#i knew id get it together
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I've spent most of the last week barely sweeping the floor and keeping people fed. Dishes got done before I needed to use them, but the kitchen had seen cleaner days. And I was starting to feel bad about myself for it. This morning I woke up and swept the whole apartment, mopped a few areas where it was needed, cleaned both bathrooms, did a load of laundry, took the trash out, walked to the store and back with kiddo, did the dishes, cleaned the kitchen (not entirely, but significantly), and it's not even noon yet. Maybe that's not a lot for some people but personally I feel like I deserve a medal. Sure, L was watching videos of herself on my phone for most of that time, but I don't need to beat myself for letting her have prolonged screen time this morning, if it helped me take care of what needed taking care of. She'll be ok.
That's just how housekeeping with my ADHD is: I'll barely keep up for a while, then I'll do almost nothing for a few days and start to get down on myself, then I'll wake up one morning with the spoons to go on a cleaning frenzy and feel like a champion afterward. Rinse and repeat for eternity.
I've tried a few things to manage my ADHD better, but anything that works does so only briefly. Trying to rotate coping skills to keep them fresh is a chore in and of itself, and maybe I'll master it one day, but I don't have it yet.
And that's ok. It's ok for me not to be the Instagram or Pinterest or TikTok parent who cleans their house top to bottom and cooks 3 balanced, nutritionally-complete and aesthetically pleasing meals every day and bakes on the weekends. It's ok to do my best and not be "as good" as someone else, or even myself on another day. It's ok. I am managing, one day at a time. I've got this. If not today, then I'll try again tomorrow.
#parenting with adhd#more about#cleaning with adhd#this time around#but most parents whether sah or working have a space that needs maintained too#anyway im feeling good about myself today#and noticing this pattern previously helped me feel less bad when i was in a slump the last few days#i knew id get it together#and this morning i woke up and got shit done#im amazing actually. and im starting to trust myself about that even when im not doing as well
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even though i know the leverage team gets back together as soon as season 2 starts and we barely see any time of them being apart, it makes me unreasonably upset that they not only spent six months apart, but that they didn't know they'd all join back up eventually!! like wdym hardison spent months trying and failing to track down parker?? wdym parker gained a family and then spent half a year alone again?? wdym eliot had found a way to do some good or have some kind of purpose until it was suddenly over?? wdym nate & sophie had finally caught up with each other but came to realize that neither of them were in a place to have that relationship and spent months not knowing if that had been their last chance??
#leverage#leverageposting#especially parker and hardison. i get sad thinking about how she had adapted to maybe finally having people and then it was over#only for 6mo but as far as she knew it was probably forever#and then for hardison like. trying to track her down and failing. desperately trying to figure out how to find her. wondering if shes upset#that he hasnt contacted her. but also wondering if maybe she doesnt want to be found. maybe shes over him? maybe shes gone.#sophie at least evidently spent some of that time devising a way to get the team back together (and putting on a play)#the fact sophie managed to get an invite to parker while hardison couldnt find her is funny tho. i imagine soph had a different strategy.#trying to track her down means always being a step behind. id like to think soph instead predicted where parker *would* be.#wherever the shiniest thing to steal is. or that she set up a whole grift to both steal from a museum herself but also to entice parker to#steal from the museum and find a note hidden in the back of the most theft-worthy painting etc. idk.#but anyway hardison also looked so sad in the stork job when they briefly thought parker had run off ('trust me she is gone' 'whos gone?')#so actually losing her for 6mo + assuming it was probably forever is SO SAD#and parker not having her 'more than a team' team OW OUCH IM IN PAIN
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i delusionally think deetress scraps cld happen under chernin brothers bcuz the scene got deleted but they also wrote her one canon lesbian sexual experience (trying to get off via female masseuse in franks back in business)
sorry i had to process this ask for like 12 hours before i could look at it again to post it
#god i rlly rlly fucking hope so... im already excited abt the way the chernins wrote kaitlin in Incoming#it would b great Dee dialogue kjfgnkf....#if we could have chernins dee with Bowling deetress id be so happy<33#thank u for keeping the dream alive!#this knowledge may kill me!!#i knew deep in my heart there was some reason why Franks Back In Business is my fav#this...this is making it all come together#i appreciate that the chernins are able to acknowledge the gay shit and write it into the show so well#thats two strikes now for gay scenes they wrote that got cut lmao#but. fuck. if sunnys Rlly in 'who gives a shit' mode ever since s14/s15 then ....hmmm#u guys ready to bash that casaba melon wide open?#cuz i am!!! get dee and her sledgehammer lets bash that thing in2 oblivion!!!!#deetress#lucky s17
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rainy days
#mega man x#xzero#mmx x#mmx zero#megaman#zerox#the second i came home today drenched in rain i knew i had to whip this out#theyre waterproof and the umbrella id honestly more inconvienent but zero knows X likes stuff like this#human stuff you could say. but i feel that implies X wants to be human and i dont agree with thet#more that hes just naturally curious and would want to have the experience of sharing an umbrella#i imagine zero thought of the idea to use an umbrella with him fully on his own#like he just kind of put two and two together. which is one of Xs favorite things abt him#zero is very observant and action oriented but after getting to know X he uses his perception primarily just to make X as happy as he can#zeros love language is acts of service in my HUMBLE OPINION.#i could go on.#>mine_>art
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haaate how my two favourite ships (surgamy + espilver) typically involve the less popular character losing their edge and acting really out of character (but in an in character way?) because when i go through periods of not drawing/writing/whatever much when it comes to surge or espio as standalone characters (or at least outside the context of shipping) i get scared im gonna forget who they are and that theyre actually so cool
#sonic#surgamy#espilver#surge the tenrec#espio the chameleon#tag rant warning#also: i only started truly liking espio after i got into espilver#(i mean i thought he was funny and had awkward swag in mosth but that was it)#wheras i was always a fan of surge and only started to like surgamy a few months afterwards#(i only started reading idw whenever 60 was the latest issue#so its not like im some surgamy og who started shipping them when we knew barely anything about surge)#anyway rant aside#i saw someone complain about surgamy filling the surge tag and while i took it a bit too personally (i didnt interact i just moved on)#at the same time i have to agree#its less of a problem with espilver seeing as espio has been an established character much longer than silver#even if silver's more popular#so it balances out#but surge is only a few years old and exclusive to idw a while amy is 25+. one of the mainstream sonic characters and is in most canons#not to mention despite the unneccessary discourse she is beloved by most#and id say most amy ships are about equally popular (other than sonamy but its probably less popular in recent years)#meanwhile surgamy is like THE surge ship#the only thing i think that comes close is whispurge and it doesnt really#ANYWAY#because of this surge is kind of in amys shadow and just. yeah. im too tired for this.#anyway surge is aroace realistically and i dont want her to reciprocate if amy gets a crush on her#(thats not true)#(if they ever got together i would probably either go into a state of euphoria or mania depending on how mentally stable i am at the time)
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woww that was so awkward. we used to be best friends???
#we didn't get into a fight or anything even...it just happened. gradually we were moving apart and one day we couldn't recognise each other#i still wish the best for her though....im glad she's doing alr#but letting go of her was probably a good thing bc i don't feel as insecure about myself anymore#everything she had todo was so selfcentred and she pointed out even the tiniest of things about my appearance even tho she knewmy insecurit#we were a trio and now me and my other bsf are the only ones who stuck together.....im so grateful to have her in my life.#literally my fav person ever#also everything me and my bsf said she would make it about her and we reached our limits we confronted her#but nothing really changed except she was trying to be subtle about it and somehow slowly we stopped texting frequently#and it wasn't just about my appearance. she kept asking me if i made new friends when she knew i didn't and that i have social anxiety#and when i did manage to make friends she would ask qs and id be back to questioning my friendship w everyone i knew#i'll probably delete this later
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ha ha ha. the way my feelings started to grow for my best friend right before I found out he's moving states and states away over the summer. ha ha ha. so pony and johnny core hahhaha
#see i was JUST about to tell him how i felt (maybe)#and i was JUST about to suggest a qpr (maybe)#and now i find out hes leaving me...#EVIL!!#hahaha this is sooo doomed ponyboy and johnny qpr hahaha#i always knew one of us would make it out of this shitty little town and one of us wouldnt#and maybe this entire time i knew id be the one to stay. of my own choice? i cant even tell anymore#but to finally understand what he means to me after all of these years and to know hes on his way out#very heartbreaking!#this town is a dead end road. lets leave this behind lets just get up and go#find a new place to call home. make a new life we can call our own#someplace where we can be free. free to decide who we want to be.#it certainly is all becoming clear now isnt it?#i want to get up and just go with him but how do i get out of this poor ass town#and the worst part? we're both bound for bigger things its just that one of us has a way to get there#and its certainly not me#also did i mention hes moving far out to the country? am im stuck in this little poor town?#and weve always talked about a life spent together?#feeling very doomed right now#life imitates art i guess#sooo...if anyones up to hear me rant or vent through my little heartbreak
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theyre girlfriends in every universe, you know??
that makes sense because...well.. its them. how could it not ever be them? their together in every universe and that is it.. they deserve everything to me. they just mean so SO much.
#sorry uh i didn't think id get emotional thinking about the potential lumity concept from pilot but the idea that it was always meant to#be them and go back to them... you dont understand. theyre together in every timeline. every version. theyre luz and amity. lumity.#NOT luzity. disney your still canceled for dropping the ball like that but#it makes sense. they make sense and i just wish we could know more of how this couldve been#how it couldve played out. how dana wanted them. who they are#im watching two strangers on a screen once again.. but you see- they arent strangers.. this is a different timeline..#in every universe it leads back to them in some way#and dana knew from the start of that#i love them. i love them so much.
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I am once again missing people so much that my heart aches
#its been like 2-3 years since ive seen them and i still cant get over seeing pictures of them with their friends and im just#not there...#even pictures from the times we lived together. i just wasnt there#i wasnt there for them at all. i was living life like a ghost#i barely left my room#i could never go with them to concerts or restaurants or anything because they knew id get overwhelmed because of my autism and chronic pain#so i just... never got invited anywhere. that still happens now#makes my life feels so painfully empty sometimes#theres so much i want to do. so much i wanted to do#none of the people i miss are dead so why does it still hurt so much? i could talk to them again if i wanted#... but i really can't. i really can't#it wont be the same. we'll still never reconnect. it hurts so much my heart physically aches#i wonder if they ever think about me
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My Breath of the Wild Slow Livin' challenge is in its third iteration and let me tell you it is the only way to play this game
#I stopped fast travelling two playthroughs ago (rule 1)#at the same time as i added the “2) if Pancake (my horse) can physically come with me then he has to come with me wherever I go” rule#for this new playthrough i've added "3) you have to settle down for the evening at a reasonable time#preferably at a stable or otherwise suitable location and then feed Pancake before hunching down in front of a fire#and stare into the flames until morning#ALSO rule 4 the horse cant gallop for longer than a real horse can (ie short bursts)#all other horse travel (ie almost all travel in the game (see rule 2)) has to happen at a trot at MOST#but very recently ive reached Tarrey Town and boy lemme tell you#I already knew id be trotting across the damn continent like five times to get everyone together#but now ive added a new thing where i roleplay escorting each of them back to Tarrey Town AT THE PACE THEY WOULD NATURALLY GO#i.e. walking#I am WALKING my horse back from death mountain and gerudo and everyone else#it's actually so great to roleplay...#Pelison saw a horse for the first time and was in awe#and Grayson had to comfort him when a lightning storm broke out as we were crossing the Akkala span#obviously the Sokkala route would be more direct but Grayson and I decided the northern route was better#since we could spend the night at the stable#Kass was there and he sang for us#Now Ive just made it to Gerudo (it took five in game days)#and I am settling down in Kara Kara for the night to talk to Rhondson about my friend Hudson#The voe with the most beautiful dream in all of hyrule#and if she agrees to come with me we have a LONG walk ahead of us in the morning#this is my favourite playthough ive ever done#breath of the wild#tarrey town#legend of zelda
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i posted that stupid shit on my instagram i might just kill myself fr
now im afraid i wont sleep for another 24 hours damn 😭😭
#took me like 50 hours but we did it 🔫😼#i might still delete jt#the anxiety is no joke#like no joke#ahahs7bsudbdus#im so tired man#so like fuck me.but i cant justify killing myseld before trying. after that i can. somehow. Im tired and i want nothing more than that but#maybe i just want to stop the pain. nevertheless#i hope someone anyone who sees. that even if im being too open or too vulnerable online i hope it inspires someone a little bit to do the#same. i hope the reactions wont be too harsh. just dont ask me abt it irl cuz ill cry.#fuck mental illness and traumas man. acchan i hope it wasnt so suffocating for u. at least hopefully the people who loved u could make it#better.#tbh now my anxiety ia better cuz nobody is awake xddd#whatever its not that serious. only for me ig#sorry ppl the mental illness really said emphasis on the illness these past 2 days. i didnt think id live it so badly but here we are. well#i hope with this i managed to get something heavy off my chest. i hope i can continue for just a little longer#to see if it's worth it. i dont even wanna think abt tge fact imma have prom on sunday. why is that im always most suicidal when i have to#graduate? i skipped elementary graduation cuz of it. im not skipping this one but im not participating in the dance cuz i knew id somehow b#at a bad place and i wouldnt have a partner also. hmm whatever. i should sleep now maybe. i feel good now a bit. really have to sigh get my#shit together now.#not sunday friday the 50 hours no sleep getting to me
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#chat i have gotten some strange ideas in my head#i am incapable of moving in silence because i must yap#i have slightly less than a year to get my shit together but i must no longer go with the flow i might fight#firstly i have to get that 3.8 gpa and 7.0 ielts for the full ride scholarship next year#i was drunk and high all last year and my gpa is 3.6 so i think this is doable#gotta prove to my parents i ain’t completely worthless. prove to myself too#i’ll redo year three again when i transfer but once i graduate from [redacted] i’m confident i’ll be much better off#financially than if i graduated here#for sure i’ll be independent#retire my parents too#been so stressed bout jobs lately. outlook been Bad bad. i feel positively towards my school but it’s a ทางพ่าน for most people#halfway point?#i knew they had this 2+2 program but i had it stuck in my head it wasn’t worth doing cuz i’m fucked and nothings worth trying anymore#id only fail again#been thinking and thinking and listening and thinking some more#this can’t be it#if i got the opportunity i gotta try. if i change enough it’s not out of the question. why not change#5 mil baht for two years is brutal but if the investment pays off it’s a solid fucking investment#i will no longer die i will commit myself to becoming a better person and i will get rich asf#money make da world go round#today i got electronics lab midterm wish me luck
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[taps mic] what if cm zine [leaves stage]
#society if . society if i knew how to make casual zines . id do a million for every interest ever#idk ive just been having Thoughts . like what if them but in my hands in a book and stickers and things u know#there was the kr fandom zine last year (it looked So good my god) but no way i could get it :(#but i could make my own maybe . throw together some old stuff and new stuff and make it a pdf or smth#maybe even make it a collab thing.......... that would be so fun......................#my post
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oh okay so she can send out an email about staff birthdays but not the fucking schedule. got it. Priorities.
#personal#every single new coworker ive met lately has the same opinion of her that my usual coworkers do:#she should absolutely NOT be in this position. she is bad at it and doesnt listen to any of us#also. i think her hiring was maybe... racist. like shes a white woman. fine whatever#but i was speaking to one of my coworkers whos an older Black woman (one of my new fav coworkers too shes a hoot)#and she said that she and about r or 5 others were on a panel to sit in for the interview process that hired current manager#and she started listing everyone else who was there and i was like huh. every she mentioned is also Black. interesting#and she said not a single one of them picked current manager and gave their reasons why#and it seems to me that all of their opinions were so neatly ignored. so like why invite them? for diversity points? to look inclusive?#to make it seem like we even had a choice?#bc that is not a good look!!!#id say a third to half of my entire coworker group is Black and to find out that a small group of them were ignored when actively asked for#their opinion on a very important decision? yea no that doesnt seem right#and i think when my coworker told me she knew. and im like hmm. makes me wonder what to do#i mean i will be emailing hr soon enough bc current manager is not just annoying and incompetent but also ableist lol#i just need to get together with some coworkers so we can draft one large complaint bc umm. yea fuck this stupid bitch oh my god. ive had it#with her and her antics and the librarys too since they wanna ignore my coworkers apparently!#most of whom are older and retired teachers and actively and always know what the fuck theyre doing#id trust literally any of my coworkers to do managers job before manager. bc i know literally any of them could do it
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been looking in tags for a few days now to see if anyone else found the whole high cloud quintet and related story to be a bit.....poorly written, nonsensical, contradictory, full of plot holes and loose ends, etc. apparently i'm not the only one. (and i'm not even talking about shipping stuff, because any time I saw someone mad about bad writing, someone always replies to be homophobic and laugh about failed ships. weirdos.) it could have been so good but was thrown into the garbage for the most part (IF you noticed all the plot holes and contradiction. if not, then it's a fine enough story tbh. I expect most people to see it on surface level and not read all the little hidden lore bits and try to piece it together like my autistic brain did. which is ok! enjoy it if you liked it and ignore me 😆)
#apparently one of the writers did it on purpose. wont explain here. you can find it elsewhere. but it makes sense now#that's why it fell apart and didnt make sense in the end#ive seem people say anyone mad about it is a shipper and thats why. they use it as an excuse to be homophobes#youre gross get out of thos fandom. im here as someone upset about the story who was very skeptical about any ship theories and focused#more on plot theories and overall friendship and stuff so its not even about shipping you het weirdos!!!#the contradictions and plot holes are bd regrdless of who you ship lmao stop reducing it to that#aure its fine if you ignlre those plot holes. but it happened to be the little plot holes that interested me the most so its obvious to me😅#cant wait until a talented writer in the fandom rewrites the whole story a lot better and fills in the holes and ties up the end better#please someone do this 😭#lee text#hsr#i just wanted a close found family who met a tragic end#my idea for a better way to write it is dan feng wanted free from the high elder cycle and yingxing helped him create a new elder#but it went wrong and failed because the preceptors fed him wrong info hopong it woukd destroy dan feng since they hated him#instead it was yingxing that died and dan feng selfishly brought him back somehow and thats why hes immortal and hates dan heng now#they created a monster in the process that made a mess and baiheng died trying to kill it maybe but hit its weak spot#so it was weaked enough for jingliu to slay it#maybe for a plot twist jing yuan somehow knew the preceptors were up to something and didnt stop the two because#they were too stubborn and he knew it would do nothing#we know the dragon heart disappeared so either it ended becoming bailu in the end#or it could be inaide blade bow. another fun possible plot twist. they never explained where it went so it coukd be a n y w h e r e#i had other ideas but i forget now. bht baiheng deserves better as well. just being a plot mechanism to make two dudes be stupid#is kinda bland and boring and wasted her character. she deserves better too!!!!#id write this if i had the time and brain power but ill hope someone else does it instead#OH yeah i forgot a big idea. dan feng and yingxing perhaps try to also kill the arbor and end the abundance and long life/reincarnation#and maybe that was one part that led to it all going wrong or something. since yingxing wanted revenge on the abundance for destroying#his home and family???? and dan feng wanted to escape the cycle? similar wants that worked together snd failed#these are all ideas from past theories i read and my own ideas i came up with all of which are better than what that bad writer did!#these are very incomplete ideas that im sure someone else can write better#lee rambles
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Truly tickles me when people say zoro is secretly super good at math bc of that one time during the water 7 arc when he mentally solved the highly complex detailed equation of 108 × 2 = 216
#i maintain that even at that though. theres no proof he hadnt already known that off the top of his head#due to having thought it through bc his move is 108 degrees etc etc#like being prepped for this exact scenario#maybe luffy earlier said what if we do this move together. whats 108 times two#and zoro said idk id have to think about it#maybe sit down with a pen and paper for this one luf#and luffy said ok well get back to me on it no rush#and zoro sat down and ran the numbers so he was ready to seem like he knew a damn thing#really that scene is actually alluding to a bts callback of them planning anything#this is such a joke theyre incapable of planning
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