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trashytummiez · 3 years ago

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hunger fic where yuu listens to idia's tummy and then she feeds him and listens to his tummy again when its full?

*GOOOOOUUUUUURRMBLE!*

Poor Idia grimaced uncomfortably when his tummy gave an incredibly loud growl. The dorm leader was so fixated on his gaming session that he forgot to eat and now his tummy was going to remind him whether he liked it or not.

"Nnnngh sooo hungry," whined the fiery haired teenager. He wrapped his arms around his stomach while it kept grumbling away noisily.

"Wow I thought that was a bear," Yuu's voice called out.

The startled Idia yelped like a frightened puppy not expecting his girlfriend to already be in his dormroom. "Wh-When did you get in?"

"Just now. You probably didn't hear me come in over the sound of your stomach," Yuu teased.

Idia whimpered and cringed at the same time when his tummy gave another uproarious grumble. Yuu sat the anxious boy down onto his couch and gently put her hand on his flat rumbling tummy. Idia covered his eyes with his oversized hoodie sleeves whimpering some more. Yuu just giggled and gave his tummy a few teasing pats.

"I ordered takeout for us...mostly you so that should solve this," Yuu said.

Idia's stomach sounded like it was snarling at her for not doing that sooner.

Curious she leaned her head down and put her ear against his stomach. Idia looked down at his girlfriend and tapped his index fingers timidly. "...C-Can't you hear my tummy clear enough with how noisy it is...?"

"You know me," Yuu said like that was all the explanation she needed.

Technically it was. Yuu's fetishes were not unknown to Idia in the least. It was one of the biggest open secrets on campus in fact. Others were far more keen to tease Yuu's fetish but Idia was way too shy to try a lot of the times.

Fortunately he still managed whether he tried to or not.

Yuu continued listening to Idia's stomach grumbling away. It bubbled sharply like liquids being sucked away from the very depths of his stomach.

To help calm Idia's stomach down Yuu slid her hand under his big blue hoodie and started rubbing his bare tummy. Idia whined nervously when he felt her lithe little hand delicately stroking his soft pale flesh. He hated to admit how much he loved her touch but was also so unused to physical contact that it still made him incredibly nervous.

Her fingers gently rode up Idia's flat smooth stomach running circles across it and occasionally kneading into his delicate flesh. He bit his blue lips with his fangs both out of nervousness and pleasure. Especially when Yuu started to run her fingers across his belly button.

It also helped to ease the roaring from Idia's tummy too. His organ was still growling but much softer the more Yuu rubbed it.

What helped even more was the fast food Yuu ordered finally arriving. She got Idia an abundance of his favorite burgers and beverages. The timid and anxious boy quickly tore through his meal more voraciously than he cared to admit. Idia was incredibly hungry after all. Too hungry to be embarrassed by his far less than civil eating.

Yuu loved every second of it. She loved watching Idia's fangs tear through each burger and the sizable lumps that would squeeze down his pale slender throat. And the way he washed it all down by grabbing one of the two liter bottles she got him by bringing it up to his blue lips and sucking that beverage down made Yuu weak in the knees. She watched his Adam's Apple bob in and out while his throat rippled from gulping his soda down so fast and in such high quantity.

Not to mention how unbelievably gassy all that soda was making him combined with so much fast food festering in his increasingly swollen tummy. The more food Idia chomped down and the more soda he guzzled the bigger and rounder his tummy became. That bump beneath Idia's large hoodie stretched out against it more and more injunction with Idia's gluttony.

By the time idia was finished stuffing himself his belly was as big as a beachball. His hoodie actually rode up a little because he was too bloated to conceal it even with how large his hoodie was.

Idia moaned and slumped back against the couch with both hands rubbing his big round tummy. Yuu could hear everything in Idia's belly slosh from his movement.

"Faaaaaah...unnnngh I'm so fuuuull..." Idia moaned while his hands groggily rubbed over the round mass gurgling from his stretched out middle.

"Wow you were really hungry weren't you," Yuu marveled at the sight of Idia's big noisy belly.

Idia gave a really rich closed mouth burp that made him squint and stained both his and Yuu's cheeks with a blush. Just for very different reasons. Idia panted after and patted his belly while he blew the gas out of his mouth. "Ungh I guess my tummy was emptier than I thought..." Idia said with a soft hiccup.

Yuu leaned him back a little more and lifted the bottom of his hoodie and shirt up like she were lifting a curtain to reveal that big beautifully round tummy of his. Idia blushed immensely when yuu started fumbling with his pants. He whimpered and looked away humming some anime theme song to himself until Yuu undid his pants. His incredibly bloated tummy spilled forth with a heavy slosh to fill up the space and brought Idia such immediate relief he moaned heavenly.

"Oooooohhhh...ohhh that's so much better..." Idia moaned.

"I know," Yuu said and gave Idia's sizable tummy a teasing pat which made it wobble and caused the boy to hiccup again.

Yuu was too infatuated not to immediately start rubbing Idia's belly when she was close enough. She rubbed that heavily glutted tummy slowly and sensually. Her fingers kneaded across that thick yet smooth and oh so soft flesh sinking into it while she worked to settle the boys incredibly full belly.

She cupped into the sides of his ball-shaped tummy and used her thumbs to gently stroke that portion of flesh between Idia's stretched out belly and his hips. He was far too bashful and timid to admit how much he adored that feeling of Yuu's hands all over his stomach but he didn't need to. Not when Yuu probably loved fondling and rubbing his belly every bit as much as Idia loved being on the receiving end. Especially the way her palm ran over his belly button. Even as shy and anxious as Idia was that never failed to make the boy groan delightfully. Which was part of why Yuu always did it.

His big round tummy burbled heavily while his strong digestive system worked to break down such a remarkably heavy meal. It caused Idia's stomach to gurgle and churn very noisily almost like one of their potion classes they had together if one counted Idia's form of remote learning. And because he was already digesting so much of what he ate Idia's stomach had a soft jiggly quality to it.

This was something Yuu always loved about Idia's belly after a heavy binge. She cupped his immensely thick lower stomach and lifted it up. Idia's blush was intense when he saw the sheer infatuation and lust in Yuu's eyes when she scooped up his belly like that. She eagerly gave his belly a light jiggle which made everything digesting inside of him slosh even more heavily. Idia winced when all that sloshing started stirring the gas in his belly up his gullet. He held a fist against his dark blue lips and barely held back a considerable burp that rumbled heavily in his cheeks. Idia blushed and gave another longer closed mouth burp right after that.

The way the gas rumbled so hard in Idia's mouth always turned Yuu on especially with the strain on his face when he struggled to hold back. But she also really wanted to hear Idia let a good burp out so she teasingly released Idia's belly and let it basically flop down onto his lap with an intense slosh and jiggle. The thick sound of Idia's tummy basically slapping against his thighs was so satisfying to Yuu's ears.

But not nearly as satisfying as the thick burble that gurgled up Idia's throat. He winced and tried to hold it back with his hand clamped around his lips but there was just too much pressure to hold back. So Idia ended up letting out a loud throaty burp that pushed out of him heavily for a few seconds.

BBRRRAAAAAAAAAHHRRUUURRRUUUUUUUHHHPP!!!!

Yet again both Idia and Yuu were blushing heavily and yet again it was for completely different reasons.

"There you go just let it out," Yuu said and gave the side of Idia's belly a few especially hearty pats to make it slosh and jiggle with each pat and hopefully coax another one out.

And it did since her patting caused another hearty burp to roll out of Idia's mouth.

The boy huffed and covered his mouth in time to suppress another air bubble that was worming its way up his throat after that burp.

"...You enjoy this way too much," Idia whined softly.

"Guilty as charged," Yuu admitted shamelessly and drove her point home by really squeezing down on Idia's belly which forced a huge burp out of Idia's mouth that was bigger and longer than any others before it.

BBWWRRAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUURRRRRRRHHHAAAAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRLLPPP!!!!!!!!!!!

It was such a massive burp that Idia was left out of breath when it finished. He slumped back and panted so heavily his rounded tummy rose and fell with each breath he gave.

"Fffrraaahh...ooohhhh...ungh that...that felt good..." he gasped out with his tongue out a little.

"Sounded even better," Yuu said and gave Idia's tummy another teasing pat. Idia hiccuped again and huffed after. There was clearly still more gas left in there but she'd hold off on pushing the rest out after the boy had some time to catch his breath.

Then Idia's tummy gave a thick groan.

*GllluuOOOOOoorrrrble!!!*

It sounded richer than the drier and more painful sounding rumbles it was giving before Idia ate.

Yuu rested her head against Idia's big belly with a fleshy bloated pillow. The added pressure against his stomach made Idia burp again but he was far too winded by that last record breaking eruption he gave to bother holding it in. Yuu's ear rested gently against Idia's round churning tummy nuzzling her cheek into his soft delicate flesh which made Idia giggle lightly from how ticklish his tummy was.

She just listened to it churn and burble deeply while his meal continued to be worked down.

"Mmmmm you're tummy sounds so happy right now," she observed with infatuation on her mind.

Despite his overstuffed state when Idia looked down and saw Yuu nestled up against his big tummy like that he couldn't help smile and drape an arm around his girlfriend. "With how much you fed it I'm not surprised," he said with another small giggle. Then he bit his lip again tentatively. "...Do you think you could keep rubbing my tummy a little bit more while you're down there?"

He could barely finish talking when Yuu got to work immediately stroking Idia's burbling tummy even more. Idia hummed happily and closed his eyes with an absolutely adorable smile on his face. Yuu caught a glimpse and felt her heart grow warmer at the sight.

It just reinforced what she always knew. Happiness was always just a full tummy away.

#kink fic #idia #yuu #idia x yuu #belly kink #bloated #stuffing #tummy squeeze #tummy rub #noisy tummy #hunger kink #burping #burp kink #hiccups #i ship it #stuffed

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shemarmooresfedora · 4 years ago

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Rebuilding Family

Summary: Y/N and Spencer were college sweethearts at Cal-Tech but once Spencer got accepted to the FBI Academy, he ended things deciding it was not fair to make Y/N wait for him. When they meet again years later, he discovers something unexpected.

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader

A/N: i hit 200 followers!! as celebration, i put out a list of 40 prompts and you can send me an ask with up to three and i will write a one-shot including them! i have already received one request and i’m already in the process of writing it but i would love to write more!

Masterlist

Chapter 23

You inhaled sharply as you sat up in the hospital bed. Spencer looked at you, concerned.

“The doctor gave you the option to stay here for one more night. Are you sure you want to be discharged today?” Spencer asked.

“I need to go home. It’s so boring here. I’ll heal quicker at home, I promise,” you whined.

“Scientifically, that’s not possible but fine. Don’t think for a second that I’m going against the doctor’s orders though. Bed rest for a week,” Spencer brushed the stray hairs off your face and placed a gentle kiss on your forehead.

“You’re no fun,” you pouted as he helped you into the wheelchair.

“I think Jo and Penelope have a little surprise for you waiting at home that will cheer you up,” Spencer smiled.

Spencer insisted on carrying you bridal-style through the front door because you couldn’t walk up the steps.

“We’re not officially married yet,” you teased.

“Oh hush, I’d keep you in my arms forever if I could,” he pulled you closer to his chest.

You snuggled into his cardigan that smelled like an old bookstore, “I guess I wouldn’t mind that either.”

Spencer slowly put you down and opened the door to your bedroom. Technically, it was you and Spencer’s shared bedroom now because he hardly ever used his bedroom now other than as storage for his things. Most of his clothes had already migrated to your closet and one of your bedside tables now had piles of books, a journal with chicken scratch, and his reading glasses atop it.

Inside, you saw Jo and Penelope holding heart balloons that said “Get Well Soon!” and a big teddy bear.

“Awww, thank you, my lovelies,” you smiled.

“I brought the mini fridge from my office so you are fully stocked with waters, juice, ice cream, fruit, whatever your little heart desires,” Penelope chirped.

“Thank you, Pen. You didn’t have to do that. I feel bad now. Where are you going to put your lunch?”

“Nonsense, my dear! There’s a fridge in the break room I can use. Don’t worry about me,” she assured you.

“And I made you drawings, Mommy,” Jo gestured to the walls of the room covered in colorful crayon sketches of animals, dinosaurs, trees, and people.

“Oh my god, these are so gorgeous, Jo! They are definitely going to help me get better, thank you.”

Jo hopped up on the bed to give you a hug.

“You’re welcome, Mommy,” she said as you planted a kiss on her head.

“Alright, I’m going to head out. Let me know if there’s anything I or anyone else at the BAU can do, literally anything, you just name it,” Penelope stated.

“Bye, Pen. Thank you so much,” you waved.

“Do you want soup? Spring rolls? Tea? What can I do for you, love?” Spencer eagerly asked.

“Could you please see if we have the ingredients for a cake for a special little 7 year-old?” you grinned.

“One cake, coming right up,” Spencer nodded, “Jo, do you want to help or stay with Mommy?”

“Stay with Mommy,” Jo grabbed the TV remote and curled into your side.

“Can you handle it?” you asked hesitantly, knowing baking wasn’t really Spencer’s forte.

“I will try my best,” he smiled, “And if not, I will go to the store.”

An hour later, Spencer opened the bedroom door, holding a chocolate cake with purple candles. He looked absolutely adorable, he was wearing your sunflower apron and he had flour residue on his nose.

“As promised,” he smiled, setting the cake down.

Jo was practically drooling as the cake was set in front of her.

“Hold on, I need to get plates and forks!” Spencer rushed out of the room and down the stairs.

“You better hurry. Jo looks like she is ready to just start eating it with her hands,” you laughed.

A week later, you woke up super early and jumped out of bed, dancing around a little in Spencer’s sweater, your PJ shorts, and fuzzy socks.

“Bed rest is over!” you cheered quietly to yourself, going downstairs to make banana bread.

Spencer came down fifteen minutes later as you were dancing around the kitchen to your music and whisking the batter.

“Bed rest is over,” you beamed as he came up behind you, tucking his chin into your neck and squeezing you softly, leaving a kiss as he pulled away.

“I love you,” he grinned.

“And I love you too...Spence, I was thinking…” you turned to face him after you put the pan in the oven.

“About what?” he asked, leaning against the kitchen counter with his mug of coffee.

“I don’t want to wait any longer. Can we please get married already?” you asked.

“Like now now?” he smiled softly.

“Like as soon as we can but still having a small ceremony so our friends and family don’t kill us for eloping,” you placed your hands on his chest.

“JJ and Will had their wedding in Rossi’s backyard,” Spencer suggested.

“Penelope did say if we needed anything, just ask,” you grinned.

Spencer already had his phone out of his pocket before you could say anything else. He dialed Rossi and put it on speaker.

“Reid, to what do I owe this pleasure on a lovely Tuesday morning,” Rossi spoke through the phone.

“Hey, Rossi. Y/N and I kind of have a big favor to ask,” Spencer began.

“Name it.”

Everything was a whirlwind after that. You decided Saturday evening would be best for the wedding so you and Spencer had exactly five days to coordinate your wedding.

Luckily, the team took care of most of the planning like the caterer and the set-up of Rossi’s backyard but you and Spencer’s opinions were still needed for everything from which flowers you wanted in your bouquet to what flavor of cake.

You and Spencer sat in bed one night criss-cross across from each other and you each had a little journal and pen in your hand. You both wrote your vows over the next hour. Spencer would occasionally look up at you, stare for a minute, silently smiling, and then continue jotting something down.

Spencer pushed up his glasses on the bridge of his nose and leaned over your journal.

“No peeking!” you rolled on your back, flailing your legs so he couldn’t get to your journal.

“Ugh fine, I surrender,” he laughed, grabbing on to your legs to stop your movements, “I guess I can wait 3 more days.”

He leaned down to kiss you.

“3 more days,” you repeated with a dreamy smile.

You and Jo met the BAU ladies at a boutique to get dresses for everyone. You had decided on a dusty blue for the bridesmaid dress color but you let them choose which style they wanted so everyone was matching but still got to decide which dress they liked best.

Jo was essentially given free rein in the children’s section of the store and chose a pale pink dress with a bow on the back that would serve as her flower girl dress.

After all that was settled, everyone gathered on the couch near the fitting room to watch you try on dresses, you had been saying from the start that you just wanted something simple. All the options in the store were overwhelming to you but the girls insisted you at least try on a little of everything to get a feel for it.

You came out in a huge poofy wedding dress courtesy of Penelope.

Jo burst out in giggles, “Mommy looks like a cupcake.”

“I think anything overly poofy is ruled out. I want to be able to pee without the help of 3 bridesmaids,” you walked back into the fitting room.

Next was a gown with lots of detailed beading and lace and a long train.

“I think it’s too much,” you sighed, “Plus, I don’t want to trip on this train while walking down the aisle,” you returned to the stall.

You walked out of the dressing room once more and everyone gasped.

“Oh my god,” Penelope was fanning her face to dry the fast-forming tears.

“Y/N, I don’t want to speak for you but I think this is the one,” JJ smiled.

The dress you were wearing was a white satin gown. It was a maxi dress with spaghetti straps and it hugged your hips but was loose around your legs so it was still comfortable.

“It’s perfect,” you smiled softly, looking in the mirror.

Jo hopped off of Emily’s lap and joined you on the little stage, still in her flower girl dress, doing a little twirl. You started to cry from all the happiness and pent-up excitement you were feeling.

“Hey, how’d it go?” Spencer asked when you got home.

You rounded the corner to the couch where he was laying.

“That good?” he asked.

“What?” you furrowed your brow, looking at him in confusion because you hadn’t said anything yet.

“You have remnants of mascara on your cheeks indicating that you were crying and that means you must have found the perfect dress because Jo is over there grinning like a fool,” Spencer smiled.

“You know you’re a retired profiler, right?” you teased.

“Mommy looked so pretty, Daddy! You wouldn’t even believe it!” Jo exclaimed.

“Oh, I believe it, Princess,” Spencer lifted Jo up on to his lap, “I know it’s against the rules for me to see Mommy’s dress but can you do a fashion show for me with yours?”

Jo nodded enthusiastically, running up to her room with the bag in her hand.

“Ready!” she called out a few minutes later.

“Now introducing your royal highness, Princess Josephine Y/L/N-Reid,” Spencer announced as Jo walked down the stairs, doing a fancy royal wave.

A/N: i absolutely can not wait to write the wedding chapter

#spencer reid fluff #spencer reid x you #spencer reid x reader #dad!spencer #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid #reid x reader #spencer x reader #cm fanfic #criminal minds

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itsallyscorner · 4 years ago

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Baby Mix → Baby Holland

The sequel to Baby Mix

Pairing: Little Mix member!reader x Tom Holland

Summary: The youngest member of Little Mix has something to reveal after not seeing the girls for months.

A/n: Set in Corona times, I know London lifted their lockdown restrictions for a while then initiated them again after. But anyway, this is set around that time when lockdown rules were lifted. I had so much fun writing this! I hope you all enjoy it🥰

You felt a rush of excitement and nervousness through your veins as you walked around your home, making sure every corner was clean. You entered the dining room and double checked each plate, checking to see if they all had the essential utensils, a napkin, and a wine glass. You trusted Tom to set up the table, but today was a big day and you wanted to make sure everything was perfect.

“Darling, you don’t need to triple check everything in the house. Nothing’s moved since the last you’ve looked at it.” Tom teases you as he enters the dining room from the kitchen. He wore a tight black shirt, the sleeves rolled up to his elbows, with dark blue jeans. During the time in lockdown, his hair has grown out and he’s been working on his facial hair. You smiled at the 5 o’clock shadow that graced his face; it’s been known that he took forever to grow out facial hair, so to see that there was some light stubble on his face made him really happy. He was very proud of it.

“You look extremely hot right now.” You comment, meeting him in the middle of the room. His hands instantly place themselves at your waist, before one hand moves to rest on your growing stomach and the other on the small of your back.

“Is that the hormones talking?” He squints his eyes playfully at you. You gently shove him, only for him to pull you back closer into his chest. “No? I mean you always look good in whatever you wear. But it could possibly be the hormones?” You ramble.

Tom chuckles, his eyes gazing at you like you’re the only woman in the world. Well technically, you are the only woman in his world; besides his mum and grandma of course. But you were it for him, he wanted nobody else but you. Sure, you guys weren’t married, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t committed to you. The baby might’ve came before the wedding, but he will marry you one day.

“How are you feeling?” He asks you, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. Ever since the two of you have discovered you were pregnant, the morning sicknesses have gotten worse and worse. You were really hoping you’d be one of those lucky mothers who wouldn’t experience morning sickness, but with your luck it never happened. This morning you stumbled out the bed and into the toilet; today’s puke was probably the most horrible one this week, as gross as that sounds. Tom was behind you in an instant, tying your hair into a ponytail and rubbing soothing circles onto your back. It pained him to see you like this, he couldn’t do anything but hold your hair back, help you get your puke out, and whisper comforting things into your ear. He considered on canceling today’s event after you cleaned yourself up in the bathroom and snuggled back into the sheets, eyes red and puffy. Though when he mentioned on canceling, you declined immediately. You had both been anticipating today and you weren’t going to let some morning sickness postpone such a special event.

He looked at you concerned, scanning your face for any discomfort. Your lips quirk up to a fond smile as you kiss the worry away from him, “I’m doing much better than this morning, we’re both doing good.”

“That’s great, that’s all that matters to me right now.” He responds, pulling you into a hug. One thing you’ve noticed about Tom and your pregnancy was that he was very touchy and protective. Though he was already like that, it seemed like the pregnancy intensified his protectiveness, or just him in general. He was very alert of his surroundings, making sure everything was clean, that you were always comfortable, and that you weren’t experiencing any pain from the pregnancy. He was dedicated to making sure you were treated like a princess, you and your baby.

“You’ve got everything handled just in case they all come early right? I’m gonna head up and get dressed.” You pull away to look at him.

He nods at you, ensuring that he had everything under control, “Yeah, I’ve got it.” He pecks your lips before you pull away and head for the stairs. He watches your figure go up the stairs, just in case you trip or something, he would be there to catch you. When he sees you round the corner safely he yells, “Just give me a shout when you need something!”

He hears a faint “I know!” from upstairs and the sound of a door closing. He took that as his sign to get back in the kitchen and continue cooking. With the help from Sam, over FaceTime, Tom was able to get around the kitchen and make some proper food for your guests

~⏰~

You take one last look at yourself in the mirror. You wore leggings and an oversized knitted sweater that hid your small bump. You had light make up on, not bothering to put much since it was just the girls and you were all just having a casual lunch. You could already hear the commotion downstairs, Jesy’s contagious laughter, hints of Perrie and Jade’s voices, and Leigh-Anne gushing over some decorative piece in your house. You take a deep breath, preparing yourself to give them all the good news. In fact, they’re one of the first ones that will get to know about your and Tom’s secret. Your family and Tom’s being the first to find out the moment you both left the doctor’s office. The girls deserved to be part of the group who found out first, they were like your older sisters and have always been there for you since you’ve known them. They’re basically family.

You giddily head down the stairs with delight as the girls finally come onto view. Perrie screams, throwing herself off the couch and pulling you into a hug. You were stunned by the sudden force, though you tightly wrapped your arms around her, careful to not press your stomach against her.

“Oh! I’ve missed you so so much! It’s been so long, I hate being away from you all for months.” Perrie cried, pressing kisses onto your face. You laughed trying to dodger her.

“Let me smother you with love, I haven’t seen you in so long!” Perrie objected, hugging you one more time. “I miss you too, Pez.” You giggled kissing her cheek.

Jesy comes from behind Perrie and detaches her from you, “Babe, you look beautiful! You’re glowing, look at you!” Jesy cupped your cheeks then wrapped her arms around you.

“Oh my goodness, let me tell you, I didn’t even realize that was Tom.” She said when you both broke the hug. You burst out laughing, placing a hand on her arm.

“No seriously! I didn’t even know he can grow facial hair? I was expecting to see a boy answer the door not a man!” Jesy admits making you laugh even more at her genuinely shocked face.

“Are you still on about Tom and his beard?” Jade asks as she approaches you, Leigh-Anne right behind her.

“Isn’t it a shocker? I live with a man now.” You joke, wrapping your arms around Jade. She squeals, swaying the two of you side to side.

“Babe, your house is stunning!” Leigh-Anne compliments, hugging you and kissing your cheek. You wave her off, “You literally have a whole mansion. I still don’t understand how we have the same paycheck.”

You all settle in the living room for now, waiting for Tom to call for lunch. You could smell the delicious aroma of whatever Tom was cooking in the kitchen and your stomach couldn’t help but growl. Jesy eyes your stomach, “What’ve you got in your stomach? That sounded like an animal.” For a moment you were caught off guard at the mention of your stomach. You eyes widen for a second as you glance down at where your sweater was bunched up.

“Uh—I’m just really hungry.” You brush off her comment, face getting flustered. Jade playfully shakes her head glancing at the kitchen, “Has Thomas not been feeding you right?”

“No—he’s been absolutely amazing! Spending lockdown with him was a dream.” You answer chuckling. Perrie crosses her arms, “Lucky, I had lockdown with a football player. Do you know how difficult it is to live with one?”

“It couldn’t have been that bad?” Leigh-Anne chimed in, sipping on a glass of wine. Perrie huffs leaning forward in her seat, “I felt like a bloody housewife the whole time. I had to keep restocking my fridge every week because he eats everything—like seriously, our food never lasted till the weekend. Alex kept on eating my snacks that I had to start hiding them from him.”

“Are we not going to talk about how Jade found love during a worldwide pandemic?” Jesy mentions pointing at Jade, who has a teasing smile on her face.

She waves her finger at Jesy, “Nuh uh, we aren’t talking about that yet.” You gasp, “And why not?”

“We’re still getting to know each other, I don’t want to rush into things, ya know?” Jade’s face contorts in thought. “Like we’ve done a virtual date on Zoom and have been texting each other back and forth, we’ll see where it goes.”

“You’ll be fine and you’re taking things slow, you should be familiar with each other first before fully committing.” Leigh-Anne assured her. All eyes fell on Leigh-Anne then down to her left hand.

“HOLD ON—LET ME SEE THE RING IN PERSON!” You yell jumping off the couch to where Leigh-Anne was sitting. You sit beside her and take her left hand admiring the giant diamond on her ring finger.

“I can’t believe you’re engaged, I’m so happy for you Lee.” You gush pulling her into a side hug. She nudges your shoulder, gesturing to Tom, “You might be next.” She winked.

“You know, I think Perrie’s gonna be the next one actually.” You smirk at the blonde who rolls her eyes. “Like what Jade said, we’ll see.” She hums shrugging. Your stomach growls again making Leigh-Anne glance at your stomach.

“Oh my goodness” she laughs, moving to look for Tom. “Tom, is lunch ready yet? Your girlfriend’s stomach keeps growling!” You hear something clang in the kitchen before Tom pops his head out, “Lunch’s ready, I was just waiting for you ladies to wrap up the chit chat.”

You all move to the dining room where Tom had laid out the food. He’s made pasta, with some steak, Caprese salad, and garlic bread. Jesy makes a content sound as she scans the food on the table before taking a seat.

“I must say Tom, I’m quite impressed with the food.” Jesy compliments Tom. A proud smile forms on Tom’s face, his eyes switching between you and Jesy. “You heard that darling? Jesy just complimented me.”

“I know, I heard her Tom.” You laugh patting his chest. He pulls your seat out for you, then sits in the chair on your right side while Jesy was on your left. Across from you three were Perrie, Jade, and Leigh-Anne.

“We could eat now right?” Jade asks while reaching out for the pasta’s serving fork.

“Yeah, yeah, go ahead.” Tom nods his head at the food. You hear a whine behind you distracting you from the delicious food Tom made. Behind your chair was Tessa who tried to nuzzle herself between your and Tom’s chairs. Not only had Tom grown even more protective of you, but so has Tessa. The sweetheart trailed after you everywhere you go, she stayed in the same room you were in and would lay beside your feet. Though Tom was her rightful owner, she would bark at him whenever he got a little too close to you or your stomach. Tom wasn’t going to lie, he did feel upset and envious that his precious princess barely paid him any mind anymore. But to know that she was only doing it to protect you and her future sibling warmed his heart, so he got over it in an instant.

“Tess, no.” Tom softly scolded the dog trying to shoo her away from the table. She only let out more whines making your heart break. You placed a hand on Tom’s, “Just let her stay, she won’t bother anyone.” Tom nods and pats Tessa’s head.

Lunch goes by splendidly, it was full of laughs and catching up with each other’s lives. It was nice to finally be surrounded by your favorite people in the world after months being apart. Everyone enjoyed the food, complimenting Tom on his excellent work and not burning the kitchen down. Wine and drinks were passed around except for you, who stuck with a water and a small amount of soda. Usually you would also be drinking, clinking glasses with Jade as you down your drinks, but thankfully no one had caught on yet.

“Sorry, we’ve all been rambling about our experiences during the lockdown, what about you two? (Y/n)? Tom? You’ve both been quiet about your experience together.” Leigh-Anne apologized shifting the conversation to you and Tom.

“You could leave the shagging parts out, we already know what went down in this poor house.” Jade poked at you, sending an over exaggerated wink your way. You shake your head and turn back to Tom. The two of you share a look, the look, and make a silent agreement that it was time to announce the big news.

“Well we’ve been busy. You know, we’ve both been doing lots of promo. I’ve been promoting my new film and (y/n)‘s promoting the album with you guys.” Tom started, making normal conversation.

“Most of the time was spent resting, we took advantage of the free time before we have to go on tour and he has to go away for filming.” You continue. The girls nod understanding the situation.

“What did you guys do on the daily though?”

“Lots of puzzles!” Tom answers. “We had the typical move nights and shit.”

“We did lots of baking too!” You add glancing at Tom, who nods along with you. “We’ve actually got a bun in the oven right now!” You say, emphasizing your words. Leigh-Anne and Jesy share a look instantly catching on. Jade’s mouth gapes, her hand holding the wine glass going limp.

“After all this time! Thomas, it’s probably burning by now, shouldn’t you go and check on it?” Perrie scolds, turning back to the kitchen to catch a peek at the oven. She looks excitedly at you two, “What kind of bun have you guys made?”

Jesy’s eyes pan over to Perrie in disbelief, it was like the salad in the box situation all over again. Leigh-Anne holds her palm up to her mouth as the news sinks in. Jade swats Perrie’s arm, “A human one!”

Perrie’s eyes widen in fear, “A human bun? Like cannibalism?” Tom made a sound of confusion, his brows furrowing at her. You stifle a laugh behind your hand as you wait for Perrie to realize.

“They’re having a baby, Pez!” Jesy yelled making Perrie’s eyes grow in shock. The gears move in her head, “OH! Bun in the oven—BUN IN THE OVEN? You’re pregnant?” She screams shooting out of her chair.

You laugh hiding behind your hands. Jesy grabs onto your wrist, pulling it down, and holding your hand. “Wait, are you actually pregnant? You’re not tricking us?”

You shake you head, a giant smile gracing your lips, eyes getting glossy. “I wouldn’t lie to you guys, you guys are gonna be aunts.” You confirm squeezing Jesy’s hand. She gasps pulling you into a hug. Behind you she reaches a hand and playfully shoves Tom, “As if turning her into you wasn’t enough, you just had to insert yourself into her and make another one of you?”

Tom shrugs, though a smile was also on his face, “Hey, to be fair, you might like this one more than me.” Jesy gets up from her seat and approaches Tom.

“Give me a hug, you div.” She ruffles his hair like an older sister would and wraps her arms around him. Tom chuckles hugging her back.

“I know I give you a lot of shit, but I’m so happy that she ended up with you and not some dickhead. Congrats Tom.” She mutters into his ear, before pulling away from the hug and patting his back. Tom looks at her teary eyed, “Thank you Jes.”

“Wait—no! You’re our baby, you can’t have a baby yet. Stop growing!” Perrie cries coming around the table to engulf you in her arms. This time she was actually crying, tears of joy streaming down her face.

“But Pez, I’m already growing.” You giggle, pulling away from her to lift you knitted sweater up to reveal your small baby bump. The girls gasp, while you and Tom stare proudly at your stomach. Jade and Leigh-Anne join Perrie to hover over your stomach. Jesy looks from over your shoulder, staring at the top of your stomach.

“Can we please touch it?” Leigh-Anne asks quietly, looking up at you and Tom for permission.

“Go ahead.” You assure them. Jesy squeezes your arms, resting her chin on your shoulder. Leigh-Anne, Perrie, and Jade’s hands delicately come into contact with your stretched skin, fascinated by your little bump. Jade pouts as she strokes your belly with her thumb, “Oh, you’re so precious.” She coos.

Perrie rests her palm against your belly, “How far along are you?” You look at Tom over your shoulder, who’s been watching the special moment unfold between you and the girls.

“Four months.” Tom answers, the grin on his face feeling permanent as he talked about his little bean.

“Four months?” Jesy shrieked whipping her head to look at you and Tom.

“Yup, we wanted to tell you guys as soon as we found out but we decided to keep it a little secret for as long as we can.” You explain. “But then my stomach began growing and it’d be obvious, so we decided to tell you guys now since it’s still early.”

“Does anyone else know?” Leigh-Anne asks, hand still resting on your belly.

“Our families know, along with his best mates. But you guys are part of the first few people who know about it.” You reply. Perrie hums softly, cupping your cheek and pressing a kiss onto it.

“You’re the first people I’ve told who aren’t my immediate family.” You laugh. The girls began tearing up again.

“I can’t believe you guys told us.” Jade wipes her eye with the pads of her fingers.

“Why wouldn’t I? You guys are important to me and I love you all so much! You all deserve to know about it before everyone else.” The girls “aww” at you and pull you into a group hug, one of their hands still resting on you belly.

“I can’t believe you’re pregnant, oh my god.” Leigh-Anne expressed, her hand still on your bump.

“It’s hilarious how we were saying you were gonna be the first one to start a family. All of a sudden little missy over here gets knocked up.” Jesy points at Leigh-Anne before giving Tom the stink eye.

“Did they not teach you how to use protection in school?” She playfully teases Tom, back to her usual picking on him. “Or is your pull out game just that weak?” Perrie gasps, covering your belly with both her hands, “Jes! There’s a baby!”

Tom’s mouth drops, his face feigning shock, “You know, I really thought we were having a great moment here, Jes.”

Jesy scoffs, “Moment’s over—have you never heard of ‘Don’t be silly, protect your Willie’?” Everyone pauses before bursting out laughing at Jesy’s comment.

The night ended with the girls making plans of who would be the fun aunt and who would spoil Baby Holland the most. Jesy and Jade debated over being the fun aunt while Perrie and Leigh-Anne tried to outdo each other on who would spoil the baby with the most toys and clothes. Your belly was the main star of the night; the girls occasionally stroking your belly or pressing light little kisses onto it. As you both listened to the girls argue about who would be the baby’s favorite, you and Tom knew that your little baby would be in good hands with four amazing aunts to watch over them.

🦋tags:

*tags with a cross don’t work*

@waxingmoonwrites @slutforsebstan @starslazyandcosy @xkonpinkx @dummiesshort @gypsystuf @kielemarie @wroetospidey @thatgirlangelb @have-aheart @adayasgeorgia @xeniarocks @sarcasticallywitty15 @agustdowney

#marvel #mcu #avengers #Tom Holland #dad!tom holland #dad!tom Holland x reader #tom holland imagines #tom holland x reader #tom holland fluff #tom holland drabble #tom holland fanfiction #tom holland one shot #tom holland headcanon #little mix #perrie edwards #jade thirlwall #jesy nelson #leigh anne pinnock

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goldenraeofsun · 4 years ago

Text

Good Ideas

1.5k of canon-divergence fluff, now on AO3!

Dean is almost finished with his standard gun cleaning (once a week whether they need it or not) when footsteps approach from outside his bedroom door. Heavier than Eileen but lighter than Sam - must be Cas.

“What an awful day,” Cas sighs as he practically throws himself onto Dean’s prized memory foam mattress. He doesn’t even take his shoes off first, like an animal.

“Hello to you, babe,” Dean says, amused. He raises his head to fully look at Cas, now face planted into his pillow. Dean would like to say it’s unusual to see Cas this drained and frustrated after another shift at the Gas n Sip, but it’s become pretty much standard. And, because not-that-deep-down Dean’s a shitty person who lucked out and got a (fallen) angel to fall for him, he can’t entirely squash the pleased feeling in his gut that flares up every time Cas comes home to him, no matter the circumstances.

“Hello, Dean,” or that’s what Dean assumes Cas is saying, based on their past million and a half conversations over more than a decade.

Dean carefully sets down his colt and pads over to the bed. He takes a seat near Cas’s shins, the mattress slowly but surely dipping as it remembers Dean’s distinctive ass print. “What happened?”

“Humanity is stupid.”

Dean snorts. “Don’t have to tell me twice. What’d humanity do this time?”

Cas turns his head so he can glare balefully down at Dean with one brilliant blue eye. “Todd refilled the soda machine incorrectly. We had to reimburse ten customers who poured the wrong drinks despite the clear signs indicating the buttons were temporarily incorrect.”

“What a disaster,” Dean deadpans.

Cas groans a stream of indistinguishable words that might not even be English - knowing him, he’s probably insulting Todd’s mother ancient Aramaic or something - before he concludes, “It was a very uncomfortable situation. Todd is an imbecile.”

“Want me to kill him for you?” Dean asks casually.

Cas’s whole torso inflates with the depth of his sigh. “No,” he says, but the word is muffled and has zero conviction behind it.

“Come on,” Dean pokes Cas in the thigh. “You were the one who wanted this job in the first place. All the ‘human dignity’ you could choke down and all that crap.”

“I must’ve been mistaken.”

“Whatever you say, man,” Dean says, grinning as Cas rolls over so he’s lying normally on Dean’s bed. “Y’know, you could always do something else. Quit the Gas n Sip.”

“Like what?” Cas asks as he frowns up at the ceiling. “I don’t have much experience except in inventory management and customer service.”

“What about all your angel stuff?”

“I can hardly list ‘former Angel of the Lord’ on my resume,” Cas grumbles.

“You’ve got all those languages crammed in your brain, serious hand-to-hand skills - I could teach you all I know about cars, and you can add that.”

Cas gives a considering grunt.

“Look,” Dean says as he scoots further up the bed so he’s more aligned with Cas’s chest than his knees. “You were the one who was all gung-ho about getting a job to interact with normal people.”

“I needed a better baseline now I’m human because you and Sam are not ‘normal’ by any definition of the word,” Cas sniffs.

“Rude. Anyway, I told you to take things slow. So your first stab back at slumming it with regular folks isn’t going so great. Sometimes these things take a while to settle down,” Dean says, uncomfortably reminded of the time he had to comfort Sammy after three piano lessons didn’t turn him into the next Geoff Nicholls - or Elton John, as Dean had to amend after Sammy shot him a look of complete incomprehension.

“You don’t have to throw yourself into anything,” Dean adds gently to Cas. “We’ve got no big bad waiting out in the wings. It’s okay to take things one step at a time.”

“Because you provide such an excellent model of restraint and forethought,” Cas mutters.

Dean rolls his eyes. “Obviously. You don’t see me jumping back into Leave it to Beaver.”

“Because that’s not what you want,” Cas says, his eyes narrowing. “You said civilian life isn’t for you.”

Dean swallows. He pulls at a wrinkle in the sheets. “You so sure about that?”

Cas props himself up on his elbows, intrigued. “You’re truly considering retiring from hunting?”

Dean glances over at his guns, disassembled and gleaming on his desk. “I’ve been thinking about it. Sammy doesn’t go on many hunts anymore, says it’s more important to teach the next generation of fighters than handling everything by ourselves.”

“A wise thing to say, considering the limitations of the average human lifespan.”

“And you wonder why we never bring you to parties,” Dean says as Cas scowls in return, really only proving Dean’s point. “I’ve been looking into other stuff to do.”

“Like what?”

“Not sure,” he admits. “Sam’s got his Hunter Hogwarts thing going on - I could help Sam out, but the thought of reading and assignments makes me want to throw myself out a window.”

“You do like to be more hands-on,” Cas says diplomatically.

Dean sighs, wistful. “If the Roadhouse was still around, I would’ve kicked ass there. Talking with veterans in the business, passing along intel, throwing out the occasional brawler.”

Cas cocks his head. “Why don’t you rebuild one?”

“What?”

“Another Roadhouse,” Cas says like it’s obvious. “Those hunters Sam is teaching, they will need another meeting point once they’ve completed their training.”

Dean gapes at him, trying not to get his hopes up. He can picture it with alarming clarity, him behind the bar, Cas sitting off to the side, pouring over the books or a translation for one of Sam’s kids.

But this thing with Cas is so new - rescuing Cas from the Empty, telling him haltingly and not in so many words Cas could have what he wanted after all, doing their weird not-dating thing that works for them. Dean can’t be sure they’re on the same page about this.

Cas is technically human, but so many parts of him are still pretty out there in terms of fitting in with normal people stuff. Dean suggested they go on an honest to God date about two weeks after that went down - dinner at a fancy place in Salina. He even looked it up on Yelp. But, naturally, Cas had to ask ahead of time what usually happened on a date - a real date, Dean, because Metatron’s pop culture dump gave me many false impressions of what is normal or healthy for humans.

When Dean embarrassingly couldn’t think of a single thing people did on dates except eat and have sex, Cas went to Sam because apparently there are zero boundaries when it comes to Team Free Will. And Sam, like a total Samantha, said most people talked about their feelings and life goals.

To which Cas turned back to Dean, said those big, I love you, words like they’re nothing and everything, and added his life goal was not dying before spending the rest of his human life with Dean.

The fucker even looked pleased Dean didn’t have to shell out the dough for a fancy steak.

“You have enough connections in the community to round up a decent clientele base,” Cas continues. “Not to mention your reputation, which would go a long way towards drawing hunters you personally haven’t met before.”

Dean clears his throat. “You really think I could do something like that?”

Cas narrows his eyes. “I think you could do anything you set your mind to,” he says with that patented-Cas sincerity that Dean would call bullshit with anyone else. Cas continues, “Twenty-seven percent of restaurants fail in their first year, but I have every confidence in you beating the odds.”

Dean snorts. Even Cas’s Beautiful Mind statistics aren’t enough to bring his mood down.

“And if you need help…” Cas drifts off sheepishly, “I do have requisite experience managing inventory. I cut down on unsellable food by fifteen percent two weeks ago.”

“You’re a goddamn genius,” Dean breathes as he bends over Cas.

Cas smiles up at him. “Would you want to?”

“Would I - ?” Dean breaks off incredulously to kiss him. “Of couse I fucking want to. But you really think it’s a good idea?”

Cas purses his lips. “It was my suggestion in the first place.”

“But maybe you were just spitballing,” Dean hedges. “So if you really think restarting the Roadhouse would be a bad idea, I can take it.”

Cas wraps a hand around the back of Dean’s neck, pulling him closer. “I don’t have bad ideas, Dean,” he murmurs.

That is so blatantly untrue, Dean almost bursts out laughing. But before he can make a sound, Cas’s other hand slides underneath his shirt, his fingers tapping lightly against the buckle of Dean’s belt. Dean raises his head to catch sight of Cas's face, and Cas’s eyes are dark with want.

Alright, so in times like these, Dean can admit Cas can have a good idea or two.

#destiel #destiel ficlet #ficlet #rae writes fic #profoundnet #established relationship #canon divergence

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theres-an-impulstor-among-us · 3 years ago

Text

Friday Night Stabby best quotes part 29 (10/09/21)

so Pearl is still filling in for Joker and yes I did watch seven out of eight POVs for this session, that’s why this quotes thing is so long :)

...

Evil: I forgot how to play this game. Endless: Go to electrical and die, Evil. That’s how you play the game.

...

Skizz, entering electrical: Look at all these idiots in here. Endless: Hey! That’s not very nice.

...

Endless: I remember how to fix wiring. It’s not that hard. Can I do [shields] from here? I can. I did it. I figured it out. Etho: Good job. Endless: Thanks. Thanks, Etho! Etho: I never stopped believing in you. Endless: Your praise means everything to me, dad. *pause as Endless walks away* Endless: He’s not my dad.

...

Impulse: *reports a body* Impulse: Okay just hold on, I can do this. Ready? Skizz’s voice in a clip: DANG IIIIT! Impulse: Did you guys hear that? Evil: Yes. Brody: What is that? Impulse: That was the last thing I heard when I caught Skizz red-handedly killing Mrs Tango. *people laugh, then pause* Skizz: I don’t like you.

...

Impulse: Tango wanted to die so he could fix his overlay. Tango, dead: I DID NOT! YOU’RE A LIAR! Impulse: Someone did him a favour, I think. Tango, dead: >:(

...

Evil, in a monotone: I have wires to do. Skizz, snorting: World’s most bored electrician. Evil, slightly less monotone: More wires.

...

Astro: I also want you to know that I didn’t kill you, on purpose. Cuz it’s your birthday. But that was your one round of- Endless: Not my birthday. My birthday was- Astro: It was yesterday. Endless: -hours and hours ago. Astro: It’s still technically your birthday somewhere. Endless: I don’t think that’s how time works, but okay.

...

*last round, Endless spent a long time with Astro but didn’t kill him despite being imposter* Astro: Alright, Endless. This time, you can kill me. Astro and Endless: *laugh* Astro: Don’t throw me off like that. I thought you were all i- Endless: *kills Astro* *pause* Astro: ...thanks, Endless. Thanks. *laughs* Well, I can’t complain; I DID ask for it.

...

Skizz: Now if I die, you know it’s Etho (pronouncing it Eh-tho). Etho: Hey now.

...

Impulse: Oh whoops, I was muted that whole meeting. Tango: Aha! Exactly what a killer would say.

...

Astro, a ghost: Hey Evil, did you know that Impulse’s bone is not- not well right now? Evil: *snickers* Astro, a ghost: See I KNEW you could hear me, you imposter!

...

Pearl: Did you have a neutral role? Impulse: Yeah, I was jester. Pearl: Ahhh. Cheeky nugget.

...

Brody: Tango. Two people saw you leave the corpse of your wife. Tango: So what? Where is the corpse of my wife? Brody: Where is the corpse? Two people saw you, are you really gonna try that? Tango: I just passed you in the hallway! Nothing was there! Pearl: He’s gonna play dumb, it’s okay. Impulse: He’s still mad that she threw out his spices when they moved. Tango: IT’S THE OLD BAY, MAN! IT’S THE OLD BAY!

...

Endless: It was Tango in O2 with the lead pipe- No, that’s not- Different game.

...

Etho: I was with Brody and Astro but I’m… invisible, apparently. Astro: I- I said there was somebody else! I just wasn’t going to say something that I thought might make you seem suspicious. Etho: It’s been happening a lot and it’s a little weird, but okay.

...

*after the meeting* Astro: I’ll notice you next time, Etho. Etho: Okay, thank you. That’s all I want.

...

Skizz: It’s the purple guy! Endless: It can’t be the purple guy! Evil: It CAN be the purple guy. *votes are revealed, Endless is ejected* Endless: D’aww, you guys don’t even know how- that’s… stupid. *everyone laughs* Skizz, laughing: “Your Honour, this is very dumb”

...

*everyone skipped except Endless who voted for Impulse* Endless: I got your number, Impulse. *pause* Astro: What’s his number? Four? Eight? Nine? Six? Evil: Two. Endless, at the same time: Seven.

...

*Etho claims Tango killed Evil but can’t say how he knows for fear of assassination* Endless: So you saw it on admin and then came down to report it? Is that what that was? *pause* Etho: Exactly. *animation of Etho shooting himself plays* Etho: DANGIT!!!

...

Etho: Where we going, Tango? What we doing? Tango: I’m going to my grave is where I think I’m going.

...

Astro: Hey, Mrs T? Mrs Tango: Hi? Astro: I need you to do something really suspicious. Mrs Tango: Okay.

...

*after Impulse crashed out of the game but his body is reported* Skizz: That was the most epic kill yet. It happened IRL.

...

Tango: Dead, disconnected. It’s all the same thing. Pearl: For one, you get cut in half, but the other, you just go “poof”.

...

*Etho is suspected of being executioner against Brody* Tango: So Etho, you’re saying there’s two imposters alive. Who do you think is the second one? *pause* Etho: That, I don’t know just yet. Tango: An executioner wouldn’t need to know that though, right? Etho: Maybe Astro. *long pause* Astro: What?! Why have you gone from Brody to me all of a sudden?!

...

Brody: Astro, please don’t kill me. Astro: I would’ve killed you long ago. Brody: That’s not true. You love me. Astro: Not after you accused me of- Brody, chuckling: I haven’t accused you of anything. Astro: You accused me of breathing heavily earlier and I’m offended by it. Brody: You did, though. Astro: I can’t help that the air quality here is… dog crap. Brody: I know you well enough. I know you well enough to know when you’re, like, concentrating. Astro: Not my fault that I can’t breathe here right now.

...

Etho: [Brody] killed Impulse on the first round. It made [Impulse] crash. And then [Brody] reported the body. Next round, he killed another person and did another report. He’s a- He’s a self-reporting… Brody. *everyone laughs* Evil: This is the best you’ve got, Etho?

...

Evil: So here’s the question for everybody: do I tell Skizz what his minor tell is or do I keep it to myself? Skizz: You zip it! You got nothing! Tango: Keep it to yourself. That’s part of the fun; we can all learn each other’s tells. Astro: You mean like when somebody has heavy breathing when they kill somebody, Brody? Brody: Oh. Astro: I’m gonna have extra heavy breathing when I kill you. Extra… EXTRA… heavy breathing. Brody: ...I’ll remember that.

...

Skizz: I finally kill the banana and instantly I hear him be all “you crashed my game!” Astro: Wait, so when I said that if Impulse rage-quit it was Skizz, I was actually correct on that? Skizz: You were right, yeah. Impulse: Wow… Endless: Skizz was like “if you’re not gonna rage quit, I’m gonna rage quit for you!” Skizz: I killed you so hard your game crashed. That’s a KILL right there.

...

Brody: Yeah, I’ve been actually watching her teleport. Like “wait, did she come out of that vent??” No, she’s teleporting around. Tango: Hacks! Pearl: Speedies! Astro: The hacks are Australian ping.

...

Astro: Hey, Evil. Evil: Hi. Are you gonna kill me? Astro: Do you want me to or do you want me to let you live? Evil: I’d like to live, thank you.

...

Evil: *runs into electrical and finds only Pearl in there* Pearl, singing: Rudolph the red nosed reindeer, had a very shiny nose. Evil: I’m done with my tasks. Pearl: *kills Evil immediately* Astro, a ghost: *laughs* You got killed to Christmas music, Evil.

...

Astro, dead: Hey Evil, how did it feel to get Christmas carolled as you were being killed? Evil, dead: She took the happiest time of the year and destroyed me with it!

...

Pearl: I’m gonna go kill Etho. Shhh. Giant Skizz, in a deep voice: You do it. Rock and roll.

...

Mrs Tango: My cooldown was so long and nobody was alone. Astro: It’s okay, Mrs Tango. Your speedy laggy Australian friend was killing all the people. Pearl: I literally told Skizz I was gonna kill Etho and I did exactly just that.

...

Brody: I cleaned [Etho] out of a vent and I didn’t know you could even do that but here we are. Endless: That’s awesome! Brody: I mean- I knew it, I knew you were in there, Etho. Sucker.

...

Endless: I know of one person who didn’t do the kill. Skizz: Who? Endless, whispering: Me. I was downloading in weapons. Skizz: You’re not gonna vouch for yourself. That’s not how justice works. Endless: Oh. My bad.

...

*Astro and Endless win as imposters* Endless: What did you do, Pearl? What happened there? Did you try to sheriff Skizz? Pearl: Yeah, I wanted to take a stab. I was the sheriff. I thought it might’ve been Skizz. Astro: Ohh, YOU got the last kill, Pearl? Pearl: Yeeaaahh. That was me. Skizz: THAT’s how we died? Cuz Pearl sheriffed the wrong person? Endless: It gets better than that. Pearl asked me to move away so she didn’t accidentally sheriff me. ...

Impulse: We getting double killed in here? Brody: Hopefully.

...

Brody: I’m voting for Tango; he’s having too much fun. Evil: Tango’s not allowed to have fun, we know that. Tango: Shut that down, yeah.

...

Pearl: *votes for Brody* Brody: Pearl. Why do you hate me? Pearl: I just have reasons. Skizz, to Brody: Don’t tug at THAT thread. Brody: Would you like to tell people about those reasons? Pearl: Not particularly.

...

Brody: Mrs Tango, do you want me to put like a poster of me in your new office? Of just me looking at you? Mrs Tango: Uhhh… Evil: Only if you’re wearing the pink hat. Brody: ONLY the pink hat. That’s it. *pause* Evil: Okay, that… that got awkward.

...

Astro: So would you like to know a good story? It’s a fun story. Etho: I would love to hear a good story right now, Astro. Astro: The fun story is that Mrs Tango thought that the comms were out and she wouldn’t get revealed walking away from her archnemesis, The Endless’s body. Tango: Well then I’m not voting for her at all, even if she did kill him, cuz that’s good by me. Etho: Ohoo… Evil: WOW.

...

Astro: Mrs Tango, you basically won the round; you killed Endless, so… *everyone laughs* Etho: That’s all we can hope for in the world, right? Tango: You kill Endless, you pretty much win, right? That doesn’t matter. *pause* Etho: Love you, Endless.

...

*Brody and Mrs Tango win as imposters after Brody framed Evil* Skizz: Evil, I’m so sorry, dude! Evil: No you’re not. Brody: I’m not sorry. I needed that in my heart. I’m not sorry. I’m not sorry whatsoever.

...

Impulse: Come watch me scan! Wanna watch me scan? C’mon! Watch this! It’s gonna be the best. Come watch. Astro: No, because I know what you’re gonna say and I’m not gonna stand for it. Impulse, hopping on the scanner: I’m not gonna do it, I’m not gonna do it. But that was- that’s legit. You saw that? Astro: You’re a little to the left. Impulse: I’m not gonna say it. But you’re gonna kill me anyway, so I might as well say it. Astro: You need to go to the right. Impulse: Did you watch me scan? Astro: You’re a little- You were- Impulse: Watch me nae nae. Astro, laughing: -a little far to the left.

...

Astro: I was coming from lab. Somebody was nae-naeing over there. Impulse: *giggles* Astro: Won’t say who, but somebody was. Impulse: There’s only one person here who does that.

...

Astro: I’m gonna come back cuz I don’t trust you. Brody: *scoffs* Okay. Astro: You murdered me last time! Brody, deadpan: I wouldn’t do that to you. That doesn’t sound like something I would do. Astro: Right in front of Evil and everything. I couldn’t get through the door. Brody, deadpan: I wouldn’t do that to you.

...

Endless: Hey, I’ve gotta fix the- I’m rebooting the wifi, sorry if it goes down. For a few minutes. Or A minute. Or until I come back here and, uh, reinitialise it. Brody, walking away: Endless, do you ever just stop talking? Etho, laughing: Ouch. Endless, following Brody: Hey, Brody. Let’s hang out, SIR. Brody: *laughs* Endless: How’ve you been, Brody? How’s your evening going? Brody: I’m fine. I’m fine. Are you gonna kill me? Endless: Are you always a jackass? Brody: Usually, yes. Are you gonna kill me or what? Endless: No, I don’t- I can’t kill you. But next time. Next time.

...

Endless: I’m definitely going to take a break so that I’m the last one back, and that’ll teach them to leave me here to entertain you. Pearl: Okay. Enjoy your water consumption. Endless: That’s very sweet of you. I appreciate that. You enjoy whatever consumption you’re doing as well.

...

Skizz, being ejected: You can’t be mayor and imposter, can you? Tango and Endless: No. Skizz: Well, I’m all sorts of twisted. Tango: You’re all sorts of dead.

...

*after Mrs Tango assassinated engineer Etho* Mrs Tango: I super appreciate you calling Etho out for being the engineer. Etho: I didn’t appreciate it.

...

Astro: I can tell you one thing: Etho’s not the engineer this round. Etho: You don’t know that for sure. Astro: Oh I think I do.

...

Astro: Hey Impulse. Impulse: Yeah? Astro: I just scanned. You know what else I did? Impulse: *gasps delightedly* You didn’t! Astro: I… *pause* Astro: Nah, I’m not gonna say it.

...

Impulse: *reports Astro’s body* Impulse: So. Astro scanned. But he did not nae nae. Just saying. Endless: I don’t think that’s how the song goes. Impulse: So I came to give him a stern talking to. But his body was dead.

...

Skizz: I’m doing my tasks. Tango: Your task is to assassinate. Skizz: That’s right, baby. And I’m coming for you next. Tango: Mhm. Bring it.

...

Astro: I can vouch for Evil cuz he watched me scan, Impulse watched me nae nae, and-. Impulse: Oh no. You’re gonna die now.

...

Skizz: Impulse sampled the Skizz! *pause* Impulse: Ew.

...

Brody: I’m not sorry I voted for you, Endless. Endless: Well, I’m glad that Mrs Tango didn’t. Brody: It’s cuz she doesn’t want to hurt your feelings. I will hurt your feelings.

...

Endless: I knew I got that wrong. Dangit. Simon Says- I blew it- I screwed it on the last… Brody: ...what? Endless: I feel like this should be the last game. I just… Tango: Are you having a nervous breakdown? What’s going on? Endless: Yeah, a little bit.

...

Endless: I voted for you, Brody. Cuz I hate everything about you. Brody: Thank you, buddy. I’ll vote for you also.

...

Pearl: Who we voting for? Brody: Endless. Endless: Brody. Tango: Why are we voting for Endless? Or Brody? Endless: Because Brody’s a jerk.

...

Pearl: This is awkward, cuz Tango was trying to get me to kill him. Tango: Do NOT pin that on me, my fair lady! Pearl: No no no, I’m not. Etho: Ooooh this is spicy :D Pearl: I’m pinning this on Skizz. Skizz just decided to walk by- Tango: Oh, okay. I’m good with that.

...

Brody: Etho, c’mere. Come here. That’s the second time you’ve ruined my fun. Etho: Were you sheriff? Brody: No. Don’t Starve- I say that and you ruin my fun and then Christmas music and you kill me. I just- Why do you hate me? Etho: I- I was just backing up my partner, y’know? Brody: Look, if you don’t wanna play Don’t Starve, you just say “hey man, I’m not into it”. That’s fine. See, you just say that. Etho: I like Don’t Starve. Brody: Evidently not with me.

...

Endless: It’s Brody’s fault for sussing me on that one. Brody: It’s not my fault you’re dumb.

...

Impulse: Keys or you’re sus! Brody: Keys or you’re… Impulse. Endless: Hey, I’M Impulse.

...

Astro, dead: Hey. Your wife killed me. Tango, dead: Good. Evil and Mrs Jerkface.

#friday night stabby quotes #friday night stabby #impulsesv #tangotek #skizzleman #etho #pearlescentmoon #astrozoan #mrstango #theendless #evilnotion #brodyman

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grailfinders · 3 years ago

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Fate and Phantasms #199

Today on Fate and Phantasms we're making the Jotaro Kujo of FGO, Semiramis! (Seriously, how does that cape/hair... thing work? It's wild.) The queen of poisons is a Graviturgy Wizard to make building a floating castle slightly less difficult to make and cooler to live in, plus a Witherbloom Druid for some dove friends and extra poisons. If you've seen our builds for Waver and Edison, you might know already that building things with magic is costly and time-consuming, and for once that is 100% accurate to the character. Get ready, this is gonna be a weird one.

Check out her build breakdown below the cut, or her character sheet over here!

Next up: I'm 40% appendicitis!

Race and Background

Semiramis is technically an aasimar, but she doesn't fly around or heal people, so we can just focus on her human side. .... Oooor we can focus on those ears, because we need to nick some stuff from being an Elf. Specifically, we're going with the Vahadar Elf from Plane Shift Kaladesh, since they've got the ears, the proficiencies we'll need later, and their backstory's still about living in general society, unlike wood elves and other Kaladeshian elves. Thanks to Tasha's Cauldron of Everything, this gives her +2 Intelligence and +1 Wisdom, as well as Darkvision, Fey Ancestry against being charmed, a Trance instead of sleep so she can't be put to sleep, Keen Senses for proficiency in Perception, the Mending cantrip to piece together the castle later, and most importantly Elf Weapon Training. Normally this would give her proficiency with four weapons, but thanks to Tasha's we can swap this out with four tools instead. Carpenter's, Glassblower's, Mason's, and Smith's Tools proficiency should give us everything we need to build a castle later- we'll go into the why when we get there.

Semiramis is also a Noble- grab History, but swap out Persuasion for Deception. Yeah, not even her background can escape how weird this build is.

Ability Scores

Poisoning skills come from Intelligence (I think. WotC are really nonspecific about how to actually fucking make poison), and it's also your main casting modifier: put that first. Second should be your Charisma, nobody drinks poison on purpose, so you'd better get good at lying. After that is Wisdom. If your poisons aren't made with Intelligence it'll definitely be wisdom. That means your Dexterity isn't great- yeah, you fight in a dress, but if you're fighting and not your lackeys, something's gone wrong. We're not dumping Constitution because we're not stupid, so dump Strength instead. You've got minions to carry rocks around for you.

Class Levels

Wizard 1: Starting as a wizard nets you the weakest hit die in the game, but it also gets you proficiency in Intelligence and Wisdom saves, plus the Arcana and Medicine skills. You're half caster, and if you want to ruin someone's bodily functions you have to know what those are first. Starting as a wizard also gets you Spells that you can cast and prepare using your Intelligence. You get six at first level and two each level after. That's a lot, so we're just going to over spells that are important for the build here, though there's a full list of what we'd get in the character sheet. For cantrips, grab Infestation and Poison Spray for poison damage. For once infestation is completely kosher as is, since Semiramis can summon any creature as long as its poisonous. Also, grab Message. Castle halls are big and echo-y, and it's probably not a good idea to shout at people to find out which glass they put the poison in. Aside from that, grab Mage Armor so you die less, Magic Missile for Assassin balls, and Tenser's Floating Disk to carry all the raw materials you'll be using later. Finally, you get an Arcane Recovery once per long rest, letting you recover a couple spell slots on a short rest. The total level you recover is equal to half your wizard level, rounded up.

Wizard 2: Going into second level of wizard gives you a school of magic, and it's hard to lift several tons of stone into the air if you're not into Graviturgy. When you take the subclass, you can Adjust Density as an action, doubling or halving a large or smaller creature/object's weight for up to a minute with concentration. If you reduce a creature's weight it'll increase their speed by 10', double their jump distance, and have disadvantage on strength saves and checks, and vice versa if you increase it. I checked, and stone is roughly 1,000 times denser than air, not 2, so we'll have to do some brewing later to make this work out. Make your strong minions stronger, your fast minions faster, or do the opposite for your enemies.

Wizard 3: Third level wizards get second level spells. You won't get any dragons in this build, sad to say, but you can use Dragon's Breath to turn just about anything into a dragon. They can even spit poison breath, which is really good with the poisoner's feat. Speaking of..

Wizard 4: First Ability Score Improvement of the build, so grab the Poisoner's Feat for more poisony goodness. All poison-based damage rolls you make ignore resistance, you can coat weapons as a bonus action, and you get proficiency in the poisoner's kit. You also learn a special poison that'll force a dc 14 constitution save on the creature you use it on, dealing 2d8 poison damage and poisoning them for a round.

Wizard 5: Fifth level wizards get third level spells. Animate Dead will help you make dragontooth warriors, a.k.a. skeletons. You can make one per casting right now, but you can recast the spell to retain control over up to three skeletons at once. Otherwise they'll be uncontrollable monsters, which is probably less of a goal.

Druid 1: Semiramis might be known for her poisons, but she's really a multifaceted person. Well, not really, but if you want poisons, you're going to get them from animals. If you want animals, you're going to get them from druids. First level druids learn Druidic- it's a language! They also get another set of Spellcasting using their Wisdom to cast and prepare spells. Check the multiclassing table to figure out your spell slots. Grab Guidance and Resistance to be a bit better than everyone else. For first level spells, look for Entangle and Snare to summon chains to slow down enemies, and Speak with Animals to make sure your dovey-woveys know their work is appreciated. We haven't gotten dovey-woveys yet? Don't worry, they're coming.

Druid 2: Second level druids join their circle, and you're so goddamn smart you just joined another school. At the college of Witherbloom, you'll learn how to turn the vitality of nature into deadly poisons. Right off the bat you get circle spells, which are always prepared for you and don't count against how many spells you can prepare. Right now you get the Spare the Dying cantrip as well as Cure and Inflict Wounds. Now you don't literally have to summon a whip every time you want to hit someone. You can also tap in creatures' essences with your Essence Tap. As a bonus action, you empower yourself for 1 minute, gaining one of two options. Overgrowth lets you heal yourself with a hit die each turn as a bonus action, adding your wisdom modifier to the amount healed. Withering Strike lets you change your damage to necrotic when you hit someone with any sort of damage, ignoring resistances to make your poisons even deadlier. You can use this proficiency times per long rest. Most importantly, you gain a Wild Shape / Wild Companion. Both features use the same two charges per short rest. You're limited to what you can turn into based on its CR and movement options, but those limits and how long you can transform/summon a creature for grows as you level up. Currently I'd stick with Wild Companion for dove familiars, but some versions of Semiramis' story include her turning into a dove herself at the end, so Wild Shape isn't out of the question. As long as we sink eight levels into druid, at least.

Druid 3: Third level druids get second level spells, like your freebies Lesser Restoration and Ray of Enfeeblement. Look, if you're going to make poisons it only makes sense that you'd have antidotes on hand. You can also grab spells like Animal Messenger to send your doves out for ingredients, and Locate Animals or Plants to find them yourself.

Wizard 6: Sixth level graviturgists can make a Gravity Well when you cast a spell, moving the target 5 feet in any direction if it is willing or you successfully hit it with the spell. Speaking of spells that push people, Pulse Wave does just that, stepping in for the big stompy dragon animation. Creatures in a 30' cone make a constitution save, and if they fail they'll take force damage and get pushed back 15', or 20' with Gravity Well. You can also pull them, but that's not really stompy at that point. You can also Summon Undead to create a stronger skeleton to lead the others.

Druid 4: At fourth level, druids can transform into swimming creatures, and you also get another ASI. Bump up your Intelligence for stronger spells. Also, grab the Control Fire cantrip, it'll be cold in your castle without it.

Druid 5: Fifth level druids get third level spells, like Revivify and Vampiric Touch. Neither of those are in character, but you can also Conjure Animals (as long as they're poisonous) and Dispel Magic to keep your throne room free of nonsense.

Wizard 7: Seventh level wizard get fourth level spells, including the one we've been working our way up to, Fabricate! As long as you have the raw materials, you can turn them into products of the same material. Since you're working with stone, you're limited to creating Medium objects this way. Just line the outside of the medium objects you make with halves of smaller objects, then mend them together, and eventually you'll have a castle. This will take a while. For a decent-sized castle of 300'x400', you'll be looking at roughly 480 medium-sized blocks per floor. At level 20 you'll have 12 spell slots of fourth level or higher, so you can knock out a floor in roughly 40 days, not including things like doors or other furniture. Also worth noting, you can't make fancy things like glass without proficiency in the tools required to make them normally, hence all the tool proficiencies from your racial bonuses.

Wizard 8: Use your next ASI to bump up your Wisdom for better healing and stronger druid spells. You also learn Mordenkainen's Private Sanctum, so you can prevent creatures from spying into your hanging gardens. Especially useful is the ability to block creatures from teleporting or plane shifting onto your grounds, as that's probably the only way to approach your gardens safely. Or at least it is after you learn Ice Storm, a long range spell that pelts enemies with ice and turns the area into difficult terrain. Of note, it doesn't say the ground, so the entire cylinder will be difficult to fly through. If you want to build giant arcane cannons instead for authenticity, I salute you. Just remember that'll have to come out of your budget.

Wizard 9: Ninth level wizards get fifth level spells, and Wall of Stone will help you speed up construction by making ten 10'x10' panels or ten 10'x20' panels. You can also use this spell to create bridges or the like, and if you hold concentration for 10 minutes the stone remains permanently. If you want to skimp on materials so you can just get this fucking thing in the air already, this'll help with that. You're also learning Geas. If you can't summon a dragon, forcibly controlling a dragon is the next best thing.

Druid 6: Did you think we were done with druid? I said we were stuck here for 8 levels, didn't I? Sixth level witherbloom druids can make a Witherbloom Brew thanks to their new proficiency with Herbalism kits. At the end of a long rest, you can use that kit to make Proficiency brews, which last for 24 hours. A Fortifying brew gives a creature resistance to a damage type chosen at brewing (cold, fire, necrotic, poison, or radiant) for an hour. A Quickening brew heals its drinker, and ends one disease or an effect of charming, frightening, paralyzation, poisoning, or stunning. Again, antidotes might be useful to have on hand, but the real reason we're here is for the Toxifying brew. You can apply the brew to a weapon, and the next time within an hour that weapon hits a creature, they take 2d6 poison damage and have to make a constituiton saving throw (DC 8 + your wisdom modifier + proficiency) or be poisoned for a minute. This is literally so much better than the poisoner feat what the hell.

Druid 7: Seventh level druids get fourth level spells, like Blight and Greater Restoration for stronger poisons and antidotes respectively. You can also Dominate Beast to hold any poisonous critters still while you milk them, or summon Giant Insects instead. They obey you and stay giant until they drop to 0 HP, dismiss the effect, the spell ends.

Druid 8: Our last level of druid finally lets you turn into a dove with a second Wild Shape Improvement. You also get another ASI, so bump up that Wisdom for stronger spells and poisons.

Wizard 10: Tenth level graviturgists can create a Violent Attraction between a creature's face and a weapon, causing a nearby weapon attack to deal an extra 1d10 damage. Alternatively, you can increase the attraction between a creature and the ground, adding 2d10. I doubt your hanging gardens need help making the fall more deadly, but now you can help out of need be. You can do this Intelligence modifier per long rest.

Wizard 11: Eleventh level wizards get sixth level spells, like Guards and Wards. This will make it so much harder for enemies to breach your castle it isn't even funny, if the "hanging out in the stratosphere" thing didn't tip them off already.

Wizard 12: By twentieth level you should have a castle set up, so grab the Lucky feat. Basically, everything that can go right for you does while you're in your castle, so now you get 3 luck points per long rest to make sure that happens, letting you re-roll your attacks, saves, and checks, as well as attacks aimed at you.

So how the fuck do I get a flying castle?

So, admittedly this is up to DM fiat, but let's be real, a flying castle sounds sick as hell and gathering resources is a great reason to go adventuring. If I was your DM, it'd go something like this; After x months of research, you find a way to prepare materials so Adjust Density is permanent on them if you concentrate for the duration. Then you make and fuse together castle chunks as described in level twelve, and eventually you lighten the load on the special rocks so much they're lighter than air. Boom, liftoff, you're fucking awesome now. If you want to go down, just make the float rocks heavier again.

Pros and Cons

Pros:

Even if you don't build a giant floating castle in your adventure, that doesn't mean all this prepwork went to waste. You are a master at protecting areas from invasion, so no matter where you lay your head you know it's going to be safe. Not as safe as a floating castle, but still, safe.

By mixing together all your tool proficiencies with Fabricate, you can make pretty much whatever you need from raw materials. No more paying a smithy for fancier armor!

If you do get your castle in the air or you're near a cliff, you are incredibly deadly, with plenty of ways to shove opponents around or otherwise control movement. Slow them down, trip them up, or shove them off a cliff it's so good. Pulse people off the edge of your garden and laugh at them as they fall.

Cons:

There's literally no rules about building your own castles & poisons, so most of this build is entirely dependent on your DM. If you get a cool one, cool! If you don't, this build is pretty much a writeoff.

You need to hide away in your castle and send out minions because you're kind of pathetic in person. With only 14 AC and less than 100 HP, you'll go down faster than Medb if you don't use your Wild Shapes well.

A lot of that can be chalked up to mixing caster classes, meaning we have to spend more ASIs to make both spell modifiers good, and we miss out on higher level spells. Also, spending 8 levels in druid just to turn into a dove isn't that great unless you really want the flavor. I highly recommend skipping out after 6, the last graviturgy effect is great both to knock people out of the sky and make them bow if they get to your throne room.

But, getting to your throne room is 90% of the fight. This build is one that emphasizes patience, and that's what puts you above the common folk. Hang out in the stratosphere, attend social events in style, and let your poisons and skeleton warriors do the fighting for you. Just be glad there aren't any wacky knights riding hippogryphs around.

#fgo #fate grand order #D&D 5e #DND #Semiramis #Wizard #Druid

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mattholicguilt · 4 years ago

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cats in the cradle by Duck_Life

Fandoms: Supernatural [Gen, No Archive Warnings Apply] Words: 1,745

Tags: Claire Novak & Patience Turner, Cats, Psychic Abilities, Grandparents & Grandchildren, Friendship, Found Family, claire novak will see a stray animal and be like, is anyone gonna project onto this, and not wait for an answer

Summary: Claire helps Patience hone her abilities. Patience helps Claire track down a cat.

Written for SPN Women Week Day 1. Prompt: "skills"

Bub is missing again.

“Bub” is the name of a mean stray cat missing a chunk from his ear. Claire’s been leaving cat food out for the ugly old thing for weeks now, and whenever he doesn’t come running she panics.

So, for the third time, Patience finds herself enlisted in the search for a cat that Claire doesn’t even technically own. “If it’s gonna bother you this much every time,” Patience says, “why don’t you just take it in? You know, get him his shots, a collar, a microchip.”

Claire makes a face at her before turning back to look at the road. She’s been driving around the neighborhood slowly, scoping out every shrub and checking under every parked car. “Bub doesn’t want to be chained down,” she explains. “He’s a free spirit.”

Alright, well, Patience is too tired to unpack that right now. She lets it lie and looks out the passenger’s side window, alert for any signs of movement. “Maybe he was never a stray at all,” she tries, “and his owner finally tracked him down and brought him home.”

“Do you know that?” Claire asks.

Claire’s always asking if Patience knows things— what happened on Jody’s date last weekend, what Dean’s middle name is, whether or not Alex is the one who ate the last ice cream sandwich in the freezer. Patience keeps trying to explain that she can only see the future. “Psychic” might be a misnomer— her abilities are precognitive, not telepathic.

She basically gets previews, little spoilers about what’s to come. And though she’s been working at it, she can’t seem to get her psychic abilities to do the kind of reading and divination her grandma could do. She gets glimpses with no context, no backstory.

Missouri Moseley could walk into a room and feel every ounce of heartbreak, grief, hope and faith in the people standing there. Patience can barely pick up on it when Alex and Claire are pissed at each other.

Still, Claire brings her along whenever the cat goes missing. Seems to think her ESP can home in on missing animals. Patience keeps telling her otherwise, and yet here she is, once again. That’s the trouble with having no social life and no better plans.

Maybe she should join a book club.

Claire rounds the corner, eyes darting around for any sight of the mangy cat. The first time Bub vanished from Claire’s sight, all the neighbors seemed intent to help. They explained they hadn’t seen the cat, but hoped Claire would find him soon and offered baked goods and platitudes in the meantime.

But these things have an expiration date. You can only lose the cat so many times before the routine gets old and the neighbors lose interest.

“My educated guess ?” Patience sighs. “The cat’ll come back when it gets hungry. Just like before.”

Claire makes a tch sound and mouths “educated guess” under her breath. Apparently, because Patience is psychic she’s supposed to be omniscient. “So which is it?” Claire says. “Is he back with his ‘real’ owners or is he going to come home when he gets hungry?”

“Don’t be a jerk,” Patience says. “I’m here, aren’t I? I’m helping you.”

“... Yeah. You are,” Claire says, ducking her head. “Sorry.” Her eyes scan the road ahead, looking for the telltale streak of a cat darting out from under a parked car or vanishing around a tree trunk. Still nothing. “Hey, Patience the Pet Psychic,” Claire says. “You should write that down, that’d be a great children’s book.”

“Very funny,” Patience says, rolling her eyes. She’s silent for a few moments and then says, “Cla-aire the Monster Slayer.”

“That doesn’t really rhyme.”

“Sure it does.”

When the sky darkens and the streetlights flick on, Claire drives them back to the house, Bub-less and dejected. “I’m sure he’s fine,” Patience tries.

Claire bunches her shoulders, the collar of her leather jacket looking like a cat’s raised hackles. Maybe, Patience thinks, that’s the connection— Claire in many ways resembles an angry cat. She and Bub might be kindred spirits.

“I’m just tired,” Claire says, yanking the keys out of the ignition. “We’ll try again tomorrow.”

Patience considers pointing out that Claire could at least ask instead of just assuming , considers reminding Claire that she has her own life outside of playing “pet psychic.”

But she doesn’t actually have anything to do tomorrow. Or the rest of the week. And as futile as it feels riding around looking for a runaway cat, it is something to do. And it makes Claire feel better.

And… straining her psychic muscles to pick up on any trace of the old tomcat is at least better than doing nothing and letting her abilities degrade. Over the last year, she’s been trying to find ways to train her brain, shape her psychic visions into something useful.

Jody’s supportive, but she, like most people, doesn’t know anything about being psychic. Kaia’s got a fraught relationship with her own special skills and usually chooses not to talk to Patience about seeing the future, and Alex is so entrenched in nursing and hunting that the few “normal” moments she gets at home are devoted to unwinding and relaxing.

Which makes Claire Patience’s most ardent supporter in developing her psychic abilities. A very grouchy, blonde and mostly clueless Yoda. What she lacks in background knowledge she makes up for in persistence.

“Hey, Patience, guess which hand?” Claire will ask, holding the last fortune cookie behind her back. “Hey, Patience, what number am I thinking of?” Claire will ask, perched on the arm of the couch. “Hey, Patience, heads or tails?” Claire will ask, flipping a coin to catch it in midair.

That’s not how it works. That’s not how any of it works— Patience can’t predict things at will. Her psychic visions operate on a schedule of their own, with no concern for Patience’s own convenience or comfort. One minute, she’s watching shitty reality TV while Alex nods off on her shoulder. The next, she’s watching Jody narrowly avoid being bitten by a vampire.

It’s a lot different from just guessing a coin toss. Still. Patience can’t help but think that her grandma would’ve passed all of Claire’s little tests with flying colors.

That night, Patience doesn’t dream about anything— at least, not anything useful. She has an anxiety dream about being lost in Aldi, roaming the aisles with increasing frustration. But nothing about the future. Nothing about Bub the cat.

She’s pouring herself a bowl of cereal when Claire stomps inside, the porch door swinging shut behind her. “Still gone,” she says darkly, grabbing the cereal box and her own bowl. “Food hasn’t been touched.”

“Claire,” Patience says, “why don’t we just go to the SPCA? You can get yourself a cat that’s not, you know—”

“What? Not damaged? Not a lost cause? Not hard to love?”

Whoa, Patience wants to say. “A cat that’s not missing ,” she finishes. “We can get him his shots and a collar and everything.”

“I don’t— I don’t just want some random cat,” Claire says. “I want to find Bub. I want… I want to find him and bring him home. I have to bring him home.”

“I know,” Patience says, and just like that she does . She does know.

She knows everything, feels everything, the aching loss in Claire’s bones that’s both recent and so, so old. Memories of Claire hitchhiking and stealing and conning her way through the country, desperately chasing a mother who was desperately chasing a dead man. Jimmy Novak’s voice in her head, his face seen through Claire’s eyes, Please, Castiel, take me. Just take me. Again, his forehead pressed to hers, Take care of your mom, okay, bub?

Bub.

Patience looks at Claire. Sees her, in a way she hasn’t been able to see anyone before. “Bub… ‘bub’ is what your dad used to call you.”

Claire squints at her. “Uh. Yeah,” she says. “Wait, I didn’t… I didn’t tell you that.”

“No,” Patience breathes, meeting her eyes across the kitchen, “you didn’t.”

Slowly, a grin spreads across Claire’s face. “Holy shit , Patience, you just… ? You just did that. You, like, read me.”

“I, uh, I didn’t know. That I could do that,” Patience says, caught between marveling at this new development and feeling self-conscious at intruding on Claire’s emotions and her past.

Claire doesn’t seem put off at all. She’s actually bouncing with excitement. “We gotta test this out. Oh my God. It’s like a whole new Pokemon evolution for you.”

“It’s not really. Like that. In any way.”

But Claire is already humming the Pokemon theme song. She grabs her car keys. “Alright, well, let’s go look for that cat. I’ve got a good feeling about today.”

“I read you, Claire, that doesn’t mean I can read the cat,” Patience reminds her.

“Yeah, yeah, but you can still help me look,” Claire says. “I don’t need your third eye, just the two on your face.”

“That’s… yeah, fine,” Patience acquiesces. To be honest, she’s buzzing with the knowledge of what she can do with her powers. If Claire’s happy to be her test subject, she’ll spend all day with the girl. “Just let me grab a coffee.”

“Ooh, me too. Wait!” She wiggles her fingers toward Patience. “Do you Know how I like my coffee?”

“Half-and-half. And enough sugar to kill you,” Patience reels off. “But that’s not because I’m psychic. I’ve just seen you fix yourself coffee before.”

“Y’know, I think the line between ‘psychic’ and ‘observant’ is thinner than you might think.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Patience says, and then pretends to stumble backward toward the table, overacting the part. “Oh, oh, I’m having a vision… I see you … making coffee for us…”

Claire rolls her eyes, but she dutifully sets her keys down and busies herself with getting the travel mugs out. “That’s not gonna work for everything, you know.”

“Aaah I see you bringing Jody’s suit to the dry cleaners next week. I also see you driving me to the science museum.”

“Hilarious.”

Patience smiles at her. It’s nice to have someone else get excited about her powers. It’s nice to be allowed to be excited about this, to learn a new skill and have it mean something good to someone besides herself. She doesn’t feel like a freak or a failure. She just feels… like a psychic.

She feels like her grandma would be proud.

#spnwomenweek #day 1: skills #patience turner #claire novak #spn #supernatural

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robininthelabyrinth · 4 years ago

Note

Play date with the Lans and Nies! Except it's Nie Mingjue training with little Lan Zhan and Lan Xichen painting with Nie Huaisang! Baby brothers getting crushes!!!! Adorable all around!!!!!

Lan Xichen had been told several times not to expect that things would be the same as they’d been the last time he’d visited Qinghe and the Unclean Realm.

It was unusual that he’d visited before at all, in fact; usually, the heirs to the Great Sects were raised very firmly in their own traditions before allowed to venture out to meet any others – often only in their teenage years, when they were wise enough to learn from others without losing the core of their ancestor’s teaching. But his uncle had been friends with old sect leader Nie, personal friends in addition to being allies, and so he’d had the chance to visit once before, a few years back.

He’d enjoyed that visit.

He’d been very young, younger than Lan Wangji was now – sometimes he felt he was still younger than Lan Wangji, who was not quite nine years old but very solemn about it – but Nie Mingjue was very nice to him, showing him around and playing games with him very earnestly as if he hadn’t had any friends at all.

It didn’t feel at all like the older boy had been humoring him. They’d even gotten in trouble with their parents together, having tried to switch their baby brothers around so that old Nie would stop complaining about his child’s low vitality and Lan Xichen’s Uncle could have some peace and quiet from Lan Wangji’s very effective lungs at last.

Things would be different now, of course.

Lan Xichen was nearly thirteen years old, on the verge of adulthood (in the technical sense, anyway), but Nie Mingjue…

Nie Mingjue was already Sect Leader.

(It puzzled Lan Xichen a little, how someone he remembered as being only a few years older than him could have so quickly shot into the ranks of real adulthood – were there really six years between them? It didn’t seem possible, but then again, he had spent his childhood visit looking up at Nie Mingjue from a great distance...)

It was Nie Mingjue, not old Nie, who greeted them at the door, and who sat with Uncle in the study to drink tea and talk politics. And when he was done with that, he had to go and deal with sect business, first a table full of papers that Lan Xichen would never be allowed to look at and then a hall full of people asking questions and after that he had to lead saber training for the Nie sect disciples.

It wasn’t until right before bedtime in Gusu that Lan Xichen was able to find time to talk to his friend.

“You look tired,” he said, and Nie Mingjue smiled a little, nodding in agreement. “Is there anything I can do to help?”

Nie Mingjue rubbed his eyes. “Can you spend some time with Huaisang tomorrow? I haven’t had as much time for him as I’d like, these past few days, and he’s only just barely started being able to handle being away from me for a few hours without going into a panic.”

“Certainly,” Lan Xichen said, and a beautiful idea appeared in his brain. “And I’ll send Wangji to you, of course.”

Nie Mingjue blinked at him.

“We did always say they’d make a good trade,” Lan Xichen said, and smiled when Nie Mingjue laughed.

The next morning, Lan Xichen told Lan Wangji that his duty for the day was to go and help Sect Leader Nie with whatever he needed, which Lan Wangji accepted with a deep, solemn nod that suggested he was preparing to go to war.

“It won’t be that bad,” Lan Xichen coaxed. “It’s only Mingjue-xiong. Don’t you remember when he came to visit Gusu a few years back? You sparred with him a few times, and later –”

Lan Wangji’s ears abruptly turned bright red and he shook his head furiously to forestall any further commentary. Lan Xichen pressed his lips together to keep from laughing; Lan Wangji had had the most adorable crush on Nie Mingjue in those days.

“You know,” Lan Xichen said innocently, “given that it’s morning, I think you’ll probably find Mingjue-xiong at the training grounds…”

Lan Wangji was gone faster than the wind.

Still chuckling, Lan Xichen went to go find his own charge. Nie Huaisang had been sick with allergies during part of their visit to Gusu, staying inside so he wouldn’t make them worse, so Lan Xichen hadn’t had much of an impression of him – he remembered a little dumpling, a round face with a vivacious smile and an awful lot of giggling, a sunny contrast to Lan Wangji’s natural seriousness.

The shy, skinny child that flinched away from him and hid his face away behind a fan wasn’t anything like the child he’d remembered.

Nie Mingjue had said something about Nie Huaisang having developed a tendency to have brief attacks of heightened panic, Lan Xichen remembered, which were worsened if he couldn’t lay eyes on his elder brother for any extended period of time. He must be afraid of losing his brother the way he’d lost his father, which Lan Xichen could understand – the painful memory of being told his mother wasn’t there anymore still stung bitterly anytime he let himself think too much about it, and it’d been years, not months.

(Nie Mingjue’s visit had been the only thing that had managed to lift Lan Wangji’s gloom after the death of their mother, and Lan Xichen would be forever indebted to him for that. Even if he’d never tell him the exact reason – Lan Wangji would immediately expire out of sheer embarrassment if he ever did.)

“I’m going to be spending time with you today,” Lan Xichen announced, and Nie Huaisang looked more resigned than anything else, turning his head gloomily to look at where his saber was sitting in its proper place. “How do you feel about painting?”

Nie Huaisang paused and very slowly turned his head back to look at Lan Xichen suspiciously. “…real painting?”

“With ink and colors and everything,” Lan Xichen promised. He knew that Qinghe Nie tended to believe that physical exercise was a good antidote to grief, but he’d personally found that art worked better for him as an escape – maybe the same would be true for Nie Huaisang. “We can go paint some landscapes. Or maybe we can see if we can find any birds?”

There were a lot of birds in Qinghe, and all different types, too. It was as if every time Lan Xichen turned his head, there was a new explosion of feathers in some new configuration.

“I like birds,” Nie Huaisang murmured, his voice very soft.

“We’ll keep an eye out for any we see, then,” Lan Xichen said enthusiastically. “If we can catch one, I’ll convinced your brother to let you keep it.”

Nie Huaisang’s face brightened, and Lan Xichen was sure it wouldn’t be hard to convince Nie Mingjue to let his brother keep a few animals, not if he could see that smile. “Really? I can keep one at home?”

“Really.”

“It’s safe now?” Nie Huaisang asked, hopping off the bed to go put his hand in Lan Xichen’s.

Lan Xichen thought that was an odd question, but nodded again. “We’ll buy a nice bronze cage in the market,” he said, thinking that Nie Huaisang might be worried about cats or something – another notable feature of Qinghe. Stray cats everywhere. “That’ll keep it safe.”

“Steel is better,” Nie Huaisang said as Lan Xichen led him out. “Bronze will bend if a fist hits it hard enough; it won’t protect whatever’s inside.”

“Steel it is, then,” Lan Xichen said. He’d only thought that bronze would match the décor of Nie Huaisang’s bedroom; steel would clash and ruin the feng shui. “Maybe plated in bronze?”

“That works!”

“I’m a Sect Leader now,” Nie Mingjue told Lan Wangji, who was standing at attention better than some of the adult Nie sect disciples. “What I need right now are good lieutenants. Are you capable?”

Lan Wangji nodded firmly.

“It won’t be that interesting,” Nie Mingjue warned him. “If you think you’ll get bored and want to wander off –”

“I won’t,” Lan Wangji said, and there was a note of determination and pride in his voice that made Nie Mingjue want to pick him up with one arm and give him a hug the way he’d done in the past.

He didn’t, of course. For one thing, it’d be beneath his dignity as a Sect Leader to so causally embrace a child from another sect – or anyone, for that matter; for another, Lan Wangji had always had a great deal of pride for a child, and Nie Mingjue had long ago figured out that the best way to deal with pride was to offer respect where it was due.

“Very well then,” Nie Mingjue said. “I will count on you.”

Lan Wangji lifted his head and clenched his fists, his eyes shining, and his expression only became more and more happy (in that barely-noticeable way he had) when he realized Nie Mingjue was giving him tasks that actually needed doing, rather than merely filling the time to entertain him.

Nie Mingjue wouldn’t have done the latter regardless – he’d always disdained the idea of condescending to a child like that – but as a matter of fact he did need the help: someone to write things down as he made decisions, to survey things and report back to him what he saw, to arrange that he would have fresh ink before he noticed he was out, to put signatures on things that needed to be signed once Nie Mingjue had approved the idea, to inconspicuously serve tea during important political discussions while keeping enough of an ear out to be able to remind Nie Mingjue of everything that had been discussed later…

His advisers were right; he really did need a deputy. Possibly several of them, if he couldn’t find one competent enough to serve alone.

“Wangji,” he said towards the end of the day, and Lan Wangji looked up at him from where he was faithfully copying out one of the letters that needed to go out before the end of the day. He was barely tall enough to sit properly at the table, but his calligraphy was perfect. “You helped me a great deal today. Well done.”

Lan Wangji nodded and looked back down to finish off the letter, only the redness of his ears revealing his embarrassment.

They went down to the entrance to meet Lan Xichen and Nie Huaisang, who were returning from their outing for the day – Nie Huaisang was clutching a giant bird cage covered in a cloth, with a smile that almost looked like the one from last year, from before, and Lan Xichen had paint splattered on his face and white clothing.

“Do I want to know?” he asked Lan Xichen dryly as he gestured for the two children to greet each other, but Lan Xichen only laughed.

“I promised him he could keep whatever we found,” he said with a smile. “Also, Huaisang has some paintings he wants to show you. If you like them, you might consider hanging one up in your office.”

He will hang them all up no matter how ugly they are, Nie Mingjue decides immediately. He doesn’t say that out loud, merely nods and says, “We’ll see, then.”

“How was Wangji?” Lan Xichen asked. “He didn’t bother you, did he?”

“Don’t be absurd, Wangji’s a good boy,” Nie Mingjue said. “And an excellent deputy. If he wasn’t your brother, I’d try to steal him away from you.”

“He might like that,” Lan Xichen said, looking at Lan Wangji fondly. “Maybe when he’s a little older, I can send him here for a season, to improve his cultivation –”

Lan Wangji didn’t do anything as crass as nod furiously, but his expression showed distinct signs of interest; he wasn’t paying the slightest bit of attention to Nie Huaisang, who was rambling into his ear.

“And perhaps I’ll send Huaisang to the Cloud Recesses for your uncle’s teaching,” Nie Mingjue replied, mildly hopeful – it was out of the question right now, with Nie Huaisang only sleeping through the night half the days in the week and never when he was on his own, but it would be nice, in the future. He thought that his younger brother would enjoy the serenity of Gusu.

“– and then we caught a bird, look!” Nie Huaisang concluded, pulling the cover off the birdcage.

Nie Mingjue glanced over, then did a double-take and stared.

“Xichen,” he said, with admirable restraint. “Did you actually promise that my brother would be allowed to keep a vicious flesh-eating hawk?”

“There’s no way a hawk is that small,” Lan Xichen said. After a second of observing Nie Mingjue’s face, he added, a little weakly, “…right?”

#mdzs #lan xichen #lan wangji #nie mingjue #nie huaisang #my fic #my fics #possibly this is the background to Pastime (With Good Company)#but it can also stand alone #Anonymous

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catholic-character-tournament · 1 year ago

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Round 3 - Catholic Character Tournament

Propaganda below ⬇️

Angel

I don’t remember if he was Catholic as a human (he was Irish like a few hundred years ago so probably) but his guilt complex as a vampire is so fucking massive it has to be Catholic lbr

well he's from 1700s ireland so. theres that. he's (for most of the series) the only vampire with a soul and he uses that soul to feel really guilty for everything all the time. he moves to LA and starts saving people from demons to try and atone for everything he did while he was a soulless vampire

he makes exactly one facial expression and its |:<

Kurt Wagner/Nightcrawler Propaganda:

good lord where do i start. in the animated series he converts logan to catholisism and then fucks off basically thats the main thing he did there. i think one time they tried to make him a demon to explain how he looked but everyone hated that. he sold his soul one time to help his friends out after he died. he and logan have a weird little gay thing. he was a priest one time but he was made a priest by a fake bishop from a religion that hates mutants iirc so he just wasnt a priest. like 3 people have written him in a way i like and one of those is my friend just talking about how they view him.

wow marvel loves making catholic characters dress/look like demons

Kurt is a mutant who was born to mystique who looks a LOT like a devil (technically is half one but that cannon truth isn’t real go back to bed), his mother dropped him off a cliff when he was born and he was picked up by a Romani group/circus (fuck old comics man) however he then narrowly escaped being sold to a freak show and found himself in a small German town. There he met a kind priest, who showed him God, and he quickly grew attached to the idea- However, it wasn’t long before people began labeling him a demon and soon the whole town was against him with pitchforks and fire. Cornered and injured, Kurt thought this might be the end for him- maybe he would see heaven so long after finding it- but he was then saved by Charles Xavier who invited him to the X-Men. AND ITS BEEN SO MANY YEARS AND HE HAS BEEN THROUGH SO MUCH THERE. SO MUCH. SO GOD DAMN MUCH. BUT THE MOST AAAA THING TO ME CONCERNING HIS FAITH HE WHEN HE LITERALLY DIED AND WENT TO HEAVEN BUT THEN BECAUSE OF DRAMA WITH HIS FATHER HAD TO BRING HIS FRIENDS IN WITH HIM FROM THE BEYOND. THEN WITH ALOT OF TROUBLE THEY FOUGHT HIS FATHER AND THE ONLY WAY KURT SAW TO STOP HIM WAS IN A MOVE THAT STRIPPED THEM BOTH OF THEIR SOULS AND PUT THEM BACK ON EARTH. SO KURT CANONICALLY HAS NOW LOST HIS ABILITY FOR ETERNAL PEACE, LOST HIS VERY SOUL, TO SAVE PEOPLE- AND ALSO TOLD NO ONE NOT EVEN HIS GAY LOVER WOLVERINE.

Nightcrawler is a mutant vigilante who looks like a classical demon. He can’t even go to church without people panicking and trying to exorcize him. Despite it all, he’s so full of faith and hope and compassion, and he wants to believe the best of everyone. Also, he’s bffs with an extremely angry Jewish sword lesbian. That has nothing to do with anything, but it’s important to me that you all know that.

What if you were a devout christian and literally looked like the devil? He nearly became the pope, which was a plot by some supervillains that also involved faking a rapture? There is nothing like comics I swear to god.

A catholic who is half demon I don’t think I can better explain a struggle than that. But his character is so relatable to people who feel unwelcome with their congregation because of something that is a part of them but still feeling a connection to the faith. Kurt actively engaged in his faith and shares how his faith helps him through all the things he has faced in life and how he found a home with those of the church who leave the judging to God.

so they made kurt a priest briefly before deciding to retcon it, resulting in nightcrawler actually being part of a plan by villains to promote him to pope then reveal to the world that the pope is a demon. wild.

I have a side blog and a tattoo about him and i really really want him to win

Wisecracking devil-appearing devout Catholic with the Best superpower (teleportation)? HECK YES

German Catholic circus acrobat who looks like a demon & can teleport through a hellish alternate dimension with a puff of sulfur. Character of all time.

hes catholic and his dad is the devil. what could be funnier than that. also hes my silly little guy.

Nightcrawler is the world’s most fun catholic priest. I first was introduced to this kindhearted teleporting acrobat while he saved a boat full of stowaway refugees from inter dimensional pirates with swashbuckling gusto!

#cct polls #tumblr tournament #tumblr bracket #tumblr polls #angel buffy #buffy the vampire slayer #angel the series #r3 #polls #kurt wagner #x men #nightcrawler #marvel #xmen #x men comics #marvel x men

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here4theheartbreak · 4 years ago

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My Tentacle Romance (ksj)

AO3 Link Here!

Relationship: hamster hybrid!Seokjin x Eldritch Horror!Reader

Genre: smut, pwp | Rating: Explicit | Word Count: ~7.2k

Summary: You didn’t mean to scare him. You didn’t to fall in love with him, either.

Tags: agender reader, gender neutral reader, tentacle monster, first kiss, meet weird, and they were roommates, getting together, tentacles, tentacle monster, tentacle dick, come inflation, come swallowing, excessive cum, gagging, choking, dirty talk, oviposition, multiple penetration, multiple orgasms, switch!Jin, switch!reader, mild bondage (but with tentacles)

A/N: This fic was written for @aroseforyoongi both filling a request from my 2k followers event (”you need to stop pulling my tail”) and for Eva’s birthday! Happy birthday, ilysm!!

A/N 2: The banner for this fic was made by the awesome @i-live-so-i-love - thank you so much!!!

The first time Seokjin saw you, he was terrified. Reasonably, you assumed; most people would have that reaction if a humanoid tentacle monster oozed from underneath their bed the first week in their new home. He didn’t need to throw that stupid book at you though. Books really hurt when the spine struck a sensitive tentacle tip. He also didn’t need to scream the way he did. Your ears ached for an hour after. You didn’t know a human male could make that sound. Well… Humanoid.

He had looked human, at first glance. And then you saw his ears. They were large and round and most definitely not human. And his face – with a streak of light tan fur over his nose and a smattering of whiskers on his cheeks – You’d found yourself rooming with a hybrid of some sort. Which was okay, hybrids scared just as easily as humans, in your experience. But you were curious what kind of hybrid he was. Not that he would tell you, what with all the book throwing and screeching he was doing.

A few weeks later, you attempted to meet your reluctant roommate once more. You snuck out from under the bed once more and peeked over the bed, watching the handsome humanoid. He was lying on his bed, reading. At least it looked like he was attempting to read. He was squinting and turning the book this way and that. You spotted his glasses a few feet away and slid a tentacle out, snagging them and bringing them to the bed. You dropped them next to him, and he startled again, head whipping around.

“Don’t scream,” you said, plugging your ears in preparation. He put his glasses on and drew in a gasp of breath, mouth open to scream. “I said don’t,” you pleaded, one tentacle whipping out to cover his mouth. He promptly bit it. You screamed, that time. Who the hell thought biting a slimy black tentacle was a good plan?

You yanked the tentacle back, holding it in your hand as it throbbed. “Why would you bite me, you fucking lunatic?!”

He spluttered, scrambling back into the far corner of his bed. “What are you?!”

“You don’t go around biting people, Jesus Christ, are you an animal?” You snapped, crawling the rest of the way out from under the bed.

He squeaked, covering his mouth with both hands. You could see his chest rising and falling rapidly, and hear his heart racing.

“Dude. Calm down. You’re gonna have a heart attack.” You glanced down at yourself, chuckling a little. “Just calm down,” you repeated. You shuddered a little; this was never an entirely pleasant experience. Bit by bit, you withdrew the multitude of tentacles from various parts of your body back into your skin. Your magic allowed you to appear in somewhat human clothing, simple pants and a shirt, though your left arm remained rather… Tentacle-y no matter how hard you tried to change it. “Is this better?”

His breathing seemed to slow a little. “W—What are you?” He asked again, letting his hands drop from his mouth.

“I’m ___. I’m the Eldritch God that lives under your bed.” You grimaced, looking around. “What is that horrendous sound?” You asked. You spotted a radio on the dresser nearby, blasting some male voice screeching and snarling about dancing to the tune of someone’s death, loving, or something—A tentacle shot from your back and slapped the pause button on the noise. When the room was silent, you turned back to Jin and stuck your right hand out for him to shake, holding the tentacle arm your back.

“Eldritch God?” He repeated. “Also, that was a good song.”

“Yep. I’ve lived in this area for hundreds of years. Scaring humans or… Hybrids. Just generally enjoying life. I’m a low-level god. Pretty young, so I just kinda have to find stuff to do until the end of the world. Scaring people is fun. Never had one bite me though… I won’t comment on the… musical taste.”

When he didn’t move, you blinked at him. “Don’t your kind shake hands? What’s your name? What are you?”

“Th—I— Jin. S—Seokjin,” he finally spluttered. “Kim Seokjin.”

You dropped your hand, realizing he wasn’t going to shake it. “Okay, Kim Seokjin. What are you? Those ears – Are you a mouse?”

“Hamster,” Jin murmured. His ear twitched and he pawed at it.

He seemed to be relaxing a little. You approached slowly, raising your human shaped hand in surrender when he pressed himself against the wall.

“Look, I live here, I’m not leaving,” you said simply. “This is my apartment!”

“I’ve lived here since this place was built. I think it’s technically my apartment,” you clarified. “Just because I don’t hand the humans money doesn’t mean I don’t live here.” You pouted a little as you spoke, wrapping your arms over your chest. “I don’t want you to leave. Humans need a place to sleep too. I just… Want to work something out.”

“Sure, leave.” Jin snapped, his whiskers twitching madly. “You smell like water and… Storms.”

“It’s the Eldritch in me, sorry.” You smiled a little sheepishly. “I’m not leaving. Normally I’d get my kicks scaring the shit out of the humans in this place, but I’ve never had one that had the gall to bite me. So I wanna work something out with you.”

“I’m a rodent hybrid. You scare us, we get nippy. Especially when we can’t see.” Jin crossed his arms over his own chest, mouth thinning into an annoyed line.

“How blind are you?”

“Pretty blind.”

“I can’t see in the sunshine,” you said.

“It hurts my eyes. They don’t dilate so well.” Jin touched his glasses. “It’s why the curtains are always shut.”

“I appreciate it, honestly. I can be in the sun, but it doesn’t feel good to bump into everything. Plus with tentacles… A little more of a hazard.”

“Those were tentacles…” Jin’s face contorted into an awful grimace. He slapped his hand over his mouth. “Oh God – I bit that thing. Was that like biting your dick? In the pornos—”

You truly couldn’t help it. You really tried, but you had never seen a human look so horrified. You doubled over in laughter, holding your stomach as you did.

When you were able to right yourself, Jin was still staring at you, the horrified expression now blending with a shocked one.

“Sorry, sorry,” you said between gasps of breath. “No, no you didn’t bite any of my genital tentacles; it’s more like an arm. They look similar though so I get the confusion.”

Jin’s eyes bulged comically. “Y—You have more than one? Are you…” He hesitated, seemingly searching for the right way to phrase it. “Boy?”

“I’m an Eldritch horror.”

“Right, but… Genital tentacles. Plural? You don’t…” He motioned to your crotch area.

You chuckled. “I existed before the concept of gender and sex was even a flicker in the DNA sequence of the somewhat sentient slimes that would someday become your species. I’m a god, Seokjin.”

“But you look human,” Jin mumbled. You noticed his cheeks and ears had begun to take on a reddish hue. It was kind of cute.

“Sure I do. I like this shape. But it’s not my true form.”

“What is?”

“Your eyes would burn from your skull and your brain would melt into sludge if you saw my true shape even in your peripherals. Why are you so pink?”

Jin blinked. “What?”

“It’s been a long time since I’ve spoken to a human, or a hybrid,” you explained. “I seem to have forgotten their ways a bit. And most of the time the color they change around me is a paler hue. Or purple, occasionally, when one has choked on something and been unable to breathe…”

Jin swallowed audibly. “Ch—Choke on something?”

He touched his mouth, his cheeks brightening more. You could hear his heart thudding rapidly. That was a familiar scent… You moved forward a little, surprised that he didn’t shy away, and sniffed. Oh. Oh. You smirked.

“Hm…”

“What?”

“Nothing, nothing.” You backed up, letting him relax a little. “Well, I’m going back to my space. Perhaps next time I come out, you won’t screech at me.” You sank down and Jin scrambled up.

“Wait!” He reached out, touching your shoulder before you slid under the bed. His hands were firm. And big. You felt your own body begin to warm up.

“Yes?”

“What is your space? Do you just… Live under my bed?”

“In a way. I live in the depths of the shadows under your bed that allow my form to transcend the plane of this existence and rest in an area of my own design.”

Jin blinked owlishly at you. “Uh…”

“Portal. To another dimension. Under bed.” You spoke in simpler terms, assuming his humanoid mind was unable to compute. He nodded slowly, ears twitching.

“So when you’re in there… Can you… See up here? What I am doing?”

“If I choose.”

“Well, don’t choose.”

You blinked, scowling a little at the firmness of his tone. What did he mean by that? Was he intending to tell someone about you? That would be a problem. Most humanoids and humans you scared were too terrified to have a conversation about what you were. People would think they were nuts. But this one… Seemed different. He smelled different, that was for sure. Almost like he was interested in you.

“Well, I’m going to go now. I’ll see you again.”

“Knock on the wall before you come up next time. It’s scary when you just appear like that.”

“Right. Bad eyes.” You smiled at him. “I’ll knock.”

You sank back down on the floor sliding fluidly under the bed, oozing into the shadows. You heard the bed creak before you fully disappeared and peeked out, a simple black mass with red eyes. You met Jin’s wide gaze and smiled… Not that he knew it was a smile … Before disappearing into the shadows.

You tried to rest. You really did. Floating along in a sea of nothingness, the distant screams of a billion galaxies colliding, dying, and reforming all at once. It was normally a lullaby to you. But tonight, your mind wandered. Not to the murder and bloodshed of a million cruel lesser Gods, or the agonizing scream of terror as someone is riddled with nightmares from your very presence… But rather… Of Jin. Seokjin. The hamster boy Jin. His ears looked so soft, you wished you could pet them. And his big, dark eyes… That soft smattering of fur. The balls it took to bite you.

Heaving a sigh, you unwound yourself from your tentacles and drifted back up to the space where your world connected with his. You slipped out from the shadows, peeking out from under the bed. It was dark in his room – he must be sleeping. You could smell him above you, that musky fur scent, the bitter scent of human- sweat, the rich scent of sex. A pang shot through you. Sex. Was he mating with someone?

As if on command, the bed creaked, and Jin whimpered softly. You could smell no one else, only him. In the silence, you could hear a slick squelching noise, and a soft, electronic babble from a device on the bed. Curiosity piqued, you slid further out, peeking up over the edge of the bed. Jin was stretched out on top of the covers, naked. You could see a smattering of the same creamy light fur on his chest and belly. His fist was sliding rapidly up and down his hard cock, glistening with lube and precome. His head was turned, earphones over his round, twitching ears. You peeked a little further, spotting the laptop on his bedside stand. The video on it was some sort of cartoon. A male figure was being suspended in the air by a multitude of tentacles, his ass being spread open as one drove into him in an obscene manner. His mouth was filled as well, tears streaming down his face.

You couldn’t deny that the video was quite attractive. You glanced back at Jin and smirked. So that smell earlier was arousal. You were right. Hm. Well the feeling was mutual… Why should he have to do this alone?

Slow and careful, not wanting to terrify your skittish roommate, you slid one tentacle up over the bed. Moving slowly, you reached the laptop and poked the pause button. Jin’s hand hesitated and he scowled, eyes widening when he spotted the tentacle on the keyboard. He looked down at the foot of the bed. You grinned and waved another tentacle at him.

“What the fuck?!” Jin howled, yanking his blanket over his lap and jerking the headphones from his head. The fabric was raised ever so slightly where his erection was, doing nothing to really hide it from you.

“Sorry,” you apologized, “you were masturbating to tentacles…” Jin reached out and snapped the laptop shut, nearly pinching the tip of your tentacle in the process.

“So what? It’s my room!”

“It’s a room we share,” you corrected, moving out from the bed and coming around. “I was worried you were going to tell someone about me with how determined you were that I didn’t come back through… And I couldn’t stop thinking about you in other ways, so I was going to come back to talk and… I stumbled onto this.”

Jin remained silent, his lips pinched in annoyance. You smirked and moved closer to the bed, noting that he didn’t cringe away this time.

“So that scent from earlier was arousal.”

“What scent?”

“Oh, I smell you very well. When I talked about choking humans… I smelled what seemed like human arousal. But I figured I was just imagining it. Why would a pretty humanoid like you be aroused by me?” You reached out with a tentacle, brushing the smooth skin of Jin’s chin. His eyes fluttered shut.

“I’m interested in you too, you know. I’ve never had a human so brave face me down. I admire that.” You hesitated and looked at his lap, the blanket still lifted. “Shall I help with that?”

“Wh—” Jin’s eyes snapped open. “What? No, please, I’m so ashamed,” he lamented, setting a pillow over the spot.

“Why are you ashamed? You are decently endowed for a humanoid of your height and weight ratio. The phallus seemed healthy and firm, and I sense no chemical influences so it can be safely assumed that you can get and maintain an erection capable of breeding, with no help.”

Jin’s cheeks reddened more and more as you spoke.

“Please!” He cried, waving his hands in front of him. “Stop talking about it like that.”

“Oh.” You frowned a little. “I suppose that wouldn’t be arousing for you… If you were wanting me to speak in a way that aroused you… I suppose I should rather say that your cock is beautiful… It looks so hard and I’d love to make you come…”

You heard Jin’s heartrate pick up and couldn’t help but smirk. “Would you like that, Jin? For me to make you come?”

Jin swallowed hard and nodded, meeting your dark eyes.

A tentacle shot out, knocking the pillow out of the way. It yanked the blanket down, revealing Jin’s cock, still mostly hard despite the conversation.

You moved down to the foot of the bed, relaxing and allowing more tentacles to emerge. Jin’s eyes grew wide as you did, darting from side to side as he seemed to try to process.

“You enjoy this,” you said. It was a question you already knew the answer to.

“Yes.”

God, that felt good to hear. You slid a group of tentacles up over Jin’s chest, feeling the smooth skin and delicate hairs. Your touch left goosebumps in its wake, and Jin shuddered softly.

You used another set of tentacles to push open his thick, muscular thighs. You made a soft noise of surprise. At the base of his spine, visible when he spread his legs, was a tiny tuft of fur, and a fuzzy tail. Only about two inches, thin and blunted, it was potentially the most adorable thing you had seen on a humanoid being in all your time living with them.

More tentacles to lift Jin’s hips off the bed.

“Oh my—Your tail,” you commented helplessly. You reached out with your human-ish hand and grabbed it, petting the soft fur above it. Jin’s entire body went tense, and you watched his cock twitch. You cocked a brow. “Oh…”

Curious, you tugged the tail, ever so lightly, and Jin grunted. You pulled again, with the same response. A third time, and he moaned softly.

“Please—Stop pulling my tail,” he pleaded.

“Why? Does it hurt?”

“N—No.”

You smirked. “So then, it’s good…” You tugged once more and Jin’s back arched off the tentacles suspending it.

“Please—” He whined.

“Would you like my help, Seokjin? I could make you feel quite good.”

Jin huffed, swallowing hard. “Th—This is so strange.”

“Mhm. I’ve never, if I may be blunt, seen such a willing person.” You let one thin tentacle circle around the tight rim of Jin’s hole, leaving a trail of slick fluid behind. “I’d love to see just how much you want.”

“Everything,” Jin confessed, his body relaxing against your tentacles.

“What was that?”

“I want everything…” Jin opened his eyes, blinking a few times before focusing on you. “If you want it, I—” He nodded. He let his thighs fall open further, smirking. “I want it.”

Excitement coursed through your body. He was so willing, so aroused. It was the most intriguing and exciting thing you’d done in a millennia.

You pushed the leaking, swollen tip of the tentacle into Jin’s tight heat, barely able to resist moaning. His rim clamped down around your tentacle like a vise, coaxing a little of your warm slick to squirt from the tip. You were gonna wreck this pretty rodent.

You drove the tentacle deeper into him, smirking when you reached a resistance. Jin whimpered, biting his bottom lip.

“Deep—“ he whined.

“Do you enjoy it?”

“Yes—” Jin groaned. You pushed your second tentacle in; this one a little thinner and slicker. Jin shouted, his back arching. The movement tightened the skin of his stomach. You gasped, spotting the barely there swell. You worked the thinner tentacle up to where the first was and relaxed, letting it balloon and expand. The swell in his belly grew, and you groaned, reaching forward and touching it. You could feel yourself in his body.

Jin tried to lay back on the bed, hiding the beautiful swell. You reached out with two of your tentacles, catching him and arching his back once more.

“I like this,” you growled.

Jin sobbed brokenly, and you worried for a moment you’d hurt him. But his cock was hard and leaking, and his face was twisted up in a grin.

“___— Please...”

“I’ll take care of you,” you promised him. You wrapped a tentacle around his neck, letting your suckers rub over the smooth skin there. So easily torn. Jin’s cock twitched on his belly and he moaned. You began to squeeze his throat, ever so gently. You relaxed your grip and prodded his plush, swollen lips with the flattened tip of another tentacle. the movement left behind a glossy, oil slick sheen.

“No biting this one, Jin,” you warned. He huffed and rolled his eyes, opening his mouth. You slid the tentacle in, sighing as Jin eagerly lapped at it sucking softly. You stroked the smooth flesh of his tongue with your tip before sliding deeper. You bumped his uvula, smirking when he coughed.

“Open wide.”

Jin did his best to obey, and you pushed in, nudging past his tonsils and down his throat. His eyes bulged and he swallowed, squeezing your tentacle delightfully. Cool air whistled past it as he struggled to breathe.

“You liked being choked, didn’t you?” You cooed, squeezing his throat once more.

Jin’s cock throbbed on his stomach and began to shoot come onto his belly. His eyes rolled back and he gagged hard, moan muffled. His ass clenched rhythmically around your tentacles, milking fluid from them.

You couldn’t help but laugh even as you moaned from the stimulation. Two suckered tentacles slid up, rubbing through the hot come on his belly and up to tease his hard nipples. Jin sobbed what sounded like your name, but you couldn’t be sure. You allowed the rest of your tentacles to surround Jin, touching and rubbing and leaving little streaks of oily slick on his smooth, clean skin. The one that started this all, wrapped firmly around his dainty tail, yanked once more.

You’d been saving the best for last. A tentacle no thicker than his pinkie wound up his leg. You could feel his muscles quivering from the overstimulation, his breath whistling around your tentacle firmly lodged down his throat, his eyes already rolling back. Up, through the mat of curly dark pubic hair, around his still hard shaft, stroking and squeezing. It was so warm and smooth. Your mouth watered. You’d have to taste it one of these days. And finally his tip.

The tentacle released and touched the tip of his cock. Jin’s eyes widened, still somewhat unfocused. Slow and steady, you let the tip your tentacle open, sliding down, down, swallowing Jin’s cock.

You moaned, quivering as you were filled with his thick girth. It had been a century since you let something penetrate you in this way. His cock was perfect, solid and warm and hit every single spot inside your channel just right.

Jin reached out with the hand not being held by a tentacle and grabbed his cock, rubbing his fingers lightly over the smooth outside of your tentacle. He began to stroke, up and down, firmly, jerking off with your body.

You moaned brokenly, head falling back. Your tentacles caught you as you sagged, legs spread. A pressure built deep in your guts as he used your channel to jerk off, sucking the tentacle in his mouth and clenching his ass around the ones inside him. He knew exactly how to drive you wild. This wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair— He was just a human—

You screamed his name as you came around his cock, squirting thick and wet. Jin moaned, gagging hard when the tentacle in his throat swelled a bit.

He continued to jerk off with your tentacle, his eyes losing their focus once more. He was going to come again, you could feel it. The wet squelch of your released as he used your hole filled the room. It was music to your ears.

A tentacle whipped forward and grabbed his wrist, yanking it off his cock and pinning it to the bed. You wrapped another tentacle around his cock, squeezing yourself against him as you began to jerk it.

“You’re gonna come in me, Jin,” you cooed.

He tried to nod.

“I’m going to come in you.” His eyes rolled back, a full body shudder making you moan as well. Enough foreplay.

The tentacles holding Jin’s arms and legs went taut, pulling his arms above his head and forcing his legs open wide. You jammed a third, slender tentacle up his gaping asshole for good measure, shuddering at the impossible tightness of it.

At once, every tentacle buried inside your new humanoid plaything began to thrust, the room filled with the obscene glugging noises of his throat and the wet squelch of his ass as you added more natural lubricant. You were still pumping his cock with your other tentacle, squeezing that and his throat playfully.

Jin came first again - not that you were surprised. You moaned as he spilled ropes of come into your channel, swelling it a bit. You continued to milk him with the slender tentacle and the one wrapped around it. Another tentacle slipped up to play with his balls, urging every drop of come out of them and into you. You moaned softly at that, smiling down at him. Time to return the favor.

You began to fuck his throat hard and fast, mouth hanging open in pleasure as he choked on you. Jin’s eyes screwed shut and you growled. “Look at me, pretty.”

He struggled to do so, drool and your own slick bubbling up around the tentacle in his throat. His throat was painfully tight.

“You wanted me to choke you. Is this how you wanted it, Jin?” You purred.

Jin nodded, gagging and coughing hard. His eyes rolled back in his head, cock dribbling once more into the slick channel of your tentacle.

“That’s it… Give it all to me, baby. I’ll give you what you want too. Swallow it.”

Your body tensed, a knot of pleasure squeezing tight and drawing all of your nerves to a near painful edge. The tentacle began to spurt down Jin’s throat. He coughed hard, some of the dark fluid escaping around his mouth and nose. A tentacle caught the back of his head, holding it as you pumped your release down his throat.

You threw your head back, moaning loudly. At the same time, you continued to fuck his ass, your secondary climax nearing.

Some of your smaller tentacles that you’d been using to tease his tail and skin began to spurt as well, streaking thick, hot ropes of dark, oily release over his heaving chest and tearstained face. And over his tense stomach, now swelling with amount of fluid you were pumping down his throat.

Your second climax ripped a scream from your throat, surprising you. The tentacles buried in Jin’s ass began to spurt, shudders wracking your body as you filled his with release.

A pressure grew in the base of your groin and you whimpered. With fuzzy eyes, you watched the base of the tentacle swell just a little larger than a chicken egg, before moving down the length of the tentacle. And another… Another… Seven total eggs made their way down your length. The first caught on Jin’s clenched rim, making him sob wet and broken around your tentacle.

“Shh… Let me in,” you whispered.

Jin seemed to try to relax. You shuddered and strained, helping work the thick egg into Jin’s body. It slipped past the rim and down the inserted part of your tentacle. You moaned and shuddered when it released. Time to repeat. Again, and again, you worked the eggs into Jin, tiny aftershocks of orgasm washing over you each time your tentacle ejected one.

Jin’s stomach was swollen with come and eggs, and his body was lax, eyes half closed and glassy with exhaustion.

You pulled out slowly, smirking a little at the little rivers of come that followed both from his ruined ass and his mouth. Carefully, you laid him back onto the bed, still cocooning him with your tentacles as you crawled onto the bed and kissed his sweaty cheek.

“Still with me?”

“Mhm…” Jin touched his stomach. “Eggs?” He croaked, as if speaking through a mouth full of caramel.

“Yes. They will dissolve harmlessly within you in a few hours, don’t be alarmed. I should have warned you.”

“No, not at all… It’s good. I liked it… I feel so full…”

“You look absolutely ruined.”

Jin blinked tiredly at you, looking mildly concerned. You smirked and kissed his come stained lips. “It’s a beautiful look. We should get you cleaned up, shouldn’t we?” You sat up, your tentacles slinking back into your body. Jin reached out, grabbing one and holding onto it.

“Do you like being this way better?”

“I have no preference, but it’s more comfortable with some of them out,” you admitted. “I’m not used to using these.” You held up your human-ish hands.

“Leave them out then. I like them.”

“They don’t frighten you?”

Jin’s ear twitched. “No. Not now.”

A smile crossed your face before you could stop it. “I’ve never really let a human look at me so long.”

Jin ran his hand up your tentacle, his soft skin tickling and warming you. “I’m so different from you. Why did this happen?”

You hesitated at his question, unsure how to answer. Jin smiled when you did.

“I’m not saying I’m mad or… I dislike it. But the problem is… I’m human. At least human adjacent. And the way I feel emotions… It’s strong but I don’t know how your kind does. I just…” Jin frowned at a spot in the corner, clearly deep in thought. “I guess I just want to know what this is going to be before I let myself get too attached.”

You chuckled a little. “This is absurd.”

“What is?” Jin’s face drooped.

“We’re having this deep conversation... While you’re lying on the bed naked and messy. Come on, let me clean you up. We’ll continue when we’re both a bit more put together.”

You scooped him up with your tentacles, laughing a little at his surprised shout. With minimal effort, you carried him out of the room and down the hall to where you knew the bathroom was located. Jin laughed, wiggling in the firm grip of your tentacles as you did.

“Aren’t I heavy?”

“Not really. Rather light, actually. Do you obtain ample caloric sustenance to maintain humanoid organ function?”

“Do… Do I what?”

“Eat. Enough food,” you supplied. You turned on the water of the bath with another tentacle, turning to face Jin, who was still firmly wrapped in your grip.

“Yes, I eat enough,” Jin huffed. “I’m a good weight.”

“You are certainly well built,” you agreed, letting your eyes roam Jin’s body. Even covered in the oil slick iridescence of your come… He really truly was stunning. Broad shoulders, firm chest, thigh, muscular thighs… Even with the tiny swell in his stomach where your eggs were slowly disintegrating… He likely drew the attention of anyone on the street.

“___...” Jin drifted off. “You’re staring.”

“I’m admiring,” you argued. “Do you have a human partner?”

“No. I’m single.”

“Why?”

Jin blinked, seeming surprised at the question. “I—I don’t know. I guess… Nobody’s ever really struck my fancy.”

“Why not?” You turned, reaching a tentacle out to test the water. Deeming it warm enough, you shifted, settling Jin into it.

“I have no idea. I guess I just know what I’m looking for.”

“And what’s that?”

“Join me?” Jin asked, shifting to sit in the tub and make space.

You let your tentacles disappear back into your body save for a dozen smaller ones, and stripped out of the clothing you’d donned. You crawled into the tub, sighing a little as the warm water lapped over your skin.

“I want someone who is there for me,” Jin continued after a moment. Someone who knows what I need both physically and emotionally, and someone who is willing to let me provide for them too. A give and take.”

“Do you desire offspring?” You reached out and snagged a washcloth, wetting it and adding soap. You began to wash Jin’s skin clean.

“Someday, maybe. Not now. I am young, I wanna use that youth.” Jin shifted, sighing. “I like you, ___.”

“I know you do. And for some bizarre reason… I rather like you too.” You sighed a little, frowning at the confession. It was the truth. That much you knew. But why did it feel so scary?

“Bizarre? Have you never liked a human before? Or a… Hybrid?”

“No.” You continued to wash his shoulders and back. “I tend to just scare the pants off them and call it good.”

Jin laughed a little. “Well you got my pants off in some way, it just wasn’t by scaring me.”

“Oh, I scared you,” you argued, laughing as well. “You threw a book at my head.”

“A giant tentacle monster appeared in my room, of course I threw something at you.”

“You also bit me.”

“I’m starting to think you liked it.”

You paused, brows raising. “I guess… I sort of did.”

Jin’s smile faded a little, the laughter dying. “I asked you a question in the room, ___.”

“You did.”

“And you didn’t answer.”

“Because I didn’t know how to. I still don’t.”

“Do you have feelings? Like… Happiness or sadness or affection?”

You nodded. You sank down a little more in the tub, and Jin reached out, gently sliding his hands over your legs and tentacles where he could reach. “I do. I’m sure it’s slightly different but the result is the same. I do find you interesting, both physically and otherwise. I want to get to know you more, and spend time with you. Being on this plane of existence is… Different. I don’t normally do it, but I feel content to be in this form, because it means a chance to learn more about you. I’d watched you for a while before but… Face to face.”

“I understand.” Jin took the cloth and washed his face and ears. “So, you do like me then.”

You nodded once.

“And I like you,” Jin continued. He set the cloth in the water, using the tip of one finger to gently slide it back and forth.

“It would seem that way. For some strange reason.”

Jin smiled softly. He scooped up the cloth and ran it gently over one of your tentacles. The slightly rough texture sent shivers through your body, and you couldn’t stop the smile that formed.

“That feels nice.”

Jin shifted, the sound of the water sloshing in the small tub the only answer he gave you for the moment. The tub was truly too small for the both of you, but he was able to make it work, shifting over to settle closer. He used the cloth to wash over the exposed tentacles and the humanoid form of your body, meeting your gaze every few seconds. His ears were perked forward, nose and whiskers twitching.

You reached out with a free tentacle, stroking his back and running down to his ass. You touched his tail. The fur was soft and silky where it seemed to blend into his skin, and his tail was covered in the same soft down. It wiggled a little under the water and Jin made a small noise between a squeak and a sigh.

“Just don’t pull it,” he whispered.

“We know what that does. Is it difficult?” You asked. You let go of his tail in favor of stroking along his smooth back.

“Is what difficult?”

“You’re a hybrid. I know your kind is not common still. I’ve never seen one of your species specifically.”

“It can be. I’m a pretty timid animal by nature. So I used to get bullied. But I enjoy being different. In the long run. It’s what makes me who I am and I wouldn’t change that.”

“That’s admirable. You are a beautiful specimen.” When Jin frowned, you paused.

“Being. I don’t mean specimen as an insult.”

“I know,” Jin sighed, sitting back. He pulled his knees up to his chest. The air in the bathroom seemed to thicken a little, and you frowned. Though human emotions weren’t your forte, you could still sense enough of the shift in Jin to get it.

“I’ve upset you.”

“You haven’t. Not on purpose.” Jin rose and grabbed a towel, beginning to dry himself off. His stomach was back to normal, and it felt like all sense of afterglow had worn off. You followed suit, rising and opening the tub drain. As you stepped out of the tub, you allowed your powers to work, drying your body and re-clothing it instantly. As you did, Jin turned around, about to offer you a towel. His face drooped when he saw you clothed.

“Oh.” He pulled it back and looked at it for a moment before dropping it into the hamper and heading back toward the bedroom. You followed from a safe distance, unsure how to help the humanoid you’d found yourself so attached to.

When you reached the bedroom, you hesitated at the foot of the bed while Jin stripped the mattress, messy from your activities.

“Jin…”

He glanced at you, but said nothing. Instead he tossed the sheet into a hamper and went the closet, digging around to get a clean one. He hesitated, rubbing at the back of his ear.

“Jin.” You repeated yourself more firmly. He turned, his whiskers twitching.

“You’re not human.”

“No, of course I’m not.”

“Even with the… The tentacles. It’s easy to forget. You look humanoid.”

You nodded.

“But then you do something like… Like what you did in the bathroom or you call me a specimen like I’m so different and I just—I like you, ___. But can you like me? Do you want to get to know me and maybe be… Something more?”

“Of course I do, Jin,” you answered. And the reality of it was – you were being honest. You stepped forward, reaching out with your tentacles to pull him closer. When he was near enough, you wrapped your arms around him, nuzzling his neck. “I want to know you. You’re the first human I’ve ever wanted to be around like this. I know we’re different… I’m sorry I’ve upset you. I don’t mean to.”

“I’m not upset, ___. I just know things are… Difficult.”

“They don’t need to be.”

You stepped back and shifted a little, the tentacles sliding into your body. You changed your clothing with a simple thought into something a little baggier, pulling your left arm more out of view in the fabric. “I can look human. I can be anything you need to make you comfortable.”

Jin pouted a little, his plush bottom lip sliding out. “But this isn’t you. I don’t want you to change. I like you.” He pushed the sleeve up and grabbed your tentacled arm. “I like all of you. If you meet my friends, of course… This works, but… When it’s me. I just want you to be yourself. As much as you can be.”

“I don’t frighten you? Make you feel different?”

“You do.” Jin shrugged. “But that can be okay.” He sighed softly and reached up, stroking your cheek. The motion was unfamiliar to you, but not unwelcomed. You could feel the calluses on the pads of his thumbs from use, hear his pulse throbbing softly against his wrist, feel the brush of his fingers against the baby hairs on your current form’s face. It was soothing. Your eyes fluttered shut and you smiled a little.

“Do that again…” You whispered when Jin pulled his hand away. He repeated the motion, and then on the other side, cupping your face in his hands.

“___.”

You opened your eyes, surprised to see him so close to you, his dark gaze trained on yours. “Have you ever been kissed?”

“No.”

“Never? Wh—”

“It’s never really come up,” you admitted.

“Well… I’m going to kiss you, okay?”

“O—Okay.”

Jin closed the gap between your faces, tilting his head a little as his eyes closed. His lips pressed against yours, soft and silky. You could feel his breath tickling your cheek, and you giggled a little.

Jin pulled back, a smile of confusion brightening his face. “What are you laughing at?”

“Humans do this a lot?” You asked. “I’m sorry, it feels funny,” you laughed a little.

Jin laughed too, nodding. “They do. It’s an affection thing… But now that I think about it, you are right, it’s kinda weird.”

“It’s cute,” you said, reaching up and touching his cheek. “I don’t hate it. I’ll do it if you like it. But know I might laugh every time you do.”

Jin nodded, kissing you again quickly. “It’s okay. You have a delightful laugh. I want to hear it more…” He sighed softly, seeming to search your face for something unknown.

You remained quiet, letting him look. Being honest, it gave you a chance to really look at him. Humans – even humanoid hybrids like Seokjin… Were so simple. Their genetic makeup was easily replicated, reproduced, altered. You could reach out with your true self and shatter his genome sequence. You could change him completely – turn him into a hideous monster, or a beautiful human, devoid of any rodent features. You could kill him, or make him live a thousand years longer. Simple creatures. Yet there was one thing that even you – with all your age and knowledge… Couldn’t master.

Their minds.

Sure, you could scare or arouse one, you could tweak simple emotions, but not for long. They always compensated. And each one compensated differently. Some coped, some panicked, some lost their minds. The answer to the human equation had long eluded you. Not that you’d bothered to care much before now. Before this humanoid being had blazed into your existence. And now… You found yourself caring, but not to overpower or control humans. But to make the one that was offering himself to you… Happy. The feeling was foreign. You didn’t want to scare or change or fiddle with this one. You just wanted to be with him.

Cautiously, you reached your hand up, letting your fingers brush over his whiskers, then up, over his large ears, covered in soft, fur. They twitched, as did Jin’s nose, and you smiled.

“Do you eat?” Jin asked suddenly.

“Eat?”

“Yeah, like food. Burgers or rice or a steak…”

“I am capable of it, yes. I can almost perfectly mimic a humanoid existence in this form.”

“Wanna get a midnight snack?”

“Shouldn’t you sleep? Humanoids need an ample number of hours of sleep per night in order to maintain proper f—”

“You’re worth a night of no sleep,” Jin cut you off.

“I—I am?”

Jin grinned broadly. “Of course you are. I want to learn more about you. I want to spend more time with you. Do you have to… Go back? To your… Space, I guess?”

“Not with any pressing need. It simply exists because I’ve created it.”

“I want to know more about it. More about what you can create.” Jin took your hand, and your tentacle. “Everything.”

“There is far too much to tell.”

“Then we’ll just have to spend more time together. Is that alright?”

“It is.” You felt the smile spreading across your face before you could stop it.

What a human response. Could spending time around this human make you more of one? The thought would have been horrifying to you a month ago. Now… Looking at Jin’s bright gaze, and broad smile… Maybe a little humanity was exactly what you needed.

One tentacle drifted out and over to the radio on Jin’s dresser, poking the play button. The same male voice from your meeting earlier in the day filled the air, though it was an entirely different song now.

“You’ll never make me leave, I wear this on my sleeve…”

Jin’s eyes darted to the radio before landing back on your face. “I thought this was horrible noise?” He asked, a grin causing his cheeks to fill out adorably.

“Give me a better cause to lead…”

“I can learn to like it. I want to. For you.” You closed the space between your faces this time, kissing Jin’s soft mouth gently.

“Give me a reason to believe…”

#thebtswritersclub #seokjin x reader #jin x reader #reader insert #seokjin smut #bts x reader #mywriting #kim seokjin #seokjin

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tigerkirby215 · 3 years ago

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5e Hank J. Wimbleton, the Protagonist build (Madness Combat)

(Artwork by AndrewKO on Newgrounds.)

Friday Night Funkin’ Tricky Mod reminded me of the Madness Combat series... man it’s a trip in the best possible way. I honestly miss the old days on Newgrounds where stuff like Madness Combat could get extremely popular just off fan reception alone.

Anyways I think the fantasy of playing a bloodthirsty expert killer is something that most people can identify with in D&D, and Hank is certainly a badass in his own right. So while this was mostly a spur-of-the-moment sort of build here’s Hank J. Wimbleton with as many of his abilities I could reasonably put into a build at once, from Madness Combat 1 all the way to Madness Combat 11: Expurgation.

Also I finally get to use artwork from a website other than DeviantArt which is pretty awesome.

GOALS

Avenger - Hank shoots guns good and Madness is a series of guns first and foremost.

Aggregation - Hank is also more than capable in melee combat, being able to use all sorts of weapons including his fists!

Redeemer - Spoilers for Madness Combat 9 I guess.

RACE

The characters in Madness don’t really look like anything in reality, but it’s fairly safe to say that they are meant to be some sort of human. So we’re going to be going for Variant Human: yup not even an Eberron race since we do need everything that Variant Human provides. Increase your Constitution and Dexterity both by 1 and grab Acrobatics proficiency to dodge incoming knife swings and gunfire. And as per standard take whatever language suits your campaign.

Now you’re probably expecting Crossbow Expert as our level 1 feat, right? Or perhaps even Gunner? That’s where you’re wrong! Hank throws punches far earlier than he starts using guns, and he also uses a lot or improvised weapons throughout the mainline Madness Combat series. So grab Tavern Brawler for a +1 to Strength, a d4 unarmed strike (it’s not earth-shattering but it gets the job done), and proficiency with improvised weapons. And the grappling part which honestly doesn’t impact us much, but it’s nice to grab a human shield.

ON THE GUNNER FEAT: Going to make a quick mention now that this build is made under the assumption that your DM will not allow firearms in their campaign, and as a result we will be reflavoring crossbows as firearms. In short we’re not taking the Gunner feat, but if your DM allows it go ahead and take it.

Honestly if your DM allows firearms it would probably be a good idea to play whatever firearm-based class they added to play as Hank, instead of the build I made here. This build however is meant for the average D&D campaign.

ABILITY SCORES

Hank is MAD, rather fittingly. So MAD in fact that I can’t contain the madness within Standard Array. So rejoice we’re actually going to be using Point Buy!

STRENGTH; 9 - The vast majority of Hank’s weapons are either firearms or weapons that I would constitute as finesse based. With the +1 from Tavern Brawler this is still enough for your punches and improvised Strength weapons to pack a punch at least.

DEXTERITY; 15 - As mentioned above we will primarily be using firearms (crossbows) and finesse weapons.

CONSTITUTION; 11 - Mostly to round out the build, which along with the +1 from our race gives us a bit of bulk which will help with all the killing.

INTELLIGENCE; 14 - There’s many ways I can justify this but the easiest way is to say “it’s a multiclassing requirement.”

WISDOM; 14 - Wisdom is tied to perception as well as survival instinct, and is a multiclassing requirement.

CHARISMA; 8 - Hank is of the quiet sort and doesn’t talk much between all the killing. Yes he can intimidate info out of people but you try keeping your cool with a gun pointed to your head.

BACKGROUND

There was a man who sought the sheriff, and to slay the sheriff you’re automatically made a Criminal. I am however going to suggest swapping your skills out for Intimidation and Slight of Hand (IE Gun Tricks.) Feel free to take whatever Gaming Set you want, but thankfully as a Criminal you can choose Land Vehicles as your tool proficiency, because Hank does run over some guys in part 4!

Criminal Contact will let you get in contact with Sanford and Deimos in case you... you know, die? You can always get your message across when needed: D&D doesn’t have computers but you can still find some shady merchants or corrupt guards to get into contact with your crew.

(Artwork by redemer19 on Newgrounds.)

THE BUILD

LEVEL 1 - ARTIFICER 1

Starting off as an Artificer because CON saving throw proficiency is nice. So is proficiency in Investigation, Perception, and a tool of your choice.

Tinkerer’s Tools technically counts as gunsmith tools if we go with Matt Mercer’s homebrew, but you already get those for free (along with Thieves’ Tools) as an Artificer. I personally opted for Smith’s Tools as the next best option which will also double for taking care of swords and knives.

You can also get a Boombox to dance to thanks to Magical Tinkering. You can infuse magic into a Tiny object to give it a variety of effects: make it glow, have it display a message, or most importantly have it play the Chicken Dance song. You can have a number of these equal to your Intelligence modifier, which is to say not many.

You do also get Spellcasting: You get two cantrips from the Artificer list: Mage Hand will let you grab a weapon for yourself that’s out of reach, and Acid Splash will serve as a starter shotgun for some buckshot against multiple enemies. As for your leveled spells you can prepare a number of spells equal to your Intelligence modifier plus half your Artificer level, which is to say... not many. Feather Fall can be useful when up in high places, and Detect Magic is universally useful for finding any anomalies created by the Improbability Drive.

LEVEL 2 - ARTIFICER 2

The main reason we went for Artificer first is Infusions, gear you can bring at the start of the fight for an upper hand. Of course the main weapon we’ll be grabbing is the Repeating Shot Weapon which will be how you make basically all your guns. Not having to reload is nice and not having to worry about ammo is better!

ON YOUR WEAPONS: For now the only weapon you can reasonably use is a Light Crossbow, however soon you’ll be able to put Repeating Shot on either a Heavy Crossbow (rifle) or Hand Crossbow (pistol) depending on your preference.

Other than that you can borrow from Sanford’s book and make a Returning Weapon to throw a hook and pull it back, create Sending Stones to keep in touch with your crew, and have a Rope of Climbing to sneak into the sheriff’s office. Or you can choose your own tools for the job as I am merely suggesting what makes the most sense for Hank, but the Repeating Shot Weapon is the only one you truly need.

You can also prepare another spell like Identify, to know what weapon you’re picking up.

LEVEL 3 - RANGER 1

This is a bit out of left field isn’t it? Well Ranger gives a number of things, the first of which being Stealth proficiency for your initial entrance. You also get Deft Explorer (instead of Natural Explorer) for Canny, giving you two languages (pick your poison) and Expertise in one skill of your choice (go for Acrobatics to evade attacks and stay alive.)

You also get Favored Foe (instead of Favored Enemy), letting you concentrate on an enemy’s weak points to kill them quickly. When you hit an enemy you can choose to mark them so they take an extra d4 of damage once per turn from your attacks. You do have to concentrate on this effect (like a spell) but aiming for the head is a good way to end someone quickly.

LEVEL 4 - RANGER 2

Second level Rangers get to choose their Fighting Style and you’re probably expecting me to tell you to take Archery, right? Well even if you’re mostly going to be using guns you do have proficiency with melee weapons too, and since our Strength is kinda bad I’d suggest taking Druidic Warrior for some simple boosts to your combat proficiency.

Shillelagh will be a good place to start by letting you swing a blunt object with your Wisdom instead of your Strength. The main weapons Hank uses in the Madness series other than shortswords is clubs, bats, and pipes which I’d all consider as viable targets for Shillelagh if your DM’s cool.

Mending will be useful to keep your outfit in check after taking a bad hit.

Feel free to take Archery if you want as it’s likely more useful for this build. Again I am opting for what’s the most accurate for Hank, not for what’s the most optimal to build.

But if you want to keep yourself in check after taking a bad hit you can grab some Ranger Spellcasting. Cure Wounds will let you bandage yourself (or an ally) up in the thick of a fight, and Zephyr Strike will let you rush in while avoiding danger to deliver a deadly strike on a key foe.

LEVEL 5 - RANGER 3

There’s quite a few reasons we didn’t go for Rogue levels in this build (spoilers btw): Hank does most of his fighting solo, doesn’t really opt for stealth except for at the start of missions, and because the Gloom Stalker is far better for how Hank operates. For a start you get Umbral Sight for 60 feet of Darkvision with your dumb human eyes, but you can also hide in the dark so well that even creatures with darkvision can’t see you! Which is good because Dread Ambusher gives you a bonus to initiative rolls equal to your Wisdom modifier along, but more importantly lets you move 10 feet faster on the first round of combat. And you can also attack one extra time on the first round of combat, and if you hit with that extra attack you’ll deal an extra d8 damage to down a foe quick and give yourself more options.

You can learn a new spell at this level like Hail of Thorns for some buckshot, and you also get Gloom Stalker Magic, adding Disguise Self to your spell list so you can look like a regular dude who isn’t covered with bandages. You also get Primal Awareness, because even if Speak With Animals makes no sense for Hank it’s still better than Primeval Awareness.

(Artwork by LegendaryPanettone on Newgrounds.)

LEVEL 6 - RANGER 4

4th level Rangers get an Ability Score Improvement: Dexterity controls everything we do currently so increase that by 2 for better AC, shooting, sword-swinging, and DEX saves.

LEVEL 7 - RANGER 5

5th level Rangers get an Extra Attack, allowing them to shoot twice and even allowing you specifically to shoot 3 times on your first turn!

You can also learn second level Ranger spells now: Primal Awareness gives you Beast Sense and Gloom Stalker Magic gives you Rope Trick for a place to hide and ambush from. And Enhance Ability (ty Tasha’s) will let you push yourself when violence is needed.

LEVEL 8 - RANGER 6

6th level Rangers see Favored Foe turn into a d6 to be somewhat on-par with Hunter’s Mark. You also get Roving from Deft Explorer for 5 extra feet of movement, as well as a swimming and climbing speed.

But now that you’ve gotten all your killing done it’s time to die. Because you do not kill clown; clown kills you!

(Artwork by Jinxsaw on Newgrounds.)

LEVEL 9 - ARTIFICER 3

You can’t kill the protagonist! We’re at 9th level which translates perfectly to Madness Combat 9, which means you can be revived as an Armorer Artificer! Your consciousness will be placed inside of a suit of Arcane Armor, replacing any missing limbs you may have and genuinely account for all your injuries. The armor also doesn’t have a Strength requirement and can be used as a focus for your Artificer spells.

There’s two different Armor Models to choose from but for now I’d suggest keeping to guns and going for the Infiltrator model (mostly because your Intelligence is bad so it would be better to opt for Dexterity to fire your guns.) The Lightning Launcher is like a handgun except it has very good range (90/300) and does Lightning Damage, and even lets you do an extra d6 damage once per turn! You also get Powered Steps for an extra 5 feet of movement speed (adding up to 40 total thanks to Ranger!) and a Dampening Field will give you Advantage on Stealth due to your black outfit.

You also get some Armorer Spells: Magic Missile for some unavoidable gunfire and Thunderwave to give yourself some space. You can also choose a different set of Artisan’s Tools from Tools of the Trade since you likely already have Smith’s Tools proficiency. You can pick whatever you think will be useful, but it’s worth mentioning that you can make a tool with 1 hour of work thanks to The Right Tool for the Job. And no Hank; weapons are not tools. At least not by this definition.

LEVEL 10 - ARTIFICER 4

4th level Artificers get an Ability Score Improvement. Wouldn’t it make sense to increase your Intelligence as an Artificer now that you can use your Armorer weapons with INT? Yes. Anyways increase your Dexterity by 2.

WOULD IT HAVE MADE MORE SENSE TO MAX OUT INTELLIGENCE FOR THIS BUILD? Yes. Now that you have Armorer levels you’re basically never going to be using crossbows again realistically. Oops. Having good INT instead of good DEX would mean that you could start using the Guardian armor to punch some stuff, and 14 in DEX would still allow you to wear Medium armor. You could’ve easily taken 3 (or more realistically 5) levels in Artificer at the start of this build and then gone for Ranger to not have to deal with bad ranged weapons while having good stats for an Artificer.

There’s still strengths to having high DEX obviously (good initiative, good Stealth and Acrobatics checks, good DEX saves, and you get Mirror Image as an Armorer Artificer) but it’s really not that important for this build. But I’m still maxing it out first as it’s accurate to Hank. In the average D&D campaign you’re not going to be picking up weapons from enemies you kill to use them when you run out of ammo. There’s many things I took in this build that are impractical for anything other than a combat heavily inspired by Madness Combat.

Basically feel free to min-max this build if you so desire; it’s quite viable in its own right when you do so. Again I’m trying for accuracy over viability. Also P.S. After this build comes out I’m going to release a “pre-MC9″ Hank build if you want more of the traditional Hank who isn’t in power armor.

You can also prepare another spell at this level but we’re going to wait for...

LEVEL 11 - ARTIFICER 5

5th level Artificers get an Extra Attack... which you already have. Oops.

Well at least you get access to second level spells! As an Armorer you get Mirror Image to dodge gunfire, and Shatter! For a grenade! But to continue dodging attacks Blur works well as long as the enemy doesn’t have Truesight, which the AAHW may have by total level 11.

LEVEL 12 - ARTIFICER 6

6th level Artificers can prepare more Infusions! A Spell-Refueling Ring will let you restock on spell slot bullets mid-fight, and Boots of the Winding Path will let you jump back after getting into melee combat.

You also get Tool Expertise which is exactly what it says on the tin. You double your proficiency bonus when making checks with tools.

To top it off you can prepare another spell like Catapult. Why are we preparing a first level spell? Because Hank throws big rocks at Tricky in Madness 11. Told you I did research.

(Artwork by ramblinshroom on Newgrounds.)

LEVEL 13 - ARTIFICER 7

7th level Artificers get to feel the pain of my choice to max out Dexterity instead of Intelligence as Flash of Genius scales heavily off Intelligence. When you or an ally within 30 feet makes an ability check or a saving throw you can use your reaction to add your Intelligence modifier to the roll. You can use this feature a number of times equal to your Intelligence modifier and regain all expended uses when you finish a long rest.

LEVEL 14 - ARTIFICER 8

8th level Artificers get another Ability Score Improvement and now that your Dexterity is maxed out... more Wisdom lol? Look we’ll deal with your Intelligence in a bit but Wisdom gives you better initiative among other things.

You can also prepare another spell but next level will get us third level spells, so...

LEVEL 15 - ARTIFICER 9

9th level Artificers can get used to their new revived bodies thanks to Armor Modifications. The chest, boots, helmet, and weapons of your armor all count as individual items for the sake of infusions, and you can have two more infusions active! (As long as they’re on your armor anyways.)

You also get Hypnotic Pattern and Lightning Bolt as an Armorer, for a flashbang and some purgatory powers. And you can prepare a spell like Haste, to move so fast it’s like the world is in slow motion.

LEVEL 16 - ARTIFICER 10

So you know how we just got two more infusions for your armor? Well 10th level Artificers can make Gauntlets of Ogre Power and a Headband of Intellect to finally get your Strength and Intelligence to a reasonable level. Again probably a bit late to do so but it does mean that you can finally use melee weapons well, or your Guardian Armor to do some punching! (I’m not going to cover the Guardian Armor now but know that you can punch people and give them disadvantage to hit your allies, and also give yourself Temporary hitpoints.)

And the best part is that you can still keep attuned to other useful items as Magic Item Adept gives you one more attunement slot, meaning that you can be attuned to 4 items total!

And to top it off more Intelligence means more spells and holy shit another cantrip! For your cantrip you can finally take Message to keep in contact with your party, and for your leveled spells...

People die a lot in Nevada: Revivify can help if one of those people are a friend.

See Invisibility will help you avoid ambushes.

Lesser Restoration can help you in a pinch if you’re pinned down.

But again I seriously can not stress enough that you are more than welcome to pick spells that you feel are stronger, as I am merely picking spells for a simple guy who really likes killing.

(Artwork by marcipancakes on Newgrounds.)

LEVEL 17 - RANGER 7

Very quickly going back to Ranger to grab the last few abilities we missed: 7th level Gloom Stalkers have an Iron Mind for proficiency with Wisdom saves. Yup that’s it. Well at least you can add () to your Ranger spell list.

LEVEL 18 - RANGER 8

8th level Rangers get Land Stride to not be slowed down by the difficult terrain during Expurgation, and even giving yourself advantage against magical terrain made to harm you in purgatory.

But more importantly you get an Ability Score Improvement to pump your Wisdom up a little more. But really I only waited this long to get Ranger 8 to talk about Martial Versatility from Tasha’s Cauldron of Everything: talk to your DM about it but I’d actually suggest grabbing Archery proper now instead of Druidic Warrior because you’ve got the Strength to use weapons.

Oh yeah you could also totally like... use the Guardian armor and carry a repeating crossbow for ranged combat.

LEVEL 19 - ARTIFICER 11

11th level Artificers can bring out the heavy artillery with a Spell-Storing Item. You can store a first or second level spell from the Artificer spell list in one simple or martial weapon (or a spellcasting focus) that requires 1 action to cast.

While holding the object, a creature can take an action to produce the spell’s effect from it, using your spellcasting ability modifier. If the spell requires concentration, the creature must concentrate. The spell stays in the object until it’s been used a number of times equal to twice your Intelligence modifier (minimum of twice) or until you use this feature again to store a spell in an object.

There are plenty of good spells you can choose from but I’m going to just say this: put Shatter in the item. There are perhaps more useful choices, but isn’t a grenade belt the embodiment of Madness?

LEVEL 20 - ARTIFICER 12

12th level Artificers get our last Ability Score Improvement which means hey: maxed out Wisdom! Yes there are perhaps feats you could get (some ideas I’d suggest would be either the Dual Wielder feat [carry a Repeating Hand Crossbow in one hand and your magical fist in the other] or the Sharpshooter feat) but I simply opted for maxing out stats.

And you can prepare one more spell like... I don’t know? Blink for more dodging?

FINAL BUILD

PROS

Abrogation - I came into this build with the intent of making you capable with all weapons regardless of type and well... I certainly accomplished that. You have good Dexterity for any finesse and ranged weapons and your Strength is strong enough to swing a bat around.

Antipathy - You are also damn capable in combat with an insane opening turn and very good DPS regardless of if you choose to fight with fists or guns, not to mention a good supply of spells and class abilities to truly slaughter your foes.

Apotheosis - It wasn’t my intent but... 20 in two stats and 19 in two others? Excluding your Charisma and Constitution you’re a superhuman of a man.

CONS

Depredation - You have to be level 16 to finally get a decent Strength and Intelligence score, and while low STR doesn’t matter much low INT really hurts as an Artificer.

Consternation - “High stats except Constitution” is a problem. Honestly going 15 in Artificer and 5 in Ranger would’ve gotten you level 15 infusions for a Hill Giant’s Belt for 21 STR and an Amulet of Health for 19 CON.

Inundation - There’s a lot of little tweaks worth changing in this build, notably the focus on Dexterity versus Intelligence. Realistically having 20 INT and 14 DEX is more useful for you as an Artificer than having 19 INT and 20 DEX.

But who cares if it’s messy; as long as it’s effective. Killing everyone somewhere in Nevada will give you plenty of experience to reach your maximum Madness level. You are the Protagonist and they are the Victims... but don’t go into any D&D campaigns with that mentality, or else you may be the Clown.

(Artwork by Teknodice on Newgrounds.)

#dnd #dnd 5e #dnd build #dnd guide #Newgrounds #Madness Combat #madness hank #Hank J. Wimbleton #dnd ranger #dnd artificer

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i-am-bitterly-jittery · 3 years ago

Text

Into The Dark Side pt 1

So I wrote this a few months ago, and I wasn’t gonna post it until it was finished, but it felt kinda relevant after yesterday’s episode so here, take it

No Spoilers!! I didn’t add anything since yesterday (except for like fixing some grammar mistakes) so none of it was influenced by the ep. It’s an AU either way

Word Count: 2400

Rating: Teen

Pairing: gen

Warnings: swearing, suggestive language, threats of violence (Remus stuff)

~~~START~~~

“I want you to make me a Dark Side.”

Deceit raised an eyebrow at both the odd request, and the fact that the other Side thought he could just barge into his study without knocking. “Excuse me?”

“I know that you control the separation between the so-called ‘Light Sides’ and the ‘Dark Sides’. I want you to turn me into a Dark Side.”

“Indeed,” Deceit replied thoughtfully, leaning back in his chair. He was hoping to come off as casual and aloof, but on the inside, he was completely lost. “I definitely follow. Light Sides ask to become Dark Sides all the time, it’s never the other way around.”

“Thomas frequently asks for my opinion, but once I have given it, my opinion is ignored. I believe my function would be performed more efficiently if I were working behind the scenes, so to speak.”

“Yes,” Deceit leaned forward, steepling his gloved fingers under his chin. “Because Dark Sides are known for being listened to and respected.”

“If my opinion is not going to be listened to, then I would prefer everyone stop asking for it.”

“Hmm, very well. I won’t fulfill your request, but just know, everything in life is free. There is never a price to pay.”

“I do not care. I shall pay, whatever the price.”

Deceit smirked at the other Side, and held out one hand. “Then won’t you shake a poor sinner's hand?” He purred, watching the other Side closely.

He took Deceit’s hand without hesitation and was immediately engulfed in a blinding yellow light. The last thing he heard before losing consciousness was Deceit muttering “transformation central.”

~~~

“-you to make me a Dark Side-”

“-definitely follow-”

“-opinion is ignored-”

“-never a price to pay-”

“I do not care.”

Logan woke up in his bed, glasses still on his face. His room looked exactly the same except everything was in black and white.

Odd. Do all Dark Sides see in monochrome or is this some sort of practical joke played by Deceit?

He was scanning around the room, trying to decipher whether or not Deceit held up his side of the bargain, when he noticed that the lights were off. A glance at the clock told him that it was 5:30 am, much too early for him to be able to see anything more than vague outlines without a light on, let alone the most minute details on his periodic table poster.

Extremely odd indeed.

Cautiously, Logan made his way across the room to the light switch. He flicked the lights on, and suddenly all the colors of his room returned.

Interesting

Curiously, he switched the lights off again. Everything lost color immediately, but not clarity.

Very interesting. Perhaps Dark Sides can see in the dark. Further testing is required.

Leaving the lights off — he could see perfectly well in the dark so why waste electricity? —Logan headed to the bathroom attached to his room to begin his morning ablutions. He didn’t make it very far, however, because as soon as he caught sight of his reflection, he realized why he could see so well in the dark.

Ah, this is what Deceit must have meant when he said there was a price to pay.

All Dark Sides had animal traits. Deceit had snake scales covering random parts of his body, as well as a single snake eye and a forked tongue. Lust - while technically a Neutral Side - had black markings around his eyes, as well as having swan-like wings that jutted out from his back. Apathy also had black marks around his eyes - though his trailed down his face while Lust’s swooped back towards his ears - as well as an overly-large fuzzy sweatshirt that’s sleeves extend well past the tips of his fingers. Greed had intermittent scales like Deceit, though his were larger and shinier, and sometimes smoke came out of his mouth. Jealousy had opposable toes and a prehensile tail. The Duke had tentacles. And Anxiety… Well, Anxiety hid his animal traits well, but Logan was sure that he had some somewhere.

(And then of course there was Malice, Pride, and Rage, but while Logan was aware of their existence, he had never seen them before, and therefore did not know what animals they were represented by, nor how their traits manifest.)

Logan now had animal traits too. His glasses were now round with thick frames, and while his prescription hadn’t changed, they were now magnifying his eyes, making them look overly large and round. His eyebrows had gotten bushier and seemed to be permanently downturned, making him appear to be perpetually glaring. And worst of all, his hair no longer lay flat in a simple, professional style, but rather created two spikes on his head that seem to line up with the angle and trajectory of his eyebrows.

He was an owl. A great horned owl to be precise - and while owls were not known to be any more intelligent than any other type of bird, Logan understood that Dark Sides’ animal traits came from Thomas’ perception of animals, rather than from the actual behaviors of said animals.

This shall… take some getting used to. Still, it’s hardly a great price.

After several minutes of trying - and failing - to get his hair to lie flat, he gave up and decided to just start his day like he always did - with a strong cup of coffee and a nice, healthy breakfast.

Perhaps the hardest part of getting to the kitchen was that, other than his room, everything in the Dark side of the mindscape was a mirror image of how it was in the Light side, though, the fact that there were significantly more doors, and a good number of extra hallways that Logan — even with his more enhanced night vision — could not manage to see down didn’t help. It took him longer than he’d like to admit to make it to the kitchen, and when he got there, he was surprised to find he was not the only one awake.

“What the fuck happened to you?” Anxiety was sitting on top of the fridge, eating chips right out of the bag, and staring down at him.

Logan bristled a bit, which unfortunately meant his hair and clothes flared out like feathers on an agitated owl.

Unfortunate. I should make a note of that for the future.

Thankfully, Anxiety didn’t laugh at him (he wants to, though), instead he just continued to stare at Logan expectantly.

“What’s with the owl getup?”

“Ah, that. I made a deal with Deceit to become a Dark Side.” Logan answered, trying to regain his dignity. Anxiety stiffened at the answer.

“What was the price?” Anxiety demanded, gaze scanning quickly over the room, resting for a moment on a dark hallway that didn’t exist on the Light side, returning to Logan only when he found nothing to be out of place or unusual other than Logan himself.

“This, I presume,” Logan stuck his arms out to show off his unfortunate shirt-feathers. “I’ve become part owl. A bird characterized in popular media as being exceptionally smart, though in reality is of average intelligence for avians. A more accurate choice would have perhaps been a crow or a parrot, both of which are not only considered smart for avians, but for animals in general.”

Anxiety began shaking his head long before Logan finished his rant. “The animal traits are part of the gig, teach, not the price. What did Deceit ask for in return for making you a Dark Side?”

“I, uh, do not know,” Logan admitted slowly. In his haste to become a Dark Side, he had brushed off Deceit’s mention of a price, and now he was faced with the fact that he didn’t know what he paid.

“You don’t know?” Anxiety asked incredulously. Perhaps Logan should have been a little more like Anxiety. Anxiety would have never made a deal if he didn’t know exactly what the deal was, his overly cautious nature was what made Thomas double check the locks in his apartment before going to bed.

“No… I do not.”

“For being the smart one, you sure are a clueless moron.” Anxiety jumped off the fridge in one fluid motion, landing lightly - almost silently - on his feet in front of Logan. “C’mon, we’re gonna go ask Deceit what you paid.”

There was no room for argument as Anxiety grabbed his wrist and dragged him out of the kitchen. Anxiety didn’t appear to be thrown off by the mirror image layout, or by the mysterious extra doors and hallways, but Logan supposed that was to be expected.

He has always lived here; he would know his way around much better than I. In fact, he would probably describe the Light Side as being a mirror image, despite the fact that it has the same basic layout as Thomas’s apartment.

“What are these extra hallways?” Logan asked curiously as they passed by two, one on either side. “And there appear to be a great number of extra doors.”

“Don’t go down hallways you can’t see down, and don’t open doors if you don’t know where they lead,” Anxiety ordered sharply instead of giving a proper answer.

“Why?” Anxiety let out an annoyed hiss, and yanked Logan to a stop.

“Just. Don’t.” He released his grip on Logan’s wrist and turned to the door that they’d stopped in front of. “We’re here.”

Anxiety rapped on the door three times. Nothing happened.

“Dee!” He called, knocking again, louder. “I know you’re in there! Open the d-”

The door flew open suddenly, banging loudly from its impact with the wall. A tentacle shot out of the impossibly dark room, wrapped around Anxiety’s wrist, and yanked the Side into the abyss before Logan could even process what was happening.

Barely a second later, another tentacle wrapped around Logan’s wrist, and yanked him into the room as well. The tentacle let go of him, and the door slammed shut again behind him, cutting off the only source of light in the pitch-black room.

“Anxiety!” A voice chuckled. “You never come to visit me! Oh I’m so touched!”

“Get off of me, Duke!” Logan could hear struggling a few feet away where both the Duke and Anxiety’s voices were coming from - as well as an interesting squwelshing noise. “I’m looking for Deceit, why are you in his room?”

“Oh, emo, you’re so funny!” The Duke laughed. “Deceit’s gone.”

“WHAT?”

“Oh yeah, seems he made a trade with a certain, discontent Light Side. I came across this empty room this morning and though it could fit sooo many butts in here, so it’s mine now!”

“Though I loathe to place myself in the middle of this conversation,” Logan interrupted. “Why can’t I see anything?”

“Cuz it’s not your room, dipshit,” Anxiety snapped.

“Now, Anxie, be nice to the nerd,” the Duke cooed. “He’s not from here.”

Suddenly, the lights flickered on, allowing Logan to take in their surroundings for the first time. The room was empty other than for himself and the other two Dark Sides, with nearly pristine white walls and carpet - though a splattering of… interesting colors littered the area around the Duke’s feet. Logan was about a foot away from the door with a tentacle reaching past him towards the light switch.

The Duke was standing in the approximate center of the room, about five feet away from Logan. His two human arms were wrapped around Anxiety, trapping his arms to his sides, lifting him off the ground, and clutching him to the Duke’s chest, while two of the Duke’s tentacles are wrapped around his legs to keep the anxious Side from kicking.

“Great,” Anxiety commented sarcastically. “Now lemme go you slimy-“

The Duke’s final tentacle wrapped around Anxiety’s head like a gag, cutting off whatever expletives were about to come out of his mouth.

“That’s better!” The Duke cheered. “Oh! My my, Anxiety, I didn’t know you were so kinky!”

The words spurred on another round of struggling from Anxiety, but the Duke held fast.

“Now, Archimedes,” the tentacle that had turned the lights on then wrapped around Logan’s wrist and pulled him closer to the conversation, though it was considerably gentler than when it had dragged him into the room - less like being kidnapped and more like having a child excited to show him something. “You can’t see in the dark in other Side’s spaces, it’s rude! You can only see in the dark in your room, and the common spaces.”

“What about all those hallways I couldn’t see down?” Logan asked, ignoring the silent glare coming from the trapped Anxiety.

“Oh those?” The Duke leaned in close enough that Logan could smell his foul breath. “Those are where the Darkest Sides live. The ones that give poor wittle Morality and Anxiety nightmares.” The Duke punctuated this by licking Anxiety’s cheek. “The ones that Deceit keeps under strict lock and key because even he’s afraid of letting them out.”

“Pride, Rage, and Malice,” Logan guessed.

“And me, of course.” The Duke dropped Anxiety in order to pose dramatically, arranging his tentacles around himself menacingly, but artistically.

Definitely Roman’s brother.

“But as I’m sure you know, Raerae, Octopi can fit through any opening they can get their beak through. All Deceit’s horses and all Morality’s men can’t keep me in the darkness forever. Every now and then, I get out and share all my fun ideas with Thomas.”

“Your ideas aren’t fun!” Anxiety hissed from the corner where he’d retreated to as soon as the Duke had released him. Logan noted his defensive stance, darkened eyeshadow, and involuntary hissing, and wondered if Anxiety’s animal traits were perhaps that of a racoon. “Now let us out!”

“Sorry, Tickle Me Emo,” the Duke giggled. He reached a tentacle out to open the door, but instead of the dimly lit hallway Logan and Anxiety had come from, beyond the door was pitch black. “I can’t open doors to the Dark Side unless someone lets me — like you did earlier when you knocked — but since Jay Jay the Jet Plane’s flown the coop, ~no one’s gonna come looking for you,~” the Duke advanced towards Anxiety, his posture and tone becoming less friendly and more menacing. “It’s just you, me, and Pigwidgeon here.”

~~~TO BE CONTINUED~~~

To be clear: Lust is a swan, Apathy is a sloth, Greed is a dragon, and Jealousy is monkey

Ten points if you guess Virgil’s animal traits

Twenty points if you guess what Pride, Malice, and Rage are

General Taglist: @royalty-of-all-things-snuggly @pixelated-pineapple

#sanders sides #ts sanders sides #logan sanders #janus sanders #virgil sanders #remus sanders #original dark sides #dark sides animal traits #ts dark sides #sanders sides fanfiction #fanfiction #thursday writes #my writing

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prettyboymichaels-ao3 · 3 years ago

Text

Rewind, Rewire, Reword - Chapter 1: Where Did I Put That Map Again? (Pt. 1)

It’s the week before Wrestlemania 12, he’s preparing to give Shawn Michaels the fight of his life in their 60-minute Iron Man match, and his little brother has decided to drag him out to socialize on an otherwise perfectly ordinary Wednesday night.

Surely, this decision won’t take the course his life was on – and the course his relationship with Shawn was on – and send it into a tailspin.

(Bret Hart/Shawn Michaels ABO AU; NOT Kayfabe Compliant; Words: ~2k; Rating: M; Notes, trigger warning/s, tag list, and chapter under the cut!)

my massive bretshawn abo au is here! as I only have two-ish more scenes to write, and 10 chapters already written to publish on here (separated into smaller “parts” for tumblr, which means I technically have 21 chapters; they’ll be published fully on ao3), I’ve decided to try for an every other day publishing schedule to give myself more time to fully finish this book of the series. so. :) I’ve read and edited and reread and re-edited this more than almost any other fic I’ve written, so HOPEFULLY. I don’t want to edit it MORE after finally PUBLISHING it. sigh. anyway.

tw for: attempted sexual assault. it doesn’t actually occur, but this IS the jumping off point for the fic, and it will be referenced throughout. the tw “references to attempted sexual assault” will be used in any chapter that references it

tag list: @track12to13; @piratewithvigor; @sinderellanightwolf. tell me if you want to be tagged for any future chapters!

It was times like these when he wondered why he ever bothered going out at all.

They’d gotten to California two days before, early, the way they usually did, leaving the morning after their last match to get a head start and not arrive completely burnt out. They’d spent those two days getting acquainted with their hotel room, their rental car, and the stadium gym they were going to be using the next two weeks. However, “California” didn’t just mean “new match”, it also meant “new towns”, which meant “new opportunities to make Bret socialize”. He’d told Owen, repeatedly, in a variety of ways, that the last thing he needed was a fucking wingman, let alone his happily mated younger brother as a wingman, but he’d just brushed off everything he’d said and dragged him out anyway. “You have almost two weeks to prepare,” he’d scoffed, forcing him to change basically as soon as they got back to their room. “When’s the last time you really let loose?” he’d offered, trying to hustle him out almost before he’d had his shoes tied. “I promised mom I’d try something the last time we talked so would you stop digging your heels in, please,” was his final explanation, as he was hailing a cab to take them out of the city and to some smaller town a little less than an hour away, where they’d be less likely to get recognized, because getting mobbed in a bar or a club was always… not great, to say the least.

But it just really wasn’t Bret’s scene. It just really, really wasn’t. He wasn’t twenty anymore, he couldn’t power through a hangover the way he used to, and he wasn’t in the mood anyway, the way he hadn’t been for the last two years Owen’d been trying to set him up. He’d gotten used to being single by now, he’d even gotten used to his mother’s passive aggressive comments about it every time he called home, and, yeah, being used to it didn’t mean he liked it, but trying to find a date at this point in his life wasn’t exactly easy, at thirty-eight years old, in his line of work, with his designation. Honestly, he didn’t know why Owen was still trying so earnestly; the odds of Bret finding a decent prospective partner at some random club in Somewhere, California was so low it might as well be in the ground.

As such, instead of socializing, the way Owen wanted him to, he’d nursed a glass or two at the bar, had a fairly interesting conversation with an older woman who happened to be the designated driver for a group of girls giggling on the dance floor, and eventually called it quits after hitting the bathroom two hours in. It wasn’t even ten-thirty yet, you’d think he could last a little longer, and he could, he was just… bored. His bar mate was corralling her wayward group to leave, and Owen was having a grand time failing miserably at darts with what looked to be a group of regulars, so he just told him he was heading back to the hotel, refused to be guilted into a game no matter how many times Owen batted his eyelashes or how disappointed he looked, paid his tab, and slipped out into the night with a sigh and his hands deep in the pockets of his jacket. It was only slightly cooler outside than it was inside, and it was much less crowded – a few smokers, on the other side of the street, and two people eating a pizza and using the box as their plate a little further down from that. Definitely less busy than Anaheim would be this time of night, and equally less well lit.

There was also, though, something he almost didn’t hear over the noise of the bar:

“…an’t change your mind now!”

“I agreed to go home with you, not you and your fucking friend–”

His foot still raised from where he’d been stepping to the curb to hail a cab, he cocked his head to the alleyway the voices had drifted from – and, there it was, he hadn’t been hearing things, because there was an incredulous laugh, a dull thump, and a pained grunt before another man said, amused, speaking over the rising growls, “C’mon, baby, you really think you’re in a position to turn us down? You’re the one about to go into heat, it won’t matter whose knot you’re taking soon enough.”

Bret was moving before the end of that sentence, rounding the corner to find three figures pressed up against the stone wall beside an open dumpster. They were mostly hidden from the orange street lamps outside the mouth of the alley, but he could still see rough impressions, and they weren’t very promising: two holding the third prone while the third tried to fight back, thrashing and almost snarling with how viciously he was growling, but he was getting nowhere fast, with how successfully he was being restrained. One’s nose was buried in this man’s throat, the other’s teeth visible in the low light as he grinned, and Bret felt his expression twist and harden as he stepped forward. “Hey! You’ve got three seconds to walk away before I make this a fair fight.”

That certainly got their attention, and he saw them all turn his way, their eyes flashing a little in the dark. Parts of their faces were highlighted now – the barest crests of their jaws, their cheekbones, their hair – but he could see the moment their nostrils flared and he was written off as nothing but a nuisance, which was only confirmed when one of them scoffed. “Run away, little beta, this doesn’t concern you.”

And then he turned right back around to continue scenting the man, the omega, who headbutted him so hard in the nose Bret could hear it crack from here. The man howled, staggering away and clutching at his gushing face with both hands, and Bret watched as the omega took advantage of the other man’s stunned disbelief to kick his legs out from under him and send him tumbling to the ground.

Bret didn’t waste any time. He stalked forward, hauling the one on the ground up by the collar of his coat and the waistband of his pants so he could toss him bodily into the open dumpster. The open, empty dumpster, if the clang of metal and yelp of pain were anything to go by. There was a choked off squeal from behind him, and he turned just in time to watch the omega’s leg come back down and the second perpetrator crumple into the fetal position, clutching his groin. That one quickly joined his friend in the dumpster, courtesy of Bret, and the groans and squeaks that resulted from that collision were incredibly satisfying.

He wiped his hands on his jeans before turning back to the omega, raising his hands placatingly when he, too, was met with a sharp, threatening growl. “Hey. You okay? They didn’t hurt you, did they?”

There was an extended moment of silence. “…Bret?”

Oh, perfect, he’d been recognized– …Wait. He knew that voice. He squinted, edging closer, and fuck, now that his eyes had adjusted a little–

“…Shawn?!”

When it sounded like the men in the dumpster were starting to try and gather their bearings, Bret put his hand on – on Shawn’s shoulder and pushed him out of the alley and past the bar, letting his hand fall away and trusting Shawn to follow him as he lead them past another two buildings to turn the corner onto another block, and then a little further still, directly under a street light, far enough to see them coming if they tried it. After getting their asses handed to them so thoroughly, not just by their intended victim but by a little beta to boot, the alphas shouldn’t come sniffing around looking for seconds, but you could never be too careful.

“Jesus, Shawn, what the hell was that?” he hissed, shrugging his jacket off and settling it over Shawn’s shoulders in one fluid motion.

Or he would have, if the man didn’t take an immediate step back and bare his teeth at him, rubbing his arms. Bret scowled. “Can you stop being so stubborn for two seconds–”

“I’m two seconds from kicking you in the fucking balls, Bret, don’t test me,” Shawn barked, taking another step back for good measure. His voice was hoarser than it usually was, and Bret was a little worried about what he’d do if it cracked.

He pinched the bridge of his nose, sucked in a breath through his mouth, and blew it out through his nostrils. “Look,” he settled on, staring at Shawn hard, who stared right back. In the orange light illuminating them, he could more clearly see his rumpled clothes, his wrecked hair, his blotchy face, but if he could compare him to anything right now it’d be a cornered animal. “Just – put it under your nose, okay? I know I don’t have much of a scent, but it’s gotta be better than whatever the fuck they were giving off.”

Shawn scoffed, but flexed his fingers from where they were clutching at his biceps, moving his eyes to his jacket. “Gee, when’s the last time you took a high school health class?”

“In high school, asshole, now take it.”

Shawn curled his lip, looking ready to keep arguing, but, shifting his weight on his feet, decided it wasn’t worth the effort, and snatched the jacket from Bret instead. He paused once he had it, glaring at him like he was expecting him to say something, and when Bret just crossed his arms and gave him a look, he finally shoved it under his nose and took a deep breath. Half the tension in his body released in one fell swoop, and with it came a hitch as he buried his face in the leather completely, his hands starting to shake.

Bret, deciding to give him a modicum of privacy, looked behind Shawn to make sure they hadn’t been followed (they hadn’t) and moved to the curb to finally hail a cab. Two of them passed, occupied, before he heard Shawn move up next to him, his jacket still stuffed under his nose. His eyes were a little red, and a little wet, but his cheeks were dry. “I wanna puke,” he rasped, muffled into the leather, and Bret gave a humorless snort.

“If you’re gonna, do it here,” he said, waving at another taxi, and this one actually responded, starting to pull up. “I sure as hell don’t wanna smell it all the way back to Anaheim.”

That earned him a grumble, more lighthearted than anything he’d heard out of Shawn’s mouth tonight, and Bret hid his relief by walking around the idling cab to talk to the driver at his window, digging out his wallet. “You got a divider?”

“Sure do, brother,” the cabbie told him, jerking his thumb to the backseat and the tinted glass that separated him from it. “Got some wet wipes back there, too. Just don’t leave any stains, huh?”

Bret frowned, because that made it all too clear what he thought they were planning on doing in his backseat, but threw a handful of twenties into the driver’s lap anyway, enough to make his eyes widen comically. “That’s to get us to Anaheim. There’s more where that came from if you get us there in forty.”

“Hell, brother, I’ll get you there in thirty,” the cabbie exclaimed, and Bret straightened back up after giving him the hotel’s address, waving at Shawn to get in on his side, which he did one-handed, slamming the door behind him as Bret followed suit. The divider deafened the cabbie’s music to a low rumble, and, as they pulled off, Bret started digging around in the mesh pocket attached to the back of the driver’s seat until he emerged with the aforementioned wet wipes. He tore the pack open, pulling half of them out in one go and passing them over to Shawn, who took them automatically with the hand that wasn’t holding Bret’s jacket to his nose, but gave him a look that said he had no idea what Bret was trying to do here.

He gestured to his own throat. “For your scent glands,” he explained, and he could see the moment the light went off, because Shawn started scrubbing at either side of his neck like a man possessed. Bret used the rest of the wipes to clean his own hands and stuffed them into his pocket after he was done, sinking back against the creaky plastic seats like they might swallow him up, lack of give or no.

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