#i know it's the trauma
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i hate that when i take a rest day and barely do anything productive, i almost instantly feel depressed and guilty. i am allowed to rest as much as i need to so why is my brain trying to convince me otherwise??
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*displays textbook symptomatic behavior of my own disorder that I am well educated on* what’s my deal why am I like this
#I know exactly why I’m like this but why am I like this#I know what’s wrong with me but wtf is wrong with me#adhd autistic#audhd creature#cluster a#cluster b#cluster c#personality disorders#bpd stuff#late diagnosed autistic#cptsd recovery#did osdd#bpd#audhd#adhd problems#audhd problems#borderline personality disorder#complex trauma#mood disorders#anxiety disorders#psychotic disorders#neurological disability#neurodivergent#neurodiversity#trauma disorders#traumagenic
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to moving forward
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#jjk fanart#jujutsu kaisen fanart#jjk art#yuji itadori#gojo satoru#fushiguro megumi#nobara kugisaki#itadori yuuji#megumi fushiguro#jjk spoilers#satoru gojo#jjk manga spoilers#hina.comic#before any1 says anything i KNOw his birthday is in december ik ik ik this is just 2 show some post-battle bonding after the trauma#its winter in canon n megumi's birthday has passed and he spent it being piloted like a mech so they need to celebrate Now!!#also this was technically a request lmao anon wanted megumi birthday angst hehehehhe i hope u like it <3 bc it KILLED ME DEAD#im going to collapse remember when i said this wasnt harder than the hydrangeas im having second thoughts#page 8 made me want to bash my head in#could have stuck with one flashback image could have left them monochrome could have done literally anything 2 ease the workload#but noooo the chronic overachiever in me would not allow it#rule of threes i had to include all of them and they Had to be in colour it wouldn't have hit the same if i had kept it monochrome#i needed it to look how childhood memories look i needed it to look oversaturated and hazy and fond but unmistakably Gone#it may have killed me but im so proud of this rn like from an art style perspective these megumis and yuujis r top tier by my standards#personal favourites r the first and last panel of crying megumi like not 2 pat myself on th back but expression?????? hello??????#enjoy your cake megumi you've earned it <333 sorry fr hurting ur feelings it will happen again#oh my god i can sleep tonight bless <333 and i met my 3 day deadline NICE im so good at what i do
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was talking with a friend about how some of dunmeshi fаndom misunderstands kabru's initial feelings towards laios.
to sum up kabru's situation via a self-contained modernized metaphor:
kabru is like a guy who lost his entire family in a highly traumatic car accident. years later he joins a discord server and takes note of laios, another server member who seems interesting, so they start chatting. then laios reveals his special interest and favorite movie of all time is David Cronenberg's Crash (1996), and invites kabru to go watch a demolition derby with him
#dungeon meshi#delicious in dungeon#kabru#kabru already added laios as a discord friend. everyone else in the server can see laios excitedly asking kabru to go with him#what would You even Do in this situation. how would YOU feel?#basically: kabru isnt a laios-hater! hes just in shock bc Thats His Trauma. the key part is kabru still says yes#bc he wants to get to know laios. to understand why laios would be so fascinated by something horrific to him#and ALSO bc even while in shock kabru can still tell laios has unique expertise + knowledge that Could be used for Good#even if kabru doesnt fully trust laios yet (bc kabru just started talking to the guy 2 hours ago. they barely know each other)#kabru also understands that getting to know ppl (esp laios) means having to get to know their passions. even if it triggers his trauma here#but thats too much to fit in this metaphor/analogy. this is NOT an AU! its not supposed to cover everything abt kabru or laios' character!#its a self-contained metaphor written Specifically to be more easily relatable+thus easy to understand for general ppl online#(ie. assumed discord users. hence why i said (a non-specific) 'discord server' and not something specific like 'car repair subreddit')#its for ppl who mightve not fully grasped kabru's character+intentions and think hes being mean/'chaotic'/murderous.#to place ppl in kabru's shoes in an emotionally similar situation thats more possible/grounded in irl experiences and contexts.#and also for the movie punchline#mynn.txt#dm text#crossposting my tweets onto here since my friends suggested so
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What Vanessa was actually thinking during this FNAF scene
#myart#chloesimagination#comic#fnaf#five nights at freddy's#fnaf vanessa#william afton#springtrap#fnaf movie#fnaf fanart#THE IDEA THAT.. THAT ART of yellow rabbit#IS DRAWN BY WILLIAM IS SO FUNNY#CAUSE I KNOW William would of been so proud of himself over it#MEANWHILE it’s like a lil kid’s drawing#him showing Vanessa saying how perfect it is#and Vanessa just gotta nod her head and agree like okayyy dad#this is what Vanessa was thinking when looking at this art wall#just how bad that drawing actually is and then the trauma#went in that order BAHA#btw dont get it twisted either I love the yellow rabbits drawing in the movie 😭#it’s so perfectly whimsical
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it's very important to understand how a personality disorder diagnosis functions in the psychiatric system, even if you identify with the diagnosis or find it useful.
personality disorders on your medical record will be used to discredit anything you say or do. they indicate "don't bother listening to this person; apply treatment regardless of their wishes but also they're probably manipulating/attention-seeking so maybe don't bother treating them". needing support becomes attention-seeking. behaviors that would be treated + supported in someone without this diagnosis are ignored or treated as manipulative. providers are instructed to "withdraw warmth" (a real thing in the DBT provider's manual, btw) in response to self-injury or suicidal ideation.
if you have been dx'd with a personality disorder professionally, you likely understand this.
now, here's the important part: this is not an issue of 'stigma' against a politically neutral, pre-discursive True Disease which is being Unfairly Maligned. these diagnoses were formulated based on the idea that some patients cannot be trusted, that some patients seek care too much. they are applied to patient charts as a justification for withdrawing care or as a dismissal of someone "not getting better" fast enough. in the uk, they are often employed by the nhs to shame or problematize people who use large amounts of nhs resources, arguing that receiving a lot of care through the nhs is a negative behavior stemming from a disordered personality.
there are elements of personality disorders which resonate strongly with many people, including myself, but you need to be clear-eyed about the origins + functions of this diagnosis. as a whole, they were created + function as ways to discredit + mistreat noncompliant or "difficult" patients. 'reclaiming' them is not going to change how they function systematically- it is going to make it easier to engage in this systematic neglect by evoking 'ableism' or 'stigma!' when people question the utility or application of the diagnosis.
#psychiatric abolition#before ppl come for my throat#know that i was prof dx'd with bpd + ocpd + both of those dx's were used to neglect + abuse me#but the doctors kindly reminded me not to Stigmatize Myself :) it's Okay To Have Noncompliant Brat Disease Charlie <3#but anyway we will be withdrawing care + writing about u being manipulative for advocating for yourself#but that's Not Your Fault :) You Have A Disease#these were doctors at some of the best hospitals in the country so do with that what u will#not to mention the pathologization of trauma inherent to this but anywayyy#this post brought to you by buy one get one free monster energy
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the easy grip on the knife. the leg over the seat. the hand over the other seat. the sassy "come get it" move. you know the bitch is smiling behind that mask even as he said the line.
#i can't believe i'm saying this#DEADPOOL CAN GET IT#Logan I'm sobbing I understand why you lunged at him#I would too bestie#it's the sass for me folks#paint that car white as much as they painted it red my god#a deadpool thirst post? from me? more likely than you'd think#this is a branch in realities i know it#i've never had Feelings for this motherfucker until this movie#all i'm left with is anger now because WHAT DOES HE WANT FROM ME#camera crew could have just made it landscape but noooooo they had to do a medium shot of this son of a bitch#i'm sending an especially affectionate fuck you in ryan reynolds' direction#i love how you love deadpool#deadpool#wolverine#deadpool and wolverine#wade wilson#logan howlett#poolverine#deadclaws#don't get me wrong i've always adored deadpool's personality. nobody's that hilarious and not have humongous balls i mean trauma.#but i've never went 'why he kinda' until this specific shot right here#@ camera crew why the fuck did you zoom in? WHY?#for me? well it's infuriating#do it again#gif is credit to the owner#30 tags aren't enough for me to dismantle how this shot made me feel. tumblr you gotta update#damn tumblr i'm tryna feed a village here#guys just find my other post
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Soup solves everything.
#dungeon meshi#dungeon meshi spoilers#Senshi#izutsumi#chilchuck tims#laios touden#marcille donato#THE SOUP CHAPTER HAS BEEN ANIMATED#I have so many thoughts about senshi's backstory and how much that experience has shaped who he is.#This is such a powerful moment because it makes it clear how *stuck* senshi has been because of his trauma.#Up until now he has been a mystery! He's the chef guy! Don't worry about his apparent reclusiveness from society!#Don't worry about his intense need to make sure 'the young ones are fed'!#Senshi still has a lot of healing but this was the moment he could finally forgive himself.#This chapter is so important to me because sometimes you truly do need to face the most terrifying things to move past them.#This joke here is a bit too narrow to be funny for the masses...but mdzs fans know.#MDZS :handshake: Dungeon Meshi: Soup moment.#Laios and Jiang Yanli have a powerful magic call "Eat some soup and maybe you'll feel better'#That is also a spell you can cast upon yourself. Go eat some soup and you will feel better. Merry Soupmas everyone.#One more week of Thistle Thursdays....I'm not ready to say goodbye B*(
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I really wonder if trauma theorists who say things like "Humans are the only animal that will be in a fright state when physically safe" or "the rest of the animal kingdom doesn't get PTSD" have ever, like
Do you think they've actually ever met an animal?
#staranise original#psychology#child abuse tw#ptsd tw#animal cruelty tw#so much of what we know about the nervous system and behaviour comes from animal studies!!!#the physiological toll of even fairly brief upsetting events on baby rats is evident for the rest of their lives#my cat has been spoiled like a princess for a decade straight#and if you reach out to pet the top of her head with your hand palm-down she WILL smack you#no matter how happy she is with the rest of the interaction#she LOVES being petted on the head if you approach with your hand behind her ears#seeing that A L W A Y S causes her to react out of sheer reflex#even with me#tell me that's not a trauma response#actually don't#I need to go wrap presents
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so thoughtful….
#i know he has trauma about his eyes this is just a joke#please don’t read too much into it gahahahaha#laios touden#kabru of utaya#labru#dungeon meshi#delicious in dungeon#dungeon meshi fanart#delicious in dungeon fanart#laios touden fanart#kabru dungeon meshi#kabru fanart#dogart
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happy pride :3 i offer religious trauma
#hazbin hotel fanart#hazbin hotel#chaggie#charlie morningstar#vaggie#zenta draws#cw religion#hooo boyyyyh i would happily talk about vaggie all day#so much potential in her character… i need to know more about what goes on in her brain#like you can’t tell me she isn’t chock full of religious trauma#and confusion#and like#[waves arms]#SCREAMING#i judt know that the first time they did the horizontal hokey pokey#she stayed up all night questioning her enture existence
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We've all talked about Leo and his affinity with being thrown through windows, but has anyone else notice how frequently Raph get eye trauma?
#seriously what the fuck is up with the constant eye trauma for this Turtle#I know we don't see the worm actually bury itself in 2012 raph’s eye but I think we all agree that is what happened right?#like god damn this boy can't keep both his eyes to save his life#tmnt#tmnt 2012#teenage mutant ninja turtles#rottmnt#tmnt 2003#2012 raph#2003 raph#tmnt sainw#sainw#sainw raph#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rise raph#rise of the tmnt#tmnt raph#raph#raphael
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going through my old journals as part of therapy homework and i'm reading a section written in the emotional wreckage of a full-on breakdown when i get hit with this line:
There is never a satisfying answer to ‘Why didn’t they love me?’
like wow babe. good fucking point
#like you were on the ground biting the carpet and dry sobbing while you wrote that and still. good fucking point#not a shitpost#cptsd#and it's true. there's never a satisfying answer#the truth is i know why i wasn't loved#i analyzed my parent's traumas and abuse to death. i understand why i alienated and was alienated from my siblings#i know why my mom was too overwhelmed to be capable of nurturing#i know why my dad vanished into addiction and avoidance#the details of our cycles of trauma and cptsd and family history i have a phd in all of it#i understood perfectly. i spent years studying and now i knew the answer#and guess what? IT WAS NOT SATISFYING!!!#because they still didn't love me! and i still couldn't change that!#it was still a completely unsatisfying state of affairs!#so like. when the people who are supposed to love you...don't.#when the people who are supposed to take care of you...fail to#you can look for answers and reasons and explanations#but that's not actually going to FIX your situation.#and it's probably not within your ability TO fix the situation. (and definitely not your job)#because you don't need answers--you need a new situation#*inserts Just Walk Out. You Can Leave!!! (Running Skeleton) Meme*#and yes. walking out isn't always possible.#but for you i hope it will be one day soon. and i hope you build the courage to take that leap.#stepping away from the people who failed to love you...it feels like being untethered but also like being lighter than air#new and scary. immensely relieving. the future opens up. empty but empty like a canvas. blindingly bright until your eyes adjust#like climbing out of a pit you called home and for the first time realizing how bright the light of day can truly be#when you aren't just getting glimpses from the bottom of a hole
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RETURN TO OZ | 1985 ↳ Directed by Walter Murch
#return to oz#dorothy gale#fairuza balk#mombi#the nome king#jack pumpkinhead#ozma of oz#horroredit#userbbelcher#userstream#chewieblog#filmtv#cinemapix#fyeahmovies#moviegifs#filmedit#filmgifs#dailyflicks#dailytvfilmgifs#throwbackblr#1985#*mine#i actually made over 60 gifs cuz i couldn't pick my faves. there will be more sets sorry not sorry#did u know that l. frank baum also wrote this screenplay?? amazing to me. it really is a horror story.#(its also a love story but thats neither here nor there)#trauma for an entire generation <3
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FAROEVERSE DOODLES I can only think about her for 5 minutes at a time before I become unwell and need to lie down
(also in this au Arthur dies during the book incident instead of Parker (who probably wasn’t present), she’d been going thru his office trying to find a way to be helpful bc her father never tells her things and keeps his job from her and she found some things she probably shouldn’t have, Arthur caught her a bit too late)
((AND Jane is literally the exact same as John except her gender got transed in the opposite direction))
#LIKE WDYM THE ENTIRE STORY WOULD PLAY OUT DIFFERENT SIMPLY BECAUSE SHES A YOUNG WOMAN RAGGHHJKK#like dealing with the horrors im sure would he the same but THE OTHER PEOPLE??? SIMPLY THE WAY THEYD INTERACT WITH HER DIFFERENTLY??????#BECAUSE WOMAN ??#IM ILL IM ILL#also the decisions she’d make bc of her naivety and different traumas and life experiences and ough#I know tahts like obvious but still I’m ill#malevolent#malevolent podcast#malevolent fanart#faroe lester#faroe malevolent#jane doe malevolent#jane malevolent#faroeverse#oscar malevolent#detective noel#daniel saltzman
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Michael is very subtle about his daddy issues in FNAF..
#myart#chloesimagination#comic#fnaf#five nights at freddy's#michael afton#henry emily#mike schmidt#fnaf movie#fnaf pizzeria simulator#fnaf fanart#HENRY AND MICHAEL INTERACTION 🔥🔥#I know a couple of folks have been asking for this!#so I’m glad I finally got around to it#Michael introduces Mike to his ‘dad’s friend’#TBH I do like the idea a lot that Michael considers Henry like a father figure#cause I always assumed the Aftons and Emilys were close#so Henry was the Afton’s kids uncle in a sense#and the idea Michael much preferred Henry over his own father just checks out#Henry is a failure of a father and Michael is a failure of a son#so truly they’d match on at least trauma bonding#definitely have to draw some pizza sim content of em working there#Mike can’t even really judge Michael here cause not like his daddy issues is any better
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