#this knowledge may kill me!!
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i delusionally think deetress scraps cld happen under chernin brothers bcuz the scene got deleted but they also wrote her one canon lesbian sexual experience (trying to get off via female masseuse in franks back in business)
sorry i had to process this ask for like 12 hours before i could look at it again to post it
#god i rlly rlly fucking hope so... im already excited abt the way the chernins wrote kaitlin in Incoming#it would b great Dee dialogue kjfgnkf....#if we could have chernins dee with Bowling deetress id be so happy<33#thank u for keeping the dream alive!#this knowledge may kill me!!#i knew deep in my heart there was some reason why Franks Back In Business is my fav#this...this is making it all come together#i appreciate that the chernins are able to acknowledge the gay shit and write it into the show so well#thats two strikes now for gay scenes they wrote that got cut lmao#but. fuck. if sunnys Rlly in 'who gives a shit' mode ever since s14/s15 then ....hmmm#u guys ready to bash that casaba melon wide open?#cuz i am!!! get dee and her sledgehammer lets bash that thing in2 oblivion!!!!#deetress#lucky s17
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I am so passed April fools cause life hard and busy but I hope we're still in a silly mood ;;v;;
(very belated) April Black Butler Animo Black Arts Magazine- Ciel Dies.
I really needed to participate in this months mag for 2 reasons, 1) because I missed doing last months mag even though the prompt that I had pitched since day 1 of me joining (wild west) was finally selected... and I didn't even get to participate. so I'm bummed. and 2) because I actually also am mostly responsible for conceiving this prompt and I am proud of myself(as well as everyone else who participated hahaaa) for having an idea. so yes.
I also got to do the cover this time.
#yea apperantly the Victorians would accidentally poison themselves because arsenic would be confused with flour#doesn't really matter that arsenic was already accepted as a poison in this time and so wouldn't be in the house as much#or that injesting it probably wouldnt kill someone instantly. cause drawing this was fun and thats all that matters#plus Ciel small and Bard probably put.... a lot#poor bard#and ciel him too#also take all of this info with a grain of salt cause my knowledge extends as far as some google articles#that's kinda it#but it's still fun#the prompt may be morbid but trust me thinking of it was really funny#kuroshitsuji#black butler#Black Arts Magazine#Black Butler animo#kuroshitsuji fanart#fanart#sebastian michaelis#ciel phantomhive#digital art#bard black butler#o!ciel#doodle#oh the victorians#and their pretty powder
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Mordred: My kink is when people actually care about me and my feelings
Merlin: too unrealistic, settle for bondage like the rest of us.
#mordred: emrys pls love me#merlin: may be if you chain yourself up forever in the dungeon so you cannot kill the king i might consider show you affection?#mordred: that is sexy#merlin: no I genuinely want you to be contained and locked up#mordred: get the chain imma do it#merlin: WHY IS IT ALWAYS LIKE THIS JUST ACCEPT THAT I HATE YOU#mordred: but you dont#merlin *later alone in his dark room crushed by the knowledge of destiny: but i dont#also the amount of men being tied up in this show is insane#bbc mordred#merlin#incorrect merlin quotes#merlin incorrect quotes#bbc merlin#merdred#sir mordred
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Just finished my first playthrough of BG3. Romanced Lae'zel, but ending up turning into an Illithid because the idea of making Orpheus or Karlach do it didn't sit well with me (or my character).
I told Lae'zel to leave with Orpheus in the end (I heard she wouldn't stay with a ghaik anyway, which she's valid for, but also, it doesn't feel right to ask her to stay when I know how much her people mean to her). And like-
Her face before she flies off---
She looks so heartbroken and sad.
#emmodii rambles#baldur's gate 3#baldur's gate series#lae'zel#spoilers#i don't regret my choices and i do love a good angsty story. but at the same time... OOF.#may you find a new source of joy in the astral realm my queen :'(#for anyone curious- i played a githyanki which i heard is the only race that can fly off with her or something?#but well. again- didn't quite fit my character to have someone else turn instead pfffft#ALSO HE'S A CLERIC OF ILMATER AND A REDEEMED DARK URGE. self-sacrifice is kiNDA TO BE EXPECTED HAHAHA.#anyway- do give romancing lae'zel a shot guys. she may be a hardass at first but it's really because she cares a lot#also slightly off-topic but as a dark urge gith... durge grew up in a city so like. wonder how out of place they woulda felt with the#other githyankis anyway. i think i read somewhere that a gith durge realises they don't really feel connected to creches and stuff#which is interesting and makes me curious about how exactly they were made. cuz they have the traits and knowledge of the race but didn't#grow up with them. i guess the easiest answer would be 'god magic shenanigans' but STILL.#trust me to overthink things hahaha XD#if anyone's curious what happened to my guy in the end--- we followed wyll and karlach to avernus hahaha#what are the devils gonna do? steal the soul we don't have?? TRY IT BITCH#of course i did reload multiple times to have my character kill himself. because that was another option that felt possible for his charact#...and also because i wanted to see how companions would react to it. krewfjewlkrjewklrjewl- although the narration for durge suicide#is also quite interesting! of course maybe that's just me being mentally ill eff (/lh) but having a kill that isn't going to murder daddy?#gives a redeemed durge some control and a final say at last. which is still sad but a nice way to tie up their death methinks#ANYWAY- time to go find a way to convert him into a full-on OC. elves and dwarves are one thing but giths are blatantly dnd so i'mma have#to figure that out for my own story lore and universe--- some kinda new species? humanify him? or convert to another existing general speci#hmm hmm hmmmmmmmmmm-#emmodii plays bg3
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Sorry about the theater of emotions going on my face from across the room. I'm trying to resolve an argument that I made up between two fictional characters.
#personal#sorry i didnt tell you that your brother was killed and replaced by a robot#it seemed pretty insignificant to me in the grand scheme of things#more then that id known for so long my mind defaulted to assuming#that it was universal knowledge for everyone#and in that reality that i learned the truth you were unaffected#if it means anything to the both of us i never used that knowledge to grow closer to you#i used that i knew you were a good man to want to know you#where you would be to find you#who you chose to align yourself to be worthy of standing at your side#we shared a bed for rest#and each other for comfort#we could have built a home and were taking all the careful steps to grow closer without scaring the other away#without scaring our own selves away#and were amazed by the ease in which we fell into each other#you look me in the face and say you understand how i could make this mistake#and we both understand why this can no longer be#but this world is indifferent and in you and in i and in each other we have found someone kind#is it selfish of yourself to yourself if you choose to not only allow us to continue but want it to?#what i have done by not doing may remain unforgivable#i will never ask of you any different#but it does not make us impossible#even if every law of societal standard should say otherwise#society is not you it is not i#it shapes us and frame out lives#but our willingness to act for or against it is our own decision#however unconscious
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peace and love on planet earth save me.... peace and love on planet earth.... save me peace and love on planet earth....
#had a terrible night last night and am having an awful morning so far bc. I agree with everyone but disagree with#the level of some of the reactions#if that makes sense#I'm being intentionally vague but. I did talk this through with someone last night#I just think the magnitude of some responses may simply be... overreacting? at least in my perspective#and the perspectives of several people who I'm fairly close to#it's simply... I really struggle with having solid opinions about stuff bc I'm not confident in my knowledge#my political views are essentially ''I wish everyone would be nice and get along''#which ik is not possible in this world. however. I#I don't think that giving up a whole Interest and something you love just bc of something someone associated with it believes#is necessarily always called for?? and in this case I don't think that it is???#maybe 2 people will get what I'm saying here and I don't want to get into arguments. I think killing and destruction should STOP#end of story. idc who is doing it or why. I think it should just stop. but I also don't think dropping [REDACTED] for associating#with someone whose support falls the other way (saying this as kindly as I can btw :/ ) is necessarily a response that needs to be had#does that make sense?? at all???#I just wanna have fun next weekend 😭#anyway. Christian girlies and anyone who prays please pray for me to stop overthinking and overfeeling this
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day 3 went from "its soooo over" to "LETS FUCKING GOOOOOO"
not that i have a schedule but i am proud that i am fighting against anxiety by shoving myself into situations to get some work done
#snow speaks#work log#like morning was awful and was very humbling (rusty as hell knowledge)#and i was like 'man i may as well just give up now since i dont have a schedule#but told myself YOU KNOW WHAT YOURE GOING TO TRY AND DO SOMETHING#so i went back and asked for things to do and :) i did good.#i think maybe its bc i wasnt as intimidated#but it went ok!! i learned more things !!#and i actually felt like i wasdoing something so that was great alskjdafh#and also had a moment of 'AH YEAH THATS WHY IM HERE I FORGOT......'#this is a constant struggle this dreams gonna either kill me or im going to kill it#the main problem is~ i dont like this stuff so none of this material sticks for me#so most times this knowledge is over my head but i have some recollection askdlajfhh#just wait till i get to a specialty that i actually like#then ill just be shouting answers excitedly like a little toddler LMAO#youll see ....#just 23 weeks (barfs)
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the thing is that i let myself fully sit in the weight of riya's emotions during the "i'm going to make you proud" moment with her mom and that's what killed me
#killed me (see: made me cry a bit)#sometimes you get too deep and it's like oh yeah. that's years of feeling like you've disappointed your mother w your life choices/love lif#+ the knowledge that you're responsible for decades of her hard work in business coming undone#+ the shame of your family having to move you thru the gd shadows to keep your visit a secret#+ the crushing weight of knowing she may never see her (or her other family) again after leaving#like she's smiling as she says that but it's w a trail of tears down her cheek#& 20+ years worth of mom having high expectations‚ and hoping she's finally met at least one of them in the last months#& just maybe she'll get to become better and better in priscilla's eyes w time if the blight doesn't take her first#campaign: the vigilant#ch: valeriya de clairmont
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I already feel like I have so many btvs opinions that no one would want.
#examples: 1.) fixated on Xander. my little guy with his little outfits and hes been through so much 2.) hate buffy/angel with the so much#energy and therefore can't stand angel too. besides getting into how it is a realistic portrayal of an older man preying on a teenager#it also is just literally illegal. anyways 3.) after watching the scene where faith sexually assaults & tries to kill xander and everything#else she does following i like. do NOT know if I will succeed at feeling much other than rage at her#she seems compelling and like a character i could like but the problem is the narrative cares more about her spiralling than xander so 😬😬#also I find willow boring so far which isnt an indictment against her but that anti lust spell she was going to cast#on xander without his knowledge 😬😬 also idk if ill ever forgive giles for drugging Buffy#also buffy is a sweetheart but it frustrates me nearly always her emotions are the only ones that get weight#also i think that spn .uh may jabe had it right with make every monster a guy#ALSO the bigotry within the show and fundamental flaws are very similar to spn levels (though I know someone who agrees there ckskkz)#also i do think this show would hit different if you watched it as a teenager. THEN id be an angel guy THROUGH AND THROUGH#tortured poor little meow meow AND an IRISH vampire?#and faith was made for young me. for id have been obsessed.#but now i just look at them like ☠️☠️ stop please#incoherents#btvs#buffy#s.a
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I know the idea of the game is to our main characters become an old master one day in a certain moment of their life, but one part of me kinda don't like that?, i like more the idea of after they kill the villans, they become some kinda of badass vigilants/justice gangsters, and continue be like this since they become old(no idea how they pay the bills living in that way?, but it doesn't matter is just a game), idk i just like our main characters more being some kinda of "lone wolf", i think it fits more their style
#about s1fu#sifu game#Nowadays i prefer more this lore#they must be so tired of all this so why continue? Let it die together with all this mess#It may sound like they being disrespectful to the father(maybe but i don't think its like that for me is vice-versa they let the things tha#Their father accomplished which is the school remain/die with him it was his legacy besides THE KNOW THE DRAMA..#This School/talisman thing caused altho i think even if the main characters were a master/teacher i don't think they would talk/show the...#talisman to the students but still they would teach the pak mei and this yang manage to kill the old man How? because he knew the pak mei..#The old man showed too much to him and he used that knowledge against him i just love to imagine our main characters thinking about that..#and be like nope!😤I won't do this it won't repeat it again! to me is actually very cool and mature of their part)#;probably still training but on his own and for his own reasons; i'll totally embrace/adopt that✨so badass#So cool to imagine my w0man❤️being a badass still being a fighter but on her own#I like it cuz it make the family dynamic very funny😂the father was ancient so hes a master the older son becomed doctor/hippie of some sort#our main characters(the baby bro🥺) become some kinda of gangster😂no no i would call mystery hero/vigilant(they just do their own thing)#I would say what they do is the arenas(I don't care if the games says the arenas are separated from the game story for me is together😤)#They are not part of this drama they are just the consequence🔥❤️#Well but that's it i like our main characters more not being a s1fu i don't think combines with them after everything they go thru#They're too cool for School✨👌#Idk i just wake up like ;i kinda don't like the idea of them becoming a s1fu now🤔;
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Mystery bugs in my home and I don't recognize them! I've seen a few around at this point and might make a more formal post about it tomorrow but, mystery bugs below the cut if anyone wants to take a shot at helping me ID them:
Not the best pics but it's got an abdomen with clear markings that make me think either roach or earwig, but photos of the nymphs of either don't seem to be matching up; granted I only looked for maybe 5 minutes and mightve missed something obvious but this guy's not ringing any bells for me
#I'm about to head to bed and have quarantined the perpetrator; i feel a little bad but i dont know what he is yet#I'd feel comfortable letting an earwig or smthn like that hang out but. i have reasonable suspicion hanging around this man#bc the apartment is a little messy and. if he is a roach i may bail and look for another room U_U full respect to them#ive seen lots of pet roaches and they make me quite happy to see but idk if I want them free roaming my house...#especially knowing i can't kill them; last time i killed bugs it was a bunch of ants in the pantry and it took an emotional toll on me 😭#I'd go the long and intensive route if it means i can keep them all alive but i know a lot of people don't swing that way#in that particular case i figured my roommates would prefer the ants to not be able to come back + the way to the backyard#door I would have taken them out of wasn't easily accessible so. massacre it was U_U#if you wanted to know ANYTHING about the type of person i am know that i physically cannot kill a bug or else I'll start crying#they're literally just little guys they're just existing!!! i can't punish them for just hanging out!!!! anyways#unfortunately small photogenic man may perish in captivity but that may afford better photo ops hmmmmm#i just need the knowledge base before i make any other judgements#you know what. let's put this in some tags actually; i was gonna formally rewrite this but may as well tag while I'm here#bugs#bugblr#insect identification#hoatm rants#I'm not overly concerned but ive seen a number of these inside now and this is the first one that's made its way to my room
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really want to read more and more literature (esp classics!) aghhhh yesterday iirc i was on a walk with my mom and twin and an old guy (not a weirdo dw) who was jogging or walking too actually asked what book i was carrying and it's a little funny bcs uhm he just went "oh a classic!" you see. i was carrying dante's inferno. which i still haven't properly started to read but anyways he might... if my mom is right... be the local parish guy so oopsies !! LMAO anyways yeah really interested in lovecraft for a while now! horror scares me and gives me paranoia but i also enjoy the writing of it? and i remember once that something/someone said my writing is kinda similar to his. hm.
#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚#i never talk about literature here but hi i grew up reading books and i really love literature. both fiction and non-fiction! admittedly i#less prefer modern books because i prefer classics and all that? and i kinda fucking hate people who only like boring and/or famous#literature lmfao fuck you but anyways putting my bitterness aside! arthur conan doyle with 'sherlock' of course & 'a dream within a dream'#dazai with 'no longer human' is something i think i'll really enjoy reading one day as well and hmm#i never properly read 'lord of the rings' despite my relative having the books and i borrowed it once? but didn't make the time to actually#read it unfortunately :(( 'the great gatsby' is something i also have yet to read and then jane austen's works!#and then. louisa may alcott ... i asked my mom right now about her books that we have/had and i did not fucking know we had#'little women' all this time holy shit. i remember reading 'a modern cinderella' but also i am unsure now... but yeah. that/those too!#shakespeare's works are of course a must-read hehe we do have 'the tempest' and i've read a couple of his works but only a little bit#either based off the knowledge i just. know. or for school back then! but yeah. you probably know his works already lmao <3#and then uhmm 'phantom of the opera' we have now as well! bought it alongside yk. 'the tempest' 'inferno' 'paradise lost & regained'#a few months ago but tbh i haven't made it very far in reading any of them yet but i really want to sometime! and learn more guitar!#and get back to playing piano and also finish and play more games but anyways. yes.#george orwell's books! we have a few if i'm not mistaken (love my family fr) i really want to read them. my dad keeps recommending#his works for us to read. especially 'animal farm' but i've heard '1984' is really good. i also really want to read more of narnia!#only ever read the first book and wow it meant a lot to me tbh? with. growing up and all. and then i read a bit of another book hmm.#'to kill a mockingbird' was something i have wanted to read since i read 'the hunger games' as a kid because i for some reason connected#the two in a way because of the word mockingbird. and then uh other books that i don't think are as... classics. idk what are classics tbh.#BUT okay yeah i still haven't read 'a monster calls' but i know it made my twin and mom cry! and then 'the fault in our stars' we have but#i also haven't read it... haven't read the witcher books either and then george r. r. martin's stuff. tbf i'm not an adult yet so lmfao.#'the hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy' i know my dad really wants to read and i know my tita has it but i'm not completely sure if we have#it ourselves too now? but yeah. really interested in that book as well. and then i have yet to read 'frankenstein' and then i'd love to#reread books from my childhood from authors like roald dahl !! and then man i should read more from#neil gaiman ... i've read his short stories? and a book. or few. i can't really remember.#anyways. okay. running out of tags but i really love literature ..... <3#also want to read more of modern literature tbh! the ones that are actually good tho <33
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Weeping Now.....................
#speculation nation#fanny reads trigun#trigun spoilers/#vash n livio bonding...#the knowledge that wolfwood is still in both their hearts...........#even if theyre not talking about him theyre still thinking about him#and that's what Matters...#i think. im done reading for now.#'when you are linked by something so strong in your hearts it doesnt need to be said anymore'#killing me. im sooo dead inside#but... seeing them moving on... working to protect the world... just like wolfwood wouldve wanted...#it brings a sense of. Peace i guess. it's still so so so sad. but something good still came of it.#we may forever miss him. but he will live on in the narrative. and in vash's heart... his Partner...
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im only 4 episodes in and theres so many characters already wow
#hgh i dont wanna be harsh bc im early on and ik this is an adaptation and not the main thing#but man idk this is a bit of a red flag for me#madoka had 5 main characters but all of them felt memorable and likable#bc they werent all there at the same time and we got to bond w them before the drama really kicked in#here its like ‘’aw look at how cute rena and kaide are WAIT SHIT OH MY GOD THEYRE GETTI BC EACH OTHER KILLED oh no its fine’’#like in the span of two episodes and its like. im struggling to get everyones name down bc it feels like theres so many characters#and a lot going on#echoed voice#and its overwhelming and i feel like im struggling to really like all these characters and get upset when something happens?#again we’re early on and ik this is based on a game where u unlock characters so i get the bigger cast#im just saying it may work better in the game bc as of now im just overwhelmed#magireco lb#like in pmmm episode 4 we’d already gotten a death yeah but its still paced slowly enough for u to process that#and i was like upset when she died and had like a strong reaction to sayaka making a wish with the knowledge we have
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say one thing about me if i’m gonna get a character permakilled it WILL be narratively satisfying.
#cha:arcis#c:megadungeon#rip to my girlie i really am so sad about it but at least it was fucking COOL.....#so poignant to get killed by something that is trying to protect the stolen artifacts and hidden knowledge of the city#she came to this city for the knowledge! to protect it and spread it and know it and most CERTAINLY get it out of a dusty closed off room#so perfectly fitting to get killed only INCHES away from all these relics and books and symbols of knowledge but not able to investigate any#SO delicious to have taken the front line for once instead of staying safely in a corner#and to have taken the front line away from MAX! she ended up where she was bc max was in a rug and we needed a buffer!#no max getting killed trying to tank this time!#SO delightful to have sort-of accidentally baited a wizard duel and to have my own tricks turned right back on me#and the imagery of getting swarmed by these animated books and having the amber wall slam down behind her....#standing alone at the front of the room...'fine. that's fine. let's fucking play.' which she may not have said as a threat but which i've#decided she certainly DID whisper to herself in krutske#wizard hubris!#and then saving on hold person allowing one last look back at her party and one last solid nod#a nod meaning 'thanks' and 'you know what to do' and 'goodbye' and 'see you later' and 'well. here we go!' all at once#and then the train station....the camera cut the black....#AUGH!#beautiful mix of symbolic and also fucking cool. if you've gotta have a pc death that's not a bad way to go at all.
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I was trying to be so brave and watch a movie that mentioned that maybe equal rights for women are cool with my dad without getting into a fight but I failed :((
#biting killing maiming#I hate watching movies with him he loves to make shitty comments that he knows will annoy me#he does it on purpose just to bother me and show how knowledgeable he is#tries to show me I am stupid and he's so much smarter every step of the way#especially annoying if he try to talk about gender equality or history as those things I know much more about than him#but he simply will not acknowledge that#INFURIATING#sorry for the rant I got so heated#may talks#personal
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