#i just think she saw it as a burden she didnt want anyone else to have to experience

[mummelthecryptid]

eowyns mother falling into a deep depression after eomunds death and eowyn having to see her slowly rot away at only 7 years old -> eowyn caring for theoden while hes also essentially depressed (though granted for a wildly different reason) -> eowyn trying to get herself killed in battle

[marejuka]

Dreams that made me soaked

TW;CNC,Degraiding💛🧡🖤

Concept:older brother from bully victim makes you regrett your behavior

Following of part one

"Come in,you might like this"

his voice sounded spiteful, my heart was racing. hopefully the two of them didn't tell anyone what was going on here

The brother entered the room and immediately smiled nasty. The guy above me got up but when i tried to do the same he pressed me with one hand on his bed.

"Remember the girl i told you about? The small girl that keeps making fun of me?" His brother nodded at his Statement and got closer to the bed and me.I writhed under his hand and tried to get free but he was too strong seemed like he didnt even notice my struggle.

His hand wanders once again to my neck so his brother has free access to touch my breasts. His touche Was rougher than his little brothers. My whimpers just made him go rougher on my titts,his huge hands fit perfectly on my tits. "apparently what he told me isn't true, you seem to be as tame as a lamb" my moans got Hotter every second that he groped me. I held on to the younger man's arm, he looked down on me and watched me like a predetor.

my instinct became stronger than my understanding , the unpleasant moisture between my legs became unbearable

My hand slid down my body and between my legs. Both guys towered over me,looked down on me in Lust and desire. It made me so dizzy in my head and my body so hot. I felt pathetic fingering my pussy but it all felt so good I couldn't resist.

I saw that the younger brother Was stroking his cock trough his pants and the older grinded slightly on my tigh. I closed my eyes and felt my dress being pulled down being completely naked in front of them made my pussy even more wet.

the big brother took out his dick and rubbed it on my naked leg,his hands let go of my breats and caressed my body Till he got down to my cunt. His long Fingers played around my entrance,the Touch gave me goosebumps. It felt like a dream when he entered my pussy with his Fingers. He was much taller than his lil brother. I felt like his playtoy, after I opened my eyes I saw the face of the boy who let go of my neck and turned to his dick. He looked down at me and then again at the hairbrush.

"Do you think that shes too tight for Real fcking?"

His brother laughed and nodded,his one Finger was already really filling for me and he could tell too.I looked at them in fear of being Degraided like that. i heard the younger man talk about getting me used to a bigger size and immediately tried to convince them that this doesn't have to happen and that I can just give them both a blowjob. They didnt seem to care at all. my efforts remained in vain,I was turned onto my stomach and pulled by my hair onto all fours. My pleas and whimpers got whinier too the point the older brother spanked my ass so hard i couldnt say a word anymore.

The older guy looked at his younger and shy brother that still wasnt doing anything else but rocking his dick."Stop being such a burden here, you can do anything you want with her,if not get out and let me have a good time alone with her" his harsh words got him out of his trance and he kissed me The raspy voice between my legs sounded again "now your gonna feel a little stretched Baby" the boy kissing took my wrists and pressed them above my head without stopping sucking on my lips "please stop"my whiny voice encouraged him even more.

When the first centimetres penetrated me it felt painful like a burning sensation, i couldnt keep myself from moaning in the boys mouth.

it went deeper and deeper until i felt it in my belly,my eyes rolled into the back of my head and my moans got louder and high pitchted.

I could feel the younger man smile while kissing me. the older carassed my tummy while slowly moving the brush, the pain turned into embarrassing pleasure. i didnt care anymore how pathetic i look underneath both men, the wet sounds that comes from my pussy didnt make me nervous but a little degraided.

His thrusts got harder and harder till i couldnt contain myself from straight up whining,the brush stretched me out so hard and the rough thrusts hurt my climax. the young brother got up,still holding my wrists and looking down on my face distorted with pain and lust. He was out of breath and red in his shy face.

"please your too rough, it hurt so bad!.. im so sorry i was mean okay?" My pleading was useless, the torture continued.

"get out my way,i wanna see her face" the older rammed his brother out of the field of vision of my face. he now towered over me,knocked the hands of the younger one off my hands so that my arms were free to grip his broad shoulders. i arched my back as he rammed the brush harder in my tight pussy "ahhh it feels so big daddy aah pls ur so rough with me" my begging turned him on so much that his dick was rockhard on his tummy. The first slap that got on my face didnt really hurt or shock me.

But the second stung and third burned. I tried to hide my face, but when I did I got a slap on my lower belly,that was even worse because it made the aching worse from the thrusting. Crying was my last espace i tought and the same second i thought about the first tear rolled down my face. "Sniff please ill be good, stop beating me up pleasee" it didnt seem to affect him and his cold voice reinforced his desire to hurt me Physical "So you think crying like a btch will get you out here? fck you look so sweet and submissive.. i love girls like you"

I looked to the side, with each hit I whimpered and gave up more and more. his hand then closed around my thin neck and squeezed, harder than his brother who just sat next to us and masturbated the whole time. he rammed me even harder so that i started to press my nails into his broad upper arms. my moans had turned into agonised whimpers. despite my pain, i felt my orgasm coming, the shame coming over me. ‹ i can't come from something like this ..›

But my body didn't listen to my mind and soon afterwards I came to the end of the painful sensation. looking down i could see that i had squirted on his hand. the older brother pulled out the brush, it was soaking wet and dripping. he smiled down me and tapped me lightly on my chin.

"maybe you forget about my useless brother and come to my room when we have a party again little slut"

‹damn, i totally forgot that there was a party going on here›

the big brother had gone into the bathroom to do god knows what.

I quickly got dressed, the boy who was so brave earlier and then was pushed away by his brother was still sitting on the bed. He had climaxed at some point and now looked a bit lost

"im sorry i was so mean.. i hope you still are happy with this.." my voice was uncertain.

i gave him a quick kiss on his cheek and limped out the room, even tho my legs were still a lil shaking.

[floosies]

Break It To Me Gently

steve harrington x poc!fem

warnings: angst, heart break

(this was gonna be more of a blurb but i got a bit carried away. its night and i ponder too much, blame brenda lee. possiblity for a happy ending idk im thinking)

they say the daughter of the man takes the karmic grunt of his mistakes, but when the man has only a son who else is left to carry the burden?

but steve was no saint, his plethora of sin was legendary itself and with it grew his list of grievances but none more painful than the love he lost after nancy broke his heart.

the girl who somehow mended him in his last couple of months of school. who made it bareable to walk the halls of hawkins high. to anyone else she was no one special, but to him in those months she was everything.

soothing a heart she didnt break. winning the boy but at the cost of having to hear how badly he was hurt. sure to anyone who heard the story she was simply a rebound, but even forgotten history is still history; and that was something they shared.

he held her hand, planted her first kiss, and posed for their elemantry graduation photo together all those years ago. never the courageous one, she watched him become the socialite she never could be. she wondered if he even remembered what they'd once shared so long ago.

when the word spread of his heartbreak, of his fall from grace, she couldnt hold onto whatever anger she had once felt. it all became pity and despite it, he wanted it. pity and sympathy, her touch, her kiss, her words all sweet nothings that eased his pain.

and maybe deep down she knew it wouldn't last. that his love was conditional at best, but those last few months, those secret meet ups and phone calls they were everything. but little by little it happened, it started slipping away. the last time she held him was the night before graduation. she knew it was over then, he didnt have to say it for her to know. with a final strong hug she released him from her way.

all her memories of this stayed in her head, and some pictures she swore never to show anyone else. it was the sweetest, cruelest, and most passionate love; and she knew it was never going to happen again.

not willing to ache she left not long before the summer could begin. the idea of going to a far away college somewhere on the east coast was the only sollace in her heartbroken misery. though she knew better, she couldnt stop herself from writing him her parting words. sending out one final adminace that she'd loved him from the start. their childhood photo folded into the letter left as a goodbye gift. in her mind he would probably just leave the card in his desk but never risk opening it out of fear of feelings or admittance that he had truly done it.

in reality, he opened it as soon as he saw it. somewhere deep down inside, he knew he had played with her heart. that she was far too kind. after everything he'd been through he should have treated her kindly, but ego still bruised he denied himself from truly being a better man.

the letter like the final blow, proved that despite his sunken feeling of being unloveable, someone had always loved him. truly loved him, missed him, and he denied it. maybe not physically, but he should have cherished her presence for what she represented more anything else. their picture only added to the pain he couldnt take from her.

the summer was cruel, while she went away living her dream, his were torn at and made a mockery. this sin was being paid, but yet the ache for reconiliation was all too real in his former heart of stone. he wanted to find anyone who could replace his guilt, his shame, instead he found robin who was somehow sent to further remind him of his sins.

was it wrong, was this crossing a line? possibly. but after the blood he spilled in that mall dried on his face he needed the warmth he had pushed away. once the directory operator transferred his call to her dorm his heart raced with hope. then it happened, when her voice softly spoke.

"hello?" his heart wavered, the fear once more there. he couldnt let this happen again

as best he could he tried to sound as his old self, "i missed you. I'm sorry I-" her voice suddenly cold, "don't. Please don't." The phone clicked, the line now dead, but he couldnt bring himself to remove it from his ear. he didnt know when the tears began or ended but they coaxed him into his sleep.

[blazingstarship]

Since I’ve been watching 5Ds, maybe talk about how you and Yus met? >:3

Aaaahhh yeah, its time to spill the tea about this story hehe @dark-magical-ships 😏 prepare for a whole essay🙈

Yus and me met 3,5 years before the canon events of the storyline.

It was back in Satellite where duel gangs reign over the Satellite sector and where a Project was set up to help out the well being of the people of Satellite. This project was created out of protest by a group of city rebels against the Neo Domino laws by trespassing to this Island and bringing supplies that’s been seen as illegal yet the most simple things like medicine, fresh fruit etc. To protect ourselves, they have fake names, field codes that presents an area in Satellite, duel guns with electric shocks and an electric belt.

One of the jobs was to deliver medication to Dr. Smitz as a request for a boy who needed this specific medicine thats impossible to get in Satellite. At Martha’s orphanage there is a wall of pictures of all the kids thats in or had been under her wings, including the boys and Yu.sei who catched the attention with his raven black hair with golden locks.

Rumors were spreaded all around Satellite and even got towards Team Satisfaction. Kiryu saw it as an opportunity to get new and illegal supplies to help with their game and duel disks. Yu.sei being the tech guy, he came along to make sure the supplies are okay for their upcoming duel. So at the dump there was a rearrange where the official meet happen, but didnt got a very long conversation between us.

The same night, the duel gangs came out the dark to duel the weaker. And it may happen Team Satisfaction had a duel too. But the team they played against werent into “playing fair”. It was an ambush, trying to robe them from their stuff. Knowing the guys, they dont give up without a fight. They got spreaded out and took them one on one, meeting at their spoken place to regroup again.

Everyone made it out fine except Yu.sei. A sereach was being hold to clear out every ally, every corner of the area. Our paths crossed as me and my buddy helped them out to look for “goldie locks”.

Yu.sei ended up not only taken some nasty hits, but also being hold against the wall and threat with a Kn.ife against his throat. The man brought up that he knows his little secret and will tell everyone else about it if he doesnt do what he has been told. Yu.sei figure the pieces together and realized this was a set up to get to him, not for the duel or their stuff. They wanted him. They wanted revenge. They wanted to take his life like the burden he buries deep down and only a few people know. The survivor’s guilt.

“Your dad didnt hesitate to take thousands of lives. Me and everyone who lost everything that day will gladly take yours without a single doubt.”

Being taken off guard, Yu.sei felt a big guilt growing inside of him. While the man got his eyes glued on him, burning with fury, he made a big mistake for not being aware of his surroundings.

Suddenly the man screamed, shaked and let the knife fall out his hand. Foam formed in the corner of his mouth as Yu.sei saw his change and kicked him to the ground. The man was passed out and got time to have a look what just happen as he saw someone standing with a gun. Breathing heavy and a little shaky of how much power it got, we looked eyes.

S: “Hi.”

Y: “Hello.”

S: “That was close, you okay?”

Y: “I am fine, I got everything under control.”

S: “Well from my point of view, you could use a little help. Your friends are looking for you, they are worried.”

Y: “Well I am fine now thanks, what about you?”

S: “Me!? Im good! Im good! Im…Do you think he is dead? I mean, I never shocked anyone before.” She points to the body on the ground, not moving at all.

Y: “He is probably napping. Byside, he is the last one I worry about.”

S: “True. He really got you.”

Y: “Huh?”

S: “You… you bleed a little.” pointing out his nose and mouth

Y: touching the place with the rug of his hand, looked at it and wipped it off more. “Dammit.”

S: offers a piece of cloth. “Here, take this.”

Y: hesitate for moment as he looked at the piece as he slowly took it and brought it up to the bridge between his nose and lip. “Thanks. Also for the shocking knock out. Your gun has an incredible volt power.”

S: “Thanks, I feel pretty safe with it. Also good for dueling.”

Y: “You duel?”

S: “Not yet. I got a deck and stuff but never actual dueled with the duel disk.

Y: “Your deck is your everything to make the best out of this place.”

S: “You are one of Kiryu’s friends right? I saw you today on the dump, regonize me?”

Y: “Yeah, I think so. We should get out of here before sleeping beauty wakes up or his friends show up. Come on, lets go.”

S: “You sure you are fine? You seem pretty shaken up.”

Y: “I said I am fine. Why do you care so much? You dont even know me and I dont know you.”

S: “But I know Martha.”

Y: “What?”

S: “At Martha’s orphanage I saw a picture of you and some other guys. She cares about you, she told me you guys were good guys. I trust her on her word.”

Silence

Y: “Let me bring you to your hiding place. What was your name again?”

S: “Uhm…Celeste.” She lies, not knowing if she can trust this guy enough to let her know her real name.

Y: “Celeste. Thank you for your help back there.”

S: “No problem, goldie locks.”

Y: “Yus.ei.”

S: “Indeed I say.”

Y: “No, my name is Yu.sei.”

S: “Oh! Oh…ooooooh. Now that all makes more sense.”

Y: “You aren’t from Neo Domino City, are you?

S: “I’m not even from around here close by. I come from the other side of the world.”

Y: “Why the heck would you chose to come here!? Of all places in world you can freely go!?”

S: “I am sorry?”

[universeofmuses]

In a way this hobby of the King’s was his way of escaping the heavy burdens he was faced these days in his rule, chiefest among them had been the constant questioning of his line of succession. Despite the fact that he was the king and his word should be unquestionable law, his decree of his daughter being next in line for the iron throne seemed to be questioned daily. Rhaenyra was his daughter, his first born, she was going to be queen as is her birthright, he didnt care that she would be the first queen if she were to inherit the throne. He wanted his daughter to take his place, not because she was the only heir, but because he knew that she would be better than he was. Viserys had absolute confidence in his daughter, but that didnt seem to matter much to anyone else. 

Viserys listened to the girl as she talked her encounter with his brother and he had to wonder what matter she needed help with, it was something he was going to ask his brother about later when he had a moment with him. Still as she talked about the man he couldnt help the uplifted tone she had, something he wasnt used to hearing especially when others talk about his brother. “Well I am certainly glad you had a pleasant experience with my brother, not many can say they’ve had the same.” He said playfully thought it must have been a matter that had interested Daemon for him to be so pleasant about helping someone he didnt even know. 

Hearing the praise of his brother and the possibility of what was on his mind made Viserys wonder what made the little girl think this of his brother, he certainly didnt let on that he felt this way. “Is that so? And what is that based on?” He asked her curiously, his brother never let on any sort of weakness to him or to anyone for that matter, he was curious about what her thoughts about her brother that led her to such a statement. If his brother was really hurting then he wanted to do whatever he could to help him, Viserys loved his brother dearly and wanted him to be happy  in whatever it was he did. 

Hearing what the girl said next perplexed him for a moment, hearing that people were worried about him made him put his gloved hand in his good hand. A while a go a cut from the throne had become diseased and required it to claim a couple of his fingers, not to mention the turmoil that his decision of heir had continued to stir up. The fact that the girl was picking up on the turmoil of not only his people but also the kingdom as whole was interesting, clearly she was a very intuitive person. Still he wouldnt confirm the issues that she seemed to pick up on, “I’m sure youre just imagining things child. Everything is fine here, nothing is wrong.” Viserys said with a smile on his face trying to cover any sight of any issues that he had been dealing with. Though as she came up and hugged him he chuckled lightly and gently hugged her back. 

As he was enveloped in the hug from the girl, he had noticed a soft glow that had enveloped him too. He was concerned, but as he was concerned about the bewitching actions this girl had just performed he felt the various wounds and rotting flesh heal as if they were never cut in the first place. “What? What is this? What did you do?” He asked as he looked at the latest cut that was just under the sleeve of his tunic and saw that it was gone, like nothing ever happened. 

The little girl, Aevon shyly entered a large chamber, where an intricately crafted model of Old Valyria stood on a huge table, and elaborate dragon figurines stood next to a carved city. She carefully picked up one of them and looked at it in awe. Whoever crafted such wonders certainly had great talent. Feeling an urge to play growing in her, she began to play with the figurine she was holding, imagining that she and her good dragon were forced to defend the city from evil dragons. She played until King Viserys came along. She wasn't afraid of him, as he looked very friendly, but she watched him with curiosity. Was he the one who was doing all these wonderful things?

"Uhmm…Hello, Your Grace…Did you create this city and these dragons?" She asked quietly, carefully putting the figurines down on the table. She didn't want to do anything wrong, fortunately she hadn't broken anything, but she hoped the man wouldn't throw her out of here in a very unpleasant way.

After all, she hadn't done anything wrong. She just wanted to play.

Viserys pet project had become a full blown hobby, what started as a history project to learn about the greatest city ever built in the world had now become the elaborate stone model on the grand table in his lavish bedchambers, it had grown so that he had enlisted the best stone workers to carve the models, the buildings, the dragons, everything to the specifications he supplied them from his readings of the ancient texts.

To the king it was a historical recreation of a city the world would never see again, though to a small child he supposed it would be an elaborate playhouse for a doll. He was returning to his chambers after a council meeting, he had slated the day to be spent with his hobby after the meeting. Though when he got there he found a child in his quarters playing with the model, he stopped for a moment and just watched the little girl play. He knew that eventually he would be a grandsire and knew that eventually his own grandchildren would be here doing the same thing, however he didnt know this child.

The king smiled at the child when she asked her question, he could tell that there was some worry about her, "No I did not, but I commissioned them to be made." he answered her truthfully, he wasnt shy to admit that the detail of the stone in the model was beyond his skill. "Tell me child, who are you?" he asked her curiously wondering who this child was and who was she a child of.

[honoringthehorrific]

I watched Martyrs (2008) so you dont have to…

Spoilers ahead in this review! However i try to be as vague as possible incase anyone reads this and wishes to delve in regardless.

Starting off I don’t recommend this movie. I didn’t do much digging into it before watching and came out the other end horrified at what i had just been a witness to. I know that opinion is going to catch a lot of back lash too considering the movie’s almost cult like following (pun intended.)

The movie tells an interesting tale of trauma, abuse, and revenge. Bearing witness to it initially i believed it was going to be a simple movie. Some sort of revenge story. However when the revenge was enacted almost immediately it left me wondering what was next.

A question i found myself asking over and over as my partner and i watched was “how long is left” and “how much longer are they gonna drag this on” the violence is uncomfortable to say the least and something that while i did sit through it i wished I hadn’t. This movie had me constantly wishing i had chosen something else and even wanting to turn the damn thing off half way in but I regrettably persisted.

One thing that irritated me greatly, Things go south with an hour left in the film as our protagonist Ana goes into the basement to find that her friend’s claims were not false. Earlier in the movie one of the people that lusie attempted to murder is still alive and Ana breaks her trust by trying to help the woman because she doesn’t think lusie has the right people. This help is in vain as we see that the woman wouldnt have survived the help regardless. Ana goes down the hatch and finds a woman, sarah who was put through the same depravity lusie was. She removes her and shows her kindness by removing the torture devices but sarah is almost like a feral animal at this point and is terminated by the cult.

The last 30 minutes of the movie are entirely wretched. When people talk about exploitation films i think this is at the peak. 30 minutes of a woman suffering to become what this cult deems a martyr. The final act is sealed with a fleshy bow on top as ana is skinned alive. She is revered for enduring this and telling what the torture has made her see and in the end none of it matters. There is no closure. We do not hear ana’s account and the only woman who did blows her fucking brains out before she can tell.

I hated this movie and its ending and while it had some interesting commentary and beautiful cinematography along with beautiful effects it was also just gut wrenching. I found myself begging the director in that last 30 minutes for a glimmer of hope and got none. I have seen people humanize and try to explain this cult’s actions…i do not feel like fearing life after death is a worthy cause for such behavior. And if people on reddit who have analyzed this ending far better than i ever could are correct. If the leader truly killed herself because ana saw nothing but void. If she did not want to live with the burden or burden the other members with the knowlege that their depravity was for nothing i do not think that is heroic or martyr like. It is depraved. You are left with the knowlege that this cult will continue opperation. Continue to try and make another martyr. That Ana’s death and all the ones before didnt matter.

In the end we are told to keep doubting. Something incredibly bitter tasting to hear. In the end we are left with dissatisfaction and deep regret and mental wounds from the pointless horrors we have just consumed.

I do not recommend this movie. I typically love things that are a bit dark and maybe a bit depraved. I love guts and gore and blood. But this was just something that left a dirty taste in my mouth… i give it a 2/10 for its beautiful work visually and its effects. Nothing more, nothing less. If you want similar existential commentary or questioning talk to a friend or find a good internet forum instead and you’ll find just as much substance. If you wish to see martyrs regardless of what I’ve warned just remember, you can’t shoot the messenger but you can shoot your kidnappers.

[mariesocuniverse]

Relationships: NCT DREAM

Look for Mark and Haechan: here

RenMae

Okay RenMae is one of the top if not the #1 among NCT

fans are like almost 100% sure they’re soulmates

Like there was no awkward small talk when they first met they just talked and ended up each other’s best friend

You would think they’d be childhood friends or at least friends before they became trainees with the way they interact even though they met at SM

she did confess to him before debut that she had a crush on him but he thought she was joking and now none of them talk about of that

Whenever she has a hard time sleeping and wants to sleep with someone, the first option is renjun

she also steals his clothes a lot and renjun’s pretty sure half the clothes in Mae’s closet belong to him

he just stopped fighting her about it because of how stubborn she was and let her do what she wanted

there was this one time he ran out of shirts to wear so he just walked to Mae’s closet and took one out

there was also this one time Renjun was in China and Jaemin posted a pic of Mae taking a nap with Renjun’s sweater on saying that she missed him so much so she wore his sweater

yeaaaaah nct twt broke that day and Renjun’s phone was blowing up with notifications

they dressed as peter pan and tinkerbell for halloween and have each other as that for each other’s contact name uwu

okay enough with the corny stuff

just because they’re close doesnt mean they’ll hold back on each other when it comes to teasing each other

like you wouldnt want to get in their crossfire unless you want them to turn their attention on you instead

MaeNo

you would think he’s older than her because of how protective he is of her

He has eyes like a damn hawk when they’re going somewhere

whenever they’re doing schedules you can see Jeno holding her hand as they make their way through all the crowd and glancing around to see if anyone has any bad intentions towards her

If it weren’t for his status as an idol you would think he was a bodyguard and he would beat up someone for Mae’s sake

whenever they record Jeno always waits for her to finish so they can go home together no matter how late at night it is

there was this one time sasaengs kept calling her phone during a live so he just grabbed her phone and turned it off and threw it too the side without saying a word

Second person Mae goes to when she has nightmares

they’re also have a really playful relationship

like there was this one time she wasn’t paying attention to him so he just lifted her and put her over his shoulder like a potato sack even though there was staff watching them Mae has tried and failed to do the same to jeno

You know how jeno says he likes being called no jam bc of how it makes him feel less burdened? Yeah she always throws him under the bus when it comes to variety shows

she has a samoyed plush on her bed when she bought when she went shopping with him bc it reminded her of jeno

Sometimes she hugs the plush instead of jeno just to annoy him lol

“I’m right here you know” “well the plushie is more huggable for you information”

Yes he did tackle her after that comment

MaeMin

okay this man right here

you know how he melts at everything jisung does? yeah the same goes for Mae

only that she openly accepts his affection and lets him cling to her whenever he wants like his personal teddy bear

you know how at fansigns idols sometimes get gifted cute headbands and plushies? he openly yelled “i love you!” to her when he saw her with a cat ear headband surrounded by plushies

she’s also like really impressed by him

she never thought she’d meet someone who would do aegyo so willingly and so shamelessly

like that one episode of weekly idol where they did the ottoke song and jaemin did a duet with everyone? yeah she couldn’t believe someone like him existed

he basically acts as her parent if none of the 127 members aren’t near them

Whenever they’re on reality shows and the prize is food he always put someone on her plate regardless of whether she lost or not

third person mae goes to when she has nightmares

would not leave his side for a week when he was put on hiatus and couldnt perform with the rest of the dreamies

she didnt want him to feel lonely while everyone else went to promote without him :(

All in all, they’re very affectionate and if they’re together you’ll have to pry jaemin’s hands off her

ChenMae

Mae’s child #1

he got lost in the company building and was too shy to ask the staff so mae approached him and brought him to wear he needed to be

accidentally called her hyung once when he was still learning korean but it ended up sticking so now he and jisung call her hyung instead of noona

When he first joined she helped him adjust with her broken Chinese and now they help each other with the language

one time she visited his house for dinner and his mom made her eat a lot of food because of how skinny she was chenle didnt stop her bc she needs sustenance >:(

wants to give her a personal tour of Shanghai when they’re given enough time for vacation

you know how chenle gave 00line watches when they became adults? he had to fight mae to get her to keep it bc she didnt want him spending money on her

legit he tried to buy her stuff but the only thing she accepted was the watch and this cute charm bracelet that says NCT on it

he put one of his photocards in her phone case (the WGU one with him by the water) and she hasn’t removed it since

he’s really smug abt it and brags to the others about it jisung retaliated by putting his photocard too so now she as to make both of them visible

fights jisung for favorite child position and he wins 50% of the time even though she says she doesnt have one

MaeSung

Mae’s child #2

took one look at him and decided to protect him

she’s used to other people taking care of her so it was nice to take care of someone else for once

i said he also calls Mae hyung but it’s also because he forgets that she’s a girl?

sometimes he hears someone call Mae ‘noona’ and he just gets whiplash because he got reminded that his “hyung” is really a girl put in a boy group

they were honestly really awkward when they first met because Jisung didn’t know how to react to a girl joining the group and kinda avoided her until she cornered him

calls him a tree whenever he teases her about her height

mae when jisung tease/pranks her: i’ve fed and raised you and this is the treatment i get?!?

jisung: you’re only two years older than me….

he gets pouty when Mae doesn’t pay attention to him

theres this one video of Mae talking to another member during Resonance filming and you just see him pouting in the background before walking to her and giving her a back hug

definitely uses his status as a maknae to his advantage

she’s not even subtle about it she’ll buy or cook food for him or yield whenever he loses a game

whenever she’s not around he always brags that he’s her favorite nct member haechan and renjun get so salty abt it lmao

[silentalltheseyearsnomore]

I've gone to add to this so many times but I can't because I am so confused. My amnesia is insane right now. And I feel like I am still in the midst of an ongoing crisis and I dont know how it ends and it keeps changing. I think I am coming out of it and then I am not. First I replied to it with this long thing about how I have people who know how to help now. I have people who notice I'm drowning. I'm not alone. My closest friends contacted S when i went silent. And S (a million years later it felt like lol) called me. Which is... not something we do. We email. We meet up. We have firm boundaries because have you seen my history of therapists and ex therapists? But she was there... imperfectly. I was terrified this crisis train had run away so far and people contacting her would make her leave. (Even though 1) she agreed she wants to know and 2) I didnt even pass on contact details they did internet detective work and found her lol.) Because like. She's not my therapist anymore. Even if she was, shes not crisis care. She's also the busiest woman I've ever met right now. But she didn't leave. She called me. She trusted our relationship enough to try that new boundary out and called. Stressed out on a lunchbreak making a sandwich while I sobbed lol. She showed up imperfectly but she was there, because she couldnt physically get to me and it was the best we could do. There was no punishment for being in crisis. I'm not alone. Or not as alone as I feel. The train wasn't out of control. (Just me lol). She spoke to me. She spoke to my doctor. She was there.

And I wrote a post about the beauty of how those people gathered to find S and ask her to reach me because they knew we needed her before anyone else could reach us. How we have a few little oddballs who get what we need now.. they know us. They love us. How fucking beautiful. But... then I wait a day or an hour or a second and we can not post that because then I feel dead. Dead. And the most unwanted alone fucking burden to ever exist. This feels like the worst crisis of my life. But maybe every crisis feels like that? Maybe it's just different. I don't know. But I have no words for it. And fuck october by the way. Fuck ending therapy and then going straight in to curveballs and then the delights of October that come each year.

We did so amazingly for weeks. So amazing. So amazing. It felt like we had processed HUGE stuff while ending therapy. S and I said for weeks or months. It was brutal. But we kept saying this is so big. Bigger than either of us understand. And that so many parts are going through a process that has never been completed. Because an attachment figure left in the middle of it, or the crisis got too big, or we didn't have enough solidity inside to stay with the pain and process. And that if we hold on and come out the other side then maybe something huge will have shifted. And we did. We did. We did. And we ended therapy. And the next weeks were insanely hopeful and incredible and the growing and the amazement and the stepping towards secure attachment and I felt like a proud mumma watching child parts come so far.

Then. Crisis. Perfect storms of triggers. No therapy. No safety where we live. S busy taking over the world and has to cancel our meet up (I mean she's been trying see us weekly despite being so busy and not even seeing family and like fuck me so grateful logically can never ever complain for all this woman does for us. she is still fighting the system for us, paying a leading supervisor still when not even her client but just to help us navigate, there for us when she can.. has stayed.) And voila. Crisis plummets. Nowhere to go with the pain.. nothing to do but hold on... its been unbearable. Its been nearly three weeks of it. The first week wasn't so bad. We thought it would pass. But then more shit happened. And then we saw S and couldn't connect and it felt AWFUL. Because we've felt so able to hold the connection.. even when she was abroad weeks! It was easy!!!! Which is wild. A couple of days used to break us. But going through the end of therapy together and all we did really shifted our attachment stuff. So then this just broke us.. to be back there. I know it's too much to expect of us to hold it ALL THE TIME suddenly. And we are seeing her less and she's wildly busy and our relationship has shifted and we are in a HUGE crisis. Of course connection is hard. But it just sucks after feeling the security. I want it back and it's so hard to have to wait. And its so frustrating to feel we didn't even SEE her. I have some memories of it. Watching from above. And it all looks fine! We are sitting in the park. We are talking. She cuddles us lots of times. We talk more. We hold hands. It is all the same! In fact from outside we look closer than the last time we saw her, in a cafe, when we were just mostly laughing and chatting and a few hugs here and there. And we felt SO connected. And it's just. So fucking annoying you know. This whole trauma thing. Lol. Like I can see the memories!!! This woman is there sitting in the grass with me, cuddling child parts, talking to us about our next steps in healing, listening, there, not being paid, just there.. just wants to be. And we were like sobbing after in the car like we are so unwanted and broken and awful. And we know at this stage in healing that is not logical and we can see it. It's just trauma logic. And I'm just tired of it. I needed my S. I needed the connection in the midst of this storm. And like. Then we spoke to her on the phone this week! She reads our sad emails! She sends cuddles to our stuffed toy from her to have til we see her! She's there! We may see her in a few days! And I can't feel it and I hate it. I'm SO stuck in these "feeling memories". At least I hope that's what this is. I hope its not present reality. I know some of it is. But I hope most of it is not. Or I'm outta here (lol)

And I hate hate hate how much is triggered right now. It feels so huge and insurmountable. And I'm too exhausted to unpick it so it is just a huge ball of terror and pain. Is it mostly S stuff? Is it the fuckfest that october always is (lol yes, same EVERY year)? Is it the physical isolation? Is it the fucking police and crime where I live every day? Is it the uncertainty of the unknown, not knowing our next steps for healing? Or life? Is it the situationship I have re entered and feel nervous about? I could go on and clearly it is all of it. Of course it is. Of course. And of course I am EXHAUSTED. Of course the overwhelm is too much. Of course all of it is too much. And I just wanna see S okay. Man. I haven't missed being a whiny attachment bitch lol

I feel like this is a train that's taken off and is now so far away from me all I can do is wait and watch in silence

And hope that it all works out

[6sakusa]

‘worth more’ part 3, oikawa tōru.

a/n: im dedicating this part to @humanitysvertigo for motivating me to write & inspiring this piece with your song suggestion ‘like you do’

warnings: implications of toxic relationship, mild swearing, anGST, me not proof reading.

“you’re an idiot.” iwaizumi grabbed the setter by the collar in a brash attempt to knock some sense into him. more often than not he’d been constantly named as too aggressive for his own good but the ace knew exactly what oikawa needed in order to be brought to attention and there was no way in hell that he was about to let him get away with this.

“i’m not in the mood for this right now.” oikawa scoffed shoving off his bestfriend as he picked up another ball from the pantry preparing himself for another serve.

“i don’t care what you’re in the mood for, this isn’t good for you, how many times have i told you to cut this shit out.” iwaizumi launched towards the male, he was now raising his voice as he made reach for the ball. it was insane how much he would get riled up when it came to oikawa’s safety even though he hated to admit it.

“why are you like this.. you’re all like this, why are you trying to stop me? i need to get better, i need to do better, i need to—“ his words were cut off by a swiff headbutt from iwaizumi causing him to go crashing towards the ground.

“don’t you ever get tired of saying selfish shit.” it was obvious that anger was building up within the ace, but if you didn’t know him well enough you would miss how it was interlaced with pain and sadness. the sight of his bestfriend hurting himself took a toll on him too regardless of if he showed it or not and he couldn’t bare the sight of oikawa mistreating both you and himself. growing up together iwa found himself as the boys sole protector, as if he was his responsibility and now as the days grew longer it seemed as if the burden was almost getting to heavy to carry. the last thing he wanted was to have to walk away from the friendship because it was becoming too stressful and draining, no, because part of iwaizumi was oikawa and he couldn’t imagine his life without the selfish boy.

“don’t you wanna win? why do you play iwa? are you content with the participation awards? because i’m not.” the setter grit his teeth as he reflected back on his recent loss. the way the ball had hit the ground just a hair out of his reach, the way the score was so close and the taste of victory was almost on his tongue, the fact that it was their last try at going to nationals, the way it was his own kouhai who had beat him, the way he had disappointed iwaizumi above all. he had to make up for it, he had to make up for all of it.

“i play because it’s fun.” the ace shouted shoving him further into the ground. “i play because.. i like it, i like volleyball, and i like playing with you and the rest of the team, it’s made me who i am today.” his voice softened and he finally let go of his bestfriends collar, inhaling a deep breath as oikawa watched with wide eyes. “what does volleyball mean to you now? do you just want to be the best at what you do for something you don’t even find fun? look around, think about all the people you’re hurting.” he referred back to you.

“i’m doing this for you guys as much as i’m doing it for me—“

“no you’re not, we’re in our third year now, it’s done oikawa, it’s over.. there is no next game, there is no next tournament, there is no next time, and that’s okay because these past three years have been the best of my life, there’s nothing else i could have asked for, you’re the best partner anyone could ever want, my bestfriend and the best setter.” iwaizumi sighed collapsing backwards, hitting his own head as the words just kept tumbling out.

“really?” there was a newfound light in oikawas eyes, one that the ace much preferred in comparison to his gloomy figure that would always pop out when he was being much too harsh on himself.

“yes really, you are the best setter—“

“no.” oikawa cut him off unexpectedly. “really? i’m your bestfriend?”

“are you shitting me? you’re an idiot, who else would it be? we’ve been friends since we were kids.. stupid crappykawa.” he mumbled off at the end noting how sappy the setter had turned him.

“you have a way with words iwa-chan, or maybe you’ve just gone soft on me hm?” he joked around lifting the tense atmosphere off the two of them.

“and now you’re all smiling and shit? you were just depressed two minutes ago” iwaizumi clicked his tongue at the sight of his friend, he wondered how he was always able to switch his mood up so easily. sometimes he was envious of his ability to do so, he wanted nothing more than to turn off the nagging voice at the back of his head sometimes that would tell him—

“what can i say? i’m suddenly feeling inspired.” he looked up to the ceiling as if he was in some soft of romcom and iwaizumi scoffed at the sight of it. sometimes he wondered how he’d ended up with a bestfriend who was so cheesy.

“well good because aoba johsai isn’t the whole world, there’s a volleyball career waiting for you anywhere on this planet, but nothing everything is replaceable like that.” iwa successfully recaptured the setters attention with his last words.

“what do you mean?”

“y/n... she’s not replaceable but you treated her like shit today didn’t you? i saw her sitting out in the rain so don’t even try to deny it.” he gritted his teeth at the thought of it, the way your fingertips were icy cold, your warm tears juxstaposing the freezing rain, your clothes absolutely drenched and your catatonic state of pure silence as he walked you home. there was only one person who could be the cause of such pain, and he was standing in front of him now.

“the rain?” oikawa jumped to alert now, he knew he wasn’t in his right mind when he had spoke to you, all that was going through his head is that he was a burden that you needed to rid yourself from, but that didn’t mean he didn’t love you or didn’t care about you or could live without you.

“what did you say to her?”

“i said i didn’t need her..” his heart clenched as he recalled the events, how could he be so foolish? and then to let you sit out there while he was ignorant to the entire situation as he stood there selfishly serving the ball over and over again.. “i scared her.” he swore he was on the verge of tears as he forced out those words, nothing hurt more then seeing your eyes wash over from love to fear in the matter of seconds as he towered over you. and for what? all you were doing was trying to help.

“well why are you still standing asshole? go to her, i’ll clean your mess up.” the ace sighed staring at the vast amount of balls sprawled over the court.

“no i can clean it up, don’t wo—“

“shut up, go.” he was interrupted by iwaizumi who had his best interests in mind as he always did.

“i owe you one.”

“you always do.”

—

finally changing out of your drenched clothes you could barely bring yourself to move, you’d already turned down food and avoided questions when your parents had ask why you were practically dripping onto the floor. it was too much to even speak, it felt like a part of you was gone, someone you had planned your entire future with just didnt need you anymore in the blink of an eye. you were even reconsidering your university options just to be closer to oikawa and now he had tossed you away like a tired ragdoll. you had been warned about oikawa before, plenty of people named him a playboy, even his own bestfriend had warned you to stay away but something had left you so drawn to the male that it was unexplainable. it was a feeling that only those who had experienced it would know, it was true love, if soulmates existed you were sure he was yours and never in your life had the thought of even breaking up crossed your mind.

the two of you had gotten into heated arguments before and many times it would end with you in tears or him storming out but he always came back. why hasn’t he come back? was it truly over? were you just not enough for him? you knew how important volleyball was and you always supported him but you hated seeing him overwork himself. did that make you a bad person? maybe you were, maybe he was right and you weren’t being the supportive girlfriend you were meant to be, it was your fault, you should be better right?

“y/n?” your thoughts were interrupted by a sickeningly familar voice and you turned to see the very boy that you were just thinking about. there was no doubt now that fate existed, otherwise why did things always end up like this?

“what are you doing here?” you narrowed your eyes at the setter, scrambling to wipe the tears off your face. you hated looking weak more than anything but you couldn’t help the dent that the entire situation had left in your heart.

“iwa-chan told me what happened and your parents let me in, were you crying?” he moved closer towards you, watching as you tried your best to stifle your tears as if nothing happened. you knew it was a pathetic attempt, you really did, but you couldn’t help how badly you wanted to be strong. you flinched backwards, causing him to halt his movement as he was making his way to cup your cheek.

the sadness that washed over his eyes in that moment was almost unbearable for you to witness. of course it would pain him that you would flinch away from his hands like that, it looked as if you were afraid.

“w-what? why are you flinching? i would never hit you, i love you.” you hated the way you knew exactly when he was telling the truth and when he was lying, and right now tōru oikawa was being the most genuine that he had in a long time. one part of you wanted to pull away so badly, to tell him that he treated you like absolute shit, that he didn’t deserve you and to scream and shout at him to get out. but the other part of you, the stronger part, wanted nothing more than to revel in his embrace, for him to whisper sweet nothings in your ear and promise how he was going to marry you one day while he played with your ring finger reminding you over and over again how much he loved you, because no one loved you like he did.

“please.. say something y/n.” he clenched his jaw as you stared at him with empty eyes, he couldn’t bare the thought of knowing that he was the one who had done this. it was always him who had caused you pain and suffering and now he was wondering if he had made the right choice by coming here.. if he hadn’t you would get over him one day wouldn’t you? you’d probably find someone who loved you without the grief that he always provided, someone who made you happy without requirement, someone who could give you a life that he couldn’t. what he didn’t know was how much you wanted to tell him how no one else mattered to you and how you had felt this way since the moment you’d met him but your mouth wouldn’t say the words you wanted them to so badly.

“why.. why do you always do this to me.” your voice cracked and you couldn’t hold it in any longer, your eyes glossed over before tears spilt out uncontrollably. you moved to clutch your own body, burying your head in your knees as you cried your heart out to your boyfriend who immediately moved to embarace you. what shocked him is how cold you were to the touch, you were sure to get sick tonight so he would stay by your side the entire time if he had to.

“i don’t know.. all i know is how sorry i am.” he pulled you closer so that you were not facing his chest as he brushed the hair out of your face and rubbed your back soothingly. “i cant explain it y/n-chan, i mess up really badly sometimes and i don’t know why, all i know is that life isn’t the same without you in it, since i met you everything just seems brighter, like it’s all worth it.. no matter what i say to you i will always love you.”

you cried harder as you came to the realisation of how weak you were for him.

“you’re the only person i can’t bear to lose y/n-chan, you’re the most selfless person i know, please don’t ever walk out of my life, i’ll do better i promise.” a tear rolled down his own eye as he imagined how empty things would feel without you, he wondered where he would get the willpower to wake up everyday.

“you promise?” you looked up at him with tear stained eyes through those beautiful eyelashes of yours, and how could he not love you when you still looked so pretty even when you were crying over him.

“i promise.” he hugged you a little tighter, wanting to memorise this moment for everything that it is.

“then i’ll stay by your side forever tōru.” you smiled softly at the thought of the rest of your life with the boy you always intended to spend it with.

“and i’ll marry you one day y/n-chan.” that day you fell asleep in your boyfriends arms as he stroked your hair and coddled you with promises that you’d remember for decades.

what the two of you didn’t know was how iwaizumi sat in the gym, motionless with a pained expression on his face and a slow tear rolling down his cheek as he led the boy he’d loved since childhood right back into your arms as he always had. he even stayed cleaning up for the rest of the night before practicing how he would face the two of you in school the next day with a smile on his face. as long as his bestfriend was happy he told himself.

because oikawa was wrong about one thing, there was someone more selfless than you.

[acciofanfics]

Darling (Fred Weasley x Reader)

Request: So reader is in same age with the golden trio, she is someone who used to call everyone “darling” before. After 6th grade she just stoped doing that- that’s also the same year that she start to date with Fred and he didnt know this old habbit. Whatever, all Weasley’s and golden trio are at a dinner and she says “Darling could you pass the salt please?” and everyone tries to give the salt. And she just get in a mood like “I can explane” to Fred.

Pairing: Fred Weasley x FemReader

Warnings: None?

A/N: Omg! I didn’t realize until posting that I completely looked over one detail of this request 😭😭 -S

———————————————————————-

She’d done it for as long as she could remember, with no clue how or when it started, she just knew it started. Honestly, it was probably her mother and father’s fault. They were just kind and loving people who never met a stranger, it was only natural that the warmness of their personality rubbed off on the child they raised. (Y/N) always remembered her mother calling everyone sweetheart or honey and while her father didn’t give out the nicknames to just anyone he was loose with his terms of endearment within their family. Really, it didn’t seem abnormal at all when she entered the compartment on the Hogwarts Express to speak to the two boys her age kindly, “Do you mind if I sit with you, darling? I can’t find another compartment.”

Harry wasn’t used to terms of endearment... well he supposed he was if you called ‘freak’ or ‘burden’ affectionate. Still, he only knew Ron and this girl seemed nice enough, he couldn’t see any reason not to oblige her request. From that moment, (Y/N) became quite close to the two and Hermione as well... and Neville and Seamus and Fred and George and honestly Harry couldn’t think of a single person that wasn’t fond of her. He even noticed that Draco and his goons didn’t go after her as much as they went after everyone else.

(Y/N) believed it to be well understood she meant nothing by the pet name she gave everyone. There was only really one person who seemed bother by it and that was Fred. Of course it’d been 5 years since he finally said something. She’d been talking to him alone, which was odd, but George has headed off to the restroom. “Do you call us Darling because you can’t remember everyone’s name?”

She knew he was just teasing her, but it still kinda stung. To be honest, she’d had a crush on the boy for awhile now and she wondered why it bothered him so much. “No... I just... I’m sorry. I won’t call you that if you don’t want me to.”

Fred instantly felt guilty when he saw her warm smile fall into embarrassment and maybe a bit of hurt. He didn’t mean anything by it... well he assumed if he laughed she wouldn’t know he meant anything by it. “No, I’m sorry. It’s not that I mind! I just get jealous when you call other people that.” If Fred played the blunt honesty off as nonchalant then surely she wouldn’t read too much into it? Wrong. The blush on her cheeks rose immediately, but so did a smile and Fred supposed he didn’t mind too much if she saw through the rouse.

From the start of her relationship with Fred, (Y/N) started to take his feelings into account. Whether or not his jealousy was justified, she still made it her personal mission to only call people by their names. Hermione was really the only one to notice (there was a reason she was often referred to as the top witch in their year). She’d been quite proud of how well she’d broken the habit... well until dinner one night at the Weasley’s.

Molly and Arthur were always such great hosts, and they made everyone feel like they were welcome at the Weasley’s. So it wasn’t uncommon for (Y/N), Hermione and Harry to come to dinner. No, it was an exceptionally ordinary night in every way.

“Could pass the salt please, darling?” (Y/N) had been talking to Fred. Honestly she had! However, the name hadn’t been mutually exclusive to him for such a long time that he was not the only one to reach for the salt. No, Hermione, Harry, Ron, George and Ginny too had she been close enough stuck out their arm. After a few apologies the salt was handed to her by Fred.

Fred had long since gotten over himself. Really, as soon as he realized his feelings were reciprocated. He knew (Y/N) well enough to know she wasn’t the type of person to lead everyone on. He asked his mother once about it (she’d been so thrilled he wanted her help she almost squealed), but she told Fred he was most likely just frustrated because he wasn’t sure how she felt about him. Molly had been right, but Fred wouldn’t tell her that, it’d just go to her head.

Still, he could see how flustered it made (Y/N), so he couldn’t resist teasing her. “With my own family?!”

“I can explain!”

[juviaafullbuster]

Can you do 12 for the story list? We never see Juvia ever express how she feels when she's sad. Maybe Gray talks to her about it. Also I really like your blog!

Heyy Anon! Thank you, I'm really glad you do! Also thank you so much for the request. I'm not sure if this is what you had in mind, but I hope you like it 💙

Angst - Prompt 12:

"Holding everything in doesn't help, you know."

When Gray first voiced his concern, his friends gave him a questioning look. To them Juvia wasn't any different than usual. She still had her sweet smile on, she still greeted everyone warmly, still clinged to Gray every time she saw him. Same old Juvia.

But Gray knew better. They did live together for six months after all. And he had learned quite some things about her during that time. One being that Juvia tends to keep a lot to herself. It might surprise people because she seems so open with her emotions, especially the ones regarding him, but she tends to keep a lot to herself. Crazy woman, always worrying about being a burden.

Gray stole a glance at her. She was seated with Cana and Lisanna, listening closely to whatever the two were saying. She wasn't engaging in the conversation, just listening and nodding along sometimes. She was smiling. To anyone else it would seem that she was content. But not to Gray.

No, he could see the way her shoulders were tense. How she kept stealing glances towards the clock. How her smile didn't quite reach her eyes. There was a distant look hidden behind her facade. Something was definitely off. And whatever it was, Gray was determined to find out. Because it is Juvia, his Juvia. The one who always looks out for him and makes sure he's alright. And he'll be damned if he doesn't do the same.

***

Later that evening Gray made his way over to Fairy Hills. He knew boys weren't allowed and Erza would surely kill him if she spotted him there but he would have to deal with that when it came to it. For now, his focus was on the water mage that had left the guild hall without telling him goodbye earlier. Yeah, something was definetly wrong. And he was about to find out what it was.

Gray glanced up to the window Juvia had pointed to once. She had told him that it was hers in case he wanted to sneak in. Back then he had just told her she was being crazy. And now look at him, he was doing exactly that. Who is the crazy one now?

Shaking the thought away, Gray focused back on his task. He used his ice magic to form a ladder and climbed up in hope that Juvia left the window open. When he arrived upstairs he had to learn that she didnt. He knocked on the window a few times, hoping to gain her attention. After his fourth knock, Juvia finally came out of the other room, a questioning look on her face. When she spotted him however she froze before breaking out in a huge smile. At least he had accomplished one thing. She came over and opened the window gesturing for him to come in.

"Graysama, what are you doing here? Not that Juvia minds but it is very unlike you to climb into a womans room during the late evening.." He could tell her fantasy was already running wild and he let her imagination run for a little before shaking her out of her trance.

"Alright, spill it."

"Spill what?"

"What's wrong?"

"Juvia is afraid she doesn't know what you mean."

"I mean, what's wrong with you?"

Juvia looked taken aback for a moment before tears started forming in her eyes. "Nothing is wrong with Juvia.. Why would you ask that? Do you think there is something wrong?"

Shit. That was not what he meant. How could he be so bad with words?

"No, Juvia. I didn't.. I didn't mean it like that. Don't take it the wrong way, nothing's wrong with you. I just had a feeling something's off, you've been acting different.. you didn't spend much time around me today."

"Does Graysama feel neglected?"

"WHAT!? What are you talking about. That's not it at all."

"Oh.. Then what is it?"

"Juvia, I like to think that I know you very well by now. And something's definitely going on with you. First I thought I was just being crazy, everyone else said you were being your usual self. But I've been watching you closely and I can tell that you're not like usual. Something must be bothering you."

"Graysama was watching Juvia?" She was looking at him with big eyes, a slight flush on her cheeks.

"No! I mean yes, but- it's not like you think.."

"Juvia understands. You watched her because you were worried about her."

"Exactly."

"Graysama is so sweet, worrying about Juvia." She pretty much had hearts in her eyes at this point and Gray found himself blushing. He turned around, awkwardly scratching his neck. This conversation wasn't going anywhere..  and then he realized.

This conversation wasn't going anywhere for a reason. She was trying to avoid the issue by getting him flustered and drifting off topic. And he almost fell for it.

"Alright, sit down."

"So bossy.."

"I'm serious Juvia. We need to talk. Stop trying to distract me and be honest. What is it, what's going on?"

He stared at her waiting for a response. Juvia tried to hold his stare but he was determined. It took only a few seconds for her to give up and look away, staring anywhere but at him.

Her shoulders dropped in defeat and the mask she had on fell. When she looked at him again, she was frowning, a sad and distant look in her eyes. Seeing her like that, it broke her heart.

"Juvia.. what's wrong?" Gray sat down next to her. It was an unusual sight, seeing Juvia like that.

"It's nothing.. Really, it's sweet of you to worry but Juvia is fine."

"Seriously? Juvia you're obviously not fine so don't pretend to be. I'm not leaving until I know what's wrong. So you either talk now or I'll be spending the night."

"Graysama wants to spend the night with Juvia?" She smirked, looking at him with a gleam in her eyes. Gray felt his cheeks warning up and he looked away.

"Nice try. But don't try to drift off topic."

"Really, Graysama, Juvia is fine. She's just a little tired that's all."

"Listen, I understand. I know what it's like to not want to burden others with your issues. Trying to keep everything to yourself, acting like you're fine when you're not. When my parents died, when I lost Ur. When I found out the truth about what happened to Ultear, when I lost my dad again. I've been there. I shut myself off, tried to carry it all myself. And do you know where it got me? I turned cold, distant. It damaged my friendships. I was a mess Juvia.."

She was listening closely. Gray watched a tear roll down her check. He wiped it away before giving her a small smile.

"I dont have to tell you all that, do I? Because you were there when I finally broke down. While we were living together. When I couldn't hold back anymore, when the nightmares became too much. You were the one who held me and told me that it will be okay eventually. The one who listened to me. Do you remember what you told me that day?"

Juvia looked down, confirming that she indeed still remembered. But he was going to remind her of her words anyway. He put his hands on her cheeks, tilting her head up and making her look at him.

"Holding everything in doesn't help, you know."

It was what it took for Juvia to finally let go. She broke down, crying her heart out while clinging to him desperately. Gray held her close, stroking her back in an attempt to comfort her. Slowly her sobs became quieter until they died down completely. She still clung to him and didn't make any indication of letting go anytime soon. Gray just continued holding her, wishing to shield her from all the pain in the world.

"Juvia is sorry.."

Gray stopped her before she could continue. "Don't be. It's okay to not be okay. Stupid trying to hold everything in. I'm here for you Juvia, whenever you need me. Don't carry everything by yourself. Okay?"

She looked up to him before nodding her head in agreement. He smiled at her softly and she laid her head back on his shoulder. He saw that there were still some tears rolling down her cheeks but at least she seemed calmer, a little more relaxed. Gray held her closer, an attempt to tell her that he's here for her. He always was better with actions than words.

"Thank you Graysama."

"Don't thank me. I didn't do anything.."

"You did a lot."

They sat in silence, enjoying each others presence and comfort. Gray wouldn't admit it loudly, but he needed this just as much as Juvia.

"Hey, Juvi."

"Hm?"

"Want to tell me what happened?"

There was a moment of silence before Juvia moved away from him, freeing herself from his hold, in order to look at him. Gray had to admit that he missed her warmth immediately.

"Juvia will tell you, but.."

"But?"

"But only if you stay with her after too.. everytime I think about what happened nightmares follow so Juvia can't sleep."

"That explains why you appeared so tired. How long has this been going on?"

"Two weeks. Since the last mission I took."

"Juvia, what happened on that mission?"

"You're staying with me?"

"Of course. I'm not planning to leave your side anytime soon."

"So Graysama is spending the night with Juvia?"

"You want Erza to behead me?"

"Juvia would never let anyone hurt you. When it comes to protecting you not even Erza can stand in my way."

"Well, in that case.. I guess there's no reason for me not to stay."

Gray laid down on her bed and pulled her down with him. She rested her head on his chest, while he wrapped his arms around her protectively, pulling her closer to him. He heard her sigh, prompting him to tighten his arms around her. They both stayed silent for a moment, enjoying each others presence and the peace before Juvia took a deep breath and started telling Gray about the mission that she had finished two weeks ago. He listened closely while rubbing her back comfortingly. It wasn't long until the tears were rolling down her cheeks again. Turns out her mission wasn't as successful as Master had first told them. Yes, Juvia did finish the job, but there were some complications she hadn't told anyone about until now.

Juvias job wasn't a hard one, she was just supposed to hold a water show at a little girls birthday party. The girls father however was late. He should have been there an hour ago and they were still waiting. They decided to start without him, despite the girls protest. Turns out her father was her only family. Just a little later however random people came to the house, talking about an accident. By the time the news registered, Juvia was already holding on to the little girl, a desperate attempt to shield her from the world, the pain.

"Gray, she was shaking so bad and then she broke down because she realized what happened. And all that on her birthday. And I was there. I was there Gray. I could have went to look for him after he was late. I could have found him. And maybe it wouldn't have been too late the. If I had-" Juvia didn't manage to finish her sentence. Instead she clinged to him desperately, sobbing into his chest.

"She has noone now. Just another kid, left to the system. Juvia was there. Juvia knows what it's like. If only I would have-"

"Juvia, don't."

"But-"

"No, Juvia. Don't you dare blame yourself for this. None of this is your fault. You couldn't have known. It was an accident. Besides, if anything they're lucky you were there. At least the girl had someone to hold her, she wasn't alone."

"But she-"

"It won't be easy, but she'll be okay eventually. You can't blame yourself for this Juvia."

Juvia seemed to think over his words, before sighing. She still seemed conflicted but he could tell that some weight had been lifted off her shoulders. Gray pulled her closer to him and kissed her head.

"If you want we can go check up on her together? And make sure shes treated well at the orphanage until she finds a good family."

"You'd really do that?"

"Of course, if you allow me to come with you."

"Juvia would love that."

"Alright, then it's settled. Now try to rest."

"You promise to still be here when Juvia wakes up?"

"Not even Erza herself can make me leave your side tonight."

She giggled and Gray couldn't help the small smile. It would take some time for her to deal with this and recover. But she would be fine because this is his Juvia, the strongest girl out there. And he'd stay with her until she does.

"Graysama?"

"Yes?"

"Did you remove the ladder you climbed up with?"

There was a moment of silence before realization hit him. Gray sprinted to the window, ready to break the ice, only to find that he was too late because standing next to it was no other than Erza herself.

"GRAY FULLBUSTER, YOU BETTER GET YOUR ASS DOWN HERE!"

[weasleymalfoypotter]

the half blood princess

harry potter x fem! reader

masterlist

word count : 3.4k

warnings : daddy issues, crying, angst, loneliness, father/daughter arguments, fluff, let me know if i missed something

summary : the reader is snapes daughter, he was never fully present and never fully showed her love, and it didn’t help that all of her peers refused to give her a chance because they all thought she was just like him, until harry potter realizes there’s more to her

A/N : so sorry i haven’t been active in so long, school has been kicking my butt. this was so fun to write though and i know it seems like i’m always writing characters that are related to pre existing characters but i swear i have different stuff coming. also if there are spelling mistakes i’m sorry i tried to get this out soon so i didn’t do as many proof reads as usual

y/n snape was her fathers biggest disappointment and longest regret. she was everything he resented. a young gryffindor and, she wasn’t lily potter’s. she was a constant reminder to him that he could never have who he wanted and instead he was stuck with a version of a one night stand he never cared about. he always thought if he were to have a daughter it would be with lily. but no. y/n showed up on his doorstep as a baby with a note from her mother saying she couldn’t take care of her and he was the father. a muggle DNA test did confirm that she was telling the truth. all of these factors lead to snape being the kind of father who did not neglect a child financially or materialistically, but did neglect a child emotionally, developmentally, and mentally. he did not like her and it showed. he treated her as if she were a burden, one that he longed not to carry, but that he had to none the less.

despite being a disappointment to her father and never being allowed to forget it, y/n snape was kind. she was an enigma, not just to those at hogwarts, but to herself. she knew her personality did not match her upbringing and, and she knew it definitely did not come from the man whom she shared 23 chromosomes with. she knew that most people who were hated by the one person they wanted love from their whole lives didn’t turn out to be lovely people. she knew that most people with daddy issues defined themselves by it and made it their personal permanent problem that their fathers didn’t love them correctly. she however did not do that. from the time she was a child she could not care any less what her father thought of her. she knew she was more than what he said she was. and she wasn’t going to let him get to her, which ultimately got to him more than anything. she was good hearted, intelligent, brave, and charismatic. however this didn’t stop people from judging her based on her last name. the slytherins didnt like her because she wasn’t one of them, the ravenclaws were intimidated by her from the moment she was confirmed to be the greasy haired potions teachers daughter, the hufflepuffs feared her like they feared severus simply because they didn’t know better, and the gryffindors wouldn’t claim her because she wasn’t one of them either. all of this, simply because her last name was snape.

she sat in transfiguration listening intently and taking notes while mcgonagall taught. the only other person in the class of 5th years doing such was hermione. hermione was never openly rude to y/n nor was she scared of her, and y/n took this to heart. they weren’t friends and had barely ever spoken, but y/n still appreciated the neutral attitude nonetheless. the bell rung and she gathered her things before mcgonagall approached her.

“Ms. snape may i talk to you for a moment?” she hated that the teachers called students by their last names.

“of course, is everything alright?” the girl questioned

“everything is fine dear, it’s just that one of your fellow peers is falling a little bit behind in the class and i think it would help if he had study sessions with you during the week if you’re up for it” the professor answered

“of course i am, who is it?”

“Mr. potter, i’m afraid he gets distracted easily and this subject isn’t his strong suit” she explained while talking with her hands. y/n’s face fell a little. if there was anyone who had prejudged her more than anyone else, it was harry potter. she didn’t completely blame him, her father was horrible to him, but still.

“o-oh umm.. are you sure he would be okay with working with me? why not hermione?” she asked, hoping to find a way out of this

“i don’t like to pair up friends with friends, they tend to get distracted, and i think he would be thrilled to get the chance to get his grade up. i’ve told him i would find someone to help him so meet him in the library at 7:00 tonight after dinner” she said before smiling and clapping her hands. “good day Ms. snape” she said before walking away and into her office attached to her classroom.

y/n sat through dinner at the edge of the gryffindor table a few feet away from some first years. out of the corner of her eye she saw the golden trio laughing with each other, while seamus finnigan kept tossing carrots at dean thomas and neville longbottom. she’d seen the group of the other gryffindors have moments like this her whole life. she looked up to the staff table at her father who was speaking to umbridge, and she was filled with a sadness. sadness because she would never have what the other gryffindors would have. sadness because her last name had ruined her years at hogwarts. sadness because she would never have a relationship with her father who had never and would never give her a chance.

she walked into the library with her bag slung over her shoulder. she looked around for the boy with the messy hair and round glasses and spotted him at a table in a corner reading a book that was not about transfiguration.

“i don’t think that will be of much help to our study session” she said with a strained smile before sitting down across from him. his eyebrows furrowed and he looked slightly panicked.

“you’re the partner mcgonagall set me up with?” he asked. she nodded her head. after a moment of silence and him looking anywhere but her, while slowly nodding his head she asked

“is that a problem?” only with a slight attitude

“n-no no not at all, just not what i was expecting” he choked out

“right. well we’d better get started” she went through her bag to get her books out and he started at her.

“right right. umm you know, i know you’re busy so if you don’t want to do this i can get help from hermione and just tell mcgonagall that it was you” he said only slightly nervous. she stopped turning pages in her book and paused before looking at him.

“i’m not” he looked at her quizzically so she continued “busy. i’m not busy, i’ve caught up on all of my other work and i’ve gotten enough O.W.L. studying in, so i’m not busy.” she slammed the book closed and leaned after a pause. “why don’t you want to work with me?” her words subtly laced with anger. he looked in her eyes then looked away.

“i- i don’t know, it’s just well um” he stuttered

“it’s my father isn’t it” she blinked at him “you don’t like me simply because of my father, right?” he stared at her trying to find words to make this any better.

“it’s not that i don’t like you...” he trailed off

“you don’t trust me? you don’t think i’m smart? you think i’m evil like him?” she asked with raise eyebrows.

“did you just call your own father evil?” he sort of laughed out.

“well yes, he hates me and always has, he a jerk. i’m surprised you’d think i like him, he treats me worse than any of you” she said.

“i never thought about that, i just figured-“

“that i was just like him?” she cut him off

“well...”

“maybe if you all would have taken the chance to get to know me instead of assuming who i am you would have realized” she said slowly. you could hear in her voice that she was agitated. he didn’t know what to say. she looked at him and opened her book again. “let’s just get started” he nodded and opened his book. the rest of the study session was awkward and neither of them made eye contact. they went their separate ways and agreed to meet again in two days.

-

the next time they met it was civilized and professional. she made sure everything they talked about was about transfiguration. she didn’t want to talk about anything because she thought it wouldn’t be real. she thought he would just be talking to her out of guilt or pity and she wasn’t interested, so she kept it strictly educational.

harry however wanted to talk to her about anything other than transfiguration. after that first time they met he realized she was right, there was more to her. he had no idea what it was but for some reason he really wanted to. he wanted to know what made her smile, what music made her heart dance, what colors she wanted to paint her eyes, what she wanted to do with her life, what she thought about death and youth and the construct of time. he wanted to know so many things, and none of them out of pity or guilt, he wanted to know out of pure curiosity and infatuation.

the next two weeks were full of studying and talking only about transfiguration, much to harry’s dismay. he didn’t know how to change the subject no matter how much he wanted to. he had no idea how to talk to girls. especially ones he liked. although he didn’t even know he liked her, in his mind he just wanted to know more. he decided it was time to go for it, he couldn’t take any more talk about how dangerous transfiguring live animals could be. as they were about to go their separate ways leaving the library, he grabbed her wrist to turn her to face him before she walked away. she looked down at his hand

“listen, i was wondering if maybe you’d want to sit with me at lunch tomorrow? or breakfast, or dinner, or all three really” she looked at him, visibly confused

“i- umm yeah yeah sure” she replied. he smiled and let go of her wrist when he realized he’d been holding it the whole time.

-

when she walked into the great hall the next day she saw harry’s head tilt up and smile at her. she walked to him and sat on his left with hermione, ron, fred, and george across from her, ginny and dean to her right, and seamus and neville on harry’s other side. as she was sitting a chorus of slightly awkward hellos greeted her.

“everyone this is y/n, y/n this is..well everybody” harry said sweetly

“nice to formally meet you all” she said with an appreciative smile

“harry’s told me all about your transfiguration lessons, we need to study together sometime, i hear you’re a genius” hermione exclaimed excitedly

“i wouldn’t say genius, but i would love to study with you” y/n replied. she smiled at everyone as the conversations continued, everyone keeping her involved. they were kind, and she wondered what harry had told them. they were so warm. a feeling she never felt at home.

-

“what have you been doing associating with potter?” her father asked her. she was in his classroom looking for a book she’d left there. she rolled her eyes since her back was to him before she responded.

“i’ve just been tutoring him and transfiguration, it’s not a big deal” she explained as she turned to face him

“i saw you with his friends today, don’t lie to me” he sneered

“I’m not lying and what’s it to you anyway? it’s not like you care, and why do you hate him so much? he and his friends have been nothing but pleasant which has been a good change of pace for me, or do you want me to miserable during my hogwarts years like you were?” she quipped back at him. this was how conversations went between the two of them usually. the funny thing was, she had no attitude. she simply said what she had to say, but she was almost sweet while saying it, which was an oxymoron.

“i care because potter will corrupt you, i don’t like him because he thinks he can strut around here and get away with anything, and it’s not my fault you’re miserable” he replied

“it’s most definitely your fault” she muttered under her breath as she gathered her things, but before she could leave he raised his voice and blocked her path

“what did you say to me?” he asked angrily. he always got upset when she spoke under her breath at him

“i said it’s most definitely your fault. it’s your fault that i’m miserable. it’s your fault that no one likes me. it’s your fault i don’t fit into my own house, and it is most definitely your fault that i have never know a fathers love” she was obviously upset now. she stormed out of the room shoving past her dad and he just sighed and watched her leave. he couldn’t even be upset because she was right, he was annoyed because she finally voiced it.

in all their years of squabbling and fighting she never said something so true and painful. she only took quick jabs that were true but not as hurtful. it was more hurtful to her than to her father because once she said it, she had to accept the fact that it was true.

she went to the corroded hidden at the top of the school where she was sure no one would find her. people never came this way after dinner, and she knew because she spent quite a lot of time hiding out up there. she slid down the wall and cried. she laid her head down on her knees as she pulled them up to her chest. at the sound of footsteps her head shot up and her hands darted to dry her eyes, but she looked in the opposite direction of whoever was coming. she was surprised to hear his voice.

“y/n? a-are you okay?” harry’s voice was calm and cool, but if you listened hard enough you could hear the concern in her voice. he kneeled down next to her and put a hand on her shoulder.

“i-im fine, really, you can go back to what you were doing” she said with a quarter hearted smile. she couldn’t make it to half hearted. he shook his head and sat fully down right next to her.

“i’m not leaving unless you physically force me too” he turned his head and finally got a good look at her tear stained cheeks “do you want to talk about it?”

“you don’t have to do this” she said, looking at the floor

“i’m not doing anything except checking up on my friend”

“friend?” she asked with smirk

“absolutely” he said

“it’s just my dad” she explained while still holding eye contact with the boy

“care to elaborate?”

she explained the whole fight to him and he listened intently. it was nice for her, having someone that listened. he enjoyed hearing her open up but his heart broke for her when she talked about how her life at school had been sad. he hurt when she talked about her pain and how lonely and unloved she’d felt her whole life. that’s when he realized he liked her. he wanted to make it better, he wanted to make her feel loved and heard and seen and beautiful and so much more.

the next few nights were spent in that empty corridor. he showed her the marauders map so they could watch while they talked to make sure they didn’t get caught. she learned all about his life and it wasn’t that easy being harry potter. he learned all about her life and the things that made her smile, the music made her heart dance, the colors she wanted to paint her eyes, what she wanted to do with her life, what she thought about death and youth and the construct of time. he loved every minute of it.

he wasn’t the only one. she absolutely adored learning about him and his little quirks. she loved the way his eyes lit up when he talked about quidditch and her heart broke for him when he spoke of life at privet drive. needless to say she was head over heels for the boy.

they spent meals together and the trio warmly welcomed her into the group after a few months of being friends. y/n and hermione became very close and ron loved having her around because he thought she was hilarious. she hadn’t talked to her father much, but when she did it was all about school or quidditch.

harry found her in the corridor on a thursday night reading.

“hello love” he said while sitting next to her. her heart leaped at the nick name.

“hey bub” she replied without looking up

“can talk to you something?” he said

“of course” she closed her book and turned to face him, crossing her legs

“this is probably going to be a little blunt but i want to get straight to the point ”she nodded at him “and if this is weird or awkward then just tell me to shut up and we’ll forget it and everything will go back to normal” she kept nodding “and it’s totally fine if that what you want, but y/n i really like you and i really want to kiss you and take you on a date an-“ she cut of his rambling with a kiss. he was startled at first but quickly leaned into it, deepening the kiss and putting his hans on her waist. they broke apart after a moment and stared at each other.

“that um- th- that yeah that’s where i was going with that” he stuttered out

“you’re cute when you ramble” he blushed.

-

they stayed up that whole night talking in the corridor before making their way to their dorms and giving one another a kiss goodnight. they went to bed that night separately but also as a couple. they walked into the great hall the next morning, hand in hand, as a couple. the whole school now knew that harry potter and y/n snape were, in fact, a couple. all of them were surprised but none as surprised as the black haired wizard at the staff table.

-

her father kept her after her potions class which he spent mocking and teasing harry, even more relentlessly than before.

“you’re not to see him anymore” he said simply to the girl. she scoffed

“you don’t get to decide that”

“actually i do, i’m your father” he sneered

“really? i had absolutely no idea, you sure as hell don’t act like it” she replied. she was confident today

“YOU WILL NOT SPEAK TO ME THAT WAY!” he bellowed. she didn’t even flinch. her face didn’t show a reaction and he sighed in frustration.

“can i leave now?” she asked monotonously

“no” he answered “you will not be with that boy and be my daughter, i will not allow it. if you are to live under my roof outside of this school, you will not see him.”

“then i’m done” she said. tears started to prick at her eyes

“what is that supposed to mean?”

“it means that i won’t live under your roof, i won’t be a financial burden anymore, i won’t be your daughter” he blinked at her “well it’s what you seem to want, you’ve always wanted me out of your house, it would be a weight lifted off of your shoulders”

“y/n stop this is nonsense”

“it’s not nonsense! it’s the truth! you’ve said it for as long as i can remember, except you never said it. you showed it” tears fell down her face “you never wanted me, you never loved me. i was never right. i didn’t have the right mother, i wasn’t sorted into the right house, i didn’t do anything right in your eyes” she tried to breathe but it was getting hard “i never knew love, not from you, not from a mother, not from friends. i had no idea what it felt like, until now. and i refuse to let it go just because you forgot what love felt like. so if you want me to leave, if you don’t want me to be your family anymore, then fine. i never was anyway” she finished before storming out of his classroom.

[viktorxsheep]

THEODORE NOTT X READER: lovely

Summary: You're starting to feel really insecure and terrible about yourself, but theo comes to the rescue

Prompt: “Please don’t say that about yourself. Please don’t believe that. You’re so much more than that. You’re so…"

Pronouns: She/Her

House: Hufflepuff

Warnings: self deprecation

____

The girl kicked the ground and sighed, she always felt like this. Every single morning she felt horrible about herself, but she could never let anyone know- especially theo. Y/n hummed as she walked out of the sunny hufflepuff common room,transfiguration books in hand. Why couldnt she tell theo? Well the answer was simple. The poor slytherin already had too much on his plate. From his mothers death and his father being a death eater, he was worn down.

She knew that other than herself, Theos other support system was blaise, so she had to stay strong her lovely green wearing boyfriend. Y/n was finally at the transfiguration classroom, sighing as she gathered as much energy as she could to remain happy in a way. She took a seat next to her partner in class, ernie. "Hey y/n, what's up? You weren't there at the great hall this morning" the h/c girl shook her head. "I spent all night working on my potions essay, I overslept a bit". While that statement wasnt a lie, it wasnt the full truth. The entire night as she did it,her mind was plagued with thoughts of how unworthy she was-to be at this school, to have friends, Theo, family or anything else.

Y/n had hope the day was going to be a little better, and those feelings of uselessness would tire out. Yet this all came crashing down as she got her transfiguration test back, and a big fat failure on it. Those thoughts of feeling like a burden just added on more and more each task that failed on her, from her test failing, falling off her broom in quidditch, spilling her drink on Zacharias Smith (who glared at her for the entire rest of the day or when she messed up a charm and instead of a singing teacup, they got one that screeched. It felt like the feeling of being useless and a failure was eating her deeply. She had been so tired and didnt understand why she always felt this way.

The last straw was in potions, usually she was pretty okay at the subject but this time luck really wasnt on her side. She accidently placed a wrong ingredient inside and it blew up on her. "Oh helga..." she closed her eyes, trying to stop the tears from rushing down her face as snape reprimanded her for that mistake. "I didnt think you were that idiotic l/n, i said newt eye but you placed a fishes. 10 points from hufflepuff for sheer ignorance of instruction"

Theodore looked at her from his cauldron, he knew that she accidently put it in by mistake. He also knew something was wrong, definitely wrong. In the day she usually always ran toward him in the great hall during morning to give him a hug. Or his daily kisses before entering a classroom if he saw her, he was going to kiss her but she just ran past him. Theo didnt even receive his regular hugs at lunch!

As the class ended, and y/n ran away to an alcove that nobody went to, he followed.

"Sunshine"

"Sunshine?"

"Y/n!"

Theodore excalimed, seeing his girlfriend frozen in place and staring at the ground. Y/n hopped up in suprise, theodore was always so quiet so she could never expect him. "A-ah, theo. Whats up?"

Theodore furrowed his brows, stepping forward. He wiped away her tears with his thumb and looked her in the eyes. Y/n wanted to push him away, tell him she didnt deserve his affection but it just felt so good. "What's wrong?" He softly asked, in the most gentle way he could. "...no-nothing" he raised a brow, and y/n sighed.

"I just...feel like I'm useless you know" that suprised theo greatly, before he could respond she ccontinued. "I feel so tired everyday, and I feel like such a burden to you and everyone. Sometimes i feel like a big pile of mush and trash"

Theodore took a deep breath as he caressed her face, letting him kiss her forehead. "“Please don’t say that about yourself. Please don’t believe that. You’re so much more than that. You’re so…” he paused "lovely...I know these feelings wont go away so fast, but I'm there for you, you know? Why didnt you tell me sooner?" The hufflepuff was crying as she gripped onto his shirt. "I-I didnt want t-to be a weirdo or a bu-burden. You have so-so many problems and I shouldnt add to that" theodore shook his head and stroked her hair. "Oh my darling, you're never a burden. I'm sorry if it ever seemed that way,but i love you so much and I'm always here to listen to your problems. This relationship shouldn't be just you helping me you know? Let me take care of you for a while"

He smiled a little sad smile as she burrowed her face into his chest. "...but I'm not really pretty, or anything...or smart"

"Does it matter? As I said earlier, to me you're lovely. Your face, your eyes, your nose, stomach, thighs, your entire body with all its perfections and imperfections. You're a kind individual who matters so much to me. You're never a burden, never to me. I've never been interested in anyone before but the moment you tripped onto the floor when we were in 3rd year that sold it. It dosent matter if you're not a genius, you're MY love, so it dosent matter"

The h/c girl was crying into his shirt, and he hugged her tightly, refusing to let go.

"So let's go get some hot chocolate okay?" "..okay" He kissed her lips and took her hand in his, a smile on his face. Theodore never talked alot, he always kept sentances short-but when he was with y/n he just couldn't help but ramble about anything. The way to his heart is heavily guarded-but she had a key that could somehow open it...and he wouldn't change a thing.

[astralaffairs]

on fear under stark, dying lighting || thomas jefferson, fotp-verse

title: on fear under stark, dying lighting

pairing: thomas jefferson x reader, an fotp-verse oneshot

words: 5k

request: how would thom react if lets say maybe his neo-nazi supporters get too passionate abt their anger towards mc’s articles and um try to shoot/mug/harm her to stop her from writing anything else against thom?

notes: ok so first off lemme preface this w the fact that thom is a self respecting black man who has another self respecting black man as his running mate so tbr the neo-nazi white supremacists r not exactly his demographic of supporters. that said i fucking loved this prompt; set in the universe of freedom of the press, but not canon w/ the storyline

tags: @stargazelaurens @ivory-haired-queens @exoticxchicken8@assbuttstyles777 @distinguishedpotsticker @fukaaaaaaaa@hereforthepsyche-assessment @ivetoldamillionlies@fangirl570 @thealaddinkid @lasciviouspeach@snazzydoesthings @shy-and-awkward-daveed@rachelhermionerose @soft-weeb-s @gryffinclxw @anamrnk@daveeddiggsit @ayayayayana @marinovakovich@cryinghazelnutt @thefandomgirl03 @a-hopeless-fan @cloudynblw @tinywhim @lolidunnoaboutnow  @siriusorionblackiii @fanfic-addict-98 @checkurwindow @nyxie75 @i-know-i-can @yxseminx @yavin4andor @sugacita @sstrawberry-fanta @youtxbemusic @queenwilty — hope i didnt miss anyone; lmk if you want to be added!!

Beep.

Beep.

Beep.

Y/N scrunched up her nose as her eyes fluttered open, the gritty, incessant sound of the machine grating on her nerves — while she was no stranger to the sound of her own heartbeat, she'd never heard it like that. When she finally tried to look around the room, she winced. The sterile-white LED lights lining the ceiling made her eyes burn; as she adjusted to it, slowly waking up, she began to notice the steady click of an IV drip not far from where her head rested.

She didn't move at first, blinking hard as the ceiling was her entire range of vision, but when she tried to sit up, a sharp pain shot through her shoulder, and she cried out, her hand flying up to the spot.

"Hey, hey, hey, sweetheart, lay down, okay? Relax, please. You're gonna hurt yourself."

The beep of the heart rate monitor accelerated in a fleeting moment, and steady, familiar hands came to rest gently on her good shoulder and her upper back, easing her into the crinkly mattress beneath her. She turned with wide eyes to find the last person she expected at her bedside as he propped her head up onto a pillow.

"Thomas?" she asked breathlessly. "Shit, I... What are you doing here? Did you bring me here? I don't..." Her brow furrowed as she eyed his worried expression, the small, scared frown he wore. As she tried to shift in her bed, turn to look at him, she gasped at the throbbing in her upper arm — with that, it didn't take long for her to recall exactly what she was doing there, though the details were hazy. She didn't know what to make of her current circumstance, though.

"Here, d'you want me to raise the back of the bed so you don't needa hold yourself up?" Though she'd screwed her eyes shut, her jaw clenched as she tried to bear the pain, as his hand ghosted down to her forearm, as he brushed his thumb across her skin, he could hear her pulse beginning to settle. She nodded, laying onto her back with a grimace.

A moment passed in silence while she tried to collect her thoughts. She let out a soft hum when the reclined top of the bed began to fold upward, letting her shift into a sitting position, she withdrew her right arm from Thomas's grasp, pulling it back to instead lace her fingers into his. "Better?"

"Mhm." When she again opened her eyes, he'd pulled his chair closer. She frowned. "How are you here? You... We're in public, Thomas; you can't..." She trailed off, but when the concern in his gaze didn't subside in the least, she said, "Did I die? Am I... Is this even real? I don't understand."

Despite everything, at her words, a teasing grin split his grim expression, and he squeezed her hand lightly. "Well, first of all, 'm flattered that you think wakin' up here next to me might actually be heaven—" She rolled her eyes, but she couldn't help her soft, endeared smile. "—but no, you're alright, just in the hospital. You're gonna be fine."

"I guess that's a relief," she sighed, pursing her lips. She eyed him with concerned hesitance. "But what are you doing here?"

"What d'you mean, 'what am I doing here?'" he asked incredulously, his voice soft. "Three of my supporters just tried to fucking kill you 'cause they were tryin' to defend my image. Did you think I wasn't gonna come see you? Make sure you're okay? I've been worried sick, Y/N."

"I..." She swallowed the lump building in her throat as she remembered everything that happened, how quickly it'd all gone down. With the way they'd cornered her, she was lucky to have escaped with a bullet in her shoulder. She was lucky to have even made it out alive. "I'm really, really glad you're here," she said with a weak smile, "but we aren't exactly holed up in your penthouse, right now. How do you plan to explain that you came to visit me in the hospital?"

"Well, officially, 'm here to offer my deepest apologies on behalf of myself 'n my campaign and to let you know that I entirely denounce what happened," he said, and as his gaze fell, as he couldn't bear to meet her eyes, she could see the remorse in her demeanor. "Everyone's just gonna think it's damage control, and I get why. Some of that was just an excuse for me comin' to see you. But really... I can't tell you how sorry I am that this happened. 'M so, so sorry that people came out 'n tracked you down, tried to murder you in my name. You can't... I can't begin to tell you how much I wish I could go back and do somethin' different to stop this from happenin'. That I didn't spend so much time messin' with you on Twitter. That I woulda—"

"Stop it," Y/N said, her voice hardly more than a whisper. She could see Thomas's eyes welling up, his stare glassy; she could hear his voice beginning to waver. "Stop. You know this wasn't your fault. There was nothing you could've done to prevent it. You're a good person, okay? I know you. Please, please don't blame yourself."

She squeezed his hand, and he shut his eyes tightly. "Fuck, I don't—" He sniffled loudly, reaching up to wipe the tears from his cheeks. "Don't know why you're comforting me right now. 'M not supposed to be the one who needs it; I don't wanna make this about me. 'M sorry."

"You have nothing to be sorry for. You aren't responsible for this, and I don't blame you for it in the least." At her gentle tone, he let out a ragged huff, still not meeting her eyes. She frowned. "Hey, look at me. You didn't do anything to incite this."

"You're too forgivin'," he finally said, lifting his head to meet her gaze. "I don't deserve it."

She scoffed at the words, breaking his gaze to shake her head in exasperation. "Thomas, if you don't deserve to be forgiven, that's because there's nothing to forgive. Please, this isn't your burden."

There was a skip, silence aside from the IV drip and the staticky beep of the heart rate monitor. "That's enough talkin' about me," he finally said. Y/N sighed. His deflecting was overt, but he didn't seem to care. "How are you? I don't just mean your shoulder, either. No one would judge you for bein' rattled after everything that happened."

She shrugged, and he could see the pain in her eyes. "I'm not great, if I'm honest. I was just so scared." She drew in a shaky breath. He took her hand in both of his, pulling his chair closer to her side. "How'd you even find out about this, anyway? Lafayette?"

"Now, why d'you think Lafayette woulda heard about you bein' in the hospital before I did?" He could only feign offense, but the eyebrow he raised was playful. She couldn't stifle her amused smile. "That hurts, sweetheart, really. He matters that much more to you than I do?"

"Shut up; you know that none of my other friends would tell you about this," she groaned, but any exhaustion in her voice was contrived. "Alex and his sister-in-law are my emergency contacts. Which one of them would've ever called you?"

"Alright, alright." Thomas huffed, trying to purse his lips to hide his grin. "James called me. Dolley saw it on the news."

"Oh my god, it's on the news?" Her eyes widened, and Thomas was struck with a pang of guilt as he heard her pulse begin to spike — there wasn't much she could hide when hooked up to a heart rate monitor. "Shit, I– I need to call Mira and Orlando; they've gotta be terrified. And Angelica, holy shit, I'm sure she's heard. What time is it? How long has it been since the story broke?"

"Hey, calm down, okay? They're outside. They know you're gonna be alright," he murmured, rubbing the back of her hand comfortingly, and he sighed as he heard her heartbeat slow. "Everyone's out there. James 'n Dolley came, Lafayette came... Hamilton brought his whole family. I met Angelica, just now."

Her eyebrows shot up, but a laugh was etched into her surprised smile. "Oh, no, tell me you're lying. I can't imagine that went well."

He hummed in agreement, his eyes crinkling at the corners as he watched her enthusiasm begin to grow. "Nah, not so much. Think she woulda throttled me out in the lobby if Mira hadn't stopped her."

Y/N groaned. "Of course Mira's out there defending you. Some priorities."

"Oh, would you rather your friends killed me with their bare hands?" He raised an expectant eyebrow, and when Y/N only shrugged, he scowled.

"Listen, all I'm saying is that if someone shot you in my name and James tried to throttle me for it, I'd understand."

Thomas gave a reluctant hum. "Forgot how much you liked havin' people's hands around your throat. Guess you'd probably enjoy it, huh?"

Her eyes widened as her breath caught, blood rushing to her cheeks. She could feel her skin burning, and somewhere in the background, she was vaguely aware of the rush of her heart rate monitor. "Thomas. Shut up, I swear to god."

He laughed when she tried to shove his hands away, yank her right arm out of his grasp, but when he just squeezed her forearm teasingly, she turned her head. She couldn't meet his gaze with the scowl she wore. "Aw, what's the problem? You only into that when I'm the one doin' it?"

"Thomas." She whipped her head back around to him with a wearing look, appearingly taken aback, but her teeth were sinking hard into her bottom lip. When she saw the mocking pout he wore, a chill ran down her back; her stomach turned.

"Y'know, I'm kinda havin' fun with bein' able to hear your heart rate." When he winked, the corners of his lips turning up into a knowing smile, the heat in the back of her neck flared.

"You're exhausting," she grumbled. He shrugged.

"Mmh, I can see that." When she turned to him with an eyebrow raised, he grinned. "Nothin' to be ashamed of, sweetheart. I know I—"

He was cut off by the click of the door being thrown open, and a nurse rushed into the room, closely followed by the small army of people there to see Y/N. They both pulled abruptly back from one another. Y/N's heart was pounding.

"Y/N! Are you okay? Did something happen?" Eliza asked pushing through to see you with wide, worried eyes. Y/N opened her mouth to respond, but when she just gaped at everyone for a moment, Alex immediately cut in.

"Jefferson, I swear to god, if you laid a finger on her, I'll end you. I knew it was a bad idea to let him in here," Alex scowled, glaring at Thomas as he strode toward them, but Y/N's brows shot up.

"Hey, woah, stop it," she said holding up her right hand, a silent request for him to come to a halt. Reluctantly, he did, still eyeing Thomas skeptically. "Nothing happened. I'm okay. Why'd you all come in here like this?"

"Your heart rate was rising, dear. We thought you could've been having a seizure, or a heart attack, or... or something," Dolley said, and Alex glared when she pushed her way in front of him. "How are you? I saw the video online, and oh, Y/N, it was awful. I couldn't bear to see such a thing happening to you."

"Dolley, hey." Y/N wore a soft smile as Dolley came to her bedside, resting a hand on her calf. "I'm okay. Not the best I've ever felt, but it isn't anything I won't be able to sleep off. That, and some painkillers, of course."

Dolley gave her a wry smile. "Let me know if there's anything I can do. I have a neglected bottle of rosé sitting in our pantry and two pints of ice cream in the freezer, so go ahead and pick your poison."

Y/N laughed. "I'll have to see what flavors of ice cream you've got stashed away, but either option is dangerously tempting."

Dolley was about to reply, but when Angelica emerged to her left, she jumped back, startled. "Anyway, why was your heart rate so high? You don't look like you're going into a coma, so what'd he do?" Angelica nodded toward Thomas, the look in her eyes all business and her brow furrowed. Thomas raised an affronted brow.

"Oh, please, Thomas wouldn't hurt a fly." As everyone began to disperse themselves around her bedside, the group who'd come to see her made Y/N's heart warm. She resisted rolling her eyes at the doting smile Mira gave Thomas alongside her words, which he returned gratefully. (Suck up.) However, Mira also turned to Y/N with a hesitant look. "Right, mija?"

Y/N pursed her lips, glancing between Mira and Thomas dubiously, but Thomas looked smug. "Yeah, yeah, he's in the clear," she agreed reluctantly. "My heart rate spiked because I stupidly tried to use both my arms to shift where I was sitting. It didn't feel so great for, y'know, my bullet wound." When she gave a weak smile, there were sighs of relief scattered throughout the group (Thomas's was the most adamant; he hadn't expected her to bail him out quite that easily).

"Well, we are glad to see zat you are alright." Lafayette offered her a soft smile, and when she found him standing directly beside Thomas, she reached out to squeeze the hand he had resting on the rail of her bed. A flicker of dejection passed through Thomas's expression, gone almost the moment it came.

"I'm glad to see all of you here. It was really sweet of you to come," Y/N said, looking around the group. Her eyes lit up when she caught sight of James standing just behind Dolley, a small smile resting on his lips. "Aw, James, even you showed up?"

"Of course, Y/N. We on Thomas's campaign have been incredibly concerned."

She rolled her eyes at his formal tone. "Yeah, yeah, talk all you want about your political agenda, but we both know Dolley dragged you along to visit."

"I truly can't help but take offense at that," James said, his brow furrowed, and he shook his head. Regardless, he wore an amused smile. "As though I'm unable to cross partisan lines for an injured acquaintance?"

"Aw, aren't we friends by now?" Y/N asked, plastering on a pout, and James laughed.

"I suppose so." He squeezed Dolley's shoulder, an eyebrow raised, and she shuffled aside, inadvertently crowding into Angelica's space. When James took a step forward, Y/N's eyebrows shot up at the bouquet of flowers he held, the envelope attached to them. "These are for you, on behalf of our entire campaign."

She had to shift in her seat to turn and take them from him in her right hand, but as she did so, she grimaced at the dull pain in her shoulder when she moved it. Thomas's hand shot out to support her before he realized where he was, and he stopped himself short, pulling his hands back into his lap with a wince.

"Thanks so much, James, these are beautiful," Y/N said, inhaling deeply as she held the flowers up to her nose. "Who picked them out?"

"I did." The sound of Thomas's voice among the group surprised her. Her eyebrows were raised when she turned to him, and she struggled to stop her small smile from widening at his words.

"Well then, thank you, Secretary Jefferson. I appreciate the gesture."

"It's the least I could do, Ms. L/N." She pressed her lips together; it was all she could do not to laugh at the formality in his tone. He gave her a sympathetic smile, but as she met his gaze, it was doting. "I'm terribly sorry that this happened. Please, don't hesitate to reach out if there's anything further we can do to support you."

She cocked a brow. "Care to pay my medical bills?"

"Gladly."

"Wait, seriously?" Her eyes widened. "I was joking, but I'm holding you to that."

"As you should," Thomas said reasonably, giving a shrug. "I understand how difficult this has gotta be for you, and for your family, too. We'd like to support you in any way we can."

While his gentle tone made her smile, holding his stare, but Alex scoffed loudly.

"Oh my god, don't fall for that, Y/N," he interjected. Y/N raised a brow. "He's just trying to avoid a lawsuit. Or convince you not to start bitching online about how he almost killed you."

"He didn't almost kill me," she huffed. She glanced back hesitantly at Thomas, and he was watching her with guilt heavy in his expression. "One of his supporters did. It's not the same thing."

"Yeah, they tried to kill you in his name. Why are you giving him a pass?"

"If you shot him in my name, would it be my fault?" She pinned Alex with an expectant stare, and he huffed. "You know it wouldn't, and this is no different. If you're gonna spend the next few minutes attacking him, go wait in the hall until he and James leave. My head already hurts, so I refuse to listen to you picking a fight."

Alex folded his arms. "Why aren't you kicking him out?"

"Because you're the one getting worked up, right now," Y/N said matter-of-factly, but Thomas sighed.

"I understand that you all want me gone. I won't impose," he said, and when he began to push his chair out, Y/N and Mira wore identical, dismayed expressions.

"No, no, you aren't imposing!" Mira insisted. "Please, stay."

"'S alright, Mira. I know when I'm not wanted. I should be goin'," he said, giving her a reassuring smile, but his nervous gaze flickered back to Y/N. "Unless, of course, you've got any more grievances you wanna air? I'd be happy to listen, but I don't wanna overstay my welcome."

"Actually," Y/N started, pursing her lips. Thomas's tense demeanor softened as she went on, "I have a few more things I'd like to say before you go. You aren't off the hook just yet." Though her expression was hard, Thomas was struggling not to grin at her not sending him away. Y/N looked back around to her friends and family. "If you'd all give me another minute? I need to get some things off my chest."

While everyone obliged her easily, turning to give her space as they started toward the exit, Dolley and Lafayette shared a knowing look. Y/N's nurse smiled. "I'm glad to see you awake and feeling better. I'll be on call if you need me."

"Thanks so much," Y/N said quietly, and Lafayette caught her eye with a grin.

"We will be back in a few minutes, chérie. Do not do anything rash."

Y/N's eyebrows shot up when he shot Thomas a wink before following everyone else out, and they sat another moment in silence until the door finally fell shut. Thomas breathed a sigh of relief.

"So, now that everyone's outta here, you gonna rip me a new one?" he asked playfully, and Y/N rolled her eyes, finally letting herself grin as she turned to him, leaning fully back against her bed.

"Don't tempt me," she warned, and he laughed lightly. "But I just wanted another minute with you. If you want to go or have somewhere to be, I'll understand."

"I'm gonna stay as long as you're lookin' to let me," he replied, and when he rested his hand on the bed's rail, she took it in hers.

"I don't know how long I can believably pretend to be yelling at you, but I don't want you to leave just yet. I'm really glad you're here." She swallowed hard, glancing down at where their hands were linked. "I've just... been so distant recently. Is it silly to say I was afraid I was going to die without seeing you first?"

He let out a light, breathy laugh; the look in his eyes was akin to relief. "Jesus, I hope not, 'cause I've been up all night worryin' about the same thing."

Her eyebrows shot up, and he gave her a sheepish smile. "You've been up all night?"

"How was I supposed to sleep?" he asked, his eyebrows raised. He shook his head in disbelief. "You have no idea how scared I was, sweetheart."

"I can imagine," she said with a sigh. "Thank you for coming. I'm sure it wasn't easy to get in here with my friends all ready to bite your head off."

"Mmh, not exactly," he agreed, tone dry, and when she caught sight of his irked expression, she raised an eyebrow. "I didn't get too warm of a welcome."

"How'd you convince them to let you stay here until I woke up, anyway?" she asked, and a lopsided grin split his expression. He shrugged. "Don't tell me you just waltzed in here, and they let you into my room. I know them better than that."

"Lafayette vouched for me."

"Seriously?" Y/N furrowed her brow. "And said what?"

"That it'd be best for you to be able to get everything off your chest before everyone came in to see you." He shrugged, and though Y/N rolled her eyes, his smile was smug. "Guess I'm lucky you're takin' pity on me, huh?"

"Really, Jefferson. I should consider being a little harsher next time. Really making you pay for being thoughtful enough to show up here and comfort me when I'm terribly injured." She bit her lip, eyeing him tentatively. "Hey, can anybody see us right now? Are there any windows or security cameras I'm missing?"

He shook his head, brow furrowed. "Uh-uh. Relax. It's just you and me, alright?"

"Then will you come sit with me?"

His eyebrows shot up when she looked at him hopefully, shifting over on her bed, but it wasn't until a moment later that he answered, his words hesitant. "I dunno, sweetheart. I know you're in a lotta pain, and I don't wanna accidentally hurt you. You should just rest."

"Please?" The look in her eyes was hopeful, and she ran her thumb across his knuckles. "I just... wanna be held. I know you've gotta go soon, but..."

She couldn't finish her sentence, instead just trailing off, watching him with pleading eyes, and he sighed. "God, I hate not bein' able to say no to you. Move over."

Y/N grinned when he stood, delicately propping himself up onto the edge of her bed and swinging his legs up beside hers. His left arm brushed against her right shoulder, and she winced, trying to prop herself up onto the side of his torso. His hands found her waist. "This okay?" he asked softly, shifting her to lay against his chest, and her smile went soft.

"Yeah. This is good." She hummed contentedly when he absentmindedly began tracing patterns into her hip through her hospital gown. "Thanks for being here. Not many people would be willing to fight through my friends just to see me for a few minutes."

"Well, I did have some help," he murmured, his lips just above her ear. "I mean, since you gave Mira the power of attorney and all, she got the final say on who was allowed to come in and see you. You know she's got a soft spot for me."

Y/N giggled. "I guess your whole 'golden boy' act does come in handy once in a while."

When Thomas huffed, she could feel his warm breath tickle the side of her neck. She shivered. "Y'know what, I'm gonna let that one go, but only 'cause you're injured."

"Or because you know I'm right," she teased, craning her neck back to look at him with a wide smile, and he raised an amused eyebrow.

"Mhm, 'cause I'm secretly a terrible person, huh?"

"Good thing we agree." She pushed herself up to lightly kiss the underside of his jaw. "I just wish you could stay longer. I know you probably have a million things to get done, but I hate that you have to use some bullshit excuse just to come see me."

"So do I," he sighed.

"I just wish we could do... whatever this is in the light of day."

"What if we could?"

"Thomas," Y/N groaned lightly. "It's a nice thought, but you know it isn't possible. You aren't going to drop out of the race for president, and I'm not going to stop covering the campaign. I like my job too much. I don't want to give that up."

"And I'd never ask you to," he assured her, "'S just a nice thought."

"Yeah," she agreed reluctantly, her gaze downcast. A beat passed in silence; they were both too caught up in their own heads to pay attention to the steady click of the IV drip within a foot of them, the buzz of the dying LED lights overhead. Finally, Y/N said, "Is there any chance you can come up with some excuse to come back and visit me tomorrow? I'll have my phone on me, so I can text you when the coast is clear."

"I'd love that," he whispered, pressing a kiss to the side of her head. He hadn't realized it, but she'd begun to doze off, her eyes fluttering shut as she laid her head against the warmth of his body, the steady feeling of his heartbeat in his chest lulling her to sleep.

"Thank you," she murmured, covering his hand with hers. "I love..." She trailed off when she could feel him inhale sharply, his chest rising against her back, and despite her fatigue, she knew enough to hold her tongue. "Love that you could make it here. Thanks again."

"'S been my pleasure."

She didn't respond, content to just rest in his arms, and his smile was soft as he looked down at her. Several minutes ticked by, and the pair was at peace in the sterile environment, relaxed despite the bullet wound in her shoulder, the danger she'd been in hours before, despite the tension that always hung heavy in their dynamic, unavoidable with the risk they were taking being together.

"Thanks for keeping me around, sweetheart," he whispered, and his words were met only with the heavy sound of her breathing, leveling out as she drifted further and further from consciousness. He swallowed hard. "I love you."

She was too far gone to hear him.

A few more minutes later, the room's door clicked open, and Thomas's eyes widened, realizing the position he was about to be found in. His eyes widened.

"Y/N, is it alright if everyone else—?" Lafayette emerged from the doorway alone, cutting himself with a soft smile when he caught sight of Y/N laid against Thomas's body, perfectly at peace in his embrace. "Ah, Thomas. I am glad to see zat she is being well taken care of," he said softly, a teasing lilt to his voice. Thomas couldn't take it too personally. "Is she... asleep?"

He nodded. "Has been for a few minutes. Think she's been needin' some real rest," he replied, warm gaze drifting down to Y/N's calm, absent face. "Y'know, the kind that doesn't come from faintin' in pain and some anesthetics."

Lafayette chuckled lightly, folding his arms. "I think zat it is for ze best," he said. "But I was sent in 'ere to see whether or not Y/N was done, ah... lecturing you for ze 'arms done. I am not sure I 'ave any way to tell everyone zat she is still busy in 'ere."

"Sounds like it's time for me to head out, then, huh?" Lafayette nodded, and Thomas looked down with a reluctant smile. "Alright, gimme a minute. Send everyone in when I get out of here, yeah?"

"Of course." Lafayette departed without another word, appearing to be rather pleased with the scene before him. Thomas sighed, trying to shift Y/N off of himself without rattling her, and when he gently laid her shoulders back down onto the mattress, her head resting to one side on the pillow, he leaned down to kiss her forehead softly.

"I'll be back for you tomorrow, okay?" he whispered, disregarding entirely the fact that she didn't hear a word of it. He finally lifted himself off of the side of the bed. "Goodnight, Y/N."

His footsteps stalled another moment as he stood beside her; his tender gaze swept down the entirety of her stature, but it was clouded with remorse when he once again glanced to the bloodied bandage wrapped around her shoulder. He swallowed the lump of guilt in his throat.

He turned off the lights on his way out.

[faerielleart]

Hi sorry you don’t have to answer this! But I’ve seen you speak about LGBTQ+ and from my understanding you are a part? So I want to ask I have been dealing with my self identity and struggles and I want to ask if you can share experiences and how you find out since I think I am not straight to be sure… Thank you I hope this ask doesn’t put you in uncomfortable place.

yo anon hello!! 👋 no worries, i’m not in any way uncomfortable and i’m always happy to help if i can

first of all, keep in mind that not everyone’s experiences are the same and what i went through in my journey to exploring my sexual identity might be completely different from what someone else went through, hence take what i say with a huge grain of salt and know that everyone’s experiences are perfectly valid

alright hhhhh well my story’s pretty funny actually LMAO i think i already answered this some other time iirc? but yeah i started “having doubts” in middle school. i wasn’t interested in boys, i was genuinely meh in front of any dude my female friends found cute, i never thought about dating and i never thought about marriage. some people (my family) called me a “late bloomer”, my classmates secretly made fun of me for being “gay”.

thing is, i was obviously gay but i didnt know at the time- however everyone else did 💀💀💀 i was out there saying shit like “i wish men didn’t exist” “i wish the planet was only populated by women” and stuff like that on the DAILY and each time my classmates looked at me like 👁👄👁 and it was like the class’ inside joke that i wasn’t a part of. i was bullying victim unfortunately and i was the class punching bag 🚶‍♀️

one day, i was at my (at the time) best friend’s birthday party and all the girls in class were invited with some boys to her house. i remember we were playing truth or dare, my turn came and i chose truth; there was this girl who hated me with all her heart for no reason whatsoever and loved humiliating me while pretending to be my friend and i was too much of a pushover to say anything to her, anyway bitch started laughing and yelled in front of everyone “IS IT TRUE THAT YOU’RE A LESBIAN?????” and i was ,,,,, pretty much shocked. firstly i thought that was a dirty word, i had never known lesbians irl and i only knew gay men and i kinda associated lesbians with something taboo? i think i was maybe 11 or 12 years old but it was all peer influence, i was lucky to have parents who were never homophobic and never taught me to hate? so this “hesitation” towards this word was something that was instilled into me by my schoolmates who treated it as if it was something shameful and to make fun of. anyway, i told that girl to mind her own business and i was silent and sulking for the rest of the party.

several days later i was at the mall with my parents who asked me what was wrong bc i had been behaving weirdly since the party and i remember telling them exactly “we were playing a game and [girl’s name] asked me if i were…” and i didn’t finish the sentence. “if you were?” and i still was hesitant to answer but then i said “gay” in a really small voice and i remember getting super flustered and feeling so embarrassed?? and my parents just looked at each other and i think that was the start of everything lol in the next years through middle and high school i was so confused about myself i was refusing to label myself bc i thought i was “figuring myself out” and for a long while i thought i was bisexual. i used to tell my ex best friend about these doubts that i had and she was always a bit weird about it 🧍‍♀️

she randomly asked me shit like “do you wanna have sex with a guy? if you had a boyfriend would you have sex with him? would you suck his dick?” and shit like that and i always was so embarrassed about answering those questions? because my answer was always a straight up no, but i thought something was wrong with me if i didnt wanna do stuff with men. despite that, i still didnt truly question my attraction to men, i just went “yeah i mean all girls secretly think that men are ugly right that’s normal” for SO MANY YEARS LOL i thought everyone had the same experience??? i reached the point where i was 100% sure of my attraction to girls and i was forcing myself to be attracted to men as well bc “that’s the right thing for me”. i forced myself to be enthusiastic when my friends talked about boyfriends, i forced myself to pretend to have a crush on celebrities and THIS IS SO EMBARRASSING BUT LIKE ONE TIME I WAS WATCHING THIS TV SHOW WITH MY MOM AND THERE WAS I THINK ORLANDO BLOOM AS A GUEST AND I GOT THE IDEA OF PRETENDING TO BE HAPPY TO SEE HIM BC I THOUGHT HE WAS “THE MOST BEAUTIFUL MAN EVER” AND I SPENT LIKE HALF AN HOUR INSISTENTLY TELLING MY MOM “LOOK AT HIM HE IS SO ATTRACTIVE OH I AM SO IN LOVE WITH HIM” TO SHOW MY MOM I LIKED MEN 💀💀💀💀💀💀 I DID THAT A LOT IT’S LIKE I WANTED VALIDATION FOR IT i want to bury myself in sand thinking of this

anyway after an extremely failed coming out to my grandma whom i saw for the first time ever expressing disgust at the thought of me potentially being attracted to women i was terrified to do it again and i refused to tell any other member of my family. i still haven’t truly come out and i don’t think i ever will tbh even if i know my parents would love me and accept me regardless i still think of my grandma’s reaction and i start legit crying whenever i think of that

march 2020 comes and i finally accept that i am a lesbian. how did that happen? i was watching harry potter and i went “holy shit i wanna fuck hermione” literally that’s it nothing else. nothing else. that was that. that’s how i knew 100% i was a lesbian and i was tired of pretending i wasn’t. don’t ask me why, don’t ask me how but that���s literally what happened.

and that’s when everything started making sense tbh? like i just felt as if i had a huge huge burden lifted off myself for the first time ever? i said it out loud and i felt happy? the more i said it, the happier i felt? through the years i had always known deep down i didn’t like men, i was just pretending i was, comp-het was hitting me SO HARD and then finally i stopped letting it influence me.

what helped me was asking myself extremely specific questions after that to be sure, in the same fashion my ex bestie used to be weird about it when i “came out” to her. i imagined myself in really specific situations with fantasy boyfriends, i asked myself what i liked about men and the answer was always “nothing”, i asked myself “could i be capable of falling in love with a man?” and the way i was setting standards so high and ridiculous for any human for my “dream man” was the obviously negative answer to that question, i asked myself more intimate questions like “if it came down to it would you ever actually sleep with a man?” and the answer was always a solid no. basically putting myself in theoretical situations is what helped me finally understand. i had done that through the years and my answers were the same since the beginning, but i still refused to admit the truth to myself, until one day i just stopped.

and that’s my journey LOL it’s kinda pathetic tbh,,,,,, i could’ve been much happier with myself if i had just admitted it to myself since the beginning, bc deep down i always knew. would’ve spared me years of not feeling okay with myself, would’ve spared me years of surrounding myself with the wrong people who caused me terrible pain every time i heard them say lesbians are disgusting. but anyway, what’s done is done and i’m just happy now i get to be free and accept myself for who i am, unapologetically. on the internet. bc in real life i’m still traumatized 🚶‍♀️

i think questions are the easiest place to start. imagine yourself in situations, ask yourself how would you act and why. figure yourself out bit by bit and take your time to understand what you like. don’t ever let yourself feel pressured by anyone, don’t even let yourself feel pressured by the need of labels. don’t let anyone tell you your experiences are wrong or not valid, don’t let anyone tell you there’s a set way to explore your identity, don’t force yourself to do anything you’re not comfortable doing. if you need to vent, my dms are always open. be happy exploring your identity, there is no right way to do it. and remember that you’re always valid. 💜

[lavendersage]

i saw that post from the girl who's girlfriend isn't quite ready to be out. if ur blog didnt seem to celebrate love of all kinds (and i'm not talking straight vs gay, i'm talking happy vs sad) i would have kept this to myself, but between ur response and the op's story itself, i think im going to take this chance of sharing a burden on my heart, maybe to help someone else, or just for the shot at becoming at peace with it. a couple weeks ago, when u asked for everyone to send u stories of their lovers, i wrote most of this out but didnt send it.

i (21F) am a college student (god, is this reddit?). my entire life, i have cultivated the cleanest good girl image that i could. my parents sacrificed so much for my sister and i to grow up far more comfortable then they did, so i have tried to honor them with a little golden child they could brag about. straight As, never missed school, did community service, perfect SATs. i worked tirelessly to be on-paper perfect.

one of the reasons i've worked so hard to earn Good Noodle Stars is to make up for the fact that i am terminally homosexual. i realized real early that i could literally cure cancer and the first comment on the news video will be, "okay, she cured cancer, but at least I'm not gay like she is." i could raise thousands for charity, and my aunts would still say, "our kids may not get off the couch but at least they have sex correctly." so they dont know. few people do, none outside my closest circle.

in walks Mars(21NB). Mars is an anachronism. they are both a romantic with and without a capital R. be still my Dark Academia heart.

we got very close before school broke for Covid. Mars wrote me a letter every other week, encrypted and folded so that the only way to open them was to rip a paper seam that would show if someone had tampered with it. it was intoxicating. it was the first time i felt able to communicate freely about anything. i dont know - i didnt hold back my emotions, emboldened by writing in cipher. i spent all summer waiting for those red sealed envelopes, filled with stories and poetry and honeyed nonsense, and i refused to not respond with mirrored passion.

it was all great until it set in that I was going to have to face Mars again, in person. i prayed our school would decide all students had to stay remote. of course I wanted to see Mars, i want to do much more than just see them, but i knew it would only be a matter of time between us being reunited and them asking me out.

this was a person who crafted a puzzle where the answers were flowers that were a declaration of fidelity in Victorian Flower Language. of course i ate that up with a spoon. u would have too. listen, i know all aesthetics are fads and all fads age badly, but if the cottagecore girls get to learn to sew and bake and grow, i owe dark academia for teaching me the vocabulary and actions of my most treasured relationship yet, and giving me permission to be earnest and vulnerable in this life for 10 goddamn minutes. Mars is handsome and a genius and i was not used to feeling connected to anyone. but for all that joy, i was also drowning with the thought of having to break their heart by explaining i cant date anyone AFAB.

so the semester starts. Mars asks me over for a homecooked meal since restaurants don't exist here at the end of the world. they made me a beautiful dinner with all my dietary needs in mind. just like everything else i ate it up. and i made no effort to stop them from inviting me over for food and conversation again and again and a fourth time just to make sure it really hurt.

they kissed me after the last dinner. and I kissed them back, before stopping. they apologized for moving too quickly, but i explained that they had moved at the perfect pace, just with the wrong person.

there is no nice ending to this. it's real life. Mars took it as a breakup and didnt reach out to me again. i sobbed from halloween to christmas, i swear. i'm the villain in this story.

i started this post off as a sign of solidarity to the other young lady, but now im realizing that this letter would be better read by her fearful beloved, not her. it is 4am where i live, so i apologize if this has all gotten away from me.

love is a garden u have to water yourself. ngl, my favorite part about this blog is all the posts about learning to love yourself, learning to see ur intrinsic value dispite the core facets of u that have been deemed flaws, and trust the relationship between me, myself, and i.

i started out telling myself i was writing this to help the high school kid, but i havent shared this with anyone. writing this out has helped me process a thing or two, or at least start to. i like this idea of lavendersage being a kindly cryptid who will alchemise ur heartache into calm.

i hope you dont mind if i try to make this a thing.

my story is in the shape of a love letter. its tearstained before it even hits the water. i drop it in your river and watch it float away.

y’all are breaking my heart with these stories this week 🤧i feel so sad to read them and so helpless to respond, because i know how deep that pain must run and i don’t know if there’s truly anything i could say or do to take it away. but if i can lessen it from 100 to 99, well, then i’ll have fulfilled my goal of existing on this website. at the very least, i’m glad that writing this message helped you process some things on your own, but i’m happy to share my thoughts anyway.

your mars sounds like a top tier human being. victorian flower language? i’m swooning. it’s no surprise to me that you fell for them, and they were clearly head over heels for you. folks don’t make grand gestures like that for just anyone, that’s for sure 🥺

and i’m very sad to hear about the way things ended. but, anon, i can’t help but wonder if it is indeed over, or if hope exists on the precipice of a great act of bravery performed by you--something i know from experience is much easier said than done, and something i’ve failed to do in the past, so i’m not trying to be a hypocrite here. the ball is definitely in your court, though.

also...it doesn’t sit well with me to hear you call yourself a villain. i understand why you see it that way, as it’s clear that you deeply care for this person. but for many folks...the fear of what our family will say or think or do weighs so heavily on us that it robs us of any possibility of happiness with someone who isn’t the kind of person our family wants us to end up with. i’m sure plenty of folks, myself included, can empathize with this. and i’m sure on some level, mars does too.

my love, as with all things, i hope whatever happens next works out for the best, and that you don’t let this experience darken your heart. if things change between you and mars, please feel free to drop me a note. i’ll always be here to listen 💚💚💚`