#this knowledge may kill me!!

[cutemeat]

i delusionally think deetress scraps cld happen under chernin brothers bcuz the scene got deleted but they also wrote her one canon lesbian sexual experience (trying to get off via female masseuse in franks back in business)

sorry i had to process this ask for like 12 hours before i could look at it again to post it

[egophiliac]

I don’t think we’ve ever seen you draw knight of dawn before 🤔 what are your thoughts about him? Or take?

I've drawn him a couple of times, just really little/in the background. but I should draw him more, I love this guy a lot! I have many, many thoughts about him and the way he parallels Silver...and also I think it is extremely funny that his ghost is stuck in a ring. especially considering where that ring has been for the last 16-ish years.

[anewp0tat0]

I am so passed April fools cause life hard and busy but I hope we're still in a silly mood ;;v;;

(very belated) April Black Butler Animo Black Arts Magazine- Ciel Dies.

I really needed to participate in this months mag for 2 reasons, 1) because I missed doing last months mag even though the prompt that I had pitched since day 1 of me joining (wild west) was finally selected... and I didn't even get to participate. so I'm bummed. and 2) because I actually also am mostly responsible for conceiving this prompt and I am proud of myself(as well as everyone else who participated hahaaa) for having an idea. so yes.

I also got to do the cover this time.

[tongjaitongjai]

Mordred: My kink is when people actually care about me and my feelings

Merlin: too unrealistic, settle for bondage like the rest of us.

[emmodii-mode]

Just finished my first playthrough of BG3. Romanced Lae'zel, but ending up turning into an Illithid because the idea of making Orpheus or Karlach do it didn't sit well with me (or my character).

I told Lae'zel to leave with Orpheus in the end (I heard she wouldn't stay with a ghaik anyway, which she's valid for, but also, it doesn't feel right to ask her to stay when I know how much her people mean to her). And like-

Her face before she flies off---

She looks so heartbroken and sad.

[whatudottu]

Hey, I noticed your post on Ectonurite religious practices, and I thought the concepts were very interesting. I’m a big fan of the Anur System myself, to the point I’ve learned how to make languages for them, if that’s not too weird…

In reference to this post-

The 'having a favourite fictional setting' to 'make a conlang' pipeline is all to real Pilgrim, my linguistics teacher let me use mine for my end of term project instead of the assigned analysis (transcribing a conversation between yourself and a friend, which probably would've been useful to study); you wouldn't believe what planet I based it on (don't look at my icon that's cheating :P)

But nah yeah, the Anur System is to me one of my favourite parts of Ben 10 Omniverse since I love horror and horror themed things but hate being scared of them so- the Anur System and the movie monsters that influence their design always has a special place in my head!

Even in my mutants and magic au where I retcon even OS to include more mutants and more magic users and presence where I made the Mummy an actual mummified priest who's attempt at resurrect worked (to the detriment to waking up to the grubby mitts of the British museum) and making Viktor an actual frankenstein's monster who's functionally mutant both to parallel Gwen and Max better (Gwen for magic obviously, Max for being a not-so-ex-Plumber who dealt with more than just alien phenomena but humans doing weird things inspired by old books and other stuff), I can't not still have the entirety of the Anur System still exist! I can't remember who but someone made thep khufan siphonophores and well- riding the coattails of my fulmini posting I got excited over them :P same goes for transylians though I haven't thought much about their potentially interesting biology other than the thought of 'how weird can scar tissue adaptations in biology become' so :P :P :P

[lunayuu]

Seen In Shadows: Part 1

BNHA fanfic that I have yet to give a proper title, despite the fact I have not engaged with canon in ages - leave me alone the world is too interesting to not write about ok... ALSO go look at @written-in-the-clouds's work because they did completely inspire me to even start writing again - props to them!

more credit: divider made by @strangergraphics-archive, this post being where I got it from!

Ao3 Work Part 1 | Part 2 | X

What's In Your Future?

Izumiwa Yori was a man who did not particularly like to get involved with people outside of his circle. A circle that was very small and contained mostly online friends (and clients). This was something he was starkly reminded of about himself as he promptly tuned out the noise around him via the thick headphones he usually kept around his neck. His middle school class was cheering about all going off to be heroes, something that Yori couldn’t exactly disagree with, even if he was planning on staying far away from the limelight (he’s never dealt well with too much attention, no matter the source).

He didn’t know the name of the guy that was currently being yelled at by the resident class disruptor, Bakugou. Something starting with a ‘Ma’, he was pretty sure. Thanks to the headphones covering his ears, he couldn’t actually hear what was being said, but of course, his Quirk just had to act up and inform him directly of what was going on.

Bakugou Katsuki is angry at Midoriya Izuku for wanting to apply for UA High’s hero course. Bakugou is only angry due to him feeling horridly inferior to Midoriya, and wanting to prove that he’s better than someone he views as “weak”. The teacher is content to ignore it due to the immense Quirkism within the school, something that has never been investigated by authorities as-

Oh, so that was his name. Yori had completely forgotten, Midoriya tended to fade into the background more often than not, and as such had completely passed by Yori’s radar. The only notable thing about him was that he was Quirkless, something that caused Yori to feel bad for the poor thing, not because he was Quirkless, it’s not like Yori was prejudiced against Quirkless people, but the abuse from people like Bakugou was something Yori saw to really weigh on him. He wished he could help Midoriya properly, but the most he could do was try to flag it with the teachers, but judging by how no adult was doing anything about Bakugou’s unlicensed Quirk use, much less his bullying and Quirkism, Yori doubted anything would really happen.

As he shut his eyes and took a deep breath, Yori’s thoughts stayed on Midoriya, he resolved to talk to him at some point this week, hopefully being friends with someone with a neutral-to-positive enough reputation would keep people like Bakugou from hounding the guy. His silence was, however, broken by a notification ringing in his ears through his headphones. Pulling out his phone in a way he automatically Knew was missed by the teacher (and any potential snitches in the class), he saw that there was numerous messages from one of his central clients, and someone he thought of as a quite good friend, in their shared server for Yori’s small collection of his friends. Unlocking his phone, he started reading what he missed from a good few hours prior.

-

vampire^v^ Today at 11:21 hii guys!!! ＼(≧▽≦)／ how is everyone???

LivingLies Today at 11:22 Doing well, work is as dull as ever, sadly.

iceboy Today at 11:22 Hello, all. I’m home sick from school today, ha.

vampire ^v^ Today at 11:22 ooooooh luckkyyyyy (￣＾￣) also rude

copycat Today at 11:23 still in class. good luck with work lies!

Erased Today at 11:24 focus on your education, cat.

vampire ^v^ Today at 11:24 laammeeee erased ⋋_⋌ let him talk!!!!

Erased Today at 11:25 no.

vampire ^v^ Today at 11:25 (⋋▂⋌)

-

Yori smiled down at his phone, content that his friends were also amicable with each other. He glanced at the other messages he had yet to read, deciding promptly to ignore the messages from his clients asking for more information, he could handle all of that when he went home and out of the public eye.

Yori pocketed his phone again and looked at the form that he felt would set his future in stone as whatever he wrote on the flimsy printer paper. He filled out a name that was not his on the top (he was still seen as she when not online under ‘Apollo’, he planned to rectify that in high school, whatever one he ended up in, but for now he could get by just fine, he was sure of it) and stared at the next prompt: ‘Quirk:’.

See, Yori was one of the surprisingly few people in Japan to technically have more than one Quirk. The reason behind it wasn’t too complex as, from what he knew (and he Knew a lot), Yori had the ‘luck’ to have a Quirk more linked to his immediate family that was, on a genetic level, expressed weaker than normal, and as such, a dominant Quirk gene from many, many generations ago that Yori was still mildly surprised about it even being in his genome appeared his phenotype to make up for the less active gene, something about incomplete dominance meaning that most family members on his mother’s side had something linked to Knowing things, but was overall weak enough that other Quirks completely overshadowed them.

The Ishikawa family had prided themselves on having Quirks based entirely around light for at least 3 generations now (this included his generation, the light based aspect of his family’s Quirks only came about from his father’s mother, but they still acted like it had been around for a lot longer). It was expected by this point that at least one family member would not have a light Quirk, but the opposite, some similarly latent gene signalling to invert the effects of the inherited Quirk, it something a younger Yori thought was cool as all hell. However, the only people in the family to have darkness based Quirks in the family had all passed, his grandfather and his uncle (both paternal in relation) were people he never got to meet properly outside of a few interactions that he was far too young to form lasting memories about. And as such didn’t have any real people around him to help him learn how to use the Quirk that made him the, no pun intended, black sheep of the family.

Yori shook his head, trying to get rid of the sinking feeling that he was lying (something that always made him feel a bit nauseous, a side effect that he blamed his non-shadowy Quirk for) and put down ‘ShadowStep’ on the form, writing in the next line under ‘Description of Quirk:’ that it allowed him to travel where he liked within an area of about 24km that was sufficiently dark. Pointedly leaving out the minor omniscience his other Quirk somehow gave him (Yori has wondered many times just how that Quirk functions, but for all the Knowledge it gave, the Quirk didn’t give him an answer.)

As for the central part of the form, he knew what he would put already. Thoughts drifting to the many, many clients he had received and forum posts made both by and about him over the years that he had been doling out information, he knew by now that it was a no-brainer. While being less well known it was still useful to apply for, even if it was so utterly down-low he Knew he would most likely be the only candidate, as it was something that played to all his strengths, something that would be immensely beneficial to not just him, but all those around him as well (while he couldn’t Know the future, he was pretty sure that he was right).

Yori wrote on the form: “UA Hero Course – Analysis Track”

(Trying not to pop up in any other fandom's tags is very important. to me. so umm awkward censoring go brrr)

I did completely steal the formatting of chat messages from Discordance, a [Archive] ft [Archive] Fandom fic that was written in 2020, and as such references current events from 2020 quite often - it's such a good fic though <3<3

And more [Archive] fandom stealing, the whole thing about ShadowStep (a) will be explored properly soon and (b) IS just stolen from Redeath, Cyäegha my beloved <3<3<3<3

[theskeletoninthegarden]

Sorry about the theater of emotions going on my face from across the room. I'm trying to resolve an argument that I made up between two fictional characters.

[b0mblover]

Greed makes me sick. 

By: J

Woo fucking hoo, gotta love projection! (this was 100% self indulgent, idk how well it actually works with jiro but! Oh fucking well! At least im getting smth done ig) 

Cw; Selfharm, Suicide Ideation, Jiro generally being unhealthy, awful writing

Once again; sorry for your eyes, goodluck

Jiro laid in his bed, glancing at the clock on his phone every so often, around 21:34. Mindlessly scrolling through some of his friends' accounts, he never wanted to admit it, but he does in a way enjoy ‘stalking’ his friends, “friends” being mostly of people he's never met or talked to a day in his life, but that's never really mattered to him. 

Usually it's just to catch up on everything, ‘oh they finally got married’ etc. boring stuff, but why the hell not. 

But other times like today, it made him want to throw up. He was happy for them, sure, but there was a disgusting jealousy spreading throughout his chest, traveling down his esophagus, down to his stomach, and setting there. He’s felt it before, the first few times it happened, he thought he literally had to throw up, resulting in him essentially purging to get the feeling out; it didn't ever work. He gave up on trying, it usually went away on its own, just how long would it take was the question. Minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, years. It was all a possibility. The longer he felt it, the worse it became. He’d liked to say that it started off slowly, but it never did. Usually the first thing he jumped to was ‘I'll never be like them, no matter how hard I try, so what's the point in living?’ He wished he could say it was irrational, but it just wasn't. He knew due to one reason or another, he couldn't be like them, no matter how hard he tried, no matter for how long he never gave up. He would always fail. He wished he could also say that he had no desires, that would be a lie too. Seeing people do what you've wanted to do for years of your life, that you never came close to doing, so easily, it hurt. It hurt. It hurt. It. Hurt. and he wished he could say it didn't. He wished something so very mundane didn't hurt. He hated jealousy, he hated greed, perhaps that's why it hurt so much more. Because he was a hypocrite. It's not like he wished that they weren't able to do that, he just wanted to be able to do it too.  

Jealousy, is an odd word. People always assume that if you are jealous- that you wish ill on whoever you’re jealous of. But that couldn't be further from what he felt. Sometimes, it was tiring to constantly work and work for something others have so easily, that you'll never get. Why does life deal such shitty hands to people who care? Or is it the other way? Shitty hands in life make you care? Either way, it still made him sick.  

Somedays, he got off easy, he knew it's not their fault, sometimes motivated by a ‘you'll get there someday, you just have to keep trying’. Days like this though, that wasn't the case. Trying is pointless, not that he just feels like it, but it is. No amount of trying or wishing will ever work. Shitty hand remember? So if he couldn't do what he wanted, what was the point in living? Maybe he was crazy, fucking insane even, no one talks about this sort of thing, there's probably a reason, right?  

He sat up on his mattress, took a look at his phone, then tossed it across the room. He would’ve thrown it, but he didn't see a point in breaking the phone or wall if he was angry. He wasn't even angry either, just like there was a hole in his chest where his heart should be, and that hole was filled with bile.  

He looked down and stared at his hands, disgusting. Failure. He was a failure. He had good grades, sure, but it really didn't mean anything. Grades are just numbers, and numbers that didn't matter to him. If When he gets older, he's probably not going to be sitting on his deathbed thinking about how he got a 100% on a math quiz. But this?  

He stood up and walked over to his ‘desk’, clean for 4 months at the simple request of a friend. It's not like she’d know or find out if he did it. Well, unless he couldn't keep his mouth shut as usual. Even if she did find out, would she care? Would she even remember what was said? Ha. Maybe she’d tell him how pathetic he was, unable to go past a small styro, he is really pathetic, so it’d be fitting.  

Even if she somehow did ‘care’ as much as she said, wouldn't it be tiresome? That was one of the main reasons he stopped in the first place, taking care of people, even if you love them can be tiresome. So she was bound to get tired and bored of it. She’d probably grow to not care, part of him wanted that.  

He admittedly fantasizes thinks about what would've happened if he hadn't stopped, more than he should. 

Maybe she’d grow annoyed of his break/melt downs, maybe she'd make fun of him instead, he couldn't really blame her either way. Part of him wanted her to grow bored of him, but the other selfish part, hated the idea. Even now, he considered reaching out “You don't have to suffer alone, I’m always here, you’ll never annoy me.” but..  

He appreciated it, but it probably wasn't meant for something like this. What was the point? It wasn't like he was gonna kill himself, no matter how badly he wanted to. Sure, it wasn't a necessarily ‘healthy’ coping mechanism, but. It's not like he could do much damage anyways right? This was just like scratching himself when he was pissed off, not healthy, but what could anyone do? It didn't really hurt, so what would be the point in taking it away?  

Without caring enough to think it through, he picked up the blade, and sliced through the mid of his forearm. It stung. More than usual, but who even cares. He spun his chair around, then sat down. He brought the blade to his arm again- he really was pathetic, wasn't he? Slice- even if someone for some reason cared- slice- it's not like they should, he was pathetic and needy- slice- maybe some people in this world are supposed to die? Or suffer at least- slice- but, he didn't really want anyone else to suffer. If he met someone just as himself, would he hate them too? Or would he take pity? Slice- He smiled. His arm felt weak. Hand shaky. No one was coming to save him. No one knew of what he’d done. No matter what, he’s always alone. He deserved it.  

He stared at his arm for a few minutes, the deepest he’s ever cut, after not even 5 minutes, it looks pathetic again. God he's stupid. What if she somehow does find out? She wouldn't outwardly say how pathetic he is, she wasn't that type of person. She’d probably show some sort of concern. Fuck. Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck FUCK. She’ll probably show some sort of care, attention. He didn't want that. Great. Now it looks like he did it all just for attention! Fucking wonderful.  

He glanced at his phone that had been lazily thrown on the floor, part wishing someone messaged, anyone, but dreading having to respond. No matter how much he loved them, responding right after this thing, he always seemed off, too off. 

He took a breath, trying to collect what little of himself was left. He should get something to drink. Yeah, that’ll probably make him feel at least a bit more level-headed.  

But there again, he is a waste of space, failure, etc. he’s heard most of the names by now mostly from himself but that didn't matter, does he really deserve something as simple as drinking? Even basic things do cost money, even if just a few cents. Why waste it on himself? But his throat is so dry still,,  

He walked out of his bedroom, hitting his face on the door, forgetting it was very muchly locked, precaution. He wanted to lash out, take every bit of anger out on it but then…. Nothing. Numbness. He didn't even have a good reason to feel angry. It was his fault anyways. He took a deep breath, unlocked the door, and walked out.  

Walking to the kitchen, slower than usual, he started to wonder again with how he was going to hide his awful wonderful misdeed. Makeup worked.. Well honestly for him it worked awfully. Nothing ever seemed to match in all lighting, plus that was only really an option for scars, tactile cuts didn't really improve much when paired with a powder or creme (?? sorry idk), plus it could run the risk of infection. Right? He's never seen anything warning against it so maybe not? But putting something that has chemicals like that into a cut, it didn't seem correct. Considering what minuscule things could cause infection. Not that he'd mind getting infected and slowly, painfully dying. He just didn't like the look generally.  

What could he do then? Wear a jacket like normal, sure, but she always finds out somehow. Gods know how, not him, but somehow. He could bandage it sure, but that ran the risk of even more questions, it wasn't exactly news that he didn't care about proper ‘aftercare’ like that. Sure, not properly covering it, cleaning the blade etc. could cause infection, but.. Well. He didn't have any excuses, he was just biased in some ungodly way that he never noticed right until that very moment! (Large cough. H e l p.) 

Grabbing a random cup, he decided to just tough it out like usual. Try to not show his arm in any setting but not be weird about it, try to act normaler than usual, sure it’ll suck, but it's between that and in his mind, ‘looking like an attention seeker’. He poured out what wasn't even 1/4th of a cup of water into the cup. His throat was just dry, it's not like he'd die from dehydration any time soon. Sure, he's human, doesn't that mean he just needs the absolute minimal amount of care? Hell, this couldn't even be considered minimal! He has a roof over his head, water, food, there's so much more he could go without, gods he's selfish huh? He sat down his empty glass beside the sink, very quietly laughing under his breath, pathetic, wasn’t it? He’s so selfish, he has it well, yet he acts like he has nothing! What more could he ask for in life? Stability? What a joke. He should really be more grateful. 

He stared at the glass glass beside him, staring into his distorted reflection. Well, at least there was always a way to fix it all. In the back of his mind, he was always running though, listing off methods, quickest, easiest, cheapest, messiest, etc. No matter how hard he tried, he’d never figured out the ‘perfect suicide’ in his own eyes. 

Though, recently, a method stuck his eye. Nitrogen gas. He’d heard it takes one out quickly, but makes them struggle and suffer beforehand. Perfect for himself. No time to back out because of how quickly it takes you, pain before death, he’d never wanted a peaceful one. It was near perfect. But one of the main issues was managing to get any. Or get around any in general. (little did Jiro know; he was only a few letters off from his actual suicide; that being Nitroglycerin!)  

But, he doubted it was realistic, for reasons already stated, so he was stuck with whatever other incredibly fucked method he inevitably decides on. It's not like he probably will anytime soon either, no matter how much he wants to. He walked back to his room, flopping down as soon as he was close enough for at least his face to hit the mattress. Thud totally comfortable.  

He stood up once again, actually closing his door this time. Then sitting on the bed properly, right, shit, his phone. No, no one probably texted, they're all busy. What can only be described as a mantra he mentally spoke, trying his best to not get his hopes up and what left of his heart shattered, even if he was always deep-down hoping, begging for any sort of message.  

He walked around to the far wall, and picked up his phone, quickly turning it around, anticipation and tension always left more room for disappointment. He seen the messaging app icon and- no one. A stupid update reminder. He’d rather’ve seen absolutely nothing than that. But whatever, they're busy, she's busy. He reminded himself, trying to subside the constant idea that they all fucking loath him for everything that he's ever done. But it's probably true though right? Of course it is. They all hate him. No matter how close, they all do. He’ll never change, will he? Why even bother at this point, he loved talking to them all sure, but why do they bother to talk to him? Pity? Perhaps. A disgusting feeling crept back up into his stomach and esophagus, it unknowingly had disappeared some minutes ago. Not like it mattered now. He tossed his phone to the side of his bed, on the ground, not bothering to charge it. It's not like anyone will message anyways. He's an idiot, everytime, everyday, why does he still feel such anticipation anyways? The answer didn't matter. He was tired. He didn't want to sleep, he hadn't gotten anything done, hell he was bored. But he had no energy to do anything. Just because of some stupid post. Sensitive. Weak. Pathetic. Why was he even still here? He's just dead weight to everyone he meets. What is the point. 

He laid there, he didn't know for how long, it didn't matter, he heard a door shut, they're back. He couldn't talk to them or face them like this. No. He’ll fake sleeping, maybe he’ll fall asleep in the process, that'd be nice, or if he never woke up, both seem ideal to him. 

He laid on his stomach, right arm obscuring his face, left in a weak fist. It was a default ‘I swear I'm asleep’ pose, shockingly comfortable too!  

Staring at the back of his eyelids, repeating bright colours and vague shapes started appearing, in a way it always felt a bit soothing, it was always there for him.  

Even when he wasn't there for himself. 

[swinging-stars-from-satellites]

peace and love on planet earth save me.... peace and love on planet earth.... save me peace and love on planet earth....

[sskk-manifesto]

(｡･ω･｡)ﾉ♡

[elegyofthemoon]

day 3 went from "its soooo over" to "LETS FUCKING GOOOOOO"

not that i have a schedule but i am proud that i am fighting against anxiety by shoving myself into situations to get some work done

[msommers]

the thing is that i let myself fully sit in the weight of riya's emotions during the "i'm going to make you proud" moment with her mom and that's what killed me

[celibibratty]

I know the idea of the game is to our main characters become an old master one day in a certain moment of their life, but one part of me kinda don't like that?, i like more the idea of after they kill the villans, they become some kinda of badass vigilants/justice gangsters, and continue be like this since they become old(no idea how they pay the bills living in that way?, but it doesn't matter is just a game), idk i just like our main characters more being some kinda of "lone wolf", i think it fits more their style

[autistic-shaiapouf]

Mystery bugs in my home and I don't recognize them! I've seen a few around at this point and might make a more formal post about it tomorrow but, mystery bugs below the cut if anyone wants to take a shot at helping me ID them:

Not the best pics but it's got an abdomen with clear markings that make me think either roach or earwig, but photos of the nymphs of either don't seem to be matching up; granted I only looked for maybe 5 minutes and mightve missed something obvious but this guy's not ringing any bells for me

[astrxealis]

really want to read more and more literature (esp classics!) aghhhh yesterday iirc i was on a walk with my mom and twin and an old guy (not a weirdo dw) who was jogging or walking too actually asked what book i was carrying and it's a little funny bcs uhm he just went "oh a classic!" you see. i was carrying dante's inferno. which i still haven't properly started to read but anyways he might... if my mom is right... be the local parish guy so oopsies !! LMAO anyways yeah really interested in lovecraft for a while now! horror scares me and gives me paranoia but i also enjoy the writing of it? and i remember once that something/someone said my writing is kinda similar to his. hm.