#i keep meaning to watch it but just don't have the time 🙃

[cheekblush]

i'll be taking a break from tumblr bc i really need to focus more on my studies 🙈🙊🙉

[lunaa007]

Astrology observations #3

These are my personal observations and should be taken in the context of the whole chart, never isolated 😊

Some of this is 18+, no minors allowed

♦️Mars-Uranus aspects can indicate a liking for risky activities and extreme sports, like motorcycling or base jumping. They can even like to put themselves in danger as they need the adrenaline. Routine is super boring for them, they need to try new things very often. They should be careful to release this nervous energy with sports, work they're passionate about or things like that or it can backfire. This aspect can be tempered down with Saturn aspects or a lot of earth energy in the chart.

♦️Venus square mars aspect: can often be mean to the person they like, classic "if he pulled your hair it's because he likes you" stuff. Can be very passionate, might have difficulty to separate feelings from lust. They might have talent for artistic sports like dancing or ice skating. For women, they might like a more sporty fashion style.

♦️Sun-saturn aspects: especially for harsh ones, this can really change the expression of the sun sign. I know someone with sun and several planets in Leo, but they are all square to Saturn and you could never tell she's a Leo; she is very reserved, shy and restrained in life. But as with all Saturn aspects this can change with age, the personality coming through more and more while keeping an amazing sense of discipline, wisdom and grounding.

♦️Moon-uranus aspects: with harsh aspects (conjunction, square, opposition), the mother might have been emotionally cold during the childhood, and she might have been a bit erratic and unpredictable. This could have showed up as frequently moving places, or having a mother considered weird or crazy by society. With soft aspects like trine or sextile this could show up as an untraditional family, maybe having two fathers or two mothers, or parents very into technology, but this was not hard on the person and it helped them develop their individuality and independence.

♦️Taurus mercury: these people can learn much slower than other people (this does not mean they are not as intelligent, their rhythm is just different). At school they might have felt behind their schoolmates or felt like they didn't have enough time to finish their exams/homework. It is important that they don't feel bad about this and take the time they need to do their work. This might be less strong with Uranus influence on mercury. ♦️ Aquarius moon natals and their need to always read and watch self-development content without ever actually feeling their feelings 🙃

♦️ Venus conjunct moon: these people are so kind, they have such a big heart and do not wish harm on anyone, please stay mindful of who has access to you as many people might want to be in contact with this energy but sometimes also energy vampires.

♦️ Mercury conjunct/square pluto and their dark humor! I have this in my chart and one of my colleagues actually said to me three days after she started: "your jokes can be really dark sometimes" 😂 it gets worse when I'm tired as I don't filter my jokes so much before saying them. These aspects might also think a lot about death and dark themes, they can be the type to think "what happens if I die tomorrow", or "I could die if I do this" but not in a worried way, just thinking rationally about what is possible.

♦️ Leo mars women and their secret backup plan of becoming a stripper or an exotic dancer 💃 these women often have a talent for dancing, and performing can make them feel desired and confident.

♦️ Aries moon/mars placements and their road rage! Both my parents have these placements and my god the number of stressful rides to school I had when I was a child 😂 this can also apply to the other fire mars.

♦️ Lilith conjunct ascendant: these people often provoke reactions everywhere they go, they rarely go unnoticed whether it is positive reactions or negative. The women with this aspect might get sexualised a lot, and the men with this aspect might attract animosity from other men. ♦️ Sun-jupiter and moon-jupiter aspects: they might always see the bright side of things, "it will get better", "this is temporary", seeing the glass half-full. A lot of optimism, faith in a higher meaning, maybe too optimistic sometimes and too trusting that things will unfold in the right way.

♦️Mars square pluto women often attract creepy men on the street, interactions with aggressive men might be unfortunately common. It is important to not repress their anger and channel their power in something like martial arts.

♦️Gemini moon/IC: they might love to talk with their loved ones at home, a lot of communication and learning in their private life. If they live alone they might be a lot on the phone or always have music or tv or radio on.

♦️Mercury square saturn: they might doubt their intellectual abilities when young, their learning style might not fit the classic school system. It is important that they are encouraged by their family, and with time they will gain confidence and master the learning techniques that fit them best.

♦️Mars in virgo might care too much about pleasing their partner in bed and have a hard time receiving pleasure without giving anything. They might also feel self-conscious if they do not feel "clean" like not fresh out of the shower. It is important for them to practice letting go of their thoughts and doubts and be present in their body. They deserve pleasure as much as everybody else!

♦️ Jupiter in the 2nd house might have a very good self-esteem, if the moon and venus are not too afflicted. And if it is the case it helps the native deal with the harder aspects.

♦️ That's why it is so dangerous to interpret an  aspect in isolation of the rest of the chart, a challenging aspect might be very beneficial in a chart and less in another one. For instance moon conjunct saturn might be more challenging for a Capricorn moon which is already quite controled and closed off, but in the sign of Aries it might help the native tame their impulsivity and control better their emotions. 

♦️ Or moon square Uranus might be beneficial for a Capricorn moon or a Taurus moon as it might help them break out of their routine and become more adaptable and flexible to change.

Thank you for reading!

@lunaa007

[khaopybara]

Hi, first of all, I hope this ask finds you well 🤗

I wanted to ask, what is your top 10 favorite FirstKhao kisses? 🙃

anon, first of all, thank you for wanting to know but also, you're asking the worst person, because i'm so bad at picking favorites 🥲 excuse me because i was inspired hence the length of this answer. i was also trying my best to procrastinate instead of doing what i was supposed to do (study).

thankfully you didn't ask me to rank them, so in no particularly order of preference we have:

sandray's new year's peck

it's soft, it feels so domestic and sweet. it's just them being happy and content and hopeful for the future. it's great.

sandray's pool kiss

it's such a fucking statement (despite ray not realizing it). the way sand was all stiff when kissing boeing, but when he kisses ray he's immediately into his touch? and how he reaches out to touch ray? how his hand hovers over ray's throat? 10/10.

sandray's smoke kiss

what a phenomenal first kiss, we all have to agree. it's hot, it's gorgeous, and it show so much passion and desire from both parts, honestly. the whole sequence was breathtaking, and i love it. (the way sand pulls on ray's bottom lip and when he kisses ray's hip tattoo? absolute cinema.)

akkayan's "what is our relationship?" kiss

in specific this second kiss out of the three we've got back to back. it's just so cute the way akk keeps saying what aye doesn't want to hear just to get more kisses, and aye happily "punishes" him for it. the way they both smile before and into the kiss. it's for sure one of my all time overall favorite kisses.

sandray's angry kiss

completely different vibes from the previous one. i don't know, it just has such a good build-up. from the moment ray barged into that room i knew he wasn't leaving sand without either getting punched or getting railed. unfortunately, top got in the way for that second option to happen. it's the way ray just takes a breath between kisses and how disoriented sand looked when they were interrupted that does it for me.

sandray's end of the date kiss

it was the perfect end for the perfect day if bostonnick hadn't appeared. were they going to have sex in the balcony of sand's apartment? maybe. but it's not about that. their day together had been perfect. they woke up together, had breakfast together, went shopping together, went to a concert, ate, flirted, ray met sand's mom and sang for him. ray opened up about his mom. they were both on the way to let the other in and give each other a try, and then we know what happened.

akkayan's fantasy kiss

akk has a very vivid imagination. people have talked about this before. how it doesn't start with an actual kiss, but just a cheek kiss, and then it's akk imagining aye wanting him, actively pursuing him romantically, choosing him, kissing him. it's just gorgeous.

akkayan's first actual kiss

"i want to kiss you. can i kiss you?" "if you want me to stop, if you're not okay, tell me. i'll stop." IT'S BEAUTIFUL!!! i'm in awe every time i watch this scene. it's so gentle and tame, and at the same time, it's so heavy with meaning. the way they both feel the kiss? listen, i'm unwell.

sandray's 'sand almost got that d' kiss

no one can convince me sand didn't want to get fucked in that car, and i love how ravished he looks when they are interrupted (again) by mew. but this kiss is here specifically because of the this part where ray so skillfully closes the sunroof with one hand while still kissing sand. i love it. when it came out, i watched this part more times than i'd like to admit.

akkayan's bridge kiss

akkayan's kisses in our skyy 2 were works of art. i lost count of how many times i've watched this kiss in specific. now we know that most of the bridge scene was improvised, hence why akk/first looks amused by aye/khaotung's little pecks before their actual kiss, but it's undoubtedly one of their prettiest kisses. the location, and the sun behind akk's head, the domesticity and sweetness. it's just so so great, i really love it.

special mentions: weed cookie "kiss", cheek kiss after sex and cheek kiss after therapy, because i needed to include them too. they are that special to me.

[whateverisbeautiful]

♥️Reveling in Richonne - TOWL

#33: The Push (1.04)

While I had to basically dedicate a whole post to that one powerful line where Michonne expresses that she only feels safe when she's with Rick…we now have to talk about how the rest of this riveting scene goes. Because see, Michonne only feels safe with Rick...but Rick is not exactly the one in this gym with her right now as we get the return of his alter ego The Bold As Hell Talking To His Wife Like That Man 😑...

So after Michonne so beautifully and vulnerably expresses herself to Rick, I was very curious how Rick would respond to such a heartfelt confession. Like here is your lovely wife telling you essentially that you're her only true safe space so now you know that no matter how you try to keep her safe from a distance, she’s never really going to feel safe unless you’re with her. I just knew something like that was going to hit Rick’s heart.

But what I didn’t fully realize is that Real Rick is so deeply buried inside Dead Rick so even that moving sentiment from Michonne doesn't penetrate his heart the way I thought it would.

And with Rick's response, this is the most this man has ever tried it ever imo so let’s talk about it...

After Michonne says she only feels safe with him, Rick silently stares at her, at a loss for words again and still frowning. While I know deep down her words hit him, he still has a wall up rn.

Upon hearing this, I feel like you can see on Rick's face that he knows the biggest obstacle to getting Michonne home safe is himself, because she loves him too much to leave him. Hence he proceeds to try and remove the 'obstacle' by no longer being a safe place to land for her which is hard to watch.

Michonne walks up to him and knowing he’s consumed with fear she softly but adamantly tells him, “We don’t have to be afraid, Rick.” I like how she says "we" instead of just telling him he doesn't have to be afraid. They're still one unit to her and they can face this together the second they get it together. She's confident they don't have to let fear dictate how they move because the two of them can always overcome.

Rick is also adamant tho when he responds saying, “Yes we do.” And then Michonne stays asking the right questions when she says, “So that's what I tell our son? That his father didn’t want to know anything about him because he was so afraid?”

Every time Michonne has to acknowledge Rick’s lack of acknowledgment of their son it hurts my heart. 😥 Like Rick, this is a special brand of hurt you are causing your wife.

But as y’all know, it only got worse. 🙃

Rick says, “I’m not the Brave Man.” 😔 And one; I do like how at least him saying this means the Brave Man story Michonne told him about did stick with him. Like he had been acting like so much of what she was saying was just bouncing right off the walls of his heart, but it’s clearly all seeping in, he’s just trying to mask it.

And two; it very sad how assuredly Rick says this. Like he truly believes that the brave man he once was is no more. He only views himself as a fearful failure now. 😥

Rick doesn't realize that the fact that he's still on this earth after everything he's been through is a sign of his resilience and strength so he is still the Brave Man.

gif cred: @nat111love

And then…y’all, Rick says the one thing I told him not to say. 😪

There was one comment that was most off limits and it’s the one he makes when he says, “You shouldn’t have come. I was taken away. I didn’t have a choice. You did.” The audacity. I'm pissed every time I hear it idc.

It was so cruel, so wrong, and so unfair of him to say that. Especially with what this is implying about Michonne as a mother. I think we all knew there might have been a "You shouldn't have come" moment in TOWL but for me what makes this so egregious is him comparing her situation to his and basically saying she made a bad choice. Appalled tbh. 😑

(Even tho stepping outside of the show, I really respect Danai for trusting that she could have Rick say something so foul and still believably get Richonne to a rewarding point of reconciliation by the end of the episode. 👏🏽)

gif cred: @figmentof

When Michonne hears this you can see how incredibly hurtful it is in her eyes so she does the only thing to do in this moment and she pushes him away. And I felt that shove with every fiber and it was necessary because whoever this was in front of her wasn’t Rick. Like this was a pain-inflicting imposter and he needed to get away from her.

gif cred: @ricksmarlene

As Rick does a figurative push away, Michonne does a literal push away.

And then the look Rick gives when she pushes him…y’all for me this is the scariest he’s ever been. 🫣

Like more than Machete Rick, and Feral Rick, and all those other lethal Ricks…this moment where there’s seemingly nothing behind his eyes is just straight terrifying.

I know I joke about The Bold As Hell Man as a new character thing but in this moment I genuinely was like 'Michonne, I do not know who is in this gym with you right now.' Like truly who the hell is this man in here cuz I don’t know him. 🫢

gif cred: @ricksmarlene

Regarding the approach to Rick’s coldness in ep 4 - something I’ve lauded Michonne for in the past is how she is very good at both empathy and accountability and that’s how I personally approach this conversation about Rick’s fear-based behavior as well.

I empathize with the fact that Rick is operating from a place of pain, trauma, and deep love for Michonne while also knowing that the way he is hurting his wife is so not okay. Being in pain doesn’t give a free pass to deliberately cause pain to someone else. And he is intentionally hurting her.

I can both understand that he has severe PTSD and is really trying to hurt himself even more than her because he ultimately wants to protect her, while also knowing that ‘Dead’ Rick'...

I’ve always felt that in a soulmate partnership like this, you have every right to feel what you feel but also every responsibility to not emotionally disappear on or damage your partner in the process of navigating those feelings.

But people are flawed and don’t handle everything perfectly, especially in the midst of trauma which is why I can empathize with the situation. Both on Rick’s end and Michonne’s too as she has every right to feel what she feels.

Rick is so convinced that he is not worth coming after. That she should have given up on him just like he essentially gave up on himself. It’s hard for him to grasp how valued he is. Self-depreciation is what he feels most strongly but it manifests itself as almost condemning her and telling her she essentially made the wrong choice as a mother to leave and look for him. It’s so below the belt to say that.

Rick knows with the love they have this was really the only choice for her to come. I think that might be part of why she tells him he doesn't know anything anymore. Like he forgot how their love and partnership work. They don’t leave people behind especially not each other.

And Michonne was in such a tough conflicting situation when she learned Rick survived the bridge. On one side she has her kids to raise and they need her. And on the other side, her kids’ father and the love of her life has a 99.9% chance that wherever he is he’s in agony and imprisonment - because if he was at all okay and free he would have found his way home by now. So as Michonne, how do you live with that? Especially when your souls are as interconnected as Richonne’s.

She can feel him out there desperately needing her. She can feel her kids needing their dad. She had to go after him. And honestly, Rick knows if he were in her shoes he would have absolutely made the choice to go after her too.

In fact, I low-key feel like if Rick was on that boat like Michonne in TWD 10.13 and the roles were reversed where Michonne disappeared and Rick found signs that she was alive out there, Rick would have got on the walkie with Judith and his little girl wouldn’t need to do any convincing to get Rick to go after Michonne. Rick would just be straight-up telling his daughter, 'Hey Judith, I found out mom might be alive and I’m already en route to Bridgers Terminal to bring her home to us so...

The choice to be away from her kids was not at all an easy one for Michonne to make and was rooted in deep love and loyalty to Rick and to her kids. So for Rick to frame it as anything else was just plain wrong. 

But again, hearing Michonne say she only feels safe with him a few seconds earlier it’s like Rick is trying to deliberately destroy being her safe space so that she can officially feel better about leaving him and going home.

We’ve always praised Rick for being willing to do anything and take out anyone to protect his family but what’s so interesting about TOWL is that we see Rick is willing to even take out himself and break her heart and his own to protect her. 🥺

gif cred: @nat111love

In this gym, Rick is basically attempting to unalive himself again. 😥 I think that's even what his contorted expression was about when Michonne pushed him. Michonne's entrance into his life has made him come alive but he’s convinced he must be ‘dead’ for her to live. So he's doing whatever he can to try and stay dead - such as saying something this upsetting to the love of his life.

It’s a real conundrum because even back when he was Alive Rick, Michonne was the one who made him feel most alive so now that he thinks he has to be dead it’s especially complicated to be back with the brightest and most igniting light in his life - his wife. And I like how they explore the really dark effects of doing what Rick’s grandpa said and being the walking dead.

However, in his warped mindset, what Rick can’t quite see is that trying to take himself out rn and turn off his humanity is killing Michonne too. 🥺

They’re too interconnected for him to try and take himself out this way and it not take her out in a way too. But I do like how Andy plays this moment like the words taste horrible in Rick’s mouth as he goes against his very design and actively tries to hurt her.

Michonne fervently tells Rick he doesn’t know anything anymore - which it’s def seeming that way more and more. And then she smiles with tears filling her eyes and says, “So, this is who you are now? Big guy, huh. Solider of the CRM. You’re moving up right? That’s the plan.” She's letting Rick know he has an unnatural allegiance to losers, that's not like him.

I like how of course Michonne picked up on the fact that Rick was soon gonna be moving up the ranks. And it’s so sad cuz in ep 1, Rick literally seemed disgusted at the idea of moving up the ranks of the CRM but he’s lost a lot of that defiance now.

Also, it’s really interesting to me that this is when Michonne starts addressing the CRM stuff. Because I feel like before she was always trying to rightfully bring the conversation back to their family but Rick was always deflecting back to the CRM. So now she’s just like okay since that’s all you can talk about, let’s talk about it since this is the clique you claim despite saying you don’t. 

gif cred: @figmentof

Michonne says, “Maybe I should be afraid of you in the red uniforms. I don’t know what you’re capable of.” And I was like - Rick, come on, this has got to be a wake-up call knowing your wife even has to remotely entertain the thought of needing to be afraid of you. 😥

But the way he’s looking at her it’s clear the wall he has up is pretty strong right now.

gif cred: @kris-lulu

Then while it pains my heart so much, I always love the way Michonne says, “You lied to me. You keep lying to me.” Like you just feel everything she’s feeling. Exceptionally acted. 👏🏽

gif cred: @kris-lulu

And then if I was fully feeling the emotion when she expresses her hurt over Rick continually lying to her when they’re the two people most meant to be honest with each other, I really really feel the emotion leap off the screen when Michonne says, “You think I’m not beating myself up for not being with my kids right now? That I’m not wondering how I’ll ever live with myself if God forbid….” Oof. 😣🥺💔

gif cred: @riickgrimes

Y’all, this was an outstanding performance, and when I tell you these lines reverberated in my brain for days. It was so moving and so heartbreaking. Like even watching it now for the hundredth time I’m choking up. 😭

gif cred: @riickgrimes

Michonne is a mother. An excellent and devoted mother. A mother who has been through so so much and more than anyone should have to endure. And she’s done it all for the love of her family. A large reason she’s even standing in front of Rick right now is because she loves her kids and they need their father.

Like don’t get me wrong she wanted to find Rick for her and for him, but we saw that convo in her final TWD ep between her and her daughter. Judith had to urge her to go because Michonne was hesitant to leave her babies.

And since setting off to find Rick, Michonne has tried so hard to keep the faith despite the exhaustion and the hardship and now here this man is making her feel like she made a bad choice when she is already wrestling with the difficult decision she had to make as a mother.

Like the fact that she says she’s been beating herself up. Cue my tears. 😭 And the fact that she doesn't know the current status of her son and daughter and she can’t even bring herself to voice the potential outcome of something bad having happened to them while she’s been gone. 😢

Especially knowing that in the past when Michonne had left home for a far briefer time than this, she returned to find she had lost a son not once but twice. It's too much. 😞💔

gif cred: @riickgrimes

Michonne is very aware of the power of words and she doesn’t use them lightly. She doesn’t even like to vocalize painful outcomes like when she thought she lost Rick in Say Yes and couldn't say aloud that she thought he died. Both then and here, she trails off and shakes her head not even wanting to put those tragic scenarios in words.

It’s like how in that deleted season 7 finale scene (that will always be canon to me since it’s the only time Rick and Michonne and Carl really engage after Richonne became an official couple) Michonne encourages Carl to not fantasize about failing because she’s built this great resolve to not even give negative outcomes power in thoughts or words.

I’m so glad Michonne got to let all that emotion out in this gym and be this raw and expressive as a woman and as a mother. This is Michonne at her most vulnerable, speaking about one of the most personal and sensitive things in the world - her children and her feelings and fears as a mom.

You’d think surely this time Rick would have a non-zombified reaction to seeing her pain and how deeply he hurt Michonne here. Like before when he’d been hurtful, Michonne hadn’t yet even cried like this so maybe this would finally be the wake-up call.

...But no. 😪

Instead, Rick just looks at her and grimly says, “That’s why you should go.” To which I always respond...

That's my instinctual response every time cuz like how can you not roundhouse kick your screen when hearing Rick say this? 😒

And y’all, let me tell you, Michonne is my big sister in my head lol, and I promise you I would have been in my full Solange energy up in this building with Rick. Like, don’t let me be in any of these elevators with them because I’m scrapping for my sister. 🥊

Rick responding like that had me wondering how much more audacity does this man have left because my goodness it seemed endless. This was genuinely painful to watch.

It would be hard enough to see Rick emotionally abandon Michonne on any subject, but when she is specifically expressing raw emotions about their kids as the mother of his children, and he still has a cold distant response - blood boiling, tbh. 😠

And also him saying she should go was extra frustrating because 🗣Michonne was going. She was standing right at the exit of this building when Rick came running for her. So telling her she should go was not only hurtful but unnecessary. 😒 

gif cred: @riickgrimes

Michonne responds like it’s really sinking in that whoever this is in front of her is not someone she knows.

gif cred: @riickgrimes

So she gathers herself after being fully emotionally abandoned by Rick and then she says, “Okay. I don’t know who you are. Cause the man I knew would never talk to me like that ever.” Gospel. Rick 'Loverboy & Family Man of the Year Every Year' Grimes would never be so disrespectful.

gif cred: @riickgrimes

It’s interesting that Michonne doesn’t say 'I don’t know who you are anymore' like she'd said previously. Now it’s almost like she’s saying 'I don’t know who you are at all.'

gif cred: @riickgrimes

And once again, Rick masks the pain inside with a steely-eyed sorta lifeless stare at her and it’s just tragic. 

gif cred: @clonecaptains

They hear walkers trying to get in and so Rick says, “We’re getting out of here.” And Michonne nods in a way that feels like she’s had to just surrender the hope of them ever figuring this out. Like as Rick grabs things to help with the escape, Michonne has such a sad sense of surrender over this whole hurtful situation.

She just poured her entire heart out to him about something she feels most vulnerable about - her kids - and for the first time was met with nothing back from Rick. Yet another sign that something is seriously broken within Rick because every other time she’s emotionally expressed herself to him he’s always handled her heart with care and met her where she’s at, like going to Washington and fighting the Saviors. 

Michonne grabs one of those pole things and the way she slowly walks over to join Rick at the door it’s like now she has to put a wall up too because Rick has become adamant about not being her safe space anymore. You just can fully sense how devastating it is that even after finally reuniting with the love of her life, she still feels alone. 💔

gif cred: @taiturner

This whole thing was such a brilliantly acted scene from Danai and Andy. 👏🏽 Like truly these world-class actors were continually confirming that they are powerhouses of the craft with this whole miniseries. 🔥

This gym scene is simultaneously riveting and a hard-watch because of how much visceral pain is infused within it. 🥺

So after Richonne’s most gut-wrenching moment of conflict to date, I remember one of my many thoughts was now how the heck does this episode have an S rating because ain’t no way Michonne lets The Bold As Hell man near her like that after all this. 🙃

But Danai is a sagacious writer and so the following adrenaline-pumping events on a stairwell help force Richonne back together in a very sweet way. And the timing of the following events couldn't have been better, cuz lord knows we and Richonne needed something to turn the tide after this heartbreaking gym scene. ❤️‍🩹👌🏽

[hehehe-being-nice-anonomously]

Okay, so basically, I don't talk to people on here. At all. Ever. I just float around watching other people have friends and relationships. But, I'm also to socially awkward to actually try to have friends online(or irl tbh); so instead. I decided to make a one time use sideblog to tag a bunch of people who are mutuals or who I follow that mean a lot to me, interact with my posts a lot(or you used to), or I just appreciate seeing on my dash. Yall are fucking amazing and you make the world a better place. I would love to be friends with all if you, but honestly for some reason I'm overthinking it way too much 🙃. You guys make me happy, you make me smile, you make me laugh, and you improve my day every day. You are handpicked from my followed blogs as my favorites 😅. I want you to know that you're appreciated greatly. Keep yourselves safe and healthy and happy. Don't try to find out who I am, just take the message. Keep spreading happiness in the world 🥰. I love yall❤(also I'm really nervous I forgot some people, so if you happen to see this at all, you can take this message and pass it on too)

@nightgoodomens @chronic-pessimist @frenchfryqueen69 @paintedp0rtraitgirl @bassguitarinablackt-shirt @theshyqueergirl @anne-is-okay @weirdly-specific-but-ok @fuckingayassbitch @ineffablebookgirl @proudlyunicorn @gleerant @smartsxylacyy @alexthescaredenby @meerealsssss @stars-over-ice-cream @a-wondering-thought @i-will-sing-no-requiem @theres-an-endless-starry-sky @pessimistic-gh0st @moonysfavoritetoast @dyeinggoosenoises @fourwingedsnake @in-the-sweet-november-rain @demonicsymphony @halucynator @s0lit4ir3 @dumbass-lesbian @mx-typewriter @professional-termite @fuckyeahgoodomens @indecisivebitch3000 @thediamondarcher @5ducksinatrenchcoat @ava-taylors-version @rissipluto @sparksssflytv @cyanide-sodapop @lunabelova1122 @trolliworms @radioxlast @accio-atticus @loaf-of-soup @neck-thats-made-for-bruising @sandwichfilledwithbees @person4924 @occasionally-wise-boy @starchaser-lily @blunt-force-therapy @my-castles-crumbling

It's not letting my tag the rest of yall so I'll reblog w/ the rest. Give me a minute (sorry)

[slutforpringles]

Hey Jaimie, I just wanted to come on here and say thank you for all your contributions to the DR3 fandom. Whether it’s fighting for Daniel’s rights on Reddit or posting all the latest news, you’ve become somewhat of a lifeline for me. Your highlighted articles are my favourite to read, because it keeps me up to date with everything that’s happening. I truly hope you know how appreciated you are here, and I hope that the community that you’ve built here stays around for a long time, despite the recent news. Thank you for your dedication and positivity. Take care!

Hey, I know you sent this earlier today and I'm sorry it's taken me a while to reply, but I wanted to sit down and write a proper response. Getting this message was genuinely so lovely and I can't tell you how much it meant to me to hear that my tumblr has been able to be a positive place for someone 💞

I know I've very rarely been super personal on here, but this sport and this fandom has come to mean a lot to me, so I wanted to use this moment to express my gratitude to the dirlies (gn) and this community.

I was first introduced to F1 through friends while I was living in Europe in 2019 through DtS. I knew from the first moment I saw Daniel he was my favourite. I was immediately enamoured by his vivaciousness and that unabashed joy for life that exudes from every fibre of his being. But I was busy studying overseas and just didn't have the time to be fully bitten by the F1 bug.

I came home at the beginning of 2020 and between the pandemic, lockdowns and my personal life going toooootally to shit I was in a pretty bad place. And it was after a few months of struggle and wallowing that somehow my youtube algorithm landed me on a video of Daniel. I was hooked and very quickly worked my way through highlights, interviews, social media clips, all the funny videos, then each race highlight video as it came out in 2020, which led into every single WTF1 podcast (🙃😂) from 2020. The amount of google searches I did trying to learn all these racing and engineering terms and technical phrases I hadn't come across before (I distinctly remember googling what "box, box" meant because I had no effing clue what it meant 😂). I read every article I could about the upcoming season and the insane hype of Daniel going to McLaren (🙃🙃🙃) and can remember that first FP1 session in Bahrain I ever watched live.

I kind of stumbled onto tumblr via reddit. As I'd been learning about and becoming obsessed with F1 and Daniel I'd made my way onto the F1 sub, and for a long time I could be found on there first learning, and then discussing (and then later arguing for and defending Daniel lol). And I think it was as reddit started becoming more and more anti-Daniel that I started spending more time on tumblr.

For a long time before I joined tumblr I lurked, reading so many of all of your wonderful posts and opinions and seeing all the beautiful and creative fics and art. The mclaren hate blogging era was some of the best (and worst) times and some of the masterpieces on here in defence of Daniel and his career are so iconic and I have referenced their points/stats/quotes so many times in defence of Daniel.

I was a bit scared to fully join tumblr and start posting but I felt really quickly welcomed into this community on here. None of my friends IRL are remotely interested in F1, and so getting to talk about it here with all of you has been such a blessing (and I think my family are probably incredibly grateful that they don't have to listen to me talk about F1/Daniel quite as much as before 😅).

I just wanted to say how incredibly grateful I am to have gotten to experience the last few years with all of you on here. It hasn't always been easy and it's been a rollercoaster - that's for fucking sure - but the highs have been SO incredible. Daniel brought so much happiness and joy and laughter into my life at a time when I really, really needed it and seeing the outpouring of love for him on here the last few days has been beautiful, despite the heartbreaking circumstances.

I don't know what the next few months will look like without Daniel in F1, but I'll be sticking around for sure. I know I'm not always the best at replying to messages or inboxes (I blame my ADHD) but I'm always here for a chat and my messages are always open💞

[ghostgirl101]

hey, i really like ur writing and idk if ur working on something rn but when you can and if you want to, could you possibly write some ben drowned x reader kissing headcanons? (only if u r comfortable w/ that ofc!) ur literally my favorite writer on this app nd i literally read everything u post lol so even if u don’t do this ty anyway and have a nice day/night and take care of urself!!🩷

Kissing BEN Drowned Would Be Like This:

A/N: Sure, I'm comfortable with that; this is kind of a whole affection headcanon thing, which I've only just realised now I'm reading it over 🙃 I'm glad you like my writing, hope you enjoy this one, take care of yourself too 😀 Also, should I start making a taglist for my creepypasta posts? If you're interested, let me know.

🎮• So. If you're expecting BEN to be an absolute gentleman who asks for your permission before giving you any form of affection, or is a bit bashful to initiate it...

🎮• Haha. Sorry.

🎮• I mean, he'd never push your boundaries or deliberately make you feel uncomfortable when you guys are being intimate somehow, but he's not gonna be shy about it. That's because it takes a bit of time for him to warm up to the idea of physically coming out of the screen and materializing himself enough for you to hug him and everything safely, without getting electrocuted or whatever.

🎮• Another factor is that after all he's been through, the idea of letting himself be that vulnerable around people is a bit of a daunting one, even if it's you, someone who he's learned to trust and get close to until it gets to this point.

🎮• So, well done to you, for earning the ultimate sign of trust from this maniac virus boy. Chances are that after you hint at wanting to be able to kiss him or something, he's gonna act all teasing and dismissive about it, but what you don't know is that the thought stays in his mind after you've finished up on the computer and gone to bed. He watches you silently from the camera on your open screen (that he's insisted you keep open for him to check in on you) and lets the idea of it grow into a nice, tempting one.

🎮• So get ready for yet another burst of an adrenaline rush as BEN gives you the scare of your life when he comes crawling out of the screen as you wake up in the morning, scattering your desk trinkets and stuff all over the place in the process. BEN has very pale blonde hair in his humanish form, almost white, and even paler skin, with empty black and red eyes, sometimes glitchy... you probably know already. BEN's eyes bleed lightly even when he's not upset, but seem to gush blood when he is. But even with the whole horrifying appearance, somehow, he manages to make himself look handsome. Don't tell him, though, or he'll tease you about it and probably won't ever forget it.

🎮• When you get over the initial shock of him literally just spawning into your room, he stays completely indifferent, if not a bit amused, because isn't this what you wanted? It's not like he bites. Unless you're into that sort of thing.

🎮• BEN is a bit apprehensive at first, because, let's be real, you're his first kiss. His life was twisted into an electronic form when he was really young, and so human touch is almost a completely foreign experience to him at this point, so he will start slow. He might flinch a couple of times, but dismisses it and tells you to go on, that he wants to get used to it. And he does.

🎮• When he does, that's when you've got his chaotic bursts of affection energy to deal with. He loves catching you off guard; you could be doing anything, working or hanging around or whatever, and then he's suddenly there behind you, and you get the tiniest of electric shocks as BEN grabs you effortlessly and refuses to let go for a solid five minutes while you fidget in his glitching but strong arms and glare at him.

🎮• The first thing you'll end up doing is hugging, because he likes the feel of being close in somebody's arms in a way he didn't think he could be before. You're warm and he's consistently cold, leading to you having to slap at his hands when he slides a hand down your back or something bratty just to make you squeal and shiver. They draw out into cuddle sessions, another thing he likes, and will ultimately go soft over. There have been many times when you've managed to fall asleep in BEN's arms, and that's one of the rare times where he'll let all his guard down and fiddle with your hair or play with your jewelry or just stare at you with a newfound feeling of protectiveness and fondness.

🎮• Now for the actual kissing part 🙃 I need to say that it really isn't a first "kiss." It's the first of many long makeout sessions, because BEN will drag it out as much as he can, and then stop abruptly when you least expect it, just to be a tease and wanting more. I see it happening when you're rambling about something or other, and he's out in the real world instead of in a screen, when you realize that your faces are inches apart, and he has a blank, frustrating unreadable look on his face.

🎮• And, before you can say anything, he'll take the plunge before he can think about it any more, leaning in and brushing his lips against yours, but waiting for you to accept it and move in too. It starts off surprisingly soft and sweet, until BEN starts getting addicted to the new, intimate sensation, and tries deepening it. Then it's less sweet and more intense, and (sorry for the cliche lol) electric. He tastes kind of appley, and his lips are cold and soft. BEN will carry on going, further and further, to the point of you ending up breathless and him pulling away with a stunned look on his face. That look morphs into his usual mischievous smirk after he recovers in a few moments, and he raises a brow in amusement at your wide eyes and swollen lips, probably with a snarky little "Not bad."

🎮• After you've done it once, you're gonna end up doing it a whole lot more. There are hardly ever any proper warnings apart from BEN gradually moving in closer and being more teasing and flirty, or on sadder days where painful memories of the past come creeping back to haunt him, a source of comfort and reminder that he's still here and has another reason to be alive and basically immortal. It's not just to drive people to insanity and infect their systems with disturbing things until they crack, or whatever other motives he has. Now, there's you, someone who he's decided he needs to look out for and be with in any possible way.

🎮• Like I said, kissing BEN Drowned usually ends in suggestive makeout sessions and the like, because that's just BEN all over. But they're one way he's discovered he can show he cares, and so he'll keep doing it if you want him to, without any hesitation. Realistically, the boy is beyond touch starved, and so that all pours into the affections he gives you. To anyone else, he's a twisted, demon-like boy who makes peoples' lives hell by getting into their heads through ways they can't control, but to you and you only, he'll let himself become more and more vulnerable, until you see that really, he still was and is Ben.

[chaoticdelinqueerwithglitter]

can you imagine telling me 'bonten tl harutaku, pretty boyfriends, that's all" and then not immediately saying more? Like, thanks for setting the autism rabbit hole 😔

Well, in my defense I assumed there was not much to say about Bonten HaruTaku for two reasons:

When could they interact if Takuya is having a good future?

Sanzu "has" Mikey there. Big stretch bc Mikey is an empty shell of himself, but yeah, being his right hand is difficult to imagine him not totally focused on Mikey (is his special interest and we all know it✨). Even more with interacting with anyone outside Bonten. He has to keep the depressed twink alive + a whole organization running like it had a functional boss (okay, Koko helps a lot with anything money related, but violence? That's Haru's deal and I'm pretty sure that as much unhinged as he can be, he works himself for 3 people minimum. Is for Mikey, so no more questions your honor 😌)

BUT!

It has been brought to my attention by @fredlikesbreakfast that we don't see Takuya in Pah-chin's wedding or at any point of the "good future" interactions on Toman's side.

(Also, I'm gonna be using his headcanons about Takuya, bc I'm not a Takuya expert and I trust his wisdom on this. Go read them, everyone!)

And.... This.

Just watch this and how I'm about to build sandcastles over fucking nothing, okay?

(Did I wanted an excuse to show choker Takuya in full color? Yeah, sue me xD)

And then, we get Bonten introduced with some random traitors meeting their "fate"...

(Wakui and his realisim, I just noticed the puddle, argh)

(yeah, Haru is talking alone in here, saying nonsense, right? Is he? Is he talking to that random or to the one next to him? 👀)

ARE YOU ALL SEEING IT? WHO THAT RANDOM BLONDE COULD BE?

Okay, first of all, before talking about harutaku I need to put some context in bonten harumai situation, so bear with me, please! (Haru never got to be his own person, this tl is when he's more of a lost cause and erased himself for Mikey more than ever, so... For understanding Haru, we need to look at his (not) relationship with Mikey 😮‍💨)

Canon facts? Wakui told us that Mikey barely tolerates anyone at this point and he can only stand Sanzu 🔥 Oh, and has no libido whatsoever (not surprising, anorexic depressed twink much)

That means their codependency is canon, hell yeah!

But, and that's a big one... Mikey is terrified of love bc that would mean having someone to grieve and he can't go there. Besides, he's trying to build a good future for everyone else, so if he admits having feelings for Sanzu... Where would that leave him? Having to push him away for his own good too? (Like Haru wouldn't stay no matter what but shhh, Mikey is depressed and biased)

So yeah, Mikey needs Sanzu, but at the same time, he can't get too close to him. What leads to a pretty fucked up situation where Haru is forced again and again to have to guess Mikey's moods and whims and to never known if he's gonna be welcomed or not.

(Besides the "small" detail of Haru scars being a reminder of Mikey's darkness and what he could do, so... Yeah, complicated)

My personal hc is that they used to be a thing✨ during Kanto Manji times. Until Haru made the mistake of dropping the word love, what turned out into Mikey stopping it all together. One thing is to lie to himself that this is just casual sex, but love? Yeah, no, that can't be.

Why is all of this important? Because it means we have a Haruchiyo who got to be with Mikey for some months and then lose it. An openly rejected Haruchiyo who still stays glued by Mikey's side (Mikey stopped the sex, but still needed him) and who is the only one Mikey tolerates. Are you seeing it? He is at his most delulu and unrequited version of his obsession love for Mikey. 🙃

The setting is twisted and messed up from the start, even before Takuya appears in here 😭

THEY ARE GONNA BE DOOMED FROM THE START!

(Well, no surprises considering how it ends I guess xD)

Okay, we have a Takuya that is trying to find his own path in live. Or at least, to separate himself from Takemichi and be his own persona. What is the opposite of the old Toman goodies who are trying to build a normal and happy life? Get involved with gangs again, ofc! 🔥

For some reason I think he got involved when it was still Kanto Manji. Probably bc it feels more reachable than Bonten? But also, if we go with the hcs of last teen years starting with weed and mixing stuff? He had to buy it somewhere and teen gangs feels like a good choice. Koko was there too, they didn't share much time on the 1st division, but is also someone he knows (and who unlike Kakucho who joins later, is in that gang from the start)

So Takuya starts dealing with drugs. You need money to maintain addictions, it is what it is. Small dealing that gets more serious as he grows up. His ability to be an npc seems pretty useful to deal with drugs on the street, ngl. So he ends up getting promoted due to the fact that his numbers are good (Koko here looking for people who is good at making money). Not a big promotion, he's not a higher up. But he's not a nobody either anymore.

That's Sanzu's cue to enter. He is a paranoid gremlin, we all know that. No way he won't stalk suspect on Takuya, when he's aware he was one of Takemichi's friends – who Sanzu hates and calls stinky (jealous much 🙄).

I think this will be around Bonten creation, first couple of years? What also means Senju just died, ugh. More unstable Sanzu, yey! (but also, in more need for comfort and he can't find it on his king, so that also adds to the mix)

Sanzu discovers Takuya is actually on his own and doesn't have much contact with the Mizo gang – less and less everyday – no more than someone could have with ex-classmates. What yeah, saves Takuya's ass (for now), but makes him curious. Why did Takuya part ways with the others? What is about this guy and why is he different that Sanzu assumed he will be? How did he managed to separate himself from who used to be the center of his life? (that last question is one Haru would never admit even to himself bc it feels like a betrayal, but is there. Unconsciously floating on his brain, no doubt)

Pretty sure, again, Haru is the one approaching to Takuya (for not work related purposes, they might have interact before). Junkie radar also works here, but well, is more obvious on both sides, so no need for any radar I guess? 🤣

Differences that I clearly see in their relationship here?

Sanzu is his boss, that for starter. The power dynamics are more unbalanced than ever bc here, Haru is the second in command and pretty confident about it (he has reasons to be, let's be real, Bonten would crumble without him or Koko)

What means that vulnerability he showed sometimes in Bad Toman? That morning after care? Takuya being able to see some cracks on his walls? Forget about it. Not happening. He has to be the perfect right hand (for Mikey), so he can't show weakness to an underling. He can't stop and acknowledge his exhaustion or feelings either, has to keep going.

He's high all the damn time, but also miraculously functioning more. So not as easy to have a situation where he calls Takuya in a moment of weakness.

Unsafe rough sex, so many dubious situations plus more marked bdsm dynamics.

Also, this one can sound weird, but at the same time, Haru is gonna be more demanding of affection. Had a terrible meeting or didn't sleep in 48h bc work? "Takuya, come here and pet my hair, I need to be pampered." Clingy as usual but more openly? Probably even more needy and craving of love now that I think about it 🤔 Bc he spends his days by Mikey's side, feeling the constant rejection.

As long as the years keep passing tho, I think Haru starts crumbling. Slowly and just showing lil pieces, but... Have you seeing Bonten Mikey? He looks too much like tl0 Mikey. NO WAY HARU IS NOT GRADUALLY GETTING TRIGGERED WATCHING THE SIMILARITIES GROWING MORE EVERY DAY! *insert screaming cat in here please*

Takuya sees that. He sees that Haru is more burned out every day, but also, that he comes back from his time with Mikey worse and worse every day. More irascible and grumpy, easier to jump and go violent. But also more clingy and a total emotional mess. Nightmares every night? No doubt either. (or at least when he sleeps, ugh)

Where I'm going with this? Welp... We need Takuya getting killed, right? And why? Why did he end up like that? As much as he can be dumb with his friendships, I think Takuya is smart enough to not try to betray Bonten. Especially if he has 💫something💫 with Sanzu. It's a suicide and a way to kill their relationship all at once. Feels odd.

But what if what Takuya did was something different? What if out of worry he started to point out to Haru that he was looking more drained every day? That he should rest from time to time. Small things here and there, that depending on Haru's mood would make him feel touched (someone sees him enough to notice this, someone cares) or annoyed (he can't admit it, he can't stop, remember?)

And Takuya starts feeling a lil confident with saying those things. Bc Sanzu also got softer with the years, more caring in a weird crazy way (he learns to appreciate the only place where he feels seen).

I also have no doubt Takuya has been biting his tongue for years about the fact that Haru runs when Mikey calls or text him. No matter the hour or what he was doing. Literally. Mid sex? Yeah, "sorry Takuya, my king needs me, see you!" (terrible xD)

Maybe one day Sanzu arrives at Takuya more exhausted than usual. He didn't sleep in 3 days, he just want to be hugged and pampered, to not be alone with his own demons. Is painfully obvious that he's so broken, that Takuya feels protective. And oh, Mikey calls Sanzu when he finally fell asleep? And he just answers and says he'll be there in a few minutes? 💀

Takuya explodes. I have a vision of Haru getting dressed and clenching his jaw bc he doesn't have the time to deal with this bullshit, hissing a "careful" as an only warning. While Takuya is saying that this is not normal, that Haru is killing himself for Mikey, for someone who doesn't even appreciate him (will he go as far to say that doesn't deserve it? Unsure, but that is a nice touch, ngl).

That's it. That settles it for Sanzu. Takuya must die, he showed he's not really loyal to Mikey (and what's worse, but Haru won't admit, he told him so truths and put a mirror in front of him)

I can even go further and say the way Sanzu chooses to kill him is totally on purpose. He can't make it personal, can't he? Admit to himself that again, he wanted something of his own? That he craved love and willingly accepted it from someone else that wasn't Mikey? No way, he had that once (Mucho, you'll always hurt 🥲). This time, he kills Takuya with a gun, not katana-chan. And with two other randoms. Because this is not personal, this is business (yeah, keep lying to yourself, Haru)

And the words he says? "Bring down Bonten's hammer of judgment"? Considering Mikey almost never talks and when he does is to Haru.... Yeah, Haru babu, you're Bonten judge and executor. You're the one translating Mikey's will to the rest (what explains why Bonten is so freaking unhinged btw xD).

He is the one judging Takuya. Period.

Also, that "shhh" moment? Pointing out to the three tied people that they should listen to the king, that what Mikey says is law? That feels like a last message to Takuya now.

So, ummmm.... Remember when I said I was about to build a huge harutaku headcanon from nothing? Yeah? Here it was, I hope someone read it until the end and enjoy it xD

(I might add some things later, who knows. But I'm also totally open to others adding to it, let's keep building harutaku together, yey! 💜)

[adamnablelittledevil]

What did you think about that moment in chapter 24?! I'm dying to know!

(The part that starts "I looked down on Lestat, who was unchanged...")

Hey! I'm sorry I couldn't answer it immediately and you had to wait, but I wanted to give this a proper answer with all my thoughts, so I hope this was worthwile and and makes up for it. 😉🙃 Anyway, here we go… I already knew what was going to happen, so, I was counting the pages to finally get to the chapter. And when I did, man, it did not disappoint.

Obviously, that wasn't romantic, but it was such a meaningful, intimate, delicate and tender moment that it felt even more powerful to me. Yes, part of the reason Armand went there was to get answers and try to quiet the anguish in his heart, but most of it was genuinely love. Which is why he returns, approaches, touches and shows Lestat affection again, even after drinking his blood. And it speaks volumes how Armand had all the reasons to keep a safe distance and yet he didn't flinch or even hesitate. And not only he approached Lestat, but also touched him, multiple times, and kept getting bolder and bolder with those gestures and 'pushing his luck'. Whether Armand was willing to take the risk of Lestat having a negative/defensive reaction or knew he would allow it by mere instinct, this is a proof of how deep their bond goes and how far they have come in their relationship. And from Lestat's side as well, because Armand was the only person he gave his consent to get near at the time and that was a huge thing. It was overall a really big and turning point in their relationship. And it's one of my favorite Lesmand/The Vampire Armand/The Vampire Chronicles moments as a whole.

And as if it isn't enough that it's such a monumental event on its own, it's so poetic too. The fact it happens in a chapel, they are both silent, Armand's tear falls on Lestat's cheek… It's all about the aesthetics, the body language, facial expressions etc. The imagery is so delicate and beautiful. The wording is stunning as well. Specially for this line:

"I tried to keep my heart absolutely pure of pride and pure of anything but love. It was not differentiated or defined, this love, but only love […]"

This has become one of my favorite quotes ever, maybe even my ultimate favorite from The Vampire Chronicles. I absolutely love the idea of a love that can't be classified, nor separated in different boxes, but instead defies all definitions and simply transcends. And when she wanted to, Anne Rice knew how to execute the concept brilliantly on her books. She even knew how to elevate and still manage to make it better almost two decades later. When she went on Facebook to further elaborate on it from Lestat's point of view, it just made my heart ache in the best way. I mean, the screenshot below speaks for itself.

Plus, if the show does that in the future, in any shape or form, it would be incredible. I'm such a sucker for scenes that are more complicated and primarily rely on the talent/chemistry of the performers and the actors need to work twice, three times as hard to execute them. Silent, scenes where the actors don't touch, phonecalls where they can't look at or feed off of each other in any way… I like to call them 'raw scenes' and they're usually my favorite on any show/movie I watch, including Interview With the Vampire. I can see it being a mix of Aragorn taking care of Eowyn after she was wounded

and Lizzy and Mr. Darcy dancing,

filmed and edited in a way that makes the people around them disappear for a moment and slowly reappear at the end, just like the way Armand described how the situation felt here:

"There was no chapel then for me, or outraged sighs or reverential cries. I heard nothing, and yet knew what was all around. I knew it as if the substantial place was but a phantasm, for what was real was his blood."

I'm personally obsessed with that trick and find it so sophisticated and mind-blowing that it frustrates me how it's barely used? So, I always appreciate it whenever I see it. And I also just know that Assad would be phenomenal at that, because he's already been doing that kind of acting for two whole seasons now. I can see him being soft, gentle and even somewhat tragic and I just know the affection and pain in his eyes would kill me in the best possible way. I could even see it becoming part of my top 5 moments on the series, maybe even my number #1. Right now my favorite clips are the 1x01 church sequence, the 2x08 loustat reunion and armandiel's last scene on 2x05. However, considering how much I love this moment and pretty much all things lesmand, they can easily become just as big of an obsession, possibly even bigger in future seasons (they already are my #1 on the books). I mean, the scene they have alone already makes my heart skip several beats because the chemistry was magnetic and irresistible,

that eye contact was *INTENSE* and I felt the sparks all the way over here. Felt like I was witnessing something that I shouldn't lol, but I was happy to invade their privacy because it was simply mesmerizing.

Anywaaaay… Hopefully, that will happen on the show someday, even if the context and circumstances of it may differ. Still, regardless if they do a version of it or not, that will remain a wonderful part of the book and that gladly I will never move on from.

[studentbyday]

week 3: let's get this bread! (famous last words...)

Omg I can't believe it's only week 3, sm has happened, I swear more time has gone by than actually has 😅😮‍💨🙃 Starting this week feeling a little discouraged because I still have a backlog of schoolwork to catch up on, but let's see if I can get my hopes up again by the end of this week! 🙏🏻🤞🏻If I want to achieve my goals, I need to drastically reduce my screen time. Here's to only using my phone for essential communications and for music, guided meditations, and pilates/yoga videos this week! 😤

mid-week update: this week has been a f*cking mess. mentally, emotionally, physically, existentially. i have not touched the db course so far which was my main goal for this week...every week i'm trying to add something new. i had my reservations about keeping on my original plan for this week, knowing i ended the last one still behind on school, but i went ahead with it, wondering, hoping if it was at all possible. well. we'll see where i'm at by the end of this week. at the very least i'll be closer to caught up.

end-of-week update: posting this early so i don't have to on sunday. i'm making progress but it's still slower than expected. insomnia is a problem. my nerves feel pretty frayed. must find ways to decrease the stimulation. time to reinstate the no-phone mornings (probs should add to my “bingo”) and a social media detox... not sure if i'll have time to post again next week. i find it hard to keep up. i'll probably come back if/when i get things under control...so bye for now (and i sincerely hope your semester is going better than mine 💗) 👋🏻

Academics:

Check and send pathology assignment!!!! ✅

Confirm immunology discussion due date!! ✅

Watch documentary on Wangari Maathai ✅ (glad i did this first thing on monday after sending the path assignment because it was really inspiring and lifted my spirits enough to keep going 💗)

Meet for pathology assignment ✅ (2 members in my group are like...really high-energy and gung-ho. i'm glad cuz that means it's a lighter load for me but woah was that overwhelming at first 😅 and the thing is...these guys aren't the first i've encountered like this. and i'm low-key jealous of them... they're the kind of people who give off the aura of “i'm capable of doing it all” because they're that driven...and based on what i've seen of them, i don't think they're faking it.)

Read all assignment descriptions for global health before you... ✅

Email chosen essay topic to TA by Thursday ✅

Finish M1 pathology by Wednesday ✅

Complete pathology M1 case questions

Finish half of M2 pathology by Sunday

Start pathology M2 case questions

Finish half of M2 global health by Friday ✅

Finish half of M3 immunology by Sunday

Finish M2 microbiology ~ (made some progress but not finished)

Start M3 microbiology

Participate in global health meeting ✅ (wasn't bad but also...not sure when this happened but i've gotten quite nervous speaking up in class and then in my overstimulation, forget some of what i had intended to say, ughhh just gotta keep practicing...)

Complete immunology discussion ✅

Send other pathology assignment ✅

Complete global health discussion ✅

Health:

Meditate x1

Journal x3

Yoga x2

Cardio x1

Pilates x1 (the first time i made it through a 30 min class in one sitting whooooo!!!!!)

Other life things:

Change bedding

Laundry

Music in My Head:

andante spianato et grande polonaise brillante

study music // 1 // 2 // 3

a strange playlist for strange people

piano trio no. 4 in e minor, op. 90, b. 166, “dumky”: i. lento maestoso / ii. poco adagio

pavane op. 50

Things I'm looking forward to:

end of the semester

the height of autumn

christmas

My not-bingo bingo (thinking I'll recycle this every month lol):

[cowboysandpilots]

Disclaimer: I have Cerebral Palsy, exactly like Chris/Gavin and this little fic is based on interactions I had when I was a kid and how I wish they were handled as opposed to being told 'kids are mean' and to 'suck it up'. 🙃

——

The first time that Christopher hears the R slur, he doesn't even know what it means. He's just a kid, and he's heard it before but never directed at him. It hurts his feelings, of course and while Chris wants his to go to the nurse and call his dad to pick him up, he toughs it out like both his father figures would do, and stays for the rest of the day.

When Buck and Eddie do pick him up at the end of the day, he's quiet as he climbs his way into the the truck and Eddie is quick to pick up on it. "Well, you're awfully quiet. What's wrong, kid? Bad day?" He asks, but he's smiling a little, he doesn't expect Christopher to say yes.

"Dad, what does retard mean?" His voice sounds so innocent when he asks and Eddie almost crashes the truck.

"Where did you hear that word?" Despite how much he tries, he can't keep the anger and surprise out of his voice. He doesn't want to scare Chris or make him think that he's in trouble, it just catches him of guard.

"A boy at school said it to me." Chris explains with his own frown.

"To you or about you?" Buck asks, turning in the passenger seat. Part of him thinks that it's none of his business but he wants to clarify and Eddie can't give Chris his full attention, he has to focus on the road even though they aren't far from home.

"Both I guess." Chris shrugs, "Is it bad?"

Buck is about to answer, but Eddie is pulling into the driveway, putting the truck in park and turning around in his seat. "Yes, it's bad. It's a very mean thing to say to someone, and you should never, ever say it." Eddie's voice is calmer now, more collected, but there's an angry undertone that Buck can hear. "Who said that to you, Chris?"

"Peter," Christopher answers easily.

"Peter, who?" Eddie pushes, and now the anger in his voice is evident to everyone. On instinct, Buck puts his hand on Eddie's shoulder to settle him, not that it would work anyway.

Christopher shrugs. "I don't know, we're not in the same class; just have recess together."

With the way Eddie's muscles sit firm under Buck's hand, he's anything but relaxed, and he's saved from the escalation of the conversation by Carla knocking on the window. "Are you guy's gonna sit out here all day, or were you planning on coming inside?" It's just a tease, but they both feel bad since Carla was here to watch Chris while they were both on night shift.

"Sorry, Carla, we're coming. I just gotta talk to Buck about something. Can you take Chris in and get him a snack?"

Carla nods, asking Christopher about his homework, just like Eddie would do. She takes him inside, and it's only when all the doors are closed that Eddie turns to look at Buck again.

"We have to find out who this Peter kid is," He grits out firmly.

"Eddie, we're not going to find some kid and confront him. They're just little boys!" Buck is honestly surprised that they're having this conversation, even though he probably shouldn't be. He knows Eddie would do anything for his kid, and so would Buck. "I know your dad instincts are clouding your logic right now, but you're not a crazy person, and you would never talk about beating up a child."

Eddie frowns. "Who said I wanted to hurt the kid? I'm talking about the parents, Buck. They're obviously the ones teaching all the hate. We need to go talk to them about this."

"We?" Buck smiles. He knows that he and Eddie are in a relationship now, but he wasn't sure that he should be involved in parenting things like this.

"Of course," Eddie smiles back, putting a hand on the side of Buck's neck. "You love Chris, and you're just as much his parent as I am." Eddie leans in across the center console to kiss Buck deeply, resting their foreheads together before he pulls back. "Now, let's go show those people what happens when they mess with our kid."

——

Hi. Thanks for reading ❤️ If everyone who interacts with this fic tips me just $1 it'll help me afford my meds even though I lost my benefits.

[obislittleone]

The Winner Takes It All

Episode 1

Pairing: Finnick Odair x Tribute(OC)!Reader

Chapter Warnings: The Hunger Games reaping. Canon typical angst. Reader has a speech impediment.

Chapter Summary: Lukas Artanhour is your best friend since childhood who makes the worst decision of his life when he volunteers as tribute for the 71st annual hunger games... Luckily, he won't be going alone, and you didn't even have to volunteer.

Word Count: 2.8k

Don't be detered by the OC in this chapter, he is just someone I made up to make the hunger games more emotional of an event 🙃

The representative from the Capitol being the same every year was almost a comforting sort of repetition through the years, but compared to the annual tradition it surrounded, you were hardly relaxed at seeing him make his dazzling appearance. A new outfit every year, made from the finest fabrics and silks that eight had to offer… And you wore the same green top and skirt. At least this year there were seashells. 

“Good afternoon, District Four!” His shout of happiness was hardly felt by any who stood here in this gathering. “There’s nothing like being here, amongst the beautiful waters and sandy beaches.”

It’s cold and windy down by the docks, with the sand getting kicked up from time to time. District Four is one of the most beautiful places in all of Panem, and it’s known, as all districts are, for its main production to the Capitol. Fish. 

The people here are wealthier than most in the districts, a close third in rank to both one and two, who reign supremely amongst the favorites. The Hunger Games have obviously played a serious part in all of that. Four being a career district meant that the Capitol goers were far more likely to invest. Careers are the favorites, no matter which district they come from. 

The reaping is today, and you don’t want to think about it. It is why you arrive at your work station an hour before you need to be there. You’ve spent years of your life down here by the docks, whether it was waiting for your father’s boat to return, or your friend to bring you the boxes that needed to be loaded onto Capitol trucks. You’re a mover, it’s your job. It doesn’t pay well, because the real money is in fishing, but you wouldn’t dare go out on a boat. 

“You’re early,” Lukas nearly spooks you, smiling after watching you jump from surprise. “Didn’t mean to scare you.”

“It’s r-reaping day. I couldn’t s-sleep.”

He was used to the skip and stutter of your words, un-phasing him as you spoke each one. 

“I get it. My mom keeps hounding me about it. Every year I grow taller, stronger, she tells me I could win,” he sat down next to you in the sand, handing you a shell he found on his way here. “Another for the collection.”

“Thanks,” you took it gratefully, placing it in your pocket for safekeeping until later. You journeyed back to his previous words, what he meant by them. “Does your mother w-wish you’d gone through the career program?”

He shrugged, looking out into the sea, his mind just as full of indecent thoughts as yours. 

“I’m not sure what she wants. Ever since dad died she’s just been… different.”

“My parents have s-said, if it ever gets t-too bad, you c-can always stay with us.”

He nods, his appreciation shown through a single sideways glance. He knows he has places to go, he knows that there are others that are willing to treat him as a son should be treated, but he wants his own mother to do it. He longs for the woman she once was, and hopes if he can make her proud enough, maybe she will be that way again. 

“I’ll think about it,” he said, but he’d been saying that for the past year. 

So far, you’d learned she’d been hitting him, been yelling and screaming about how he would never measure up to his father. You never saw these interactions of course, because if you had you may have broken down for him, your friend of eleven years. In school, he was the only one who would talk to you, the only person who ever gave a damn about the girl with the stutter. He defended you when they made fun of you left and right, for nearly everything they thought was wrong with you.

“You s-shouldn’t listen to her,” you shook your head, the waves crashing on the shoreline several yards down. It was the only thing that would remain peaceful about today, when later on two children would be hauled off and expected to fight or die. “She isn’t in her r-right mind anymore.”

“I know that.” 

He agrees, he knows. He is well aware that her mind slipped maybe even before her husband died. She had been driving him to the long hours that he’d worked, and eventually made him work out on a ship during a storm. The boat sinking was just fan to the flame of her deteriorating mental state. 

He picked up a rock from the sand a few feet over, standing up and tossing it to skip over the water before it began to wash on the shore. He gave you a hand to your feet, pulling you up until you were steady. 

“Boat leaves in a few minutes, I’ll see you when we get back,” he said, turning on his heel in the sand. You nodded at him before he walked off, into the working hours of the day. You shouldn’t even be here for another hour. You know that they’ll be gone for two or more and you don’t need that long to prep the boxes. But you can’t sleep. 

-

Lukas returned to the docks with a much better mindset. The water always made him feel serene. He came to land, lugging the giant nets tied together to keep the fish from falling out. Today’s catch was good as any other, and the songs the boys sang on board nearly made him forget everything else. 

“Salmon are catching like crazy this time of year,” he muttered, meeting you halfway to help you untie the knots and start packing the boxes. “Thinking I might sneak one home if there’s extra. You probably can, too.”

“I’ll t-try. My pa could use s-something more to eat.”

He weeded through all the skimpy ones, pulling the biggest catches out first and laying them sideways in the boxes, filling the middles with ice before adding another layer. It was the same thing everyday, but he never tired of it. He was content to live the life of a district four fisherman, and he was good at it. 

“How’s his arm doing?” He asked, since you’d brought up your father. 

He’d broken it in a rigging accident about two months ago, and the slow healing process was not doing your family any favors. You’d been hungry several times, so obviously extreme measures had to be taken. You won’t think about that right now, though.

“Not any better, n-not any worse.” The fish box was nearly packed, but you paused to think for a moment. “Maybe I s-should try and catch. It pays a lot m-more, and we could use the money.”

He grabbed you by the shoulder and turned you to face him. 

“You’d be scared to death. If your family needs some money, I can help out. It’s the least I can do when they offer me free lodging,” he half joked, completely serious in all aspects about the help with financial assistance. 

“Lodging that y-you’ve never taken.”

“Listen, I’m happy to help if you need me to. Especially with your brother, now,” he mentioned, making you think about the sweet little sleeping face you’d passed by on the way out of your home. Your baby brother, born not a year ago. You hated the idea of him growing up hungry, or having to start work early in his life like you did. 

“Well, t-thank you. I’ll think about it.”

He shook his head, seeing as how you quoted him from all the times your family offered him help before. 

He waved you off when you finished stacking the prepared boxes onto your slab dolly, tilting it back and beginning to push it towards the truck that pulled in not too long ago. It was a steep climb, up the ramp from the docks and onto the street, but it made you quite strong over the years. That and all the heavy lifting, becoming easier with every twenty by thirty of fish. 

Lukas would be taking off early today, as would most of the other boys of age. You would be heading home after loading this shipment as it were. You had to shower, had to clean up your hair and skin and make yourself presentable for the reaping. 

You opened the back of the truck, tossing the boxes up one at a time, before climbing into it and stacking them neatly in one of the four corners. You always managed to obtain a single splinter from every shipment loaded, but luckily today’s wasn't too bad, you could probably dig it out with a small pin. 

Later in the day, your mother gave you a solemn smile as you walked out the door, having just been readied and dressed in your best clothes. Even in a wealthier district, they still had mended holes in the bottom of your skirt. That’s the sad thing about every district. Even amongst the wealthier ones, there’s still poverty that simply cannot be helped. The Capitol's greed and thirst for luxury, needing every little thing that life has to offer at their beck and call. You can’t even imagine what it’s like in places like eight or twelve. Places where food is not the primary cultivation of the people. 

It was light green, your outfit. It had white seashells on the waist of the top, and a few along the edge of the skirt as well. They hadn’t always been there, but you insisted they should be. You didn’t really have much else of a use for all the shells you stole from the sands of the shoreline. You hated wearing the same outfit to this single event every year. You hardly wore it any other time, which made a distaste for it grow every time it came out of your closet. 

The way your mother did your hair was simple. A single french braid down the back of your head, tied off with a light green ribbon to match everything else. She watched how it fell a bit looser with every step you took, making your way across the streets and into the city’s center. It’s your last year, and having avoided every year before, you know you should feel a semblance of relief, but you don’t. 

Your mother waits for the peacekeeper behind a stand to check your name off a list before she parts with you, hugging you tightly one last time and allowing you to kiss the head of the baby on her hip. He’s primarily the reason you remain so nervous. Even if your name doesn’t get called, his could be, someday.

You line up in an open space, next to the last girl that checked in. She wasn’t in your row last year, you would have remembered her. She was pretty, with blue eyes and dark raven hair. Her skin was tanned like most in four, but had a certain glow about it. She’s too pretty to be reaped, you thought. It didn’t make a difference, though. As you stared head on to the bowl on the stage, centered in front of the girl’s side, you got tense. Your name is in there six times this year. That’s three more than last year, and five more than the year before. 

Someone could still volunteer. But the career program had not made mention of producing a female tribute this year. It all depended on the luck of today’s draw. For all you knew, your name would be surpassed by someone else. There were other poverty stricken areas in four besides yours, and it made sense that somebody else could have been hungry enough to outgo you. 

You looked around to the boy's side. Lukas was there, and further up in the rows. He must have gotten here quickly after leaving the docks. His face was sullen, and something had changed, but you were unsure of what it was. When he looked around, you almost thought he’d been looking for somebody, but his expression told a far different story. 

The last few children in the line were filing in, and the musical fanfare blasted through the speakers by the stage. You were grateful not to be so close to those this year. 

The representative from the Capitol being the same every year was almost a comforting sort of repetition through the years, but compared to the annual tradition it surrounded, you were hardly relaxed at seeing him make his dazzling appearance. A new outfit every year, made from the finest fabrics and silks that eight had to offer… And you wore the same green top and skirt. At least this year there were seashells. 

“Good afternoon, District Four!” His shout of happiness was hardly felt by any who stood here in this gathering. “There’s nothing like being here, amongst the beautiful waters and sandy beaches.”

His rabble was boring, and nearly the same as it was last time. The anticipation was killing just about every girl and boy in this crowd, knowing there were no careers at the ready this year. It was always easier to rest at night while knowing if your name was called, another courageous youngster would step in to take your place. 

“I’m so excited to be back and reaping this year’s tributes for the 71st annual Hunger Games!” 

There was a surge of excitement coming from the sidelines, and it was only now that you looked past the blockades to see that there were actual Capitol civilians standing there this year. How nice, some onlookers for when an innocent child gets sent away to their death. Absolutely wonderful. You looked on past them, towards the victors standing close by. They seemed anxious as well, the old woman holding one fist to her mouth while the other clutched her chest. She rocked back and forth on her heels, and had to take a step every few seconds to keep from becoming too restless. The young man was stiff, his arms behind his back and every muscle in his body tense as a board. His eyeline never left the bowls on the stage. They went through this once, too.

When you refocused on the man at the microphone, your heart beat rapidly. He was approaching the boy’s side of the stage. 

After a small flourish of his hand, the Capitol rep stuck his hand into the glass, two papers in his hand before he dropped one. The dropped paper’s namesake got immensely lucky this year. 

“Harley Miggsen,” he read the paper, but before the peacekeepers had a shot at cornering the poor fourteen year old kid, with his eyes wide in horror, another voice spoke up. 

“I volunteer.” 

Your head snapped to Lukas, his hand raised high in the air. Murmurs started almost immediately about how everyone thought there weren’t any careers prepared. They spoke softly and wondered if there would be a career for the girls, too. Lukas isn’t a career, why would he do this?

“I… guess we have a volunteer,” the man at the mic clapped his hand, watching the young man getting ushered up the stairs to stand beside him on the stage. “What’s your name, son?” 

“Lukas Artanhour, sir.”

“Lukas Artanhour, everyone!” He raised his hand as to signal applause from the capitol guests, and they cheered, happy to see that there was now a potential victor as opposed to that poor boy from before. “Now for the ladies.”

You spared a glance at the victors once more, and they looked even more on edge for this pick than the last. Female victors were obviously more rare in every district, so getting a decent tribute that wouldn’t die right away was probably preferable. You couldn’t imagine all the people they’ve tried and failed to save over the years. The young man won only six years ago, but with no other victors since, that means he’s gone through twelve tributes. All dead, all gone. 

Your mind had been momentarily distracted, or at least it had been until the next name came over the loudspeakers. 

“Mercedes Blythe.” 

It almost didn’t register. 

It almost went in one ear and out the other.

It almost was paid no mind or attention…

But that is your name, and you’ve heard it said a million times since you were a baby. Not once did it ever sound like that, though. 

You stood still until you realized there were peacekeepers on their way to grab you. 

It was slow, the way you took steady steps from your row towards the stage. You couldn’t be rushed even if they tried to make you. You could only look at the ground. You didn’t want to chance looking up and seeing your mother past the blockades. God only knows what she’s thinking and feeling right now. After everything bad happens to a family, the mother of that family should not have to wonder whether her child will live or be killed in an arena. 

You finally looked up when you got to the stairs, meeting Lukas’ eyes first, and seeing they were sad and full of pity. You stood beside the Capitol rep on the other side, allowing him to raise your hands together while the tears finally welled up in your eyes. The delay in your mind was the only one to blame for that. 

“Ladies and gentlemen, district four’s tributes!”

-

Tags (open):

[larcenywrites]

Raising Kids Together | Headcanons

young!Tony Stark x Reader

Warnings: very mild sexual references

Family Series: 1 2 3

💠Somehow, you've both survived newborns and terrible 2's, but now your once tiny babies are causing not-so-tiny chaos! Even Tony can hardly keep up with them!

💠If you two have been in a room together for a while, it means no one has been watching the boys, and that you're probably about to hear yelling, breaking, or you need to go on a hunt around the house for them 🙃 you can hardly have any time alone without something happening! Just when you think you're both getting into bed early, and perhaps with a few frisky kisses 😘, they're busting through door and climbing on the bed, or it sounds like one was thrown out of bed and is now screaming for both of you 😥 Either way, it has Tony flopping back to his pillow in defeat and groaning right along with them.

💠After a quick pout, though, he usually tells you to get some rest and he'll go check it out 🥺 with one more kiss before he goes 🥺 but even though he told you to stay, it's nice to sneak over and watch him put the kids back to bed ❤ 

💠And catch him on the way out 😏

💠But for the most part, the boys are really good kids! And Tony is still settling into his role as a dad, but besides the occasional pouting he's become a very good parent! And definitely nothing like his own father when Tony was that age. In fact, he welcomes their interruptions when he's on the phone or doing paperwork at home 🥰 you've probably found them preferring to play with their cars in his office and right along his desk, or even asking to their nap in there! You can't tell if he's so tolerant because he's a loving pushover, or if parenthood suddenly granted him all that patience and goodwill 🤨

💠But he does get a little snappy when he's working on a car or a machine. Please don't touch anything! Or break anything! Or wander out of sight! But he does let them "help out" by handing him tools or sorting through and separating varying sizes of nails in the toolbox... yay?

Hey, at least it keeps them distracted for a while-- for both your sakes! Sometimes there are things that need to be done without so many distractions, and the boys love spending time bothering with their parents! It's a good problem to have, but not when they're literally wrestling on top of dad while he's just trying to watch the nightly news, or when they're throwing socks at each other on laundry day 😐

💠But despite it all, the two of you manage to get every day done 😊

💠Except the first time you're ever gone for a few days, or heaven forbid a week or more, and he's in charge of watching the kids... by day 3 they're all just going feral. The tv hasn't even been turned off once, Tony is probably trying to figure out how to get mud out of the carpet, and

💠"Daddy, can we have another popsicle?"

💠"...sure, bring me one too." This is everyone's third popsicle, and dinner has consisted of chicken nuggets and macaroni every night. And probably lunch too... but breakfast is probably cereal and hopefully fruit? Tony can cook a little bit, but he's both tired and too much of a pushover. If that's what they want, then he wants to give it to them! But the only reason they aren't all sick by the time you get home is probably because his mother either stopped by and found out, or Tony realized he's actually really bad at this on his own and needed her help :( And not without a quick scolding that you wish you'd caught when Maria called to tell you all about it 🤧

💠Honestly, the kids are probably partly acting out because you're gone, and they know that Tony is distracted and a pushover... well, at least they're adorable! And maybe it shows that you both need some more parenting tips 😅

💠You'd think it'd be easier when they're at school all day, but Tony insisted on hiring tutors to homeschool the kids, at least for now, but while that sounded like a decent plan, sometimes the boys try to homeschool the teacher instead 😅 sometimes they know more than she does after reading the entire textbook in their free time and would rather learn ahead now, and sometimes they're busy teaching her all about Dragon Ball Z lore between lessons! So now you guys still have them all day, (or just you when Tony is at work), but at least they aren't bothering you for once 😌 the teacher loves it though! Her listening and playing along takes a lot off of your plate, and it's good for the kids :)

💠But you don't get much time once the teacher leaves. They get their assignments done within minutes, and as soon as the teacher leaves (well, sometimes), they're reenacting Godzilla vs King Kong in the living room for the 20th time, except this time it somehow ties into the American Revolution? And then they're outside digging holes all evening because they can't remember where they buried Darth Vader. And then they have to fill those holes. And then when Tony tries to get them inside, he either ends up helping them or they end up wrestling him to the ground!

💠That's pretty much every day 😅 Except for when they go to the park! Tony is kinda like everyone's big brother when they go, pretty much every Sunday afternoon! They all get socialized, Tony gets some sun for once, and you can decide to stay home and get some alone time for a few hours

💠Tony doesn't even know anything about sports! Yet he's out there playing baseball and basketball, and teamed up with Rhodey, their ridiculous rules and silly requirements make everyone laugh, which makes them both pretty popular with all the kids! And unfortunately for Tony, a little too popular with the moms and older siblings… maybe it's time for a ring around that finger.

💠Either way, they get tired out by the evening, and also covered in dirt and a new bruise or two! After a bath the kids usually put themselves to bed 😴 and your kids being fast asleep means you get to join Tony for his bath 😏 except for the days he sneaks brings Rhodey home 😑 who's also tired and probably falls asleep on your couch after dinner...

💠If the kids let him! They absolutely love dad's best friend! But unfortunately, however, you can never get him to babysit for longer than a few hours 😔 Come on, Rhodes, weren't you Tony's roommate? Surely you can handle this :/

💠But when you both need a break from all this? Send them to spend the night with the grandparents for the weekend! They seem to behave a little better, and they seem to have fun just being in a different environment! The only time they start being terrors is when you and Tony have both been on vacation, and it makes them a little cranky after 3-4 days :(

💠And if you take them with you? They'll be asking to go back home after 3-4 days 😓 Unless you go to Disney World. Then they'll be pitching a fit when it's time to leave, but honestly you guys are probably upset too 😭 and it probably ends up being just one more day… and somehow in that one day they'll manage to drag every pillow and blanket onto the floor for you to pick up. Again.

💠And again, at least they're adorable :) Just like Tony, it gets them out of trouble more times than you'd care to admit 🥰 And they know it 🥰 Especially when they either stick up for each other or just straight up admit to it... with big ol' eyes and sorries 🥺 or apologize to each other without even being told to 🥺 

They really are good kids! They just get carried away with the fun and the chaos! It's a Stark thing 😘 And just like their dad, they'll eat up the attention and kisses 🥰 In fact, they've already learned to be manipulative little shits and hide behind Maria in order to avoid getting in trouble, because she'll be too busy doting on them 😑 

💠You can't even trust Jarvis! He'll even tell the boys to hide and will damn well keep their location a secret! But he's allowed to have his fun! He did the same thing with little Tony! He just misses those days! However, when the coast is clear, Jarvis does sit them down and gently scolds them. He'll hear their side of the story too, of course! Even if it just because they don't wanna go home, and are being annoying by hiding from their parents. Usually after a quick talk, they come right back to you! Suddenly all gentle-natured and apologizing 🙄 but... how could you stay mad :( 

💠Definitely not Tony when he's already packing them over his shoulders and spinning them around! And luckily, they're too busy laughing to protest being packed into the car 😮‍💨

💠And let's be honest, seeing him be so good with the kids is really fucking hot 😏😘

💠But if you're hugging and kissing on Tony... the boys have to be involved in it, too x) 

Family series: 1 2 3

[call-me-chips]

Long vent warning 🙃

So if you came here for my typical carefree content, don't feel forced to read this at all :)

Ik I won't care if you do or don't, but I just need to get this to someone

I see a lot of people talking about having no friends and having bad friends, and both are really bad and I'm not trying to put down anyone's experiences, but I feel like there's a different kind of hurt when your friends just don't like you. Like, they're good people, but they just don't like you.

Like, I have this one friend where, he's the closest thing I have to a best friend (aka, we see each other once a week and seem to enjoy each other's company), but I really don't think he likes me

He always has an excuse for not hanging out. Always. My sibling and I wanted to go to a comic con and invited him and his girlfriend. He mentioned a few weeks before that he might not be able to go because he might have to babysit a child or something. Closer to the con, he said that he, infact, wouldn't have to watch the child, which we were happy about, but then immediately he said that he "wasn't allowed" to go to this con. The reason he gave was "My dad thinks comic cons are cults." Even though he's been to several cons, one of which was in the US (I'm Canadian).

And just yesterday a group I was going to had a Halloween night, and he promised he would go. We all made plans to be there, but the night of, I texted him and asked him if he was coming, to which he responded with "I'm not allowed", even though he's at the age where that shouldn't matter at all

I asked him why, and he never got back.

Everything I want to do, everything we try to plan, he's got a reason to not go.

He says he likes me and likes hanging out with me, but I don't believe it. Every excuse he uses is bullshit.

And it really sucks because I truly thought he'd be a friend that sticks around. Every friend I've ever had has left the moment I got too close.

And it's not like I can easily make friends, as I've never gone to school and I'm not in college

My parents keep scolding me about how I have no friends and that "God designed people to need other people" and that I "can't live life alone", but I don't know how the fuck they just expect me to summon new ones.

I've exhausted all groups I'm in of potential friends. And it's not like I don't try to make friends. I've been rejected dozens of times

But I know I'm just about ready to stop reaching out to the friend I was talking about earlier. I'll just stop asking if he wants to do anything and see if he initiates anything. When he doesn't, at least I'll know for sure that he doesn't really like me xD

Sorry if you've made it this far btw. Ik no one really wants to listen to a stranger talk about how terrible their life is

Slightly different topic, but I really feel like I can't ever open up to anyone (which is why I rant to strangers on the internet). Literally everyone I've opened up to has either left me or betrayed me with it

I shared my struggles with a licensed therapist, and she made me feel like my feelings were nothing. She told me it was a phase and refused to hear any more

I shared one of my phobias in a trusted friend group chat, and one of the dudes sent me a gif of it, have me the worst panic attack I've ever had, and then he called me sensitive when I complained about what he did (I was crying non stop for 30 mins, couldn't calm down completely for the next couple days, and got triggered my a simple household item that has NEVER triggered me before. I mean like, I saw this simple thing, froze in place, started hyperventilating, and nearly had another panic attack)

And there are a few other examples, but the worst one is when I opened up to my best friend at the time. I opened up, shared my story, cried in front of her. She left me the following week. She suddenly started talking to her other friend more and I could barely get a moment alone with her anymore. We barely talk now

I'm just tired of people. Tired of trying. Idek what I'm supposed to do at this point. I only rant to strangers cuz it's a lot less painful if someone online unfollows you than if a friend leaves you

Anyway I think that's enough for right now, I got pretty carried away 😅

If you read all this, here's a cookie :3 🍪

[ethanjhake]

Personal Life Update 🙃

Well, I quit my part time job.

I've been working as a deli clerk at a local grocery store for about a year and seven months, and during all that time I've been looking for better work options, applying to different (better) jobs, and found nothing.

Working there has been a big strain on me mentally. I'm a huge introvert by nature, meaning that too much social interaction will wear me out like nothing else. Working in a customer service position means a constant flow of new people who I have to interact with, so by the end of every day my energy would be so low I couldn't ever bring myself to work on my art or comics. And originally, the only reason I left my full time job was to free up more time for me to pursue comics as a career.

Where I work, the quality of customer service is meant to be really high. Your typical "the customer is always right" type of mentality. In my training they literally told me to think of the customer as my boss, since they are the ones ultimately paying the store and me by proxy.

But having to bow to the wishes of just Anyone has moral consequences when the customer is in fact not right, and very very wrong. The more and more I had bad customers, the more and more I was forced to watch, and even enable bad behavior.

Having to do this every day was crushing for me. All the while management was telling me to keep on smiling, like nothing was wrong. I started to employ coping mechanisms just to get me through the work day, but then I started to see that creep into my personal life. My wife would get my attention, just to show me a funny meme or something, and I'd mentally wince, as if she was a customer.

I love people, they're all beautiful and unique in their own ways. But my time behind the deli counter made me start to view everyone else as a potential threat, just in an effort to protect me from having to encounter wrong doing and then be forced to stand by and smile. Or even having to ask the wrong doer if there's any way I can help them?

So I quit. Or, I put in my two weeks. even as much as it pains me to have to spend another minute working there, I thought it would be best to leave in a way that feels respectable. I also wanted time to say goodbye to good coworkers I met there, and not leave them with an empty slot on the schedule that they would have to scramble to fill.

But the big problem with this is that I don't have another job lined up, and I've been looking for different jobs for almost two years and not found anything. So the best I can do right now is step out in faith. And I guess, sometimes you don't have to know where you're going quite yet, but you can't stay in the City of Destruction.

So I'm technically "unemployed" at the moment, although I will be taking on Door Dashing as a means to make money for the mean time. And there's hope in that. It looks like I can actually make more money doing that than I was at my old job. But even then the pay is uncertain, and I have to keep an extra eye on my car and its maintenance. It does also complicates taxes some.

It feels like the Wrong Decision™ in many ways, but even then, staying feels like an even worse decision. I wasn't even making that much money there.

Yesterday my boss offered to leave me in the system, so that if I needed more work I could shoot her a text and she could schedule me in as long as she had the extra hours. And on the one hand I was tempted, it felt like it could be a good safety net if all else fails. But after thinking it over, I said no. I think God is calling me to leave for good, and to trust that whatever happens He will provide. I don't know how He will or how long it'll take, but that's not what trusting is about. And I honestly feel like that's the point of what I'm going through right now. I feel like God specifically had my boss make that offer, not as a test, per se, but more to help me understand that I am stepping out in faith, and that—even as scary as it is—I do trust him.

So today is my last day. After that I go to Door Dashing and continue my work on SotF. And I guess, it really couldn't hurt to put a link to Ko-Fi here. I'm not asking for money so don't feel any pressure, but God does provide though his people. So if you feel so inclined here is my Ko-Fi.

And here I go,

[marvel-starwarsfangirl]

Ep. 14 "Flash Strike" Review

Wow this is way late. First off, I loved the animation and it looked genuinely real at times. TBB is to date the best looking animated show (not counting the "Tales" shorts). Those jungle shots were stunning. And the music! The music in the beginning was epic and it got my heart racing.

Spoilers below just in case

Rampart is just the gift that keeps on giving. Seriously, what was that scream? I was dying laughing 😂. He once again provides the comedy in these dire hours. However, his conversation with Crosshair was intense. I've already covered it, but basically: Rampart doesn't understand how some people can change. And ofc he was the one to mess everything up. Classic Rampart. Also, please Cross, you don't have to prove anything to Rampart. I get you're concerned that the man vanished, but the loser can take care of himself.

I did love watching the brothers fight side by side as usual. When Wrecker got thrown by the dryax, my heart melted when Cross and Hunter immediately went over to help him up. Also, y'all notice that the slice went all the way to Wrecker's skin? That was chilling. I hope Wrecker will be ok. I did love Crosshair's convo with Wrecker. Yes, he's scared and internally having several mental breakdowns, but he's doing it for Omega. He loves her more than anything. When he says he "owes her," it's his way of telling Wrecker that. Cross has never been one to be openly emotional about things. His actions show where his heart truly lies.

Omega was incredible this episode. Her "they found me... my brothers" just hit the spot. She knows that they will always come for her and will fight through hell and back for her. That's the level of love and trust she has with them. Also shoutout for her leadership skills and sneaking skills. Omega has grown so much and the impact of her brothers on her is so noticeable. You know the moment she sees the Zillo, she's got a plan cooking.

Hemlock isn't an idiot? Villain being competent? Well, that's both satisfying and scary.

ECHO!!!! Sweet Echo back at it, serving us with peak Arc Trooper content. Seriously, I love him so much! I also love how he now looks like Fives and the rest of his OG squad. The last Domino is carrying the banner with pride (he's fine relax 🙃). His convo with Emerie was golden. He's come so far since reciting the reg handbook back to his brothers word-by-word. There is so much meaning behind Echo telling Emerie that following orders blindly isn't the right thing to do. It might be Emerie's job, but it's putting the lives of others at stake. It's wrong. And having it be Echo who tells her that is so important. Crosshair fits better as Rampart's narrative foil due to the imperial past and prison sessions. But Echo being Emerie's narrative foil is incredible. Echo is such a beautiful person inside and out. He better make it out alive.

Anyways, I can't wait to cry with y'all on Wednesday. See you then!