#i know they show the preview of him saying she’s dead

[thedissonantverses]

Then Show Me Your Face

Today Could Be the Last - Chapter 16 - enc0432 - Dragon Age (Video Games) [Archive of Our Own] Preview under the cut:

“Assan now!”

He held out his shield and the griffon flew towards him, talons extended. Assan hit him with full force, then jumped back quickly. But he was slow on the climb out. It happened again on the next round, and his landing was sloppy. They were getting ready to go again when Neve came out of her room, hand on her hips. She didn’t look happy.

“What?”

“Look at that poor creature and tell me.”

Assan gave a tired warble and flopped down heavily. Oh.

“If you overwork him he’ll get hurt. He did fantastic at Weisshaupt. He’s trying so hard to keep up to your standards.”

Davrin knew she was right. He’d leaned into what Eldrin had done to him growing up. Trying to get him ready for a world he knew he couldn’t follow Davrin into. He kneeled down, taking the griffon’s feather face into both hands.

“It’s alright boy. You did good. Today. Every day. You do me proud.”

Assan head butted him, then started sniffing for his truffles. He turned back to Neve, who was smiling broadly.

“Hey. You planned this.”

She turned away with a smirk and went back to her wisps. “Just wanted to hear you say it.”

He gave Assan more truffles than he’d ever admit. Taash and Lucanis stepped outside, heading straight for them. They wore the same worried faces. Taash spat it out first.

“Hey. We need to talk about Rook.”

~~

Davrin found her staring at her armor in the mirror in the infirmary, frowning with her hands on her hips. Evka had promoted her, and she was glaring at the gold piping and cape that had been added to her dress uniform. She wore it well, but he decided to keep it to himself for the moment. But the circles under eyes were starting to look more like bruises. He had a feeling he knew who was responsible.

“Senior Warden.” He came up behind her, putting his hands on her hips. “I take it you’re not enjoying the new look.”

She sighed and leaned back into his chest. “I didn’t exactly earn it.”

“Yes, you did.” He was firm. “More than.”

“You know she’s going to promote you to, right?” Rook twisted so she could place her hands on his shoulders.

Davrin grunted and fidgeted with the buckles on her uniform, straightening the cape out. Rook tilted her face up, studying him. It was uncanny how she did that.

“Something wrong?” She kissed him softly.

“Lucanis said he found you asleep in the dining hall yesterday. Taash said they found you on the couch downstairs this morning. You almost stabbed them when you woke up.” The haunted look on her features. “That’s not good Sy. You could have hurt them.”

She sighed. “I know. I went to Emmrich already but there’s nothing to be done. Solas wants to talk. He’s angry I’m ignoring him. Gets worse when I’m in the meditation room. He tries to worm his way into my dreams.”

Her nose started bleeding before she started talking. It took a moment for him to realize what he was looking at. She felt it and dabbed at her nose, staring at her fingers. Davrin’s anger only grew.

“There’s got to be a way-” At the look on her face he cut himself off. “What is it?”

“There is.” She frowned. “I talk to him. He’ll stop then. I think. He’s just trying to get my attention.”

Davrin growled. “He’s hurting you.”

“He’s done worse.” Rook clenched her teeth, then sighed. “I’ll talk to the others when we get back.”

He’d forgotten time was short. “You need to sleep.”

“I’ll sleep. When the griffons are saved and the gods are dead and the blight is vanquished and peace has been restored.” Rook gave him a wink.

“Mmm. Only then huh?” He kissed her then sighed. “Ready?”

“Is anyone ever ready for a funeral?”

[kdramacrybaby]

Why do the worst cliffhangers always happen when I have to stop watching???! 🙄

[cottagecore-moss-king]

Not so Artificial Intelligence Part 2

When Bruce finally managed to get the time to look at the file Danny had added to the bat computer, it was almost patrol, and the rest of the family was filling in to get ready to head out. Even Jason had shown up, but that was probably just because he was bribed by Alfred with leftovers from dinner. Bruce couldn’t really blame him, Alfred’s food was the best in the world, but he does wish that he would show up more often just to hang out with him and his siblings.

Bruce sat in the bat-chair, graciously labeled with a sticker from a recent prank by Stephanie. She had gone around and labeled everything in the bat cave, but added the bat suffix in front. It had taken forever to find most of them, but he allowed some of them to remain. 

Finding the new folder was easy, it was labeled FROM DANNY, and left in the middle of the screen. Clicking it open and sipping his fresh coffee he glanced at the first document. The folder was full of notes, pictures and videos, but all of the previews were white, green, or black. 

Bruce started to read through the document, and chocked on his coffee at the contents.

Hello Batman and family, I hope this reached you before they do. I didn’t bring this up just incase you knew and were supportive, but how you act and how contaminated you are I will assume you do not. There is a Government Law that declares any being that has come into contact with enough or creates ectoplasm as non-sentient and non-sapient, but at the same time malicious {Abbreviated the AEA}. We are to be turned over to the GIW to be experiment upon and exterminated. This is literal torture, and I have gathered as much evidence as me and my friends could without being caught. I beg you, please be careful if you decide to take these people down. From what is on here, I think that Lazarus Water is a form of corrupted ectoplasm. Also, anyone who has died and come back to life no matter what are counted, and anyone with godly blood within them. Please Please, save us. My parents are the leading “scientists” which is bullshit, and they’ve already tied me down once. I can’t go through that again. Please, Amity and the Infinite Realms need help. If you don’t help us, I’m scared we may be forced to go to war, and I don’t think you can win against the godly dead. 

Please, I’m begging you - Danny Fenton {King Phantom}

“You good B?” Nightwing asked strolling over casually. He didn’t know how to answer, how was he supposed to say ‘Oh yeah, just found out that the government calls us non-sentient\sapient, and we are to be experimented and slaughtered. Also if we don’t stop them our worlds probably going to fall and we’re all going to die a painful death.’ That’s a fun conversation to have.

Clearing his throat he finally spoke up. 

“Red Robin, Oracle, I need you to help me sort through these, Nightwing, get the Justice league ready for an emergency meeting, call the Dark too. Look at this.”

“Are we sure it’s real though? It could be a prank,” muttered Oracle, though even she doubted her words.

“Even so, the threat is there and we should certainly look through this, and that means the League needs to know.”

Batman carefully mourned the loss of a peaceful evening, and his coffee, he was going to need to leave that at the cave, he had an image to keep. 

Nightwing wasn’t smiling anymore, Robin looked concerned, and Red Hood was openly gawking at the screen.

“I’ve called the emergency meeting, you three sort these files out, I’m calling up the JLD now. Guess we should warn Constantine to bring a couple extra bottles huh.” His joke fell flat, but Bruce wonders if he should bring some alcohol and coffee with him, image be dammed. 

“Wait a second, godly blood included? They fuckn’ shittin’ on Diana!”

“That’s what your concerned about Todd? Not that the we both fall under these parameters, along with Father and the rest of the collection? I will go fetch Thomas from his chambers, he will need to suit up to follow us to the watchtower.”

“Good idea Damian, tell him to hurry up. Everyone else, in the Zeta Tube, Alfred, you can stay here if you want.” Bruce gathered his laptop and moved the file over, copying and sending it to Tims laptop as well. 

“Thank you master Bruce, I will wait for the younger masters then I will be up shortly. Run along now.” Alfred excused with a bow, but even his face was shadowed in worry and thinly veiled anger. 

“See you in a bit Alf.” Dick replied, inputting directions to the watchtower in and doing a quick headcount. 

With a flash, the dark gloomy cave was replaced by fluorescent lights and the steel infrastructure of the watchtower. Hopping off the platform another flash of light appeared, and Aquaman stepped out. The group filled out as Aquaman politely greeted them. Making their way to the nearest meeting room, Batman and Red Robin began to set things up as the gathered heroes began to sit. 

“Hey Nightwing, what’s with the meeting, you never call for an emergency meeting, Blüd rarely has big threats.” Flash mentioned as he zoomed into the meeting room, last as always, and began to dig into his waffle plate. Where he got waffles from, Bruce didn’t want to know, they weren’t serving waffles in the cafeteria today, or yesterday from leftovers. 

“This isn’t just Blüdhaven, it’s all of the united States.” He worried, checking over one final time to make sure everyone was here. A collection of the main heroes from the Justice League, they’d need to figure out who counted as ecto-contaminated before throwing people around, and Constantine, Zatanna, and Deadman were gathered to represent Justice League Dark. At least he assumed Deadman was there, as a chair was pulled out and labeled for him. At least they wouldn’t have to race to find him, they could tell him just to stay up in the watchtower if things got bad. Finally, Robin and Signal rushed in, signal tiredly rubbing his eyes and his helmet in Agent A’s hands. 

“As some of you know, a person got stuck in the batcomputer a couple months ago. And was only recently released.” Murmurs and imputed questions rose around, and Nightwing promptly ignored them. 

“They left behind a file for us, and we were looking through it and discovered many hidden crimes from the US government. They have taken and labeled a whole species and group of people as non-sentient and non-sapient, and have been experimenting and committing genocide on them.” Again, a chorus of questions and yelling went up, and Nightwing had to take a moment to pause. A glance at Martian Manhunter reviled a stone cold face, quietly waiting for more information. 

“Oh god… what is this?” 

[quasieli]

[Image description: Eight pages from the comic Mighty Nein Origins: Caduceus Clay. The first six pages feature a young Caduceus and his mother, Constance, while the last two pages show an older Caduceus, as well as his father, Cornelius, and sister, Clarabelle.

Page 1: A wide shot of the Blooming Grove, with a beautiful stone and wood temple sat at the center of a verdant cemetery. From afar, Constance calls outs "Caduceus!"

Page 2: Constance is stood behind her son, with his head only partially in frame. The first panel shows her saying, "There you are, didn't you hear me calling?" In the second panel, she is leaning down to her son, a concerned look on her face as she says "Oh."

Page 3: A smaller panel shows Caduceus cupping a dead bird in his hands, holding it tenderly. The wider panel then shows his mother sitting down beside him, the pair sat next to a head stone. He leans his head into her shoulder as she asks, "Would you like some help?" The pair then proceed ro bury the bird.

Page 4: Constance and Caduceus are kneeling in the dirt, over the bird's burial spot. Constance asks, "Ready?, with Caduceus responding "Mh-hmm." The pair touch the ground where the bird was buried, and soon a bright orange flower magically blooms from the spot, causing Caduceus to startle.

Page 5: Constance sits beside her son, her hand gentle touching his face as she says, "Death and decay are a part of a circle, a wheel turning without a beginning or end. Death is how we nurture life, Caduceus." He looks down at the flower as he asks, "Then how comes it hurts?" Caduceus lays down in his mother's arms as she explains, "Because you loved them." A smaller panel shows a closer shot of their faces as she asks, "Do you regret that love?"

Page 6: A small panel shows a closeup shot of Caduceus, looking sad as he replies "No." Another wide shot of the Grove is shown, with the pair sat at the center, Constance continuing, "Part of love is knowing they will go, and cherishing them with your whole heart in the face of that hurt." Another small panel shows a closeup of the newly bloomed flower, with some of its loose petal blowing into the wind.

Page 7: An interior shot, a number of years in the future, showing an adult Caduceus asleep in his flower filled bedroom. He wakes upon hearing the voices of his father and sister, who are in another room, getting up to go investigate. His sister says "I just don't think it's fair that --", Cornelius interjects, "Clarabelle, please keep your voice down."

Page 8: Caduceus comes down the stairs tiredly rubbing his eyes while his father and sister continue to argue. Clarabelle says, "I will not until you--", cutting herself off as she sees her brother appear. Cornelius moves to ready some gear as Caduceus asks "You're leaving?" He responds "The corruption isn't going away on its own. Maybe... maybe your mother found something out there. I'll find her and your aunt, and find a cure." Clarabelle steps forward, declaring "It should be my turn! I'm old enough and faster than you, anyway!" To which Cornelius responds, as he begins to depart, "Clarabelle Clay, mind yourself. Stay home with your brother." End description.]

Sneak preview of Caduceus's origin comic from Polygon!

Generations of the Clay family have tended to the careful rituals in the Blooming Grove. But when corruption begins to creep in on their sacred space, the Clays depart one by one to seek answers. Soon young Caduceus and Clarabelle are the only ones left, and when a dangerous burial quest falls to Caduceus, he must leave the Grove to do the family’s work.

[lomlhwa]

all american whore (n.r)

pairing: step brother!riki x step sister!reader

preview: your dad has just married riki's mom. but, you're not blood related so you should be fine to hook up, right?

tags/warnings: fem reader, handjob in the back of a car, oral (69 on the edge of a pool....), fingering, unprotected penetration (BOOOO), hickeys, breast slapping, pet names (angel, slut, cock whore), 4th of july celebration (and by celebration i mean orgasms for everyone), creampie

trigger warnings: STEPCEST!!!, like two mentions of reader having a dead mom

wc: 3.0k

song recs for this fic: american horror show by snow wife, all-american bitch by olivia rodrigo

a/n: i was so invested in writing this for like 4 days good lord

“you could at least try and be a little excited, y/n. sure, you’re meeting my new wife and her son today, but it’s also the 4th of july. it’s a celebration,” your dad says to you while driving. “whoopty doo,” you say as sarcastically as possible. you can feel him glaring at you without even looking over at him. “i know you miss your mother, but it’s been over a decade, i’m moving on.”

you lean your head against the window, the air hanging heavy between you and your dad. “i’ll be nice to them but i can’t promise i’ll like them,” you say, turning to see your dad crack a small smile. “i think you will like them, pumpkin. just trust me,” you nod as he speaks. 

____________________________________

as your dad parks, nerves run through you. it’s finally hitting you that you’re meeting these people that your father intends to keep in your life forever. he walks up behind you and squeezes your shoulders. “you ready, kiddo?” he asks and you give him the most unconvincing nod ever. 

you walk up to the front door and knock loudly. “you’re here!” a woman cries out as she opens the door. you assume this is your dad’s wife. “hello honey, this is y/n,” your dad introduces you and you give an awkward wave. “come in, come in. riki is just upstairs playing his video games,” she ushers you in and shuts the front door behind her. “you guys can just head out to the backyard, that’s where everyone else is,” she walks over to the base of the stairs and angles her head upwards. “NISHIMURA RIKI GET DOWN HERE,” she yells. 

you walk out to the large deck in the backyard with your dad and greet lots of people you’ve never met. you notice lots of things in the very large backyard. in-ground pool, hot tub, etc. your step-mom is rich. you settle yourself in a law chair by the pool with a spiked iced tea in hand. you’re soaking up the sun when you feel a presence next to you. you open your eyes and see a man standing there. “my mom told me i had to introduce myself to you. i’m riki,” he scratches the back of his neck and turns to yell to his mom on the deck. “happy now?” his mother shrugs. he walks away from you, clearly unhappy with your presence.

as the afternoon goes on, the family gathering becomes more lively. you’re sitting on the edge of the pool with your legs in the water when riki comes to talk to you again. he slips his shoes off and plops down next to you. “here because your mom told you to?” you raise your eyebrow at him and he shakes his head. “no, i came to apologize. i’m sure you’re in the same boat as me with our parents' marriage,” he swings his legs, creating small waves in the water. you sigh, your shoulders slumping.

“you wanna go up to my room? it’s quieter and we could watch tv or something,” riki nods towards his house and you give him a small smile before getting your legs out of the pool. you grab your sandals and follow him close behind. “y/n and i are gonna hang out in my room for a bit,” riki tells his mom and she gives him a warm smile. “have fun, kids,” she says. she shoots your dad an excited look as you two walk into the house. 

as you settle into riki's bed, you feel as though this is a very intimate space to be in with your step-brother. he puts on some brainrot show as background noise and sparks up a conversation with you. despite being invested in your conversation, you can tell there’s something else on his mind. the way his eyes dart between your own eyes and your lips brings butterflies to your stomach. 

riki snakes his hand onto your bare thigh, your shorts having ridden up from adjusting to sit comfortably in his bed. he strokes your skin with his thumb like it’s second nature. goosebumps rise in the wake of the soft movements from his thumb. you look at him with doll-like eyes and he can’t seem to get enough of your appearance. 

slowly, his hand snakes higher and higher before his fingers are teasing the stitching of your underwear. you can tell he wants to shove his hand in there and play with your wet heat. you know his fingers can feel how wet you’re getting. he shifts his arm a little bit so he can reach his pointer finger out to brush over your clothed clit. slowly, it gets harder for you to hold the conversation. 

riki leans over to whisper in your ear, despite the two of you being the only people in the room. “can i? please let me make you feel good” is all he says to you and you honestly can’t get your head to nod fast enough. you’re not blood related so you should be fine to hook up, right? at your consent, he slips his fingers under the fabric of your panties and plays with your clit. small moans and whimpers escape your lips when he touches you. it feels amazing. his soft fingers on your skin lights your nerves on fire.

riki scooches closer to you so he can press kisses onto your jawline and neck. you tilt your head back on instinct, giving more access to the expanse of your throat. he slides his middle and pointer fingers into your wet hole, pumping them in and out slowly. your muscles clamp around his digits, desperate for more pleasure. “riki, oh my god,” you breathe out, your hand shooting down to hold his wrist while he fucks you. he holds your face with his other hand, making sure you’re looking at him while he fingers you.

your high creeps up on you as the tips of his fingers jab the gummy spot inside you. you arch your back as your walls throb around his fingers. “give it to me, y/n. i know you’re fucking close. cum for me,” he whispers in your ear again. you dig your nails into the skin of his wrist as you cum around his fingers. riki lets out a sinister laugh before pulling his fingers out of you. he brings his wet fingers to his mouth and licks your release off of them. as you’re about to say something to him, you hear your dad’s voice. “y/n! it’s time to go home!”

____________________________________

for the next 3 days, all you can think about is riki. was what you did wrong or immoral? it can’t be. you’re not blood siblings. the only thing bonding you is your parents’ marriage. unfortunately for you, you can’t help but want more.

today must be your lucky day because your dad has some amazing news for you. “we’re going on a little shopping trip with riki and my wife today. do you wanna go there in separate cars or take one car?” your dad asks, leaning on your doorframe. “we can take one car, it’s fine with me. i’ll sit in the back with riki.” 

your dad gives you a warm grin, only happy that you’re getting along with your step-brother. he pulls out his phone to text his wife about your transportation decision. not even 10 minutes later, an suv pulls into your driveway. you rush to put your shoes on before climbing into the large backseat with riki. he pats the seat right next to him, despite the whole rest of the backseat being empty. happily, you oblige. the car is chilly and riki has a blanket over his lap.

it’s about a two hour drive to the biggest outlet mall near you. so you settle next to riki, watching a movie on the laptop he’d brought with him. about 20 minutes into the drive, you notice riki shifting around uncomfortably. you take a single glance down and you know exactly what’s wrong. he’s hard. so unbelievably hard. you can see it through the blanket.

“do you want my help?” you ask in a hushed voice. riki catches his bottom lip between his teeth as he nods. luckily, he decided to wear basketball shorts, so you have easy access. you pull the waistband of his shorts and underwear down just enough to get his cock out. you wrap your hand around it under the blanket and pump him slowly. he digs his teeth into his lip to suppress any sounds coming out. you run your thumb over the pink, dripping tip and he lets out a sigh. “you okay back there, hon?” his mom asks, seeming concerned. just as he’s about to open his mouth, you start pumping faster. “y-yeah, i’m so fine,” riki responds. his mom seems to accept this answer as she goes back to looking at her phone.

“the fuck is wrong with you?” he whispers aggressively. you give him a mischievous smile as your hand continues to work on him. you stroke him with firm, mildly swift motions. his hips buck to meet your hand’s movements and you can’t help but smile at his desperation. riki slides his arm around your waist, bringing you closer to him. he digs his fingers into the skin of your hip as his orgasm approaches. “right there, angel, fuck,” he squeezes his eyes shut as his cums, his hips stuttering. white ropes of cum paint your hand and forearm. as you bring your hand to your mouth to lick it clean, he shoves his cock back into his shorts. 

____________________________________

after your shopping trip, your parents drop you off at riki’s house. you walk into his empty house and plop down onto the couch. riki stands in the doorway of the living room, watching you. “you wanna swim?” he asks, nodding his head toward the back door. “i don’t have a bathing suit,” you reply, smirking at him. “swim in your underwear.” you shrug, not really minding the idea.

you rise from the couch, walking past riki towards the back door of his house. as you walk, you drop items of your clothes on the floor. first you drop your shirt, exposing your back and your black bra. next, your shorts. they left almost nothing to the imagination anyway. your black panties hug your hips and ass in a way that almost sends your step-brother into a frenzy. you peel your socks off last, throwing them into a corner. finally, you reach the pool. you dive in head first, drenching yourself head to toe. “you coming?” you call out to riki, who’s been a statue since you started stripping.

you can barely see him from the pool but you can tell he took his slides off and threw his shirt somewhere in the room. he comes darting out the door, diving into the pool the same way you did. when he comes back up, he flips his hair out of his face. you’re holding onto the edge of the pool and watch his movements. he swims over to you, halting in front of you. there’s a moment of silence between you before he grabs you by the back of the head and crashes your lips together.

riki kisses you like it might kill him if he doesn’t. the kiss is sloppy and full of saliva. he kisses you like he’s been poisoned and your lips are the only antidote. your hands travel to his exposed chest, digging your nails into his chest. he groans against your mouth and the sound goes straight to your core. you wrap your legs around his waist underwater and he kisses you harder. 

“i wanna fuck you, but not here. not now. let me taste you,” he whispers against your lips as if someone will hear you. you nod, but suddenly a better idea comes to your mind. “get out of the pool and lay on your back,” you instruct, also pulling yourself out of the pool. riki follows suit, doing what you told him to. you stand by his head and shimmy your wet panties off. you throw them onto the lawn before turning back to riki.

you put both feet beside riki’s head and lower yourself slowly, sitting on his face. his tongue almost immediately darts out to taste you and you fall forward, catching yourself with your hands on his hips. he wraps his arms around your thighs, pulling your core further onto his face. with trembling hands, you push his shorts down his thighs. he lifts his hips to help you in sliding them off him. you lay your torso down and take his cock into your hands. you stroke it a couple times before spitting on the tip.

you take the first half of his cock into your mouth, already choking around it. he moans against your pussy, his hips bucking into your face. he wraps his lips around your clit, sucking on it lightly. your knees fight to squeeze around his head but you don’t let them. you stroke the portion of his cock that you can’t fit in your mouth, trying to work an orgasm out of him. you bob your head up and down rhythmically. riki eases two fingers into you and they follow the same rhythm as your head. 

your orgasm creeps up on you faster than you would’ve liked it to, but you can tell he’s close too. you pull your mouth off of him to let out a high-pitched squeal when he curls his fingers inside you. “ah, fuck, i’m gonna cum,” you exclaim, clenching around his digits that are abusing your hole. “me too, angel,” riki replies. his voice is so husky and strained that it almost sends you over the edge. 

you manage to pump him a few more times before toppling over the edge. you shake above him, your thighs clamping down on his head. the noises you make as you cum send him into his orgasm. he releases onto your face and neck, causing you to flinch a little. you roll off of him, laying naked from the waist down on the warm concrete. when you sit up, you hear a car roll into the driveway. riki shoots up and give you an ‘oh shit’ look. you both bolt into the house, grab all your clothes and rush up the stairs. he barely closes his door before your parents open the front door. you can hear them talking and laughing about something but you’re too focused on how fast your heart is beating.

you collapse onto his floor, laughing about how close you were to getting caught. riki listens for the movement of your parents, trying to find out what they’re doing. relief washes over him when he hears them leave again. he turns to you to find that you’re moving to put your clothes on. “don’t you fucking dare.” he walks over to you and hooks his arms under yours, lifting you off the floor and onto his bed. you rest your body weight on your elbows and watch as he admires your body.

riki runs his hands up your thighs and spreads your legs for him. he pulls you so you’re almost hanging off the edge of his bed. “please, angel. let me fuck you. i need to know how that pretty fucking pussy feels,” it almost sounds like he’s begging you. your core throbs as he speaks. “please,” is all you can muster as a response. riki grabs the base of his cock, lining up with your wet hole. “god, you’re gonna be my fucking slut. right, angel? a whore for my, ngh, cock. gonna ruin you for everyone else. you’re only ever gonna want me” he shoves himself into the hilt before pausing.

your walls pulse around him, trying to adjust to his size. before you’re fully adjusted, he starts to thrust. his cock abuses your hole and it feels so fucking good. you wrap your legs around his waist as he uses you. “god, it’s like you were made for me. such a good cock whore. you’re taking me so well.” roughly, he pulls your bra down to expose your breasts. he slaps both of your breasts, leaving bright red marks. you cry out in pleasure, your back arching. “such a whore for your step-brother. what would your father say?” he teases. 

he leans down and connects his mouth with the plush skin of your breast. he sucks on the skin, leaving a dark purple mark. he continues the same motions a couple more times, leaving your chest riddled in his love bites. “you’re fucking mine. you hear me?” he says, grabbing your chin and forcing you to look at him. “say it. say it and i’ll make my sweet angel cum.” the idea of finally cumming makes your eyes roll into the back of your head.

“fffuck riki, i’m yours. i’m all fucking yours,” you cry out. your orgasm is right there. “good fucking girl. so obedient,” he slaps your chest again, leaving a bright handprint. “where do you want me to cum?” riki asks as his thrusts speed up and become sloppy. “inside, inside, god please inside of me,” you beg, your pussy clamping down on him. he chuckles at your desperation. he connects his pointer finger with your clit, rubbing it in circles. “cum. cum for me right now, slut.”

the combination of his words, his motions on your clit and his cock abusing your wet cunt sends you crashing over the edge. you cry out loudly, a string of curses erupting from you. he quickly follows suit, spilling his seed into your weeping hole. you both rest for a few moments, feeling his cum seep out around his cock. you wipe sweat off your forehead before looking at him.

“we can never tell our parents.”

© lomlhwa 2024

[babyangelsky]

My Favorite Expressions in Love Sea Ep. 8

That's it. That's my (late) intro this week.

But in all seriousness, although I was somewhat prepared because of the additional previews that dropped for this episode, I don't think it's really possible to be fully prepared for how something might hit you until you actually see it. And parts of it didn't hit great, lads.

Just know that I'm using the term 'favorite' from a mostly acting perspective for this week and probably next week too.

For my own sanity I'm starting off with Mahasamut's fond husband smile. Mostly because I can and I want to but also because we got see a lot of it this episode. The sweetness that I noted last week is still very present.

I was also very glad to see that Mahasamut has forged a very affectionate bond with Meena.

Mira, Viviana, you've got no business looking disappointed that your plans aren't working out the way you want them to and lamenting about it in voiceover when you keep playing these games with my girly. Things will progress if you're clear!

The sweetneeeessssssss.

Vivi makes the best faces when she's watching Tongrak and Mahasamut be sweet. She can't see the writing on her own wall but she can see it on theirs.

Viviana! It's not a competition! It's not a race! Where's P'Kit someone go get him and make him have a come to jesus with Vivi. She's even got Tongrak telling her that fiction ain't reality and that she needs to use her words.

Tongrak, you are gone for this man.

"Nonsense!" he says. Denial ain't just a river in Egypt anymore, is it, Harry? I do love the sibling energy these two have. They're the Spider-Man meme except they're both clowns calling each other out for not expressing their feelings.

It's Mahasamut sleeping peacefully like the angel he is while Tongrak wrestles with the fact that Vivi is right for me.

I expected a lot more smugness and vitriol from Prin given that she's scheming to destroy Tongrak and has done it with such gusto up until now but it says a lot that even she looks disgusted with what she's doing. She won't even let Jak touch her. Turns out even a hell witch has her limits.

But this man? No such luck.

He's making this face after being asked to destroy his child. Prin offered him five million (and possibly more) to hurt Rak and he looks happy about it. Giddy even. That's sheer malice. Absolutely beyond fucked up.

When your adorable teenage niece roasts you for not having any friends and coming to her for advice.

If "Bet." was a facial expression.

Who's the cat and who's the canary now, Khun Tongrak?

Mahasamut's got cartoon hearts floating around his head and baby girl is so done with him.

*holds on to this moment for a second longer*

I throw roses at Peat's feet every week for how fantastic his face acting is but don't think for a moment that Fort doesn't deserve them too because he absolutely does.

Mut's face was all warmth and smiles when he was alone with Meena, then it became more guarded and cautious when they were approached, then we landed at this when Meena confirmed that the trash in front of them was her grandfather.

Fort's face is naturally very sweet and soft. He's got the opposite of resting bitch face but the fact that he can affect one so well when it's so far removed from what comes naturally to him is all in the eyes.

Look at his gaze. His eyes are normally very sparkly but here they look flat and cold and you can barely see his pupils. These are the dead calculating eyes of a shark and they reveal more hatred than words ever could and that takes TALENT.

I have to give An props for that too because he's also very good at the shark eyes but he's using them in a different way than Fort is.

Look at this screenshot and tell me it doesn't feel like Jak is looking through Mahasamut instead of at him. I can't quite describe how his face emotes but doesn't show actually genuine emotion, it's very impressive and unsettling.

The only time it felt like Jak was actually feeling something was when he looked happy about fucking with Tongrak's life.

Save me, adoring smile. Adoring smile, save me.

VIVIANA! I KNOW YOU DID NOT JUST LET KAIMOOK LEAVE YOUR APARTMENT WITHOUT CHASING AFTER HER TO MAKE SURE SHE KNEW YOU KISSED HER AS YOURSELF!

LOOK AT HER FACE. QUIT FUCKING WITH MY KID AND MAKE YOUR FEELINGS CLEAR.

Microseconds were all it took to shift from the gentle loving look Mahasamut was giving a sleeping Tongrak to silent rage as he recalled the encounter with Jak. Microseconds.

Incredulous disgust. I'd lay bets that we all looked like this when we heard Jak say he wanted to fulfill his role as Tongrak's father.

PEAT HAS MADE THIS EXACT FACE AND I HATE IT. NINA MY BABY YOU'RE SO TALENTED AND IN THIS MOMENT I HATE IT. THEIR EYES ARE EVEN A SIMILAR COLOR AND CATCH THE LIGHT THE SAME WAY.

IhateitIhateitIhateitIhateitIhateit my tiny baby princess this is the look of someone so much older than you IhateitIhateitIhateitIhateitIhateitIhateit

Gone. Besotted. Utterly enamored.

How could anyone look like this

when their child is looking at them like this?

I hate how much Jak is enjoying this and there is absolutely no doubt that he is, it's vile.

It took me a very long time to get Chris Chiu's scream out of my head when I watched Unknown and it's going to take even longer for me to be able to look at An Oliver Poupart without feeling my skin crawl.

To end this on a high note, I'm going to point out that Mahasamut's shirt isn't just a solid color.

It's TEXTURED.

The straits may be dire but if nothing else, at least it looks like I'm clowning in the right direction. Let me know if you wanna be tagged in these weekly writeups!

[nalyra-dreaming]

Comments on episode 2x02 - aka episode 9!

SPOILERS!!

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Intro change!! Love it!!

The coven immediately tracking them but Claudia and Louis not noticing for FIVE MONTHS?! Sweeties!!! Come ON! This is Paris! You know? “Paris? No!“????

But the ribbing about it is EVERYTHING

Sitting on the statue made me laugh out loud

I‘m living for the vaguely bitchy bantering between Armand and Louis!!! Yesssss 🙌

And Daniel not buying it lol

Loved the little moment re the racism (callout) there

Armand and the jab re Lestat - LOL (oh god he is being so PETTY)

Armand needling Louis lmao

The coffins beneath the beds - clever

Poor pidgeons

GO DANIEL!

The interjections with Daniel‘s memories - shivers down my spine!!!

CLAUDIA SAYING SHE NEED A NEW BRAIN IN HER HEAD?!!!!! I FUCKING HATE THEM 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 God the foreshadowing

Madeleine and Claudia (and the dress 😭)

Daniel lecturing them about the gloves!!! I remember a post about this when s1 aired, because yes!!!! GOD THE DETAILS

Oh Louis. His photos. Going to that park to… watch?! Or snack and taste the lust in the blood?!!

Okay the groan and the elictricity … manifestations are definitely related to Armand.

They‘re very cute there on the couch in Dubai! If only Daniel would buy it lol. Also Louis‘ face when Armand says he never harmed him - oof. Pain and harm (for others) incoming 😭

God Armand seemed smitten indeed

The theater. HOLY SHIT. God they ate horrifically and left no crumbs.

Armand is maître. No hiding behind Santiago after all

Claudia choosing Bruce. Oy. Also Louis‘ face seeing the portrait

Daniel after had me laughing tears. Honestly. Drag them 🤣🤣🤣

Armand saying he fucked Lestat. Nawwww sweetie 😆

Louis going to Roget‘s to check if Lestat is actually dead. I… god. Honey.

Also: A part of the real Lestat!!!!!!!! I had not expected this (something similar yes, but THIS)??? GOD!! And Sam‘s presentation of it. Holy Hell. And making Louis his beneficiary. Right in the feels. “My Louis“. 😭😭😭😭 Mentioning the veil between them!!! Asking Louis not to give in to revenge!! But live his life 😭😭😭 FUCKING DEVASTATING 😭😭😭

The blood tears

Also Roget proposing Lestat is sleeping?!!!!!!!!! Does this Roget know?!!!

Whoa Daniel calling rebound

And Louis lashing out making Daniel remember Armand!!! HOLY MOLY

Louis called Daniel “Danny“

That smile Louis smiled there was vicious. Another little chip of surface humanity gone

Murder Mansion. Sex on motorbikes. It feels feverish.

Ohhhhhhhhh the flirtation. And Armand cutting it short by warning him and pushing Louis towards his shortcomings vampire-wise. OUCH. And also Armand commenting on her body and mind. Beheadings going on behind them. Oof.

The episode ending with a scream and the smile draining from Louis‘ face. Ruthless foreshadowing.

Next episode preview!!!

1556… the way they redirect for these snippets is interesting

Nicolas!!!!

God that gaze between Lestat and Armand is … *fans self*

Catacombs. Does Armand really show / (try to) teach LOUIS the fire gift? 😬

Justin fucking Kirk talking about the Great Conversion in broad daylight. Ohhhhhh I‘m still calling red herring lol.

Louis throwing Lestat against the wall 😈

Armand challenging Louis 🙌

Agh.

INCREDIBLE.

[byuntrash101]

ok but hear me out... hongjoong... showing mc a track he's been working on in his studio (probably late at night, we all know this man doesn't have time for sleep)... but!! things escalate :>

you could probably add mingi into the studio too since he also does some of the producing (pinkgi for bonus points)

ok i've had this ask forever and normally i dont do requests but this ?????? like i couldn't pass it up. here's a sneak peak.

preview under the cut tell me if u wanna be tagged

“What do you think?” Hongjoong asked him as you were still singing through the speakers. 

Right there Mingi realized he hadn’t been paying any attention to what was going on around him. His mind was poisoned by the images he was so vividly picturing: you slipping off the flimsy tank top and taking his hands to lay over the bra, asking him to play with your tits, begging him to take off the lace that was keeping you from feeling his hands on your body. Or you spread out onto the mixing table and Mingi’s face buried between your thighs, getting to finally taste you and hear you as he made you feel good, feeling your pussy throb under his tongue smearing your wetness all over his face. That was what Mingi was paying attention to, not the song. Definitely not the song.

But he needed to find something to say before he looked suspicious so he went another route. A route that wasn’t directly about the song but still close enough to pass.

“I think she’s a good addition to the team. Look at how far we’ve come with this song already? Of course we still have to run it by Eden but I mean it’s pretty much done.” 

“No” Hongjoong started. And Mingi bit his lips thinking his friend was going to ask him to be more specific about the voice samples he wasn’t listening to but how wrong he was...

“I mean physically what do you think?” Hongjoong’s tone was as glacial as could be as he did his best to dissimulate the burning rage that was hiding behind the biting cold tone.

The words didn’t make any sense in Mingi’s mind. So he turned to his friend trying to find on his face a hint that could help him make the sentence he just heard make sense. But he only found his friend looking right at him dead serious, a darkness about his aura.

“What?” he asked, dumbfounded and utterly confused.

“You wanna fuck my girlfriend?"

[with-my-murder-flute]

TLT theory: Aim, Jod, and the second part of the message

My brain is fevered. I feel like I've constructed an elaborate Pepe Silvia corkboard in my mind, and it feels like it makes sense of everything, but I honestly have no clue if that certainty will last very long.

I think I know what the Messenger is carrying. I think I know why John has waited ten thousand years.

Spooky preview quote from HtN chapter 2:

I mastered Death, Harrowhark; I wish I’d done the smarter thing and mastered Time.

Spoilers for Gideon, Harrow, and Nona the Ninth.

BoE's chronology has always been kind of weird to me: Five thousand years after the Resurrection happens, they pop up with intense and detailed knowledge of the 21st century! Jod destroys languages and cultures and societies, but BoE keeps popping up! How.

Originally I thought the continuous thread over the years was a Lyctor who helped them (and the necromantic implant does seem to point that way) but I also think part of it is that the ships that escaped just before Earth's devastation have been showing up one by one, over a huge span of time. That's why Wake says "My long-dead natal sun" and can quote Eminem at length; she spent ten thousand years suspended in time, before re-entering it.

NtN, John 19:18:

They said they’d managed to find some poor dipshit geek who’d fixed the FTL problem of getting locked in the chrono well, you know, moving so fast you were stuck doing quantum wheelies. They’d come up with something where you could oscillate out so long as the ship was attuned to a prearranged spectrum outside. I still don’t understand the maths. It’s going to take me ten thousand years to understand it. I couldn’t follow, but A— could. He said immediately, What is the point if you still have no fucking clue where your ship is going to end up when you shake out of FTL. They said, Aha, but we can track it once it’s out. A— said, It could be halfway across the universe or phasing through a planet. They kept arguing that probably wouldn’t happen [...] They said it was expensive, so twelve ships would go first, with one guiding them out with the beacon frequencies like a tugboat leading a cruise liner, triangulate for Tau Ceti, dump the population, and come back.

I think that AIM's message is the beacon that will call the last of the FTL fleet out of the chrono well. They are "we", they are the first of two parts, because their identity is the person they were before coming the Messenger, and the ships that still haven't oscillated back into three-dimensional space yet, because they are under AIM's personal guardianship/intimately tied to possession of her body.

NtN, John 5:4

I think the only reason I haven’t done it already is that I can’t bear the idea that I wouldn’t be able to touch them—that they’d still be out there …

I think Jod has been at this for so long because he is waiting for an event that could literally take an infinite amount of time to occur. He hasn't killed the entire colonized population yet because he wants something out of them, and it doesn't seem to be labour or devotion or even thanergy.

I think he's looking for the fleet's beacon, in a way that's like lighting a grassfire to flush animals out of hiding and deprive them of shelter. I think he's constantly killing planets and relocating and resettling populations before funnelling them together again, like a distillery trying to heat and separate different liquids as they move from flask to flask, because he wants to finally decant the key to the last ships that escaped him.

[atopvisenyashill]

sorry to bother you but do you ever think of theon’s arc as being sort of akin to an amalgamation of the previous generation of starklings in a way - he starts out lustful and wild like brandon, though raised apart from family, dead older brother(s) like ned and isolated in a tower with a sibling trying to save them like lyanna? like theon recieves a bunch of connections with the old gods and having weirwood dreams but i’m not too sure what it all means together.

oh that’s sooooo interesting.

okay so yes re: theon’s connection to the old gods and having weirwood dreams. that’s something i think about a lot. one thing i find interesting is the play between him, aeron, and patchface as prophets - aeron calls himself a prophet of the drowned god, and while i think its likely all of the greyjoys are capable of magic to some degree, it’s not aeron who is regularly having true visions in the family it’s theon who has shown this funny aptitude for magic and interestingly, it’s patchface who drowned, was revived, and suddenly became a voice for the gods. i have this theory that patchface is a prophet for the drowned god (or whatever magical being is thought to be the drowned god, the same way as for example the old gods are most likely not gods but hundreds if not thousands of greenseers connected to the weirwood hivemind system) and theon is a prophet for the old gods. patchface going through the ritual accidentally, imo, caught the attention of the drowned god. theon, meanwhile, i think is someone who was born with magical abilities, in a time period where magic seems to be reaching a boiling over point after spending several centuries simmering, surrounded by other similarly “have the aptitude but not the know-how” people in the starklings, having been intensely physically traumatized - like patchface, i think he caught the attention of the old gods bc he accidentally went through the rituals while In Their Domain. bran has his visions of the woman blood sacrificing the old man, and i’ve kind of loosely theorized that being capable of extreme magic means you must be capable of sacrificing yourself as well as others. dany doesn’t just burn mirri, she walks onto the pyre herself; melisandre doesn’t just use pyre victims to fuel her magic, she has to literally give birth to her magic; but to take it a step further, i think when people capable of magic are physically traumatized by others, it does kind of….get their senses tingling i guess you can say. i think this is why bloodraven goes from being just like a regular fighter to being known for magic and sorcery - losing his eye + his knowledge of magic sets off his senses. so as theon is already magically inclined, living in a place that is steaming with magic, tortured by ramsay…all of a sudden he goes from having visions in acok to talking to weirwoods. he’s caught the attention of the old gods (the old god being, of course, bran).

so that’s my theory on like, HOW theon’s third eye has slowly opened but the fact that it’s seemingly opening towards the OLD GODS and not THE DROWNED GOD is really interesting on a narrative level. i think when you ask “what will happen to theon” in the fandom at large, it’s a really bleak picture - some of that is the show, but i’ve seen people theorize that the last chapter we have of him in twow (the preview chapter) is the last we’ll see if theon since i got into the fandom when s2 was airing. and i know i’m biased bc i love him but i do think his connection to the weirwood magic is going to come into play. similarly, i see a lot of theon fans who would prefer an ending where he’s no longer with the starks or in the north but in the iron islands. but again - it’s not the drowned god who is speaking through him it’s the old gods! this signals to me that he is never leaving the north permanently, if at all. and i think that makes sense with his story on a narrative level; he can insist he is salt and sea, a greyjoy of pike, but even as he’s trying to prove himself as a greyjoy he’s calling himself the prince of winterfell! nothing will erase the reality that most of the formative years of his life were spent in winterfell with the starklings and when he pictures home it’s that place! that place that was full of love that he was not allowed to partake in! being able to go back to pyke and fully reintegrate back into the culture he was born into is, imo, too sweet of an ending. he doesn’t get to go back!

i’ve always felt like he will live a long life, longer than he’ll ever really want, and that’s the point - he gets to live and others don’t (and some of that is his fault!) and he has to keep trying because of it. forever. he can’t take the easy way out and exit the narrative. so i think it’s interesting you compare him to the older starks because the youngest is benjen and benjen was a man of the night’s watch. i think that concept of like, spending the rest of your life trying to do penance being what theon gets makes so much sense. specifically here i think it’s interesting that lyanna experiences some element of sexual abuse, and theon is both a perpetrator and a victim of it. and there’s that common theory that perhaps benjen helped lyanna sneak out of winterfell and joined the night’s watch out of guilt. i think you get that very interesting kind of dark mirror here - theon is much less well liked than brandon despite engaging in the same behavior, theon is never able to “rise” to the occasion as oldest boy and heir like ned nor is he respected by the iron islanders the way ned is by the northerners, theon is trapped by ramsay in a very twisted love story while lyanna’s story was more of a slow burning horror. always always never enough when compared to the starks. but i think an ending like benjen’s, not necessarily one where he’s specifically sworn to some order but maybe a more metaphorical one (not dissimilar to sandor on the quiet isle actually - less about WHO he is swearing to and more about what he does with his time), really fits everything theon is heading towards. can’t outrun and outfight his status as a hostage, his murders, his rapes, being raped, the greyjoy name or the stark one - but he can just stop and THINK for a second about WHO he is and WHY he’s wound up this way!

[what0smart]

Absolute Power:Superson thoughts!!!

Spoilers!!!!!!

As much as I would love to make an essay on this I don't think there's any way I could organize my thoughts enough for it to be good so I'm just gonna list out my thoughts on my favorite parts!

You can find my thoughts on the first 8 pages we got as previews here (page posting limit lol)

Nia understanding that while Jon often fights alone or for people, he desperately wants to fight alongside others or for them to fight for him.

This whole page is so great, I love the direct acknowledgement that Jon has been constantly fighting and all the times he had to fight alone. I will take the volcano and Ultraman where and whenever lol

Jon clearly has been suppressing his trauma and his constant fighting to make sure he doesn't lose anything like when he lost everything as a kid is clearly taking it's toll. Nia telling Jon he doesn't need to fight for everyone else constantly and it's okay to choose himself at times. This will come back in a conversation with Jay.

I am holding out having any feelings on this cause a large part of me refuses to believe DC would actually kill her, but if she is actually dead I'm gonna come back later and stare at this page in the saddest way possible.

He's so petty it kills me lmao

While it stresses me out to see them fight I love seeing them work through it, and it really shows the differences between them especially as this whole event has probably had a major impact on Jay in a negative way.

Jon realizing that he was trying to save the idea or memory of Nia over his Boyfriend after everything that's happened and deciding to prioritize what he wants, which is Jay. (more thoughts on this page at the end lol)

I think the Amazonians asking Jon for help was kind of a reminder to Jay of who Jon is at his core. Similarly to how Jon understood he probably can't dissuade Jay from hating Nia, I think Jay was reminded that Jon is just a forgiving and loving person, it is what drew Jay to Jon in the first place and that he shouldn't expect him to have the same reaction he has to Nia's death. I think Jay was going to say yes no matter what after this realization but I feel he normally would have thought about it more but decided to take that risk and give Jon a yes so he wouldn't be worried about it while in battle, you can see Jon flies away with a much more ready attitude.

Jon's "new place" is in his dreams, I had a worry Jon was just offering to live together with Jay because he thought it's what Jay would want but the fact that this is here means he has been dreaming of living in San Francisco for a while now, and the fact that Jay not being there destroying the dream really hits it home that being with Jay is what he wants. This is not Jon trying to make sure everyone in his life is happy at the cost of his own, this is Jon listening to what Nia told him to do and is choosing himself by following his dreams.

Final thoughts

Overall I really loved this issue and it really hit my expectations. It was very tough to follow at times but that's typical of dream sequences and this issue did it well, can't wait to see how Absolute Power ends and if Amanda will FINALLY face the consequences for her actions. I'll be holding out my comments on Nia until we know for certain she's dead, Nicole loves tormenting her characters so I wouldn't be surprised but I think she would also love to continue the beef between her and Jay. I'm extremely interested and hope Nicole or Sina do something in the future for Jay and Jon because right now they are probably the people at DC who I trust the most with the boys!!!

[reidsrambles]

Your writing is amazing!!!!

Thank you so much! Any feedback on my writing seriously means the world to me. I do hope to write a full romance novel one day, so this entire fanfiction endeavour is largely to improve my writing!

As a thank you to you and to anyone who follows me or has read my last (aka, my first) fic, I'm going to share the first 1,000 or so words of my next fic, which will most likely be relatively long and in multiple parts. Because this piece is unfinished, this content contained in this preview is subject to change.

Preview (unnamed, release date TBD)

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem!BAU!Reader General synopsis: You and your best friend Penelope Garcia work together as technical analysts for the FBI's Behavioral Analysis Unit. You and Spencer Reid have developed a romantic relationship since you've started there, but you both have decided to keep it to yourselves in order to avoid external influence from the team and additional complications at work. Unexpected events threaten the sacred secrecy of your relationship and you fear for the future and for the relationships you and Spencer have with your team. CWs (preview): Reader recalls, on page, being shamed for her creative outfit choices in the past. Words (preview): 956

[This preview is entirely SFW, but the finished work will be 18+ NSFW, so keep that in mind. The CWs listed are for the preview only. CWs and TWs for the final story will be posted whenever that is.]

Penelope Garcia finally shows herself at 10:08 a.m. As usual, she rolls into your shared office with the force of a tornado.

“Alrighty, Miss Y/N, we need to discuss the plans for your birthday party soon. I need a guest list because I need to figure out how much food I’m ordering and where we’re going to have it, since your apartment is pretty small and mine is only marginally bigger. I already asked him, and Rossi did say we could have it at his house, so that’ll probably be the best option.”

Before she takes her seat, she takes notice of your scowl and crossed arms, and her face falls. “Wait, what did I say wrong?”

“First of all, Penn, my birthday isn’t for another two months, and I told you that I’m fine with it just being you, me, and the team. Secondly, where have you been!? I’ve been here since nine, and it’s now…” you check your non-existent watch for dramatic effect, “past ten. You didn’t answer any of my calls or texts. Penelope Garcia, unreachable? I assumed that you were, quite literally, dead.”

“Two months is extremely soon when party-planning, I shall have you know! Wait, did I not tell you about that meeting I had with Hotch this morning?” she asks, genuinely puzzled.

Your curiosity is piqued. “No, but spill! Meeting with Hotch? What about?”

Penelope takes her seat, and you slide your swivel chair over to hers. Elbows on your knees and chin resting on your fists, you await her update like an excited child.

“It’s nothing that exciting, unfortunately, my sexy, salacious sidekick.”

“Don’t make me call HR again, Garcia,” you whisper. You give her a quick peck on the cheek and roll yourself back to your desk, only a few feet away, to resume working.

She drops a bomb as if it’s nothing. “Strauss wanted an update on how the team was doing, having two technical analysts. That’s all it was.”

The FBI hired you to work as a technical analyst with the Behavioral Analysis Unit just shy of your 25th birthday. You and your best friend Penelope Garcia met while she was presenting on behalf of the FBI at your then-school and her alma mater, Caltech. You were just starting your final year of undergrad in computer science, but you were unsure of where you wanted to go after that. The presentation was on the various technology careers within the FBI, of which technical analysts are one. You guessed that it made sense to try to recruit from one of the world’s most prestigious universities. She confidently marched up to the microphone wearing a bright pink pencil skirt, pink tweed jacket, and a cat ear headband, and you immediately knew you had to talk to her after the presentation, regardless of what she said up there.

You were always the one, even in high school, who had to match your outfits and accessories to a specific theme or color. You always dressed a bit more out there, and people have specifically chosen to bring it up to you before. In your first term of university, one professor mentioned your outfit as an example of how not to dress in a professional workplace. She was a woman, too. It probably wouldn't have hurt so badly coming from a male professor, but being shamed by a female professor did a number on your self-esteem.

Thankfully, your mom has always been your number one fan and biggest cheerleader. When you cried to her about your experience in class, she gave you the pep talk of a lifetime about how the world needs more people who are authentically themselves to bring color to the lives of the boring. She said you'd be the best computer scientist and look amazing while doing it. Mom's the oil painter, and your dad is an accountant, so the advice was very on par for her but extremely meaningful as well. Seeing another colorful, authentic woman, let alone one with a job at the FBI—which you had always viewed as a stuck-up, cold, and refined place to work—was immensely inspiring.

In addition to talking about technical analysts, she discussed the careers of digital forensic examiners, IT specialists, and computer scientists. She seemed so normal and down to earth, and you felt so excited by her presentation that you were actually taking notes. After her presentation, you headed over to see if you could speak with her. Before you could even start, she loudly gasped and began complimenting your outfit. You were wearing a lemon print sundress that day (since it was so hot), and you paired that with your lemon wedge purse, lemon slice necklace, and a matching yellow headband. Your gray backpack stood out like a sore thumb, but unfortunately, your laptop didn’t fit in your small citrus purse.

Penelope gave you her card, and you two became fast friends, and later, best friends. She really took you under her wing and literally became the older sister you never had. You knew you wanted to utilize your skill set to help fight crime, and right after you finished your masters, Penelope convinced her boss to hire you to work under her. Her cave was cozy with the amount of equipment she had in there, but being her best friend, she made room for you. Penelope had told you about how amazing her team was, but you had no clue what you were truly in for at the BAU.

“So after being here for two whole years, Strauss wanted to know if I was needed or if I could be cut from the team? That’s your idea of ‘no biggie’?” you ask, exasperated.

AO3 | Tumblr | Masterlist | Add yourself to my tag list

[kkskdeaddove]

KakaSaku Dead Dove Week Wrap-Up!

We had 16 stunning and deliciously dark written submissions for the inaugural KakaSaku Dead Dove week and 2 breathtaking, mind-altering art submissions.

Please read the tags before checking out the full works. If something is going to make you uncomfortable, don't read it. You are responsible for curating your own fanfiction experience!

Thank you to everyone who participated, encouraged, commented, read, kudosed, and cheered on our amazing creators! Looking forward to future kksk dd events 🖤

Without further ado, here is the wrap-up!

appreciation by Anonymous 

The one where the Land of Waves arc goes badly, but Momochi Zabuza's soft-spot for child-tools doesn't stop him from doing what has to be done.

The Hatake Heir by BelleDayNight

As the sole heir of the Hatake clan, Kakashi has known since he was five years old that he would marry the daughter of the Harunos. Sakura on the other hand is blissfully unaware that the man that will one day be her sensei is in fact her betrothed. There's a reason no man asks Sakura out on a date-- her husband has been quietly scaring them off for years...

Not a Love Like Mine, a Ruin by stargliders

Their captor hummed in contemplation. "This is my show, and whatever I say goes. I think I’ll start by shutting that smart mouth of yours for good." Kakashi closed his eyes, letting out a slow breath. "Take me instead." "But you…you can’t," Sakura said. The words she desperately wanted to tell him refused to come out. (I love you. Please, don’t die.)

take me down (won't you take me down) by xylazine

In a moment of reckless bravery, Sakura volunteers to be taken by none other than the demon of Konoha. Little does she realize how much she's in for.

Please, Please, Please (Let Me Get What I Want) by twofortea

Kakashi-sensei looked so different when he was sleeping.

Consequences by gremlint

Kakashi fucked around, and now he's going to find out. Or: the consequences of neglecting a brat's aftercare.

Hold On Tight by Typhlobasia

Konoha’s Official Exam for Head Interrogators, part two: required practical section, Combined Test of Shinobi Mental Perseverance. This is something Sakura knows she wants to pass for her team; she can persevere, can earn her title, do her part protecting the village, make Lady Tsunade proud for all the efforts she invested into her student over the years… But, seeing her moon-lit reflection in the hitai-ate on Kakashi’s forehead, her friend and former sensei towering over her as she is strapped into the interrogation chair, Sakura’s old fears slither their way back in. “So, Sakura…” Her eyes snap to his, hopeful. Pleading. Kakashi takes a small step forward on the stone floor, the sound of it sharp and echoing in the dim room, “shall we begin?”

Wolf in Scarecrow's Clothing by Fusionblitz28

In which Yamanaka Ino doesn't protect Sakura from bullies and becomes her first friend. Nor does Sakura obsessively crush over Uchiha Sasuke. Rather, her ANBU in shining armor and crush are one in the same person. Eventually the polish fades to reveal something rather unlike its original condition. Maybe it's always been that way and Sakura was too naive to see it sooner. OR; Sakura falls in love at five years old. With none other than one Hatake Kakashi. Kakashi exploits that.

La Petite Mort by rosebrided

“I love you, Sakura,” he whispers like she can hear him even now, the words coming out in a wisp of a breath. And then he adds, “Forgive me.” - In which Sakura is gone from this life, and Kakashi struggles to cope after discovering her body.

That Shattered Soul by twofortea

The bright green of her eyes had dulled, her expression made vacant. She was like a broken doll, a preview of what Sasori planned to turn her into.

cat nap by xylazine 

Curled around his pink kitten, Kakashi the cat slips into a rather person like dream.

breathe me by twofortea 

Every time the nightmares started up again, he found someone new to bury himself in. He lost himself in another person, another nameless face, another warm body—buried the nightmares in warmth, life, lust.

On The Brink by gremlint

Kakashi and Sakura have the unfortunate luck to be captured by some rather imaginative enemies. What they experience will change their relationship forever.

Dancing With a Ghost by stargliders

There was nothing else they could do. The talk therapy had failed. So had both rounds of electroshock. (The lightning Kakashi wielded all these years—had it made him immune? Even as Sakura watched his toes and fingers rattle against the table?) But a doctor in Kirigakure, Shizune explained, had recently invented a procedure that settled the overactive zones in the frontal lobes of the brain. Maybe, just maybe, he could be happy again.

Living-Dead by Komorebi_3

Obito Uchiha decides to send a clone to the 5 Kage summit and observe Naruto and Kakashi in the shadows after revealing information about Itachi and Sasuke. He finds himself a bit bored with the turn of events until a certain pink-haired Kunoichi strolls in confessing her love to Naruto. Everything about her reminds him of Rin and his already fragile state of mind just spirals out of control from there. Or, Obito becomes partially delusional and kidnaps Sakura for his own sick pleasure, but of course Kakashi Hatake can't let that happen so he volunteers to be taken instead.

No Good Deed by Heartensoul

Kakashi had given Sasuke so many chances to make it right—to do right by Sakura. Now, he was going to take matters into his own hands.

compulsion by xylazine

Kakashi has driven her mad with need for years until Sakura finally snaps and takes matters into her own hands.

Clone bang art by @spnfox

Captured by enemies art by @spnfox

Thank you all again! See you next time 😈😈😈

[crescencestudio]

๋࣭⭑ Devlog 36 | 11.26.23 ๋࣭⭑

:rises from the dead: I'm.... BAAAAACK!!!!!!

Long time, no talk (kinda) everyone! I hope you've been happy, healthy, and well since we last saw each other and that the wind-down for the year is being kind to you all <3

We have a lot to catch up on, so let's do just that ^^ This is.... so long. I'm really sorry in advance tbh---I thought I hadn't done much because break, but there's quite a bit to show.

It's been a while since a formal update on the routes, so I'll start by telling you all where they officially stand. Before I do, it might be helpful to tell you all how I define percentage completion in my head. Basically, when I finish the draft of a route, I consider it 70% complete. This means I could ship it as is. I wouldn't be happy with the product, but it's playable and makes enough sense---just not the best quality.

When Wudgey finishes their edits, a route is 80%-85% complete, meaning I could ship it as is. I think it'd be pretty good actually and players would be happy. Beyond this point, I am just making fine tuning edits to incorporate more player interaction, polishing the flow of things, etc.

After that, there's basically only Elm and Vi's edits left. When Elm finishes, a route is 95% complete. Again, I think at this point, it's good. Like edits from this point onwards are purely for polishing purpose. After Vi, it's 98% complete. Then the last review comes back to Elm and I for it to be 100% complete. Right now, this is where the routes stand:

Kayn: 98% Complete

Fenir: 95% Complete

Druk: 80% Complete

Etza: 60% Complete (Still working on their draft!)

Do Not ask me about Kuna'a or Aisa LFMASOEIDJ

So most of the routes are actually looking pretty good! They're just getting bounced around to different editors at this point, but the changes made for most of them are basically small. Fenir and Kayn especially could be shipped as is in my eyes if I really wanted to.

Art recently has mostly been focused on commissions. Vui actually is almost done with ALL of the BGs for Alaris!! Isn't that crazy?? In about a year, he was able to create almost 25 BGs with daytime variations!!! He's a phenomenal artist, and I couldn't be happier to be working with him. It's also a bit bittersweet (and alarming??) to know that part of development is already close to ending! q.q

The most exciting art update I have is that we got the GUI assets finished and I've started coding them into the game!! AAAA!! These were the final updated assets I needed, and seeing the fully revamped demo come to life has been so.... Emotional HAHA! It's crazy to see how far Alaris has come from when I was first making it with my little fingies and throwing things together like paper mache. I'm incredibly in love with how all the assets look together, and I couldn't be more grateful for the artists who helped me update the assets!

Updated History Log. Please say you like the dividers between entries---I'm most proud of those

I'm still making my way through coding everything, but here's a couple screen previews so you all can see how things now look in the game!!

First off, is the Dialogue/Choice Screen. You can see that we have a brand new dialogue box (She's Stunning) and Choice Screen! I'm hoping to add some sfx for the choices when you hover over them, and sfx for the new UI in general so there's more user feedback when you click and hover on things. But for now, enjoy this preview of the new dialogue box, choice screen, and the new personality indicators!

Updated Dialogue/Choice Screen: You can't see it as well in GIF format, but the BG also has particles floating around, so there's a tiny bit of animation going on in some of the BGs as well!!

Next, we have the Free Time Screen. I actually posted this on Twitter recently but I don't think I posted it on Tumblr! ISN'T SHE STUNNING... ESPECIALLY WITH THE NEW BGS.... I'm especially happy with the text animations that show up at the bottom when you hover over the different choices! I was inspired by a couple other devs (specifically GUI god, @siyo-koy, and renpy animation master @just-a-carrot) to start incorporating animation style elements into my GUI. And I really like how it adds a little ~something~ to the feel of everything ^^

Updated Free Time Screen: begging someone to say they like the text animation so I feel validated for finangling with it

Finally, for our last preview, we have the Save Screen! While it looks new obviously with the new assets, I also did a lot of backend coding revamping for how it actually functions since my coding experience is a bit better now compared to when I was first fighting for my life figuring out save/load screens. The biggest change for you all is that there are now chapter markers so save slots will tell you what chapter that save file is from! And instead of screenshots, it's now a custom icon inside that shows the chapter card. I think it'll make the save screen look more cohesive now and hopefully more intuitive as well!!

Updated Save Screen: With a sprinkle of updated Chapter Card screen preview

That was long. Are any of us surprised, considering I had two months' worth of devlogs piled inside of me, begging to burst from the seams?

Anyways. Only two miscellaneous updates. One is that all soundtracks have been completed for Alaris! Peter finished the last of them recently, and they're all beautiful!!! For ppl who love piano soundtracks... :holds hand in piano lover solidarity:

Other update is that I finally fixed that godforsaken sprite bug that was associated with the energy vision feature from the demo!!! FINALLY!!! AFTER.... SO LONG. Extremely huge thanks to @robobarbie for taking time out of their day to do that; everyone please say thank you!!!!! OGs know how long that bug was bothering me!!!! Robo also gave me a pretty new rain code, so I'm showing you how both look in the new demo so you can appreciate them with me!!

Last miscellaneous update is more on a.... logistical development level?? Basically, now that I have new GUI assets to code, that means I can get a beta build of the routes currently written out. I was feeling really overwhelmed by that idea because most of this year has been focused on writing and making assets, not really coding. Knowing that I can Code and get Playable Builds out to people was stressful because I have to divvy up my time a bit more.

After an extremely insightful talk with beloved and admired Esh of @steamberrystudio I decided I'm probably going to be shifting how development goes from here on out. Instead of focusing head low on getting as many words written for the remaining routes everyday, I'm going to be making smaller but consistent progress and spend the rest of my time coding so that I can have more of a continuous cycle of production going on (e.g., writing a bit, making playable builds, gathering playtester feedback, etc. instead of doing each stage in blocked, sequential order).

I'm mainly telling you all this because it means writing updates will probably seem slower from this point on, but I think production overall will be more efficient because of it! This is also exciting news for playtesters and/or early access backers/patrons because it means you'll have playable content in the near future for content outside of just the demo :')

have u all heard of wudgeous of herotome. of course u have. they r all i talk about at this point

No market research because I've actually been addicted to BG3 LFMAOLSDJF. Actually, I'm taking some inspiration from it for the personality mechanic but eh.

On a more important note, @herotome demo is coming out December 2nd!!!! PLAY IT WITH ME. Wudgey is my editor, so you might think I'm biased but I'M NOT!!! I WAS A FAN OF HEROTOME BEFORE WUDGEY EVEN WORKED W ME!!! They have an exception eye for detail and player experience, and they are actually one of the devs that inspired me to even get into game development.

I just know the demo is going to blow everyone's socks off. OG Herotome prologue build fans know exactly what I'm talking about. Please mark December 2nd on your calendar---you will not regret it.

This was so unbelievably long, but I hope it's appreciated since there was no real devlog update for a hot minute. As always, Thank you all for your patience and continued support. With the year ending soon, I'm getting wrapped up in my feels in usual Crescence fashion. I am a Cancer so no one is surprised.

Next month will probably be more of an end-of-year devlog rather than the usual format. I know the devlogs of late have been all over the place, but once we get into the new year, it will be back to business as usual! Hope you all have a wonderful end to your year; I'll talk to you soon! <3

[afictionalwhor3]

I just finished watching HOTD and I have sm thoughts rumbling inside my head and I’m going to try my best to get them out in a way that makes sense

HOTD 2.07 Spoilers Ahead

- The ending of this episode saved it sm omggg. And please I understand why these side characters need this story building. Esp Daemon, I think we as viewers have been robbed in a lot of ways of seeing Daemon as a multi dimensional emotional character. However, this is why shows need to go back to 24 episode seasons. When there’s only 10 episodes before we lose these characters for two years I wanna see more action and not so much story building.

- The scene with Jace, my bbg 😖🫣🫠. I loved that scene bc it shows that Jace is insecure. He realizes what people say abt him and in some ways he probably believes it as well. Bc even if he has “plain” features the thing that separated him from the small folk was his claim to a dragon. Now that the small folk can claim dragons it’s like he is one of them. And I understand those frustrations (if we had 24 episode seasons 🙄) I would’ve loved to see wherever he went and have like a private moment amongst himself or even with Baela

- Daemon, Daemon, Daemon 😭😭. I’m sorry but him tripping acid in Harenhal is so genuinely funny to me. In seriousness tho we stan Oscar Tully cuz we love seeing Daemon humbled. The way he was able to spin the situation and make Daemon the uncomfortable one? Yeah you ate down mama

- The scenes with Matt and Paddy are just so good their chemistry off the charts. And the fact it was Paddy’s suggestion to do the scene as decrepit Viserys makes it even better bc it’s Viserys telling Daemon here the crown is yours, you’ve always wanted it, but while I hand it to you, look what it did to me.

- As someone who has not read the books, I saw that in the books Rhaena was happy in the Vale and that makes me sick cause that girl deserves it. Pray she claims a dragon next episode.

- Can a book person confirm is Alyssa had a sister? Cause ik with the kings guard from last episode (sorry I’m bad with names) they like made up Aerianna? So I wanna know if Hugh’s mom actually existed. Also hate hm character development/screen time he’s gotten as opposed to other side characters makes me sick.

- All those small folk in Dragonstone had me like, idk sista, but Rhaenyra seriously gained infinite aura points being able to calm Verthimor down.

- Vermithor knew damn well he ain’t have to burn all them people like that. Which leads me into my point that I love that these dragons have personalities. Like Syrax is literally just a girl, Vermithor is hot headed, Vhagar is an old lady, I just love that aspect of the show and someone give us a dragon personality fic

- Ulf stumbling onto a dragon like that I thought for sure he was dead. And also another clutch of dragon eggs???? Do they not know abt silverwing? Sm questions but when he went to kings landing I thought for a moment he was going to claim House Hightower. And when Aemond got to a haggard she was like “not again cmon”

- PERIOD THE DRAGON AT THE END WITH HER CREW BEHIND HERRRR!!! FUCK AEMOND WE DONT NEED HIMMMM!!! Such a boss power move like that was epic

- My favorite part abt next weeks preview was seeing Aemond tell Haelena she would have to ride Dreamfyre. Like she’s not meant yo be a warrior princess she’s meant to run in a field of flowers

But those are my thoughts if you somehow read this whole thing awesome and let’s talk in the comments I love talking abt these things it makes my day!!!!

[vad-hander]

LET’S KEEP IT SECRET Pt.4

pairing: Jaehyun x reader x Yuta

others: SM Rookies, multiple SM and JYP idols

genre: series | idol!au | smut | angst | fluff | slow burn | unrequited love | friends to lovers (oops) | mutual pining | teenage to adults | idol!nct, idol!reader, teenage to adults (trainee days until today)

words: 11k

side note: it's been a really long while, I hope you'll enjoy this one! p.s. good news at the end of chapter

as usual, I'll appreciate all your feedback and thoughts!

PART 1 | PART 2 | PART 3 | PART 4 | PART 5

-

You couldn't work out how did you wake up in your dorm room. The birthday plan was you and Jaehyun have your party at his place and if the two of you are lucky enough you’ll get back to life by noon the next day and return to dorms before outside gets dark again. 

You took a glance at your phone - the lock screen showed you barely any notifications. No messages from Yuta, not a single one from Jaehyun. You took a glance at Koeun's name on the lower part of the screen, preview letting you see it was just a meme. Your head hurt because of the drinks you had, your body hurt from what you and Yuta did and your heart hurt from what happened between you and your boyfriend and your best friend. You could still very clearly remember Jaehyun’s face when you told him you were leaving, you’re not even sure he heard what you said about Yuta, with the way his eyes became all teary when you told him you were leaving. You were sure your head mostly hurt thanks to the drama you underwent in the little amount of12 hours, including your mom’s history lesson. You wanted to get lost in the sheets, never get up and disappear completely. Somehow you remembered every bit of that - but not how you were able to leave Jaehyun on your own. At least, you were safe on the girls floor, that you knew for sure. 

You never experienced a hungover before and if people suffered so much after they had a couple of drinks you really were doubting human sanity. You moved slowly against the wall, leaning onto it for support like you starved in the woods for weeks. The water dispenser at the counter was your guiding star and the only reason you were moving your feet a little quicker than a tortoise. Reaching for the cup in a cabinet above it, you didn't bother to wait for a full cup of water, gulping on the much needed water. You refilled it like fifteen times because every time there was not more than 3 gulps of water.

"You're okay, right?" you jumped slightly in place at the voice right behind you, spilling the water over your sleeping shirt. 

"Ning?" You turned around “You’re moving around like a ghost." 

"I was here before you crawled out like a cave woman. On the couch." the girl smiled at you not being able to keep her eyes off you. You were dreading the moment you had to look in the mirror and your friends eyes for sure made you wonder even more about your current mirror reflection. "I'm surprised you're up and alive."

"Huh? Why?" You asked confused. "I can't remember anything, if I'm being honest."

"I guessed." she swallowed a giggle and pursed her lips to try and look normal. 

"What is up with your mysterious face expression?" you smiled at her confused. Did you embarrass yourself more past night? You'd prefer not to know but maybe you needed to just in case, there’s only so much shame one person can carry- "Will you not tell me?"

"I will." she laughed. "Do you by any chance remember calling Koeun?" your head gave Ning a negative answer "Koeun's phone rang at half 5 in the morning in our room. A very loud ringing, mind you. We got up because of her phone and it turned out it’s you who called her. You cried into the phone how you're messy and a problem and Koeun panicked immediately. I took the phone out of her hand to work out what was happening. I figured you were dead drunk. We tried to ask you where you were but you kept on saying you were in hell and that was the right place for you to be." NingNing spoke quickly, making it hard for you to distinguish certain words with a little accent she still had. 

"Jesus." you gulped embarrassed, this definitely was one epic way to end your SM training. 

"I almost thought you were pranking us but Koeun said you were supposed to be with Jaehyun in the evening and something must've happened to you two. I had to calm down both you on the phone and Koeun in the room. I really tried to understand your whereabouts but you were blabbering some nonsense and half of what you were saying were words I don’t understand. Koeun was literally one step away from calling the manager when a car outside honked. I heard the same sound on your side so I figured you were near the dorms. We ran out of the building and you were half laying on the sidewalk, your feet stretched out on the road. I guess the car almost drove over you that's why they honked. Anyway, we tried to pull you into the building, but that's another long story to tell."

"What? Why?" You were indeed in hell. 

"You were protesting to get on your 2 feet, you wanted to crawl, were asking us to do the same and then you started crying, like full on shedding tears. You said it was because you missed your dad and you were so happy to see Koeun. Then you started screaming at us to call Yuta." You gulped at the mention of his name. 

"Did you? Did you call him?" You tried not act like somehow the mention of your maybe ex-lover was the only part in that story you sincerely cared for.

"No, it was 5 in the morning, how do you imagine me calling him at this time." She paused to let you process her answer. NingNing always was the most mature one, every step of the way, despite the commonly bubbly personality. “What I really don't get is how you got home in one piece in that state. That's real luck right here." Ning sighed, before getting curious. "Where did you get so shit faced? With Jaehyun?"

"Have you seen Jaehyun?" If he weren't with you it was just weird how he vanished into thin air. You could obviously remember telling him you loved Yuta. You could clearly remember bursting into tears afterwards and you remember pouring more drinks for yourself while Jaehyun was processing your words, sat down on the floor. The rest though, you could not work out how Jaehyun allowed you to leave in that state. 

"No, you were alone."

"I gotta go find him." You hugged the cup to your chest, walking away. "I'm so sorry, for the night and thank you so much, you and Koeun. I'll find Koeun later. I hope you're okay with me asking you to not tell anybody about this embarrassing situation.“ 

"Yeah" the girl chuckled "No problem."

“Appreciate it.“ You smiled awkwardly and took off. 

You sprinted back into your room in a much more lively manner than you expected yourself to have. Entering the room first thing you did is reaching out to your phone to dial Jaehyun - he hung up on you after a single ring. Was he asleep, sick or just busy? It was the first time in your friendship he didn't pick up a call, you immediately opened the chat with him. 

[14:34] to Jaehyun: call me back pllsss

[14:34] to Jaehyun: where are you? 

[14:35] to Jaehyun: i can't remember shit and i'm at the dorm 

Even though the call was immediately declined Jaehyun did not read your message. Not 1 or 2 or 5 minutes later. You gulped and thought that he maybe is not feeling well too, maybe he's at the dorm by now and dying in his bed. 

You wanted to see him and more specifically you wanted to know that the two of you were good, just in case. You still didn’t know what was his reaction to you and Yuta, you couldn’t remember shit of what he possibly said or did. You jumped into the shower to wash up your hair and body. Scrub away yet the worst birthday you had in all your life, and oh boy did you have a whole darn book of terrible birthdays. 

Fresh out the shower with a water bottle in hands you transferred yourself to the boys floor. 

You doubted whether you should knock or open the door with the code both Yuta and Jaehyun told you. You opted for knocking, hearing too many stories prior  of the boys walking around almost naked. As your knuckles made three rhythmical bangs on the surface, you tried to hear what was happening behind that door. The room seemed silent, maybe, they were all out, maybe you should type in that code. You knocked once again, when the lock made a sound and the handle turned and you saw it finally open. 

"I-" you started to explain yourself, that you needed to see Jaehyun and you're very much sorry to whoever it was at the door but stopped yourself after the first sound. Of all people on the floor it had to be Yuta. He worked out your presence around the same time, dropping the door handle and immediately walking away. Your first instinct was to follow behind and you did so, noticing how when the door to his room opened his roommate was sitting on the bed and you stopped. You didn't find it in you to walk in and interrupt. Mainly because you didn't have time to prepare a single thing to tell him. 

You knocked on a door once again, when you knew for sure it was to Jaehyun’s room. 

"Jaehyun?" you murmured into the door. "Are you here?" The dorm was surprisingly dead tonight, you could hear silence behind the door, same for the rest of the area surrounding it. Total emptiness and quietness scared you a little, like everyone disappeared because something happen. Did something happen to Jaehyun? The thought sent chills down your spine and you gripped onto the bottle like it was your anchor. You stood under the door a little longer, ready to fall on the floor as fear, tiredness and hungover fought through your body. "Guess you're not here, right? I hope you're okay and home, then." You sighed and still didn't move. Dialling his phone once more only to end up with the same lack of answer.  

Yuta appeared in the hall once again and your head turned in that direction, still pressing your forehead against Jaehyun’s door. 

"No one's in there." he said coldly as his eyes briefly looked at you. 

"Did he come home yesterday?"

"I'm not his secretary." you gave him a nod, he was right. It was painful to hear him talk to you in that tone though. You swallowed to not cry and paced away back to the exit. 

“Even if you aren’t, maybe you heard anything from him? I can’t reach him, I can’t remember how I left him and if he’s okay.“ You pleaded one last time. You couldn’t go on with your life like it was okay when your best friend was possibly missing. 

“I. Don’t. Know.“ Yuta grumbled annoyed. Did he not understand you were worried for his friends well being? Did he not care? 

“Fine.“ You sighed in return and turned on your heels to leave. ”Actually, no. Can I say a little something, before I leave?” you mustered some courage, purposefully vaguely defining leaving, because both leaving the floor and the dorm and company were more than relevant for your situation. 

”Whatever.” Yuta snorted and opened the fridge. Good, him hiding behind that fridge made it easier for you to speak your truth. 

”If you want to break up with me, then fine, I’ll accept that, you don’t have to worry. Just go ahead and do it now, in my face, while we still have the chance to see each other like that. I’ll be the one to say last words, though, since you’re acting like that. Maybe-, no. I was wrong for not sharing the news earlier, you have every right to be mad at me for this, I accept I was stupid for not saying I’m going to train under a different company now, but you know what? You will not make me feel ashamed for wanting to have a future. You will never understand, because you weren’t in the same situation, you can't possibly understand how it feels to not get into the final line up for the group you trained so hard for. You cannot blame me for taking the opportunity I was given. I am not sorry for that, I am not going to beg for forgiveness because of my decision. I will only say sorry for keeping it a secret for too long. I couldn’t find the right time to tell you, and you all always either away or very busy and every time I thought I had a chance to share it would always be irrelevant to the context. Because I couldn’t reply at your words with hey, by the way I’m leaving. I shouldn’t have delayed the announcement to all of you. And…” you wiped the tear off your cheek. ”And you’re a total fool! Because you were saying all those things about fighting and working on our relationship and the moment you get the chance to prove that you are ready to fight through hardships you run away! Like a real fool! But you know what, I don’t regret anything. I really don’t. Want to know why? Because we would’ve broken up anyway once you debuted, once you moved out as a member of that group! You wouldn’t try to fight then either, but it would be YOU to blame! You!” You ended up with an accusation, you didn’t plan to tell him that. But it only felt right - the conclusion came to you the very right moment you were saying it. What would be the difference? He’d still let go of you, if he acts like this now. It’s only better to end it earlier, before you get too deep and hurt too much. Like It weren’t too late by now. You tried hard not to think of your intimacy yesterday, it would literally make you bawl your eyes out.

”Will you shut up for a second?” Yuta sighed tiredly. 

”What?”you expected an answer - you didn’t expect him to be so unhinged. 

“I wasn’t trying to break up with you. I just need time, okay?“ He peeked from behind the fridge. Not a single muscle on his face unveiled to you what he was feeling. You couldn’t understand if you should feel relieved with his answer, for some reason it didn’t make you feel anything. “You can go and continue with your dream, I’ll let you know when I’m through with the fact you won’t be around much.“ 

“Yuta-.“ You sighed. While he was trying to process the news he was wasting your precious time to spend together. You still didn’t know what your schedule would be like at your new agency. You didn’t even know who you’d live with, who you’d train with. It was all so nerve-racking and you needed someone’s support, you needed Yuta’s support and he wasn’t able to give you that. You felt hurt, too. 

“No, Jaehyun didn’t come back here. He’s probably at home. You can go.“ he stared right at you and you nodded, turning back to the door.

“I’m leaving tomorrow. By midday my dad will come help to move everything to the other place. If you want to, you can come see me any time before that. I’ll be in my room packing.“ you paused before the door, expecting at least a sigh so you’d know he was considering, but Yuta kept the silence painfully loud.

-

[15:43] To Jaehyun:  why is the line dead on your side?

[15:46] To Jaehyun:  are you okay?

[15:52] To Jaehyun: I’m worried 

[16:01] To Jaehyun: I consider calling your parents if you won’t reply

You dropped more messages to Jaehyun as he was missing, still. It felt horrible, you couldn’t stop worrying if his silence is him giving you a cold shoulder, silent treatment and everything he could do to show you he didn’t want to deal with you anymore. You never imagined the downfall of your relationship before because it seemed like it could never happen, but here you were, experiencing very much that. You couldn’t pack, you were overanalysing and overthinking and mostly hyperventilating, making it hard for you to focus on packing. No matter how hard you tried to remember what the two of you were doing after your confession - you couldn’t. You couldn’t even remember if Jaehyun agreed to revel his part of the secret to you. Yesterday you had a boyfriend and a best friend and today you were left with nothing and you didn’t even leave the company yet, you had very real doubts now if the decision you made was right. Did you make the right choice? What if it was better for you to stay at the company - in the comfort of people you loved, continue working to reach your dream within your current company. You suddenly remembered Jaehyun’s words, when he tried to cheer you up. What if they’re planning to make a BoA of our generation out of you? What if they were and you blew it out the window now? You were ready to shed tears, sitting in the middle of your room with the suitcase half still half empty. Thankfully, you were interrupted, your phone rang and without a look you knew who it was. One single calm breath on the other side of the call and a flower inside your chest bloomed.

“You scared me so badly.“ you half-whispered into the phone.

“I-, ugh, I’m just sleeping at home. I’m sorry, I didn’t see.“ Jaehyun’s voice sounded funny. Like a morning voice mixed with a sore throat and something else you couldn’t describe. 

“You’re all good?“ You had to hear it  from him ,that he was completely fine. 

“Yes, just sleeping.“ Jaehyun seemed off. Did he seem off to you because you felt off or because there was something wrong between you two too, but he was kind enough to call to calm you down. Would it be okay if you’d ask him straight or should you give him space and time to come up with explanation of his own?

“If you’re not asking me why I’m not right next to you, I guess you know when and how I left?“ Your patience was wearing out, you had to ask him straight.

“I do.“ Well its good to know, you almost said out loud. 

“Can you enlighten be please? Girls found me next to the dorm alone, dead drunk and I can’t remember anything at all.“ 

“Ugh, you just wanted to go back to your bed.“ Jaehyun cleared his throat, but it didn’t make him sound any better than before. “And I couldn’t stop you, so you got in a taxi and left.“ It’s not really the explanation you were expecting. You didn’t know what you expected either, but whatever it was, it felt a little not it. 

“Did we fight? You sound upset. I’m so sorry if I said or did something wrong.“ You murmured apologetically into the phone. “I can’t remember shit but I love you.“

“How much do you not remember?“ He was curious now and sounded more lively.

“Like when I told you…ugh.“ It felt so fucking awkward to say it out loud now, when things felt so differently. “When I told you about the company and about Yu-Yuta.“ You stuttered for no reason. It felt new to talk about Yuta in such way to anyone, but moreover it felt sickening because you couldn’t work out how could it change to this uncertainty so quickly. “When I poured myself more after that, I blanked out. I don’t even remember if you repeated what was your secret.“ 

“Well you remember pretty much all the important parts.“ Jaehyun’s words sounded like his mouth was tucked into the pillow. 

“I don’t remember what you think of all this and that’s the most important part.“ you stated angsty. “Your secret is obviously the most important, my nosy self really wants to remember what you told me yesterday.“ You chuckled, in case it would make him feel better.

“Well…“ Jaehyun’s breath hitched and he didn’t need to use words to let you know he was upset with your departure. “I am going to miss you terribly. So frea-, so fucking much.“ he found it important to slip in the profanity. No word could ever describe what he felt inside. 

“You know my new dorm is not far from this one.“ you tried to hold on to the string of positivity that held you from breaking down.

“Even if it would be in the building next to this, everything is going to change.“ his voice didn’t reflect anything but regret and pain. You felt a hot tear roll down your cheek, you were just so upset with the way it hurt him, you didn’t want Jaehyun to hurt. “I’m scared of those changes.“ He admitted vulnerably in a whisper.

“I’m so sorry.“ You sobbed.

“What? No-, don’t cry. Everything’s for the best, don’t cry, please, I just wanted you to know how much you mean to me, since you don’t remember anything I had to tell you yesterday. It doesn’t mean I’m not proud of you. I’m so happy for you if this is what’s going to bring you to your dream.“ He really put in effort to change the manner of the way he spoke and his cheeriness only made you sicker. 

“I will miss you too. More than anyone.“ the line went quiet. You could hear his steady heavy breaths and Jaehyun could probably hear your little sniffs. You really tried to calm down, but now you couldn’t, not before you’ll get a chance to hug him. “When are you coming back home?“ You asked knowing way too well that Jaehyun never felt that way about the dorm when all it took for him to get back home a short ride on the bus. 

“Ugh, I need to get up first, and then clean the house and when I’m done with all that I’m having dinner with my parents and only then I’ll get back.“ It sounded like he read his chores off to do list. 

“Do you want me to come help clean?“  You had to ask, you never had the intention to leave him one on one with the mess.

“No, it’s fine.“ Of course he protested.

“I feel horrible, I made you upset and now won’t even help to clean up the mess mostly I made.“ Your fingers caught still falling teardrops that burned the skin of your cheeks. You felt like a giant bubble of nerves that was about to burst. 

“It’s fine, it was your birthday, you’re still allowed to be the princess the next day. I’ll message you once I’m back at the dorm. If you’re not with Yuta for the rest of your time with us, I’ll be glad to see you.“ You wanted to protest at his silly comment but the sound died somewhere in your throat on the second syllable. Before you could master up courage to say anything else Jaehyun hung up on you.

-

Your eyes ran once again over the walls and the ceiling of the room you got used to calling your home. Now that your weak attempt at mood board sort of display above your bed was packed in one of the boxes, the room looked very depressing. Just white walls, all furniture pieces opened wide to make sure nothing was left behind. Koeun weeped behind you and you quickly got yourself together, turning to see the girl.

“It’s fine.“ your attempt at calming her down was so weak it made you feel pathetic and on the verge of crying too. You didn’t want to bawl your eyes out, you had less than 2 hours before meeting your new family, you had to keep yourself together and be presentable for the sake of good first impression. You were thinking like your mom because her nagging was finally suitable for the situation.

“I will really miss you.“ Lami mumbled shyly, tucking her face in your chest as you pulled her in a hug. Koeun reached for you too and now you had two girls crying their eyes out into your body. It was almost impossible for you not to join them.

“I’m here! I’m here!“ Your mood for tears was ruined by Ningning, who by the sound of the main door locking, just got back to the dorm. “I’m here, I made it in time!“ She announced happily, but stopped dead on her tracks confused a moment later. “Oh god, what is this? Ugly crier competition?“ she giggled and pouted straight after. “Y’all stop crying I have practice today, I can’t cry!“ She whined, sinking in the mood completely. 

“Then don’t cry.“ You laughed and sniffled, trying to get rid of incoming tears. 

“I am not.“ Ningning reached for your hugging group, her head resting against Lami’s nape. “We prepared a little gift for you. Just a little something to remember us by. Some boys took part in this but I couldn’t find them, so we’ll just gift our gift on behalf of everyone.“

“You all really didn’t have to.“ you protested, trying to see what Ning referred to. 

“Sh, you didn’t even see yet what it is.“ The girl waved you off. 

“Okay.“ you gave in and girls let go of you, allowing for Ning to reach a small gift bag your way. You quickly took it from here, looking inside. Your fingers ran over the object that somewhat felt like a book, so you fished it out of the bag curious and confused. 

“It’s a photo album of our memories together.“ Ning commented. “Guys helped to arranged things appropriately for your entire time-being here, before I arrived too.“ 

“Since day one.“ Koeun nodded, all 3 sets of eyes staring at you expectantly, while you couldn’t move. Your fingers froze over the photo that was glued onto the cover of the photo album. Your first group photo with all your fellow trainees. Many people in that photo already left the company, some were real idols by now and part of your friend group weren’t even training back when that photo was taken. Your eyes could only focus on you and Jaehyun standing right next to each other, both with faces full of ambition and hope, just happy to finally be one step closer to your dream. Back then you would’ve never guessed how badly it’d hurt you, moving on and leaving him here. Back then you would’ve never guessed that you could have a bond like that with someone. But back then you would’ve also never guessed that you’ll be cut you from the final line up and you would’ve definitely never guessed you’d feel so heart-broken and left out. 

“Oh my god.“ Ningning sobbed, as her eyes trailed down the wet stain on your cheek. “I’m crying now too, and you didn’t even see our gift properly. There’s more in the bag.“

“Am I going to make you upset, if I’ll look at everything later? I can’t cry right now.“ Your fingers reached to catch the teardrops.

“Sure, yes.“ Girls nodded in reassurance.

“Thank you, say thank you to everyone. I-, thanks to you I have a family. And it’s not like we won’t talk to each other after this! I just have a feeling we’ll be able to see each other all the time. Imagine, like, having waiting rooms next to each other at music shows?“ Koeun nodded, wiping her tears away. You wanted to add that having rooms next to each other wouldn’t compare to sharing one room and going on stage together, but you really didn’t want to make people cry any harder and you stopped right there. “My dad is in the car outside, I think I should go.“ besides it really being your call to leave, your dad really was in the car with all your stuff packed. 

“Right.“ They stood in a line, freeing the space for you to go. 

“Bye-bye!“ You gave them an awkward wave. “I will miss you.“

“We will miss you too.“ They waved back and you left the dorm, pausing right behind the door to take a couple of breaths. Your eyes glued to the stairs, three flights and you’ll be in front of the boys’ door. But should you? You couldn’t decide whether or not you should go and force them see you when they so obviously decided not to do so. 

Jaehyun didn’t come see you upon his return to the dorm yesterday. You weren’t sure what time he got back, but you send him a message, telling him what time you’re leaving just in case he did want to say goodbye. He was your best friend, he should want to see you, you thought. You waited and waited, but Jaehyun neither replied or come. You didn’t even have a single string of hope alive Yuta would show up, you just convinced yourself Jaehyun would be enough and now even your best friend seemed to not find it important enough to be with you. You swallowed and called for the elevator. Well, it’s not on you, if they didn’t want to come say bye - its on them, you literally send both of them an RSVP. 

You walked slowly towards the glass door that would take you outside and forever out of this building. The moment you step out - there’s no coming back, you understood it and that’s exactly why you were dragging your feet so slowly. It would make the transfer so real, it would crash it onto the realms of your very current reality with no time to get used to it. No time to adjust to the idea of not having people in this building as your family, One step further - and there’s no coming back. You could rationalise with yourself, leaving company didn’t imply you have to lose all connection with your friends, it didn’t mean you couldn’t come over for hanging out, it’s not like their phones won’t answer your calls, but it felt like both Yuta and Jaehyun put a dot on your relationships themselves. The door finally was right before your eyes, you reached for the handle and froze. That very last string you were holding on to, pulled you back. Your head snapped back to the elevators in a forceful motion, making a cracking sound with how much hope you had in that ding. Maybe you left something in your room and girls needed you to come back to pick it up? But it was even better.

Jaehyun called your name once again, walking out the elevator, when you didn’t give him any reaction in response, Yuta trailing right behind him. While your best friend stared at you affectionally, the boy behind him stared down on his shoes, tongue against his cheek. 

Your mouth opened and closed multiple times, Jaehyun taking a few steps towards you, shortening the distance between you two to an arm’s length, your eyes quickly snapping to Yuta, that stayed next to the elevator like he didn’t want to be here. Or maybe just gave you and Jaehyun space to not eavesdrop?

“Girls said you already left. I was so scared we missed you.“ Jaehyun whispered, you could barely hear him at the distance, but you could very clearly feel the aftershocks in his voice. “I figured you would want to see Yuta before leaving.“ he added on a brighter note, gesturing at Yuta behind him. Your heart hurt even worse than before. You ran up to Jaehyun and squeezed him in your hands “I love you“ you whispered into his chest. How did he always find ways to make you feel better when you felt like it rolled down to hell? 

“I already miss you. Please never stop being my best friend. Promise?“ Jaehyun whispered into your hair, his palm rubbing your back in calming motion.

“I won’t. Ever. I love you.“ You were sobbing again but with Jaehyun’s warmth against your body you had no chance to hold back or to stop. He was the closest thing to home, when the real one was far away and felt like shit. He was your first friend here, he was your very best friend in the whole wide world and maybe from time to time both of you had very real attachment issues when it came to one another, you loved him dearly. It wouldn’t be the same, you will miss frivolously coming downstairs to spend your time with him, late night walks around the dorm, lunches at the company and coffee afterwards. There were so many things that will not be impossible from now on, they would just be so difficult its painful for you to think of it.

“Love you.“ He whispered back and moved your head away to take a look at your face. It’s like he was trying to remember every feature on it, every crinkle and wrinkle, like he won’t ever see you again. “Okay, I’m going to go back to practice. We ran away from practice just to say goodbye. Will give you two some private time.“ He smiled and let go of you. You couldn’t just watch him walk away like that, you squeezed his fingers in your hold and Jaehyun turned around to see you once more. “You’ll be fine. You’re only the most talented and beautiful girl I have ever met. You have nothing to worry about there. I’m just one call away.“ Jaehyun rubbed your knuckles with his thumb, forcing your hold off his hand, pacing quickly to exit. 

“I-.“ Both you and Yuta started talking the moment the door closed behind Jaehyun. Yuta paused and you were thankful. You didn’t know how long would your dad sit in his car and wait, he could possibly walk in on you two any minute. Yuta quickly shortened the distance between you two, in that cherry chilled way with a little sway to his hips. 

“I love you, Yuta. Nothing changed for me. I don’t know how I’ll continue without you right beside me. We were just fine 2 days ago, in my room here and at home, and now I can’t even call you , because I fear being refused. I-“ You took steps closer to the boy, hooking your fingers above his elbows. Yuta’s fingers, surprisingly, caressed your cheek, asking for your eyes to move up and meet his. As you did so, Yuta laid his lips atop yours, gently kissing your mouth like you were in the comfort of either of your rooms, his fingers carefully taping the skin at the base of your neck. You kissed him back with abandon, you were trying to tell him you cared for him, loved him, that you were sad and scared and confused about everything, but your love for him. He pulled back, his fingers spreading over the base of your neck.

“Go there and make me proud.“ he whispered against your cheek. You took a peek in his eyes, he didn’t really need a reply, it was a call to action, not call to conversation. It was very much a dot in the interaction you were having. You just gave him a nod and turned around without a goodbye, your eyes focusing on the reflection in the glass door. Yuta teased the ring on his necklace. 

-

“Can you take your mask off?“ Jaehyun lowered the tone of his voice. His fingers pressing the tissue laying on the table mere centimetres from yours. You just shook your head no and continued to look at him from under your hat. “Why? I haven’t seen you in so long.“ he pleaded and his fingers finally closed off the awkward distance to yours, fidgeting them in his hold, before you hid your hand back under the table.

“You know the answer.“ you mumbled apologetically. You didn’t want to flip out that card on him again. You’ve told the same thing to him so many times you were lost yourself if it was reality or an excuse or a mixture of both and you were going literally insane. 

“I don’t, really. I just want to see my best friend’s face. We haven’t seen each other in three months. You didn’t even come to celebrate my debut.“

“I couldn’t, I wasn’t allowed to skip practice. I told you, things are much stricter here, than what we used to have. We celebrated your actual first debut with NCT U, it counts.“ You tried to give him a smile, that was completely hidden under the mask, and remind him that back in April you were still at the company with him.  

“Anyway, it doesn’t give you any reason to hide from me.“ Jaehyun tried to fight you, it seemed, before a thought flew through his brain, you could see the way thought process worked in his head. “Did they do something to your face? Like a surgery?“ He tried to peak more properly at the skin that he was allowed to see. No, they didn’t do anything to you, the mask was your shield from true emotion. 

“No, I’m not under SM anymore. JYP doesn’t really do that thing, they scout pretty people.“ You said and then realised what it sounded like. 

“Is everything okay? You seem tense.“ Jaehyun wouldn’t back down and you were glad the mask was set firmly over your face and the hat made it almost impossible to see your eyes. If he’d press a little longer he’d see you fall apart in front of him. He’d see your built up confidence faint in a puff. He’d have to hear you sob at how much you miss him, and the girls and all your friends at the dorms. Having him bring you things as a surprise every time he saw you, walking back home in those large groups of sweaty and messy teenagers, listening to wild things everyone were doing at their first schedules. You even caught yourself thinking sometimes that you might’ve missed the staffs that worked with you and that specific taste of the water that was in every practice room, the SM water that you joked so much with your friends about. At the end of the day you just missed Yuta, if you were brave enough you would’ve put him at the top of those things you missed, but you couldn’t even start thinking of him. You were going to throw up right then and there. 

“It is. I told you before, my company have all those girl trainees and is planning to run everyone through different contest shows to decide on their future girl group shortlist. I’m not participating in those.“ You started slowly out of shyness, Jaehyun though, bless his heart, formed a shocked o with his mouth and almost jumped in fear in his chair. “It’s only because they are sure about me. They know they want me to debut, they’re certain with that decision.“ Those SM roots is what can really help you be the backbone of a group, be the centre of it. That’s not your bragging, that’s literal words of heads of some departments in your new company. In the past months you had to undergo a whole lot of evaluations and most of them included JY Park, making you flabbergasted every time. Many of those evaluations went with huffing and puffing of all the attendees at how they missed out on you back when you came for audition earlier in the year you joined SM. They said many encouraging things, the type of praise that could get to your head, except for SME made sure you weren’t affected by those things ever in your life again. You were just feeling more stressed and concerned and found it hard to even sleep recently. You were so afraid they’d snatch that away from you and you had to cut everyone out of your life. Everyone included Jaehyun, who couldn’t stop blowing your phone up and you… well, you replied when it felt so fucking painful to not even read what he had to say, you were finding your fingers shake badly while typing. And the only thing that brought you into this awkwardness with the closest human being you had in the entire world was fear, that everything you dreamt of can be snatched from you if you’ll trip over your own legs. Trip metaphorically, of course. And despite the boy in front of you could never in his life bring any hurt to you, he’s a full on idol now and being around him is already considered taking a very bumpy road asking for that trip. “I’m their secret trainee. No photos, no videos, not even a single glance should be taken of me. It’s especially hard since I was an announced rookie before in SM. No one knows I transferred. After that post by SM most people assumed I quit to personal reasons or whatever. I-I can’t be seen with you, I can’t be seen in general and taking my mask off is literally asking for photos. You’re famous, Jaehyun, we can’t be just sitting here and hold hands like we’re two babies that finally reunited.“ Even though you were very much that, you couldn’t act on your wishes. And you had to really hold back because the moment he walked in this Paris Baguette all you wanted to do is hug him tightly and force his cap off his head and tease him about his hair. You were sure his sides by now grew back out but you just wanted to see it for yourself. You wanted to tease him about every performance from their debut era because yes, even though it was radio silence from you throughout that period you couldn’t physically hold back from monitoring how your friends did. In comparison to that girl group it didn’t make you feel nauseous to watch that. You wanted to ask him how he felt and if it felt different from the 7th sense promo, what was the experience like to be in a fixed unit? Was he so beyond the moon happy? You wanted to ask him so many things and tell him even more. You wanted to hold the tips of his fingers to reconnect with him on every possible level. You wanted to know so much, you couldn’t know any of it.

“Ugh, okay.“ Jaehyun hid his hand under the table as well. You stared at the twisted donut that was still untouched by either of you. The cafe was pretty empty for the morning hour, despite two other tables’ occupied by people that seemed to have an early lunch break. You could’ve taken all your armour off, but it would’ve still be a risk. And you had all this built up tension in your system from all the pressure your current situation was giving you. 

Yes, you were given the honorary title of secret trainee, you tried to carry this title with care, not because it made you proud beyond imagination - because it brought so much pressure you were anxious at all times. Even JY Park himself called you the treasure they were able to steal from SM and they wanted to treat you well, turn you into the greatest artist of your generation. But at the same time it meant being treated the strictest. While rules applied to everyone, you were watched double strictly to follow them. Going outside - only under the strictest watch of your assigned manager, who thankfully was the sweetest woman not even 10 years older than you were. You really didn’t want to go in detail how you were supposed to me at your parents house now - not hanging out with Jaehyun somewhere near central Seoul. Your manager followed the rules thoroughly, but she somehow still found it in her to be sweet and understanding to everyone, in comparison to that woman at SM that somehow still haunted you in your dreams. 

Your phone now was more of an accessory, than a device to connect with the outer world. You followed a very strict policy of no phones allowed in the practice room and you had to follow an even stricter rule of no phones allowed during academic studies, when there was no such rule in SOPA (you studied there for 4 previous years, you knew that for sure and you could see your literal classmates with their phones). And while you did go to school when you were under SM, no one cared much for it - everyone would anyway successfully graduate the school, but here, they checked on your academic score and took you everyday to school, taking care of it in equal measure to your dancing and singing skills. It was not one or two classes but a full day of academic studies filled with weird stares from other kids - everyone knew who you were, if not from their own research - other kids at school enlightened them and since the very last thing about you on the internet was your departure announcement everyone at school made weird assumptions. From you having bad skills to braking the strictest rules or being pregnant or many other weird things and sometimes even everything combined. Mostly they were wondering why the hell would you stay at SOPA if you weren’t pursuing career in art. At first kids tried to befriend you but your interactions would always end up with questions about your training years and if you knew EXO, if you ever talked to Shinee’s Taemin and so many other things regarding artist at your previous agency you had to avoid everyone at the end of the day. You couldn’t work out how all those undoubtedly talented and clearly reach kids were so weirded out by celebrities and had to make everything about it. You were so envious of Jaehyun who graduated school this year and didn’t have to go through all this. "Does all this mean you’ll debut soon?" Jaehyun sounded careful, with previous experiences he didn’t want to trigger your anxiety for no reason. He obviously could sense you didn’t say anything in that key for a reason.  

"Ugh, no." you quickly let him know it was nothing like that.

"Any certainty about it?" It felt like he was trying to ask you if it made anything certain for you with the transfer. If it made any sense for you as an artist to move companies and lose everything you previously earned. He probably didn’t even mean that, but you were eating on yourself and reading through meanings in his words that weren’t there.

"No, they just debuted a group of girls. Not happening soon." You were really fine with it, if Jaehyun could’ve seen your face, he would’ve told you were fine. You had that information when you signed the transfer papers. 

"Are you upset?" Jaehyun’s body loomed above the table, closer to you. “It’s the only reason you transferred and they’re making you wait again.“

“No.“ You said fiercely and then realised who you were talking to and absence of any reason to lie to him. “I am, but they’re taking everything so seriously. Weirdly I trust them, because they’re not saying things like ‘we’re not planning on debuting anyone in upcoming years because there’s a change of plans’. They’re saying they want a group that revolves around me an even though that’s crazy scary, I’m trying to live in that bubble and hope it won’t just burst one day.“

“It won’t.“ Jaehyun reassured you in his usual sweet manner. 

“We both know now literally anything happens in this world.“ You shrugged.

“No, you will debut, I know it.“ 

“Jaehyun.“ You rolled your eyes at him in that nagging manner that almost felt foreign now to your lips. Only now did you realise you were going to lose him if you kept yourself closed off any longer. Even Jaehyun has a limit to his sweetness and care. You couldn’t ignore how good it felt to say his name out loud, how lively you felt when he smiled at you reassuringly. “If you’re going to get all these things in my head and they won’t work out, you’ll have to get my mental health back to normal yourself.“ You chuckled.

“I know there won’t be no need in that, because you’ll debut, but in case you’ll ever need that - I’ll gladly do it.“ he gave you a nod, it didn’t take even a split second for him to process your words and agree. “I’ll always be by your side, just let me be with you. I’ll help you out of anything, promise.“ his gaze burned the twisted donut on the table, if he’d stare any more fiercely than that, you were sure he’d burn holes in it. His ears turned the brightest shade of pink as he lifted his gaze at you and quickly stared back down at the donut as he saw you look back at him. Without a second thought you returned your hand on the table, palm up and close enough to his side of the table so he’d get the intention. He didn’t need a second invitation, he simply closed your palm with his and smiled. You squeezed the tips of his fingers and it felt so fucking good to just be with him. 

“Thank you.“ You meant it with all of your heart. “I love you. As much as I did when I was leaving. I’m so sorry.“ you were clutching onto him with force now, Jaehyun returning the action. You didn’t spare a glance at each other, just holding onto your fingers and staring at the untouched food in front of you. No conversation happened between you two, just quiet comfort, you almost could make yourself believe everything returned to what it used to be. Him and you against the whole world. You didn’t want to break that comfort and Jaehyun’s fingers quietly stroked yours now, you could feel his leg lightly tap under the table to the playing song in the background. 

Thankfully, his fingers were gripping your left hand and you were free to take the untouched fork and pick up a cut up piece and bring it to your face. You felt a little embarrassed as your realised you forgot about the mask on your face, having to put the fork back down, take the mask off your face and finally get the sugary dough into your mouth. You chewed and stared out the window, watching people starting to come in in bigger masses for their lunch break. Your attention was drawn back to your connected fingers when Jaehyun suddenly felt too hot above your hand to handle. You wanted to make a joke about his sweaty fingers but couldn’t form a single word. He looked so smitten and stared right at your face. Somewhere between your nose and lips, or maybe chin…? You couldn’t work out why would he stare at your mouth. Did you have something there from the mask? Or was he… looking for traces of plastic surgery you just denied? 

“I told you no plastic surgeries.“ you giggled and as your mouth formed a smile his ears weren’t pink anymore. Just pure burgundy. 

“I-I can very much see that.“ He finally moved his eyes to yours.

“Want a twisted donut?“ You smiled once again and picked up another piece with the fork, moving it to his mouth. Jaehyun caught the fork mid way and tore it from your fingers quickly, chewing on the piece, not allowing to play the plane game with him.

“Do you know DK from Seventeen?“ You asked out of the blue, while Jaehyun took another piece in his mouth.

“Not personally, do you?“ He wondered. 

“No, but Yugyeom from my company is your age and he said he heard of you because his friend DK was in the same class with you.“

“Yeah, that’s true.“  Jaehyun nodded, not connecting the dots yet.

“I gave him your phone number.“ You didn’t want to continue tip-toeing, just say straight the info you held back. You were a little shocked Jaehyun choked on his drink and widened his eyes like that. You were expecting them already kicking it off, but it seemed they didn’t contact him, still.

“Why…?“ He cleared his mouth even though it was spotless.

“Because he said they have a friend group of idols your age. I thought you’d be happy.“ You did honestly only think of him in that moment. Jaehyun needed more friends so he’d stop messaging you. Okay, maybe you did think of yourself a little too. 

“No-, I am-, no, but like why? That’s a little weird. Are you two close? Already.“ the last word was a whisper but you picked up on it with no issue. 

“He just randomly told me this, when we were together at the company. About all his friends of the same age, I thought of you and he said everyone would be glad to have an additional member to the crew.“ Jaehyun stared confused at you. “If that’s not what you want I’m going to message him not to.“ 

“You even got his phone number?“ Jaehyun asked shocked.

“Of course, how would I message him your phone number if I didn’t?“ You smiled at the weird questionary and the weird reaction. Maybe Jaehyun needed a minute or two to process what you did. 

“Thanks, but you really shouldn’t have.“ He said flabbergasted, shaking his head a little in protest.

“Why?“ you pouted.

“Makes it look like I’m asking my friend to go around and make friends for me.“ 

“A) he doesn’t know we’re friends, so if you don’t tell them anything, they won’t ever find out. I just said we trained together. B) he literally asked for it himself. He asked how old I was and then started bragging about his friends. If you don’t like them you can just ignore them, but I’m sure you’ll love him and his friends.“

“Why? Because you do?“ Jaehyun pressed… and teased? If he wasn’t teasing you’d get real concerned with the face expression he had.

“No, I literally don’t know him like that.“ You rolled your eyes with a smirk at him. It felt so weird being teased by Jaehyun about -god forbid saying this out loud- men, you somehow connected to. 

“Have you talked to Yuta ever since?“ Yeah, talking about men you somehow connected to. How fucking painfully did it sting to hear Yuta’s name.

“Has he said anything about me?“ You swallowed excitement and curiosity in one go. Just a nonchalant question about an acquaintance. 

“No, I don’t gossip about you.“ Jaehyun stated firmly and you gave him an appreciative nod.

“I-.“ You almost said you called him once or twice and even got a text from him, saying he’s busy and will call you later. Side note, he didn’t. “I didn’t.“ You didn’t want to hurt Jaehyun, even you’d be hurt if he told you he contacted someone but didn’t try to call you. And you really didn’t try to call him. 

“So you two are done?“ Jaehyun half whispered. 

“I don’t know.“ If you had an answer, you would’ve given him just that.

“Doesn’t not being in contact means you’re done with each other?“

“I don’t know, Jaehyun.“ you grumbled, you didn’t want to think how the possibility of never kissing Yuta again was growing in wild proportions. You didn’t like it, you didn’t want it. “Maybe you can ask him and tell me, since he’s your member and friend.“ You chuckled and regretted, because Jaehyun’s eyes looked like he took your words seriously, like he’d go out and ask him. And you’d want to tell him not to, except for you don’t have it in you to stop him. Maybe you need his help, to get to the end of this story.

“If that’s what you want I will.“

-

Opening that old can of warms made you want to reach out to Yuta once again. What was he doing? What was he thinking? Surely, if Jaehyun found time to see you, Yuta would’ve been free too. You wished you could just walk back to the dorm and catch him in his room - that way he’d have no choice but look at you and talk to you. Your fingers lingered over the four letters on your screen. ‘Yuta <3’. You couldn’t make a decision to call him, you couldn’t force yourself to type out a message. At the next stop, the bus you were taking back to the dorm brakes too abruptly and you’re just thankful that you’re sat down and don’t  smash your head against the window, but what you don’t notice is in the moment of inertia push of your body your fingers pressed onto the name and now you were dialling Yuta. 

“Oh fu-.“ You gasp, ready to end the call before you’re interrupted. 

“Y/n?“ A loud chirp called you and as much as you wanted to act like you didn’t hear it - you clearly did and it was too dumb to act deaf. You recognised the voice, too, raising your head and smiling at the person in front of you despite the mask that obviously covered your face. “Do you mind?“ Said person pointed at the seat next to you and you gave them a nod. You almost relaxed and asked how did you end up on one bus, but through silence in the said bus you heard a “yes?“ In your phone. Fuck, Yuta, you realised you didn’t get a chance to cancel the call and he answered but your neighbour must’ve heard the call too, since her eyes moved to your phone and you had to end the call in absolute panic before she could read, connect the dots and ask questions. 

[15:02] from Yuta <3: what was this?

Oh fuck, why would he want to finally talk to you when your brains are all mush and another person is staring at you.

“Where you’re coming from?“ she asks with a smile. You sighed, seems like she didn’t have the time to notice anything.

“Ah, went to see my parents.“ She gave you a nod and you had to ask. “I’m sorry. Yeji, right?“

“Right.“ she gifted you with another nod.

“I’m sorry, so many new people around and not much time to talk to everyone. I still get a little confused with names.“ You excused yourself shyly. You were spending so much time agonising over Yuta you had no chance to go out and make friends.

“Don’t worry. I only joined the company a month before you. Still confuse some names.“

“Oh-, really? Did you train somewhere else prior? You’re very skilled.“ You recalled multiple occasions you saw her in action. 

“No-, oh god.“ She sincerely smiled “Why would you say this, you literally trained in SM for the longest time.“ Her eyes wrinkled in a perfect way, you couldn’t believe the girl was this pretty. 

“It really doesn’t mean anything.“ You waved her off with a chuckle. “I didn’t make it in the big run so it really doesn’t matter.“

“Wah… It’s really nothing, we’ll make it big in here.“ She giggled and her laughter flew through the bus, enveloping it in such sweet and encouraging girliness. 

“I really love the cut of your eyes.“ You let her know randomly, because her eyes were really pretty and she stared at you all flustered and shy with those eyes.

“Oh, you really shouldn’t say this.“ She waved her palms at you in the cutest act of denial, bowing mid action and hiding her face in her palms. “What year are you-“ she giggled lightheartedly and this simple interaction made your day so much better. You were still floating on Jaehyun happy virus that spread through your body and Yeji added so much to that. You were feeling happy for the first time in months.

“It’s fine, we can be friends-.“

“Oh“ she suddenly straightened her back at the hint you were older.

“No, no, no.“ you stopped her quickly and laughed. “It’s okay, I promise. We can be friends. I haven’t made any yet in here, so I think as first come first serve you can be the privileged one and talk freely.“ You would’ve not minded if she was your 10th friend in here. She was so cute and seemed so sweet, she could really refer however she wanted to you any time of the day.

“Oh.“ She gasped again and you suddenly felt like a mighty and wise senior. Someone with power and influence, except for you really weren’t and she could be the next pop star and you’ll just stay you, the greatest achievement being an announced SM Rookie. The single thought made you shake in fear. “Thank you.“ She smiled and trained her eyes on the view outside. “Oh, on-, I mean, Y/n, it’s our stop next, press the button, please.“ She pointed at the stop button and you finally focused your eyes on the outside, letting the driver know you’re departing here. You took off the bus and crossed the road to get to your building. As the two of you waited for the elevator, you pulled out your phone, typing the address of your dorm to the last chat in messages.

[15:34] to Yuta <3: thats where i live now

[15:34] to Yuta <3: if you ever feel like seeing me, just call. i’ll come outside.

[15:35] to Yuta <3: i’m usually free from 10pm

[15:35] to Yuta <3: i really miss you.

-

You tried not to think of the fact that your messages to Yuta were never rewarded with an answer. You had an additional hour free, since your choreographer had a birthday today and send all of you home early. You didn’t have much to do, you really were the type to lay on your bed and scroll through your Instagram and see what all your friends been up to. You looked at the picture of Ning hugging tightly the bear she was gifted by all girls back when you were part of that floor. It seemed she was in your previous room and you smiled, reaching out to her through DMs. “Solo room???? CONGRATS!!!“ you giggled and hit sent.

[20:55] From 2xNing: Solo room it is!! We had a real competition for it, but no one could ousting me so I won

[20:55] To 2xNing: Ahahahah I’m happy it’s in good hands

[20:59] From 2xNing: What’s the room arrangement like for you now???

[20:59] From 2xNing: When am I getting the debut announcement from you??

You looked around and didn’t really want to tell her anything. There was you and 3 other girls and if the two of them had a bunkbed, you and one more girl had just thick mattresses that were supposed to migrate to an actual bed frame but somehow still stayed on the floor. You were thankful even for that, because you had to sleep on a yo for the first month due to some logistical issues and it was disastrous. You didn’t even sleep on a yo when you were a kid and visited your grandparents, you really didn’t want to think about that ever again. 

The room had no air conditioning and looked old, in addition to being generally small, but you didn’t want to complain. It was hot and humid but at least you had a chance to debut and they promised to move you all to a different dorm in the nearest future. You were just hoping that nearest future would come. Everyone seemed baffled with the rooms, but everyone seemed closed off and didn’t want to discuss these things with you. People wanted to maintain their image, they kept themselves distanced and awkward. You really hated on yourself for the lack of will to get closer on your part. You were new and they were already settled, so you felt like an outcast thanks to the inner battles you had with people from you previous agency. Were you considered a threat? Just unlikable? You didn’t even have time to work these things out. Ugh, you really needed to put in work to befriend them. Your eyes ran over the room once again, and literally everyone stared into their phones, earphones plugged in. 

[21:03] To 2xNing: room sucks on default since its shared and I’m used to being solo, but I guess it helps us to connect

[21:03] To 2xNing: no debut for me tho lol

[21:03] from Yuta <3: Think you could see me tonight?

You jumped up on the mattress and hit your head on the bedside lamp that hung right above your head. 

“What is it?“ Chaeyeon, that had been laying on her back facing you, pulled her earphones in one swift motion at the sight.

“Oh, no. It’s nothing.“ you mumbled awkwardly only receiving a side eye from the girl. You needed to rehabilitate yourself in all of their eyes. “It’s my-, my childhood friend. I didn’t expect them to reach out to me. That’s it.“ You looked at your phone awkwardly. 

“Okay.“ She shrugged uninterested. Okay, whatever, you sighed. 

[21:04] to Yuta <3: I could

[21:05] to Yuta <3: When?

[21:05] to Yuta <3: I’m home

[21:06] from Yuta <3: I’m outside

-

so we're starting off with a cliff hanger lol but as I promised, I have good news. Part 5 is coming out next Monday 5pm EST.

while I personally love reading long chapters, I've decided to cut everything max to 10k since I'm sure reading 20k words takes a ridiculous amount of time for everyone

more good news that involve Haechan are coming very soon!

I hope tumblr doesn't f this up and this reaches people

anyway, see you next Monday :)