#i just shared my genuine experience and we talked about it and stuff

[lightseoul]

went into therapy fully intending to hide the fact that i just finished my first-ever smut fic. cracked 2 minutes in LMAO

[wavernot4love]

alright y'all lil (alright, maybe not so little) recap of the second show of AG's Boom Done tour last night 3.4 in Buffalo @ one of my favorite venues, Mohawk Place. because my brain commits absolutely everything to memory at shows & i like writing it all down before i forget

(for fun & plus maybe folks going to this tour want to know what's shakin, since i haven't seen much online yet):

(note there will be setlist spoilers)

- alright so first, a freakin HIGHLIGHT for me was, of course, GET OUT!!!

Anthony was just kinda messing around with his guitar & then teased it by being like "hmm... how should i play this..." and then went into that and the crowd reception was AWESOME, dude. whatever the opposite of masking is, that's what i was doing there. i definitely started physically jumping up & down once i realized what it was (typical wavernot4love @ the AG show behavior). aka evidently he knew your boy (who like i've mentioned on here, got into Circa last summer through a kind person at a Dunes show rec'ing me Get Out & then BSN. Get Out was straight up my introduction 2 Circa) was in the building (/Ih).

also, i had to shorten my clip to post because in the rest i must've had my phone right next to my mouth,,, which made for some horrifying tone deaf live vox from wavernot4love. be glad i spared y'all from that one.

(i'm gonna put one of those keep reading thingies here, click it 2 see the rest)

- he also played Dyed In The Wool & Frozen Creek, continuing that theme (though I expected these more since he's played em recently). Dyed In The Wool with everyone singing along during the chorus was probably my top moment, and one that's gonna stick with me forever, honestly. i remember thinking it straight up felt like, a churchlike (but positive) experience or something during the songs everyone did that for (remember, it's just anthony this tour no backing band, so it was somewhat quiet in there). more on that later, but AG kept pointing out how nice the singing along was & how fun/awesome this all was, and man, that it was.

- he mentioned valuing spontaneity over a planned setlist every night and basically implied he was just goin for whatever felt right at the time. so just consider the songs i mention here as a basic guideline, he could very well switch stuff up every night. i love that he's like this when it comes to shows - idk dude, like, at one point he even asked folks what time it was, laughing when they told him, jokingly accusing them of being untrustworthy & then going right back into the tunes. dude was just here to play, for as long as he could.

- kinda tied to that, there was a running gag of the set being "inconsistent" (his word). he'd bring up jokingly that there'd be moments where everyone could be singing along, and then songs that nobody knows (and he'd jokingly "apologize" for that), and he'd even (lightheartedly) call specific people out and be like (to laughs) "look at this person, they have no *idea* what i'm gonna play next!" actually i think he said that before Get Out. at one point he was (paraphrased slightly) like, "so if i start playing 12 Circa songs in a row, let me know." i love how he just does whatever the hell feels right in the moment.

- also a couple times he messed up while starting a song (i think due to laughing) and bro would call out folks laughing at him for it (lightheartedly) and be like "this is all performance. vou don't know what goes into this!" (this was not at all serious and said through laughter. straight up half the show was all of us in that room just cracking up together)

- he introduced his Title Fight cover (Numb, But I Still Feel It) by calling TF one of his favorite bands & joking that they're gonna hear this & think it's time to get back together so... if you hear that Title Fight reunited, you know why, which, well, if you know that side of the scene, you know what's up. real shits and giggles moment, if i do say so myself.

- at one point (only bad thing) someone at the front was being objectively Weird in the way people (unfortunately) do to try to get an artist's attention (let's just say it involved throwing money (????? literally what) while yelling stuff about understanding because they're in the industry (??)) and he honestly handled it with so much grace. he pretty much said that made him uncomfortable etc and he would Not be taking more of their money please, he already did that, and that led to him ranting for a second i think mostly to himself in a thinking out loud/under his breath kinda way about *hating* having to sell stuff in the first place in order to do this and like,,, i go into this a bit in the tags but it genuinely reminded me of how i get when i'm passionate about something. what i'm trying to say, is dude clearly was heated & meant it. fully. just felt relevant to include

- then he ranted about something related to the moneythrowing, drunk (question mark) weirdo (long story, but it ended in him telling them to tip bartenders with their money instead of weird things), then used that to go on a tangent about how we should always tip people working in service in general and respect/be kind to them even if they seem rude or whatever because doing that shit is hard & sucks and maybe your kindess will be the wakeup call that causes them to one day have a moment where they're like, man, i was a dick back then for no reason. (i feel like i am nearly direct quoting him here)

- then after a song he joked about the incident saving we were probably just all watching like 🧍‍♂️ and it was like watching dad yell at mom at the dinner table while you just sit there staring at the ground and safe to say the mood was fully lightened after that moment of self awareness fhfhfh

- then a few songs later i guess the person that was being weird had left so he was like, (at this point there were no weird vibes whatsoever, like we were all just scoffing/laughing at the situation and cheering him on) "oh that person who hates me left. did they give the bartender that money?" (someone implied they thought so) and he was like "good." and that was the end with that weirdo situation lol. i have absolutely no idea why that person, drunk or not, thought that was a normal cool thing to do. as always, please don't be weird 2 musicians they are in every sense just Some Guys (gender neutral), treat them like anyone else.

- back 2 totally unserious things, during... uh don't mind me, like i've said in my previous posts i'm still getting 2 know Boom Done, so whatever song has like, the horns kinda near the end? he just started making freakin. horn noises since since there were, in fact, no horns in the building and made us all do them too and everyone was just straight up cackling because it was so stupid (/pos).

- idk one thing that stood out to me was one person belting along at the end of... i can't remember what song it was actually, i think one of his older tunes, but you could tell he heard & a song later complimented it & said it was beautiful. i'm telling ya, he kept going on about how nice folks singing along sounded and encouraging that, which was awesome because i wasn't sure what the vibe was gonna be there since it was just him playing.

- don't want to go into detail since it feels like something between Anthony & whoever he decides to tell it to in real time, ya know, but he did tell a pretty extensive story leading up to Miracle Sun. in terms of themes, it was in regards to (with plenty of laughs mixed into the serious bits, of course) letting folks that matter to him down + falling into a cycle of engaging in stuff that temporarily made him feel better but was moreso just self destructive, in the past. just interesting stuff to hear in connection to a song.

- at the end, before Dear Child, he just talked in the most honest manner about knowing he's let people down, cancelled shows (there were laughs mixed in here too), just not been the best version of himself over the years etc, but appreciating how long everyone has stuck around, and how we keep coming back, & jow much it means whenever we tell someone go check out a song or anything like that, & helping him continue to do this and also support his family and whatnot and man it just. embodied everything i love about AG solo sets i guess. i just admire how open a book &p vulnerable dude is. while i love his more theatric frontman persona of course as it's fun as hell, it's so nice at solo shows like this to hear more from him, in seriousness and otherwise. also dude was posting about how fun it was on instagram later so i'm just glad we all had a great time.

- also at one point before a new tune he was talking about these cds he had that have that on it + some rerecordings, Frozen Creek (feat. Keith of GOW), etc. i love cds so i ran to snag one later of course (they're $12)

- as for other merch he had a few shirts (like that cute one i keep seeing around, with him & the puppy), some art prints, & the Boom Done book thingy (i really wanted it but couldn't swing the $25 right now sadly)

anyways,, i posted on Setlist FM for the first time, here are all the songs i remember for sure (there were definitely at least 4/5 others i am not thinking of, i'd say he did 17ish songs, he played for close to an hour and a half. keep in mind he talked a LOT with us which was awesome)

edit: someone added a few more!!!

anyways, that's the show!!! 1. i may or may not be trying 2 figure out how to pull off one of the other northeast dates (looking @ Cleveland, which is closer but i'd have to drive to, or New York, which is further (+ yknow.. dealing w getting around in NY) but i could take a bus to, this weekend/next week as we speak,,,, that's how freakin good and homey (more on that in the tags aka uhh literal diary section of this post) and impactful this show was.

and 2. if any of this (especially said tags) sounds loopy it sure is because i wrote most of this at roughly four am last night post show, when i was even moreso still back *at* the show in my head. i still stand by all of it though of course, i just know it might not be the most coherent.

this tour rocks. AG's tunes mean so much to me. get out 2 a show!!! tell me about your experiences if ya do/did!!!! yay!!!!

[rucksackmentality]

List of the truths shared in Nana Morri's Honesty trial (C3E79):

Imogen: I am genuinely scared to meet my mom again.

Laudna: Deep down inside, both Delilah and I want the shard...Fearne should have it, but I don't know anymore what's my opinion or desires or feelings, or hers.

Imogen: I love Laudna deeply but I'm disgusted at the thought of Delilah looking at us all the time.

Orym: I'm super lonely all the time, especially at night. It doesn’t matter if I'm bunking with one of you guys.

FCG: Sometimes I pity some of you because you have beating hearts and opportunities and you don’t do enough with them...Chetney, you have so much love to give and it doesn't seem like you're interested in anything other than wood! There's people out there who you could love and experiences you could share with someone else, but all you care about is wood!

Orym: I've always kind of laughed it off but I guess I do kind of wonder if Chetney is my dad.

Ashton: I am the reason that the Jiana Hexum robbery went fucking wrong, and the reason why I got thrown out of a fucking window.

Fearne: I feel like we’re very ill-equipped for this job and we're going to fail at saving the world. (Laudna: Honestly that's probably true, I'm right there with you.)

Chetney: While wood may be the superior material to metal, I do fear that, with the dwindling interest in it, that children will find my toys - and thereby myself - obsolete every year I grow older.

FCG: I think it's something buried deep down in my circuitry, but every time I hurt or kill something - it feels really good. It makes me sort of relax a little bit and some of my stress goes away.

Imogen: I know we're supposed to save the gods, but I've tried talking to them my whole life and none of them would ever respond. I think I'm tainted. I dont know if I want to save gods that don't love me.

Laudna: You know we could rip-cord out of [saving the world] at any moment...right? And sometimes I fantasize about it all the time.

Fearne: I sometimes do stuff to you guys while you're sleeping - not weird stuff, I just like to look at you closely...and maybe like, twiddle your hair or braid it. Nothing bad!

Ashton: Whenever it starts to get quiet, I start worrying that one of us - most of us - are going to end up killing another one of us accidentally...I have panicked thinking about when one you kills another one of us.

Orym: I have all the faith in the world in you guys...and I have also spent time thinking of how to neutralize each of you.

FCG: I kinda worry that I put all my eggs in the Changebringer basket and she might betray us all. I had a really weird conversation with her and I think she's just out for herself and she might not really care about me - but what if she does? And I'm saying horrible things?

Imogen: Fearne, I was really disappointed in you for running away from your power. You should take the shard!

Orym: I really miss Dorian, and sometimes I think that's okay, and sometimes I think it isn't.

Ashton: I feel fucking worse that I just fucked up Fearne's life way more than mine and I should've died instead of that happening.

Chetney: I grew up in the Bramblewood outside of Westruun, and when I was a kid, I came back from learning how to make toys and found that my whole family had left. All they left behind were toys. They ran when Errevon the Rimelord was running across the plains, and so I'm kind of afraid of dragons. And I had five siblings - Alabaster, Pepper, Sugarplum, Hermey, and Chad - and I was so mad that they left I never looked for any of them, and now I'm pretty sure they're dead. So I think any family I have is just gonna look for a reason to leave me. That's why I don't get attached to anybody.

[mywifealhaitham]

pre release boothill relationship headcanons!!!

a/n: I'm fiending off crumbs... I've wanted to read some x reader of him but theres none so I gotta write it myself. I hope the other 4 boothill fans enjoy

warnings: gn!reader, like 2 gendered pet names (pretty girl/boy), most of this is written with bias because we don't have alot to go off, obviously written prerelease, when we actually get content of him I'll definitely be rewriting

LEAKS AHEAD!!!

bc: Valentine_DD_ on twt

- Boothill is described as a righteous person if his bottom line doesn't get crossed, so he definitely treats you good. probably more on the protective side when it comes to you, he's probably not afraid to use his gun if someone is threatening you.

- and believe me he's intimidating. from his overall tough and "unruly" cowboy look to his mechanical body it leaves enemies just a little challenged. he lowers his voice too and probably has a more fierce look in his eyes too. after any threats have been delt with he probably turns to you and turns into the sweetest thing ever, a wide grin across his face and his hands on your cheeks peppering you with small kisses.

- Its said he's a bit sophisticated due to his experiences so I'd like to imagine sometimes he charms you with facts and details about other planets or just genuinely sharing some tips and tricks he's picked up from other cultures. he's also a person who can get along with others pretty well but he can easily give strangers an impression he's selfish and is a bad person.

- again this kinda feeds into he's basically you'd guard dog... but I mean who wouldn't want to be saved by a handsome and sweet cowboy. despite his unpredictable personality and looks he's a huge gentleman for sure. always opens doors and pulls out chairs for you, makes sure your behind him and okay if any danger approaches and practically listens to your every command (lowkey giving off my girl and I don't argue she tells me to shut up and I do)

- one part I'm so excited to see is what they mean by he's illiterate and using metaphors. it's probably just him using slang but it's still kinda cute. I feel like his cheesy and strange metaphors turn into pick up lines when talking to you. perhaps he'll pull a "did it hurt when you fell from heaven?" or something cheesier. Definitely a huge nickname guy, almost never uses your real name. I'm guessing he'd use stuff like doll, sugar, baby, pretty girl/boy and more teasing names. heavy on doll and sugar and just imagine him saying it in a deep southern accent... 😍 kicking my feet. also I imagine he loves making you giggle by not cursing (because he literally cant) and normally he'd get pissed if someone laughed at him like that if it's you he doesn't mind at all.

- that's pretty much it for like analyzing the leaks I saw but now the stuff up ahead is just bias yapping because I always project

- HE DEFINITELY IS A HAND KISSER. greets you by getting on one knee, holding his hat to his chest and kissing your hand. makes eye contact with you too and does that toothy smirk of his IM SWOONINGGG

- maybe he's a dancer! pulls you into his arms and places his hat on your head when a good song plays in taverns. even if your clueless on any type of dances then he'll pull you along to the beat whispering Instructions in your ear.

- gets so lovesick when drunk it drives everyone mad. any folks he's sitting with at a bar gets a whole speech on his wonderful beautiful darling who he owes his live and would happily die by their hand. and may God save you when you come pick him up because he'll be all over you. Immediately he wraps a arm around your waist as he slurrs his hello as he proceeds to tell you he loves you like 40 times. besides the mass amounts of kisses you'll receive once you both reach a private spot he let's some feelings that he might be too shy to share normally, holding your face as he calls you his pretty girl/boy and how he's so lucky to have you.

- honestly not the best for cuddling however unfortunately he needs to cuddle you to sleep so goodluck! his metal body isn't completely uncomfortable it's just cold alot. he tries to get around this by literally preheating himself with blankets before you go to bed.

very bad boothill brainrot atm... only a few more weeks until we get official content 😭 everyone hold hands we got this

here's the actual leaks if anyone is curious ^_^

[ceilidho]

This is in no way of hating but i want to know why do you enjoy writing noncon/rape? When I first downloaded tumblr which was couple of months ago i was surprised by the amount of noncon fics here. I eventually came to enjoy them which makes me question myself. Whenever i read a noncon fic and enjoy it i feel like im betraying women who actually went through those traumatic events. Plus I actually don't really like dark romance books? I love cod dead dove and that is mainly because i really love the characters and the authors are so talented. I rambled so much and i hope you don't get this in the wrong way i don't mean to hate AT ALL i love the stuff you write. Maybe i shouldn't think too much and let myself enjoy what im reading lol

first of all, no worries! i wasn't sure about your tone/intentions at first, but by the end i was totally fine with the question.

i actually don't mind talking about this stuff - i just sometimes avoid it on main because i prefer chatting about it privately.

second, i'm no psychologist or sociologist, so i probably won't be able to give you the most satisfactory answer, but i think there are a lot of different reasons. i can only name a few. one thing i should mention right off the bat is that rape fantasies are very normal (and this is true whether you're a survivor of SA or not) and writing/reading fiction can be a safe way to process those thoughts/feelings.

one of prevailing reasons is, of course, that many survivors of SA use noncon/dubcon literature/art as a way of processing their experiences and taking ownership of their trauma.

and look, people are going to go back and forth on this point (i've seen it all before - many people refuse to believe that engaging with noncon lit/art is helpful, and in fairness, it's NOT helpful for everyone because every person is different), but at the end of the day, if a survivor tells you "writing/reading this was helpful in my recovery" then that's that!

additionally, for many women and non-binary folk (i can only speak as a cis woman, but i'm sure this is a shared lived experience across many different people), we're also taught from a very young age to suppress our sexual desires / that being open about our sexuality is morally reprehensible and shameful. and a lot of people carry that shame for years, impacting them well into adulthood. so dubcon/noncon fantasies can be a way of being able to enjoy sexual scenarios where you don't have to be the initiator, thus taking away some of the emotional weight and shame.

plus, at the end of the day (and im sure many people will disagree with this take, it's something that i'm still figuring out myself), there is a kind of weird underlying consent implicit in dark fics. like, you might be reading a fic or novel that's ostensibly noncon, but you're also actively seeking out that literature (hopefully it's not just sprung on you - i do very much agree with tagging to the fullest extent and my lukewarm take is that I think all books, even traditionally published ones, should come with content/trigger warnings too).

there are a medley of reasons why someone might write or read dark fiction/dark romance. again, i'm just one person and i can only speak from my own experience!

i think at the end of the day, the important thing to realize is that fiction is fake, and as long as the writer appropriately tags their work and ensures that the audience is aware of what they're getting into when they start reading, they're not coercing the reader into something they aren't prepared for.

and it's totally fine if you have limits (like, you can read and enjoy dubcon, but not noncon) or can't engage with the material at all, but it's also unfair to say that it reflects someone's real life values - the same way that we don't say that the people who enjoy crime fiction must love murder.

and the last thing i want to say because this got a bit out of hand lol, is that, yes, for some people dark fiction is genuinely harmful, whether or not they're a survivor. it's not for everyone and that's completely fine and i'm aware of that, which is why i agree that you should tag as much as possible (even if you feel like you're overdoing it sometimes), but someone else's discomfort doesn't give them the right to tell you how to process your own emotions/experiences/desires/etc.

as long as no one's getting hurt, there's no issue as far as i'm concerned. and sorry but, no one's getting hurt by reading a fic or a novel unless the author didn't give proper content warnings - if you "forgot" to read the tags or read anyway DESPITE being warned, im sorry but that's life.

[coldwind-shiningstars]

my recent surgery will hopefully help my bladder/bowel stuff so lately I have been thinking about continence a lot, and the ways it is so important to me that we talk about it frankly and openly and the reasons why it is so difficult for people (including me) to do so. and I think there are a few different sides to the shame that comes with talking about it that are differently important?

there's the TMI aspect ("nobody needs to hear that!") where even if you're presenting information in a very educational, straightforward way people think of it as much too personal. and I think if your personal sense of privacy works such that you don't feel comfortable talking about these things you should listen to that and not talk about it, but if someone is offering information, even if you personally decide you don't want to hear it don't make disparaging comments about their choice to share it? I also think sometimes people overcorrect -- over the years I've had many conversations about continence when talking about disability and also disabled fictional characters and a number of years ago a friend told me that they were interested in exploring it but were afraid it was voyeuristic, and while I think it can be and there's a lot to criticize about the culture of "tell your entire medical details to the internet" it's not inherently more voyeuristic than other aspects of disability.

there's a disgust reaction which I also think is valid and reasonable to have, a lot of people have cleanliness related triggers etc, but again that's not the fault of the person actually talking about continence? everyone uses the bathroom. you can be polite and make your own choices about what you want to see and learn about but people should not stop talking about these things just in fear that someone else will find it disgusting

and, on the other end, there's the kink aspect which is the exact opposite problem. I want to be clear that I think kinks are morally neutral, if you have a piss/scat kink that's fine, you do you. but I also find myself worrying, when I talk about it, that people will think I'm speaking from a place of Being Horny For It instead of a place of "this is an important aspect of disability for many people." this aspect is worse when I'm speaking fictionally/fandomwise, and of course that's much less important than when I'm talking about Real Life Stuff, but I don't like feeling like I need to preface things with "I Have Incontinence Myself" because I don't think you need an experience yourself to write it compassionately or well and I don't like Telling My Business To Everyone On The Internet. there's a dialectics! moment where I genuinely believe there's nothing wrong with kinks but it's exhausting that that's the primary people talking about something like this, and also again I want what I say to be engaged with seriously.

anyway it's really tiring to me how even in a lot of disability spaces it feels like incontinence is still either shameful, a kink, or a joke. I'm tired of diaper jokes about people you don't like, I'm tired of one-off gags, I'm tired of "ewww" or "TMI!" as reactions. many MANY people have incontinence issues, and the shame around them really does prevent a lot of people from getting help for them! I want it to be something we can talk about

[lunarw0rks]

laying down in bed with simon after you both finally come home and you start sharing stories and going over stuff that happened back at the base—he’s just quietly listening along until you mention how one of the soldiers purposely played the victim card when they tripped and fell. and simon would start LAUGHING. like not giggling, laughing. and you try to play it cool on the inside but you’re nearly ready to explode with excitement.

you’d be saying something like, ‘im serious simon. he milked the fuck outta that injury, all he did was trip over a dandelion. tell me why i saw him the next day walking into the mess hall with a cast on and crutches?’ and he’d fucking lose his mind

dude. imagine how comfortable he would have to be to LAUGH around someone. not his usual scoff or chuckle, but to genuinely find something hilarious.

you're both exhausted; muscles achy and sore, throats raw and dry, minds foggy and worn. all you desire to do — all you can do, is fall on the bed next to each other.

as always, simon silently nods and listens as you ramble about your eventful day. even if not much happened, he's going to listen. today was a treat, though, if you were to put it lightly.

"kid you not, simon, this rookie is going to drive me up the wall." you clench your fists as you picture the aggravating event. the rookie that had cried wolf, and somehow got away with it.

you've peaked the lieutenant's interest, making him raise a brow. "oh yeah, need me to kick his ass?"

his eagerness makes you scoff playfully. you wish it were that simple. "not that kind of problem," you say, continuing on with the story. "he tripped over a stick. claims he broke his foot — and now he's been cleared for light duties, all while my team and i pick up his slack."

from folded behind his head, his hand shot out to his mouth, failing to conceal the brief cackle you caused him. if there was one thing he had plenty of experience wit, it was pain-in-the-ass recruits. not laughter. that was new.

"a bloody stick?!" he exclaims, shaking his head at the ridiculousness. the silver lining to the bureaucracy, was that you had successfully lightened the damper on his mood. "if you want, love, I can make sure he's actually broken his foot. teach him not to cry wolf?" would he? probably. and honestly, you weren't that opposed. the recruit was a proper prick who hadn't gotten his rude awakening yet.

"this stick," he spoke after a few seconds of gentle chuckles, rolling over to face you. "how big are we talking? me big, or...?"

cheeky bastard.

[ash-says]

Hush Hush Honey:

A guide on how to regulate oversharing and balancing the conversation flow.

Each one of us has at least been in a situation where we accidentally ended up spilling more than we should. We do recognise the patterns but are unable to control ourselves. That's why your girl Ash-says is here to say a lot about it.

1) Find the why

What are you trying to achieve by sharing that piece of information? Drama? Attention? Get it off your chest? Is it important to inform them? Is it valuable to them?etc.

First tackle the why. Before you go in to reveal something ask yourself if it goes with the conversation flow and if yes is it really important to share it.

2) Are you a celebrity?

No like why? Who is interested in your life so much? Are those people paparazzi to broadcast your current events and bring you fame? No right. So shut up.

3) Who puts their dirty laundry on display?

When you overshare you are basically putting all your secrets, stuff that you do or did on blatant exposure. People are going to judge you. That's the very nature. So breathe and keep it inside.

4) Try to listen more

Train yourself into listening more than speaking especially in group settings or around people that you don't know much about. Gossip is real. You don't want to be the next tea time sensation.

5) Alternatives for talkative people:

Now I know you might be thinking can't say this can't say that then how the hell am I going to bond with people or what should I converse about?

I have developed a solution for you. It's Ash verified because I myself have been using it unknowingly for around 7 years of my life.

Never open your mouth for passing judgements, expressing your opinions on things that do not relate to you, your dirty laundry, secrets, family issues, relationship issues, your sex life, your goals and aspirations, your daily routine, your political standpoint,etc you get where I am going right?

Instead speak about the experiences you had while travelling somewhere, some goofy stuff that happened to you, your harmless vice for example: I am clumsy so I have a lot of incidents that occur due to it which can be told in a funny way. It adds a nuance to my perfectionist image plus helps people warm up to me. Movie shows, songs, etc here also there's a catch if you relate to a show/song/ piece of literature strongly never reveal it. The smart ones will understand the inner workings of your mind.

Never let them know your next move.

If nothing of this then goof around being nonsense. Do little hand gestures, funny faces if you are bored but never overshare.

6) Be mindful of interruption

Practise practise practise. Literally that's the only way. Try not to interrupt people while speaking. There's no roundabout way. It is what it is.

7) Be comfortable in silence

You have to be okay with the conversation dying down. Running your mouth dry will only result in one sided convo. It's more useless and harmful than the one mentioned before.

8) Know your limits

Fix in your brain what you can share and what you can't. Stick to it. Even over your dead body.

9) Be genuinely interested in people

Ask yourself are you asking questions to really get to know the other person or just looking for a chance to talk about yourself? Dethrone yourself first and then interact with others.

10) Put out stuff that you are over with

Always remember what you say can and will be used against you. Drill it and from next time when you speak be mindful that every word can stand against you. Do you have the capacity to handle the consequences? Yes then go ahead. No, then stop live streaming.

Bonus point: Be as private as possible on social media. People don't need to know what you are doing nowadays. Privacy is power. What they don't know they can't ruin.

Strategically put things out. I am not saying be inactive. In Rome you live like the Romans. Do it smartly.

That's all for today's show on ash-says. Stay tuned for more illegal tricks and explosive opinions.

[pocketgalaxies]

fcg: i enjoy eating silver more than copper

imogen: i am genuinely scared to meet my mom again

chet: it is well known that wood is better than metal

laudna: deep down inside, both delilah and i kind of want the shard

laudna: i don't want [the shard], fearne should have it, but i don't know anymore what's my opinion or desires or feelings or [delilah's]

imogen: i love laudna deeply, but i'm disgusted at the thought of delilah looking at us all the time

orym: i'm super lonely all the time, especially at night. doesn't matter if i'm bunking with one of you guys

fcg: sometimes i pity some of you because you have beating hearts and opportunities and you don't do enough with them

fcg: chetney you have so much love to give and it doesn't seem like you're interested in anything, in ANYTHING, other than wood. there's people out there who you could love and experiences you could share with someone else, but all you care about is wood

orym: i've always laughed it off but i guess i do kinda wonder if chetney is my dad

ashton: i am the reason that the jiana hexum robbery went fucking wrong and the reason why i got thrown out of a fucking window

ashton: (laudna: is that why you feel like you deserved to have the nobodies leave you?) yeah.

fearne: i feel like we are very ill-equipped for this job and we're gonna fail at saving the world

chet: while wood may be the superior material to metal, i do fear that with the dwindling interest in it that children will find my toys and thereby myself obsolete every year that i grow older

fcg: i think it's something buried deep down in my circuitry, but every time i hurt or kill something, it feels really good. it makes me sorta relax a little bit and some of my stress goes away

imogen: i know we're supposed to save the gods but i've tried talking to them my whole life and none of them will ever respond. i think i'm tainted. i don't know if i want to save gods that don't love me

laudna: you know we could all ripcord out of this at any moment, and i don't mean this scavenger hunt, i mean saving the world, right? andsometimesifantasizeaboutitallthetime

fearne: sometimes i do stuff to you guys while you're sleeping. not weird stuff, i just like to look at you closely and...you know, just look at you. you look so content and comfortable and i can get up and look at you really well. and maybe twiddle your hair and like braid it. nothing bad! nothing bad!!

ashton: any time it's too quiet, i start worrying that one of us, most of us, are gonna end up killing another one of us accidentally. all of us. orym...very gently, but probably–orym may be the only one i worry about the least, but genuinely everybody else. i have panicked thinking about what happens when one of you kills another one of us

orym: (laudna: do you have any strong feelings one way or another kind of being the normal guy in a group of freaks who are all ticking time bombs? are you okay with that, do you have any strong feelings?) i have all the faith in the world in you guys, all of you. and i have also spent time thinking how to neutralize each of you

fcg: i kinda worry that i put all my eggs in the changebringer basket and she might betray us all, i had a really weird conversation with her and i think she's just out for herself and she might not really care about me

imogen: fearne, i was really disappointed in you for running away from your power, you should take the shard (laudna: you should take the shard)

orym: i really miss dorian, and sometimes i think that's okay and sometimes i think it isn't

pate: [laudna] is my creator, i don't have feelings, i'm a construction

ashton: i feel fucking worse that i just fucked up fearne's life way more than mine, and i should've died instead of that happening

chet: i grew up in the bramblewood outside of westruun, and when i was a kid, i came back from learning how to make toys and found that my whole family had left. all they left behind were toys. and they ran when errevon the rimelord was running across the plains so i'm kinda afraid of dragons. and i had five siblings, alabaster, pepper, sugarplum, hermey, and chad, and i was so mad that they left, i never looked for any of them. and now i'm pretty sure they're dead, so i think that any family i have is just gonna look for a reason to leave me, that's why i don't get attached to anybody

[your-unfriendlyghost]

I have two things to ask:

1.-Can we be friends?

2.-Do you have any Outsiders headcanons (or any that you haven't submitted yet)?

I mean sure?? Idk who you are since you’re on anon, so not REALLY, but I’m always down to talk!

2. Yeah lol- tons. Too many. Here’s a few (okay like 25 oops) off the top of my head lol, some serious/angsty and some lighthearted/kinda stupid without any real order. (Lotta ‘em are about Steve tbh -there’s so little to him in canon that I have the freedom to hc pretty much whatever I want)

Steve Randle’s nearsighted and has no idea, which is why he’s literally always squinting. (I’ve had that one for like months but only recently mentioned it on here lol.) Steve thinks his vision is completely normal

Dally and Sylvia genuinely cared for each other, but they were both so horrible at having healthy emotions that they just made each other worse. In a bad way, not a fun way.

When Steve gets kicked out, sometimes he hangs with Johnny in the lot. They don’t really talk about anything important like their shared experiences of having lousy parents. Instead they talk about cars, girls, music, school…lighthearted stuff. Sometimes Johnny will find Steve crying, which he never mentions- he’ll just sit down as per usual, which Steve appreciates. Steve almost never finds Johnny crying though. Johnny doesn’t cry much.

Okay tangent- I love how Steve and Johnny are low-key foils. Like Steve always seems tough but then cries when pushed to his limit, while Johnny always seems skittish until he’s under a bunch of pressure- in which case he suddenly is confident. (Not necessarily thriving obviously, but confident yk? Like grinning while saving those kids in the fire.) I know SE Hinton probably didn’t intend that at all, but it’s just such an interesting detail to me. One of these days I’ll put it into words better

Johnny’s jeans-jacket is a hand-me-down from either Steve or Two-Bit. (I can’t decide which lol) (obviously Dally would make sense too, but honestly I think it’d add more depth to flesh out Johnny’s relationships with the other members of the gang)

After the events of the book, Two-Bit starts hanging around the Curtis’s place even more. At first the gang assumes he’s trying to lighten the mood. It’s only after he gets sent to the cooler for a month due to drunk driving that they realize he was actually hanging around so much because he was trying to keep his kid sister from seeing him so drunk…

Two-Bit likes to joke that he keeps failing junior year so that him and his sister can graduate together. Which is a very bad idea since his sister is a year younger than Ponyboy.

Sodapop often feels like he’s only good for looking pretty and not all that useful or interesting otherwise. He likes himself, but when he stops to think about it too much, he starts to wonder if he really has anything going for him at all

My H/C for Steve’s home life is that his Mom is sick w/ like cancer or something. Before she got sick, Steve’s life was pretty alright for an eastsider- he and his dad fought, but they always made up for the most part. They weren’t perfect, but they loved each other. But after she got sick, she wasn’t there to mediate between Steve and his Dad anymore, and the fighting got worse and worse. And then Steve’s dad started drinking more and it was pretty downhill from there. Steve’s Dad still loves him, but sometimes Steve wishes that he didn’t. If he didn’t, then he could hate him. But his dad does love him, so he can’t get himself to.

Steve and Dally taught Johnny to drive when they were all like fourteen-fifteen-ish. Johnny is a very reckless driver. He loves speeding.

Johnny also loves fast roller coasters and stuff.

Dally doesn't ‘cuz he’s low-key scared of heights- he likes riding broncos and rodeos, but put him at the top of a roller coaster and he’s convinced that it’s gonna break and he’s gonna die. He pretends he doesn’t mind. The only people who know he’s scared of them are Johnny, and before she died, Mrs. Curtis.

Steve has a napoleon complex. Johnny, who is shorter than him by a few inches, likes to bully him for it sometimes

Ponyboy and Cherry don’t interact much in the school year after the book, but in the summer after, they start to hang out. Eventually they become pretty close. They fangirl over Paul Newman together

Ponyboy still doesn’t let Cherry read his theme though until years later

Marcia and Two-Bit re-meet a few months after the book. (Two-Bit is really scared that she’s embarrassed to be dating him, and Marcia is really scared that he’s embarrassed to be dating her. Neither of them are embarrassed. They both adore each other.)

Two-Bit likes to watch Marcia barrel racing. One time while he’s there, he runs into Ponyboy watching Cherry barrel race and immediately tells everyone much to Pony’s chagrin

Evie knows a little bit about cars, and she sometimes helps out at the DX during summers. Steve is so whipped for her lol (and Soda too Steve has two hands)

Evie and Sylvia are besties, but Steve and Sylvia hate each other. They act civil in front of Evie, but as soon as her back is turned they’re growling at each other like dogs. (Well Steve is. Sylvia just acts condescending as hell. Sometimes it goes over his head, so Steve knows she’s insulting him but isn’t sure what the insult is/means. Which makes Steve kinda want to kill her.)

Steve and Soda are low-key co-dependent. (Steve more so- Soda has his family at least, while to Steve, Soda and Evie are his whole world pretty much) It’s probably not super healthy, and both of them are vaguely aware of that, but are trying not to think about it too hard rn

Ponyboy’s friend group in high school consists of Curly Shepard, Mark Jennings, Scout Jenkins (from the tv show), and eventually, in her senior year, Cherry Valance. (There’s others too but those are the main ones.)

Pony dates Cathy Carlson for a while too, idk if they’re good for each other or not- I kinda like the idea of them being a sweet couple tbh, but no one else on here seems to care about them so I haven’t really explored the idea much lol

In a Dally lives au, Mark Jennings and Dally end up spending a bit of time together through Pony, and at some point they realize that they’re half-brothers lol. Mark is a deeply obnoxious little brother to have, and he drives Dally nuts on purpose. Weirdly I think Dally’s a relatively good influence on him, as much as someone like Dally can be. And Dally does care for Mark, though not as much as he cares for Johnny- Mark is, in his head, not exactly his responsibility.

Well I have (so many) more, but I think that’s enough for now lol. Point is, even though I haven’t drawn in a minute, I love these characters and their romanticized version of 1960s Tulsa so much and I think about them way too often lol

(dw once i get more into the swing of school I’ll be doin more art!)

[oacest]

My thoughts on the audio are that I genuinely cannot come up with a sane explanation. I don't think Liam was necessarily in the studio but he has to be talking about him, right? Like IDK there was some visual effect or whatever, literally who else could be the cunt Noel doesn't want to see. Beyond which I am not a proper scholar so please let me know if I'm way off base but I have an extended divorce theory that goes:

2009: Breakup, they're both big mad for a minute

201?-2012: They are texting and like, sending their kids to the same school. possibly the most normal they've ever been.

2013-2015: Liam blows his entire life up and is extremely sad about the consequences of his own actions. I saw actual video footage of Noel saying that he's shocked beady eye broke up and he's actually sweet about it and tells Liam not to give up? who is this man. anyway while Liam will later claim Noel wasn't there for him during the divorce but as a general rule they're much nicer about each other when they're divorcing other people. this is where I become extremely conspiratorial because at some point they had to get the documentary off the ground and a second, more personal breakup is clearly going down around this time. I believe in their ability to deeply wound each other by playing cryptic telephone through the press but I think it genuinely makes more sense if they were actually talking, perhaps about a potential reunion.

2016-2020: supersonic documentary and also (coincidentally?) the apocalypse. Liam launches his solo career, Noel hates it and is pretty relentlessly mean about it and about Liam more generally. we are gearing up for the kind of tweeting/podcast commenting where you call your brother your ex-wife. I think this is also when Noel decides to drag Molly into it for some reason. Liam says publicly that he thinks Noel was waiting for him to hit rock bottom so he could be magnanimous about saving him. whether he thinks this because of something concrete noel did or said or because he's liam is a mystery. the Anais incident goes down, the vogue article comes out. we are never ever getting back together for real this time. noel says a bunch of normal and well adjusted stuff about how he wants Liam to die in a self driving car crash with Donald Trump and seeing his face makes him want to shoot up a MacDonalds.

2020-2022: the pandemic saves oasis. I'm serious. they're both stuck sitting at home with nothing to distract them from themselves and think of brighter days. apparently being trapped in a house with noel is genuinely so unbearable that Sara calls it quits (in the matter of Sara v. Noel I'm on her side). presumably this was cause for at least some self reflection. divorce is a lonely and difficult experience, sara and liam seem to legit hate each other in a way that would be a barrier to reconciliation (in the matter of Sara v. Liam I am also on her side but less so bcs she didn't get trapped in a house with him). at the same time Liam pulls off Knebworth 2022, demonstrating he can handle big events without headcasing (and without noel, and he will be doing those big events solo or otherwise). at this point I genuinely think it was just a matter of time before we were back, baybeee! let's hope they can keep it together.

bro your brain is so huge and deeply wrinkled, profoundly agree with all of this. why you on anon when your opinions are so correct and you could be sharing them with us directly tbh 👀.

but yeah, 100% covid saved oasis lmao. noel's divorce saved oasis. noel's miserable midlife crisis (ongoing) saved oasis 🥰🥰🥰. and it juuuuuust really seems like all those insane highs and lows that went on publicly in the media between them over the years probably, or at least quite possibly, had irl personal catalysts rather than just a general holdover of ill will from the 2000s. there are so many random little times one or both of them casually mentioned they were in contact, and any one of those instances can be disregarded, but when considered in retrospect from a collective standpoint..... AWFULLY DAMNING!!!

lots more to say about all of this actually, every point you've made is legit af and could be expounded upon for a hundred years, but it's midnight and im coming down with a flu (punishment for some kind of hubris im sure), so. thank you for all of this and goodnight 🙏

[felassan]

Snippets from shinobi602, cut for length.

Comment made after the character trailer, before the gameplay reveal:

"I know I sound like a broken record at this point but I'd really wait for the gameplay footage before writing it off. I agree that the tone of the trailer isn't how I would have personally revealed the game lol. But it's definitely a mature story...(with classic DA humor of course) I think people will come around when they see it in motion." [source]

Comment made before the gameplay reveal:

"I just got a sneak peak at the gameplay being shown on Tuesday. A small sample, but enough to get a good taste. It feels like a much better Inquisition to me. Absolutely not Fortnite or Overwatch." [source]

Comment made before the gameplay reveal:

User: "Maybe this gameplay showcase is going to show us all the character creator options, the RPG mechanics and skill trees, the expansive dialogue choices you can make, the minute to minute gameplay and how the world works." Shinobi: "You won't get all of that. But it's a solid chunk. This is just the first step in a long several months ahead. They have to save stuff for more beats down the road too or else you run out of gas lol." [source]

Comment made before the gameplay reveal:

User: "Very excited to see a glimpse into that for the gameplay reveal, hoping the game's beginning is as memorable as the other entries" Shinobi: "It is a massive boost in quality for the series. I'm not talking art style or anything, but just in terms of sheer quality and technical fidelity. Really hard to keep my tongue bitten lol, but I'm excited to see what everyone thinks tomorrow." [source]

Comment made after the gameplay reveal was teased:

"Yup, that's what it looks like, but there's so much more goodness. Looks amazing imo." [source]

Comment made before the gameplay reveal:

"it feels like the ME2 of Dragon Age." [source]

Comment made before the gameplay reveal:

"Oh just wait. The hair tech is phenomenal in this. Even I was thinking "aye is this a Bioware game!?" lol." [source]

Comment made before the gameplay reveal:

"They look different but to be honest the more you see them, the more you get used to it. I love the way Harding looks now. It's more stylized, but also a huge boost in technical fidelity in Frostbite." [source]

Comment made after the gameplay reveal, before the press who saw the demos at SGF shared about what they saw:

"Pretty much every person I've talked to across a dozen different media outlets, ~95%'ish, has walked out of the private demo sessions with glowing praise." [source]

-

"I don't mean there aren't any open ended areas to explore. But it's a tight game, with a focus on not wasting the player's time with bloat. They took a lot of that feedback from Inquisition." [source] [re: the game not being open world in design]

-

One preview from a large outlet basically boils down to 'Bioware is back'. [source]

-

"I'm optimistic. From conversations I've had, they are genuinely serious in trying to make a Bioware classic here. They do not want a repeat of Andromeda or Anthem. I can only go based off what I've heard obviously - haven't played it. We all have our opinions on the combat, but they learned a lot of hard lessons since Inquisition, taken a lot of feedback to heart, and want this to feel like that tight, structured high quality experience we used to get from them. Andromeda and Anthem came in hot at launch. I felt some warning signs before those came out, but here? Right now they're just polishing. It's all polish from here to release. I'm really hoping this is the start of their return to form. That team's been through a lot, I hope it works out for the best." [source]

-

User: "I think there certainly is a decent contingent of legitimate dissatisfaction or concern around the game, but I'm not sure that that's an overwhelming segment, but I do think it's something BioWare in EA should not and cannot ignore." Shinobi: "They've definitely taken notice. There's a lot more to show between now and launch." [source]

-

"One thing I'm particularly happy about and can't get over is how much better the hair rendering is. It might be a small thing to some but it looks incredible. It's in another stratosphere compared to DAI." [source]

-

"Everyone in the previews was gushing about how robust the CC is in Veilguard so there might be a decent chance to make some wild Qunari designs." [source]

On the Next Mass Effect:

"ME will look very, very good. Don't worry." [source]

[chipchopclipclop]

i just started rewatching soul eater for the first time since i was 15 and Stein is so much more interesting to me than he was then... what are ur soul eater thoughts chip if youre willing to share

i did not experience soul eater as a wee youth, the first time i watched (and then read it) was 4 years ago (give or take) so i do not have the beautifully tinged nostalgia for the series others might. i say this only bc it colours my thoughts of the series pretty well lmao.

the anime is alot better than the manga just by virture of bones' animation being incredible but also its like 40% less painfully fucking horny (though still is its shounen) and the way some of that plot goes in the second half is so fucking bad in the manga (though not all, but god). It's not like the anime gets rid of everything like that stupid ass argument black star has with maka still makes me want to murder him but ultimately i like the anime and its writing more. i think my minds canon is just a meld of parts i like from both lol.

ohkubo is also just on my top ten list of mangaka i need to actually kill like hes a solid #3 on the needs to die list. his designs and art improvement were fun to watch and i do love halloween world and his toony stuff, undeniably bangs, but you can really tell by the end where his transformation into horny moe artist came from. sometimes i see people shocked by this and soul eater not's existence and i have to think did we read the same fucking manga...??

sorry i needed to get my bitching out before talking about stein. i love stein. so many things wrong with him. he is 70% of the reason i got around to watching it and 95% of the reason i kept reading it. i think how expressive he is is alot of his charm, like he does alot of moe body language you might not expect of his type of chara.

hes #crazy and #madscientist and #edgy and #insaneasylum but also very silly and whimsical... kind of emblematic of the world of soul eater at large actually, this is also alot of the other characters appeal in this universe too (DEATH THE KID).

he's obsessive, hes empathetic, hes also sadistic, hes got a screw in his head, megane, fun with kids, perfect man. hes also got both an equal capacity for getting worse and better in him which can be fun to think about in either direction, and you've got characters that do influence him either way for that in the series. im also kind of remembering clicking the screw in his head is to help somewhat deal with his mental state actually, king of the disability aid...(?)

you can treat his character very seriously or lightheartedly, i think the writing in both versions maintains that balance well. It also makes everyone else who actually sticks around him somewhat deranged too (the fact he did surgery on spirit at school but spirit still interacts like pretty normally at work with him after meeting again. lmfao. THEY WENT DRINKING TOO) the fact he still calls spirit senpai also is so funny. its like 40% a dig at him but also 60% genuine. i hate gay people btw.

i like the thought that he was more stoic when he was younger but as he got older stopped trying to hide his eccentricities as much, and became more expressive lol. younger stein to me is a guy screaming in his head 247 but looking like 😐 while spirit stares at him trying to decipher what his eyelid twitching today means.

[reidmarieprentiss]

Bridges to Belonging

Part One Part Two Part Three Part Four Part Five Part Seven

Summary: (18+) Y/N and Spencer struggle finding time to see each other with their busy schedules, they do find time for Spencer to have a new experience

Pairing: Spencer Reid x fem!reader

Category: Angst, fluff, smut

Warnings/Includes: angst, talks of virginity, self doubt, relationship issues, smut (18+) more warnings under the cut

Word count: 14.3k

a/n: this is so long! and maybe bad!! i have never written smut before i'm so sorry for this, if anyone would like to volunteer to help me or be my smut writer from here on out dear god i'll take it!!!!

main masterlist

Additional warnings: hand job, oral sex (male receiving), nipple play, breast play, slight dirty talk

On Monday morning, the atmosphere in the BAU briefing room was charged with the usual pre-mission tension as the team gathered around the round table. Files and coffee cups were scattered about, each team member reviewing last-minute details before they set out. Hotch, standing at the head of the table, concluded the briefing with his customary, "Wheels up in 30."

As the team began to disperse, Morgan leaned over to Spencer with a mischievous grin. "So, Pretty Boy, don't think you're getting off easy this morning. We need the scoop on your big date," he said, loud enough for others to overhear.

Spencer's face instantly turned a deep shade of red, a bashful smile creeping onto his lips. Emily and JJ, overhearing Morgan, quickly joined in, pulling their chairs a bit closer to Spencer.

"Come on, Spence, you've got to give us something. We've been on the edge of our seats all weekend!" JJ teased, her eyes twinkling with curiosity.

"Yeah, don't hold out on us, Reid," Emily chimed in, "Was it romantic? Tell us everything!"

Even Rossi, usually more reserved, looked on with a raised eyebrow, clearly interested in hearing details of Spencer's foray into romance.

Spencer glanced around the table at his eager teammates, their faces a mix of amusement and genuine interest. Taking a deep breath, he began to share, his voice soft but filled with happiness. "Well, we went to the Met, and then to this great little restaurant that we went to after that one case. It was... really nice."

"Nice? That's all you've got?" Morgan laughed, prodding him further. "Come on, man, did you make out? Did you go up to her place? Give us the good stuff!"

Spencer let out a nervous and surprised laugh, a bit more relaxed now, encouraged by the friendly banter. "We laughed a lot. And, well, we did end up walking back to her place together. It was a good night."

"And?" Emily prodded, not satisfied with the basics.

"And," Spencer continued, a shy but unmistakably happy smile spreading across his face, "she kissed me on the cheek when we said goodnight."

The table erupted in cheers and claps, with Penelope Garcia, who had just walked in on the conversation, squealing in delight. "Oh my gosh, that is so cute! Spencer, that’s wonderful!"

Hotch, who had been packing up his files, looked over with a small, approving smile. "It sounds like you had a successful evening, Reid. I'm glad."

Spencer nodded, feeling a rush of warmth from the support and excitement of his team. "Thanks, everyone. I, uh, I really like her. We're planning to see each other again soon."

"Well, you've got the BAU's official seal of approval," Rossi said, giving Spencer a friendly nod. 

—

Late one evening, while away on a case, Spencer found himself lying on his hotel bed, staring at the ceiling. The hum of the air conditioner and the occasional siren outside couldn't drown out the thoughts of Y/N swirling in his mind. Finally giving in to the urge, he picked up his phone and dialed her number, his heart racing slightly as he waited for her to answer.

"Hey, Spencer!" Y/N's voice came through, bright and cheerful, immediately easing some of the tension he felt from the case.

"Hey, Y/N," Spencer breathed out, trying to sound casual. "I, uh, I realized I forgot to ask you something important the other day."

"Oh?" Y/N's voice was laced with amusement, clearly sensing there was more to his call. "And what could that possibly be at this hour?"

Spencer chuckled softly, feeling a bit more relaxed. "Well, I was thinking about our next date, and I realized we never decided what episodes of Doctor Who we're going to watch. You know, it's crucial planning."

Y/N laughed, the sound making Spencer smile. "Absolutely crucial, Dr. Reid. We wouldn't want to mess up our Doctor Who marathon with poor episode choices. That would be tragic."

As their conversation eased from light-hearted banter about Doctor Who into more substantial topics, Y/N and Spencer found themselves delving into the realities of their day-to-day professional lives. Y/N described a particularly challenging situation at work. Her role required not only expertise in psychology but also a deep well of patience and creativity to reach children who were often surrounded by walls of mistrust.

"I had to think outside the box today," Y/N explained, her tone reflective. "It's tough when you can see the potential for breakthrough, but every approach you take just doesn't seem to click at first."

Spencer listened intently, nodding even though she couldn't see him. "I can imagine that's incredibly challenging. But if anyone can find a way, it's you," he encouraged, genuinely impressed by her dedication and innovative methods.

"Yeah, thanks, Spencer. It means a lot to hear that," Y/N replied, her voice softening with appreciation.

Switching the focus to Spencer, Y/N asked about his current assignment. Spencer was naturally more guarded, knowing the often grim details of his cases could be distressing. He chose to describe the broader strokes of the behavioral analysis involved rather than the specifics.

"We're working on identifying patterns in a series of incidents across state lines," Spencer began, his tone clinical but careful. "It involves a lot of data synthesis and predictive modeling, trying to anticipate the unsub's next move without much to go on."

"That sounds intense," Y/N remarked, her curiosity piqued by the intellectual challenge of his job, despite the darker undertones. "How do you manage the stress that comes with that kind of responsibility?"

Spencer gave a small laugh, a hint of self-deprecation in his voice. "Lots of coffee and not enough sleep, mostly. But really, it's about compartmentalizing and focusing on the fact that every step we take is towards preventing further harm."

Y/N nodded, understanding the weight of such a role. "It's incredible what you do, Spencer. Really. It's like every day, you're part of a team that saves lives."

The conversation then veered back to lighter topics, but the depth of their exchange added layers to their understanding of each other. This mutual glimpse into their professional lives not only deepened their respect for one another but also highlighted the parallels in their dedication to helping others, albeit in very different contexts. 

"So, the team's been giving you a hard time, huh?" Y/N asked, her tone turning playful again.

"You have no idea," Spencer sighed dramatically. "Morgan hasn't stopped teasing me since I got back from our date. And Penelope—she showed up at my door Sunday evening with dinner and dessert, wanting to hear all about our night."

"Really?" Y/N giggled. "She did the same to me! I guess she couldn't wait to get all the gossip from both sides."

"It was a full-on interrogation," Spencer joked. "But, honestly, it's nice to see them so happy for us."

"Yeah, it is," Y/N agreed, her voice softening. "They sound like a great team."

"They really are," Spencer confirmed. They spent another moment discussing potential ideas for their next date, bouncing thoughts off each other with an ease that felt both exhilarating and deeply comforting.

As their conversation wound down, neither Spencer nor Y/N seemed eager to hang up. They lingered on the line, sharing a comfortable silence that spoke volumes of their growing connection.

"Spencer, I... I'm really glad you called," Y/N finally said, her voice a whisper as if she were confiding a secret.

"Me too, Y/N. I suppose I sort of… miss you," Spencer admitted, his voice equally hushed, the words feeling both scary and right.

"Me too," she whispered back, her voice warm with affection.

Eventually, they said their goodnights, but only after making tentative plans for when Spencer returned. Hanging up, Spencer lay back on his bed, a content smile on his face. He felt like a giddy teenager with his first crush. He only wished Y/N was here, laying in the bed next to him. 

—

Back home from the case, Spencer's apartment felt unusually tidy and welcoming as he gave it one last sweep before Y/N's arrival. The anticipation had him checking the clock every few minutes, a nervous energy propelling him from one room to another as he made sure everything was perfect for their Doctor Who marathon night. He had spent the earlier part of the day decorating subtly with Doctor Who memorabilia, including a makeshift TARDIS door cover that added a playful touch to his usually unadorned apartment. 

On the coffee table, Spencer arranged an assortment of snacks, paying special attention to include all of Y/N's favorites that Hotch had discreetly passed on to him. There were bags of gourmet popcorn, several types of chocolate, and even some healthier options like fruit and nuts, all set beside two large bowls.

In the kitchen, the smell of homemade meat pies filled the air—an attempt by Spencer to bring a bit of British flair to their evening. He hoped the gesture would be met with a smile, considering Y/N's affection for all things authentically connected to their shared favorite show.

The setup for the marathon was equally thought-out. The living room was rearranged to ensure maximum comfort. Cushions and blankets were piled on the sofa, creating a cozy nest. The TV was set with the Doctor Who episodes they had agreed on, including a mix of both their favorites and a few Y/N mentioned she had never seen before, promising fresh enjoyment and reactions for Spencer to witness.

As the time neared for Y/N to arrive, Spencer's excitement was tempered with nerves. He wanted the night to be perfect, to be a step forward in their blossoming relationship. He went over his mental checklist again—snacks, ambiance, dinner, entertainment—all checked off. Yet, the butterflies in his stomach wouldn't settle.

Finally, a soft knock on the door jolted him from his reverie. His heart skipped a beat as he walked to the door, smoothing down his shirt unconsciously. Taking a deep breath to calm his nerves, he opened the door with a hopeful smile.

Y/N stood there, her presence instantly brightening the doorway. Her smile was wide, and she held up a bag of additional treats, playfully suggesting they might not have enough snacks—a light jest to ease into the evening.

"Hey, Spencer," she greeted warmly, stepping inside and looking around with an appreciative eye. "Wow, you really went all out, didn’t you? It looks amazing!"

Spencer's nervousness faded slightly under her genuine enthusiasm. "I'm glad you like it," he replied, feeling a bit more confident. "I wanted it to be a special night for us."

As they settled in, the initial awkwardness melted away. They shared laughs over the themed setup, teased each other about episode preferences, and soon enough, the marathon was underway. 

As the marathon progressed, the room filled with the familiar sounds of Doctor Who's opening credits and the occasional laughter from Spencer and Y/N. The atmosphere was relaxed and cheerful, a perfect blend of comfort and excitement as they dove into the adventures of their favorite Time Lord.

During one of the episodes, Y/N leaned forward to grab a handful of popcorn from the bowl on the coffee table. Spencer saw this as his moment to make a smooth, albeit slightly clichéd move he had seen in a movie once. As Y/N reached for the popcorn, he casually stretched his arm and draped it over the back of the couch, right behind where Y/N had been sitting.

When Y/N settled back against the couch, she was momentarily surprised to find Spencer's arm behind her. A slight blush colored her cheeks as she turned to look at him, noticing his somewhat sheepish but hopeful smile. In that instant, any surprise she felt melted away into a warm sense of affection. With a small, encouraging smile of her own, she scooted closer to him, tilting her body to lean into his side.

Spencer's heart raced with the thrill of the moment, but as Y/N nestled into him, he felt a wave of calm wash over him. He adjusted his arm to wrap it more comfortably around her shoulders, allowing her to snuggle closer. The couch, already a cozy setup, now felt like a small haven as they both relaxed into the new position.

With Y/N leaning into his side, Spencer felt a profound sense of contentment. He could smell the faint scent of her shampoo, and the warmth of her body against his was reassuringly tangible. Every so often, Y/N would make a comment about the episode, or point out a funny inconsistency, and they would share a quiet laugh, their bodies shaking together slightly with each chuckle.

As the episodes rolled on, their initial single-arm arrangement naturally evolved into full-on cuddling. Y/N's head eventually found its way to Spencer's shoulder, and one of his hands rested lightly on her arm, fingers occasionally brushing hers. Every touch, though light and casual, sent sparks of delight through Spencer, reinforcing how right it felt to have her so close.

As the soft glow of the TV illuminated their faces, Y/N shifted slightly, her hand finding its way to Spencer’s thigh. The light touch sent a shiver through Spencer, stirring a mix of emotions and igniting a cascade of thoughts.

Internally, Spencer wrestled with the intensity of the sensation. Being a virgin, moments of physical intimacy like this were uncharted territory, laden with excitement but also a nervous apprehension. He cherished the warmth and closeness of Y/N beside him, yet part of him couldn’t help but feel a surge of anxiety about the physical expectations that might lie ahead.

His heart raced, not just from the thrill of her touch but also from the conflict within him—between his yearning for intimacy and the fear of his inexperience being a letdown. Spencer's mind buzzed with thoughts. He loved how natural it felt to have Y/N so close, how right it seemed to share this space and moment with her. Her hand on his thigh was comforting yet electrifying, a symbol of her desire and acceptance of him.

Despite his fears, Spencer realized that Y/N’s affectionate gesture was not just about physical desire; it was a reaffirmation of the emotional connection they shared. It was her way of showing trust and comfort in his presence. This realization helped ease some of his internal turmoil. He wanted to embrace this moment fully, to let go of the self-imposed barriers that his lack of experience had built around him.

Spencer's mind raced, and his body tensed almost imperceptibly under the weight of his thoughts. Y/N, sensitive to the subtle shift in his demeanor, felt the change in tension. Concern etched her features as she gently withdrew her hand from his thigh.

"Spencer, are you okay?" she asked softly, her voice filled with worry. She moved slightly to face him better, her expression open and concerned.

Spencer blinked, brought back to the moment by her question. He saw the worry in her eyes and immediately felt a pang of guilt for causing her any distress. "Oh, Y/N, yes, I’m okay," he quickly reassured her, managing a small smile. "I'm sorry, I just got a little stuck in my head. You didn’t do anything wrong."

Seeing her still looking apologetic, Spencer paused the show, turning to face her fully. The seriousness in his actions caught her attention, and she mirrored his position, giving him her full attention.

"There’s something I need to tell you," Spencer began, his voice tinged with a vulnerability that he seldom showed. He took a deep breath, searching Y/N’s eyes for the understanding he knew he would find. "I’m a virgin," he confessed, the words hanging between them in the quiet space of the room.

He rushed to explain, not just to clarify but also to unburden his heart. "It’s not for lack of trying or wanting. It’s just... I was always younger than everyone else in my grade, and, well, I was nerdy and got bullied quite a bit. So, it never happened for me." His voice was a mix of nervousness and embarrassment, his gaze dropping briefly before returning to Y/N’s.

Y/N listened intently, her heart swelling with empathy for Spencer. She reached out, taking one of his hands in hers, squeezing it reassuringly. "Spencer," she said gently, her voice warm and devoid of any judgment, "thank you for telling me. I can’t imagine how hard that must have been to say. I want you to know that it doesn’t change how I feel about you. I really like you, and nothing about this changes that."

Spencer looked at her, relief washing over him at her words. Her acceptance and understanding were palpable, and it helped ease the embarrassment that had coiled tight in his chest.

"Thank you, Y/N," he replied, his voice soft but filled with immense gratitude. "I just didn’t want to lead you to expect something I might not be ready for."

Y/N nodded, her smile kind. "We’ll go at whatever pace you’re comfortable with, Spencer. There’s no rush. I’m here with you, and that’s all that matters."

With the air cleared and their connection deepened by the honest exchange, Spencer resumed the show. But the night had shifted; there was a new closeness between them, a deeper bond forged by vulnerability and acceptance. 

Y/N, still holding Spencer's hand, glanced over at him, a curious expression on her face. "Can I ask you something else, Spencer?" she ventured, her tone gentle to keep the space between them safe and open.

"Of course," Spencer replied, turning to meet her gaze, appreciative of her sensitive approach.

"Have you ever kissed anyone?" Y/N asked, her curiosity piqued but her voice steady, showing that it was just another facet of getting to know him better.

Spencer paused for a moment, taking a deep breath before answering. "Yes," he admitted, his voice a little tentative. "One person, and only once."

Y/N nodded, taking in his response without judgment, her expression softening. "Thank you for telling me," she said, squeezing his hand a little tighter in a gesture of support. "I really appreciate your honesty, Spencer. It means a lot that you’re comfortable sharing these things with me."

Spencer smiled, a genuine warmth spreading through him at her understanding and acceptance. "Thank you, Y/N, for being so understanding. It’s not always easy to talk about these things, but I’m glad I can with you."

After a moment of comfortable silence, filled with the sounds of Doctor Who playing in the background, Y/N leaned over and gently kissed Spencer’s cheek. The gesture, simple yet intimate, seemed to seal the new level of trust and openness between them. She settled back into the crook of his arm, resuming their cuddling position as they turned their attention back to the screen.

As they watched, Spencer’s mind churned with thoughts. The warmth from Y/N’s kiss lingered on his cheek, a tangible reminder of their growing closeness. Despite the comfort and ease between them, a question nagged at him, fueled by his own admissions and the openness they had just shared. Gathering his courage, he decided it was his turn to understand more about Y/N.

“Y/N,” Spencer began, his voice a little hesitant as he again paused the show, turning to look at her with a mix of curiosity and slight apprehension. “Can I ask you about your experiences?”

Y/N looked at him, sensing the importance of his question and the vulnerability it took for him to ask. She nodded, a gentle encouragement for him to continue.

"Have you ever had sex?" Spencer asked cautiously, his eyes carefully gauging her reaction to ensure he wasn't crossing any lines.

"Yes, Spencer, I have. But that does not mean I expect anything from you," Y/N responded gently, her voice reassuring.

"Oh, okay. Thank you," Spencer replied, a sense of relief washing over him, yet curiosity nudged him to probe a little further. "Um, have you done everything? Like oral sex?" he inquired, his voice wavering slightly with the discomfort of the unknown but eager to understand her better.

"Yeah. In fact… I quite like it. Giving and receiving," Y/N said flirtatiously, her straightforwardness aimed at keeping the air between them clear and honest, but also slightly teasing.

"OH. Oh my God, okay. Okay. Let’s get back to the show," Spencer stammered, a flush creeping up his cheeks as he quickly reached for the remote, eager to shift their focus back to the safety of the television screen. His mind buzzed with the new information, appreciating her candor but also overwhelmed by the implications of their conversation.

As the awkward tension began to dissipate, Y/N offered a reassuring smile and gently teased, "Okay, big guy. We can get back to the show. But I want you to know you can always talk to me about anything."

"Thank you, Y/N. I really appreciate you," Spencer responded, his voice tinged with a mix of gratitude and lingering nerves. Her openness and reassurance made him feel valued and safe, a rare and cherished feeling.

Y/N, noticing Spencer's still heightened state, decided to lighten the mood further. "Spence… you seem kind of worked up right now, are you okay?" she asked playfully, her tone light.

"Mhm… yup, yeah, totally, super good," Spencer replied, his response a bit too quick and a touch too emphatic, betraying his still-rattled nerves.

"Yeah? You like it when I call you Spence?" Y/N probed further, a soft chuckle accompanying her words as she picked up on his slight disarray.

"I do, yeah," Spencer admitted, his voice softer now. "It’s intimate."

"Okay, Spence," Y/N said with a warm smile, shifting slightly to bring her hand back to his thigh, reinstating the comfortable intimacy that had momentarily been clouded by nervous energy.

The simple touch and the use of his nickname in such a tender manner helped ground Spencer. He felt a wave of affection for Y/N, appreciating how she navigated their conversation with sensitivity and humor. The return of her hand to his thigh, a gesture now familiar and comforting, reaffirmed her comfort and acceptance of him, no matter the topic of conversation.

As they settled back into their viewing positions, Spencer felt more at ease than before, the previous tension melting into a warm connection. Their shared laughter and light-hearted banter resumed, filling the room with a sense of closeness that promised only to deepen with time.

The final credits of the last Doctor Who episode rolled across the screen, neither Spencer nor Y/N made a move to get up. The comfortable silence between them spoke volumes; neither wanted the night to end. However, as the late hour ticked by, the inevitable conclusion of their perfect evening approached.

Spencer felt a mix of emotions swirling within him. Part of him yearned to extend the invitation for her to stay, to not let the night end, but he knew he wasn't ready to take such a significant step. His heart raced at the mere thought of having someone stay over, especially someone as special as Y/N. The anxiety of such intimacy so soon was palpable in his tense posture and distracted glances.

Y/N, ever observant and sensitive to Spencer’s moods, noticed his discomfort. Recognizing his internal struggle, she decided to ease the situation with the warmth and understanding she had shown all evening. She leaned closer, closing the small distance between them on the couch, and caught his gaze with her soft, empathetic eyes.

"Spencer," she whispered, her voice a soothing balm to his frazzled nerves. Without another word, she leaned in and kissed him gently on the lips. It was a tender, affirming kiss, one that spoke of her deep respect for his boundaries and her care for his feelings.

The kiss was a first for them both in this budding relationship, and it was electric, sending a warm flush through Spencer’s body. It was a perfect end to their date, sealing their evening with a promise of affection and mutual respect.

As they slowly pulled apart, Spencer looked at Y/N, his eyes wide with a mix of surprise and profound gratitude. "Thank you," he managed to say, his voice low and full of emotion. "For understanding and, um, and for kissing me."

Y/N giggled and smiled, her hand reaching up to gently touch his cheek. "Of course, Spencer, it was my pleasure. I really like you, and I’m more than happy to take things at a pace that feels right for both of us."

With the night winding down, they both stood and tidied up the living room, lingering over small tasks, neither wanting to rush their goodbyes. Finally, at the door, they shared another long, warm hug.

"I had a wonderful time tonight, Spencer," Y/N said.

"Me too, Y/N. Let’s do this again soon," Spencer replied, his smile genuine and hopeful.

With a final wave, Y/N stepped out into the cool night, leaving Spencer by his doorway, his heart full and his mind already anticipating their next meeting. 

Spencer, still riding the high from their evening together, wandered into the kitchen to grab a glass of water, his thoughts replaying the perfect moments of their date. The soft sound of a knock at his door pulled him from his reverie. Puzzled, since it was quite late, he walked back to the door, adjusting his glasses as he went.

He opened the door, and there stood Y/N, her expression a mix of determination and a hint of playfulness. Before Spencer could form a question, Y/N spoke up, her voice soft yet urgent.

"I forgot something," she said quickly, and without waiting for his response, she leaned in and kissed him. This kiss was deeper and more intense than the last, filled with an emotion that had been simmering beneath their earlier interactions. 

Y/N wrapped her arms around Spencer’s neck to keep them connected, and Spencer reciprocated by putting his hands on her face. He kissed her like he was hungry for affection, pulling a soft gasp from her lips. This was the best kiss Y/N has ever had, never has she felt more desired. 

When Y/N started to slip her tongue out to play along Spencer’s bottom lip, he let out a gentle whimper. Embarrassed and brought back to reality, Spencer slowly pulled back.

As they finally parted, Spencer was left momentarily breathless, his heart racing from the unexpected intensity of their connection. Y/N looked into his eyes, a gentle smile playing on her lips, as if to reassure him of the depth of her feelings.

"Goodnight, Spencer," she whispered, pressing her pointer finger to his lips before stepping back with a lingering touch that felt like a promise.

"Goodnight, Y/N," Spencer managed to say, his voice a whisper of awe and affection. He watched her walk away, the sway of her hips enticing him, and the warmth of her kiss still lingering on his lips.

As Spencer closed the door and leaned against it, he felt a surge of emotions overwhelming his initial shock. The spontaneity and passion of Y/N's return had left him stunned, she wanted him. She really did want him, enough to turn around and come back for another taste. He touched his lips, smiling to himself in the quiet of his apartment, deeply moved and eager for their next encounter.

—

Over the course of several months, Spencer and Y/N found themselves woven into a pattern of sporadic yet deeply cherished dates. Each meeting was filled with laughter, shared secrets, and the kind of comfort that only comes with genuine connection. As the weeks turned into months, their feelings deepened—a testament to the quality of the moments they spent together, even if those moments were fewer than either of them would prefer.

Despite their growing affection, both Spencer and Y/N were grappling with the demands of their intense careers. Spencer, with his unpredictable hours at the BAU, often found himself called away at a moment's notice, leaving plans hanging in uncertainty. Y/N faced similar challenges, her responsibilities as a child psychologist not only demanding but emotionally taxing, often leaving her drained and in need of solitude to recharge.

Each date they managed to squeeze into their hectic schedules felt like a small victory against the relentless pace of their professional lives. However, as much as they cherished these snippets of time together, a silent acknowledgment began to grow between them—an unspoken question about the feasibility of nurturing a deeper relationship under such strained circumstances.

Internally, Spencer felt a growing turmoil. He cherished Y/N deeply and found himself increasingly looking forward to their every interaction. Yet, he couldn't shake the nagging feeling of inadequacy in not being able to give her more of his time. His mind often wandered during briefings and on flights to cases, pondering whether he was fair to her, holding her back from someone who could offer her the attention and presence he struggled to maintain.

Y/N, on her side, battled similar doubts. She adored Spencer's kindness, his intellect, and the gentle way he made her feel seen and understood like no one else had. Yet, after each date, as she returned to her quiet apartment, the joy of their time together was tinged with a pang of loneliness. The irregularity of their meetings made her question whether they were building something sustainable or if the sporadic nature of their interactions would eventually lead to an emotional disconnect.

Despite these concerns, neither Spencer nor Y/N had broached the subject with the other, each wary of casting a shadow over the precious moments they did share. Their communication, while open and warm, skirted around these deeper insecurities and fears. It was as if by unspoken mutual agreement, they chose to savor the present, leaving the uncertain future to unfold in its own time.

One afternoon, feeling the weight of her thoughts, Y/N decided to confide in Penelope, who had quickly become her best friend who she trusted deeply. They met at a cozy cafe, a place away from the prying eyes and ears of the office, where Y/N felt she could speak freely.

As they settled into the quiet corner with their coffee, Y/N's expression was pensive, her usual brightness tempered by the thoughts swirling in her mind. Penelope noticed her friend's unusual demeanor and reached across the table, offering a reassuring squeeze of her hand.

"What’s on your mind, hon?" Penelope asked, her voice soft with concern.

Y/N took a deep breath, her fingers tracing the rim of her coffee cup. "It’s about Spencer," she began, hesitating as she searched for the right words. "I really like him, Penelope. I mean, really like him. But I’m struggling with how sporadic everything feels. We see each other when we can, but it’s never enough, and I'm starting to wonder if it ever will be."

Penelope listened intently, her gaze sympathetic. "That sounds really tough," she replied, her voice gentle. "It’s hard when the heart wants what the clock doesn’t allow."

Y/N nodded, a sad smile touching her lips. "Exactly. And I keep wondering if I’m being fair to him—or to myself—by continuing this way. I love our time together, but the gaps in between just leave me feeling more alone. It’s like we’re in this constant loop of hellos and goodbyes, and it’s wearing on me."

Penelope considered her words carefully, understanding the delicacy of the situation. "Have you talked to Spencer about this?" she inquired, knowing that communication could either bridge their gap or confirm her fears.

"Not really," Y/N admitted, looking down. "I’m afraid to. What if bringing it up pushes him away? Or what if he feels the same way, and it leads to... ending things? I don’t know if I’m ready to hear that."

"Y/N, I know it’s scary, but sometimes, laying your cards on the table is the only way to know if you’re playing the same game," Penelope advised, her tone both encouraging and realistic. "Spencer cares about you. Maybe he’s having the same thoughts. Talking about it could bring you closer, or it might give you the clarity you need. Either way, you owe it to yourself to find out."

Y/N absorbed her words, the truth in them resonant and clear. "You’re right, Penelope. I need to talk to him. No matter the outcome, it’s better than just wondering what if."

—

Later that same week, Spencer found himself grappling with his own mix of emotions and uncertainties about his relationship with Y/N. He knew he needed to talk to someone who could offer a fresh perspective, someone who understood the demands of their work and the impact it could have on personal life. Naturally, he turned to Derek Morgan, his colleague and friend, whose advice he had always valued.

They decided to step out for a quick bite, a way to get away from the office and talk openly. As they walked to a nearby diner, Spencer felt the weight of his thoughts like a physical burden.

Once they were seated in a quiet booth at the back of the diner, away from the lunchtime rush, Derek took the lead. "Alright, kid, you look like you’ve got the world on your shoulders. Talk to me," he said, his tone both commanding and comforting.

Spencer sighed, stirring his coffee absentmindedly before looking up at Derek. "It’s about Y/N," he started, his voice tense with hesitation. "I really like her, Derek. More than I’ve liked anyone in a long time. But our schedules... it’s tough. We barely see each other, and when we do, it’s like we’re just stealing moments between cases."

Derek nodded, understanding the difficulty. "I get it, man. It’s hard to build something real when you’re always on the clock. But how does she feel about it? You guys talk about this?"

"That’s just it. We haven’t, really," Spencer admitted, his expression troubled. "I’m worried about what it might mean if we do. What if she’s just as frustrated as I am? What if she wants more than I can give her?"

Derek leaned back, his gaze thoughtful. "Spencer, you can’t let fear of the 'what ifs' stop you from pursuing something good. Maybe she’s feeling the same way, maybe she’s not. But you won’t know until you talk about it. And hey, maybe it’ll help you both figure out a way to make it work."

Spencer absorbed Derek’s words, finding some comfort in his straightforward advice. "You think we can find a balance?" he asked, a hint of hope threading through his voice.

"If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that where there’s a will, there’s a way," Derek responded with a confident smile. "You and Y/N seem to have something special. Don’t give up on it without a fight. Talk to her, man. Open up about your feelings. It’s the only way you’ll both know if you can find a path forward together."

Reassured by Derek’s supportive words, Spencer felt a little lighter as they left the diner. He knew what he needed to do now—have an honest conversation with Y/N. With Derek’s encouragement echoing in his mind, he was ready to face whatever that conversation might bring, knowing that clarity was crucial for both their hearts and their future.

After his conversation with Derek, Spencer felt a newfound resolve to address the uncertainties hovering over his relationship with Y/N. He knew it was time to have a candid discussion about their feelings and the logistical challenges they faced due to their demanding jobs. He wanted to ensure they were on the same page, whether that led to finding solutions or making difficult decisions.

Late one evening, after a long day at the BAU, Spencer found himself alone in his quiet apartment. The weight of the impending conversation pressed heavily on him, but Derek's advice bolstered his courage. He picked up his phone, his fingers hovering over Y/N's contact. Taking a deep breath, he dialed her number, listening to the ringtone with a mix of anxiety and anticipation.

"Hey, babe," Y/N answered, her voice a comforting sound in the silence of his apartment.

"Hey, Y/N," Spencer replied, trying to keep his voice steady. "Um, are you free tonight? I was hoping we could talk about something important. Could you come over?"

There was a brief pause on the line, and Spencer could almost picture Y/N's thoughtful expression. "Of course, Spencer. I can be there in about an hour. Is everything okay?" her voice tinged with concern.

"Yeah, everything's fine," Spencer reassured her quickly, not wanting to alarm her prematurely. "It's just something we need to discuss, and I think it's better to do it in person. I'll explain when you get here."

"Okay, I'll see you soon," Y/N replied, her tone now laced with an obvious concern.

"Thanks, Y/N. I'll see you soon," Spencer said, ending the call.

After hanging up, Spencer paced his apartment, trying to organize his thoughts and prepare for the conversation. He set up his living room to be as inviting and comfortable as possible, dimming the lights slightly and arranging the couch with extra cushions. He wanted to create a warm, open environment to foster a sincere and heartfelt discussion.

As he waited for Y/N to arrive, Spencer rehearsed what he wanted to say, reminding himself of the importance of honesty and openness. He acknowledged his feelings for her and his desire to make their relationship work, despite the challenges. His heart felt heavy with the weight of the conversation ahead, but he was also relieved to be taking proactive steps to address the situation.

When he heard a knock at the door, Spencer's heart started beating faster. He took a deep breath, steadied himself, and opened the door to find Y/N standing there, a look of gentle concern in her eyes.

"Hey," he greeted her, managing a small smile as he stepped aside to let her in.

"Hey," Y/N replied, stepping into the apartment and looking around, sensing the seriousness of the moment.

As they settled onto the couch, the air charged with a palpable tension, Spencer knew it was time to open up about his concerns and hopes for their future together. The conversation that would follow would undoubtedly shape the trajectory of their relationship, for better or worse.

Once they were both seated, the warmth of the room contrasting with the nervous chill between them, Spencer took a deep breath and met Y/N's gaze. He needed her to understand everything—his fears, his hopes, and how much he valued their time together.

"Y/N, I've been doing a lot of thinking," Spencer began, his voice steady but filled with emotion. "About us, about how much I look forward to our time together, and how hard it is when we're apart because of our jobs."

Y/N listened intently, her eyes locked on his, a sense of dread building as she braced for what she feared might be coming.

"I value every moment we spend together," Spencer continued, his confidence growing with each word, thanks to their months of building trust and connection. "But I know it's been hard. The time apart, the cancellations... I hate that it's like this."

As he spoke, Y/N's eyes filled with tears, her heart tightening. She misinterpreted his preamble as a gentle lead-in to a breakup. "Spencer, are you... are you breaking up with me?" she asked, her voice breaking, unable to contain her fear and sadness.

Spencer's eyes widened in surprise, immediately realizing the misunderstanding. "No, no, Y/N, that’s not what I want," he hurried to clarify, reaching for her hands. "I’m trying to say that I want to make this work, despite the challenges. I love you, Y/N. I love you, and I want us to find a way to make our schedules work because you mean so much to me."

Hearing the words "I love you" not only surprised Y/N but also washed away her fears. She squeezed his hands back, the tears now flowing from relief and joy. "I love you too, Spencer. I’ve been so scared of losing what we have. I want to make it work, too. I don't want to give up on us."

As the tension dissipated, Spencer and Y/N, now nestled into the comfortable couch, delved into thoughtful conversation about how to align their lives more harmoniously.

Spencer started, his tone hopeful, "What if we sync our calendars more closely? We could see when each other is free and plan ahead more effectively."

Y/N nodded, her mind whirling with ideas. "Yes, and maybe we could set some boundaries at work. I know it's not always possible, but we could at least try to keep certain nights or weekends clear for us," she suggested, her voice filled with determination.

"I like that," Spencer replied, a smile breaking across his face. "And when we do have time together, we should make it really count. Quality over quantity, right? Maybe some unplanned adventures or just quiet nights in, like this."

Y/N laughed, squeezing his hand. "I'm all for adventures, but nights like these are perfect, too. It’s about the connection, not just the activity."

As they continued to talk, each proposal seemed to weave them tighter together, their plans forming a tapestry of commitment and mutual support. The conversation flowed naturally into laughter and lighter topics, their earlier fears now just a memory.

Lying curled up together, Y/N looked up at Spencer, her eyes gleaming with affection. "Saying ‘I love you’ tonight... it really changed things, didn't it?" she murmured, her voice soft but clear in the quiet room.

"It did," Spencer agreed, his arm tightening around her. "It feels like we’re really in this together now, no matter what comes our way."

Y/N rested her head against his shoulder, feeling content and secure. "Together," she echoed, a promise in her whisper. 

As they settled into a comfortable silence, a thought suddenly struck Spencer—a crucial question he realized he had never formally asked. Despite the deep connection and commitment they had just affirmed, he felt a traditional step was missing, one that might solidify their relationship even further. Given his analytical nature and sometimes overly formal approach to social interactions, this oversight nagged at him.

"Y/N," Spencer began, shifting slightly to face her more directly. His heart was racing, not just from the gravity of the conversation they'd had but also from the anticipation of broaching a new, important topic. "I just realized, with everything we've talked about and planned... I never actually asked you something very important."

Y/N looked at him with a mix of curiosity and a gentle smile, sensing his sudden seriousness. "What’s that, Spencer?" she asked, her voice soothing, trying to ease his apparent nerves.

Spencer took a deep breath, his hands slightly clammy as he formulated his question. "Would you be my girlfriend?" he asked, the words feeling somewhat formal yet charged with emotion. "I mean, officially. I know we’ve been seeing each other and all, and I just... I want to make sure we're on the same page and that you know how serious I am about us."

Y/N's heart melted at his earnestness and the slightly awkward yet utterly sincere way he posed the question. A broad, affectionate smile spread across her face, and she reached out to hold his hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze. "Spencer, I thought you'd never ask," she teased gently, then grew more serious. "Yes, I would love to be your girlfriend."

Spencer's relief was palpable, and a warm laugh escaped him, echoing around the quiet room. "Okay, good. I just wanted to be sure. I sometimes get caught up in the details," he admitted, his smile reflective of the deep joy he felt.

"Getting caught up in the details is part of what I love about you," Y/N replied, her voice tender. She leaned in, kissing him softly, a seal on their newly defined relationship.

—

Y/N found herself struggling with a mix of emotions and uncertainties about her relationship with Spencer. She decided to seek advice from Penelope Garcia, who had become a trusted confidante. They got together at Y/N’s apartment, the privacy allowed Y/N to feel comfortable discussing private matters.

After making them coffee, Y/N hesitated, her expression serious. “Penelope, I need to talk to you about something… and it has to stay between us. Especially, you can’t tell Morgan,” she started, emphasizing the need for discretion.

Penelope nodded, her expression turning solemn. “Of course, Y/N. You can trust me.”

Y/N took a deep breath, then continued, “It’s about Spencer… We made things official, and everything is really great, but there’s something that hasn’t happened yet. We haven’t... you know, had sex. In any capacity. We’ve only made out a few times, and not even in overly… fun positions. I’m starting to worry that maybe he’s not interested in that with me.”

Penelope listened intently, her face a mask of understanding. “Okay, hun, I see. But, knowing Spencer, it might not be about a lack of interest. He might just be nervous or unsure about how to proceed. He’s, well, you know, kind of new at this. Honestly, he might not even know you want to, he doesn’t pick up on social cues very well.”

Y/N nodded, her expression a mix of relief and frustration. “I get that, and I don’t want to pressure him at all. But it’s also hard for me. I have needs too, and it’s becoming a bit frustrating. What should I do? How do I bring this up without making him feel pressured or embarrassed?”

Penelope thought for a moment before responding. “Maybe you could find a way to talk about it indirectly at first. Like, ask him what his thoughts are about relationships in general, about intimacy. See if you can get a sense of where he stands and what he’s comfortable with. Then, depending on his responses, you might find a gentle way to express your feelings and needs,” Penelope suggested thoughtfully. “Make it about both of you, about what you both want and need from the relationship, not just about the sex.”

Y/N considered Penelope’s advice, finding comfort in the logical approach. “That makes sense. I’ll try talking to him in a broad sense first. Thank you, Penelope. I just needed to talk this through with someone instead of running it around in my head over and over.”

Penelope smiled warmly. “Anytime, Y/N. And remember, it’s okay to have these conversations. They’re important. Just be honest and gentle, and I’m sure you’ll both figure out a way forward together.”

—

Y/N decided it was time to broach the subject that had been weighing on her mind. She invited Spencer over, planning a quiet and comfortable setting to have their conversation. As they settled onto the couch with cups of coffee, Y/N took a deep breath and gently steered the conversation towards more intimate aspects of relationships.

"Spencer, I've been thinking about us, about how close we've become," Y/N started, her voice soft but clear. "And I wonder if we might talk about our feelings regarding... intimacy. I feel it’s something we haven’t really discussed."

Spencer listened intently, his expression one of attentive concern. "You're right, we haven't really talked about that," he admitted, a slight nervousness in his voice.

Y/N, sensing his discomfort, chose her words carefully. "I want you to know that I care about you deeply, and part of being in a relationship is sharing those intimate moments. I guess, I’ve been feeling a bit unsure because we haven’t crossed that bridge yet."

Spencer’s expression shifted to one of realization mixed with a hint of distress. "Y/N, I’m so sorry if I made you feel neglected in any way. I do think about it, about being close to you like that. It’s just that I’m not very experienced. And... well, there’s something I’ve never told you."

Y/N reached out, placing a gentle hand on his. "You can tell me anything, Spencer. There’s nothing you could say that would make me think less of you."

Encouraged by her supportive demeanor, Spencer took a deep breath and shared his past trauma. "When I was a child, I had a really humiliating experience. I was tied to a post, and it was... it was really traumatic for me. Since then, I’ve been really nervous about being vulnerable with anyone."

Y/N’s heart ached for him, understanding now the depth of his hesitation. "Spencer, thank you for trusting me with that. I’m so sorry you went through such a horrible experience. I want you to know that with me, you’re safe. I would never laugh at you or judge you. We can take all the time you need, and we’ll only move forward with things you’re comfortable with."

Spencer looked at her, a mixture of relief and gratitude in his eyes. "Thank you, Y/N. That means everything to me. I do want to be close to you, and hearing you say that makes me feel a lot better about taking those steps together."

As Y/N reassured him, Spencer felt a tumult of emotions swirling within him. While he was relieved and grateful for her understanding and support, he couldn't shake off a pervasive sense of guilt. He realized that his own fears and past traumas had inadvertently led to him neglecting Y/N's needs and desires in their relationship.

Sitting beside her, Spencer's mind raced as he considered the implications. He cared deeply for Y/N, and the thought that he might have made her feel unvalued or unwanted pained him. His usual analytical mind turned inward, critiquing every moment they had spent together, wondering how many signs he had missed, how many silent calls for affection he had overlooked because of his own apprehensions.

I’ve been so wrapped up in my own fears, Spencer thought, that I might have missed what she was going through. She’s been patient and understanding, and here I’ve been, too caught up in my own head to see the full picture.

The realization that Y/N had been carrying this weight on her own added to his distress. She’s been dealing with this silently, not wanting to pressure me. And all this time, she might have felt I wasn’t interested in her in that way, which couldn’t be farther from the truth.

Spencer knew that Y/N deserved a partner who could meet her needs, both emotional and physical. He wanted to be that partner, but his past trauma had built a wall he found difficult to scale. I need to find a way through this, he resolved, not just for me, but for us. She’s been more than understanding, and I owe it to both of us to work on this.

As they continued to talk, Spencer felt a growing determination to overcome his barriers. I need to start therapy again, he considered, maybe talk to someone professional about how to move past these fears. And I need to be more open with Y/N, keep her informed about my feelings and progress. She shouldn’t have to guess what’s going on with me.

His heart felt heavy with the burden of his past, but also lighter with the possibility of a future where he could fully share himself with Y/N. She’s worth every effort, he thought, and I want to be someone who can fully share in all aspects of our relationship, not just the easy parts.

This night, though challenging, had opened a new chapter for Spencer, one where he faced not only the demons of his past but also the possibilities of a shared future with Y/N. As he looked at her, speaking softly across the couch, he felt a profound love and a fierce desire to be better, for her and for them.

—

Spencer and Y/N were nestled on the couch in his apartment, a gentle warmth from the soft glow of the lamps casting a comforting ambiance over the room. It was a typical quiet evening, but Spencer had something important to share, something that marked a significant step forward in both his personal journey and their relationship.

"Y/N, I wanted to tell you something," Spencer began, his voice tinged with a mix of vulnerability and quiet pride. "I've started going to therapy. After our last talk, I realized that I needed to address some things from my past to move forward, not just for us, but for myself as well."

Y/N turned to face him fully, her expression one of deep care and respect. "Spencer, that's wonderful. I'm so proud of you for taking that step. It's not easy to open up and seek help, but it's so important."

Spencer nodded, feeling a weight lifting off his shoulders with her supportive words. "Thank you, Y/N. It means a lot to hear that from you. It’s been tough, but I feel it’s necessary."

There was a moment of comfortable silence as they both reflected on the significance of his words. Then, Spencer, feeling a surge of courage bolstered by therapy and Y/N's unwavering support, decided to take another step forward.

"And, um, there’s something else," Spencer continued, his heartbeat quickening. "I feel like I've been making some progress, and I... I would like to be closer to you, in every way. I think I’m ready to share that part of myself with you, if you’re okay with it."

Y/N's heart warmed with his words, and she reached out to gently place her hand on his. "I would love that, Spencer. Whenever you’re ready, I’m here."

Encouraged by her acceptance and warmth, Spencer leaned closer, reducing the space between them. His voice was hesitant but hopeful, "Then, maybe we could... try something tonight? Only if you’re comfortable with it," he added quickly, his eyes searching hers for any sign of hesitation.

Y/N's response was warm and full of affection, "Spencer, nothing would make me happier," she assured him, her hand reaching up to gently caress his cheek. She leaned in, their lips meeting in a tender kiss that sealed their mutual consent and deepening desire.

As they deepened their kiss, the connection between them grew, charged with a mix of emotional intensity and budding physical desire. Spencer felt a thrilling blend of excitement and nerves, but overwhelmingly, he was assured by the rightness of the moment. It was a step he was ready to take, fully and without any reservations, his previous fears now silenced by the trust and love they had built together.

"Okay, Spencer, I need to know," Y/N began, her voice soft but direct, "have you, um, touched yourself before?" She watched him intently, wanting to understand his level of comfort and experience.

Spencer hesitated for a moment, his cheeks flushing slightly with a mix of embarrassment and honesty. "I, god, um, yes, I have," he admitted, his eyes meeting hers with a blend of vulnerability and relief at her understanding.

Y/N smiled gently, her hand reaching out to caress his cheek. "Alright, that’s a good start, babe," she said reassuringly. "Let’s start there, but instead of your hand, it will be mine, is that okay?" Her words were filled with a mix of affection and gentle guidance, ensuring that he felt safe and comfortable as they explored this new level of intimacy together.

“Yeah, yeah, that’s fine,” Spencer replied, his voice steady but laced with the nervousness of what was about to happen.

Y/N, always considerate of his feelings, asked gently, “Do you want to keep your pants on? I can put my hand under your clothes if it makes you more comfortable.”

Spencer took a deep breath, feeling the weight of the moment. “No, no it’s okay, Y/N. I want to be vulnerable with you. I trust you.” His eyes reflected the depth of his sincerity and the trust he placed in her.

Her heart swelled with love and appreciation for his bravery. “Okay then, Spence. Let's take this to the bedroom,” she suggested softly, guiding him with gentle touches and an encouraging smile.

Once in the bedroom, Y/N guided Spencer to gently sit on the bed. Her touch was gentle and reassuring, aimed at soothing his nerves while also conveying her own excitement. She started to unbutton his shirt first, each movement deliberate and caring. As she continued, her lips began placing gentle sucking kisses down his neck. Spencer's breathing picked up, a mix of nerves and arousal coursing through him.

Spencer's mind raced, caught between excitement and anxiety. This was a significant moment for him, one he had imagined but never truly experienced. The reality of it, the intimacy and the vulnerability, was both thrilling and terrifying.

I've never felt like this before, he thought, his heart pounding in his chest. She's so gentle, so understanding. I want this, I want her.

His excitement grew with every touch, but so did his anxiety. What if I don't know what to do? What if I disappoint her? Ohh, I am going to finish so fast.

Y/N seemed to sense his inner turmoil. She paused, looking into his eyes with a reassuring smile. "Spence, it's okay. We're in this together. Just relax and let it happen."

Her words calmed him, and he nodded, taking a deep breath. "I trust you, Y/N. Thank you for being so patient with me."

After Spencer’s shirt had been successfully removed, Y/N gently straddled his lap. Spencer immediately moaned, his hips bucking up and his hands settling on her own out of instinct. Their lips met in the middle, and a very heated kiss took place. Y/N grinded on his lap, feeling Spencer’s bulge, an appreciative hum coming from her throat.

“Hello to you too, handsome,” she murmured, her voice filled with mirth and teasing.

“Oh god, I’m sorry,” Spencer blurted out, a mix of apology and embarrassment in his tone.

Y/N pulled back slightly, her eyes locking onto his with reassurance. “What could you possibly be sorry about, my love? Is this not what we’re here for? And besides, I’m flattered.”

Relief washed over Spencer, and he smiled softly, feeling more at ease. “I love you,” he whispered, the words carrying the depth of his feelings.

“And I love you,” Y/N responded, her voice tender and filled with sincerity. “Okay baby, can you lay back for me? I want to touch you.”

Spencer laid back on the bed, supporting himself with his pillows. Y/N began shimmying Spencer’s pants down his hips. He took a deep breath as his underwear was revealed, a bright pink pair with white lines and a large, prominent bulge in the middle.

Y/N giggled, “These are absolutely precious,” and she placed a kiss to his length through his briefs.

Spencer sucked in a sharp breath, fuck me. Had his brain been working, he would have also been so happy she wasn’t alarmed by his hot pink underwear. He had forgotten that he wore those that day.

She stared at his bulge. “I really, really want to.” He pushed at his briefs, clearly so desperate to get it off. She couldn’t help but chuckle at how eager he was. The stiff ridge of his cock was already standing at attention by the time he managed to get out of them.

Fully nude, Spencer had never looked more beautiful to Y/N. His chest was heaving and his glasses were fogging up with exertion. She slipped her fingers around the skin of his inner thighs and gently nudged them down past his balls, not touching but keeping eye contact with him so she wouldn’t spook him.

Only when she finally had him calm did she let her stare wander down, eyes widening ever so slightly. He was so hard, dripping and pink and veiny. She couldn’t help but feel her mouth fill with saliva at the sight.

He was mentally prepared for Y/N to just touch his dick, but instead she took her time to kiss his chest. She started at his collar bone, slowly licking to his pecs, taking his nipple in her mouth and sucking. Spencer cried out, that was a sensation he had never even thought of before. No amount of reading and studying could have prepared him for this. Being around Y/N took his IQ down to that of a much lesser man.

Y/N looked up to make sure that Spencer was okay, not in pain or uncomfortable. But seeing the look of sheer ecstasy on his face, she knew it was okay to continue. 

Spencer’s mind was a whirlwind of emotions and sensations. This is insane, he thought, I can’t believe this is happening. His usual analytical thoughts were overwhelmed by the intense feelings Y/N was eliciting. He couldn't focus on anything but the way she was making him feel—alive, aroused, and completely fucking attracted to her.

Y/N is amazing, he realized, his heart swelling with love and appreciation for her. Y/N is amazing, and she is my girlfriend, and she’s sucking on my nipples right now. Take that 19-year-old Spencer. 

As Y/N continued to suck and lick her way around Spencer’s chest, his dick twitched out of neglect, and he reached out to gently caress her breast, wanting to reciprocate the affection and pleasure she was giving him. Their eyes met, and in that shared gaze, they communicated everything that words could not—love, trust, and a deep, mutual desire to make each other feel good.

Y/N looked up at Spencer, her eyes twinkling with playful mischief. “You want to touch me too, pretty boy?” she asked, her voice sultry and inviting.

Spencer's breath hitched, his eyes darkening with desire. “God, yes,” he replied, his voice thick with longing.

Y/N smiled, a soft laugh escaping her lips. “Awe, poor baby,” she cooed, her hands moving to remove her shirt, “I’m sorry. Let me take this off.” Her shirt was quickly followed by her bra, Y/N loved Spencer, but she also knew there was no way he was getting that off easily on his first try. 

As she peeled away the final layer of her upper half, Spencer couldn’t contain his reaction. “Oh shit,” he groaned, the sensation of her touch and the sight of her bare chest before him almost too much to bear.

He had never seen breasts before in a sexual setting, had never been allowed to touch. Now, he was holding both of Y/N’s tits in his large palms, gently squeezing and moving them as if to commit them to memory. Like that would be difficult for him. 

Spencer was so mesmerized by the feeling of her tits in his hands, he didn’t even notice her hand creeping down towards his length. Once Y/N wrapped a delicate hand around him, Spencer groaned out a pained noise, squeezing the fat in his hands a hell of a lot tighter.

Y/N's breath hitched as she whispered, “Fuck, Spencer.”

Spencer froze for a moment, his eyes widening with concern. “Oh my God, I am so sorry. Did I hurt you?” he asked, his voice filled with genuine worry.

Y/N quickly shook her head, her hand reaching out to caress his cheek. “Oh, baby no! Fuck no, do it harder,” she reassured him, her tone soothing yet encouraging. A playful glint entered her eyes as she added, “In fact, why don’t you show me what that pretty mouth can do?”

Spencer's initial anxiety melted away at her words, replaced by a surge of confidence and arousal. She wants this as much as I do, he realized, feeling a wave of relief and desire. He took a deep breath, his hands steadying as he prepared to show her just how much he wanted to please her and how much he wanted to make this moment perfect for both of them.

Spencer leaned forward and took Y/N’s nipple in his mouth, he swirled his tongue around the bud experimentally. Looking up at her for reassurance. 

Y/N moaned loudly, grabbing the hair at the back of his head. She looked deeply into his eyes, her voice filled with desire and dripping with a new found sense of confidence. “Oh my god, Spencer. You look so fucking good. Please, baby.”

“Please, what?” he asked, pulling away slightly, his expression a mix of confusion and hope.

“Bite me,” she repeated, her eyes never leaving his.

Spencer couldn’t believe his ears. The affirmation of her words sank in, filling him with a sense of confidence and relief he had never felt before. She wants me to bite her, he thought, overwhelmed by the fear of hurting her. His heart raced, not just from the physical sensations, but from the emotional ones as well.

Feeling more secure and emboldened, Spencer leaned in again, their lips meeting in a kiss that fueled their fire even more. With one hand, he pinched her nipple, pulling hard. Y/N whined loudly in his mouth, so loud, in fact, Spencer was worried he went too far. But then Y/N sped up her hand on his length, pulling him so fast he started to see stars. 

Spencer's breathing grew more erratic as the sensations intensified, his body responding with overwhelming urgency. “Oh shit, oh my God. Y/N, you have to st–stop,” Spencer panted, his voice thick with desperation, “I’m going to cum if you don’t.”

Y/N looked up, a playful yet taunting smile on her face. “Awe but, baby boy! That’s what I want!” she teased, her tone filled with affectionate mischief.

Spencer’s eyes widened, a mixture of pleasure and panic in his expression. “Not this soon, please,” he begged, his voice trembling. He was desperate to prolong this intimate moment, to savor every second of their connection.

Seeing the earnest plea in his eyes, Y/N immediately softened her approach. “Okay, Spence, okay, take a breath. I’m sorry,” she said gently, pausing to give him a moment to regain control.

Spencer took a deep breath, grateful for her understanding. The tension eased slightly, and he felt a wave of appreciation for Y/N's attentiveness and care. She always seemed to know exactly how to balance their needs and desires, making him feel secure even in moments of vulnerability.

Y/N paused for a moment, her eyes meeting Spencer’s with a mix of playfulness and earnestness. “What do you want, Spence?” she asked softly, her voice filled with genuine curiosity and care.

Spencer looked back at her, feeling a wave of uncertainty. “I don’t, I don’t know, honestly,” he admitted, his voice trembling slightly.

Y/N smiled gently, wanting to ease his nerves. “Can I suck your dick?” she asked, her tone light but serious.

Spencer’s eyes widened in surprise. “You want to do that?? To me??” he asked, his voice filled with a mix of disbelief and hope.

“Well, yeah, Spence.” Y/N laughed softly, her smile warm and reassuring. “You’re my boyfriend, do you want me to do that?”

Spencer felt a rush of excitement mixed with nervousness. “Yes! Only if you’re sure. I don’t want you to do it because you think you have to,” he said, wanting to ensure her comfort and willingness.

Y/N’s eyes sparkled with affection and desire. “Trust me, babe, I want to,” she replied, her voice firm and sincere. She leaned in closer, her hands gently caressing him, reassuring him with every touch.

Spencer's heart swelled with emotion, feeling a deep connection with Y/N. "Um, o–okay, yeah," he whispered, his voice thick with gratitude. "I love you so much."

"I love you too, Spence," Y/N responded, her voice soft and filled with affection. She kissed him hard in that moment, getting them back in the mood in no time. 

Once she was sure Spencer’s nerves had settled some, Y/N slipped off of the bed and onto her knees. Glancing down at her, Spencer’s eyes were wide with wonder, not being able to believe his eyes. How does she look so beautiful like this?

Y/N began to kiss up Spencer’s lovely thighs, licking and gently biting as she finally got to put her mouth on her favorite part of him. She gently placed a hand on his chest, feeling the rapid beat of his heart beneath her fingers.

“Ready, baby?” she asked softly, her voice filled with reassurance and love.

Spencer took a deep breath, his nerves momentarily flaring before being soothed by the warmth in her eyes. “Yeah,” he replied, his voice steady despite the swirl of emotions inside him.

Y/N smiled, her heart swelling with affection for him. She leaned in, pressing a gentle kiss to his tip, licking up the small bead of pre cum that had been tempting her. 

Spencer choked on a gasp, white knuckling the covers on his bed. He had never had anything touch his cock before other than his own hand, and even that was rare. As Y/N left the tip to lick up and down the sides, Spencer felt himself lose his grip on reality. However, when her mouth moved down to his balls, Spencer found himself very aware.

“Woah, wait what?” Spencer exclaimed, his voice filled with genuine surprise and a touch of bewilderment.

Y/N immediately paused, concern flashing across her face. “I’m sorry, Spence, did you not like that?” she asked, her tone soft and reassuring.

Spencer shook his head, a mix of amazement and excitement in his eyes. “I didn’t know that was an option! People put that in their mouths?”

A playful smile spread across Y/N's face as she leaned closer. “Yeah, baby, they do. Did you like it?” she asked, her voice low and teasing.

“Mhm, please keep going,” Spencer replied, his voice breathless and filled with anticipation.

Encouraged by his response, Y/N resumed her gentle sucking, her movements deliberate and sensual. She enjoyed this part the most, making her partner fall apart. And being Spencer’s first meant she is also the first person to get to witness him like this. Hopefully I can be the last too.

Y/N noticed the tension in Spencer's body and gently cupped his face, looking deeply into his eyes. "Stop thinking, love. Try to relax. Here, baby, why don’t you put your hands in my hair. You can pull if you need to."

Spencer hesitated, concern flashing in his eyes. "I don’t want to hurt you," he confessed, his voice a mixture of worry and desire.

Y/N smiled softly, her touch reassuring. "You won’t," she promised. "You taste so good." 

Spencer was a whirlwind of emotions, feeling both embarrassed and thrilled by her words. He could feel the blush spreading across his whole body, his skin tingling with the intensity of the moment. Despite his nervousness, Y/N’s gentle encouragement and unwavering support made him feel safe and cherished.

Taking a deep breath, Spencer decided to trust in her words and in their connection. He slowly put his hands in her hair as she had suggested, feeling the soft strands between his fingers began to ground him. Whenever Y/N would suck particularly hard or gag around his head, Spencer’s fingers would flex and pull her hair.

Each time Y/N moaned, sending vibrations through Spencer’s body. He could feel himself spiraling closer and closer to his end, amazed he lasted this long to begin with. 

As Y/N continued to suck, Spencer's breathing grew more ragged, his body trembling with the intensity of the sensations she was creating. He felt himself nearing the edge, a feeling so overwhelming he could barely form coherent thoughts.

“Y/N… Y/N, baby, I’m close,” he panted, his voice filled with urgency and vulnerability.

“That’s good, let it go,” she murmured softly, her tone encouraging and loving while her tongue traced the ridge of his head.

“Where?” he managed to ask, needing her guidance in this intimate moment.

“In my mouth,” she replied, her voice steady and reassuring.

“Oh shit,” Spencer gasped, his body tensing as he followed her instructions.

Spencer came down Y/N’s throat with a borderline animalistic cry. She struggled to keep it all in mouth but managed to swallow most of it. Popping up with a beaming smile on her face, Spencer couldn’t help but laugh at the spit and cum smeared around her mouth. 

Spencer let out a chuckle, his usual reserve giving way to the joyous moment they were sharing. “Oh, babe, you’re a mess,” he laughed, his voice light and filled with affection as he looked at Y/N.

Y/N joined in his laughter, the sound blending with his and filling the room with warmth. “Well, well, well. I wonder why!” she teased, her eyes sparkling with playful mischief. She leaned in closer, her smile widening as their laughter mingled, creating a bubble of happiness that seemed to encase them both.

Y/N took her thumb and ran it along where the mess had lingered, then sucked her thumb into her mouth while holding eye contact with Spencer. He felt his spent cock give a weak twitch of appreciation for the sight of his sexy girlfriend wanting his cum in her mouth. He can not believe that this is his life. 

Spencer's breathing grew more ragged with each passing moment, his body responding intensely to Y/N's affectionate touch. He couldn't help but let out a small, breathless laugh, a mix of amusement and genuine astonishment at the sensations she was evoking. With a playful glint in his eye, he looked down at her and managed to ask, “Are you trying to kill me?” both teasingly and seriously.

Y/N paused for a moment, her lips curling into a mischievous smile as she met his gaze. "Only if you're enjoying it," she replied, her tone equally playful but layered with affection.

Spencer chuckled, his anxiety melting away in the warmth of her gaze and the comfort of their shared humor. "I am, I really am," he admitted, his voice tinged with a mix of awe and delight. He reached out to gently caress her face, feeling a rush of gratitude and love for this moment and for her.

Y/N leaned in to kiss Spencer again, her movements slow and deliberate, savoring the intimacy of their connection. Spencer’s head fell back onto the pillows, his eyes closing as he allowed himself to fully immerse in the sensations, his trust in her unwavering. His earlier nerves had been replaced with a profound sense of closeness and vulnerability, knowing that with Y/N, he could be his truest self without fear of judgment.

Every touch, every kiss felt like a reaffirmation of their bond, and Spencer couldn't help but feel incredibly fortunate. "Y/N, you make me feel... incredible," he whispered, his voice heavy with emotion.

Y/N looked up at him, her eyes shining with love. "You deserve to feel this way, Spence. You're amazing, and I want you to know that every single day."

Spencer’s heart swelled with emotion at her words, he had never had anyone the way Y/N has him. 

“Y/N… you can say no. But, would you want to take a bath with me?” Spencer asked, his voice filled with a mix of hope and nervousness.

Y/N looked at him, a playful smile spreading across her face. “Spencer Reid, are you inviting me to a bathtub date?”

Spencer chuckled, his cheeks tinged with a hint of pink. “Yes, I suppose I am. Rossi gave us this amazing bottle of wine, and I thought it might be nice to enjoy it while we relax… and get clean.”

Y/N’s smile widened, her eyes twinkling. “I’d love to. It sounds perfect.”

A little while later, they found themselves slipping into the warm, bubble filled water of the bathtub, glasses of wine in hand. Spencer had to recover quickly after Y/N removed her bottoms and walked off to the bathroom. I didn’t know she had a lower back tattoo… fuck that’s hot. 

The bathroom air was cool, a perfect contrast to the hot water that enveloped them. Rossi, ever the thoughtful friend, had gifted them a bottle of fine red wine upon hearing about their newly officiated relationship, and they had decided to savor it tonight.

They clinked their glasses together, a soft melody of laughter filling the air. “To us,” Y/N said, her eyes sparkling in the dim light.

“To us,” Spencer echoed, his smile wide and genuine.

As they sipped their wine, the rich flavors mingling with the scent of the scented candle, they relaxed further into each other’s company. Spencer leaned back and let the water soothe his muscles. “This wine is amazing,” Y/N remarked, swirling her glass and watching the liquid catch the light.

“Rossi has excellent taste,” Spencer agreed. “I’m glad he’s so supportive. The whole team is.”

Y/N nodded, her gaze softening as she looked at him. “It means a lot, knowing they’re happy for us. And I’m happy, Spence. Really happy.”

Spencer reached out, taking her hand in his. “Me too, Y/N. You make everything better.”

They sat in comfortable silence for a while, simply enjoying the warmth of the water and the closeness they shared. The bathtub was a cocoon of relaxation, the wine adding a pleasant buzz that made everything seem even more perfect.

Y/N giggled suddenly, breaking the silence. “Remember the first time we tried to watch Doctor Who together? We barely made it through one episode because we kept getting distracted.”

Spencer laughed, a rich, happy sound. “I remember. We were so excited to share something we both loved, and then we ended up talking through most of it.”

“It was one of my favorite dates,” Y/N said, her smile widening. “I love how we can just be ourselves with each other.”

“Me too,” Spencer replied, his heart swelling with affection. “It’s easy with you, Y/N. Everything just feels right.”

They toasted again, their glasses clinking softly in the night. “To many more nights like this,” Y/N said, her voice filled with hope and happiness.

“To many more,” Spencer agreed, leaning in to give her a gentle kiss.

“I love you, Spencer Reid,” Y/N whispered, her eyes locked onto his with a depth of emotion that made his heart skip a beat.

“I’m going to make you my wife someday, Y/N L/N,” Spencer replied, his voice filled with certainty and love.

Y/N was shell-shocked. Not upset, but elated, at a loss for words as she processed the weight of his statement. She opened her mouth to respond but found herself momentarily speechless.

“Cat got your tongue, baby?” Spencer teased gently, a playful smile dancing on his lips.

Y/N finally managed to find her voice, her eyes shining with tears of joy. “Spencer, you just... you just took my breath away,” she said, her voice trembling with emotion. “I love you so much, and the thought of spending my life with you is... incredible.”

Spencer pulled her closer, his heart swelling with happiness at her response. “I mean it, Y/N. You’re everything to me. I want us to have a future together, to build a life filled with love and adventure.”

Y/N’s smile widened, her heart feeling like it might burst from the sheer joy of the moment. “I want that too, Spence. More than anything.”

It wasn’t a proposal, it was a promise. 

They leaned in, their lips meeting in a tender, loving kiss, sealing the promise of their future together. As they continued to share giggling kisses, the bubbles covering Y/N's breasts began to pop, causing the two of them to laugh harder, especially at Spencer's reddening cheeks.

“Looks like the bubbles are conspiring against us,” Y/N said, her laughter infectious.

Spencer chuckled, his cheeks growing even redder. “I guess they want us to face reality.”

Y/N playfully splashed some water at him, still laughing. “Reality is pretty great with you.”

“Agreed,” Spencer said, pulling her closer. “I’m so glad we’re here, together.”

Their laughter gradually softened into contented smiles, and they continued to enjoy each other's company, eventually getting out of the cooling water and embarking in Spencer Reid’s very first sleepover. 

—

The next morning, Spencer woke up briefly to the comforting sensation of Y/N spooning him from behind. He felt so loved and protected, her even breaths on the back of his neck lulling him right back to sleep. 

The next time he woke up, he was alone. Panic surged through him momentarily until he heard sounds coming from the kitchen. Getting out of bed, Spencer threw on a pair of Doctor Who pajama pants and, still shirtless, made his way to the kitchen.

There, he found Y/N in a pair of cheeky underwear and one of his old college sweatshirts, cooking breakfast and brewing coffee. She had clearly run to the store as he had little other than cereal in the form of breakfast food. 

Spencer's breath caught in his throat at the sight. Seeing her in his clothes, moving so naturally around his kitchen, felt so right. The way the sweatshirt fit her body, the familiar fabric draped over her frame, made his heart swell with emotion. It was intimate, domestic, and overwhelmingly perfect.

He stood there for a moment, just watching her. Every movement she made was graceful and filled with care. The way she hummed softly to herself as she cooked, the way she glanced over her shoulder to smile at him—every detail was etched into his mind, painting a picture of pure, unfiltered love.

Spencer couldn’t believe how deeply in love he was with her. It wasn’t just about the physical attraction, though seeing her in his clothes did stir something primal and possessive within him. It was more than that. It was the way she had effortlessly integrated into his life, the way she made his apartment feel like a home.

He felt a surge of protectiveness, a need to ensure that she was always happy, always safe. Seeing her there, so comfortable and at ease in his space, solidified something within him. She was his, and he was hers. It was a partnership, a connection that transcended mere romance.

Spencer walked over to her, wrapping his arms around her from behind. He buried his face in her hair, inhaling the familiar, comforting scent. "Good morning, sleepyhead," Y/N said, turning her head to give him a quick kiss.

"Good morning," he murmured against her skin. "You didn’t have to do all this."

"I wanted to," she replied, moving over to give him another kiss, unable to resist his bedhead and glasses combo. "Besides, I thought it would be nice to surprise you with a proper breakfast."

Spencer wrapped his arms tighter around her, holding her close. "You’re amazing, you know that?"

Y/N chuckled, playfully nudging him. "I try. Now, sit down and enjoy. Breakfast is almost ready."

Spencer took a seat at the kitchen table, watching Y/N with a mix of admiration and gratitude. He couldn’t believe how lucky he was to have her in his life. The delicious aroma of freshly brewed coffee and cooking food filled the air, making the moment feel even more perfect.

"How did you manage to get all of this?" Spencer asked, genuinely curious.

Y/N shrugged with a grin. "I’m a woman of many talents. Plus, I couldn’t let you start your day with just cereal."

Spencer laughed, the sound light and genuine. "Well, thank you. This means a lot to me."

"Anything for you, Spence," Y/N said warmly, plating up the food and bringing it over to the table.

Spencer looked at his coffee, noticing it was still black as can be. His initial skepticism must have shown on his face because Y/N quickly picked up on it.

"Relax, Spence," she teased with a playful grin. "I put plenty of sugar in it. I know how you like your coffee."

He raised an eyebrow, matching her playful tone. "Oh, you do, do you? What if I’ve changed my preferences?"

Y/N laughed, leaning in to kiss his cheek. "I highly doubt that, Dr. Reid. But if you have, feel free to enlighten me."

He took a sip, and the familiar sweetness immediately made him smile. "Okay, you got me. This is perfect."

"Told you," she said with a smug smile, her eyes twinkling with amusement. "I know you inside and out."

Spencer chuckled, his eyes full of warmth. "Guess I should be grateful you know me so well."

"You should," Y/N teased, nudging him playfully. "Where would you be without me to make sure your coffee is just right?"

"Probably drowning in bitter coffee and cereal," he replied, laughing.

a/n: my god i hope this was okay!! i couldn't get @softdoctorreid and this virgin spencer fic they wrote out of my head while writing this... so good! please check it out they are amazing!!

[hunterevie]

Something non-Destiel related for a bit. But it is related to Supernatural.

I’ve mentioned a couple of times my dad died. It's only been 6 weeks and it doesn't feel any easier. I'm thinking about him a lot at the moment, and how engaged he was when I spoke of the show and my convention experiences.

I started watching Supernatural as soon as it aired in the UK. I’m a horror fan so it was right up my street. I normally watched it on my own late in the evening.

There was a day when my dad watched it with me. His first words were ‘oh that’s why you watch it.’ Literally as Jensen and Jared popped on the screen. Obviously, teenage me denied it profusely. I did genuinely watch for the story, but two cute leads also helped.

It was the only time we watched it together before I fell out of love with it in my 20s around S5.

I started watching again when I was in my 30s after Jensen was announced as being on The Boys (I love The Boys!). During the rewatch, I fell in love with Cas and started to understand Destiel.

I attended my first convention in 2023. I had missed out on Jensen being in my home town, so thought I'd take a holiday to Dusseldorf to attend Purcon 7.

I told my dad I was planning on attending this convention, and he remembered it was a show I enjoyed as a teenager. He seemed shocked it lasted so long, and that I was watching again. But happy that I was doing something I would enjoy.

I attended 4 conventions over the last year, and he’d always be the first to ask how they were. Wanting to know if I had a good time, what it was like. Whether the actors were nice. If they said anything about the pieces I got signed. Stuff like that.

The weekend before Purcon 8, I was with my parents. My dad was still in the recovery stage of his radiotherapy and was ill, but pretty bright otherwise. I remember telling him I'd visit again in a couple of weeks and tell him all about the holiday and convention. Hopefully give him something a bit more positive to think about for a little while.

I didn't know that it would be my last conversation with my dad.

He was put into an induced coma 12 hours before I was due to fly to Germany. That morning I had conversations with my mum, who told me to go. That we didn't know at the time what would happen and I would just be at home worrying about him. So I did.

It was on the morning of Purcon 8 that I found out he had brain damage caused by a mistake in A&E. That he wouldn't come back to us and it wasn't even because of the cancer. I was in pieces. I found a corner of the hotel and just sat there crying because I couldn't get the strength to do anything else. I somehow found it when I needed to get my auto with Misha and photos with Misha and Jensen though.

I managed to ask Jensen for a hug, because I needed one after that news. Not Misha though. I love the guy but he still intimidates the living shit out of me sometimes, and I'm convinced he may not like me.

When I did get home my dad was still in a coma and I did as promised. I told him all about my holiday. About the convention. How I summoned the courage to ask Jensen for a hug, and tell Misha about the promotion I got working on something really important politically.

Afterwards, I cried because I knew it would be the last time I would get to talk to him about one of my favourite shows, and my convention experiences. It broke my heart.

Anyway, I don't really know where my point was with all this. I just was reminiscing. If you have read, thank you for letting me get it all out, and here are some photos of my holiday I could never show my dad. (Which is even more gut wrenching, as we did share a love of photography).

If you've never visited Dusseldorf and the surrounding cities, I recommend it. It's so beautiful around there.

[quartztwst]

I DELETED THE ASK IM SO SORRY WAAHHHH 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

I'm also Hmong!!! I don't really say it much bc not a lot of people know of us 😭😭😭 I grew up with both of my parents families but I'm trying to learn our culture so I can't speak hmong. I know a bit but I can't speak it.

But it's alright if you don't know the culture, I even don't know it 😓😓😓 we just gotta learn though!!

Here’s a short basic context or info about Hmong people though:

Hmong people are an Asian ethic group in East and Southeast Asia. We are found in many different countries!! Examples like Vietnam, Laos, Thailand, China, and America!!! (There’s probably others in other countries too).

AND HERE'S MY TWEEL HMONG HCS!!! (BTW these are based on my experiences as a Hmong American person and also this will have explanations about our culture which will be highlighted in blue.)

PHYSICAL APPEARANCE:

- Jade and Floyd are slightly tanner because not all Asians are pale white 💀💀💀 jk but I think they're the types to get easily tanned in the sun (and Azul gets sunburnt)

- They have a few freckles/marks/(DOTS?? HOW TF DO YOU DESCRIBE THOSE?? BEAUTY MARKS WTF??) on their face. Yall never seen me draw them bc um.... I drew these like.. today HELPP

- Jade also has the string bracelet on his wrist. They're like the things that keep your soul with you and they keep you from getting sick and bad luck/spirits (I MEAN THATS HOW MY MOM EXPLAINS IT LMAOO. I remember my grandparents would tie one on my wrist and speak in another language. I don't remember if it was Thai or Chinese.)

Examples of it:

- I used to draw Floyd with it because I thought that since he seems like the type to get noticeably more in trouble than Jade (because he's discreet) and his grandma would be worried for him so she would tie that to his wrist so he wouldn't get more in trouble (bc some older generations think that sometimes the things you do or that you're sick is because your soul has been flying away?? Or that your soul has been taken. Its nothing bad. It's just something cultural and in their religion of Hmong people.) But I feel like he would get annoyed and cut it off later LMAOO

- (Tais means Grandma on mom’s side) So Jade has it but you can't see it with his gloves and long sleeves in the way.

- There's not much to say about their appearances 😭😭😭

SOME HMONG HEADCANONS OF THEM:

- Jade knows the Hmong language and how to speak it but Floyd doesn't but he knows some of it (I'M PROJECTING. I'M PROJECTING SOOO BAD.)

- I think Floyd doesn't really put the effort on learning because "everyone else speaks English (in my universe 😓😓😓 idk)" so he doesn't really bother learning how to speak it but he does know some words.

- He uses a lot of context clues to understand like if he knows some words of the sentence, he'll respond but if there's words he DOESN'T know, he'll be like "huh? Gucci pow.... (<- BAD PRONUNCIATION OF HMONG WORDS)"

- Jade knows Hmong and English so this mf is bilingual.

- Sometimes he would whisper stuff in Hmong to Floyd and THEY BOTH WOULD GIGGLE BC THEY'RE MAKING FUN OF SOMEONE 😭😭😭 AND YOU WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND (UNLESS YOU DO) SO NOW YOU'RE SCARED IF THEY'RE TALKING ABOUT YOUUUU

- Or there's no giggling because Floyd doesn't understand so all you hear is a "huh?" And Jade says nevermind, LEAVING FLOYD CONFUSED AND ANGRY.

- Their mom speaks both Hmong and English while their dad only knows Hmong but is trying to know English (because it's better for business but I feel like he'll have other people speak for him).

- I like to think that Floyd doesn't really wanna speak to his dad than his mom is because of the language barrier. It's hard to speak to eachother with limited words (i know by experience 😞😞😞). It's genuinely sad but they both try their hardest to understand eachother.

- Jade and Floyd like to share Azul some of their foods in their culture (THEY STILL HAVE THEIR CANON FAVORITE FOODS. Also i still dont know how the fuck they cook their food in the sea. I know they eat raw food like Jade said BUT MR. ASHENGROTTO SAID HIS MOMMY OWNS A RESTAURANT AND AZUL KNOWS HOW TO COOK???)

- Like Naab Vaam, Pho, and stuff (some of our food are actually from other countries that we live in/came from like Vietnam, Laos, Thailand, and etc. We just put our own spin on them so they may or may not taste the same as their origin.)

- I don't think in the sea they wear clothes but Jade and Floyd found some Hmong clothes on the surface and found it cool.

- I don’t actually know their exact type of Hmong clothes they wear though. (Hmong people have different types of clothing depending on who you are and where you’re from. It’s very important to know which one you are. Also there’s 2 different dialects of Hmong and probably MORE?? idk……)

- I drew them wearing Hmong clothes that my family wears though:

ITS NOT A GOOD PICTURE but I was so proud of myself guys please it was months ago since i made that nfkjanfkjasdjhfjhjfk

- I was hoping to figure which type of Hmong they are like Hmong Green, Hmong White, etc etc BUT I’M TOO EMBARASSED TO ASK MY MOM BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE SHE’LL THINK IT’S SILLY TO USE THIS INFO ON ANIME CHARCATERSUIDHFAHDJKFHK

- So i just use the info i already know 😭😭😭😭

- (Also the necklaces hanging on their necks are silver necklaces. THEY’RE SO FUCKING HEAVY. MY MOM HAS A REAL SILVER ONE AND GOD DAMN. THEY GIVE YOU SO MUCH NECK PAIN. But they represent our wealth 😞😞😞. Good thing they recently made ones without real silver. Also there’s Hmong clothes with silver coins on them and they also represent wealth!! They hurt less!!)

- Hopefully I can recreate the Tweels in Hmong clothes in better art!! I CAN BARELY SEE THIS ONE.

I think I’m done for now. I was hoping to say more but I don’t have any more 😭😭😭😭 But I hope you find these somehow a bit interesting and helpful about Hmong culture. I was really excited to tell someone my Tweel Hmong HCs because hkuahfjdkshfjkahj I DON’T KNOW I JUST GET HAPPY!! I love sharing my culture even if I’m still learning it. Not a lot of people know about us because we don’t have a country. But im really happy to meet other Hmong people on here and share the representation!!