#i know it's sooooo typical of me to be the one talking about how great history as a subject is but it truly is. the most wonderful subject

[beauzos]

do you ever read a nonfiction book n youre like. wow. i fucking love learning. knowledge is truly a blessing

[l4long-winded]

Would you ever write about Carmy and cum play? I just feel like he would be sooooo into it

no, no, no, this has been haunting me for so, so long! like, he would be more than into it. you have no idea the monster you let out in me while i was writing this!!! i hope you like it, love~

o.s. it's more like a fascination

summary: getting a glimpse into one of carmen's obsessive infatuations passionate fascinations (carmen berzatto x afab!reader)

reflection: this one... this one had me blushing. it kind of gave me brain rot. would be completing a task, and boom, thinking about carmy and his stupid oral fixation. this has to be one of my raunchiest fics yet. thank you, anon, for inspiring such an intense writing experience for me. i fear i will never be the same again. as always, feedback is appreciated! please enjoy!

warnings: no condoms (wrap it, tap it, you get it), cumplay (it's everywhere), marking, pussydrunk!carmen (he's obsessed, basically), fingering, cunnilingus, implied blowjob, somewhat dom!carmen, begging, dirty talk, cursing, p in v sex, longwinded descriptions, body worship, carmen's pov, spit, filth, cum eating (carmy is doing the most), multiple orgasms, lots of licking, no use of pronouns, (please let me know if there are other warnings i need to add)

word count: 1,989

( this work has been cross-posted to ao3 )

Carmen hates condoms. It’s not in the typical, cliche type of hatred that most men have. If you’re uncomfortable, he won’t insist. However, you’re more likely to encourage it. He prefers to be as closely bonded to you as possible, no rubber in his way, able to feel the squelch of every glide and the crushing pressure of your walls wrapped around his pulsing cock. The fever you stew him in. A condom doesn’t do that for him. Not in the same way. You’re far more sensitive without it, clenching your eyes shut, heaving pleasured breaths up against his shoulder you previously gnawed into for composure. That, or the depletion of his, he could never tell with how you flip between being all passive and docile to motivating his rough manhandling, ultimately placing you in charge and in control while he follows instinctual need.

He cherishes the moments where he pulls out and his cum spurts from his tip over your lower stomach, the milky and pearly substance just under your navel, seeping towards your pelvis. It’s lewd. A waterfall waiting to happen. His eyes blink hard as if they’re taking a mental snapshot. You’re delectable like this, chest rising and falling as your open legs tremble. Sometimes, there’s so much of his load to bear that it slides down your inner thighs, liquid opal skimming the cute button he’s teased with his digits and tongue earlier (as if it couldn’t get any fucking prettier), and into whomever’s bedsheets you’re both using for the time being. You look debauched, dazed, and proud to be marked as his.

Your tits make for just-a-great-a canvas, he’s found. If he props himself above your abdomen, one knee at the side of you, his foot drawing up at the other until his leg is at a right angle, his tip always lines itself at the inception of the valley between your breasts. He cautiously focuses his aim to paint your cleavage while resisting the urge to stripe your neck and chin, earnestly observing slack-jawed as some dribbles over your nipples. Would you judge him if he sucked his cum off while tonguing around your areola as a dual effort of cleaning his mess and pebbling your nipple to frenetic attention? The uncontrollable sounds of pleasure petting his eardrums don’t signify negative judgment, but Carmen wouldn’t be Carmen without believing in his self-doubt. And you, you fucking angel, you wouldn’t be you if you didn’t chase and stomp that out until its light dimmed. Sometimes that comes through words of reassurance and patience and other times it’s as simple as your howl of his name or your digits tugging his unkempt hair further into its tumultuous state.

It’s not uncommon for Carmen to see his cum pooling in your mouth, either. He likes the way it rests on your tongue when you stick it out to show him, the challenge he issues being in maintaining a drop doesn’t fall in your performance. But, although his habits are organized and pristine and he has concerning tendencies relating to an undiagnosed compulsive disorder, he particularly enjoys watching when it’s too much for you, when it’s sliding down your usually swollen (the result of sucking him off) lips and rounding down your chin. That’s more rare since you seldom let anything escape, the tip of your tongue catching him and drinking him back in.

“Get it all? Let me help you,” he says gruffly, applying the pad of his thumb to your face to scoop the rebelling stream into your mouth where it came from. The plus is the feeling of your approving humming vibrating on his flesh and your spongy taste buds licking along the indents of his thumb after.

His real favorite spot to finish is inside of you. Now, now, it’s risky for obvious reasons, but you’ve discussed birth control and there are rounds where you’re fucking begging him to and he’s not going to deny you, being the generous lover that he is who selfishly wants to pipe your cunt until it’s leaking. No, he’s unresisting to the way your legs wind around him and pull him in deeper, sloppily humping up into you and rutting and grinding until he’s gasping and flooding and drowning you both in stickiness. He rocks until the end, stilling above you as he’s throbbing and trying to regain a grip on himself. What have you done to him?

That’s how Carmen has you at the moment. Your legs unwrap from his waist and flop into the bed, and eventually, he retracts inch by inch, his ridges catching. He likes to extend his time inside of you, likes to live in the present instead of his head when you’re folded up like this. It’s a shame you’ve made him so sensitive. He wants to fuck his cum right back into you, but he requires a recovery period male anatomy failed him in. Your eyes flutter open in sensation as he finally slips out, closing after as you take the time to calm yourself and your body down from the high he’s propelled you into. He notices the way your face scrunches in discomfort, legs presumably sore from being corralled around his hips for too long. Carmen’s hands massage your thighs, promoting the feeling back within them by kneading the supple flesh there and lifting them into peaking mountains, heels on the mattress. It gives him the best view of his bidding, of the extra cream beading out of you, down to the crevice of your cheeks.

“Carmen,” your fucked out voice breaks him of the hypnosis he fell into. This can’t be all that pleasant for you, the seed of him drooling out of you while he holds up your thighs you’re not holding up on your own for a good reason. He’s aware of what you’re thinking. He’s aware of how you’re wondering how the hell he has more to give when you’ve got close to nothing left.

“I know, I know, I know,” his lips graze over your kneecap, toned stomach flexing while he shifts himself onto it. The next time you look into Carmen’s eyes, your thighs are framing either side of his head. His arms curl around them, and they end up over his shoulders, fingers drumming along your skin unprompted. It’s because he likes it when you lose yourself and wind up hugging his ears with your thighs. The downside is listening to the tune of those moans swathed up, but the upside is the heightened sense of touch it accords him. The noises you release vibrate all over your body, reverberating like the walls of a temple undergoing an earthquake while a beautiful harp dazzles it in devastating harmonic trills of its column strings. Or… in other words.

Your clit ripples with it on his tongue. What good is hearing you moan when he can feel it in his mouth through your pussy? What the fuck were those toothbrushes that played the music called? Whatever, it’s similar to that and it’s a pleasurable perk of living the human experience with you, if he had to name one off the top of his head. A nice dinner with you with some trashy television is another, but he’ll compile a list later. He’s busy staring at your sodden hole, intending to create more of a capacious mess than he already has. He means both of that gift between your legs and of you entirely.

Carmen laps beneath your twitching hole, capturing the glissading cum before it can fall further into the crevice where your ass begins. He tongues that sensitive area to make sure he gets it all, gliding the flat of the organ upwards and gulping its catch into his mouth. You’re trembling, and there you go, moaning out into the air. Carmen repeats the action until you’re no longer leaking, until the only cum left on you is still inside. He sinks his middle finger knuckle deep into you, checking to make sure of that fact, as if his cock didn’t guarantee it when he drove in deep to saturate and caulk you up, and yes, you’re tender and fucking heated and dewy around his finger as you grasp him tight and moan in a mix of surprise and overwhelming pleasure. He pumps and coils his middle finger, fucking that cum back up into you where it belongs, doing his best to locate that spongey spot you love so much to lubricate it with him, further claiming you from the inside out, all while he simultaneously peppers kisses around your outer lips.

“More, Carmy, more, please,” you say, and fuck, it’s like you know you’re going to get anything and everything from him in the entire world if he’s able. He ends the loneliness of his middle finger by adding in a second, his index joining into the fray. His middle finger is longer, but clumsier, doesn’t create as good a rhythm as his index does. It’s a true sentiment, further proven by how you arch suddenly and your thighs attach to his ears like magnets. Yeah, he found the spot, almost the very second his index finger navigated into your warmth. It’s a homing beacon.

He leans his head up. He didn’t swallow the cum he licked off you yet. He’s let the heat of his mouth warm it up, saliva pool in his cheeks with it, and abruptly, his lips part, spitting the combination over your clit in a glob that causes your hips to raise off the mattress, pelvic bone dangerously close to breaking his nose. The one hand on your thigh brings you back to earth for him, his fingers continuing the rubbing motion that’s got you whimpering sounds he selfishly wants louder. It’s not as pearly as it once was dribbling out of your slit, but it’s still a gratifying sight for him, and the lamp at bedside catches the remnants of the viscous substance splitting apart from his saliva. It’s like oil and water. Cum and spit. All lovingly blanketing your clit and seeping down where his fingers are taking care of you. And fuck, he can’t resist it, he knows what the fuck it’s gonna make him look like, but if you don’t judge him for splashing your tits and stomach with his seed, or kissing you deeply on the mouth to share it when you’ve just given him the crassest head, then he’s not going to hesitate any longer.

Carmen drops his mouth, licking it all back up. He prioritizes stimulating your clit with his tongue, but he’s not going to lie, he’s drinking it all back in. His cum, his spit, your wet arousal slick over his fingers and knuckles. He’s got you where he needs you, withdrawing yet another orgasm from your body that rocks you. He allows the gentle humping of your hips as you ride out that high, never slowing his fingers, bathing your clit with his lips and tongue for as long as you need it, and for as long as it tastes good. So… you have to brush a hand over the side of his face because to him, it never stops tasting good.

“Fuck, sorry. Too much?” He breathes. He kisses your inner thighs while you nod, dazed out and breathing heavily. Your chest falls and rises, breasts jostling in the action. Carmen continues to kiss your skin, slipping his fingers out slowly. You shiver, and your legs fall once more now that they’re not in his stronghold.

This is the other side. You’re spent. You can barely move. All you can do right now at this moment is watch Carmen sit back on his knees above you, observe as he drags his tongue over his digits, licking them unsullied. Because, sure, he’s got a huge thing for cumplay, but he’s also addicted to how yours tastes.

[orchidsangel]

i don't think it's crazy to assume that it's been a while since jason has spent thanksgiving with someone who he truly cares about and who truly cares about him.

i also don't think it's crazy to assume that he's become so used to spending this time of the year alone. patrolling at night instead of going home to a family and eating takeout on days when people typically prepare massive meals to share with their loved ones.

he's so used to it that when you make a big deal of your first thanksgiving together he doesn't really get it at first. to him it's just another day of protecting gotham, to you it's a day to celebrate how thankful you are for the people in your life including him.

you typically spend it with your family, and this year you invite him but he politely declines. says he can't make it, has to patrol, doesn't want to intrude, etc. and you assure him that he can take a night off and it's not intruding if you want him there. still, he's set on not going and you don't push it because you know how to read between the lines, family holidays are a touchy subject for him, it's nothing personal.

when the day rolls around you go to the home of whoever you're celebrating with, and it's great, ofc it is. you're with people you love, eating really good food, catching up with the ones you haven't seen in a while.

and even though you're happy, there's still something missing. someone missing.

if you're out of state, you send him a pic of your plate.

"eating for two."

"what???"

you excuse yourself from the table, going into an unoccupied bathroom to call him. he immediately picks up.

"eating for two huh?"

"yeah, me and you."

he laughs but you can hear relief in his breaths , and you spend the next thirty or so minutes making small talk. it's not awkward but there's something bigger looming between the two of you.

"i wish you were here." you say

and he responds with, "i know."

"maybe next year?"

"maybe next year."

someone knocks on the door, asking if you're almost done, they're bringing out the pies soon. and you and jason say your goodbyes, you hope in that moment that he knows just how thankful for him you are.

if you're still in gotham, you start the night off pretty similarly. enjoying the food and the people around you, playing games and catching up.

but the second you feel that pang in your heart you start plating up enough food to feed a small army (or 200+ pounds of pure muscle). you put some plastic wrap over it and grab your coat. someone asks where you're going, and you just tell them you have work in the morning.

it's cold outside, the climate crisis making november unbearably cold before snow even hits the ground. and you haul ass to your car, driving totally safely, totally not in a rush to see your boyfriend.

when he opens the door of his apartment he's confused, but he still takes the plate from your hands, setting it down somewhere, and holds you in his arms for a while.

"you didn't have to come."

"i wanted to."

"you should be with your family right now""

"you are my family."

i have really bad bf!jason brainrot, need to spend the holidays with him sooooo bad and tell him how much i love him. something similar to the second part. (also this isn't proofread my b)

[loser-jpg]

me copy pasting my leona rant from that reblog in a separate post for all to see because i can

bro is just the smartest most cunning and intelligent guy ever. like yeah hes hot and strong but we NEED to talk more about just how much of a strategical GENIUS this man is. he knows just how strong and skilled he is which means in any situation he can immediately judge whoever hes up against and instantly know just how much strength and power to use to win. like he knew in book 6 the second he wasnt gonna win against the styx ppl and knew when to back down but every other situation he knows just how much power to use to win which they like confirm in book 6 he uses just enough to win and never more because he can perfectly judge a situation and like ik on the surface what most people notice about leona is how strong and powerful he is and i mean yeah hes like one of THE strongest people in nrc (in my personal opinion second only to malleus in magic but still more physically strong and more strategic than him) BUT WE NEVER TALK ENOUGH ABOUT THE CUNNING GENIUS THIS MAN IS he is so aware all the time and always knows exactly whats going on, so many events and chapters hes always mentally 5 steps ahead and knows whats going on well before anyone else. i cant remember the exact example but like in the halloween event from this year or smthn he like had a total understanding of the situation long before anyone else cuz hes just so smart and like hes smart like book smart but more importantly hes just aware in ways no one else really is. and about him being book smart i fully believe leona would have some of the highest grades in nrc if he applied himself. the few times he does he does like better than everyone else AND THATS W HIM SKIPPING CLASS SO MUCH imagine if he actually tried and went to class hed 100% have the best grade this man is so intelligent he just sees no reason to go to class because it is frankly useless to him he already knows all that stuff which is why he skips he already knows it so whats the point. like everyone sees leona as lazy but the stuff leonas lazy about is stuff that theres no point to try because he already knows hes better than everyone and thats his thing he doesnt need anyone elses approval he knows where he stands and feels no need to prove his worth to anyone else and i think thats actually so admirable. like for how much we say his low effort is depression (which it deff in part is) its also definitely him not feeling the need to prove himself to anyone because he knows how great he is and doesnt care if anyone thinks other wise because he knows theyre wrong so who cares. and i know he has a big ego but like.. HE CAN BACK IT UP. his ego is all from his own skill and talent this man NEVER claims something he cant back up which its like... ur ego is annoying but whats more annoying is theres valid reasoning behind it because HE JUST IS THAT GREAT

so i fully believe if leona had a significant other hed do everything to give them anything they could want. a lot of fics i read paint leona as this guy who wont really do something for his partner, or will just make someone else do it, and while in some cases i do believe hed deff like make ruggie go grab something or smthn i also believe hed want to take care of his partner. like sometimes its difficult to take care of yourself, but oh so easy to take care of someone else because its not you. and i fully believe this would apply to leona. if he has something, and its his he 100% takes care of it. he will put in the effort for someone else. he wont put in the effort for himself but for his partner? in a heartbeat. like even somethin small and typically annoying to do the only complaints youd hear are joking ones while hes already doing whatever you asked. and he also deff knows what to do for his partner before even they know. like i said before this man is canonically sooooo aware and that would deff hold up in a relationship. rarely have to ask for anything because hes already guessed what you want and is on it. also a lot of time i see people saying leona would want to brag about their partner and while i think this is true to an extent i also feel like hed want to keep his partner all to himself. something for just him that no one else needs to know about, or have their own opinions, or make their own comments.

[gingergofastboatsmojito]

Carmy Berzatto and his erotic transfer

All the things he says and some he doesn’t even dare to voice out, about the C person, are actually about Sydney.

The sublimation, emotional avoidance, denial, and projection are topics most of the fandom has already picked up on since S2 and all of us have talked about them often, obviously so did I:

Here

Here

Here

And here

Now, if we dig deeper, Carmy is what therapists usually call: a TRANSFER CLIENT.

Transference is a psychological mechanism that allows the person to direct feelings or desires related to an important figure in their life—such as a parent or a significant other—toward someone who is not that person. 

*More about transference here.

It typically happens in the therapeutical context between therapist-client but it's not necessarily limited to that context as it can be very common in other scenarios, such as professional, educational, etc. Especially among those who tend to project. Like Carmy.

Let's recap, shall we?

“I know we’re not supposed to hang out until later” (after talking to Syd about silverware).

My favest: The kiss after Syd said: "Goodnight!"

“I have to call my GF” (right after hugging Syd for having passed the fire suppression test).

“She’s so great that scares the shit outta me” (while under the table with Syd).

“She’s peace” (I won’t even mention the panic attack at this point, which is what makes this literally illogical unless we frame it within a transfer context, which is exactly what Carmy's case would dictate to be done by a therapist IF HE WERE UNDER TREATMENT.) This would be sooooo easy if he just made an appointment with a therapist and a psychiatrist and saw them weekly. So easy! FML!

“Sorry” (after the Polka dot sauce to a person he never dared to call because the real person he wanted to say that to was the one he had JUST TALKED TO AND TURNED AROUND AND LEFT).

This is not just a projection, it’s full-on transfer, erotic transfer even, to be more specific. It is even more common in people with a history of abuse.

Source: Harvard LWW Journal.

Erotic transfer

As I mentioned above, this is quite common in a psychotherapeutic context. Interactions between therapist and patient are influenced by the feelings and impressions that develop during the therapeutic relationship. The terms transference and countertransference are used to describe this process. We have virtually a million papers on this particular topic, and all therapists know exactly how to deal with these cases and even use the countertransfer as a therapeutic tool. There are even lines of treatment based on transference and countertransference that have proven to help patients who experience this type of unconscious feelings toward their therapists.

There's a whole section in the code of conduct that determines the guidelines and limitations to deal with this and any other type of transference (there are multiple types) in a therapeutic environment, and all professionals have to comply with them at all times.

BUT

-This is gonna be a loooong question, fasten your seatbelts-

What happens when this is the case of a chef who is experiencing a sexualized transference in which he is unconsciously transferring his sexual fantasies about his business partner, containing elements that are primarily reverential, romantic, intimate, sensual, or sexual not toward his therapist but towards an Emergency Dr. who was his frustrated high school crush, whom obviously he has idealized because back then he couldn't even talk to her and just sketched her away in his notebook

And who has idealized him right back as well, because the crush was mutual.

Not to mention someone who is not avoidant, she's maybe even too forward:

Someone who goes after what she wants and just doesn't give a rat's ass about saying things like:

"Never apologize"

"No one is keeping score of dropped shoes"

"I love you"

?

there.

Then what?

Well:

And of course:

He ended up not choosing Claire this time around either, sure! But the transference remains as his undealt feelings of guilt and emotional avoidance are still part of the equation, and until those are fully elaborated consciously and he makes a conscious decision as to how to move forward, he will continue being stuck in this situation and transferring, projecting and sublimating his true desires onto a more attenable and convenient canvas:

How do erotic transferences end?

The only way is to put it on the table (absolutely no pun intended even though I am convinced this is gonna happen → THE ULTIMATE SYDCARMY TABLE SCENE).

On a more serious note, the only correct way to put an end to any type of transference in a therapeutic environment, in case that's the chosen course of action, is to put all the cards on the table and elaborate on the motivations, till the REAL MOTIVATIONS come up, as they never do at first.

The client has to realize ON THEIR OWN that their transferred feelings are nothing but representations of their inner feelings and are not occurring as a result of their relationship with the therapist but rather as an unconscious mechanism that enables them NOT TO DEAL with a subjacent CONFLICT that is being AVOIDED, once that conclusion is reached, the next step is to work on the reasons why that conflict is being avoided and what does the patient want to do about it. Do they wish to continue avoiding it? Why? What would be the implications of that status quo? Are they willing to deal with them? Is it wise? Is it just simpler? What if the opposite choice is made? Why would that be the case? What would be the implications of that? What can be gained and lost in the process or in the aftermath of it? In any case: What is required to go through with any of these potential courses of action? Does the patient currently have what is required? If that's not the case: Why not? Could they get it? How? Why wasn't that done before? Why now? Etc... The therapist has to become less of a “blank screen” and more interactive with the patient. There has to be a back-and-forth. It's a whole process.

That process is incredibly difficult in Carmy's case because the C person is not his therapist, doesn't have to or wants to follow a code of conduct, wouldn't know how to go about this whole process even if she did, and most importantly: Is in love with him.

Are we screwed?

No.

How come?

Because thank dog there's a Chaos menu on the table.

Can we just focus on the CHAOS MENU, PLEASE!?!?!

The chaos that constantly haunts Carmy is → THE MENU. Not the "peace".

And the menu is his link to Sydney and all she represents for him.

I have been saying this since before S3, and S3 has only confirmed my assumptions → Their menu is their red string.

They will have to at some point have a real conversation about the menu, not just a quick exchange of feedback about the daily rotation in between services.

The chaos will fall into place at some point so they can keep the restaurant open, win a star, etc.

Also, the conversation/closure with the C person will have to happen at some point too, next season.

So the cards will have to be put on the table, sooner or later.

Later is what the song foreshadowed and in Save it for later I trust (prefer Vedder's version).

Bonus track: THE SYDLUCA TRAP. Syd is following the same path. Mirroring Carmy. She's in the process to start sexually transferring her undealt-with sexual desires for Carmy to Luca.

Whilst I fully support this as a temporary fix and a plot device that can give us a few pretty interesting eps where Carmy becomes a jelly bomb and therefore is forced to stop denying what he truly feels for Syd, as I explained here, I can't support this behavior in the long run because as any transfer, it is UNHEALTHY for all parties involved. Sydluca is a plot device that needs to be handled with care because it can very well end up becoming a comfort zone that is nothing but a trap that will only serve one purpose: "compensation". That which cannot be experienced with whom she truly wants to experience it will be experienced with a substitute figure, and eventually, no matter how well this replacement goes, the constant ghost of: "What if" will haunt her because she has already gotten to this point with Carmy:

So now it's too late to compensate healthily and just move on. It would bring nothing but heartache in the long run. If Luca had come along sooner into Syd's life, the story would be very different. Same with C. But TIMING MATTERS. If I know this, I'm pretty sure Storer and Calo know it too, so I choose not to be worried about it.

Remember to follow my tag #Gingerpovs 💋

[atopvisenyashill]

[just black list the tag #rani liveblogs got if u don’t want to see me bitch]

changes from book to show i noticed

what do you think it says thematically that they change the execution ned is carrying out from gared to will. do you think it was just cheaper to hire one guy to be both the “point of view” for our intro to the others and to also be the person executed.

i KNOW what it says thematically that they end this open with a scary shocking gared gets beheaded by the white walker scene and completely cut waymar royce’s “dance with me then” last stand and it’s nothing very good.

i don’t know that i like that they gave the “what about you” “i’m not a stark” exchange to bran and jon instead of ned and jon. i feel like it hits more when it’s jon denying his own starkness to ned’s face and bran sitting there realizing what a big thing jon has done here. but maybe i’m being picky here.

i do love this jaime & cersei scene. establishes the incest early, that they aren’t the ones who killed jon arryn, and also nikolaj’s danish accent comes through sooooo bad but i like it let him do it and give no explanation it’s sexy.

the tyrion change sure is. very typical of d&d.

i understand why it’s easier to just have jon snow outside and if they had a stronger jon snow i think i’d find this change less annoying but jon snow getting drunk at the party and crying is like 80% of the reason i love him so much. whomst among us.

these people are cowards prudes and fake perverts for changing this to fully clothed cuddling from those horn dogs .25 seconds after they came. i don’t give a shit about those three dehydrated twenty year olds in the shaving scene, also jon snow is my son i do Not want to fuck him stop trying to make me want to fuck him and give me sweaty and naked sean bean and michelle fairley having political pillow talk dammit.

making that change from catelyn wanting ned to go and ned not wanting to into catelyn fighting with luwin for ned to stay and ned not saying anything. perfect combo of “man is always right” + “completely erasing cat’s canon personality” + “misunderstanding ned’s core trait of grief due to long term depression & ptsd as ned is an honorable fool” nonsense. also let sean bean be naked?? michelle is not even like old???

i do understand why george was annoyed at the wedding night change, he’s writing something much more subtle than this, buti do think that’s a sign that they are not writing as subtle as him in regard to like. literally everything but especially dany and especially her relationships.

general comments and bitching

the archery scene is so fucking good tho. the way bran just LAUNCHES himself over that barrel to go slap arya silly but he can’t catch her she’s gone she’s in the wind and jon rickon and robb are hooting and hollering. really great.

do you know how many people i know who thought that jon snow and catelyn were fuckin bc of the glare they added there. akskdkd.

i wish they’d differentiated between jeyne poole and beth cassel in this scene with some dialogue and arya hears the training outside eventually drown out their voices instead of complete silence. those girls were not just like, the Main socialization that arya & sansa get, they’re both important to the northern plot with jeyne poole being like foundational to both of their stories. but obviously we know where that one goes.

i always think of that “when he looks at MEEEEEE and i look at HIIIIIIM” post during the direwolf puppy scene

“but he’s coming right now! down our road!”

i really like that arya is so mean to bran because he’s In Her Spot bc she’s next oldest so SHE goes next and HE goes next to the baby.

the way mark addy does that out of breath huffy “CAAAAAAAAAAAT” and hugs her is so funny to me i love every acting decision that man ever made.

honestly they really set emilia up by having most of her scenes be with harry lloyd when she can barely match kit harington and the daarios.

kit harington is always so much worse in this season than i ever remember. but that’s okay because lena headey, mark addy, and sean bean are also sooooo much better than i remember every single time.

the feast scene is also very good. the lil deranged moment between cersei catelyn and sansa. cat’s single nod to robb and him putting on the big brother and perfect heir face immediately. jaime so clearly wanting to fuck ned and ned cannot be more turned off by how desperate jaime is. amazing.

i remember reading an article about how this white opinion writer was like was that dothraki wedding racist. can you be racist against fictional people. you definitely can right?? anyways viserys looking really worried that murder is gonna fuck up his deal before laughing is so funny.

also the suddenness of “the things i do for love” is real good. i always gasp with bran when it happens, the way they time it is really good.

god i hope i don’t spend this much time bitching for every single episode. akskdjd. this is one of the good seasons.

[dreamtydraw]

Glub Glub

HAHA I’ve made it back home to my fishbowl!!! And guess what~ I played through all of your games! (I finished at.. 2 AM fishy time… I’m very sleepy lmao) I have oh so many thoughts about them all… >:) Ramble incoming! Apologies for the atrociously long ask and grammatical errors-

I played the games in order of release so first up was Night Shift, which was such a fun and quick play!! I loved how it sorta just throws you into this confusing supernatural world and is just like “You’re stuck in a time loop, good luck!”. I tend to go into video games expecting them to be super difficult for me, especially when they involve choice, so at the start I was listening to Françoise’s instructions like a hawk 👁️👁️, the atmosphere of the game was so cool too, the little inconsistencies in logic was so cool to watch unfold (I vividly remember reading the bit where the MC picks up the axe and flipping out cause “YOU’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO HAVE THAT!! THE GAME SAID DON’T DO THAT YOU IDIOT!!”) I forget the actual word for it but the entire setting really gave of the feeling of being in a huge place that’s typically filled with people but is for some reason deserted.. well except for Sam. Speaking of! Sammy’s fun I loved them! I was so intrigued as to what their whole deal was, like how did they get there? Why are they there? Whats up with them and Françoise and the whole “Deary” thing?? Overall it was such a short but sweet experience and a very nice introduction into the Paranormal Club world

Next was Apple Bag! I was actually originally going to play this last cause of its open ending, but I figured since it came out directly after Nightshift, I might as well just play it right then and there. This was also tons of fun! I actually really liked the MC’s personality a lot, I dunno why but their dialogue and thoughts were just fun to read through. I played through the mystery strangers route (I swear to god their name was said somewhere but I cannot for the life of me remember what it was) and it was a good time! I love their design a whole lot and it was funny seeing them get introduced as this terrifying menacing stranger to chill and sleepy customer, funnily enough when the MC kept describing them as really scary I was pretty confused as to why, then I realized that I kinda tend to act a lot like the stranger when I’m going out sooooo.. no wonder I didn’t find them all too spooky. The mystery of the literal apple bag and Sammy’s disappearance was also really fun to see, I wonder if it’s talking about Nightshift? Idk, I’m not a theory making expert so who knows! I’m just eager to watch the story unfold!

Next up Tulipe! The creation of this game was when I really first started seeing your Paranormal Club stuff so needless to say I was really excited to finally play it, and boy was I not disappointed!! Getting to see Achik in action was so so nice considering he’s the one that really got me into Paranormal Club. The game overall just had this constant feeling of fleeting bittersweetness? If that makes sense? And I mean that in a good way, I loved how the story (when doing the good endings) were sweet overall but kind of had this melancholic tint to it that I couldn’t ignore, kinda reminded me of my time playing blooming panic if that makes sense. I played through every single ending cause they were easy and quick enough to get and every single one of them was great! The good ending where you tell Achik the truth about why you approached him was, predictably, my favourite ending, I actually liked how you don’t really become besties by the end of it and remain as friends who are close but ultimately aren’t ever gonna deepen the relationship. The other good ending was also very nice but man did I feel awful telling Achik I only pursued him for his looks, it made me feel so bad I for the poor guy. And getting the bad endings? Man. Being generally mean in games already makes me feel terrible, so in Tulipe where I flat out have to use manipulation and spike someone’s drink???? YIKES. All I have to say to that is thank god I can consider it wildly non canon! (I didn’t know where to say it, but Achik’s sunglasses make me giggle, they look so goofy in a good way!)

And lastly, I played 21 Questions…. *sob* Clem… love of my life… I finally got to be with you like I always dreamt!!!! Yeah, jokes aside as you can probably tell Clem’s become my #1 fav of Paranormal Club. He’s just so cute and lovable and relatable! I could rant about my love for them for hours. I adored how down to earth the story and its characters were, and my heart goes out to everyone on the dev team for breathing so much life into the game. Clem and Aurore are such fun characters to watch interact and I never doubted for a second that they were best friends! The duo also really remind me of myself and people I know irl so I was like “Yeah I’d fit right in with these too if they were real” the whole time. Speaking of relatability, boy did Clem’s vent scene hit so hard- it feels weird to say but I just adored how depressing that scene was, not to get personal but Clem’s entire vent just reminded me exactly of myself, like I’ve had the exact thoughts that they had, so the entire time I was ugly sobbing right there with Clem, it felt nice, cathartic too. I always really appreciate any piece of media that’s able to do that, so Clem’s kinda become pretty special to my heart <3

Every single one of these games was an absolute delight to play through, they’re all filled with so much love and care that I can’t help but admire each and every one of them. I hope you and everyone you’ve worked with on your games are proud of what you’ve made and know that they’re all such amazing experiences :) Whenever you decide to make your next project (after a nice and healthy break), know that your fish anon will be right here in my fishbowl ready to support you!

And with that I must take my leave and turn in for the night, I’m so ready to knock out. Goodnight!

-🐟

First off… OH MY GOD

Your ask has been screened and sent to the other teams member + added to my personal gallery to remember because oh my 😭😭😭

I can’t put words on how much this ask feels to me, like, this is the reason i want to make art it’s for people to enjoy but i always doubt myself and like having point blank long comments about enjoying the biggest projects i worked on in my life so far is like- so important to me thanks you so much fish anon thank you !!! ( this is all i’ll be seing when i goes to sleep )

I’m really glad you liked the game, even nighshift ! This games is in my standard bad and i aim to remake it one day but i’m glad you add fun.

Answering some of the questions :

Yes Sam from nighshift and Sam from apple bag are the same person ! That why you meet erinna in both game. The events also happen at the same période.

The stranger’s name is Leila and they go by they/them.

The canon ending of tulipe is the first good ending :}

I will be taking a break as a dev yeah disidod need some rest.

Hope you’re also resting well !!!

Tons of love fish anon and again multiples thank you for not only playing my games but taking the time to writte all of this. It warms my heart and i’m grateful for your message. ❤️

[1unpaid-intern]

Sooooo I usually just post about my recent obsessions (that being tgcf rn), but I just had an internship and I figured since I fits my name I might as well post something about it.

I actually applied at a different company first, because everything was online and via email, so I didn't have to call anybody. And at first everything was looking great. I filled out the online formular, wrote a few emails with a lady from the human resources department, she said it's looking good and that she'll write me again when my application has been fully processed. After that I didn't hear from her for a while and then out of nowhere she's like "Sorry but we can't take anymore interns rn". So after emotionally recovering from that I replied with the typical "Sad to hear that, but thanks for your answer bla bla bla ... Also could I maybe apply for an internship at a later date?" Aaaaaannd I haven't heard from her til this day, so yeah I got the hint.

I then ended up at a smaller company, because my Mom knows a guy there (I think he is the husband of her great cousin or sth like that). I first had to suffer through some VERY awkward phone calls, but I somehow survived (I ended up giving them the wrong email, because I was so nervous, fuck you social anxiety, and even had to call them again because of it 🥲).

The internship wasn't bad, I originally wanted to do one as a graphic designer, but since the small company's marketing department consisted only of two people, who actually just were office management clerks, that specialized in marketing and knew all the Adobe programms, I had to compromise a little. Even though they were super nice and showed me all their tasks, I felt kinda useless, because I barely did anything in comparisson to them.

I had to:

- Check the new calender they designed in case they got holidays or something else wrong (they obviously didn't)

- Prepare a presentation on how to reache and then also hopefully get more trainees (they gave me way to much time for that, I'm used to pumping those out in two hours, because of school)

- Put some labels on Schnaps bottles, that they gave out to customers for their 125th anniversary

- Help packing up some other giveaways (like pens, measuring tape, t-shirts and so on)

The best thing was honestly overhearing all the gossip from the department next to us. My personal favourite was when they were talking about this one lady and one of the younger employes joked about her having an onlyfans. His older coworker obviously didn't know what that was, so he explained it to him and his reaction was just priceless. At first he was in denial, he thought he was joking, then he was in shock, because he just couldn't believe that people actually made money with this, and in the end he just stared laughing hysterically.

After the internship was over, I actually realized that they were making fun of me too and I feel kinda stupid for not realizing it earlier. Apparently it's very common here in Germany to refer to an overweight intern as a "Praktifant". A mix of the words Praktikan (=intern) and Elefant 🐘. The young guy, who made the onlyfans joke, always started playing "Colonel Hathi's March" from the Jungle Book shortly after I came in ...

I mean I'm not mad, because I geniunly like the song and it made everything less serious, so I wasn't as nervous. So, thanks I guess?

Also Bowser is into Elephants so I'll take this as a compliment. 🐘

[steveharrington]

hii I’m a different anon but I was wondering if u could link the videos to the crochet tutorials pls😭😭 I’ve been trying to figure it out and it’s kinda. not clicking for me at all lmao but anyway!!! thank u <3

yes!! okay so i used all these videos to learn specifically amigurumi (making little creatures) therefore a lot of them will be based around that. if you're interested in making things like clothes or tapestries im not the best person to ask, but i think a lot of these channels also have videos on those topics!

first off this video just teaches you how to do a slip stitch, which is just the basic method of getting your yarn on the hook to create foundational chains! this is sometimes used to make amigurumi as well as creating flat pieces, and there are several different ways to go about it but this video focuses on the pretzel method which i find easiest!

now this is specific to amigurumis, but the first step essentially is the magic circle. let me tell you i spent like. 3 hours one day on Just this step and watched so so so many videos, but i went back in my youtube search history and found this specific video because it just made it click in my brain. i even left a little comment being like "THANK YOU" so i know its this one hehe

this video talks about how to properly count your stitches/use stitch markers when making an amigurumi, and that's honestly lifesaving information to know when you're first starting out.

and finally i owe this video my life. seriously. it takes you through the process of crocheting a no-sew amigurumi that's very achievable for a first time beginner. it's great because the pattern is showed on screen while the artist explains each step, so it really helps you understand patterns and what they're asking you to do. i cannot express how much i owe literally everything ive ever crocheted to this baby octopus tutorial because after i followed it, i had a little baby octopus in my hand and i was like holy fuck i MADE THAT and then i just went from there <3

one note i'll also add is that sometimes when you're watching tutorials you might see some artists hold the yarn a different way (between different fingers etc) or even hold their hook a different way, and it doesn't mean they're doing it Right and you're doing it Wrong. aside from following a pattern, the way you crochet depends on what feels comfortable to you. im sooooo slow compared to a lot of the people in these tutorials, but thats just how i crochet and its fine! so dont get too caught up in trying to perfectly mimic everything you see these people doing, because a lot of it depends on the person <3

here’s my first ever ami, made using the baby octopus tutorial! you can even see the bag with all my brand new yarn and hooks and everything in the background lmao. and i am not a crafty person i typically don’t pick up on things very fast, but this is easier than it looks and it’s 100% doable for anyone. you can do this!! fr!!!

[turnips-creates]

15 Questions!!! (or in this case -> 25)

Thankie to both @carrotblr , @legiomiam , and @awritingcaitlinfor the tags!

I'm doing this all in one go bc if I don't, I'm gonna completely forget

Carrot's 15 ->

Are you named after anyone? yep! my middle name references my great gran

When was the last time you cried? hahahahaaaAAAAAAAA

Do you have kids? depends? none of my own genetics, but more OCs than i can list… plus a couple of pseudo-adopted kiddos i became con-parent to

Do you use sarcasm a lot? Noooooo, never in my life have i ever  🥰

What’s the first thing you notice about people? vibes or hair color

What’s your eye color? 👓

Scary movies or happy endings? i really don’t do well with suspense, sooooo typical horror ain’t my strong suit??? lets just say my friends don’t take me to those anymore, but if we’re talking just my preference in endings, i’m only care if it was a satisfying conclusion that goes with the storyline. [by satisfying i mean did the story go through a full arc]

Any special talents? i’ve been told i do??? a current list includes but apparently isn’t limited to: archery, socializing [apparently???], having a random assortment of facts on any given hyperfixation i’ve had, tripping over royalty, and reading really fast while being slow as shit at typing

Where were you born? hell, not quite sure which lvl tho… 4 maybe?

What are your hobbies? what do i not have as a hobby? rn it’s renaissance recreation that is NOT ren faire and embroidery/textiles 

Have you any pets? 3 cats, 1 doggo, and a fish

What sports do you play/have played? swimming, volleyball, and period archery are/were the ones i compete(d) in, but i also did boffer fighting as a kid

How tall are you? high end of average??? i grew really fast at a young age tho, so i towered over my elementary/middle school classmates. kept getting mistaken for an adult at 12 y/o

Favorite subject in school? SCIENCE

Dream job? i also would love to be a bestselling author, but becoming a novel editor would be fun too. the one i’m currently thinking of switching my major to - as i’m currently in the english dep with a focus in creative writing - is psychiatric neurology??? it’s always been fascinating to me especially after my way late audhd diagnosis

Legiom & Caitlyn's 10 ->

1. Do you prefer owls, capybaras, or flamingos?

OWLS! SKY CATS! i totally didn’t have a hyperfixation on ornithology with a focus in raptors as a kid… did you know an owl’s feathers are different from a hawks? the hawk’s wing feathers have ‘hooks’ that hold their feathers together? most birds have that feature in their feathers - it’s why the strands of individual flight feathers can be hard to break up, but owls don’t have such strong ones! owls also have small structures fluffing up from their flight feathers, and both of these features breaks up the air currents around their wings, not only allowing for near silent flight but also incredibly slow speeds - barn owls can glide as slow as 2 miles or 3.22 km per hour! there are variations of course —

2. What is your favorite soup?

uuuuhhh, does stew count as a soup??? if so, then there was this really great guinness based lamb stew i had in a small hole in the wall in ireland during my semester there

3. What is your favorite…rock (idfk)?

carnelian? or jade? the real pale kind?

4. Choose a familiar:

- very dumb, very loving disobedient dog. He loves you but will never listen to you ever

- a raven that speaks but it only ever shrieks the name of various fast food restaurants

- a toad that screams like a teenage boy instead of croaks

BIRB

5. Which planet do you feel like would be kind of an asshole if you met them?

Jupiter. definitely. 

[i totally wasn’t going to make a uranus joke, nope, not meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee]

6. if you were a worm would you love me? (ah yes me I did this)

depends on what kind of worm you became and whether or not i know it’s you

7. Least favorite type of clothing?

itchy ones.

8. You are now in a horror movie—so sorry. Chance of survival?

50/50 cause i’m an absolute dumbass. i’d either die immediately or out-dumb the villain.

9. Would you rather: the ability to instantly grow a perfect mustache, or ability to talk to vegetables?

mustache. a) it’s prime comedy and disguise material and b) i could not eat any veggies if i could hear them.

10. What do you think of whales?

THE BABIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEES

Feel free to answer any combination of the above questions! Sorry, if you've already been tagged:

@clockworkgalaxies @faelanvance @saltwaterbells @saphoblin @moonscribbler

Have fun!!!

[thiswatchcassie]

Murdoch Mysteries s1ep3 "The Knockdown"

After the break is my bullet point live reaction to/ thoughts about the episode. the final paragraph is my concluding thoughts!

TWs for this episode: period typical racism

Is this that one racist boxing episode? Or is this just one of the other boxing episodes?

Oh my lord he’s dead

Well there is boxing and people of colour and it is set pre turn off the century in toronto sooooo

“He’s quite the physical specimens look at his arms!” Julia DONT thirst over the dead man

“Personally I have a bit of an obsessed with the truth” um okay that is a bit of an undersell

William “I don’t understand how best to speak in situations” Murdoch

“George i need you to go out and purchase a dress” “oh we already have one for misses Robinson” “no, I need you to get one for me” “tired of the old jacket and trousers sir??” George is so fucking FUNNYYYY

“Murdoch I know you take great personal pride in having two speeds, slow, and dead slow” inspectorrrrr crackin me upppp

HIGGINS!!!!!! HIGGINS HIGGINS HIGGINS!!!!

“Will there be much spatter sir?” “That’s what we are here to find out”

“Do pigs have a soul sir?”

Brakenrieds face bahahah

Oh he was about to drop a hard R

Who is the enchanting French woman? And why do I want her to fuck me?

Plot happens i got destracted by a silly lil phone game

Now why on earth are you asking Julia if she’s attracted to men because of brute strength???

“Some women are attracted to intelligence” okay Julia

A FERRET???

“Careful sir they are know to bite”

The scary hot french lady is into cucking her husband???

The ending happend and the wife got to go to California and live out her best life

Okay im kinda obsesseddddd, this is much better then the last episode. Not much development in overall plot, but we do see Higgins for the first time!! And he talks!! The crime of the week was good, over all I’d give this a 7/10

[melo-yello]

✨Self-Care Day✨w/ 💥🪨KiriBaku HeadCanons💥🪨

Off Day

💥🪨 You’re hanging upside down on the couch in your shared apartment with a boyfriend on either side of you. Kiri’s hand in yours while Baku’s had one hand on your thigh and the other scrolling on his phone as some cartoon drones on the tv

💥🪨 This is not how you envisioned your first free weekend into the last two weeks going



💥🪨 You sigh loudly before poking out your bottom lip “Suki? Eiji? I’m bored.” you pout dramatically as you throw a hand onto your forehead before you continue “Can we do a self-care day?”

💥🪨 Baku just grunts in affirmation as he stretches before standing. Kiri just smiles “Of course, Pebble. Whatever you want.”

💥🪨 You pop up pecking both guys on the cheek as you bounce off to the kitchen with Kiri’s hand still in yours “Thanks you two are the best!I’ll make tea!!!”

💥🪨 “And don’t you forget it!” Bakugou smiles popping your soft ass as he follows behind most likely to micromanage

💥🪨 You three chat about your week not having much time outside of courses to really talk. Between studying, training, and hero work you guys just didn’t have a lot going of free time.

💥🪨Per usual you and Kiri really carry the conversation Baku only chiming in ever so often to offer up things that he hates

💥🪨 You pop up remembering one of for favorite parts of a good ole fashioned treat yo self day. The cute headbands for you and Kiri to push your hair out of your faces. You return with a pink bunny one, a brown Teddy Bear one, and a plain black headband. Baku takes the black and Kiri takes the bunny.

💥🪨 “How do I look, Peb?” Kiri smirks flexing to show his broad ass built ass frame after putting on his bunny headband. “Ridiculous.” “-ly Hawt!” You laugh correcting Baku

💥🪨 You film in absolute awe as your Manly bf’s pierce Suki’s ear with ease after the off handed joke you made sipping tea. Cue Baku voguing it up with pride and a freshly pierced ear. Bakugou is slightly leaner and a couple inches shorter but just as toned

💥🪨 “Suki, Eiji, you are too manly!” You hype your man up as you post the video to your IG story

💥🪨 It’s your turn now!! Kiri easily pierces your ears with a red stud in your right and an orange in your left. Adding a second set of holes right above your first ones

💥🪨 Next comes high quality and novelty animal face masks Bakugou buys online to compliment his vigorous skin care routine. It rivals half of the YouTube Beauty community’s

💥🪨 Niether of you have any idea of where he buys them or where he hides them for that matter. He stores them away so you guys can’t steal them when he’s not around. Bakugou allows you and Kiri to use his masks on special occasions tho

💥🪨 “Mr. and Mrs. Dumbass.” He smirks handing you a frog and Kiri a tiger. Earning him a playful jab from you and “A Thanks, Babe.” from the red head

💥🪨 You suggest nail 💅🏾 polish next and Kiri is automatically on board. “Oooooo can you make them Red, Babygirl? Because they’d be so manly!” Kiri beams bouncing up and down. Baku will only allow his middle fingers painted. “I want white with bombs or just F U. Whichever is easier for you, Teddy Bear.” Bakugou nods scrunching up his nose from behind his own red panda face mask.

💥🪨 Kirishima’s nails are a simple sparkly red that say 🤍BITE MANLY in white while Bakugou’s middle fingers are white with black bombs with an orange F U on each one respectively

💥🪨 After you peel off your masks, you and Kirishima squeal in nearly perfect sync “Oooooooooooo! Sooooo Soft! Aren’t we hawt, Bakubro! Seeeeeeeeeee!” Both of you placing his hand on your faces

💥🪨Bakugou will just roll his red eyes into the back of his head as you two wrap him in a tight embrace “I’ve told you idiots a thousand times the importance of regular skin care with quality products.” He shrugs nonchalantly even thought he loves when you two are touchie with him. He hates to admit it

💥🪨 As you begin to search you nail kit for your preferred color, Kiri grabs your hand and presses it to his cheek “Can we do yours, Pebble?” He pouts. Bakugou follows suit grabbing your other hand “Pretty please, Teddy?” He whines firmly pressing your hand to his heart.

💥🪨 You buckle so fast it’s not even funny. “Bbbbbbbut...😤😖😞fine.” You concede

💥🪨These two really know how to put on the charm. Especially if Bakugou Kasuki is calling you Teddy instead of Dumbass.

💥🪨 “Great! Y/n, pick out a show to watch before we start.” Baku barks handing you the remote. “Why?” You question snatching it and putting on Criminal Minds. Simply thrilled you were getting to pick (Typically there were mini competitions for such a privilege)

💥🪨 “You’re judging, Bighead. You can’t look til we’re done.” Kiri hums thoughtfully trying to pick a good color combination. Baku already had his colors hidden in his lap before scouting so his hip was against yours sure to obscure your view of your own hand from you.

💥🪨 “Yea, no bias. When I win it’ll because I’m the best! Isn’t that right, Shitty Hair!” The ash blonde smiles cockily at the red head across from him. “In your fucking dreams, Spark plug!” Kiri spits backs just taking all the colors and copying Bakugou’s positioning

💥🪨 “If either of you fuckers, get those polishes on my favorite jeans there’ll be hell to pay.” You warn with a sinister tone to rival even Katsuki’s and the widest smile. The boys shiver at the seriousness behind your smile. Your threat is far from empty

💥🪨 You pretty much figured your nails would probably look terrible with each of your vividly different boyfriends competing with each other. “What do you, dorks, even get for winning?” You muse leaning into Kiri’s broad ass shoulder

💥🪨 “The next date plans and solo cuddles with Teddy Bear for the rest of the night seems fair to me. Huh, Eijirou?” Baku looks up from his work with a self assured grin blowing one of your nails. Vermilion irises float from you to Kiri.

💥🪨 Knowing damn well niether of them could keep you their hands off you. “Deal.” Kiri nods without giving Baku the satisfaction of meeting his gaze.

💥🪨 “Oh and I get shitly painted nails.” You sigh rolling your eyes. You’d be lying if you didn’t find it kinda hawt when they got like this

💥🪨 “There.” Halfway through the 2nd episode Kiri says and finally caps his last polish. Blowing gently across the surface of your nails.

💥🪨 By this time Baku has placed your arm on his lower back and his head in your lap. A firm grip on your wrist so you couldn’t checkout his work until Kiri finished. Your fingers make light circles there despite being held hostage. “Bout time, slow poke.” Baku huffs releasing your arm as you brought both hands side by side.

💥🪨 They had somehow managed to pick colors that didn’t totally clash. Kiri’s hand were mix match rose gold and pink with the teeniest (not to mention even) little white hearts in the middle of each nail.

💥🪨 Baku’s hand was very simple and clean. Black French tips with one red to orange nail with a black X on top as an accent.

💥🪨 You weren’t expecting anything this good. You could barely speak. You hadn’t been this lost for words since they had asked you out. You sniffle a lil bit. Your eyes glass up a little too.

💥🪨 God your partners are so great sometimes. The fact that they genuinely gave a fuck still manages to catch you off guard at times. After so many terrible relationships, effort, in and of itself, is kinda baffling

💥🪨 “Damn Pebs, it’s not that bad if you squint.” Kiri laughs nervously squeezing your shoulders. “Woah there, Teddy Bear, I’ll get the remover.” Baku stands ruffling your curls before you grab his wrist stopping him in his tracks.

💥🪨 “Suki. Eiji. Don’t be mad but I can’t pick! You guys both did really good! Fuck! I couldn’t ask for better lovers. You assholes are so much better than I deserve!” You gush before hiding your face in your hands. A little ashamed you let your boyfriends doing something as simple as your nails make you emotional.

💥🪨 “But Baby you deserve the world.” Kirishima immediately scoops you into a bear hug as he stands spinning you with ease and peppering you in kisses. Kiri places you back down even more gently than picked you up

💥🪨 “Princess, you’re a bad bitch! Don’t you dare forget it!” The shorter ash blonde says unwaveringly lifting your chin so you’d meet his eyes. He softly bops your forehead before kissing it and both cheeks. He pulls you close right as he yanks you up to straddle his waist

💥🪨 “Eijirou, I think our Babygirl needs a reminder of who she is and who she’s with.” His already deep ruby eyes darken lustfully. With no hesitation Kiri is right behind you in seconds

💥🪨 “I know just thing to jog our Pebble’s memory, Katsuki.” He whispers licking the side of your neck just as moves to capture Katsuki’s lips with his own

💥🪨 “Promise?” You moan softly lacing fingers into Kiri’s loose kitchens and trailing a cool hand across Baku’s abdomen stopping only at his joggers waist band

💥🪨 With that the three head to the bed room for some much needed group physical therapy

[orchidsangel]

ro i just need to tell you that i love your writing so much i literally explode everytime you post and i’m in love with you i think ! The way u write jason is literally how i want my dream man! I don’t even want men! he’s so scrumdiddlyumptious and i am so glad that i found yr writing Tbh

thank u for being The Jason Todd writer ever and i can’t wait to see what else u have in store :33!!!!

(also i think i have to hear what went down between mattel and mga that caused the downfall of bratz now!! ur making me curious with that one thing on ur sideblog ⁉️)

i really don't know what i've done to get so many kind messages from all these people, it kinda feels a little surreal like woah...u like me? i am in love with YOU for sending me this sweet n kind message like, should we get married now?

i am a man hater till the day i die, but i unfortunately am attracted to them :( too bad they fucking suck. ughhhh i've written him as my dream man too (accidentally set the bar too high for myself so fml) and i'm soooooooooo glad you find joy in my writing, it means the world to me, and i hope you continue to find joy in it <33

as for MATTEL v MGA...

(this is a really shit summary and all from memory so i could be wrong about some things but this is the general gist of what happened and i'll try to find a good article or video with much more accurate info)

basically in may of 2001, MGA entertainment released the original/main 4 bratz dolls, a group of four girls consisting of cloe, jade, yasmin, and sasha. bratz, similarly to barbie, was advertised towards young girls, but the biggest differences between the two doll lines were the diversity & the fashions. where barbie was typically shown with a pale complexion, blonde hair, and blue eyes; each original bratz girl was a different race. cloe was white, jade was asian, sasha was black, and yasmin was a bown hispanic. aside from the diversity of these four girlies, they were also dressed to the NINES !! head to toe in fashions that were unique and trendy for the time period, and to this day they absolutely devour like they're on moodboards for every fashion girlie and it's literally been 20+ years, like talk about longevity.

anyway, i'll skip most of the mumbo jumbo about their releases (even though i could literally give a list of my fave bratz lines of that era), but they became BIG, releasing literally hundreds of dolls and continuously expanding the ever-rotating list of side characters to go along on the core four adventures. some of the more notable releases are the ever iconic rock angelz dolls (my literal 4lyfers), pretty n punk (which came from that same movie), tokyo a go go, slumber party and nighty nite, etc., and aside from those dolls, they had movies, merch, electronics, albums, food, cosmetics, etc. like they were MASSIVE despite so much controversy surrounding them. sooooo massive that they surpassed barbie, and one thing mattel doesn't play about is fucking BARBIE (literally nerfed monster high bc they were gaining too much popularity, and that was THEIR brand).

here's where it all goes to shit. so naturally, when faced with a fierce competitor, mattel filed a lawsuit after discovering that carter bryant was involved in the creation of bratz. who is carter bryant? well, not only the creator of bratz but a FORMER MATTEL EMPLOYEE !!! and that's why shit hit the fan; mattels lawsuit was basically over the rights to bratz. their argument was that because bryant was employed under mattel at the time of his big idea, that bratz was technically mattels property. this legal battle lasts like literal ages, and there were a lot of layers to it that i can't really understand because legal jargon hurts my brain, but there's a book that goes into great detail called 'you don't own me' i believe. mattel won the lawsuit in 2008, and ownership of the bratz brand was to be handed over to them, but at some point between 2008 and 2010, mga took their case to the court of appeals and won, meaning they regained ownership. during all of that time bratz fashions had become less stylish, releases weren't as often, the hair was shit (but that was also cuz of mattel bc those fuckers play dirty), and overall the brand just wasn't the same. imo, the best way to see the decline in quality is to go to the lookin bratz site and see how different post-2009 releases were (and even then, some of those were...like cowgirlz was, imo, the last really good bratz line, but one could argue it was dance crewz)

they continued producing dolls through 2014, even creating their own version of monster high called bratzillaz (i should also mention that myscene was mattels version of bratz). then, in 2015, they completely rebooted the franchise with a new line titled 'hello my name is'. this line featured the original 4 girls plus a new girl named raya. and that whole...that entire thing was BAD to me, but some people like it.

anyway, there was never like a "real" downfall, but they had some pretty bad years lmao. they're back tho so we up!!!! i have a collection of fashion dolls, monster high, bratz, rainbow high, and hopefully barbies soon. literally my favorite collection (i have a lot)

[morporkian-cryptid]

Today in "Elliott's Niche AF AUs": one (1) person asked me about this, sooooo...

Lupin III Discworld AU crossover headcanon pile thingy!!!

For those who don't know: Discworld is a flat world held on the back of four giant elephants on top of a giant turtle, floating through space. That world has magic, as well as trolls, dwarves, goblins etc... but in a way that's meant to subvert typical fantasy tropes.

Ankh-Morpork, the biggest city on the Disc, is a hotbed of crime, innovations, and innovations in crime. It is run by a council of guilds, and by a Patrician (a lifelong tyrant; he's elected by the guilds but he has the final say in everything). Notorious for having an Assassins', Thieves', Beggars', and Seamstresses' (sex workers) Guilds. Also notorious for its Watch (the police), which is actually surprisingly good at solving crimes. It's also the biggest immigration destination on the Disc.

Character backstories/situations:

Lupin : half-quirmian-half-agatean (Quirm being the DW equivalent of France), grew up in the Agatean Empire (DW equivalent of China/East Asia). He moved to Ankh-Morpork to follow Fujiko, and/or to escape Zenigata. He’s an illegal thief (meaning he's not registered with the Thieves' Guild), and his favourite hobby (besides just stealing in general) is screwing with the Guild. Commander Vimes, the head of the Watch, is supposed to catch him (or at least help Zenigata catch him), but he's secretly rooting for him because he dislikes the Guild slightly more than he dislikes Lupin.

Jigen : son of a couple of Agatean immigrants in Ankh-Morpork, grew up as a street urchin in the Shades (the most crime-ridden neighborhood of the notoriously crime-ridden Ankh-Morpork). He joined the Assassins’ Guild later in his life as a (mostly self-taught) sharpshooter, with a talent that outshone that of the Guild's best students. He later quit the Guild after he met Lupin (possibly had a contract to kill Lupin, and decided “screw this I’m going with him”). He can use any kind of shooting weapons, but favors crossbows. He’s tried stealing and using the gonne (DW's first and only firearm); it didn't go well. He somehow managed to learn one single spell from the wizards, the fireball, by becoming pals with Arcchancelor Ridcully (wizard, head of the Unseen University, and famous for his unfortunate passion for crossbow shooting).

Goemon : agatean immigrant/fugitive, master swordsman. He left Agatea because Fujiko stole his Zantetsuken and fled to Ankh-Morpork, so Goemon had to follow her to retrieve his sword. He then met Lupin and Jigen and decided to stick around. The Zantetsuken is a talking sword, and its personality is basically the embodiment of Bushido. It's extremely annoying (like all talking swords), but Goemon loves it. (it was probably his only friend back in Agatea)

Fujiko : agatean immigrant/fugitive. Ran away from the Agatean Empire chased by Goemon. She joined the Thieves’ Guild, but everyone confuses her for a seamstress because her technique usually involves seduction. She tried it on Vetinari once. It failed spectacularly.

Zenigata : agatean immigrant, part of the Empire’s police force, who came to Ankh-Morpork chasing Lupin. He only brought his assistant Yata with him, and has to cooperate with the Watch to have resources to catch Lupin. Vimes doesn’t particularly like him, but he’s good at his work so he can’t say anything (they're both too stubborn to get along).

Bonus:

Yata: Zenigata’s assistant, came to Ankh-Morpork with him, rapidly became great friends with Rufus Drumknott (the Head Secretary of the Patrician, Lord Vetinari). He has a bad influence on Drumknott. He also befriended Captain Carrot Ironfoundersson, but then again Carrot befriends everyone.

Ami: She's a clacks operator. Clacks are basically the DW equivalent of telegraph. There's a group of clacks hackers called the GNU, so she might have joined them.

Albert: He's part of the Patrician's Dark Clerks (they're the secret services of Ankh-Morpork)

Rebecca: She's from Quirm. That’s all I have about her for now. (Quirm's the equivalent of France, but in the french translation it was made into an equivalent of Italy)

Random-Ass Headcanons

Lupin gets along like a house on fire with Moist von Lipwig (former conman and current postmaster, notorious adrenaline junkie), both figuratively and literally. Lupin and Lipwig sometimes team up on heists and rely on each other’s help, when they’re not busy competing against each other because Lupin keeps daring Lipwig to thieving competitions.

One of the contests’ goal is to steal Vetinari’s manuscript, The Servant. Fujiko wins. She wasn’t even in the race.

///

Fujiko quickly became friends with Adora-Belle Dearheart (Moist von Lipwig's rather explosive girlfriend), they get together every now and then to trash-talk their respective boyfriends.

///

For some reason everyone thinks Lupin is a werewolf. (it’s actually Jigen)

(maybe. I haven't yet decided whether or not he is. That would be a very good source of angst, considering what most werewolves are like, and also a very good source of domestic fluff if the whole gang has to adapt to the moon cycle and Jigen's transformations. Idk. Might be fun.)

///

Fujiko owns a horse golem (a gift from Adora-Belle or something she stole, we may never know). The Gang also owns a carriage, modified with a spell so it will drive faster, and they drive it completely carelessly. It has been destroyed and rebuilt countless times. (actually a bunch of spells, Lupin probably found a way to blackmail Ridcully so he could mod the shit out of his carriage. Or they rely on Jigen’s friendship with Ridcully)

///

Lupin uses swamp dragons as firearms (dialogue courtesy of @marquise-de-clarabas: Jigen: You stole a dragon??? Lupin: I didn’t steal him! He’s his own person and can make decisions himself! Dragon: I wanna steal). He has an alias and disguise entirely dedicated to visiting the Sunshine Sanctuary For Sick Dragons, and somehow became friends with Lady Sybil Ramkin-Vimes (Commander Vimes' wife, and the greatest expert on swamp dragons in the city, probably on the Disc). Vimes doesn't know about it, and Lupin finds the whole situation hilarious. He constantly makes jokes about how he’s playing with fire.

///

The Thieves’ Guild and the Watch are competing to catch the Gang, but secretly Vimes is rooting for the Gang (the Guild just hates them). That said, Vimes also hates Lupin (only slightly less than he dislikes the Guild), because he's always a little shit whenever he gets put in jail, and then he immediately breaks out.

///

Rincewind (famously bad wizard with a shit luck and a tendency to run from problems) once got arrested by Zenigata, because he got startled by him yelling LUPAAAAAAAAAN! and started running for the hills, making Zenigata believe he was Lupin in disguise. Rincewind is terrified of Zenigata.

///

Zenigata is actively trying to stop the Thieves' Guild from catching Lupin and Co, both because he wants to catch them himself, and because he knows what the Guild does to illegal thieves and he doesn’t want it to happen to Lupin.

///

Lupin stole Ridcully’s hat (custom wizard hat with a bunch of pockets, drawers, a crossbow, and a tiny flask of alcohol) as a gift for Jigen’s birthday. He also stole Lipwig’s hat (golden cap with dove wings), after which Adora claimed she didn’t recognize Moist (dialogue courtesy of @marquise-de-clarabas: Moist: C’mon babe, it’s me, your boyfriend! Adora, knowing full well who he is: I have never met this man in my entire life). He also raided the Assassins' Guild's armory/museum to get a birthday gift for Goemon.

///

About Jigen and the gonne (spoilers for Men at Arms) : basically, the gonne being such a dangerous and destructive weapon compared to crossbows, it has a nigh-magical attraction on people, and awakens and strengthens whatever lust for power, vengeance, blood etc they have. It basically controls its user and feeds on their convictions, addictions, wants, etc. The only person known to have resisted it is Vimes (because he's a stubborn mofo with a sense of morals you could bend iron on), and even he came damn near to losing his mind. (And Carrot, because... he's Carrot.)

Assuming the gonne didn't get destroyed in this AU: after they steal it, Lupin tries to use it, gets completely possessed/cursed (again) and accidentally tries to murder his friends (again), prompting Jigen to take it from him. Jigen then gets possessed as well, and they start fighting for the gonne, until Goemon just walks in, takes it out of their hands and takes it away. Goemon's completely unaffected by the gonne because 1) of his ascetic training and 2) "it is a filthy morporkian artifact and cannot compare to the noble art of the sword."

///

Zenigata often teams up with Angua (resident werewolf of the Watch), they get along very well. The Gang is very easy to track, they smell like a tobacco factory that has caught on fire.

///

Yata and Drumknott (Patrician's head secretary, and confidante, sort of) get together after office hours, and argue about whose boss is the best (because as we all know they both have a crush on respective bosses). One day Drumknott accidentally calls Vetinari “Sempai” after he heard Yata call Zenigata that all the time.

///

Lupin follows Lipwig’s example and steals all of Yata’s pencils every time he visits the Pseudopolis Yard (the Watch's HQ). Drumknott is fuming when Yata tells him about it.

///

Leonardo Da Quirm is butt-naked, because Part 4.

///

Something with vampires, probably.

///

tagging @carriagelamp and @mad-whoman-with-a-book00 because I know you may be potentially interested in this AU ^^

[theonewiththefanfics]

Come Back To Me (one-shot)

Synopsis: Bucky Barnes has gone through hell and back to reach his happiness, and his happiness came in the form of the love of his life. But what happens when she’s ripped away? What happens when she comes back and can no longer be happy herself? How does he get her back

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x f!Reader

Genre: AAAAANNNNNGGGGGSSSTTT, sooooo much angst. Lil bit of fluff as well (also, we’re gonna pretend like Endgame didn’t really happen, and WandaVision wasn’t as emotionally devastating), smut

Warnings: extreme sadness, depression, refusal to eat, unprotected sex, allusion to ra*e, but not the act. if there is anything else, please let me know and message me :) (MINIMALLY EDITED)

Word count: 9301 (it gon be a ride)

Bucky’s been scared many times in his life before. He wouldn’t admit that out loud, but most of the time, even as the Winter Soldier, he was terrified. Afraid to fail and of the consequences that would follow, afraid to succeed and have another person’s blood on his hands, afraid to look in the mirror, for the face staring back at him wasn’t quite his own, and even afraid to sleep in the dark, terrified the spirits of his victims would come out for revenge. But he’s never been as scared as he was in that moment, pointing a gun at the head of the love of his life, while she did the same, only without any clue as to who Bucky was.

           His mind was still processing how they’d gotten in that position, and it refused to accept it, because nothing, not a single thing had clued him in on how that day could turn south so quickly.

           It had started off as usual with Bucky’s flesh hand sliding down Y/N’s naked spine, as she had her face pressed against his toned chest, small snores escaping into the air, while a small dribble of drool trickled down the corner of her mouth.

           Bucky couldn’t help the smile lifting up his lips. It was moments like those, he believed in good things. 5 AM, the New York sky dark and without a trace of morning light probably until 8 AM, with his favourite person in the world pressed up against his side, soaking up his warmth, leeching it off without any shame after having been satisfied (or at least he hoped so) by his tongue, fingers and, well, other things as well.

           Y/N shifted a bit, trailing her palm up to his abs and settling in the middle of his chest to feel his strong heartbeat. Bucky laid his palm over hers. Even in her sleep, she didn’t hesitate to entwine their fingers and bring them under her chin, closer to her, as if she needed him next to her at all times.

           He felt bad, he truly did, as he squeezed Y/N’s side, making her frown. “You gotta wake up, dollface. We gotta get ready.”

           “Dunantdo,” she mumbled, and if Bucky hadn’t been there to take care of her drunken ass more times than he could count, he wouldn’t have been able to decipher her slurred words as “don’t want to.”

           “I know.” He chuckled. “And believe me, there’s nothing in this world I’d wanna do more than lay here with you… well maybe go down on you a few more times at some point as well, but the mission won’t happen on its own.”

           Bucky felt her chest rumble against his, as she laughed. “Oh, I wouldn’t mind you going down on me, mission and all.” Her words were clearer, but still laced with sleep, and muffled by his skin while he felt her calves run against his as she stretched out.

           “I know you don’t. The missing hair chunks on my head prove that.”

           “Hey!” she slapped his chest but soothing it immediately blearily looking at him with a pout. “I didn’t pull that hard!”

           “I’m not complaining, sweetheart.” He pressed a kiss against the top of her head. “In fact, if you ever stop doing that, I will make sure you regret it, but unfortunately we don’t have time for a rendezvous. Jet’s gonna be ready in an hour.”

           Finally, after having accepted the fact she won’t get any more sleep, Y/N lifted herself to rest on her elbow right next to Bucky’s ribs and opened her Y/E/C sleep-filled eyes to look into his cerulean ones. “We can still squeeze in a quickie if we hop into the shower together.”

           “We can,” Bucky hummed, metal fingers lifting up to cup her cheek and place a strand of unruly hair behind her ear. “But you know a quickie for us is never quick.”

           Y/N let out a scoff and pushed away from their fluffy duvet, making her shiver as she placed her feet on the cold floor. “And whose fault is that? You’re the one with the super-soldier stamina.”

           “And you,” he pinched her ass making her squeal before giving him the middle finger and taking the red Henley she’d so happily taken off his body the night before only to put it on herself, “are the completely irresistible one. Can you blame me for wanting to spend eternity between those two legs in every way possible?”

           The smile she threw him over her shoulder was nothing short of wicked, but instead of joining him in the warm embrace of the bed, Y/N made her way to the bathroom. “Keep talking, Mr Charmer. Might just get you what you want.”

           Bucky was happy about having super speed as well with how quickly he hopped out of the bed and pressed her against the cold tile wall.

           ***

           Much to Steve’s annoyance, although they were barely fifteen minutes late, Bucky and Y/N were late, and when he saw the smug grins both of them sported, he genuinely thought his eyes would get stuck at the back of his head with the hard roll he gave to them.

           “As a new policy,” he started, flipping over the mission file, “I’m putting you two on a celibate streak.”

           Y/N raised an eyebrow, plopping down on one of the metal benches as the Quinjet lifted in the air. “Really, Steve? Do you truly want to deal with Bucky like that? Cause I know, I don’t.”

           “Well, your fondueing is disrupting the schedule.”

           “Oh relax,” Nat butted in, throwing Y/N a chocolate bar, given how no one had had time to eat proper breakfast. “It’s not like the HYDRA base was going to suddenly disappear.” 

           “It could’ve,” the blond super soldier countered.

           Nat rolled her eyes, not bothering to hide the smile she had on her face. “Which is why we have an inside man, who as of three minutes ago has confirmed – they’re still there. And by the looks of it, not even trying to run.”

           Bucky’s arm slung around Y/N’s shoulder and pulled her closer. “See? Everything’s still on track. Besides, from what I heard from Sam, he’s loving the whole under-cover thing so we were doing him a favour.”

           Tony had gotten out of the pilot’s seat and joined in on everyone discussing Y/N’s and Bucky’s sex life, so that was her cue to switch the comms in her ear from ‘communication’ setting to the ‘music’ setting, leaning against Bucky’s side and closing her eyes, cashing in on those lost sleep minutes she’d spent in the shower with her lover. 

           When they had about forty minutes left in the air, Bucky once more woke Y/N up as she’d fallen asleep while Steve and Tony went over the last briefing. 

“Bucky and I will take the South-side entrance,” Steve said, pointing at the holographic map Tony had pulled up. “Y/N, Nat and Wanda you take the East, and go as easy as you can, Red.” Steve nudged his chin towards Wanda who nodded. “Just because you can bend reality doesn’t mean you can bend your health. That’s where the main intel storage unit. Get as much as you can and get out. Tony will take the air and wait until Sam joins before blowing everything up. Clint, Bruce and Thor have all checked in, and are already in their positions on the ground as blitz attack. Once F.R.I.D.A.Y has confirmed everyone’s location away from the blast zone Tony will detonate the bombs Sam has set up inside. Got it?”

Affirmative nods came from everyone on board, as they went to do final checks on their gear and equipment.

“Be careful out there, alright?” Bucky mumbled against Y/N’s neck as she double and triple checked her ammunition count, strapping a sword to her back as well, just in case. Her obsession with Medieval fantasy shows giving her a reason to make Tony pay for her lessons. 

           “We’re gonna be fine,” Y/N gently patted Bucky’s cheek before giving him a peck on the cheek as he wrapped two strong hands around her waist. “We always are.”

           But where typically she was right (most of the time), it was in that instance where she couldn’t be further from the truth if she’d tried. 

           Despite having Sam on the inside and him having gone through great lengths to make the infiltration as easy as possible, getting inside the building had been suspiciously easy, and that had set off everyone’s alarm bells, but knowing how important gathering the information was, they pressed on, keeping the thought that it could be a trap at the back of their minds at all times. 

           Thor, Bruce and Clint had started their ground attack two minutes before the rest had joined, with Vision guiding and disabling every system possible from back at the tower, so Tony and F.R.I.D.A.Y could put all of their focus on retaliating against the helacarriers coming their way. 

           “Cap, we’re in,” Natasha announced, ducking through the door, as Wanda covered her six, and Y/N lead the way in front, bullet shells flying out from her rifle. 

           Their comms crackled with echoes of gunfire outside as Tony lead them through the place right until they got to the main room where the whole system mainframe resided in.

           “Five-minute countdown commenced,” Y/N said it out loud to inform the rest of their team, as she stood behind Wanda, who’d created a red shield of magic, keeping the assault away and them inside the room.

           Five minutes until they had to get out of the building because in eight minutes time Tony and Vision, having infiltrated HYDRA’s system would blow everything to bits. If that failed, Wanda was there to provide a safety dome for the three of them, but it was just as a failsafe. Even though she now had full control of her powers, understood them better than ever, taking in a blast that will level a whole ass building was still a lot and there was no guarantee bricks and beams wouldn’t just settle right over them to then fall on top the women, she was still recuperating from a rival witch attack and it had taken out a bit more energy from her than usual.

           “How’s it looking over on your end, Vis?” Wanda asked through the comms, connecting back to the rest of the team in the tower.

           “The files are coming in, but too slowly,” his smooth voice invaded everyone’s earpieces. “And unfortunately F.R.I.D.A.Y’s mainframe won’t allow for a faster download, as she needs to scan everything for viruses.”

           “Should’ve used a flash-drive,” Y/N mumbled under her breath as she watched the HYDRA agents line outside the room, creating a two-level firing squad basically. 

           “Last time we did that, the files corrupted the drive and then erased themselves,” Tony butted in, then groaned as something hard hit him. “And no one needs to hear you complain about losing the six seasons of Brooklyn Nine-Nine again.”

           Y/N just rolled her eyes and steadied her rifle against her shoulder once Nat gave the go-sign. Then something beeped through everyone’s comms. The three-minute countdown before the whole building went down.

           “We’re barely at seventy-six percent,” Nat’s tone was calm, but the frustration didn’t go unnoticed by others.

           “Plan B then.” Wanda changed her stance a bit, but not by much as to not arouse any suspicion from the agents. If they could be taken out by the blast instead of her it’d be less energy used on her part.

           “Are you sure?” Sam finally butted in, having gotten in contact with Bucky who’d given him a comm linked just with their interface. “We can try and delay the blast,” Sam said right as Bucky commanded him to do so.

           “No,” Wanda stated. There were already at the two-minute mark. “Get out. We’ll take cover once the files are ours.”

           “Y/N,” she heard her lover start, but she just shook her head, even though he couldn’t see it. 

           “Wanda’s right. Just be here to pull us out from the rubble. I have no want to climb through the wreckage.”

           A deep, long, exasperated sigh echoed in her ears, and it made her smile. “You know, sometimes I really hate you.”

           “Love you too, hot stuff.”

           A chorus of gags followed shortly after their little display of affection, and even though they were nowhere near one another they rolled their eyes almost at the exact same time, as Vision told Wanda to stay safe.

           “You owe me a foot massage, Vis.”

           “Gross.” Y/N chuckled.

           Wanda just threw her a smirk. “Imagine how we all feel about you and Bucky.”

           “Okay, we’re down to sixty seconds!” Tony said, making Y/N nervously glance back at Nat. 

           The assassin just shook her head. “Eighty-seven percent.”

           She gritted her teeth. If the building went out before they got the files they’d be stuck with just what they had. “F.R.I.D.A.Y, please speed up a bit, the place is about to get blown to bits.”

           “Rerouting the files to a different server,” the A.I. was immediately on it. “Will have to do the scan later.”

           “Thirty seconds, guys!” Steve shouted as whoever was still near the base scrambled to get out.

           Nat’s head whipped back to the computer screen. “Almost there.”

           But the whole thing seemed to have made the HYDRA agents realise something was amiss, yet it was too late for them. As Sam counted off the last five seconds, Natasha rushed to the other two women, grabbing them by their waists and crouching down while Wanda created a red dome of magic, explosions shaking the whole house.

           For a second the rumbling felt more like someone shaking you awake from a deep sleep until the walls of the room exploded, raining fire, brick and metal down on them. 

           That would’ve been fine if not for the fact that the floor underneath them decided to disappear as well, an array of curses coming from their mouths as Wanda immediately rounded out the shield while the rest of their teammates kept nagging them to respond.

           “Y/N, I swear to everything you hold dear, I will kill you myself if you die,” Bucky pretty much screamed, while she groaned as the sudden shift in balance had made her hit herself in the ribs with the rifle.

           She gritted her teeth, as Wanda used more of her powers to stabilise them. “We’re fine,” she responded. “No need to bring in the cavalry yet.”

           A deep sigh from what seemed like everyone echoed in her earpiece, and when Wanda was sure there’d be no second shockwaves from the blast or no debris that could fall right on top of them where she’d need to take her focus away, she flew the three women out of the ruined building and onto the grassy knoll where the team stood waiting. 

           Bucky was instantly next to Y/N, pulling her into his body and her lips against his once Wanda released her from the energy bubble. 

           “God, you’re disgusting,” Sam mumbled, and it was followed by a small yelp when someone hit him in the side.

           Y/N threw him a mischievous grin when she pulled away. “Don’t be a Bitter Betty. The offer to set you up still stands.”

           Sam cackled, as everyone had now regrouped and together were marching away to where the jet sat disguised between the trees. “Hard pass. You’re a worse matchmaker than Steve.”

           “Hey! Amelia was an amazing girl.”

           “She is except for the fact that she’s not interested in men.”

           Steve’s cheeks reddened up a bit, as Tony gave him a sympathetic pat. “ ‘S not my business to ask what people’s sexuality is. And blame yourself. You’re the one who’s called Sam.”

           “Oh, don’t you even –“ but his words were cut off midway as gunfire rained down on them from the sky.

           Instantly Wanda threw up a shield once more, Bucky going to cover Y/N with his body, but HYDRA opening fire from the top had left their sides unprotected, and a well-aimed shot from a bazooka ripped everyone apart. 

           The blast was minimised thanks to Wanda and her quickly directing a part of her magic to contain it, but the missile still threw them away.

           Y/N’s head was ringing, and she wasn’t sure if it was because of the loud noise of the blast, because of her having hit her head against a tree trunk, or because of all the screams from her teammates, yet she had zero time to recuperate as an agent rushed towards her, knives ready for a kill.

           The first one embedded itself inside the tree, and barely not inside her head, as she moved to the side in the last minute, but a small sting still crept along the side of her head where he’d managed to split the skin.

           She was up and rolling away, grabbing one of her own knives from the side of her leg, finally unsheathing her sword. There was no time to put more clips in her guns.

           The first agent was quick work for Y/N, I mean he only three more knives left, and he’d been one of the unlucky ones to stand next to the building when it went off, so the shrapnel had ripped a piece of his Kevlar open giving her the perfect place to put her sword in, but the next ten were not as easy.

           She was worn out, tired from having experienced two explosions and some of the agents were new backup, which meant they had more strength and energy, but she wasn’t going to let them get the best of her. 

           At the back of her mind, Y/N heard everyone chiming in as to where they were, how many people were after them if they needed backup, but mostly Y/N heard Bucky’s calls that he was coming to get her, even though she hadn’t requested help, she was too busy dodging bullets and knives to even respond. 

           She was human, she needed help, she wanted help, but then something odd occurred to her – most, from what she’d heard through the comms, were fighting maybe four to five people at a time, with the exception of Wanda, Tony, Thor and Hulk who had tanks and cars going after them, while Y/N had a group of twenty to twenty-five people to manage.

           It was an ambush, it dawned on her.

           She wanted to scream at herself ‘No shit, the whole thing is an ambush’, but it was an ambush of Y/N specifically, which was odd given how she was pretty much one of the few who had no direct ties to HYDRA, but that one moment of confusion was enough for someone to land a slice to the side where her own suit had a hole in it. 

           “Oh, we don’t want you,” a voice went through her comms that she didn’t recognise. It was muffled as if someone was whispering through someone else’s mic. “But we’ll hurt you more than ever.”

           An unsettling quiet settled around before she clearly recognised Bucky breathing out a ‘no’ and then a panicked ‘Y/N!’ rip through his throat. Her head whipped to see one of the most frightening sights of her life that will forever be ingrained in her mind.

           Bucky was laying on the ground, completely paralysed without the ability to even flex a muscle, blue eyes turned towards her in terror and helplessness as he watched while nine more agents stormed towards her.

           She was capable, of course. He’d even experienced how capable the girl was on his own skin, and it had left his super-soldier skin bruised and battered for a few days. But right now, she was tired, she had zero ammo left, all of her knives were embedded in the heads or chests of other assailants and somewhere along the way her sword had snapped in half, leaving her with a jagged piece of steel, which was also protruding out from someone’s chest. Y/N had nothing, but her punches and kicks left. And even she knew there was no way she’d last long enough to get back to the jet in one piece.

           So, gathering whatever strength remained in her body, Y/N retaliated on last time. She heard people shouting that they were coming for her, and for a moment she truly believed so when a red ball of magic hit a group of seven agents knocking them down, but when Y/N’s eyes flitted to where it’d come from, she saw the agents subdue Wanda, as they'd somehow managed to put an electroshock collar around her neck. She fell to her knees gasping in pain.

           All of it, Y/N realised, every single thing that had happened had been a distraction. They’d split them apart, and the Avengers had most likely helped HYDRA accomplish their goal when the bomb went off. 

           For a moment she wondered why’d they’d want to take her, why not take their ‘weapons’ back, but just as quickly came the realisation of their words.

           Someone grabbed her by the ankle, yanking her down. 

           Y/N saw stars behind her eyelids, and her teeth clanked together. She was lucky her tongue hadn’t been between them. 

           Bucky screamed as if someone was ripping his heart from his chest.

           A gun hit her on the head.

           And then everything went black.

***

                      Bucky was going insane. He’d trade having his brain being put through the meatgrinder for seventy years once again if that meant Y/N was back with him, but the empty space in his bed, the unused shampoo and conditioner bottles, the dirty cup in the sink told him otherwise. She was gone, and he couldn’t do anything about it. 

           For two weeks he was basically a zombie, barely eating and functioning, spending most of his time by the interrogation room’s computer, following up on dead-end leads and any breadcrumb he could find, yet every single time he thought he’d gotten something as if life was mocking him, it turned into dust, just like his hope slowly was. 

           There was pretty much no one else but him, Sam and Wanda left in the tower, as the rest had split off into teams to go and search every left-over HYDRA base in the world. The only reason he wasn’t out there was because Steve had benched him.

“You’re compromised,” he’d said. Bucky couldn’t say he wasn’t.

Sam had stayed behind because during his last raid he’d gotten hit by some gas, rendering him pretty much useless for half a week, and no one felt comfortable enough to ask him to put his life on the line before a full recovery.

And Wanda… well, Wanda wasn’t taking the whole thing too great either, but she was still functioning, so she was just waiting for the jet to come in and fly her out to Serbia with Vision for a potential lead on Y/N.

Defeated for the night, he grabbed the coffee cup that once had been filled and trudged his way to the kitchen area. God, fucking hell, how much did it hurt to even breathe. 

           Just as he was about to pour himself another cup of the burning black liquid, all of his senses went haywire, and he spun around to look at the hallway of the living room. He instantly recognised the shadow standing in the middle of it, how the shape curved and sloped in such a familiar way. How could he not, when that shadow belonged to the woman, he intended to spend the rest of his life with, when his hands had memorised each and every way she was formed.

           “Dollface?” his voice cracked at the end, but when she entered the light, instead of warmth filling his heart at the relief of her being back, ice-cold fear rushed through him at the sight of the black muzzle across her nose and mouth, not to even mention the HYDRA symbol in the middle of the chest of her tactical suit. 

           The first shot rang out right after he blinked, giving him barely enough time to dodge it, but Y/N was already on the move rushing towards him and kicking her leg out so that her knee would connect with Bucky’s chin. 

           A sickening crunch echoed through the room, as his head met the marble floor, bright lights flashing behind his eyes. He could even feel his teeth vibrate from the impact. It was this second which he used to somewhat regain a sense of place, that Y/N used to straddle him down, hand going behind her back to pull out a gun, but Bucky knew her. He knew her moves and how she left her left side open.

           When his forehead connected to Y/N’s nose, he almost vomited at the feeling of bone-crunching against his skin, but it gave him enough time to deliver a blow to her side, disarming her before grabbing her bicep and pulling her arm behind her back, his own metal appendage wrapping around her shoulders and pulling her flush against him. 

           “Come on, sweetheart!” he was pleading, but his grip unyielding to her struggles. “Fight this. I know you can.”

           But to his horror, HYDRA had dug their nails into her mind deeper than he ever thought was possible, as she smashed the back of her head against his nose once more, red blood spilling everywhere.

           He staggered back, palm cradling his face, but he still had one free to block the fist that was coming in his direction. This caught her off guard for a millisecond, but not long enough for Bucky to do anything, as she smashed her foot against his knee, bringing him down, yet he’d expected it, using the position to his advantage and grabbing Y/N behind the legs, yanking her towards him, and making her back hit hard against the floor, dizzying and knocking the air out of the woman.

           It took him three seconds to slide over to the gun she’d discarded and to stand up, and it took three seconds for her to flip herself up and aim the gun that’d still been strapped to her thigh.

           Both of them were shaking, but both for different reasons. Bucky was shaking because he was making the love of his life look down the barrel of a gun, while she was shaking because the only thought on her mind was about if she didn’t finish the mission, the consequences would be more horrible than anything HYDRA had done to her before.

           “I don’t want to hurt you! Please snap out of it!” he hollered but didn’t lower his weapon. It went against all of his instincts to be in that position, even when the two sparred, Bucky, to Y/N’s annoyance who was hoping for a real fight, pulled his punches. It was unnatural for him to even consider harming her.

           She cocked her gun, didn’t even hesitate. 

           “Sorry, can’t do that. You’re my mission.”

           Bucky took in one last breath.

           It hitched in his throat.

           He blinked away the tears pooling at his bottom lashes.

He’d never pull the trigger. 

           She steadied her aim.

           Bucky closed his eyes.

           But the bullet never came. At least not for him.

The yelp of pain made him open his eyes just to see Y/N’s body jerk to the side and drop to her knee, hand clutching at her shoulder, with Sam behind her, his own gun aimed at her with a little stream of smoke coming out of the barrel. 

Yet the second her shock passed Y/N swiftly turned to Sam, gun in her usable palm when her body seized up, and she fell to the ground unconscious. 

           Bucky was panting, as he looked to see Redwing, two blue lights on each side dying out, as it deactivated the tasers. It took him a second to realize what had happened, but then he was by Y/N’s side, pulling her body up to cradle against his own.

           “What the hell, Sam?!” Bucky yelled, hovering his left hand over Y/N’s mouth. When the metal fogged over, his whole frame literally shuddered in relief, as he went on to the next job – stopping the bleeding before her breathing stopped.

           “She was gonna put a bullet between your eyes!”

           “You didn’t have to shoot her!”

           “Oh, I’m sorry,” Sam mocked, dropping to his knees and shredding apart a kitchen towel to press against the wound. “Would you have rather had your brains splattered against the floor?”

           “You had Redwing taser her! That was enough!”

           “If I hadn’t shot her, Redwing wouldn’t have been able to taser her.”

           He hated the fact wounding Y/N had been a necessary step in subduing her. No, Bucky told himself, not her. Not his Y/N, but whoever HYDRA had placed in her mind.

           As gently as possible, he scooped up her body and with Sam in tow made his way to the med bay.

           F.R.I.D.A.Y had alerted the medical staff of the situation, so they were ready when Bucky came in. Instantly two nurses took his girl from his arms and laid her down on a gurney, Helen Cho stepping up with surgical gloves.

           “A through and through in the shoulder,” she remarked more for the medical records than anyone else. “She’ll have a few painful weeks of recovery, but nothing fatal.”

           Bucky nodded in acknowledgement, but still, he didn’t let anyone touch Y/N without him being beside her. As Helen patched up her shoulder and strapped her down on the cell bed, he was still there beside her, both hands clutching onto her palm, not moving an inch away.

           A little while after Helen had left, he felt a presence hovering behind him, and Sam stepped into the room, leaning against the wall, brown eyes looking over Y/N.

           “How is she?”

           Bucky sighed, rubbing his thumb over her knuckles. They were cracked and on the verge of bleeding despite the regenerative cream, Dr Cho had applied. “Asleep,” he mumbled. “So that’s better, I guess. Gives her time to heal.”

           He heard Sam shuffle around a bit, and then he entered Bucky’s peripheral as he sat down on a chair next to the bed.“It took them thirty years to break you, yet it took them two weeks to break her…” Sam said biting on his lip, and the statement made anger course through Bucky’s veins.

           “Are you seriously calling her fucking weak?” He snapped looking at his fellow Avenger. “You have no idea what kind of torture they pu-“

           “I’m not calling her weak,” Sam interrupted. “Y/N is one of the strongest people out there. What I’m saying is – back then it took them years to break a person… now it took them barely fourteen days… what else have they ‘improved’ on?”

           The thought of Y/N having her mind ripped apart and then put back together as if she was some ragdoll made bile rise in Bucky’s throat, and it didn’t settle when he thought of how far that horrid machine had come since he’d been in one. 

           But as much as Bucky wanted revenge, as much as he wanted to destroy HYDRA, to make sure what happened to Y/N never happens again to anyone else, let alone if what Sam implied was true, he couldn’t leave her, not when she would need a familiar face the most. 

           He gulped, closing his eyes and tightening his grip on her hand to steady himself. Just the thought of her in all that pain made him go to the edge of breaking apart. “She’s gonna be alright, isn’t she?” If there was one thing Bucky appreciated from Sam it was his honesty.

           “In the long run most likely. You’d be the proof of that…” Sam sighed. “But first, we gotta make sure she doesn’t shut people out.”

           But that was most definitely easier said than done, given how the second Y/N woke up, which was about a day later after being knocked-out cold when she realised what had happened, it was not like a wall had magically appeared between her and anyone from the team, but a fucking fortress surrounded by an impenetrable mountainous barrier, and she was the only citizen in that mind castle. And Bucky was the first one behind the door.

           It broke his heart to see Y/N pretty much shut down. She refused to eat, barely drank the water provided, and couldn’t sleep one bit, yet what hurt most was she absolutely rejected even the thought of going back to their shared room, and instead stayed in her barren cell, white walls, with a thin blanket and a paper-like pillow. It got so bad they had to put her on an IV drip so she wouldn’t waste away. But it didn’t matter to her. She was like a ragdoll.

           It was about five days later when she said her first words. Y/N had her head in her hands, matted Y/H/C strands spilling between her fingers, as her nails dug deeper into her skull. That’s the position she’d been sitting in for the past five hours, not even bothering to lift her eyes as a paper plate with a meal, a single plastic spoon next to it and a paper cup of water was slid through the opening at the bottom of her cell door. She wasn’t hungry anyway. In fact, what she really wanted was to disappear from the surface of the earth, for the ground to open and be swallowed by molten lava or have a sharknado crash in and get eaten by a great white.

           “How’re you feeling?” Sam asked arms crossed as he leaned against the entrance to the door. He’d been asking that since the first time she opened her eyes, but never received a response, so when the scoff she let out was almost inaudible, but he still picked up on it, he straightened out. “Just peachy,” Y/N mumbled. “Absolutely fantastic. Ten out of ten would recommend.”

           “Y/N…”

           He really didn’t have anything to say. I mean what could you possibly say… but he had to at least try, given how miserable Bucky was. He’d heard him sob so loud through two closed doors and a running shower, that he had to do something.

           Sam swallowed hard before entering the room and cautiously, keeping as much space as possible between the two, sat down next to Y/N. He wasn’t afraid of her. He could never be. But he knew she needed to let him closer on her own terms. “You can’t keep going like this. You can’t keep everything in. If you don’t wanna talk to the shrink, it’s fine, but at least talk to someone else…”

           “I am talking to you.”

           “Yes, but you know who I mean.”

“How am I supposed to even look at him?” Her head shot up, and tears threatened to spill down her face. “How am I supposed to talk to him? To touch him, knowing I almost killed him.”

“It wasn’t you.”

“But it was!” The words were a hiss. “It was me. I understood everything I was doing, I knew who he was, I knew what we were to one another, yet…” she choked in the middle of the sentence, not wanting to say the truth. “I wasn’t going to hesitate. I was going to kill him. If you hadn’t gotten involved, one more second and Bucky would’ve been dead. Because of me.”

“HYDRA messed with your brain,” Sam stated. “I know that everyone knows that and Bucky most of all. Why do you think he couldn’t pull the trigger?”

“Because he’s an idiot.”

“No, because he’s been in the exact same situation.”

She bit her lip. All her brain was doing was screaming that Sam was right, to listen to him, he knew what he was talking about, but the guilt, the absolutely corrosive horror at herself for what she was going to do wouldn’t let common sense come through. “I just.” Y/N choked and then cleared her throat. “Just tell him I don’t want to see him. I – I can’t see him.”

Sam did know heartbreak. He’d felt it when his first girlfriend had broken up with him, he’d felt it in the army when his friends lost limbs and lives, and now he felt it looking at two of the people he’d grown closest to struggle to find one another and themselves.

He cleared his throat standing up and wiping hind palms down his thighs. “Wanda is also – “

But Y/N didn’t let him finish the sentence. “No.” She shook her head. “No one. Please.” She tucked her face against her knees. “I just wanna be alone.”

And so he left her alone. In fact, everyone did so. 

For a whole month, the usually lively tower was a glass structure of sombre and pain. Everyone was hurting. Wanda had retreated to her room, sitcoms on the rerun, Vision always by her side as she tried to manage the sadness of one of her dearest friends going through such a tough time and the guilt of not being able to help Y/N, to save her from that pain. Nat and Clint along with Tony had locked themselves in one of the lower levels of the tower analysing the data she’d gathered. They needed to occupy themselves with something, otherwise, they’d be overcome by their own thoughts and they were too dark to manage at that moment. Bruce and Thor had relegated themselves to the lab doing experiment after experiment, trying to find out how HYDRA had managed to do such damage to Y/N. 

Steve, however… Steve was doing quite bad. He felt probably the most amount of guilt than the rest of his teammates. He’d taken up the role of the leader, he was supposed to make sure everyone stayed safe. Yes, they were the most skilled people in the world, but they trusted him to make the best calls. And him not having taken into account a blitz attack from HYDRA after their blitz attack had broken two of his friends because Bucky was doing just as bad as Y/N, if not even worse.

He wouldn’t sleep, he couldn’t; Steve heard his cries each night until, at twelve of one AM, they’d cease, and he’d make his way to the cells. Steve had told Y/N a week after she’d been brought back that there was no reason for her to stay in there. She’d just sat on the bed, arms around her knees and staring at the wall. She didn’t go back to her room. 

But each night Bucky would sit by the glass doors and look at the frame of the love of his life, curled underneath a white duvet, a single pillow underneath her head (Y/N loved pillows, she couldn’t sleep without at least four of them) body in a foetal position. She looked so broken. She was. And because of that, so was he.

It was about three AM at night, when his routine was shaken up by none other than Y/N. Typically she’d sleep through the night not even stirring, slipping into the cot at nine PM and then waking up at six AM when Helen came in to switch her IV. She was eating now, but still too little for it to be enough. 

However, that night she was stirred awake by the feeling of someone watching her, not the camera that was always on but by human eyes.

That was the first time she’d seen Bucky since having woken up and regaining control of her body.

Her breath hitched when their eyes met, and his whole body straightened out. Y/N remained under the covers, while Bucky sat by the doors still. His palm pressed against the glass.

“Hi, doll.”

Two words, but that was enough for the dam to break. Tears spilt down her face, and without a second to spare Bucky had rushed inside and laid down next to her, strong arms weaving around her shaking body, as his own pain merged with hers.

All Y/N could manage to say was ‘I’m so sorry,' and it became a mantra she repeated in Bucky’s chest, hoping that somehow the words would find their way and settle beneath his skin so he could understand with his whole being how much she meant them. 

           “Please.” He was close to sobbing by that point, hand moving to cup her cheek. “Please let me help.”

“I can’t, Bucky! I can’t!” Y/N was close to complete hysterics by this point. “Every time I even think about you, I remember the emptiness, the absolute numbness that was in me, when I pointed a gun at your face, and I meant to kill you! I was going to pull the trigger, if not for Sam… So,” she gulped looking down at the ground, at their feet. “Tell me how the hell am I supposed to let you anywhere near me when I’m terrified of myself.”

           The grip he had on her face, was tight, strong and sure. “Because it wasn’t you. I know what it’s like to have your brain scrambled around and rearranged with false truths and present them as real… but the thing is – they’re not. And you taught me that. You were the one who made me realise it, dollface. Now let me do the same for you.”

           “I can’t even look at myself in the mirror because every time I do, I see that – that monster staring back at me.”

           “Reflections are deceiving,” Bucky whispered, pressing his forehead against hers. “Mirrors can’t and will never show the truth. It’s a twisted, flipped and made-up version of us, and we can’t allow ourselves to believe it. It’s not us.”

           And despite the pain, despite the guilt and anxiousness, Y/N chuckled, letting out a small sound of happiness for the first time in a while. “When did you get so wise, Gandalf?”

           She could feel the relief that flooded Bucky’s body slowly seep into her own. “Well, re-reading ‘The Hobbit’ helped… but more so you. You taught me that. You made me realise the man that haunts my nightmares might have my face, but it’s not me. He’s not me and I’m not him.”

           “Will you…” Her voice shook as she said the words as if there was a possibility, he could say no. “Will you help me?”

           “You never, ever have to ask for help. I’m always here for you. Whatever you need, I’m always here. I’m so sorry, so sorry you had to go through that.”

           And for the first time in six weeks did Bucky get to hug Y/N. Feeling her body melt into his almost made him have a breakdown of his own, as she wrapped her arms around his shoulders, and grabbed onto him like her life depended on the tightness of her grip.

           Six weeks, almost two months without Y/N in every imaginable way had almost broken Bucky to a point of no return. Had they gone longer periods of time without seeing one another? Sure, but this was different. When the person you love is right there, but more unreachable than when they’re thousands of miles away, that’s a different kind of pain. 

           She didn’t release her grip form him, as Bucky shifted and sat up, her legs moving to lace around his waist on instinct. With one hand underneath her thighs the other going to take off the IV bag from the stand, he stood up and moved through the tower, finally retreating to his room, where he took off a photo frame from the wall and hung up the medical supply while gently laying Y/N down between his sheets.

           She’d been in that position many times before in different states of undress, in different emotional states as well, but not once had she been alone there. And neither would she be alone now. 

           It was the first night Bucky slept without waking up, and when he did Y/N’s head was resting on his chest. He held her a bit tighter then.

***

           The road to recovery was slow. 

           It started with her spending her days and nights in Bucky’s room, no longer isolating herself from him. It turned to late-night talks where they just chatted about miscellaneous things, and if she felt comfortable enough, then about every heavy thing pressing on her heart. Then she ventured off to her own room, and once evening slipped inside the room of who was her neighbour. She slept next to Wanda that night.

           The next night, she and Wanda sneaked inside Nat’s bedroom, and just hung out a bit, painting their nails. When Y/N went to sleep next to Bucky, she felt as light as the light-yellow colour adorning her fingers.

           On the morning of the eleventh day of her recovery, she woke up earlier and made everyone breakfast, putting some extra chocolate chips in Sam’s pancakes. He deserved it for all the trouble he’d gone through. The smile on his lips and the kiss on her head from him meant more than any thank you he could say. 

           But it was about a month down the line, after evenings where she’d joined in on the movie nights and had discussed the gathered intelligence from other missions as well as the tactics agents should employ when Y/N took her biggest step yet.

           Bucky was laying on his bed ‘The Two Towers’ between his fingers, the metal appendage flipping the pages as gently as if they were made from butterfly wings, when Y/N came out of the bathroom, hair wet and dripping onto her nightshirt. Well, it was actually one of Bucky’s shirts, but at this point, every piece of clothing he owned belonged to her as well. Besides, in his humble opinion, she wore them better than he ever could. 

           “Buck?”

           “Yeah?” he hummed, flipping to another page.

           “Buck I – “ she took in a breath. “I want to have sex.”

           “What? Ow!” The book had slipped from his hands and the edge hit his eyebrow, making Y/N hiss, and instantly come over to try and soothe the hurt part.

           “I mean – “ Bucky stuttered much like his heart. “I’d love to. Gosh, dollface, you know I’d do anything you ever wanted me. Tell me to spend forever between your legs, and I will, but… Please don’t feel like we have to. You’re still healing, and –“

           “I want to,” Y/N was quick to quench his doubt, running a gentle finger over his brow. “I do. I – I need to feel you. I need to feel… I need to feel whole, and I haven’t in so long.”

           His hand cupped her cheek. “You are whole. You don’t need me to complete you. You don’t need anyone to complete you.”

           “I –“ She huffed, struggling to form the thought running through her brain into words. “I – I know that. At least I think so. But… but there is this part inside me, I can’t seem to heal myself, this crack that no matter how hard I try to mend just won’t do. And that’s because that part can only be filled by love. And yours is the strongest one I have in my life.”

           A tear slipped down his cheek. “Oh, doll…”

           Her legs slowly shifted so they were straddling him as Bucky leaned up in a sitting position, palms dropping to her hips and sliding underneath her PJs to touch the soft skin of her back.

           His nose skimmed against hers, and Y/N sighed at the feeling. She’d slept like that – nose to nose curled up next to Bucky – for close to a month and a half now, but the anticipation of the kiss turned her into a bundle of nerves. 

           “One word,” he breathed against her skin, pressing a kiss to her collarbone before looking deeply into her eyes. “One word and we stop.”

           And even though she wanted to say there was no doubt in her mind about doing it, she nodded. He needed the reassurance just as much as she did that if something happened, he’d be there for her.

           When Bucky’s lips met hers, it was just like the first kiss they’d shared. A bit tentative, unsure, yet filled with so much restrained passion and pure love it was overwhelming, and Y/N’s eyes immediately filled with tears.

           “Darling, let’s just not do this,” Bucky said noticing the clear pearls dripping down her cheeks, but she shook her head.

           “I just missed you so much. I missed letting you love me.”

           “Well, it’s a good thing people don’t need permission to love. I never stopped. I can’t imagine ever not loving you.”

           His mouth was on hers once again. Bucky let Y/N lead the whole time. He didn’t deny himself from exploring her body, from feeling every crook, dip, and crevice of her form, but she was always in control.

           When her shirt dropped to the floor, she was the one who started lifting it up.

           When she laid down to pull Bucky on top, she was the one who flipped them over and pulled him on top.

           Her hands skimmed the band of his boxers, and Bucky unconsciously ground against Y/N’s clothed core at the feeling, both letting out moans of relief at the friction.

           “Can you take ‘em off?” she breathed, as Bucky left beautiful marks on her neck and chest so they could bloom through the night and could be greeted by them in the morning. 

           “You sure?”

           She nodded. “Please.”

           They did it together. Y/N linked her fingers behind the fabric and pulled it down his legs while he shimmied out from the boxers and kicked it to the floor. 

           “Can I take yours off?”

           As sure as she was about everything that was going on, there was still some hesitancy in her body, and he immediately sensed it, pulling a little bit away. “Y/N…”

           When her hands went to wrap around his wrists where they rested against her hips, horror washed over Bucky like a cold shower. “Did they…?”

           “No!” Y/N was immediate to answer. “No, they didn’t… but… they said after they were done with me after they turned me into their puppet… after they’d make me hurt you, you’d never want to touch me. That, in your last moments, you’d only have hate in your heart for me, and I’d have to live with that for the rest of my life.”

           He gently put a finger underneath her chin and lifted her head. “Even when I was staring down that barrel, all I could think about was how much I love you. How I’d give my life for you even if you were the one taking it. I could never hate you.”

           A violent sob ripped through her chest. “I don’t deserve you.”

           “You deserve the world, and I’ll try to give as much of it to you as I can.”

           She couldn’t take much more of his confessions because Y/N’s chest was already as full as it could be of love, so instead, she pulled Bucky back down for a passion-filled kiss, while shimmying out from her own underwear.

           “Condom?”

           “No,” Y/N shook her head. “Not this time. Need to feel you as you are.”

           “You sure?”

           She nodded. “Helen put me back on the pill about a month ago.”

           Bucky shuddered, nodding. “Alright. Okay. But I need to make sure I don’t hurt you first.”

           Y/N was about to say he could never hurt her, when two of his fingers slipped along her folds, cutting her words off in favour of the groan of pleasure.

           “Gotta take care of my girl the right way.”

           A moan seeped into Bucky’s skin when he pushed a cold metal digit into her tight entrance. His arm had the added feature to feel things if he wanted or switch it off when he didn’t want to, which was a nice thing, especially during missions (he’d forgotten to do so one time and when a bullet bounced off, it wasn’t like a bee bumping against glass, hot pain had rippled through his whole arm, so it was a good idea on Shuri’s part), but this time it was on, and the absolutely exquisite pressure and warmth that squeezed around his digits was enough to make him grind against the mattress to alleviate his own growing pressure.

           “Bucky, please,” Y/N practically mewled, eyes screwed shut, nails digging into his skin, making him groan in pleasure. He’d forgotten how delicious the sounds were and how close to the edge just the feeling of her nails marking half-moons into his back could bring him. 

           “Fuck,” he swore leaning up to kiss her once more, while he increased the speed of which his fingers were going in and out of her, while his thumb rubbed circles around her clit, and when he hotly breathed against her neck to ‘soak him all down to his elbows’ Y/N’s eyes rolled to the back of her head and she arched up from the bed as an orgasm shattered her world.

           Gently he coaxed her through the orgasm while muttering praises against her mouth.

           “You’re so beautiful,” Bucky sighed leaning to rest on his elbows. “So fucking gorgeous.”

           Y/N smiled, stroking his cheek. “You’re beautiful too, Bucky. More than you’ll ever know or will let yourself believe me.”

           The crooked smirk which he threw her reminded the one from Steve’s tales of him and his skirt-chasing days. “Guess you’ll have to convince me.”

           “With pleasure.”

           Her hand snaked down to where he’d been running the tip of his cock between her folds, before gently pressing him down so he could easily slide inside. When he was sheeted a moan of satisfaction came from both of them.

           It was like homecoming. Like curling up in a warm bed on a cold winter’s night. It was just right.

           “God, I could stay like this forever.” Bucky tucked a strand of hair behind Y/N’s ear.

           “We have forever and then some.”

           A look she could not figure out crossed his face. It was like absolute joy mixed with fear and terror. “You promise?”

           Y/N kissed him, trying to pour all of her love into the single act. “With everything I have in me.”

           He took that as the cue that he could move and experimentally rolled his hips towards hers. Bit by bit he picked up the pace, breaths turning into pants broken up by moans, sweat beading along his skin, a small burn appearing in his knees, but even that discomfort couldn’t overshadow the heavenly pleasure rippling through his veins.

           She’d always been the epitome of beauty and love, that’s how completely Bucky had fallen for her, and he could only hope he was the same for her. 

           “Bucky,” she choked out. “So close.”

           “Yeah?” His vision was starting to go white at the edges.

           “Mhm – ohh!” The confirmation turned into a squeal when he hit just that right spot, he concentrated all his thrusts to match it, and soon enough both of them were falling over the edge, clinging onto the other as if they were the last lifeline that existed for them.

           “Hey,” Bucky cooed, opening his eyes and seeing how furrowed Y/N’s brow was, how hard she was fighting to resurface. “Come back to me. Come back, doll.”

           Slowly, Y/N’s breathing evened out, her trembling became small shudders from the aftershock of the pleasure, and her lids fluttered, gaze meeting his.

           She’d come back.

           She’d always come back to her home.

           To Bucky.

Tags (crossed out wouldn’t take):

Bucky tag list: @thunderous-flower @who-cares-rn @projectxhappiness @callmebucky-doll @coal000 @killuaenthusiast @courtneychicken @sophiealiice @raquelbc2003 @watch-out-for-thorns @potentially-kinetic @thatonegirljessy99 @proxinge @bbkenna @buckysclub @ulired @fangirlofeverythingbasically @mrsalh32611 @horrorx570ximagines @the-nargles-made-me-do-it @pooslie @itsisabelanotisabella @httpmcrvel @purplebananatragedy @pxrrishly @parker-barnes-af @skulliebythesea​ @california-grown​ @stevehesaidabadlanguageword @belongsto-prachi​ @hello-i-am-insane​ @its-nott-my-problem @emmalbg @hopeinahotbox

Everything tags: @lumelgy @palaiasaurus64 @supernaturalbaesduh @breezy1415 @crazy--me @thatawkwardlittlefangirl @sea040561 @staryeyedgirl @deathbyarabbit @s-c-a-r-e-d-po-t-t-e-r @reblogger-not-a-blogger @m-a-t-91 @dalilx @i-need-a-hero-i-need-a-loki @maladaptive-ninja-returns @averyrogers83 @in-the-end-im-still-trash @gallifreyansass @dewy-biitch​ @avxgers​ @unlikelygalaxygiver​ @magicwithaknife @ollyoxenfrees​ @bnhvrdy​ @tvwhoresblog @celebsimagines @thatkindofgurl​ @sj-thefan​ @teenwolflover28 @lestersglitterglue​ @im-squished​

Marvel tags: @nerissa98​ @happyseagrill​ @asguardiansoftheavengers​ @crazybutconfidentaf​ @wishingforahome​ @pizzarollpatrol​ @desir-ae​

A/N: My Bucky boiiiii! I’m back! hope y’all like this rollercoaster :)

P.S. if you see yourself on my tag list and you’re crossed out means the tag didn’t work. if you still wanna be on the tag list please message me your new url and what was your old one so I can change it (if it’s not the change of the url then I genuinely dunno what could be the problem)

P.S.S. my tags are always open. 

P.S.S.S. please don’t repost my works on other platforms without specific written permission and don’t plagiarise them 

[cottoncandy-jester]

✨lie down darling Its time for a dream✨

Faking it (dad squad)

So basically this is what happens if the dad squad found out reader faked an orgasm before

This is of course 18+ and the reader is female

Daichi suwamura

Okay so daichi honestly was never worried about y'all sex life

Like you moan his name everytime why is he worried

It's when you and the rest of the karasuno group get drunk and play truth of dare

When it's your turn.. you're drunk off six shots of tequila and tanaka asks you to reveal your deepest secret

"okay okay! Sooo during me and daichi's fourth anniversary, we fucked and I may have totally faked it"

Wait what.

WHAT?!

Everyone else is laughing but daichi is over here having a mental breakdown

You did what?!

How many more have you faked?! Were they all fake?! Did he ever really make you cum?

It did not take long for daichi to drag you away to the nearest bathroom

You gasp when daichi pinned you against the wall his mouth attacking your neck while his hands roamed your body now gripping your hips as he ripped your panties off.

"faked an orgasm?! Damn it how many did you fake? Doesn't matter don't tell me. I'm going to fuck you against this wall and you are going to cum over and over til I know for sure you like having sex with me"

He fucked you until you couldn't think anymore, he also made sure EVERYONE heard it.

Tooru oikawa

You were having girl talk with the other managers and the topic of sex came up

They all assume he's some sex god which makes you laugh

Oikawa is honestly such a dork during sex that you couldn't help but spills beans

"honestly he was so nervous during our first time, It was so cute..though he didn't really make me.. y'know"

Oh BOY

News travelled fast and before you know it at 4am you had a pissed oikawa at your door

The loud harsh banging interrupted your sleep and you went to the door only to see oikawa standing there, your sleepy eyes trailed his body up and down and you noticed he was gripping his phone so tight his knuckles turned white, you didn't even get to speak when the male stormed inside and let's out a frustrated sigh.

"why are rumors about me being bad in bed spreading around?!"

"I dunno...maybe you have a hater, babe it's like 4am..why are you here?"

Oikawa snapped his head towards you before walking towards you anger fuming towards you before he gripped your arm tightly.

"everyone is saying you started the rumor, so tell me little cutie what the fuck have you been saying?"

Your eyes got wide as the conversation with the girls resurfaced in your head and you softly reached out to put your hands on his cheeks which made him relax but he was still clearly annoyed.

"sorry, tooru it was just one little story. Girl talk y'know and it's fine lots of people can't make their partner cum their first time you just ha-"

You were cut off by the male roughly pulling you towards your room, everytime you tried to speak oikawa would glare at you before demanding that you shut up. Once in your room he pushed you on the bed his ego clearing having dropped now that you admitted the truth.

"I am good at sex! I am Great! I just have to prove to you that you are with the best man ever"

As he spoke he started to strip before his cold glare landed on you before he crawled ontop and wrapped a hand around your throat.

"you are going to be begging me to stop making you cum once I'm done with you"

He made you tell everyone that you cummed extra hard that night, even if it was super embarrassing to say.

Tetsuro kuroo

You two were arguing

It started with him being jealous of a person at work flirting with you and it just blew up

Screams and swears shooting back at the other

Low blows were dealt

You both don't even remember what the fight was about

Then..you said it

"God you are so cocky! It's shit like that, that make me fake orgasms during sex"

He shut up after that one for sure

All he can think about was how many did you fake and how he failed as your lover

Why didn't you tell him you weren't feeling good during sex?

Kuroo remained quiet as he let his brain think, after saying it you quickly walked over and hugged him hoping he wasn't angry at you

"baby! I'm sorry I didn't mean it, I was just upset and you were just upset you forgive me yeah?"

"how many times?"

"that doe-"

"how many damn times?!"

You flinched when he forced you to look at him showing pain in his eyes and you couldn't help but be honest with him.

"only a few, during those times where I was just really sleepy that's it"

Kuroo let's out a shaky sigh before he peppered soft kisses along your neck. He was pretty hurt at the moment but he did want to make it up to you, plus make up sex was always good

"come, let's talk this out yeah?"

His tone was soft as he guided you to the bedroom thought talking wasn't the plan he had, he wanted to make you see stars and make sure he could actually make you cum.

Koutaro bokuto

Okay so maybe it wasn't a good idea to pump up bokuto's ego every time you guys have sex

All your praise makes him think he's the best in the world

But when it came time for a girls night at you and bokuto's place stuff starts to spill

You told bokuto to spend the night at akaashi or something but you didnt think he would come home

"sooo [y/n]! How is bokuto in bed?! We gotta know"

The question made you embarrassed while bokuto stood outside you guys' bedroom listening in

Yes dear wife tell them how my sex is the best in the world

"koutaro, tries his best. Sometimes he gets a little too excited and cums early so he gets too tired to finish and we end up cuddling before I can climax so I just fake it"

WHAT?!

Bokuto automatically swings the door open scaring both you and the girls

He is legit tearing up and about to sob

After, very quickly telling the girls to leave he cries into your stomach while you pet his head

"why didn't you tell me?! I would have made it all better"

"oh..kou..it's no big deal"

Your soothing which would usually work just wasn't working right now, bokuto sniffled as he looked up at you with tearful eyes, you were his baby owl and he couldnt even make you feel good?!

He couldn't believe that! No he won't accept that! Before you can respond bokuto pushed you down on the bed before starting to pull your pants and underwear off your body

"kou! W-what the hell?!"

"just let me do this please! I need to know that I can do this, I just want you to be happy with me..so..let me worship you"

You were shocked but shuddered at the feeling of soft kisses against your inner thigh, with one final sniffle bokuto was now focused on something else.

He proceeded to eat you out that night until you cummed so much that you was sobbing but by the end of it he was so happy to know that he can make you cum and of course he was more mindful about your needs.

Wakatoshi ushijima

Oh jeez

Okay so he makes it very clear that bedroom talk is off limits

What you two do in bed is your business hell you guys don't really talk about sex and spend more time just doing it

You are very tight lipped about your sex life but tendou Is a very stubborn guy

He is constantly asking you what's it like..mostly cause he wants to tease wakatoshi

After finally bothering you to the point where you wanna hit him you confess

"toshi is great okay?! I mean sure he has his moments of not really getting me there but it's good so stop asking!"

OHOHOHO HE HAS TO KNOW MORE

after explaining that wakatoshi tends to be boringly vanilla you expect him to let it go

No bitch this is tendou 'i give no fucks' satori

Proceeds to tease wakatoshi about it every chance he gets

"wow who knew you could be boring in all departments"

"sooooo, you really like it vanilla huh?"

Of course oblivious wakatoshi doesn't pay him any mind until a drunk tendou spills the beans

"guess who told me that you're boring in bedddd~ pfft she said you are so slow that it is like fucking a box"

You of course didn't say that but you were shocked to see wakatoshi at your door the next day

"did you tell tendou about our sex life?"

Well fuck.

you honestly should have expected this. You let out a shaky sigh as you merely avoided eye contact you felt pretty embarrassed and ashamed

"yeah, sorry toshi he kept bugging me about it"

"you telling him is not why I'm upset"

You were honestly shocked and looked up only to see wakatoshi's face close to yours, his eyes were intense and honestly gave you chills.

"did you say I was boring during sex? Is this true?"

"um..yeah but it's okay I mean it's still good it's just very..typical I mean we do the same stuff all the time and you just tend to be, slow"

Wakatoshi was a little shocked by your words but he calmly sighed and ran his fingers through his hair as he tried to think of what exactly he needed to do.

"then my future wife, allow me to spend the night making you feel good instead of myself, you can tell me exactly what I need to do in order to bring you to climax again and again."

And you did exactly that, he was quite obedient and even did things he never done before just so he can make you feel good.