#i know it's bad to diagnose ppl
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I know it is bad and I've been keeping this deep in my soul but i've got to say it somewhere
please do not take this as gospel, but everything about yoongi screams autism to me, more specifically that special combo when you got both ADHD and autism.
The masking, the stimming with the mouth, the hyperfixations (music, whisky, random games), the directness, avoiding eye contact at all costs, the social anxiety and depression....
This might be projecting hard but I HAD TO SAY IT SOMEWHERE
I'll never say that shit on twitter tho, I trust no bitches there
#yoongi#suga#min yoongi#i know it's bad to diagnose ppl#especially those we don't know#i'm just highlighting how it feels to me but i know we do not know and he doesn't need to tell us shit#he did confirmed he had adhd tho#and depression and anxiety i'm not pulling that out of my ass#it's just that there is so much about yoongi that ppl misinterpret that is so close to the way autistic ppl are misinterpreted in#I could go on with examples
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I recognize a lot of ADHD symptoms in Nightheart too.
The thinking everyone hates him is a big thing, taking rejection harder than it should be,
You're right... the Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria... I am Nightheart's therapist and I am slapping him with so many mental illnesses.
#ALSO FOR THE RECORD I DONT HAVE BPD#I just have people I love who do#And take a sincere and adoring interest in how their minds work#I do have ADHD though. Recently diagnosed.#But I've known my entire life.#But anyhow#I just like BPD I think it's neat. It reminds me of people I love. And loved. It's so demonized and I hope that I can help ppl understand#It's just an emotional regulation disorder. There is no 'bad person' disease.#People with BPD can be good or bad.#Btw I plan to do this with NPD too at some point. I did a leetle research and know where to start now#But I haven't picked a cat to get it#And I have personal close experience with BPD so like. That's why it comes up so much. I feel confident in how I portray it#And I get super good feedback from people who have BPD so I think I'm doing good#Also inside joke lmao; Bird Perception Disorder#Because for SOME REASON I keep using birds as a BPD metaphor#And partner found that hilarious#The birds are being perceived#bone babble
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#tw suicide#idk i feel like i am probably gonna kms after TIT#i would do it sooner but i asked one of my friends to come with me and it would suck if i made him go alone#and it is something to look forward to which is helping me hang on i guess#but ughhhh once uni starts again in september i know everything is gonna fall apart.#i already got an extension on my thesis due to being a useless shell of a person who can't motivate themselves to do anything atm#but i was supposed to get some work done over the summer and have so far done nothing#hence why i want to kms before i have to talk to my fucking supervisors again and admit yet again that i simply cannot do this 😭#and it's not just this. my executive dysfunction has been so bad over the past couple of years and it's only getting worse#to the point where i can't imagine being able to work at all. and if i can't work i can't get out of my parents house#and then what the fuck is the point.#every time i see someone on here talking about bonding with their parents over dnp I'm like damn what's it like#to have parents who actually want to talk to you DSFGJJKL i know they let me live in their house at my big age#but that's only bc id literally be homeless otherwise and they're not like evil. they just don't love me#also went through a deeply embarrassing breakup recently#tl;dr ive been in love with this person for over a decade and i thought they were the dan to my phil or vice versa.#then after 10 years they left me and i'll spare the details but it has me wondering if they ever loved me#i thought it was a “let's live together and get a cat one day” relationship#but now i feel like for them. it was just a “sex and video games” type situation#i am trying soooo hard to at least be creative bc that makes me happy sometimes but it's hard to not be overly critical of myself#and now im getting to a point where i can barely even find any joy in this space any more. for a bunch of reasons#most of which revolve around me being extremely sensitive. and this is like my last bastion of dopamine so that fucking sucks#idk i don't see the point in my life any more. a social worker actually told me recently that i should consider euthanasia so.#it's just completely over for me i fear#this is not even mentioning all the damn migraines. and all the other ways in which my body simply doesn't work properly#sorry for this weird ass vent I'm not in therapy any more bc i couldn't find a therapist willing to treat me+all my diagnoses at this point#and im scared my friends will stop wanting to talk to me if i talk to them about this. several of them already have#the 2 friends i have left anyway. that's a whole other thing. when they said it's hard for autistic ppl to make friends i took that persona#so uh at this point it's vent here or develop a substance abuse problem. and im already halfway to having a substance abuse problem#anyway dan and phil for the love of god please fucking post something tonight. unfortunately you are my only hope
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adhd comix
#man i dont even have the energy to be mad. im just tired#like. dont u love it when your parents exhibit symptoms of ADHD and your sibling is diagnosed with a learning disability#and instead of thinking oh shit what if the other one has smth too. they subject you to The Horrors#i cant bring myself to hate my parents. but im tired of feeling obligated to defend them when the thing they think is working#isnt actually working and ive just found other ways to cope to avoid any sort of conflict. like lying and stealing. lol#if someone took me aside and said 'hey so your brain doesnt make as much dopamine as usual and its not a bad thing it just means you#need external stimulation and reward system to function and youre not actually secretly fucked up or lazy' as a kid#im pretty sure i wouldnt be here rn with half the problems i already have. unfortunately getting diagnosed late means u dont have a teacher#to back you up at a parent teacher conference that forces your parents to take this shit seriously instead of ignoring it hoping itll#go away on its own. but hey what do i know i have squirrel ipad baby disease. what do i know about my own symptoms#AND. AND i think im allowd to be mad bc ive been doing my own research on this for years before and after diagnosis#theyve been putting me thru the WORST parenting techniques on earth. which they could have corrected at anytime but they were#comfortable thinking they were doing it right and didnt bother to check if they were or werent fucking up their kid in the long run#and refusing to acknowledge it. i just!! they just decided one day hey lets make babies!! and just looked at books on how to make#a human being survive as long as possible!!! what the fuck!!!!#im sorry for putting this on ppls dashes but i am. so tired. of bottling this up. and im not looking for sympathy or anything i just need#to scream and clench my fists to SOMEONE about it because theyre not gonna take this well up the ass. sigh#yapping#vent
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#so there's big stuff happening in my life#and i remembered that I used to go on tumblr to vent about my feelings and heartache etc. using this as a diary.#and it would always idk. help.#because we were such a big friend group and someone would listen. anyone.#so idk who's still here#but: i'm very sad these days#and I'm gonna start taking some meds for depression and adhd if i ever find someone who will medicate me bc my therapist isn't licensed#to do so. but yes so hopefully this one clinic will take me in as an outpatient and at least give me anti depressants even if they can't do#diagnostics for adhd so if anyone in germany (nrw) knows someone who will diagnose adhd pls tell me#furthermore i have fucked up a fuckton#and i'm like. at rock bottom of my life.#i don't think I've ever been this like. distraught.#to put it short: i am v bad with finances and then i go and don't tell the truth about it bc of shame? so much shame. and like. the need fo#everything to be okay. even if it isn't. at least the pretense counts right? so i've not been honest to the ppl i loved most. and in turn#things are hard and rough rn#it's obviously much more than i'm putting in my tags here but yes. i'm working on myself and hopefully am gonna put things right. but yeah
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kicking my feet and giggling (<- just got apologised to)
#guys i have worth??? im actually a human being deserving of basic respect and SHOULD be apologised to if i am not given that??? holy shit#ok but like i actually was pretty mad and i just wasn't going to talk to them when the weekend ended but to think they'd actually apologise#guys i am a friend worth apologising to omg this is so nice#(<- was fuming over how i was a “friend” not even worthy of her basic decency and respect an hour ago)#LIKE IM STILL MAD#okay i actually cant vaguepost to save my life but basically this girl whos a friend i recently got close to and formed a friendgroup with#shes really fucking whiny and ive been tolerating it for so long but on friday she was extremely whiny and rude whenever i just asked a#simple question#and it's really draining and humiliating to be spoken to like poop on the sidewalk in front of other people#but anyway other than that i was really upset because during pe i wanted to show her my hip injury cuz i thought it was funny#(it wasn't diagnosed yet i just felt my joints moving weirdly)#and like that involves her putting her hand on my hip#so i asked her to do that then she started whining about how she doesn't want to touch me and that i'm weird for asking ppl to touch me#then she started telling like the 3 other ppl around us i was weird and wanted ppl to touch me#then this other cool girl overheard and looked at us funny i guess cuz then the friend said 'haha now [cool girls name] is also laughing'#i was so fucking embarrassed and humiliated i still want to tear up thinking about it#like are you actually my friend wtf i don't even need enemies w a friend like you#i wanted to cry so bad then#ugh i hate it#like you couldve just said no thanks bro what is ur problem#this just made me realise how much i hate how she talks to me sometimes#and i know i need to stop surrounding myself with negative vibes in order to feel happy#but its still so frustrating#we were doing so well the other day and google meeting everyday#then this happened and then she got mad and started ignoring me on the way home#bro idk i hate ts i should just stop making friends#rant
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why is it so much worse knowing how many people out there want me (& everyone in this body) dead cause we don't feel empathy than knowing about the ones who want the same cause we're trans
#i mean i guess it's cause we live in a bubble where most people we know are trans#n the whole 'empathy makes us human' thing is a rly popular opinion in the more progressive circles#i guess it's. just another item in the long list of traits that might make us subhuman to others#we don't even have it as bad as people w/ like aspd n stuff. it's a lot easier to hide for us#usually will come off as social awkwardness instead#but every time there's a video going around the mainstream sm where someone w/ low/no empathy talks about how their mind works#the majority of the comments are just so. dehumanizing. like we're some rabid animals that need to be put down for public safety#n i guess causw it's so inherently linked to whatever it is about our wiring that makes us so. different from almost everyone else.#why we can't seem to connect w/ people n why we feel so fucking isolated all the time#like we just came out wrong n there's no fixing it#& the way we've lately come to understand more how much dmg our mother prevented w/ her parenting#but also how much of it that stuck coulda been prevented if she'd had the tools & safe environment#i don't even mean like. the trauma shit. but the things that needed to be noticed n steered into a different direction when we were small#instead of us wreaking havoc up to our late teens when we finally connected some dots that most people have connected from birth#though i think most of the usual ways of correcting it are more or less abusive. there's ones that aren't but idk how accessible that info#woulda been 20+ years ago#anyway it just really sucks how our fb feed tries to give us some light informative vids on people w/ similar experiences in some areas#n the comments are 80% ppl throwing around diagnoses they don't understand#n holding us responsible for everything their shitty abusive ex/parent/boss did#n literally sayin shit like 'people like this are better off dead'#not very good for my mental health#even though i don't give much more value to those people than they put on ones like me#spdrvent
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i feel like a loading bar that's very slowly ticking up until i actually believe my therapist's belief that i have ocd
#shut up myth#i'm at. like. 30% at this point#i keep trying to talk myself out of it because it feels.......... almost appropriative and i've never seen people talk about the symptoms#that i've felt so it feels VERY fake#but the more i read and the more i talk it over with her the more i'm like......... okay well . maybe. i'll entertain the notion#two really big things that got me are the need to get reassurances from ppl and the need to rewrite things until they're Perfect#like holy shit those are two GIANT parts of why i habitually self isolate#like it feels so bad to consider bc i'm not like........in some ways these are debilitating but in other ways they are very much not#so it's like. i don't have it bad enough. it's like everything that's wrong w/ me#if people with ocd have it up to 100% i have it to 50% if people have depression at 100% i have it to 70%#if people with autism have it to 100% i have it to 60%#like???#i don't know. i get to work on time for the most part and i do what needs doing for the most part. i'm functional#i don't ENJOY being alive but that could so easily be explained by me being a piece of shit#idk! idk. i'm tired of not knowing for sure but also i am having such a hard time accepting that i'm diagnosable#and not just. as i say. a piece of shit#i can tell it's getting late bc all this self introspection is starting to get me down lmao#gonna light a candle and watch some gumball and go to bed#i oversteeped my oolong :<
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it is genuinely hilarious how many serious and even potentially life threatening issues my gastroenterologist actually running basic labs keeps finding when my gp in iowa literally told me ‘it doesn’t really matter what you have, you can just take tums for it’
#like lmao she was like 'just take otc meds for any of your other symptoms too'#anyways i did NOT think what i just got diagnosed with was a possibility#i was gonna not do the ordered stool samples cuz what she's checking for there also seems unlikely into impossible territory#(and cuz i do not wanna do em)#but now im like... ok what else are u gonna find bc i really emphatically did not think i had like fully half of the new diagnoses u gave me#so i guess i gotta do it after all cuz im apparently a terrible judge of this shit#no pun intended#updates on my boring life#two ppl i know just got this diagnosis and they are having horrifying pain and i'm like. my pain is not bad enough there's no way
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#damien.txt#not to vent for the like 600 bajillionth time on here#bc im sure ppl are like omg shut up <3. but also maybe ppl are like omg more personal emotions to read.....#anyways. uhm. i just called in sick to work for like the 5th time since the semester started#and it really hit me that like. i won't be able to do this after this year. like if i pull smthing like this#i will actually just like. Lose My Job. im insanely lucky rn to have a job where i can just. take time off whenever#like literally my presence does not matter at all truly everything runs exactly the same whether or not im there#but like. wow. that's not a thing i will be able to do. very very soon in life#which means i need. help. like. Immediately. bc i always call out in relation to my mental health#and. AHHHHH <3#everything feels so bad rn. and like i Know i feel like this in the middle of literally every semester#but. man. it's so bad. i feel like. violently ill. that's how much mental illness there is rn#got diagnosed with some stuff recently and it's weird cause like. i feel More mentally ill now?#im obviously not. i think it's just like. being hyper aware of it now that my attention is on it#but man it's exhausting. i just wish i had like. a healthy mind. that could function. in literally any way#sigh. time to finally fall asleep at 6 am now that ive called out (<- words of a person making bad life decisions)
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Blood-work came back fine which either means I really do have a mysterious deadly illness OR its my mental health that's fucking up my physical health. Now my dilemma for my upcoming appointment .. do I mention how neurotically devastated I've been feeling these last months, knowing the doctor might be relieved to blame it all on hysteria instead of doing more testing ? Or do I just... not say anything about that.. lol
#i feel very very uncomfortable referring to diagnoses or specific mental health conditions that i cannot confirm i have (!)#but if this is indeed all linked to that stuff that happened 4months ago#which hypothetically would be linked to some unpleasantness that idk about from the past#then yes. my physical symptoms could technically be explained by a triggered trauma response#made worse by anxiety stress hightened cortisol levels etc etc#HOWEVER lots of doctors tend to dismiss women abt physical symptoms in favour of blaming mental health issues#and i dont want to give them any reason to do that in case i really am sick fr (as in dying lol)#bit then again i kinda am hysterical 👍#im relieved my friends have been so gentle with me abt this but it kinda makes it harder to have a reference point for how insane/normal#my thoughts and reflections are. bc they're just doing that empathetic listening thing. not rly saying what THEY think u know#and dont get me wrong! thats prob the right call! but for once id just like for someone to be like#'obviously u were xx' ??? bc they just keep saying they dont wanna speculate. and i dont either! but im going mad trying to find anwsers#and ig i just want someone to tell me what i should think and do and whats normal and whats not#like??? is it rational for me to think something bad happened or am i being delusional. evil and paranoid ???#am i in denial for believing that nothing might have happened at all and that there might be other things to explain whats going on ??#i just want to know what the normal ppl think bc i feel very far from normal rn#and i can tell my friends are having so many opinions that they are leaving unsaid#which low key is not helping the paranoia BUT once again i know that they are doing it out of kindness and sensitivity 🙏💓#i love my friends and this is not a diss to them !!! i just have a lot of conflicting thoughts and feelings abt it looool#sorry these tags always turn into a rant#diary entries
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help why doing i constantly think i'm lying to myself about my thoughts and emotions. i genuinely cannot tell whether i have bad mental health or whether i am making it up bc i don't know
#like bc sometimes every little sound is too much even like people talking and spoons and shit#and i just want to punch everything and scream#but i don't know if im making that up if that makes sense?????#like i don't KNOW if i have experienced an anxiety/panic attack bc its never seemed that extreme??#but am i making it up???#bc i don't want to be one of those ppl that self diagnoses for attention but i also want there to be something wrong with me so it sort of#excuses my emotions which ik sounds bad but idk how to explain it#it's like i want bad things to happen to me but not in a depressed way#idk i think i'm just a bad person#dia's anecdotes
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My favorite pastime: roleplaying characters and just making them soso weird and then pulling up the DSM-5 to try to diagnose them
#every time it’s like ‘did I invent a fake mental disorder or are these symptoms applicable to something’#unironically it’s been pretty helpful over the years in making me more aware of all the different kinds of mental illness and such out there#oftentimes I’ll see someone say they have a disorder and I’ll think ‘I remember researching that for my OC’ lol#HONESTLY roleplaying characters with certain issues has been SO helpful in keeping me open minded#and reassuring me that I’m not a horrible person once I started to have more issues like intrusive thoughts#when my intrusive thoughts started to get bad I remembered ‘my oc has those and nobody blames him for it’ then suddenly I was better LOL#it’s so stupid I feel like ppl will say ‘that is NOT how you should be learning about this stuff’ but like idk it’s kinda been working#it’s like how representation is important except I’m making the representation myself…? so… idk. but it inspires me to do research.#anyways I’m currently stumped on one of my characters and how to diagnose him. I’m beginning to think he perhaps experiences delusions.#but I’ll have to do more research.#I haven’t even begun my research so I’m sorry if I’m totally wrong.#also I’m aware many sources might be biased against certain illnesses and such. I already faced that problem searching NPD 😭 I always take#the things I see in top results with a grain of salt. I know people will say ‘talk to ppl who have these disorders!’ but like. how do I tell#them I want to try to diagnose a fictional character that I play. I mean I guess I’m curious anyways? good to know about all this stuff even#without it being applicable to anything personal. but like. can u rlly just say ‘explain ur mental disorder to me’ 😭
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had many many people throughout my life tell me both explicitly and implicity that i'm probably autistic and should get it checked out but god the process is daunting. i got diagnosed with adhd in like two hours and haven't had my diagnosis challenged since (i do radiate it and have an extensive family history). the process for an autism diagnosis looks like a bunch of different different paper assessments and an interview and takes months, and that just doesn't seem worth my time when I don't really need any specific accomodations. most of the time people point it out in reference to my social skills or occasionally sensory issues, and unfortunately those are just kind of things that others can't really help with and that i have to cope with on my own, while for ADHD and my other stuff the diagnosis is needed for meds and probably schoolwork but i haven't bothered actually requesting an IEP yet even though it'd help.
#if the process was easier and something i could just do with whatever therapist i was currently seeing i would out of curiousity#but it's like a fucking gambit and ive never seen a therapist who specializes in autism though my 2nd one did see a lot of autistic kids#but idk that any of them are actually qualified to diagnose it and I don't want to deal with a referall process and talking to a stranger#like i don't need to know that bad idk. just had a lot of people either ask if im autistic or just assume i am#mostly teachers but sometimes ppl my age too#idk who cares i guess. i know the specific skills i need to work on and i just don't know if a diagnosis changes that at all#I'd prefer to have had one but I just don't think I'll ever have the wherewithal to do all that for zero immediate benefit#and possible harm#whatever. i can always take online assessments and go hm. Interesting if I'm in need of self analysis
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ngl 2024 starting w me needing to get ruled out having a tumor is kinda 🫠
#not fandom related#medical cw#personal log stardate#i just wanted to get hrt and not get a thousand diagnoses of Stupid Shit Diseases#anyway i don't rly know how to cope ive been in a bad mood since this morning and ppl will ask me what's wrong#but i don't feel like talking abt it so ill he like i don't wanna talk abt snd everyone else will start to worry#and will be in a bad mood as well#the test is on in friday so if the results are back fast ill know on friday wether i have a tumor or not#and if i do im gonna need surgery to remove it. and ive never wanted to step into a hospital Ever before having medically transitioned#but thems the breaks right. im just kinda suppressing and avoiding thinking abt it but my subconscious is like 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥#*screams*
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hiiiii!!!! i was wondering if u could share some of the most common to least common bpd symptoms?….and maybe ones u struggle with??? <:3
ive been thinking i have bpd for awhile,, (since i was 15,i’m almost 18 now) BUT i dont wanna self diagnose bc i don’t wanna offend anyone……is that offensive? to self diagnose? idek <:p
there isnt rlly least 2 most common, bpd is a spectrum and has a wide range of experiences!!! but i will list the diagnostic criteria 4 u, and explain it in a way some1 first learning abt bpd can understand ^w^
u must experience at least 5 of the 9 symptoms from the criteria in order 2 be diagnosed!!!
1: frantic efforts 2 avoid real or imagined abandonment; this does not include suicidal or self mutilating behavior covered in criteria 5.
this means an intense fear of abandonment. if u have bpd, being abandoned by those u love is most likely ur biggest fear. ik its mine!!! xD this can look like a number of things. this can include an avoidant attachment style, pushing ppl away becuz u feel a need 2 abandon them first b4 it happens 2 u. u might do the opposite and cling rlly hard. u might resort 2 manipulation tactics n threats 2 try 2 get them 2 stay even if its not in their best interest (not every1 w bpd does this, and not every1 w bpd doing this is doing it on purpose. ive done this in the past b4 i reflected on my own behavior and realized it was wrong. we r not abusers by default and we dont have bad intentions.) u might beg them 2 stay, promise them things, try 2 change urself 4 them, yell at them 4 wanting 2 leave. its terrifying what the fear might do 2 u.
2: a pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by extremes of idealization and devaluation.
this ones pretty simple, consistently unstable relationships throughout ur life!!! but it might get a lil confusing at "extremes of idealization and devaluation", so ill try 2 explain that using a term from the bpd community, "splitting". splitting is when u switch from one extreme view of a person, object, character, pretty much anything, 2 the opposite. it USUALLY means going from loving some1 2 hating them, but it can mean the opposite (hating 2 loving), and it can apply 2 anything, not just a person. a good example of splitting is when ur fp (favorite person, another term from the bpd community) disagrees with u abt smth, or u see them hanging out with other ppl, u mightve viewed them as perfect b4 and now u feel an intense hatred and can only see them as a bad person. 2 other ppl, experiencing such a drastic change in perception over smth so small is seen as ridiculous, but rlly its entirely valid. its part of the disorder, its okay.
3: markedly and persistently unstable self image or sense of self.
u dont rlly know who u r a lot of the time, u dont have a strong sense of identity, if any at all. u might change styles often, change the way u talk, the jokes u make, ur beliefs, ur interests, ur hobbies. u might find urself basing ur entire personality on those around u. a common experience is that when ur favorite person or favorite ppl leave u, u dont know who u r anymore, becuz ur entire sense of self was mirrored from them. its like being a chameleon, but ur constantly mirroring other ppl, and ur nevr rlly ur own person.
4: impulsivity in at least two areas that r potentially self damaging (the examples listed in the DSM-5 include spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, and binge eating, but i will provide moar examples!!!); this does not include suicidal or self mutilating behavior covered in criteria 5.
this ones also pretty simple!!! but personally i find that i become moar impulsive while in a bad headspace, or while im having a bpd episode/suicidal outburst. moar impulsive actions may include property damage, physical fights, running away, cutting contact with ppl, getting in contact with ppl who u know r dangerous, etc. those r all i could think of off the top of my head and they may not be the best examples, srry!!! :(
5: recurrent suicidal behaviors, gestures, threats, or self mutilating behavior.
i would like 2 say that self harm doesnt just mean cutting!!! self harm includes burning, hitting, ripping out hair, picking at skin, stabbing, and many moar. personally ive always been a cutter and i started when i was 9 or 10, but i want every1 2 know that all self harm is valid and this is a safe space 2 discuss it. im not gonna make any1 feel ashamed of it <3 also!!! suicidal threats and gestures may come across as manipulative, but that is almost NEVR our intention. we may act out in suicidal ways becuz its the only thing that gets us any sort of attention or care that we desperately need. i dont give a shit abt "ew theyre threatening suicide 4 attention, lets ignore them" becuz attention is a basic human need, and some1 threatening suicide REGARDLESS of their intentions is always a concern. whether its a call 4 help or not, they need help. dont disregard their mental health becuz their suicidal ideation doesnt present in an "acceptable" manner. all suicidal ideation, IS suicidal ideation. whether its passive, 4 attention, active w a plan, its all valid and requires attention and care.
6: affective instability due 2 a marked reactivity of mood (eg, intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely moar than a few days)
intense mood swings!!! u can feel happy one moment, and then switch 2 being depressed or anxious, and then go back 2 "normal" 10 minutes later. sometimes it just happens 4 no reason!!! absolutely fucking sucks
7: chronic feelings of emptiness.
this one is hard 2 explain and can mean varying things 4 different ppl. 4 me, it means i will never be happy in the long term (maybe with medication, but.. rawdogging life? bad idea) nothing gives me any sort of long term joy and i dont feel like i have a purpose. its like theres a hole in my chest that will nevr be filled. nothing will make me complete.
8: inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (eg, frequent displays of temper, constant anger, or recurrent physical fights)
angy
(also not every1 w bpd gets in2 physical fights or r angry at other ppl often, some ppl r moar angry at themselves)
9: transient, stress related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms.
paranoia is a symptom of bpd!!! although its shortlived in nature, and as stated above, stress related. dissociative symptoms can also present in a variety of ways!!! u can present with a fractured sense of self which may actually lead 2 u developing headmates iirc, but with them usually appearing as other versions of urself. or u might just dissociate due 2 stress or ur brain wanting 2 remove traumatic memories, 4 me dissociating feels like the whole world is fuzzy and blurry and i cant form any thoughts or emotions. i have dissociative amnesia and experience memory loss when this happens, which sucks becuz i dissociate at least once everyday. my memories r incredibly spotty and unreliable, its liek my brain is made of swiss cheese!!!
personally, i experience all of the symptoms from the diagnostic criteria, and they all effect my life on a daily basis. but that isnt 2 say that u need all of them in order 2 have bpd, as i said b4, u only need at least 5!!! there r also different types of bpd (not medically, theyre labels created by the bpd community) look in2 it if u resonate with some of the symptoms but not all of them!!! a lot of ppl who suspect they have bpd but dont present in a stereotypical way often relate 2 the term "quiet bpd", i recommend looking in2 it!!!
self diagnosis is entirely valid, and most of the ppl who r offended by it r neurotypical or they dont have the disorders that ppl r self diagnosing with. it stems mostly from ableism towards autistic ppl, specifically autistic ppl who self diagnose becuz they know theyre autistic but dont have the resources/time 2 get a diagnosis from a professional. if u believe ur borderline, and u've done ur research, i believe u. self diagnosis is not actually offensive 2 those who have mental disorders, im pretty sure the bpd community is accepting of self diagnosis!!! and if u cant find a community of ppl who r accepting of ur self diagnosis, just know that i believe u and this is a safe space 4 self diagnosis and ppl w bpd :3
bpd is also incredibly hard 2 get diagnosed with. its one of the most stigmatized disorders and often mental health professionals have a bias against it. sometimes, professional diagnosis is not an option 4 us. i knew i had bpd 4 years b4 i was able 2 get diagnosed. good luck!!!!
#jack.txt#birdie#damagedcoda6669#bpd#bpd awareness#borderline personality disorder#mental health#bpd safe#tw s3lf harm#tw self h4rm#tw sui ideation#tw self harm#tw sh#tw suicidal ideation
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