#i literally don‘t care anymore

[izzieedraws]

space vogue ft. rakun

[uhode]

despise the fact that we’re all trained to associate thinness with health even on subconscious levels i don’t really look at my body mostly because i don’t care but the other day i’ve noticed that i’d gained some weight and got really frustrated and bitter about it which is fascinating because i just gained back the weight i’ve lost in october/november due to eating half a meal every two days and not sleeping like actually this is me getting better and getting healthy again

[anantaru]

— rejecting his cuddles

rejecting his cuddles feat. al-haitham, cyno, diluc, scaramouche x gn! reader

a/n: i spontaneously wrote this after coming home from a night out while craving fluff and cute things

genre: fluff, we're a lil bad for messing with them but who cares, right

— al-haitham

"no thanks!"

you couldn't possibly reject his attempt to cuddle you right now, or could you?

at first, al-haitham‘s smile will slowly drop, not at the reason you might think because he actually is sure this has a deeper meaning, right?

jokes aside, actually he had you figured out from the start but wanted to see how far you would go, putting on the best fake facade one could pull off, it's almost as if he was a natural at deceiving people.

"no.. thanks?" al-haitham was quite impressed on how you managed to reject him this smoothly, it even hurt a little if he was being honest.

He wasn't stupid though, he was aware you were clearly messing with him, his little angel could be a little brat sometimes, that's what he cherished and loved about you as well.

maybe.. he should just try again, right?

with that in mind, al-haitham opened his arms again to advance towards your body to close the distance only for you to wiggle yourself away before he could catch up to you.

"no thanks, i‘m good!"

okay, maybe you were quite cruel today, you honestly didn‘t think much of it and wanted to tease your boyfriend, it was mostly him who would triumph over you so it was natural for some payback here and there.

curiosity got the best of you and that‘s why you were pushing your little scheme a bit further than you actually anticipated to do in the first place, seeking a reaction from your boyfriend.

the second rejection was a literal whiplash right into his face, but then it went clear as day to him, the solution to all of this warmly greeting him.

"okay."

if you could play such game, he surely could do so as well, he deducted that if he was to ignore you now, your fake facade would fall within seconds.

how else were you supposed to keep playing this with him not giving you any attention anymore?

al-haitham was about to get up from his seat as you quickly grabbed his wrist, holding him down.

"okay i was joking don‘t go!"

the slight worry on your face was hilarious to him, how he knew you like the back of his hand was almost scary. In his eyes there wasn‘t anything easier than figuring you out.

"you should stop messing with me before i‘m thinking of a way to get back at you."

— cyno

the general mahamatra had a busy life, cyno was on duty every day and once he got home after a long night, the least you could do is hug him!

today you felt like you should play a little trick on him, just for a quick giggle in your relationship. Contrary to popular belief, cyno was actually an overly humorous person, even though his jokes mostly didn‘t land as he intended them to.

with that you heard the front door open with cyno following suit. You decided to greet him as always and walked towards your boyfriend as he tiredly smiled into your direction, already opening his arms.

"how was your day?"

normally you would‘ve hugged him first and then ask him a question, but today you stood right in front of him without drawing yourself into his embrace.

"it was good, come here." once cyno noticed you weren‘t moving an inch, he thought he should be the one to just hug you instead, yet after attempting to do just that …

"no thanks."

there was an awkward silence followed by cyno looking at you in slight disbelief and irritation. His eyes were low lidded and his expression tired, he really just wanted a hug!

"okay, i understand and respect it, but i don't agree with it."

typical cyno, now that you think back at it you don't really know how you expected him to respond to you. He was a gentleman at heart and immensely respected you.

yet though he didn‘t let it on, this was truly the worst thing that happened to him, yet he obviously doesn‘t want to force you either.

with a flash of guilt throwing itself at you like a fierce force, you quickly stopped him with a big hug from behind, resting your head on his back with your arms tightly shut around him.

"i‘m just messing with you, i‘m sorry."

ending your little sentence with a tiny giggle to soothe the mood, cyno turned around to face you at last, looping his arms around your body in return.

"hah, funny."

— diluc

in any other case diluc wouldn't think too much of it, but the way you were denying his physical affection did throw him off in an unnatural amount.

"no thank you, i'm satiated."

"satiated?" the word blurted out of his mouth in an irritated way, he became confused and unable to recall what the most alarming aspect of this situation was right now.

the fact you didn't want his cuddles, which you once stated were the absolute best, or the fact that you stated you were quote on quote, satiated.

satiated by who?

the urge to throw himself into your embrace was always there, but he didn't want to make you uncomfortable. Diluc was patient with you and so were you with him.

yet he would lie if he didn't feel worried about this, the poor guy having not a single chance of noticing that you were clearly messing with him out of sheer boredom.

as a matter of fact, you didn't intend to go this far, nor did you think diluc would grow this anxious now, making up your mind you decided to end your little play after all as he spoke again.

"is something wrong? if i did something you must speak to me."

noticing how he shifted his eyes around the room, the guilt consumed you from within with your hands quickly grabbing his waist to draw him towards your warm body.

"I'm so sorry, i was trying to mess with you don't worry please."

with a momentary silence and his body frozen, he sighed in relief upon snuggling close to you, feeling the fastened beat of his heart, or was it yours?

"hmpf, maybe i shouldn't hug you for a while."

your eyes widened at his overly cheeky, teasing wording, your lips carved into a pout as you searched for his face, placing your hands on his shoulders.

"it was kaeya's idea, not mine!"

— scaramouche

it wasn't often for scaramouche to search for a hug, not that he didn't want to hug you but he still wasn't completely accustomed to it, to trust a person again and simply relax under their touch.

one might say you were cruel for even thinking of pranking him, because who knows how he would react?

you, will now, know, this sliding second, when he suddenly came back from a long boring day, wiggling himself out of his shoes before he came walking towards you.

it became a slight habit of yours to hug whenever one of you would meet the other so scaramouche didn't think too much of it, he was actually looking quite forward to cuddle with you, so when he finally reached his desired destination, you backed away.

"lets not."

his brow raised almost immediately with his eyes lightly scrunched together in irritation, "lets not .. what?"

his voice had an annoying edge, the one you knew far too well. Sometimes scaramouche involuntarily spoke like that, he didn't even mean to come off as rude but it was a natural thing laced in his tone.

"i don't want a hug, thank you for the kind offer though."

the dazed look of bewilderment on his face was adorable, you felt bad for even finding it cute in the first place as scaramouche continued to tilt his head to the side, rambling in a low murmur.

"i don't buy it, you're the one who can't get enough of my hugs so what are you planning this time?"

his arms crossed around his body, a smirk of his brought out a sense of mischief he was way too good at, a fleeting thought of innocent fun.

in that moment he closed the distance to you almost completely, his eyes piercing daggers into your soul when he spoke once again.

"can you hug me now or what, i don't have all day for this."

the click of his tongue was all it took you to understand that he had figured you out yet again. in all honesty, you didn't know what you expected in the first place.

with a giggle announcing itself out of your throat, you quickly gathered him in your arms, nuzzling him into your warm chest.

scaramouche returned your call and embraced you back with his arms tightly clamped around your body, the pressure applied behind it made it difficult for you to breathe, he was practically clamping onto you.

in that moment you noticed how his breathing was erratic and uneven as well, as if for one tiny second, he really did think he had done something to pain you, something to lose you.

©2022 anantaru do not share, copy, translate

[wonbriiize]

pairing; anton x reader

genre; best friends to lovers, fluff

warnings; none (?)

note; i think this is the shortest scenario i’ve ever written but i hope u guys still enjoy it <3

giving your heart away

in which you and your best friend anton go out for a walk while it’s snowing and he decides to start a snowball fight that ends differently than you’d have ever thought…

“i told you that it would start to snow,” you glare at anton while putting your hands in your pockets because it was so cold outside.

“so what? it’s beautiful. the first snowfall of the year,” anton smiles happily.

and i get to witness it with you, he thinks.

for him, this is the best thing ever, but he can‘t let you know. you two have been best friends for years, so him confessing his feelings for you might change everything.. and he doesn’t know if it would be a good or bad change. all he knows is that his friendship with you means more to him than his lingering feelings and he can’t risk losing it. losing you.

“you know i don’t like snow,” you can’t help but to be angry about this. you’d much rather have stayed at home, where it’s cozy and warm instead of walking outside in the snow, feeling like you’re going to freeze to death.

“well, maybe i can change that,” anton grins before he grabs snow off the ground and forms it into a ball.

you shake your head, taking a few steps backwards. “no, anton, don’t, you’re just gonna make me hate snow even more.”

“are you sure?” anton’s grin grows bigger as he throws the snowball at you.

“ouch! that hurt!”

“oh, don‘t be a baby, that was nothing.”

“i literally hate you so much right now,” the coldness that you were feeling is gone because the anger inside of you is heating you up.

“i know you don‘t,” anton throws another snowball at you, clearly enjoying seeing you act like this. he loves teasing you.

“come on, do something about it. stop me,” and there is another snowball coming at your direction, landing onto your jacket.

now you’re getting really angry.

“i‘m not going to-”, you can‘t finish your sentence because anton throws two snowballs at you. at the same time. one ball misses you, the other one hits your forehead.

it didn’t hurt, but you like to be dramatic so you fall to the ground.

knowing that anton is going to run up to you any second now, you try to hide your grin.

“oh my god, *y/n!*”, anton runs to you as fast as he can. once you see that he is kneeling down and his head is above you, you grab snow from the ground and throw it in his hair. after that, you stand up as fast as you can, laugh and go back a few steps.

“oh, you did not,” anton stands up, shaking off the snow. you stick out your tongue. “oh yes i did.”

“you‘re going to regret this,” anton looks at you, trying to not show how happy he is that you’re finally letting go and loosening up.

“well, you have to catch me first,” you smile while you run away.

it’s actually fun, you think. being here, outside, with anton, playing in the snow.. it feels so relaxing. so comforting.

the two of you keep throwing snowballs at each other and you‘re having the time of your life.

“time-out! my hands are totally dead,” you say, throwing your hands up to show anton how red they are.

“do i look like i care?” anton starts forming another snowball.

“if you want your best friend to keep her hands then yes, you should,” you walk over to the bench, clean the snow away with your hands and then sit down, putting them away in your pockets.

after a few minutes, anton sits down next to you.

“you’re lucky that i want you to keep your hands,” he says.

“oh, you shouldn’t have said that because once they’re not frozen anymore, these hands are going to be forming the biggest snowballs you’ve ever seen,” you joke, bumping your shoulder into his.

“then let’s fasten the process,” you’re surprised when anton pulls both of your hands out of your pocket and holds them close to his chest. you wonder how his hands are so warm even though he was playing as much with the snow as you.

this is it, anton thinks. earlier today, he thought that confessing his love to you is the thing he’s most afraid of to do. but in reality, it’s the thing that will make him feel the most alive. he needs to let you know what you mean to him or else he will regret it for the rest of his life.

it’s now or never.

“how are your hands so warm?” you ask him.

“because my heart is,” he whispers, looking straight into your eyes.

your heart flutters.

it always flutters when you’re with anton. it’s just what he does to you. you have tried so many times to not think about him in that way, but you can’t help yourself.

everytime you’re with anton, your heart starts beating so fast that you’re afraid it’s going to pop out of your chest and right into his hands. giving your heart away.. it frightens you. but right now, you feel like the only person you should give it to is anton. maybe his warmth will keep your heart safe just as he’s saving your hands from freezing to death right now.

“my heart always feels warm when i‘m with you,” now anton looks away. he‘s a little embarrassed to have said this, but he doesn’t regret it.

he starts playing with your hands.

“holding your hands like this.. it’s something that i’ve always wanted to do. that i keep want to do in the future, too.”

if he would have said something like this to anyone else, anton would have cringed. but for some reason, saying those things to you, in this very moment, feels more than good. it feels freeing. it feels right.

anton looks up to you again.

“i know with saying those things i might have ruined everything but i just needed to get it off my chest.”

his eyes sparkle in the moonlight. it looks like they’re holding the whole galaxy inside of them and you want to look at every single star.

“if you don’t feel the same way just tell me but i will probably put my head into the snow afterwards so you won’t see how embarrassed i am,” anton smiles unsurely.

“no, i will gladly put your head into the snow myself,” you grin, sliding closer to anton.

he looks surprised.

“but before that, i will kiss you. okay?”

anton looks even more surprised, but in the best way possible. he nods, pulling you closer.

the second your lips collide with each other, you forget that you’re sitting outside while it’s snowing and how cold it is. being this close to anton makes you feel so warm. it makes you forget where you are. the only thing that matters is that you’re with him.

maybe going outside with anton wasn‘t a bad idea after all. actually, you couldn’t have imagined a better thing to do.

and just like the snow keeps falling down, you keep falling even more for anton each second that passes while the two of you kiss. you‘ve offically given your heart away and you know there’s no one better than anton to keep it safe.

[trekkele]

Reading the post about the Bat families dynamics made me cackle a bit.

(I 100% with everything that you said. ESPECIALLY about Bruce resenting Tim patronizing him. Also just how you generally mentioned that the fandom‘s idea of 'coddling and doing everything for the child' being 'good parenting' is stupid. You‘re so real for that.)

and the way people act like children can do no wrong against their parents also makes me wanna scream

It just made me think about his relationship with his kids which could technically be dramatically watered down to;

Bruce: I don‘t want a kid fighting crime

Batkid: Tough luck. I‘m already here.

Bruce: No.

Batkid: *goes out anyway.* (Alternatively.) Batkid: *Bruce is in danger and Alfred helps Batkid make bad life decisions*

Bruce: Fine. I‘ll make sure you don’t die at least.

Batkid: *is now a teenager*

Bruce: *benches Batkid/still keeps a look out for them cause he‘s worried*

Batkid: You don’t trust me!

Bruce: I literally just don’t want you to die.

Batkid: I can take care of myself! I don‘t need you! You‘re not my Dad!

Batkid: *proceeds to do their own thing. Making sure to show Bruce how independent they are*

Bruce: *focuses on keeping Gotham safe, letting the Batkid do their own thing, which is what they demanded and made clear when they said he is not their Dad. And they seem to be doing very well without him.*

Batkid: …Batman doesen’t love me anymore. I‘m gonna show him that I need him even less than he doesn’t need me! Also Batkid: *trying really hard to impress him*

Narrator: This continues until the Batkid and Batman have an argument and a reconciliation. However, once the Batkid leaves Gotham once more, the insecurities reappear with a vengeance. This cycle will continue until Bruce‘s death. Where the Batkids presumably all believe that they were Batman‘s greatest failure/mistake and that he didn’t love them.

This ask had me giggling till the last line. Why. What did i do to deserve this.

[neobora]

I need some advice please…so here it is since 2020 that I manifest my db, I went through a lot of methods of all kinds like many people, but without ever. Normally, when I was not feeling well, I was able to encourage myself. I discovered not long ago the states, it changed a lot my vision of things and I was very optimistic at the beginning but recently I am more and more complexed with my weight/body and the sun starts to come back so I have to buy clothes (which I didn't do anymore because of my complex for years) even if I feel good in my 4D, I have the impression that my 3D catches up with me. I get depressed a lot I don't know what to do anymore I feel like I'm missing out on my life by dint of hiding… I'd like to lose 16kg, I know it's not the kind of state I should be in but right now I just really need advice… thanks <3 :(

"i have the impression that my 3d catches up with me"

waitwaitwait…. i think this is your problem. you need to stop giving the 3d so much power and seeing the 3d and 4d as separate.

the 3d is your mind reflected. it always reflects you. the 3d is not something you HAVE to be afraid of! no one is doing that to you but yourself. it just shows you what you assume within. don‘t try to force a change in the 3d, you can only change by changing SELF. i know what it‘s like to constantly be scared of the 3d and worry about it. even when you‘re 'trying to manifest' but at the same time you are scared of what the 3d shows you, you can never really fulfill yourself.

here i explained that you need to identify with the INNER MAN. right now you are doing the opposite, you FEEL like you are stuck in this outer world with circumstances you don’t like. but that’s just tricking yourself into forgetting who you are at your core: the inner man. you are always the creator, no matter what, you constantly create what you see in the outer world. you create assumptions, fears, doubts, worries etc. but that does not mean you have to FEEL them and identify with them! once i became aware that i don’t have to FEEL like something i see outside or hear in my mind is true, i stopped caring about the 3d. if i do not feel (identify with) it, it‘s not important to me and doesn’t say anything about me.

i think fear is what stops most people. "but what if xyz happens? what if it doesnt work? what if…." where is all of that happening? in your mind. and who has complete control over your mind? YOU.

this is something you can do when the fear hits that i discovered while i was really struggling: make yourself aware that you are creating ALL OF THIS. then instead of forcing the fear away or forcing good feelings, let the fear pass over you while identifying with the inner man and see that even though it is there, you do not have to identify with it. when i did this the fear turned into pure freedom and adrenaline after a while, it was such an insane experience ngl. it felt so good and freeing. i think i‘ll make a separate post for fear sometime to explain it further.

from there you can fulfill yourself in your imagination without the constant fear nagging you. but it‘s important that you stay persistent without falling back into old states or identifying with your doubts. you created them, remember? you can choose what you feel. what‘s helpful here is seeing the 3d as a dream or (literally) as your mind. if you see something you do not like, remind yourself that‘s not you anymore and you already KNOW you have all you want because you are the creator. you don‘t have to feel urgency or ask "where are my desires?" because you already have them IN IMAGINATION, in your mind, the only thing that gets reflected.

[fairycosmos]

tw domestic abuse, inc*st, animal abuse (nothing too explicit, just to be safe)

hii do you have any advice for dealing with domestic abuse from family members (adult brothers)? he has threatened me in the past and tonight he did it again and spat on me, hit me, constantly alludes to wanting to rape me or working as a sex worker bc I’m currently unemployed and genuinely seems to enjoy to see me in such a low position where it to ever come to that. I have a job lined up starting next week but I still live at home, so does he btw! and yet he is so angry at me for being in the exact same position. he’s also a drug addict and drinks, a misogynistic right-winger and kind of a psychopath. he gets off on threatening me and idk what to do anymore. my dad told me I can‘t move out bc the pay isn‘t enough yet but idk what to do. I‘m also physically disabled which is why I went months without working this year but I was employed for the past four months and I have a new job soon and yet it aggravated him so much that I didn‘t work for the past two weeks, it‘s insane. like, it‘s obvious that he hates his job and is unsatisfied with his own life but he is so disgusting towards me. there‘s s lot of incest-y threats and jokes which scares me, sometimes more than the physical violence. like I just want to die every time it happens and idk what to do. I can‘t move out if my dad doesn‘t let me and I looked at women‘s houses but they‘re all full or won‘t take women like me, myb bc it‘s not severe enough. on top of that he abuses our dog, kicks him and seeks him out every night to do just that bc the dog sleeps downstairs and no one is around to witness it. my parents don‘t care. I was around to witness it tonight for the first time and he did it in front of me and when I told him to stop it he spat in my face and threatened me and I just can‘t stay here anymore. I‘m not from the uk but do you have any advice for me please? ❤️ sorry if this is worded weirdly I can‘t really concentrate right now

the way i want to beat the shit out of your brother and would given half the oppoortunity i'm so fucking serious. i’m so sorry you’re going through this. none of this is your fault. everything you’ve described is so beyond wrong, and you don’t deserve any of it. it’s so messed up that you’re being treated this way in what’s supposed to be your home. your brother’s behavior is abusive, terrifying, and just plain evil tbh and i wish there were real-life consequences for these types of men bc they never fucking learn. no wonder you feel overwhelmed and trapped—anyone would in your situation. i’m really glad you reached out because this is too much for anyone to handle on their own, and you shouldn’t have to.

what he’s doing things like spitting on you, hitting you, threatening you, making those disgusting, incestuous comments etc is beyond unacceptable and the fact that he’s also abusing your dog is just so fucking sick. people like him use power and fear to control others, and it’s clear he’s lashing out in every direction to feel some twisted sense of control. your dog is just as vulnerable as you are in this situation, and it's not fair that you both have to keep living in such a toxic environment. it’s not healthy, and it’s not okay - it pisses me off so much that anyone would deny you help because it's not "bad enough" when it sounds like an actual nightmare. you literally shouldn’t have to live like this.

i know it feels impossible to leave right now, especially with your dad saying you can’t move and your new job just starting. but i promise, there are steps you can take to get out—even if it feels really far away or impossible right now. your safety and your dog’s safety are the most important things here. if your brother becomes violent again or you feel like you’re in immediate danger, please consider calling emergency services. i know that can feel terrifying, especially if your family isn’t supportive, but emergency services or a local domestic violence hotline can step in and help. they’re trained for situations like this and you don't have to wait for it to get any "worse" to call the authorities or an ambulance if you feel unsafe.

since you’ve looked into women’s shelters and they’re full, it might help to keep calling or checking back. sometimes spots open up, or they might be able to connect you to other resources—like emergency housing, legal help, support with clothing/food/transportation, or even animal rescue organisations that can help protect your dog too. it’s worth asking if they know of any shelters or foster programs for pets from abusive households. there are groups out there that work specifically to help people and animals escape abuse, so please don't shy away from seeking that support. i know it's a lot easier said than done and none of it is as simple as just making a phone call and getting the help you need. but keep pushing forward with it bc honestly the sooner you get away from him the better tbh.

in the short term, is there anyone you can reach out to? a friend, teacher, coworker, or even someone you’re not super close with but who might be able to help if they knew what’s going on? sometimes people will surprise you when you let them know how serious things are. even if they can’t house you, just having someone to talk to can make a huge difference.

your new job starting soon is such a big step btw, and i’m so proud of you for pushing forward even with everything going on!! that takes so much strength. once you start earning, maybe you can start saving little by little to eventually get out, even if it feels slow. looking into shared housing or roommate options might help make it more affordable, and depending on where you live, there could be disability assistance programs that can help with housing or expenses. you deserve a space where you and your dog can feel safe and at peace and it's so messed up that you aren't able to feel that way in your own home rn.

and in the meantime, i know you’re doing everything you can to protect yourself, but please don’t forget to keep an eye out for your dog too. if you see him hurting your dog, maybe you can distract or call your dog to you if it’s safe to do so. when you leave, think about how to bring your dog with you or connect with an organization that can help temporarily house pets in situations like this. it breaks my heart to think of both of you stuck in this, but you’re not alone. there are people who want to help.

this is all so much to carry, and i just want to remind you to take it one step at a time. even if that step is just getting through today. if you can, try to find little ways to care for yourself—spend time with your dog, listen to music, write things down to process your feelings, whatever helps you feel a little grounded. you’ve already shown so much strength by reaching out, and that’s the first step toward getting out of this.

please keep reaching out, whether it’s to me, a hotline, or someone you trust. you and your dog both deserve to be safe and loved, and you’re not alone in this. you will get away from him. there is a whole life beyond him and his fucked up behaviour. i’m here for you, and i’ll help however i can. you’ve got this. one step at a time. please take care, i'm sending you so much love. x

resource / resource / resource / resource / resource / resource

international domestic abuse resources

global domestic violence resources

[stayevildarling]

Billie Dean Howard x Reader- I wanna be yours

A/N: I just woke up from a nap and had a dream about Bette Porter. This reminded me so much of Billie so here we are. Hope everyone is doing well🖤

Prompt: You are working as Billie‘s assistant and you are utterly in love with her. Thinking you are quite subtle about it, you quickly realize how wrong you are as Billie can sense a lot more than just ghosts.

TW: flirting, slightly smutty

word count: 1.7k

Tag list: (if you wanna be added or taken off, send me a dm or an ask)

@lunaticwhittaker, @billiebeanhoward, @lanawinters-ily, @kenzbro, @minaslittleone, @httpfiftyshadesofgay, @whitelotus00, @ninaahs, @vintagepaulson, @isle-of-earle, @paulawand, @paulsonsratched, @stepintomyworld

„Is there anything else I can get for you Ms Howard?“ you ask, wrapping your hands around the little folder you carry with you at all times.

Your boss hesitates and you could tell there was something on her mind. You had worked with the medium for quite a while now and despite always trying your best to stay professional, you could tell there was something wrong.

The medium flutters her fingers, touching her fingernails and you could tell by now this meant she was nervous about something.

„I..“ The blonde hesitates and you notice she starts to shake a little bit.

„I don‘t think this is working anymore, you can‘t work for me any longer“ she almost mumbles, the regret and shame visible in her voice and features.

Your world stops turning for a minute. It feels like your breath is knocked from your lungs and your feet swepped away from you.

In the past few months working for Ms Howard, you never thought this job could become something more than that for you. It surely wasn‘t your dream career to be working as an assitant but somewhere along the lines it was all you wanted and needed.

It started off well, learning her coffee and lunch orders and little errands that Ms Howard required during her day. It wasn‘t necessarily part of the job description but you liked running errands for her and making her day a little better each day.

Her words take you back to the first day you saw her, unlike everyone you weren‘t obsessed with Billie Dean Howard, medium to the stars. You had heard about her of course and you watched bits of her show but you never thought you could like her this much.

However, meeting her for the first time completely took your breath away. Your hands were shaking throughout the whole interview because her appearance was breathtaking. Her blonde curls, her perfectly manicured fingernails to her perfect carefully picked outfits. Everything had to match, whether it was a set of pearls on her neck or her perfume. She was quite literally breathtaking.

Of course you had to remind yourself of your part in this, that you aren‘t supposed to be liking her or looking at her this way but you couldn‘t stop yourself. Especially with the little nicknames and petnames that sometimes slipped from her lips. „Thank you darling“ after bringing her her morning coffee and breakfast order.

The two of you grew closer in the months leading up to this, using the summers to stay longer in the office or going to drinks together, of course with more people from the office or using the colder months to go on walks to watch the sunset and so Billie could clear her head, this often helped her to rewind from her days or give her new ideas for her shows.

At some point you earned the mediums trust, maybe it was the way you always quite knew what she needed or that the emails, letters or whatever needed doing was finished each morning before she came into work. When a day at a set didn‘t go quite well, a spirit spooking her a little bit, she wanted to run to you. She wanted to see your calm little face and she liked being in your presence because she felt like you cared and that made Billie feel safe.

Safety isn‘t a feeling Billie would use to describe her life before meeting you, in her childhood she didn‘t necessarily feel safe most of the times and certainly not in her younger years when she suddenly saw bloody ghosts in her bathroom. Figuring out she was a medium and learning how to use her powers helped of course but she never felt quite safe, not knowing when she would have the next scary encounter.

Despite the blonde seeming tough on the outside, it didn‘t quite not affect her like everyone thought. She did spend some of her nights alone crying, finally being able to let her guard down without everyone watching her. Most people didn‘t see her as that but Billie also felt anxious, she didn‘t always like walking into a building, despite knowing there is a camera following her. She did get scared, shaky and sweaty hands and the ocassional heartbeat rising.

„I‘m so sorry Ms Howard, did I do something wrong?“ you ask a little shocked. Your mind automatically runs to a million things you might have done wrong.

„You really don‘t need to call me Ms Howard“ she almost whispers, the guilt causing her perfect features to crease.

Her office fills with silence, everyone already having left for the night and you aren‘t sure what you are meant to do. Should you just leave and accept her decision or should you try and fight for your job and being able to stay in her presence?

„I‘m sorry Ms- Billie“ you reply, feeling a little shy to use her actual name.

„You haven‘t done anything wrong darling“ she replies to your inital question.

Her guilty eyes meet yours after a second and you can‘t help but stare into her brown eyes.

„Then what is it?“ you ask a little hesitantly, as part of you feels like you deserve an explanation.

It takes the blonde a while to reply, you can visibly tell she is struggling to speak the words that are so clearly on her mind.

„It‘s the way you look at me“ she states eventually and the confusion is written in your face.

„I‘m sorry, I don‘t understand“ you explain.

Billie‘s hands start shaking again so she tries to cover it up by playing with her rings.

„You look at me like you are in love with me“ she finally lets the words escape her.

In the past few months you hadn‘t noticed but Billie noticed that your eyes started sparkling whenever you were near her. It looked as if Billie was your whole world, like her presence made your whole day better and as if you would change your whole world for her.

The blonde never knew that feeling as she never found the right person that wasn‘t just after her fame, money and status or wanted nothing more than to spend a night with her. However from her friends and various romantic movies she watched, she knew what it looked like when someone was in love.

She couldn‘t stand the fact that someone truly loved her but at the same time she knew you and she knew that you didn‘t just want those things from her. You liked her for the way she is but that terrified her, so she is trying to do the only thing she has learned her whole life to avoid these feelings.

„Believe me I have had a fair share of assistants that wanted me to do them right on this desk but none of them looked at me the way you look at me“ she explains.

You gasp a little bit, thoughts instantly filling with your head, even though you try to ignore those. Part of you wants to run away and part of you isn‘t sure whether you should stay.

„I‘m sorry.. I..“ you can‘t even form a reply worthy of what she just said. You know she is right and that you have feelings for her and of course you know it‘s inappropriate as she is your boss.

„So is it true?“ Billie asks, catching a glimpse of your eyes before taking a step towards you.

Your breaths gets caught in your throat and you start feeling a little dizzy as you see her beautiful brown eyes lingering on yours.

The blonde is scared, she is terrified of the idea of someone loving her like this, truly and unconditionally, without any intentions other than honest ones. But there is something about the way you still look at her that she can‘t quite comprehend.

Even of the possibility of being sent away and Billie calling out your feelings, you still have that sparkle in your eyes, mixed with a little bit of fear. It‘s as if she could hear your heart beating out of your chest.

„I do“ you whisper as she keeps taking steps towards you, taking all your bravery together. If you had to decide between losing your job or losing the medium forever, of course you would choose Billie, you would choose her in every life time and every universe.

Despite only blinking for a second, while taking a deep breath, it feels like an eternity and when you open your eyes again you suddenly see Billie‘s warm eyes right in front of you and feel her warm breath on your face.

„Kiss me, darling“ Billie whispers before pulling you in. When your soft lips touch hers it feels like your world is complete. If you were to die in this moment it was all worth if, just for her and for this kiss.

The blonde smiles a little into the kiss as your hearts now beat loudly against each others chests. She could tell this was a hungry kiss but it was also really gentle. She could tell you would never want to hurt her and only the best. Despite her being your world you want to give her everything and she can feel it by the way your lips touch hers.

As you stop kissing to gasp for air, you lean your head into Billie‘s neck and she wraps her arms around you. „I never said I didn‘t want to be done on your desk though“ you whisper.

The medium gasps and smiles in surprise at the same time and gently her hands wander down to your hips, her lips finding yours again and gently moving you over to the table, when your back hits her desk gently. She lifts you up and leans down you, trailing your face and neck with kisses.

„What would you like babydoll?“ she whispers, while still kissing you.

„I wanna be yours Ms Howard“ you whisper and smile cheekily and all you can hear in return is a pleased chuckle from the blonde, still lingering over your body.

[found-wings]

so you want me to stop fighting. I see how it is, taking away my joy in life" LMAOOOOOOO accurate reaction from etoiles after almost passing out from blood loss that he didn't even know he had

but OW THE PAINNNN OMGGGGG his literal instinct to deny help with his injury as he's had to push through almost every fight with the code alone so patching himself up with potions is something he's used too, but in those fights he had adrenaline to keep him going with tough injuries. every wound and injury was almost instantly undone with splash pots but here an injury was left to fester and drain him of energy- only difference though is that here he's with allies and friends who can help patch him up before things get too bad aaaaaaaaaa I LOVE WARRIER WITH 💞💕💞💗💞💖💞💞💕💞💖💞💗💞💞💗FRIENDS💕💗💖💞💕💗💖💞💕💞💕💞💕💗

also crying codebreakers is so special to me especially etoiles body allowing him to zone out for a bit while having his arms wounds tended too as the threats gone and he's around someone who he doesn't have to protect as much as others on the island as phil's more versed in combat then the average person living there and can compose himself before being fully grounded again once he's had time to register the injury and phils finished healing him AAAAAAAA CODEBREAKERS PUTS THEM IN A GLASS JAR WITH HOLES IN THE TOP FOR BREATHING AND SHAKES IT INTENSELY AND WATCHES THEM GLOW LIKE FIREFLIES AND PUTS THEM ON THE SHELF TO LIGHT MY ROOM UP - 💿

RAAAAH I‘M SO NORMAL ABOUT THIS AKAKAJ

I don‘t know why but I adore Characters that just.. have this deep trust in each other that just can‘t be described, different than they have to everyone else - like the way that Etoiles insists on pushing through and brushing off Phils concerns surrounding the wound, but he still let‘s him treat the injury. He still let‘s Phil sit him down somewhere and take care of it, while Etoiles doesn‘t attempt to fully fight back how he starts to zone out because Phil’s here.

He has the trust in Phil that he let’s himself be vulnerable in a way, because he trusts Phils skill and abilities, his confidence and determination when acting.

Etoiles doesn‘t attempt to brush it off playfully with lighthearted comments anymore and the silly banter between them only starts up again when Phil finishes up the injury, waiting for Etoiles to be properly grounded to hold an actual conversation with him.

They are both warriors and fighters, yet they are just as gentle with each other when the time calls for it.

I AM SO RAAAAH, THEM!!! THE SILLY LITTLE GUYS, I HOLD AND RATTLE GENTLY YET INTENSELY

[stuckinapril]

hey girl… may I ask for advice? sorry to dump this on you, feel free to ignore of course! I just don‘t know where to put this right now and it‘s been eating at me for the past two months

I met a guy around 8 months ago and we instantly connected really intensely and even fell in love in a really short amount of time (obviously all of that was based on very brief interactions and didn‘t have anything to do with actual love but it was still nice and i felt like something could grow from it), however due to our personal circumstances we decided to be friends. The last time I saw him was 7 months ago. We ended up making out that night. The next morning he made it very clear he didnt want a relationship and i didn’t either. We kept texting every day and i asked to see him again but when we finally managed to find a day to hang out he would cancel the same day because he wasn‘t feeling well mentally (which I would never judge or question because I have my bad weeks too) but this happened like 5-6 times and I felt like he just didnt want to see me again, or at least it wasn’t important to him right now. I involuntarily pulled back from our texting relationship over the summer because of work but still it was always me except for one time who was asking to hang out. Then I started actually pulling back because I was hurt from him rejecting me all the time. At this point it’s not even just about the romantic feelings, I feel like we’re not even friends anymore. I feel stuck, I feel myself wanting to pull back and I feel stupid when he rejects me being nice to him (we always tease each other but he used to be more caring and accept care from me too). I want to be there for him and let him know that I‘m not going anywhere (because i’m not, i want him in my life) but at the same time i notice myself falling into an obsession because of him being so inconsisent. Do you think I can take a step back without losing him and abandoning our friendship entirely? I don‘t want to make a big thing out of it because I know he‘s been very busy working but then again it‘s not too much to want to see him once in 7 months and I made time for him when i was drowning in work. I wonder what happened or what has changed for him. I just don‘t know where to put all of this care that I have for him

reading your ask gave me deja vu bc i went through every single phase you’re describing w my ex. hell, i was going through it as late as october. your feelings are valid. your feelings are really valid and raw and i deeply relate to every single thing you’re saying. but that’s why i need to bluntly tell you—there is no future friendship (or relationship, for that matter) to be maintained with this man. just trust me on this. i went through the “maybe we could be friends!!” phase too. i so badly wanted him to stay in my life too. it didn’t work. it won’t work for you either. you need to go no contact. absolutely cut him out of your life. you will not move on any other way.

how do i know this? bc that’s the only thing that really, truly helped me. you’re going to feel withdrawals at first. it’s literally like a dopamine fix. the moment you remove him from your life, the chemicals in your brain will go crazy. they so badly crave the presence of this person. but is what he’s giving you even a presence? y’all have literally not seen each other for 7 months. imagine all the other guys you could have met in that time. imagine the opportunities lost. 7 billion people in this world, and you’re stuck fixating on this person who’s giving you breadcrumbs. literal breadcrumbs. it’s seriously time to consider you.

but this is not sustainable. it’s damaging. it’s hard to believe, but this man is neither the cause nor the solution to your pain. even if he were prevalent in your life, this would not fix the root issue—which is that so much of your happiness is attached to this person. you’re dependent on him. you can’t need a person. you can want them, but you can never need them. you need to detach and find yourself. that’s what i had to do as well. back when i was going through the thick of my breakup, it seemed crazy to me not to have him in my life. i genuinely thought he enriched it. but if he was truly the only source of enrichment, did that mean i was living a full life to begin with? a person shouldn’t be the only reason i find my days exciting. i should be the only one responsible for my emotions—and if a person walks out, i should be fine. it shouldn’t consume me. that’s not healthy. that’s a problem.

i reiterate: it wouldn’t even matter if he was the best companion you could’ve asked for. the simple fact of the matter is you’re relying way, way too much on another person for happiness and fulfillment. this is something you need to go through alone.

you need to cut him off. i was in denial about this too. you may be for a while as well. but all keeping him in your life, in any capacity, will do is hurt you. this is not the behavior of a man who cares or wants to be helped. and people simply can’t be fixed. only they can give themselves the permission to be better. your only option—for the sake of you—is to walk out, endure the pain, grow from it, and fulfill yourself without needing someone else. i swear. i have been there so many times. that’s the only thing that will help.

[mystic-myrtille]

Kinda random but what are your thoughts on Chloe? Is she redeemable or not?

Hm, my feelings about Chloe are somehwere between „I hate her“ and „I don‘t really care for her“. There were some funny moments with her at first but now her character serves no real purpose and all her screentime is her being annoying as fuck. In a way, I guess you could call that character assassination and at this point I‘d prefer if she‘d get written out.

About the redemption thing, Idk. Her whole arc was confusing as hell and it was very noticable that the writers had very different opinions on what to do with her. I wouldn‘t have mided a redemption, but not to the point where she is an entirely different character who‘s suddenly super duper nice to everyone and selfless and all that. Keep the egocentrism and narcissism, but she‘s not super terrible to people anymore. I could see that work. Also I‘m really not buying that she‘s less redeemable than Gabriel who is literally the main villain. I‘ve said it before, Gabe should‘ve been the one with a damnation arc.

So yeah, I get why people wanted her redeemed. However, if a pro-redeemed-Chloe person also has a hate boner for characters like Marinette or Alya or other poc? Big red flag.

[deaddovestellnotales]

Hmhm, don‘t you love it when you are trying to do your best to survive and suddenly you have your big anime flashback moment, where you remember everything you‘ve lost and how fucked up your life is now?

I think the lighting and weather outside triggered me (literally, not fake trigger, i mean real trauma trigger). But I just suddenly got flashbacks of working with the horses and feeling like I had a future in a loving relationship doing something with animals, and having a job i actually enjoyed… Sadly. It was mostly an illusion because it wasn’t a loving relationship but more a toxic one.

But right now my stupid brain just tells me that at least it was A relationship, the illusion of being loved and cared for. And of course, the horses. Not being able to ride anymore, not being able to spend time with the horses anymore fucks me over ever now. I‘ve tried hard to get my way into it despite my disability, but nobody is willing or prepared to let me work with horses.

I just despise what my life is like now. I live for nothing and nobody but myself. Yeah, everyone will tell me that‘s a good thing, but is it if you just live to live?

I don‘t even get the joys of experiencing life because my entire life has to be centered around my work with how little free time I have.

And I kind of hate how ungrateful teaching at my new place is and how mean students can be. And how everything then is always MY fault. As if I haven‘t been blamed for shit all the time enough in my life.

And I can never take a step back or relax, because I HAVE TO KEEP THIS UP,because I am the only one who supports myself so I can‘t even ask for help from everyone if it gets too much.

And I‘m bitter because I‘m constantly surrounded by trauma survivors who suffer but they have a support network. They have partners and actual friends and some parts of the family that still supports them.

I have nobody but myself. It‘s too much for me on day like these.

[know-your-secrets]

oh and also FUCK YOU for caring so little btw

haven‘t I been there for you all the fucking time?! for so many years you never hesitated to call me up to ask for my support and my help, but when I‘m the one that obviously needs the help, where are you at, huh? Did you try to be there for my panic attack? Did you ask later if I‘m better now? I told y‘all that this is happening regularly to me, that my condition is getting worse and worse again. You still did not ask for my well being, as if you don‘t even fucking care. It actually seems like you‘re ANNOYED about it?!? I don‘t get it bestie. I‘m miserable bro, I‘m fucking terrible, I have been for a while now. Why don‘t you notice, if I literally tell you? This hurts. If I‘m even able to bare more pain anymore.

[himmelsmaler]

about a change

i am a young adult in my early twenties. i had lived in some different places and met a lot of people, whom some became my closest and loved ones. i have had the relationship of love, friendship, business partner, and even the adversarial one. each of these has left me at least one lesson to learn. well, they have their own characteristics, because certainly, different person went through a different story and journey. but there is one thing which i noticed was always there in each of them that hurted me a lot after the relationship that we had broke and ended: a change.

some friendly strangers could felt so warm. whenever i am wherever, i really love to be smiled at, to have a random short conversation, or to be the person to discuss with about anything and everything. it’s such a pleasure to feel that way, bcs not everyone has the same feeling. but compared to strangers, our closest people certainly feel much warmer. a group of people, or a single soul called family, friends, or the special one.

i have experienced it several times. facing and dealing with the situation that i couldn’t believe my eyes and soul to ever really happen to me. i even questioned myself what did i do so wrong that could make this person acting like that. something that completely tear me out but on the other side i also needed to realize and accept the fact that it‘s not impossible for such thing to ever happen to anybody. it’s the change of behaviour.

it was between confusing and surprising to realize it was really that person showing me a changed behaviour as if i wasn‘t a someone to him/her anymore. that person or people who were nice to me, whom i always felt safe with, the souls that kept me alive. it was unbelievable to see them ignoring me, stop showing their love toward me, refusing to treat me the way they used to. until the day came and i was totally lost and felt like it was a nightmare. there was nothing i could do except accepting the fact that they were since then different to me. i could feel my heart beated so fast and erratic, denying my brain saying that i lost them starting that day and had to let them go to avoid being trated like shit and take good care of my feeling and mental health. it was always a big thing to me. i can‘t see people change. i don‘t want to have them playing another role in my life. i don‘t want them go.

hours turn into days. days turn into weeks. weeks turn into months. and i saw nothing returned into the way as it was before. i didn’t see them come back to me to have their old roles i wanted them to play. and i didn’t have anything to fix it. what then? well, what else than accepting it? 🥀

it still hurts like hell to remember.

back then i couldn’t believe that i really faced this. i mean.. how come? they literally behave very differently. so cold and hurting. no texts, no greetings, no smiles. way too far from who they were that i had on my mind, from what i imagined they would ever be. the person who i thought would always treat me right, who was warm to me, who was the reason i ever fell in love.

the one who i thought was my home.

-h-

[glorioustidalwavedefendor]

Jotuns don't have the freeze burn touch on constantly. It's been shown in the first movie (Thor got headbutted but didn't burn, Vollstag was burned deliberately). They do it deliberately, consciously, just like with fostering ice and creating ice weapons. This was how Loki discovered he was Jotun, because that one warrior grabbed him and then tried to burn him. But his sleeve and armour disintegrated instead.

This!

I was about to say

Wen Laufey sits on Odin, the fur blanked does not ice over and brake so it is very deliberate

Also

Jotunheim is very cold, to have these ice colums exist you need subzero temperatures year round

So … let‘s say the place where they land is around -10°C cold

→ cold enough for the icy landscape but not so cold that the asgardians drop dead on arrival

That means, if thermodynamics works the same on Jotunheim as it works on earth, that the Jotun need to be -10°C or colder to not freeze

If Loki is in an earth like setting, there is no need for him to be that cold

I think the Jotuns do have cooler body temps, but it's not freezer burn cold by default. Even in that clip from the Avengers, his temp isn't super cold, it's just a bit colder than his surroundings.

This

You can see in the picture that he is the same temperature as the background.

So probably around 20°C

Cold to the touch of a 37°C human, but not cold enough to burn

And that is wen he has no reason to make himself palpable (literally) since he is in enemy territory

Because:

#I mean if Loki was super cold all the time it probably would have been noticed way earlier that he was a frost giant

This!

Thor is constantly touching him, he would have noticed

I don’t care if it’s an au, Loki cannot turn the form off and on as he wishes! If he could’ve… I’m sure he would’ve found out a lot sooner. In order to be so deceptive, his mind has to be in tune with everything about his body. His expressions, body language, etc… He’s very intelligent. Which not only the fandom forgets, but also Marvel.

→ In order to be so deceptive, his mind has to be in tune with everything about his body

But that doesn‘t mean that his mind tells him all it‘s up to

People that get, for example, a ADHD diagnose late in life, might at first get a lot worse, because they now can‘t explain away things anymore, they can‘t lie to themselves, they can‘t force themselves to function like they are supposed to at the detriment of their health, because now they know

Or take systems

A lot of Systems don‘t know that they are systems until they know

After all, the whole reasons alters exist is to hide trauma, so the whole System can survive

So it‘s in the systems best interest to hide the truth from who ever is at the wheel.

Odin might even have put a sort of SEP field around the „button“ that allowed Loki to change his shape, so he didn‘t really notice it was there until he KNEW it was there …

That is actually a fantasy trope, doors that only exist for people that know where it is, or who have a key in their pocket or who hav eth right to open them etc …

For other people the door just does not exist …

So, you can definitely handwave it away as:

The ice touch is a deliberate choice

In an earth like setting Loki would be warmer then on Jotunheim.

All that being said.

I completely agree with this:

Also I’ve ranted before about how fanfic authors have him dropping his glamour way too often and too easily anyway. It actually annoys me how cavalier people are with it when we know Loki has a lot of self loathing to work through over his birth form. Like, headcanon what you like but I personally find “Loki turns blue to snarl at and terrorise Y/N only she practically throws her vagina at him” unrealistic tbh.

And no disrespect to monster fuckers, you do you.

And no disrespect to people who just want to tell Loki, via a character (oc or canon) that he is loved regardless, without having to slog through a novels worth of writing, you do you to

But I personally like it best wen it is used as a mark of trust in a relationship (platonic or romantic).

Because I feel, used like that. it is very Loki.

It is basically his version of asking, “would you still love me if I was a worm?”

It also is him calling the shots and being in control. He has learned the had way that secrets don‘t stay secret and tend to come out at the worst moment possible. So as long as his true nature is a secret there is the possibility of it coming out at he worst moment wen he isn‘t prepared, wen he is vulnerable, wen he doesn‘t expect it.

So he chooses wen and where.

It‘s basically your cat showing you it‘s soft belly, trusting you will not touch.

It also might mark the fact that he is now so emotionally tied to this relationship that this is his last chance to get out with most of his heart intact. A sort of now or never moment.

If he is rejected now, he will survive, if he is rejected any later his heart will brake irrevocably.

So yeah.

Done well, this is my favorite Loki trope.

Done wrong I loath it with the passion of a thousand suns.

For me, it needs to be earned.

It can‘t just happen

Oh I also dislike it wen it happens because he is injured, I want it to be his decision …

Wait I don’t know if anyone’s talked about this before, but in Jotun Loki fics, people always have the reader touch him while he’s in that form which sort of… never made sense to me.

Considering the fact that he’d be reverted to his Jotun form, wouldn’t anyone who touched him began to freeze? Hence why (perhaps one of the reasons) Loki in Thor 1 was so apprehensive about grabbing Odin’s hand, with the hand the Jotun grabbed him by and reverted him with in Jotunheim?

I… don’t think you’d be able to touch him. And he wouldn’t just be cold to the touch. Loki is ALREADY quite cold to the touch canonically (right bottom corner shown in the picture above), so in his Jotun form… he’d be freezing.

Anyone please correct me if I’m wrong, though. Was just wondering because I always had the sort of idea that if you touched Loki while he was reverted to his Jotun form, that it would be dangerous. Just like touching any other Jotun.

Which is one of the reasons he was probably afraid to grab Odin’s hand. Not only at the thought of himself being a “monster” and untouchable in that sense, but also literally being untouchable because it wasn’t necessarily safe and he was hyper conscious of it, even if he had already been reverted back.

I get people excuse things for the sake of Fanfic, but I actually don’t think I’ve seen people talk about this before. So I don’t know if it’s just them excusing it, or a fandom-wide misconception.

May reword this later. Probably sounds a bit stupid and might be straight up incorrect in some areas because I just woke up.

[correctskz]

.