#i know post-break up bangs are common

[kissingwookiees]

picking a hairstyle for rava is gonna be one of those things where i have to wait until i make her in the cc to see what looks best with her face

but i think we're probably gonna stick with an updo for her bc the only long wavy hair that really matches what i envisioned for her has bangs.... and i am not giving my girl bangs, she's been through enough.

so i'll probably wind up picking one of these two for rava tbh

most likely the second one bc its the most her... i just really like the detail of the braids and such on the first

[destinationtoast]

1/3 - Hi there! Three (I think) part ask incoming. You're the main person I know of who compiles tons of interesting fandom stats, so I wanted to ask you about it if you have the time to answer. :) I think a lot about how AO3 works great as a fan*fic* archive, but for other fanworks, like images, audio, video, etc., it's only as good as wherever the media is being hosted. With the way hosting sites come and go, or change their TOS to nuke nsfw or queer content, etc., it makes me wonder

how many broken image links litter AO3 at this point. I know it's not considered the primary place to find fanart, but a lot of folks do post images there—for events like Big Bangs, as standalone art, and even as decorative section breaks, etc. My question is: do you think there's a way to look at, say, works tagged with #fanart (of which there are 99,504 atm) and determine what percentage of those are broken links? From what little I understand, one would have to (perhaps with the use of a simple bot?) try to open any link bordered by the <img src> html, and see what portion of those return an error versus what ones actually load? I suppose it could even be something like looking at fanart posted in 2007, 2012, 2017, and 2022 to compare how many older links are broken versus newer links. Anyway, this may be completely unfeasible, but I figured I'd ask about your thoughts! Thanks!

Ooh, thanks for the great question! I took a while to answer because I wasn't initially sure what to recommend and ended up gathering some data to investigate. (If anyone else also has relevant data, please share in the notes!)

I liked your idea of looking at samples different years going back, and I decided to look through 100 AO3 works tagged "Fanart" (or a subtag) that were posted 10 years ago -- as a very fast starting point, I didn't even take a random sample of works, I instead looked at the first 100 multimedia fanworks posted in July 2014. (And August, when necessary; see more notes on methodology at the end.) Please keep in mind that this sample that may not be very representative of AO3 more broadly; to get better estimates, more sampling would be needed. Based on this initial data gathering (and the fact that most fanworks on AO3 were posted within the past 10 years), I would tentatively guess that that most fanart, fanvids, and podfic on AO3 still have accessible multimedia.

Given how many broken links and embeds there are on older webpages, I assumed that a ton of the links from 10 years ago would be broken. But I was pleasantly surprised by the results:

Wow -- 10 years on roughly 90% of the multimedia still works! I was honestly floored; I'd been originally planning to also look at 5 years ago to see how much better that was, but if ~90% are still working 10 years on, 5 years ago doesn't have room to be dramatically better. (However, I'd love to see more follow up sampling across different years to find out.)

There were a lot of AO3 users in this sample who posted multiple works -- some posted as many as a dozen multimedia works in July 2014. I didn't want the results to be overly skewed by any one fanwork creator, so I also redid the analysis with just one work from each unique creator:

Okay, cool, those results are pretty similar. I also did some further breakdowns on this smaller set of works to look at which hosts creators were using, and how many of the hosts were still working:

The most common fanart host used in this sample was Tumblr, then wixmp -- which I think from some very quick googling might be because Deviantart switched to using Wix for image hosting at some point? (i.e., I think most of those artists may have posted their art on Deviantart, then linked to/embedded the image on AO3, and the image's direct URL was was wixmp.) There were a few other hosts at the time that were used by 5+ different artists in the sample, and then there were a whole lot of hosts were used by just one or a few artists.

Most of the 10-year-old fanart is still up for all of these hosting categories! Photobucket is the least reliable of the most commonly used hosts. In the Other category, 25% of the links are broken, but that's still better than I expected (see full host list here).

This is getting long, so I'm moving the breakdowns for fanvids and podfic beneath the cut:

Fanvids were almost all hosted on YouTube, Vimeo, or both (the above categories are not mutually exclusive). All the Vimeo links still worked, whether they required a password to view or not. Most YouTube links were working, and the few missing ones had almost all been taken down by YouTube for copyright reasons (according to the errors I got -- I'm not rendering judgment about whether they were actually fair use), rather than by the vidder who posted it. And almost a third of vidders also linked to other hosts besides the big two, but many of those links were broken; 59% still worked. (see full host list here)

For podfic, mediafire was a popular solution 10 years ago, though many podficcers used it as a backup rather than the main link that they shared. A lot of podficcers made use of a fandom hosting site that specialized in podfic -- either parakaproductions.com or audiofic.jinjurly.com. Four podficcers used soundcloud (often as a backup). And once again there were a lot of less-frequently used hosts, often used as backup links; 69% of those still worked. (see full host list here)

Some methodology notes and further thoughts:

For fanvids and podfic (but mostly not from fanart), the fanwork creators tended to provide multiple links, and in those cases, I counted the multimedia as working if at least one of the links was still working.

I counted embedded media and links to other sites that host the media all the same way.

I counted the media as broken if I got a 404 when I tried to visit it, or if a site like YouTube had taken it down due to copyright issues, or if I got an Access Denied message for a site like Google Drive.

I counted the media as working if it required a password that was given on the page (common with Vimeo), or if an embed was broken but there were working links to other sites.

How representative is this data? Well, these samples contained most/all of the multimedia fanworks posted in July 2014; that month, there were 70 fanvids, 135 podfic, and 186 pieces of fanart posted that haven't been deleted since. So it's pretty representative of July 2014 specifically. :) But there could have been, say, a fanwork challenge going on in July 2014 that caused unusual uploading patterns then.

The above data gathering and analysis took me several hours over several days. If you want to follow up, you could do more data gathering similar to what I did (I'm happy to elaborate on my process as needed). Or you could write a bot to do something similar; you could have it fetch more AO3 fanworks and try following the links within each work. However, that would be slightly tricky; I ran across more kinds of errors and complicated situations than I expected (e.g., if a YouTube video has been taken down due to copyright, it still has a working YouTube page; sometimes an embed is broken, but if you open the link within the embed in a separate window, it still works fine; many Vimeo links require a password to test, and it could be hard for the bot to reliably find the password in the surrounding text). So you'd have to program your bot to be able to handle a bunch of different special cases.

Regardless of which path you are considering, if you or anyone else does any follow up work here, I encourage you to start by looking through a bunch of fanworks yourself and deciding which scenarios you want count as "working" vs. "not working," and any other things you want to pay attention to.

Hope that helps, and please feel free to DM me with follow up questions. And if you follow up, please share anything else you figure out in this space!

[herballwitch]

Spirit Work Basics

Hello, My name is Alva Tauri! I am an herbalist, spirit worker, tarot and oracle reader, and lunar and herbal witch dedicated to closing the education gap when it comes to herbalism and witch practices!

Today I thought I would get online and compile my own personal journal entries and rituals about spirit work here for anyone interested in getting into spirit work, soest how you can begin to understand the basics behind working with spirits.

Below you will find everything you need to begin your journey...

with that being said, let's begin~

꩜ "How do I start speaking with spirits?"

The answer to this is simple: meditation and intention.

Meditation is the perfect way to open up to the spirits and say to them, "I am interested in talking to you." It also is a fantastic way to get in touch with yourself and your own energy, which can be extremely helpful when it comes to spirit work,as it can help you gauge when something has changed or shifted in energy around you.

How do you feel your own energy? This can be done in many different ways. For example, you can listen to your own heartbeat, you can listen to the calming sounds around you (water, nature, birds, etc.), or you can do visualization practices (you can find some examples in my post here).

Once you've connected with your energy, try visualizing a door opening and imagine your hand reaching out through the doorway. This is to signify to the spirit around you that you are willing to speak with them.

NOTE: You may not get a response. This does not mean you are failing or doing anything wrong. Keep trying. Sometimes spirits are simply unwilling to speak at the moment, just like we often times need a break away from people. Do not take it personally and remember to remain respectful of them in these moments.

Struggling with meditation? This is a common problem for anyone who is new to the practice, especially those of us who live with mental or physical illness. Remember this: A) meditation takes practice and practice shows dedication to the craft. having to try multiple times before grasping a concept does not mean you have failed, it means you care. B) the literal definition of meditation is "to engage in mental exercise (such as concentration on one's breathing or repetition of a mantra) for the purpose of reaching a heightened level of spiritual awareness." No where in that definition does it say you have to be sitting, with your legs cross, and your hands on your knees. You can mediate in a chair, on the couch...hell you can even meditate laying down in your bed.

Before you give up on meditation remember why you are doing it and ask yourself "have I tried every method or position that I can?" you can meditate. anyone can. I believe in you and so do the spirits!

꩜ "How do I know if spirits are attempting to communicate with me?"

Some signs are common and will make it relatively easy to tell, while others may be a bit harder to decern. Here are some of the more common signs you may hear people discuss when it comes to spirit work:

hearing voices or echoes (possibly thinking you heard someone say your name when no one is around)

hearing random knocks and bangs that seemingly came from nothing

random works or phrases popping up in your head (especially common when doing some sort of divination work with spirits)

having strange dreams or strange visions while meditating

phantom touches

experiencing the feeling of being watched

These answer may seem a bit vague and, if you think so, that is because they are, unfortunately, vague. This is where the real challenge of spirit work comes in. Your ability to decern whether or not something was a spirit or simply your house settling or you having a rough day that causes rough dreams is paramount in being a good spirit worker and is a skill that comes with time.

Having trouble learning how to decern between the two worlds? Keep practicing meditation, keep doing visualization practices, get to know your own spiritual energy, and be honest with yourself. Once you understand yourself and your environment it will be easy to decipher, but you have to give yourself time, patience, and honesty. This will help you in your journey.

꩜ "Should I use any tools? If so, what should I use?"

While ensuring your energy is in a good place and making attempts to reach out to the spirits via meditation is important, you do not have to use energies exclusively. A great way to help you better connect to spirits in spirit work is the use of tools.

Naturally, the tools I list below are not the only ones to exist. There are hundreds of great spirit work tools out there. However, I am only going to discuss the ones I have used and have experience with today. If you don't see anything below that catches your eye, feel free to do your own research to learn more about spirit works tools!

Let's talk about the tools I use:

Tarot Cards: 78 cards with different meanings you can use to ask the spirits questions and connect with them

Pendulum: a crystal tied to a sting or chain you use by swinging over a board with a variety of different text options, so that when you speak to the spirits they can swing the pendulum in the direction of the word they'd like to say.

Cartomancy: a regular deck of playing cards used to talk to the spirits

In addition to these methods that I use, you may also want to look into:

Ouija Boards

Crystal Balls

Mirror/Water Scrying

Remember, what tools work for me or your friend or someone you know online may not work for you. Find what speaks to you and test it out and, if you don't like it, it's okay to move on a try something else. You need to feel connected to your form of divination for the spirits to feel connected to you.

Remember, it's also okay to get creative, too. I have heard some people say they do divination practices with food or different elements of nature, or runes, or even music (which I usually have on while i'm working). Reach out to what calls to you, whatever that may be.

꩜ "How do I talk to the spirits once they've connected with me?"

That's easy. Just talk to them.

You can do this in a multitude of different ways. You can write letters and burn them, you can sing, you can pray, or you can just talk outloud.

Remember, different places may call for different etiquette. For example, if you are at a graveyard visiting a love one and are attempting to connect with them, you may not want to communicate in any way that is going to be loud or is going to cause harm to the grave or the grave site (take a look at my post about graveyard etiquette here for more information on that). Simply be aware of your surroundings and use common sense. Remember, if you have to question whether or not something is appropriate to do then it probably isn't.

꩜ THINGS TO KEEP IN MIND

Ward Yourself and/or Use Protection Magic Beforehand: it would be nice to believe that all spirits are friendly and have good intentions. however, that is not always the case. be safe and take care of yourself. you may even consider bringing a knife.

Practice Patience and Respect: as I said, not even spirit is friendly and not every spirit is open to speaking. be patient and wait for them and if you do not get the response you want, don't be disrespectful unless you feel that a spirit is threatening you.

You Aren't Weak For Using Tools: don't let anyone tell you that the use of tools means you are weak in your craft. this is not something I have personally experienced, but I have heard some witches, spirit workers, and pagans say that they have experienced this from others in the community. if you do experience this, ignore it. tools are meant to help strengthen your connection. they are not a sign of weakness.

You Do Not Have to Communicate Alone: if you are nervous or feeling uncomfortable, feel free to bring a friend or family member in to help you out and comfort you! and, if you don't have someone IRL to help you, remember there is a wonderful community here on tumblr that would love to help you in your journey!

That's all for spirit work basics! I hope that you found this helpful in your spiritual journey and I hope that you are able to apply this information to your practice.

if you have any questions regarding anything discussed here or if you'd like to make a request to be added to the list, please send an ask to my ask box! I appreciate all comments and questions!

For more information on my practice, witchcraft, herbalism, spirit work, and divination please check out the guide on my page (linked here)! Everything I have ever posted can be found there!

I wish you all a blessed day filled with peace, endless wealth, and eternal health! Until the next time we meet!

[bless-my-demons]

Redamancy: Chapter Twenty-One

Series Summary: What happens when your soulmate is a vampire that struggles to maintain a diet of trying not to kill you? Common sense says run for the hills, nothing is worth your life - but my heart is whispering why not, what’s there to lose?

Warnings: More angst, but of the wolfy-variety!

Notes: I know I said two chapters before Jasper, but I had to fit this one in which is why I’m posting out of my normal window. Trust the process when it comes to why I did what I did this chapter lol and if you don’t spot it, everything will be fine (famous last words). Honestly I think I’m just healing inner me with how I wish conversations should’ve happened in the movie lol

Word Count: 2401

Series Masterlist

• March 8th, 2006 • Home •

Reader

Time starts to pass by a little easier with Quil, the quiet isn’t as deafening even when there’s a comfortable silence. I think the same could be said for Quil, since all of his Rez friends have gone AWOL.

Our days are usually spent under blankets on my couch, watching movies and just being present for each other. Plus, there’s not much to do in this tiny ass town anyways.

“Heard anything?” I ask him tentatively, hopefully.

He shakes his head solemnly in response, eyes never leaving the tv. The fact that he doesn’t even want to talk about Jake or Embry twists a new little knife in my gut.

“I’m okay, Y/n/n.” The grin doesn’t quite reach his eyes and I hate it.

“It’s okay to miss them, I know it’s hard to be stuck with just me now-”

“Don’t.” He reaches over to grab my ankle since I’m facing him on the couch and drags it to his lap, “You’re here and they’re not. I was friends with them longer and they ditched me for other dudes. I’m where I want to be.”

“You don’t have to hold it all in, I’m familiar with that feeling.” I nudge his hand with my socked foot to get him to look at me. “What good am I if I don’t therapize you too?”

“That would insinuate I do anything for you, you won’t talk about him.” His gaze levels on me and I’m caught red handed.

“There’s not much to it, I-I loved him and he’s gone. End of story.” I pick at the loose strings on my blanket, the topic hard for me to meet his eyes.

“There’s everything to it.” He squeezes my foot, “Not end of story, you deserve to vent just as much as I do. You don’t need to feel guilty for grieving him, heartache is a real bitch.”

“Heartache is a bitch, huh?” I huff a laugh as I try to breathe through the tears that want to spring up.

“Y/n, I’m the loneliest guy on the planet. In the male friends department and the girlfriend department, don’t make fun of me.” His lighthearted tone trying and failing to make light of his situation.

“We’re just fucked, aren’t we?” His brown eyes meet mine as we commiserate in our collective sadness.

His head drops back against the back of the couch, “Beyond comprehension, my dear Y/n/n.”

• March 11th, 2006 • Home •

Reader

My finger hovers over a text to Quil, asking him to come over, when I get a call from my other best friend.

“Bells, hey-”

“I need backup.” Her request draws me up short. “I’m going to the Rez-I need to see Jacob.”

“Bella, he’s with Sam now-”

“I don’t care anymore, you in?” She presses.

“I was in the second you called, I’ll be waiting outside.”

“Good, because I’m almost there.” Hanging up the phone, I grab a jacket and my shoes.

So much for the first day of Spring Break, might as well start it off with a bang.

•March 11th, 2006 • Quileute Indian Reservation•

Reader

Bella slid to a stop in Jacob’s driveway and both of us hopped out, memories of bike-building settling like a weight in my stomach. It wasn’t even that long ago and I miss it, I miss Jacob.

Bella knocks on the glass pane of his front door and Billy Black answers, “Bella?”

“I need to see him.”

“He-,” glancing between us briefly, “he’s not in.” The lie blatantly obvious.

“I’m sorry,” Bella pushes past his wheelchair and inside the house, “I really need to see him.”

I remain awkwardly on the front porch, torn between not wanting to intrude or following my friend.

“Bella!” Billy’s warning is ineffective as she storms to Jacob’s room.

Just when the situation couldn’t possibly get worse, I spot four shirtless figures emerging from the forest by the house, Sam’s group.

I hear the back door open and shut and I just know it’s Bella.

I sprint around the house to catch up to her, “Bella!” But my warning falls on deaf ears, she’s on a warpath for the boys. “Shit.” I mutter under my breath.

Stomping up to the tallest - Sam, “What did you do?” She pushes his chest, hard. “What did you do, huh? What did you do to him?!”

“Hey - watch it!” The other two guys plus Embry shout as they step up around their leader.

“Easy.” The word is more of a growl than anything and it causes the hair on the back of my neck to rise.

If this comes to a fight, we’re fucked.

“He didn’t want this!” Her desperation pulls at my heart.

“What did we do? What did he do? What did he tell you?” The questions from the guy to Sam’s right are rapid-fire, his anger clearly volatile.

“He tells me nothing, because he’s scared of you!”

The same guy barks out a laugh, clearly he finds her concern for Jacob silly.

“Bella, let’s go home-” but my plead immediately goes unheard because she throws a fucking right hook for the guys face, son of a bitch.

“Too late now.” Another guy jokes, clearly enjoying the situation.

“Bella, get back!” Sam orders, trying to diffuse the situation as this guy begins to shake.

I grab her arm and we slowly start to retreat for her truck, too scared to turn and take our eyes off of the angry male.

“Bella…” I whisper, unsure of what to do.

“Paul! Calm down now.” The authority in Sam’s voice rings through the backyard, but it’s too late somehow.

The shaking and heavy breathing from Paul leads to a transformation that snatches my breath from my body - a wolf. And not just any wolf, a wolf from the fucking meadow. A wolf that saved us from Laraunt, now standing before us where Paul was.

Where Paul was.

Paul is a wolf. A really big one at that - a really big angry one.

Anger directed at Bella and by association, me. The death grip I have on her fucking arm has to be painful, but the menacing look in his eyes shocks me to my bones.

Bella moves before I do, using my tight grip on her to yank me into action with her as she makes for Jacob’s house.

“Bella! Y/n!” Jake yells, clearing the back porch railing in one leap, sprinting for us.

“Run! Jake, run!” Bella screams back at him, but he charges towards us anyways.

He jumps last minute before he reaches us and I trip trying to follow his path with my eyes before-

Before he turns into a fucking wolf too.

Jacob Black, our best friend, is a wolf? I mean, vampires are definitely a thing, but wolves?

Squaring off with Paul, both the russet-colored wolf and the silver-grey wolf launch for each other. Snapping and snarling as they roll into the woods, my heart painfully thumps in my chest, Jacob.

“Hey, take the girls back to Emily’s place.” Sam orders Embry and the last remaining male, both of them jogging over to us.

“I guess the wolf’s out of the bag.” They joke, ushering us up and towards Bella’s truck.

They’re wolves, Sam’s gaggle of Rez boys are fucking wolves. Jacob is one of them and so is Embry, what about Quil? Is this why they’ve ditched him, ditched us? Wolves can’t be friends with humans? What do I even tell him, or should I tell him anything?

My mind is racing a million miles an hour in the span of seconds with questions I desperately need answers to.

Embry holds open the passenger side door to Bella’s truck with a smile and I walk right past his invitation to climb in the bed with the newly acquainted Jared.

“Y/n, that’s not safe-”

“I’ll be fine.” I don’t even spare a glance at him with my monotone answer, I’m mad at him for how he’s treating Quil.

Jared raises his eyebrows and quirks a grin. “Feisty, I like it.”

Embry huffs as he shuts the door behind Bella and rounds the truck for the driver’s side, “Don’t encourage her, man.”

• March 11th, 2006 • Uley Residence •

Reader

“Hey I think we should go back and see if Jacob’s okay.” Bella rolls down her window as the rest of us hop out of her truck.

“I hope Paul sinks some teeth in him, serves him right.” Jared quips to Embry.

“No way! Jacob’s a natural, you see him phase on the fly? I got five that says Paul doesn’t even touch him.” Embry argues, “C’mon in Bella! We won’t bite.”

“Speak for yourself.” Jared jokes and I shove him as we turn to walk inside.

“Oh hey, about Emily - Sam’s fiancé? Don’t stare, it bugs Sam.” Embry warns both of us before following Jared.

“Why would we stare?” Bella asks and I shrug, just as confused.

“You guys hungry? Like I have to ask.” The female in the kitchen asks the boys, laughing at what must be an inside joke. “Who’s this?” She asks after turning around, glancing between us.

“Bella Swan and Y/n Y/l/n.” Jared answers her.

“Hmm… So, you’re the vampire girl-well, girls.” I instantly admire her easy-going vibe, diving straight in to acknowledge the elephant in the room to get it over with.

“So you’re the wolf girl?” Bella asks in return, accepting her olive branch.

“Guess so,” smiling to herself, she picks up the largest platter I’ve ever seen of muffins, “Well, I’m engaged to one.” Snatching both Embry and Jared’s hands as they reach- “Save some for your brothers! And ladies first, muffin?” It’s comical, the way she mothers them.

“Thank you, Emily.” I smile at her and sit across from Jared, the muffin still warm from the oven.

“Leave it to Jacob to find a way around Sam’s gag order.” Emily scoffs, not surprised.

“Umm, he didn’t… Say anything to us.” Glancing at me, Bella explains.

“That’s a wolf thing, alpha’s orders get obeyed whether we want ‘em to or not. Oh and check it out - we can hear each other’s thoughts.” Embry brags and I gape, this is all fucking wild.

“Would you shut up! These are trade secrets - damnit, these chicks run with vampires!” Jared’s frustration is lighthearted as he admonishes Embry for giving away some of their abilities.

“Can’t really run with vampires,” Emily and I chuckle at the boys not quite catching on, “Because they’re fast.”

“Yeah? Well we’re faster. Freaked out yet?”

“You’re not the first monsters we’ve met.”

“Jake’s right, you’re good with weird.” Sam nods at us, beelining for Emily as soon as he steps in the door. He presses kisses to her lips and then all over her face, causing her to giggle. The obvious display of affection carving out my heart just a little bit more - looking away I set my muffin down, no longer hungry.

Pushing and shoving each other, Paul and Jacob finally show - unhurt and brotherly even. They just beat the shit out of each other and they’re tighter than ever? Boys.

“Sorry.” Paul apologizes and flashes what has to be his signature smile at both of us.

I catch Jacob jerking his head towards the door and Bella follows, probably off to explain this whole entire shit show. I turn my gaze to Embry and level a glare on my former friend, waiting for him to say something.

“You going to let me explain? Or are you going to look at me like you’d like to castrate me until Bella gets back?” Embry stares right back, munching on another muffin.

“Jared?” I look at him sweetly and he grins, “take me home?”

Embry stands so quick and his chair teeters dangerously on two legs for a moment. “Y/n.” His tone is hard, done with this game.

“Embry.” I match him back.

He walks out the front door and it drags me from my own chair, this blowout long overdue.

“You know now and you’re still fucking mad at me?” He turns, leaning against Bella’s truck and folding his arms.

“I don’t even know where to start, Embry!” I yell at him exasperated. “You ditched us, you ditched your longest running best friend-”

“I had no choice!”

“He’s struggling-”

“I’m struggling!” His eyes are wild and his hands have a slight shake, “Cutting everyone out has been the hardest fucking thing I’ve ever done! I can’t tell anyone, can’t see anyone, can’t do what I want to do anymore! I belong to this Reservation, to this pack, to Sam now. He says jump, I ask how high. He says keep your mouth shut, I cut everyone out. It’s how it has to be.”

“Embry, that’s no way to live.” My heart breaks for his situation.

“It’s in my blood and not something I can opt out of, Y/n/n. Besides, they’re my brothers now and they need me as much as I need them.”

I surge forward to hug him, “I’m still mad at you for Quil.”

“I missed you too.” I hear his grin as I hug him tight. “You can’t tell him though.”

Immediately I retreat, “What?”

“It’s a tribe secret, the pack is sacred and must be protected.”

“He wouldn’t done anything to endanger-”

“It doesn’t matter, anyone on the outside has to stay on the outside. It’s not like I don’t want to, he’s my best fucking friend. But he doesn’t have a need-to-know.”

“Embry-”

“I can’t argue with you about this, please drop it.” His wide eyes plead with me and I surrender.

“Okay, okay. Consider it dropped.” I mime like I’m locking my lips closed and I toss the invisible key over my shoulder.

“Good,” throwing an arm over my shoulder, he leads me back inside, “Now you can hang with the big dogs.”

“Okay I’m going to need you to not make stupid jokes about this situation.” But I laugh anyways, I miss this - him.

I smile to myself, happy to finally have people back in my life that I thought were gone for good. I still feel the massive hole in my chest, but the pain is on the back burner for now.

At least until I’m alone again.

Next

Taglist Part 1:

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[xerith-42]

Why Blaze is MyStreet's Most Failed Character

Blame the big bang discord for this post, I wasn't gonna write it until those fucks encouraged me.

Anyways here's an entire essay about why Blaze is the most wasted character in the entirety of MyStreet and I will literally fight Jessica and Jason Bravura with my bare hands.

To get us started on our harrowing tale of wasted potential and the best improviser Jessica ever hired, we need to go back a little. Back to Phoenix Drop High Season 2. We won't stay here long, I promise, I hate it more than you can possibly know. But the single saving grace of this absolute mess of a season is ya boi, Blaze. Introduced in the 18th episode of the season, airing on April 12, 2017, with the airing of Phoenix Drop High Season 2 Episode 18, Blaze was a character who started his brief tenure series with a bang!

Literally dude showed up and the first thing he ever did on screen as a character in a piece of media we can engage with is throw someone out of a window. We do not know this mans name yet and he's already left a lasting impression. Sure throwing people out of a window is common in werewolf culture, which I don't care what you say that's objectively funny, but it is bold to start a characters entire introduction with that. Blaze comes out of the gate swinging before he's said a single line.

And then after introducing himself he throws a dead bird at Aphmau to show off his hunting skills?? Okay so he's just that fucking weird and overly enthusiastic about things I guess! That's amazing! MyStreet always shines when it just lets it's characters be fucking weird without making a big deal out of it or talking them down for it. Dottie even says that it's romantic which is again just a great showing of Blaze's enthusiasm and lack of what might appear to be common social decorum because of said enthusiasm.

This is all punctuated and brought to a hilarious breaking point when Blaze's final showing of why he should be the new top dog at his school is when the crazy mother fucker rips his shirt off to literally flex about how he's one of the hottest guys in the school. And I'm going to be real with you, given Blaze's later characterization as a himbo, I'm pretty sure he doesn't actually care about this. He just says it because he thinks it'll boost his chances. Blaze is later shown to be a character willing to throw away his reputation for the things he cares about, but he does get a rather sincere moment with Aphmau, even if she's blushing the entire time.

It shows that Blaze is not only physically affectionate, but also weirdly comfortable with his shirt off. Because this is purely objective character analysis I will not be shoving my Blaze is autistic and has sensory problems with things touching his chest propaganda down your throats, but now that I've mentioned it once you won't stop thinking about it when this comes up.

The show admittedly fumbles the bag a little by having Blaze say in his internal monologue that he thinks Aphmau is cute and acts kind of like a tsundere, but this is Jesson writing so there's always bound to be a bit of That Shit. But in spite of that, Blaze is a character who has an instant impression that leaves a lot of room for comedy potential, and just good ol' fashion silliness. And while the werewolf plot of Season 2 is... bad, Blaze and the Werewolf Pups are stand out characters in the sense that their characterization leaves a lot of potential if they're in a different, better written story.

And even if the arc is bad, Blaze still is a quality part of it. His shallow but hilarious initial characterization gets built on in some really solid ways. Namely in how he acts as a force for good in Aphmau's life even if she doesn't realize or give him permission to do it. This entire season is about how the different men in Aphmau's life handle helping her in a crisis, and funnily enough, in a season centered around Aaron literally overthrowing Aphmau's new love interest, Blaze is the one who was consistently doing what was best for Aphmau.

Aaron fumbles the ball more than a few times, Ein is shown to be actively malicious, and Kai gets hate crimed. But Blaze, who's barely even a contender in this ship war, is constantly working to actually make things better while everyone else is pulling Aphmau away from what actively matters about her position. While Ein is manipulating her and Aaron is trying to prove that, Blaze throws caution to the wind and just does what he thinks is best to restore order.

But more important than that end conclusion is his true goal of standing up for Daniel. A wolf it is established he barely knew before this year, that Blaze is willing to throw his reputation and standing in a bull shit hierarchy because he's seeing how this hierarchy is hurting someone who doesn't deserve it. Blaze is the one who is baring his fangs and willing to throw hands when Daniel cowers away from bullies. By the end of the season Blaze has been given adequate screen time to not only show off his fun and maybe a tad out of touch side, but he's been given a real level of sincerity that's tied into the things he's enthusiastic about. He loves being a werewolf, and he extends that love to all the werewolves around him, until they start being dicks to other werewolves who are literally just sitting there.

At the center of Blaze is that inherent goofiness though. He's always cracking jokes, or the joke when he's on screen, and in a series that was originally pitched as a light hearted slice of life comedy in contrast to MCD's general misery, that sort of character is needed to keep the tone. Such is show in episode 22 when Blaze is reading a book on the Scientific Method to just learn more about science, but realizes the book is upside down.

But he actually understood it enough to properly apply the scientific method to this situation?? Iconic. It's played off as a joke of Blaze exploiting a loophole to get out of class, but even that's pretty smart honestly. Blaze may be a dumb ass but he's always willing to cheat an unfair system.

Episode 22 is basically a Blaze centric episode, which I did not expect, but now that I'm rewatching it for this post it might be the reason I love this character so dearly. It's not only the episode where Blaze manages to learn the Scientific Method upside down, but also stands up for Daniel in a really substantial way. Blaze is loud, enthusiastic, and strong, all traits that are celebrated by werewolf culture, and whether he realizes it or not, him just being around Daniel can do a lot to get bullies to back off. Everyone has seen Blaze toss a mother fucker through a window, they do not want to be on the receiving end of that.

He spends the rest of the episode trying to figure out what Ein's deal is when he hears that Ein went behind Aphmau's back on werewolf matters, landing Daniel in this situation. He hears Ein actively plotting against Daniel, but that is normal werewolf behavior. He concludes that he'll keep an eye on Ein. And this through line of "normal werewolf behavior" informs a lot of Blaze's decisions once he comes to the conclusion that Ein sucks and deserves to be undermined. He resorts to letting his actions speak louder than words and goes to violence after realizing that the wolves aren't listening to reason, they're listening to instinct.

He fights fire with fire, and while Aphmau might not approve, it's more effective than her soft rhetoric has been in getting people to be less of jackasses. This eventually lands him in hot water where he steps in for Daniel after Ein tries to get his goons to beat him up, and even if Blaze is fighting in a five v one, he still goes down swinging. And I'll say it, I think it's sweet that he calls Aaron after this happens. While it's clearly meant to be a thing of Blaze calling the last alpha because he's probably the only person who anyone will listen to, there's an important detail I think is easily overlooked.

He has Aaron's number.

He says he got it from the werewolf pups, but that means that Blaze went out of his way to make sure he could contact Aaron. He's the reason that Aaron even realizes Ein is playing all of them. Blaze is the catalyst for his undoing because unlike Aaron who's nearly imprisoned, heartbroken, and been hesitant to act in the plot as a result, Blaze doesn't actually care that much if Aphmau currently likes him because he's more worried about her physical and mental well being than whether she wants to kiss him or someone else.

How many Aphmau love interests can say that?

Can any of them say that?

Blaze can.

Blaze actually consistently shows a level of selflessness that's unfitting of how I've seen some people characterize him. He gives up his real chance to be Alpha because Daniel is so compassionate and earnest and genuinely deserves it. Blaze wants to believe in a future lead by people like Daniel and Aphmau where he might not have to keep fighting people to keep things sane. Blaze constantly gives up his pride, his power, his safety just to make sure that his friends are taken care of, or to effect real change in a school he's about to leave.

It wouldn't be long after Phoenix Drop High Season 2 ended that Blaze would make his debut in the main series My Street in the second episode of Season 5, airing only a few days after the end of Phoenix Drop High Season 2. Just like before he really shows up with a bang, literally throwing himself through the air between Lucinda and Kim just to catch a frisbee because Blaze is the most extra mother fucker ever, and then immediately proceeds to flirt with them. Iconic as ever. Short but sweet.

It's in episode 3 that it's revealed that Blaze and the werewolf pups kept Aaron company during his rehabilitation year. But from the way it's worded it sounds like Blaze was called in before anyone else by Aaron's parents. Based on the way they talked and actively planned together before, I wouldn't be surprised if Blaze was the first person who came to his mind when Aaron thought of a werewolf friend.

I think Aaron reached out to Blaze when he needed it.

And even though I've previously stated that I don't think Aaron's parents initially liked Blaze because by this era he's old enough to fully take on his persona as the cool stoner friend who's also a little insane in the most charming way possible, he has a good impact on Aaron. Aaron likes being around him, and maybe they smoke weed to help Aaron relieve some of the lasting pain when no one's looking.

Regardless of his methods, Blaze does an ultimate good in Aaron's life as a result of being there for him when he needed it. So much so that he was invited out to Starlight and is shown to be one of Aaron's main pillars of support. We are given scarcely little of this actual friendship, which is where the problem lies. While before Blaze was a surprisingly engaging part of an other wise terrible story, at least in season 5 the story is a lot slower and character focused. And Blaze can work in these moments, we saw him have real moments of sincerity before.

He gets some of it, but the issue is that Blaze isn't allowed to be alone anymore. The cast of MyStreet is huge, and Blaze is a character who is making his second major appearance, while some characters in the cast have been present since literally episode one. It's hard to justify giving him solo screen time when he's been in the series for such little time and we barely have enough time for certain significant characters to really have arcs (Lucinda). Most of Blaze's scenes are scenes with at least four other characters on screen, he's never allowed screen time without at least two other werewolf characters attached to him.

I don't object to Blaze hanging out with his friends, or even making new ones though out the season but... Would it kill the writers to let him have a scene with Aaron? Like. A single scene. Where it's just Blaze and Aaron. I mean just Blaze and Aaron without Aphmau there. They've done this before. They did it in the season Blaze showed up in. Just one scene where the two of them get to talk about literally anything would do so much. Even if they talk about Aphmau, it's better than nothing. It would strengthen both of their characters so much to be able to get a scene where they talk to each other not as conspirators who kinda know each other, but as real friends supporting one another.

Show that even though Blaze said Daniel was more compassionate than he was, Blaze still is a compassionate and even empathetic person. Show why Aaron was grateful to have him during his recovery. They have those scenes of Aaron at physical therapy, right? Why not have Blaze take him one time and just show how they interact then? The possibilities with this unrealized idea are endless, and that's genuinely upsetting. Opportunities like this present themselves every time Blaze makes an appearance, they even tease me by giving me scenes where Aaron is alone with a character he has little to no connection with, Maria.

Maria was a foil for Aphmau. And Ein was a foil for Aaron. And Blaze was a foil for Ein. There is no reason for Maria to really have a rapor that matters with Aaron. He doesn't really know her that well, she's clearly a friend by association, and it seems like an odd thing to focus on when Blaze is LITERALLY RIGHT THERE IN THE BACKGROUND OF THIS SCENE.

Why won't they let Blaze talk to Aaron? It's so infuriating. The closest we get is in episode 7 when Blaze attempts to calm down Aaron, but he's shown to be ineffective and it comes down to, of course, Aphmau being the one to talk him down. I swear to Hatsune the writers are making fun of me at this point. They're going "Oooooh you want Blaze to be an actually helpful and supportive figure in Aaron's life soooo bad." AND I DO!

I'm serious when I say the show is teasing me. I've been skimming through Season 5 and only watching the episodes when Blaze is on screen, and so far he has never been in a scene with less than 4 people in it. Never. And even in scenes where he gets to be at least a focal point, he's always limited because he has to share that moment in the spotlight with FOUR OTHER CHARACTERS.

Episode 14 is a great example of this. When the werewolf gang gets told they aren't allowed to eat at a restaurant because they're werewolves, Blaze makes it abundantly obvious that he's put up with this before and really doesn't feel like being hate crimed on his vacation. And he knows that actions speak louder than words and therefore joins Maria in saying they should "teach this establishment a lesson." Personally I think Blaze would've just thrown the manager through a window only to realize it's an outdoor establishment and throw him into the ocean. Which would be objectively funny and deserved because that owner was being cringe and racist.

I love the conversation that happens because it shows the unique way that Aaron sees things from passing as a human for most of his life. This has never happened, but he knows that further acts of violence as a result will only make it happen again. This is a great scene for Aaron. Not really good for Blaze, and the next scene makes him worse. I love the detail that Blaze is an instinctual person more than a planner, but it feels wrong that he doesn't even let Aaron consider planning. I know he wants Aaron to be more spontaneous but he should have more awareness of his friend and his habits and be able to accommodate it, not talk over it.

But it's Jesson, so misunderstanding even their simplest character is par for the course. At least episode 15 gives me Garroth and Blaze talking in the background, and I'm starved for good Blaze content, so I was eating this shit up. The problem with watching MyStreet this way is that Blaze... Just doesn't get a lot of moments... At all. There are some episodes where he doesn't even speak at all, and when he does get to talk in episodes, he gets a few lines in one giant ensemble scene.

I don't object to a show having an ensemble cast, or even a lot of characters with a few central ones, but it really is a detriment to the show that Aaron never gets a scene alone with any werewolf he isn't related to. Nana gets to talk to Blaze when she's having a crisis of her relationship history and experience, but it's just so Blaze can tell her the opposite of what she wants to hear. It's not a scene that feels like it was written for Blaze, because it wasn't. It was written for Nana.

And before some jack ass says it "Blaze is a side character he's not supposed to get a lot of focus" and I'm not asking for a lot. I watched every scene he's in in PDH to prove that it works

BECAUSE IT DID.

Blaze showed up officially in episode 18 out of 30, and he wasn't in every episode after his introduction. But the writers gave him a solid introduction, one good episode that spent most of its run time with him, and really good moments throughout the rest of his time in the series. All I'm asking is that Season 5 at least give me one of those things. Either a good episode where he and his relationship with Aaron is brought into focus, even if it's used as a vector to study Aaron's character, or just more sincere moments for him.

It feels like Blaze is a joke character now when he previously made it very clear he's far more than that.

And then they just forget about him. During the first part of the 3 part finale Blaze is there. He's the one who got everyone to gather at the docks because an mf wants to eat some scrumptious food. But when Aaron sees Ein and starts freaking out, Blaze is literally just not in the scene. At all. Not even as like a throwaway of someone who could've helped but failed, he just is not in the scene at all. It legitimately feels like the writers forgot about him entirely.

Blaze the minute the plot shows up:

He's there after Garroth gets turned and was apparently at Garroth's bedside trying to calm him down which I will be thinking about. A lot. I'll be thinking about how we deserved to see or at least hear some of it, about how the writers continue to tease me with an interesting scene that involves my favorite little fucker, about how heartbreaking it would have been to see Blaze and Melissa try to calm Garroth only for him to scream in pain and try to push them away only to reveal that Zane and Nana are able to hear the entire ordeal downstairs and Zane is panicking when he hears his brother screaming in pain. Just thinking about what we could've had if the writers actually cared about any of these characters.

And then after that he dies.

I'm not watching any of When Angels Fall because I know what's good for my health. I know what happens in Season 6 Episode 9 and that's all I need to know. It doesn't matter if the writers may have finally given Blaze an emotional scene, it doesn't matter if they finally gave him even a hint of character development, it doesn't matter if he made a connection in a real way. Because no matter what he did the result is the same. No matter what quality the writers might've pulled out of their ass, it would ultimately be in service of one end. From the start of this season these writers knew what they wanted to do. They wanted to up the stakes and add more drama to the show, and they wanted to do it by killing Blaze.

And I think I know why.

This is 100% a limited view, but I was on Aphmau Instagram at the time that this season was airing. And I ran a Blaze fan account. I talked to a lot of MyStreet fans during this time and I was constantly upset and disappointed that people didn't understand Blaze's character, or just didn't appreciate it as much as I do. Most people liked Blaze on a very surface level, or because he was attached to another character they liked. I found very few people who genuinely cared about him as an individual, probably because Blaze stopped getting scenes alone by the end of PDH, and because the Aphmau fandom (at the time) had more of a focus on shipping than character work and quality. Blaze was easily shippable with a number of characters, canonically shipped with Dottie a little, and had enough characterization that people cared about him, but not enough to get a large dedicated fanbase.

He was the perfect one to kill.

Enough people liked him because he was hard to hate, he was stapled onto Aaron's character with little regard for a story of his own, and his death could be eventually inconsequential. And it was! Blaze's method of dying is so bad it makes me physically angry!

I know the whole story for the last few seasons has been all about Forever Potions and turning people against each other, but just mind controlling Blaze and having him die while under mind control is such such a missed opportunity. There's been a disappointing lack of proper Aaron and Blaze friendship content, but they could have made up for it in this scene with just a few tweaks. Just have Blaze not be mind controlled at the end. He can still go on that rant about Aaron being the cause of all the bad that's happened, but then the words start to become... disjointed. Jilted. As if Blaze is struggling to say them because he knows that they're wrong. Aaron's his friend, there's no way he'd say that about him.

Have it break.

Have him look at his friend in a worse state than he's ever been in, and instead of approaching him with intent to harm, it's intent to heal. A final attempt at getting through to Aaron. And like the times before, it doesn't work. Aaron's angrier than ever and he isn't seeing or thinking straight thanks to Ein's bull shit. All he can see is an enemy in his way. Maybe he sees Blaze's eyes but Blaze's green eye is still Emerald Green, even if the control broke for a moment. Whatever reason, Aaron still attacks.

He doesn't realize that Blaze wasn't trying to hurt him until it's too late. Aaron's anger already ruined a friend's life, it already pulled all of them into the hell they're in, and now it's killed one of his best friends.

ONE CHANGE. THAT'S ALL IT TOOK. ONE SINGLE CHANGE TO MAKE BLAZE'S DEATH ACTUALLY MEAN SOMETHING.

Ideally I'd like it Blaze just didn't die at all, least of all before the finale, but if you're going to kill him off unceremoniously at least make it have some emotional weight. You've been neglecting him for an entire season and now you just kill him off? Just like that? Oh he gets to show up in heaven? How nice. Is it a scene where he gets to express regrets, remorse, or even give any insight into his feelings?

Of course it fucking isn't! Are you kidding me, that's not even close to what happens. I said i wouldn't watch When Angels Fall but

I LIED!!

I watched Blaze's death scene and his scene in heaven to make sure I knew well and good how badly they failed to kill off my favorite character! And man, the scene in heaven is just the worst! Blaze does a genuinely kind thing for Aphmau and decides to stay with her when she's alone because he doesn't want her to hurt. He saw how much pain Aaron was in without her. He just wants to fucking help her.

But Aphmau's too self absorbed to realize that and instead goes on a whole rant about how she always needs other people to take care of or protect her and how everyone else would be better off yadda yadda. What she doesn't realize and what Blaze eventually gets to tell her is that people were around her and took care of her because they just wanted to. Because she was nice to be around. And they never expected anything else, and never saw her as a burden.

And that's actually a really nice moment. Sort of. There's two major problems. First, Blaze gets cut off from telling Aphmau this at first because Irene has to go on a whole rant about Aphmau being selfish. And she is right in everything that she says, but it feels weird for Irene, who literally doesn't know her, to be making this judgement. This scene should have been Irene observing a conversation between Blaze and Aphmau were Blaze just tries to make her feel better.

And that would hopefully solve problem number two. Which is that what Blaze says is very genuine and heartfelt, but severely handicapped by the fact that he and Aphmau were only friends for a short period of time in High School, and an equally short period of time within the last few months. What Blaze says about why he likes being around her is true, but it would have a lot more weight if there was a chance for Blaze to have been around her as a friend more.

Fuck it, if you need Blaze to be on screen with at least two other characters, why was there never a scene of Blaze, Aaron and Aphmau just talking? Would a single scene of that fucking killed you? Just one scene would have made their friendships a lot more solid and therefore heartbreaking to lose when it gets torn apart.

Third problem, the scene ends with a focus on Irene. Blaze's words echo in her ears, and remind her of her friends. And I like that idea because I'm an absolute sucker for MCD, but it takes the scene away from the focus. This should be a scene about one of Aphmau's friends encouraging her to not give up even if it all seems lost. At least don't let her death be in vain by saying such awful things about her friends while they may be grieving. But Irene is brought into focus again because the show isn't about Blaze, or Aphmau apparently, I guess her Aphmau Main Character Powers overrides Aphmau's. She has more experience with them.

Blaze and Aphmau's very heartfelt dialogue is brought down by the fact that these two characters lives didn't intersect very directly out of high school. Through the course of Season 5 I never got the idea that Blaze was Aphmau's friend. Not to say they weren't friendly, I think Blaze adored her just as much as he did in high school, but as a viewer I was never shown that they cared particularly for one another. I believe that Blaze sincerely cared about her even after all this time, but that's not because of anything the writers did with him in these seasons. It's just because that's the kind of person Blaze is.

But their friendship not being strong really weakens the scene. This is a scene that I know for a fact worked as intended when I watched it as it was coming out. I was an overemotional mess of a 15 year old who hated how this series was going but kept watching it because it was almost over and I might as well get it done with. It pulled on my heartstrings and they sang and I cried. I cried a lot. This scene made me incredibly emotional, and it still got to me as an adult, but the devil is in the details.

Blaze and his arc might work on the surface. They work if you don't pay that close of attention to it. They work if you care more about the characters he's constantly around more than Blaze. And when I first watched Seasons 5&6, I still had a very deep attachment to a lot of these characters, especially Melissa, who he shares a lot of scenes with. So I felt... satisfied? I would've liked more, but I probably wouldn't have complained about what I got (his death scene not withstanding I always thought that was bad).

My my, how the times have changed.

If it wasn't obvious from the four thousand or so words you just read, Blaze is a rather unique case of these writers failing as writers. A rather unique case where the perfect character to fix a lot of problems with their show practically jumped up in the air waving his arms around and they still brushed past him to focus on a predetermined story he was shoved into. I don't think the writers ever really had a plan for where Blaze would go or what he would do.

A lot of Blaze's best character moments are when he isn't being written by Jesson. The reason I love the minigames so much is because there, Blaze's incredibly talented voice actor Jason Lord is actually really funny and pretty good at improv. Obviously some bits of the mini games are scripted, but a lot of them are just seeing how much voice actors can get into their characters, which he's fantastic at. A lot of Blaze's funniest moments come from this too, which is great when the writers turn him into a comedy character but the characters voice actor is funnier than they both are and is only a funny character when they don't have direct control of him. Lord is able to bring life to a character who may have been lacking it due to the simultaneously focused and unfocused way the series was written.

Blaze is proof of what happens when writers don't bother to develop their characters beyond the outline. The draft notes for PDH Season 2 said "there's going to be a wolf character who tries to become Alpha and instead stands up for Daniel when he's bullied." and then Blaze was born. The writers gave him some characterization as a treat to make the story work better, and then were done with it then and there. We fleshed him out enough, good character, time to put him in season 5 so people stop criticizing us for not giving Aaron enough friends.

But the problem wasn't a lack of quantity in friends, it was a lack of quality. It was a lack of scenes that let Aaron interact with other characters without Aphmau present. It was a lack of characters to point to that were real emotional connections Aaron had that weren't his last minute family or his girlfriend. It was a lack of attention given to the few characters that could've filled that role. Dante almost filled it in season 2, and Aaron and Garroth could have arguably become closer after everything in season 4, but at that point Aaron's entire arc became centered around Aphmau.

It was the fact that Blaze was one of the few people who ever directly reached out to Aaron and then was never given a scene alone again. It was because the writers wrote too many characters, tried to give the series a more direct focus, and then failed to account for the characters that were dragged along even if they didn't necessarily know what to do with them.

So when Season 6 came around and they decided to make the show super serious no really stop laughing, they needed characters to kill off to up the stakes. It's not like Blaze's character was going anywhere. It's not like they had a plan for him. Nothing was really being lost.

It's not like Blaze was one of the most sincere and dedicated characters in the series. It's not like he had one of the biggest potentials in regards to his relationship with Aphmau or Aaron. It's not like there was time spent proving that he could be a solid pillar of support in both of their lives even under dire circumstances. It's not like he was set up that way through individual scenes where he got to talk to each of them on a personal level. That definitely didn't happen.

TLDR: MyStreet peaked at season 2 and they fumbled the bag with the best chance to make it peak even higher and I'm forever bitter about it. Now get out of my house.

[warmaidensrevenge]

It's not a never.

Pairings: Eddie x fem!best friend Plus size reader

A/N: Happy Sunday loves. Here I present the final part in this series. It's a bit steamy if you ask me. So ready your naughty bits. As always thanks for reading. Please feel free to share and comment your thoughts. It really gives me a boost of dopamine that I crave. So anything is awesome. Kay love ya. Byyyyyeeee.

I do not give permission for my work to be posted anywhere else. Please respect all creators. Also, all pictures and songs are from a Google search and found on Spotify. A huge thank you and credit to the original posters and artists.

Word count: 3,824

Warnings: 18+ No minors please. Angst, language, sexual implications, sexual situations, p&v, oral (both receiving), unprotected sex and mentions of alcohol use. Not proof read

Part 4: Right now

Summary: Time goes by. But feelings still remain.

The farewell was in fact unbearable. It hurt Eddie like hell. But what hurt the most was a year after. College life became hectic for you. Which caused letters and phone calls to lessen. 

Then the guys got a big break. It was a small record label with very little rapport. But it was one he had a good feeling about. They made a deal for one full album and a few shows to promote it. 

It was a very busy year that turned into two. Then three.

Before any of them knew it, they were playing sold out shows. 

Things were working out. His dreams were coming true. But he never forgot about that girl with the sweet little smile. Though it has been some time since he saw it. He was fortunate enough to see it again one summer night in that third year.

The band was performing at one of their favorite places one hot night. They loved it because it was on a rooftop. Where they could see most of the city.

Tonight though, Eddie could only focus on the pretty girl with the small smile he almost forgot if it weren't for the prom picture he kept in his wallet.

The second the set was over, he jumped off the stage and ran to you. Obviously dodging the groupies and fans asking for autographs.

You yelped when he embraced you. Surprised when he picked you up a little.

“ Oh shit! I can't believe this!” He said when he planted you back down. 

You giggled. “Hi Eddie.”

He leaned back a little and grinned like crazy. “ When did-” He was cut off by the rest of his buddies.

He took a few steps back to let everyone have their turn with you. To be honest he needed the minute to get over the shock of seeing you. 

One thing led to another and you guys went out for drinks then ended up back at their apartment.

The whole night you guys were hanging off each other. Loving glances were shared and every word you said sounded like a love spell to him. And that didn't end when it was just you two.

Everyone else went to bed and he wasn't tired at all. So why end the night? Who knows when he was gonna see you again.

“ Ehem. So Eddie?” You said, putting your half empty glass on the coffee table. “ How many times do I have to squeeze your thigh to get you to kiss me?”

He laughed nervously.

You gave him a sexy sly grin. “ Common I've been flirting with you all night.”

He cleared his throat and smirked while you moved closer to him. It was true. You were flirting. He was too. And he shouldn't have. 

You reached up to move his bangs to the side. After you rested your hand much closer to his genitals. 

He quickly put a hand on yours. Just in case you decided to touch him further. “ Ummm…” he mumbled and met your beautiful eyes.

If things were different, he wouldn't question a damn thing and take you right here and now. Maybe even on the floor and the kitchen counter. Definitely fuck you in the shower and again on his bed. But he couldn't.

He exhaled. “ I'm kinda seeing someone.”

You practically jumped back. Pulling your hand away in the process. He could see how red you were getting from embarrassment.

“ Crap! Ed- I'm…uhhhh I'm sorry. I should go.”

You stood up and without thinking he grabbed your arm and stood up too.

“ No! I mean. Please don't go.”

You looked at him and shook your head. “ No I should. I've embarrassed myself enough for a lifetime.”

You tried to go but he gently pulled you back and cupped the sides of your face. 

“ Common kid. Don't be embarrassed. I was flirting too.” He hung his head a little. “ I shouldn't have but…it's you.”

He felt your warm soft hands on his. Making him meet your eyes. 

“ Eddie I- I'm sorry. I didn't mean to come and -”

“ No. You did nothing wrong. It was me. I should've said I was seeing someone sooner…but seriously, don't go. I-I've missed you…So fuckin much.”

You bit your lip and nodded. “ Okay. But you have to sit on the other side of the couch.”

He dropped his hands and held onto yours. “ Yeah, or I'm gonna have to make a phone call and become single.”

Your eyes widened. “ I'm flattered, but probably don't do that.”

You both grinned at one another before returning to the couch. Talking until the sun came up.

For Eddie it was heartbreaking saying goodbye to you that next morning. You were still that funny, sweet, affectionate girl from highschool. You were still the person he could talk to for hours without a care in the world. And he remembered the love that he still had for you. 

What he learned last night was that you were so busy with school that you didn't have time to date. He also found out that college was much harder than you thought it was gonna be. So hard that you changed your major twice.

Eventually, you found something you really saw yourself doing. Career wise that is. And he was happy for you. Just like how you were happy for him and the guys. 

Still, there was still something between you two. Something he wished he could explore. Something that just flowed with you. It was as if you guys picked up from where you left off.

It irked him. It bothered him so much that he actually opened up to his girlfriend about it. 

At first she was quiet, then she got pissed. Eventually, she calmed down and broke up with him. And to be honest it didn't really affect him that much. Sure he liked her. She was fun to be around. But after talking to you, he realized he never had a decent conversation with her. It was just partying and sex mostly. 

It wasn't her fault though. It was him. He never cared to open up to anyone besides his friends. Maybe it was because he thought no one would understand or get him. Get his quirks or quips. They probably wouldn't get his music tastes or like his nerdy side. Or maybe he didn't want anyone to. Perhaps it was because he still had hope for you. Hope that was instilled in him over the best pancakes in the world.

Either way it would be another 4 years until he would see you again.

…

Jeff was getting married. To Connie, in Hawkins. Everyone was invited and Eddie, Gareth and Grant were his groomsmen. They were all his best men cuz he couldn't choose one. 

Which was such a grueling task. Helping with the wedding and planning a bachelor party took up a lot of time. 

But besides all that, Eddie was looking forward to seeing one guest. One very important guest. The pretty girl he's been corresponding to for the past four years. 

He got in touch after you left New York. And kept up contact. He didn't want to disconnect again. Lose you again.

Though nothing was ever said about getting together, he anticipated that after the wedding he was gonna leave with you. Finally getting to that right now you had mentioned seven years ago.

-

He was near the entrance of the church, saying his hellos with the rest of the wedding party when he saw you. 

Everything around him seemed to slow down as you exited the car and fixed your royal blue dress. You looked around and smiled at the people you knew. Then you went to help your mom out of the car. 

He absolutely could not look away. You were a knockout. Absolutely gorgeous. 

What were the chances he could sneak you out of the party and make love somewhere? Maybe he could convince you to leave early. 

He suddenly felt a jab in the ribs. 

“ Ouch! What the fu-” he groaned as he looked at Gareth who was nodding towards Jeff's grandma. “ Oh right!” He uttered, holding out his elbow for her. “ Hello there young lady, I am to escort you to your VIP spot.”

She hit him with an ohh you and took his arm. He looked back to see if he could catch your eye. But it wasn't until the ceremony that he did. 

With a big smile you lifted your hand. Giving him a little wave. He smirked and looked down. Continuing down the aisle. 

Damn! He thought. He really wanted you to be a part of the wedding party.

Originally you were, but you had just started a new job and couldn't get away for rehearsals or any planning. So you opted to only be a guest. Which sucked for him because now he had to look at the happy couple instead of staring at you.

Once he got to the altar he met your gaze again. He knew he must look crazy grinning the way he was. But he didn't care. The girl he was in love with was in the same town, at the same place he was. And he was gonna make sure he left with you.

-

The vows and I do’s were said and the pastor gave the bride and groom the go ahead for a kiss. 

Eddie looked over at you and you had tears of joy falling from your eyes. He pulled out his  handkerchief and took a few steps towards you. Asking for the person sitting in front of you to hand it off. 

You blushed and wiped the tears away while he went back to his spot. Gareth nudged him, but he didn't care. He had to make sure you were good. 

At this point he would do anything for you. He would give anything to be with you. He'd say anything and everything he could just to see you smile. And for a second he pictured what his life would be like with you.

Applause broke out and he clapped along as Jeff and Connie walked back down the aisle together. Once they were at the end, the guys and bridesmaids followed. 

He looked at you again and you were talking to your dad. However, you met his eyes as he passed and mouthed a thank you. 

He nodded and planned on circling back around so that he could get to you. Unfortunately, he had to go in the limo as soon as they walked out. 

Apparently word mysteriously got out that Jeff was getting married. So there were paparazzi and a handful of fans waiting outside the chapel. 

It was a good thing that they had security on standby just in case this happened. 

Everyone was escorted into the car and rushed off.

Jeff was pissed but Connie calmed him down. Saying that to not let it ruin their day. 

Eddie smiled to himself. He was happy for his friend. Jeff had found the girl he was meant to be with. Even with the band getting bigger and the crazy schedules. One of his best friends got to spend the rest of his life with someone who calmed him. Who accepted him for all that he is and truly made him happy. 

Eddie was a little envious of it. Still, he was completely overjoyed for his buddy. 

He wanted that. More than anything, he wanted you. So it was his prerogative to be with you.

-

Everyone had to show their invitations to get into the dance hall. But once in, the music was going and drinks were being served. 

Eddie waited patiently by the door. Nearly jumping up and down. Excited to finally get to talk to you. 

While giving security your invitation you locked eyes with him and smiled from ear to ear. 

You looked away for a second then followed your parents in. 

He said hello to everyone as they made their way down the line to the newly Weds. Finally it was your dad's turn. They shook hands and your mom was next.

“ Why hello there, gorgeous. You are a vision.”

Victoria blushed and gave him a playful smack. “ Stop it.”

He laughed and gave her a hug. 

At last, it was your turn. 

“ Hi Eddie.”

He stood there with his lips together and an eyebrow raised. Giving you his flirtatious smile. “ Hi baby.”

You tilted your head to the side and raised both brows. “ Baby?”

He beamed at you and grabbed your hand. Pulling you closer to him. “ Yeah. You're my baby girl now.” 

Before you could say anything, he pulled you into a long warm hug. Rocking you from side to side. Making you laugh.

Grant cleared his throat. “ Alright Munson, you're holding up the line.”

You pulled away but he didn't want to let you go. He gave your hand one last squeeze before releasing it. His eyes never left you as you finally made it down to Jeff and Connie. 

He smiled as you took Connie's hand and twirled her around. Clearly admiring how beautiful she looked in her gown. Then you gave her hug. Moving on to the groom. He chuckled seeing you and Jeff do your nerdy handshake before hugging.

Afterwards, everyone sat down to eat. Eddie of course didn't want to sit with the rest of the party. Not while you were just a few feet away. He grabbed his plate and his beer and went to sit next to you. 

“ Eddie…Connie's is gonna kill you.” You warned.

He looked up at the head table and saw Jeff and Connie just enamored with each other. Not really paying attention to anything or anyone else but each other for that matter.

He put a hand on the back of your chair and scooted closer. “ I don't think they care.”

He watched you as you glanced at your friends and smiled.

“ Awww I love them.”

He reached up and moved your hair behind your shoulder. Causing you to look at him. “ Want to get out of here?”

You jerked your head back. “ Dude! It's our best friend's wedding.”

-

As the night progressed you guys were practically inseparable. You danced, drank, and talked. It was as if nothing had changed between you two. He made you laugh and you made him nervous. 

It felt right.

Even the approving nods he got from his friends and family assured him this was it. He could do this with you. 

Your parents were about ready to leave a couple hours later and you along with them. What could he do to get you to stay?

“ I-I can get you a ride home later if you want.” He offered.

You shook your head. “ No, I have some work to do so I better get going.”

He frowned. “ But we hardly got to hang out.”

You looked down, clearly to him, trying to think of something. When he came up with something first.

“ I uhh I should probably try and find a hotel for tonight.”

You met his eyes with yours. “ Why?”

He nudged his head towards the door. Where there were paparazzi hanging out with cameras at the ready. “ I was gonna stay with my uncle, but I don't want those guys to bother him.”

“O-oh… ummm well you know my parents still have the pull out in the basement. I could...if you want, I could sneak you out? But what about everyone else?”

He shrugged. To hell with them for the night. “ They're adults, they can figure out something I'm sure.”

You softly laughed. “ Alright. How about you go out the service entrance and we’ll circle around for you?”

He smirked. “ Let's go.”

-

He was laying there in his boxers trying to figure out how to sneak past your parents room and get into your bedroom. Sure it was probably a stupid idea to try and have sex while your parents were across the hall. However he needed you. He craved your lips, and your warmth. He wanted your body next to his.

So he decided to grab something to drink, then see if your parents had gone to bed.

What he found was even better. 

You were in the kitchen grabbing a Popsicle. Wearing nothing but a long shirt and tube socks.

When you turned around you jumped. “ Eddie!” You half whispered. 

He grinned. “ Sorry baby. Was thirsty.”

He went for a glass to pour himself some tap water. Paying attention to your movements. You had gone to sit at the table and started sucking on the ice cream. All the while reading a manuscript. 

He gulped down his drink and went to sit next to you. Pulling the chair as close to you as possible. 

You did your best to ignore him and his advances. But the way he played with your hair made you shift closer to him. 

You had gotten so overcome by his light touch on your thigh that you squeezed your legs shut. You then flipped the page you were working on and licked the Popsicle that was melting all over your hand. Some of the sweet syrup dripped down your chin. And before you could wipe it away he grabbed your hand with one arm and lightly held your chin between his index finger and thumb with the other. He then licked a fat strip from the underside of your chin up to your bottom lip.

He smirked to himself hearing your breath hitch. He had you right where he wanted. 

He stood up and grabbed your hand. Stealing your sweet treat and finishing it off before leading you down to the basement. Of course locking the door behind you. 

When he got you on the bed, he finally took that kiss he'd been dying for all day and everyday for the past seven years

Wet and needy. Tongues dancing together. Exploring tenaciously. With hands doing the same.

He started needing your breast and was surprised by something hard. Curious, he went under the shirt and felt two small metal balls on either side of your hardened nipple. 

He groaned against your lips. “ Fuck baby. I like this.”

You laughed softly and whispered. “ I knew you would.”

He grinned while he played with your piercing. After a bit he kissed his way down your body until he reached your underwear. But instead of taking them off. He moved the damp cloth to the side and spread you a part. 

He was addicted as soon as his tongue touched you. The sweet, sweet nectar that poured from you drove him mindless. But even more so feeling your hand get lost in his curls as the other covered your mouth. Trying to conceal your pleasure.

He stared up at you, enjoying your contorted face as he sucked and licked and swallowed like there was no tomorrow. 

Then he added fingers. Doing a come hither motion. Wasn't long after that. Your body trembled as an orgasm hit. Your pussy throbbed around his fingers. Coating them generously with your wetness.

He waited patiently for you to come down before climbing back up your body and crashing his lips into yours. And when he did you sucked in his bottom lip. Causing him to push his hardened length against your soaked undergarments.

You pushed him up off of you and got on your knees before him. He watched in awe as you wrapped your hair up and freed his cock from its cotton prison.

You teased him at first. Giving his head little kitten licks and kisses. It was maddening. Feeling your slick tongue swirl around the tip before retreating back into your mouth. 

“ Baby please!” He begged.

You looked up with darkened eyes and a less than angelic smile. “ Shhh. You have to be quiet.”

He pouted. Pleading you with his eyes. 

Then you did it. You took the whole damn thing. Making him reach for the back of your head and lifting his hips to go deeper. 

The hum in your throat had his eyes rolling back and toes curled until they hurt. 

A few seconds passed by and he felt your throat close around him as you started to choke. He loosened his grip and let you back off. 

He opened his eyes and focused on you. Watching you catch your breath before taking him in again. This time not so deep. Adding your hand into the mix. 

It was fucking amazing. Every slurp, every gag, every teasing lick around his balls nearly had him cumming. Even more so when you forced him in every once every other stroke. Building up his confidence and his orgasm.

“ Sh-shit baby…got-gotta stop.” 

You let him go with a small pop and had a concerned look in your eyes.“ Everything okay?”

He licked his lips and swallowed. “ Yeah. Fuckin perfect. Just don't wanna cum yet.”

He leaned forward and pulled you into a kiss while helping you up. 

You stood before him and used his shoulders for balance as he peeled off your panties. 

Once they were at your feet you kicked them off and straddled him. Slowly lowering yourself on his shaft. 

Your mouth fell open and your eyes screwed shut and his tip pushed through. 

“ OH MY GOD!” He moaned. 

Your warm tight pussy clinged to him. Hugging him like no other has before. Feeling you flutter around him as you rocked back and forth had him focusing on not cumming. 

He buried his face in your bosom and concentrated on his target. That one special spot that made you cry out his name. That spot that not only drove you over the edge but made him see heaven.

Sure enough he found it. But at this angle he couldn't touch it as much and he wanted to. 

So he wrapped his arms around you and held on tightly as he flipped you over on your back. 

You giggled in the process and stole a kiss and he repositioned himself. When he looked at you, you were grinning up at him.

“ Oh Eddie. So serious.”

He narrowed his eyes at you and rammed himself in. Earning that yelp/ moan. He reached up to cover your mouth as he plowed into you.

“ This. Is. Serious.” He grunted. 

Your eyes got lost in the back of your head as he thrusted hard and steady. Your moans turning into whimpers and sighs as he fucks you into the bed.

And within moments your body and his reacted to the immense pleasure. 

The climax washed over you like a wave of ecstasy.

Once it passes, he rested his forehead on yours panting with you. Letting his hand fall away from your mouth. 

“ I've missed you so much.” He whispered.

You nodded in agreement that he was also missed. 

He kissed your forehead. “ I'll go find something to clean you up.”

He then pulled out slowly and put on his bottoms.

When he came back he had a warm washcloth with him. He gently cleaned between your legs then himself before pulling you to lay in his arms.

You had started tracing his tattoos. Making him smile.

That's when he found himself writing something on your arm.

‘Marry-me-yeah?’

You sighed lightly and snuggled closer to him. Tracing your answer on his chest.

‘Okay’

He raised his head to look at you. " Yeah?"

You nodded. " On one condition...You have to break the news to Grant."

Eddie threw his head back into the pillow and smacked his forehead. " Shit! He's gonna kill me."

You giggled. " Yup."

…

@salenorona23 @browneyes528 @ohmeg @eddiesguitarskills @trashywormeateroffics @eddie-is-a-god @crookedcrone

[kakashixhatakesxwhore]

Such Effort V

Pairing: Hatake Kakashi x f!Reader

W/c: 2.6k

Warnings: Swearing, and we're getting into suggestive territory at the end

Summary Post 🔮🔮 Masterlist

Previous Part

He was sick to his stomach.

Kakashi pushed himself against the wall, wanting it to swallow him up and deliver him from this atrocious sight. But it wouldn't, and even if it could, Kakashi didn't truly want it - he wanted to keep watching you, even as you kept digging deeper into his chest and squeezing his heart with your bare hand.

"Kakashi! My dear rival!"

Not here, not now, please.

Clapping a hand on Kakashi's shoulder, Gai laughed, "I thought you preferred to drink alone."

"I do," he replied curtly.

"So, you've got a devil on your shoulder tonight, is that it?"

"No." He had an angel in front of him, busy blessing another. Kakashi sighed, and looked to Gai, finally. He shrugged, "Care for a brief contest?"

"Would I ever!" Gai beamed. "What's the plan?"

"Shots - most in a minute."

"You're on."

Sliding his arm around Kakashi's shoulders, Gai pulled him up to the bar. The black haired man ordered a slide of shots, six for each to start. That seemed a reasonable number to Kakashi as the bartender set the twelve glasses on the bar and started pouring Tequila in them, going down the line in a continuous pour.

Not touching his mask, Kakashi and Gai both picked up their first shots, clinking them quickly before popping them on the counter and taking them back. Gai violently shuttered as Kakashi reached for the next shot. Bass-filled rhythms occupied every corner of the izakaya, making Kakashi feel his heart beating that much more strongly.

The competition was on.

Bang. Bang. Bang. His fifth hit his throat awfully, but Kakashi relished the burn, letting it cloud his thoughts of you, as much as was possible. He reached for his sixth while Gai took his fourth, taking it down in two gulps and then groaning after.

"You're crap at this," the silver haired man laughed lowly.

"No I'm not!" Gai argued immediately, picking up his fifth.

Kakashi just shrugged and took his sixth shot, his mask starting to get very wet. The alcohol on the fabric made his chewed-up lips burn, and made his nose sting sharply, but still, he didn't mind.

Looking back at you, Kakashi was ready to either jump right up, or to order another twelve shots. He didn't know. Watching you smile up at Raido after breaking from a particularly challenging sequence made Kakashi's heart clench, and all he knew was that he absolutely hated seeing you with another man. Despite the utter disgust he was feeling, even Kakashi had to admit that the two of you were great dance partners.

But you and Kakashi would make better dance partners. That was common sense.

"Gah- fuck!" Gai coughed, covering his mouth.

Lazily, Kakashi looked back at his friend as he drew deep, shaking breaths slowly. His face was very red, and his throat seemed to be actively spasming. With a small chuckle and a heavy tongue, Kakashi asked, "Wrong pipe?"

"I don't even know," Gai gasped, clearing his throat harshly. He shook his head and choked out, "We have- eugh- to shelf this contest for a day that I can- sss- control my throat."

"Whatever y'say," Kakashi agreed with another bop of his shoulders, taking up Gai's final shot. He knocked it back without a whisper of issue.

Gai coughed beside him, and Kakashi, again, looked to you. You were just so gorgeous, he couldn't resist.

But, you had left the dancefloor.

A little panicked, Kakashi looked around the izakaya. The sea of people hid you, allowing you to blend in with the crowd. He suddenly felt all of the shots he had consumed creep up on him, as if the Tequila had anything to do with his unfruitful search.

"I swear to every star up in the sky-" And he was thanking them.

"Y'disappeared," Kakashi remarked dumbly. 

His eyebrows furrowed at the slur of his speech as he turned to you, standing right behind him. In an instant, he stopped caring about how stupid he had sounded, because you were finally looking at him. Kakashi raised his hand to your angelic face, but you dodged him.

"Let's go," you said quickly. "You're supposed to be at home; safe, sound, and resting."

"Y'wanna take me home?" Kakashi asked with a smirk.

You nodded, putting your hand around Kakashi's arm and tugging a little. "Yeah, c'mon."

"Are y'gonna stay w'me?"

He remained still in his seat, just smiling and feeling your cold hand on his bicep. You squeezed the muscle a little and Kakashi flexed his arm in an attempt to impress you. He couldn't tell if it worked, because your grip loosened considerably.

"I... I mean, I kinda..."

You were so close to agreeing, but the words died in your throat when your, allegedly, dear friend sidled up to you. Fuck, Kakashi still couldn't remember her name, even while looking at her face. Her face wasn't even so nice to look at, not like yours. Her face couldn't launch a single ship, let alone a thousand.

"Raido asked if you were in for a round of shots, Y/n," she said lowly, focusing all of her attention on you, as if Kakashi didn't exist.

Quickly, you looked at your friend, then back to Kakashi. Conflict was written on your face, when it should have been so easy. Slowly, you explained, just louder than the music, "I, er, I'm Hatake's assigned medic's apprentice, I... kinda have to get him back to his house."

Oh.

"He's an adult," your friend sneered, rolling her eyes and refusing to look at Kakashi. "He can make his own bastard decisions."

"Yeah..." you whispered, looking back at Kakashi one more time before you looked at your friend. A weak smile came to your face and you nodded, "You're right, Kas. I'm stupid tonight, I'm sorry."

"Don't worry about it, girlie," your raven haired friend grinned, linking her arm with yours. Before she took you away from Kakashi, your friend glanced at him, sending a dagger-like glare at him before she jeered, "Why do you even want to fuck her around? Can't you leave a good thing, be good?"

Oh.

There was a point to be made there, Kakashi couldn't deny that. But he knew you were inherently different, that he felt an entirely novel emotion when it came to you.

When air was finally allowed back into his lungs, you and your friend had already started walking back to your table. 

"Go, stupid. What are you doing?" Gai urged him, pushing Kakashi's shoulder toward you. "If you don't, then she'll think you are just trying to just her around."

He was right, which properly shocked Kakashi out of his catatonia. Kakashi had to tell you how he felt, properly, and he had to do it before that friend of yours whispered any more poison into your ear.

He sprung out of his seat and was behind you in three long strides. Kakashi took your wrist, pulling you back to him and away from your friend.

"Kakashi, what-"

"I don'wanna fuck y'around," he slurred. Kakashi swore under his breath, mad that his mouth was so uncooperative as he added, "You mean more t'me than you could ever imagine."

"Pft, yeah, right," your friend scoffed.

Kakashi tore his eyes away from yours and landed on the dark brown eyes of your friend. Lowly, he sighed, "Look, I'm sorry, okay? I shouldn't have ever even touched you - that was a mistake." He looked back at you and continued, "Seriously, Y/n, you're the girl for me. Please, please, please give me a chance. I'm begging you."

Parting your pretty lips, you looked deeply into Kakashi's eye, then flickered back to your friend. Your face fell and Kakashi looked at her face, not particularly having taken in the harshness of his words. Kakashi could see the shine of tears in her eyes, and hoped to every star that he hadn't just made things worse than they already were.

"Kasumi-"

You moved to touch your friend with your free hand, but she dodged you quickly, looking away and sniffling, "It's all good, Y/n. Fuck."

"Nah, babe," you said sympathetically, moving to catch your friends eyes. "Really - if you say nay, I'll shake him, I promise."

Fucking what? Woah, woah, woah, that was a terrible deal. What if Kasumi-

"Yay," she mumbled, smiling at you smally. "Go... Fujita-San will be pissed if he finds out you let one of his patients loose for the night and did nothing to stop him."

Great deal, totally acceptable outcome.

Kakashi let go of your wrist when you moved to hug Kasumi. You put your arms around her chest while she wrapped around your neck. Over your shoulder, Kasumi gave Kakashi a sharp cut-eye before motioning two fingers to her eyes, then at him. She would be watching.

Acknowledging her threat, Kakashi dipped his head and Kasumi let go of you. Then you leaned back in, cupping your mouth against her ear. There was no point in the whispering, Kakashi thought, the band on the stage was so loud that the three of you were already having to practically yell.

"Shut up! Ew, why would you say that?" She roared in a laugh. Kasumi cautioned a look back at the table of your friends before asking quietly, "Is it obvious?"

"Yeah, babe, terribly," you giggled. Then you shrugged, clapping her shoulder, "I want our sisterhood to be official, even if it's just in-law, so get going. Seal your deal."

"Oh, shush, you're getting my hopes up," she sighed. Then Kasumi looked back at you and kissed your cheek. "If you need anything..."

"Mhm, I know," you said, kissing her cheek in turn. "Maybe I'll see you later."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever," she said, waving her hand dismissively as she walked away.

Finally.

Kakashi drew a deep breath, looking at you as you watched Kasumi return to the table. You chewed on the corner of your bottom lip and slowly turned to look at Kakashi. Behind your eyes, a million thoughts raced, and Kakashi was ready to hear every single one, even if you were gearing up to... no, he didn't want to think about that angle.

"S'how about it?" He asked after a long moment of silence between the two of you.

"Let's get out of here," you replied quickly, seeming to snap back into reality. You grabbed Kakashi's arm again and, this time, he was quick to let your touch guide him.

Kakashi captured Gai's eyes, and nodded at the man, who still sat at the bar. Gai smiled widely as you lead Kakashi right to your brother's table. About eight men sat around, drinks in front of them, with only Kasumi to diffuse the dastardly level of testosterone that emanated from the table. A few of your brother's friends looked amongst each other, while Raido and Genma stared at Kakashi with twitches in their eyes.

"I'll meet you back at home, probably," you told Genma as you reached over him to grab your cloak. 

You kissed his cheek while straightening out, but Genma caught your wrist, keeping you bent over and close to his face. He shook his head and spoke too lowly for Kakashi to hear, but he could tell it was about him.

To both Kakashi and Genma's surprise, you flicked off Genma's hand and spat, "Call me that again and I'll poison the next meal you eat."

He didn't. Oh, he better have not.

"Call you what, sweetheart?" Kakashi asked lowly, with perfect enunciation, as you straightened out, grabbing your waist with his large hand. Kakashi didn't ease his glare when Genma's eyes met his, only intensifying it as he said, "Watch your mouth."

"That's rich," Genma scoffed, crossing one of his legs over the other. "Y'know what? Two sluts. You're perfect for each other."

There we go. Let's do this.

But you were suddenly pushing Kakashi back in a hug.

He couldn't just throw you off, especially not to kick the shit out of your brother. So, he let you push him, your head pressed right in the center of his chest. 

"He's not worth it," you mumbled.

"Yeah." Kakashi considered your words. No, Genma wasn't worth ruining his relationship with you over, no matter how fucking awful he was. Kakashi sighed, finally ending his glare, "Yeah, you're right."

He maneuvered you to be under his arm as he turned around and began to walk out of the izakaya by himself. You sank into Kakashi, wrapping your arm around his waist and producing steam when your coldness combined with his inhumane warmth. 

Through the izakaya you went, and right out the front door. The air had an edge to it, but the alcohol in Kakashi's veins made him impervious to the cold. He worried that your cute, little dress wouldn't stand the test of the wind, but you had your cloak, which seemed to warm you just enough.

You shook your head quickly before descending the wooden stairs. As you marched down, you muttered angrily,  "What a fucking prick. Ugh."

"Then y'should've let me-"

"Bap. Don't even suggest it," you warned, cutting Kakashi off as he trailed behind you. Kakashi pursed his lips and began to walk beside you on the road. You shook your head again, and let a small smile form on your lips. "Anyway, I've never seen you in Kinka's... did you like it?"

"The drinks were decently priced," Kakashi answered, nodding slightly. "And the band was pretty good."

"Aren't they just?" You replied with a sudden burst of excitement. "I know the leader, he's also the owner of the izakaya - name's Haruki, do you know him?"

You spoke so quickly that Kakashi's brain was having the faintest trouble processing it all. Your voice was just so beautiful, and your face was so pretty, and your lips were so plush. Still, he understood you, and shook his head. "No, should I?"

"He's a fun man to know," you grinned. "In the days, when the izakaya's closed, he sometimes lets me sit-in on rehearsals - they play something called swing so the rehearsals are just, like, big-huge jam sessions."

"That's nice," he hummed, taken by the way your happiness elevated your looks. "So, is it one, continuous song, or are the songs distinct?"

"Well, it's like they've got a room of musical tunes," you told Kakashi with a chuckle. "Y'know... there are so many progressions, they just pick and choose from different songs, mash 'em together, and make something nice."

"It's a wonder it does sound so nice then," Kakashi chortled.

You nodded, looking back at the izakaya before smiling at Kakashi as you walked. "Yeah, some progressions rhyme, some ching, but most of them are clockwork."

Both you and Kakashi walked while staring at each other, trying to absorb the other's presence as best you could. A comfortable silence settled over the two of you, but there were about a thousand things Kakashi wanted to say. But, with his larded tongue, he settled into the silence with a grin.

After a little while, you looked away, taking a deep breath, and then asked, "Why do you get so mad over Genma's stupid assholery? I get it when he's being rude to you, but when it's just me..."

"When it's just you, it's even worse," Kakashi stated. You looked at him with a cocked eyebrow and Kakashi nodded adamantly. "He has no right to call you a slut... even if, y'know-"

"Even if I am a slut?" You asked with narrowed eyes.

Yikes. Though the idea plagued him, he didn't want to insinuate anything. Quickly, Kakashi shook his head. "No, no, I didn't- well, yeah, but I didn't mean it like that."

"I get it, you've heard Genma call me a slut a couple times now," you sighed, looking at the ground below your moving feet. "It's just his new favourite word - it was hosebag about two weeks ago, which was an awful lot funnier... I'm not a slut, I promise."

"I know you're not a slut," Kakashi grinned. Internally, he was celebrating how different you were from him, thanking all the stars. 

"No, like... I'm really not a slut," you repeated as though you felt you had something to prove.

Your words made Kakashi chuckle lightly, "Are there degrees of slutitude?"

He noticed your face flush a bright red before you looked away completely, watching the buildings that you and he passed. Kakashi started to feel a strange curiosity bubble within him - he was very curious when it came to you, but he had never felt so... intrusive. Not even while looking through your file.

"I mean, I'm a virgin, Kakashi."

Next Part

[pikatrainer99]

Branch from Trolls has PTSD, paranoia, depression, and anxiety and you can't change my mind! (Part 1: Trolls) (SPOILERS FOR A MOVIE THAT CAME OUT 8 YEARS AGO BUT JUST IN CASE 😅)

(This entire three-part analysis was SUPPOSED to be completed in its entirety by the end of May since it's for mental health awareness month, buuuut...I couldn't finish it in time (had to take a break and take care of myself because my PTSD has relapsed lately...AGAIN... I've been getting triggered really easily by just about anything and I hate it so much 😑), but at least the FIRST part is ready in time...so here we go!

Branch is my favorite character in DreamWorks' Trolls franchise, and for many reasons. One of them being that he is very relatable. As someone with PTSD, paranoia, depression, and anxiety myself, I find it easy to put myself in Branch's tiny Troll feet and feel how he feels. (I also headcanon him as autistic, which I also am, but that's a post for another day). With this series of posts I will be analyzing his character journey and how his mental struggles affect him and his life. I will only be going over the three theatrical films in the franchise in these analysis posts, because, while his mental struggles are ABSOLUTELY present in the TV shows, I haven't seen every episode of the TV shows and I have a lot to discuss with just the three movies because I love Branch and relate to him so much.

So, to start this analysis, let's take a look at the first Trolls film. When Branch is first introduced, he is a grumpy, depressed, pessimistic gray Troll, and the only Troll in the village who doesn't sing, dance, hug, or party.

He instead chooses to spend all his time working on gathering supplies and rations for his, as he says "highly camouflaged, heavily fortified, Bergen-proof survival bunker." He lives in the bunker and has enough provisions to last him ten years…eleven if he's willing to store and drink his own sweat…which he is (gross).

Branch always feels the need to be crazy over-prepared for everything (so do I), no matter how crazy it drives the others (same here). The other Trolls all say that he ruins everything by interrupting their fun and panicking that "The Bergens are coming!" when in reality there's no Bergen in sight and there hasn't been for 20 years by that point and he's just paranoid. To them, he's basically like the boy who cried wolf…or in this case, the Troll who cried Bergen.

When Poppy invites Branch to her party, Branch immediately declines, saying that he "wouldn't be caught dead at her party" before adding that all the others "will be caught and dead" because of how big, loud, and crazy it's going to be. Branch frustratedly declares that Poppy's party is just gonna lead the Bergens right to the Trolls, and they all just brush his warning off because they haven't had to worry about Bergens in 20 years. That night, during the party, Branch is out collecting more provisions and he looks at the party from afar, scoffing at the others and their carefree attitudes before retreating back to his bunker. Before he knows it though, Poppy is banging on his door because a Bergen attacked the party and took all her friends. Branch, in his paranoia and anxiety, drags Poppy inside the bunker with him and sets up all his traps as they sit and wait in silence before Poppy tells him the Bergen is gone.

Branch, still paranoid, doesn't believe her and says that it could still be out there "watching…waiting…listening…" He clearly feels like he can never let his guard down, always on hyper-alert, checking for any danger. This is a common symptom of PTSD - hyper-vigilance (I have this symptom myself), and it can contribute to paranoia, making it even worse (it definitely does for me, and it looks like it's the same for Branch).

When Poppy asks him to go to Bergen Town with her to save everyone, Branch, with no hesitation, says no, that they're not his friends, they're Poppy's friends, and that he's staying in his bunker because his bunker is safe. He takes her down to the lower levels of the bunker, and this is where we see some obvious evidence of his mental state. There is frantic fear writing ALL OVER THE WALLS, and it says things like, "Run", "Danger", "Bergens eat us", "Teeth in the night", among many other things that are hastily scribbled and illegible (though Branch has bad writing in general, so it's already hard to read, but my point stands). He's even got multiple papers with horrifying drawings of the Bergens hung up on that wall as well. I have never really seen anyone else in this fandom talk about the writing all over Branch's walls, so I'm gonna talk about it myself. It makes it look like the poor guy spiraled, lost control, and had a manic episode…or eleven.

(Seriously, just LOOK at all this!!! This man is NOT okay!!!)

He's clearly TERRIFIED of Bergens, and wants to do everything in his power to avoid ever encountering one (which, fair, they do wanna EAT the Trolls, so that's a valid fear). Branch's fear of Bergens though, is not a normal fear, it seems to be a phobia, which would explain the paranoia. Obviously there's something going on inside his head involving Bergens that will definitely be revealed later. (foreshadowing)

Poppy completely disrespects Branch's needs, wishes, and privacy by letting all the other Trolls into the bunker while she goes to save her friends that got taken. This kinda made me upset because Branch clearly didn't give her permission to invade his personal space like that and make his own home suddenly feel unsafe with everyone there going through his stuff all at once. He freaks out when it's "Hug Time" because he doesn't want to be touched, especially not by all these Trolls he doesn't trust, so he packs a backpack and goes after Poppy, saving her from some spiders.

(This is honestly really upsetting to watch, she totally disrespects and ignores his boundaries here and it hurts to see him freak out over Hug Time because I also hate being touched, which means I also dislike hugs as a result of that...I only willingly hug my grandparents, that's it, no one else, not even my own parents.)

The whole way to Bergen Town, Branch is gloomy, brooding, and irritable. He tells Poppy that the world isn't all "cupcakes and rainbows" when she asks what happened to him to make him the way he is.

Poppy and her constant singing get on his nerves, the worst instance of this being when she starts singing at night when he's trying to sleep, making him angry enough to throw her ukulele into the campfire, burning it.

(This scene always gets a laugh out of me, the way it's animated is just perfect comedy XD)

Singing is clearly triggering for him, which we find out why later on when he adamantly refuses to sing with the others when they're trying to help Bridget get a date with King Gristle by giving her a makeover. Poppy asks him why he won't sing and he responds with (probably) the most iconic line in the entire film (and not one that people seem to be able to take seriously…but I take it as seriously as can be): "BECAUSE SINGING KILLED MY GRANDMA, OKAY?!"

(His facial expressions here as he tells the story of what happened to his grandma are just...DreamWorks nailed it, and also the knee hugging pose...he's just like me for real 🥺)

We then see a flashback of a young Branch, happy and colorful, singing his heart out, but the Chef Bergen comes for him and he's so lost in song he doesn't notice, or hear his grandma warning him.

This causes his grandma to push him out of the way, and get taken instead.

Branch is so distraught by his grandma's sacrifice, that he loses all his happiness and becomes depressed, turning gray in the process, and vowing to never sing again.

(This poor child had to witness his grandma meet her untimely demise...and he blames himself for it...that's really depressing in my opinion, I seriously don't understand why people find this scene funny, it triggered my own PTSD really BAD the first time I watched it...I'm used to it now so I don't have my PTSD triggered by it anymore but it still hurts to watch.)

Now the bigger picture is clear. He's got PTSD and paranoia involving the Bergens because of what happened with his grandma as a child. His grandma's sacrifice also started his severe depressive state, as evidenced by him turning gray immediately after she got taken. When the flashback ends, Branch is staring silently and sadly out the window, looking like he's trying not to cry, his depression getting a hold of him once again.

(Again, DreamWorks really nailed the facial expressions here...he looks so broken 🥺)

I understand how he's feeling in that scene, my grandma is my LIFELINE, the person I feel the safest with…seriously I confide in her and tell her more things than I tell my own mom because I trust my grandma more…I even stayed at her house for a while a few years back during my worst mental crisis ever just so I could have the feeling of constant safety and less nightmares…so if something ever happened to her I wouldn't be able to live with myself. Singing is a trigger for him, and so are Bergens in general…which makes me upset at the others, AGAIN, when they sing the song that Branch was singing during that time…my thoughts were like, "Come ON guys, that song is probably the most triggering song for him…" As you can probably tell, I get upset with the others quite a few times whenever I watch this film, because of how they treat Branch. Eventually the entirety of Troll Village is thrown in a pot, ready to be served for Trollstice, and it's here where Branch's character development really becomes apparent. Poppy turns gray, quickly followed by all the other Trolls, and Branch looks around at everyone turning gray, like him, and, desperate to do something about it and help the girl he's now grown to love, he finally breaks his 20-year-long "no singing" vow as he begins to sing "True Colors" in what is probably the most beautiful scene in the entire film (I know it's my personal favorite scene).

(There they all go...turning gray...and Branch is just looking around at everyone, clearly upset by this.)

(His expressions here...you can tell he's thinking, "I've gotta do something!" And he does, and it's beautiful 🥺)

Thanks to Branch, Poppy and the other Trolls are able to regain their colors, and thanks to Poppy, Branch FINALLY regains his colors after 20 years!

(He's getting his colors back! I always feel so happy when I watch the True Colors scene, it's just so beautiful and satisfying 😌👍)

(They're so cute, look at them dance together 🥺! Broppy is best Trolls ship and no one can convince me otherwise, these two are PERFECT for each other 😌)

He thanks Poppy for showing him how to be happy, stating that "happiness is inside of all of us, sometimes you just need someone to help you find it", quoting one of Poppy's lines from earlier in the film. Branch now feels comfortable singing and dancing with Poppy and the other Trolls as they teach the Bergens that same lesson by singing "Can't Stop The Feeling", which helps the Trolls finally make peace with the Bergens after many many years of fearing being eaten by them.

Poppy is crowned queen, Branch finally asks for (and gets) a hug from her even though it's not Hug Time, and the movie ends.

(They are so adorable I can't take it!)

This is not the end of Branch's journey though, there's still two more movies to cover! I'll be covering the second movie hopefully soon, so I hope you look forward to that, and I hope you enjoyed this character analysis on Branch in the first movie! If I missed anything please feel free to let me know in the comments! I sometimes miss things especially with relatable characters because sometimes there are aspects that trigger me so I try to forget about those aspects, and sometimes the character as a whole just hits too close to home and writing analyses on them is too overwhelming because of that (Branch is one of those characters, so it took me ages to write this and gather all the GIFs and images...and also this entire analysis was written ENTIRELY from my memory of the events in the first movie, so there's that part too). Also please excuse the potato quality images and GIFs...I tried my best to find good ones but most of them I found are just REALLY bad quality so...sorry about that 😅

Okay, that's about it for this post! I'll see you guys next time for another Branch analysis, this time for Trolls World Tour! Catch ya later! 👋

[a-aexotic]

CONGRATS WITH 800 FOLLOWERS! YOU DESERVE IT SO MUCH!!! ❤️❤️

🌙 with Rafe and Blank Space (i havent heard that song in a while so😖) Maybe like reader is as “crazy” as Rafe or something like that? Love you❤️

ofc babe, thank u sm!!!!!!!!! love u more

cw's: very toxic relationship but like funny... not conveyed in a very serious way, illusions to smut but no actual smut, crazy reader who's a little too much like me, uhhh lmk if i missed anything!

Opposites attract, people always love to say it. But have they actually ever seen it actually work out? People who preach "opposites attract" have never met you and Rafe.

You are equally as psychotic as Rafe, always chaos in your life. You live in constant chaos and you're fine with it. It adds plot to your story, you love to say.

When you met Rafe, there was an instant connection. When you met him, you knew that he was your next obsession. He was exactly your type - blonde, tall but most importantly, batshit crazy.

One day at a party, Rafe had approached you and you knew this was your time to shine. You'd been stalking his instagram for what seemed weeks and you knew he loved golf. So, you taught yourself everything there was about golf. He was very impressed, golf wasn't a very common interest for girls.

He suggested you guys could play sometime and that's how you got his number. And that's how it all began.

The first 3 months of you and Rafe was absolute summer heaven; yacht parties every week, delicious brunch at the country club, mind-blowing sex on the beach in Cabo.

But the 3 month rule is real, even for you and Rafe. The first argument you guys ever got in was of course about an ex; it always is.

"What the fuck Rafe, hearts? On her post? Are you serious?" You were standing next to his bed, your phone in hand as you showed him his ex's post, with his comment.

He was laying on his bed, annoyance evident on his face. "It was her birthday and they weren't even red hearts-"

"The color of the fucking hearts doesn't matter, Rafe! They're still hearts." You snapped making him get off the bed to stand in front of you, exhaling dramatically.

"Y/N, this is childish and stupid, why are you even mad-"

You were so mad you couldn't even contain a shout. "Why aren't you more understanding? What if I did that to my ex?"

"I wouldn't fucking know because I don't follow them." Rafe stated as you let out an angry scoff.

That fight ended with less understanding of you anger and more of Rafe making it up to you in a less wholesome way.

And thus began the next cycle - fight and scream, block and ignore, kiss and make up. Every time you would get angry, Rafe would be angrier even if the situation doesn't call for it. Sometimes, when you guys would make up, you couldn't even remember why you fought in the first place - you just did it for pure entertainment.

Rafe eventually caught on to your little ruse and decided maybe it was his turn. Now, every time he felt even a little intimidated by a guy you were talking to, he made it into a huge thing as well."

"He was grinding on you!"

You rolled your eyes, unfazed by Rafe's sudden anger. You were seated outside of the Cameron's house at the pool. "Hardly! Rafe, he just put his hand on-"

"I don't care." Rafe was suddenly up close to your face, his expression angry and annoyed. "No one is allowed to touch you but me, Y/N."

You smiled at that. "Yes, Rafe. Of course."

Petty arguments and faux anger wasn't the only thing going for you and Rafe. Sometimes, your fights were genuine but were taken too far. Like the time you banged up Rafe's car because he had started talking to his ex again during your "break."

You knew where Rafe kept his golf clubs and you decided to borrow just for this. His dad had bought him his dream car just a few months ago and you were about to wreck it.

You went up to the car and started banging it on the hood of the car. The door of the house opened and some shouting, you recognized it as Rafe.

"What the fuck-" He ran up to you. "Are you doing to my car?"

You stopped the banging and throw the golf club lightly at Rafe. "You fucking cheater!"

Rafe looked at you with confusion as he caught the golf club. "What-"

"Oh, you look sooo pretty in that tight sundress!" You mocked him and suddenly his face turned bright red. "Orange is such a pretty color on you!"

"Shit, Y/N! Don't act like you haven't texted any one of your exes just to get a raise out of me." He defended, scoffing.

"Never the one I knew you actually hated though, Rafe. You're a fucking asshole!" You then turned away from him and you felt like you were going to explode.

He sighed, walking towards you to put a hand on your shoulder. "I'm sorry, you're right. I was just angry when I saw you touching that guy and I got caught up."

You shrugged.

He moved his hand to your jaw, making you look back up at him. "Can you forgive me?"

As you looked into those pretty eyes, you saw the sweet boy you had met just a few months ago. Your heart melted and you turned to face him. "Yeah.. Sorry about the car."

He pulled you in for a hug and you inhaled his expensive cologne and you felt like you were home again. You forgot everything in his touch; every bad thing he's ever done.

"Yeah, no it's fine Ward can repair it if we tell him one of Sarah's friends did it."

You held in your laugh at Rafe's solution, squeezing him tighter. "I love you, Rafe."

"Yeah, I love you too."

[elwinsglasses]

shannon's editor essay please if i beg will you give it to me

Haha so sorry about that y'all I'm pretty sure I answered an ask or smth about that essay all the way back in March, and now it's uh *checks notes* August. Whoops. I dug back through my drafts and it turns out that the essay was pretty undeveloped lol, and part of the reason that I procrastinated so long was because I was too lazy to hunt down sources for some of the stuff. Also, at this point a lot of the stuff I was going to write about is (at least in my perspective) pretty common knowledge, so I didn't feel it was super important. Anyways though I'll probably never get around to getting it well organized so I'll just bullet point the general ideas. Also just in case this is all my theories/speculations and none of them have been proven.

So basically I had a kind of far-fetched theory about why the character development of Sophie/Fitz/Keefe in the later books but especially Unlocked/Stellarlune was Like That was because of Shannon's editor

Shannon had a baby I believe 2019/2021ish? and as expected her writing schedule was severely impacted bc obviously baby

And the result of that was that (for at least Stellarlune) her editor ended up drafting the general plot, and she would fill in the outlines (this was stated in I believe an instagram live or barnes and noble interview for Stellarlune. There was a post floating around her that summarized that event but for the life of the I can't find it)

Anyways if you're unfamiliar with Shannon's editor, she's a super pro Keefe/Sokeefer, and is the reason why Keefe is on a disproportionate amount of covers. That wouldn't necessarily be a big deal except I feel she's allowed it to color her view of the story, instead of focusing on what makes the most sense narratively speaking

Like my biggest issue as stated in my last post was how the narrative treats Keefe, esp at the beginning of Stellarlune

However, as a whole, I personally found the whole plot and character development of Stellarlune to be a little forced, instead of it feeling like a natural progression

Because Sophie in Legacy, after breaking up with Fitz, was like "hmm I don't think I'm ready to date anyone"

And I was absolutely here for that. However, in Stellarlune, which is set just a few weeks later, she suddenly knows her soulmate is Keefe

And honestly now that I've had time to mull on it, I do think it's not 100% her editor's fault.

Shannon has been writing Kotlc since she was 21, and has been at it for over 10 years. I imagine a lot of how she feels about Kotlc and the characters has changed significantly. Plus she as a person has changed significantly, and is now a mom of two. As such I think she probably also wants to be done with Kotlc, which probably also explains why the Stellarlune felt that way

Either way this is kind of a negative post lol, but I don't exactly blame either of them. I have the feeling Kotlc has worn out its welcome one way or another, and like it or not, the chapter is about to close soon. I still remember fondly how much I loved this book in my early teens, even as I wish it could have ended with more of a bang than a whimper.

[love-and-monsters]

Halloween Poll Story

Multiple gendered eldritch god X gn human, second person, 8,024 words.

Happy Halloween! This story was the result of polls you all voted on. I hope you enjoy some spooky Halloween romance. Just as a heads up, I might not be around on this blog too much for a while after this for reasons I will explain in a later post. But I thank you all for your support.

Content warnings: Possession and mind control of innocents, implied manipulation, some possessive/obsessive behavior.

Summary: You have been working as a cursebreaker for years, clearing curses on items sent for recycling. But an unusual curse turns your mundane job in a surprising direction and catches the attention of a powerful being.

Perhaps things would have gone better if you were less exhausted. A notification had shot you out of bed at nearly five thirty, letting you know that the E train had been temporarily closed due to an infestation of direrats. The only other way to your work was the D train, which took a more roundabout route, and a connecting bus. When you’d arrived at the station, the D train was teeming with people also trying to make it to work on time, so you’d needed to shove your way past people to actually make it on in time. The bus had barely been better, and when you tried to grab your breakfast, you’d been dive-bombed by a pigeon-griffon and dropped your hash-brown.

Your work was a bit quieter than usual when you entered. It was never quiet- there was always banging and whirring and mechanical noises from the various pieces of equipment. But the usual chatter and shouting was softer than usual. Everyone seemed focused on their own work. You followed their lead and headed to your work station for the day’s load.

Being a cursebreaker at a recycling plant was an easy job. Identify the curse, stamp it out, and break down whatever the curse had been attached to for processing. Nine times out of ten, it was just removing the curse sigil, easy enough to do with a solvent or paint remover. Technically, anyone could remove a sigil, but most places employed a cursebreaker to do it regardless- a cursebreaker could identify the curse itself, something that was important in case it was booby-trapped. A cursebreaker might be more expensive to employ than your average worker, but it paid for itself when they prevented a curse that turned everyone within six miles into stone from activating.

Most of the time, the job was easy, anyway. You’d just been getting into the groove of it, scrubbing away paint like a champ, when a more complicated curse slid across your desk. Metaphorically speaking. You didn’t have a desk. It was booby trapped, stubborn, and overly complicated. Unweaving the magic took so long that you blew through your lunch break, and it sapped your reserves. Holding a curse in stasis took energy, and this one had been fighting you the whole way. You tossed it aside, relieved that it was over and ready to get back to simple, prank-level curses that could be removed with acetone.

And the next one was like that! And the next one. And the one after that. And then you ran into a problem.

Most curses you got were attached to objects, usually small ones that could be carried around and hidden somewhere before activation. Jewelry was most common, but sometimes they were things like hand mirrors or books. Furniture was not uncommon either. Sometimes even random bits of garbage. The curses were usually painted on, or carved into them if you wanted to get fancy. Easy to get rid of, if you combined removing the sigil with deactivating the curse. But the next curse was… not that.

It was metal. Maybe wrought iron, though you couldn’t tell for sure. It sort of looked like a wrought iron fence. But it was not painted or carved with a sigil. It was a sigil. And it was huge, almost bigger than a hubcap.

You lifted it up to feel the weight in your hands. It was lighter than you expected, but still quite solidly built. Even through your gloves, you could feel the faint heat it emitted. Powerful stuff. More powerful than you’d been anticipating. That… wasn’t good.

See, you weren’t necessarily a good cursebreaker. Good cursebreakers either went into government positions or private contracting firms. Both of those jobs were cushy, or as cushy as a job only two steps away from disarming bombs could be. Curses were dangerous shit, and if you could disarm the manmade curses or even the significantly nastier natural curses, you were set for life.

Unfortunately, your level of skill was only good for a recycling plant- undoing the piddly little curses that people slapped onto garbage that ended up in the dump. So much of the job was just scrubbing away poorly-constructed sigils that they didn’t bother to pay well for it, and they didn’t bother to check credentials that closely. So if you hadn’t quite passed the full cursebreaker exam and your license was technically only provisional… well, it didn’t matter much, did it?

Except now, looking down at a sigil that was more complicated than it had any right to be, it mattered.

You could call someone. Get it bumped up the chain of command, have the sigil taken elsewhere. But that could risk someone poking their nose into why you couldn’t, and you didn’t want to take the chance that someone would take a closer look at your credentials and see they didn’t pass muster. You needed this job.

Then again, trying to break a curse without knowing what you were doing… that could end in ways a lot worse than unemployment. Okay, new plan. The sigil looked impressive. But it was, possibly, not actually that dangerous. People did that sometimes, tried to make sigils look more impressive than they were to impress clients, especially rich ones. So maybe you just needed to tweak a little bit and it would fall apart.

You placed a hand on the very edge of the sigil and extended your senses into it, just enough to see the shape of it. The sigil itself would reveal information once it was fully surrounded by your senses and it would-

A white hot bolt of pain snapped through your arm, ignoring your heavy work glove. You snatched your hand away on pure instinct, and the sigil wobbled and clattered to the ground. The sound barely registered with you. There was just the blazing, boring heat in your hand. It didn’t feel like a burn. It felt like a white hot worm was twisting and boring its way through your flesh.

You staggered back, panic flaring through you. Cursebreakers were resistant to most curses- you were all schooled in those basics. But being resistant wasn’t the same as being immune, and the curse was in you. There were only precious minutes before it fully activated. Minutes that you couldn’t waste. But the pain was so much you couldn’t breathe. Couldn’t move. Couldn’t-

The pain vanished. It didn’t go away instantly. It gradually cooled away, more like sticking a hot piece of metal in water and letting the heat steam off. You slumped against the back wall of your workstation, panting heavily. Sweat poured down your face behind your mask. Trembles worked through your body, making your hands unsteady. What had that been? You could still feel where the pain had been, like something on the inside of your arm had been burned raw.

Cautiously, you approached the sigil. It sat innocently on the ground. You kicked it. The metal scraped on the floor, but there was no pain. After a moment of hyping yourself up, you picked it up with your good hand.

Nothing. The sigil wasn’t biting anymore, at least. But you hadn’t just been holding it when the pain happened. You set it on the table and eyed it cautiously. The sigil had activated when you’d pushed your magic into it. Not even a large amount of magic, just enough to get the shape of it. If it had defensive elements that sensitive in it, the entire thing was far beyond your pay grade.

You debated on it for a moment, chewing your tongue in frustration. You needed to turn the sigil in. That was what you were supposed to do. It was too powerful for you to break down properly, and trying to break it down improperly risked some serious issues. But you would need to tell your boss for that, and you didn’t really want to risk losing your job.

You wrestled with it for a moment. The sigil didn’t seem to be immediately dangerous, and there weren’t great records kept about what items were given to who and when times they needed to be cleared by. So…

You propped the sigil up against one of the far walls of your workspace and turned to the next curse on your pile. It would keep. You could decide what to do later, maybe after a good night’s sleep.

The rest of the sigils went by easily. Your arm didn’t hurt anymore, though there was a vague, weird feeling in it. Not quite like a tingling, which was usually what residual magic felt like. More like… a weird coolness? Almost like there was cold air touching your arm, but from the inside.

It was a weird sensation. You tried not to dwell on it too much.

The direrat nest had been cleared by the time you left work. A bit strange. Direrats could chew up sections of track, given enough time, so even small nests often needed days of repair work. But you weren’t going to look a gift horse in the mouth. You boarded the E train, which mercifully had only a few people, so there were seats, and dozed on your way home.

Perhaps that had been a bad idea, because you’d been groggy your entire walk home. And even though you probably should have eaten something and gotten some chores done, the only thing you wanted to do was crawl into bed.

Your arm still ached, even as you tucked yourself in to sleep.

Most nights, you didn’t dream. This night, you did. The dreams were disorienting, disconnected, and bewildering. Images of flying, falling, looking down over cities and up through the depths of the ocean. And the strange, consistent feeling of slithering through something like a wet tunnel, with walls on all sides and a single-minded determination to reach your destination.

You blinked your eyes open and groaned. It was like you’d barely gotten any sleep at all. Your head was fuzzy and pounding, though not with pain. It felt more like your blood was just pulsing around your brain.

It took several minutes before you could manage to force yourself out of bed. Your arm felt… strange. Not bad. Not even tingly, which was, again, the normal thing magic would have done. It felt a little warm, and it seemed to pulse in the same rhythm as your head.

For a moment, you entertained the idea of just calling in sick to work and avoiding the whole mess. You didn’t feel sick, but you did feel weird. But your therapist had been telling you to ‘avoid avoidant behavior’ and it wasn’t like you were getting paid for not working. After taking some time to mull it over, you decided to go in.

After showering and feeling somewhat more human, you headed out. The sky was cloudy, but not just a normal fall storm- there was a nearly green tinge to the clouds, like a summer thunderstorm before a tornado. You tucked your coat closer around your shoulders. Your arm and head pulsed.

The streets seemed emptier than usual. Even early in the morning, there were usually a decent amount of people around. It wasn’t entirely strange, considering that it looked like there was going to be a bad storm, but the streets were eerily quiet. It was unsettling. Your arm and head pulsed.

The ride to work was quiet. You dozed a little. It was peaceful. The tunnels were quiet and dark and traveling through them felt right. Your dreams and the real world merged in a strangely pleasant way. Your arm and head pulsed.

Work was the same as usual, with the same ambient noises. You stepped into your station and froze.

The sigil was gone.

You’d left it propped up against your workstation, just next to the table everything rested on. It was unmissable. Even if it had fallen over or rolled, it would have been visible from the entrance. It was gone.

Your blood ran cold. And at that exact moment, your boss appeared at the entrance of the hall. “C’mon back. I gotta talk to you.”

If possible, your blood ran even colder. You nodded and followed him.

It was a short walk to his office. That was nice. It didn’t give you much time to think about all the different ways you were fucked.

He stepped inside the office, gestured for you to head in as well, and closed the door behind him. The room seemed weirdly dim- it had a window, but the light was gray thanks to the clouds, and the fluorescent lights were off. There was a votive flickering at the corner of the room. Weird. Were candles allowed in this building?

Your boss sat at his desk, drawing your attention toward him. As you looked, your blood turned to an icy slush in your veins.

That was where the sigil had gone. It was sitting behind his desk, just barely visible. It didn’t look restrained- that was something of a relief. Maybe it hadn’t been as bad at you’d been thinking and you were just going to get scolded for not taking care of it the day you’d been assigned it. Maybe you could bluff your way out of it.

Your boss leaned over your desk. He was a big man, bearded, large stomach and beefy arms. He could definitely be intimidating when he wanted to. And you were expecting him to glower and glare and demand explanations.

What you weren’t expecting was him to smile. “How’s your arm?”

You’d stopped paying attention to it, in the cold terror you’d felt when you’d been called. But now that your attention was drawn back to it- it was warm. Pulsing. That strange feeling was still there. Maybe stronger than it was before. You glanced down at your arm, but it looked normal. Same as it always does. “It’s fine. Of course.” You clear your throat. “Why do you ask?”

His smile widened. The lighting of the room made it look… almost unnatural. Like it wa too wide. “It was your point of contact. Mortals can react unpredictably to it.”

A slow, prickling sensation crawled up your spine. That smile… that was wrong. Your boss didn’t smile like that. You’d been working here for a year and a half. He’d never smiled at anyone like that before. He didn’t smile, period. Especially not to someone who fucked up the rules. And you couldn’t imagine him calling anyone ‘mortal’ either.

Good cursebreakers used their brains. They thought about what they did, had models and scientific understandings of curses. Years of knowledge, practical and from books. A good cursebreaker survived by thinking about things, coming up with theories and applying their smarts.

You were a bad cursebreaker. Bad cursebreakers survived on their instincts. And your instincts were saying to get the fuck out.

It took seconds to get out of the room. Only a minute to get out of the building. You fled down the street, not trying to go anywhere in particular. Just trying to get away. After several blocks, your lungs and legs were screaming for a break and you had to stagger to a stop.

No one was following behind you. And, after taking a moment to assess, you realized that you probably hadn’t been followed at all. There had been no footsteps following you as you ran.

You took a moment to think about that. He hadn’t bothered to pursue you, which meant either he didn’t care where you went or what you did. Or he figured he was going to find you anyway. Both those options were chilling. It meant he believed, at least, that you were powerless to do anything against him.

Bereft of anything else to do, you slipped into a nearby café and contented yourself with nursing a small coffee. And thinking. Your boss- no, that hadn’t been your boss. In retrospect, you should have seen it sooner. He had a slight accent that this voice hadn’t had. In fact, the accent your boss had spoken in had been identical to yours.

Your arm pulsed with warmth again.

You fumbled for your sleeve and yanked it up. Again, there were no physical marks on your arm. Except…

On your palm. Right where the sigil had initially touched your skin. There was a tiny spot, almost like a burn. You didn’t remember seeing it when you last looked at your arm, though it was small enough that it would have been easy to miss. You ran your finger over it. The mark didn’t hurt, though touching it did make the warmth pulse strangely.

You’d already had your suspicions, but this more or less confirmed it- whatever was happening to you, to your boss, it was because of the sigil. It had affected you, somehow, as well as affecting other people.

Okay. You knew now that it was due to the sigil. Now what? Go to the government? There was a cursebreaker office only a few stops away by train. They would know what to do. Probably. If you’d been infected by touching the sigil and your boss had done the same when he moved it, then another cursebreaker should be able to fix it by breaking the curse without touching. Not easy, but possible.

You headed back out into the storm. It hadn’t started raining, but it looked like it might do any second. It felt a little like there were eyes on you as you headed for the station. Maybe your guilt conscience was prickling at you.

The train ride was mostly empty. That was a little unusual, but you were grateful for it. You just wanted to curl up in the back of the car and close your eyes.

Once the train stopped, you hurried toward the cursebreaker’s office. You’d only been there a couple times, and neither visit had been pleasant. Nausea curled in your stomach as you headed through the large doors at the front.

It was a typical office building, with a few plants and an overly-fancy looking waiting room. A bored-looking secretary sat at a desk, clicking away at a keyboard.

You approached and she, predictably, glanced up. Then she beamed. A wide, overjoyed smile. It was so out of place it stopped you in your tracks. It wasn’t the smile of someone greeting another shitty customer. It was the sort of smile you give when a loved one you haven’t seen for years shows up unexpectedly at your door.

“Hi!” she said, leaning over the counter toward you. “What can I help you with?             You glanced over your shoulder, just in case she was maybe addressing someone else. There was no one else there. “Um. Hi. I was looking for a cursebreaker?” You couldn’t help the hesitation in your voice. It was just weird, the way she was looking at you.

“I see.” She didn’t look back at her computer. Her gaze on you was unrelenting. “And what do you need a cursebreaker for?”

You felt a prickle of sweat bead on the back of your neck, despite the coldness of the room. “I need to break a curse.” Surely this wasn’t protocol, to make someone explain their curse issue in the lobby. Even if no one else was around.

She smiled indulgently. “I can take you to one of our cursebreakers, then. I believe Tamson will be available right now.” She stood. “Follow me.”

“I’m sure I can figure out their office if you just give me a number,” you said. You sort of didn’t want to spend more time with her than you had to. There was something about her that was just… Unsettling.

“Now, we wouldn’t want you to get lost,” she said. “And it’s certainly no trouble. Slow day, after all.” She laughed to herself, like it was some kind of clever joke you didn’t get.

There was a part of you that was considering just leaving, but you weren’t sure what else to do. And cursebreakers were always vaguely weird, right? Everyone said so. Maybe their secretaries were weird too.

You followed her down a series of halls lined with doors until she came to one marked ‘Aaron Tamson.’ She didn’t even bother to knock before opening the door.

Tamson was sitting at his desk, staring right at the door when you walked in. Like he’d been expecting you to be there right at that moment. He must have heard your footsteps. The secretary stepped into the room behind you and closed the door.

“Thank you, Molly,” Tamson said. You glanced over your shoulder at her. She was standing right in front of the door. Blocking the doorway. Like a guard.

Your stomach curdled. Your arm pulsed with warmth. Did they know why you were here? Was this the prelude to an arrest? No, they would have called their actual guards, if that was the case. Not a secretary. But they were definitely trying to keep you here.

“Don’t mind Molly,” Tamson said. “You just gave us such a surprise when you ran before. We don’t want that happening again.”

“Wha- what are you talking about?” A bit of anger made its way into your voice. Anger was good. Anger felt safe. Like maybe you could fight your way out of this. “I didn’t do anything wrong. I just- I just need a cursebreaker.”

He laughed. Molly, behind you, joined in his laughter, making it an eerie chorus. Your skin prickled and your arm throbbed with heat. “Oh, come now. We both know that’s not true. You bit off a bit more than you could chew in the curse department, and I think that’s frowned on by most humans, yes? Poor thing. You couldn’t possibly have known what you were getting into.”             Cold sweat dripped down the back of your neck, contrasting with the uncomfortable heat in your arm. “You know about that?”             “I don’t see how we couldn’t.” Molly spoke that time, and you whirled to look at her. There was something unsettling about her expression. Not just in the way she was smiling, which was still creepy just due to the situation, but the fact that her expression was the exact same as Tamson’s. Not just that they were both smiling, but the way the corners of their mouths were positioned, the amount their eyes crinkled at the edges. It was subtle, but looking at two very different people with completely identical expressions made your uncanny senses go off like crazy.

This was not ‘two slightly weird people trying to intimidate you because they knew about your crimes.’ This was wrong.

“Please, don’t be so frightened,” Tamson said. You spun back toward him. He was standing, leaning over the desk. “Nobody here wants to hurt you.”

“Yeah?” Your voice was shrill, trembling. “Then why are you trapping me in the fucking room?”

“Not trapping,” Molly said. “Not like that, anyway. We just want you to listen to what we have to say.”

“All I want,” you said, “is to get a cursebreaker and to destroy that sigil and to have things go back to normal.”

Molly’s brows drew together. “No,” she said in a gentling voice. “You don’t want that. You just think you do right now.”

“Let us explain first,” Tamson said. “Then we’ll see how you feel afterward, all right?”

You swallowed. “I don’t have a choice, do I?”

“There are always choices,” Molly said. “But you won’t be leaving the room until we’ve said our piece.”

You slumped into the chair used for consultations. “Okay. Then talk.”

They smiled. The same smile again. And then they spoke. In unison. “The sigil is ours. We did not make it, but it belongs to us. We do not know the circumstances of its creation, only that it gave us a pathway into this world. We could see into this world, this realm, and see the million tiny spots of magic. But the pathway was not large enough for us- a window, to use your terms, instead of a door. We needed a door.

“The sigil was taken, moved. We were powerless to stop it, but we could nudge. Make our sigil less obvious. Let it drift, until it came upon a place where we could extend our power.”

The sweat on the back of your neck was like ice and your stomach was rolling. “Which was me.”

“Correct.” Molly and Tamson gestured toward you in the same motion. “Think of it was an incomplete circuit. With one last application of energy, you completed the circuit. And thus, we were freed.”

The picture of what the hell was going on was becoming slowly clearer in your mind. Other realms. Needing to use doorways to come through to your world. They were old creatures, creatures from a place not quite like Earth. Sometimes, they were referred to as gods- people had even worshipped them a long time ago. But eventually, with the advent of cursebreakers, they’d been sealed away. The only fragments of their power that remained on Earth were the curses that people could use. The ultimate curses were ones that would bring the old gods back, the ones the allowed them to extend their reach into Earth once more.

The curse you’d been working on hadn’t looked like that. It had looked like, if not a normal curse, than at least a human one. But if they’d been able to disguise it, then maybe you wouldn’t have known.

Your arm was radiating heat. Not like burning, but like there was just warmth pulsing out from inside it. You glanced down at it. That little burn spot you’d noticed before seemed… bigger? Or maybe you were just imagining things due to stress. “Are you going to kill me now?” It seemed a logical step. Murder the person who knows about you so they can’t stop you. Why they were telling you this, you didn’t know. Maybe it was like a weird, elder god brag.

There was silence for a moment. Then Tamson stepped forward and slipped his fingers under your chin. You had been looking down at the ground, so he had to press a bit to get you to lift your gaze to his. Molly pressed in close to your side. “You think we’re going to kill you?” It was hard to get a read on his tone. He could have been sympathetic. He could also have been winding you up you it was funnier when he stabbed you.

“You are the one who called us into the realm. You reached out to us and brought us in through your form,” Molly said. Her voice was very close to your ear. “Your magic was the spark that allowed us to enter. Through you, we became whole.”

You shivered. “Does that mean- I’m still important to you so you’re not going to kill me?” Maybe if they killed you, the sigil would no longer work.

Tamson’s brows drew together, but he smiled. “Yes. I think that’s a good way to put it.”

Okay. That was… good, right? Terrifying, but good. You were going to live, and the longer you lived, the more time you had to figure a way out of this. “Okay.”

“Good,” Molly said. She headed toward the door, tugging it open. “Then let’s get going. Lots to do.”

Tamson puts his hand on your back, pushing you relentlessly forward. You dug your heels in, stumbling a little when he kept moving. “What? Where are we going?”

“There’s much to set up, I assure you. But currently, we’re going to collect the sigil,” Tamson said. He pressed both his hands to your back, practically shoving you in earnest while Molly doubled back to grab your arm and started pulling you down the hall. Your legs were barely moving at all, but they were dragging you along with little issue. Weren’t cursebreakers supposed to be sort of noodley? Did being possessed by an elder god give you weird strength?

By the time they got to the door, they were practically carrying you, supporting your weight at either shoulder. A couple people were doing… something on the sidewalk, sketching something out on the ground, and they smiled at you as you passed. A prickle shot up your spine and your arm pulsed again. You were getting real sick of that sensation.

“Are, uh. Are those…” you trailed off, casting your eyes deliberately at the people on the sidewalk.

“Part of us, yes,” Molly said.

You swallowed. “Is- is there anyone here who isn’t?”

Tamson laughed. “Looking for someone else to talk to?” His tone was light, but your stomach sank like a rock. That had been so stupid. Never let your captors know you’re looking for an exit plan, that’s like the first rule of being kidnapped. “There are others. Some people have more fortitude. Some bodies just aren’t needed right now. But you won’t be seeing many of them out and about.” He flicked a finger up toward the sky. “The storm, I’m afraid. Most people won’t venture out into such things,”

The sky rumbled ominously with his words. You shuddered. “It’s just a storm,” you said, trying to push forward. There was no hiding the tremble in your voice, though. Molly gave you a sympathetic look, leaning in like she was trying to comfort you.

“It is a storm, yes, but it’s also a manifestation of our power. Think of it like this- when we poured into this world, we moved to take bodies. But not all bodies could contain us. So a part of us possessed the storm. We’re in many places at once. And no mortal would wander out into a storm made of our power.”

“Except me,” you said. The thunderstorm didn’t register as anything unusual with you. Did other people really see it as so strange?

“Well, you are touched with our power,” Tamson said. “You’re hardly a mortal anymore.”

Your arm burned. Not painfully, but certainly enough to get your attention. You flinched. Both Molly and Tamson took that as an opportunity to secure their grip on you.

They pulled your toward the street and a car pulled up. You weren’t a car expert, but it looked fancy. Did elder gods care about that? Or were they trying to impress you specifically? Tamson and Molly shoved you inside, settling on either side of you. The backseat was tight, but both of them still seemed closer to you than necessary.

The car ride gave you time to think. You were not the only person in the city who wasn’t possessed, but anyone who was possessed was probably cowering in their houses. Further, you didn’t know how far this whole thing spread. If you could look at your phone without them seeing, you could get a better idea of how bad things were. People commuted into the city- there had to be some sort of awareness that something had gone wrong. Unless it had spread a lot further than you’d thought. If you could just check the news, you’d at least be able to get your bearings.

Molly leaned against your shoulder. She hadn’t let go of your arm since you’d gotten into the car. “Thinking hard?             You jumped. “Don’t look so worried,” Tamson sighed, directing your attention to him. “You’re as jumpy as a frightened kitten.”

“You really don’t believe we’re not going to hurt you, hm?” Molly sighed. She gave you the saddest set of doe-eyes you’d ever seen.

“I don’t have a lot of reasons to think you won’t,” you said.

“We already said we weren’t going to,” Tamson insisted.

“Yeah, well, you’ll forgive me for not thinking an interdimensional creature that possessed a bunch of people is going to tell the truth all the time,” you muttered. Molly and Tamson frowned, their expressions perfectly in sync once more.

“We’ve never lied,” Tamson said. “We’re not lying now.”

“You keep saying that. It doesn’t mean I’m going to trust you.”

“All things in good time, then,” Molly said. “You’ll see.”

The car pulled to a stop outside your work and Molly swung the door open. You boss smiled at you as he passed the sigil inside. Molly practically shoved it at you so it was sitting on your lap. As soon as it came in contact with you, your arm blazed with heat. Sweat started to bead on your brow. Tamson sighed, leaning against you. “There, you see? The power it contains and the power you contain… They’re quite closely linked now. One and the same.”

Without a conscious thought, you started tracing the lines of the sigil with your bad arm. The warmth pulsed as deep as your core, like something in your soul was stirring.

You were so entranced that you didn’t notice the car was moving until it stopped again. Molly tugged gently on your arm. “Come along, dear.”

You blinked. The car had parked outside of a church, one of the more ornate ones in the city with stained glass windows sending colored light onto the sidewalk. Tamson and Molly pulled you inside, with you still clinging to the sigil.

Inside, the church was surprisingly dark. Candles illuminated the stained glass, but most of the seats and the pulpit were shadowed. You tripped over the uneven flooring and Molly steadied you. “Watch your step.”

“I can’t watch anything,” you snapped back. “It’s pitch fucking black!”

“We’ll watch for you,” Tamson suggested. “If it was bright, it would spoil the surprise.”

“What surprise?” Neither of them answered, just giggled in unison. You ground your teeth.

Both of them hauled you up to the pulpit, then past it and into a tucked away little corner. It seemed to be designed as somewhere for the choir to stay, given the closets holding robes and the dinky electric piano tucked into a corner. Tamson hovered next to me while Molly took the sigil. “I apologizer for not taking you home right now, but churches are just such lovely places to coalesce energy.”

“What are you coalescing energy for?” you asked.

“For you,” Tamson said, simple as you please. You blinked. You’d been expecting a plan to take over the world/galaxy/universe, not… that.

“Sorry, for me?”

“Yes,” Molly said from where she was mounting the sigil on the wall. “Humans are so woefully deficient, after all.

“Defi- I really don’t understand what’s going on.” You made a halfhearted attempt and running away, but Tamson just grabbed you in what seemed to be a really enthusiastic hug. You felt rather squished against his chest.

“You don’t need to understand. We’re going to take care of everything,” he smiled. Molly’s smile, equally beatific, radiated across the room.

“I might not need to understand, but I’d like to,” you pushed, tentative. They didn’t seem keen on actually hurting you. Maybe if you nudged them, they would be more willing to explain.

Tamson’s expression shifted, almost like he was considering it. He traced a hand along your arm, touch feather-light. The warm and pulsing almost seemed to subside for a moment. You’d gotten so used to it that without it, your arm felt cold.

“Isn’t it usually the case that the paladin receives some of their patron’s power?” he asked, so quiet it was almost like he was musing to himself.

Your brain stuttered over the word. “The paladin?”

“There are other words for it,” Molly said. You startled. She’d practically appeared right in front of you. “Priest or priestess? Disciple? Chosen one? All similar concepts. One who serves and is served by us or our kin.”

“I’m not serving you,” you sputtered. Molly and Tamson shrugged in unison.

“You did. You opened the gateway, did you not?” Their voices were in sync again, a perfect chorus. You shuddered, but the only place to retreat back into was Tamson’s embrace.

“Not- not on purpose.”

“No? And yet, your magic jumped so eagerly to us. We felt it, dear paladin. Dear walker of Earth.” They were cooing at you, pressing up into your personal space. “We know you, dearest to us. Down to your heart. When your magic opened the gateway, the first thing we knew of this beautiful place was you. We reached through you and we knew you and we knew you would be ours.”

“I didn’t ask to be yours,” you said. Your voice was strangled. Your body was fighting itself. You should be leaning away from them, and there was some terrified, rational part of yourself that wanted you to do that, but there was another part that said to lean in. They were close to you, warm and sweet. Perhaps you’d just hadn’t been held in a long time, but your entire body yearned for the contact. They couldn’t be telling the truth, that they cared about you. But you wanted them to be.

“Maybe you didn’t ask with words,” Molly said. “But we know you and we know your longing.”

“For things to be different. Safer. A world where you never need to be afraid, or stressed, or in pain. You have brought us here, and we saw your heart and your pain and we adored you, because no one can ever see that deeply into another’s soul and not adore them. So we will protect you, now. Our dear paladin,” Tamson sighed.

“Together, we will bring this world into a new age,” they said, their voices unified again. No, not just their voices. You could hear, faintly, other voices saying the exact same thing. Like the entire city was speaking in unison.

“I-” you choked out. It felt like you couldn’t breathe, like you were going into shock. Your companions (companion?) didn’t seem bothered. Tamson rocked back and forth in a slow, soothing motion. Molly brushed her fingers along your scalp and made comforting noises. You closed your eyes for a moment, sagging with the utter exhaustion of the day.

“It’s all right,” Molly said. “Let it all go.” Your arm was warm, still, and it still pulsed, but there was something pleasant about it. Like lying against someone’s chest and hearing their heartbeat. Like the warmth of a fire on a chilly night.

After some amount of time, Tamson shifted his weight, lifting you up a little. You moved to get away instinctively, and tumbled right into Molly. She made no effort to hold onto you, but you didn’t move that far away from her.

“We weren’t sure if you were feeling up to walking,” Tamson explained. “It’s time to go downstairs.”

“What’s downstairs?” you asked.

“You’ll see,” Molly said. She linked her arm with yours. “We’ll show you.”

You allowed yourself to be led, with one of them on either arm. You actually passed a few other people as you made your way to the basement. No one you recognized, though all of them broke into beaming smiles when they saw you. They also bowed at the waist, a reverence that you hadn’t been expecting.

The basement was down a set of stairs in the back of the church. Now, you’d been a church basement once before, due to being dragged there for some kind of event, and that time, it had resembled a sort of dingy little storage area. There were a couple different rooms, the paint was peeling, it smelled kind of musty. This was not the sort of church basement you were expecting.

The area was spacious, almost cavernous. It was so big, in fact, that it didn’t actually seem to fit under the church. Maybe it was an optical illusion, but the ceiling seemed too high.

The entire place was bathed in purple light, though there was no visible source. The area just seemed suffused in it. Smaller points of reddish light came from candles that were stationed all around the… room? It was hard to call it a room. The walls were undefined, fading into darkness. In the center of the room, there was a platform, with more candles clustered thickly around it. Molly and Tamson guided you toward it.

“Am I supposed to sit here?” you asked, eyeing the platform. There was a fancy, throne-like chair in the center. It looked iron-like, with an ornate designed along the back of it. The pattern looked a little familiar.

“Yes, of course.” Molly pushed you up closer to it and you paused. Yes, the back of the throne was familiar- it was made up of a lot of tiny little sigils, all intertwining with each other to create one, large pattern.

“How is this possible?” you asked, stretching your hand out to touch it, though you thought better of it before actually touching it.

“It’s remarkably easy to warp physical things within our realm of power,” Tamson said. “And when the sigils are fully formed, we can bring more power into the world and affect more.”

“It’s a wonderful system,” Molly sighed, leaning her head on your shoulder. You shivered. “And you shall be part of it now.”

“I sit here and what, you give me your power?” Suspicion was starting to prickle over your skin again. It looked dangerously close to something that would suck your soul out or mind control you.

“We offer you some of our power, as our paladin.” Tamson put his hand on your lower back and gave you a little push toward the throne. You slid a cautious step closer. Tamson pushed a little harder. This time, you dug your heels in, feeling a bit like a stubborn child trying to avoid going to a doctor’s appointment or something. Tamson paused, with a questioning little, “hm?”

“What’s wrong?” Molly asked, her breath a inch from your ear. You froze. “It’s all right. The power is frightening, but we’ll be right here with you. We’ll help, adored one.”

“I don’t know. I can’t-” Your arm was overly warm, making sweat prickle along your body. Your breathing was quick and shallow.

“It’s all right,” Tamson said. “Are you frightened of us?”

You pressed your lips together and didn’t answer.

“Yes. It’s all right. We can show you that you don’t need to be,” Molly offered. She reached down and lifted your arm, the one that was still warm. The heat was centered at your hand, radiating outward. Her fingers felt cool against your skin. “Here.”

You glanced down at what she was indicating. The red part of your palm had spread. It no longer looked like a small burn mark or spot. It looked like a pattern, the red mark splitting into multiple red lines that created an ornate picture. Something you recognized.

The sigil had appeared on your skin.

You trembled. It wasn’t complete yet, but you could see the red spreading, bit by bit. It would be complete soon.

Molly smiled. “You see our connection,” she murmured. “The mark of our favor on your skin.”

“It’s not done yet,” you said. You couldn’t keep the shake out of your voice. “What happens when it’s…”

“We can show you,” Molly said. She pressed a finger to the center of the sigil and something at the back of your mind unfurled.

It was like you had been curled in a tiny ball for your entire life and just now you were getting the chance to stand up and stretch your limbs. There was pain, almost like your brain was splitting open, but it was relieving as well. You could feel your body shuddering, but your body wasn’t important. Why would something as constrained as a body be important? You could see and feel the entire building, like you were surrounding it with your mind.

Something else touched your mind, gentle as a nudge. It was difficult to describe what your senses were doing, but the best description was that you ‘turned’ to ‘look’ at what had nudged you.

It was them. You could ‘see’ them. They were ‘curled’ around the bodies of Tamson and Molly, and you could ‘see’ other parts of them extending into the other bodies in the city and stretching up into the sky. They were bigger than you, much, much bigger, even in your expanded form. They ‘nudged’ you again, affectionate and warm. Each touch gave you a str age sense of what they were feeling, like their feelings were akin to body warmth. Their love pressed against you with every ‘touch.’ You reached out to them, following their ‘motions’ and trying to reclaim the adoration they were giving off. It was so much and so overwhelming and so good. You had never felt as genuinely cared for- their mind gave off pure gratitude and love for your entire being, for your humanity, for your soul.

With a near-painful abruptness, you were back in your own body. Your face was wet. Tears, yes, but also sweat and drool. Molly and Tamson were cooing at you, holding you in both their arms. Your body was sore, and not pleasantly so. You felt like you’d been sprinting for miles and been hit by a truck.

“What was that?” you groaned.

“Us,” Tamson said. “You, as well, though mortals are poorly suited for such a strenuous experience. You could only endure it due to our influence.”

You groaned again and made an attempt to get up. Molly and Tamson lifted their arms in time to catch you as you fell. Tamson allowed you to lean against him until your breathing stabilized again.

“Do you see now?” Molly asked. “The depth of our affection for you? How we adore you?”

You shuddered. Yes. You could feel it in your chest. The certainty of it. Tamson stroked your head and you leaned against him with a shuddering sigh.

“Come now,” Molly said. You whined as she tried to pull you upward. “I know you are tired, but you need our power.”

Tamson joined in on the tugging at you. “Just a modicum of our power and you’ll feel better. We promise.” With both their coaxing, you were dragged to your feet and hauled over to the throne. You were pretty boneless at first, but you were soon moving with them, reaching for the throne.

They carefully placed you on the seat and you sagged into it. The chair was not comfortable, but it made your arm steadily heat up. Your skin tingled.

There was a sensation like being watched. Like hundreds of eyes falling on you. No being watched in an oppressive fashion, either, but like reverence. Molly and Tamson knelt at either side of the throne, their hands on yours, drinking in the sight of you.

And then- it wasn’t like before, like your body had split open and sent the inner essence of you billowing up. It was more like there was a crack in your back and some of your essence had instead, slipped out, curling and billowing outward. You were still within your body, but you could extend more of yourself outward.

You fumbled, trying to acclimate yourself to new senses. Power surged through you and, fumbling, you scrabbled against the edges of reality, trying to orient yourself, and nearly tore it.

Their presence curled around you, lifting you up and away from the edge and balancing you next to them. There, now, my dearest. None of that. I am here with you now. Their ‘voice’ was warm, kindly, and almost… awestruck.

Dimly, back in your body, you were aware of the city folk bowing their heads in your direction, whispers of prayers and praises on their lips. All echoes of what this being felt for you. But you could only stretch your mind out toward them, and shudder in joy and relief when they stretched back and suffused you with adoration.

Come, adored one. We have much to do now. A city is only a fraction of what we can do, and you deserve continents upon continents of love.

You were a bad cursebreaker. Maybe you could be a good god.

[melodiousmonsters]

Firstly I know you all don't mind three posts in one day but I'm still pointing out that I have done so, I had the day off of school with an ungodly hyperfixation on drawing. Secondly I'm going to utilize my newly developed Spurrit obsession to give some information on the seasonals in the melodious monster chronicles universe.

There's one of each seasonal in this universe (not whiz-bangs though they're special and aren't really seasonals anymore) each of them are the common varient with a few slight differences made to further portray their personalities than what's capable with an 100% cannon design. Spurrit has a beard for example.

They also have names yet again like the celestials do, but that's only important to the hypothetical comic I may make after my monstiary project is done. Speaking of, that's only able to be finished once all the fire, ethereal, magical and mythical rares/epics are released, so that's going to be a few years : ] I'm just as happy as you are about that information. At least my art will be much better then( not saying my current stuff is horrible, I'm actually quite happy with my art, mainly the subject matter but the artistic quality is alright)

Most of the seasonals came into being as a living essence of their holiday that's kept alive solely by that holiday being celebrated. Subconsciously they're programed to keep up their holiday so they don't dissipate back into nothingness. Because their ability to live is solely dependent on their holiday being celebrated they don't age. Each of the seasonals are stuck at an age and they don't physically or mentally develop beyond that.

They can also magically conjure up objects related to their holiday with that same energy from the belief in their holiday. Hypothetically this could be used to summon infinite food for example but the seasonals can't actually comprehend the idea of doing this for more than a few minutes, and they can only come up with the idea in the first place if someone else tells them about it. Some mental inhibiting is needed when you are an immortal god-like organism to not break reality.

Now Spurrit is a bit of a weird case. Firstly his name is just Spurrit, or at least he goes by that, and he uses he/him pronouns as you could see. No one really knows where Spurrit came from but because the other seasonals also seemed to come from nowhere he was just lumped in with them. It's also because the first time he unveiled himself to the monsters early in modern history(which is at most all the knowledge a monster has about the history of the monster world) he actually started perplexpore as a holiday to try and get them to stop focusing solely on rebuilding the basics of soicety after it fell during the catyclysm and you know, explore, do some science. This only sort of worked, some basic machines and the sorts were discovered solely to aid in that previous goal, but it was something and Spurrit was accomplished in his goals. and that just happened so long ago that people mostly forgot that he existed before the holiday, but some seasonals like Carillong(doesn't have a final name yet) DID exist before their holidays were started so even then people still just count him as a seasonal. Whatever he is, he seems to be immortal as he's nearly as old as the monster's perspective of history itself, there's only one of him, and he gets along quite well with the other seasonals. Well, most of the time. (Btw he also has a brittish accent)

[eemoo1o-tfrmoo]

Random HTTYD Headcanons

Someone once tied together the Boneknapper and Death Song, saying that the former would hang around the game sites of the latter and then collect the bones and I agree with that so much. I’d love to re-find that post so I can credit the blog responsible because they are so, so real for this! I had to mention it because it’s such an under-appreciated take. (ETA: I found the original post here, by @dragonjadearts — thank you for this headcanon I think about it all the time.)

Changewings started to put their eggs in trees to deter Cavern Crashers from eating them.

Red Changewings are the ones that inhabit Changewing Island. Green Changewings are from further south.

Male Thunderdrums are actually the primary caretakers of young Thunderdrums. Both parents will look after and protect the eggs until they hatch but after they do the mother often leaves.

Additionally, Thunderdrums will also transport their eggs and/or hatchlings in their mouth.

Thornado and Skullcrusher have actually met. Thornado had gone out when Bing, Bang, and Boom were asleep and visited Berk, hoping to meet up with Stoick alone only to find another dragon by his chair. The encounter was awkward at first for all three parties, with Stoick trying to break the ice, but once the two dragons recognised what they had in common, they became very friendly and respecting of one another.

The Rumblehorn naturally hunts boars as its primary food source. As opposed to fishing for saltwater fish like other dragons, they also fish for freshwater fish like salmon.

Like the Submaripper and Shellfire, and the Skrill and Singetail, the Rumblehorn and Catastrophic Quaken are naturally opposing species.

Dark Deep was originally the home of the Catastrophic Quaken, not the Gronckle. Due to the sheer number of invading Gronckles, the Quaken was then mostly pushed out.

Gronckles are like the rabbits of the dragon world. They can reproduce from a young age and very often and with high egg counts.

Dragons like the Razorwhip, Timberjack, and Typhoomerang have shorter lifespans in comparison to other species.

Barb-shooting dragons grow their spikes like hair/teeth. The spines that are shot out out are ones that are knocked loose by new roots.

The more distinguishable the colours of each head, the older a Zippleback is.

Zipplebacks evolved from a mutation caused by inefficient embryo separation which means most if not all members of the species distantly share the same common ancestor.

Whip & Lash, Bucket and Mulch’s dragon, is actually female.

Bucket is related to the Thorstons.

The twins removed the S from the alphabet in Reign of Fireworms to annoy Snotlout.

The riders have contemplated who is most likely to turn into a Mildew-type, and most of them have come to the agreement that it would be Tuffnut. Chicken is his Fungus.

Mildew actually has a soft spot for Flystorm. Away from the knowing gazes of others he indulges in petting him and giving him fish, muttering “That’s nice,” as he would with Fungus.

Spitelout treats Kingstail better than anyone ever. As such all of his past methodology surrounding dragons is now in vain, and very hypocritical. (That sword analogy? How dare you compare ol’ Kingstail to that, boyo?)

Fishlegs is actually an only child (he’s always stricken me as one and it boggles me if he isn’t). Those kids he teaches in the Gronckle Scouts are actually his younger cousins. They call him ‘uncle’ due to him babysitting a lot and the difference in their ages. Fishlegs has a lot of cousins.

Fishlegs’ mother, Termagant, owns a Snaptrapper by the name of Arrogance, Innocence, Patience & Conscience. This means that Meatlug has older brothers (and a sister. Technically. Allegedly.). At first they were a bit too mischievous/privy with one another for her liking, making them seem like they were hanging up in her a bit, but they eventually got used to one another.

And yes, she makes all six of her children crab cakes.

The Monstrous Nightmare that Valka saves in HTTYD 2 is the one that took Gobber’s hand.

The Night Fury and Light Fury evolved via something similar to the Peppered Moth Evolution. Whichever one was the original species, however, is still unknown.

Gustav is allergic to peanuts.

Fanghook actually has a fear of setting things on fire.

Hiccup sees a lot of his younger self in Gustav, but it frustrates him that Gustav takes a bit more after Snotlout sometimes.

Gustav’s mother actually wanted to call him “Hiccup” (being the runt) but didn’t want to upstage the chief or confuse people, so she chose “Gustav” (meaning god’s staff or popular guest) to be ironic.

Snotlout was originally proud to have Gustav model himself after him, but when growing up and maturing on the Edge he realised that Gustav was or could be reckless because of it and started to resent him for being a “cheap copy” of him.

Hookfang has a soft spot for Gustav, mostly when he was younger. Since Gustav got Fanghook, his patience has been less withstanding.

The dragon with the least patience for kids is actually Stormfly. Just after would be either Barf & Belch or Hookfang, but by a long shot. Hookfang holds more patience for younger kids than older ones.

Spitelout for some reason shows more outwards appreciation towards Gustav, but argues with him over being leader of the A Team.

[auroral-melody]

I've been thinking of something for a while and I'd like your opinion on it... what if instead of the universe expanding from a single point with the big bang, the speed of light was infinite until the big bang at which point it became a finite number and has been decreasing since.

So this ask is fully from May 2018. I wrote up a whole thing about it, and then ended up never posting it because I wasn’t very confident in my answer.

4 years later I had done a research project in particle cosmology and more or less concluded that no one actually knows anything ever, physicists should be taught more group theory, and that spinors are evil.

Anyway, 2 years after that, here we are. I doubt you even remember sending this. This ask is honestly still out of my area of expertise. Yes, I’m an astrophysicist, but I focus on stars which means my problems are so different 😂 If any cosmologists follow me then I welcome corrections.

Anyway, I skimmed my answer I wrote 6 years ago and edited it. Shoutout to younger me to doing their research alright – I mostly hit the main points lmao.

Firstly, to clarify, the Big Bang is difficult to discuss in terms of space because it’s fundamentally the expansion of space. We don’t have any other reference point, so as far as we’re concerned, there’s no single point that the universe expanded from, because it expanded everywhere.

Anyway, in general, we consider the speed of light to be constant because that’s been our base assumption for the Entirety Of Physics Really.

But if we dismiss all of modern physics and reinvent it, there is some interesting speculation to be had regarding the speed of light.

Essentially, when we look at all our maps of the universe, we see quite a bit of “isotropy” – that is, generally, it’s about even in density. (I’m talking on a scale much bigger than galaxies – think galaxy clouds, local groups, etc.) In order for this to happen, light/energy has to have traveled to all these places. But with the current speed of light, that’s simply not really possible given the age of the universe!

So there’s two theories to explain this:

1) Inflation. This is the most common one. The theory is that the universe kinda evened out when it was little, and then expanded.

2) Variable Light Speed. This is closer to your suggestion, and also something posited by João Magueijo, of Imperial College London, and Niayesh Afshordi, of the University of Waterloo in Canada, as well as Jean-Pierre Petit and John Moffat. In this theory, the speed of light was infinite, or at least much higher, at the Big Bang, so that light could propagate fast enough to get everywhere in the universe.

In general, VLS (or Variable Light Speed, or VSL Variable Speed of Light) isn’t widely accepted in physics. It’s not like it’s been disproven or anything; we just don’t have evidence for it.

If we do find evidence for VSL, we need to totally rework physics. G.Ellis, according to Wikipedia, explained that in order for VSL to work, we

must redefine distance measurements (the meter is the distance light travels in 1/299792458 seconds, by definition)

must provide an alternative expression for the metric tensor in general relativity (i.e., “we have to try to redefine what space is”)

might contradict Lorentz invariance (the laws of physics are the same no matter where in the universe you are. it’s a fundamental assumption, and changing it will break pretty much everything in physics)

must modify Maxwell’s equations (explain why electromagnetism is a thing. which is hard. light is by definition an electromagnetic (EM) wave, so if we mess with light is screws things up)

must consistently explain other physical theories too. (gravity still has to exist and make sense with your math)

The theory proposed by João Magueijo and Niayesh Afshordi is, tldr, really complicated, and poorly understood. If it is right, we’d kind of have to try again with the whole physics thing and redefine a bunch of stuff and do some serious math.

People who like VSL as an idea are waiting to see what super sensitive experiments (about the ~spectral index~ of the universe) have to say about their predictions.

Thanks for the ask!

[jutdwae-archives]

Bsf!SKZ Members when they take care of you while you're sick (Hyung Line)

pairings: bsf!hyung line x gn!reader

genre: really cute fluff/comfort

word count: 495

mentions: being sick (coughing, sneezing), mention of phlegm in hyunjin's one, the hyung line is just really comforting (please lmk if i missed anything!)

hyung line ver. | maknae line ver.

this art of fiction is not meant to portray the members in real life.

Bang Chan:

now this man would just be your dad atp

the leader/dad instinct kicks in and automatically will take care of you

you start coughing, he'll have medicine by your bedside table

say you have a sore throat, he'll bring you some lemon ginger honey tea to soothe it

say you're hungry? he will cook for you but he'd rather have Lee Know cook instead cuz he knows that he is the 5-star michelin chef in the group (totally not referenced)

all in all, this man will be by your side as he is working on tracks

ngl i feel like he'd get sick with you but then having to work on the comeback and practice would just have him to try not to get sick

he'd also give the best cuddles as he takes a break from making music just to watch your guys' favourite studio ghilbi movie

Lee Know:

now, we all know that Lee Know is the kinda guy to be the tsundare of the group

he'd be the type to care for you quietly

make you whatever food, bring you medicine

check up on you to make sure you're doing ok

probably bring in soondoongdori to cheer you up or just act really loud but then apologise for yelling

maybe hop on the bed with you and watch your fav anime/tv show

but yeah i feel like he'd be the quiet carer

maybe get a couple of questions from the members

like "why are you making soup?" "oh it's for them... hope they feel better"

Changbin:

changbin would be another case of the guardian

probably jokingly scold you for getting sick

he'd clean up all your dirty tissues and give you medicine

just the usual

would probably drag you to the gym while you're still sick just to stretch cuz he wouldn't want to be curled up in the room all day like a sack of potatoes

constantly remind you to eat as he is a foodie himself

also remind you to keep your fluids up

would honestly try to cook soup for you (following a recipe)

but then when you try it he accidently put sugar instead of salt

so he would just order some soup from a little take-away restaurant and heat up some rice to make 국밥 (rice soup) later on

would also give you cuddles and feed you your food

he's honestly a sweetheart

Hyunjin:

would honestly stay clear from you as possible

he doesn't want to get sick

the common saying of "eW" everytime you sneeze into tissues or like cough up phlegm

would paint you a picture though

or bring kkami over to play with

would bring you medicine

mayyybeeee if he's feeling generous, he'd clean up your dirty tissues occasionally complaining "this is so disgusting.."

he would have a snack session with you and order some of his and your favourite dishes just to keep to content until the next meal time

A/N: Hi guys! J.A here! hope you liked my first work on my page.. still trying to get used to the layout and everything but i will try and keep posts up cuz school is just going to be a pain until this term is over..

but yeah hope you liked it! the maknae line will hopefully be posted within this week :)

Much Love, J.A

[crystallinestars]

"Bullying into submission" is unfortunately an excellent way to put it 😔 People really need to learn that while feeling the need to vent is more than okay (just look at how much I've complained so far lol), making posts / snide comments with the sole aim of creating Drama or Discourse or straight up jumping into someone's space to berate them for quietly enjoying themselves in a way you don't approve of is truly the best recipe if your goal in life is to be miserable 24/7, on top of being a huge dick move.

I was also thinking about what other anons have brought up (how they feel straight up alienated by popular hcs always being one 'extreme' or another with no in-between) and I feel like these discussions (including the ones on social constructs, loved your input about that btw) are all linked by a common factor: some people try to draw hard lines in the sand in order to neatly categorize stuff in easily identifiable boxes or tropes. Sometimes what we could call "the norm" seems so ingrained in people's minds that it does not even occur to them to try and question this status quo, and so a lot of nuance is either lost or not even explored to begin with. At least that's how I see it, I still need to think about this some more.

I'd say that these "hard lines" aren't only drawn between all we've mentioned, but between communities too. I'm going to say this kinda clumsily but like, why are we treating anyone who isn't "just gay / lesbian / straight" as if they were an enemy and/or a threat? Is it some kind of insecurity that can only be soothed by constant validation? Why is it that when someone dares to make something slightly different, we're bringing out the pitchforks?

This hostility (and just the fact that these discussions / this Discourse seems very cyclical) kind of reminds of a tweet I saw a while ago. I unearthed it for the occasion lol:

"People love to pretend it’s so weird that others get upset when you claim something they like is bad lol.

Slandering something that another person appreciates is akin to insulting/questioning their intelligence, especially when it comes to a piece of work."

The original post was about slandering works as a whole, but I think it can also apply to more specific aspects, like enjoying something in particular in a given work. Why are we pretending it's weird that people get upset when you keep telling them (explicitly or implicitly) that their fun is lame at best? I know people love to say "that's just how the internet is, Get Used To It" but honestly? It's such an empty excuse and it makes me want to bang my head on a wall, because why couldn't we just all keep our manners to begin with??

I feel like I'm answering everything in a weird order lol but about Welt, that's pretty much what I had heard about him! I've been thinking that I should at least look into Hi3 a bit, just to see the links between the games and Mihoyo's overall evolution 🤔 And I didn't know about that lore book! I don't even know if I'm surprised about this reaction but I do know that fandoms sometimes confuse the hell out of me because I've seen just as much Guizhong enjoyers as I've seen people shipping Zhongli with Childe??

I'm just going to say it bluntly: people should REALLY pick a struggle and/or another hill to die on, because having a meltdown for something like that is just embarrassing. It does prove your point about the shipping lenses tho, because I can't think about another reason why a LORE BOOK would have made them feel so threatened 💀 I had seen the tantrums about Dottore (apparently he's too evil??) and Raiden (she's not evil enough??) but this?? MAN.

Kind of makes me think that people are lowkey hypocritical with their need to have canon confirmations, because they love to brag about THEIR pairings but as soon as the possibility appears that the devs MIGHT offer some kind of confirmation on one they don't like, even if it's one as 'marginal', for lack of a better word, as this one, they break out in hives. And the Thoma and Ayaka situation is just another proof that 1) YOU SHOULD NEVER FULLY TRUST LEAKS and 2) the bar we talked about keeps getting lower in hell.

And YES! I also felt like there were a lot of things about Alhaitham that were there to tell the players that while it's true he comes off as odd, eccentric, blunt, etc., he's rather kind all things considered! He's letting Kaveh stay in his house even if they don't particularly get along, he sticks to his moral code, he recognized Dehya's capabilities, he helps Tighnari with Collei's education, and so on. He seems to be the type of person that won't go out of their way to be palatable to others, but he also never goes out of his way to hurt anyone? And what's more, if you're willing to hear him out and truly pay attention to what he says, you'll realize that he's actually quite helpful? In a way that he's giving advice and letting people come to their own conclusions? At least that's what I can think about off the top of my head, so it's kind of hysterical to me that he gets reduced to "That Asshole Feeble Scholar".

This ask is getting long again (and messy) but I still want to add that I've seen your discussions about Nilou, Candace and Kokomi with Kaveh and it might be biased and/or controversial of me to say this but honestly? I think people, no matter their identities, just don't like women / don't even acknowledge how much they dislike women. As you said, same-sex pairings (and i'd say BL pairings in particular) are that much more popular and I'm getting pretty sure that it's in part due to the fact people don't pay attention to the female characters because they might be assuming they'll be boring. I've seen so many people bashing Kokomi, especially her story quest, yet they praise characters like Itto to high heavens? I know that it's 'to each their own' but sometimes I do feel like people don't give some (female) characters much of a chance to begin with.

At least to me it's pretty funny to see the difference between how you and the others have talked about your ideas for ships, and how the fandom talk about haikaveh lmao.

Kavelou shippers: I think they could bring out the best in each other, they could bond over their shared love for the arts and share ideas for their respective fields of expertise!

Loud Haikaveh shippers: omg they're roommates lol, when do you think Alhaitham will impregnate his 'c a n o n' malewife?? Why are kavelou idiots such snowflakes, 'conflict' is essential to make a pairing worth it and we're allowed to enjoy some fictional toxicity

Also, a bit of a side note, but it hasn't escaped me that people love to say that "toxic pairings are valid" for their BL preferences, but Acheron and Black Swan get exactly 1 deadly dance video and suddenly it's the most disturbing thing they've ever seen??

Anyway, I've seen you mention at least twice that you're thinking about making either a different blog or creating a discord server for all these rants you receive, and I think it's a lovely idea! I'm pretty sure I have an account on discord that I haven't touched in years so it has probably been deleted by now 😭 If there's anyone else interested in it would be a great alternative for you to separate your writing from the rants :)

Once again, I hope you're having a wonderful day or evening!

🪻

There is a lot to unpack here, but I will try my best to respond to everything. I'm sorry in advance if I don't touch on every point.

Regarding your "hard lines" comments. It's true that people draw boundaries between what they find acceptable and not, and while this would ordinarily be a good thing, here it's more to do with controversial topics like race, sexuality, gender, etc... and I can't help but wonder if the reason for such behavior is due to politics.

Most of this behavior is present in the western and english-speaking parts of the internet where American politics reign supreme. From what I have heard and seen, the progressive side deems everything that is considered the majority (heterosexuality, white skin, male gender, etc) as the opposite of what they stand for, therefore it must be conservative, which is bad. There's a lot more at play here than just progressive vs conservative, but I am not well-versed in politics, so I won't speak on it too much. Plus, this is all just a theory. But as I've said before, the West loves to drag politics into every aspect of their lives, fandoms included.

The quote you found is actually spot-on. Acting surprised when you insult something people enjoy or relate to is surprised pikachu behavior. Though I suspect these people aren't actually surprised, but are just trolling the people they offended, and are gleeful they managed to get under the skin of those whose views they dislike.

I think the lore book tantrum is another example of people wanting their characters to be "shiny toys", as you put it. Having an indication for a NL relationship between playable characters is a no-no for gacha games. It offends a lot of groups of people. For example, those that want to pair Zhongli with Childe, or self-ship with him, and the same applies for the Guizhong side (even though we had no idea what she looked like at the time). For some reason, there's not as much negative reaction if the ship being teased is same-sex though. Might be because it offends less groups, but it's still a baffling phenomenon for me.

Which brings me to the point about female characters.

I agree with you that female characters get hated on. In the anime and manga spheres, have seen a lot of comments about female characters from various fandoms, and the main complain with them was that they are not as fleshed out as their male counterparts. Female characters lack complex writing and character development, and get reduced to plot devices or love interests for the MC. Even in media made by women for women featuring female protagonists, some of these protagonists are pushovers that rely on male characters to save them. There is a desire for women to be equal to men in media, but it's not common to see.

It doesn't help that in Genshin, the first three chapters had bad writing, especially for female characters. Though not all, majority were were one-note characters with not much complexity or plot behind their actions, unlike male characters. This has improved significantly since Sumeru's debut, but I doubt it's enough to change the minds of some people.

So to make my point; female characters get hate for being boring. I also feel like women are the ones who hate on female characters the most? I have seen both fujoshi and yumejoshi communities hate on female characters for being the love interest of their favorite male character and getting in the way of their ships.

I am hesitant to delve into the topic of why some fujoshi hate female characters since it's not something I completely understand. I did a bit of research into why they prefer BL over NL, and while the gripe about female characters being boring was a main factor, there was also a lot of misogyny. I'm sure there are some other reasons aside from these as to why women hate female characters, but this topic is too complex for me to navigate just yet.

I will defend Kokomi with my life 😤 She got a lot of hate even back in her beta, and her story quest came under fire, as well. I thought her story quest was decent, though maybe my judgement is clouded because I love her so much. Regardless, her character is awesome and I relate to her a lot, so Kokomi slander will not be tolerated 😤

Regarding the difference between haikaveh and other Kaveh ships, I can only think that one is a fetishization of a gay relationships, while the other is a genuine appreciation for the dynamic between characters.

I actually saw only positive comments under the Acheron and Black Swan dance video. Yeah, there were jokes it was toxic, but I didn't see anyone complain about it, though I believe you when you say some people found it problematic. BL gets a lot of special treatment, I would say. Everything that's deemed bad/boring in GL and NL pairings is often painted as being better/good if it's BL. I've only seen a couple of "omg toxic yaoi ❤️" posts, and while those were jokes, it's shocking how much people love to pair enemies together. I see a lot of depictions of abuse in BL, and the shippers love it, so I suppose it's not that surprising? I find it concerning, though.

Anyways, thank you for your well-wishes, and have a great day as well!