#i just want to eat without getting sick.
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You know, onn the one hand I love that being gluten free became trendy years back as it made gluten free food better and more widespread.
On the other hand I hate that it went trendy because companies took the excuse to make any gluten free options like 4x more expensive.
I just wanna eat pasta without spending the next two days in fucking tummy trouble land.
#my gluten allergy has been acting up really badly lately. like bad enough that I'm buying rice cakes instead of bread rn.#the ableism present in 'trendy' diet food or 'specialty' diet food is as always unreal.#also reminder to the priveleged folk who are able to donate to food banks#PLEASE donate gluten free stuff or non caffeinated stuff#please there are poor people with allergies and medical needs too#it feels terrible going to a hospitality meal in the winter annd not being able to have a hot drink after walking or standing outside.#these little things could be small comfort on one hand or lifesaving on the other.#i just want to eat without getting sick.
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Finished three more Pages, yay!
#my art#soul eater#se#fanart#black star#soul eater black star#elizabeth thompson#liz thompson#soul eater Liz#jacqueline o' lantern dupré#jacqueline O lantetn Durpre#soul eater jacqueline#and all it took me to finish these was having tormenting pain bc I can't eat sth without getting sick ig#also I love how Black star was literally the first guy I've sketched at the beginning but I finished him just now after MONTHS#not that Stein and Kiliks Partners share the same fate..#i gave Jackie boots as well bc I get wanting to outfit match with your GF but girl.. have some variety in the outfits you share uu
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valkyrie moodboard part 4 🎉🎉🎉
pt. 1 pt. 2 pt. 3
#the first half of kotw is so fucking good for her#you get her being an asshole about work failing to get the boy she went after wishing she could play horses with china#the whole 'well you shouldve worn a coat' thing in the alps the 'come back i just want to hit you' bit in the other dimension#getting sick when skulduggery without hesitation saying he'd give up the rest of his life to take care of her#'this is not an invisible railroad i can see it right there' 'well the train is invisible' 'that's not what you promised me'#need to start eating the book i think#only way ill be satisfied#says kenna#skulduggery pleasant#valkyrie cain#i had to go through my tag for her on here to flesh this out... starting to struggle finding posts on insta for her#it's easier for china bc at her core china is a very normal relatable person#book loving lonely homebody horse girl in unrequited love with complicated relationships with religion and parenthood#while so much of the story asks 'who is valkyrie outside of skulduggery'#she's got minimal if any hobbies her status as the final girl means she ends up with almost no relationships#she's unpleasant to be around but not in the quirky needy way instagram meme people say they are#like do NOT get me wrong she's one of the most complex fascinating characters in the world to me and her personality is very well developed#but not in a 'haha relatable this is who youre being mean to--' kinda way. do you understand me#people don't very often make funny posts about how theyve been groomed#kenna's sp screenshot folder
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some1 tell me something to write/draw
#vixen rambles#i need something 2 do so i dont start eating bricks#thing abt getting told i have hashimotos is. they are Refusing to treat it.#because i have 'nothing else going on'#i am UNABLE TO WALK WITHOUT PAIN#IM NOT EVEN 20#I AM WALKING WITH A CANE DAILY#like i can tell you now. its hypothyroid arthropathy. and fuckk man all i want is to GET RID OF IT#i wnana fucking run again i wanna hike i wanna climb stairs without pain#i want to have energy again i wanna play games i wanna work i wanna live#im so sick of being called a cripple#im so sick of my entire life being classes and my room i want to be a real person again#we're trying a different doctor thurdsay to see if i can get Any kind of help. i dont care if they take the whole thyroid out#i just wanna get rid of these symptoms#MY IMMUNE SYSTEM IS EATING MY THYROID#THE THYROID IS KIND OF. A DECENTLY VITAL ORGAN. YKNOW.#'DONT SEE A REASON TO KEEP SEEING ME' LORD#GOD#sorgy. im ok#i stay winning. im batman#this will all be over in a fwe months. but GODDDD
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well. did you fucking miss me.
#random thoughts#apologies for sounding in such a sour mood. life is fucked as of late.#scheduled post. i made this on 10.08.2024.#everything has just gone to shit. so far i've been eating less than ever. feels like my stomach is eating itself augh (':#(technically the so-called relapse started on 24.12.2023. but we are not unpacking that today or ever.)#and i am filled with this desperate urge to cut myself. really really deep. not sure how to cope with it#i also?? hate how i look??#and yet i spend all my time?? in this dark dark room?? taking pictures of my face?????#i'm not killing myself off just yet don't worry. i considered it but it won't be happening any time soon.#i originally planned on disappearing for twelve days. partly to make my friends feel bad because i'm awful#which. obviously didn't work. as i don't think anyone noticed or cared particularly.#but mostly because i can't fucking handle it. it being everything. my future feels so uncertain#i am barely alive. i love all the people in my life. but they're too far away physically and emotionally.#but yeah. back finally. although ciel disappears for a lot longer than me and if you know hym my absence would be a small stint.#ciel if you're here when i post this i love you please come back. ):#this place is so scary to come back to. i'm not sure why. i'm just. scared.#i'm not even sure if i want to return really. i'm having second thoughts now. i haven't gotten worse enough#and i can't say what that means. because in theory there's nothing wrong with me that's been speculated upon. so.#i don't think anyone would care if i disappeared for longer than this.#but being away is torture. and then again being here also sort of is. it's scary#fuck.#i can't get out of bed without feeling like shit. i don't know if i can come back. i'm so sick of everything.#if you're seeing this i'm so sorry.#I NEED TO CUT MYSELF I NEED TO CUT MYSELF NOW. I NEED TO. I MADE SO MANY PROMISES BUT I NEED TO DO IT NOW#I'VE GOT THE SCISSORS I NEED TO DO IT#I NEED TO DO IT RIGHT THE FUCK NOW#(<- tags canceled for now)
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Tally still isn't quite back to 100% yet, but she's recovered a lot in general. Every time she does one of her normal habits that she'd stopped doing while she was sick, my heart just squeezes with gratefulness. Stuff like her yowling like I died after I go to bed, her climbing onto my lap while I'm sitting on the toilet and/or watching me from on top of her litter box, her jumping onto furniture, her getting up in my face and sniffing my breath as I slowly blow air at her, her trying to eat the plants, her PLAYING.... and of course, her eating.
I also discovered the coat rack toppled over onto the couch after getting out of bed today - surely her doing. Didn't break anything so im just glad she's back to being at least some semblance of a chaos demon, even if she's not totally recovered yet.
It's the little things, sometimes. All her little habits, some harmless and some annoying, that make up who she is and her presence in my life. When all of these stop, so she's just a lump on the couch, barely eating and barely getting up... it was unsettling. And worrisome.
But I've got my baby back. She's still not super high energy, but she's got enough to feel like herself again. And I'm so, so grateful.
#speculation nation#i had a vet appointment scheduled for yesterday for blood work if she still wasnt better by then#and on monday when they called to confirm the appointment she was still really lethargic. only starting to act better.#so i didnt wanna cancel it yet. but on tuesday and wednesday she was acting a Lot better. actually mostly finishing her dry food!!#and returning to a lot of her old habits. i was really glad.#of course since it was new years eve and new years day i couldnt call the vet to cancel the appointment on the 2nd. bc the office was closed#but thankfully when i called earlier in the day yesterday they were completely fine canceling the appointment day-of#a lot of places dont let u do that so it was a relief bfmsbfm#so im watching her to make sure she doesnt get worse again. but i think she'll be fine.#i feel like it likely Was the same thing that june had. but a different manifestation. and more worrying.#bc june was just sneezing for like a week ish. i felt rly bad for her but she was still eating fine.#and she was up and playing and such. but when tally got sick... it was like she was a whole different cat.#i never want to see tally so stiff and lethargic and refusing to eat food like that again.#i know theres a good chance i will. eventually. but i hope it's not for a good long while. at least a decade.#my baby's normally the picture of health so it just feels so wrong...#and ultimately. i think the trip to the vet to get their vaccines is what caused this. the stress lowering their immune systems#and potentially smth they picked up while they were there. idk.#it was still important to get them their updated vaccines. but God i could've done without the reactions and sicknessss hfkshfnd
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thinking about this post i saw the other week where this person was saying how badly they wanted to be able to buy a nice mug without thinking twice about it. and all the comments were saying how they could just buy a cheaper mug. and they were like jesus fucking christ ITS NOT ABOUT THE MUG. because yeah
#i’m so fucking. Exhausted#having to so carefully budget every single dollar#and feeling like a failure if i want to get like. some fancy cookies or something#or a nice blanket#and i am paying back my debt but also taking on more every year#and i personally don’t even feel that bad about it. like as long as i can afford the monthly payments idc#but then i see like three million tiktok/youtube videos shaming people who have less debt than i do#and im like. well ok.#like i am Trying idk what else to say😭#but i don’t want to try this hard like i’m not strong enough#i don’t have the work ethic or desire to scrape every penny into my savings like.#i just want to be able to buy fun things and see my friends#not even like. anything crazy expensive😭#i want to go out to a bar for karaoke without feeling guilty about the drink prices#it’s just. sooooo fucking frustrating and i’m worried it won’t ever end#sorry for the rant i am just spiraling a little bit😭#i’ll probably delete later#like i am Fine and actually doing really well rn#but i am so sick of not being able to afford to eat#and even when i start getting paid i still have to be so so so careful with my money#which i am. historically not good at doing#UGH#sorry😭#will delete#personal
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ARCANE EPISODE 7!!!!
MY GOD I WASNT READY FOR ANY OF THIS!!! WHAT WAS THAT!!!
Also ekko wallpaper I got with my fries lmao
#OH MY GOOOD!!!!!! POWDER AND EKKO!!! AND BENZOOOOOO#ITS LITERALLY WHAT COULD HAVE BEEN OMGG!!!!! POWDER LOOKS SO CUTE 😭😭😭😭 IM CRYING ALREADYYYY#VANDER WITH A BUN!! AND EVERYTHING IS SO FULL OF LIGHT!!! HER EYES!!! MYLO LOOKS SO RIDICULOUS AKDJSK THIS GIRLAAA#“where would you be without her” WELL BUDDY IF YOU KNEW HOW HE IS WITH HER!!! VI IS DEAD????? OR SHE WAS TAKEN FOR THE INCIDENT!!!#LOOK AT WHAT YOU DID JAYCE!!! MY GOD!!! THE GEMS KILLED VI SO THEY JUST COMPLETELY PROHIBITED THEM!!! JAYCE IS IN JAIL PROBABLY!!#the fact we are seeing exactly why jayce should be sorry about what he has done.... and we are seeing him suffer because of it... cinema 🚬#also mel fading into viktor.... also has he realised how she manipulated him in the beggining??? there is so much stuff...#jayce eating contaminated animals and his wound being infected with the arcane too..... is that what will push him....#omg.... ekko likes powder so much... he apologised by painting actual adult vi portraits where the fallen are in his universe 😭😭😭#“she looks so badass” if you knew... is he gonna ask her to help him make hextech.... that is so sick and twisted....#also jayce hurting his leg loke viktor and having to use a cane and brace.... damn and you know whats worse..... that ekko could be like#this with the jinx of his universe IF ISHA HADNT DIED!!! AND IT IS BEACUSE OF JAYCE!! AGAIN!!!!! THIS MAN!!!!!#the drawing with the anomaly and the two men and the inifite symbol... we get it... jayce and viktor forever intertwined by fate....#powder is sensing something is off.... omg time travel..... THE LIMIT IS FOUR SECONDS AFTER HEIMERDINGER EPXLODED ALDHAKSHSKSJSOJSOSLS#i dont want a time travel ending.... if its done for plot to an extent is okay but idk about solving it all.... it makes it feel worhtless#claggor looks so fine its not even funny..... i cant wait to see what everyone thinks. WHERE IS THE LITTLE LADY bc hes called little man 😭#and vander with arm tattoos.... why did they hipster fied him.... he looks younger somehow ajdhakj he went from taking care of 4 kids to 3!#SILCO!!!! AND HE DID TRY TO KILL HIM!! ALSJAKSKAK Ekko just laighing at it.... girl i would be pissed STROMAE??? OMG POWDER!!!!#I JUST REALIZED THE PINK IN HER HAIR IS FOR VI!! AND HER JACKET!! AND A DRESS LIKE HER MOTHER'S!! CRYING!!! FULL BODY CHILLS!!!#CAN WE JUST PRETEND LIKE ITS THE FIRST TIME!!! I GAVE UP ON YOU!!! WHAT HAPPENED BACK THEN I NEED TO KNOW!!! IM SOBBING!!! EKKO!!!!#NOOOOOOO THE ANOMALY NOOOOO!!!! HEIMERDINGER NOOOOO!!!! AND THATS JAYCE!!! IS THAT MAGE VIKTOR???? the monkeys......#the vi toy with the out love song machine.... my god i wasnt expecting any of this i need to breathe i am stil tearing up my god#what a fucking punch in the stomach christ i cant breathe right akdhsksso#the credits saying the deries has benefited from a spanish tax rebate in the canary islands??? you're welcome i guess lmao#animation production carried out there and has ben collaboration with the Spanish gov... alright another win for perro sanxe#talking tag#watching arcane#watching arcane season 2#watching this i dont think im ready for caitvi sex.... after reconciliation even like what will be of me.... now im scared#i am still scared bc idk what happened to jinx and vi and cait still... thats what worried me and boom!! ekko powder with the steel chair..
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So fucking glad I plan on getting an apartment with a friend next year instead of living in the dorms again. At least then I'll be able to cook my own food.
#since i cant eat at the dining halls without getting sick and i cant fight for the one kitchen in this building#with who knows what cross contamination#esp since tumeric makes me so sick and theres a lot of kids from India and around there at this campus#i just want to stop starving and not have to spend a fuck ton of money on doordash anytime i want something other than non-parishables#maybe speaking
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need someone who loves me so much they have to lock my collar to their belt. love me so much you can't let me out of your sight.
#Oooo I need somebody to love me so bad they have to eat my flesh like it's their last meal#I'm sooo tired of being sidelined and abandoned and everyone's second choice#I need someone to go out of their way to Pick Me and Keep Me on Purpose.#I want to be loved so intensely that the idea of us going out without me on a leash doesn't even cross their mind#Of course I have a leash on im their Favorite Dog#show me off. Be proud of me. Love me love me love me#Sigh#Bark4it#Anyways. Dog at the pound#It's free#fully vaccinated#Just needs a good bath and a loving home#Is gonna be put down if it doesn't find an owner soon#Actually genuinely incredibly sick and tired of never being chosen. Always the one who gets left behind. Always the loser.#I would like . For once in my life. To fall deeply in love. And have it reciprocated. With ease. I want someone to find it easy to love me#But if it was easy how could I eroticize my suffering!!! how could I transform it into kink
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guys I just had a lot of travel time and I fear I have been cooking (it’s depressing af and honestly makes me cry as I write it but whatever) (the whole post just ended up in the tags oops)
#The outsiders musical#the outsiders#the outsiders fanfic#the outsiders fanfiction#two bit mathews#its two bit centric#And slow burn two/darry#And has a lot of trigger warnings because when I’m tired and have a lot of time to think my writing gets coming from the darkest#Parts of my mind#So like feel free to ask me abt it (plz do) but be aware that the story leans heavily on abuse (sexual and physical and emotional oops)#(I just watched it ends with us the other day and no I have a lot to say)#It also contains talk of eating disorders (disordered eating??)#Oh and a lot of homophobia#Like serious and sick and twisted#Based on some things I’ve heard people say too!!#One day after the events of this story two bit will be able to call himself a faggot without crying because this soc is a dickbag in the st#Ry#its#yeah#ignroe this if you want
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just found out that instead of my mom my fucking shitass dad is coming home FOR A WEEK
#ugh i really want to kill someone rn im so mad#why can't he just fucking leave us alone#i know he used to be home 24/7/365 days just a year ago but istg it took us no time to adjust to life without him#now he comes home for like 2 days and my blood starts to boil i can't bear him he's so fucking irritating and interfering#mom coming home would have been relaxing finally burden free after 15 days#now the burden will be double tripled he's such a fucking lazy slob he can't even get his own glass of water#and he'll sleep in our room because it has ac UGHHHHHHHJHH it's so yuck i won't have a minute to myself and my mental health will decline#even MORE than it already has like if that's even possible#and he doesn't take his fucking meds so he's all weak and sick and lazy and he expects us to coddle him#well you know what fuck him im not even going to pretend to be happy that he's here or be nice to him and try to make him feel welcome#he broke this family up and it's going to stay broken up forever so fuck himmmm#and i have a freaking 750 ml bottle of vodka lying in my dresser what the fuck do i do with it now huh?????#it's only like 1/4th empty 3/4th is still full#and it's my sisters birthday on 26th and they'll both be here ugh i was sooo looking forward to actually celebrating with her#now she'll feel miserable and horrible and it'll be JUST like every other birthday she's spent at home#fucking grand#ugh god i sooo do not want to cook dinner for 4 people im so sick of this#and he isn't even satisfied with dinner he fucking eats like 4 times a day he wants a hot breakfast and lunch and evening snack and dinner#man i hope something happens to him and he isn't able to come🙏🙏 god if you're real 🙏🙏🙏🙏
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#i just want to eat without getting sick#i've managed to today but i'm still nervous about eating actual food#and yet i crave grilled cheese#i'm hoping i'm well enough to have it because I cannot go through last night again
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ppl will go “i’d notice if society was going to sacrifice a marginalised group of people and if they said that it’s ok that a bunch of people would die then i would stand against it” and then they’ll hear people saying “well only disabled and vulnerable people will die of covid” and go “yes this is normal and ok and fine”
#first of all it’s not only disabled people who are dying and also covid can disable you real quick and make you part of that group that#people are fine with dying#but also do y’all hear yourself bed sometimes. the amount of people who claim to be allies but with throw others aside as soon as it#interferes with their comfort#also there have been so many studies and reports and articles on how covid disproportionally affects poc. not to mention inequalities in#healthcare that come into play too when you’re dealing with a pandemic#but as soon as y’all have to stop going to parties or restaurants or isolating for two weeks when exposed or confirmed positive or even if#you suspect you have it. or any of the millions of other things that at this point are important facets of community care and protecting#yourself and others from a disease that has been proven and continues to be proven to do a lot of damage to the body#y’all just balk. you don’t drop your claims but that doesn’t mean you’ve dropped your allyship#I’d love to go back to normal. i’d love to go out without a mask and eat in restaurants and do all the things i did before covid#but i won’t. because i know that isn’t safe for me or my friends/family/community and also quite literally isn’t possible now because we’re#still in a pandemic. if you claim to be an ally to disabled people then prove it and mask#I can’t speak as fully on allyship to other communities who are disproportionately impacted but not masking harms everyone and if anyone#does want to speak on allyship to their communit(y/ies) feel free to go ahead#covid tw#fired up about this because i’m doing radioactive iodine treatment in a few weeks and my mother is taking no precautions. not only am i at#risk if i catch covid but if she gets sick i either have to postpone my treatment to care for her (which risks giving my cancer more time to#metastasise if there are cells left) or i have to figure out another plan for treatment since my current plan hinges on her help since i#have to isolate#im just tired and frustrated. a pandemic doesn’t stop just because you get bored#vent tw#this is not as eloquent as i wish it was and the lack of punctuation and tone can make parts confusing but i think y’all get my point
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Naur please spare linda in this fic like she already popped out that man’s children and did emotional labor to span lifetimes irl let her be free 😭
JWHEWJS SHE IS. SHE IS FREE DONT WORRY. they're fucking (in my head) but she's gonna go off and get the girlfriend she DESERVES. no mccartney brood for her she just gets to be a cool photographer turned rockstar turned photographer and activist. with a girlfriend.
#I just can't envision wings without her...... ik she didn't want to be in it so I heavily debated#just having her photographing the band#but if she wasn't pressured into it by paul who here is just some guy she fucks sometimes#I think she'd have fun. and then gets to bail when she gets sick of it to go take pictures and eat pussy#as she should!
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depression cancelled i cleaned up a small part of my room and also my bag
#logbook#i hsd tea bags in my bag without a baggie bc im an idiot and was walking around with spilled tea in said bag for a month#i have spent all weekend in a depressive haze im so tired and sick. and this week is going to SUCK ass.#its fine everythings fine.#im debating if i want to go do laundry tonite or not. in the process i could pick up some food and things for the house up here.#and then not have to go down tmrw. . .sighs#also my plans to hang out wirh new friend were cancelled. he said he didnt make enough and had to work and was like 'oh yeah#we can hang out for an hour' and im like bro wont you need to get ready for work. like dw abt our hang out take care of yourself#and then we bonded over taking care of ourselves LOL#i think it worked out bc i ended up tsking 2 hrs to build a maybe hr max furniture and then napped for another 2 hours#i was so sick snd exhausted. this whole weekend has been like what if you are never not depressed. thanks man!#i forget how depressed i get at the end of summer going into fall everybodys so up there and im just waaaay down here#but i have managed to do some things. finally pulled myself out to bed. and ive also forced myself to eat so theres thst too.#jk also in case it wasn't obvious. depression still here
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