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the-sympathetic-villain · 4 years

Note

For the prompt game, uhhhhh any Remus ship with au 8. college, trope 1. friends to lovers, and prompt 36. “i let you mooch off of my netflix and this is how you repay me?”

Well, it took me a while to figure out where I wanted to go with this but I’m happy with how it turned out! Hopefully you don’t mind that they drink a little bit :)

Movie Night

Word Count: 1411

Description: Remus and Virgil get a little tipsy after finals week and have a movie night.

Warnings: Drinking, Sexual innuendo/jokes (typical Remus stuff), mild swearing, illegal movie streaming

“I am this close to banning you from hosting movie nights, Vee.” Remus draped himself wildly over the arm of the chair in which he was sitting, holding out his fingers and dramatically measuring the smallest gap he could manage to see through.

“You’re the one who suggested coming here, Remus.” Virgil drawled back at him. Remus grinned as Virgil continued to clumsily click through yet another sketchy streaming site trying to find a version of The Nightmare Before Christmas that didn't have Mandarin subtitles or French audio. “You knew how janky my set up is before we came here.”

“Well, yeah. I know, but I thought it was at least functioning.” Remus lifted a bottle to his lips as he rolled his eyes. He glanced down at Virgil with a grin. “Forgive me for wanting to have a drink somewhere between finals hell week and the actual hell of having to see my family for Christmas.” Remus snorted. “Senior year sucks.”

Virgil sighed as his most recent link started barking at him in what he assumed was Russian. He groaned and clicked out of the screen before taking a long drink from the bottle next to him. Remus almost giggled out loud as Virgil shivered at the bitter taste. He knew all too well that the bitter flavor never sat well with Virgil even if he pretended otherwise. Remus thought about offering him something sweeter, but it seemed like wasted effort. Soon, Virgil would be buzzed enough to stop caring about how it tasted and they could save the good stuff for a better night.

“We could have drank at your place.” Virgil looked over his shoulder at him with a disdainful look in his eyes.

“And have to listen to the guys next door going at it like rabbits?” Remus droned with a grin on his face. “I don't think so. Despite the technical difficulties, your apartment's still the better choice.”

“Well then, stop complaining about—”

“Listen, Virgil,” Remus interrupted, pulling the bottle in his hand from his lips. He paused, letting the alcohol settle as he pointed down at his friend. He paused and his cheeks warmed as Virgil finally came into better focus.

God, he's cute when he’s about to pull his hair out—

Remus paused.

Not to mention, I wouldn’t mind him pulling my hair—

He nearly had to shake his head to rid himself of the thought. He looked back up to Virgil, who seemed to be waiting or him to collect himself.

He’s my best friend.

Those kinds of thoughts would only get him into trouble, so instead, he cocked his head, pointing down at Virgil as he teased him. “I'll stop complaining when there's a movie playing.”

Virgil rolled his eyes dramatically. “Well, then you figure this out, because I’m about to—"

“Fine.”

“What?” Virgil looked back at him in confusion.

Remus set down his drink and flung himself forward. He felt himself slide haphazardly out of the chair and slither up to Virgil. Wrapping a hand around Virgil’s shoulder, he leaned against Virgil’s back to steady himself as he cleared the search bar.

He's so warm. I could just stay this close forev—

“What are you—” Virgil interrupted his thoughts as he started to type. “Wait, Remus—I don't have Netflix—”

Shaking the drunk, pining thoughts from his mind, he gave a quick chuckle. Not able to help himself. He smiled a little wider as Virgil squirmed from the feeling of his deep voice resonating on his back. “Well duh, Doom and gloom. That's why we're using mine.”

“Oh, you don't have to do that—” Virgil tensed and leaned forward, watching him closely.

“Like hell I don’t.” Remus tapped away, lazily filling in his information. He hit the enter button with a dramatic flourish, gesturing for Virgil to find the movie. “Some of us would actually like to watch a movie tonight.”

Virgil blushed, looking over at him. “I don't want to take advantage of you because I can't afford—”

“It's not taking advantage of me if I give consent, Vee.” Remus growled, leaning so close, he nearly tipped Virgil over. “And trust me, I'm a ready and willing particip—”

“Alright, alright. Shut up now, please." Virgil cringed, pushing him away. Remus giggled, reluctantly pulling away from Virgil. “It's fine, my little emo dream. If this is how you've been living your life, I'll happily share my Netflix with you. No one else except Roman and I are on the account anyway. You might as well use it.”

Virgil blinked. “Really? You’re just going to let me keep it on here?”

“For realsie, my dark-eyed doom.” Remus leaned on his shoulder. “You’re part of the family.”

Virgil snorted and Remus beamed a crooked grin up at him. “Given what you’ve said about them, I don't know if that's a compliment.”

“Nah. Forget them. Blood don’t mean anything.” Remus slurred, almost more tired than buzzed as he leaned on Virgil’s warm shoulder. “You’re real family, Vee.”

Virgil paused, looking down at him with a cheeky smile. “Aww, Re. You really like me.”

Remus rolled his eyes with an exaggerated sigh. “Don't let it go to your head, Nightmare on—” Remus paused, trying to parse through his muddled thoughts. “—whatever street you live on.”

Virgil giggled as he scrolled through the endless screen of movies.

Why's he gotta have such a pretty laugh—

“Come on, Re. Don't fall asleep on me now.” Remus smiled stupid as Virgil helped him to his feet and dragged him over to the couch. Abandoning their drinks, they stumbled over and dropped down into the soft cushions. Virgil sighed as Remus leaned on into his shoulder as Virgil propped his laptop on his knees.

Virgil curled close to him as the first bars of the familiar bars of ‘This is Halloween' played quietly through the laptop speakers.

“Hey, Re?”

“Yeah?” Remus grunted, smiling as he looked up into his sparkling, light brown eyes—

Stop doing this—

“Can I kiss you?”

“What?” Remus stared up at him in shock, barely even reacting as Virgil buried his face into Remus’ shoulder.

Did he just—

“It'scoolifyoudon'twantto—” Virgil muttered quickly, his voice muffled by Remus’ shirt. “We definitely can forget I said anything. I—

“No, Vee. Uh—” Remus felt his cheek s grow warm as he turned his head down to where Virgil was buried in his shoulder. “I, uh—I want to, Hot Topic.”

Virgil lifted his head up. He pushed his hair out of his eyes with a coy smile. “Aww, Re, you think I'm hot.”

“Oh yeah,” Remus growled. “An absolute fricking hottie—”

“Re—” Virgil blushed as Remus nuzzled into him. A moment passed before Remus finally settled, but when he did, Virgil smiled, staring into Remus' eyes as he slowly set his laptop aside. Gently, he reached a head to Remus’ cheek and leaned in close.

Remus' heart jumped when their lips connected. His soft hand brushed against the top of Remus jaw and he inhaled, breathing in Virgil’s breath. Subtle hints of beer mixed with Virgil’s raspberry chapstick in a way he couldn’t imagine would be appealing any other time, but right now, he couldn't get enough of it. He leaned forward, softly resting his hand at the base of Virgil’s neck. Each moment felt like an eternity as he tasted Virgil’s soft lips, and yet, he almost couldn't resist whining as Virgil pulled away with a deep breath. Virgil giggled, tapping his fingers on Remus’ leg happily. Remus didn’t miss the way Virgil’s eyes lit up as he looked down at him.

“So,” Remus flashed Virgil the widest shit-eating grin he could manage as he rested his chin on Virgil’s shoulder. “I let you mooch off my Netflix and this is how you repay me?”

Virgil smirked down at him, enjoying the way Remus shivered as Virgil’s hair brushed Remus' face. “Don't act like you’re mad about it.”

“Mad about it?” Remus exhaled sharply. “Not at all! But I've got Hulu, Spotify—I'll share whatever you want if this is what happens—”

Virgil giggled a Remus wrapped his arms around him and he curled comfortably into Remus' chest. He cuddled around his best friend settling in for the night as lilting music played from Virgil’s laptop. Remus took a long breath. He was in total disbelief, but he was happy and wonderfully, wonderfully warm.

Thanks so much for the prompt! This was a lot of fun! <3

#sanders sides #sanders sides fic #ts remus #ts virgil #dukexiety #ask #the-hoely-bleach #prompt game

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larryfanficwriter98 · 3 years

Text

Chapter Eleven

*Fake It Until You Make It Real*

**I've been asked and here it is! This story has a playlist on Spotify under the same title as the story made by Kelly with the same profile picture! If you have any trouble let me know. There will also be one for my other story Falling In Love Through The Phone**

*playlist link (I think)*

Louis walked into the kitchen confused as he looked around the house. Harry was only in the Halloween sleep pants he had slipped on after they decided to get out of bed.

"Where is everyone?" Louis asked walking up behind Harry and wrapping his arms around his waist.

"Oh, Liam and Niall offered to take the dogs on a walk and Freddie asked if he could go too. I told them I didn't know how you'd feel considering you just met them, and Zayn and Amy offered to go along so I agreed. And before you worry, they completely understood and were not offended at all. They left about ten minutes ago. Freddie has taken to Niall though; Niall was showing him my guitars and how to play them. Niall has already promised a kid guitar as a Christmas gift for both the kids."

"Anyway, we can convince him to take it back and claim he couldn't find any?" Louis asked.

"Afraid not. Freddie was too excitedly about it and I don't break little hearts."

"Only little ones?" Louis teased.

"Well, you are little- Ow! Not the nipples." Harry said turning to face Louis and wrap his own arms around him, "come on I have a surprise for you."

"Oh, you do. What is it?" Harry didn't answer just kept his arms around him as he led them towards the second living room making Louis walk backwards. Louis tried to look but Harry turned him around and covered his eyes, "what? Harold!"

"Relax you'll be fine." Suddenly he was stopped and shifted around then the hands were removed. When he looked, he noticed they were in the small sunroof with breakfast laid out on a blanket and candles that filled the room with a beachy scent and a record player playing at a low volume.

"What is this?" Louis asked.

"It's breakfast silly. Don't mind the half-eaten waffle Freddie demanded it." Louis laughed as he watched Harry grabbed the plain half eaten waggle off a plate and toss it into the main hall as if it never was there, "I really hope that wasn't in the photos I took."

"It adds character." Louis said grinning as he kissed Harry's cheek, "thank you this is great if with the decor Freddie added makes more special."

"Look I'm trying to impress you I don't need Freddie to show me up with his talents." Louis shook his head as he led Harry into the room by his hand making him sit down first then he slotted himself between his legs leaning back against his chest, "look I even dug out my fancy tea set." Harry said excitedly as he showed off his baby blue floral teacups and saucers.

"Very fancy. I practically feel like royalty." Louis said grinning widely, "since I'm royalty i absolutely cannot pour my own tea you'll have to simply do it for me."

"Ah yes how dare I make you lift a single finger." Harry said kissing his hand that he was holding while the other hand poured the tea carefully. Louis absolutely refused to admit he giggled when Harry maybe a clinking sound on accident, "Shhh it didn't happen."

"Oh yes my mistake." Louis said grabbing a chocolate drizzled fruit kabob, "I heard not a thing."

"Exactly." Harry said pressing a kiss against his cheek as he grabbed his own kabob, "who says romance is dead with kids."

"The half-eaten waffle decor definitely says something." Breakfast was finished between laughter and sips of tea, but that apparently wasn't all Harry had planned. He was up and changing the record to something else. When the vinyl was in and the needle was moved Harry pulled Louis up to his feet.

"Dance with me."

"Dance with you to what?" Louis asked skeptically even if he did wrap an arm around Harry and slide his hand in his free one. Before Harry had a chance to respond Shania Twin filled the room and Louis grinned, "I knew I was marrying a man with good taste. Though I must say I'm shocked it's not Abba."

"Oh, don't worry they're in the list of potential wedding songs. After all we do have quite the story to tell with our first dance. Who knows maybe Abba tells it better than Shania. Hard to believe I know, but it's possible." Louis didn't even deem that worthy of a response especially when the introduction ended, and the first words started to play.

Looks like we made it Look how far we've come, my baby We mighta took the long way We knew we'd get there someday

They said, "I bet they'll never make it" But just look at us holding on We're still together, still going strong

You're still the one I run to The one that I belong to You're still the one I want for life You're still the one that I love The only one I dream of You're still the one I kiss goodnight

Louis grinned as he and Harry sang along with the lyrics, Harry's voice mending with his perfectly as they did a simple step and sway slow dance. His hand slid in Harry's hair pulling him down for a soft slow kiss and neither of them noticed when the others came back and stood in the doorway. Louis pulled away and gently guided Harry into a spin making them both laugh before their lips met again then it was Louis' turn to spin. As the last words were sung, they're lips touched again with emotion that seemed too strong with how little they knew each other, but Louis pushed it aside jumping when their friends 'awww'd loudly causing both of them to turn and see them standing there. Liam had Freddie on his shoulders and Niall had his phone out recording them.

"You two are so cute. I'm sending this to your mother Harry." Niall said as he walked away typing something on his phone, "don't worry I'm sending it to you two as well."

"We should get dressed. Busy day today, you go ahead, and I'll clean up."

"You sure?" Louis asked.

"Yes, now leave." Harry said gently pushing Louis towards the door.

"Alright come on Freddie let's get you ready as well mister Jammies." Louis said taking Freddie groaning slightly, "You're getting big kid."

"Liam says I'm light."

"Yeah, for him he has biceps the size of China. We don't listen to him." Louis grumbled hearing the lads laugh as he walked away.

****

Shopping was Harry was different than he expected or imagined. Since Harry didn't worry about money Louis had assumed Harry just tossed things in without much thought process and just swiped his card without worry. Turns out he was very wrong. Everything Harry bought he had a purpose for which really shouldn't have surprised Louis now that he thought about it. Though Harry also pretended not to notice when Freddie snuck snacks into the cart and buried them under things and Louis didn't say anything wishing for Harry to stop him when it was enough. Freddie was currently on his tenth box and Harry was reading the back of a noodle box as if it weren’t just a box of noodles that he had in his cupboards at the house. When Freddie had successfully hidden it only then did Harry coincidentally finish as well and put it in the cart pretending to not notice the junk food in his cart.

"What?" Harry asked innocently when Louis continued to stare at him, "I was reading the ingredients making sure they hadn't changed it."

"Uh huh. I'm not saying anything. It’s all on you this time." Harry looked betrayed but then he sniffed and turned away from Louis.

"Fine. I can totally say no when I need to." Harry said grabbing a few different boxes of pasta before he pushed the cart down a different aisle.

"Papa." Freddie whispered tugging on Louis' hand.

"Yes?"

"Harry needs cookies."

"Oh, he does?" Louis asked looking at Harry who was humming as he quickly grabbed two of the same jams and read the backs of them as if they were different.

"Yeah, but we have to be sneaky about it. I am a break hider with Harry because he reads a lot unlike you so we can sneak in a lot I bet."

"Oh really?"

"Yeah, and I reckon if we guess his favorite, he won't say no no matter how many we bring back, so I think we being back one of each."

"Wow you thought this one through. One of each you said." Louis said looking at Harry who started pushing the cart forward, "hey Haz."

"Yes, my darling?" Harry asked innocently as he looked back at them.

"Freddie and I are going to go look around you uh...have anything to say to us?"

"Have fun. Make smart choices." Harry said before he hurried down the aisle, Louis shook his head as he grabbed Freddie's hand and followed him down to the correct isle.

Harry didn't question it when Freddie practically begged that he and Louis unload the cart while Harry stood with his back to the belt. Louis shook his head glad he had sneakily snuck out the snacks he knew Freddie wouldn't miss or have eaten while Freddie and Harry had been picking fruits and vegetables. Harry didn't even question why there was ten boxes of random snacks in the produce section as he kept Freddie distracted by letting him push the cart.

"You're welcome." Louis had whispered.

"No idea what you are talking about."

"Uh huh." Harry grinned turning to peck him on his lips but never admitted to anything.

"Papa I think some things fell out but that’s okay. I think he would have noticed if we had too much." Freddie whispered.

"I think you're right. It must have fallen out when we helped rearrange the cart." Louis whispered back.

"Yeah, I think so too."

The cashier was grinned as she swiped the junk food boxes after having swiped the things Harry and Louis had picked out for dinners and lunches. The last fifteen items were obviously picked by a child and was obviously a 'secret'. She even played along by double bagging the items and sneakily handing them over the belt with a wink. Louis then pushed the cart ahead and started putting the bags in the cart while Harry paid for the groceries grinning. When everything was packed Louis moved ahead out of the way and helped Freddie put on his jacket. When Harry came over shoving his wallet and receipt into his pocket Freddie was ready to go out to the chilly October weather. When they got to the Murano Louis got Freddie into the booster first then went around and helped Harry finished packing everything. When they were back in the Murano Louis made sure Freddie was strapped in correctly before he buckled himself.

The drive to the apartment building was short and when Harry parked, he kept the Murano running and leaned over to kiss Louis on the lips.

"I'll be back."

"Okay we'll be here." Harry got out and hurried inside the building to escape the chilly breeze that accompanied the end of October. He hurried inside the elevator and pressed the fifth-floor button and then to room 409, He pulled out his phone and went to the camera app pressing the record button then he put the phone in his shirt pocket, so the camera was visible. His lawyer told him never to talk to her about Maddie without recording the conversation whenever possible and make sure to get her face so they could prove it was her. When it was situated, he knocked on the red door and waited only a few seconds before it was opened revealing Hannah dressed in a very revealing dress that Harry quickly averted his eyes upon seeing.

"Where's Maddie?" Harry asked stepping inside the apartment when she widen the door for him to enter.

"She's in her room." Harry tensed when Hannah's hand touched his shoulder. He quickly moved away from it and looked at her, "oh come on Harry...Danny isn't here, and Maddie doesn't have to know."

"I'm not interested. I'm also not available as you know. I'm engaged. I'm just here for my daughter. Maddie!"

"Daddy!" Harry grinned turning when a door opened and Maddie came out with a small suitcase making him frown slightly, "I'm ready."

"That's great princess what all did you pack? You look like you're ready to run away." Harry teased assuming she had packed toys or something.

"Oh, I forgot to tell you you're getting her for a week because Dan and I are leaving to look at a few homes in America where his transfer will be."

"A week? That would have been nice to know before today."

"It's a week or nothing. We leave tonight and we don't have a ticket for her, so we'd drop her off as Dan's parents’ place tonight otherwise.”

“Well, no I want her. Of course, I want her I just wish you would have told me. But thank you anyway for letting me keep her for the week.”

“You could thank me in another way.” She suggested.

“Not interested. Ready to go Mads?”

“She already ate so there’s no need to feed her dinner tonight.” Hannah said stepping closer, Harry immediately stepped back and opened the door.

“Goodbye Hannah.”

“Bye Harry.” She said slowly smiling as she wiggled her fingers. Harry ignored her and hurried out of the apartment with Maddie’s hand in his and her suitcase in the other hand.

“Daddy why does mom want me to you about you two getting back together upfront of Louis?” Harry pulled his eyebrows together and looked at her.

“What do you mean?”

“Mom said I had to ask you about you and her getting back together as soon as we got in the car if Louis was in the passenger seat. I asked her why and she told me it doesn’t matter to just do it.”

“Oh well I’m not sure, but I would prefer it if you didn’t. It can cause some tension that I really would rather not have inside the car. Your mother and I are not getting back together and there is no reason to ask that, okay? I’m marrying Louis and we are planning to stay together for a very very very long time.”

“like a Happily Ever After long time?”

“Yes, just like that. You’re going to be at the wedding and Freddie will be there. He’s going to be the ring bearer and you’re the flower girl. You’ll have a sort of baby aunt to help walk down as well. She’s only a baby you like that idea?”

“Yes, I can help her walk and help her throw petals on the ground, right?”

“Right. But don’t tell Louis I’ve already got it all planned out he has to feel included too.” Harry said jokingly making her giggle as he tickled her, “Promise?”

“I promise it’s our little secret daddy.” Harry grinned before he noticed something.

“Where’s your coat?”

“I don’t have one…well I have one, but it stops here.” She said pointing to her mid forearm, “and it’s tight and I don’t like it.”

“I gave your mother fifty pounds last week to get you a new one.”

“She spent it on the jacket, but it doesn’t fit, and I told her it didn’t fit but it was the only one the thrift store had.”

“The thrift store I gave her fifty pounds for a winter coat. She didn’t have to- it’s fine we’ll get you two one for me and one you’ll keep at your mothers, okay?”

“Okay. Thank you, daddy.”

“You don’t need to thank me for getting you essential items like coats, but you’re welcome.” Harry pulled his phone out and ended the video making sure it had recorded the entire time before shoving it in his pocket. Once they got to the front doors, he made sure to have a good grip on her suitcase and her body as he lifted her up before he ran out into the cold making her squeal with laughter, “RUN RUN RUN RUN.” Harry said laughing as he got to the Murano and pulled it open as she giggled, “There we go all toasty. Get in your booster and buckle up.” Harry told her closing the door then hurrying to the driver seat.

“I told you to put a coat on.” Louis told him as he rubbed his arm.

“Tell me you were right later.” Harry grumbled as he pulled his phone out and set it in the little cubicle, “We have to go to a department store for Maddie to get her a coat. Does Freddie need one for winter?”

“No, I go shopping for the after-winter sales and get him a size up for the next winter. He has a coat and gloves and a hate. He’s all set for winter.”

“Smart man. I knew I was marrying you for a reason.” Louis rolled his eyes with a grin, but he leaned into the kiss Harry pressed against his cheek, “we need to talk when we get home for a few minutes about Hannah.” Harry whispered against his ear before pressing another kiss there to disguise it. Louis nodded letting him know he heard him, so Harry pulled back but kept one of his hands intertwined with Louis’ as he pulled out of the parking space.

********

Two hours later Harry and Louis were finally finished putting everything away and the kids were successfully distracted with each other and the toys, so Harry pulled Louis into his home office and pulled out his phone.

“My lawyer has always told me to record every conversation I have with Hannah as much as possible so that’s what I did. Anyway, I’m not worried about what happened inside the apartment for obvious reason what I want you to really focus on is inside the elevator, but I’ll let you see whole the video anyway.” Harry said handing the phone to Louis as he sat in the desk chair and Louis sat on his desk, his legs in his arm rest holes pulling the chair in closer making Harry grin at how cute he was. Harry didn’t pay much attention to the video, but he knew when Louis got to the part where Hannah started coming on to him more and more. He’d make a face and his hand in Harry’s hair would tighten briefly but then came to the part where Maddie asked about Hannah tell her to ask the question upfront of Louis. His eyebrows rose and he grinned as if he found it amusing and when the video ended Louis laughed sliding down to straddle Harry’s lap.

“Even if Maddison had asked that it wouldn’t have bothered me.” Louis said.

“You got upset with the florist commented about my eyes sparkling with artificial bluebells.”

“Yeah, because she was wrong.” Louis said with an eye roll, “Your eyes sparkled with the purple Ranunculus.”

“Right the flowers we never even went near.” Louis rolled his eyes with a grin as he stood up, “How could I have forgotten those.”

“Someone’s sarcastic today and I don’t know if I like it, Harold.” Louis said with his arms folded, “It might hurt my feelings.”

“No not your feelings!” Harry said in fake outrage before he quickly wrapped his arms around Louis and kissed his face multiple times until he was pushing him away and running out of the room. Harry grinned as he grabbed his phone and hurried after him only to see he had teamed up with Freddie and Maddie in the matter of three seconds and all three of them had nerf guns points at him.

“CHARGE!” Louis shouted as he ran up the stairs and they ran after him shooting at him.

#Larry Stylinson #larry shippers #larries #larry stylinson fanfiction #larry fanfiction #fake marriage #nonfamous au #larry fake marraige au #doctor harry styles #teacher louis #parents au #Wattpad #archive of our own

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vanchlo · 4 years

Text

The Assistant / Chapter Thirty-Six, “I’ll Be Seeing You”

Links:

- *NEW* Check out the new character survey I filled out from Becky’s POV here!

- *NEW* Take a look at the new character survey I filled out from Harry’s POV here!

- All chapters can be found here!

- Inspo tag can be found here!

- Spotify playlist *updated often* can be listened to here!

Warnings: None

Word Count: 7.2k words

SNEAKYYYYYYYY PEEK

“I don’t know how I’m going to get through the next two weeks with that teasing around in my head - the fact that I get to work with him every day for five days a week. A dream come true, in every way. I’m rather positive tonight will tide me over until next week when I have my orientation.

I have a good feeling for the first time in a while, so many of them actually.

“God, it’ll be weird going back to being boss and employee again. It was so much easier being just friends,” I remark jokingly, the song flowing from his lips mixing with that of my own.

“Eh,” Harry says, shrugging his broad shoulders covered in his long black peacoat. “Don’ think o’ it that way, Becks, we’re colleagues now, which ‘s even betta.”

Song Inspo: I’ll Be Seeing You by Billie Holiday (click to listen and am I the only one thinking of The Notebook now?)

“What we call the beginning is often the end. And to make an end is to make a beginning.” - T.S. Eliot

Confliction knits together in my stomach as I travel the halls on my way to work. Enthusiasm peeks through when I pass the several courtrooms on my way, imagining myself in them sat next to Harry, his co-counsel. No longer are there feelings of disdain and longing when I pass Courtroom #5, or the mailroom I so often hid inside the walls of. Disdain found its way back to me when I entered the door for Administration, my lousy desk calling for me from its corner. I somehow can’t seem to escape that character trait. Nonetheless, a smile stuck to my lips at times throughout the morning as I browsed new work outfits online during downtime.

The morning went by painfully slow as I waited to try and catch Sophie after her many meetings and phone calls. Suddenly, I wasn’t sure how I would survive two more weeks of the humdrum between these four walls with my new future teasing me. Not when something out of a dream had woven its way into my life now, getting to work with Harry as his mentee, and a second chance at all of it. A second chance I wasn’t going to waste this time.

“Hey, Sophie. Good morning, I was wondering if I could speak to you about something?” I ask her, finally finding the right moment as she walks by my desk after a meeting.

“Yes of course, love. I was just going to grab some tea, why don’t you join me?” she murmurs with a smile, waving her arm as a signal to follow her down the hallway to the nearby break room. “Does this have anything to do with the glowing recommendation I gave about you to a certain Mr. Styles yesterday?”

“Maybe,” I laugh softly, holding open the door for her.

“Did you get called back for another interview?!” she asks excitedly, her long maroon pants twirling around her legs when she turns to face me.

“Even better, I got the job!” I answer, matching her excitement easily. She lets out a yelp of joy before wrapping me in a hug.

“I’m so happy for you, love, even though I’ll be sad to see you go,” she hums, the heavy charm bracelet on her wrist brushing against my back.

“Thank you, I am too. It’s pretty bittersweet.”

“Yes, indeed. When will be your last day with us?” she inquires, patting my arm on her way to the electronic kettle she’s had her eyes on.

“The uh twenty-fifth officially, so I have two weeks left to help find a replacement and finish up my work.”

“Ah, that sounds right,” she mumbles as she removes a packet of tea from a box in the drawer, ginger tea.

“I was wondering if there is any chance that I’d be able to take a day off somewhere in there to complete some orientation for the uh, new job. If not, that’s of course okay. I just thought I’d ask, since sometimes I’m sent home early for the day or some days are slow,” I suggest nervously, clasping my hands together to keep myself from fidgeting too much.

“Of course. Hmmm, let me think,” she almost whispers, tapping her long pink fingernails against the counter while swirling the teabag in the steaming water. “I think next Friday would be fine, since those days are rather slow anyways. Does that work for you, love?”

“Yeah, I’ll have to uh, check with Mr. Styles about it to see if it works with him. You know, his cases and the like,” I respond uncertainly, toying with the dainty golden ring Skye got me for Christmas, an amethyst stone set into the middle.

“Is this Mr. Styles the former boss you spoke of?” she inquires, turning to face me with a grin budding on her lips. I’m unsure of what to say and so I nod my head, but I can tell by the look on her face that I’m not hiding my expressions very well either. “What’s that big smile for, huh, Becky?”

“Nothing,” I respond quickly, trying to save myself as I walk around, reaching into the cupboards for a mug.

“You haven’t been wearing that big smile for nothing, and it didn’t get five times brighter when I brought up his name for nothing either.”

Her name falls from my lips in a futile warning, marked by an accidental laugh. My name soon follows even though I try to ignore it as I inspect the tea drawer, packets ranging from peach, mint, ginger, green, wild berry, and even glazed lemon loaf. I indulge myself and finally try the sweet lemon one, smiling at the smell of the teabag.

“I don’t know how to put it into words,” I suffice, picking up the electric kettle, watching how the teabag reacts to the boiling water.

“Feelings are hard to put into words sometimes, aren’t they?” Sophie replies, somehow putting my confliction and doubt so easily into a phrase.

“Yeah, and they’re scary to admit.”

“That they are, love,” she tuts, her spoon clanging against the ceramic inside of the mug as she stirs honey into hers. “They’re even harder to admit when you have them for somebody . . Am I getting close?”

“Very,” I respond, jiggling the teabag in and out of the scalding liquid, feeling the tendrils of steam tickle my face.

“Answer me this, are you feeling better about going back to work for him?”

“Yes, very much so, until I start thinking about it too much,” I reveal softly, growing more comfortable telling her as the seconds pass, wishing it were this easy to tell him.

“If it’s in your plans, perhaps you should tell him what you told me, or start it off that way. He sounded rather fond of you over the phone, you should know. A very kind and attentive man, as well,” she murmurs sweetly, tapping her spoon on the lip of her mug a few times. “Whatever you decide to do, Becky, I wish you luck and I hope you’re happy. Why don’t you go give a ring to tell him about next Friday?”

“Thank you, Sophie, really. It means a lot to me,” I reply slowly, weight clinging to every word.

“Sure thing, love. Now go and make me proud and call him, so you don’t have to wait two weeks to see him.”

I just nod, a smile plastered all over my face as I pick up my tea and bring it with me, feeling her hand on my arm. Few people meander the halls as I join them until I find an empty bench tucked away in a private corner. After setting down the hot mug of tea on a windowsill, I can already feel my fingers trembling pulling my phone from my pocket. Once again, the numbers flow from my fingers effortlessly as I type in his number, but then I stop. I delete them and switch over to Recent Calls, hastily tapping Harry (work) before I lose my bravery. I suppose I should get used to calling this number, anyways, I conclude amongst my thoughts. As I listen to it ring, I debate whether to pick up the tea, but when I glance at the shakes consuming my fingers, I decide against it. They only come to shake harder and faster as I wait, and wait, and wait.

Suddenly the sound changes, but my ears are met with disappointment. “Hi, ya’ve reached tha office of Harry Styles here at Styles and Lawson. ‘m sorry I missed yer call due t’ bein’ out o’ tha office or in court. Please leave yer name and numba, and ‘ll return yer call as soon as I can,” his pre-recorded message trickles into my ears, the same cold one I’ve heard over and over again. I try to remember the last time I heard it, but it must have been years. Wow, years is a long time.

The beep comes out of nowhere and I’m stumbling over my words already, “Hi, Harry. This is Becky. If you could give me a call back when you get a chance, that would be great. I’ll try to answer, but I’m at work . . Talk to you soon, bye.”

Groaning, my fingers soon get caught in my hair anxiously. Taking a deep breath, I try to talk myself down and realize that this happens all of the time. He may be in a meeting, in the middle of a trial, on the phone with a client, out for the day- there are so many possibilities. They don’t soften the blow of wanting to hear his voice and not getting to. No, they can’t take that way or make up for the loss. Exhaling, I stand to my feet and go to reach for my tea, right as my phone begins to buzz in my pocket.

“Skye, if this is you calling in the middle of my shift again, or Robbie,” I mumble behind gritted teeth, blinking hard as I sit back down.

I don’t even glance at the name on my screen before answering it with a dreary ‘hello.’

“My goodness, don’ sound so happy t’ talk t’ me,” Harry rasps from the other side, his voice having a cooling effect on the hot frustration coursing through my body.

“I’m sorry, I-I am. I thought you were somebody else,” I reply, trying not to laugh, but it makes its way out.

“Ah I see, well that person ‘s in fer a bad time with you,” he titters, and I think I can almost picture it. His eyes crinkling, him doing that scrunchy nose thing, the light green speckles in his eyes sparkling, and him playing with his bottom lip. “So what’s up, Becks? I see ya left a message, but I didn’t listen, jus’ called ya back. Shouldn’t ya be workin’?” he teases, his tone changing to a cocktail of firm and teasing towards the end. My favorite sound. All of it, just it all.

“Yeah,” I laugh nervously, thinking back to what Sophie said, and trying to focus on only the day off. “I just spoke to my boss and she gave me next Friday off, so I can come and do my orientation that day with you. Would that work for you, Harry?”

“Ah, that’s very nice o’ her. She was very helpful and lovely when I spoke t’ her on tha phone yestaday. Ya, lemme pull up me calendar t’ see what I have goin’ on next Friday,” Harry responds warmly, distraction plaguing his voice quickly.��

“Oh she was? She said you were very nice as well, and that she gave me, I quote ‘a glowing recommendation.’ So, what’d you two talk about?”

“None o’ yer business ‘s what. That’s fer me t’ know and fer you t’ not find out,” he quips with a laugh, typing and clicking appearing softly in his background. “Okay, Friday. Let’s see.”

“Harry,” I tease not so seriously, hearing a humored hum from him.

“Becks,” he echoes with an affable scoff. “Oh here, Friday. Ya, that should work fer you t’ c’min t’ do yer orientation. How does nine t’ five sound, bug?” he continues, clicking his tongue habitually, something I remember he does to help him to focus.

There’s that nickname again, Becky. That’s what, how many times he’s used it in the last two days?

Okay, you have a good point, but hush.

“Great! I mean, that sounds great. I’ll plan for nine am then, and will dinner and drinks work afterward too?” I question, feeling like I’m stepping further out on this limb that I’ve been climbing dangerously.

“Ummmmm,” he murmurs, clicking his tongue again absentmindedly. Somehow, even that is cute and it’s just so him, and it makes the missing him ache just a little bit more. “No, ‘m sorry, Becks. ‘m s’posed t’ go out t’ dinna with my sista at half-past five,” he reports solemnly, and that ache hits a little harder now.

“That’s okay,” I chirp, trying to mask the disappointment in my voice. I feel like I do it pretty well, but I’ve never been the best at telling.

“No, we’ll figure out anotha day. We’ve put this off fer too long now- Okay, lemme look su’more,” he mumbles, and now I’m sure he’s playing with his bottom lip. And I’m also sure that this all couldn’t be better. I get to see him in less than two weeks, and now maybe sooner.

Yaaaaaaay!

Yipeeeeeee!

“I see, you’re just too busy for me, because you’re such a popular man,” I sigh dramatically feeling the teasing smile tug at my lips.

“I am not too busy fer you. ‘s jus’ a busy life bein’ a lawyer, so ya betta get ready fer it, Becks. And I dunno ‘bout bein’ popular, I jus’ think ‘s tha bloody New Years thing. All o’ these friends are comin’ outta tha woodwork, wantin’ t’ get drinks or dinna, saying oh ‘s been so long since I saw ya last blah blah. Ugh, ‘s ridiculous,” he drawls with a groan being the period to his sentence, and all I can do is laugh.

“You can say ‘no’, you do know that right?”

“‘Course I know, Becks, but I dunno, tha nostalgia kinda draws me in too. ‘s like oh maybe going to get drinks with Matt from uni would be fun, even tho’ he was a prick, but hey he threw those cool parties,” he explains, a chuckle soon devouring his words and then my ears. Oh, how I’ve missed that sound so dearly. “But no, you and I are gettin’ dinna and drinks. Hey, what’re ya doin’ t’night?”

“T-Tonight tonight? Um, nothing. I work until six, that’s all. Otherwise, you could probably find me sprawled out on the sofa watching FRIENDS or old reruns of Hell’s Kitchen after that,” I stutter, tripping over my words and more so the idea he just pitched, one that knocked me off my feet rather quickly and completely.

“Ooooo tha trashy shows,” he chuckles and I have to resist rolling my eyes.

“Hey, you watch them too!”

“Not Hell’s Kitchen, altho- wait, ya ‘ve watched it a few times, I admit,” he relents, earning a ‘ha!’ from me that pulls a laugh from his lips.

Oh, I could do this all day.

Soon you get to!

Okay, don’t remind me, because I can’t have another reason for these next two weeks to be pure torture.

“Harry watches trashy tv, hmmm,” I coo happily, that magical sound of his filling my ears again, and then my heart. “We should watch more of it together sometime. But yes, tonight would work. What are you thinking?”

“‘m really glad it finally worked out, and ya we will. Um, how ‘bout six-thirty, does that give ya enuff time?” he poses, and hastily my heart thrashes around in my chest with excitement, growing anxious at the thought of seeing him tonight. Thank, God, he said six-thirty so I can stop home and actually make myself look decent. I didn’t even try when I got up this morning.

“Yeah, six-thirty works. Where would you like to have dinner? Um, what about . . . tacos?”

“Tacos?” he chimes in at the same time as me, sending us both into a fit of contagious giggles. “Happy we’re already on tha same page with some stuff.”

“Me too . . So, tacos and we’ll find a pub somewhere for drinks?”

“Ya, I know a good place ‘ll take ya t’,” he rasps, a light coming through in his voice. I’m not sure if it’s my own internalized buzz of emotions, or if perhaps it’s his own showing through. “Shots and e’rythin,” he purs devilishly.

“No, Harry, no shots,” I giggle, unable to contain it for any longer.

“Yes, at least a few. That’s how ya celebrate, not with bloody margaritas, bug. I guess I have loads t’ teach ya ‘bout alcohol, I gotta turn ya onto sumthin’ otha than those bleedin’ wine coolers ya like. Those jus’ give ya gut rot and taste like candy, don’ do anythin’ fer a buzz,” he comments, that other side of him shining through now, more and more with every word he lets go.

“Oh boy, am I in for it with you, or what?” I exhale, happiness sticking to every breath.

“Yes indeed, ya are, Becks. Betta get ready fer some fun t’night,” he drawls, the honey sticking lazily to his deep voice.

“But you’re almost thirty, I thought old people can’t have fun, Harry?”

The groan lined with affable humor tells me what he’s thinking first, and then I hear him sigh, “Ya betta not start this again, ‘m yer boss again, y’know,” he snickers, feigning authority in his soft baritone.

“No, not for a week officially. Not yet. You’re just my friend right now,” I smile, thinking of Sophie when the feelings start to bleed through into my voice, piecing themselves together, although bittersweetly. I know I can’t handle being just friends, but every second more I’m starting to realize that oftentimes, friends has to come first before more. We have some catching up to do, that’s for sure.

“Alrighty then. Well, yer just friend has t’ go t’ a meetin’ now, and ‘s tellin’ ya that ya should prolly get back t’ work now too.”

“Wait, since when do you go to meetings? Are you trying to be a good role model for me or something? Aw, how nice of you!” I exclaim, almost confident of the surprise in my voice being genuine.

“Becks,” Harry laughs, the sound consuming his voice and playing in my ear, but not for long enough. God, that has to be my favorite song. “‘ll see ya t’night, love. Six-thirty,” he hums happily, and for once, I don’t have to wish for what he’s having, because I’m having it too. I feel it, the bubbly hope that could drown me in a moment. I want to let it, and I decide to.

“Bye, Harry. Have a good day, I’m excited to see you.”

“‘m lookin’ forward t’ it too, bug. Bye,” he croons, and I hope he can hear the smile in my voice, because I can see his already. I think his is filled with hope too.

It’s a miracle that I didn’t spill my tea as I walked back into the admin office, although it may have been a different story if I hadn’t taken that few minute breather to recover. I was even more surprised when tears of joy didn’t leave my eyes when I shared the new development with Sophie during my lunch break. Although I previously thought it was impossible, my excitement for later tonight only grew when I told her about it, and we both freaked out about it. I really do think I will miss her, she was perhaps one of the best bosses I’ve ever had.

Waiting at my desk for the time to pass, I still can’t believe that later tonight I get to go and have dinner and drinks with my favorite boss of all time.

Low and behold, searching my closet for something to wear later that night seems next to impossible. Each full hanger that I pass feels like it takes with it a precious minute of my time. After trying on and tossing aside three other outfits, I finally decided on one. Luckily, redoing my morning routine doesn’t take very long, and I soon have minty fresh breath and clean skin again. At the last minute, I decide to ditch the heavy makeup, and leave it minimal. I slide my violet peacoat over the striped maroon sweater and dark jeans, and my brown chelsea boots soon enter the snow.

The smell of tortillas, peppers, and chili powder hits me in the face when the bell tinkles above my head on the door. Voices buzz around the inside of Pedro’s, a local Mexican restaurant I haven’t been to in well, years. That thought comes to me as a shock as I look around, and finally spot the reason for my absence, sitting at the same table in the right corner we’d always claim. I linger there by the door for a few moments, admiring him as he stares at his phone intensely. Unsurprisingly, I find it adorable how he toys with his bottom lip between his two fingers and jiggles his leg resting on the chair’s rung. A warmth grows in my chest at the sight of him, and a combination of excitement and relief builds with every step I take closer to him. I can’t count the number of times I’ve felt it escape me with every step I’ve put between us, and finally now I’m returning to him.

The red and white menu is glossy between my hands, and sticky in some places when I take a seat across from him. I don’t let a word slip and only focus on the menu, despite his green eyes waiting for me silently.

“Yer late, y’know. Not makin’ a very good impression with yer boss, are we?” Harry comments, pulling back the scarlet fabric of his button down to tap his watch.

The menu falls with a feathery sound to the table when I belatedly make eye contact with him. I try to resist the feelings that tug at my lips when I watch the corners of his curl.

“Hush, it’s six thirty-four. The traffic was horrid, and it’s after hours, boss. And, I haven’t even started working for you again yet,” I chuckle, savoring the way the dimples fall into his cheeks effortlessly, not there a second ago. He seems to relent, shoving his phone away in his pocket, his eyes lifting to mine again.

“How was yer day then?”

“It was a typical boring Friday. How was yours?” I reply, resting my hands on top of each other and mindlessly letting my fingers dance atop each other.

“‘Bout tha same. ‘m tryna find a new case, but now I gotta keep you in mind. I gotta rememba ya’ll be workin’ with me in two weeks, so I gotta do stuff like clean my bloody office and be mo’ stringent when pickin’ cases ,” he titters, touching his pointer finger to his head as I try not to lose myself in his mossy green eyes.

At the sound of his words, I find it even harder not to. I don’t know how I’m going to get through the next two weeks with that teasing around in my head - the fact that I get to work with him every day for five days a week. A dream come true, in every way. I’m rather positive tonight will tide me over until next week when I have my orientation.

I have a good feeling for the first time in a while, so many of them actually.

“God, it’ll be weird going back to being boss and employee again. It was so much easier being just friends,” I remark jokingly, the song flowing from his lips mixing with that of my own.

“Eh,” Harry says, shrugging his broad shoulders covered in a thick black Northface coat. “Don’ think o’ it that way, Becks, we’re colleagues now, which ‘s even betta.”

“Sure. ‘Associate and partner’ and ‘mentor and mentee’ don’t really sound that way, but okay. It’s not like you have almost ten years of experience over me, or anything.”

“Well ya, that’s what happens when yer tha new fish in tha pond, it happens t’ us all. Ya jus’ gotta climb tha ladder one step atta time, love,” he replies, the dimple in one of his cheeks finding a permanent residence there.

“Fish can’t climb ladders, silly. And I know, but it’s odd to think that you’re only three years older than me, and have so much experience in law when I’m just starting. I guess that’s why you don’t putz around like me,” I note, drawn in by him randomly sliding a plain silver ring with a black line in the middle, up and down his left middle finger.

“Wait, what was that, ‘m only how many years older than you? I didn’t catch that,” he teases, cupping his hand around the outside of his ear, inching his neck towards me with the funniest look on his face.

The only response I give him is the old stink eye which almost makes a laugh explode from his lips.

“Ya betta watch those ‘old jokes’ y’know. I have power ova you ‘gain, Becks,” he quips, wiggling his eyebrows at me while he does the worst impression of an evil laugh.

I’m waiting for him to start choking on it so then I can finally laugh.

His words try to propel me back to the times when I would take his words seriously, but I don’t dare go there. I can’t do that again after all of our random visits earlier this year, and how much they changed everything, including assuring me that he’ll never be that douchey boss to me again.

“Oh yeah!” I exclaim, something sparking inside of my brain. “You’re almost thirty! Ooooo, my prime joke time is coming up,” I squeal with a devilish laugh, rubbing my hands together as he shakes his head disapprovingly, although with reddening cheeks. My name leaves his lips in a breathy giggle as those dimples peek out from his cheeks, saying hi to me.

“By tha way,” he begins once he recovers and has the bravery to look back at me. “‘m already sick o’ you, so you’ll be working with Myles fer tha week o’ February fourth. I have a case in Glasgow that entire week. Plus, he has an interesting case in Family Court that you should really see, it’ll be interesting.”

“Oh lovely, you’re already tired of me and passing me off to somebody else,” I groan, some dramatics playing in my voice, but not entirely.

I wish I had a drink already so I could twirl my straw in it absently, trying to hide my heart-crushing disappointment. I remember he had said sometimes I may work with Myles or Rose for a case if there was something better elsewhere, but I didn’t think it’d be almost as soon as I started. Talk about anti-climatic, I ponder silently while my eyes stay glued to the menu, even though I’m not reading any words. There are too many whizzing around in my head for that to happen.

“Stop it, you pout,” he teases, his hand ruffling my hair. I look up and do my best pout, puppy dog eyes, bottom lip sticking out and all. “‘m sorry t’ break yer heart, but ‘s fer yer best interest, Becks. ‘ve had tha case set up a while, which happens, and ‘ll already have started on it by tha time ya start, but you’ll still be able t’ help me. Myles’ case ‘s far mo’ interestin’ and you’ll learn loads from him. What, has sumbody missed me?” Harry hums, a hand dancing along my arm until it arrives at the crook of my neck where it touches my tickle spot. I squirm and jerk away from his ticklish touch, whimpering in annoyance. “C’mon, pout, let’s go and order.”

I slide off of the hightop red barstool, following him to the counter begrudgingly and slowly. I mumble a question to him about what we’re getting and he automatically tells me that we’re getting the usual, as if there was another option. We get stuck waiting in a line and when Harry looks over to me, I play the pout extra hard.

“What’re you still poutin’ ‘bout, Becks?”

“You’re passing me to Myles my second week back,” I whimper, crossing my arms over my chest.

“Oh stop it, you’ll be fine. He likes you and he’s easy t’ get on with.”

“No fair,” I reply, looking away as the disappointment worsens inside of me. I know I’m being selfish, but I just want him all to myself. I figure that’s not too much to ask after everything that’s happened, but apparently it is. “I’m supposed to be your mentee, and I hardly get to work with you my first week there.”

“Oh, baby Becks, you’ll do jus’ fine, love. My case ‘s incredibly boring, and tha travellin’ wouldn’t be any fun. I know you’ll miss me, that’s tha real reason yer sad,” he cracks, throwing his arm around my shoulder and pulling me into his side. The sudden wave of his woodsy-vanilla scent conflicts me as does the utterly adorable nickname he used. I want to stay there snuggled against his warm side, but at the same time, I want to pull away to prove my point. By now, I’m not sure how much of my pouting is dramatics or just the plain truth. I have to wait two weeks to work at the firm, just to be passed to Myles within five days. It’s discouraging to think about when my thoughts have been consumed by him in just the last few days, and I haven’t looked forward to something this much in a while.

“Hmmmph,” I respond, sufficing with turning away and not looking at him. I find it difficult to not think about what it would be like travelling with him for a case. My thoughts consist of those like sitting beside each other on a plane, hotel rooms, and sharing a car. Sure, Harry, you say it wouldn’t be any fun, but I’d beg to differ there, sir.

“Hey, don’t be that way with me. Ya still get t’ help me with it fer tha first week, and then ‘m all yers when I get back. Sound good?” he murmurs, rubbing his hand along my shoulder as he presses me to his side again.

“Fine, only because you’re hard to stay mad at,” I respond with a sigh, soon hearing his melodic giggle that helps to weed away the disappointment wreaking havoc inside of me.

“Good, coz ‘s only five days, bug,” he hums gently. The closer I am to him, the more I wish he would kiss the top of my head, like he used to do. Ugh. “Ya think ya can survive without me fer that long?”

“Yeah,” I tell him automatically, but quickly I’m unsure of that. I don’t know how well I’ll do with the tease of getting to work with him for a few days, and then having him leave again after that, if only for a few days. This is all turning out to be full of teases with my visits with him being peppered amongst the next few weeks. “It’s right after your birthday.”

“Ya, happy birthday t’ me on that one,” he exhales, but I hear the smile even if I don’t see it right away. My sudden sadness is forgotten when ideas blossom inside my head of what to get him for his birthday, as he squeezes my shoulder. It’s also hard to ignore the fact that his arm is still around me, and the all consuming fact of never wanting it to leave.

Soon, the line moves and with it, his arm falls from around me when Harry steps up to order for us. I make him take the plastic cups to fill up our drinks after I get my card out first to pay, him shaking his head as he waddles over to the soda machine.

“If you’re going to be all sad about it, then you can pay for drinks, as long as it doesn’t get too expensive,” I tell him, listening to the whoosh of the orange liquid pouring into my cup.

“‘ll pay fer all o’ ‘em, cheap or not,” Harry hums confidently, bumping shoulders with me softly on his way back to our table.

We both slide off our coats to hang over the back of our chairs, and the chatter of other customers fills my ears as we sip at our drinks. My eyes quickly wander to the scarlet button up fastened just high enough to show his silver cross necklace, black floral designs covering the fabric. It pains me to look away from the thick dark brown chest hair blooming below the cross charm, unsure of when it was the last time I saw that.

“So, what have ya been up t’ since June?” he remarks, replacing the clear plastic straw between his cherry lips. I find it difficult to tear my eyes away to ruminate on his question enough to answer it without sounding stupid.

“Um, pretty much just uni and working.”

“Oh ya, bloody hell ‘m dumb, ya jus’ graduated. How was it all? I wanna hear all ‘bout it, Becks - tha good, tha bad, and tha ugly,” he continues, warmth filling his lips as his green eyes stare back at mine. Sometimes the rawness inside of them is too much to handle and they take my breath away, every glint of gold and green in them. I’m not sure if you really know what you’re signing up for there, bud.

“There’s not really much to say you haven’t heard before, or well, experienced yourself during your degree. It sucked at times, the Bar was awful although I feel like the worrying was worse than the exam, and I’m just really glad to be done and to finally have found a job. And, graduation was pretty gratifying,” I recall aloud to him, savoring how he devotes every second of his attention to me and what I’m saying. It’s both lovely and nerve wracking at the same time, especially as a thought pops into my head. I wish he could’ve been there in the stands, watching me walk the line, and hugging me afterwards. I wish . .

“Ya, sounds ‘bout right. ‘m sorry ya didn’t have tha best experience, bug, but hey like ya said, ‘s ova. Onto bigga and betta things, like they say,” he smiles, and I swear it sparks something inside of my heart that has begun to return in the last couple of days. Something I’m finally ready to feel again. “Where’d ya do yer clinicals at and how’d they go this last Fall?”

“You’re right, and I did them at Turner and Jones over on the east side. They went well, but it was hard at times. It was a whole new place, and instead of sitting at a desk every day listening to lectures or doing assignments online, I was in the thick of it every day. I worked with just about all of their six lawyers there, and got to argue my first case with their help. I even won it, which was hard to believe. They were pretty great, and at the time I was sad I wasn’t able to find a job there, but now I’ve found my way back to you.”

The way his lips curl up into his cheeks that round out from the expression feels good and hurts at the same time. It chips away at the wall around my heart that’s slowly been cracking ever since I laid eyes upon him again yesterday morning.

“Bloody hell, ya make me mo’ and mo’ proud o’ you, y’know that? Great job, love . . That’s quite tha trek e’ry day t’ be drivin’ from tha west side ova t’ Turner’s. I bet yer glad t’ be done with that. ‘ve heard good things ‘bout ‘em, and a friend o’ mine even works there. I mean, ‘ve come up against many o’ em in my time in cases, but I respect ‘em,” he muses to me, stealing my idea to twirl the straw around in his ice chips and Coke. I feel the cracking of the barrier inside of my chest as his smile glows brighter in front of my eyes. It’s poised right at me. “Ya, funny how that works, huh? Kinda, ‘circle o’ life’ or sumthin, huh?” I mumble a confirmation, but the rest of my words are whisked away when his name is called from the counter where he escapes to.

“I can’t believe n’body else was hirin’, that’s mad,” he notes, setting down the red plastic tray that hits the table heavily with wrapped food. “I can’t complain tho’, got tha best new associate I could ask fer.” Words escape me and leave a hot smile on my face as I pick up a hard-shelled taco, gratefulness etched into the lines of my lips. Boy, is he dreamy in so many goddamn ways.

“What was your life like uh, recently?”

“Crazy busy, I was filled up tha arse with cases. I was in Scotland fer prolly a few weeks total, up in Edinburgh, Glasgow, then Birmingham, Liverpool, Manchester, and all ova London,” he answers, crinkling of the paper wrapper accenting his words. A pause follows his reply as he chews a bite of his soft-shelled taco, two more on the tray in front of him. The smells of cheese, queso, freshly fried tortilla chips, and the sweet churros make my taco taste one hundred times better. The nostalgia and absence only makes each bite taste better than the last. “I became an uncle again a few weeks ago, so that’s been pretty exciting. My sister, Gemma, had a li’l boy afta Christmas. Harper’s ova tha moon ‘bout him, his name ‘s Oliver or they call him Ollie.”

“Awwww, Harry, that’s so awesome! Babies are so much fun! How old is Harper now? I don’t think I’ve met her before, but I’ve heard loads. You should have your sister stop by the firm one day, I’d love to meet them!”

“Ya, ‘course. ‘m sure they’d love t’ meet ya too, all three o’ ‘em. Speakin’ of, Harper will be four soon. It blows me mind,” he giggles, eyes drowning in the steaming container of queso he plunges a chip into with fingernails coated in pink polish.

“What else, Mr. Lawyer?” I inquire simply, realizing my fault when he looks at me with confusion screwing up his features, chewing the cheesy chip noisily. “What else have you been up to besides work? Like, did you have a fun summer?”

“Ya, I reckon. I took my mum onn’a holiday down south, that was loads o’ fun. I had some good days at tha beach with Rory, who you’ll meet soon, he’s anotha one o’ me colleagues. He came t’ work at tha firm afta you had left, but ‘ve known him since uni. He’s prolly one o’ me best friends, that bloody idiot, but he’s loads o’ fun,” he responds, reaching for another chip and I take his lead, holding back a moan at the long forgotten taste of Pedro’s homemade queso. The enjoyment spills out of me when I spot the weary look stealing the happiness from Harry’s features as he zones out staring at the table.

“What’s wrong, was it not the best summer ever?” I ask jokingly although softly, and as soon as the words fly from my mouth, I think I regret them for a few reasons.

He hums an amused sound, tapping his finger against the side of his half eaten taco before his rosey pink lips part, “It was good, but it wasn’t tha best, by any means. I uh, dated this girl fer a bit, but it didn’t go anywhere. I mean, she was nice and pretty, but it was a mistake o’ sorts. I thought it’d make me happy datin’ her, but it didn’t,” he recalls sadly.

At the first words about her, my eyes fall and I can look at him no longer, instead drawing shapes in the queso with my chip. I want to eat it, but a tight queasiness knits together in my stomach, and I wait for it to pass. I wait for him to stop talking about her, and for me to stop caring as the confliction runs deep within my bones. I can’t decide if I’m grateful or seething to hear the words that spill from his mouth. They bring me back to the summer from hell and also answers so many questions I’ve had.

Girl, don’t even go there.

Stay positive!

Angel’s right, did you not hear how he said it wasn’t right for him? About how it was a mistake? Not to mention, that he wasn’t happy?

Okay, you have some good points.

No shit, Sherlock.

“I’m sorry,” I whisper, bringing the chips to my lips.

“Oh, ‘s fine, Becks. It was months ago, and ‘m ova it. Guess ‘m jus’ glad I realized early on it wasn’t workin’ fer me.”

“Yeah, that’s good,” I say softly, warm cheese and soft peppers tickling my tongue as many other words wish to do the rest. His revelation tries to sink underneath my skin, but I try to brush it away instead, not sure of what to do with it. I’m feeling both sides of the emotional spectrum at the mere mention of his relationship with her. I don’t know how to feel about it, and I don’t want to have to decide.

“How ‘bout you, did ya meet anybody ova tha summer or I guess, tha fall?” Harry queries lightheartedly, and the surprise of it all pulls my eyes to his. The hints of anger left over from his confession melt away at the care I find in his eyes. Another feeling trickles in when for a second, I think I see an anxiousness hiding in the shallows.

“God, no. Working, clinicals, and the Bar were more than enough for me. Skye’s the only person I really need,” I respond immediately, surprised at his question, although mutual. My word vomit seems to be biting me in the ass already, and quickly I wish I hadn’t phrased it that way. No, not when I want him to be my person. “What I mean is she’s my bestest friend besides Robbie, but nah, I don’t have much luck with guys.”

I blink hard with hot cheeks as I finish my first taco and hastily grab another one, hunger and embarrassment fueling my actions. The shell is crunchy and anything but soggy between my lips, and the spicy signature sour cream is warm against my tongue as the cheese melts with every bite.

“Sounds like we both got shit luck with love, huh?” Harry sighs, shaking his head as he grabs another taco.

“Yep, it’s the worst,” I agree aloud after taking a sip of my soda, which turns out to be more noisy than I thought it would be.

Thank God it’s empty so I can go and fill it up and escape this awkward fest, but at the same time there are so many words threatening to spill from my lips. They all basically revolve around the fact that I don’t care if I have shit luck with love, as long as my luck finally turns around for him, belatedly.

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fic-recs-of-pretty-much-anything · 5 years

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Fic Recs of Henry and Alex (Part 1)

Henry Fox-Mountchristen-Windsor and Alex Claremont Diaz are sooooooo cute and the book was sooo good that I just needed to make this rec and I will definetly make another one

Red White and Navy Blue- 4432 (ao3)

"Fine," says Alex. He clenches his jaw and his fists. "Great. Watch me. I'll bromance the shit out of the motherfucker."

I loved this one a lot, it was a really fun, good read that held their personalities pretty well.

(When you look like that) i never wanted to be so bad- 6k (ao3)

“How many times have I told you now?” Henry asks, voice still quiet. “In the bedroom, we’re equals.” Alex knows a door left ajar intentionally when he sees it.

“But we’re not in the bedroom, are we?” he mutters. Henry smirks and turns away. Alex nearly falls over trying to follow the loss of Henry’s hand on his face.

“It certainly would seem that way,” Henry says, loud and clear, leaning against the wall again. “And so I will have to insist on some degree of deference. Do you think you can manage that?”

Or, Alex has a fantasy involving a tack room and Henry's polo uniform, and Henry is all too happy to fulfill it.

This one is entirely smut so if that floats your boat, go ahead and if not, don’t. It’s very nicely written, kinda exploring a dim/sub vibe. Very Hot (read the tags)

You’re a Catch(er)-1590 (ao3)

Alex is an announcer for his school's baseball team, and he is also fortunate enough to be dating a certain very attractive catcher.

(Someone asked for a quidditch AU and I've never read Harry Potter, but I have sat through an ungodly amount of baseball games, so here we are)

This one is super cute and lots of fun Nora and Alex banter back and forth, live for Alex’s comments on the game in front of him. Very cute, highly recommend

talks like a gentleman- 8k (ao3)

“So the real question is, do you want your family to have to pretend to play nice while still acknowledging the fact that you’re gay?” Alex cocked his head as he took another sip of his coffee.

Henry pursed his lips together and looked out onto the sidewalk for a moment. “Alright.” He turned towards Alex who grinned again. “I hope you’re a good actor though because you’re going to be my fake boyfriend.”

“Let me write my Oscar speech now.” Alex laughed.

Or the one in which Alex posts an ad to be a fake date in order to get Thanksgiving food for free.

This one was adorable. Henry having to deal with his terrible relatives and Alex helping him. Plus some nice Martha is always awesome

Ding! Dong Ding Dong- 1802 (ao3)

He got his phone in front of him and pulled up Spotify.

“Consider this your official Christmas education.”

Or Alex and Henry listen to Christmas music. But the newer, fun stuff.

This is a short but sweet christmas fic that’s just them together listening to music and is so freaking fluffy I can’t

And All The Tears On Her Guitar- 1787 (ao3)

“Nothing, really,” Alex whined. “I barely know her. I’m sure she’s fine. She’s just boring and annoying and whiney and I never want to be around her ever in my life.”

Or Alex and Henry respond to their fans linking them with the new Taylor Swift album.

This one was really very cute and I loved it a lot. A lot of Taylor Swift bashing, so keep that in mind when reading

Speaking my Language- 2316 (ao3)

Prompt:

"Alex always saying sweet things to Henry in Spanish but won't tell him what any of it means, and he's always google translating them and awe-ing at how cute Alex is and then like maybe he learns how to say something adorable to and says it to Alex and Alex just like melts or something"

This one was very very very very very cute. I thought it was soooo sweet that Henry started to learn Spanish to try and get closer with Alex.

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dailyaudiobible · 4 years

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12/24/2020 DAB Transcript

Zechariah 6:1-7:14, Revelation 15:1-8, Psalms 143:1-12, Proverbs 30:24-28

Today is the 24th day of December, Christmas Eve. Welcome to the Daily Audio Bible I am Brian it is a joy to be here with you today. Christmas Eve, Christmas day, your birthday, New Year's Day, Easter, Thanksgiving, Fourth of July…I'm naming all the holidays that are…that are in the country that I live in, but there's holidays all over the world and no matter what day it is we still have a rhythm. It’s Christmas Eve and we have a rhythm. We’re coming together on Christmas Eve. Even though we’re all over the world we get to be together for these moments on Christmas Eve. And, so, as we take our places around the Global Campfire let’s just look around. I mean, I know we have to do this kind of in spirit in our imaginations but just look across the fire and see your brothers and sisters. We are here. It's Christmas eve we are a year together and it’s a joy to be here together with you as we take the next step forward. And, so, that next step will lead us back into the book of Zechariah. And a couple days ago when we began Zechariah, we talked about how it had eight night visions in it and how the symbolism in the book of Zechariah is not dissimilar to the symbolism in the book of Revelation. So, we have read through over the last couple of days seven of those night visions, and we will conclude today with the eighth vision. We won’t be concluding Zechariah, but the final night vision is in today's reading. So, we’re reading from the New English Translation. Zechariah, chapters 6 and 7.

Commentary:

Okay. On this Christmas Eve we read in the book of Revelation of a sea of glass mixed with fire, and those who had conquered the beast, the beast figure in the Apocalypse of John or the book of Revelation, they’re standing by this sea of glass mixed with fire and they have harps, and they sing a song. And…and let's make this song…even though this isn’t like “joy to the world the Lord has come, let Earth receive her King” this isn’t “silent night holy night”, this is a song coming from the future coming after victory has been accomplished sung back to us today on Christmas Eve.

Prayer:

Father, this is Christmas Eve and this is the last day of waiting and…and midnight comes and, yeah, this is all traditional and this is our rituals, but it comes and then we realize new dawn is coming, everything has changed, You have arrived, we are saved. And, so, we pray along with our brothers and sisters in the future. “Great and astounding are Your deeds Lord, God the all powerful. Just and true are Your ways. King over the nations. Who will not fear You, oh Lord and glorify Your name because You alone are holy. All nations will come and worship before You for Your righteous act of been revealed. Thank You, Father. We enter into the mystery of Your arrival as we enter into Christmas celebration. And of the many postures that we have considered about how to behave toward one another over these coming days, we need to consider our posture toward You throughout all of it. And right now, our posture should be that of absolute basically speechless awe. We were wandering in the dark without hope and You would not abandon us to the dark. And, so, You came as a great light into this world to rescue humanity, but to also model for humanity what it is supposed to look like, what it could and should and must become. And then You invited us to be a part of that story, the redemption of all things. And what can we say to that? When we truly get a glimpse of that it makes us feel almost embarrassed for the childishness that we exhibit so often, the self-absorption that we exhibit so often. And yet You have invited us into the biggest story of all, the story of the God of the universe, the story of the most-high God, the redeemer of everything that He touches. And You have touched us, and we are redeemed and that changes everything. And then You have commissioned us to go in Your name and share the good news and be a part of the redemptive story. And, so, this is what we’re thinking about right now, Yeah, we got a lot of stuff to finish up and we got church tonight. There are all kinds of things going on, but this is what we’re holding onto as we continue the activity of the day. Come Holy Spirit we pray. In the name of Jesus, we ask. Amen.

Announcements:

dailyaudiobible.com is home base, it is the website, it’s where you find out what's going on around here.

It's Christmas eve, so that is what's going on around here and we should be just soaking in it. I mean probably we’re busy…just all the little things that have to get done and preparation and then maybe preparation for candlelight services tonight depending on where we are. Lots of places that’s not even a possibility. And, so, we…we will be participating in a virtual candlelight service tonight. Jill will be singing O Holy Night, which you can stream anywhere like, Spotify or Apple music or whatever, or download. So, check that out. But she’ll be singing that tonight and we’ll post links on our social media channels for those of you who aren’t able to attend a candlelight service this evening, or for safety reasons aren’t going to. We’re going to be participating in a virus free candlelight service. So, we’ll post links to that.

And then, yeah, I don't know what all the traditions out there for Christmas Eve are. For us we’ll be gathering together as a family, enjoying a meal together, and just enjoying a fire, be playing some games, just getting ready for tomorrow when we…when we really truly joy to the world rejoice that the Lord has come and put ourselves in that position of the longing, the weight is over, the longing, the Savior has come while at the same time understanding that we’re still waiting, we’re waiting for the second arrival. And, so, this is a fantastic joyous day, a couple of days we’re we really, really sink our hearts into what's happening here, that this changes everything. And you can even feel it. Every year we get that glimpse because the world…the world takes note the hearts of people who are even not religious or not even believers or don't want anything to do with it. Everyone takes note of a lift in our spirits, good will toward one another. And maybe that's got all of its challenges this year. Maybe we’ve been apart for so long that we don't know how to be together or maybe we’re being kept apart and so it just doesn't feel as personal, but it's still there. It hovers. It comes like a season doesn't it? It just comes. There's the first winds of Christmas off in the distance. Once it starts to get cold, off in the distance it’s like we are headed toward this day. And, so, happy merry joyous Christmas eve to you. May you sense the power of what we’re talking about here, that God…God the most-high, the Creator, the supreme…like what words could we use. God came to earth in person to redeem and restore and reveal what life can and should look like for us. And, so, let's enjoy every moment of this.

I love you. I’m Brian merry Christmas I'll be waiting for you here tomorrow.

Community Prayer and Praise:

Hey DAB family it’s His __ here calling from the UK. Today’s the 18th of December and I just heard Quiet Confidence’s message coming through. Oh Lord I just pray over quiet confidence in this moment, just the sadness and the loss that I feel in her voice Lord. She feels so lost in away from the Lord and she’s begging to go home, but Lord I just pray in this moment that you fill her up with your strength, you fill her up with your love and you fill her up with your confidence. In this very moment Lord, Father God, this confidence that she so speaks about. And Lord I just pray again that, you know, even though you love her to come home with you, even though you want or they are in heaven, that you have a purpose for her on this earth, you have such a big purpose for her to just continue on Lord father God, continue on even when she feels lost, even…even when she feels afraid, even when she feels that she is nowhere near you when she’s away from you father God. That you are the closest to her, you are the closest to her that that you’ve ever been Lord father God and that she’s just hanging on. May she just hang on with all her strength. Quiet Confidence me you just keep on hanging on because there’s still something for you. God will call you when…when you’re ready. God will call you when He’s ready to take you up but for now He wants you here on this earth for anything and everything that you can give even if it’s coming out of this…this…this…this lowness that you feel even if it’s you know it’s just…just showing people that you can endure, that you can come back from…from the sadness, from this loss. I pray in Jesus’ name that you find the courage. I pray that you come out of this and I’m just sending all your love to you. Your husband’s there for you, your family and so were we the DAB. Take care. Bye.

Hello friends I’m calling for a prayer request, this is my first prayer request call and almost one year that I’ve been listening every day and the prayer request is for my wife. She’s been having chemo treatments most of 2020 and the doctors say there is no finish line, but we are trusting God for a finish line in February. So, if the doctors treatments goes expected then she will not have any more treatments because of the power and the miracle of our Lord.

This is Thomas King of West Point Mississippi calling to pray for the Bible __ family, Brian and his family, the DBA family want to wish you all a Merry Christmas and a great happy and prosperous new year. Let us pray. Father we thank You once again oh dear God. You have been so good to us yet Lord we have been under so much pressure these past few months Lord, due to this pandemic and all the other things that families are going through. Dear God, we pray that You will just continue to keep us O God and bless everyone that’s under the sound of this voice that the hearing today. God, we pray that You would just keep them O God, keep them safe from this pandemic, keep them and watch over them master and please Sir even my sister that have come down and caught Covid we pray that You bless her and her family, all the DBA families dear God that may have caught it. We pray that You would watch over and keep them dear God in the mighty name of Jesus. Lord we pray for our family that is on the sound system and God has blessed me to be with the last 12 years and now I’m calling for the first time in a long time and again I’m Thomas King from West Point Mississippi. God bless You all Brian and family. Amen.

Good morning Daily Audio Bible family this call is in response to a call that I heard at the end of the December 18th podcast specifically for Quiet Confidence in Virginia. O sister in faith you…thank you for your vulnerability and thank you for reaching out. Lord just makes me want to pray for her because I felt compelled to call. Heavenly Father thank You thank, You for the gift of life and community. Thank You for people that are here, that are willing to bear the burden of prayer. Lord we come lifting up Quiet Confidence and any other person that’s in the same boat, that’s in the same position right now, walking through challenges with their mental and spiritual health. God we ask humbly that first and foremost You forgive us for any sins, forgive us for any opportunities that we may have given the enemy to attack us and to connect us. God we just ask that You lead us through, deliver for us. Lord You are our delivery. You said in Your word that You are not only near to the broken hearted a broken reed You will not despise but Lord You’ve come literally into this world to deliver us. Lord we pray and ask that You touch Quiet Confidence’s mind, her heart, her spirit. We ask Lord that You grant her an unusual faith, an unusual hope an unusual trust in You that will combat the lies of the enemy and in the name of Jesus Satan rebuke You, rebuke You. We rebuke and buffet the attacks that would come to destroy Quiet Confidence’s life and her purpose…

Hi family it’s Shannon from Texas and I already have the best news. My son went to court this morning and let me tell you after a night from hell I could literally write a book about the battle that we’ve had coming up to this point. The three different times he’s been on probation since he was 14, he’s 23 now just battle after battle after battle. I could write a book. Anyway, the judge as he talked to him on the phone, he said that the judge actually prayed with him…and rehab is not something that they do in the area that he’s on probation and he wasn’t even in the area he was supposed to be and he had responded and I tried to report that they didn’t seem to care they didn’t even normally offer rehab. The judge prayed with him and told him he would’ve no…he could see that he was not a liar and that he had integrity he had a family that cared about him and that he would send him away for 8 to 10 years if he saw him again, but he knew that he was going to get it right and that he was gonna send him to six months of rehab. I cannot tell you I have never heard such good news in my entire life. My son said he was in there crying and I just…he said that he has just…this is something he hasn’t been able to break free from and it definitely has gotten worse lately after some deliverance prayer. So, you know, we can’t speak life out of one side of my mouth and death outside the other and that’s something we’ve really…I’m working on we’ve all got to work on. I love you guys thank you for praying. Love you love you. Bye.

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notwhoiwanttobeyet · 4 years

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tumblr journal [1]

NOTE: hi pLeasE don’t read this. this is just a way of coping with my mental illnesses. this is completely unedited, highly personal and i stRonGLy advise you look away. i hope you’re having a good day! happy holidays :)

also don’t mind the spotify links along the way; just some songs i almost or did cry to while writing this

tw: suicidal thoughts, anxiety attacks, (breast) cancer

hey tumblr,

it’s been a while since i’ve really vented. a lot of us use tumblr as a copying mechanism (me included) and i think it’s important i evaluate my current situation and break things down.

https://open.spotify.com/track/1WVunZLZM2zLTm5rAvKZkF?si=a94u_JAsRX2VCWOD6z4l-Q

exam season is over; i’m on summer break. and that’s great. no more school. no more exams and assignments and testing and all that FUCKING BULLSHIT THAT THE SYSTEM PUTS US THROUGH. i’m sorry, i’m trying to stay calm but it’s so fuckiNg hard. i’m literally going to cry i- so yeah, as we know, towards the end of the year school fucked me over and i really, reaLLY, REALLY wanted to die. so when school finished i was like “oh i must be all good now, right?” but i wasn’t. i was left feeling so numb, to be completely honest (and cliche).

then i got sick which was soooo fucked. apparently a lot of people who went to our small friend kris kringle gathering got sick which sucks but because i spent so much of this year in isolation, i forgot what it felt like to be sick and oh bOY it fucking sucked. i over exaggerated because i’m sensitive and wanted to die. i was sick for like a week and my parents quarantined me because my mum is recovering from a breast cancer surgery and couldn’t afford to get sick so i was like locked in my room- on my own- which yeah, i do anyway but this felt sooo different. this felt like, completely fuckEd because my parents were wearing masks around the house and would leave food in my doorway, etc. i felt like a complete MONSTER to the people i love. i also obviously couldn’t hug them or anything, leaving me touch starved and ugh- it just wasn’t a great experience.

also my mum is recovering fine and stuff but it’s an emotional fucking time for everyone and i’m so stupid i haven’t told anyone about my mum being sick and all. like people don’t ask why i’m acting up because i’m ALWAYS acting up. i’m always sensitive and angry and having mood swings. that’s just me, being mentally ill. so no one asks why i’m worried. my mum has/had BREAST CANCER- brooo. she’s had one surgery which went well and will most likely have to have chemo and/or radiation in the coming year. we get the results back after christmas. so that’s a thing.

i have a secure group of friends which i’ve always wanted, but it doesn’t feel right. it never feels right. like today the three of us went shopping and THEY WENT CRAZY- i was so stressed and had literally like 6 different mental breakdowns in the 2 hours we were out. they were bumping into people, running around, trying on every item of clothing ironically in every store. that shit stresses me out. and there’s nothing wrong with that- they’re good people and they’re not doing anything wrong really - it’s just normal teenage stuff. but i’m note normal, i’m super anxious and everyone was looking at us and it made me sooo uncomfortable. like- i could elaborate more but thinking about it hurts. i felt like i was their mum or something, shepherding them around and making sure they didn’t break anything else. they- UGH// they broke a perfume bottle and rudely ran away from a teacher i have a good reputation with. like i said, they’re just normal teenagers but it fucks me up. it’s not them, it’s me. on the bright side i saw this same lesbian couple i saw the other day again :) i never see wlw or mlm couples in public really so it makes me soo happy when i see them :) i also saw this girl in an unnus annus hoodie and i was gonna say something but i’m too *anxious* so i just stared at her until she looked at me weirdly and i ran out of the store. oH and there was a girl in an mcr shirt ahh-- she was really pretty but i was too busy running it was a whole thing like my mum was coming to pick me up and i had 10 minutes so i ran up from one end of the mall to the other and then upstairs to this store to but this fucking wonderwomen shirt and then i had to run all the way back and i’m not the most athletic to say the least and i wanted to CRY but yeah. what did i learn today? people aren’t for me. friends aren’t for me. and again i know i’m built to be alone.

https://open.spotify.com/track/7wTqEW5nrMhvyEhEyTnOMd?si=ata2BwOPQji3twov9wTZWg

i’m really thirsty. ew not like tha- i fucking hate society

cinnamon rolls not gender rolls. wait my friend got that on a poster let me see if i can find it,,,

yeah here it is ^^^^

also: my hair. i’m so happy having it the length it is but mAn i just- i just- i hate myself lol. like i don’t know what else to say. i think i’m ugly and every time i look in the mirror i want to cry, and it’s going to be like that forever so i need to just except that. i am ugly, i hate myself. like- bro come on. it’s been like this forever and it’s going to continue to be like this forever so i need to stop fucking crying over it.

https://open.spotify.com/track/05JtBVWRtSzqLoj7jj30kn?si=30W4pt7dT8G3cbzaUMqldw

oh my god this song i’m about to cry. this is what i want. why can’t i just be- not me!!!

these past few days i’ve literally been playing minecraft bed wars all day. like all day. and it was okay but now my eyes hurt and my head hurts and my hands hurt and i hate myself and everything hurts.

also- music doesn’t feel right. it’s been like this for a while now, it’s getting better though. before i couldn’t listen to any music at all - now i’ve been listening to kid krow on repeat : )

god bless you, conan. my number one song currently is *cough* E-GIRLS ARE RUINING MY LIFE (which they are btw) which is- fucking terrifying and funny at the same time. i genuinely like CORPSE though- i’ve watched every among us stream and i love his songs- in the past i would have considered myself a simp (?) maybe (?) but i had a nightmare about it and i can’t awifjisenf simp no more. i still appreciate him, i just- had an awakening.

sexuality crises also suck a whole bunch. there was a 1-2 day phase a few weeks ago where i was low key PRAYING to be a lesbian lmfao. like it sounds stupid but i was crying over that shit. background info: no i’m not one of those straight girls, i’m a bisexual female who’s almost a full on raging homosexual except i am attracted to men. and i wish i wasn’t, believe me when i say that. but i have realised i am bi so it’s okay. i thought i was a lesbian and awilfjnawr labels but no, i am slightly attracted to men sometimes. but to answer your question if i am lucky enough my future wife and i will be married and living in a cottage.

ugh. life. bru h i’m actually a train wreck- i had an anxiety attack crying trying to find my childhood tinkerbelle and friends dolls the other night. and then to make matters worse, i found them in a box with a whole bunch of other dolls in the same box including StRawBerrY ShoRtCaKe doLLs and i smelt my stawberry shortcake doll hesitantly while crying and she still smelled like her strawberry scent and i was DEAD.

https://open.spotify.com/track/1F6IbA7di42uPc3cff8PXV?si=COKcG_UbQh-GhKYJ5vtIgg

ugh. so this has been my update so far. oh wait-

christmas. holy shit how is it christmas. i want dEatH like. reasons why i’m sad for christmas: it doesn’t feel like christmas so i feel like i’m not going to enjoy it, i’ve had no motivation to clean my room so the contents of my wardrobe is all over my floor because i was mid resorting the drawers when i got sick, i’ve wanted to ask for doc martens and my chemicals romance + other artists’ merch all year but i have SEVERE ANXIETY so of course i didn’t and now my parents have gone and bought me a new phone or something which of course i’m grateful for but my iphone 6s works just fine. it’s a waste of money which we need at the moment but because i’m too anxious i didn’t ask for anything this year so my parents have just chosen to spoil me and- aW SHIT! i can’t=

anyway so that’s my bullcrap life. i mean my bullshit rant. am i glad i did this? yes. do i feel any better? kinDa? i don’t know okay. what am i going to do now? i don’t know. probably lie on the floor and drown in self pity in hopes of melting into the abyss. i might read my book which i’ve yet to finish. maybe reading can be my knew things, seeing as i have zero hobbies. i read like once in a blue moon.

this is it for now, good luck, future me.

sincerely,

jordan ♡

https://open.spotify.com/track/7B3z0ySL9Rr0XvZEAjWZzM?si=HyWPKutjRTuPumafim7_Vw

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ladyanatui · 5 years

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Daiken Ultimate Playlist, Pt. 3

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

This is the abridged version of my Spotify playlist for all things Daiken, organized from the start of 02 to…eventually.

Part 3 specifically covers from not long after XV-mon and Stingmon first Jogress-evolve through Christmas.

TRIGGER WARNING: This post discusses depression, suicide, emotional abuse, and PTSD quite a lot. Take care of yourself, folks!

Spotify Playlist

Click the song titles for YouTube links (apparently you can’t have more than five videos in a post), and otherwise, enjoy me rambling about Daiken.

One final note: Within the lyrics, I’ve emphasized meaningful words, such as night/nightmare, dark/darkness, miracle(s), kind/kindness, courage/bravery, friend/friendship, sun/star/light, fire/burn/ignite, angel(s), and words related to water/drowning.

“Carry On” by fun.

Though I've never been through hell like that I've closed enough windows to know you can never look back

If you're lost and alone Or you're sinking like a stone Carry on May your past be the sound of your feet upon the ground Carry on

And in the meantime, he knows that for Ken to feel better and move on, Ken needs to come to terms with his past while also not dwelling on it. Even by the end of the season, though, Ken still has a long way to go.

“Skin” Sixx:A.M.

When they start to judge you Show them your true colors And do unto others As you'd have done to you

Just rise above this Kill them with your kindness Ignorance is blindness They're the ones that stand to lose

One of Ken’s worst hangups about joining the team, though, is the fact that most of them still hesitate. Worst of all, Iori blatantly doesn’t want him there, though he does feel obligated to help Ken after Ken and Stingmon save his life. But Daisuke knows that as the others spend time with him and get to know him, they’ll love him just as much as he does.

“On My Own” by Ashes Remain

Every little thing that I've known Is everything I need to let go You're so much bigger than the world I have made So I surrender my soul I'm reaching out for your hope I lay my weapons down I'm ready for you now

And then, of course, there comes a time when Ken finally starts to come to terms with the fact that he can’t do this alone, that he needs their help and, more importantly, their friendship. This moment is difficult to pinpoint because it’s a slow process, but it’s probably right around episode 30 when Arachnemon creates BlackWarGreymon. Daisuke and Miyako trick him and Iori into working together in an attempt to get them to become friends, but the plan backfires when neither Ken nor Iori are fooled. But a few episodes later, by the time they’re defending the Holy Stones from BlackWarGreymon, Ken is working with the team.

And we can’t forget episode 35, where Daisuke invites Ken over for dinner to brainstorm about defeating BlackWarGreymon, and then suddenly it’s the next morning and Ken spent the night, which was definitely not part of the initial plan (they altered this in the English dub so that Daisuke asks him to spend the night after asking him over for dinner). The look on Ken’s face the following morning, when he wakes up to having spent the night at Daisuke’s home and watching their Digimon laugh and play together...it’s utterly heartwarming. He finally knows what it means to have a friend, and you couldn’t possibly find anyone more grateful.

“Doubt” by Twenty One Pilots

Temperature is dropping, temperature is dropping I'm not sure if I can see this ever stopping Shaking hands with the dark parts of my thoughts, no You are all that I've got, no

But that’s not to say that Ken doesn’t continue to have doubts. There’s still a darkness in him he cannot shake, and he still struggles to believe he deserves to have friends, especially friends so wholly devoted and affectionate like Daisuke.

“Slip the Noose” by The Maine

Break down, hysteric and young Uncomfortably numb Then you sent my pain into oblivion I was on the verge of breaking down Then you came around And not a second too late

It’s pretty safe to say that, by this point, he understands how important Daisuke has become to him, even as he tried to prevent it. This song especially points to Daisuke helping him fight off his suicidal ideations (it’s all in the title).

“Anchor” by Skillet

When I get tired of finding All of the fears I've been hiding You gave me a breath and tell me to rest You never left

This is another song that focuses on the supportive nature of their friendship. Daisuke spends the entire second half of 02 being exactly who Ken needs him to be. He’s the supportive friend who isn’t afraid to tell him the awful truth if the moment calls for it.

And although it’s rarely talked about, Ken is also exactly who Daisuke needs in his life. Ken probably doesn’t realize how important he is to Daisuke, but the goggle boy seriously needed someone who actually listens to him, who respects him, and who loves him--and that’s exactly who Ken becomes as their friendship develops.

“All You Did Was Save My Life” by Our Lade Peace

I'm not dying All you did was save my life Pulled me out of that flat line Put the heartbeat back inside I'm not dying

And overall, it’s not an exaggeration to say that Daisuke legitimately saved Ken’s life. He was the one to activate the Digimental of Miracles, he (and Magnamon) was the one to defeat the Digimon Kaiser, he was the one to prevent Ken from potentially killing himself to stop his base from exploding, and he is constantly the one there to remind Ken of who he needs to be and what he needs to do to overcome his past.

“Picking Up Pieces” by Blue October

How long will I be picking up pieces? How long will I be picking up my heart?

Listen, I'll be as honest as I feel I feel like I'm getting more paranoid and I'm hearing things And they never turn out real It feels like my heart is made of pure steel It's just so heavy all the time

These things take time. Lots of time. To the point where it feels like it will go on forever. Despite the phenomenal progress he makes in 02, even by the end of the season, he still has a long way to go.

“Midnight Thoughts” by Set It Off

Here I am, 12 a.m. Sunken deep into my bed Kept alive by the light of the moon Close my eyes, but my mind's got its own plan tonight And it keeps rubbing salt in the wound

I know it's too late As night turns to day Now there's no escaping the ghost

Throughout this period, Ken is also suffering from nightmares--reminders of his past, including the moment the Dark Seed bored into the back of his neck and changed everything. I’m sure, to him, it feels like no matter how much he tries, he will never be able to move past the pain he’s caused the Digimon and Digital World.

“A Bad Dream” by Keane

I wake up, it's a bad dream No one on my side I was fighting But I just feel too tired to be fighting Guess I'm not the fighting kind Wouldn't mind it If you were by my side

First off, a big thank you to @molkschatz for introducing me to this song--it’s perfect for Ken.

Obviously, this song too references his nightmares, but it has far more to do with his loneliness and fear of losing himself than the actual bad dreams. Ken isn’t your typical fighter--he’s not courageous and spirited the way Daisuke and Taichi are, but he has a strong sense of justice and of right and wrong, which is really why it’s so important for him to help the Digimon and fight against evil. And although he may not be a tradition example of passion, he’s passionate in his own subtle way, and having Daisuke and the other Chosen by his side allows him to explore that side of himself.

“I Don’t Belong Here” by I Prevail

Looking back on the past, all the time I wasted Running from everyone that tells me that I'm fading out Must be mistaken 'cause I, I, I don't feel anything You know I got this brain, it drives me insane Some days I feel I can't take the pain, I'm gone I can't explain it 'cause I, I, I don't need anything (no)

Even as he learns to get along with all the Chosen, Ken struggles most with feeling like he doesn’t belong with the group. This is emphasized, of course, by the fact that he is the only one who doesn’t live in Odaiba, aside from Jyou.

This is most apparent in the Christmas episode where Ken has a holiday party and invites the group. He’s absolutely terrified to invite Iori because he assumes he won’t want to attend, but to his surprise, Iori has accepted him and is pleased he received an invitation because he didn’t expect one. Later, after they send the Digimon who ruined Yamato’s concert back to the Digital World, Ken has to go back to Tamachi and this adorable little exchange happens:

Sora: Ichijouji-kun sure has changed, hasn’t he? Hikari: He sure has. Daisuke: Really? I haven’t noticed anything...

While everyone else is still getting to know Ken as Ken and figuring out how he fits in the group, Daisuke has always seen him this way and has always felt like he belongs.

“Without You” by Breaking Benjamin

Say something new I have nothing left I can't face the dark without you There's nothing left to lose The fighting never ends I can't face the dark without you

There are so many moments throughout the show where Ken forces himself into situations where he is trying to deal with his problems on his own, facing the darkness on his own. But he quickly learns that he needs Daisuke and, to a lesser extent, the others there to help him, and more importantly, that having them fighting by his side doesn’t make him weak.

“Secret Smile” by Semisonic

Nobody knows it but you've got a secret smile And you use it only for me

I associate this song a lot with the Christmas episode because of how big of a deal everyone makes about his laughter but also the episode where Daisuke invites Ken over to his house and Ken just has the most beautiful peaceful smile on his face (mentioned earlier). The truth is that Ken is decidedly different around Daisuke than the rest of them. He’s more relaxed and happy, and once he starts calling Daisuke by his first name, he only does so privately. If other people are around, he still refers to him by his family name even as Daisuke calls him Ken all the time. Their relationship is precious and special, and calling him Daisuke publicly ruins the intimacy of it.

“An Act of Kindness” by Bastille

An act of kindness Is what you show to me It caught me by surprise in this town of glass and eyes Kindness, so many people pass me by But you warm me to my core and you left me wanting more

As the bearer of Crest of Kindness, it’s kind of a big deal for Ken to look at Daisuke and see all the wonderful and utterly kind things that he does. Extending his friendship when he had absolutely no reason to (don’t tell Dai that), defending him and helping him without any expectations in return--Daisuke shows Ken true friendship, and to Ken, that is the biggest act of kindness he ever could have performed.

And again, there’s a reference to Daisuke as a source of heat, much like the sun (plus, you know, the Crest/Digimental of Courage is associated with fire).

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

#daiken #daisuke motomiya #ken ichijouji #digimon #digimon 02 #playlist #trigger warning #suicide #emotional abuse #ptsd #depression #mental health #anatui

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caws5749 · 5 years

Text

This took SO LONG thanks @natthisback

1: Name Madison

2: Age 21

3: 3 fears spiders, not becoming a doctor, becoming like my parents

4: 3 things i love marvel movies, my blanket (whoops), and scrunchies

5: 4 turn ons compliment me, be chivalrous, (idk if this means sex turn on too or not but) moaning my n- ANYWHO uh and the last one definitely like showing you want me

6: 4 turn offs someone who only talks about themselves, being like wishy washy, being arrogant/cocky, complaining about the same things

7: my best friend that would be shea @cloversofshea

8: sexual orientation lesbian

9: my best first date okay SO this like isn’t a first date but it was my first like nicer dinner date so I’m gonna count it. It was just this past weekend actually and i just i loved it so much it was amazing

10: how tall am i 5’2

11: what do i miss honestly, feeling like i was good at things

12: what time were i born 11:14am

13: favorite color purple, although it’s slowly been turning to like a baby light pink

14: do i have a crush yes yes i do and i likes her a lot

15: favorite quote “Truth is a matter of circumstance. It’s not all things to all people all the time. And neither am I.”

16: favorite place Chicago or New York City

17: favorite food SALMON

18: do i use sarcasm yes, but i feel like i don’t use it as much as i used to

19: what am i listening to right now Christmas pop playlist on Spotify

20: first thing i notice in new person whether they only talk about themselves

21: shoe size 8 or 8.5

22: eye color blue

23: hair color right now, it’s a brown that goes to blond at my ends

24: favorite style of clothing so if this means like fav style to wear daily, definitely athleisure. If it means in general, i love love love preppy looks? But not super preppy.

25: ever done a prank call? Absolutely, many times

27: meaning behind my url i explain this in my about me page (linked in bio!)

28: favorite movie captain America winter soldier

29: favorite song i don’t really have favorite songs but rn it’s prob December night by Michael buble

30: favorite band i don’t really have fav bands

31: how i feel right now it’s really hot in here, so warm. I feel okay

32: someone i love i love lots of people but ill stick with @cloversofshea

33: my current relationship status I’ve answered this so many times literally just look at the ask game tag

34: my relationship with my parents um yikes

35: favorite holiday Halloween

36: tattoos and piercing i have i have 6 tattoos! “Breathe” on my right inner ankle, a heart on left shoulder, heart w equal sign in it behind right ear, basically an ecg on my left inner ankle, Aquarius symbol on right bicep, and caws 5749 on my left side. And my ears are pierced.

37: tattoos and piercing i want definitely the black widow symbol in the same place Scarlett got her og6 tattoo, an amino acid tattoo that spells out “wah” , definitely more little tattoos! And maybe more ear piercings idk

38: the reason i joined tumblr so, I’ve had a tumblr for many many years. I originally joined bc my best friends at the time had them, and i was like sure! Ive deleted that personal blog since, and started my new personal blog a few years ago. I also have a studyblr that i started i think back in high school, and i just started this blog back in the end of July!

39: do i and my last ex hate each other no, I’d say far from it bc i likes her a lot

40: do i ever get “good morning” or “good night” texts yes from her and i fucking love it, it used to be a bigger thing almost every day and i loved it

41: have i ever kissed the last person i texted lmao no and for those who were wondering it is @cloversofshea

42: when did i last hold hands LMAO WITH @michelinaamour WHEN I WAS STUMBLING HOME DRUNK IN HIGH HEELS

43: how long does it take me to get ready in the morning it depends, anywhere from ten minutes to an hour and a half

44: have you shaved your legs in the past three days no! I am super lucky and have really light colored hairs on my legs and so i dont’ have to shave very often. Also i just want to say that i personally love shaving my legs and it is my choice to do so.. girls, you do not need to shave!!

45: where am i right now so i started answering this in the research lab, but i am currently sitting at one of the dining places on campus finishing it

46: if i were drunk and can’t stand, who’s taking care of me LMAO DEFINITELY @michelinaamour because she’s done it ALREADY FOR ME MULTIPLE TIMES

47: do i like my music loud or at a reasonable level it depends, in car trips, definitely blast it. But just driving around or listening in doors, definitely reasonable level

48: do i live with my mom and dad nope i live with @michelinaamour

49: am i excited for anything yes, I’m excited for lots of things. I get excited easily

50: do i have someone of the opposite sex i can tell everything to no. I used to

51: how often do i wear a fake smile this is a really interesting question. I don’t consider smiles i give to random people like ordering food or something to be fake, so i would say fake smiles are when I’m not okay and trying to hide it. Which happens less often now bc I’m just much happier of a person

52: when was the last time i hugged someone I think it was @michelinaamour two days ago but i think i hugged @cloversofshea that day too so

53: what if the last person i kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me I’d be heartbroken tbh

54: is there anyone i trust even though i should not yes, certain adults in my life

55: what is something i disliked about today my hair won’t do what i want it to :(

56: if i could meet anyone on this earth who would it be probably Chris Evans or Scarlett Johansson

57: what do i think about the most tumblr and everything with that, or probably her or school stuff definitely

58: what’s my strangest talent i don’t think i have any lol

59: do i have any strange phobias yes definitely haha, I’m terrified of stepping on worms

60: do i prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it i think a few years ago i would have said behind, but honestly I think I’d love to be in front of the camera now

61: what was the last lie i told i actually don’t know. Maybe this past weekend as to like the fact that i was going out on a date instead of just going out with a friend

62: do i prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online I’d say talking on the phone bc then they cant’ see me lmao

63: do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens? Yes and yes

64: do i believe in magic? Yes, or at least, that’s what i tell myself

65: do i believe in luck yes

66: what’s the weather like right now snowy!

67: what was the last book I’ve ever read The Butchering Art, it’s about the history of surgery

68: do i like the smell of gasoline omg yes yes yes yes yes yes

69: do i have any nicknames yes, madz, madi, girl who lives by the kitchen, queen (a new one) and clown (also a new one) thanks @natthisback

70: what was the worst injury I’ve ever had back in freshman year of college, i did something stupid and my foot swelled up like hell and hurt so bad. There were no fractures detected but the swelling stayed for a really long time, as well as the bruising and pain, and it never returned to normal

71: do i spent my money or save it SPEND IT BABY

72: can i touch my nose w my tongue no I’m not that talented

73: is there anything pink in 10 ft from me. Hmm part of my backpack? And my rings are pinkish bc they are rose gold. Oh and my scrunchie is pink, as well as my iPad

74: favorite animal cat

75: what was i doing last night at 12am i was still at work In the emergency room!

76: what do i think satan’s last name is uh honestly Jim lmao (it’s demons Jim! @cloversofshea )

77: what’s a song that always makes me happy when i hear it so good by dove Cameron

78: how can you win my heart suggest we watch a marvel movie, and I’m prob straight up in love. There are other things too but they’re pretty general, like compliment me, show you want me ya know

79: what would i want to be written on my tombstone haha, as a joke, “so realy its very thing. Just to keep everyone guessing.” But idk something funny

80: what is my favorite word i have no idea, maybe like sophisticated or something like that or aesthetic , champagne is a good one too

81: my top 5 blogs on tumblr ooh! Okay so @markiplier @lesbian-deadpool @americasass-romanoff @lesbianmariahilll @shining-rey-of-sunshine but i love so so so so so many more, and i have a lot of top blogs

82: if the whole world were listening to me right now what would i say fuck trump also I’m gay as hell and I’m growing tired of hiding it from people

83: do i have any relatives in jail not that i know of

84: i accidentally eat some radioactive vegatables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super power of my choice! What is that power lmao this question is great. Prob same powers as Wanda

85: what would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on any weird fetis- JUST KIDDING. Do you still think about them?

86: what is my current desktop picture so on my laptop, it’s fall flowers. But since that’s broken af, i use my iPad and that background is one of the apple ones. It’s just a beach idk why but I’ve never changed it

87: had sex WHY IS THIS IN EVERY SINGLE ASK GAME WTF

88: bought condoms nope i am gay as hell bye

89: gotten pregnant nope i am gay as hell bye

90: failed a class nope, definitely come close though

91: kissed a boy yes

92: kissed a girl yes

93: have i ever kissed somebody in th rain honestly, probably at some point, but I’ve never had one of those romantic kisses in the rain. I really really want to though and i think about it a lot

94: had job yeah, I’ve had three true jobs

95: left the house without my wallet probably

96: bullied someone on the internet no bc I’m not a fucking douche

97: had sex in public not yet

98: played on a sports team yeah, played softball and basketball in middle school

99: smoked weed yeah, but i didn’t get high

100: did drugs nope

101: smoked cigarettes nope, i think i asked drunk once if i could smoke, but my friend was like “really?” And i was like uhhhhhh just kidding haha

102: drank alcohol lmao i drink fucking all the time i mean. I literally have drunk writing nights , I’m drinking tonight too

103: am i a vegetarian/vegan i was a vegetarian for a while, and then an aspiring vegan, and then vegetarian, and then pescatarian now!

104: been overweight no

105: been underweight yes

106: been to a wedding yeah, but like not for a long time. I was like 4 and the flower girl. Oh WAIT. Does playing a wedding count? I played cello at a wedding so i was there???

107: been on the computer for 5 hours straight hell yeah, how would i function not doing this with class and relaxing

108: watched tv for 5 hours straight lmao definitely

109: been outside my home country yeah

110: gotten my heart broken yeah

111: been to a professional sports game yeah. I don’t really do sports though , so when i go it’s usually in suites and I’m just there for the food

112: broken a bone nope!

113: cut myself this is...a. Really deep question but bc i want to be able to speak about mental health on here, the answer is yes.

114: been to prom yes! I went to my junior and senior proms!

115: been in airplane too many times

116: fly by helicopter no, I’m not sure if i want to do this or not

117: what concerts have i been to I’ve been to lots. So first off, I’ve been to hundreds of classical concerts (and performed in them). As for pop, Bruno mars twice, maroon five like three times. Selena Gomez. Josh groban. American authors. Definitely others that i don’t remember

118: had a crush on someone of the same sex yes I’m fucking gay

119: learned another language so if this means fluent, no. I took a decent amount of French and am learning Russian right now!

120: wore make up absolutely. When i choose to wear makeup, its because i fuckign love makeup haha. Most days I’m lazy though and like to let my skin breathe and be natural

121: lost my virginity before I was 18 no

122: had oral sex yeah

123: dyed my hair many times

124: voted in a presidential election okay i think so but honestly can’t remember. But I’m pretty sure i did.

125: rode in an ambulance no and i never want to.

126: had a surgery no and i never want to haha. Well i cant say that. Depending on how my life plays out, I might freeze my eggs or something.

127: met someone famous yes, several I think, but probably Henry winkler was the one I remember most.

128: stalked someone on a social network yeah

129: peed outside nope don’t think so and definitely don’t want to

130: been fishing yes I have been ice fishing and regular fishing

131: helped w charity i have!

132: been rejected by a crush I’ve been not liked back but i don’t think I’ve ever made like a move on a crush and been rejected

133: broken a mirror ooh i don’t think i have actually

134: what do i want for birthday nothing bc i dont’ like my bday

#madison speaks #ask game

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ladylillianrose · 4 years

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Seasons of Love a Max Richman/Zoey Clarke Fanfiction

A/N: Okay gang we have reached the end of the line with this tale! I hope you all have enjoyed reading it as much as I have writing it! I have appreciated all your comments, reviews and support throughout this!

A huge thank you to aubreyrichman who is a fabulous beta, cheerleader and sounding board throughout all of this!

As always the characters are not mine but belong to the amazing genius that is Austin Winsberg.

Summary: New Year's Eve/New Year's Day once again

You'll recognize the song as the same one from the beginning, "This Will Be Our Year" by The Zombies (Listen to it here https://youtu.be/kI2lTwY0Jx8 )

As promised here is the link for the Spotify playlist I made for this story Seasons of Love (Clarkeman Fanfiction)

December 31-January 1 New Year’s Eve/New Year’s Day, Again

December 25 Christmas Day

November 26 Thanksgiving

October 31 Halloween

September 23 Max’s Birthday

August 12 Perseids Meteor Shower

July 4 Independence Day

June 21 Father’s Day

May 10 Mother’s Day

April 12 Easter

March 17 St. Patrick’s Day

February 14 Valentine’s Day

December 31-January 1 New Year’s Eve/New Year’s Day

Max was pacing the backyard nervously, playing with the box he held in his hands. He glanced at his watch as he impatiently waited for Zoey to arrive.

He had been up since dawn, too anxious about his plans to even contemplate sleeping in. Zoey was spending the day with Mo, leaving Max free to make sure everything was set up and ready.

Maggie watched with a smile on her face as Max ran between the backyard and the kitchen, frantically setting up a romantic picnic for two.

He had approached her at Christmas, asking if he could arrange something special as a New Year’s surprise for Zoey. Maggie had a feeling that she knew what he was planning and offered her assistance with whatever he had planned. Max had blushed and said that he appreciated it but that it was something he wanted to do on his own.

They had agreed to move the party to earlier in the evening this year, making it so David, Emily and Peter could still celebrate with the family.

David and Emily arrived with a napping Peter in tow. “What’s going on?” David asked as he saw Max arranging and rearranging a picnic blanket on the grass.

Maggie grinned at him, “Max has a surprise planned for Zoey tonight.”

David raised his eyebrows, “So, it’s finally happening.”

Maggie nodded, “I think so. He’s been so nervous all day, he wouldn’t let me help with anything.”

Emily smiled, “I think it’s sweet that he wants it to be so special.”

“Make what special?” they all turned to see Zoey standing in the doorway.

Maggie, Emily and David looked anxiously at one another.

“Ummm...Here, Peter say hi to your Auntie Zoey!” David said, practically throwing Peter into her arms.

Zoey crinkled her nose, looking at David suspiciously. “Okay…...See Peter, I warned you that your Daddy was the weird one.”

Peter laughed as Zoey tickled his tummy, making silly faces at him.

Maggie used the distraction to tap on the back door, signaling to Max that Zoey had arrived.

Zoey looked around the room and was just about to ask where Max was when he entered from the backyard.

“Hey you,” Zoey said as he walked towards her. “I was just about to ask where you were.”

Max grinned, dropping a kiss on her forehead. “Come with me, I want to show you something.” He took her hand, guiding her to the back door.

Maggie took Peter from Zoey’s arms, patting Max on the shoulder and sending him a reassuring wink as they walked by.

Zoey stepped outside and gasped. The whole backyard was decorated with string lights, creating a soft, and romantic glow against the night sky. And at the center of it all was a small picnic blanket set for two.

She looked at him in awe as they approached the blanket. “You did all of this for me?” she asked.

“I would do anything for you, Zo. I love you,” he said cupping her cheek and kissing her softly.

Zoey could feel the tears forming in her eyes, “I love you, too.”

They sat down together, and Max began to unpack the picnic basket. He pulled out a speaker, champagne flutes, strawberries and a 2 plates of lasagna.

Zoey’s eyes opened wide, “You made lasagna?!” She reached for the plate eagerly.

“Hold on now, Miss grabby hands!” He laughed as she snatched it from his hands, immediately taking a large bite of it and letting out a moan.

“I love your lasagna almost as much as I love you,” she said in between bites.

Max shook his head, grinning. He dropped a kiss on the top of her head, “Glad to know that I come out on top against a pasta dish.”

Zoey stuck her tongue out at him and continued eating. Max was too nervous to eat, he turned on the speaker, fiddling with the volume to keep his hands occupied. Zoey eyed his plate suspiciously when he nudged it towards her.

“Are you okay?” she asked. “You look pale...er than usual.”*

“I’m fine,” he said, taking a sip of his champagne to calm his nerves.

Zoey looked at him suspiciously as she ate the rest of his lasagna.

David and Maggie were peering through the curtains while Emily made popcorn.

“So, do you think he’s going to get down on one knee?” David asked.

“Of course he is, he’s such a romantic.” Maggie said.

“What are they doing out there?” Emily asked, handing them bowls of popcorn.

“Looks like they’re just sitting there talking and eating,” David said.

“Wait, look!” Emily eagerly pointed, as she saw Max reach into his pocket.

Max pulled the ring box out of his pocket and took a deep steadying breath. He had never been more nervous about anything in his life, but he had also never been more sure of anything as he was about sharing his future with Zoey.

Zoey moved to refill her champagne glass. “Do you want….” she turned to offer him more champagne. She gasped as she saw Max before her on one knee, holding an open ring box.

“Zoey, you’re my best friend, my other half and the love of my life. I cannot fix on the hour, or the spot, or the look or the words, which laid the foundation. It was too long ago. I was in the middle before I knew that I had begun.** I love you with every fiber of being and I can’t picture my future without you beside me. Will you marry me?”

Zoey felt tears streaming down her cheeks as she nodded. “Yes, YES!” she grabbed his face and kissed him eagerly.

Max thought he might have heard cheering coming from the house, but he ignored it as he kissed his fiance... his fiance !

They broke apart grinning, as Max slipped the ring onto her finger. He rubbed his thumb along her hand admiring how well his grandmother’s ring suited her.

Zoey interlocked their fingers as she leaned back to rest her head against his shoulder. Max wrapped his arms around her as she sighed in contentment.

“I love you, Max.”

“I love you too, Zoey,” Max said, placing a kiss against her temple.

Music softly drifted over them from the speaker:

This will be our year

Took a long time to come;

The warmth of your smile

Smile for me, little one

And this will be our year

Took a long time to come;

You don't have to worry

All your worried days are gone

This will be our year

Took a long time to come;

And I won't forget

The way you held me up when I was down

And I won't forget the way you said,

"Darling I love you"

You gave me faith to go on;

Now we're there and we've only just begun

And this will be our year

Took a long time to come;

Yeah we only just begun

Yeah this will be our year

Took a long time to come

The End

A/N: *Quote from Episode 1X07

** Quote from Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice

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toogoodmusic · 5 years

Audio

TOO GOOD TUESDAY INTERVIEW: G Flip

________________________________________________________________

Australian singer, songwriter and all around bad-ass drummer Georgia Flipo better known as G Flip just released her debut album About Us last week. The ten song project chronicles G Flip’s on-and-off again relationship with her current girlfriend. Starting off as a drummer for various other people, G Flip decided to start her own project which began with the release of her debut single, “About You” – a synth and emotional song with big drums incorporated. The song blew up and propelled G Flip’s solo career right off the bat. About Us is just the beginning for this talented artist as she continues an impressive festival circuit inclusive of a fall headlining tour and spot on the Falls Festival line up – which has always been a dream of hers to play. Lucky for Too Good Music, G Flip took some time out of her busy schedule to do an e-mail interview. Check out the full interview below to see how she got her start in music, what draws her to the drums, what the most personal song off the album is and so much more:

________________________________________________________________

TOO GOOD MUSIC: Starting from the beginning – what’s your earliest memory of music? When did you know you wanted to pursue it as a career?

G FLIP: When I was 3 years old my family went to a Christmas party in the park. There was a local band set up playing some classic tunes on a little stage. I had just been gifted a children's sized play guitar and happened to have it in the car. I asked Dad to go get it from the car for me. He came back with the guitar, gave it to me and I took it without a word and walked directly onto the stage. I stood alongside the band without saying a word to them and strummed away, bopping along to the songs they were playing whilst I pretended to play along with them for every single song. It was my late Poppy's proudest moment of me.

Source: G Flip | Photo Credit: Reuben Moore

TGM: Ha! that’s a great story. So you went from crashing sets on stage to a debut album - congrats on, About Us by the way - it’s been a while since I fell in love with an album...it’s an incredible debut. What’s the meaning behind the name of the album? What can fans expect off this album that is similar or different to previous releases?

GF: Why thank you!! The meaning is quite straightforward actually. Most of the songs were written about my on and off relationship with my girlfriend. I hadn’t seen her in a year back in 2017 and when we caught up she asked me, “Are you still playing drums, who are you playing for now?” And I told her, I’ve decided to go solo I’m no longer drumming for people anymore and I’ve made a heap of tracks in my bedroom studio. She was inquisitive and wanted to hear the tracks, I was very reluctant as every song was about us. So it felt fitting to just call it that, About Us.

TGM: I agree - sounds fitting! Which song on the album are you most excited for fans to hear? Which one was the most personal to release?

GF: I'm super excited for my fans to hear “2 Million.” It’s by far my fave tune on the record. After “About You” blew up, my world expanded from my bedroom to the world and my life started drastically changing. So this song follows a timeline of my life from when I got my first guitar, to (hopefully) buying my first home, to falling in love, getting married, growing old until I pass away and all that’s left is the stories I told on earth through my music. It’s trippy to think that, as songwriters even when we are gone we have left stories behind on earth.

Source: Facebook

TGM: I always think about that quote that goes “You die twice in this life: one time when you stop breathing and a second time, a bit later on, when somebody says your name for the last time.” It’s really crazy to think about what we leave behind and can outlive us. In that same vein what song(s) have inspired you the most throughout your career?

GF: There aren't really any particular songs that have inspired me to do what I do, but there’s definitely bands and artists that I have listened to my whole life.

The Rolling Stones, Joan Jett, The Clash, Rancid, Jimi Hendrix, Bob Marley, Usher, Beyonce, Paramore, Florence + the Machine, The Internet, Rihanna, Miguel, D’Angelo, N*E*R*D, Hozier, Bon Iver, Justin Timberlake, Benee, Joji, Stevie Wonder, Kanye West, Blink 182, Elliphant, HAIM, Jamie T, Jeff Buckley, No Doubt, Linkin Park, Dave Brubeck, Bill Evans, Leon Bridges, Dominic Fike, Lizzo, The Teskey Brothers, Frank Ocean, Matt Corby etc.

TGM: Great list. What’s been the best piece of advice – music, life or otherwise – that you’ve gotten?

GF: I once read this quote that said “Create the things you wish existed” it has stuck with me ever since.

Source: G Flip | Photo Credit: Reuben Moore

TGM: That’s a great quote and think a great mindset to have while creating art. Shifting gears a bit, you recently played Lollapalooza in Chicago as well as some additional festivals and have an Australian tour set for the fall. What’s a G Flip show like? What’s your favorite part of taking your music on the road? What’s the most difficult?

GF: There’s a lot of drums and drums solo’s. It’s high energy and when I’m not behind the kit I’ll be running around jumping. Me and my 2 best mates that I play with on stage switch instruments every song, so i'll be on keys, then on bass, guitar, drums or just with the mic.

TGM: Speaking of music festivals, I just saw your story where you posted a video from 2017 explaining how cool it would be to play Falls Festival and you recently announced that you are! What does that mean for you and what do you have planned to make it a special show?

GF: Still pinching myself about this one! Falls has been a festival that growing up my friends always went to. It was a yearly highlight and despite spending almost all of my income on musical equipment, I did finally get to go Falls Festival in 2012. Fast forward 7 years and I'll be playing there and I'm so psyched! That's a cheeky question, I don't want to give anything away! But I do have some fun, high energy additions to the live show You'll have to wait and see.

Source: Facebook

TGM: I’m sure the fans will be ready and I’m sure there will a lot of drums! What is it about drums that you’re so drawn to?

GF: The drums are so fierce, loud and fun. You’re literally hitting things with wooden sticks, what a sick concept.

The amount of groove and rhythm you can create using all your limbs is pretty cool too.

TGM: If you could only listen to (5) artists for the rest of your life who would they be?

GF: This definitely changes every month...

1. The Rolling Stones

2. HAIM

3. Bob Marley

4. Florence + the Machine

5. Frank Ocean

TGM: What does the rest of 2019 look like for you?

GF: I'm psyched to be doing an album tour around Australia in November. I'm playing at Sound On Festival in Perth, Triple J One Night Stand in Lucindale and Spilt Milk Festival in Ballarat and Canberra with some of my favourite bands. As you mentioned I'll be bringing in the new year playing at Falls Festival! So it’s gonna be busy. Hopefully I get a week off somewhere to take the Mrs. somewhere on a getaway too.

TGM: Here’s hoping you get that week off with the Mrs. at some point but enjoy the rest of the year and congrats on the debut album!

Source: Facebook

________________________________________________________________

A HUGE shout-out to G Flip for taking the time out of her extremely busy schedule to answer some questions with Too Good Music. Keep up with her exciting fall by following along with the below links:

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diningpageantry · 6 years

Text

You Take Me to The Stars

Archive Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15390507/chapters/36027609

Chapter 4 of 4 of Room for The Two of Us (read chapter 1, chapter 2, and chapter 3 here, as well as their corresponding tumblr posts here, here, and here)

Word Count: 3584

Description: Christmas Eve dinner at the Pitch manor doesn't quite go as well as one would hope, but the night isn't completely set ablaze.

Tags (for this chapter): Homophobia, Hurt/Comfort

hey guys there’s a spotify playlist that i made that goes very specifically with a certain part of the fic! i would highly recommend reading the fic before listening to it (and to say, yes, baz is listening to the fist song on the playlist). besides that, i hope you enjoy the finishing wrap up of the fic! i hope you enjoyed it as much as i did

BAZ

Snow’s obviously never dressed properly in his life, but he’s a killer in a sharp suit and brushed hair.

Thankfully, he let me do that much to it. I offered him some gel and he looked at me like a madman, so I kissed the look off his face. He kissed me back, tasting like hot chocolate and the little peppermint marshmallows he kept sneaking earlier today.

He tastes like the excitement of a falsely working heart skipping a beat.

He tastes like the knowledge that my father is disappointed in me, but that doesn’t matter. It won’t matter in less than a year, at most, when I drag Snow off somewhere for us to hide from the currently brewing war. We’ll be happy there, and I won’t have to endure the comments about how it’s unnatural that I like men.

I’m nothing close to natural with or without my queerness, but that’s not addressed.

Bigotry is only fashionable when you’re able to be public about it, I suppose.

But I won’t let it stop me; I won’t let it stop my beautiful mess of a boyfriend kiss me in the foyer, snowflakes dusting his hair after I nearly lost it at Nicodemus. I won’t let it stop my sneaking smile as he tells me that he’ll make proper use of my ridiculously large bed that always felt like a sea of untouched satin and silk. It’ll never stop the fact that I’m going to dress my star-shine explosion for the gods for dinner before taking his hand, kissing scarred knuckles and leading him to the table, fingers still keeping an iron-tight grip over his hand.

Father’s icicle-sharp eyes follow our pressed palms and matching scents (Snow’s wearing my cologne; his call), stabbing their sharp ends into my chest as I keep a leveled gaze, lips curling into a half-smile. It’s fake. “Holding up the festivities for us? Oh, you truly didn’t have to.”

SIMON

Everyone’s sat at the table, looking like they’re about to meet the bloody Queen. (Maybe they already know the Queen? I wouldn’t be surprised; this house is practically Buckingham Palace, without all the guards) (Maybe Baz is supposed to be the guard?) (Oh, now I have to get him a knockoff hat). Even though it’s the holidays, it’s a ghost town. He has extended family, obviously (probably), but for what’s usually a huge family dinner, it’s just Baz’s step-siblings, his dad, and his step-mum at an awfully dramatic set up, and they’re all dressed to all hell’s length.

It’s clear that Baz fits in with the posh attitudes and stature of his family. Makes sense why he was fussing over what shoes I was wearing to dinner, despite the fact that I kept trying to tell him that “Baz, it’s indoors. Why do we need shoes?” But he got me in them anyway, telling me I look dashing.

He thinks he can call me handsome and it fixes everything. I mean, it usually does, but that doesn’t matter. His regular compliments feel alien, especially given the fact that he’s so particularly soft when he does it that he calls me Simon properly, without a tone of sarcasm.

It took some adjusting. That, and he likes kissing. A lot. And everywhere. If I’m even changing my shirt, he’ll find a way to kiss my shoulder before I put the new one on. Can vampires mark their territory? Or is that too much like a werewolf? If vampires can, then I’m going to assume that that is exactly what Baz is trying to do. I think. He tried snogging me in a corridor during one of our last days at Watford before break and I had to spell us invisible so a second year wouldn’t catch us with my hand up the front of his shirt.

I like it, though. It feels awfully natural to have Baz on my lap, or his hand pressed against my hand.

It feels more natural than most other things I do.

Being here, even with his family’s eyes (or, mostly it’s his father’s) staring daggers into us as we sit side by side, close enough to keep our hands locked as dinner begins feels natural.

It’s relatively quiet for the first bit. Foods pass around, Baz turns it down (I hold his hand tighter), and everyone eats in what seems to be their own private bubble. Some conversations pop up, like Father Christmas or classes at Watford and how they’re different from Baz’s parent’s day.

Which, of course, provokes the conversation of the old days. Baz holds my hand tighter as his father begins to go on.

“Back when I attended Watford, it was proper magic families, with proper power.” He looks at me, avoiding to look between us. Baz’s knuckles are a ghostly white as he squeezes the life out of mine. Mr. Grimm continues, glancing at Baz. “When I attended Watford, the boys would date girls, as they’re supposed to. And they’d marry in roughly as powerful families, with roughly the same amount of magic, give or take a little.” His voice seems to lower but doesn’t tremble in the slightest. “It’s all about keeping the bloodlines pure, isn’t it, Basilton?”

I can feel his anger bubble up even before I dare sneak a glance at his face. It’s stone cold, as calculating as ever. Then he smiles that venomous smile of his. “The concept of purity is obsolete,” he says slowly, the stiff grin plastered across his face, “if there can’t be an allotment for happiness.”

The air is starched rigid as his father shoots a look at our hands before looking back up at Baz’s face, a smile mimicking his with all the intent. “You’re a disappointment to the bloodline.”

And that’s where Baz snaps.

BAZ

I barely feel my own body as I untangle my hand from Snow’s, throwing the neatly set out napkin that previously took seat on my lap onto my empty plate as I stand, chair scraping aggressively against the floor. Good, I think as father cringes. I meant that. “Excuse me, I’m going to my room. No need to follow, because either way, I’ll still be a disappointing faggot.” I shoot him a lasting grin before stomping off, heading off and slamming the door behind me.

SIMON

I don’t follow him immediately. Partially out of fear, partially out of shock. It takes a few seconds and a few empty, unknowing glances to his family (are they really letting this happen?) before excusing myself nearly silently, pushing my chair in behind me before starting back towards where I saw Baz disappeared off to.

In all honesty, I have absolutely no idea where I’m going in this house. It takes a good five minutes of looking for landmarks (a painting, a statue, something) to find even a familiar hallway, then another ten to find Baz’s room.

Fortunately, it’s not locked, so I step in to try to find him. At first, I don’t see a sign of him until I notice that his bathroom light is on, flooding out from the crack underneath the door.

Silently, I shut the door and make my way over, creaking open the bathroom entrance, and there he is. His jacket is unbuttoned, and he undid a couple more of the buttons on his shirt. His god-awful indoor shoes are thankfully abandoned as he just sprawls back in his ridiculously luxurious bathtub, earbuds in as he listens to god knows what. Whatever it is, it’s nearly deafening, even from here. Heavy base, blasting pump by pump in his ears. I see his head movements go along with it to it, eyes shut and mouth soundlessly following the words. It’s aggressive. He’s aggressive. His lips curl as he silently spits out long phrases, and when it’s just instrumental, his brow furrows as he nods to it. It’s reckless.

He is reckless, and I love that. Even with sad smiles and worried tugs at my heart, I know inside me that it’s just Baz being his dramatic self.

I walk over, sitting in the tub with my back to him before laying against his chest, taking his hands in mine and kissing them, loose presses of my lips against the knuckles that were earlier holding on for dear life. At first shoots his eyes open to watch me, then he relaxes against me, body shifting to accommodate my mass existing between him and the outside world. He accepts me into his own bubble.

“Why’d you pick the bathtub?” I ask as he turns off his music, setting his phone aside. He takes the moment to push my hair back, lips ghosting over my forehead.

“Because,” he begins, his voice dipping to a private murmur. “It’s the only place that I know you’re mad enough to look for me in, but nobody else would take the effort to find.”

I smile, sinking into him. He’s the ocean, and I’m an anchor, drifting against his current, but sinking to the bottom. He holds me there, arms cradled against mine in a protective clutch. I can’t be swept away, so I just settle against him, letting the world surround us in its allowing embrace.

BAZ

“Did you know,” Snow fills the air, head lolling back to perch against my shoulder. I steal a few kisses from his cheek. He smiles, continuing, “did you know that-that I thought about you constantly? For years, Baz. Years.”

I chuckle against him, trying to refrain myself. It comes out anyway. “I would hope so; we’ve been sharing a room since we were 11, Snow.” He pinches my hand.

“Stop being cheeky,” he whispers back, smiling. Good. Smile. “I meant… I guess… You know…” Snow exhales slowly; I watch his chest deflate as I rest a hand over his heart. “I followed you around and watched you sleep and… and… fuck, this is embarrassing, so don’t tell anyone, okay?”

“Who do I have to tell?” I remind him, undoing his shirt buttons carefully and painstakingly slowly before pressing my fingertips to his skin. Warm; heart pulsing under his skin.

He seems to watch my hand as it rests, his head turning to fill his face into my neck. He breathes in. “I may have thought of you while kissing Agatha sometimes,” he mumbles into me. I can feel him blush. “Used to think it was because I was thinking of you going off and doing some shit, or because I was worried about you stealing Agatha way, but I… I guess not? I don’t know. It’s stupid. I would chase after you and watch you sleep. Christ, Baz, I was a nutcase. I’m stupid.”

My fingertips trace circles around his skin before sliding down a little to let my palm rest. “It’s not stupid at all. Do you know how often I thought of you, Simon?”

He shakes his head once. Twice.

“I spent the majority of fifth year hating myself and you because I felt like I could never have you. That’s why I essentially went off that year on you; I was hurt. I was angry at myself, I was upset because the world wouldn’t let me have you. You, Simon, are always at the forethoughts of my mind.” I stop, shifting us a little so I can look into his eyes. They’re perfectly him. “Have you ever really taken a look at the clear night sky and watched the stars?”

Snow shakes his head again, listening intensely.

I relax us back again, pulling him close, feeling all his working life pump against my empty body; I don’t mind it at all anymore. Snow has enough life for the two of us. “I used to; mum would tell me how she hung the moon for my father. Even after her death, I’d gaze up and count as many stars as I could before I’d drift off to sleep, dreaming of constellations. I always wanted to be a story in the sky; remembered for eternity. In my dreams, I’d reach up and pluck a star from the sky and keep it close, let it keep me warm. We’d be symbiotic, the star and I.” My lips press to Snow’s head, breathing him in for a second. My star. “You’re a supergiant, Simon. You burn brighter than anything I’ve ever seen, and you burn me from the outside in. I’m just the floating black matter, surrounding your phenomenal pull and I can’t back away, clinging to your existence.

“Father told me that holding a star would hurt me, and Crowley, I burn when I hold you, but you’re a sickness that I never want to recover from. I close my eyes are there you are, my match in the dark. I open my eyes and you’re still there, blinding me with your UV rays. Each time you kiss me, you shoot me out into the oblivion of the universe and we dance among the swirling galaxies and the bursting supernovas of your aura. You take me to the stars, Snow, and I breathe in the bursting gas-flames of your life because that’s all I’ve ever wanted; a star in my hands.”

He looks up at me like I’ve pulled him out of my pocket, leaving a burst of stardust behind me as he shoots up into my sky in a smile, kissing me and filling my inky-black hole of a life with his sunshine. He lingers, hands shooting into my hair to hold me in place as he kisses me sweetly.

Eventually, he lets back, eyes exploring my face. “How long’ve you been working on that one?” he breathes, lips twitching into a grin. I grin back.

“A little too long,” I whisper back, a hand resting against his hip. “Much longer that I’d care to admit.”

He seals that with a kiss, shutting me up for a good while.

SIMON

He’s so ridiculous.

That’s what I love him for.

BAZ

Snow presses an extra kiss against my cheek once he breaks apart, analyzing me. Studying me. I wonder if I’m his favorite book to read.

“If all of this,” he waves over us briefly, “never happened, what do you think would’ve happened? Would you have told me?”

“Do you want the honest answer?”

“I don’t want anything but that.”

“Well,” I say, shifting him in against me. “I would’ve probably taken it to the very end. You’d have a swing at me, crash that sword into my chest and then, then I’d finally tell you. I’d let it out at the very end, in a brilliant blaze of glory, and I’d kiss you with my last breath.”

He snorts at me. Not the response I wanted, but maybe the response I needed.

“What?”

“Nothing.” He kisses my cheek, giggling just the slightest.

“No, really, what is it?”

“It’s just… so you. Make me suffer after killing you. Last bow, eh?”

I grin. I suppose he’s right, it is very in-character of me. “It’s better than never telling you; it needs to be put out there. Life isn’t unlimited, and therefore our thoughts and feelings are limited, too. Human existence is finite. One day, neither of us will exist, and it’s pointless not to let it out before that happens.”

His eyes bare a hole into my face, scorching it. I meet them.

SIMON

I can’t help but watch him, heart tugging. He’s right. We’re only here so long, and maybe I’m here much shorter than he is. Maybe we’re both not here for so much longer. “Where do you want to be in three years?” I know my answer; anywhere. Alive somewhere. Alive and holding Baz’s hand.

He blinks blankly, staring at me before cocking an eyebrow. Not the expected question, probably. He lowers it after a moment, looking over me. “I’m serious, Baz. I want to know.”

Baz clears his throat, seeming to think. “Okay. Alright, I want to be in uni. I want a flat in London. I want a black cat to live there with me, preferably with a ridiculous name like “Muffins”. That flat should have high ceilings and a balcony, and room for a boyfriend to be there with me when he pleases. A golden boyfriend who responds to Snow.”

I smile, biting my lip. “I just want to be alive,” I whisper. His eyes flash to mine and I see him flinch in the slightest. He knows what I mean.

“Merlin, Snow, I didn’t mean that we were going so soon. Don't say that sort of shit we’ll be just--“

“Baz,” I whisper, holding his face and grinning. “It’s not something we can avoid, so we enjoy it now. You said it yourself, we’re limited. So, just kiss me, okay? That’s good enough for me right now. It’s more than good enough; you’re more than good enough.”

“I’m not—we need to figure out something, Snow. You’re not going to—“

“Human existence is finite,” I echo, eyes darting around his face. He needs to listen. He needs to know. “If we don't make it, or even if it’s just me who doesn't make it out of this year alone, that’s fine with me, because we’re here right now.” Listen to me, Baz. We’re not in some fantasy world where everything will be all daisies. This will all end one day, and maybe too fast. Listen to me, Baz. Please.

BAZ

He’s acting like I don’t know. That I haven’t woken up every morning since our first morning as “us” thinking about how limited we are. That I don’t trace my fingers around his moles, making constellations on a ticking time-bomb as I stand in the blast-radius.

He’s acting like I might step away later to avoid the radiation.

I don’t want to.

No, it isn't that I don't want to; I can’t.

No matter how much he might want me away then, I’ll be superglued to his side. I’ve got him on a fucking leash (not literally; we’re not really that kinky yet) (and I can’t imagine that Snow would be the one on the leash) (now’s not the time for that). I’m with him until it all goes up in blaze, whether it’s glorious or not.

And I tell him that.

And he stares at me with his big Simon-Snow-Eyes.

And he kisses me with that beautiful Simon-Snow-Mouth.

And he holds me with his strong Simon-Snow-Arms.

And I just hold him, trying to calm myself against him. He’s here, I’m here. We’re here for now, and when he pulls away, I make a quick getaway to his moles, trying to get lost again, trying to get drunk off of him alone, but he holds me back, looking into my eyes. He’s trying to get through, and I’m trying to get out.

But I let him in, because he’s always allowed into me.

“Can we at least act like happy boyfriends right now?” I crack; I shatter.

He’s right there, though, with the glue. “Okay, yes. I’m sorry, yes. We… we... Yeah.” He shifts against me, fingers trailing back to my hair. That’s always where he goes. “We’ll talk about something else. We’ll—“

“We’ll fake it?” That was a tad meaner than I meant, but it’s the truth.

He looks like I’ve stabbed him, his face dropping the slightest. He knows I’m right. “No.” No?

“No?”

“No. I won’t fake what I’m actually happy about.”

I lick my bottom lip. “And what is that, Snow?”

“When you confuse me,” he says softly, “I used to hate when you’d confuse me. I didn’t know what to do, and it just made me angry, but I’m happy that I can figure it out now.”

Merlin, Snow. I bite my lip, stopping a smile. I never wanted to smile this much. I’m going to get back at you for that one day.

One day, I’m going to make you smile so much that it’ll hurt.

“I’m happy that you let me touch your hair.”

My heart strings are pulling, Snow. Please.

“I’m happy that you kiss that spot on my neck. I’ve figured it’s a mole by now, and I quite like it.”

“Snow…”

“I’m so happy, Baz. I’m happier than I could have ever imagined—“

“Simon,” I breathe. He shuts up. “You don’t have to…”

“I want to. I want you to know, Baz. I want you to know every word, because nothing else matters to me anymore. It’s because we’re limited. I don’t care about anything else anymore. I’ll jump off a fucking cliff if you told me to because you’re all that matters anymore in this fucked up world. I know you want us to be optimistic, but I want us to just exist. I’m so much happier just existing, Baz, so please. Just let us exist.”

I’ll give him this. I’ll give him his world. “I…”

He smiles, kissing my sentence short. “Look, I know I’m shit at talking, and you’re shit at listening, but I’m trying.”

My lips turn up against his, keeping there. He’s right. “You’re right, for once. You are shit at talking.” We kiss again. It’s a sweet peck. “I’m happy about that.” Peck. Peck. “I suppose I’m also happy that we’re existing, love.”

He closes his eyes. Peck. Then one sticks, staying as I hold his shoulders.

He falls back for air, eyes meeting mine. “Love?”

I grin. My cheeks ache. “Love,” I breathe, going back to him for more.

#snowbaz #carry on #fanfiction #simon snow #tyrannus basilton grimm pitch #baz pitch #baz #simon #fanfic #mine #fic #playlist #room for the two of us

48 notes · View notes

loadguild600 · 3 years

Text

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R Kelly Tp2 Zippyshare

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