#i just... idk
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Ever since Camp Cretaceous ended, I've been slowly writing post-canon/AU (now that we have Chaos Theory) fanfics for Benmina and sometimes other ships, which requires me to breakup Yasammy and sometimes Kenlynn. Which hurts because I've actually grown to like them, but I love Benmina more.
I imagined these characters are going to be mourning the end of their years-long relationships, possibly even hoping to reconcile with their exes initially. At minimum, there would probably be 3-6 months before they're ready to move on, and sometimes feelings are messy, but even if their new romantic interest falls in love early on, I don't think any of the N6 would ever talk bad about or risk their friendships with either half of any former couple-
Darius in canon:
Open to the idea of dating his brother's ex-girlfriend less than a month after the 5-6 year relationship ended and judging him while not knowing the whole story.
Darius, I can't believe this needs to be said, but please, do not pursue your brother's ex-girlfriend.
...or if you absolutely must, maybe wait a few months? At least? Please?
And most of all, maybe talk to him about it rather than making assumptions?
#Spoilers#Chaos Theory Spoilers#JWCT Spoilers#JWCT#Kenlynn#Darius Bowman#Brooklynn JWCC#Kenji Kon#Darilynn#Things I did not expect to see in canon#But definitely left a bad taste in my mouth which I assume is probably the point of the scene#Dan rambles#Ignore me#I just... Idk#Been trying to handle everything with care and respect and put myself in the minds of the characters#Because they all care about each other and even if they broke up I feel they'd still want to be friends#And I didn't want any characters immediately trying to confess or immediately moving on cause that would feel OOC#But I guess I was wrong about how Darius would go about it
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I wish mental health services were more easily accessible and certain mental illnesses weren't still demonized in the field
#still pursuing a bpd diagnosis#but a lot of the specialists im seeing online are all like#have you been victimized abused or manipulated by someone with bpd?#and im like :(#ough im not ready to have ANOTHER heavily stigmatized mental illness#but despite that i still do hope i get diagnosed#i think it would explain a lot#and really help me work through my issues#before it gets to that tipping point#it already has come close multiple times just this year alone#i just... idk#i want to be better i want to get better#i dont want to hurt people anymore. i dont want to hurt myself anymore#it sucjs it really does#sorry for vent posting again#i just dont have anywhere else to go#and i dont feel comfortable talking to people about this stuff usually#everyone tells me i can talk to them but.. idk. its hard to do that. so many things can go wrong. i dont like talking about myself#i like for people to have a certain image of me. prefer people not to worry themselves over me#it brings bad feelings and associations sometimes#which if i have bpd can be thhe cause of that i suppose. just makes me feel insecure? ig? guilty? makes me feel like a bad person#when people try to get me to take care of myself. even if its a good thing#idk im just rambling#nobody take this in a bad way or feel discouraged in fact dont pay any mind to this#im just spitballing#will probably delete later#monnie rambles
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What's so wild about Aemond killing Lucerys and starting the war in earnest is that... if Aemond had just kept his mouth shut, he would have won. Actually scratch that he did win. Lucerys showed up after Aemond had gotten to spend a good while in storm's end as an honored guest. Lucerys arrives and Borros mocks the very idea of a woman ruling, admittedly if Lucerys had offered him a marriage proposal things might have gone differently but still. Lucerys comes in, delivers his message, is soundly rejected and turns to leave. In the battle of diplomats, Aemond won. I was reading that whole section going "take the fucking win, Aemond!"
But nope, he just had to push for a dick measuring contest. Then, all Lucerys has to do is refuse to engage and suddenly Aemond's the fool just stood there with his dick out. Like I get that he was going for this big moment of personal victory but what he actually did in context was give Luke the opportunity to get the high ground back. No wonder he went crazy and had Vhagar eat Luke, it's not right, but it makes a lot of sense from a character perspective.
#text#fire and blood#a fabulous time#lucerys velaryon#idk while I was reading this#I was just like... I totally get why he wants vengeance#but also you're not there for yourself you're supposed to be doing a job for your KING right now brother#also I do think it's funny how lucerys had that great brave line before about their uncles mocking them as strongs#and then he gets to storm's end#and aemond is immediately like “lord strong” and lucerys just ignores him#makes you wonder if that line was something assigned to him posthumously#since he died with his dragon and all#but if we're taking both of those lines as true#then it's just supremely hilarious#like pick a new line aemond they're immune to that one#I just... idk#totally understand why he as a person wants an eye#just like... look around and recognize the situation you're in man
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Duncan: Oliver likes Felix 🎶
Venetia: He does not!
Duncan: Venetia likes Oliver 🎶
Felix: She does not!
Duncan: Felix likes Oliver 🎶
Elspeth: He does not!
Duncan: Elspeth likes Ol-
Farleigh: NO ONE LIKES OLIVER!
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sometimes i feel like i'm the only one on this website that doesn't rly wanna go to twt lmao and i know that's inaccurate but so many of my mutuals that made being here fun and worth it are no longer here and are on twt that it makes me nostalgic
#i just don't vibe there idk#and it's stupid bc i do say shit here that could be a tweet lmao but#idk it feels less personal there#also i already have my lil platform here. and i like that i can post my gifs and my thoughts all together#i made that twt acc to post gifs and i ended up using it once#i just... idk#rose.txt
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Usually on the worst days of work, I’m usually able to say that I love my job. I love what I do. I couldn’t imagine doing anything else. Today was the first day that the thought “do I even want to do this anymore?” ever popped into my head. I am so tired. I am so defeated. I just feel awful.
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Stop feeling bad about my identity challenge
#vent in tags#i just... idk#i cant feel proud of being a man bc apparently thats terrible#i cant feel like a manly man bc im not one#if i feel like a gay man that feels wrong to others bc that means im 'just a straight girl who wants gay guy dick' apparently#and if i ever complain about my struggles with being transmasc its#“oh but x identity has it worse you fucking man! you gross man!”#hi not all queer oppressive experiences and trauma are equatable and in fact most of them cant fucking be compared#of fucking course i dont get the same oppression a trans woman or cis gay man has; im not them!#we all have our own struggles! why cant i put a name to mine?#why CANT i say the word transandrophobia?#why does me using words have to somehow automatically hurt trans women? i have no idea how that works#and whats worse is trans women dont tell me that OTHER queers and people tell me that#but the more i look the more it seems like everyone wants to pit us against each other. all the time#and now the fucking government hates us too are you *shitting me*#im just so tired#i wanna be a gay trans man without it causing me untold amounts of grief and pain from both in and outside the community#i wanna be effeminate without being told “oh youre secretly still a giiiirl'#sometimes i dontnwanna fucking bind ok? it hurts.#im so tired of everything right now#i just wanna be happy with myself
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Idk what au im cooking.. but Im cooking..
#gravity falls#au#gravity falls noir#<< calling it that#stanford pines#stan pines#stanley pines#dipper pines#mabel pines#my art#idk what is going on but im probably just gonna make a bunch of fake movie looking screenshots#and i just wanna see the grunkles in suits doin undercover stuff
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If you have Spotify reblog this and tag what your number one song on your “on repeat” playlist is.
#mine is#veronica mars#by#blondshell#music#tag meme#on repeat#I’m just curious and I want new music lol#spotify#meme#memes#alt#scene#emo#punk#metal#goth#gothgoth#gothic#alternative#rap#country#folk#idk what else to tag this
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[on the verge of having a complete breakdown] i need to make some kind of list or perhaps sort things into categories
#🌿 misc#idk how to tag this#i just love making lists#and sorting things into categories#pinterest#??#this is part of what motivates me to write i just love making lists of scenes and then sorting them into categories#bangers
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i think we should remind musicians they can absolutely make up little stories for their songs btw. it doesn’t have to be about them at all. you can invent a guy and put him in situations to music. time honoured tradition in fact.
#sorry im bored of the same tags on this lmao#sometimes i think the confessional style loses impact because everything has to be excavated from the depths of the soul#and somehow. confessional writing seems to be going with the most disaffected bland sound possible. odd.#i love deeply personal songs! i love when songs sound like they mean something to the artist!#something something wider issue of mining trauma and being performatively vulnerable for quote unquote content#idk i don’t have the actual knowledge to write about this well there’s just something not landing for me recently#mine
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The secret Dungeon Meshi sauce that's getting people to eat better is that it's so non-judgmental. Senshi and the rest of the gang never talk about what not to eat besides things that taste bad and literal poison. They don't even talk about "health" that much besides the importance of a balanced diet. It's so much easier to eat well when you think of food simply as something your body needs, and that it's often worth the extra effort to make it taste good, especially when you understand how to connect "things your body needs" with "things that taste good"
#dungeon meshi#delicious in dungeon#dunmeshi#idk I just think a lot about how no one talked about hot fatty pork was unhealthy#or even scolded Maricelle for wanting something they couldn't afford#Senshi just said 'you haven't been eating fat so your body needs some. let's make something rich and delicious!'
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Sometimes I’m reminded that in universe Chilchuck is an actually influential figure who like. Made huge advancements for his people and community. Like as in gave them rights and protections. And who is widely known by half-foots because of that. Like. He’s not just some guy.
Idk For some reason that just makes his role in canon really funny to me. Like this older, extremely important and accomplished figure is just willingly putting himself thru it for the sake of this random autistic 26 year old.
#dungeon meshi#chilchuck#Idk I also just genuinely think that the way that contextualizes his character is interesting
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you're allowed to discuss and work together, reblog for a higher sample size or something
You have 1 week, good luck!
#neo.txt#girl idk i don't really care about tagging#challenge#ig#i'll just let y'all do this on your own#if 10 people join then that works#but the more people join the more likely you are to succeed#i just wanna sit back and see what you all do#and if you can succeed#(twitter is failing)#tumblr even poll challenge#i guess i'll name it this!
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puppet hour was brutal
#this was a part of a comic i sketched as a warmup but it was too many panels so im posting this on its own#gravity falls#the book of bill#mabel pines#stanford pines#that one page gave me hope that ford trusts mabel and treats her better than he did in the show#cuz man it always made me so mad watching the show#like iknow its the point that ford thinks he and dipper are just like... better and smarter#not that he doesnt like mabel#but like idk!!!!! idk!!!!!!!!!!#the book of bill is redeeming ford a bit 2 me
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