by asia kate dillon as LOS via the 7th moon girl's lab short, "coding" =']
#LOS in the LES on the LAN (party)#''as the kids say'' they are SO cherished#with the frequent kick up in pitch / tight voice of Excitement like hand to forehead. what a dear & delightful character#thanks to dreams inspiring ''let me just check their imdb again'' like a series of Shorts well i hope that's on youtube (yes)#& here we are :) love to Feature them again like yes recur even more. Why Not b/c they're a) a delight & b) a flexible role lol#they can just Exposit & Do Whatever as exhibited thusly. scan complete some asshole detected#LOS-307#asia kate dillon#our good dear friend the adorable nonbinary autistic repurposed (b/c they felt like it) chess supercomputer guidance counselor bestie#was also <_< abt like hmm released in '24 might not get that Voice On T change but that would rule (not majorly enough to tell imo)#looking up s3 lore yields months old ''Maybe'' & one [idk what if any source] In Production Expected To Air Feb '25#& i'll take the average of that as ''if it's in production; or going to be; yes akd's voice will be audibly lowered'' It Would Be Great#like really a gem to just happen to have a trans VA's voice change present in recordings over a several year range here#but ofc already a gem what a fun role. i was just thinking about what a cute as hell delightful gift they are#and about ''yeah akd can do Intense Standout Even While Quiet Presence but give them more rambunctious playful lively ones too''#glad we Do have some more of those already. more LOS more ''give us another closer passing look at their apparent partner'' more concerts.#they're amped!! as the kids say!!! mmmwah i am kissing them#also why does akd's imdb page not credit them as narrator for one [visible: out on television] episode & featured on another. c'mon
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