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sweet-s0rr0w · 2 years

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I’m back with a follow up to last year’s Valentine's Day reclist, featuring a whole new cast and crew of Drarry writers, artists, reccers, and fans!

Once again, the question was: ‘what one or two fics, or scenes, or quotes, represent peak Drarry romance to you?’ and to make things even harder, no duplicates from last year were allowed. I’m absolutely thrilled yet again with the vast range of fics chosen, many of which I wasn’t familiar with myself, and would urge all of you romantics to check them out!

Featuring answers from academicdisasterfic, babooshkart, bluebutter-art, booktopus, caroll-in, cavendishbutterfly, citrusses, crazybutgood, emmalovesdilemmas, epitomereally, geesenoises, getawayfox, ghaniblue, gryffindorhearts, kbrick, lettersbyelise, makeitp1nk, moonflower-rose, mxlfoydraco, oknowkiss, sleepstxtic, sorrybutblog, wolfpants

Like last time, those fics which did come up more than once are in red, and I let people have more than two, or poly fics, or art if they wanted because I’m still a softie!

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@academicdisasterfic

💗Running on Air by @tinyhistory (T, 75k)

It's easy to lust after someone, to match their face to a missed heartbeat or a sharp intake of breath. It's easy to say, I want them because of the colour of their eyes, the lines of their body. It's something else entirely to say, I want them because of the way they rest their hands on a steering wheel, the way they gaze out a window, the way they say my name.

💗Relic Radiation by @tackytigerfic (M, 1k)

The screen blinked red around the edges, a countdown, and Draco leaned in even closer and said, “I mean literally. I’m on your side of the planet right now. And I’m coming back down soon, remember. I mean, I have to. But I would anyway. Just hold on for me?”

@babooshkart

💗Polar Night/Midnight Sun by toomuchplor (E, 54k)

“You drive me mad, Potter, you –”

It’s mutual, Harry thinks gladly, tearing at Draco’s flies. He feels mad, like an idiot, like a reckless thoughtless – but here’s the mindless joy of Draco’s mouth on his, and Harry falls into it, falls and falls until he forgets he’s falling, and stops wondering if he’ll ever land.

@bluebutter-art

💗Dear Stranger by @iero0 (T, 23k)

“I want you to hold me,” Draco says, and adds, “I want to hold you,” because he doesn’t know which one is truer. It starts like a hug Draco would see between mates. But Potter clings to him and rests his head on Draco’s shoulder. He has never realised that the other man is a few centimetres shorter than him, but Draco can comfortably nestle his face in Potter’s hair, redolent of cedarwood and vanilla, and urge his face closer to his neck until he feels Potter’s nose and his stubble not against his robe but against his skin. These broad shoulders that appear so unyielding melt to Draco’s touch.

(also just every time Harry writes "I hope you had a reason to smile today" in his letters to Draco)

@thebooktopus

💗Glowing by @cavendishbutterfly (T, 9.7k)

“It’s been so good with you,” Draco said. “It’s been easy. I don’t have to think about it around you, I can just be.”

💗Develop, Stop and Fix by @onbeinganangel (E, 15k)

It’s the face that surprises Draco the most, not one he’s ever seen in the mirror. It’s a soft expression, half surprise, half adoration, a small shy smile playing at his lips. Draco might have been in love even then, if that face is anything to go by.

@caroll-in

💗Preserving Lemons by @saintgarbanzo, with art by @ihopeyoubothstaysafefromharm (E, 17k)

Harry takes Draco's hand. "I don't know. I liked the way you cared for me. You showed up and you just wanted what I have to offer. I don't have to be anything else for you."

@cavendishbutterfly

💗the way you make me glow by @softlystarstruck (M, 11k)

“Mate,” Ron says. Harry turns to them, finding their clear blue gaze already on him. “I don’t think anyone could care about Draco better than you do.”

Wrong, Harry signs out of shock, his cheeks flushing with heat. Ron shakes their head emphatically, their glowing halo wobbling in its Suspension charm. “And I don’t think anyone else could care for you the way that Draco does.” Harry drops his hands, at a loss for any words, whether spoken or signed.

💗Quick as a Flash of Lightning, Unhurried as Eternity by onbeinganangel, with art by @babooshkart (E, 10k)

Right in that moment, this is everything Harry has ever wanted. Draco is, in bed, the same he is with Other Harry in every other way. Gentle, full of praise. His hand grabs a hip — firmly, but his thumb never stops rubbing the skin under, he runs his hand through Other Harry’s hair — passionately, but he bends down to press a kiss to his temple as he does.

@citrusses

💗The Four Doors by @fluxweeed (E, 49k)

“I can’t believe we just did that.” Malfoy’s voice was awed.

“I know,” Harry agreed fervently. “I never thought you would actually – It feels like I’ve been wanting it forever.”

At that, Malfoy let out a snort of laughter. “It’s been a few weeks, you said?”

“But I can only remember five and a half months,” Harry countered. “So, percentage-wise, that’s a good chunk.” “Even percentage-wise, it’s still no contest.”

Malfoy’s eyes glittered. “Finally, I’ve beaten you at something.”

💗9 ½ Days by @magpiefngrl (E, 70k)

Draco’s hair flew in the wind. His robes flapped, as green as the young barley. ‘I’ll survive. I know how to do that. I’ll do anything to have more time with you. One day.’

‘I’ll burn the world down if I have to,’ Harry said.

A sad smile. ‘I know you would.’

@crazybutgood

💗A Kind of Dwell and Welcome by @rainbees (T, 22k)

(the whole fic, for poetic writing and great feels and Austen vibes)

@emmalovesdilemmas

💗The Seventh Life by @corvuscrowned (E, 18k)

“I love you,” Harry said quietly. He said it more like a realization than a confession, like he was surprised by it, like he wanted to taste the words. “I love you more than anything else this life could offer.”

Draco believed that Harry believed it. Draco pulled him into a slow, lazy kiss, indulgently long and exploratory and sweet. It wasn’t the fucking he had missed the most — it was these kisses, the way they fit so perfectly together. It was Harry’s arms around him. It was the quiet of the night, and those slow, peaceful breaths, and that heartbeat behind any chest Draco could find it in.

💗Eager for the Sky by oknowkiss (M, 35k)

“We were chopping veg for dinner one day and he told me that when my mum was pregnant my dad would cut her fruit, every day, whatever she wanted. He’d have Sirius running halfway across London — because they were stuck in Godric’s Hollow, you remember I told you — and then whatever Sirius brought, my dad would cut it into little pieces, and he’d arrange it on a plate and bring it to her.”

Potter sighed, finally looking up. “Sirius said it was the only time in my dad’s life he was ever careful,” Potter swallowed thickly. “He wanted her to have all the best parts.”

“Harry—” Draco tried.

“I didn’t ask you if you wanted this,” Potter said, looking away again, pulling Draco forward with the downward cast of his eyes. “I just wanted—I wanted to say—and you’d never had it—I thought—”

“Harry—”

“I’m not saying I’m like, in love with you, or anything,” Potter said, all in a rush, his cheeks gone red.

“Merlin, no,” Draco agreed.

@epitomereally

💗Code Name L by GallaPlacidia (32k, download here)

“Did you know that most figs have dead wasps inside them? Something to do with the wasps pollinating them, crawling inside them, and dying. The fig digests the wasp body, then we eat the figs. I really fucking hate wasps. I really fucking love figs. I don’t think, like, “I love every part of this fig except for the dead wasp.” The dead wasp was, in fact, a necessary part of making the fig. It’s completely part of the fig. And I love the fig completely.”

💗Take the Moon by tackytigerfic (M, 15k)

"Draco.” He slid his hand across the trolley handle so it met Draco’s on the other side, their little fingers nudging on the plastic. “No matter what, no matter where, I want you with me. How did you never notice that?”

and

“Babies should grow up knowing how loved they are,” Harry said, feeling wretched. “That’s the only thing that matters, that they know they’re loved. But with you, I’m greedy. I’m selfish, Draco. I want you to love me back so badly that I can actually feel it in my body. It's like, the way I want you could take me over and I wouldn’t even care. I thought that you must know, that everyone must see it in me. I never imagined that you didn't realise."

@geesenoises

💗A Bottomless Well by @teledild0nix (E, 10k)

"I think I'm feeling it," Draco says foolishly when he's shaken off the distraction of exactly how marvellously pond-coloured Harry's eyes are.

"Me too," Harry leans in and kisses him. It's lovely, and Draco thinks he might live in this kiss, the stove at his back and Harry pressed to his front, cupping one still cold hand to his cheek, the back of his head, whispering cool fingertips against the back of his neck. But Harry draws back, and Draco realises with sudden clarity that there's a well of this contentment, this joy and affection he feels are drawn up from a well inside him with no bottom. However much he draws up, there'll always be more when he wants it.

@getawayfox

💗Make This Leap by @oflights (M, 118k)

💗if you've changed your mind by warmfoothills (E, 20k)

💗Paper Rings by lettersbyelise (E, 50k)

💗Finely Drawn Lines by @the-sinking-ship (E, 42k)

@ghaniblue

💗Licurici by @lou-isfake (Drarry x Charlie, E, 133k)

Harry had fallen asleep between them, as usual, his limbs tangled up in them like roots, his breath soft and warm on Charlie’s skin.

💗Foundations by saras_girl (E, 236k)

Harry doesn’t even mind that Draco always acts like he’s just decided to casually drop in ‘on his way back’ from St Mungo’s every Saturday, even though they both know perfectly well that Grimmauld Place is no more ‘on the way’ to Wiltshire than Edinburgh is on the way to Venezuela.

He knows exactly what it means, incorporating Draco into his outside-of-work routines, and it feels scary and risky and warm and just like it fits. He also thinks he knows better than to push Draco into any sort of overt declaration of intention, and it’s OK, because he’ll be here, Harry knows he will.

💗Away Childish Things by @letteredlettered (T, 154k)

"[...]I loved you—all through it. Do you understand? I loved all of you.”

@gryffindorhearts

💗Salt and Sauce by onbeinganangel (T, 3k)

“That’s you. I think… I hope I got it right,” he says. There is really no way Harry got it right, but Draco flips the lid open and… stares.

@kbrick

💗More Than That by joosetta (E, 11k)

“Do you love me too?” Potter asked.

It dawned on Draco then that Potter might not actually know, that he might have been as lost and confused about the whole thing as Draco had been. Potter who had described how love was just a story with a drawn out ending, who sometimes looked at Draco like he knew exactly what he was thinking. It hadn’t occurred to Draco.

“Of course I do, you enormous prat,” Draco said, feeling his face heat up and his throat tighten. He wasn’t just sad, and he wasn’t just happy, he was in a kind of ecstasy in between that. “I don’t know how you qualify to teach children when you’re so dense.”

@lettersbyelise

💗Stop All The Clocks (This Is the Last Time I'm Leaving Without You) by firethesound (E, 45k)

“Potter,” Draco sighed. He finished spreading jam on the piece of toast and handed it to Harry, then licked a smudge of jam from between his thumb and index finger. “You know, when you love someone you should always cut their toast in triangles.”

Harry frowned at him. “Triangles? But what’s that got to do with…” He trailed off and looked down at the toast in his hand. “You… But you’ve always cut my toast in triangles.” He couldn’t remember a time when Draco hadn’t.

“And I’ve always loved you,” Draco said simply. “You’re it for me, Potter.”

💗A Private Reason For This by @femmequixotic (E, 92k)

“For nearly half a year, they’d fought and fucked and fought again until, in the middle of a night of blindingly intense coupling that’s left Draco shaky and light as a feather, he’d been a complete idiot and whispered those words he’d been thinking into Potter’s ear as he came.”

💗so rest your weary heart with me by bluebutter-art (M, art)

it takes a storytelling master to express the depth of Harry and Draco’s connection without writing a word. The support and solace they find in each other after the war, panel after pitch-perfect panel, will warm your heart and make you fall in love with those two all over again.

@makeitp1nk

💗Our Little Life by tackytigerfic (M, 7.3k)

“Henri,” Malfoy said, and the concerned little crease between his eyes deepened as he looked down at Harry. “Myne owne hertis rote,” Malfoy said quietly, and real-Harry didn’t know how he understood, but he did—and in that one suspended dream moment, he was so glad to be able to understand, and he wanted Malfoy to say it all again, so badly—and he smiled at Malfoy, almost unable to help himself, real-Harry dimly horrified at himself for it but dream-Harry just allowing himself to do it, and enjoying it.

💗knead, then let rise by softlystarstruck (T, 7.2k)

“I’m telling you that I try to make everyone believe I can handle anything.” Turning to face Harry, Draco’s mouth is impossibly close and his sunhat throws Harry’s face into shade, a moment of shared respite. “I’m telling you that no one else has taken me to the sea, and no one else has made me a dark chocolate cake from scratch for my birthday, and I’ve never had someone who wanted to make bread with me before, and–” Draco breaks off, twisting his mouth fitfully but holding Harry’s gaze. “I’m telling you I’m rather delicate, all things considered, and I don’t know what exactly you’re doing to me but it isn’t fair.”

💗Let Me Count The Ways by booktopus (E, 3.6k)

Harry’s love is in his actions.

@moonflower-rose

💗Is This Love? by @phdmama (E, 3.9k)

“Harry’s smile is full with everything he’s feeling, and it’s all right there on his face, but he still sounds tentative as he says, “You make me feel loved.”

“Well,” Draco swallows and his voice cracks on the words he’s never said before.“That’s probably because I love you,” and then Harry kisses him again.”

@mxlfoydraco

💗A Sword Laid Aside by @korlaena (E, 128k)

Draco is floating and high on Harry’s happiness, and he wonders if Harry even notices that with a single expression he so easily and exquisitely destroys Draco. He wonders if Harry can hear the thunderous heartbeat pounding in his chest, heralding Draco’s downfall.

and

Draco had always imagined that it would be some dazzling, sweeping emotion that would overtake him and make him see fireworks when he fell in love, but he’s surprised to find how the feeling is more like a small flame catching the edge of a page and slowly but surely spreading to every corner until there’s no part that hasn’t been enveloped in it.

@oknowkiss

💗heavyweights by warmfoothills (E, 29k)

“What now?” Potter doesn’t look worried, his gaze level as it meets Draco’s, a flash of something odd, too happy and young in his eyes. Draco has no clue. Short term, they should probably get off the rooftop before Draco’s fingers go completely numb. Long term, he should probably start calling Potter by his first name. The idea of it doesn’t really make his stomach twist uncomfortably anymore.

He shrugs, the movement of it made lopsided by the way Potter is pressed so closely against his left side. He doesn’t tell Potter that he might be in love with him, but he thinks maybe Potter gets that something has once again shifted and settled between them, hopefully for the last time. For now it feels ok to just stay here for a bit, Draco’s home spread out below him. Maybe sort of pressed right next to him as well.

@sleepstxtic

💗Contretemps by moonflower-rose (T, 8k)

(This one is so light and funny and such an effortlessly lovely read. I love all the works of this author, and was lucky enough to be able to gift them a fic for Erised myself. This one has to be my favourite fic of theirs, though. Just, such a delight.)

💗Tapestry by kbrick (E, 91k)

(This is a *masterpiece*. I still haven't gotten it together long enough to give this fic the comment it deserves BUT it was such a stunning, unputdownable read and I recommend it as a must-read to everyone.)

💗Game... Set... Malfoy by nanneramma (M, 2k)

(Might be biased because this one was a gift for me but IT'S SO GOOD and I really do feel like it's one of those underrated, hidden gem type fics. It's Draco and Harry playing tennis and it's *hilarious* and so wonderfully written and I just love it so, so much.)

💗Strangeness and Charm by feelsforbreakfast (E, 46k)

(This is an old one but it's AMAZING. I have no words, just one of those ethereal, dreamy classics.)

💗In the Company of Serpents by @corvuscrowned (E, 25k)

(Another *incredible* fic by corvus. Such a unique concept and the prose is so soft and flowy and pretty. An instant fav of mine.)

@sorrybutblog

💗The July Tree by oknowkiss (E, 51k)

“I love you,” Draco repeated.

“Oh,” Harry said. His eyes had gone wide as saucers.

“Aren’t you going to say it back?” Draco asked, trying not to wince at how needy it sounded.

“I—I’m just—yeah,” Harry said. He shook his head. “Sorry, yes. I love you,” he said. He was smiling and sniffling and sort of huffing out laughs, looking totally deranged, as he said again, “I love you. I love you so much. I’m like, really angry about it, actually.”

“Not angrier than I am, I assure you. I can’t believe you’ve made me love you so fast,” Draco said, wiping the tears off Harry’s cheeks with his thumbs, which he then dried on the stupid sweatshirt. “This is the worst thing you’ve ever done to me.”

💗Such Great Heights by aideomai (E, 93k)

"I'll try," Harry said, shocked into honesty in the early hours of the morning. "Okay? I'Il try. For you," and Draco let out a shivery little breath and pressed himself in closer against Harry's body, like they could fold into each other and into the shadow and just stay like this forever.

"You drive me crazy," Malfoy mumbled again. "You always have."

"I know," Harry said. "I know. Come on," and they went upstairs together, slow and tired, pressing into every corner they found to kiss.

@wolfpants

💗Countdown to a Life by tackytigerfic (E, 3.5k)

(I think this fic is absolutely phenomenal - I go back and read it often. It leaves me breathless every time, an absolute masterclass in Drarry friends to lovers perfection. Every emotion just leaps off the page. It's a very short fic but by the end I feel like I know them fully.)

💗Yours Truly by @skeptiquewrites (M, 15k)

(God how I love this fic. It gets to the very core of what I love about Drarry - epic romance that's still so tender and perfectly characterised. Just lush.)

#drarry #valentines recs #ss recs #what a list #what a fandom #this took forever as tumblr kept glitching #the banner flower is weirdly meat-like but i really can't change it now #anyway hope it doesn't creep anyone out

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starxiasstuff · 1 year

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AHHHH, I've been in the om fandom for a while but never ever touched the og game or the more recent one nightbringer, gddfhbmdyvb I finally started playing om, so here are some hcs(that's the only thing I can write rn)

WHAT ITS LIKE DATING THE SEVEN BROTHERS(!!NOT POLY!!)

(A/N-i thought it would be fun to include songs that the 7 would relate to aswell so have fun listening to the neighbourhood and chase Atlantic AND girl in red AND some of my other fave artists<3)

!!AVATAR OF PRIDE!!

!!LUCIFER

Song he would relate to-

<3-Poor dude would be so tired all the time. Would do his literal best to make it up to you, but he ends up just falling asleep on your shoulder

(better let the poor manz sleep).

<3-Would be super vulnerable with you, would def vent (only if you told him like a thousand times that it was okay to)

<3-Both of you would go to a library to bury yourselves in mountains of work and to come back so mentally and physically tired

<3-Would do your best to keep his brothers in line and try to talk to satan and belphie about their uhh "complicated" relationship (pls it's the least you can do for the poor dude)

<3- you would lock his office/study/room up and hide all his work just to take him on some wild fun goose chase of a date (he's kinda pissed at first but ends up having sm fun)

<3-would fosho call you lamb/ love.

<3-Hand holding and affectionate pecks on your lips

<3-He would ask luke how to make your fave pastry(or)baked good/dessert

<3-would slow dance to some classical music

!!AVATAR OF GREED!!

!!MAMMON

Song he would relate to-

<3-poessive as hell, his blood would literally boil if he saw you talking to someone he doesn't like

<3-You make him sleep on the couch(or)floor if he doesn't pay his brothers back atleast a quarter of the money they lent him

<3-You comfort him if he has a fight with his brother (pls those 6 can be so brutal with words sometimes it's not even funny)

<3-Would fly you around devildom

<3-If you have a bad day he'll buy you whatever you want.

<3-Would fosho show you off

<3-will hold luke at literal gunpoint asking him to make you something you like(poor luke)

<3-you two would pull the most brutally funny pranks on each other (you and asmo put pink hair dye in his shampoo, didn't even need to use that much since he already has white hair)

!!AVATAR OF ENVY!!

!!LEVITHAN

Song he would relate to-

<3-he cried a river when you confessed to him saying "who would love a yucky otaku like me"

<3-would have meaningless banters over which anime is better

<3-Would let you sit on his lap while he was in a game but would be super flustered

<3-would play so many rpg games with you

<3-he would level you up on a game he got you into so you two can play tgt

<3-would help you recreate anime/game food with luke

<3-would turn his bathtub into the most comfiest place in the whole house

<3-all nighters playing games or just talking about life 👍.

!!AVATAR OF WRATH!!

!!SATAN

Song he would relate to-

(I hc him to see luci as a toxic overbearing father figure instead of a brother)

</3-the relationship would be rocky most of the times cause of his temper

<3-you two try so hard to have a functional relationship

<3-he stayed up one night thinking of all the times the relationship could've come crashing down and apologises for everything.

<3-instead of sneaking cats in you two volunteer at cat cafes/shelters(one less thing for luci to take care of)

<3-you two would kidnap luke just to take him to the shelter/cafe

<3-if a book peaked your interest at the library but was in the restricted section he would sneak it just for you(only after making sure it isn't cursed or anything of the sorts)

<3-matching cat onesies

!!AVATAR OF LUST!!

!!ASMODEUS

Song he would relate to-

<3-he was not surprised when you asked him out, he was honestly kinda annoyed it took you this long to confess 😐😐

<3-would have your borderline steamy moments (come on he's the Avatar of lust) but he will always stop when he needs to

<3-would take you on so many shopping sprees to the body shop(he almost pounced at a women for buying the last shea body butter)

<3-would try his best to be less narcissistic and encourage you to talk about yourself more often

<3-wouls take you to insane parties in the devildom

<3-would just barge in holding clothes he bought for you asking you which ones you like and which you would like returned

<3-in order to control his sins instincts he would get consent for everything "love, can I hug you, please?"

<3-would drag you and luke to the finest pastry shops

<3-would be your number one hype man "OMG you slay that new outfit"

<3-brutally honest fashion advice.

(A/N-I added this to the post by accident and idk how to get rid of it)

!!AVATAR OF GLUTTONY!!

!!BEELZEBUB

Song he would relate to-

<3-be prepared for him to bring belphie on every single date(not that you mind it much)

<3-would get you to somehow workout with him

<3-drags you out of class just to eat with you

<3-would ask you to cook for him with the biggest bambi eyes ever, he obviously tries to return the favour but ends up eating the ingredients

<3-he cannot stand you mad at all so whenever you're pissed he will pick you up over his shoulders and throw you on the nearest soft surface

<3-he will ask you to eat more esp when you're sick, he will spoon feed you soup

<3-surpries you with your fave dessert (no luke involved dw)

<3-takes you places like the pool or rock climbing centers to have some fun and get a mini workout out of it to.

!!AVATAR OF SLOTH!!

!!BELPHEGOR

Song he would relate to-

<3-confessed to you in his sleep.

<3-tries to not fight with Lucifer in front of you

<3-if either of you are having a shitty day he will suggest taking a long nap

<3-somehow stays awake long enough to kiss you goodnight when you've drifted away to la-la land

<3-i hc him to not eat much so you and beel get him to eat

<3-like Lucifer he will also get vulnerable with you but not vent.

<3-if he can't sleep or doesn't want to he'll take you on walks or shopping or something else you like

<3-little spoon

OMG. this is the longest post I've worked on I hope you guys like it, I'll post request rules soon ig (not like I'll get any anyways), bye bye my Luvs!

#obey me #om! asmodeus #om! beelzebub #om! mammon #om! nightbringer #om! headcanons #om! lucifer #om! luke #om belphie #om leviathan #om satan #Spotify

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rawrtriesagain · 11 months

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Heya, found your Diakko art, and I wanted to say you’re an amazing artist, and was hoping you could answer some questions from an aspiring artist who hopes to be as good as you some day. How'd you learn to draw so well? Do you know any good online resources to help someone progressively better at art? Like videos on youtube/any online resource to learn the fundamentals of drawing? Anything you wish you knew before starting your art journey? But anyway, I hope you have a nice day!

Hi there! Just to begin this is very sweet of you to send and I'm very glad you like my art! I still have a ton to learn though and I truthfully don't think I draw all that well, but its very nice to know that someone's interested in what I've done to at least get to where I am now. I will warn I may not be the best to learn fundamentals from as I am objectively not an expert artist that can whip out the most jaw dropping thing anyone's ever seen (and this is not in a deprecating way, its just where I am in my stage of art), but since you are asking me directly I'll do my best to provide some help!

This might get long so I'll write everything under a Read More haha

I'm not entirely sure where you are in your stage as an artist (as some people start from the very ground up of learning how to draw a line, and that's completely ok), but growing up I did some doodles here and there which kind of set me up for what would become my art blog at @rawrroarart and now here once I wanted to take doing art more seriously.

I think at early early stages someone should just draw literally anything, even if its stick figures and the like so that your hand just gets used to general shapes and lines. A pretty key thing would be drawing against references (And this doesn't at all change in the later stages of art skill) like... if there's a banana in front of you, can you draw the banana?

Once you got that down pat, its time to start looking at guides especially to start learning how to draw human faces and the like. For me personally I was never a fan of realism and I'm still not so young me was subject to those "hoW to DraW animE" books which... shaped who i am as a person but i wouldnt recommend them for art lmaOO. if I were to start from the beginning and I was serious about drawing well, I probably would have forced myself to learning how to draw actual humans and bodies. Once you're able to draw and understand the human shape, it should be easier to stylize it to your liking (like anime aha). I'm p much talking out of my ass rn since I of course didnt do this, but I'm sure I'd have learned a lot faster if I did so.

Anyway I dug up some old ass embarrassing art from my personal blog so you can see where I started before becoming more serious about improving myself.

This is from like 2015 and I pretty much quit drawing right after this LOL

this was like where I peaked until 2020 when I started @rawrroarart heres me begging ppl to join my new blog:

From then on I've pretty much posted every single thing I've drawn on that blog to see my progress. Here's the last page of my blog if you're interested so you can see where I started and then just go backwards to see where I am now https://rawrroarart.tumblr.com/page/26

Anyway I was doing stuff like this against references from straight from google (looking up "snake"):

and then.. heres my first diana and the reference it was based off of

do note that this art took me a god awful amount of time to do still AND I copy and pasted half the face instead of forcing myself to learn properly and draw both sides. I know people have their opinions regarding the copy/paste abilities of digital art and I truthfully do not care what you do unless you're using AI, but for me personally pretty soon after this I decided I wanted to learn how to draw everything myself, even if it meant choosing to struggle just so I could learn. Of course since I became a digital artist, I have so many other tools I use while drawing and its such a gift, but even today I feel it may be detrimental to my growth haha but ive decided im pretty much only going to be a digital artist so, whatever, undo button has saved my ass so many times. If you're a digital artist, its just up to you really and how you measure your level of success.

Anyway if you follow along my art blog you can kind of see where my art started to get more refined, but anyway a big thing I want to touch on is References! Almost every single art I've done has had a reference one way or another. For example I have many pictures in my camera roll of my own hand in different angles, and when drawing clothes I try to get references of fabric and folds and the like. If I find a cool pose, I also will try to reference it since I still don't know shit about anatomy, and I used to reference heads and head angles until I got familiar with the general structure that I'm able to draw it from my thoughts (sometimes I'll still need a reference though, like trying to figure out how to draw someone looking straight up). My art is usually a mash up of all these different references that I put together.

In the early stages of my art I was looking for references from google like looking up something like "rolling on the floor" or something, and you'll find some good stuff here and there regarding poses. Something I noticed though was that a lot of the top google images were usually very... stiff and if its something drawn instead of a real person, its probably really stylized and not particularly helpful (to me). like id look up "anime eye" or something and I just think everything at the top is not something I wanna reference or draw lol

This is where pinterest comes in. there are a ton a ton of references and artstyles and guides from other fellow artists that help break down the human body into more simple shapes. for example these are some of my pins from back in my Assassins Creed Odyssey AU days:

General shapes and clear lines of movement and how different artist handle "movement" in general. Though I didn't end up drawing from these since I dropped Odyssey AU around the same time LMAO but if I did its the same process of studying how the body actually works here and trying it out myself. Then I'd look up something like "Assassins Creed Odyssey Armor" on google and slap on the clothes onto the naked body

Anyway sorry this is very anecdotal of course and I'm just blabbering on. But to keep things short and you are very free to keep asking questions, honestly I only really got better because I kept drawing what I wanted to draw. I really like Diana so I just kept drawing Diana lmao and I don't think I could draw any other character half as well (Akko gets a pass since I sometimes draw her too). If I was more serious about doing art though I think the number one thing I wish I did and I still wish I would start doing now if I wasn't a bum would be to practice drawing poses until I can form my own poses without needing a reference immediately.

I would ideally spend some time every single day on sites like these:

Maybe one day when I get insane about a fandom again I'll be back to do so, but at least for now I guess I don't have the drive to keep improving anymore.

As for picking an art style, honestly... just "steal" random things from artists you like lmao. artists are inspirations for other artists, thats just how it is. Obvi I don't mean trace someone's art and call it your own or anything like that like please don't do that, but if someones coloring style for example is rly nice to you, try it out yourself. If someone draws their characters hair really cool, try that out yourself. Over time you really just end up developing your own style even if it did start by being inspired by someone else. My sketchy/messy style is because idk how to do lineart

I used to be a hater for when artists would say things like "just practice" because it'd mean like absolutely nothing to me, but it really does just come down to practice lol. I'm not a particularly good artist in the sense that I could draw anything, but I am a good diakko artist because thats all I've drawn for the past 3 years (give or take given my months long hiatus every year lmao). If someone handed me a piece of paper and was like "draw ur mom" id probs just cry but if someone was like "draw diana cavendish" id be like bet

One thing to keep in mind that still gets to me to this day is to be ok with failing. Sometimes my art is straight garbage, and that's ok. Sometimes I get frustrated and cry when I can't get an eye right, and that's ok. I've scribbled, deleted, and restarted many art pieces until I deemed it ok to post, and even then I'll still eventually see them with disgust, and that's ok! I like to look at my very old art and compare it to what I can do now (even if I don't even like my art of the 'now') and I just think to myself, "hey I actually am improving!" and that lets me know that if I keep at it, one day I'll get to where I want to be. I think its nice to keep a log of all of your art (if you aren't already doing so) just to do exactly that

Just keep pushing my dude! I'm sure just based on you asking me this you're already on track to be a really good artist down the line, but you'll just need to be patient is all and know its not an overnight thing. Every single thing in your day to day is a potential inspiration for art, its just up to you what you decide to do with it :)

Hopefully this answers at least some of your questions! Feel free to ask any more and I'd be happy to ramble for a good hour haha

tl;dr: me like diakko, me draw diakko

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separatist-apologist · 2 years

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I'm too scared to ask what the Stella man is, so what are your top 5 fall out boy songs for kissing you in the mouth?

the stella man is the love of my life and if tumblr ever ACTUALLY relaxes their NSFW rules, i'll show him to you.

As for my top 5 FOB,

5. Hum Halleluja- Pete Wentz is always at his best when he's being flippant about his mental health/suicidal ideation. A teenage vow in a parking lot/ 'til tonight do us part/ I sing the blues and swallow them too is so relatable to me. Also, the line you are the dreamer and we are the dream/I could write it better than you ever felt it is literally PEAK emo lyricism (dad rock could nEVER)

4. Disloyal Order of the Water Buffaloes- the song is like pure crack to me. I have it on half of every playlist I make, regardless if it fits or not. Like Taylor Swifts Style, if I don't hear this at least once a week, I need to check in with myself. Am I okay? am I drinking enough water? Also, pure emo fun so boycott love/detox just to retox/and I'd promise you anything for another shot at life catch me singing that out an open window at 9am in the mornig

3. Miss Missing You- Anyone who says the don't like this song cannot be trusted. Sorry, you hate ART? Sometimes before it gets better/the darkness gets bigger/ the person that you'd take a bullet is behind the trigger (OH) I REST MY CASE

2. Bishops Knife Trick- I admit to being an "new fall out boy sucks" sort of snob, but I do hate MANIA as a whole EXCEPT for this song (and last of the real ones obviously). I got a feeling inside that I can't domesticate/ it doesn't want to live in a cage/ a feeling that i can't housebreak I'm sorry, is that not EXACTLY how anxiety feels?

The Pros and Cons of Breathing- Take This To Your Grave is a perfect album and I'll die on that hill, and there was no lyric I loved more to scrawl all over everything as an angsty teen like I hate the way you say my name, like its something secret/my pen is the barrel of a gun/remind me which side you should be on (WHOA-) Was I going through something serious? Absolutely not. did I feel like I was? 100%

#now you know #and can kiss my fully on the mouth #also everyone making fun of fall out boy #as if its not taylor swift in a pair of skinny pants #OKAY I SEE YOU

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hopeswriting · 2 years

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Just curious: what's your favourite Skull scene/line from any of your fanfics?

hi nonny, thank you for the ask!

okay so at first i was like "wait, because i wrote lots about skull, idk if i can choose right off the top of my head??" lol, but after a small reflection i think it's gotta be in my story i love you (you never say it back, but that's not the point).

my favorite line is during this exchange in chapter 2:

"What if you did [forget about your deaths]?" Viper asks when Fon doesn't answer before the silence can settle back in.

Skull tightens his grip on the wheel, a smile too sad and pained to last pulling at his lips.

He could never forget, but that's not the point.

"If I don't remember my deaths, who else will?"

[Plain text: “"If I don't remember my deaths, who else will?"” in bold. End PT]

but my favorite scene gotta be in chapter 5 when skull goes over what immortality means to him. that whole introspection he does about it? i’m literally so, so proud of it still, and for forever tbh.

generally speaking when it comes to skull and his immortality i have yet to write anything about it better than i did in ily, but that scene in chapter 5 in particular is so far really the peak of me writing skull when it comes to his immortality specifically, hands down.

that said, i’m very proud of the way i wrote him in So young, and so doomed (Just a boy) too! i love the way he comes through through kawahira’s pov, so that’s a very close second favorite.

#katekyo hitman reborn #khr #khr asks #khr skull #that was very fun nonny thanks again!#Anonymous #ramblings a/w

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1d1195 · 14 days

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The banter/dialogue that you write is really good! Especially with Niall bc I’m pretty sure we all know it’s really harmless so I’m constantly enjoying reading it! And had to look up that clip and I SEE THE VISION! LOVE IT HAHA!! honestly idk why I wasn’t a fan?! genuinely had nothing against them and I had a lot of friends who were into them plus I found them cute enough but idk WHY my brain couldn’t get into it lol also LOVE a good protective man trope, it just HITS when done right!

In that alternate timeline I would like to believe that Harry suffered a lot for being a dick! And he had to grovel a lot for making her cry! Idk I’m a simple girl I love when men suffer😁! And slow burns are my preferred vibe tbh lol I love the yearning and the pinning! ALSO that part 4 sneak peak, SO EXCITED!

Oh I support her being grumpy like you cannot make me hate her! Like I get it! VERY excited for when you decide to show us what’s you’ve been hinting! I just know you never miss!

Never been there since I haven’t been to the east coast but sounds like if I ever do visit I will NOT being going there bc that sounds like hell😭 theres many places here that are constantly so packed there’s truly never a break😭! The vibes are never good, so many people, and not enough cashiers/self checkout the lines are CRAZY😭

Wait that’s so cool that you did a research proposal for it!! But it’s sweet how you try to help your students with it! It’s sucks but it’s nice to know that your students have someone to help with that! AP anything was so bad😭 those crazy timed tests just made everything worse! So I don’t blame you!

It doesn’t make you sound old! And I understand what you mean! I think it’s a time thing too. Especially with how rn it feels like there’s no end in sight or how I fear I’m still going to feel this way. Time is something that allows for a better understanding, it’s just hard sometimes to remember when you’re deeply in it lol But I get what you mean about them feeling different! It would make sense due to you obviously changing in everyday aspect whether it be career wise or personal life!

Yay I’m so happy work went well! It’s the beginning of the year so it is a bit exciting since it’s kinda new with getting to learn about your students and stuff. But I’m hoping this can continue!

It’s so sweet of you to even notice my absence 😭 I’ve always told myself that if I were to ever take a long break or delete my account for good I would let you know so that there wouldn’t be any worry! Yeah it was not easy at all trying to navigate this episode on top with school. But it’s my last week FINALLY!! So I just have to push through this last bit!

It’s not lame! If anything I’ve always believed in that kind of thing! I definitely feel better with the shorter hair now but mainly because the heat is still so strong here and I don’t have to have such an extensive hair care routine! Plus I’m just so excited to change my hair color soon so shorter hair is better overall lol I’m trying to sleep and stay hydrated! I hope you are doing the same too! And you’re too kind!

It may be the same stuff that you’re aware of but that doesn’t mean that it doesn’t still hurt when you’re feeling like this! I hope that you don’t get to that kind of low that you experience last week any time soon! I’m glad that you’ve started to have some better days/moments especially with reading your books! A good romance story is always a win! And you can truly embed go wrong with a good single dad and nanny trope! Love that for you! Also idk if you’ve ever mentioned it or not but do you annotate your books?!(Btw the fact that you finished honey already is so CRAZY in the best way!)

Omg Sam😭 no youre literally the sweetest!! The kindness that you have can be felt right through the screen! YOU are so loved!!! You also deserve all love and happiness too! I LOVE YOU!!! Wishing you the best as always!-💜

For the best you weren’t a fan. I was CONSTANTLY exhausted by them. I told my friend all the time how much I wanted them to just stop leaving the house because I couldn’t keep up. I was worried ALL the time about them ☠️

I’m glad you liked the sneak peek! I also love when men suffer HAHAHA perhaps I’ll add it to the check-ins and alt reality one like I did for Dolcezza 🤔

Market basket is old school so no self check out there. The cashiers are pretty efficient but there’s ALWAYS lines up the wazoo.

I’m glad you think it was cool because I did NOT think it was cool. In fact I HATED it so much. My math brain was not meant to write in that kind of capacity. I enjoyed reading about it though! Interesting stuff! I loved my basic psych classes I took so I always find reading how the brain works (especially in crazy teen heads).

LAST WEEK! 🥳🥳🥳 love that for you! I hope you get some time to relax and do fun things! I always miss you when I don’t hear from you but I always want you to prioritize your health first so if I end up missing you it’s okay 💕💕

Honey just came POURING out of me. I can’t explain it. I feel like I fucked up the last couple parts though and I refuse to look at them again so I don’t overthink it lol but 6, 7, 8 gave me a bit of trouble 😅

I do not annotate my books. I’m pretty pure about my books but I will ALWAYS highlight a funny quip about the expense of men. I don’t remember the exact line nor book but I def highlighted something that said “it seemed men were the cause of the issue” like that just BEGS to be highlighted and underlined. I think annotating is cute though. I borrowed a book from a friend who annotates and it was actually SO much fun to read because she noticed so many things that I did not. Plus she’s funny as fuck, so it was like bonus content reading her thoughts.

Love you! 💕 happy last week of classes! 🎉

Xoxo

#💜#honey

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m1ckeyb3rry · 3 months

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TRUE the crow dedication is so real….like bro really took his last name literally LOL

PLATONIC RELATIONSHIPS>>> idk I just love exploring the different avenues and depths of friendship esp since I myself don’t like forcing romance upon anything rlly….also like some dynamics remind me of how I’d act with some close friends too like I’ve just never seen the need to ship or anything when you can have a perfectly developed and interesting relationship without having to be in love with someone yk I feel like it almost makes the dynamic and friendship even more meaningful sometimes

The second selection trio is GOLD I Lowk loved that trio and how they meshed together despite being such different ppl?? I also LOVED that arc for the Barou development bc omg someone who learns from their defeats and makes a better version of themself that’s actually so cool….

Otoya’s fit is SO on brand LMAO I feel like yukis has too many layers almost like just looking at it makes me sweat HAHA

Im ngl I feel like something looks a teensy bit off in that one colored art…maybe it’s because it’s fully buttoned or something? But I LOVE THE TURTLENECK TRENCHCOAT COMBO it’s like my fav outfit style ever and he looks SOOO GOOD IN THE MANGA!!! Ugh the turtleneck >>>> I have a friend who hates the turtleneck long coat combo and I’m like….bro…..where’s ur taste…. But fr I something about the clean mature looking style also just fits him so well too!!!

AOT LMAOOO what’s even funnier is (idk exact how accurate this is) but I heard rin was possibly inspired by two characters?? Eren and I forgot her name starts with an M I think….but apparently one of the authors was an assistant for aot I think so definitely fitting LOLLL

Ok and honestly the Hiori duality is also so fitting?? Like we see in the novel he’s a pretty open/relaxed chill little boy outside of his household and when he opens up to Karasu and the team but then BAM switch flips once he enters his home and I feel like the diff between white butterfly and fwtkac matches that so well…..I love a little angst sprinkled in sometimes too that kinda duality is just so good, just goes to show the depths a character can have!! I love it!!!

Trust me I will be EATING UP those hiori works too honestly being fed so well by all of your writing lately I’m so excited to read everything <333

The light novels are SO. FUNNY. cursed Nagi was actually hilarious and I remember first reading the Hiori one and the whole stalking thing was peak comedy like wdym you’re a 6 foot man trying to hide your near fluorescent blue hair under a baseball cap….I’ll never forget the line that’s like “he’s only ever done soccer his entire life…it’s only natural that he doesn’t know proper social etiquette” LMAOAOOO

I think recently my favs finally settled the was like swapping between Chigiri Nagi Rin and Karasu for a good while a couple months ago….i feel like new ppl don’t really ever my top five as much it’s just a matter of the ranking amongst them LOL

Also I love Otoya but I also LOVE Otoya slander HAHA I love making fun of him so bully him all you like LMAOOO

Nagi fr is just like a big koala bear….i remember being so shocked by his height at first but it honestly adds more to his charm LOL and definitely!! The parental neglect is kinda real for him too like…ppl take his “breakup” with Reo and run with it like are we reading the same thing….. the dark haired hot trope is too real like people just toss rin into that category throw in some Emo and call it a day like….i think especially the moment after the u20 match where rin looks at sae thinking he’ll be praised by him just kinda shows he’s just an emotional stunted boy with brother trauma like…..man…you’re so right about the fanon Rin being like aiku or Karasu though i do see a lot of like…smooth talker rin on here…..

TREADMILL yesss get those steps!! Chronically online gang rise tho LOLL but hey at least you’re being productive and active while online!!

-Karasu anon

he was assigned crow at birth and knew what he had to do from there 🫡 i’ve always wondered what his older sister looks like (apparently he had one according to the official egoist bible) i bet she’s sooo pretty but like. does she also do her hair in some weird vaguely-crow inspired way?? or does she think her little brother is a freak?? what abt the rest of his family?? LMAOAO questions we may never know the answers to…

even when writing romance i’ve noticed i’ll have one or two Kiss Scenes but for the most part i prefer showing love in other ways!! smth that’s always stuck with me is that if your characters need to kiss to prove to your readers that they’re in love, you didn’t do a good enough job writing their relationship. so personally even in my longest and most devastating love stories i hardly write Actual Romance!! i think the reason i don’t like shipping personally (again, full respect to anyone who does 💖) is because making the love between two characters explicit instead of implied often (to me) ruins the actual depth between them.

second selection trio is so so good!! and i agree barou’s development esp in the match vs reo kuni and chigiri was delightful to see. tbh when i first watched bllk i thought barou was a “baddie of the week” character who would only be relevant in the match against team x and then disappear entirely, so i was really excited to see him come back AND with a new and improved design (first selection barou kinda haunts me tbh why does he look like that…)

ohhhh i was talking abt the manga only!! i haven’t seen the colored illustrations but i agree the coat is a bit odd in them. i imagined it to be tan when i read the manga which i think fits him better than the bright blue but oh well it’s karasu he can pull anything off. he looked so cute in it in the manga!! when he took it off and went with just the turtleneck too…it really did give me such a lowkey but mature and elegant vibe!! like future businessman right there mr “if i randomly got 100 million yen i’d invest in index funds” bro is trying to be reo so bad DHSKSJSJ (speaking of which i do not fw reo’s fits he needs to hire a better personal stylist because some of those choices he makes are certainly. choices.)

HAHA yes i’ve seen that rin is supposed to be a blend of eren and mikasa!! i can def see it. i was heavily into aot back in 2021 though not much anymore actually which is why i immediately clocked the comparison!!

i know the karasu series is pretty fluffy and funny but i am actually first and foremost an angst lover!! i love writing absolutely heartbreaking stories they’re my favorite thing in the world. bllk is making me lose my edge though 😔 i need to get back to writing angst again…i think maybe i’m surprised by people being sad abt white butterfly because when i imagine angst it’s like death and inevitable ruin HAHAHHA but anyways i agree hiori def is a very layered character!! i’m excited to write more of him as well

oh my god the light novels are so sillyyyy 😭 when karasu made up an entire tragic backstory for himself just to mess w hiori??? he is so problematic i can’t even lie and the way hiori 100% believed him too had me bawling

OTOYA SLANDER 4 LIFE he is just so so easy to make fun of!! spoiler alert it’s actually not y/n who hates on him the most…let’s just say that our dear best friend who wants a boyfriend has major major beef w him (he is completely unaware of this ofc)

everyone says they’re surprised that nagi is so tall wdym!! he is sooo teddy bear i think him being huge makes sm sense!! he has such big fluffy lazy dog vibes too…yk the kind that thinks it can fit on your lap despite being the size of a small horse 😭 like THAT is nagi to me

i fear rin will never escape his fanon characterization 😔 but yes i think the teasing/sassy side that people give him is actually much more in line w karasu’s personality, and him being super smooth and flirty is way more aiku than anything!! rin has like one insult that he uses for everyone he is NOT a sarcasm god i’m afraid 😰 and according to the egoist bible he knows he’s unfriendly but thinks if people don’t like that abt him they shouldn’t interact with him!! in my mind the extent of his flirting would just be him going nonverbal and being like 🌎👄🌎 at you from across the room LSJDOWNDWJ hopefully you are a mind reader because otherwise you are never finding out he has a crush

YESSS unfortunately i do have to go to the gym quite frequently because alongside being chronically online i ride horses competitively and go to parties and whatnot so the body must be maintained 😔 HAHA it’s like a double life omg sometimes random guys will try to flirt w me when i’m out w my friends and in the back of my mind i’ll just be like “oh he has NO idea I write reader insert fanfiction on tumblr dot com” 😭 once i was at a party and i just took out my phone and started responding to comments on ao3 instead of dancing or talking because i thought the music sucked and it was way too loud 😓

#answered asks #five ways to kill a crow

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margridarnauds · 1 year

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For the WIP thing, can I ask 7, 10, and 11? Thanks!

Thank you! I'm currenlty working on a 1789 oneshot, I have about 5100 words in.

7. What is your favorite scene you’ve written so far?

Either the opening scene or the scene in the church, which is what the fic is based around. Without going too heavily into spoilers, the fic is a retelling of a folk story, specifically Motif E492, "The Midnight Mass of the Dead", which probably has the widest distribution in Scandinavian countries but also has been found all over Europe going back to the Middle Ages, with this retelling also bringing in bits and pieces of Breton beliefs around the dead and afterlife. It's the second time I've done anything related to the Breton beliefs around the dead, the first was in Pour la Peine, which is all about Ronan's sister Solène (in a different timeline), so it was really cool to get to work with that again with Ronan and to kind of touch on the different approaches the siblings take to these things and how those approaches have changed as they've aged. The Midnight Mass is probably one of my favorite folktales of all time -- I think I first heard it when I was a child and reading the Enchanted World books (which also introduced me to kelpies, sparking ANOTHER lifelong obsession) and it's stuck with me since then, it's really cool to get to write it out on page and to adapt it to a French Revolutionary context. I really hope that I can do it justice.

10. What is the last line of dialogue you’ve written?

"Come, even you must admit that we do some things better than Brittany or the Beauce," Lazare said.

"Never," Ronan replied. At least part of how they'd survived as a couple over the years had been Ronan stubbornly deciding to never, ever let Lazare think that he had too much of the upper hand.

11. What scene are you most hyped for this chapter/fic?

Since we're in the homestretch (hopefully!), there shouldn't be all THAT much to write. We've cleared the main kind of scene that this was built around, and now we're going into the conflict resolution stage, but there is going to be one scene coming up, probably immediately after the one I'm writing now, where Ronan basically asks Lazare how soon it would be possible for them to travel to Lazare's ancestral chateau in Provence and Lazare responds that it's possible by the New Year (it's currently Christmas). And this is a small bit of dialogue between the two of them, but it's really highlighting, imo, how much they've really developed as a couple since they were at each other's throats in the canon era, or even the latest we'd seen them in the timeline of this series, where they're still arguing a lot. Like, at this point, it's the nineteenth century, they've been married for decades, they know one another, and so, even without *fully* knowing exactly what happened, Lazare gets Ronan enough to know that he is severely shaken. It's a big thing for Lazare especially, since he never really had any sort of practice at this sort of thing before, he was raised to think of himself as a weapon. And Lazare has his own issues with his ancestral chateau, since he was exposed to a frankly monstrous amount of what we'd call child abuse there, and it is *also* incredibly haunted by various and assorted De Peyrol ancestors -- even though he's come more to terms with it and made the place his own over the years, he still considers himself more of a Parisian than anything else, so this is also definitely an act of love/concern on his part.

Like, without going too heavy into spoilers, this is a gothic folktale. It's leaning more heavily into the gothic tradition than anything I've done since the literal Crimson Peak fanfic. But beneath that, a big sort of question it's trying to ask, and I hope that comes across, is "was it worth it for Ronan to marry Lazare?" Lazare's done terrible things, Ronan had to essentially give up the Revolution for him, and there's a lot of survivor's guilt on Ronan's side when pretty much all of his best friends are dead, and many of them died feeling, not unreasonably, that he betrayed them. He's being haunted, both literally and figuratively. But the final part, even though there's some uncertainty, since there always is, answers that question with "Yes. It was."

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reveriesofawriter · 1 year

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for the creative ask game, how about 2, 6, 15, 22, & 33? (if you're still doing it) hope you're doing well! -💙

2. What’s a medium you’ve always wanted to try? ceramics omg I've wanted to try throwing clay on a wheel since my high school art class and we played with clay a little but we didn't have a wheel and something about making little bowls and vases always looks so satisfying in videos, I know it takes practice like most every type of art but I've never gotten to try this one

6. What’s theme you find in your work? hope, I guess. I find it hard to write things with sad endings, but even when the story isn't happy there's a through line of hope, optimism, some belief that things could change for the better. or at the very least, that things happened in the best way possible while there was still time.

15. How do you decide what to create? usually there's some sort of spark that catches, I'm not super disciplined in anything creative that I do so that means if I'm writing a lot of something or making a lot of buttons or jewelry or whatever, it's because I saw something or caught a feeling that made me want to sit down and get that feeling out. if it's super political my instinct is collages, buttons, poetry, things I can make pretty. if it's romantic or bantery, that's def being channeled through fic writing

22. What does a successful piece look like to you? Is it a feeling? a monetary or feedback level? etc? for fiction writing, if it's finished, either by feeling like a complete idea or reaching a point where I can publish it without loose ends, it's successful. for poetry, it's successful if I manage to get my point across in a way that makes me confident enough to share even if it makes me feel super vulnerable. for more physical artsy media, it's successful if other people connect with it. compliments are always helpful to make anything feel successful, but rarely do I consider the monetary aspect with things I create, even if I'm making them with the express purpose of being sold. I love seeing people do double takes on my rings with swear words and looking at their friends and being like "you need that" and pointing at a ring that says Whore lmao

33. Sneak peak at a wip 👀 ooooooh

direct from the notes app lol it was between this and one that literally starts with the sentence "Death-cast is calling Calum."

#megs!#i am doing well now lol got weird with the state of my brain for a while but i think the pendulum is swinging back to normal #ig you could also consider the ask i sent molly earlier to be a wip but absolutely no guarantees that one goes anywhere #whereas this wip is almost finished

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tropicalrpg · 1 year

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13 just came back from the only creative writing class i'll probably ever take

i have an american friend to whom i've described redação class as essay-writing. that's not quite it; i didn't write an essay until, well, i wouldn't say i have. i was supposed to write an essay last year and one a couple weeks ago, but none of them are proper essays, like i'm writing now and would like to write more. (i tried to write an essay last year that i have yet to finish. i think it would be really interesting, even if i turned into an article.)

redações, especially in the enem model (and maybe i'm being a little bitch for writing about something like this in english, but consider this an introduction to the brazilian school system) (consider; you: consider this; you: my nonexistent reader, my guinea pig, my english-speaking pet), are anything but creative writing. here's the basic idea: you get a prompt upon which you have to build an argument. you get 30 handwritten lines. you have to reference another field of study, and in the last paragraph you have to propose a solution to the prompt's problem that fulfills a series of criteria (deed, agent, means, finality, details). you have to write this in up to a couple hours but ideally less than one, with no access to any type of resources to do research or base your argument on.

i hope it comes across, in the instructions given to write a redação enem, that it's just ridiculous. it does not build better students, better writers, or better citizens. you have to excell at writing redações enem in order to get into university, and that's basically all you need to know how to write them for; how do they make you better scholars? in what way do they prepare you for higher education? i study "letters", or what would be the equivalent to an english degree except it's not a portuguese degree but instead a languages, literature or linguistics degree; the second i got into uni, the only thing i would ever use a redação enem for would be to get a job. and that job is correcting redações enem; i have never, and know that i will never, have to write any sort of text anything like those ever again.

that class was not essay-writing. i described it as such because going over the details like i went here would have been wasted time, and it's a lot easier to work with approximations, like how american high schoolers have to write essays, we have to write redações. it's a similar exercise in practising textual skills, how to write, how to argue. it doesn't work the same, however, and perhaps the one thing i'd say the american education system has over ours (theoretically, not in practice) is the presence of essays from a young age.

essays are great. this creative writing class, which is not a creative writing class because that's not a thing teachers can offer as a class, but it is largely a class about producing each a singular essay (nonacademic, thank the lord; i've written academic essays already, but it's the still scholarly but truly creative pieces that i'm fascinated by) that has all the freedom in the world to be creative — this creative writing class is quite simply and quite literally a class on essays. reading and writing them. i have never read so many essays and learned so much, and i've never appreciated a literary genre more. this feels like true literature. the peak of nonfiction and fiction alike. i don't know; it's hard to find the words for it.

this is all to say that on monday, i think, my professor talked about writing with limitations. he asked if any of us had tried that (i could not allow myself to mentions things such as, i've written for fanzines that required certain lengths; required me to rewrite certain scenes; i've participates in ship week events that had me writing different stories of thousands of words day after day; i won nanowrimo in 2018, at fourteen fucking years old) and then mentioned how we are always writing with limitations, and, as an example, he cited writing tweets. i use twitter a lot, i always have and it might forever be my primary social medium, but i don't feel limited there. i feel more limited here, not only on this blog because i put a pressure on myself to write posts as long as i can make them but also because originally i wanted to write every day. i failed both ways.

i also failed if we look at my unnamed inspiration. they're so fucking poetic. to be frank, these days i hate their poetry, but their prose, good god. i hate their poetry and i hate their plot and i hate the characterisation they give to characters i love, but i adore their prose. and when they wrote every day for a couple months, they didn't push out blog posts that read like linear essays, not like i do. i start on a subject and get right to it, or even if not right to it i follow a line of thought. is that because i've grown up writing these disgusting, succint argumentative texts? i cannot say. but i can't suddenly write maybe two thousand words about swans in love. if i can get myself to be honest about my past and my present, i'm already doing more than i ever have. my writing has never been about me. maybe that's why i find essays so liberating.

2023.04.26

#essay #essaywriting #nonfiction #anonymous #personal essay #essay writing #creative writing

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mythgirlimagines · 2 years

Text

DVHS Reread: Chapter IV.II

yoshida etsuko was once suspended for beating up a classmate

I formatted this in all lowercase specifically for what I could do with the secrets at the end of Chapter 4 :3

"This is better than I expected," Aoyama laughs, throwing a smug and amused look to Sasaki. "I mean, really. Did you seriously get high in gardening club?"

She sputters, her freckles accented as her entire face burns pink. I can tell that some people (Yoshida and Oshiro) fight a smile. "That- it was an accident, I swear!"

"Not like you, Mr. Most-Popular-Blog," Yoshida snarks, her hidden smile forgotten once she remembers something. You know, I'm fairly certain we're supposed to be avoiding situations like this. Before anyone can stop her: "I think you're well aware that half of your followers are bots you never blocked!"

I find it hilarious that that’s two secrets already spoiled for the entire group, and of course that has a bigger part to play later down the line.

"I suppose that couldn't hurt." He shifts a little, taking his time to think. For a minute or so, we're encased in silence. "You wouldn't believe this, knowing me now, but my friends and I used to make a lot of trouble for my sisters. I don't know how, but they always put up with us. We were little terrors; it was only a few years ago we all started to get along. That was when my sisters really helped me better myself."

:)))))))))

For real, though, I really love Abe’s FTEs

He lets go of my hand quickly once we notice that we're just standing there. "Look. I know I haven't been the easiest person to deal with, but…" He sighs and runs a hand through his hair, again reminding me of my old history professor. Even funnier, two bits of hair stick out on either side until he smooths them back down. "...Nevermind."

A visual piece of foreshadowing ;)

She thinks for a second before making her next move. "Apart from Hope's Peak, I guess it was kinda lucky that my best friend and I met each other. Especially since it was in the hospital."

I actually wrote a short story for one of my workshops with Yoshida and this friend, though it wasn’t set back when they met. I quite like it :)

"It means that even though Oshiro is the Super High-School Level Astrologist, astrology is flawed and vague at best. To determine something this important, something that could mean life or death…" She shakes her head in a pitying manner. "She's blinded you all from that. You trust her and her talent too much."

Yoshida scoffs, rising so she could better shout over Yasu at Saito. Yasu leans towards Sasaki's empty seat. "Hardly! Do you even have any proof that she's lied to us? Hell, she's barely even told us anything about her talent up til now other than last night and you have the audacity to call her a liar? She wouldn't even be here if she was!"

Going from Oshiro and Saito fighting to Yoshida and Saito fighting, literally shouting over Yasu, feels very dynamic to me. I can really feel the tension in this moment and I think it goes to show that I’m a lot better at writing verbal fighting than physical fighting.

"What is with all of you and bringing talent in to this?" I cut in. "You do realize a person has worth and merit beyond their talent, right? Talent does not equal personality or intellect."

I’m sure glad you think that, Camila, considering what you learn in the end...

Yoshida sighs through her nose. "You don't- that's not what this is about anymore. It's about trust in our talents. What would any of us be without our talents?"

Oh honey...

"That's not what I mean and you know it." But even if I know this isn't really her, it's hard to stay mad. My chest squeezes, feeling like it's going to burst. I remember holding her here, telling her that everything was going to be okay. I don't think I've ever told a bigger lie than that, and it wasn't even on purpose. I sigh, trying to keep myself from going over to her. If anyone comes back in, I'm definitely going to look crazy. That's what this is anyway, right?

"Well, I don't know why I'm here. I think." She rests her chin in her hand. "It can only be for so many reasons."

I squint at her, studying her hard, trying to figure this out. "Are you a ghost or hallucination? I can't tell."

She looks down at herself, then shrugs. "Beats me."

It’s because I don’t know either

"Who's to say she's not having any, either?" The question makes me freeze.

Okay no wait I think I remember what I was going for now? I was playing YTTD around this time (still haven’t finished) and it’s like those. Yeah. I think.

This isn't some video game or simulation; this is real life.

Hahahahaha

MONOKUMA THEATRE XV

Okay this one is a legitimate question that my mom has a story about.

A balled-up napkin lands in front of me after about twenty minutes. "Are you going to do anything about this?" Aoyama practically shouts from across the table, nodding to Saito, Yoshida, and Oshiro.

This next scene is so funny for me to think about but also probably my favorite of the chapter? Just imagining everyone else having breakfast/trying to get Camila to stop them from fighting while those three are fighting and Camila is zoning out.

Another napkin lands in front of me. "Would you stop that?" I say, chucking it back at Aoyama. "What do you want?"

Have I mentioned I like them interacting?

#dvhs #dvhs reread #dvhs spoilers #etsuko yoshida #nozomu aoyama #hanayo sasaki #amaya oshiro #camila ishikawa #fumito abe #kagami saito #yasu kadoshima #miyuki ueda #danganronpa #fangan

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tastyykpop · 3 years

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nct dream 00line + their girl roomate (smut) 🥂

ᴀ ғᴏx's ɪɴɴᴏᴄᴇɴᴄᴇ

pairings: dream 00 line x fox hybrid!reader

genre: smut, hybrid au

warnings: dom!00 line, sub!reader, degradation, praising, hair pulling, oral, corruption, begging, crying, choking, blindfold, breeding, cum play, a pinch of overstimulation, biting/marking, spit roast, somnophilia, spanking (literally once), dumbification, I'm not the best at writing gang bangs😐, monster cock hyuck cuz I said so, probably sumn else, oc innocent asf

tagging: @silent-potato

I made it a hybrid au cuz I got carried away. then it turned completely self indulgent🧍‍♂️

it had been only a few months since you've moved into a house with four guys. it was awkward at first, you a hybrid who's never had much interactions with humans, and them- well... humans. they didn't know much on how to take care of you, what you needed, or how you'd act with them.

everyone was skeptical.

but now you're all happy with one another and glad you stayed with them. they love you, as you them. still, there's one more thing- you're a girl surrounded by a group of boys. something was bound to have happened in a few months time frame. and things have happened. a lot of things.

you were new to plenty and it's almost frequent how many times a member has 'taught' you something new. without much hesitation and a bright smile, youd always want to learn something from them. always wanted to see what humans liked. and they've seemed to take a liking to that eagerness of yours.

jeno was the first one to teach you something.

one night you had come into his room crying over your torn stuffed animal. it was your favorite one, a gift from one of the hybrid shop owners that you adored ever since. it also happened to be the one you'd always sleep with or carry around the house and now sadly, it unfortunately got torn.

jeno pouted, pulling you onto his lap as he continuously said it was okay, patting your back. you on the other hand couldn't stop crying into his chest over the precious animal. poor thing you were like a child, crying over such a small toy, but jeno found that cute about you, especially with that innocence you had.

"its okay foxy," he had said, "I'll make you feel better."

you were quick to turn your cries into light sobs and allowed jeno to do what he wanted to do.

it was strange. that feeling you felt as jeno told you to remove your pants and move your hips against his thigh. you didn't question it. hell you couldnt understand it. was this something humans enjoyed? because damn it felt like heaven and you didn't want to stop. the tingling sensation took over your core, strings of moans would leave your mouth and little gasps slipped as the jeno kept his hands on your waist to guide you over his thigh.

after a few moments you felt a strange feeling taking over you, causing a wet spot to form on jenos pajama pants, you were very confused yet infatuated.

"jeno...w-what was t-that...?" you had asked him, touching the dark wet spot on his thigh with curiosity.

he only smiled, "do you feel better?"

you nodded with red cheeks, flushed from whatever just happened. all you knew was there was a strange thick liquid sticking to jenos pants. but you felt so relieved, not even caring much for your stuffed animal anymore.

"thank you, jeno." you mumbled, leaning against his chest once again as you let him scratch behind your ears.

"anything for my fox."

next time was different. you stumbled into haechans room one day looking for one of his hoodies to wear. there was something about his sweatshirts that made you prefer his over the others. maybe it was the scent or how small it made you feel, but you always chose his. as you were searching, you noticed his laptop was still on, and since you're a curious little one, you decided to sneak a peak. what you thought was going to be stupid searches or a youtube video was completely wrong. haechan was watching porn. it was paused so you pressed play wanting to know what was happening.

there, a girl was having sex with a broad man. she looked like she was in pain and you couldnt tell if she was anymore with how loud her moaning and screaming became. the sound didn't bother you with it being quite loud, you were just confused.

"foxy, what are you doing?"

you quickly pressed the pause button, turning to haechan with a crooked smile- a nervous one at that. "looking for a hoodie."

"on my laptop?" haechan scoffed, walking towards you before stopping right before you. he was so close, the heat radiating from him made you comfortable, but his scent made your legs go weak.

"yes- I mean no!" haechan faced the laptop at himself, "I was-"

"watching porn? god, foxy I thought you were innocent. didn't think you'd watch that shit." he smirked at himself.

you fell for it, a perfect trap he had to admit.

"I was curious." you stared at the ground, pushing away the feeling of eyes staring into your soul. but haechan didn't want any of it, he stood his ground tilting your chin softly for you to look at him.

"tell me, sweetheart, what's got you curious?"

you were sore the next few days. the more the boys would play, the rougher they got. and because of haechan, everything seemed so sensitive yet you still didn't understand it. haechan would make jokes about how innocent and desperate you were that day. it's funny, he didn't even fuck you, just used his fingers but the amount of times you came was uncountable. he was a harsh one, very mean as he called you names.

keeping note, you didn't trust him to teach you anything new for a long time.

as you prettily laid on the couch in jaemins shirt, a conversation was playing out in the kitchen. the boys; renjun and jaemin, were staring at you in awe and want. it's been months since they've had actual sex with anyone and they were becoming more and more needy by the day. and with someone as innocent as you, they just couldn't keep it in their pants. but, they didn't want to scare you. you were new to these things, it's different with humans and you don't get it. yet teaching you different sexual acts weren't helping. they wanted to fuck you- bend you over any surface in the house and take you, but they couldn't. not yet anyways.

"I swear she's teasing us." jaemin growled, "look at her! she's so hot, especially when she's wearing my shirt. just look how small she is in it!"

renjun smacked the back of his head, "shut up, shes not trying to seduce your ass. she probably doesn't even know how to seduce." he returned his attention to you, this time staring at your legs as well. "but I will admit the shirt makes her legs pop. or maybe im just horny."

jaemin rolled his eyes, taking a seat at the counter next to renjun, still not taking his eyes off you. "we're all horny, renjun." jaemin scoffed, "I can't sleep peacefully with her around. I swear she's having a wet dream every time she sleeps in my room. all I wake up to is her humping my leg."

"maybe shes close to her heat." renjun turned to jaemin. "we haven't experienced one with her yet so it's likely that it's soon."

"god, I hope it's soon."

"you sure you're not the hybrid here?"

jaemin winked, "maybe I am. already heat season for me and I need some fucking pussy."

"no you need a cold damn shower. get rid of that boner before she sees."

"renjun you just gave me the best idea." jaemin perked up.

"jaemin." renjun warned, but it was too late, jaemin was making his way towards you on the couch before plopping himself right next to you.

you almost jumped in your seat, a warm arm wrapped around your shoulders to pull you in and you realized who it was.

"nana? what are you doing?"

hopefully you, he wanted to say.

"i can't chill with my favorite girl?"

renjun shook his head from behind the counter, watching as jaemin oh so sneakily shifted his pants, making his dick even more prominent then before. he really wanted to curse jaemin. and you stared of course, why wouldn't you? you were curious after all.

you shrugged, shaking off that stupid feeling again, "your scent is...um- strong."

"jaemin you fucking whore." renjun whispered to himself just as jaemin smirked.

his hand rubbed along your arm, his other, well if it wasn't already obvious, was nonchalantly stroking himself through his sweats. he wanted to keep your eyes on him, he loved the attention. after all, you were still learning.

"pretty girl, do you want to learn something new today? I promise you'll love it." jaemin was a tempting boy, you knew that already. with his perfect features and that wicked smile of his, who would say no to him? so you nodded, very curious about his intentions all while renjun kept an eye out. "get on your knees, love."

you did as you were told, moving to the ground and kneeling yourself between his spread legs. your eyes held so much innocence that jaemin really couldn't take anymore, he wanted to use you so bad.

"what do you want me to do, nana?"

jaemin smirked, even renjun could see how evil it was, "I want you to use your mouth on me, but no teeth, remember that, love. don't want you to hurt me." you nodded, eager to taste what jaemin was ready to give you. theres just one catch; why was he sliding his sweats and boxers off and-

oh....

his dick was hard, the tip spilling precum as jaemin bit his lip. with wide eyes, you gulped down the saliva that was pooling in your mouth. how would this fit? how could humans be so big? oh all the questions you had. soon enough, jaemin grabbed a fistful of your hair and pushed your face just near his cock, "open for me, pretty girl." you obeyed, opening wide enough for him to shove his dick down your throat causing tears to well up in the corners of your eyes. "thats it, take my cock like a good girl."

the taste was strange, you didn't hate it, you actually wanted more. it was enticing, almost delicious. you swirled your tongue around, watching as jaemins eyes fluttered closed and his mouth fell agape, sighing heavily as you hollowed your cheeks. each time he hit the back of your throat, it burned. more drool dripped down your chin in seconds, it was just so much to take in all at once, but the pleasure jaemin had was more important to you. you struggled to take him farther in, nonetheless did so anyway all while his hold on your hair tightened.

he lazily bucked his hips, deepening farther down your throat as you choked with squinting eyes. you wanted to pull back, but jaemins grasp wasn't allowing it.

"learn baby." you heard him say under his breath. "you- you gotta learn how to take m-my big cock as if it's the last meal you'll get."

a whine left your lips, jaemins smirk only growing bigger as he bit his lip. you were a pretty sight.

"baby, y-youre so good at this- fuck...you take me so well." jaemin praised, his head resting back on the couch, enjoying the treatment you gave him. until he remembered a certain someone who was watching the show from afar. "f-foxy," jaemin pulled your head off his dick as a string of saliva connected from your lips to his tip, "wanna add another lesson to this? how would you like that?"

you wiped your lips with your hand and quirked your head to the side with a smile, "I love new things, I'm sure I'll love this too."

god your eagerness was just adorable. "then you wouldn't mind if renjun joined? he's been watching the whole time."

you knew renjun was there, in fact, you knew they were both there before jaemin sat next to you. it's the amazing part of being a fox, you could sense them from a mile away. but renjun in this case, you didn't expect him to stay and watch for as long as he did nor did you expect jaemin to invite him to your 'learning' session. that's when you thought for a moment; renjun was more reserved in the dorm, he only kept to himself even though you've heard things come from behind closed doors. he never asked for your help. it was strange how unlike the others he was and maybe that's why you wanted him to teach you like jaemin is doing.

but renjun kept his position, waiting for your answer in anticipation. "yeah, but how am I going to learn with both of you?"

jaemin didn't answer, instead he faced the new person that started walking into your little session; renjun, who's face was bright red.

"youre doing this on purpose, jaem." renjun growled.

"only because I know you like it." he smirked, patting his lap as he faced you again, "on my lap."

the second he said that, you got up, sitting just below jaemins red cock though you really wanted to sink right on him. it's was tempting, but not yet.

the two stared at you in awe and lust, undressing you at the sight. jaemins hand traced your bare thigh, hiking up the shirt that barely covered your wet panties.

"i want you to sit on my cock." jaemin sighed, taking a deep breath to slow his wavering voice, "suck renjun off too. make us feel good, baby. you can do that, yeah?"

you nodded. that was all you needed to hear.

humans are strange.

that's a known fact.

you didn't realize how animalistic one could get with a high sex drive and you were the one beginning your heat. this is indeed normal for all hybrids. you weren't unfamiliar with it, though normally during heats the hybrid center would keep you in a room with plenty of toys until it ended. you didn't use them though, mostly because you didn't understand it. but this was far different. the boys didn't lock you in a room, didn't shy away from your sudden temperature rises and random moaning, didn't care if you suddenly straddled their thigh and start humping it.

oh no, they loved it.

they loved how you needed to be fucked senseless everyday until it ended. they loved how you begged for their dicks no matter what time of day. they loved how sensitive to touch you were. they loved it so much.

there were no more lessons for you anymore. it was now a 'she knows what she's doing, let's have sex' kind of scenario. when you were ready, as where they. yet not one of the boys had patience to take turns with you. after knowing what jaemin and renjun did to you a week ago, they all decided to fuck you all at once. did you mind? not at all, actually it helped your heat and made you happy and perhaps moderately sore.

it simply started out when jeno noticed you whimpering in your bed. literally whining like an injured dog, twisting and turning as you squeezed your eyes shut, holding on to the sheets as if they were your last resort. jeno rushed to your side, putting his hand on your head and realized how hot you were getting. he knew you needed something- or even someone. he knew it was the only way to calm you down yet it worried him. what could he do to slow your heat, to make you calm down at least for an hour if not more? well the answer is simple and quite literally in his face. you needed sex, if not then a toy to soothe you. however, no one had toys, why need one? so he had to fulfill your needs. yet what if he did something wrong during it all? he'd be wrecked. though shortly after thinking of how to approach this, haechan had walked in wondering what all the noise was until he laid eyes on your panting form in jenos arms.

"holy shit a miracle is happening." he said, more to himself then you and jeno. there was a sign of happiness on haechans face, not at all worried over your sweaty figure like jeno was.

"she's literally burning up, idiot, we have to do something." jeno rolled his eyes and shushed you, rubbing your belly as it seemed to calm the heavy breathing and panting.

haechan sat at the edge of the bed and bit his lip whilst staring at you, "fuck her, duh. it's helpful and pleasing.

you nodded ecstaticly, "p-please, please! I need it- I need you, please, it hurts." you begged and clawed at jenos chest, ready to tear his shirt off and take him. but jeno put his hand over yours to stop you.

"can you calm down for me? it's okay foxy, I promise." he said sweetly almost making haechan want to puke from the sweetness. "I'm not here to pleasure myself, I'm here to help the poor girl." jeno said to haechan. you whined loudly, thrashing on the bed as haechan crawled on top of you, hovering just above your shaking and sweaty body. you reached for him, wrapping your arms around his neck to pull him in for a desperate kiss. teeth clashed together, striking a moan from the man above you as he ran his hands under your shirt, kneading the soft flesh of your breasts. jeno didn't know what to do. with the two of you tearing each other apart, jeno was growing harder each passing second, just wanting to cut right to the point and fuck the life out of you. but it wasn't for him, no- he had to do it for you. maybe he was getting too ahead of himself. sure you did look appealing but regardless jeno had to do it for your sake.

"I want-" you spoke in between kisses, "I want y-your cock. will you gi-give it to me? please, haechan I want it." basically, you were begging like a pornstar. you didn't care, not one bit. the pain of your heat was building up, so tormenting that you didn't care for how stupid you sounded anymore. you just needed someone to relieve you of it.

"how bad do you want it?" haechan sat back on his knees, straddling your leg as he smirked, "tell me foxy. can't give you something if you don't want it that badly."

"I want it so bad. hurts so much." you put your head on jenos thigh, lightly sobbing, "I-I want you to m-make me feel good."

the older stroked your hair, grazing his fingertips over your ears as they twitched. "give her what she wants."

"but I like the way she gets so desperate for us. look at how she's craving for some dick in her soaked cunt. it's adorable!" haechan stared in awe, carefully removing your shirt then your damp panties. your slick stuck to them. more of your juices spilled from your hole and onto the sheets creating a wet spot on the bed. jeno didn't let haechan drag on for too long. instead, jeno rushed in and pumped three fingers in you easily. he wasn't too fast, but at a tempo that made you arch your back and claw at his wrists.

"taking my fingers like a good girl. a very good girl." jeno whispered sweet words. your moans rang throught the halls of the house. at each stretch, your walls almost seemed to get tighter and tighter just sucking him in. he couldn't help building his speed, squelching noises echoing in the room. it wasn't long until you started touching both of them. rubbing the outline of their growing girth. haechan was the one who advanced and took the chance to keep your hand in place and hump it like a puppy. letting you tighten around his length as he kept moving.

"fuck, that feels amazing," haechan sighed, "you must really want our cocks, huh baby?"

"want it so bad." you gasped when jeno curled his fingers, "mmmh, j-jeno i love your- your fingers. f-faster."

faster? he was already at a speed any girl would be screaming at. although seeing as you drooled in ecstasy, jeno had to shake his head at your request instead, "I'll fuck you instead. wouldn't you rather have my cock in that tight pussy," he swatted your hand away from him, leaning closely over your face. "cream my cock like a whore? don't you want that?"

you nodded impatiently.

"use your words." the other said.

your face flushed, "i-i wanna cream y-your cock, jeno."

"cream who- woah...." another member walked in, taking in the sight of you sprawled on the bed with jenos fingers buried in your heat and haechan humping your hand. renjun had no words, merely stumbled over what he was trying to say. you bit your lip, staring at the man who intruded into the room. as if the door wasn't open. "i uh um-" renjun was really at a loss of words. he scratched the back of his head still staring at jeno fingering you. he held back the urge to palm himself through his pants that grew tighter and more constricting each passing second.

"of course someone else has to come in." haechan groaned, "you gonna join or what?"

the oldest didn't even answer the question. he basically sprinted to the other side of the bed across from jeno. "she looks hot." he said worriedly.

"she does look hot in this position, not gonna lie." the youngest admitted, letting your hand on his crotch go so he could sit back.

renjun faced haechan with a glare, "I meant her fucking temperature, dickweed." he growled "baby, you okay?"

on queue, you shook your head. "n-need someone."

"hear that jeno? she clearly needs it, why don't you give it to her?" haechan piped, smirking widely at the other now concerned member.

"y-yeah jeno, fill me up!"

whatever will make you feel better, that's all he really wanted out of this. shoving haechan off the bed, jeno got in position at the foot of the it. his pants were so painfully tight and once he discarded the piece cloth to the side, he let out a relief filled hiss at the cold feeling. jeno needed this just as much as you did. he grabbed your hips, pulling your body into his as you opened your mouth to let out a whine. your slicked heat was just barely on his tip, clentching around absolutely nothing oh-so desperately.

"jen-" you stopped your words in utter shock as he pushed right in so easily, stretching you out. it was perfect, this was what you needed. but it didn't relieve you right away. your pain needed to literally be fucked. and that's what jeno did. the rhythm of his hips was rough, knocking the bed frame into the wall. surely a dent would be there after he was done, but he didn't care. his head was thrown back, neck on full display for your wide eyes to see. jeno looked so perfect. you wanted to savor his sweet, soft moans, capture that beautiful look as he pounded into you with more than just need, but absolute love.

"pussy f-feels so good, so wet." he breathed shakily, looking down at you with hooded eyes, "thats my foxy, d-doing so well taking this cock like a good girl." you whimpered at his words, only wanting to cry because of how good it not only felt- but the words of praises he uttered.

haechan and renjun were left to themselves, watching how it all played out as they touched themselves at the sight. to haechan, jeno was being too soft with how he spoke. he spoke so easily whilst harshly fucking you. it ticked haechan off in the slightest as he's not the one to praise someone regardless of how well they're doing. even so, he did like how your body responded to jenos words. how your hands raked jenos abs or wrapped around jenos neck, haechan loved that. on the other hand, renjun was more so worried about you. and though he did like what was happening, your heat seemed to take a toll on you. should you be crying? or was it because of how good jeno felt? maybe renjun was just too worried for your sake.

the more your hold on jenos neck tightened, the more it felt like his dick throbbed. his veins, every ridge was so perfect within you. keeping your mind and attention locked on him like he was the only person in the room. your back curved, pushing farther into jenos body. the hands on your hips guiding you into his, meeting you at a wonderful tempo that only seemed to strike faster each time.

"i-i love it jeno!" you screamed in ecstasy, arms falling down to your sides to grab onto the bedsheets. "you feel so good...." your words of praise only fueled him to go deeper, reaching areas you didn't know were humanely possible. but jeno managed to surprise you more and more nevertheless. he positioned your legs so they were pushed against your chest, easier access for him and a different, more pleasurable feeling for the both of you. it was noticeable how close jeno was becoming. and though he didn't slow, his dick twitched inside of you as his breathing slightly hitched and a choked moan escaped his lips. you wanted him to cum, you really did but you started to become more focused on your own approaching orgasm. it's still new to you, the feeling in your stomach was warm and you had to chase it to get it. so you slowly rocked your hips into jenos to soothe that aching desperation within yourself. his mouth hung open, staring at you with hooded eyes as they inched lower to where your bodies connected.

the way his cock so easily slid into you was just so satisfying to him. he couldnt stop staring. "baby's so pretty getting stuffed full." he shakily muttered, "touch yourself. rub that clit for me, foxy." your fingers hesitated over your somewhat sensitive area. you didn't know exactly what he expected of you, you really didn't know what you were doing. but you remember the day haechan had taught you how to play with yourself, where to touch, how to do it. there was an area above where jeno was fucking you, so you touched there. rubbing the sensitive bud, thighs closing around jenos body because it was so much at the same time. you didn't realize how tender it really is however you yearned for more. "doing so good, baby. " the boy groaned. "gonna cum all over this cock?"

you only whined as an answer. your toes curled at the sudden thought of doing so. it would feel so amazing after all. "j-jeno, yes! s'close." the warm feeling in your stomach was sending you over the edge. each thrust caused you to spiral into moans and sobs, clentching your poor hole as he fucked you through an orgasm. his body toppled over yours after moving your legs. jeno was kissing your sweaty skin, shushing your crying self as you shook under him. jeno didn't care that he didn't cum. this was for you and not him. either way, jeno could get himself off.

"pretty girl," a voice somewhere in the room snapped you and jeno from your thoughts. it was jaemin. "do you feel better?" you merely shook your head, you hadn't realized jeno was already cleaning himself off. "tell us what you need, we'll gladly give it to you."

"i- I need... I wanna cum again."

haechan immediately stood up, walking to the bedside and kneeled next to you, "again? arent you being a bit greedy, love?" jaemin tilted his head to the side as haechan proceeded to trace a finger over your collarbone. you were so lost whilst staring into haechans eyes, didn't realize they held devious intentions in ruining you.

"I want more," you said, "help me cum."

"what a cumslut you are." haechan scoffed, "youre so ungrateful for what jeno gave you. not even a thank you? do you even deserve this? we should just let you suffer. lock you in this room with nothing but a pillow to hump and cum all over." he left you baffled. shaking your head as he stood up, you reached for his shirt to pull him back down.

"I deserve it! I-I'll show you!" letting go of his shirt, you allowed him to stand back up as you sat on the bed. staring up at him, he evidently was more turned on then you'd expect.

"use that whore mouth like a good slut." you shivered, not used to the sudden change from praising to degrading. haechan was clearly very different from jenos calm and soft nature. personalities definitely clashed. though for one thing, more slick slid down your thighs creating a pool under you. it was uncomfortable but you couldnt care. with haechan waiting patiently, you slid his pants off easily. he was big, much bigger than you expected of him. yeah you've taken jaemin in your mouth, but haechans was too big to go into your mouth completely. haechans tip was wet with pre cum, dripping off the tip and onto your hand. "stop staring before I cum all over that pathetic face."

"aww haechan you're making her blush!" jaemin butted in, leaning ever so slightly in his seat to get a better look at you. but you in fact weren't blushing. you were actually tearing up because of haechan. he was literally making you cry while jaemin teased on the sidelines, making fun of your face heating up in embarrassment while tiny droplets of tears feel down your cheeks.

haechan wiped a tear with his thumb before chuckling, "fucking crybaby," he scoffed. "c'mon, open that filthy mouth." you did as told yet with little hesitation, "wider, slut." how wide did he possibly want you to go!? it's not going to fit!

but haechan made it fit. atleast as best as he could. he noticed how you only tried taking what you thought could fit, but he hadn't a care in the world. he grabbed your hair, and forced your head down, not caring how you placed your hands on his thighs to pull off of him. you were forced to take more than you can handle, choking while saliva leaked from the corners of your mouth. it wasn't even his full cock- no you were only half way.

"messy fuckin' fox. drooling all over my dick." haechan moaned, "gonna make me cum just like this." you don't know if you can handle his load, it was too much. with teary red filled eyes, you glanced at him who was staring at you- lips between his teeth as he only smirked at the dirty sight. "pretty."

renjun was a mess. just watching you cry and gag on haechan made him uncomfortably shift in his seat. he couldnt help himself when he walked over to you to stand next to haechan. "sit on the bed. I wanna fuck her while she sucks you off."

in seconds everything flipped. you; on your knees with your mouth on haechans dick, sucking him off. and your ass was up, renjun holding your waist as he put his tip in your used cunt. the sensitivity came back, you didn't care. more focused on breathing rather than the aching between your legs.

"fuck- how is she still so tight?" renjun groaned, pushing in deeper until he couldn't anymore. "love the way she tightens around this cock."

"like a fucking cockslut." the younger between the two commented, deep thrusts penetrating the back of your throat. "look at how desperate she is to have her mouth full. jaemin must've trained you well, huh pet?" you couldnt nod, couldn't move your head, couldn't do anything. which is why haechan couldn't stop from laughing with his head thrown back. "oh yeah, your mouths full. how silly of me."

"foxy likes being treated like a bitch, yeah? fucking yourself like a desperate slut." renjun commented and you rocked your hips faster. slapping noises fill the room, all eyes are on you. haechans rugged thrusts burn the back of your throat as he was just too big to take in. more spit began trickling down haechans balls. so disgusting that you could barely suck your saliva back in.

"stupid bitch can't even fit all of haechan down her throat." jaemin sneered in dissapointment. nails dug into haechans thighs, wanting to prove that you could in fact make haechan fit. sure you were gagging only half way onto him, that won't stop you from trying. with more force you flattened your tongue, hollowed your cheeks, and softened your throat, allowing yourself to sink deeper and deeper until you were unable to anymore.

"guess you were wrong jaem." jeno snickered. "mad she didn't take you like that?" jaemin glared from his seat yet chose to ignore jeno.

you smirked to yourself proudly, keeping all your attention on the two boys. not realizing renjuns sneaky hand, he kneaded your breasts. rolling your hard buds until they turned pink and red, swollen from the needed attention. you pushed into his hand demanding for more until haechan grabbed the other in a fist full. haechan was lazily tweaking the bud, his mind was still on your mouth and how your tongue swirled around his cock. your teeth lightly grazing his skin, haechans breathing hitched the slightest. releasing your hair, his hand fell to his side, the other still playing with your nipple.

"gonna breed this pretty pussy," renjun growled, "isn't that what the bitch wants? you need to be bred like the whore you are. isnt that how the pain will go away?"

your mouth pulled from haechans cock. a string of saliva connecting to your swollen red lips to his own red tip. "i need to be bred." your voice wavered. renjun now tunneling his fingers into your skin with a smirk.

a small hand wrapped around haechans pink cock. it twitched in your hand. the sensitivity shocking through his body as he hissed between his teeth, brows furrowed. "e-easy, baby. not so tight." his hand was put on yours, guiding you up and down with a gentle hold. "just l-like....that." with little care, your dilated eyes made contact with his. seductively arching your back, continously pushing into renjun as you kept your eyes on a whiny haechan. that wasn't all. you stiffened your hand on the youngers dick. why? because the way he screwed his eyes shut, the way he stiffled a low cry, and the way he instinctively bucked his hips into your fist brought great joy to you. something about causing him to pathetically break in your grasps was just so pleasing. although, he would make you regret later.

"shit....need to cum." thrusts became slower yet more extensive, hitting a certain spot that made your eyes roll. lowering your head onto haechans thighs, you felt as if you'd pass out. breathing hitched, renjun held the back of your neck to yank you firmly against his body. "I'll f-fill you up so good, foxy. gonna take all this cum like a good fox. my good f-fucking girl.... tell me- fuck- tell me you're my good girl. let everybody hear you."

"ahhh- I'm... your g-good girl, renjun..."

renjun shook his head, "louder, b-baby. I know you- you can be louder for me. again."

the room seemed to close in on you. everyone had their eyes on you, waiting. "i-I'm your good g-girl!"

renjun came inside you with no hesitation, filling up your abused core. biting your shoulder, his teeth left a red mark on your skin. you were shaking, the strange feeling of liquid painting your walls was enough for you to let go as well. renjuns movements became more shallow, slowly fucking you through your orgasm as well as his own. pulling out, you were shaking in his arms because of the sensitivity. still, cum leaked. dripping down your thigh, spilling ever so slightly until haechan took two fingers and shoved it back into you, fingering you as if you didn't just come twice.

"no... hae- fuck...s-slow down please!"

he all but laughed in your face. continuing his assault on your used cunt, mixing yours and renjuns cum together. "Its so adorable watching you cry like a stupid whore. really....all this crying for what?" your body fell on top of his, twisting and screaming from the immense pleasure that came with tears. thighs closing on his hand until he forced them open again.

"please I'm gonna cum!" hands firmly took hold on haechans shirt. your tears staining the fabric, not being able to stop.

"aww again? so soon too?" he mocked, "you haven't even made me cum yet, babe. how useless could you possibly be?" the movements got faster- if that was even possible. he enjoyed you crumbling, falling apart right on his lap. haechan could cum on sight if he wanted, but where's the fun in that? as you thrashed and screamed making a huge fuss just clentching around his fingers, he snaked a hand in your hair and scratched your head. from your soft ears to your knotted hair, it was the complete opposite to his words.

jeno rolled his eyes just watching you struggle. the roommates were boggled. the only calm one was jaemin who watched thoroughly like he was a judge, taking in the performance of the two on the bed. then, jaemin finally had enough. "thats enough, haechan."

the way haechan halted all movements to one voice was impressive. his fingers pulled away from you, still leaving you breathless and crying. haechan had a sour face, angry at the younger for ending it.

"youre lucky jaemins here." he whispered, "I would've ruined you." with that being said, he left you on the bed and dressed himself, not saying any other word as he left the room.

"god, that kid was gonna make her pass out." jeno sighed. renjun and jaemin nodding together, taking in your quiet form. luckily, you didn't seem to be in pain anymore. more like you were relieved finally. but that would only last for so long until you needed help again.

two of the boys slipped out of the room. you didn't know who, nor did you care. you were tired from everything, sore as well. when you closed your tear stained eyes, the bed dipped and a hand rested on your naked back, rubbing slowly.

"youre not hurt, right foxy? they went a lil rough on you." jaemin, the one who didn't help you today, wondered. but you brushed him off with a no.

"just sore, but I feel fine." facing the boy, you awkwardly smiled, "I don't think my heats ever been this bad. I feel terrible for having you guys do this too me."

"trust me when I say that we don't care. we'll do anything for you foxy, trust me." he began sliding into the bed beside you, arms under his head like a pillow. you maneuvered to lay your head onto his chest. your tail swaying behind you peacefully, everything was so calm after everything that'd happened. "rest up." he began, "youre gonna need the energy for later."

you perked up, "later? are we doing something?"

"your heat," jaemin smirked. "Its gonna be a long night."

sleep had taken you away, resting on jaemins chest. it had been hours since the boys had helped you through your heat. surely enough, it hasn't ended- obviously. but sleeping was just the start of what's to come. you were in a dream, heat taking its course over your body. you knew it wasn't a normal dream, it was a wet one and you found yourself in quite the predicament.

breathing became panting, pawing at jaemins chest as your eyes screwed shut and mouth flew open. whatever was happening in the dream, jaemin was awake for it all. he wasn't worried nor was he confused, he knew what was happening and so he smirked to himself. legs were put over his own, hips colliding into his thigh. it was cute, feeling you chase something that you couldn't get. his hands simply guided their way to your ass, fingers digging into your naked skin that shined in sweat as he rocked your hips against himself.

"jaemin- oh fuck j-jaemin..." you moaned in your sleep. the bed shifting ever so slightly as your body chased that pleasure.

he observed your every movement like a show on tv. not caring or thinking of helping you anytime soon. but as soon as you pulled his waist into your hips, he may had to reconsider that thought. you not only moaned his name, in your dream you were thinking about him. it could be your heat sweeping you into another dimension of euphoria, something about jaemin was so captivating. the dream world felt almost too real. hands raking over your body, lips smashing into each other, his body rocking into yours not soft yet not rough. it was the perfect rhythm mixed with a brutal jaemin.

"s'good jaem- mmm~ it feels so nice."

sucking in a deep breath, he hoped no one walked in. this was just you and him, he didn't want to share.

having said that, jaemin didn't have a need to wake you up. why should he? your resting form was perfect and easy for him to take, making you submit wouldn't be an issue.

jaemin hovered over your naked sleeping body, breathing in the scent of your heat. it was clear your body was rising in temperature. each second he stared, the more slick would pool between your thighs. it's so messy, that's how he liked it. even how you instinctively wrapped your legs around his body while sleeping awakened something in him. this was all for him.

careful to not disturb your rest, he slid his pants off, freeing his painfully hardened cock. then, he discarded his shirt somewhere in the corner of the room until all that was left was nothing but the heat of bare skin. jaemin ghosted over your lips, touching your breasts that erupted a mewl from you. next he pressed his lips to yours, gently locking them on the plump skin. the hand fondled your boobs, switching from playing with them to tweaking your nipples. nothing too rough, he wanted to savor the moment.

"already ready for me, i can feel it." jaemin mumbled to himself against your lips, taking his time to trace over your skin and tug on your lip with his teeth. adoration lingered in his eyes as you tugged on his hair, running your fingers through his dark locks ready to tangle them.

"need i-it... need y-your cock." against his lips you spoke however, you were still lost in a dream.

"still a little slut even when you're sleeping." jaemin scoffed, "thats fine, just proves how desperate you are for me." the boy didn't want to waste anymore of his precious time. lining up his dick, he pushed into you easily. slick covered his cock in mere seconds, the wetness making him exhale shakily at how responsive your body was to his. it was like he was a missing puzzle piece who completed the puzzle.

moaning at the stretch and sudden intrusion, your eyes shot open to see jaemin grinning down at you. one hand held the headboard, the other next to your head. "i-i wasn't dreaming?!"

"no, foxy." He shook his head, "you were grinding on my thigh like a whore so I decided to help my pathetic foxy out."

jaemin had a different feeling than the others, like he had more control over his own self pleasure whilst pleasuring you. don't get it twisted you enjoyed jeno and renjuns help, but jaemin knew exactly where to hit and just how to make your toes curl in the best possible way. you even scratched at his back, nail marks sure to leave red cuts across his smooth skin. hissing at the pain, jaemin took your mouth to shut himself up. still, he was skeptical the others may hear and want to join so he forced himself on your lips, shoving his tongue almost down your throat. your dominance was nonexistent, you let him do what he pleased. exploring your mouth, casually touching your upper thighs. actually- more like firmly grasping them, surely bruises would appear sooner than later. he pulled ur hips into his, meeting you halfway.

your heart was pounding in your chest. were you really doing that in your sleep? how embarrassing. but your mind couldn't linger on that thought for long. switching from dream state to reality hit different in your mind. you couldnt clearly process exactly what jaemin was doing because you were stuck between whats real and what's not. the only difference was you could feel everything. literally. every vein, every ridge, every thrust- everything. and it felt amazing.

"r-right there! you make me f-feel so good!" speaking into his mouth, he only chuckled.

"I know, baby, I know." he pulled from your lips, pout on his face like he was talking to a child, "I love making my good little bitch feel good. you deserve it."

your cheeks burned from jaemins sweet yet degrading words. keeping eyes on you, hips pounded into yours. the head of his dick just barely brushing over your sweet spot. hands on your thighs digging into your flesh roughly, a bruise already forming. he toyed with your clit. the red bud a little sensitive from previous encounters yet not as bad. your motions matched his, making sure he got the same amount of care as you. hands cupped his cheek, running a thumb over his bottom lip as he opened his mouth to let a moan out.

"you don't know what you do to me. how long I waited to do this." his head tilted towards the ceiling, biting his own lip with a smirk before facing you again, "fuck yourself for me, foxy."

he nodded, stopping his thrusts, "go at your own speed and push your hips into mine, I know you can do that." you hummed, nodding your head to show him you understood. jaemin literally stayed kneeling, your hips lifting and awkwardly rolling into his. it was difficult and tiring, thighs already beginning to burn from lifting your weight off the bed. and you were so unsteady, jaemin giving you a half chuckle, half scoff. his gaze staring deeply into your eyes, making fun of your struggling self. maybe it wasn't the most sexy thing jaemins seen, you weren't very experienced, but he clearly expected more. "really... are you that fucking stupid?" he mocked. though you still tried to impress him, showing him that you could do it. just- not correctly.... "So dumb, can't even do something simple."

oh he liked playing a dirty game knowing just how innocent you still were. "f-fuck myself?"

your hips were ruthlessly forced into his. his own body staying still, only yours doing the work. with him digging his nails into your ass, he began to speak, "does this look hard to you? can you not comprehend something so easy? God, you're so useless." his hand made contact with your ass, eyes squeezing shut from the sudden stinging.

"no I-I can do it!" you pushed jaemins hands away, vigorously thrusting your hips forward to prove to him you can in fact fuck yourself on him. he just stayed back, chuckling at your little attempts to please yourself. this time around, it wasn't awkward. no, you were really trying your best. although he wasn't showing any other emotion then a few grunts here and there, you could tell he was in fact impressed by the slight glint in his eyes. it really only took a push to make you go over the edge.

"now that's better!" he praised. "youre gonna make me cum just by doing this."

"please cum! I n-need it, need your cum jaemin!"

"keep fucking yourself on my cock and maybe I'll consider it." your thrusts became more exaggerated, hoping jaemin would be closer to his already nearing orgasm.

"but I need it- you know I need it!" your hips stuttered against his. you were close too, mouth opening as your eyes closed for a second to catch your breath.

"do you deserve it?" he slowly began moving, hands caressing your slick skin, "c'mon baby, tell me if you deserve it. beg for me!"

"i-i do!" you choked, "I deserve to be filled with your cum! please let me have it- all of it."

jaemin almost whimpered at how desperate you sounded, drilling into your soaking core to reach his high. his cock twitched, hips faltering. his lips immediately found yours, kissing you with passion as he came inside you. soft moans vibrated in your mouth, moving in a heated manner. "cum for me, foxy." were the only words needed to be said to make you come undone. waves of pleasure and adrenaline taking over you, fluttering around his cock. "that feel good?" he said, kissing your cheek and your neck with butterfly kisses.

"feels amazing! thank you nana." you hips came to a stop, only occasionally rocking against his.

"anything for you, foxy."

jaemin stayed in this position, still peppering kisses against your skin. this was all he wanted for the rest of the day. but if the boys were to find out he had you all to himself, they'd flip. yet jaemins a cocky bastard, he'll brag about it when he gets the chance. right now though, he wanted to keep you in this position until the end of time.

or maybe until you needed him again. your heats not over yet.

2K notes · View notes

tarobytez · 3 years

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disability in the Six Of Crows Duology; an analysis of Kaz Brekker, Wylan Van Eck, and the fandom’s treatment of them.

****Note: I originally wrote this for a tiktok series, which im still going to do, but i wanted to post here as well bc tumblr is major contributor to what im going to talk about

CW: ableism, filicide, abuse

In the Six of Crows duology, Leigh Bardugo delicately subverts and melds harmful disability tropes into her narrative, unpacking them in a way that I, as a disabled person, found immensely refreshing and…. just brilliant.

But what did you all do with that? Well, you fucked it up. Instead of critically looking at the characters, y’all just chose to be ableist.

For the next few videos paragraphs im going to unpack disability theory (largely the stuff surrounding media, for obvious reasons) and how it relates to Six Of Crows and the characterization of Kaz Brekker and Wylan Van Eck, then how, despite their brilliant writing, y’all completely overlooked the actual text and continuously revert them to ableist cariactures.

Disclaimer: 1. Shocker - i am disabled. I have also extensively researched disability theory and am very active in the disabled community. Basically, I know my shit. 2. im going to be mad in these videos this analysis. Because the way y’all have been acting has been going on for a long ass time and im fuckin sick of it. I don’t give a shit about non-disabled feelings, die mad

Firstly, I’m going to discuss Kaz, his play on the stereotypical “mean cripple” trope and how Bardugo subverts it, his cane, and disabled rage. Then, I am going to discuss Wylan, the “inspiration porn” stereotype, caregivers / parents, and the social model of disability. Finally, I will then explain the problems in the fandom from my perspective as a disabled person, largely when it comes to wylan, bc yall cant leave that boy tf alone.

Kaz Brekker

Think of a character who uses a cane (obviously not Kaz). Now, are they evil, dubiously moral, or just an asshole in general? Because nearly example I can think of is: whether it be Lots’O from Toy Story, Lucius Malfoy, or even Scrooge and Mr.Gold from Once Upon A Time all have canes (the last two even having their canes appear less and less as they become better people)

The mean/evil cripple trope is far more common than you would think. Villains with different bodies are confined to the role of “evil”. To quote TV Tropes, who I think did a brilliant job on explaining it “The first is rooted in eugenics-based ideas linking disability or other physical deformities with a "natural" predisposition towards madness, criminality, vice, etc. The Rule of Symbolism is often at work here, since a "crippled" body can be used to represent a "crippled" soul — and indeed, a disabled villain is usually put in contrast to a morally upright and physically "perfect" hero. Whether consciously on the part of the writer or not, this can reinforce cultural ideas of disability making a person inherently inferior or negative, much in the same way the Sissy Villain or Depraved Homosexual trope associate sexual and gender nonconformity with evil. ”

Our introduction to Kaz affirms this notion of him being bad or morally bankrupt, with “Kaz Brekker didn’t need a reason”, etc. This mythologized version of himself, the “bastard of the barrel” actively fed into this misconception. But, as we the audience are privy to his inner thoughts, know that he is just a teenager like every other Crow. He is complex, his disability isn’t this tragic backstory, he just fell off a roof. It’s not his main motivation, nor does he curse revenge for making him a cripple - it is just another part of who he is.

His cane (though the shows version fills me with rage but-) is an extension of Kaz - he fights with it, but it has a purpose. Another common thing in media is for canes to be simply accessories, but while Kaz’ cane is fashionable, it has purpose.

The quote “There was no part of him that was not broken, that had not healed wrong and there was no part of him that was not stronger for having been broken.” is so fucking powerful. Kaz does not want nor need a cure - its said in Crooked Kingdom that his leg could most likely be healed, but he chooses not to. Abled-bodied people tend to dismiss this thought as Kaz being stubborn but it shows a reality of acceptance of his disability that is just, so refreshing.

In chapter 22 of SOC, we see disabled rage done right - when he is called a cripple by the Fjerdan inmate, Kaz is pissed - the important detail being that he is pissed at the Fjerdan, at society for ableism, not blaming it on being disabled or wishing he could be normal. He takes action, dislocating the asshole’s shoulder and proving to him, and to a lesser extent, himself, that he is just as capable as anyone else, not in spite of, but because he is disabled. And that is the point of Kaz, harking back to the line that “there was no part of him that was not stronger for having been broken”.

I cried on numerous occasions while reading the SOC duology, but the parts I highlighted in this section especially so. I, as many other disabled people do, have had a long and tumultuous relationship with our disability/es, and for many still struggle. But Kaz Brekker gave me an empowered disabled character who accepts themselves, and that means the world to me.

Keeping that in mind, I hope you can understand why it hurts so much to disabled people when you either erase Kaz’s disability (whether through cosplay or fanfiction), or portray him as a “broken boy uwu”, especially implying that he would want a cure. That flies in the face of canon and is inherently fucking ableist. (if u think im mad wait until the next section)

Next, we have Wylan.

Oh fucking boy.

I love Wylan so fucking much, and y’all just do not seem to understand his character? Like at all? Since this is disability-centric, I’m not going to discuss how the intersection of his queerness also contributes to these issues, but trust me when I say it’s a contributing factor to what i'm going to say.

Wylan, motherfucking Van Eck. If you ableist pricks don’t take ur fucking hands off him right now im going to fight you. I see Wylan as a subversion another, and in my opinion more insidious stereotype pf disabled people - inspiration porn.

Cara Liebowitz in a 2015 article on the blog The Body Is Not An Apology explains in greater detail how inspiration porn is impactful in real life, but media is a major contributing factor to this reality. The technical definition is “the portrayal of people with disabilities as inspirational solely or in part on the basis of their disability” - but that does not cover it fully.

Inspiration porn does lasting damage on the disabled community as it implies that disability is a negative that you need to “overcome” or “triumph” instead of something one can feel proud of. It exploits disabled people for the development of non-disabled people, and in media often the white male protagonist. Framing disability as inherently negative perpetuates ideals of eugenics and cures - see Autism $peaks’ “I Am Autism” ad. Inspiration porn is also incredibly patronizing as it implies that we cannot take care of ourselves, or do things like non-disabled people do. Because i stg some of you tend to think that we just sit around all day wishing we weren’t disabled.

Another important theory ideal that is necessary when thinking about Wylan is the experience of feeling like a burden simply for needing help or accommodations. This is especially true when it comes to familial relationships, and internalized ableism.

The rhetoric that Wylan’s father drilled into his head, that he is “defective”, “a mistake”, and “needs to be corrected”, that he (Jan) was “cursed with a moron for a child” is a long held belief that disabled people hear relentlessly. And while many see Van Eck’s attempted murder of Wylan as “preposturous” and overall something that you would never think happens today - filicide (a parent murdering their child) is more common than you would like to believe. Without even mentioning the countless and often unreported deaths of disabled people due to lack of / insufficient / neglectful medical care, in a study on children who died from the result of household abuse, 40 of 42 of them (95%) were diagnosed with disabilities. Van Eck is not some caricature of ableist ideals - he is a real reflection on how many people and family members view disability.

Circling back to how Wylan unpacks the inspiration porn trope - he is 3 dimensional, he is not only used to develop the other characters, he is just *chefs kiss* Leigh, imo, put so much love and care into the creation of Wylan and his story and character growth that is representative of a larger feeling in the disabled community.

That being said, what you non-disabled motherfuckers have done to him.

The “haha Wylan can’t read” jokes aren’t and were not funny. Y’all literally boiled down everything Wylan is to him being dyslexic. And it’s like,,,, the only thing you can say about him. You ignore every other part of him other than his disability, and then mock him for it. There’s so much you can say about Wylan - simping for Jesper, being band kid and playing the fuckin flute, literally anything else. But no, you just chose to mock his disability, excellent fucking job!

Next up on “ableds stfu” - infantilization! y’all are so fucking condescending to Wylan, and treat him like a fucking toddler. And while partly it is due to his sexuality i think a larger portion is him being disabled. Its in the same vein of people who think that Wylan and Jesper are romantically one sided, and that Jesper only kind of liked Wylan, despite the canon evidence of him loving Wylan just as much. You all view him as a “smol bean”, who needs protecting, and care, when Wylan is the opposite of that. He is a fucking demolitions expert who suggested waking up sleeping men to kill them - what about that says “uwu”. You are treating Wylan as a burden to Jesper and the other Crows when he is an immensely valuable, fully autonomous disabled person - you all just view him as damaged.

And before I get a comment saying that “uhhh Wylan isn’t real why do you care” while Wylan may not be real, how you all view him and treat him has real fucking impacts and informs how you treat people like me. If someone called me an “uwu baby boy” they’d get a fist square in the fucking jaw. Fiction informs how we perceive the world and y’all are making it super fucking clear how you see disabled people.

Finally, I wanted to talk about how the social model of disability is portrayed through Wylan. For those who are unaware, the social model of disability contrasts the medical model, that views the disability itself as the problem, that needs to be cured, whereas the social model essentially boils down to creating an accommodating society, where disability acceptance and pride is the goal. And we see this with Wylan - he is able to manage his father’s estate, with Jesper’s assistance to help him read documents. And this is not out of pity or charity, but an act of love. It is not portrayed as this almighty act for Jesper to play saviour, just a given, which is incredibly important to show, especially for someone who has been abused by family for his disability like Wylan, that he is accepted.

Yet, I still see people hold up Jesper on a pedestal for “putting up with” Wylan, as if loving a disabled person deserves a fucking pat on the back. It’s genuinely exhausting trying to engage with a work I love so much with a fandom that thinks so little of me and my community. It fucking shows.

Overall, Leigh Bardugo as a disabled person wrote two incredibly meticulous and empowered disabled characters, and due to either lack of reading comprehension, ableism, or a quirky mix of both, the fandom has ignored canon and the experiences of disabled people for…. shits and giggles i guess. And yes, there are issues with the Grishaverse and disability representation - while I haven’t finished them yet so I do not have an opinion on it, people have been discussing issues in the KOS duology with ableist ideals. This mini series was no way indicative of the entire disabled experience, nor does it represent my entire view on the representation as a whole. These things need to be met critically in our community, and talked about with disabled voices at the forefront. For example, the limited perspective we get of Wylan and Kaz being both white men, does not account for a large portion of the disabled community and the intersection of multiple identities.

All-in-all, Critique media, but do not forget to also critique fandom spaces. Alternatively, just shut the fuck up :)

happy fucking disability pride month, ig

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tinyboxxtink · 2 years

Text

"Spring Break '86" *Chapter 12*

Chapter 11

Chapter 13

I know guys, I know.

But to be fair, I gotta keep this lasting until NEXT weekend!

Speaking of...

SO, funny story:

I'm gonna be at a convention in Austin from Thursday-Sunday next week. [31ist-4th[

I can probably fit in watching all of Part 2-- the last time this happened, we did end up watching the whole thing on down times.

But damn am I gonna have to literally stay off EVERYTHING until that happens. I won't be able to handle it if Eddie dies.

But um, anyway-- i'm going to do my best to finish up before then. And get through Part 2 as fast as possible.

Also-- not to be that girl, but: the reblogs and comments make me wanna write more and sooner. 😅😜

Okay, here we go!

-----

Looking at Vecna for the first time in person, you quickly lost all your sass and strength against him. You buried your head in Eddie’s chest.

“I don’t wanna do this,” you whimpered.

“Aww” Vecna mocked you. “Big bad Y/N can’t take it in person?”

“Shut up,” Eddie growled, pulling you closer.

“Yeah, you can’t have her,” Robin snapped.

“Oh, I don’t need her,” Vecna chuckled. “I’ve got all you cretins to choose from now,”

“What?” You suddenly snapped to attention, looking at your friends with fear. “No, no you don’t want them Vecna, fuck with me,”

“Me me me, it’s all about me,” Vecna mocked you.

“Alright, fine,” he cracked his knuckles and rolled his neck, looking down at all of you. “You want me to ‘fuck with you’, Y/N? How’s this?”

He waved his hands and suddenly all four of your friends were in his power. Their eyelids convulsing, their bodies stiff.

“NO!!!!” You screamed, running to Eddie first. This was horrifying, you hated that Eddie saw someone like this. Saw you like this.

You then went down the line, checking everyone. They were all the same-- un-moving, eye blinking, statues.

“Shit shit shit,” you muttered to yourself, hearing Vecna’s laugh in the background.

“See where your selfishness gets you, Y/N?. Now all of your friends are suffering because of you,”

“I said take ME, jackass!” you screamed, now returning to Eddie’s side.

“Ah but see,” Vecna lowered himself down to you. “The more guilt and fear I build in you, the more delicious it will be when I wipe your brain. Your pain neurons are like crack,”

While you argued with Vecna, your four friends were trapped in their own hell.

Robin was in the video store, being heckled by patrons who somehow knew she was gay. They were spitting on her, calling her slurs. Her mother was there, saying how she raised her better than that.

Steve was caught in the video store as well, but he was being bombarded from former classmates telling him he’d never amount to anything. Saying that he peaked in high school, and he’d never go anywhere. Nancy was at the forefront of them, saying how much of a loser he was and how she couldn’t believe she had dated him.

Nancy was stuck in the newsroom with everyone not listening to her as editor. Telling her she was worthless, she couldn’t even keep a boyfriend. Then Jonathan appeared, telling her how much he hated her, that he never loved her.

But Eddie’s, Eddie’s was the worst of them all.

--------

He started out in his garage, his buddies from High School, playing D&D. He knew immediately where he was, when he was.

It was the day you had come over to tell him you loved him.

He immediately whipped his head around to see the door open, a young you standing in front of him.

“Y/N,” He went to hug you, but you yelled at him before he could move.

“FINE, YOU WANNA BE A DRUGGIE AND A LOSER, FUCK YOU TOO!!!”

“What?” he shook his head, still trying to walk to you. “No, no! I love you, Y/N,”

“Y-You do?” “you” asked him tearfully.

“Yes!” He smiled and kept going towards you, but the door SLAMMED in front of him before he could reach you.

“EDDIE!!!” He could hear you screaming through the door. He ran to it and began pounding on it.

“Y/N!” He screamed. “Y/N I’M COMING!!!”

“EDDIE!!!!” Your voice echoed through the door. “HE’S COMING!!!!”

“NO NO NO!!!” He knocked his body against the door, trying to break it down.

“EDDIE!!!” You screamed one last time, Eddie finally kicking the door off the hinges. But he was met with an empty hallway.

He was in his old house. The house he lived in with his mom, and his dad before the piece of shit took off on him. He looked around warily, the colors of the house looking faded and the furniture broken. His anxiousness was beginning to soar, remembering all the bad memories here.

“EDDIE, CLEAN YOUR ROOM OR YOUR GIRLFRIEND GETS IT!”

Suddenly his mom’s voice was booming behind him. He turned around to see his mom, holding a knife to your throat.

“...M-Mom?” he gulped, totally shocked to see her standing in front of him.

“First you killed me, now you’re going to let HER die too!!!!” his mother cackled.

“EDDIE!!! HELP!!!” You screamed at him.

“Y/N!!” He went to charge his mother, but she faded away before his eyes, taking you with her.

“Wait,” Eddie shook his head, starting to become lucid. “Wait, this isn’t real,”

“EDDIE!!!!” He now flipped around to see you being held by Vecna.

“This not ‘real’ enough for you, Eddie?” Venca laughed, running his fingers across your face.

“Eddie…” ‘you’ whimpered, Vecna’s claws digging into the side of your shoulder.

“NO!! STOP!!!” he begged, tears streaming down his cheeks.

“Oh fine,” Vecna acted as if he was going to toss you down, but he grabbed your head and ripped it off, dropping your body to the floor.

“OH MY GOD!!! NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!” Eddie screamed in agony, falling to his knees.

----------

Upside Down

Eddie’s body began to rise as his horror fantasy was climaxing, ready to claim his life.

“NO!!!” You screamed blood murder as the others slowly began to rise as well.

This was hell. It was literal hell. This wasn’t a joke, this wasn’t Jason the douche wielding a gun like a jackass. There wouldn’t be a way out of this, you were about to see the love of your life ripped apart in front of you.

You HAD to do something, you couldn’t let him die because of you. Not again. You searched around you, looking for anything. Anything you could throw, distract him. Hurt him. You saw a large stick, grabbed it and chunked it at Vecna with all the might you could.

You saw it sail through the air, smacking him right in the face. WIth a loud roar, he shook his head and body from the hit. You saw all four bodies drop instantly, and you didn’t hesitate to run up to Eddie.

“We HAVE to get out of here, Eddie,” you shook him as he came to, sitting up and rubbing his head. When he saw you and your head fully intact, he grabbed you and pulled you as close into him as possible, beginning to sob. He didn’t care who saw him, you were alive.

“Eddie, baby…” you tried calming him down, not liking how the tables had turned. You didn’t know if this was exactly what you looked like when you thought he had died, TWICE, but you didn’t like it.

“Baby we have to go…please,” you tried pulling him to his feet but he clung to you like a child. You looked over at Nancy, Robin, and Steve all slowly getting to their feet.

“Y-You were…” he blubbered, slowly standing up but not letting go of you. “Your head was…”

“Oh, baby,” you looked into his eyes. His beautiful chestnut eyes were filled with tears, he was shaking.

He’d never looked that scared in his life; not in front of you, anyway. You let him pull you into him once more, letting him cry on the top of your head. While comforting him, you saw Vecna coming to his senses, setting his sights on the five of you.

“Shit,” you muffled into his hair, pulling him back slightly. “Baby, we need to go,”

All four of them looked where you were looking and began to run, no questions asked.

You ran and ran as fast as you could, holding tight to Eddie’s hand. You were not going to lose him, you weren’t. You weren’t even sure what you were running to, you just knew you had to get as far away from Vecna as possible.

“I can’t-- run--- anymore--” You felt your legs turning to fire, you couldn’t breathe. Eddie’s hold on your hand grew tighter at your words.

“You HAVE to, Y/N,” He told you, using all of his strength to pull you forward and lift you into the air.

He was now carrying you, while running himself. He was exhausted already, but his fear for your life gave him adrenaline like a mom lifting a car off her child. He finally noticed an empty building, to which he yelled back to the other three:

“Over here!!!!” he gestured with his head towards the building. They all nodded and followed him, not stopping until they were safely inside.

You all just sat there, inside the Upside Down version of a Mickey D’s. The golden arches on the wall mocked you all. After a few minutes of heavy breathing, trying to catch your breaths, you began to cry.

“We’re gonna die here, aren’t we?” you cried, pulling your knees into your chest. Eddie pulled you closer to him, still breathing hard.

“N-No,” he panted. “We’re not. We’re NOT going to die, here, do you hear me Y/N?”

You looked up from your knees into his eyes. “Y-Yeah,”

“We’re not going to die here, because I still have to marry you, and we have to have kids with bad ass Hellfire jackets. And i’ll teach them all D&D, and we’ll have our own campaigns, it’ll be great,”

“Oh God,” you laughed weakly. “Is that supposed to be helping? Because our kids are not playing--”

“Oh they most certainly ARE, Princess,” he smiled.

“Yeah?” you laid against the cash register counter and rubbed his hand with your thumb. “How many?”

“W-What?” he suddenly realized you were surrounded by other people, listening to him be all ‘mushy gushy’. “I-I don’t know babe, I haven’t--”

“Bullshit you haven’t thought about this!” you shoved him playfully. “Come on baby, please? Give me something to live for?”

“Oh thanks a LOT,” Eddie shoved you back. “I’m not enough to live for?”

“Can I tell you what I imagined then?” you asked sweetly, causing his jaw to drop.

“Y-You thought about it?” he asked.

“Eddie I’ve been in love with you since 7th grade,” You blushed. “I’ve planned our lives out together in so many different ways I lost count,”

“R-Really?” Eddie asked again, disbelieving his ears. There was no way his dream girl had been planning their lives together. No way.

“Eddie,” You looked at him seriously. “Come on. It was…you,” you put your hand to his face and leaned in close. “It was always you,”

“Oh my God I swear to God I’m about ready to go take my chances with Vecna,” Steve made gaging noises at the two of you.��

“Oh shut up Harrington,” you flipped him off. “Like you haven’t planned out you and Nancy Drew’s life,”

Nancy, Robin and Steve all looked at you with shock and awe, while Eddie laughed in amusement at the comment.

“Excuse you!” Nancy cried, Steve looking at you with the same sentiment.

“Look Steve,” you put a hand on his knee. “Maybe it’s the exhaustion or the blood loss talking, but-- I think now’s the time to start tying up loose ends,”

“Blood loss--?” Eddie’s ears perked up, he began to search your body for wounds.

“Y/N I just don’t--” Steve rubbed the back of his neck nervously.

“Jonathan and I are breaking up,” Nancy suddenly announced, making the three of them look in shock, while you laughed.

“TOLD you!” you cackled.

“What do you mean you ‘broke up’?” Steve asked Nancy.

“I mean not technically,” she made a face.

“What does that mean?!” crossed his arms.

“It’s complicated, I don’t know--” she threw her hands up in distress. “Can we just--?” she motioned away from the group.

They both stepped off to the side to have their own conversation, just as Eddie touched your lower back.

“SSSSsssrttt!!!” You hissed as he touched the gash wound. “Fuck me Eddie, that hurts!”

“Yeah? Does it?” Eddie asked you in an angry voice. “So why didn’t you speak up about this before?!”

“Um GEE,” You mocked him. “Maybe it was because I was watching the love of my life floating in the GODDAMN AIR!!!”

“Oh for fuck’s sake--” Eddie groaned while taking off his jacket and tying it around your waist tightly, hoping to stop the bleeding.

“God,” you shook your head with a sad laugh once more. “Look at us. One of us is really going to die, aren’t they?”

“STOP saying that,” Eddie growled.

“Look where we’re sitting, Eddie!” you gestured around. “If you’re not at the brink of death, then I am! We just keep trading! Because we’re idiots!”

“Hey!” Eddie snapped. “For the record, that last time wasn’t my fault,”

“And this one wasn’t mine!” you gestured to your wound.

“Bullshit,” Eddie scoffed. “I know one of those beasty mother fuckers took a chunk out of your back!”

“Look just--” You started to tear up. “Just go, okay? Go to your trailer, find the other portal, and get out of here, okay?”

“Okay you must be loopy because you know there’s no way in hell that’s ever happening,” Eddie laughed.

“What are you gonna do Eds, huh?” You sadly smiled at him. “You gonna carry me the whole way?”

“YES!” He nodded enthusiastically. “Yes that’s EXACTLY what I’m going to--”

“We went the wrong way,” you laughed and cried harder.

“What?” he asked.

“To the trailer park,” you gestured outside. “When we started running, we ran in the opposite direction,”

“Shit…” Eddie whispered as he looked out the window, realizing you were right. His trailer was on the opposite side of town.

“Now we have to make it twice as far,” you sadly laughed. “Which means we’ll DEFINITELY die, which means--”

“SHUT. THE FUCK. UP!!!!!!!” Eddie suddenly bellowed, making everyone wince.

“Eddie, I--”

“No,” he told you sternly, getting inches away from your face. “No ‘Eddie’. No tearful goodbyes, no romancing some kind of fake life with fake kids, no more accepting that we are going to just sit here, and die. NO MORE, do you hear me Henderson?”

“....Okay,” you nodded quietly.

“We all have to stay optimistic,” Robin piped up, feeling like the fifth wheel.

“What?”

“Vecna preys on the vulnerable and desperate, right?” SHe pointed out. “So we have to stay positive!”

“She’s right,” you agreed, to which Robin smiled.

“So let’s focus on staying together,” Steve suggested, now returning to the group holding Nancy’s hand.

“Good talk, I assume,” you wiggled your eyebrows weakly with a small smile, making Nancy blush.

“Oh good,” Robin rolled her eyes. “Now I really am the fifth wheel,”

“Hey, Buckley,” Eddie hit her softly. “What did you just say?!”

“Yeah, I know,” she put her hands on her head and began pacing. “I just…I don’t think I’ll ever have that,”

“Hey,” you waved at her, getting her attention.

“You shouldn’t focus on that. Focus on this: you’ve got four people here who know who you are. ALL of you. And we all accept and love you for who you are. Isn’t that a good thing?”

“Yeah,” she nodded with a small smile, looking around at the group. It was true, she had never had this many people she could be fully herself with.

“I guess that is something,” she shrugged with a smile.

“Okay then!” Eddie clapped his hands together, getting a fake enthusiastic tone. “We better get going, gang!”

“Please, don’t,” You groaned. “That is the scariest thing I’ve ever heard,”

“Oh shut your hole, Henderson,” Eddie scoffed as he picked you up and let you lean on him while you all walked. “I used to be a pretty happy kid, if you remember,”

“Happy kid?” Steve laughed loudly. “Yeah, no. I don’t buy that,”

“He was, believe it or not,” You defended him, making Eddie stick his tongue out in triumph.

In fact, you could recall the day he stopped being a ‘happy kid’.

------

Four Years Ago, Hawkins HIgh

You saw Eddie coming down the hall and braced for a dirty comment, but were met with silence. In fact, he didn’t look at all like he was in the jovial mood. His bag was clutched closely to his bod, his head looked down at the floor. His hair was covering his face, but you could have sworn you heard muffled sobbing sounds when he walked past you.

“I um,” you looked at your fellow cheermates. “I forgot something in my locker, I’ll be right back,”

You walked down the hall to follow Eddie before waiting for a response. He was moving fast, but you kept up with him. You both sped walked across campus, until he finally stopped dead in his tracks in the parking lot behind the school.

“WHY are you following me, Henderson?” He asked you very loudly and angrily, without so much as a turn of the head your way.

“Because--” you stepped closer now that he had stopped walking, but you could tell he was visibly shaking so you made small movements.

“I’ve never seen you like this, Eddie,”

“Oh what do you know, huh?!” he spun around to face you, his face visibly tormented. Tears were rolling down his cheeks replacing dry ones, his eyes were red from even more crying.

“Oh, Eddie--” you started to go hug him, but his hands were up instantly, blocking you from any of his personal space.

“UH UH, NO,” He spat. “No ‘Eddie’...” he mocked your voice, trying to stop crying.

“NO. You-- you don’t get to sit there and make fun of me with your little fucking sheeples everyday, and then all of a sudden you wanna hug it out just because my--” He stopped and threw a hand over his mouth as if to keep from his words from spilling out.

“Your what?” You searched his face, trying to figure out what he was saying. It was so much easier when you were kids, when you were so in sync. You knew everything he was thinking, sometimes before he did. But now, his face was completely foreign to you.

“Nothing, just--” He started to turn back around and walk to his car, but you were done with games.

You walked right in front of him, stopping his path.

“Eddie Munson you tell me what’s wrong with you right now or I’ll--”

“Or you’ll what, Princess?” he barked, towering over you. “What the fuck are you gonna do to me? Ignore me? Make fun of me? Pretend we were never friends? OH WAIT--”

“Oh come on Eddie now is not the time to act like a child--” You rolled your eyes and began to chastise him when he yelled over you.

“Yeah well maybe it is because I just lost my MOM, Y/N!”

“....W-What?”

“Y-You wanna know what’s ‘wrong’ with me? Why I’m ‘upset’?” He began to cry again, but stopped himself. He wasn’t giving you the satisfaction.

“Because I just killed the one person who gave a shit about me,”

“What?” you blinked repeatedly, trying to process what he said. “That can’t be-- you wouldn’t--”

“She went into the hospital for ‘stress’, and then she never came out,” Eddie elaborated. “You tell me what she had to be that stressed about, that it would literally kill her,”

“I-i don’t know!” you cried, trying to think of things. “Bills, money, mortgage, a million other things other than--”

“ME,” He pointed to himself, now getting in your face. “ME. She was stressed about ME. And it KILLED HER,”

“No,” you shook your head. He just shook his head with a sad laugh and started walking away from you in response, but you chased after him.

“No that is NOT TRUE, Eddie!” you grabbed his hands and made him look at you.

“Look you and your mom may not have had the-- best relationship,”

You thought about how different his mom sounded the last time you had seen her. So-- downtrodden, about her own son. Maybe Eddie had a point. Not like you’d ever say that out loud.

“But she loved you,” you finally added with a small smile.

“Yeah, I know,” he ripped his hands from yours and continued to walk. “She was the last person left,”

Your heart broke at those words. You wanted to run after him and tell him he was wrong; that you did love him and you were sorry things had gotten so fucked up, and that you wanted to be there for him now that he didn’t have anyone--

But you didn’t.

----------

“Y/N? Y/N? Y/N!” Eddie’s voice drew you back to the present day.

You shook your head and remembered all your surroundings. Eddie had laid you down on a bench when you had nodded off, thinking the worst.

“W-What?” You blinked rapidly, trying to orient yourself. You sat up and looked around, as Eddie’s arms went around you.

“Jesus Christ,” he laughed into your hair. “Stop doing that to me,”

“What?” you furrowed your eyebrows.

“Scaring the shit out of me, that’s what!” he exclaimed.

“She’s lost way too much blood,” Nancy shook her head at the current situation. “We need to get her to a hospital or--”

“DON’T, Even say it. Don’t even THINK IT, Wheeler,” he warned her.

“Well!” She threw her hands up, gesturing at you. “Someone has to think logically here! Not just sobbing at her bedside every time she passes out!”

“You little--” Eddie started to lunge at her.

“AY HEY HEY HEY!” Steve body checked Eddie real quick. “Simmer down there, buddy,”

“She’s right,” Robin sided with Nancy, drawing more disapproval noises from Eddie.

“Look, I get that all of you are-- ‘scholarly’,” he air quoted.

“Scholarly?” Steve raised an eyebrow, glancing at Robin. “We work at a fucking video store, dude,”

“Look whatever, man,” Eddie shook his head, cradling you in his arms. “I just know that I can’t lose her, and I don’t want any science telling me otherwise,”

“...We could get her to a hospital,” Robin suggested.

“What?” Nancy half laughed at the idea. “How?”

“It’s still Hawkins, right?” Steve pointed to the right. “The hospital should be a block that way,”

“Oh and what are you gonna do Steve, ask a demo-dog to operate on her?” Nancy snarked.

“NANCY,” Steve yelled in frustration. “They’ll at least have supplies to-- stitch her up,”

“He’s right,” Robin agreed.

“Oh my god,” Nancy laughed to herself as they changed their route. “If you say so,”

Eddie hung back as he carried you, catching Steve before he got to the girls. “Hey man,” he nodded at him. “Thank you, really,”

“No problem, my dude,” Steve gave him a genuine smile. “If it was Nancy, i’d be the same way,”

“Yeah,” Eddie nodded with a small laugh. He knew Steve was telling the truth, he looked at Nancy the way he had wanted you to look at him for years. And now you did. And you would. Forever. He just knew it.

“Eddie,” you murmured weakly in his arms.

“Yeah baby?” he cooed.

“I’m sorry,” you apologized.

“For what now?” He softly chuckled.

“Your mom,” you played with his ring on your finger.

“My mom?” his nose scrunched. “What are you--”

“I should have gone after you that day,” you interrupted.

“Oh,” Eddie looked down, knowing exactly what you meant. “It’s-- it’s fine,”

“It’s not,” you insisted.

“Well, it’s in the past now,” He smiled at you.

“Yeah,” You put a hand to his face. “I still wanted to say it. Just in case--”

“NO,” He shook you gently in his arms. “You stop it right now. I’ll forgive you for leaving me alone after my mom died, but I will not forgiving you for leaving me alone forever,”

“Okay okay,” you laughed, lifting yourself to press your lips against his.

Yo u just walked in silence after that, both praying you’d make it in time.

-----------

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@girl-ln-green

@xbreezymeadowsx

@moonbeampillgoth

#eddie munson x reader #eddie munson imagine #eddie munson #eddie munson x you angst #protect eddie munson #eddie munson x you #stranger things 4 #stranger things

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