#smth smth smth cringe is dead and i killed it myself smth smth

[lunayuu]

Seen In Shadows: Part 1

BNHA fanfic that I have yet to give a proper title, despite the fact I have not engaged with canon in ages - leave me alone the world is too interesting to not write about ok... ALSO go look at @written-in-the-clouds's work because they did completely inspire me to even start writing again - props to them!

more credit: divider made by @strangergraphics-archive, this post being where I got it from!

Ao3 Work Part 1 | Part 2 | X

What's In Your Future?

Izumiwa Yori was a man who did not particularly like to get involved with people outside of his circle. A circle that was very small and contained mostly online friends (and clients). This was something he was starkly reminded of about himself as he promptly tuned out the noise around him via the thick headphones he usually kept around his neck. His middle school class was cheering about all going off to be heroes, something that Yori couldn’t exactly disagree with, even if he was planning on staying far away from the limelight (he’s never dealt well with too much attention, no matter the source).

He didn’t know the name of the guy that was currently being yelled at by the resident class disruptor, Bakugou. Something starting with a ‘Ma’, he was pretty sure. Thanks to the headphones covering his ears, he couldn’t actually hear what was being said, but of course, his Quirk just had to act up and inform him directly of what was going on.

Bakugou Katsuki is angry at Midoriya Izuku for wanting to apply for UA High’s hero course. Bakugou is only angry due to him feeling horridly inferior to Midoriya, and wanting to prove that he’s better than someone he views as “weak”. The teacher is content to ignore it due to the immense Quirkism within the school, something that has never been investigated by authorities as-

Oh, so that was his name. Yori had completely forgotten, Midoriya tended to fade into the background more often than not, and as such had completely passed by Yori’s radar. The only notable thing about him was that he was Quirkless, something that caused Yori to feel bad for the poor thing, not because he was Quirkless, it’s not like Yori was prejudiced against Quirkless people, but the abuse from people like Bakugou was something Yori saw to really weigh on him. He wished he could help Midoriya properly, but the most he could do was try to flag it with the teachers, but judging by how no adult was doing anything about Bakugou’s unlicensed Quirk use, much less his bullying and Quirkism, Yori doubted anything would really happen.

As he shut his eyes and took a deep breath, Yori’s thoughts stayed on Midoriya, he resolved to talk to him at some point this week, hopefully being friends with someone with a neutral-to-positive enough reputation would keep people like Bakugou from hounding the guy. His silence was, however, broken by a notification ringing in his ears through his headphones. Pulling out his phone in a way he automatically Knew was missed by the teacher (and any potential snitches in the class), he saw that there was numerous messages from one of his central clients, and someone he thought of as a quite good friend, in their shared server for Yori’s small collection of his friends. Unlocking his phone, he started reading what he missed from a good few hours prior.

-

vampire^v^ Today at 11:21 hii guys!!! ＼(≧▽≦)／ how is everyone???

LivingLies Today at 11:22 Doing well, work is as dull as ever, sadly.

iceboy Today at 11:22 Hello, all. I’m home sick from school today, ha.

vampire ^v^ Today at 11:22 ooooooh luckkyyyyy (￣＾￣) also rude

copycat Today at 11:23 still in class. good luck with work lies!

Erased Today at 11:24 focus on your education, cat.

vampire ^v^ Today at 11:24 laammeeee erased ⋋_⋌ let him talk!!!!

Erased Today at 11:25 no.

vampire ^v^ Today at 11:25 (⋋▂⋌)

-

Yori smiled down at his phone, content that his friends were also amicable with each other. He glanced at the other messages he had yet to read, deciding promptly to ignore the messages from his clients asking for more information, he could handle all of that when he went home and out of the public eye.

Yori pocketed his phone again and looked at the form that he felt would set his future in stone as whatever he wrote on the flimsy printer paper. He filled out a name that was not his on the top (he was still seen as she when not online under ‘Apollo’, he planned to rectify that in high school, whatever one he ended up in, but for now he could get by just fine, he was sure of it) and stared at the next prompt: ‘Quirk:’.

See, Yori was one of the surprisingly few people in Japan to technically have more than one Quirk. The reason behind it wasn’t too complex as, from what he knew (and he Knew a lot), Yori had the ‘luck’ to have a Quirk more linked to his immediate family that was, on a genetic level, expressed weaker than normal, and as such, a dominant Quirk gene from many, many generations ago that Yori was still mildly surprised about it even being in his genome appeared his phenotype to make up for the less active gene, something about incomplete dominance meaning that most family members on his mother’s side had something linked to Knowing things, but was overall weak enough that other Quirks completely overshadowed them.

The Ishikawa family had prided themselves on having Quirks based entirely around light for at least 3 generations now (this included his generation, the light based aspect of his family’s Quirks only came about from his father’s mother, but they still acted like it had been around for a lot longer). It was expected by this point that at least one family member would not have a light Quirk, but the opposite, some similarly latent gene signalling to invert the effects of the inherited Quirk, it something a younger Yori thought was cool as all hell. However, the only people in the family to have darkness based Quirks in the family had all passed, his grandfather and his uncle (both paternal in relation) were people he never got to meet properly outside of a few interactions that he was far too young to form lasting memories about. And as such didn’t have any real people around him to help him learn how to use the Quirk that made him the, no pun intended, black sheep of the family.

Yori shook his head, trying to get rid of the sinking feeling that he was lying (something that always made him feel a bit nauseous, a side effect that he blamed his non-shadowy Quirk for) and put down ‘ShadowStep’ on the form, writing in the next line under ‘Description of Quirk:’ that it allowed him to travel where he liked within an area of about 24km that was sufficiently dark. Pointedly leaving out the minor omniscience his other Quirk somehow gave him (Yori has wondered many times just how that Quirk functions, but for all the Knowledge it gave, the Quirk didn’t give him an answer.)

As for the central part of the form, he knew what he would put already. Thoughts drifting to the many, many clients he had received and forum posts made both by and about him over the years that he had been doling out information, he knew by now that it was a no-brainer. While being less well known it was still useful to apply for, even if it was so utterly down-low he Knew he would most likely be the only candidate, as it was something that played to all his strengths, something that would be immensely beneficial to not just him, but all those around him as well (while he couldn’t Know the future, he was pretty sure that he was right).

Yori wrote on the form: “UA Hero Course – Analysis Track”

(Trying not to pop up in any other fandom's tags is very important. to me. so umm awkward censoring go brrr)

I did completely steal the formatting of chat messages from Discordance, a [Archive] ft [Archive] Fandom fic that was written in 2020, and as such references current events from 2020 quite often - it's such a good fic though <3<3

And more [Archive] fandom stealing, the whole thing about ShadowStep (a) will be explored properly soon and (b) IS just stolen from Redeath, Cyäegha my beloved <3<3<3<3

[peanut-tyrug]

@girlygo2 “Secrets From A Twisted Heart” Spoilers under the cut

This is mostly going to be me going over my favorite/most memorable bits in most of the chapters :)

I’ll also go over a few extra things throughout and at the end

He’s such a cringefail loser dude I love him

OH FUCK

Imagine if Walter noticed the creature having Wilson’s face Wilson would’ve been so FUCKED

The thing abt bits like this is like

We, the audience, know exactly what Wilson is going through

So like parts like this make me cringe a bit and go “Uh oh” bc I know what’s happening but the Survivors (other than Wilson and Wes) don’t (not saying that’s a bad thing. I just wanted to talk abt it)

I FELT SO BAD FOR WILSON AND WES HERE

Like Wilson probably just feels more like shit than he already did and Wes just feels awful for Wilson

Like I was thinking to myself “What if they knew it was Wilson? How would they feel?” (More in a negative way, directed at the Survivors [Not mad at the author], although it’s sort of understandable)

I think I felt that they’d feel a combination of sympathy and anger, as Wilson did kill Willow, but as he put it, it wasn’t exactly him doing that. If they were to know that, they’d probably just feel sympathy for Wilson

I remember thinking to myself before chapter 3 came out “What if they used one of the Survivors as bait”

Unlikely scenario but I still thought it

AWWWWWW POOR THIIIING

He’s so fucking dismayed dude

I bet when Wes heard her say that his eyes immediately widened and he held the book to his chest and kept it SHUT

AWWW NOOOOOO

He feels so fucking bad dude poor thing

OH SHIT WILSON RUN-

Also smth abt this, Wilson is still their friend. Even if Wilson is the beast, and is technically what killed Willow and hurt Winona, I believe that if the Survivors knew more abt what Retorateras was, they’d understand better. Retorateras isn’t exactly a separate entity. Wilson is still there. The mind of Retorateras (from what I can remember and determine) is a combination of a human’s mind and a beast’s mind. However, based on what happened with Willow at the end of part 1, sometimes the beast takes over completely (from what I can determine).

It’s not exactly a bloodthirsty monster. Wilson is still there, although he’s not always controlling half of the mind. But that’s not Wilson. That’s the beast. There is a difference I believe, based on what the story tells (I think I’m getting this right?)

Smth I also noticed while going through chapter 2 again was how well characterized everyone is. Everyone matches their canon attitude :)

Also, remember how Wickerbottom said Maxwell wasn’t there?

Where tf is Maxwell? Is he still dead after being freed from the Throne? I’m assuming that’s why he’s not there



[gaoau]

theres no calories in birthday cakes

to forget minor inconveniences for a day. to make up new rules. to have kuroo as a reminder that life can be nice. (and, most importantly, to not listen to chopper's character song again.)

pairing — kuroo tetsurou x reader word count — 1.2k note — a few disclaimers. 1) roommates au cause for some reason this and kuroo together seems to be a fan favorite of the hq fandom. might as well join. 2) inaccurate phone devices for the year of 2014 or smth dw bout it artistic liberties. 3) kuroos an op fan cause i said so (i havent seen a single ep of op) anyway happy birthday chiguru.  

you can already hear the music kuroo is blasting before even opening the door. it's one of those western, alternative artists whose name you cannot pronounce for the life of you. but youve heard their songs so much by sheer osmosis that you can actually follow along with semi-butchered lyrics.

still, you struggle to recognize a single word thats being sung as you also struggle to insert your key into the keyhole. normally your benevolent roommate would hear you fighting for your life by now and come open the door for you, but it seems hes too busy with his music. you dont blame him. 

when you finally do manage to unlock the door, you can also hear why kuroo is blasting music through the cheap, oversaturated bluetooth speaker. ceramic and glass and metal all knock softly against one another in a chaotic symphony (some may just call it jazz). hes doing the dishes, singing along while this song fades into the next one.

the very moment you step a single foot into your shared dorm, the song changes. which usually you really wouldnt mind, but this fucking song. you hear salsa and merengue and bachata and fandango and every single other genre you can think of in the same song. it starts with choppers high-pitched, cheery voice, and you instanly let your bag drop to the floor. you only take a moment to kick off your shoes, but once theyre off, you stomp your way over to kuroo in the kitchen.

you groan, "i swear to god, kuroo, if i have to listen to this song one more time…" you trail off, debating between i'll kill myself or i'll murder you in cold blood. you say neither, snatching his phone from the counter and unlocking it with your fingerprint.

kuroo laughs as he cranes his neck to look at you. he scrubs at a particularly stubborn pot, watching you queue up a different song. "but boku ha doctor, tony tony chopper, [surname]."

immediately, you swipe your finger on the screen and change the song. kuroo recognizes it as your favorite pop song in a matter of seconds, though it's in korean despite you not speaking korean at all. "boku doesnt suit you," you say, looking him dead in the eye.

"alright, then." he shrugs. "atashi ha—"

"thats even worse."

he bursts out laughing, and it's not long before your own cackles spill from your tongue. you lock his phone and return to its place on the counter. his hyena imitation and your own chuckles blend in harmony with the upbeat korean verses. then they fizzle off so you can appreciate the music. you cringe internally, because the cheap speakers arent doing your boys any justice. and you hear kuroo hum along, mumbling a few words under his breath even when his korean isnt any better than yours.

but it doesnt really matter, does it? not when it's a song he never would have listened to if he hadnt met you. a song he never would have cared for, but one he knows forwards and backwards by now. and it matters even less when you watch him squeeze more of the watered-down dish soap onto the sponge, soaking anything it can in hopes for bubbles because you refuse to buy a new one until the residues in this bottle vanish completely. plus youre not sure youll ever find this unscented dish soap again, seeing as it wasnt even you the one to find it—knowing kuroo took the longest train ride to chiba to find anything that wouldnt give you a headache.

whatever blunders you both make dont matter at all. not when you have one another to bounce off of and to pick yourselves up.

as your choice of song fades into another one in kuroos playlist, realization dawns on you. "wait, you arent on dish duty." you take a step closer, looming by his side while he rinses the last pots and moves onto the cups. "it's my turn."

he shoots you a toothy grin. "i know, i know, but since im such a nice person, i thought id spare you the ugh my skin is so dry complaints for today."

you narrow your eyes at him.

he stares back.

"did you break something?"

kuroo exaggerates a gasp. "of course not!" if his hands werent busy, hed slap one over his heart. "im always this benevolent. i know your skin gets fucked up so i'll save you the trouble. just today though, youre back on dishes next time."

"why today?"

he finishes washing the last three cups and carefully sets them to dry. with a dramatized sigh, he slaps the tap shut, shaking his hands dry. "check the fridge. i cant believe you forgot." and he flicks water on your face.

wiping it off with your sleeve, you make your way to open the fridge. it's, unsurprisingly, mostly empty, save for the bright pink box at the bottom, boasting the logo from that one gluten free bakery that is actually good. you pull the lid up to peer at its contents: a brownie slab with chocolate topping and the letters BIRTH in english.

"what?" you nearly slam the door shut. when you turn back to kuroo, hes standing with his hands on his hips, looking smug and awaiting praise. "dude, my english is shit."

he groans, "誕生," to give you a hint.

"birth?"

"誕生日おめでとう? ring any bells?"

"oh!" you take a moment to think about todays date. you barely remember if you saw the date at all throughout the day. you must have, but you cannot recall it for the life of you. but with this cake, you know exactly what day it is. "it's my birthday today, isnt it?" silence lasts for a second while kuroo hums. "well, that explains the missed called from my mother."

"oh, shes gonna kill you."

"not if this kills me first," you chuckle, patting the fridge door.

kuroo starts listing off, "it's gluten free, on the crispier side, no filling but still moist, and it's dark chocolate, sixty percent." all the way you like it most to make sure it doesnt kill you.

"i meant… calories."

"theres no calories in birthday cakes; thats, like, newtons fourth law."

you take a moment to process his words. then you laugh, "see, thats what a capitalist would say."

"hey, whatever sells. if you dont want it, though…" menacingly, he stalks over to the fridge, trailing off in an unfinished threat.

you shoot your arms in front of you to guard your birthday cake. "no, no. i'll take it."

he snorts out a chuckle. "happy birth, [surname]." with a grin, he starts reaching his dominant hand towards your hair.

"thanks," you manage, scrambling to grab his wrist with both hands to hold him away. "stop, your hands are wet." he pushes down, his open palm right above your head. you have to put your all to keep him from messing with your hair.

"no, theyre not."

"i dont care, theyre humid. stop it."

"no, theyre not."

"kuroo, stop."

"no, theyre not."

"sto—stop! no!"

busy with his dominant hand, you fail to notice his other hand darting out. he tangles his fingers in your hair and musses it up. you burst into giggles, eyes squeezing shut as you let him finish with his affectionate display. it doesnt really matter when kuroo is your favorite person to spend your birthday with.

—あごす (agosu) • 2022

[psychologeek]

part 2 - masterpost:

@troiastar

#Jason: how did you know it was mine?#Bruce: why wouldn't I know#Bruce: I've read your fanfiction#Bruce: I'm your father

@guesst

#ok but also gothamite ao3 wroters would be so funny. 'hey guys sorry bout the late update got caught up in a hostage situation yk#how it is'#and non gothamites are all like NO???? R U OK and gothamites are all like haha nws thanks for updating anyway#sjdjs imagine if someone clocks the second robin is this ao3 writer just because of that a/n. djdh#dc

@oatmealcrisp-freak

#abruptly finding myself relating to jason from DC#when the reviews ask if i've died and every day is spent ill and in pain and in worry for what havoc the medications i take to function are#wreaking on my internal organs nevermind the state of my hair 'oh don't tempt the world dear the next person who tries to kidnap me might#be successful'#jason your luck will improve if you stop leaving your house i know thats gonna be hard for you but just commission a jason-bot or a clone#or something and superhero long distance i know your dad would approve. he's DC's tech guy after all#there'll still be an ass-outlet we have only fans now

@adjit

#he’s part of the JAFF community I believe it in my heart#dc

@willtheartist

#this week ive been dealing with a flood and i finally understood Those Ao3 Writers#smth smth about escapism and the more stressed and/or busy u are the more u wanna go write your silly lil words or draw your silly lil guys

@jasontoddswhitehairfluff

#he was so devoted as a kid that he unconsciously kept writing during his zombie days#I doubt that the league had internet#but that’s not important#he posts under a completely different account#cause if you can’t remember your password while alive you sure as hell can’t when you’re half dead#most of the works are bland with repetitive phrases from his previous ones#he gets a notification from the account after going to Gotham#has the same reaction as adults looking back at their teenage cringe works#he actually wrote those??#zombification is no excuse for misunderstanding character motivation!!#bruce still finds out from getting the notification from the other account#jason had to update something of substance to make up for that mess#crack#jason todd

@brandycranby

#jason todd#gets back to Gotham with three things in mind: destroy the underworld kill batman and finish his 30+ ch fic#batfam

And the he'd check out the account and see a brand new, shiny, Pride & Prejudice & Zombies self-insert crackfic 😂

@chilli-onmy-wieny

#he updates the 400k pride and prejudice zombie au that inspired the movie and is hailed as the bible of the jane austen fandom#you feel me ?#jason todd#jason todd headcanon

@littledead-ridinghood long post:

@stuffsforl8r

#jason is one of those writers who just churns fics out quickly and yet they’re always amazing polished masterpieces#jason is just the most productive person#jason todd

@liavidge

Stephanie quotes one of his fics on patrol and the world ends Superboy Beta style.

@mightyneteyam

#stephanie subscribes to jason's acc#at first she has no idea who's behind it she just likes the author's sense of humor#but the additional notes made her.. squint and connects#Two and Two so she has her suspicions#jason on the other hand has one fav reader who leaves long-ass comments#and absolutely has 0 idea that's steph's acc#this is how stephanie became jason's beta reader#jason todd#stephanie brown

@swugflower

“Hey guys! So sorry for the long pause, got murdered by the joker lmao. Anyway as a sorry have an extra long chapter!”

#I once read a fic written by two authors and one of them actually died#and the other one finished the story#and like that’s horrible but I was so shocked I just had to laugh#like it was in an authors note or Smth#yea she died in a car accident#BRUH

@stvlti

#not sure about Bruce hanging out on ao3 *cringe*#that would be the worst nightmare for everyone involved#but Jason totally writes historical aus#dc txt

@the-lunar-warrior

#jdbsodhdjs JDHSODB#first thing he does after climbing out of the lazarus pit is not go into murderous rage its go update his sonic fanfic

@idek-dood

#help im obsessed with this idea#a/n: sorry guys i had to foght some dinosaurs this weekend so the update is two days late#a/n: my idiot brother was almost killed last night but i was determined to get this chapter out on time! hope theres not too many errors &lt;3#funny#batfam#jason todd#red hood#queued up

@child-of-the-sea-and-sky

#djskalfhlsdkjfh#Now I need a Red Hood short film where it shows someone reading his A/N's and then cutting to the eventsReblogView post

@interplanetary-redacted

#prev youre so right he DID stalk jason's internet use as a kid and got updated via ao3 update emails to discover he's alive#alrernatively he's currently in the LoA updating like ''so i like. died. got adopted by my adopted dad's ex and live w her now in#not-america and my toddler brother helped me write this via babbling and crawling over me and also listening to me read it out loud as#a bedtime story (mom-approved dw) [it has an E rating for the gore] and in general just being cute i suppose :/#here's what he has to say about it: *incomprehensible keysmash* Anyway thanks for still reading if youre here#i appreciate it a lot and im sure i'll have more updates soon between my training and babysitting''#and bruce meanwhile is reading this like EXCUSE ME WTF! TALIA?!#he works on his own arabic translation as homework for talia as well#jason todd#dc

@redrobin-detective

#lmao jason would be the one to be a FF author#him and Tim maybe but Tim is the one posting detailed complex meta thats like a vague story#Jason meanwhile is writing novel length and deeply detailed stories

[i'm up to Aug 29, 2022. It's 5 AM. i'mma go to sleep. good luck and thanks everyone!]

Jason as those AO3 authors who have the worst tragedies happening to them and yet still continues to pump out his new chapter every week

Some poor, unbeknownst Gothamite: “My favorite fanfic writer hasn’t posted or updated any of their fanfic in like four years. I don’t want to bug them but I’m always hoping for them to come back. I hope their okay :( ”

Jason, in between cutting off right hand mens heads and antagonize black mask, like Really Living It Up: “hey, sorry, guys! I know it’s been forever! I literally died and clawed my way back from zombiehood, but I’m back now! Hope you enjoy this new chapter!”

[tianhai03]

i went to the beach with my family today and i brought dante bean along!!! so have the dumb doodles i did last night before going + pics i took today with regular sized dante(?) drawn over them :D

[tamaharu]

all of my playlists (updated 11/28/24)

NOT MEDIA PLAYLISTS:

The Taking of a Selkie's Skin

going live in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1

transgenders to music (a playlist of trans music by (mostly) trans musicians)

eat your heart out, spotify! (songs i found on bandcamp in 2021)

psyche and eros ! (playlist for my oc, psyche)

media-specific playlists under the cut because theres a LOT

REVOLUTIONARY GIRL UTENA:

Revolutionize the world! (a somewhat ordered rgu playlist)

Hey, Himemiya! Whatcha listening to? (songs on post-Ohtori Himemiya Anthy's zune)

PERCY JACKSON:

🥀 bianca di angelo 🏹

🌊 percy jackson 🖊

🦉 annabeth chase 🗡

🖕 nico di angelo 💀

🗣️ piper mclean 💞

luke castellan cringe comp

valdangelo

percabeth

if the gods arent dead ill kill them myself (dark!percy & annabeth)

HOMESTUCK:

💻 roxy lalonde 😽

🐕 jade harley 🤙🌎

🕷 vriska serket 🎱

the green sun burns you from the inside out (an alpha rose lalonde & dave strider playlist)

stan davekat (retitle 2 smth artsy)

solnepkat

THE MAGNUS ARCHIVES:

i may be wearing a cardigan and an eyeglasses chain but trust me im evil (jonathan sims)

songs to try and get fired to (tim stoker)

tea parties for the thirty-two-year-old (martin blackwood)

on our first date i said i was a "dog person" (daisy tonner)

what if they made simpsons porn illegal (georgie barker)

tartle 101 (sasha james)

awl or nothing (melanie king)

jongeorgie

DELTARUNE:

you sleigh me (Kris Dreemurr & Noelle Holiday, Snowgrave route)

come here and get away from me (kris dreemurr)

ACE ATTORNEY:

where there's smoke, there's fire (general playlist)

for the good of the fey clan (fey clan specific)

butterfly effect (dahlia hawthorne)

PERSONA:

MAJOR ARCANA (persona 5)

seed, apple, worm (akechi goro/amamiya ren/yoshizawa sumire; royal trio)

the clock chimes at midnight (sumire yoshizawa)

never take me alive (goro akechi)

OTHER MEDIA:

🎭 christine canigula 📱

take carrie to the prom (carrie white)

🗡 duck newton 🔦

Teenage Criminal Mastermind (artemis fowl ii)

the allegory of the cave ruined my life and all i got was this stupid t-shirt (truman burbank)

You physically cannot stop Hibari!! (Stop!! Hibari-kun!)

Ramona Flowers opens wide.

beastars

🌈💫 katie mitchell's marvelous musical melodramatizing!! 😻💥

video is incapable of killing the radio star (cecil gershwin palmer/welcome to night vale)

Another Groundhog Day in Punxsutawney, P.A. (joke groundhog's day playlist with somewhere between five and five hundred plays of "I Got You Babe" by Sonny & Cher)

omniscient reader's viewpoint

king of all mummy's boys (tamaki suoh)

[hewwo-fwends]

you gonna be okay? - pjs + zcl (NCT)

hello. I wrote this to help myself out of a mental funk kinda ting, which is really depressing in itself, but it did help. I thought it would be a waste if no one saw it, ya know? it's a bit controversial. fun fact: I made a whole new account to post this so no one I know can find me here.

so um for context, both jisung and chenle are quite a bit older than me, and I'm over a year legal in my country. anyway. here we go yeehaw.

warnings: angst (⚠️⚠️TRIGGER WARNING⚠️⚠️ MENTIONS OF SH AND PANIC/ANXIETY ATTACKS), kinda smut (like a little bit of grinding and marking and tongue salsa), jisung has anxiety or smth idk, chenle misses jisung, ends with fluff and stuff it's kinda kyoot

word count: 4.4k

°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•

the recurrence of these emotions should have been the first warning sign. how he had felt this way so often over the past 3 years. maybe the first time he marked up his own body should have been the second warning sign. the numbness within him fading to a euphoric stinging sensation within seconds, then to guilt and anxiety. no one could know. then maybe the third warning sign would have been his growing dependency on things that kill you from the inside. drinking and smoking to feel anything but numb or anxious or like he wanted to be crushed under a car. but none of the above felt like warning signs to him, because between the worst lows and the happy period right after, he would forget anything happened. he would ignore it. he would tell himself it wasnt a big deal, and that no one should know. so no one did.

jisung was seen as the funny, nice friend in this way. he would listen to others' problems and help them as much as he could. he would give people his things to make them happy, not expecting to get anything back himself. he wouldn't try to make others laugh, but would feel proud when he did. people liked him in a casual way. he was a good guy, a kind guy. jisung thought that too sometimes, before he stopped himself. "don't get too into your own head." he would think. "show these people how nice you are. be the happy person that people like. that will make you happy all the time." clearly, that didn't always work. but, to fulfill his purpose, he ignored and forgot the times when he didn't live up to his happy persona. it didn't happen. he was happy. always happy. nothing but happy. and he prayed to any and all gods that he would never get caught out.

°•°•°•°•°•°•

"Jisung. Talk to me for a sec." Coach spoke from across the gym. Whilst still laughing about a joke with his friends, he jogged over to the coach, smiling brightly. "What's up with you today? You get enough sleep? You were all over the place. I swear I saw you trip over your own feet a couple times." Jisung's smile almost faltered, but he caught himself before it could.

"Ah, coach. You know me. I may have spent a little bit longer on Overwatch last night than usual but it's only because of this one guy that kept busting my nu- killstreak, man! I had to get him back or I wouldn't have slept at all!" Coach laughed at the teen's obvious rage thinking back to this other player and his tone softened.

"Yeah, yeah. I do get it. But don't let it happen again, alright? You're my star player and I'm counting on you for regionals. You won't let me down, right?"

"Sir, no, sir!" Jisung projected.

"You cheeky brat. Go on. Get outta here." the coach laughed as Jisung jogged back over to where his friends were joking and packing their bags.

"Hey, Sung. What was that about?" questioned Jeno, whilst spraying himself with deodorant and suffocating the rest of the group.

"Watch it, fuckface!" exclaimed Renjun, coughing up his organs.

"Oh, nothing. Just talking about regionals." Jisung replied after clearing his throat of Lynx Africa.

"Ahh, star player Jisung! But you were a bit slow today, huh? I might just steal your spot up the coach's ass, you get me?" Jaemin nudged Jisung, making the group laugh at the boy's teasing remark.

"Never in a million years, Na." Jisung shoved the boy before grabbing his bag and sidestepping away to avoid reprisal. The other boys followed this action and started walking towards the door, talking between each other.

"So, do y'all wanna get some food or something?" Haechan asked the group, hinting that he definitely did want to get some food. The group all murmured in agreement, apart from Jisung, who replied "Ah, I would love to but my mum wants me back for dinner with the family tonight."

"Aww momma's boy Jisungie. How cute." Jaemin teased before reaching to squeeze the youngest's cheeks. Jisung backed away, making sounds of fear whilst smiling at his friend's show of affection. Jaemin eventually backed off and Jisung rubbed his now red cheeks. He drifted to the back of the group walking through the school's empty corridors. A few seconds later, Chenle found his way next to him.

"Hey, are you gonna make it on the PlayStation tonight?" he asked excitedly.

"Ah, I don't know, man. Depends if my mum lets me." Jisung replied whilst rubbing the nape of his neck.

"What? But she didn't let you play last night! That's child cruelty, I swear!" his shrill voice rang through Jisung's ears, making him flinch to the side.

"Yeah. I know it sucks. But you guys are great without me, too! You'll be fine, man."Jisung reassured the loud boy. They continued to talk about the game that Jisung had missed the night before until the group reached a crossroads. They waved goodbye and Jisung split off from the group who were heading to a diner around the corner. As he walked down the pavement towards his house, he realised how dark it had gotten in only 10 minutes. It made sense as it was December, and he sighed as he looked at the expansive sky with greys and whites mixing with dark blue. As he approached his house, he noticed that the Christmas lights had been put up, white and orange fairy lights strung across the bushes outside and over the front door. He smiled to himself. As he stepped into the house, his fingers tingled from the contrast of the freezing winter air outside and the cozy central heating inside. "Mum?" Jisung shouted down the corridor whilst taking off his shoes and putting his bag on the floor.

"Hey, Sungie! How was school?" her voice appeared from the living room and Jisung walked towards it.

"Ah, same old, same old, you know?" he shrugged.

"Are you not hanging out with your friends today?" she asked as she paused her TV programme. She had been watching Rick and Morty and Jisung couldn't help but think how much she would fit in with his age group. The thought made him cringe.

"No. They were all tired and had to go home." He said whilst looking at the paused TV screen.

"Oh, well. I hope you don't mind but me and dad are going out tonight with some friends so do you mind making your own dinner? Your sister's staying at her friend's house so don't worry about her and your brother's in his room with his friend and they're doing their own thing." Jisung's mum explained. Jisung's face almost dropped but, once again, he caught himself and smiled.

"Of course, that's fine. I'll make myself some ramen. Have fun tonight!" he said as he walked out of the room and grabbed his bag.

"You too!" his mum spoke before the sound of the TV started playing again. Jisung jogged upstairs and down the corridor to his room before walking in and locking the door behind him, as was his routine. He sighed and dropped his bag on the floor, standing still by the door. Next in his routine was the sudden wave of cold that rushed over him, so much colder than the rest of the house. Then his lip would start quivering and he may have let out a whimper or two, before dropping onto his bed and sobbing with no tears, just the feeling of hopelessness running through his veins. His body curled in on itself and his hands clawed at his bedsheets as his face dug into his pillow. He would then rock back and forth for the next half an hour, chanting such phrases as "I wish I was dead" or "I'm horrible" or maybe "I hate this". What it was that he hated? He couldn't tell you. He just knew he didn't want to be there anymore. Or anywhere really. He would contemplate carving into himself like a Halloween pumpkin again but would always chicken out just before, remembering how tiring it was to hide it the first times. He didn't want to add anymore stuff to his plate. Also, his physical appearance needed to match his social appearance. No one could know what he was like on his own. It was his own little secret. However, he needed to feel something. So he would curl up on his floor, his head against his carpet, and scratch all down his arms, as hard as he could. The sensation made him feel something, and feeling something felt euphoric. After maybe managing to shed a few tears and falling asleep, he would wake up feeling drained and somewhat annoyed for not being able to see the scratches on his arms. But of course, he would then think of himself as an attention-whore, and make himself forget anything had happened. His day then continues from then with him being the happy social butterfly he was known to be. And the cycle would repeat.

°•°•°•°•°•°•

"Hey, you better come hang with us tonight. I feel like I hardly see you anymore!" Chenle spoke to Jisung in what he would call his "quiet voice". Luckily, they were in the canteen and there was hardly anyone around.

"You know I would love to, but I've got a lot of homework to do! Mr Suh is being a real bitch lately, you know?" Jisung spoke back as he played with the rice on his plate. School food really did nothing for his constant nausea.

"But you've been working so much lately! You've had to do homework almost every day after school for the past month! And before that, your mum needed you to come home for dinner every night! I miss you, Sungie." Chenle's typically loud and screeching voice fell at the last bit, and Jisung looked up at the boy through his fringe. What did he mean by "I miss you" when he was right there in front of him? He hadn't gone anywhere.

"What do you mean "you miss me"? I'm right here, Lele." Jisung almost reached his hand out for Chenle's on the other side of the table, but ended up deciding against it and just leaning forwards slightly.

"But you're not though. I only see you in school now. And you hardly talk to me anymore. You used to tell me about stuff that's going on in your life. Now I have to talk to you first to get you to notice to me." Jisung's eyes began to get hot as he looked down at the table. He could feel his heartbeat in his stomach and his muscles begin to twitch. This wasn't good. "Do you even like me anymore? I thought you were my best friend, Jisung. What's happened to you?" Chenle's voice held an apprehensive and somewhat emotional tone. Jisung couldn't breathe. He needed to get out of there.

"I've gotta go." he rushed out his words in a hushed tone to stop his tears from falling, whilst pushing up from his seat and speeding out of the canteen as fast as possible without running. His eyes stayed trained on the ground and the tears welling up made him feel like he was about to throw up. He pushed open the door to a toilet block he knew no one would be in before rushing into a cubicle and locking the door behind him. He broke.

His sobs rang against the walls of the cubicle, no matter how much he tried to repress them. He slapped his hand over his mouth in attempt to quieten himself, and his tears fell like torrential rain, down his face, his hands and to the floor. His back slid down the wall of the cubicle until he was curled up on the floor in a puddle of his own trembling limbs and tears. He stayed in that state for 5 more minutes, neither his tears nor his emotions subsiding. Then, he heard the door of the toilet block crash open, promptly followed by a shout of "Jisung?". Chenle.

Jisung's eyes clenched shut so tightly that he was seeing stars, his nails now digging into his cheeks with how tightly he was covering his mouth. The tears didn't stop but at least they didn't make any noise. "Jisung. I know you're there. I won't break down the door. Just let me in." Chenle's voice turned softer, but now with an added hint of concern. Jisung dreaded to think that Chenle was concerned about him. He tried to stop the tears so he could face his friend, but they wouldn't stop, and he couldn't even move. He felt trapped where he was. His body had given up. "I'm not going anywhere, Jisung. I promise."  Chenle's voice sounded close, like his head was against the other side of the door. Hearing him say that somehow made Jisung break even further. He didn't know that was possible. His sobs could suddenly be heard again even through his hands tight grasp on his face. "Jisung?" Chenle's voice sounded panicked now. He didn't want to do that to him. He needed to let him know he was there, even like this.

"Chenle-" he rasped out between sobs. His voice clearly sounded tired and weak, with a hint of desperation.

"Please, open the door, Sungie." Jisung sobbed harder, feeling incapable of moving whatsoever, but his best friend's distress gave him an ounce of motivation, but not without added guilt and shame. He hid his head in his arm against his knees and blindly reached for the lock on the door. He felt it unlock and immediately curled his other hand around himself, hoping to not be seen. Of course, that didn't happen. He heard a gasp from above and then felt the brush of air against his arm as his friend dropped down next to him. His sobs had still not stopped and he felt the smallest he had ever felt in his life right at this moment, curled up on the toilet floor next to his best friend. He didn't know what he had expected to happen, but it certainly wasn't the warm feeling of his friends arms wrapping around him, and the warmth of his breath against his neck. They didn't usually do that with each other. This only spurred on more tears, but slightly fuzzier ones. With some sensation back in his body, he twisted his hand upwards to hold onto his friend's arm, a small message to the other boy in an attempt to translate how grateful he is to him and that he's the best friend anyone could ever wish for. It may have not translated that whole message, but he hoped that it got pretty close.

"You're gonna be okay, Sungie." Chenle spoke into the crying boy's neck. The warmth tickled him and caused a hot shiver to run across his spine. Wait. Was he blushing? In shock about having just blushed at the actions of his best friend, he managed to lift his head up and open his eyes. His sight was blurred but he could see the wavy outline of his small friend through his unrelenting tears. He could feel hands upon his cheeks as they turned his face towards him to wipe at the tears under his eyes with the soft pads of his thumbs. He hoped so much that his face was red enough from crying to cover up the ever-growing blush that adorned his cheeks. He bit his lip and looked down in embarrassment, but Chenle didn't allow it. With his hands still resting on his cheeks, he lifted his head back up and pressed his forehead against the others. Out of surprise, Jisung's right hand shot up to hold onto the other's elbow, before sliding up to his hand against his cheek instead. He rested his hand on top of Chenle's and leant into it slightly, enjoying the feeling way too much than he should have felt okay with. His eyes fell shut again as he released a sigh that fluttered against Chenle's cheeks. They sat there, sharing each other's space, for what felt like years. Jisung wished the feeling would never stop. But as long as Chenle was with him, he felt like it never would.

After his tears had slowed and his breathing had evened out, Jisung felt Chenle's hand slide away from his face. He felt himself almost starting to cry yet again, before Chenle's fingers slid between his own and his thumb started rubbing his hand. Chenle's head pulled away from Jisung's and tilted against the wall they were both leaning against instead. "Is this okay?" Chenle asked in a genuinely hushed and soothing voice, one that Jisung didn't know he was capable of. He couldn't tell what Chenle was referring to until he squeezed Jisung's hand ever so slightly and Jisung blushed yet again.

"Yeah. It's fine." the corners of his mouth tilted ever so slightly before he realised and stopped himself. But Chenle didn't even try to stop himself. He had already noticed Jisung's mistake and smiled back widely himself. This only made Jisung feel shy and bashfully smile at the floor.

"Your smile is so pretty." Chenle stated, as if it was the most obvious fact in the galaxy. Jisung's eyes shot up to the other boy's face, who was now giggling at Jisung's reaction. Jisung quickly looked back down to the floor as he felt the flustered feeling spread all over his head.

As Chenle's giggles quietened down, Jisung tilted his head against the wall, before realising just how close their faces were. He could feel Chenle's breath against his lips. He felt an involuntary sound creeping up his throat, but swallowed hard to keep it down. "Are you feeling any better?" Chenle spoke in a deep voice, quiet and gentle on Jisung's currently sensitive ears.

"I do feel better right now." Jisung responded, his voice still weak and raspy.

"Right now?" Chenle's eyebrows curled in confusion. "Why right now?"

Jisung couldn't stop the words from coming out. "Because you're here." His eyes widened the second after he let it slip from his lips, having shocked himself with the obvious "line". He didn't know how to repair that. So he just stayed silent, red in the face and frozen. He only barely noticed Chenle's small smile before he registered that they were somehow even closer to one another. He felt their noses brush together and this time, he didn't think fast enough to stop the involuntary sound falling off his lips. A hushed whimper spilled into the shared breathing space between them. Chenle's head was back where it was before, pressed against Jisung's, and Jisung couldn't stop himself from glancing down at his best friend's lips. His best friend, he thought. This was not normal, and he knew it. But he didn't care. It felt so much better than anything he had ever done before. So much more natural. He wanted this. So bad.

His mouth was slightly open, trying to maximise his air intake as the air around him suddenly got so hot.

"Can I?" He felt Chenle's breath against his tongue, and his nose brushed against Jisung's once more.

"Please." It came out much more whiny than he had expected, but he wasn't even ashamed anymore as his best friend's lips melted into his own, their synchronisation making Jisung feel like he had been missing this his whole life. Chenle. Just Chenle. They seemed to fall into a trance as the taste and feeling of one another became addictive. Jisung only realised what was happening when he felt a hand sliding up his arm and towards his neck, the thumb rubbing against his jugular. Another hand had slid up his leg and was squeezing his thigh. Jisung couldn't help but grab onto the front of Chenle's shirt and pull his body even closer as he released yet another whimpering noise. That was a cue for Chenle to lick at Jisung's bottom lip, subtly asking for permission to take this further. It wasn't even a question for Jisung. He let his mouth fall open and Chenle was immediately there, lapping at the other's tongue with his own. The feeling made Chenle groan slightly, and Jisung's fist clenched tighter on his shirt in response, another whimper falling from his occupied lips. He felt breathless in the best way, so didn't even attempt to pull away to breathe. He didn't want to stop and could tell that neither did Chenle.

A few minutes later, Chenle had explored Jisung's entire mouth and wanted to find out some more about the boy, so his hands fell to his hips and pulled slightly, inviting Jisung to come closer. Jisung took this offer with delight, climbing onto the other's lap and leaning back onto the other's knees as Chenle slid his back further up the wall for a more comfortable position. They both quickly found each other's lips again and got right back into the flow of the situation. Chenle's hands had drifted from Jisung's tiny waist to his hips, just above his ass that was sat in a place that he didn't want to dwell too much on, though he found that to be extremely difficult with how fidgety Jisung could be. Jisung's hands found purchase against Chenle's chest again, occasionally grasping at his shirt when he felt to overwhelmed, so the entire time really.

After a few more minutes, Chenle leaned his head back against the wall, looking up at Jisung with so much adoration. Jisung felt hot under his stare and missed the feeling of his lips.

"You're so hot, baby." Chenle spoke in his low voice, like he was talking to himself. Jisung whined and leaned in, hoping to find Chenle's lips again, only to be stopped by the feeling of a hand around the base of his neck, not holding him, just applying light pressure, enough to stop him in his tracks and make him roll his hips. The feeling made his head fall back and he accidentally released a moan. He felt embarrassed, but also really, really hot. He heard a growl from below him but before he could look back down, he felt Chenle's hot mouth against his neck, right next to his jugular. His teeth bit into the skin and his mouth sucked around the mark, making Jisung involuntarily move his hips faster against Chenle's torso, looking for any friction whatsoever. Like Chenle was reading his mind, he ground his hips upwards into Jisung's own, right as he bit into the other side of his neck. "Fuck!" Jisung exclaimed, the breath being knocked out of his lungs at the sensation.

"Close already?" Chenle teased. Jisung suddenly realised how weird it was to hear that from his best friend. The best friend he would play games with as a child. the best friend he would talk about girls with in his early teen years. The best friend he would vent to when he was stressed, and who would do the same back. The best friend he had talked about getting a house with in the future, somewhere in a big city. The best friend that was now making him feel so fucking good on the floor of the school toilets when they're both supposed to be in lessons. The best friend he wants to scream the name of for the rest of his life, disturbing the neighbours and almost getting kicked out of several apartments. He's not even mad.

°•°•°•°•°•°•

Them walking out of that toilet block must have been the most comedic moment in either of their lives. To set the scene, they both styled matching red faces and disheveled hair, with Chenle rocking a creased shirt and Jisung showing off his abundance of blossoming purple and red bite marks, trailing all over his jaw and neck and deep down into his collar line and, to top it all off, their non-chalant "we did not just fuck I swear" facial expressions. Glancing up and down the corridor to avoid any other unsuspecting students, they made a bee-line for Chenle's locker where he knew he kept a hoodie to hide Jisung's Vincent Van Gogh "Starry Night"-lookin' neck. The only problem was that it was on the other side of the school.

Why Jisung decided to come instead of waiting, Chenle didn't know. He just thought he was too cute and didn't really want to leave him alone either. But luckily, it was still lesson time, so there was hardly anyone in the halls. So there they were, running through the halls Breakfast Club-style, dodging teachers and the odd student, until they reached Chenle's locker. He made quick work of opening it and grabbing the hoodie, buried underneath about 5 textbooks, 3 folders and a bag of snacks. "You're a mess." Jisung joked.

"Look, do you want the hoodie or not?" Chenle reiterated, his eyes wide as if he were scolding a child.

"Yes, yes, I'm sorry!" Jisung giggled, taking the hoodie from Chenle's hands. Chenle jabbed quickly at Jisung's stomach, making him bend over and jump backwards dramatically. He pulled the hoodie over himself, surprised that it was kind of big on him.

"Not as big as you thought you were, huh?" Chenle quirked his eyebrow and Jisung blushed, once again, at his remark. He pulled up the hood and tugged the strings tight around his head, making Chenle coo at him. "You baby." And Jisung swore he could somehow hear the star emojis and "uwu" emoticon in his voice. Chenle walked closer to him, holding his sweater paws and then looking around to make sure no one was there. He then leaned in to quickly steal another kiss, lingering too long for it to be classed as a peck. "What lesson have you got now?" Chenle asked, still holding Jisung's sweater paws, now leaning against the lockers.

"I think Chemistry?" Jisung puffed out his cheeks in thought. Chenle was enamored.

"You okay to go? I can stay with you if you want me to." Chenle reasoned. Jisung's eyes dropped to the ground as he smiled.

"I'm definitely feeling better right now. I might even learn something in Chem." Jisung chuckled.

"Wouldn't that be a miracle." Chenle smiled. The other then pushed his shoulder lightly, making him giggle.

"I'm gonna miss you." Jisung mumbled towards his feet. Chenle leaned in further, smiling.

"That's cheesy and disgusting but you're cute so I'm gonna miss you too." He punctuated his statement with a kiss on the other's lips. Followed by another one. Then another. And another. They were both really lost in each other. And they didn't want to be anything else.

[thesugarhole]

#trying to tell myself it will be chill its my first day #but they seemed pressed about being behind on smth and i think theyre expecting more than i can deliver and idk

horrible first day. felt nervous all day and lost all morning. nothing of what the articles said about what to expect of the first day. the feeling subsided a bit as i got to work on some stuff but then,

Posted Há 2 dias on Abril 26, 2023

"bro i lost a train just as i arrived at the train stop and now theres a guy telling me the train i actually came here for is supressed :fried:"

#fucking heartbreaking #portugal trains make it so hard to defend public transport fr #me: im gonna go else i only have train at 8pm #the trains: kill yourself if you didnt catch the 6h50pm one

"how was your first day of work" im not sure. im not sure. and i have to do this for the rest of my life? fuck man

#the thesugarhole parable #god thought itd be funny to make a trophy wife gay. and force them to work #it went ok honestly. nothing extraordinary. im just nervous all the time i guess

^said this. cries anyway. i only got home at 9pm... mostly at night and also a little bit in the next morning at the train station and during the train ride. feeling to cry subsided mid ride and i got there ok. day was exhausting all the same. wasnt as broken down by the extra hours of nothing though. also between first and 2nd days had a very restless sleep and woke up multiple times

its gonna take me some time to get used to the commute and realize that one way or another i overall loose ~4hs daily (its hard to do anything productive and/or fun during either train or bus rides because were all cringe little capitalism sardines and we have to carry lunch bags and we keep bumping into each other)

slept a little better from 2nd to 3rd day and also the workload was lighter. bus was behind a solid 40mins and i would have lost my train again so i let it run 2 more stops to catch the train right after (doesnt stop in the stop closer to work because its like. a piadeiro. idk how to explain in english) and got home at the same hour. with a bit more pep in my step. and im close to conking out

im too tired to do anything by the time i get home, currently. i can wonder if i would feel differently if i had a car and could go from 4hs to 1h30 hours of commute (its about the same as train+bus, BUT i have to take extra time in the morning to get there on time, and then in the evening theres always dead time between connections that artificially increases it. well you know how it is. in this bitch of a world).

probably not. i mean i barely did anything creative or productive wise just for fun before, not much is gonna change now. maybe better time management so ill produce something low stakes in the weekened but we'll see

wont blog further about job experience unless something truly ridiculous (on either side of the good-bad scale) happens though. Getting Used To It With theSugarHole

im still so so very nervous about not knowing whats coming. boo

[sirengf-moved]

oh boy 1) 2, 5, 7, 10, 15 || 2) 3, 7, 9 || 3) 6, 7, 20 || 4) 4, 9, 27 || part five is embarrassing so none of that shit 💓 || 6) 2, 4, 10 || i gave u so many because i lov u but i'm also fucked up 🍊🌿💐💓

mars i lov u , also don’t worry i’m vain and i love answering questions abt myself so this works perfectly 😌🍯☁️✨🍓🍃 HOLD ONTO UR BUTT THIS IS A LOT :

( part 1 ) 🍨

Have you ever cut your hair yourself?

a: as a kid i think i got something stuff in my hair , gum or ? i’m unsure it’s a foggy memory but i just cut my hair and my mom got soooooo mad bc we had a friend who was a hairdresser and we didn’t tell her or anything and we just cut it , tbh it was pretty liberating but at the same time i don’t remember if i did a good job or not 💀

Do you collect anything?

a: mmm, jars ...... me telling myself i’m gonna gather jars for spellwork and i never actually do it so i just have a shit ton of mason jars , emptied candle jars , small flasks with cork screw lids all sitting around my crystals and incense ect....... rip me.

Are you a fan of bread and butter?

a: yes! i eat fried bread w/ light butter for breakfast most mornings , probably unhealthy but like.......it’s very yummy..... 😔

Have you ever almost died?

a: ive almost drowned at least 3 times, this racist dude thst i almost beat the shit out of nearly ran me over on my way home with his redneck truck ( forgetting i knew where he lived ) , almost asphyxiated myself by swallowing melted chocolate at least 3 /4 times , almost got into a head on collision at a 4 way once, when i jumped from the side of my grandfathers sailboat onto the docks i wasn’t considering how big the leap was and landed fine but almost fell back and would’ve been crushed between the boat and dock , and i thought i was going to die when this homeless man glared me down intensely at the local burger king as i ate my chicken and lowkey cried bc i was also going through an emotional meltdown ( unrelated to said homeless man making vicious murder eyes at me , but that sure didn’t help lol ) i’ve also died a lot in my dreams / almost died in dreamscapes ..... long winded answer but hi mars i’m also fucked up 😌

Favorite animal?

a: GELADA MONKEYS! LOOK THEM UP PLS THEYRE AMAZING I LOVE THEM! BIG FLUFFY BOYS!

( part 2 ) 🥧

Do you believe the butterfly effect is real?

a: hm... i feel like every action mayhaps has some sort of consequence but personally i’ve been seeing that like, how can this be true when you have billionaires who use slave/sweatshops/prison labor but yet are rewarded with vast riches? how can you have all of these people of power constantly doing bad , horrible things and not getting their karma? will they get it ten fold? down the road? is their karma their internal struggles? do they not have any moral qualms? are they MAKING the karma for others? these are questions i constantly ask myself to be quite honest....

Do you believe in witches and/or magic?

a: yes , for the most part. there are some i believe because i can feel it , their energy and majesty in the way they hold themselves and how they view the world, some people just scare me with how they go through life with such certainty on everything, certainty terrifies me to be honest. i do definitely believe in magic! it’s in everything! from someone cooking you something that you regularly cook but it tastes better bc they made it? magic! it’s everywhere! and also practical magic ( spellwork / spirit work / deity & entity work / tarot & oracle ect ) it all interests me and i love talking about it , to people who also believe and practice and KNOW AND RESPECT CULTURE/ HERITAGE / CLOSED PRACTICES! c:

Do you believe in anything mythical/supernatural? (Bigfoot, Mermaids, Vampires, etc.)

a: sorta , i’ve had too many rhythmic taps / scratches on my window in the deep hours of the night to not believe. i’m not sure if i believe in vampires as in modern mainstream standpoint but i’m pretty open to just about anything existing..it’s just this world is so weird and i’d be naive to think that just bc i can’t perceive it with my own eyes, it just simply doesn’t exist... u know?

( part 3 ) 🍡

If a friend called you to help hide a body, would you help or turn them in?

a: i ain’t no snitch. also kinda depends on the friend, bc i wouldn’t turn anyone in regardless ( unless they killed someone innocent / were a budding serial killer omg ) but like do i answer calls? rarely , am i also the one everyone always goes to? yes. either way i’d prolly help you bury the body, answering the phone however? another story. ( who am i kidding i’d be so excited that a friend wants to talk or smth then get roped into this whole drama episode )

Have you ever had a crush on someone that, now as you look back, is completely embarrassing?

a: YES , STORY TIME! okay so i was like 17/18 and i liked this guy and at the time i thought i was being soooooo oblivious about it , but like a few months later a friend was like ‘ did u like so and so? ‘ and i was like ‘ was it that obvious? ‘ and they were all like ‘ painfully ‘ and to this day i still get randomly reminded by my brain how stupid , cringe worthy and weird i acted , like my brain is relentless in reminding me how fucking fat of an L that whole crush thing was........ 🙃

How would you react if you had a secret admirer?

a: depends, ive had ‘secret’ admirers who turned very obsessive in my past, so i’m naturally wary , but idk if someone thinks i’m cool i have no problem with that , but if you put me on this weird pedestal then i have a problem ... 🤲🏽 td;lr : id be as humble as possible bc then i’m reminded i’m perceived.

( part 4 ) 🍰

Favorite actress?

a: lupita n’yongo!!

Favorite type of food?

a: savory / rich/ salty food, i don’t really care for sweet foods ... or fried foods ? i don’t like large portions either tbh, i like to feel full not like dead lol. my favorite types are either seafood or seafood coupled with steak and other assorted meat and sides .

Favorite sport?

a: i liked playing volleyball, i like watching soccer and occasionally college football ( ik ik.... ) but i also love watching women’s professional gymnastics!!

( part 6 ) 🌯

Ever kissed someone who wasn’t single?

a: i don’t think so.... no! it sounds like smth i’d do on accident or smth tbh ... but not smth i’d do purposely!

Have you ever done anything illegal?

a: yes! lots of things! but i’m not gonna list them all here, nothing too serious but lol yes haha

Ever lied straight to someone’s face?

a: daily occurrence tbh, i’m really good at lying , i had to get good at it as a kid in order to avoid shit so 😌 now i can convince gross men that i’m in a relationship with a huge weightlifting bouncer and we have 3 kids and hes on isle 6 and will be back soon when i’m in walmart and some creep attempts to talk to me too much! and they’ll believe me.......

[vincent-frankenstein]

Bloodbond - Chapter Thirteen

The last part of my entry for @ts-storytime!!

Chapter Summary: One bond is broken, and another takes its place. Virgil and Roman stand side-by-side and face an uncertain future.

Pairings: prinxiety, background joan/talyn

Warnings: I can't think of anything Really Bad in this one, but shoot me a dm if u need smth tagged!

Read on A03

{ 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 }

art by @pattykrabbies {here} and @vdkstar {here}!!!

(cover by @vdkstar <3)

“Hey!”

Warmth. Soft, gentle warmth, and calming light to match. He groaned softly, shifting.

“Wake up, idiot. We’re back.”

There was a hand on his shoulder, shaking him awake, and the voice above him ripped with sarcasm and exhaustion and a dryness all its own, the accent wonderfully familiar. He felt a rush of relief as he opened his eyes, blinking in the scarlet light from the sky above.

“Virgil,” he breathed.

“Ugh, finally.” Virgil rolled his eyes, a certain fondness to his smirk that made Roman’s heart flutter. “You snore like a bear, you know that?”

“Lies and slander,” Roman said in mock-offense. His body ached, his thoughts slow and sore, but still he pushed himself to his feet, tearing his eyes from Virgil for a moment to survey their surroundings.

They sat in the shadow of the queen’s castle, just beyond the front door; but it was different, somehow, nicer. Lighter. He felt no rush of fear, no deluge of depressing thoughts — only a heavy tidal wave of relief. They’d made it out. They were okay.

“Roman!”

A blur of orange and white tore away from a tall man standing at the edge of the clearing and came at him faster than the fastest of spells, nearly knocking him over in their haste. Roman beamed, a relieved noise somewhere between a laugh and a cry tearing from his throat.

“If you ever fucking convince me to do something as stupid as this again, I’ll kill you.” Joan held him tightly for a moment, as though afraid he’d disappear, and then pulled away, crossing their arms. “And I mean that as lovingly as possible, you stupid f-word face.”

“Aww, come on, it all worked out in the end!” Roman said with a laugh. “And it seems someone made a new friend, too, so you got even more than we bargained for!”

He wiggled his eyebrows, nodding towards Talyn, who rolled their eyes but offered Joan a smile.

“So, uh… what were you saying about me being a traitor, again?” Roman whispered jokingly, his smile growing wider when Joan returned Talyn’s smile with a suspiciously red face.

“Shut up.”

Roman burst out laughing, stifling his giggles behind his hand as Joan glared, red-faced. He opened his mouth to tease more, but a sudden voice cut him off.

“... Son.”

Roman turned, looking up into the grizzled, scarred face of his father. King Odin stood tall, his face a kaleidoscope of distrust and uncertainty.

“Father,” Roman said, keeping his voice even, though his heart pounded warily in his chest. Internally, he cringed, waiting for the anger to overtake his father’s face, waiting for him to prattle on about demons and betrayal and whisk him away, away from his new friends and away from Virgil.

“What you did was incredibly reckless,” he began, his voice gruff. “You broke nearly a dozen of our kingdom’s laws. You teamed up with demons. Under normal circumstances, I would have you exiled.”

Roman found only cold defiance where he’d expected to find fear. “I also saved your life,” he snapped. “Have you ever considered that you might be, I don’t know, wrong?”

“Let me finish,” King Odin said harshly. Then, as a hesitant afterthought, “...please.”

Roman crossed his arms and nodded. King Odin sighed, dragging his gaze across the mismatched bunch of humans and demons before him.

“Under normal circumstances,” he repeated. “These are… not normal circumstances. You… all… saved my life. Your sentiment might hold… some truth, I suppose. You demons aren’t all... as bad as I thought.”

Roman’s eyes widened. Was he… admitting he was wrong? Roman hadn’t thought that was possible. King Odin was prideful and powerful and never wrong.

But today, King Odin was hesitant. “I may be willing to… reconsider my earlier viewpoints…” he said, his voice a low, halting growl. Roman gaped, spluttering. This was the last thing he had expected. “I still don’t trust them and I still don’t approve of your rescue methods, but… recent events must be taken into account.”

He faced Roman, and something new flashed through his eyes. “Roman, you… you did what you had to do to save me. You did what you knew was… right, and you stood up to me over it. You were strong, and that’s all I’ve ever wanted you to be.”

And then his father set a hand on Roman’s shoulder and offered something Roman had never seen from him before: a smile.

“I’m proud of you,” his father said — and Roman, for all he prided his loquaciousness, found himself stricken speechless. His father’s words echoed through his mind.

“I — thank you.” It felt amazing, hearing his father say the words he’d longed to hear for so long, and he knew this was all he had ever wanted — but he also knew that it wasn’t all he wanted anymore. He’d faced dragon-witches and sirens and foes so dangerous it was a wonder he was still alive. He’d literally traveled to hell and back. And he’d learned things, too, things about himself and about the word, and he’d realized; he wanted his father’s praise... But he didn’t need it anymore.

Because, sure, King Odin was proud of him… but he was proud of himself.

He glanced at Virgil, and brought his gaze across Sleep and Talyn and Joan, as though to remind himself that they were still there, that they were okay — and then, finally, his eyes landed on a stranger, standing at the edge of the group with his arm around Joan’s shoulders. He recognized him by the patch on his sleeves, the Gaepried crest surrounded by stars.

The Royal Mage.

He stood taller than Roman, smiling despite the remnants of blood streaked across the side of his face. A mess of freckles covered his round, tan face, as though he had been splattered there by a haphazard painter, and his hair was soft and golden-brown, the tips darkened with deep purple dye. He noticed Roman’s curious gaze and, drawing his arm from around Joan, stepped forward and offered his hand.

“I, uh, I don’t think I’ve introduced myself yet,” he began, his voice cheerful. “I’m the Royal Mage, Thomas. It’s an honor to meet you, your highness!”

“Ah, call me Roman,” Roman said, returning the mage’s kind smile. “And you have no idea how much I have gone through just to meet you.”

“To meet… me?” he asked, and Virgil snorted at his confused expression. “Why?”

“Well…” Roman exchanged a look with Virgil. “We have a small problem that we need your help with.”

“Small?” Virgil scoffed. “Understatement of the century.”

“Hush, Sir Snark-A-Lot.” Roman rolled his eyes. “So, Thomas, have you by any chance ever heard of a Bloodbond?”

Thomas gasped and nodded, eyes wide, and the group watched with rapt attention, ready for a story that Roman was all-too-happy to tell. He prided himself on being an excellent storyteller, and this time was no different; he touted the exciting parts and glazed over the less-than-ideal ones, spinning a story so grand he almost couldn’t believe he’d live through it. The sky above melted into a golden-scarlet sunless sunset as he wove his story; and at the end of it all, silence reigned.

“Wait, so — holy shit, that’s why…” Joan broke the silence a few charged moments later, eyes wide. “I am so sorry I was ever rude to you, man,” they said, addressing Virgil with an almost-teasing lilt beneath their voice. “Speaking from experience, for you to have dealt with him for so long like that… you’re braver than any Gaepriedian soldier.”

“Hey!” Roman cried, affronted, placing a hand over his heart as though he’d been wounded.

“Ugh, thank you. Finally, someone agrees with me about how annoying that little shit is.” Virgil’s voice shook with laughter. “Trust me, it was absolute torture.”

“I am right here!” Roman exclaimed, glaring when the two burst out laughing. But it wasn’t long before the corners of his own lips began to twitch, and he rolled his eyes as a begrudging smile spread across his face.

“Girl, you tried to cast a half-translated spell. I think they’re allowed to laugh at you.” Sleep leaned against a tree and offered Roman a teasing half-smile, his voice slow and honeyed as though he’d been close to catching his namesake.

“I’m not gonna lie, that was a pretty bad idea,” Thomas added, rubbing the back of his neck. Roman huffed, crossing his arms.

“Glad to see you all bonding over this,” he grumbled. “But really, if you’re done making fun of the best person out of all of you, I think we have more important matters to discuss.”

“I agree,” his father said. “I don’t approve of how you got into this mess, but it’s imperative that you get out of it.” He paused, and then… “And, obviously, I’m the best person out of all of you. That’s just a fact.”

“Oh, so that’s where he gets it from,” Virgil muttered with a roll of his eyes as Roman gasped loudly, offended. “But yeah, I’m with princey. Let’s get this figured out.”

“Princey?” Joan echoed. “Oh my god, I’m calling you that forever now.”

“Joan, no —”

“Anyway,” Thomas said insistently, cutting Roman off before he could argue. “I… I can definitely reverse that. Right now, if you want? It’s a complicated spell, but this place is filled with magic, so it shouldn’t be too hard. I just need something to write some runes with…”

“I have a pen,” Talyn offered, rummaging through their bag. Thomas smiled and began scribbling runes across his hand, instructing Joan and Sleep as they began spreading paper across the ground.

Virgil caught Roman’s eye. The look on his face was insistent, if a bit shy, and Roman pushed himself to his feet.

“We’ll, ah… we’ll be right back,” he said, and followed Virgil farther into the dead forest around them, the soft din of conversation behind them dulling to a charged silence.

“So.” Virgil stopped and leaned against a bare tree, his wings shifting behind him. “Once that human finishes the spell, you’ll finally be rid of me So, uh… this is goodbye, I guess.”

Roman blinked, a strange feeling spreading through his chest. Just a week ago, he would have given anything to hear those words, to be ‘free.’ But now? Now, the thought of saying goodbye, of never seeing him again... it hurt, in a strange, hot sort of way. Now… he didn’t want to leave.

“So I figured we should get… whatever it is we have to get out of the way… out of the way before…” He crossed his arms, the rose-shaped clasp on his borrowed cloak catching the sunset’s light and gleaming.

“Wait!” Roman said quickly, his voice almost cracking. “Why does this have to be goodbye? Won’t we… see each other again?”

Virgil raised an eyebrow, regarding him strangely. “Uh-huh. Because we’re going to cast massive summoning spells every time we want to see each other, right?” He sighed. “Look. You’re going to go back to your kingdom, and I…” He looked around, eyes catching on the castle looming overhead. “I’ll go back to… mine, and that’ll be the end of it.”

“But —”

“But nothing, princey. I’m a demon, you’re a human, we can’t — it just doesn’t work like that. That’s not how things are.”

“But what if it didn’t have to be that way?” Roman exclaimed, louder than he’d intended, and Virgil startled, eyes going wide. “What if…” he said again, quieter this time, and stepped forward. Carefully, gently, he reached out and took Virgil’s hands, and though Virgil tensed at the contact, he didn’t pull away.

“Things are changing, Virgil,” he said softly. “We made them change. Queen Aliah is gone! And King Odin…” He thought back to his father’s almost-apology. “He’s finally seeing the truth. Just as I did.”

They were close, very close; Roman felt as though he could get lost in the depths of Virgil’s eyes. “Say what you will, but this isn’t goodbye. I can promise you that.”

Virgil held his gaze, soft pink spreading across his pale cheeks, and let out a soft breath. Time seemed to still — for a moment, nothing else mattered, nothing else existed besides Roman and Virgil and the space between them — and then Virgil let out a groan and averted his gaze, running a hand through his hair to hide his deeply reddened face.

“Ugh, you sap,” he groaned. “We couldn’t just have a normal goodbye, no, you had to go and make it stupid and heartfelt and… sweet…”

Roman laughed. “What can I say? I’m good at heartfelt moments.” A grin spread across his face and he raised his eyebrows. “Careful, Virgil, any redder and I won’t be able to tell the difference between your cloak and your face.

“Shut up,” Virgil hissed, swatting at him. “I’m not blushing, asshole, it’s just — it’s hot out.”

“Is it hot out, or is it just me?” Roman asked, his voice playfully wistful as he turned to gaze dramatically off towards the last dying rays of scarlet daylight. Virgil swatted at him again, growling.

“Fine!” he said. “This isn’t goodbye. Though if you keep being so annoying, it will be, got it?”

Roman’s grin became genuine, elated, and he relaxed, breathing a sigh of relief. This wasn’t goodbye. “I can’t make any promises,” he said, and Virgil rolled his eyes.”

“Anxiety! Your h — ah, Roman!” Thomas’ voice cut them off before their soft conversation could continue, and Roman’s grin shrank into a small, gentle smile.

“You ready?” he asked. Virgil shook his head, a tiny smile finding its way onto his face — and Roman realized with a jolt in his heart that this was the first time he’d ever seen Virgil truly smile, no hint of sarcasm of self-deprecation in sight. His heart skipped a beat; he was beautiful.

“Nah,” Virgil said quietly. “...let’s do it.”

The group waited for them back in the clearing, standing around a makeshift runic circle, drawn in purple ink on a pile of assorted scrap papers. As Talyn bemoaned the loss of their pen, which had tragically run out of ink, Thomas smiled and spread his arms wide.

“It’s a bit messy, but it should work,” he said. He’d scribbled runes across his hands and up his arms, and they glowed softly as they channeled his magic. “You two, stand in the center. Everyone else, stand back. This is going to be… interesting.”

“If you kill us, I’ll haunt you for the rest of your life,” Virgil grumbled as he stepped into the makeshift circle, the papers crunching beneath his feet. “Even if it’s an accident.”

“Well, I mean, I’ve never tried something like this before… but there’s no time like the present, right? Besides, I’m mostly sure you’ll be fine.” Thomas sat beside the circle, setting one hand in his lap, palm facing upwards, and the other atop the edge of the circle. It began to glow at his touch, colorful light swirling through the air, and little flames sparked to life around the edges.

Roman tensed as a strange feeling flooded through him, as though he’d been pumped full of electricity. The runic circle glowed brighter, sparks of magic dancing around them.

“Okay, when I finish the incantation, you two need to make some sort of contact, like… a high-five or something. Don’t stop until I say so!” Thomas glowed with his magic, shifting from red to green to purple in a dizzying rainbow as he began the spell.

Caught in a whirlwind of light and color, Roman’s eyes met Virgil’s. The outside world seemed to fade away, Thomas’ voice lost among the spell, and a silent conversation passed between the two in the span of a second — and suddenly, finally, Roman realized what the strange feeling was, what was causing his face to heat up and his heart to race, what he wanted more than anything else.

The magic around them swelled, and the electrical feeling grew. Suddenly, Roman felt the Bloodbond as he never had before: stronger, more insistent, tugging them closer. It filled every bone, every inch of his body, and they stepped towards each other as Thomas reached the end of his incantation.

“Now!” Thomas' voice sliced through the tornado around them — and they surged together, their lips meeting as the magic flared, a symphony of light and color to match the symphony swelling within them. Virgil’s fingers tangled through Roman’s hair; Roman tightened his hold around him as though afraid he’d disappear, because he couldn’t lose this, because this was right. Electricity flashed in curving arcs around them, within them, and they didn’t pull apart until well after the spell had ended and the tug of the Bloodbond had faded.

“Oh my — yas girl, get it!” Sleep was the first to respond, his hands cupped around his mouth as he cheered. Virgil tore his gaze from Roman and glared sharply.

“Shut it, Sleep,” he growled.

“You guys, I said like… a high-five,” Thomas said softly, eyes wide and disbelieving. Roman laughed.

“Go big or go home, am I right?”

“That was so fucking gay,” Joan said, clapping Roman on the back. Roman’s laughter grew.

“Well, duh. That was sort of the point.” Roman drew his arm from around Virgil and, after a moment’s hesitation, laced their fingers together. And god, his shy smile, the way pink spread across his pale face — it made the entire journey worth it just to get to this point.

“You two are like… modern day Romeo and Juliet. It’s cute,” Talyn remarked, pushing themself back to their feet and shoving their broken pen into their bag. Virgil scoffed.

“Nah, neither of us are idiots.” He paused, glancing at Roman. “You know what, nevermind, I take it back. This idiot would die if he wasn’t always doing something stupid.”

“Hey!” Roman gasped. “I thought we just had a bonding moment!”

“So?” Virgil smirked, one eyebrow raised. “Just because we love each other or some stupid shit like that doesn’t mean I can’t still make fun of you.”

“Aw, you love me?”

“Ugh,” Virgil groaned. “Shut up.”

As Thomas gathered the papers from the ground and the group began discussing how to get the humans home, Virgil and Roman drew away, following the base of the castle until they reached the front, until they could look down at the ruined kingdom spread beneath. The whole realm was about to change. Queen Aliah was dead, which meant…

“I guess this is mine now, huh?” Virgil leaned against the castle’s wall and slid down, sitting cross-legged.

“I suppose so.” Roman sat beside him, and felt as though his heart would burst when Virgil leaned into his side. “It’s rather ironic, don’t you think? All that time spent bashing princes, only to end up one.”

“Ugh. I still stand by what I said, princey. All princes are dumb.” He snorted. “That means I’ve been self-deprecating all this time? God, what a mood.”

“I’m almost offended,” Roman said, close to smiling. “Well, your highness? What are you going to do?”

“Ew. Don’t call me that.” He sighed, running a hand through his hair. “I — shit, I don’t know. I can’t rule, I — I can barely take care of myself, let alone a whole kingdom. You should rule, you’re way better at being a stupid prince than I am.”

“Hey,” Roman chided softly, taking Virgil’s hand. “You may not think so, but you are a good leader. And a powerful mage. Though I hate to admit it, I… probably would have died on this journey if it weren't for you. You’re going to do wonderfully, my prince, and I am only a… a realm away if you’re ever in need of princely advice.”

That sent a pang through his heart. He hadn’t thought about it before, but it was true: they were going to be realms apart, constantly separated. When would they see each other again?

“A realm away? Ugh. That’s stupid,” Virgil mumbled. “I can’t… do this alone. I…”

He yanked a blade of ebony grass from beneath them and twirled it around his fingers, tapping his foot anxiously against the group. He seemed to consider something, eyebrows furrowing as he glanced first at Roman and then at the kingdom spread out beneath them.

“You… you know…” he began slowly, thoughtfully. “I could… use some help. A, y-you know, prince… consort or — or something.” The corner of his mouth twitched up into a momentary smirk. “So if you know of any really stupid, annoying princes who could help me out…”

“I don’t know about really stupid, annoying princes, but… I do know of one stupidly handsome, annoyingly wonderful prince who would be… happy to assist.” Their eyes met and Virgil blushed, twirling the blade of grass so quickly that it was surprising it didn’t break. “If you’ll have him, that is.”

“Yeah,” Virgil breathed, relieved. “Yeah, I’ll have him.”

He held Roman’s gaze for a moment longer and then got back to his feet and set his hands on his hips, surveying the kingdom beneath them. In the rusty-red near-darkness of night, free of the queen’s fear curse, it almost looked… beautiful.

“Well?” Virgil turned to him, looking positively radiant beneath the deep red sky. “You ready to rule this hellhole with me?”

Roman climbed to his feet, smiling as he joined Virgil on the hillside. He couldn’t imagine the changes that would follow that day; that, in the months to come, the demon realm would prosper, that under their rule, the demon and human realms would finally know peace. Everything had changed.

But right now, all Roman could imagine, all he could think about was Virgil — Virgil standing before him, Virgil bathed in soft red light, Virgil who he’d spend the rest of his future with.

Virgil, who he loved.

He took Virgil’s hands in his own, bringing their faces close. As he gazed into Virgil’s eyes, he knew — this was what he wanted. This was what he needed. This was it — his happily-ever-after. Standing in the shadow of their castle, overlooking their kingdom, he brought their foreheads together and let out a breath.

“I couldn’t be more ready,” he said, and brought their lips together once more.