#i just wanna have energy for ONE day
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VERY happy to report that the only appointment i have next week is my wheelchair eval on friday. that means i get to REST 😭💖
#IDK why but the past few weeks have been absolute hell in terms of fatigue and fogginess#pretty sure it's my body complaining about healing several body mods at once 😬#unfortunately i already put the deposit down on my text tattoo in a few weeks so i have to go then#i just wanna have energy for ONE day#i tried taking my full prescribed dose of Adderall one day this past week#and i was SO anxious so. thats not an option 😭 i wish it was#srsly im in bed rn and all ive done today is crochet like 5 rows of a small project and water a plant#its not fair 🥲🥲🥲#OKAY im done complaining.jajakdl#oh shit that should say ''next tattoo'' not ''text tattoo''. no text involved in this one lol#chatter
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head pats...
#odile loops au... she is loved!!!#in stars and time#isat#isat odile#isat siffrin#isat mirabelle#isat bonnie#but also just referencing the odile petting emoji on the discord AJDLSKJKDL#aaaaaa i am so sorry. i missed 2 days in a row. that has never happened before.#bad sleeping schedule and general tiredness....#anyways. back to regular posting schedule (hopefully)#day 63#is it on 10 now... or 11.... check later....#one day I will get enough energy to do asks... one day...#but... I wanna say that I really appreciate them!!! I know a bunch of ya'll have sent very sweet stuff in there... thank you very much!!!!#I didn't wanna clog up the blog but... screw this; I wanna say thanks!!
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truly what a guy
#malevolent#malevolent podcast#arthur lester#arthur malevolent#john doe#john malevolent#my art#ahfdgfghsdd i have so many important things to do but these two have overtaken all of my waking thoughts so i'm fucked to say the least#adgfd i just wanna talk about them with someone but no one i know has the energy for that 12h long infodump#straight up today was my first truly no work day in a few weeks and what did i do? spent half the day figuring out how i want to draw arthur#still not sure if this the direction i wanna take his design in but somehow along the process he ended up as like my ideal look on masc days#tbh i don't have the time to unpack whatever that says about me ywy#john's design is very much still a first draft but i can't think about it too much or i might just actually go insane#this podcast makes me unwell(affectionate)#the universe is so evil for not letting me just draw them all day long ywy#in an ideal world it would be no diploma no uni applications only malevolent#.....i'm gonna stop with the rambling now#so yeah go listen to malevolent
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learning abt friendship decay and "not reaching out to your friends for months at a time unprompted is not neurotypical behaviour" has me feeling a certain way
#experiencing some BIG FEELINGS OVER THIS REVELATION#listen i have never ever been bothered abt not seeing someone in a while or making time to talk to them bc in my mind its like not thst muc#time has passed. i mean it with every fibre of my being that when im like 'oh its ok even though we havent talked in a while and have our#own things going on it doesnt mean we're not friends anymore since we left things on a good note 8 months ago' i sincerely believe that#and for the longest time i just thought everybody makes peace with it at some point and not automatically assuming the other person doesnt#wanna talk to me anymore or smth. my longest lasting friendships are with ppl who work the same way i just thouhght that was normal#whatever organ everybody has that makes them reach out to their friends and plan hang outs i probably dont have it#i was already hesitant to ask out Alex bc i spend almost every waking hour doing smth that isnt talking to ppl unless they happen to be in#the vicinity. and at first it was bc i planned on making sure i had everything set up so i dont get stressed out and do it one at a time#but then i find out theres a friendship decay mechanic? and after dating and marrying someone you lose -10 friendship points for every#day u dont talk to them?? actually ive probably been losing friendship points this whole time without knowing bc of this?????#and i notice a lot of my own habits are also reflected in how i play bc ive been avoiding getting close to pierre and marnie since its more#of a professional relationship. like i know theyre npcs but im approaching it the way i would in real life its fucking nuts#i think its a little relieving im playing /as/ a character than myself bc as im playing im just making up little interactions in my head#than approaching things the way i would myself so it takes a bit of the stress off trying to put myself in there as a spectator. but well#being in a relationship demands a certain amount of energy even more so when theyre things that already take up energy on its own#like making time to talk to your partner and make sure they know theyre loved. i dont always have energy to put all my mental focus into it#and this is true for real life so im not really bothered by not dating anyone. but when its a game and i want my character to be with someo#and i know its fully optional and i know i could just apply the same logic to this i dont /want/ to. sometimes i want to experience#the same things other people do at least to a certain degree without the same emotional andmental stakes#no offense krobus#yapping#stardew#stardew valley#puppy plays sdv#sdv#this game has me by the ankles man
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smth smth about 'the thing that the character did that you thought was rly rly funny in the moment is actually linked to a terrible trauma that lies within said character.' or wahtever.
#jrwi show#jrwi fanart#jrwi riptide#gillion tidestrider#made this within a short span of wahtever bc i gotta go up to the mountains for my stupid gay job tonight n im trying#nnot to frrRREAAAK THE FUCK OUUTTTTTTi dont wanna work but. get that bread we fuckin shall i guess#ONWARDS TO THE FISH TORMENT!! sometimes flowers feel pain when you trim them before their blossoming. atleast i imagine so#i used to draw gillion with loooong hair tied into a big ol braid. and then it was confirmed that he had short hair when he was little.#AT FIRST I WAS SAD. but then i realized the duality of. when they were little. gill had short hair. edyn had long hair.#AND NOW THEYRE OLDER. and gillion has long hair. and edyn has short hair#both mirroring eachother. looking up to eachother. subconsciously or not. they most certainly care. and most certainly miss eachother.#GILLION ALWAYS LOVED HOW LONG HAIR LOOKs. atleast i imagine so. he hasnt cut it since he left the undersea. sure he wanted to go back home#but even at the very start. he knew he was free in some way now. free to grow out his hair. an adventure would await him before he returns.#he knew it would be a while. so he cant let this go. he cant let this sought-after hair-length get cut away from him again#not yet. not yet. i like to think he loved music too. I SAW SOMETHING INTERESTING A BIT AGO#i see alot of ppl commenting on my baby gill comics like;'i wouldFIGHT this teacher i wanna KILL EM i want them DESTROYED#all very good and nice sentiments! i LOVE the energy here! and it would be nice. to have that catharsis#but the story of young tidestrider is not a story of catharsis. it is a story of agony and being so so small and so special and also so dum#and sucking so bad. and just being a kid and doing the things that a little kid does and so many tired tired people reacting badly to it#youre supposed to be the hero that will save us. our world hangs in the balance and you are the one who tips the scales.#YOU are supposed to SAVE US!! you NEED to SAVE US! CAN YOU PLEASE STOP SQUIRMING IN YOUR STUPID CHAIR!!#you'd think that young tidestrider ought to prevail. and be tucked someplace all safe and sound.#elders gone missing and rotting in a jail. their cultists nowhere around. but theres no happy endings. not here not now.#this tale is all sorrows n woes. you may dream that justice n peace win the day. but thats not how this story goes#BIG ideas for this lil baby gillion series. if anything i make ever gets disproven im killing myself in a well as to poison a water supply
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Rice. From my plot that's literally just a game of chess. (he's a rook)
#my characters#CHESS BABIES#they actually had a tag here and i adore it bc it was in caps lock for a while#no idea why it was in caps but whatever it was thems the rules#rice has a younger sister named turnip and shes a pawn and then his coworker rook is a guy named cakes#and cakes has a huuuuuuge crush on him and doesnt think to hide it so rice just kinda puts up with it and then somehow#they meet with one of the white knights and are like well he seems mostly harmless#and since they dont attack or try to kill him he decides hes actually in love with rice as well so cakes is like oh no#im going to lose my years long crush to some foreign guy#but the white knight is just vibing cause out of the entire white army he has the least stake in it bc he was born in the land of red#so he doesnt really care but since one of his parents was a white native he got recruited kinda#look it sounds so bad to have colored nations and them being white black and red#but its chess i swear and my dad had a REALLY FUCKING NICE wooden chess set when i was a kid#and it was AMAZING AND BEAUTIFUL and each piece had red felt on the bottom to about scuffing the pretty wood board#anyway thats where the neutral land idea came from - all of his pieces had SOME red on them#and now i gotta go to work for more video orientation#guys theres been so many videos in the past two days#i have no energy for art#i have so many things i wanna draw but i havent managed to actually do anything yet#i need a fuckin schedule.....
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happy sunday friendz ෆ may you rest up today ! drink lots of water, unclench your jaws, & be gentle with yourself as this week comes to a close (✿ᴗ͈ˬᴗ͈)⁾⁾
#as much as sundays scare me ( usually later in the day ) i just love waking up in bed without a lick of plans#sat is always busy no matter what but sunday truly is the calm before the storm + i love it#(again. i will not be saying this around 7pm LMAO)#anywaaaay !#lounging around the house today and working on my mootie sleepover ! !#i used to do so many lil games on my old blog + id like to bring that energy here#taps chin#also …….#i kinda wanna redo my tagging system#is that crazy#LMFAO#i built one for my personal blog and they are 10x cuter than these and i’m like :T ! !#so i may slowly update them over the next week + i’ll reblog the tag post when it’s done in case anyone needs to block certain ones#finally will make my daily yap one cute + aesthetic . FINALLY !#i almost said may the force be with you (qimir on the brain) but LMAO#may you all have a wonderful + peaceful day#sending out much love#₊˚⊹ ᰔ xoxo aims#ヾ( ˃ᴗ˂ )◞ — ✩ daily yap.
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happy birthday shioriko!! i love you <3
#crow's scribbles#love live#love live nijigasaki#shioriko mifune#first proper digital love live fanart yayyyy#i found out her birthday was coming up literally yesterday and spent the whole day planning her outfit lol#i wanted to draw her with flowers but i realized that i didn't have enough energy to be able to do that so i just made her pose like this#she looks super cute in this suit <3333#she's one of my top favorites in love live; second to eli bc yeah.#i wanna get merch of her one day..... waugghghgh#i'll stop talking now before this becomes keysmash of me talking abt how cute shioriko is bye bye
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tbh this isn’t so much a downside of being medicated but i’m not sure how else to describe it. but after being medicated for a few months it’s really a punch to the gut to have the realization that for all those years you could have been doing everything you wanted to do and more and this was the only thing holding you back. it’s hard not to feel like the time before becoming medicated was wasted somehow.
#age 18 to age 28 i could have been doing art and improving my craft and writing that novel i wanted to write#but instead i was just. not.#because i didn’t have the energy or the ability to sit down and actually work#starscream.txt#did you know i thought i had chronic fatigue???#one task would wipe me out for days#i wasn’t sure and didn’t wanna self dx it because not everything lined up#guess what’s pretty much disappeared since starting adderall?#the fatigue
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no ones ever gonna understand how much i love daigo doin this stupid shit after dissolving the tojo
#snap chats#is this a gaiden spoiler. its been like five months catch up you nerds#ANYWAYYYYY NOO I LOVE HIM ....... this whole bit is like four seconds long but i love it so much#i just reminded myself i should probably make gaiden/y8 videos for daigo.. i'll make it a JP/ENG comp or somethn.. one day#not soon tho like its barely anything since he's not in those games Long At All but still. im lazy 💀#excuse me while i gush about daigo for twenty minutes now because hehee HE'S SO CUTE I CAN'T GET OVER IT#this is literally the middle aged equivalent of going yippee like YOU CAN TELL HE'S SO RELIEVED IT'S SO CUTE#got the energy of a student with crippling anxiety after they somehow get through giving a presentation without throwing up#AND his lil smile ......... thank you gaiden you made me wanna eat drywall with daigo's sad puppy dog eyes about kiryu#and then immediately made up for it a minute later#sorry i keep scrolling up to look at him and i love him so much. what if i threw up#i dont like using babygirl lightly but this is actually the most Babygirl frame of him ever ive decided#thats my boy .... i love my boy so much ..... he's so cute ... come so far in life congratulations king ..... ily ...#him lookin up at the sky for a minute just to breathe i know he thankin god for the fact he somehow isnt dead yet#im gonna ignore the fact all of this was for naught so i dont bash my head against a wall anyway stan daigo#im gonna be sick i love him so much#if i redraw this later shut up. i love him...#this is why i try not to look at cutscenes anymore cause when i do i feel my brain being put in a microwave and start to melt#its not my fault i love my guys so much .... ok bye i have work to do ....#and then when i finish that work i can go back to loving my guys YAAAAAY !!!!!!!
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Very minor vent but whyyyy is it so hard to explain to some people the concept of having a low social batteryyyy
#by bug#if I do one big event in a weekend I’m done for the rest of the week you know?#work soaks up all the extra social energy I have#it’s nothing against the people who wanna hang out after work but like they don’t understand!!#after work I wanna go home and be alone with my cats and decompress for hours#my me time is sacred and a requirement to not get burnt out#I gotta read and draw and write and game#idk how people do work all day and then do stuff all afternoon!#people are always like ‘just come on you’ll be fine’#no!!#let me recharge!!!#ahhhhhh lol
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How do I even go back to being friends with her quite honestly lmao
#We were never really friends#I mean of course we didn't start dating the very first time we met#But like#Our relationship always had an energy about it#It was extremely clear that we were into each other pretty much from the beginning#Our friendship moreso felt like us waiting to be ready to date one another#And I'm just supposed to reverse all of that#After everything we shared?#This is soooo fucking ridiculous#She hasn't spoken to me or our friends in a few days and I wanna check up on her but it feels inappropriate somehow#I don't wanna say her and I shouldn't be friends but I truly wonder how we can go back to just being platonic#We've gone through an insane amount and I truly thought we were gonna get married#I'm noooooot having a good time at all
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not even gonna tag this properly bc i don't wanna get Involved but i do have some Thoughts i need to get out into the void so here we go
(aaa quick edit: CW for mention/discussion of Boothill leaks)
#today's gone Badly and i'm upset but instead of venting abt it i'm gonna channel that energy into doing a bit of tag rambling abt Boothill#well. less abt Him and more abt uh. self-analyzing my anxiety surrounding contributing to fandoms. he's just today's catalyst#like. i know it's mostly a me thing. i'm hypersensitive to criticism and very conflict avoidant + socially anxious + perfectionistic etc.#so I'm the one that keeps myself from posting more stuff out of fear of being criticized or called-out for what i've made#bc inevitably Someone's gonna see it and think its OOC or a problematic take or they'll misread my intent. etc etc what have you#but like. that's inevitable. there's no way to communicate every single thing with all of the nuance required to avoid misunderstandings#and other times it's not a misunderstanding it's just a difference of opinions and that's Fine!! there's no accounting for personal taste#there's no accounting for several things actually. taste‚ bias‚ lore-knowledge‚ differing levels of chronic-online-ness‚ etc#so this isn't me complaining abt the state of fandom culture (although i do think. sometimes. ppl take shit a bit too seriously)#but anyways all of this is mostly just anxiety-fueled. it's not like i very often actually even receive negative feedback or anything#if anything ppl tend to tell me that i'm overthinking it and killing my own fun and worried that my stuff is more OOC than it is#which like. yeah. Yeah u right :) but that's just the way that i am! always losing the idgaf war i suppose#anyways what's Boothill got to do w this ur wondering. well. i've been thinking abt the quickly emerging concept that he's illiterate.#and it just. has me feeling a lot of ways. and watching ppl disagree over it has me feeling some Bad ways. bc it's def a loaded topic!#if you'll pardon the pun there. and i don't rlly have anything new to add other than that i'm conflicted abt it.#like yeah i saw the leaks days ago. of him mentioning 'not hitting the books' much as a child when we ask him why he sends voice messages#or voice Transcriptions ig. ykwim. and like. *braces for impact* ...i liked it? like. it doesn't feel right to call it endearing#i'm not trying to infantilize him. ok that's not the right word either but ugh. you know? what i mean?? who am i kidding even i don't know#it's not quite right to say that it feels like Representation either. but it's something close i guess#as a southern person myself who didn't receive a 'complete' education due to factors that weren't to do with my intelligence#the concept of seeing him as a capable force to be reckoned with and respected who also happens to have not received much formal education#i like that. i do. but there's so many issues w it at the same time. like. as i said‚ being southern myself has me Wary of the way Hoyo is-#writing him. as well as of the way that the fandom is taking the bits of his lore and running away w them. and i'm Very aware of how ppl-#will see a southern character and be All Too Eager to agree that they're lacking intelligence based on our Redneck™ stereotype#sigh. and before we even go too far with this. it's not even confirmed that hes completely illiterate. which is a valid criticism i've seen#there's Multiple reasons that could make him prefer voice to text. but regardless. i'm just worried that ppl will misconstrue my intentions#like. example: that edit i made the other day of him saying 'no thanks i can't read'. wasn't me playing into the stereotype of-#'haha dumb country boy can't read!' it was. in my eyes. something he'd say as a joke to make light of a potential insecurity#like. i think there's far more depth to Boothill's character if ppl could look past the surface. and i dont wanna contribute to the problem#but sometimes ppl Will have stereotypical traits and i wish the same could apply to characters as long as it's done Thoughtfully.
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Guess who forgot about Dante-
#(wait what do you MEAN its been almost a year what-)#(hi I'm still in the trenches of burnout and health stuff and the last while has especially been kinda chaotic irl)#(I've been chipping away at small rp stuff in the meantime just not had the energy to put that into logging on properly)#(since i have CSP now for icons and graphics etc.)#(I also need to like 100% decide on what blogs I wanna bring back / have active)#(still lowkey dunno whats best to use in place of session.box to make rp more convenient...)#(but I luv u guys so much and miss writing...)#(i will get my ass in gear one day <3)#｡･ ╱╱ out of character † ･｡
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idg bullies bc if you think someone is committing some sort of social sin... why aren't u stepping in to help them, why are you watching them fuck up? clearly its important enough to you that you try to socially punish the fellow, if this is a social cause you are so very impassioned about, why not help that person not fuck up?
or... did you just want to laugh at someone fucking up? bc at that point you're providing nothing to anyone besides just being an asshole but hey ig some people are proud of their assholes so
#to me its just an unnecessary energy#like i have shit to do i have chores to go home and get to why are you wasting both of our time being an ass#what is this doing for anyone besides fueling your narcissism#cool bud happy for you and your fleeting superiority complex as soon as i leave the room#i wonder how you make yourself feel like you're better than everyone when im not around- oh yeah its bc you go online#and spread your disease-like assholery elsewhere so then everyone becomes an asshole and no ones happy#no one can be sincere... everything hidden under a million layers of irony... stuffing every last emotion down bc emotions are cringe#or whatever...#idk. i dont like the artificiality of every social interaction these days. i feel like the only genuine ppl i meet are like. old ladies lol#everyones always got some sort of scheme or some shit... older ladies only care about talking about tea n knitting n shit#you think an old lady has any reason to be shitting on anyone? when shes probably living her best lil humble life?#theyre old they dont have the energy or time to hate anymore all they wanna see are things to love and hey i think everyone should#try to see the world that way. they know they dont got a lot of time left so they're more appreciative and nicer (usually)#you never know when you'll run out of time so why not start appreciating now?#why spread hate when you can be love. cheesy but its true
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111: poolside!
#hedgehog#hedgehogs#art#artists on tumblr#heyyy u may have noticed i took a few days break. or if u didnt hey i took a few days break adjkfahfas#this blog just became smthn that felt more like an obligation than smthn fun (+ some more general issues w having low energy lately)#so i took a step back and had a bit of a break. i do still wanna try and keep up w the blog just maybe not every day/if im not up to it idk#so perhaps i will go back to one hedgehog every day perhaps it will be more infrequent idk im just taking it a day at a time👍#but for now have a fun summery hog :] even tho its barely summer yet where i am lol
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