#i know this is probably a vent post but like vent post for what?

[revelboo]

The question has to be asked. For every human they suddenly find on the lost light. Does brainstorm get smacked for it? I think it'd be funny if a count was kept like that

(Juat smth stupid that I'm giggling over while goofy on sleep meds)

He really should be smacked for every “surprise, here’s a human”

My Way Pt 3

Brainstorm x Reader

• “See? I’m already better at this than half the crew,” he calls out to Perceptor as you just stare at him with wide eyes. Maybe you’re defective and can’t vocalize? “You know, these things are kind of cute in an ugly way.” Can feel the frantic beat of your heart against his servos and honestly, he doesn’t get the obsession. Why fuss over and dote on these weird, little organics? Oh. You’re making a noise now. Kind of a high pitched wheezing.

• Frozen as the giant monster talks about you to the other monster like you’re not even there, he glances at the other one and as soon as those yellow optics aren’t staring a hole in you, the terror paralyzing you shatters. Screaming like you’re being bloodily dismembered and he almost drops you, jarring you into biting your tongue as your heart feels like it stops for a moment. “Your skills are astonishing. I’m sure even you can keep one little human alive,” the other mutters before disappearing.

• “Just had to scream, didn’t you? Look, you appear to be an adult. Probably. So I’ll make sure you have access to food and water and you don’t embarrass me,” he growls, watching you wince and touch your mouth. “That was embarrassing me, by the way.” And you’ve still got a hand over your mouth. Did you hurt yourself? How? Those tiny teeth look blunt. Venting, he carries you back to his habsuite and pulls a slightly used cleaning cloth from his subspace, putting you down and dropping it on top of you. Watching you struggle free before your wide eyes dart around and land on the vent. Can he be held accountable if you get in there? Probably. “I wouldn’t. Unless puréed by a fan is how you want to go out.”

• Shivering as the giant walks past you and sits at a desk, apparently wholly unconcerned about you crawling into the vent to purée yourself anyway despite his warning. And it occurs to you that you really don’t want to be on the floor considering how big he is. Especially his peds. Feeling like a toddler, you edge closer to him, head tipped back to study him. If he meant to hurt you, he would have by now, right? You’re pretty sure he’d only almost dropped you because you’d screamed in his face. If there’s more giant monsters, you need to at least buddy up to one of them for safety. Right? “Can I not be on the floor? Please?”

• So you can talk. Leaning to look down at you, he reaches out a hand and you shy away. “You want up here?” Looking miserable, you come closer and climb into his hand and it’s so disconcerting how tiny and breakable you are. Making him feel almost bad about the one Whirl has. How has it survived this long? “There,” he murmurs, lifting you to his desk and tipping his hand to get you to slide out of his palm, because you’re unsettlingly soft and warm. “If you eliminate on my desk, I’ll put you in the vent myself,” he adds as you just stare up at him. Ugly cute. “I’m Brainstorm by the way. Just sit there and don’t touch anything while I work.” Pulling up a schematic he’d been working on, because designing weapons calms him and right now his processor is a mess. No getting back to recharge until he works off the nervous energy. Didn’t want or need a human. What good are you anyway except to get in the way? Servos stilling when you wander closer, staring up at him, little expression serious. “What? Blinded by how handsome I am?” And still frowning up at him, you wrinkle your nose and shake your head. Okay, that’s just hurtful.

Previous

I apologize in advance if anything else I post today is badly in need of editing. In my defense, the grocery store had my wine in stock for once

[starringmycoffee]

these are the best inputs i could have hoped for from a post where i yapped into the void!! my work week was absolute bonkers so i haven't had the time to comment on it.

thanks also to @zain-syscourse for the comment about "integrated functioning" - i'd never seen that term before.

it is definitely a lot less to talk about. no rapid switching or innerworld drama or anything drastic. i don't find or discover new alters, really. i'm much happier this way, but at the same time, i was just straight up removed from friend groups i'd been part of for a very long time. it really burned my ass for lack of better phrasing. like, why stop being my friend over me Getting Better?

yeah, they were shitty friends. i just didn't know that at the time. so i was like .... hm and then i got shy and quiet. that's not a vent, it's just what happened.

i do really like the term "fluxing" and i'll probably make some sort of personal definition because that's a lot what it feels like. i have one sense of self sort of blended together like 90% of the time, but i can tell a difference when the cirrus part of my brain is dominant versus when it's theo etc. and i don't quite want to do away with that sense of introspection nor do i want to get rid of the fact i do still work with my parts. i check in with them because i'm in tune with them and i can tell when they're uncomfortable or when they have something to say, and i let them say it as themselves. it's useful to be able to pinpoint where my thought patterns are coming from.

the only time i really "break apart" or "unfuse" is when my chronic pain is at its absolute worst, and even then the more i think about it the past few months the more i realize it might just be plain old background dissociation rather than anything like an actual switch.

i'm absolutely intolerant to strong pain meds because they make me very nauseous and itchy, so even though i've been prescribed things like oxycodone since i was small, i refuse to take it when dissociation does almost the same thing but without taking me out of work + making me feel sick. i've done it my whole life and it doesn't hurt me, so (rhetorical question) why give up that tool when it is no longer even close to maladaptive?

anyway, thank y'all again for the input. you're amazing. 💚

i wish i could explain how much i hate the lack of community for recovered DID folks. there's not any community terms for us to describe our experiences really. there's "wishiwashi fusion" from (i think) @system-of-a-feather , and there's... that's it. there's functional multiplicity and resolution and final fusion.

those are our terms. just four little terms to describe a whole vast spectrum of experiences. (at least to my knowledge.)

my alters don't "switch" anymore really, but rather become "more dominant". but that's a mouthful and i'd love something more convenient.

there is no term that i feel connected to, because final fusion implies a sense of being "a singlet" and functional multiplicity doesn't work when my body is disabled and not functional. i don't want to call myself "functional" when that implies "nothing is wrong".

why is it that recovery means i get demonized and excluded?

[ghastlyaffairs]

for something as trivial and simple those feelings sure are hard to get rid of

also made a gif a version for fun + alt version with no tears under the cut

the gif is in very low resolution...this is a feature (i could make it bigger but that would require saving each frame individually and than glueing it all together. also i feel like low resolution suits it better. aesthetically and fits the mood)

[oobbbear]

My old art teach who taught me so much and helped me prepare my college portfolio now full on supportive of AI art and videos they even opened classes dedicated to it, they post oh so proudly of how fast the students in their ai class ‘improve’ and how ‘efficient’ they draw. They’re a great artist I looked up to them since middle school but now they don’t even draw anymore all they post is AI stuff because it’s “where the future is headed traditional art is not worth it anymore” I don’t know how to feel maybe disappointment but mostly just hollow

[seventh-district]

LET’S FUCKING GOOOOOO

[bataddictedloony]

Okay, i’m sorry, i know this is an ode to the specific fanfic experience of seeing the story develop with the author, and that’s awesome and beautiful. But it’s also super fucking condescending. “If you want a finished story, go to a bookstore” are you 5? I don’t read unfinished fanfics for a reason. Some of us have a schedule with no room for just 1 chapter per week. Some of us son’t have the time or energy or mindset to wait to know the end. Some of us just don’t want to. Most of us have memory issues. And you or anyone else has no right to say whether that’s a less valid way of experiencing fanfics or not. The author notes don’t become less interesting as time passes. Nuanced readers can and will feel shifts in the story and go “oh the writer is thinking smthn different here, oh let’s gooooo”. We leave comments every chapter too. We’re not doing anything that’s hurting anyone.

Is it true that authors feel more enthusiasm for writing when there’s readers from the beginning? Absolutely.

Is binge culture harmful for the streaming industry? Yes.

Am I gonna make myself hate fanfics because some asshole on tumblr told me I’m not a Real Fanfic Reader if I don’t follow unfinished works from the beginning and then forget with every new chapter what happened before and spend time and effort into remembering or rereading the previous chapters until it looks so much like homework, I stop reading alltogether? No. Fuck off. This isn’t a club. This is fandom. And anyone can and should experience fandom the way it is comfortable for THEMSELVES. We’re not. Hurting. Anyone. We’re just slower.

not reading wips feels anti-fanfiction to me. and i don't mean that in a "so you're a bad person if you don't read them" kinda way. do what you want. but i also feel, that you are completely missing the point. with fanfiction you're supposed to come along for the ride. the epic highs and lows of highschool football. the comment sections. the conversations. the theories. the "sorry i didn't update last week i was abducted by aliens and then my cat got stuck in a tree." LIKE. if you just want a story that's fully finished and polished go to a bookstore. fanfic is an EXPERIENCE. and ALSO. participating in the process is part of the way you make fanfic writing worth while. it's part of how you thank authors. like why would anyone write fanfiction if no one was going to interact with them until it was done? it again feels like a way that fanfiction is being eaten by consumer culture. you're waiting for your product. but this is supposed to be a club. you don't turn up to drama club like "where's my play bitch?" NO ma'am. we're supposed to paint these cardboard trees together. ok. i may have lost control of this metaphor. BUT YOU GET IT.

[a-scary-lack-of-common-sense]

I am exhausted, good heavens.

[cinderpaw11]

I'm sick of DILFs. what about DILAM (dads I'd like to adopt me).

[arsenicflame]

why is it so easy to show my friends so much grace i can never show myself? a friend doesnt respond to me for a week, a month, longer, and it doesnt bother me, because i know theyll get to me when its in their bandwidth, i trust and love my friends and want them to do whats best for them! but when i stare at my dms and replies and think of about 3 words to say before blanking.... no... i am a bad friend and everyone is judging me and getting annoyed. i could respond if i really tried, couldnt i?

[freakoutgirl]

i'm serious though that people online have got to stop looking at posts and trying to therapize the op and anyone who relates to it. "that's not a healthy way to think" "you just need to do it" maybe not, maybe so, but ultimately who cares??? people are allowed to express their unhealthy, maybe self-pitying, maybe nihilistic posts on their blog. they aren't asking you for advice. they do not know you. you are not their therapist nor are you even their friend. they are not having a conversation, they are venting on their own personal space. if you find these posts annoying just block the post or the op and move on. no one wants to hear your thoughts on someone's mental health when you don't even fucking know them or their situation

[the-oracle-of-the-lost]

.

[chaos-potat]

I feel like being mutuals means so much less than everyone makes it seem

You literally just follow each other, that's it

Most of my mutuals probably don't even remember who I am after I stopped drawing for them

Edit: the rant in the tags is more about being annoyed with people who tell me they like my art and follow me, but that's it, no art support at all

[nonsensechemicals]

crying whenever i talk about Cookie9 because all my friends have these interesting and unique theories on them while i take everything too literally and they all just stare at me like “dude… uuugh we r TIRED” <-they dont actually say this they are very kind to me but i can Feel It

[v-tired-queer]

In a weird way, I miss how my mom made me feel normal. It was a lot easier for me to regulate my emotions when she was here--she was someone I could talk to no matter what and she helped me work through my feelings, both good and bad. Sometimes even indifferent. She helped me identify what I was feeling, always let me talk it through, and never made me feel bad for needing breaks from certain things or people when things get to be too much. She even helped me understand what others were feeling or needed.

⚠️ TW: self harm behavior in the next paragraph

When I was younger, I used to hit myself on my thighs when I was overly frustrated or overstimulated. Since going to therapy after I got older, I learned better coping mechanisms and learned to identify when I need time away from sounds, sights, touch and smells and other people in general to calm down before I get so overwhelmed. But since Mom passed I haven't been able to get those breaks that I need, and people have been confusing me and frustrating me and I had a moment where without even thinking, I bit my lip, screamed into the bite, and hit my thighs like I used to, and I'm really upset that it came to that. Unfortunately, it feels like it helped, but at the same time, no it didn't.

⚠️ TW over

I'm just feeling really broken and lost. With my mom here, I never really noticed how much I struggle to communicate with others face-to-face. I've had countless moments these last few weeks where fellow human beings have left me utterly confused and frustrated. Mom was great at specifying exactly what she was trying to communicate to me, but the other people I live with aren't.

Long story short, emotional regulation is hard, people are confusing at best and frustrating at worst, I'm feeling more broken than ever, and for God sakes I just want a very, very quiet nap in a very, very dark room, preferably with my comfort objects and away from the rest of humanity.

[teddybasmanov]

I hate the 'you work so hard' type of comfort audios. I don't work 'so hard', I definitely don't work hard - I barely work at all.

[chibishortdeath]

I am going to have such a great time during a terrifying presidency that will directly imminently negatively effect my life while being stuck living in a house that actively contributed to this nightmare happening and having little ability to engage with any sort of means of comfort without the sounds of constant horrid sentences coming from the living room TV in the background oh boy oh great how wonderful.

Anyway, does anyone know how selling character adoptables works, because I may look into that—