#i know. i know that he's a fast food mascot

[borkwolf]

sighhhhhh i'm really starting my jack box simping era huh

[just-the-jack-in-the-box-guy]

Look out, Ronald!

[ivys-garden]

Wild Life Spoilers: Session 2 Alliance Report:

Teams:

The Spanners - (Mumbo, Grian, Skizz) - formerly the Sub One Club, immediately forget their idea of using crawl mode and lament that they can't be sub one anymore. Mumbo then decides they are “The Floaters” due to them becoming obsessed with the levitation ability. Luckily this doesn't stick because I could not handle an alliance that changes name every session. Mumbo and Skizz built their “base” as a series of bridges, leading to Mumbo calling them “The Spanners” since “they span things”.

Speaking of levitation, they died from that. And starvation. This was not Mumbo or Skizzes session, with Mumbo losing two life's and Skizz losing 3, halfing his amount of lives in one session. If Skizz loses one next week he will be yellow. Seems Grian's curse of outlining his alliance has started early.

The Bam-Boozelers - (Scar, Lizzie, Jimmy)

I normally have a lot of faith in all life series teams. I think anyone can make it to the end. I think this so long as it is not abundantly clear that they're doomed. I never say someone is Doomed from the star-

This team is doomed from the start. Immediately they decide that the Wild Card is that he can't heal from hunger, now this is a good first thought and is shared by other teams, though those other teams immediately realised that if that were the Wild Card everyone would die of hunger and started looking for other options.

These 3? They stuck with that idea and started making boats to travel. When they realised that their hunger reduced passively, they panicked until Grian saved them by telling everyone in chat that they could eat anything. Now, armed with this knowledge they just have to find a good and easy to use food source.

They chose stone shovels. An item that cannot be stacked and required way more effort and resources to make than was worth it. And they stuck by this even as others told them about better foods. They only stopped using shovels because of the randomisation.

How is Jimmy the most confident member on his team?

In other news, they're theme park is going well and Lizzie's Parrot is cute. Jimmy also apparently has “Big Mascot Energy”.

Renwood - (Martyn, Ren)

These dogs are just vibing. They each lose a life each, no big deal. A far cry from previous seasons, Ren is just chilling, Not going after anyone unless they go after them first and trying to get Martyn to do the same. And he actually does, not attacking anyone this session at all. He even gives up going after Jimmy for stealing their cows (an action which was by every account deserved.)

The Tuff Guys (Tango, Etho, Bdubs) (not technically together (?))

Ah yes, Team B.E.S.T without Skizz …. Considering Skizz was the only person keeping Team B.E.S.T from imploding, this can only go well!

Yeah this team is not staying together. Technically they're already breaking up, with Bdubs saying they should only look out for themselves and insisting they live in different houses. Bdubs even cements this mentality by fully encouraging Scar to help kill Tango for no reason.

As for the “Tuff” part, Etho has decided that they need to be tougher and take what they want from people. You know, not to be nice or polite.

Luckily we can see how this works in practice, as Gem encourages him to go be tough to the Final Girls, let's see how Etho is an not being nice:

● he greets Scott and Cleo

● makes small talk

● politely asks for copper

● tries to stop Pearl stealing from them since he doesn't know she's on they're team

● takes more of the stuff he was told he could have

● gives them obsidian in return anyway

● and still feels bad about it.

Yeah not only was this the least tough Etho had ever been, the Girls almost certainly didn't notice and probably won't even care when they do. Great job Etho.

The Fast And The Furious (Gem, Joel)

This session, Gem announced her plan to make friends so people don't judge them based on 5 seasons worth of going insane every time they go red. This lasts for 3 minutes before other people arrive, Scar misunderstands instructions, Etho lets the cops out and the Final Girls partake in their favourite pastime of miscommunication and insisting their own teammates are doing something they aren't.

Other attempts to make friends do go better, with Gem arguably being on good terms with everyone except two people. So that's good.

Gem also builds a cute little Bard that I give a session before it's burnt down or has a Creeper hole in it. Joel spends all session building a car. Everyone on the server thinks it's hideous, mainly because it is hideous.

The Final Girls - (Scott, Pearl, Cleo, Impulse, Bigb)

Somehow the most stable team here, even if it is mostly out of spite. Yeah this team will stay together, the core four have never betrayed anyone unless an outside faction is involved. They're safe. Even if they continue the tradition of forgetting all the bad stuff they did and only reimbursing bad stuff their teammates did (what do you mean Pearl doesn't trust people based on what happened in previous seasons? That was you, Cleo!)

Oh Bigb also joined this session. Though I imagine this will be a Heart Foundation situation where he bases alone despite being on the team.

Scott and Cleo spend a lot of time this session fixing the mistakes Pearl and Impulse make by acting how they always do. A house and wall are built and Pearl and Impulse prepare revenge plans on Grian and Martyn. Pearl encourages Impulse not to tell the others, seemingly forgetting that Cleo and Bigb are addicted to revenge and would have no problem with this.

Alliances and Friendships:

Lizzie and Gem

these two agree to team up if their teammates die. Since their teammates are idiots.

Remember, Lizzie is the one who made the stone shovel plan.

Spanners Vs Bammers

The Bam-Boozelers still hate the Spanners, dropping their reputation all the way to zero. Mumbo and Skizz either don't realise this or don't care. Grian was gone almost all session mining so can't really say what his thoughts on the situation are.

The Family - (Joel, Etho, Gem)

Etho is indoctrinated into yet another family, though he seems more willing to be present for this one. When Tuff Guys breaks up like 5 minutes into session 3, we all know where he's going.

Also Scar might also be part of the family though every else seems to just ignore this.

Spanners Vs Tango

The Spanners are really angry at Tango for accidentally killing Skizz. They seem satisfied with manifesting his death through belief, but it seems they haven't let him off the hook yet. We all know Bdubs won't help him

Joel might also be mad at Tango since he ate the wheels of his ugly car.

Mumbo & Jimmy still hate Renwood

Mumbo still doesn't trust Martyn after the enchanter fiasco and Jimmy attempts to get revenge for the cow theft. Ren and Martyn have chosen to ignore this, Mumbo seems to have forgotten he was angry, and Jimmy is satisfied that he got revenge.

Ren buys his friends

Ren bought Gem and Tangos friendship through iron. Will this hold up? No.

Gem has beef with team oblivious

Gem hates Pearl and Impulse this season. They are at the top of her inevitable murder list.

● The Final Girls came round for a visit

● Impulse was accused of stealing

● He said he wouldt stela since he knows what it's like to be stolen from

● Gem took this as him amusing her of stealing

● Scott cut him off before he could explain himself by saying he was purposely antagonising them

● Gem cut both of them off by ranting about how much she doesn't trust them

Stellar miscommunication guys, great job as always. Please never change, the series would be way less funny if you did.

Pearl also made it worse by trying to Poison Gem 30 minutes later. Woopsie.

Neither Pearl nor Impulse notice that Gem hates them and the others refuse to tell them.

[heartfullofleeches]

I love that idea for the 4th franken hound!

Also just read ff reader with shorts lore have mercy plEase MORE FAST FOOD READER THIGHS

(FF Reader crushing things with their thighs? FF Reader crushing things with their thighs)

"Go! Go! Go! Go!"

Everytime they show up late- The janitor tracks the roar of cheers and hollers to the play area doors. A sticky substance bolts their feet to the floor as they enter - bitterness punching them in the gut knowing they'll have to be the one to clean the mess up. The janitor surveys the filthy covered floor to see the extent of the damaged, grimacing at each new sight they see. Some produce that looked liked it been pressed with a rolling pin, a flattened kid's meal box, a crushed soda can? What the hell happened while they were fixing their tires?

...

"...Holy shit..."

Sitting at one of the tables, your fellow crew mates surround you. The bathroom succubus cheers you on from over your shoulder, phone camera pointed at your lap. Lambchop towers over you, enjoying the flesh of your previous victims - the juices of raw tomatoes and apples staining the mascots white fur. Their eyes too focus on the item between your thighs, more hunger present in them than usual. Even the ice cream machine ghost was apart of the crowd - his eternal prison wheeled into the venue so he wouldn't miss out. None of you would hear the end of it if you did. He points out a hairline fracture splitting through the middle section of the fruit held between your thighs.

"I see a line! It's breaking! Keep going!"

Sure enough, the split widens as you squeeze harder - the red innards of the melon spilling from within and down your sticky legs. Gripping the undersides of your seat, you lift yourself off from the table as beads of sweat pour down your face - flexing your muscles as the strain increases around the melon's thick skin. You shovel two fingers between the gap, holding it in place as you plop back down on the bench. You throw one leg over the other and with one final compression the watermelon breaks in two - lower half falling into the waiting hands of Lambchop as you hold up the rest to show to everyone.

"Who wants watermelon?!"

Thunderous applause rumbles from the ball pit as the hands clap in celebration of your victory. The bathroom succubus replays the exact moment the watermelon splits exchanging words of disbelief with the ice cream machine ghost.

"They fucking did it- They actually did it-"

"I know- Dude, I totally didn't think they were gonna get pass that coconut either, but they did."

The Janitor picks their jaw off the floor as you notice them at last, waving them over. "...was did all this stuff go back or something?"

You place your half of the watermelon on the table. "Probably not. We've been cleaning out the ball pit since you hate to do it and somewhere along the line Lye dared me to crush a soda cup between my legs which lead to this."

"Cool....cool..... Can...can someone send me that video?"

[joeys-babe]

Joey B Blurbs: Angel Eyes

————————————————————————-

Summary: You attempt to prank Joe, but his angel-like eyes and all-convincing pout have your prank backfiring.

Warnings: Fluff, pranks!

Pairing: Joe Burrow x reader

Imagine Universe: Into the Mystic

A/N: Part 5 of blurb night!

————————————————————————-

No particular date for this blurb!

“Dinner time!” - you

Grinning as I paused the music playing over my speaker, I couldn't help but feel nothing but happiness watching my three boys run into the kitchen from the living room.

“Looks great, baby.” - Joe smiled

“Thanks, but I'm sure it won't look too good when you're cleaning it off plates later.” - you

“I don't care, that's our rule. If someone fixes it, the other cleans it. If we both cook, we both clean.” - Joe

I stood on my tiptoes and gave him a big kiss.

“Crap, I forgot drinks.” - you mumble, sighing

“You sit down, I’ll get ‘em.” - Joe

Before doing as Joe said, I got the twins into their booster seats and then sat down myself.

Joe walked back into the dining room just a moment later, his big hands allowing him to hold all four cups.

“Thanks.” - you

“Of course.” - Joe

Joe then put food onto all our plates, taking one of my hands in his when we started eating.

“Love you.” - Joe

“Love you too.” - you

——

After dinner, it was bath time for Tyson and Miles.

“We seriously need to order wet suits.” - Joe

“Why?” - you laughed

“They splash!” - Joe

“Oh, suck it up. Let's go.” - you

The tub was filled moments later, and Tyson and Miles climbed in. They were still young enough to bathe together - not like they would agree to do it separately anyway.

“Look!” - Tyson

Ty held up one of the plastic bath toys in Joe’s face, showing off his little tiger toy.

“That’s cool buddy. It’s like the mascot for the Bengals.” - Joe

“Yup!” - Tyson

Joe grabbed their mini basketball hoop out of the bath toy drawer and suction-cupped it to the shower wall.

“Can you make a basket, bubs?” - you

I handed Miles a mini-basketball, and he nodded and launched the ball across the shower.

Somehow making it in, Joe looked at me shocked.

“Gah-lee! Draft him to the league.” - Joe

“He’s got a cannon of an arm like his daddy does.” - you winked

Joe smiled and playfully rolled his eyes, handing Tyson a ball in the process.

“Let's start actually washing.” - you laughed

——

After getting the twins completely washed off and dried Joe and I headed to their room to get them dressed and ready for bed.

They wore matching pajamas, of course.

Miles and Tyson climbed into Tyson’s bed like they did every night for Joe to tell them a story. I laid down next to them and buckled up for the story Joe was about to tell.

“What kind of story do you guys want to hear tonight?” - Joe

“Lo- ve.” - Tyson

“A love story?” - you

Tyson nodded, so Joe continued.

“Okay. I’ll tell you my favorite one.” - Joe

He grinned, and not only did I know his devious smile was directed towards me, but I knew it meant he was up to something.

“One day, this boy, we’ll name him Joe, went to school.” - Joe

“That's your name!” - Miles

I immediately knew where this was headed, and I felt butterflies swarm my stomach.

“Yup. It was the first day of his senior year of high school. Not thinking much, he went to his first-period class. His teacher always made a boy and a girl sit together, and Joe thought he’d hate it, but it ended up being the best thing to ever happen to him.” - Joe

Both of the boys gasped, making Joe chuckle before he continued.

“Joe found his seat and saw that a girl he'd never seen before was sitting there. He thought she was beautiful, but Joe was focusing on football. Joe would soon find out that her name was y/n.” - Joe

“Like Mommy!” - Miles

“Yup, like Mommy. Joe and y/n talked the entire class, and they did that every day. They quickly realized that they had a lot in common and became best friends. Fast forward a bit, y/n wins homecoming queen, and Joe escorts her on the field. There, y/n called Joe her best friend… and told him that he was cute.” - Joe

There was another gasp from the twins, and I rolled my eyes with a smile on my face.

“Woah!” - Tyson

“I know, right? Not too long before that, Joe realized that he had a crush on her, but he just didn't know how to drop hints. After a little brainstorming, Joe asked y/n to the dance at school, but she already had a date.” - Joe

“Oh no!” - Tyson

“That's what Joe thought too, but the dance ended up being the best day of Joe’s life. The guy y/n went to the dance with ditched her, and Joe went alone. Y/n found Joe walking around in the hallways by himself, and she asked if he wanted to go see which teachers left their classroom doors open. Joe said yes, and y/n held his hand as they walked through the hallways. The chemistry door was open, which was the class they met in. They sat down at their table, and Joe realized it would be the perfect time to tell her how he felt. Joe told y/n he liked her, and y/n liked Joe too.” - Joe

Another gasp from Miles and Tyson, and I giggled at the look on their faces as Joe told the story of him and I getting together.

“Joe then asked y/n to be his girlfriend, and she said yes. Guess what happened next.” - Joe

“What?” - Miles

“They kissed.” - Joe

“Ew!!” - Miles

“Aww!” - Tyson

I laughed at their differing opinions, which were stated at the same time, and Joe did too, before giving me a wink.

“They live happily ever after?” - Tyson

“Yup. They got married and are still together to this day. They love each other very much. They're parents too, to twin boys.” - Joe

“Like me and Ty?” - Miles

“Mhm, and y/n is pregnant with a baby girl.” - Joe

“Like Mommy!” - Tyson

“Wait… is it about you and Mommy?” - Miles

Joe looked at me with a tiny smile on his face, the bling in his eyes making my heart flutter.

“Yes. That's how we met. The best day of my life.” - Joe grinned

——

“That was super sweet, Joey.” - you

“The story?” - Joe smiled

We had just walked into our bedroom from putting the twins to sleep, and my mind was stuck on Joe retelling the story of how we met.

“Yeah. I'm glad I got it right the first time.” - you

“Get what right?” - Joe

“Picking a boyfriend. We really said one and done.” - you laughed

“For real, but I’m glad too. Thank god for boy-girl seating chart teachers.” - Joe

Joe plopped onto the bed onto his stomach after pulling his shirt off, asking without words for me to lay down and scratch his back.

I walked over and leaned down, pressing a kiss between his shoulder blades before waking over to the bathroom.

In our usual routine, Joe and I would shower together. We took the time to share some non-sexual intimacy while spending our uncommon alone time exclusively together.

But today, Joe’s getting pranked.

Walking into the bathroom, I shut the door and locked it behind me.

I rushed to set my phone up to start videoing, then turned the shower on.

Almost instantaneously, Joe was knocking on the bathroom door.

Looking at the camera and laughing, I let him knock a couple of times before opening the door.

“Baby? Are you showering without me?” - Joe

He had his bottom lip stuck out in a pout, giving me his classic pleading angel eyes. Joe knew that combo got him anything.

“I just felt like having some alone time.” - you

Joe’s mouth fell open as he stared at me, honestly looking offended.

“What?” - Joe

“I wanted some alone time.” - you chuckle

“You seriously don't want me to shower with you?” - Joe

I stepped up on my tiptoes and pecked Joe’s lips, patting his chest when I pulled away.

“Maybe next time, babe.” - you

Making sure I was off-camera, I started undressing and the look on Joe’s face made me feel sad.

Once I was fully undressed, I hopped in the glass shower and shut the door behind me.

I looked over at Joe only to find him staring right at me with the same pout on his face.

“Aww, c’mere. I was just joking. You can shower with me, baby.” - you

“That's what I thought.” - Joe mumbled

When Joe undressed and hopped into the shower, I pulled him into my arms and pressed kisses all over his neck and face.

“You were videoing that entire thing weren't you?” - Joe

“Of course.” - you grinned

“You’re going to be the death of me.” - Joe

“Good way to go out though, right?” - you

“The best.” - Joe smiled

————————————————————————-

Authors note: Next fic at 9:25!!!

Requests for this fic;

[stygianturtle]

October 4: There’s a lot of fast food and cereal mascots out there… I think you know where I’m going with this. Take any of those mascots and turn them into a MONSTER or KILLER.

So it seems Crackle of Rice Krispies was a red cap all along -redcap (or powrie) is a type of malevolent, murderous goblin found in Border folklore. He is said to inhabit ruined castles along the Anglo-Scottish border, especially those that were the scenes of tyranny or wicked deeds and is known for soaking his cap in the blood of his victims.

[maigetheplatypus57]

So this may be specifically funny to me but the main difference in my experience of reading @mangobaii-daily last year and reading it again this year is that now I like. Actually Know people who work in Disneyland California. specifically as performers and I know for a fact that they only got in because they've been taking dance lessons since childhood and had years of highschool musical theater experience. and even then theyre not character/mascot actors (which i imagine would have even higher standards considering you're performing in a sweaty suit and representing a character of a corporation that has Standards and a Reputation to uphold) so actually how the Fuck did mb!dream land that job as goofy. like that isnt some fucking chuck e cheese fast food mascot that the manager of the store wears for birthdays like that shit is fucking DISNEYLAND and requires at Least an audition and resume. so what I'm saying is does mb!dream actually have an insane background in performing arts. did he suck the casting director's dick for that job. was there nepotism involved. was mb!george's insane ramblings actually correct and mb!dream is actually the physical manifestation of Goofy in a human being and whoever oversaw his audition was so blown away they immediately knew he was perfect for the role??? like actually how the FUCK did mb!dream get casted as beloved popular disney character GOOFY???

[weirdmarioenemies]

Name: Chester Chomper Jr. Debut: This post from three years ago

Hey, so remember three years ago when we had you plant those Chester Chomper seeds to grow a Baby Chester Chomper for the sake of love and also profit? Well here he is! This is your son, who celebrated his third birthday just yesterday! Aren't you proud of him? They grow up so fast, huh?

As young as he may be, Chester Chomper Jr. already knows about the delectable taste of Plants vs. Zombies: Garden Warfare Cheetos from 2014, and I'm sure that hearing that makes you a proud parent. And it's good he does, given Chester Chomper Jr. is allergic to every food that isn't 2014 Garden Warfare Cheetos or zombies! I know this because I tried breastfeeding him once, and he ended up hospitalized for three weeks. But don't worry, even if the world's supply of 2014 Garden Warfare Cheetos runs out, there's enough corpses on Earth to last him a lifetime!

(his lollipop is made of both by the way i feel the need to clarify that)

Look! Chester Chomper Jr. is on a playdate in the Toy Corner with Mako and Spikina! Isn't it adorable? He even managed to share some of his 2014 Garden Warfare Cheetos with them, wow! Now, it's not good business practice to just give them away, but give Chester Chomper Jr. a break. He's only a child! He'll learn in due time.

Lately, Chester Chomper Jr. has been practicing his ABCs (so he can know how to spell "Cheetos" correctly) and 123s (so he can track how much product he's been selling). He's also a prodigy at video games, becoming a top-level Plants vs. Zombies: Garden Warfare player while he plays as an effigy of his dead father! Neat-o beans!

And due to his absolute, undeniable adorability, sales for 2014 Garden Warfare Cheetos have been up 1000000000%! (This is from "0," which means the current number being sold is also "0," but that means you can make the number as big as you want while still being correct...!)

I think you should feel proud of your son, and how much he's grown in these past three years. (As a plant, it turns out he's pretty good at that!) Someday soon, he'll be something more special than any of us... a Radical Snack Food mascot. Sniff! His father would be so proud!

"ALLLLLRIIIIIIIIIGHHHHTTTT!" - Chester Chomper Sr. (from beyond the grave)

[wannaeatramyeon]

OMG UR RECENT ZACK LEE WORK IS SO GOOD I NEED MORE PLS AND YES WE LOVE ZACK !!!!! i love the other boys as well but zack hits diff esp bcz he’s one of the first characters introduced 🥹

Ty!! i'm glad you liked the last Zack piece! AGREED he def hits different, part of the OG group, just makes me feel a bit nostalgic for the simpler times. How about some Lookism boys first date HC? Including my faves as well of course

Lookism First Date HC

(Zack, Goo, Gun, Samuel, Jake, Johan - a lengthier Vasco gen + romantic hc here)

Zack Lee

Classic movie and coffee/meal guy (as seen with Mira)

Honestly probably the only guy that would opt for the typical teenage stuff (which isn't a criticism!!)

Will absolutely dress up and style his hair (also as seen with Mira)

But give him absolute and complete free rein? Would LOVE cheesy and domestic shit

Matching outfits, tandem bikes, couples cooking lessons, tour of Seoul so he gets to experience everything with you, farmers market, reenacting home life in IKEA (like 500 days of summer if you've seen it)

Builds up a lot of it in his head but tbh doesn't even care. Just spending time with you? On your own? <3

Would literally want to do anything and everything with you

Goo Kim

Theme/amusement park

Thrill seeking and high-energy to suit this blonde

Tbh a bit too much for a first date as it's an ALL DAY EVENT, but Goo's a bit much anyway

Face paint, character ears, character costumes - he would happily do the whole thing. Think Vasco at Notte World.

A little bit of cash flashing with fast passes and whatever bribery required to get to the front of the queue

Takes a LOT of pictures. More of the mascots and place than you two though

Buying and feeding you all the fun character foods + snacks

Gun Park

Spa. He is so high-end, exclusive, full spa experience

The downtimes we've see him with Goo are surprisingly chill and matches Gun's vibe more than Goo's

Jacuzzis, hot tubs, saunas, steam rooms, massages, manis, pedis - literally anything and everything so you're a puddle at the end of it

Uses it as an opportunity to relax as much as to get to know you

He appreciates a good body, but doesn't check you out as much as you expect and NOWHERE NEAR as much as you eye him up

Keeps his sunglasses on the whole time

Samuel Seo

Tell me this guy wouldn't be out to impress

Completely dressed up, flowers, chauffeur

And there's no way you would be paying for anything at all. He'll even pay for your shopping trip for the date outfit.

Books the most exclusive restaurant in town. Not just that, either opts for a private room or just books the whole place out just for you two

Definitely will involve a helicopter - either to get you A to B, or a night time tour of the city

Will definitely put out on a first date (no judgement). This man exudes sex, let's be honest

Jake Kim

Night time drive and stargazing

Look this might sound sketchy as hell for a first date but it's Jake, he's not a stranger

You already know him but this is your first official date. You both can talk to each other without the chaos of Big Deal and revel in the peace

Super intimate and surprisingly romantic. It's soft and comfortable, he'll be making you laugh a lot

Will take you to a non-sleazy lookout point to look at the stars and maybe share a beer

It's easier for him to be vulnerable with you especially under the cloak of night

Johan Seong

Hiking or picnic or just walking around a park

If this is a first date there is no way that Eden and Miro aren't coming along

The pups might know you already, but this is a big milestone and it needs to involve his babies

Awkward but so endearing. Very skittish. He's not familiar with this sort of situation and blushes a LOT

Absolutely rubbish at small talk or making the first move - you can tell he obviously wants to and likes you though

You best make the first moves unless you want to tiptoe around forever

[morpheus-somnium]

College of Winterhold [modern au]

[masterlist]

Informations

Location: Winterhold, Old Town

Headmaster: Savos Arven

Headcanons

The whole school is held together by magic (which is somewhat like how a system administrator keeps electricity in check at a workplace, you know, like Nedry in Jurassic Park).

A little magic outage and poof! The old town falls apart.

Most students live in the dormitory section, not because they can't afford to rent (okay, they also might be a little bit broke), but because local rentals are expensive since the local landlords can't stand them (due to the magic outages).

However, the professors and staff have quite nice houses nearby. 🏠

The university mainly focuses on magic and magical STEM, but there are also history and literature majors.

The college has its own merch, which is worn by many students. (Mostly hoodies and jackets)

The students wear robes mixed with modern clothing. They are going to wear Converse shoes and Jordan’s with those blue robes.

Because the school’s acronym is CoW, their mascot is a cow 🐄

Most students are broke because it's hard to find magic-related jobs nearby. However, they can work as teaching assistants in elementary and high schools, sell various potions and poisons at the market, or work at local fast-food restaurants.

But of course, there’s another approach for the persistent ones, as one of the professors can get them jobs at the black market—

Also, all the new dr*gs come from here? I mean, of course not all, but the bored alchemy students are capable of anything. By the way, quite a few staff members also use those dr*gs. (cough cough Enthir cough cough)

The “Midden” wasn’t just closed because it’s dangerous, but also because many people were dared to go down there and spend who knows how much time there. Various urban legends have been circulating about it since. Some students met their deaths there (even the teachers say this during classes, though legally speaking, nothing like this has happened in the last ~100 years), and some are still lurking there (like Gollum).

The building is similar to the one in the game, only larger (to be honest, everything is larger than in the game. Whether we’re talking about buildings, cities, or distances, everything is always larger than in the game).

There’s a cafeteria and several classrooms. The dormitory rooms are larger, single occupancy, and equipped with a table, a wardrobe, a cabinet, and a bookshelf. Every hallway has a bathroom section, a small common kitchen, and a small alchemy lab.

Ancano was sent here by the embassy. He’s always stiffly dressed in a suit, so the students bully him for it. Sometimes, though, he helps teaching or organizing documents (he acts like he’s offended when asked, but on the inside he’s happy that he has something to do).

The students and professors, if they don’t visit home for holidays, make sure that the people of Skyrim have a nice, snowy Yule.

How do you recognize a CoW student?

Looks like a nerd

Probably wears glasses (either “real glasses” because their eyesight is horrible, or safety glasses from a class)

Wears comfy College of Winterhold hoodies

Always has a laptop nearby

Ink-stained hand

Scars from using destruction magic, or from a classmate that played with sharp objects using telekinesis

Wears a soulgem necklace

Smells like weed herbs

Has a bottle of tea filled with charred skeever hide and eye of sabre cat, for the good prosperties 💯💯

[hotcryptidsinyourarea]

Falling for the Frogman of Loveland, Ohio

story synopsis: Molly is a 30-something cookbook editor who has decided to move from New York to Loveland, Ohio after a bad breakup and a desire for a fresh start. She is instantly attracted to her neighbor Jeremiah's midwestern charms, but this local guy is much more than meets the eye...

human (she/her) + interdimensional humanoid frogman (he/him) cw: social anxiety, existential pondering, negative self-talk

Chapter 3

My body and mind are so exhausted, I sleep in an hour later than I usually do. The fact that my new bed is very comfortable also facilitates this late start, but I don’t really have it in me to complain about that. I finally pry myself from between the sheets and get dressed for my first full day in my new home. First thing’s first: coffee. 

I do a quick search for the closest non-chain coffee shop to my place. Part of the appeal of moving to a smaller community is supporting the local business culture. Never again will I spend $10 on a tall, burnt-ass latte from the Bucks. There’s one on Loveland Madeira alongside all the other fast food chains, but I’m going to avoid it like the plague. It’s the weirdest thing in New York: everybody talks about how much they love their neighborhood coffee shops, but no matter when or how you see them in real life, there will always be that ubiquitous siren-logo’d cup planted firmly in hand. It’s like some grand delusion we all pretend we’re not a part of. 

No that I think people in a small town are paragons of virtue or anything. I know there is hypocrisy and assholes everywhere you go. But you spend enough time in one place and eventually you have the right to gripe about it as much as your little black heart desires! Or that’s what I tell myself, I guess. Part of me will always love New York and I truly look forward to going back and visiting. But the agitation I feel at just a passing reminder of the city tells me I made the right move leaving town. I just hope this place ends up being where I’m supposed to be. 

Well, what better way to get a feel for a new town than running a couple of normal, domestic errands? Namely: coffee. Let’s fucking gooooooo!

_____________________________________________________________

I’m loving the decor at the Blue Chip Roasters coffee shop. The amount of hearty wood furnishing and exposed burl fixtures gives it a Twin Peaks vibe without being derivative. It’s warm and homey and the scent of fresh coffee brewing makes my mouth water. There’s a huge wraparound counter that isolates the staff area behind the machines and cash register, which lines up with the doorway so you can walk right up to it. On the other side of the counter are bar stools occupied by various coffee drinkers who are all immersed in their books or laptops. It’s simple but welcoming. A satisfactory first impression, for sure. 

It’s a blessedly simple menu. They only have two types of milk, whole and oat, but I’ve never strayed from the classic whole milk-coffee combination anyways. Full fat means full flavor and that’s what I want. I order a double iced latte and a cinnamon roll for breakfast. As I drop in a dollar for tip, I notice the jar is covered in stickers and such all depicting some artists’ renditions of an anthropomorphic frog. In big block letters it reads: 

>> DON’T FROG-ET TO TIP! - LFM <<

“Who is LFM?” I ask the girl working the register. 

“Oh, it stands for Loveland Frogman. You’ve never heard of it?” 

“I can’t say that I have, but I’m new in town. Like, brand new.” 

“Oh, well it’s just a dumb local legend. Years ago, a couple cops saw a lizard standing on its hind legs and told everyone they saw a Frogman. Locals have kind of taken it on as a mascot of sorts even though it’s fake as fuck.” 

“It’s NOT fake,” says the kid behind the espresso machine pulling shots. “The Frogman is real. That lizard story is a cover-up ordered by the FBI. Ask anyone from around here and they’ll tell you a story about them or someone they know spotting him at some point.” 

“That’s ridiculous,” the cashier rolls her eyes. “The people that claim to see him are just dumbasses lying so they can be the center of attention for a moment. Either that or meth heads.” 

“It wasn’t a frog at all,” says a third worker sweeping something up behind the counter. “It was an alien. A being from another dimension. That’s why the FBI wanted to cover him up. No one cares about some overgrown science project.” 

The local color of it all has me stunned silent. I am not used to talking this much with strangers. Honestly, I felt like I was pushing it by asking the cashier in the first place. I was half expecting a snide fuck-if-I-know dismissal. And now after instigating the conversation, I find myself at a loss for words. Great! I have no idea how to get out of this in the correct, polite way. I’m a decade out of practice. Thankfully, a voice coming from a bar stool in my periphery offers me a blessed interjection to keep me from looking as dumb as I feel.  

“Don’t listen to them. They’re just messing with you because you said you’re new in town. We don’t get a lot of ‘new’ around here often. A lot of the same,” says the guy. I turn to look at him, remembering the most rudimentary of manners, but what I see doesn’t help my muteness because this dude is good looking. 

Very good looking, one might say. 

Ridiculously, if you’re so inclined. 

I get that feeling in my chest that makes me feel like I’m twelve years old again and my friend Jessica’s older brother Adam would walk in the room while we watched TV– like it’s suddenly difficult to to take a full, deep breath and a heat spreads across my shoulders and chest. I can’t remember the last time I felt this way. I am completely flustered. I break eye contact to fumble through my wallet for an extra couple dollars to throw in the tip jar. Fuck! I need to work on my spontaneous conversation skills. I wasn’t expecting to experience culture shock quite to this extent, but I guess even just one state away is a whole other place, isn’t it? 

“Where are you from?” asks the guy. A straightforward question that I am perfectly capable of answering… hopefully. 

“I moved here from New Yor–” I manage to croak out, stumbling over that last syllable. I clear my throat. “York. I moved here from New York.” 

“New York City?” 

“The very one.” 

“Why would you leave New York to come to Loveland of all places?” he asks. “Most people are doing everything in their power to make it out of here.” 

“Oh, you know, sometimes the place a person needs is the last place you’d expect,” I reply. Looking back at the cashier, they have an incredulous look on their face like I’m speaking crazy talk. 

“Whatever you say, lady.” They hand me my coffee, my transaction finally complete. I lift the cup in salute and give a tight mouthed smile to the hot guy at the bar. He lifts his cup in return, a good humored smile plastered on his face. 

As I leave the coffee shop and settle into the driver’s seat of my car, I’m suddenly hit with the realization that I answered that hot guy’s question with the kind of trite bullshit normally reserved for Pinterest quotes. 

“Sometimes the place a person needs is the last place you’d expect,” I repeat back to myself. “What the FUCK does that mean, you dumbass weirdo bitch?” The heat I felt across my chest has definitely spread across my face. Luckily, there’s no cute coffee guy to see my embarrassment as I drive back home. 

_____________________________________________________________

Once I’m back home with my coffee and cinnamon roll, I park it back outside on the iron patio set and enjoy my breakfast. With a little food and caffeine in my system, I realize I may have been overreacting to the little interaction at the coffee shop. It probably wasn’t as bad as it was in my head. I was just hungry and fatigued from moving. No big deal. 

I hear the doorbell and go to let the internet installation technician inside. I’m impressed that he showed up so early in the estimated service window. It wasn’t uncommon for me to wait all day for a tech in New York only for no one to show up when they said they would. The next day or so, I’d often get a call while out and about. 

“Hi ma’am it’s George from Concast. I’m here to install your internet. Can you let me in?” 

“Let you in? You were supposed to come yesterday. I didn’t get any notification that you’d come today– I’m not here.” 

“Well, I need to be let in to install your internet…”

“But I’m not there. We’ll just have to reschedule.” 

“Next availability is in two weeks.” 

“GODDAMMIT. Wait right there– I’ll be back as soon as possible!” 

But none of that rigamarole is happening now. At this moment, I am reading a book on my back patio with an iced coffee and a cinnamon bun while Lyle sets up my fiber internet at the exact time he was scheduled to do it. Life is good. 

Okay, I may be looking at everything with rose colored glasses, but I’ll allow myself to bask in my new home serenity for a little while longer. What can it hurt to take the time to enjoy the fact that things are going smoothly? Back in the city, it felt like I was constantly having to strive for things to work. They rarely did and any hint of them possibly doing so was dashed with such expedience I never allowed myself the luxury of thinking that I possibly deserved for things to be easier. 

There was no way for me to get to that point when stuck in constant survival mode. The city is a beast, constantly growing. So even if you get to a point where you’re realizing some sort of comfort, the beast will continue to expand and shift until your complacency gets you displaced. It’s exhausting! I guess the hustle gives you something to live for– that’s why you see so many 80-year old women wandering around the streets of Manhattan. But they’re a hard eighty. And you can’t help but think they’re not there because they want to bust their asses just to make it through a day, but because they simply don’t even know there are other ways to live. Humans are creatures of habit. We find comfort in conformity. We create these confines and then tell ourselves because we made them, we must also work within them. 

It’s logical: as animals, we are bound by evolutionary instinct to find and keep a lifestyle that enables us to be productive– namely, reproductive– so that drives us to make choices that are safe and keep us connected. But I don’t think it’s extreme to say we as humans can and should continue to evolve past base evolutionary drive. It’s not imperative for all of us to be constantly productive. We have machines and programs that help us do a lot of the heavy lifting so that we may spend more time enjoying the world we’ve been gifted. And just as these advancements further separate us from any quote/unquote “natural way” of existence, we should consider the possibility that breaking free from our patterns and choosing not to conform to the established expectations may serve us positively. 

Of course, it’s that “new is better” mindset that led Mark to breaking up with me. He saw moving in together as conforming to the established expectations of those around us and he couldn’t do it. So perhaps I’m a hypocrite waxing poetic on the evils of conformity. No ideology would’ve stopped me from moving in with him. I was dead set on doing the expected. 

Except, I didn’t see it as settling. I saw it as an exciting new experience that just happened to promise a bit of security alongside the novel. There is adventure to be found alongside someone you can rely on. I guess at the end of the day, we broke up over a difference of perspective. If you’re going to build a life with someone, you should both see your future from the same vantage point. 

_____________________________________________________________

With the internet working and full stomach, I’m ready to continue unpacking. It’s not so much the unboxing that’s taking up my time. But with every essential item I unwrap, I’m reminded of something I’ll need to buy in the process of turning this house into a home. It feels a little consumerist, but I fully intend to take my time in accumulating these items and purchase with quality in mind, so I don’t sweat it.

Well, I don’t sweat the prospective shopping. Unpacking boxes does work up quite the literal sweat, however. It’s almost 6 pm and I am in desperate need of an end-of-the-day shower. Before I hop in, I pull up a food app and find the best rated Thai restaurant in my delivery area. I put in an order for pad thai and spring rolls and receive an hour delivery estimate– plenty of time to get clean before dinner, so I hop in the shower. 

I’m right in the middle of rinsing the conditioner from my hair when I hear the doorbell. An hour was either an incredibly inaccurate delivery estimate or it took me much, much longer to wash my hair than it normally does. 

“WAIT!” I holler towards the door as I wrap myself in my favorite extra large, super fluffy bath towel. “I’M COMING! I’M COMING!” I scurry as fast as I can to the door, probably looking like a drowned rat. 

“I’m so sor–” I halt as soon as I see who’s on the other side of the door. It isn’t my Thai food at all. It’s the guy from the coffee shop– the hot one who rescued me from my social awkwardness. He has that charming smile on his face, but it fades a bit as he gets a good look at me. In a breath of realization, his eyes go up to the sky as a pink blush spreads across his face. It’s kind of adorable, to be honest. 

“I am so sorry,” he says. “I’m your… we’re neigh– I live a couple doors down,” he fumbles through. “I wanted to come over and welcome you to the neighborhood.” 

“We– we met earlier, right? At the coffee shop?” I find myself once again in a situation I haven’t experienced in quite some time. Fourteen years in New York and not once did I have a neighbor come to my door to introduce themselves. I’m not even certain if I’m expected to invite him in. I certainly don’t know how to proceed when I’ve opened the door but a single layer of terrycloth between my nude body and the– admittedly gorgeous– welcome wagon. Thankfully, the wagon in question seems steady on the trail. 

“Yes! Yeah, that was me. Hey– I can, you know, wait here a second if you want to…” he makes a vague gesture towards the towel. 

“Oh! That would be great, yes. But you don’t have to wait outside. Please, come on in.”

He gives me a wary look. “Are you sure? I don’t mind…” 

“Yeah, I guess it’s not exactly best practice to let some guy I just met into my home while I’m changing, huh? I’m sorry, I just don’t want to be rude.” 

“You’re not, I promise. Go ahead, I can wait here. I’m patient.” 

Now I’m the one who’s blushing. Blushing a nude in front of a strange man. Mother would be so proud. I give him a sheepish smile as I close the door then scurry back to my room to throw on the nearest clothes I can get my hands on. I make a pit stop to take a peek in the bathroom mirror, rub the smudged mascara from under my eyes, and run my fingers through my hair. It’s not much, I think looking at my sorry state, but it’s what I got. 

I head back to the front door and take a moment to compose myself to come off with a false air of nonchalance. Fake it til you make it, right? 

I open the door and see him leaning against the wall and looking through his phone casually. I notice for the first time he’s holding a bottle of wine in the other hand. He looks up and catches my eye. A smirk sprawls across his face. 

“Woah– that was quick!” he says. 

“Yeah, well, I don’t have a lot of things unpacked here at the moment, so I don’t have much to sift through. Cuts down on the decision fatigue when choosing what to wear, for sure.” 

His smile brightens and it puts my entire body on high alert. I may not be nearly naked anymore, but looking at this guy makes me feel so exposed, like he’s seeing things about me that I’m not even aware of. I’m a grown ass woman, but this guy has me feeling bashful for the first time in years. 

“Come on in,” I move aside and open the door completely to let him inside the house. “I think you’ve proven you’re trustworthy enough.” 

“Cool, yeah.. I mean, thanks.. Yeah.” His stammering is endearing. There’s something comforting in the shared awkwardness as if the meeting of two awkward nerds cancels us out into being normal. “I’m Jeremiah,” he introduces himself and holds his hand out to shake. 

“Molly,” I grasp his hand in return. “It’s nice to officially meet you.” 

“Yeha! I hope you don’t find this creepy, but earlier I noticed the internet guy in your driveway and realized someone had finally moved into this place. The for sale sign was taken down about a week ago and I was wondering when you’d show up. Then when you said you just moved here at the coffee shop earlier, I thought maybe the new owner could be you.”

“And it is!” I interrupt. “I mean, I am. That is to say… It's kismet.” Jesus Christ. Is that something people say? Can I even define “kismet?”  Am I just embarrassing myself here? 

“Exactly!” His smile breaks my shame spiral. “It’s always worth noting when we get to witness the stars aligning in real time.” He holds the bottle of wine up to eye level for me. “I brought you a housewarming gift. It’s nothing special– I wasn’t even certain if bringing wine to a stranger is appropriate. But it’s a pretty dry red. I thought if you don’t drink, you can use it for cooking.” 

“I do! I mean, I do drink. Thank you, you’re very kind and I feel quite welcome.” I take the bottle and scan the label. It’s a Chianti I’ve never tried before. “This looks beautiful. Would you like to have a glass with me?” 

“Um… sure! That sounds nice. Do you have glasses?” 

“I don’t have stemware, but I have a couple cups that will do. Plus,” I pause to rummage in the drawer where I stashed my well loved wine key the night before, “I have this!” I grab the water glasses I have from the cupboard and start working the corkscrew into the top of the bottle. 

“Please, allow me.” Jeremiah takes the wine and key from me and effortlessly drills deep into the cork, angling the bottle away from him. He looks me directly in the eye as he pushes the lever away from him and removes the cork with an muffled POP.

What in the actual fuck? How was that so… hot? 

He grabs the glasses and distributes even, modest pours in each of them before handing me one. “Cheers,” he says, lifting his own glass, “to your new home.” 

“And new neighbors,” I clink my cup against his, immediately questioning whether that was smooth or just pathetically thirsty. Either way, I take a sip. I notice his eyes darting around, taking in the details of the house. 

“This place is almost the exact same layout as my place, just reversed.” 

“Really?” I ask. “Is that unusual?” 

“Not really, no. These subdivisions are financed and built before they’re ever sold. Developers will have a handful of blueprints and rotate between them while building. I guess keeping everything as uniform as possible allows them to churn out houses quickly and reduces the risk of error. You build the same house over and over again, you can probably throw them up in your sleep.” 

“Or they get so overconfident and cocky, they begin to slack off and make mistakes.” 

“Oof. You’re telling me. Complacency can definitely lead to miscalculations.” He takes another sip before continuing. “Happens in my work all the time.” 

“Oh yeah? What do you do?”

He winces. “It’s kind of hard to explain– not that it’s beyond your understanding,” he reassures me and my heart melts ever so slightly. “But, basically, I track and predict rainfall.” 

“You’re a meteorologist?” 

“No. I don’t really know much about weather in general. It’s more like I use statistics to estimate which places will experience flood or drought in the near future. I then use those estimates to inform the purchase and sale of certain commodities.” 

“Commodities. Like food?” 

“Food is a big part of it, yes. But also a lot of precious metals and whatnot. And oil. There’s always oil.” 

“So you’re a gambler,” I tease. He grins in response. 

“An informed gambler, yes. But, you know– no risk, no reward.” 

“Well it does sound pretty interesting. More so than what I do.” 

“Which is?” 

“I am an editor for a publishing company that specializes in highly stylized cookbooks. A lot of Housewives for housewives kind of content. I basically make sure that what the authors– or, at least, their ghostwriters– put in their drafts all make sense. You wouldn’t believe how many times I’ve caught cups– multiple cups– of salt from being added to a dessert recipe.” 

“That sounds interesting to me,” he says, being polite. I appreciate it nonetheless. “So does that mean you know how to cook a lot of different things?” 

I guffaw. “In theory, at least. I’m not a talented chef by any means, but I can make a meal.” I realize that at every chance I get, I’m diminishing myself in this conversation. When did I fall into that little habit? But before I can think much more about it, my doorbell rings. “Speaking of meals, that would be the takeout I thought you were.” I answer the door and thank the delivery person after they hand me my order. When I come back, I see Jeremiah rinsing out his now empty glass of wine before gently placing it in the sink. 

“Well this seems like the perfect opening for me to make a graceful exit. I’ll leave you to enjoy your dinner.” He gives me a genuine smile and reaches out to shake my hand goodbye. “It was really great meeting you. I’m excited to have someone cool in the neighborhood. And if you need anything, anything,” he gives my hand a squeeze on the emphasis and while making some very effective eye contact, “don’t hesitate to ask.” 

Damn. My new neighbor is hot.

[bluelocksource]

Kurona Ranze’s trivia

☆ Character color: Pink.

☆ Birthday: 6th September.

☆ Current age: 16 (1st year high schooler).

☆ Zodiac: Virgo.

☆ Birthplace: Hokkaido.

☆ Family structure: Father. Mother. Himself.

☆ Current height: 168 cm.

☆ Foot size: 26.5 cm.

☆ Dominant foot: Right foot.

☆ Vision acuity: 1.2

☆ Blood type: O.

☆ Grip strength: 38 kg.

☆ Motto: "Take care of your own mood."

☆ Starts playing football: At age 4.

☆ Team before joining BLUE LOCK: Kirikizan High School Soccer Club.

切刻斬 (kirikizan) can mean 'cutting slash' or 'precise cut'.

☆ Hobby: Playing with his braid. "Since childhood, I’ve had the habit of touching my bangs when I’m daydreaming, watching TV, or concentrating. When my parents jokingly taught me how to braid, I’ve had braided hair ever since. I braid and unbraid it to get through boring classes."

☆ Favorite food: Twist bread. "It’s cute because it looks like a braid. Any flavor is fine."

☆ Food he dislike: Iga’s hard-baked rice crackers. "I chipped a tooth as a child. They’re hard. Hard.”

Iga is a city in Mie Prefecture.

☆ What goes best with rice: "I prefer bread, so I don’t know much about it."

☆ Favorite animal: Great white shark. "I feel a connection because of its jagged teeth. Jaws. Jaws."

☆ Favorite season: Spring. "It makes me want to run. RUN. RUN."

☆ Favorite football player: Lamine Yamal.

☆ Favorite song: "Onaji Yoru" by sancrib.

☆ Favorite manga: Gachiakuta.

☆ Favorite movie: Guardians of the Galaxy.

☆ Mushroom shoots vs Bamboo shoots: Bamboo shoots. "I like the crispy biscuit-like texture. Bamboo shoots sprouting up."

☆ What makes him happy: Subtle affection. "I like people who always look out for me."

☆ What makes him upset: Being yelled at. "They should just talk to me before getting angry. Anger management is important."

☆ What he thinks his strength is: "I can build relationships with others while maintaining a moderate distance. Also, I’m fast on my feet."

☆ What he thinks his weakness is:  "I tend to be quite casual about things I’m not interested in. Casual."

☆ What made him cry recently: “When my pet hedgehog passed away.”

☆ Favorite/best subject: "None in particular. None. I dislike studying."

☆ Weak/least favorite subject: "All of them. That’s why I hate studying! Don’t ask! Don’t ask!"

☆ Ideal type: Someone who maintains a moderate distance but stays close.

☆ Number of chocolates received from previous Valentine: 4.

☆ At what age he experiences first love: 8 years old.

☆ The first time he got confessed to: “A classmate told me they liked me, but it was in a mascot-like way. I was disappointed. I was really down.”

☆ Fixation: Hairstyles. "A person’s hairstyle reflects their personality."

☆ Average sleeping time: 7.5 hours.

☆ How he spend his holiday: “Training to improve my running speed. Taking care of my hedgehog (the second one). Then just relaxing casually. Relaxing.”

☆ When taking a bath, which part he washes first: His hair. "I undo my braid and carefully treat it."

☆ What he usually buy from the convenience store: "Hair ties. Hair ties."

☆ What will he do if he received 100 million yen: "I’d be shocked. Shocked."

☆ At what age he stops receiving presents from Santa: At 11 years old.

☆ What was his last wish from Santa: "Socks, for soccer. It was funny to find socks inside Santa’s stocking."

☆ What will he do during his last day on Earth: "Spend a relaxing time with my parents and my pet hedgehog (the second one)."

☆ Favorite historical figure: John Lennon.

☆ If he hadn’t encountered soccer, what will he be doing: “I might have aimed to become a pet groomer.”

☆ If he could only take one thing to a deserted island, what would it be: "I’d take my pet hedgehog (the second one) with me. Oh, the hedgehog's name is Pocari."

☆ If he had a time machine, would he go to the past or the future: The future. “I want to go really far into the future and make friends with future people.”

note: i want to apologize in advance for any mistake made in the translation!

source: Egoist Bible 2.

[sofiiel]

Date: theme park with Eddie

He asked for triple scoops at the cotton candy stand.

He nomed a piece of said candy and then kisses you so it melts as you kiss.

He's stuck between the biggest ride and the photobooth because he's torn between "I must ride the machine of death and terror" and "I need adorable snaps with my lover" his head is turning left and right as he tries to decide which direction.

Eddie picks the biggest ride. At first, he throws his hands up, and suddenly he's squeezing the life out of you, at the drop. Then that scream becomes a joyous cackle. He's having a blast, but he is still got his arms locked around you as best he can manage. You know, for safety reasons.

You've lost him in the midway games and can't find him. Eddie tries to win you the biggest prize, and he's tried three different games, several times. He trudges back to you with an arm fool of the smallest prizes and a pout - only to find you won him a giant stuffed creature. He did however win a kiss from you.

He spots a man walking on the tallest stilts he's ever seen and follows him around, asking questions about how hard it is to do and how long it took to master. He then looks at you. "Babe, we're getting stilts. I will play the filthiest solo on stage in those god-damn stilts."

Eddie wants pictures with all the characters and mascots. He's somehow dragged a few of them to get in the photobooth with the both of you.

You go on the water ride, several times. Mostly because it's really doing it for him to see you drenched from head to toe.

Smoking weed in the back corner behind something. He wants to be high as a kite when goes on the space themed ride and the haunted ride. If you don't smoke it ~ that's fine. He'll happily entertain you while you're 100% lucid by tripping out at everything.

In the haunted house, he accidentally backhanded one of the actors who jumped towards you after you got scared and scream "Eddie!". It was a natural reaction. He had to apologize and you two run before you get kicked out.

Doing a bungee jump ride. While preparing to go, Eddie's saying his last I love yous. "Babe, if the string snaps....I was happy to spend this one moment with you, than the rest of my life alone." But when you two jump he's nearly giggling and when it's over he looks at you saying "25 more times, please, please."

You two are doing the cutesy couples 'ha ha i bumped you silly!' thing with the bumper cars. Ignoring almost everyone else. Until one guy wanting to kill the sweetness rams his cart into you - Eddie goes off, terrorizing them the whole time while rage cursing. The guy might actually have whiplash.

Eddie bought a ring from the coin gacha, and offers it as a promise ring in the tunnel of love, when the couples cam is on you. You've got it on photo for all time.

Poor Eddie road the tilt'a'whirl after gorging on what amounts to carni food. You stood there rubbing his back and holding back his hair and desperately trying to tune out the retching sounds. "oh god that was stupid, that was so, so stupid." he's muttering.

Eddie loses you in the crowd for the smallest millisecond, and he's climbed up on one of the park statue's shouting your name out over the sea of people.

You've gotten matching touristy merch from the park and instantly change into it for the rest of your trip.

Every single ride must be ridden thrice. At the very least.

But if you don't like a ride, Eddie will happily go it alone, he's waving you to you and talking anytime he spots you. Even if he's way up high, he's shouting. "This is amazing!" - "You look so little!" - "Hiiii sweetheat!" - "It's too fast!"

You aren't leaving without a balloon animal, and one of those foam animals that 'walk' as you drag them with the wire leash.

He's taken to holding your hand the whole time, so he won't lose you in the crowd again.

At lunch eddie starts to wind down and he's in his 'yeah, I'm gonna be that boyfriend mode' and he's trying to feed you part of his food because "you have to try this."

Shhh, you've written your names in the bathroom stall with sharpie...and behind that ride you *probably* low-key banged behind.

Eddie's somehow ended up with 300 raffle tickets. He isn't sure how, and neither are you - you don't even know where the raffle is. but hopefully you'll win something nice.

There's a band of characters playing instruments to amuse the visitors. You sneak up to them and ask them to play a specific song and dedicate it to Eddie. When he hears it, Eddies looking at you the same way people watch the happy ending of romance movies.

He's doing that thing where he tries to hop over statues/trash cans/barrier things. As if it'd impress you and yes it goes wrong, and he gets a rude awaking in a very sensitive spot. - time to go kiss it better 🙄

He's collected so many pictures that it's ridiculous. You've had to buy a tote bag for all of them, plus the theme merch, plus the pile of little prizes.

On a forgotten note: Eddie lectures of park employees the importance of keeping his giant prize you won him safe every time he has to leave it to get on a ride.

Playing sheriff vs outlaw on the merry-go-round.

Cuddling close while in the animal exhibit as you marvel at all the creatures. Trying to pick out which animals remind you of loved ones back home.

Singing pirate shantys on the ship ride.

You have been at the park all day, night is falling and after watching a light show they put on. Eddie kisses you under the neon lights of the parks' entryway. He's paid off some rando to snap a picture of the moment for him without you knowing, so he can surprise you with it later.

[icedcoolatta]

A History of My Favorite McDonald’s Mascot, Mac Tonight

so. this is something i feel very strongly about.

this is mac tonight.

a lot of people know him as moon man.

i do not like this.

moon man, while originally being a nickname he was called in commercials, is now the name of his “fanmade” racist alter ego popularized by the alt right. i shouldn’t have to explain why this is a problem.

thankfully, this character has died down in popularity recently, so i’m taking it upon myself to rip off that ugly mask and tell you all a little about the most creative, smooth, and personally iconic mcdonald’s mascot out of all of them, Mac Tonight.

origins

in 1959, Bobby Darin released his cover of the song “Mack the Knife”. decades later, in the early 80s, some marketing guy trying to come up with an ad campaign for mcdonald’s thought “hey this song about a killer would be perfect parody material for a fast food company!”, and thus, the mcdonald’s parody was born.

Mac Tonight also drew inspiration from Max Headroom, the character. not the broadcast hijacking that used his face.

usage

in the mid 80s, the commercials started rolling in for McDonald’s brand new 24 hour policy. and they were a hit. for good reason! i am a massive fan of Mac Tonight, if it wasn’t clear, and i adore every one of these.

i would link one, but the feature doesn’t seem to be working for me at the moment…

the commercials were jazzy, smooth, maybe repetitive, but they were fun. Mac Tonight got so popular they made several statues and singing animatronics to place in restaurants across the globe.

eventually, Bobby Darin’s son found out, and sued McDonalds for using his fathers song uncredited and without permission. this was, temporarily, the end of Mac Tonight in advertising. however, in the late 90s, he began being used again in various non-musical commercials.

downfall

unfortunately, this is where moon man comes in. he is Mac Tonight’s white supremacist rapping internet persona that 4chan probably made.

i earnestly, for the life of me, cannot imagine why they would want to ruin such a beloved mascot.

he was so widespread McDonald’s tore down several Mac Tonight physical incarnations in restaurants everywhere.

Mac Tonight’s latest usage was in a Singaporean ad in 2007, a singing CGI rendition, that is still lovely despite the lack of Mack the Knife parody.

Defunctland made a wonderful video on the history of this icon.

i am thrilled to inform you all on this mascot i adore, and i hope more people love him as time goes on. down with the moon man.

[selfshipgushing]

I sometimes feel embarrassed that one of my F/Os is Jack Box due to the fact he's a fast food mascot, for Jack in the Box, and also because he canonically has a wife.

although, I keep myself happy by knowing we're in a great polyamorous relationship!

I'm just bummed out that there isn't any Jack in the Box restaurants where I live.

-⛓️🔥

I've never had jack in the box

[lefthandedhotch]

hiiiiii linnnn🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰 i luv uuuuuu so muchhh🥰🥰🥰 it's been a lil bit since ive sent you an ask 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 so im back!!!!!! with such a silly college!hotch ask inspired by this tweet i saw🤭🤭🤭 and also this CUUUUUTE piece from @ddejavvu <33333 just thinking about college!hotch <333 he's soooooo sweet and silly and a lil bit smug i luv him sm🤭🤭🤭🤭💞💞💞

you're at a frat party, having already had a couple of drinks when you find a cat!!!!! he's a cute furry little guy, swiping at a balled up paper towel by the stairs🥰🐈‍⬛ you're a bit tipsy when you coo and scoop him up, so the little bit of alcohol in your system is shielding you from his little claws as he tries to wiggle away akdmskdkkskf but after some pets and kisses and sweet words, he seems to understand you're no threat and settles in your arms enjoying the love you're giving him, both of you getting very comfortable on the hard stairs of this sticky, musty and loud frat house🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭🥰🥰🥰 you're lost in dishing out kisses and murmurs to the kitty cat you've found that you dont realize someone's trying to get your attention until the cat starts to wiggle away towards his owner☹️☹️☹️ a very handsome guy with floppy black hair and a very smug grin on his lips as the cat brushes up against his leg🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭 you frown (ignoring all the butterflies you're getting from his smug grin🥰🤭🙄) at him as he says "sorry, i didnt mean to interupt, just wanted to make sure he was alright🤭" you sigh and tell him that he was Very alright and so were you until he came over to claim his cat back🙄🤚 he snorts as he scoops up the furry guy and scoots next to you on the steps and offers you access to petting the cat again <3 normally, if some random guy you didnt know stuck himself next to you, sort of trapping you between himself and the wall, you'd get out as fast as you could, but with this guy (who tells you his name is aaron, you tell him it's a nice name, making him blush🤭) you dont get any outright reasons to not trust him so you of courseeeee pet his cat to your heart's content and soak up all of the purrs he's giving off <333 you and aaron chat a little bit and talk about uni stuff professors you two have in common and the cat of course <3 he tells you that he found him earlier that year digging around in the frat's trash cans (you're in awe that he's a part of this fraternity because you always imagined frat bros were total jerks and he's very much not hehehehe) and from there, the cat became their unofficial mascot🤭🤭🤭🤭 he definitely uses the cat as a reason to ask you out and you tease "i might take back what i said about frat guys, i cant believe you're using this cat as a wingman😔💔" you two get a good chuckle out of that and aaron's wingman runs off at the sight of a slice of pepproni falling to the floor (aaron grumbles "he acts as if we never feed him🙄🤔" and when you laugh, he looks soooooo proud of himself, silly smug grin on his lips again🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰💞💞💞🤭🤭🤭) a couple desperately trying to find an unoccupied room squishes past you and aaron up the stairs and when he leans over to let them by, he's pressed soooooo close to you and it makes your heart all fluttery and crazy and the alcohol you drank earlier spurs you on to lean up and kiss him💞💞💞💞💞💞💞 he pulls away and makes a silly stupid comment about giving his cat an extra serving of food tomorrow before you two kiss and kiss and kiss again <333333 EEK college!hotch and his wingman kitty🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭🥰🥰🥰💞💞💞💞💞🐈‍⬛🐈‍⬛🐈‍⬛🐈‍⬛

hehehehehe hiiiiiiiiiiiiii jess-jess 🥰🥰🥰💞💞💞💞💞💞🥹🥹🥹✨✨✨💗💗💗💗💗 i luv YOU! sooooooo much!!!!!! hehehe welcome baaaaaaaack 🥰 i’ve missed my jess thoughts and cutie aaron asks sm!!!!! 🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭

you were most definitely Not looking forward to this silly frat party that your friend was dragging you to because the person she has a crush on was supposed to be there but as soon as you see the cute lil kitty slinking his way around the party you’re soooooo happy to be there 🥰🥰🥰😌😌😌😌 hehehe AND even though you’re Irritated that your new little friend was so rudely stolen away from you, the very handsome arms leading up to a handsome torso with a VERY handsome head attached makes your heart pitter patter like crazy and makes you even happier to be there too 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🐈‍⬛🐈‍⬛🐈‍⬛🐈‍⬛🐈‍⬛ aaron was Very Very irritated to learn that his frat brothers were throwing a party because he has some big papers to be working on for his difficult law classes but once they got a couple of beers into him he was all loosey goosey and ready to Partayyyyyyyy! hehehehehe he notices you pretty early on into the night when he’s playing beer pong and spots you across the dirty sticky living room 🤭 but after he’s done with the game he looks around and he can’t find you :((((( and he’s really worried you left before he could even talk to you :((((( and he can’t find his cat either 🤧🤧🤧🤧🤧🤧 but!!!!! then he finds you both Together!!!!!!!! and seeing you press sooooooo many kissies to his lil kitty’s head and coo some sweet words to him makes aaron’s heart get all skippy and stuttery in a way he’s never felt before 🥺 and after some silly sweet (tipsyyyyyyy) flirting when you lean up and press a sweet soft lil kiss to his lips he literally can’t stop grinning!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! especially when he hears your cute laugh when he jokes about the cat getting an extra treat for being the very best wingman ever and then he gets giggly extra kiss kiss kisses from you too 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰 when your friend comes to find you so you guys can head home, you and aaron are soooooo sad to see each other go :( you can’t help but feel like you guys have such a connection already :( but!!!!! before you can slip away from him, aaron somehow produces a pen out of thin air and you write your number (and a lil heart hehehe) on the back of his hand so tomorrow when hes more sober and thinking about you, he has your number so he can call you!!! 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰 and sure enough when your phone rings the next day you can’t help but squeal thinking about talking to him and his cute face and his cute kitty again 🐈‍⬛🐈‍⬛🐈‍⬛🐈‍⬛🐈‍⬛🐈‍⬛🐈‍⬛🤧🤧🤧🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹💗💗💗💗💗💗💗🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰💞💞💞💞💞💞💞🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭