#im so tired of everything right now
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Stop feeling bad about my identity challenge
#vent in tags#i just... idk#i cant feel proud of being a man bc apparently thats terrible#i cant feel like a manly man bc im not one#if i feel like a gay man that feels wrong to others bc that means im 'just a straight girl who wants gay guy dick' apparently#and if i ever complain about my struggles with being transmasc its#“oh but x identity has it worse you fucking man! you gross man!”#hi not all queer oppressive experiences and trauma are equatable and in fact most of them cant fucking be compared#of fucking course i dont get the same oppression a trans woman or cis gay man has; im not them!#we all have our own struggles! why cant i put a name to mine?#why CANT i say the word transandrophobia?#why does me using words have to somehow automatically hurt trans women? i have no idea how that works#and whats worse is trans women dont tell me that OTHER queers and people tell me that#but the more i look the more it seems like everyone wants to pit us against each other. all the time#and now the fucking government hates us too are you *shitting me*#im just so tired#i wanna be a gay trans man without it causing me untold amounts of grief and pain from both in and outside the community#i wanna be effeminate without being told “oh youre secretly still a giiiirl'#sometimes i dontnwanna fucking bind ok? it hurts.#im so tired of everything right now#i just wanna be happy with myself
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ultimately i think my insistence on aro positivity honestly is as much a political stance as a personal one.
when i say aro positivity is crucial and that i dislike doomer-ist posts that express sentiments like 'I hate being aro so much I wish I was dead instead’ it's not because I don’t think there can and should be a space for negativity and acknowledging self-hate, or the many ways being aromantic can really suck sometimes. i find that to be very important!
that being said. there is smth here about how self-hate posts are sometimes just arophobia that we inflict on ourselves. and when we put that out into the ether it (intentionally or not) can become arophobia that we inflict on other members of the community. i think there absolutely needs to be a place for negativity and the expression of anger and frustration and self loathing even - these are all good things to talk about because these are things that we experience. that being said, it can also be genuinely upsetting and triggering to people to have what is essentially arophobia shown to them and then have that be validated by other aspec people. your personal thoughts can affect your wider community on a level you may not anticipate. and i understand it i truly do! it took me so long to be able to recover from accepting being aroace - it threw my entire world off kilter and made me question everything about my place in the world.
but my insistence on aro joy and positivity is because ultimately i do believe that building is at the core essence of it all. that ultimately discussions and the purpose of community should be about construction, not destruction. and this is both a personal and a political stance. talking about how much you hate yourself and cultivating online discussions/spaces where negativity about aspec identity is the main and only theme is destructive - if that’s where we let the conversation end. these thoughts can and should be used as a vehicle to look for a path forward!
joy and positivity create a space where the focus can become on forging a path forward, on construction, on community building instead of tearing ourselves and others down with negative thoughts. it’s not productive or healthy when it stops at a place of negativity - it becomes actively destructive to the essence of community.
and i do think that this is especially poignant considering the fact that being any kind of queer, but especially aromantic (and/or asexual) means forging a path for yourself and making your own happiness where there is no obvious way forward. our communities exist mostly online (right now, anyway), there is little recognition of our existence in the real world, the effects of amatonormativity are both pervasive and actively dehumanising, and there are legal, economic and social structures in place actively making our lives more difficult. yes that all sucks! it’s good to acknowledge that. we need to in order to change it. but more importantly, that’s not the end. we are still here and our happiness, our future is for us to determine. even if we can’t change the laws or society, loving yourself and understanding aromanticism as a political identity (as well as personal), as a radical worldview, and as a protest against amatonormativity is essential for both community and personal well being. the personal is political.
tldr. i guess my point is that as a community, we should focus on building, improving, and nurturing ourselves and each other (construction) as opposed to destruction. we should recognise aromanticism and asexuality as political identities as well as personal ones and rely on community and self-love in the absence of anything else as a form of protest and political power. destruction (the recognition of everything that is wrong) is essential as a starting point - but where do we go from there? we rebuild.
#aromantic#aro positivity#aspec#aroace#aro#aromantic joy#arospec#when i saw its important to 'love' yourself - pls understand i am in no way trying to exclude loveless aros from this#that was just the easiest way to express what i meant! when i say 'love' i mean positivity/respect/happiness. etc. i just used that word bc#it works for ME which is why i said it. but feel free to replace it with whatever works for you! <2#also sorry if not everything im saying makes total sense i tried my best#this is something ive been thinking about for a while and have been struggling to articulate#i maybe should have read some theory for this abt community building but im too tired + overwhelmed w school reading right now so sorry.#if anyone has additions on that front though please do add them#also ngl im kinda scared to post this. i hope i explained what i mean well enough. like i get wanting to vent and express self hate BUT.#there is nuance to this and it is not unilaterally healthy i think. also i dont see any other online community fostering the normalisation#of selfhate the way the aspec one does! which makes me feel weird abt it especially.#anyway. this is basically my personal philosophy towards aromanticism#mossy posts#⚙️
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WhatsApp simply forced an AI inside of it's app and the thing is SO UGLY. Literally ugly! There's a hovering button and it's colors aren't even in the WhatsApp colors so now the main page makes me feel so overwhelmed..... i hate it so much
#rant#->#and no i cant leave the app#whatsapp is the most used app in brazil#we simply cannot live without it. it's our communication method#telegram is filled with right wingers#ughhhhhh#now my statuses are filled with all my contacts 'having fun' with it#friends etc#feels like losing a war for real#i hate it here. i hate how everything in brazil ends up in pizza (national expression for 'every discussion will end up in a joke')#nobody really cares about nothing at all. they will fight as long as nobody spits a joke out. once someone does we're all friends again#this is why we can't get shit done#im so tired#sorry for the rant#nonsims#non sims
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#testing out clipstudio. sorry i dont like it. i cant find anything there#and i feel like younger version of myself who did everything in photoshop by hand#not knowing any instruments#im too tired to actually learn how to work in csp but right now i dont have anything else with me#so sticking to whatever instruments i have i guess#i miss my wife (my brushes and settings and filters)#sorry if it looks weird. im away from my pc and i only have a laptop with a really bad display and i can't see anything i do#my art#pokemon#reshiram
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chat htey fuckin jumpscared me while im trying to do my assignment
#this isnt xmen related but it can be if i try#i think enjoying james mcavoy comes with the territory of being a cherik enjoyer vjaeLKe thems just the strokes i dont make the rules#snap chats#'snap i thought you were sleeping' i was lying but it wasnt in bed i fear fjaELKEJ#no my prof has our assignments due at 8AM so i do them the night before WHATEVER its just reading news articles#and they put this ad at the bottom and i was term searching and i got jumpscared when the page jumped right to it#i saw the movie opening night and it was. the goofiest thing. the movie partially but My Night Mostly#cause at the beginning of the week i told my ma i was going to see it and she- trying to be a mother for the first time- was like#'oh we should watch it together :)' but as the time approaches she's like 'i mean do we HAAVE to watch it horror's traumatizing....'#im so glad i didnt go with my mom i know she woulda soured the whole thing for me she hates me and everything i love#like miss ma'am go AWAY i just went with my brother and the theater was virtually empty so we kept crackin jokes jvlkeakj#I STILL GENUINELY ENJOYED THE MOVIE THOUGH i should watch the og sometime but this was a good watch .... a fun one even...#this movie solidified the fact i love it when james plays- as he says- 'devilish' characters it is ACTUALLY primo to my life#so funny cause my bro and i still crack jokes about and reference it i didnt think he'd care bout it after we left but vjlkjlkja#ok im goig to bed for real now im tired and i wanna get up early to do work BYE
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Tbh it's scary and a huge challenge to even think about finding a solution to all this ai bullshit, but if it ever comes to it, just know i WILL make an email list if i must. I would mail out copies to send around, the old fashioned way. Yeah it's rough out here, but they can't kill me because i won't let them. Like hell I'll let ANYTHING stop me from sharing art
#like yeah im tired. yeah i dont have a lot of options right now. but i also have a fire in my heart and also so so much spite#i refuse to let this be the end. i refuse to let it make me lose hope or a will to fight.#fuck ai art and writing and EVERYTHING that steals from creatives
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The past couple days online have been... interesting. I consider myself a leftist, think capitalism is corrupt, and think that it needs to be seriously reformed/overthrown. I admit that while I've thrown around phrases and terms like "burn it all down" and "the revolution needs to come" out of frustration without actually thinking about what a revolution entails: excellent organization, unity, and strategy to defeat the United States, the world's largest military superpower which has inflicted political and social destabilization across the majority of countries around the world. There also needs to be superb infrastructure and community to support the disabled, elderly, and poor populations who rely on government assistance and programs, healthcare, and accommodations while this so-called revolution rages on.
All I've received from the far leftist movement are lectures from condescending intellectuals who rattle off academic citations regarding ideological theory rather than practical, tangible steps to advocate for change in our local and regional communities. I have not seen one of them actually discuss conversations they've had with their friends, family, or Americans about what they want to see reflected for the future of the country. I have not seen one of them discussed how destructive, detrimental and traumatic a Trump presidency was for social prejudice and morale in the United States. I understand that for many marginalized groups they've been living in a facist state for centuries so the possibility Project 2025 doesn't galvanize them to see the two parties differently, but I don't think it is fair to white leftists falsely equivocate the election of both parties for the entire American population at all??? Or like at least specify the issues you're referring to in which you view both parties as the same????? Literally one TikTok creator who I used to follow talked about how true leftists are so much better than liberals because they aren't waiting for a presidential candidate to save the world NOW due to the accelerated apocalypse due to climate change but when asked how to change the world they suggest sharing ideas of your future utopia with other leftist groups. How the fuck is sitting around talking about living in a walkable community is great considered "saving the world now"? How are you going to dismantle and restructure American infrastructure to create these communities? How are you going to remove existing racial and social tensions to create a community where everyone lives happily side by side? Do people not consider reality at all?????
And is it not wrong for people to have a fucking sliver of optimism and hope at incremental change that's achieved within the corrupt bipartisan system of American politics, even if they know it's propaganda??? Is it wrong for people to have a singular fucking moment of relief in feeling like their values, beliefs, and lives will be better protected and THEY can advocate for change better??? Is it wrong when there's a couple months until the most pressing election in recent history for people to make the choice they feel will reduce the most amount of harm???
#literally i've seen some leftists post like the people in the us could never handle the torture that the us inflicts in other countries#like seriously what the actual fuck do you not think most people are struggling here and dying of preventable diseases and being subjected#to hate crimes mental health crisis systemic racism sexism etc.#why the fuck arent you actually helping your community and helping them see how foreign and domestic policy are tied instead of screaming#like so much of this virtue signaling and not being grounded in reality drives me crazy#and im fucking tired of not being allowed to feel happiness about anything unless it's morally socially perfect how the fuck are we suppose#to move the needle if we never fucking feel happy????? like what after your disorganized revolution the way your room is disorganized i can#be happy that i live in a perfect utopia?? NO! that's not how the fucking world works get a grip#i never believed in working within the system but at least other more reasonable leftists have offered tangible solutions to sway politicia#in our favor and retain a little bit of our rights#like this one woman was saying union organizers align themselves with democrats strategically not because they agree with the party but#so that democrats will count on their vote and money and in turn advocate for union rights#like i feel like a far leftist would be like omg how dare you align with the democrats!!! but like honey!!! what the fuck are we supposed t#do??? stick our fucking nose up at the current political system unless we get everything we want to move the party further to the right and#then wake up one day and realize because we were waiting for a perfect system all our fucking rights are gone?????#bffr#i know i am going to lose all of my followers for this post#grace rants#politics#donald trump#kamala harris#joe biden#jd vance#project 2025#2024 elections#also to be clear this is what i feel right now because of the delayed discussion of far-leftism and options and campaigning for candidates#if leftists actually get together and UNIFY and fucking do something i'll consider inching forward to the revolution#but screaming the system is corrupt without giving people solutions or action steps and just giving them severe anxiety is unhelpful
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Hi, I would love to ask more in the "ask blog", I just need to know, what are the current events that are going on?
Are they still on the plot on St Valentin, or is the theme with Harry the main conflict?
the main theme in the blog is whatever you ask about ! that do be how it works
#sci speaks#sighs. I don’t know if I have the energy to remind people how it works. maybe I want to let it die.#the whole point of an ask blog is that the asks steer it. i'm not meant to steer everything.#it's meant to be steered by multiple hands. and maybe that's why i'm not having fun with it anymore.#because it's way too much of you guys Waiting on me to steer the plot when the whole point is that you guys help me steer it.#ask blogging sucks now. i'm tired of it.#it's dead. ask blogging is dead.#the internet is a passive horrible place where people wait for someone to shovel content in their mouth. im not about it.#i came here for community. im not here to shovel content into passive mouths. sighs. sighs.#over it.#i'm not going to fight to keep it alive lads. a sci is going to rest and meditate.#not going to bug my head with something that doesn't make me happy anymore.#a sci can do so much else with their time. like sing. and dance. and learn the banjo.#if you want me you have to treat me right !!! im not your slave!!!#stroke me and kiss me and send me good asks. then i'll stay.
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thinking about qPac always and forever
#hes always on the mind#im so tired rn though everything is on my mind for like#2 seconds rhen onwards#but right now!#pac!#pactw#!
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Literally a genuine question no ill intent
What do you like about Aira? As much as people are absolutely adamant Akira is projecting (I really don't think he is (I'm not saying Akira is innocent) I just think he's trying to address the prejudiced thoughts the average Japanese person will have on the Ainu) Aira's weird comments and behaviour to Hiiro have been there since day one. And I also think Aira being the one who says all this is because he's supposed to reflect the fans and the average Japanese fan probably isn't that educated on the Ainu + there can be a good few racist enstars fans...
I'm not trying to sound heated about this I'm just coming from a genuine place, what appeal is there in Aira?
Also, as much as the Aira fans are talking about blaming Akira, I feel like there should absolutely be a focus on Hiiro right now considering that comment was... yknow said to him. I just think we should actually be talking about the Amagis considering that comment was intended to discuss the Amagis and their culture and the discrimination they go through.
i had someone ask me a similar question once but not in the context of all thats happening currently so you can read that here if youre inclined
buuuut what made me like aira so much in the first place was honestly that his concept as a character is really funny. i made a post a long while back that went into the funny meta jokes that you could make using aira as a character before i really knew much about enstars at all. having a character in your idol series that loves idols and canonically reads fanfic about them is just a funny concept in general. and as i continued to read more he continued to be funny and annoying and endearing (his little mini interaction with midori comes to mind immediately. there is something wrong with him)
also i tend to gravitate towards characters that give me like. little sibling energy. i love having a favorite little guy to dote on
but afterwards what really drew me to him was the main story!! thermometry specifically comes to mind (ouuugh,,,,). his feature scout stories are also great and so is feather touch! i wont like. go into detail really cause my blog is covered in me talking about aira already
his dynamic with hiiro is one of my favorites too, especially in mainstory. their dynamic isnt JUST aira says shitty things to hiiro and thats it. their relationship develops really far to the point where aira admits that he needs hiiro as much as hiiro needs him. they're young and inexperienced and kind of codependent as they're trying to keep themselves from going under in a sort of cutthroat industry. i think thats really neat. their relationship is really sweet to me and aira is a great tsundere type of character. he regularly is shown to actually like hiiro a lot as mean as he can be to him sometimes i.e. here. and you know the whole holding hands thing (which they also fucked up in the climax story but Whatever)
theres also this. which i think about regularly. the hiiai shipping fuel is vast
and additionally i think aira has some really great relationships with other characters too, alkaloid especially. feather touch develops his relationship with tatsumi a lot and its one of my favorite aira moments. i couldnt find my screenshots for this one but basically aira gives tatsumi his unlocked phone (something VERY important to aira since hes a little screenager) and it shows tatsumi just how much aira trusts him and he realizes how important aira is as a friend to him. being someone with a history like him aira's friendship is sort of new to him and it helps them both grow
he loves his friends so so much and he’s had a positive impact on all of alkaloid. he is its heart after all
but in any case i'm not going to like, defend myself for liking aira. i am aware that the shitty stuff has been there from the start but i've said something similar in the past that was like. aira isn't real and he cannot take accountability for what he says. he's a character written by real people who doesn't have any control over how he acts. so i guess that's why when i think the writers write something i dont think he would do or say in my own personal aira opinion i can sort of brush it off as just bad writing.
and not in the sense that i dont recognize that enstars sucks, because it does. enstars can be terribly racist sometimes and not just when concerning aira, and thats important to talk about (i.e. the orient cards, the king of thieves cards, etc). but at the end of the day the most important thing to recognize is the people and company behind the game as well as the real people who play the game and are affected by it. and not like, the specific characters in the game. cause they didn't actually do anything or feel anything you know
#cryn answers#anon#enstars#media analysis#im a miraculous ladybug fan im used to pretending that the thing i like is better than it actually is lmfao#was including sources for what im saying too much??#anyway i didnt even touch on airas own experiences with racial discrimination#i dont think its written perfectly so thats why i didnt talk about it but its an important aspect of his character too#and an important part in his place in alkaloid#also i hope i dont come off as rude or upset in this anon#i appreciate you being respectful#but also im a little tired of talking about this ill admit it#i enjoyed rambling about aira again im just like :( that its cause of all the discourse and whatever happening right now#blegh#i think its kind of like. i mean if you only hear little tidbits of what a character is like through twitter screenshots#youre not gonna have a full picture#and i think thats how it is for a lot of enstarries with aira#and thats not a jab at anyone i dont know jackshit about like. mama or undead or fine or akatsuki. and thats fine#theres too many characters for me to know everything about everyone#but with aira specifically his only character trait to the people who dont produce alkaloid is 'the racist one'#and that sucks#but anyways. thats all i have in me for now
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mood: screaming into the void
#just making a post i can reblog when i need to scream#cuz right now i really need to scream#ill be ok im so tired#and im heartbroken#and nothing seems ok right now i dont think this situation im in is gonna work out#and im trying really hard to be optimistic and confident but i just feel like i fail at everything#i dont need words of wisdom or anything just a place to scream into a pillow#i need some hope really bad#i love you i love you i love you im so sorry little one#i tried#silly little life things#rj rambles
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as cool as their design is im really starting to dislike the sonau in general, aside from their stuff suddendly being everywhere and everything being about them and how cool(tm) they are now with the mystery stone turning people into dragons and the similarities between the sonau and the three dragons (naydra, eldra, farodra) its actually not an impossibility that they used to be sonaus as alot of people have been theorizing about ..but ...... idk that would very much ruin their otherwordly yet ethereal mystery to me
i probably sound like some hater whos trying to find something more to dislike about totk all the time but i promise im not!!
the three dragons being some unexplained mystery, beings that are there yet few can see them, timeless, nigh untouchable, they dont act on anything, they dont talk, something about them has always made me look at them in awe; if it turned out they were just yet another cool(tm) sonau guy that ate a stone ... :/
not a fan of that one lads, but dont worry, i will keep my thoughts to myself from now on, i dont want to ruin other peoples fun nor seem like i just hate everything ... the three dragons are just really important to me so i had to say something
#ganondoodles talks#tloz#totk#totk spoilers#totk spoiler#besides i have leanred that i tend to have the unpopular opinions and frankly im tired of the hate directed at me#if you disagree thats fine but please dont spam me with why you think its cool actually#bc it just feels like yet another argument starting as to why im wrong and need to be talked down to and also suck actually#sorry its been all over my timeline on twitter so i just had to throw my dumbass opinion out there again#and it was a few times more than id like in a row where my random thought posts where torn apart by arguing people needing to prove im wron#the dragons where something i just absolutely loved in botw#they hold a special place in my heart and i dont like the thought of them too being just yet another sonau thing#i feel more secure posting my thoughts here than on twitter#but still i dont want to sound overly negative so i will hold back from now on#unless im exhausted and overly tired and not feeling that great physically like right now i guess lol#ill just have to grit my teeth and try to ignore everything i dont like but everyone else loves like always#anyway i need some sleep#ill be fine after that i think#and then try to resume work on destiny and a commission i havent had the energy to get to
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How is everyone doing today, what are we all up too. I'm getting all of my ducks in a row for college bc I hate my fucking job and want to get EDUCATED !
#im tired of nondescript multi-billion dollars coffee monopoly i hate it oh my fucking christ. it used to be such a good fun place to work#its become so fucking corporate brained it feels like just another mcdonalds. it used to be a nice comfy atmosphere to get a healthy snack#and some good affordable coffee but now its $8 lattes and sodium filled frozen sandwiches that fit in the palm of your hand.#i want to be in the forests of fuckall whereever taking lichen and moss samples to make sure everything is right and healthy. i want to be#working on sustainably and conservation not making a metric fuck ton of plastic garbage a day. it kills my soul#goober.txt
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I am officially taking another break!
Of course, this doesn't mean I'm going to dissappear for several months. It just means there won't be any polls for a little while! Who knew, running a gimmick blog while working and dealing with personal problems would be so taxing?
I'm thinking that this break will either last the month, or the rest of the year. it depends on how I'm feeling.
I'm really excited to relax and just work on OC stuff for a while!
I hope everyone has a great day :DDDD
#not a poll#announcement#I've been meaning to take this break for a while#for the first half of october and the end of september I wasn't even scheduling polls in advance#i would do them like the hour before#which isn't sustainable for me#of course i then scheduled everything from the 12 to today in one sitting#whiiiich is when I'm writing this right now lol#it's midnight for me at the time of writing this and I am so tired lol. but i needed it out of the way#uuuh i lost my train of thought#im going to bed#not when YOU see this. I'm probably bouncing out of my seat excited for halloween when you see this.#animated gif
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you'll be pleased to know that on my first day back at my job after my two week vacation i am already in one of my semi-regular Job Crises where i feel like if i dont find a new, better job soon im going to explode into 5 billion pieces
#in case you were wondering if i was handling it well#considering getting some sort of degree . but i cant afford that!!!!!!!!!#but i may need one. if i want a better job........#this is so evil. where are the jobs where you can just do fuck all#in all seriousness back to the degree thing im considering getting a degree in library sciences but i dont even have a bachelors 💀#i was too broke for college! had to work! still have to work! no time or money to go to college then or now!#my crisis aside its extremely funny to me how im not even through my first day back and im like oh lol right i hate every minute of this 👍#also im trying not to have Severe guilt abt the ticket(s) i bought the other day like some crazy person but thats another story#yes ill make the money back yes ill enjoy the show but the Guilt..........#which was entirely because my dad was like >:( when i told him i got a ticket for a Far Lesser amount#and im just hoping he doesnt notice how much my bank account has gone down. oops#but that aside and back to my job crisis:#i cant stand it here!!!!!! i really do hate it!!! and i need a new job. however? everything abt the job process is awful and against me#i was planning on writing an article when i got back from vacation but you guessed it im now too stressed/upset to be creative#which is hampering any possibility of my creative aspirations becoming some sort of career#im so tired. already right back to where i was before my vacation when i really needed a vacation#:( . like ill be fine lol i just. am going through it and these tags have gone on too long#but i think i really will get worse if i stay here for longer and its not even that bad but by god sometimes it is#anyway . im taking it well
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I always get detained at da border because PROFUNC never ended but basically I'm like if a targeted individual didn't even care
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