#i just rewatched it and you know what. it’s a perfect episode no notes

[sourscratched]

a few zach reino offbook lines that are always rattling around in my head at any given moment

[dkettchen]

Ok I get the Gojo Geto shippers now I get it now y’all are justified it’s fine I’m fine they’re perfect I understand now I get it now this is fine

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL - Why so much on right now?

Organized, in each category, with ones I'm enjoying most at the top.

NOV 2024 Week 4

Ongoing Series - Thai

Your Sky (Sun iQIYI) ep 1 of 12 - Classic old school Thai BL. Of course I love it. Naïve sunshine freshman vs strict older protective boy (who already likes him but refuses to show it). Is he grumpy or just gay and tired of all of these women? We don’t know. We don’t care. We just want to see them fake a relationship. And that’s what we’re getting. I love it. I also love the friendship group, and that the younger brother is in it and he has some of the same magic BL-hottie superpowers as his older brother. It’s great.

Love Sick 2024 (Sun iQIYI) ep 10 of 15 - Phun actually turns into dangerous babygirl when he is flirting, who knew? (Dangerous Babygirl is a new archetype I have just invented by the way. Yes, I am pleased with myself.) Noh, who is a nice boy, doesn’t stand a chance. Neither does Jeed, since this new babygirl superpower gives Phun a damn near perfect “back off bitch” face.

The arm drape public claiming, it gets me every time. Has done since SOTUS. Nong Mick is hero-level in this version, hands-down my favorite character this time around (and a non-entity last time). I love him so much I can’t stand it. I haven’t updated my 1:1 comparison yet this week, didn’t have time to rewatch 2014, but I will later tonight.  I'm chronicling my experience with 2024 as compared to 2014 here. 

Kidnap (Fri Gaga) ep 12 end - What an absolutely excellent final episode. Smiley kisses! 

Conclusion 

A cute if patently absurd little show about a stuntman who is somehow convinced to kidnap a rich kid except they fall in love. It takes itself a little more seriously than it deserves for such a silly plot and some crappy stunts and contradictory content, but it was a pleasantly romantic experience all around, and I enjoyed myself. Extra credit for Q in that perfect blue color throughout. No complaints, a solid BL. 8/10 

The Heart Killers (Weds Gaga) ep 1 of 12 - Jojo directs FirstKhao & JoongDunk in an action romcom about assassin brothers (Khao & Joong) who meet a tattoo artist (First) and a cocky mechanic (Dunk). I'm highly amused that Joong plays the older brother to Khao and that we have a take on the Taming of the ShrewBL. This has all GMMTV's best chemistry in one BL and some fresh concepts that I've only seen tackled in m/m romance novels (check out Amy Lane's Racing for the Sun, thank me later). My only quibble is Jojo, I like his style but his characters can get unreliably messy so…... this gonna be interesting.

Buckle up buttercups I got thoughts:

Frankly, I haven’t decided if this is good or so bad and so camp that it’s good? The latter I suspect. Either way, I’m enjoying it very much, but I had very little doubt that I would. This falls into so many of my wheelhouses. Not just the premise but the casting and the approach and the script. They pretty much knocked it out of the park with the first episode: one night stand + safe sex + linguistic negotiation = I’m in! During the opening sequence I spent the entire time worried about how many fingerprints Bison was leaving everywhere. And then I realized this show is going to require DEMAND we turn our brains entirely off.

We are in KinnPorshce / The Sign territory people. Take emergency precautions! Do not engage brain meats!

Kiss Me Kate only gay and hitmen? Frankly, it sells itself. The music is extremely stupid though. (Brain, stop it!) I gotta say that FirstKhao are good because…… FirstKhao. But JoongDunk are absolutely perfectly cast. Like: couldn’t be a better pair in these roles. Dunk, in particular, is slaying. I did not have Dunk as Petruchio down on my “best casting choice of all time” BL bingo card, but apparently there he is. Awesome. 

Fourever You (Thurs YT) ep 8 of 16 - I’m warming up to the second couple a little bit. I actually don’t mind a bully romance the way some do. But this isn’t quite hitting the notes that I want from one. Still, I found this week more engaging than last week. 

Secret Love (? YT?) 1-12 of 81 eps - They dropped 12 eps at once randomly on YT totaling about 20 min. So of course, I watched it. Because I have no self-control and STEPBROTHERS! Adopted into a rich family, boy falls in love with heir. But when he is made the heir instead, everything goes wrong. Now enemies the two boys reunite and sparks! I hate this format but dammit I love this utter dross. It’s very early Chinese BL feeling but from Thailand. I don’t care. It’s so stupidly great. This is my kind of BL.

Caged Again (Fri Gaga) ep 3 of 10 - There is something sweetly innocent and earnest about this show. It reminds me of Takara and Amagi or even Light On Me but less stiff - this one is quintessentially quirky and casually Thai about it. It’s interesting that this has an 18+ rating, which means it’s either gonna go very violent or sexy or both. Right now I can’t imagine that, it doesn’t suit. But I’m looking forward to seeing where this goes. Junior with his Mean Girl crop top moment is the goddess of the week though. Fierce queen penguin.

Perfect 10 Liners (Sun YT?) ep 4 of 24 - I love the side couple so damn much. How are they so adorable? Still not wild about the mains, and not likely to get there anytime soon. That said, I did like seeing the “sleeping in your boyfriend‘s class while he gives you his jacket” trope drop. We haven’t had that one for a really long time. My Engineer maybe?

Every You Every Me (Mon Gaga) ep 7 of 8 - I did find this installment kind of boring. I just don’t like actors as main characters. Much as I’m enjoying this show and I think the actors are doing a good job, I really do wish it was more like what we had been sold on: Connected reborn characters fated to be together over and over again. Not this weird little mishmash of whatever. I’m now annoyed by a format I was initially charmed by. 

Jack & Joker (Mon IQIYI) ep 10-11 of 12 - still on hold until it ends or I can cope with the pain.  I just can’t go into darkness right now.

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

Our Youth AKA Miseinen: Mijukuna Oretachi wa Bukiyo ni Shinkochu (Japan Tues Gaga) ep 3 of 11 - SNIFF TEST! But done by Japan so it’s that much better and more kinky. The way H looks at M pretty much defines naked lust. “I got extra beat up so you’d take pity on me and then I admitted it to you” is so damn warped I can’t even with this boy. This feral kid is gonna drive me feral. The power and the control and the execution of this show is just spectacular. I keep thinking about it after its done and telling people IRL about it. (I rarely talk BL IRL.) It’s classy. I do love it when Japan does classy BL for us. 

See Your Love (Taiwan Weds Gaga) ep 6 of 13 - so completely and utterly adorable. The learning sign language thing! I loved it so much.

Love is Like a Poison AKA Doku Koi: Doku mo Sugireba Koi to Naru (Japan Tues Netflix?) 10 of 12 eps - Possibly one of the best confessions of the year I have to say. Also a wonderful character growth arc for our lawyer. Exactly as one might hope. The plot twist was slightly predictable but still adds a delicious note of tension to our final episodes.

Blue Canvas of Youthful Days (China Sun iQIYI) eps 7-8 of 12 - You don’t want me but you won’t let anybody else have me either. The song of the repressed seme. I did like the irrational jealousy moment and a few other bits, of course the crying kiss. You know I love a crying kiss. Even if it’s a somewhat censored one. But this is also leaning a little bit darker than I want at the moment. This being China, I anticipate the darkness and doom getting worse not better.

Teenager Judge (Vietnam Sat YT) ep 9 of ? - The incredible migrating lip injury continues. Could we please get on with the BL aspect of this show? I’m getting frustrated as well as slightly bored at this juncture. Pacing darlings. Pacing.

Love in the Air: Koi no Yokan (Japan Sat Gaga) ep 4 of 10 - Still not sure. I think I like this better than the original, but I’m confused. I did make disgusted scoff noises and say “oh dear” a couple of times. Which makes me sound like a World War II grandpa (only the housemate's cat noticed), but is also classic me when profoundly disappointed by a piece of media. That’s said, the sex scene was pretty good. In the end, I wasn’t as frustrated by this version of these characters, but they didn’t have as many highs or lows as the original. So first half probably works out about the same in my all-purpose rating system. The true proof in the pudding is going to be couple number 2 tho......

It's airing but......

Winter Is Not The Death of Summer (Weds YT) ?? eps - Criminals who meet in prison fall in love. I did find it on YouTube, but I did not find any English subs for it. The first episode seems to be only six minutes long. It is very pulp. But it is intriguing. So I hope it gets some sort of international or something at some point. for now I’ll put it to the wayside.

Bad Guy My Boss (Thai Sun Gaga) 10 eps - I DNF'd at ep 7, I couldn't make it. I am weak. Life is hard enough right now, this show is making it harder. It’s not what I want from my entertainment.

Bad to Bed (Taiwan Sat YT) 10 eps - This is a little too low production value even for me + just very very odd. DNF

In Case You Missed it

Love for Loves Sake got some kind of special on 11/9. Not sure what, why, or where. Only the rumor that it...... is. I'll believe it when I see it...... literally. Let me know if you found it.

The Bangkok Podcast covered Marriage Equality in Thailand: More Complex Than it Seems. They missed some of the point and all of the queer perspective. But it's a local lawyer talking about it and how it was implemented, which is quite interesting.

Dominant Yakuza and Wimpy Corporate Slave AKA Ore-sama Yakuza to Hetare Shachiku: Kuni wo Koeta Jingi Naki Dekiai, Japan YT. A 30 min slice of ridiculousness. This mini walked out the back of one of my 1999 yaoi (you know those little shorts they always had along with the main story?) and randomly got cut together by some helpful malcontent, tumbled into my YT feed like a Taiwanese prat fall, and I couldn't be happier.

This is the Cliff's notes of a story that could have been amazing, but I adored it anyway. Basically what it says on the tin: office cutie from Taiwan working in Japan runs across hot AF mafia hit man beating up lesser thugs. Falls instantly in love, turns out so does the yakuza. They end up together for...... reasons? (one is cute and the other is cool?) That's it. It's dumb and I loved it. 7/10 because it really isn't good, but it lives on in a very warped corner of my shriveled old heart.

Next Week Looks Like This:

Still to come:

11/28 Spare Me Your Mercy (Thai Thurs iQIYI) 8 eps on OneD (no word on inter) - Increased rates of deaths in terminal patients has a police captain investigating the palliative care doctor with whom he's fallen in love. Their relationship deepens but the mystery persists, driven by mistrust. Adapted from the novel "Euthanasia" by Sammon (Triage, Manner of Death) stars some old guard BL actors: Tor Thanapob from Hormones as the doctor and (fuck me YES) Jaylerr from Great Men Academy and goddamn Grean Fictions as the captain!

Upcoming BLs for 2024 are listed here. This list is not kept updated, so please leave a comment if you know something new or RP with additions.

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

We stan a smitten seme who's too reserved for his own good. Sunshine is gonna have this boy wrapped around his little finger in no time. (Well in 12 eps, but we know what we like!) Your Sky

King behavior.

Dangerous Babygirl behavior.

Both Love Sick 2024.

(last week)

The tag BLigade: @doorajar @solitaryandwandering @my-rose-tinted-glasses @babymbbatinygirl @babymbbatinygirl @isisanna-blog @mmastertheone @pickletrip @aliceisathome @urikawa-miyuki @tokillamonger @sunflower-positiiivity @rocketturtle4 @blglplus @anythinggoesintheshire @everlightly @renafire @mestizashinrin @bl-bam-beyond @small-dark-and-delicious @saezurumurmurs

[alltimefail]

Okay I'm on my 5th rewatch of Dead Boy Detectives and I have to know if anyone else finds it funny (and a little bit maddening) that in episode 6 when Monty needs help finding his fake ghost friend Gladys it's CHARLES who dismisses him immediately?

Like... they go so far as to make a point of showing us multiple reactions to his dismissal. First Crystal, who has no reason to believe the boys will turn down Monty's case due to Edwin's assumed crush and Charles' people-pleasing nature. She agrees to the case quickly because it's the perfect distraction for the boys and will buy her time to get her powers back... but then, to her shock, Charles turns down the case!! Charles who is all about gentleness and "Bedside manner," who cares deeply about being a "Good guy" and about being liked, the guy plagued with worry about how he is perceived by others and who never wants to disappoint anyone, the guy who is suuuuuper sentimental, protective, has a strong sense of justice, and is notably dedicated to protecting his friends and helping the people he cares about at quite literally any cost.

Even Monty is surprised, too!! It's clear that Monty anticipates Edwin's lingering guilt and old-fashioned sensibilities regarding decorum and conflict avoidance to be enough motivation for him to take on the case, that Edwin would agree just to avoid adding any more animosity or awkward tension to an already delicate situation. Monty had to know, going in, that he really only had to get through to Charles (who he admittedly had neglected in the past and been cold to in previous interactions due to his crush on Edwin). Considering Charles' easy-going nature, this should have been quite easy as Edwin is a much harder person to win over, whereas Charles is quick to see the good in others!! That's why he compliments Charles (despite the sentiment being disingenuous) and contrives a story that, knowing what we all know about the boys by this point, should have struck an emotional chord for Charles especially... BUT IT DOESN'T which is like... very weird!!! It's normal for Edwin to act logically, to put facts over feelings, to "play hardball" as Charles puts it in episode 1. But Charles is emotional, he's compassionate, he's impulsive more times than not, so this is notably weird behavior for Charles!!

BUT THEN it gets even better because Charles is immediately like, "Edwin, you know what I'm saying, right?" He throws the ball to Edwin, expecting Edwin to agree with him - a reasonable expectation as, again, Edwin is the logical one - but then Edwin doesn't agree, he sides with the girls instead and takes on the case for, what we can only assume is an unknown/indiscernible reason to Charles. (Remember, Charles has no clue that Edwin already turned Monty down, and we know he thinks that Edwin has a little crush on Monty at this point as well!!) Charles doesn't push the issue, but it's clear he's not particularly happy... it's hard to nail down what exactly he's feeling (we can't read his mind) but he's clearly feeling some type of way. You can tell by his silence, by the tense, tight-jaw frown and his eyes wandering to the floor that he must have been expecting a different outcome. It felt like he asked Edwin in a way that felt more like he was testing something, like he was hoping for a certain outcome...but WHY???

Well, let's acknowledge the context in which this strange interaction happens. In the same episode we see Charles:

Note how weird/off everyone is behaving specifically after Edwin is awkward with Monty on the roof.

Checking Edwin out, up and down, after Niko tells him he looks good (This is an irrefutable conclusion as he openly comments on Edwin's change of clothes later, so like... he noticed lmao)

Acting colder than he previously has to Monty by the time they get to the tall forest, despite the possibility that Monty may have lost his friend who comforted him after his own near-death experience. (This happens after Edwin agrees to take on the case, btw. Even when Crystal points out that there's an issue between Monty and Edwin, Charles makes no move to inquire, to "fix" it, or to be especially gentle as he normally might.)

Boldly and instinctively reach for Edwin's hand while making pointed, emotional eye contact as a "last act" during their near "death" experience.

And that's not even everything!!! So like... yeah, sure, it could be nothing. It could mean nothing. Allll of this could just be coincidental. Maybe Charles was being logical and responsible for once, maybe he really did just feel like they were already too busy to take on an extra case.

OR, more likely in my personal opinion, HE WAS JEALOUS AS FUCK!!! We know, based on their interaction at the end of the episode, that Charles has always had at least some idea that Edwin is not straight. We know that everyone is convinced Edwin has a crush on Monty. We know that Charles, after meeting Monty for the first time, has an expression of disdain on his face while watching Monty and Edwin interact (when Monty is showing Edwin his astrology chart). We even know that, following this interaction, Charles is frazzled/irritated when he fails to get Edwin's attention away from Monty's astrology book (clearly upset that Edwin's attention is occupied elsewhere and suddenly eager to remind Edwin that the goal is to leave Port Townsend with haste). Monty aside, we're not even getting into the protective and emotional response Charles has at the mere mention of the damn Cat King...

SOOOO TLDR; I've watched this show every day, and the more I watch it the less I can be convinced that Charles is not jealous AF and stupidly, deeply in love with Edwin...even if he isn't aware of it yet. I have no idea why so many people think Charles has 0 romantic interest in Edwin and that he "turned Edwin down completely" on the stairs to hell... because that's simply just not what happened lmao. Seeing the word "queerbait" being attached to these two is giving me whiplash... like that's just not what's happening here. That's not the proper interpretation of the nature of their relationship. I don't think there is any possibility, not a chance in hell, that Charles will not reciprocate Edwin's romantic feelings because he quite literally already does and just doesn't know it yet. There's no other way to interpret the acting choices made (which are brilliant) and the writing choices (which are also brilliant).

Anyway, hopefully that made sense. I just needed to share because I am gnawing at the bars of my enclosure going absolutely batshit over this show! 😇

[yutarot]

IN PERFECT SYNC [j.jh smau]

six — the man he was. wc: 376

the moment you heard jaehyuns voice amongst the crowd and the bands cover of champagne supernova, you immediately felt your heart drop.

there was no way this was happening.

“kazuha…” you poke her arm, causing her to roll her eyes at you for interrupting her so-called ‘fan moment’ which consisted of her being adamant she’d had eye-contact with the jeno lee, the bands bass player, who was standing 100 feet away.

“what is it!” she yells, and you immediately panic, whisper yelling at her to shut up.

but when you point to the man ahead of you, her eyes turn wide.

“no way.” she replies. “yn we need to leave.”

she grabs your arm in attempt to pull you out of the crowd. but there was no way in hell that you were leaving here without taking up this opportunity, and that fact only encouraged you. that and the 7 beers that you had already drunk, telling you that this was the best idea in the world.

which it definitely wasn’t.

but before kazuha could stop you, you had already reached up to tap on his shoulder, watching his eyes roll as he turns to face you.

“oh, for fuck sake.” he dead-pans, his friend, yuta, beside him, laughing at the sight.

jaehyun looks anything but amused.

“you’re blocking my view.” you snap. he sighs before attempting to turn back around. that was until the next words leave your mouth, somewhat quicker than you had hoped.

“so you’re just gonna ignore me. again.”

“yn.” he warns.

“no.” you shrug, “let’s talk about it, right here and now. i don’t see why not.”

he looks at yuta before turning back to you.

“you’re drunk.”

you know confronting jaehyun like this isn’t the best idea you’ve ever had, but this conversation is long overdue.

“im leaving, don’t talk to me.” jaehyun says as he walks off, yuta shrugging before following after him.

you want to chase after him, yell at him for everything he’s ever done to you, everything he ever did to you. but you stay, wondering if you’ll ever get the chance again.

but for now, you stay hating him. the man he is, the man he will be but most importantly:

the man he was.

mlist — next

notes; im reopening the taglist, pls lmk if you’d like to be added! also i just finished my writeup of the literal entire plot and lemme just say this is gna be my fav BY FARR it’s a literal rollercoaster im so excited for everything to be revealed. there may be 2 or 3 chapters based on friends episodes (s5 e14🤭) because im rewatching it again and it keeps giving me ideas 😓 ALSO this deal or no deal crossover is making me so excited pls

taglist — open; @https-yeonjun @chenlesfavorite @therealbobbyshloby @f6llsun @jkslvsnella @nanaxwi @cloudmrk @neocrashed @vernonburger @vividwritess @taeeflwrr @mmjhh1998 @cyjzzl @stareaa @minkyuncutie @mrkleelvr @dudekiss3r @nattan127 @slayhaechan @jaeveil @tynlvr @mslora @nosungluv @grassbutneo @dokyriu @girlz4jaem @axo-l0tl @yyangj3lly @solvrse @m1ng1swife @gentlepeach @xiuriii @soobinbunnie5 @tocupid @apolloxxivmin @ctrlstar @gyuguys @tokitosun @i-kai @flamingi @mrkleelvr @en-dream @queenrachelpink @ssweetreveries @swanyvess @flaminghotyourmom @hyuck-me @cryingforjae @hizhu @starfilledgaze

[princessgarnetxvi]

Everything Johan did was For Anna/Nina

Everything Johan did was for Anna. 

                      A “Monster” capable of love.

“What I’m most afraid of is…forgetting Anna. The strange lessons we have everyday… are making my memories fade. Please, don’t make me forget Anna. It’s only Anna and me in this whole world. Just give me that - please. Please.”  – Johan Liebert”

I was very confused about the complexities of Johan's character up until the last handful of episodes. After rewatching the series for a 3rd time and exploring how Johan is portrayed in the manga, it became very clear to me that my initial opinions about Johan were basic and devalued the intricacies of Naoki's writing. From the beginning we are only TOLD by conflicting views, who Johan was. His character, in the fictional world as well as our own, is simply defined by an individual's perception of him and the story presented. However, if we dissect ALL of the themes and even the undertones Naoki presented to us through the world of characters; I think it would be evident that Johan was not committing heinous acts for superficial reasons such as simply being evil to be evil.

So what was the method to his madness? 

I believe... Everything he did was for Anna.

(Yes this includes erasing himself from existence too )

Author's Note: I want to preface before you read on that although these essays are written in a sympathizing light that Johan has done PLENTY of wrong. This is not written in an attempt to dismiss his heinous acts lightly, but to simply understand the "Monster" of the series by tackling Johan's crimes deeper than the surface. I tried to make sense of Johan's every action in regards to his OVERALL PLAN and why Naoki presented them to us as viewers. For those who will nitpick the term "everything" quite literally, I want to make it clear that not E V E R Y S I N G L E A C T I O N Johan has taken coincides with his love for his sister; his actions towards the children specifically - because there are some things that had nothing to do with his "perfect plan" but more to do with attempting to build Johan's character and his view of the world us as viewers. Justifying ones actions vs. rationalizing ones actions are completely different. I am in no way attempting to discard the accountabilities that Johan should face for his actions, but instead trying to make sense of it all. I've analyzed Johan's crimes against children here: https://xprincessgarnetxvi.tumblr.com/post/691678531250487296/i-really-love-reading-your-essays-i-can However, this will explain the root of Johan's character and the core of his overall plan(s) that was committed for the sake of his sister from the very beginning to the end. The overarching theme and message of Monster is that there are no such thing as Monsters, only broken human beings capable of great evil; so we will humanize this great Monster in order to understand not only Johan Liebert, but the hows/whys Tenma/Nina was able to forgive him and ultimately find value in saving the life of this supposed Monster.

Before we begin, I'd like to take the time to thank you for reading! I can't wait to review your comments and further discuss this magnificent series of Monster!

-

Anna was set up from the beginning to become The “Monster” given she was the one who actually endured the experiments. Her tendencies are shown in glimmers throughout the show. The heartbreaking twist to it though... is that the only reason why she DID not become the beast, was because SHE ( unlike Johan ) HAD KNOWN REAL UNCONDITIONAL LOVE.

-Johan’s love and sacrifice is what kept her safe from the darkness he knew very well. He got his hands dirty to shield her. He chose to leave her behind in the care of her foster parents, knowing she would forget him, in order to heal.

He chose her than himself over and over; becoming her shadow; choosing to lose his only attachment to his already weakened identity in order for her to heal.

His love for her is why she never became a monster...and tragically, why Johan had.

Which reflects exactly what Mikhail Petrov (whose real name is Reinhart Biermann) said about his "PROFOUND DISCOVERY" concerning his current experiment on the children he had in his home; he said the children did not become animals because he gave them LOVE.

(Mikhail Petrov telling Grimmer how the children in his current experiment did not become Monster - it was because they had LOVE.)

In his own twisted way and view on things, he was protecting her. He killed every "parental" figure they had because he was betrayed by every adult figure in his life so far. People who mentioned calling the police, ended up finding out about their past - anything that could lead the man, who Johan referred to as “The Monster” into finding them, he disposed of.

The adults in their lives thus far would betray them, torture them, hurt them, throw them away- and forcefully separate them. In his severely abused mental state, any adult figure was a potential threat to his and Anna’s safety. So he’d kill in order to runaway from "the monster" and protect Anna. Then when Anna found out about the blood on his hands that fateful night the Monster paid them a visit, he realized that now he had become someone Anna feared - a different kind of Monster but all the similar to the one they were running from.

So he rationalized that now he needed to die.

In that moment, I think we should focus on his body language and expressions. Johan faced the ground. hardly picking up his eyes. His shoulders were sunken and he did not have that menacing little smile he usually had. Johan has killed in secret various times with Anna and back at Kinderheim.

So why was he so messy with the Lieberts?

Because he did not want to kill them - he said HE HAD TO.

It was not a calculated murder, because he was not truly calm and collected; He was afraid.

Lets not forget who Johan was up until that moment: the infamous little boy who provoked an entire riot and massacre by simply opening his mouth. With mere words he was able to sway the adults and children into doing what he wanted. BUT IN THAT MOMENT when Anna caught him red handed, he could not, or rather, would not - try and manipulate Anna.

(He has never once been shown trying to manipulate or abuse her throughout the entire series as he has done intentionally with the rest of the world.)

Instead, he asked her to shoot him and run - in an attempt to finally liberate her from the horrific life they had to lead up until now - blaming his existence for the constant chase their predator (Bonaparte) gave way to them as prey because in that moment, his memories were distorted and he believed he was the one who went to the Red Rose Mansion. **** (X) (this theory is challenged referenced below)

To Johan, him living was a danger to Anna and that night made it evident to him.

But when he was brought back to life and realized the gravity behind his methods, seeing how terrified Anna was of him - he started to cry. Because despite his initial feelings of finding his death absolutely necessary for her to be safe, he still wanted what he had with her; the only bond of love he ever knew.

What set his entire ADULT plan into motion (wiping out everyone who ever hurt Anna and created HIM) was Anna's rejection at the hospital. That was when he realized internally, he was beyond forgiveness and that he was nothing more than a monster. A Nameless monster in her reflection that needed to die in order for her to live in peace. (Referencing the God of Peace storybook. )

Johan was the one who gifted the God (Anna) her hat and then she saw herself as the Monster she was supposed to be due to the Red Rose Mansion experiments. This would NOT have happened if Johan did not give her the hat (the red hat which can symbolize the blood he spilled for her. ) so in this instance, Johan is also the reflection (you are me and I am you. They are both nameless monsters)

From that moment on, he wanted to wipe out his entire existence, and that meant those who ALSO "created" him so that Anna could heal as Nina.

I believe this is what is depicted in the Nameless Monster storybook. 

Initially, we are made to believe Johan wanted to “consume everyone” so he would be the last one standing. The Monster known as Johan in the book also devours his counterpart, the Monster who went West and then there is no one left to call him by his name. But clearly, Johan never does this, because Johan never attempts to kill/devour Anna/Nina - because what it symbolizes is entirely different in nature regarding Johan’s intention. 

A quick reminder that both Johan and Anna were considered Nameless Monsters. HOWEVER - by Johan’s hands, Anna does not remain “Nameless” nor does she ever become a “monster” the moment Johan decided to not only leave her behind in the hands of a loving family, but by her changing her name and her identity to Nina. The Fortners never made any implication that they knew of Nina’s past concerning the Lieberts murder and I believe this is because Johan introduced her as Nina to the Fortners and never allowed them to see the trail behind her identity as Anna Liebert. 

Symbolically, Johan, as the Nameless Monster, consumed the Monster inside of Anna and became the only Monster left. This is what is mirrored in Johan’s intentions and the Nameless Monster storybook. 

With Anna forgetting him and Johan leaving her behind thus losing his only connection to someone who truly knew him, now all that is left is Johan, without absolutely anyone to call him by his name - the one and only Nameless Monster.

And this is heavily referenced in Another Monster:

(This reinforces that Johan was trying to make Nina forget her past as Anna)

There wasn’t some sick satisfaction from any of his killings done when he was a child. To him, it was needed for the sake of her safety. This was Johan’s initial “plan.” set in motion. He wanted to be the only one left in the world with his sister - so that they wouldn’t have to be afraid anymore. 

(I also believe at that point when they were kids, Johan's very first plan he referred to when telling Anna "Remember, I have a plan." was to run to another country with her so that the Monster will never find them. It is the only logical idea of a plan that a child could conjure following what he actually leads them to do, which was cross the border. Simply destroying the world is unreachable in his current state and Johan is smart enough to not be delusional in his endeavors. With that being said, he had to kill that old couple to erase any trail they may have left of "two beautiful blonde twins." But this plan fails because they nearly die at the Czech Border and was discovered. )

(Johan telling Anna he has a plan.)

RUHENHEIM:

One of the biggest moments in Ruhenheim has been misinterpreted and lost due to the mistranslations in both the English Dub and the Japanese subtitles. 

I clarify and mend this by breaking down what Nina unraveled in Boneparte’s house when she looked at the portraits by correctly translating the Japanese script/text in depth here on this post:

 But to summarize it for the purpose of this essay, it was revealed to us as viewers that Johan apologized to Anna when she returned from the Red Rose Mansion, revealing the overwhelming weight of guilt he carried when Anna had been taken that day. 

(That day depicts the moment their mother made the terrible 'Choice')

and then Johan accepts his mother will never return to them (assuming she abandoned them) and goes on to tell Anna this:

Johan is the one crying because soon after, Nina tells us that Johan was in that room crying.

This information provides clarity as to why Nina was finally able to understand Johan, empathize with him enough to be able to forgive him. She remembered he was a boy who felt guilty over what happened to her; a boy who cried when he realized they were now all alone in the world.  She understood that Johan desperately did anything and everything to ensure he and Anna survived despite it all.

That Rainy Night:

I want to GREATLY EMPHASIZE the important factor I missed my first time watching the scenes with Johan/Anna - the scenes shown to us were ONLY through her recollection as fragments due to her memory loss. They were told from what she COULD remember, so her take on what really happened that rainy night the first few times the events are unfolded before us should not be taken as absolute. At least...up until it is revealed in the final episodes that Anna realized that on that night instead of seeming like an empty shell of a person asking for death, Johan was crying and crying before she shot him.

The scene where Anna finds the portraits reveals what truly happened between them and its so important. She said “Johan was crying “here” just like before.” She was mimicking a memory she had just recalled in its entirety. “Why are you crying, why are you crying?” She sounded in distress. Directly after she reveals that she remembers him crying, it shows the image of him pointing at his head that rainy night.

Even though Johan told her to shoot him, it is IMPORTANT that he was crying and the author highlights this for a reason.

I believe that, finally being able to vividly remember that day finally revealed to her that Johan wasn’t the “face of absolute evil” she initially dismissed him to be; he was a boy/man who could cry and mourn - he was human. He was a terrified boy protecting Anna and himself the only way he knew how. and instead of showing him forgiveness/love - she added on to his collection of wounds scarred upon his soul from everyone else who chose to harm him.

Tenma...was ultimately the ONLY one in his life who showed him kindness.

Johan's intentions and reasons behind many crimes: Essay II.

( I will summarize it here as the extension essay was far too long to put on this post)

**** (☓) I want to ask, did Johan truly believe he was the one who went to the Red Rose Mansion or was that simply a masquerade he performed to make sure Anna did not remember?

(I wrote an essay on this being a possibility here: PART 2 OF THIS ESSAY. This will explain Johan's intentions in depth)

(this is a theory I FIRMLY believe and have completely adopted. But for the sake of argument, I will entertain both concepts behind Johan's memory in this essay.)

If we entertain the idea that Johan never misconstrued his memories about the Red Rose and pretended he did, I can dissect Johan’s intentions a bit more intricately.

Throughout the series you see that he is trying to wipe everyone who knew of what happened to Anna off the face of the earth, that included himself. He did not want Anna to remember. So when it was revealed she did remember, he mourned. It was subtle but evident in the anime when she reveals “you are wrong.” something in him shifted - for once he was reacting to the words of another.

She said "he had a smile but seemed like he was crying. I never seen such an expression on his face before." That entire scene, Johan’s eyes expressed something we’ve never seen from him throughout the series - a sense of mourning or longing?

Johan in front of Anna always appeared the most human and I feel Naoki did this with purpose.

(Naoki specifically told the directors/animators of the anime series to never stray from how he expressed Johan's eyes for a very important reason. )

Johan's expression finally meeting Anna after 13 years apart.

-

If, however, Johan DID truly think he was the one who suffered at the red rose mansion, his “perfect suicide” plan still relates to his twisted-selfless feelings for Anna.

Johan learns it was not him that suffered at the Red Rose Mansion...but Anna instead. and then Johan goes on to commit the "perfect suicide." In his plan to die, he wanted to take The Monster with him, forcing Bonaparte to endure the same exact hell he forced Anna to suffer as a child.

Call it an act of revenge. Some may think Johan is incapable of being vengeful but I cannot see this cruel and calculated act as anything other than malice. After Bonaparte was finally dead, the monster disposed of - Johan was ready to die.

But you can see his conviction began to slip away when Anna forgave him. What made it worse was realizing he was wrong about Tenma because even now, Tenma was still hesitating on killing him ruthlessly like he always presumed would happen. Johan thought he had humans all figured out - after all, all Johan has EVER known was the darkness in people’s hearts. That is why he was so confused/moved by Tenma and wanted so desperately to prove him wrong.

The manga portrays Johan’s expressions 1000X BETTER THAN THE ANIME. As soon as Anna arrives, Johan is just staring at the floor, unable to look at her - Repeating everything from that fateful rainy night when they were kids. But this time, Anna doesn’t kill him, she chooses love and compassion. and when she says she forgives him - his reaction is something the anime does not do justice

(The subtle shift the artist expressed in his eyes from her words is so significant but missed in the anime; but he reacts rather deeply, moved and shocked by her words.)

Because "Forgiveness is the remission of sins. For it is by this that what has been lost, and was found, is saved from being lost again."

In the manga he isn’t quick to reply. He ponders over her words carefully and I think this is when his mind starts panicking.

Anna realized that forgiveness was the one thing he wanted that night she shot him, despite him also thinking his death was needed. His value depended on her view of him; and what she once robbed from him was now returned - a human being worthy of forgiveness instead of a monster.

He is telling her the evident truth that he cannot turn back because he TRULY believes Tenma is going to kill him any moment.

Johan refuses her forgiveness not because he resents her or thinks its too late for her to redeem herself - but because he doesn’t think he deserves it. “There are somethings that cannot be undone.” Because it is too late, Johan is going to die - he WANTS to die. Then you see the fear and helplessness in his eyes after getting the one thing he always wanted [ Anna’s forgiveness] because he desperately wanted to die as the only thing he knew himself to be: the nameless, nonexistent monster. But both Anna and Tenma rob him of that by bestowing upon him the gift of compassion, mercy and empathy; for the first time treating and valuing him like a human being instead of a monster,god,experiment, devil etc., as everyone around him has his entire life.

(The Monster inside of Johan begins to crumble.)

Johan in his final moments was cracking and finally falling apart. You see it in the final expression he makes: the distraught, confusion and sadness. Because he realized, he was wrong about people, he was wrong about the world. But how can we blame him for his view on humanity when all he has ever been shown since birth was how ugly, selfish, cruel and inhumane people can be?

How can we expect someone who has only seen darkness to be able to find the light?

I want to clarify one thing I noticed: Johan has never shown to take any kind of sick satisfaction from killing unlike all the other serial killers being interviewed in the series. (aside from Richard) Specifically, Johan is without "the lust for murder" as Lunge explains in Another Monster - which is why Johan hired other people to kill for him instead. Especially contrasting Johan with Roberto, specifically, when Roberto tries to kill Anna.

(that is until Richard, which makes Johan's dealings with him stand out for a reason. He doesn't even take pleasure in killing the Red Hiddenburg, he leaves before witnessing her death instead of reveling in his 'checkmate' coming to fruition.)

Despite his callousness and his lack of care for life - Johan, despite how much of a "monster" he was, very clearly had humanity and had love....for his sister most of all. Johan saw when his mother choose, how little their lives meant to her and this instilled his nihilism at such a young age. He watched Anna get tossed to the wolves like nothing and in that moment, he probably thought his mother chose Anna over him for a reason. (even though the question on her intention would haunt him for the rest of his life) But her being able to choose is what hurt him the most and it's probably what instilled his self sacrificing mentality to care for Anna above the world in order to never make the same mistake his mother had.

That is why after she got back from the Red Rose Mansion, he cried for her story and apologized as if it was his responsibility to feel guilty over what happened to her. It should have been him that suffered. Then after, he treats her with the upmost care, telling her everything is hers, no matter what she will win everything because he would deem it so. He is kind to her, never letting go of her hand even when she is dragging behind - he sacrificed all of himself for her...

Because she deserved everything in the world to contrast their mother throwing her away.

(it should be noted that the Lieberts did not want Anna either but only adopted her because Johan refused to leave the orphanage without her. Which is also why I believe he killed them when Bonaparta came because he thought the Lieberts were conspiring with Bonaparta to get Anna)

🌰 (The ‘Acorn game’ represents their Mother's choice, a child in each hand. But in this version, Johan would ensure that no matter what hand Anna chooses, she will NEVER choose wrong. He manipulates the fate behind her choices by holding two acorns instead of one; never letting her make the same mistake as her mother.)

He wanted her to know above all else, she was loved.

A clear indication of this adoration/attachment he has for her is the fact that he DOES NOT forget her even after enduring the hellish experiments in Kinderheim that aimed at wiping out / messing around with his memories.

-

I wrote this because I was astounded to see various posts/Wiki pages implying that Johan’s intentions were to torture Anna and make her kill herself. Telling her to shoot him was his first attempt to drive her insane? They twisted a lot of things Johan did to try and make this statement true. But I cannot comprehend how they drew this conclusion? The series has characters mentioning on more than a few occasions that Anna is dear to Johan. "He is lost with you."

Everyone knew Anna was important to Johan, Professor Geidlitz was the first to mention this besides the old blind man. Roberto was aware of this which is why he tried to kill her as mentioned in Another Monster. Which is ALSO why Peter Capek tried to hold her hostage to prevent Johan from killing him.

and for the first time, Johan DOESN'T kill him.

Johan cried when he awoke at the hospital after he reached for his sister and she screamed in fear of him. His face full of tears - his heart completely broken. If his intention was to drive Anna insane, he would have triumphed in that moment she screamed and fell to the ground after he reached out to her. But instead he mourned.

Anna has mentioned several times that Johan has cried for her, like when he was in the room full of their happy portraits, he was crying. He never once tried to bring harm to Anna - not intentionally towards her person. Explaining the Fortners murder - either he killed the Fortners after they decided to keep lying to her, thus keeping him in the shadows when he wanted to return. OR he killed them because they were going to tell her the truth about her identity, which was something Johan worked to conceal. (this theory is explained thoroughly in essay #2 )

Regardless, if he wanted to torment her, he would not have tried to lure her away to the castle when he set up the Fortners to be killed.

They imply that Johan wanted to torture her and then kill her at the end. But that makes absolutely no sense. Where in the storyline does Johan give off this tendency towards her? Even at the end he told her where to meet him in Ruhenheim and not once did he try to shoot her or Tenma. Honestly, if he really wanted to provoke Tenma to shoot him, he would have held the gun to Anna instead of a random child. But even though being shot by Tenma was his greatest endeavor, he refused to point the gun at someone who was important to Tenma...because Anna, is important to Johan too.

To say Johan, despite being hailed as the Monster of the series, had no love or humanity in him and was merely the Devil himself...completely missed the point of the story...

I’d like to point out the constant mentioning of Hitler in this story and draw another important factor...Hitler brainwashed people to commit mass genocide. Under his rule, millions perished in horrific ways. But despite that...Hitler was capable of loving others. Hitler was also loved by others. The terrifying truth about people who commit atrocities...is that they are not monsters or demons or devils...

they are merely human.

-

Here’s two passages from ANOTHER MONSTER [novel post Monster written by Naoki] that really drives this point:

- PSA: My twin brother FINALLY finished his 2 HOUR Johan Analysis Essay, that dives deeper into Johan's character. This essay and essay #2 will be included in this analysis video as we both worked on it together. However, this lays out the details visually and with beautiful music. Please watch!

[humbledragon669]

S2E1 - The Arrival Write Up P8 - the Present Day from the "I Was Wrong" dance

I don’t see any point in beating about the bush, let’s dive straight in – plenty still to cover in this final five minutes (sans credits) of the first episode of season two. The first item in my notes for this section is something we see for just a few frames before Crowley even gets through the door of the bookshop:

This is not a happy angel. In fact he looks almost tormented, doesn’t he? Sitting there, just staring into space. Goodness knows what’s going through his head at this point, but I don’t think he’s thinking about whatever it was he had intended to do when he sat down behind his desk. And whatever it is, it looks like he’s pretty deep in thought given his jump-scare reaction when the door opens. Speaking of which, the door has either been left unlocked or Crowley has miracled it open, because there is no sound of a door rattling or key turning in the lock before he comes striding into the shop. Either of those possibilities has some lovely subtext – the former would suggest Aziraphale has deliberately left it open knowing that Crowley is going to come back (don’t forget, it’s now full dark outside, so it’s likely way past closing time), the latter suggests that Crowley knows he would have locked up and wants his entrance into the shop to be dramatic. I lean towards the former, but that’s largely due to the lack of evidence to support the latter.

I’m going to state the obvious at this point. I absolutely love the scene that follows. I think it’s probably a fandom favourite. The chemistry between this pair is bang on, the comedy timing is perfect, and we get a couple of new Aziracrow history facts. Not to mention we get to see Crowley do a little dance (which was unspeakably surprising in the first watch – I think I actually squealed). And I was in love with this scene before the chemistry, before the dance, before Crowley takes off his glasses, even before Aziraphale puts on his glasses and pretends to be busy. Here’s the moment I fell in love with this scene:

I’m sure you won’t be surprised to read that it was the soundtrack that initially swept me off my feet here. That moaning guitar noise gets me weak at the knees every single time. But it doesn’t really stop there for the genius score writing – check out the beginning of the next phrase with the plucked strings. Classic music-writing device to convey comedy, and I think the two are perfectly placed – the guitar slides in as Crowley slithers his way back into the shop, the strings make their star entrance as we see Aziraphale trying to make the impression that he’s busy, not at all thinking about the argument he’s had with Crowley and wondering when he’s going to come back, thank-you-very-much.

I seriously adore this movement he makes for two reasons. Firstly because he has to readjust his entire posture and position to settle into the place that would be necessary to actually work at his desk. Look how far he has to shift his butt forward to lean over the desk properly! The second reason I love this is because Crowley is already stood right in front of him, looking at him. He would have seen the entire thing. It’s so blatantly obvious that this is an act, not just for us as an audience but for Crowley too.

Personal side note: I am actually sitting here giggling at everything as I rewatch tiny bits of this scene whilst I write this. I just can’t help it. Did I mention I love this scene? Right, back to it…

Let’s make it very clear what this dramatic gesture (complete with comedic string glissando to really highlight the movement) is shall we? We know that Crowley has been in Aziraphale’s presence without his sunglasses on countless occasions. We also know that he only really removes his sunglasses when he’s comfortable in his surroundings and his company (at least in the AD years). I can’t imagine he is comfortable with either of those things at this present moment at time, considering that he knows he’s in trouble. I don’t think I’d be alone in thinking that he does this at this particular moment in time to show Aziraphale that he’s making himself vulnerable for the angel. He has nowhere to hide without those glasses – he’s completely exposed. Which is also why I think he makes a big show of it: it’s actually a grand (somewhat melodramatic) gesture – “look at what I’m doing for you, so you’ll know how earnest I’m being”. This complicated subtext really demonstrates the reason I love this scene so much – there are just so many layers in it.

Whatever I think of Crowley’s “grand gesture”, Aziraphale ain’t buying it. I’m sure that stubborn angel saw what Crowley has done, but it’s just met with a clearing of the throat and a fake “that’s interesting” noise as he reads his little index cards. But that little noise really says something else to me – it’s a sort of “is that all you got?”. The message is pretty clear to everyone – this angel is still pretty pissed.

The set of Crowley’s jaw in this little shot is quite something, isn’t it?! I love the way he’s gone from a cautious-yet-dramatic entrance to try and establish the lay of the land to simply throwing his sunglasses on the table and ringing a bell to announce his arrival. It’s almost like he thinks he really has to emphasise that he’s taken off his glasses, you know, just in case Aziraphale hadn’t noticed. And the “I’m back” line? On the surface it’s stating the obvious, but let’s not forget why the angel had asked him to come to the bookshop in the first place – to take his place as the rescuer. This is him announcing he’s taking up the mantle again, and don’t you just love that he thinks that will be enough to let him get away without having to apologise? Gotta love him for trying I suppose.

There is a shot of Aziraphale in the Bentley that we’ll see in episode 3 that I have seen described as being the best demonstration of the angel in full bitch mode. I disagree – I think this moment takes it. This is pure bitchy rage and sarcasm at its absolute best. And underneath the snark and the stubborn refusal to look at Crowley to acknowledge that he has laid himself bare, there’s a clear message: “it’s not enough”. Crowley’s groan is evidence that for once he hasn’t missed his cue – as much as he might be hoping to get away without making an apology, he knows that’s probably not going to happen. I say probably because he tries to get out of it again:

CROWLEY: You want a big “I think I said the wrong thing” sort of apology, or can we take that as said?

I find the choice of words here interesting. Notice he doesn’t say “I did the wrong thing” or even “I was wrong”. It feels to me like there’s an element of “I’m sorry you feel that way” about, like he’s not really sorry for saying those things, but bitter about their consequences. And let’s not forget that he not only said a lot of things that Aziraphale got upset with, but reneging on the arrangement of him being the rescuer, leaving the angel to deal with the situation alone, likely causes more anger than the words that were said. He also says “I think” before the rest of the phrase (suggesting he really doesn’t think he’s done anything wrong), not to mention that this whole sentence is actually just a last-ditch attempt to get out of the apology. It’s not really any surprise that Aziraphale isn’t satisfied with this lame excuse for an olive branch.

Did I say that little sarcastic line from earlier was Aziraphale’s bitchiest moment? My bad. This. This is it here. Man, if words could kill, these would do it. And note that Crowley still doesn’t actually take responsibility for his actions, choosing instead to try and placate his angel by telling him he was right instead.

I think we’re about to find out what it is that Aziraphale was thinking about whilst he was staring into space at the beginning of the scene.

There it is – he was never going to take anything less, was he? There is so much to unpack here too.

AZIRAPHALE: I want a proper apology- CROWLEY: No.

That’s interesting – Crowley knew exactly what was coming before Aziraphale actually asked for it. Which makes it clear that this “proper apology” is something that has been referred to before. Next up:

AZIRAPHALE: -with the little dance. CROWLEY: I don’t do the dance.

Curiouser and curiouser… So Crowley has never done this dance before. Hold your horses though, because here comes a piece of Aziracrow lore that everyone is dying to know more about. According to Aziraphale, he’s performed this dance at least three times before. I say at least because it actually sounds like he’s going to keep going with that list (if I was a betting person, I’d say the last of those dates might have been after Crowley delivered the Antichrist to the nunnery). He’s also furious about it.

And whatever those dances were for, the reason(s) was significant enough for the dates to be carved into Aziraphale’s memory (granted two of the three tie up with known meetings between the two of them, and I know we’re all pretty sure that 1941 is going to turn out to have been meaningful for other reasons). I have my own theory about the reason behind the dances, which I have written a fanfic about. Feel free to read it here if you like, just know that it’s a WIP at the moment (still!) until I get to the 1941 minisode in this season (which, at this rate, is going to be a little while).

It’s at this point I want to pick up on how we as a fandom refer to what’s about to happen. I think I’ve seen it mostly called the “Apology Dance” - I have in fact referred to it by that name almost every time I’ve talked about it. However, neither Crowley nor Aziraphale actually call it that. Crowley simply refers to it as “the dance”, whilst Aziraphale calls it by three names - “a proper apology”, the “little dance”, or the “I-was-wrong dance”. I don’t think it’s hugely important, and I think that, unfortunately, the adopted name may have come about due to a reference made to by the creator. I think there might be something interesting in the fact that it isn’t actually called an “apology dance”, by either of its benefactors, on a linguistic level, but that’s not for here. There are some details about the linguistics used for the words that go along with the dance that I’d like to take a brief look at in just a moment. For now let’s just soak up in the silent sass we see Aziraphale gives Crowley to signal that he’s ready for the performance:

I mean, could this angel be more ready to revel in Crowley’s humiliation? The head tilt. The eyebrow raise. Such perfect bitch-delivery. Something that the 3-second long pause we see before the performance actually begins would suggest that the demon is well aware of, and that he’s still silently begging not to have to go through with the whole thing. Let’s get back to those “lyrics”.

CROWLEY: You were right, you were right, I was wrong, you were right.

There are a couple of things I find interesting about this set of words, the first being the fact that there isn’t actually an apology anywhere in them. The other requires remembering that this dance has only been previously been performed by Aziraphale for Crowley, which means that these words were devised to appease the demon. What we don’t know at this point is who devised them in the first place. I do hope that we’ll get some closure about this whole thing in season’t 3, but I just don’t know if there will be enough time in 90 minutes to cover the topic.

I am not ignoring the fact that the final pose of the dance looks distinctly like Crowley has extended his wings, I just feel like it’s probably so obvious I might be insulting people by pointing it out. What I do want to give credit to is the depth David has gotten out of that ice skater/one-legged squat pose. Honestly, I do yoga and a squats work out on a regular basis, and that sort of depth (without falling over) is not even close to being within my reach.

Last thing to say about the dance itself, or rather the music that goes along with it. This little tune took me a long time to identify, and it nearly drive me nuts, but I did get there in the end. I think it’s “Girls and Boys Come Out to Play”. Or it could just be a sequence of descending minor thirds, because I can’t see how the lyrics or history of that song links to anything about GO. Answers on a postcard.

Jeez, Aziraphale, could you thirst any harder? (Yes, it’s coming up in the next episode…) It doesn’t look like Crowley really notices, though he does understand that consent has now been given for him to resume his role as rescuer, closing the distance (very quickly) between them. He also returns to using collective pronouns instantly:

CROWLEY: We need to keep him here and hide him.

Aziraphale doesn’t notice until the demon uses the word “together”, and even then it comes as a bit of a surprise. (Side note: there appears to be a fire alarm going off somewhere in the background at this point. Not as obvious as the helicopter I could hear earlier on in the scene I suppose…) And despite the fact that Crowley is trying to do his thing (rescuing), he’s still clearly very, VERY worried about the plan - we’ve gone into full hand-wringing, freak-out-face mode:

It only really occurred to me what this look of intense worry might have been whilst I was doing this write up. I’m going to try and be as succinct as I can here, but I don’t know if I can word it very precisely. So. It’s only at this point that the suggestion of the pair of them doing half a miracle is raised, by Aziraphale. Which means that, despite Crowley using collective pronouns and saying that they were going to do it together, what he actually meant was that Aziraphale could do a miracle. And what Aziraphale meant when he said that he couldn’t do it because Heaven would notice even the smallest miracle was that he a) interpreted Crowley’s plan in that same way in the first place and b) was subtextually saying that actually the demon should do the miracle himself. Crowley’s defence that he doesn’t want Hell’s attention would suggest that he in turn understood what was being asked. Furthermore, Crowley’s reaction to Aziraphale’s suggestion now would also back up that idea that he wasn’t actually suggesting that they do a joint miracle in the first place, because it’s clear that this is a new idea for him. Phew, that was a lot of words to say that their exactlys weren’t exactly the same exactlys, but I felt like I had to get it out of my head. And of course it would be remiss of me to point out how thrilled Aziraphale is at getting Crowley’s approval, but I do feel like that’s been discussed at length by many other people already, so instead I’ll just leave this here:

It seems like such a long time since I talked about anybody other than Crowley or Aziraphale, and it feels even longer since I talked about Gabriel/Jim, and about how he does seem to understand some social cues. Well, here he is, clearly interpreting Crowley’s dislike of him with indignation:

He even manages a little sass of his own when he has to repeat his adopted name to Crowley. He softens quickly enough though, letting himself be led into the chair, which brings me to my next observation. The chair appears to have been placed directly over the (inactive) seal that marks the portal to Heaven.

Obviously there’s a rug over it now, but I’m pretty sure that’s the right spot. Why there? There are any number of places that Crowley could have put that chair. He could even just have left it where it was. Does he even know what he’s done? I don’t think we’ve ever seen him in the bookshop with it uncovered or activated, so perhaps not, but it feels like a pretty big coincidence if that’s the case. I know we all love the idea that the reason the miracle that’s about to be performed is so strong because it was done by both of them, but I do also wonder if the placing of the chair has anything to do with it.

I find it interesting that Crowley is only really worried about attracting Heaven’s attention at this point. He doesn’t mention Hell in this little speech at all, and Aziraphale doesn’t offer his own counter-speech to Crowley. The demon does in fact seem to be doing his absolute best to reign the angel in as much as possible, something which Aziraphale doesn’t dispute or bicker over. There’s something else - and it’s to do with the miracle noise used here:

Oh, wait. That’s not the miracle noise from this scene, is it? It’s the miracle noise from Aziraphale vanishing the soldier in the last episode of season 1. This is actually the miracle noise from the season 2 scene:

Yeah… they’re the same (if you're not convinced, try listening through headphones - I'm not sure the first component comes through in the first clip properly on speakers). There are a number of possibilities for this. Firstly, and this is something I have been toying with more and more as the season has gone one, that the noise isn’t actually related to the caster of the miracle, but the caster’s intentions (good vs. bad). This would work for this scenario, as the intentions in both scenes aren’t driven by morality but by need. The second possibility is that the sound contents aren’t actually relevant to anything other than to signify that a miracle has happened. I don’t buy this - this show is far too heavy on the hidden details for that to be a thing as far as I’m concerned, but even if that is the case, that will also become important in time. Thirdly, is it possible that Crowley didn’t actually didn’t do anything except move his hand down here? That would explain why he was so focussed on telling Aziraphale not to overdo it, whilst simultaneously avoiding making assurances that he would do the same. We never see Hell tracing anything back to Crowley either, which sort of makes sense because Gabriel is one of theirs, but also doesn’t make sense because Beelzebub has made it very clear that she’s also looking for the lost archangel, and that she believes Crowley has knowledge about it. There’s also something else to consider, which you can see here:

Now obviously we don’t really have anything to compare this to - this is the first time we’ve seen some sort of barrier formed by ethereal/occult intervention (their words, not mine). That said, it looks to me like all those little highlights that run through the barrier are gold, which is very definitely part of the Heavenly colour scheme (see the outfit Crowley chooses to manifest for his visit to Heaven). There are no other colours here at all. One last thing to think about:

CROWLEY: That was a Class A surreptitious half-a-miracle.

Huh. Not two half-a-miracles. Just one. Singular. Which would imply that only one of them did what they had agreed to do, and only Crowley would know that, because in this theory, he’s the only one of them that hasn’t carried out his part of the deal. I have no idea why this would be, or the motivations behind it, but I definitely think it’s something to chew on. Speaking of things to chew on, I can’t stop wondering why Aziraphale looks like he’s about to give Crowley a talking-to after he says that he’s not the archangel’s friend.

No idea what that bothers me so much. Partly because of how cheerfully he’s just spoken to Jim I think, that it’s such a turn-around, but I can’t really pin it down.

There’s one tiny thing I want to pick up before I (finally) sign off on this episode. It’s the way that Michael refers to Aziraphale.

MICHAEL: There’s a former angel in this up to his bookshop-owning neck.

Interesting. As far as I was concerned, Aziraphale was very much still an angel. He might not officially work for Heaven anymore but that doesn’t negate the nature of his being. That’s a little like saying that a retired racehorse isn’t a horse any longer. Maybe it’s supposed to reflect how Heaven thinks of him now, but I find it an interesting choice of words nonetheless. More to chew on.

Well I don’t know about you, but that last couple of minutes gave me a lot of things to think about! This episode has felt somewhat like a marathon compared to those in season 1, but I think the likelihood is that the rest of the season (Final 15 excluded) should be an easier affair. If nothing else, the next couple of episodes should break down a little easier given the minisode format that was employed. Congratulations if you made it this far with me - this one has been a long one! As always, questions, comments, discussion: always welcome. See you for the next one! 😊

[lurkingshan]

Dead Friend Forever is a Marvel of Mystery Writing

I haven’t been watching Dead Friend Forever live, because I am not always that into the slasher genre and I figured I would wait to hear whether it holds up before jumping in. I admit, I was a bit dubious about a drama sustaining a slasher narrative for 12 entire weeks and didn’t want to spend time on something that might be too shallow to sustain and would end up falling apart. I basically told bestie @wen-kexing-apologist to vet it for me and holler if I needed to start paying attention. And a few weeks ago, they started poking me with increasing intensity, along with a few other friends, because the writing was holding up better than they could believe. I started asking questions, and once @ginnymoonbeam mentioned that Sammon was the writer, it all started to click and I dove into a binge to catch up.

And they were right! This show is excellent, and its strength is sourced in an incredibly strong script from a writer who knows how to construct a longform mystery. Because it turns out, that’s what this show actually is. How do you sustain a slasher for 12 weeks? By embedding a deeper mystery within the slasher framework and pacing your story so that the entire middle delivers a backstory narrative that is even more compelling than the current events. This show is expertly structured to grab your attention and then get you deeply emotionally invested in the coming bloodbath, which is crucial for a slasher to feel like it has any stakes. Let me also note that the excellent writing here is supported by extremely smart direction and editing and some standout performances from young actors. I am going to focus on the writing here because that’s what I do, but it should be said that this whole production is all around excellent. 

So let’s talk about why the writing in Dead Friend Forever works so well! Great drama mysteries should support two kinds of engagement from the viewer: 

no thoughts head empty engagement from the people who just want to be pulled along for the ride and be constantly surprised

red string board theory engagement for the people who enjoy finding clues and trying to solve the mystery in advance. 

It’s actually really fucking hard to thread this needle as a writer, because it requires seeding strong enough clues that attentive viewers could reasonably guess some of the big reveals, but not giving away so much that you are unable to surprise them. A reveal in a good mystery should have you saying “oh my god WHAT” and “of course, that makes perfect sense” at the same time. And the best mysteries support the viewer being able to go back and rewatch, find new meaning they missed the first time, and realize every single thing that happened adds up. A tight mystery has no loose ends and no false steps; it never lies to the viewer, it only works to draw your attention where it wants it at any given point in the story.

Dead Friend Forever does this masterfully with several of its reveals, but I will highlight the biggest example: the reveal of Phee and Non’s relationship in episode 7. In the first four episodes of the show, the story lets us in on a few crucial facts: Phee is newer to this friend group (along with Tan and White), he was not present for whatever went down with Non three years ago, he has some kind of fucked up not!friends with benefits relationship with Jin that involves lots of sexual tension and dick biting, and he seems interested in figuring out what the hell happened once all these dudes start acting crazy about the videos. The string board theorists had enough to go on there to reasonably guess that he was intentionally trying to uncover the truth—but not why—and the no thoughts head empty crowd could just vibe, enjoying his scenes with Jin and wondering how exactly he ended up hooking up with him and getting involved with this group of people he doesn’t even seem to like.

Once we get to the backstory and see Non’s narrative, additional clues emerge, like the existence of both an older brother and a mysterious sweetheart that is only saved as [heart emoji] in Non’s phone. No thoughts head empty is over here going huh I wonder who they’re gonna be and hey when are the rest of the characters going to show up; string board theorists now have two clear options for how Phee could tie in to Non’s story and why he might care enough to investigate, but no one knows for sure. So when the show ended episode 6 with Phee running into Non’s room and began episode 7 with The Most Effective Five Minute BL Of All Time, everything clicked into place. No thoughts head empty got to experience a very pleasant shock moment, the string board theorists got to feel satisfied that they figured out at least part of the reveal, everyone got to enjoy an unexpected shot of romance in the middle of this stressful narrative, and there were still parts of Phee’s motives and involvement with this group that we didn’t understand and would require additional reveals. That is great mystery writing in a nutshell.

And it’s not only the mystery construction that makes the writing here so smart. It’s also the way Sammon is weaving in tons of social commentary, embedding Thai cultural and religious values, incorporating complicated crimes with lots of players in the mix that somehow don’t get confusing, and drawing complex and nuanced characters whose choices and behavior you understand even if you find them abhorrent. It’s not easy to make a viewer both despise a character and still care what happens to them; when you write a story about despicable people you run the risk of inspiring apathy in the audience, which is a death knell for a mystery. We have to be invested for this story to work. We have to feel deep empathy for Non to the point that we fully support axe murdering his bullies, but we also have to be interested enough in the bullies and why they behave the way they do to watch 12 weeks of them running around being awful to each other and harming everyone in their paths. And Non, too, gets to have real complexity. He is not a perfect little Mary Sue who never does anything wrong. He makes big impulsive mistakes, and seeks attention and affection from the wrong people, and lies to the ones he loves, and doesn’t always ask for help when he needs it. He is a flawed human being and that’s so important, because he is the center of this story and we need him to feel real.

In conclusion: holy shit. I tip my hat to you, Dr. Sammon, and I am very excited to be on this ride for the final four episodes. 

[a-memory-a-distant-echo]

ok, i'm being so brave and making the rec post that i told anon i would do like three days ago.

the obligatory caveats. this is not comprehensive—i haven't read all the fic in this fandom, and i've barely looked at anything not in english. my reading habits are pretty broad—i'll read almost any pairing, and am generally willing to suspend my disbelief to do so. i am not usually an au person, though this fandom is doing its absolute damndest to prove me wrong on that point.

also i have…more…fics that i felt i should rec somewhere, so probably this is rec post one, but ten felt like enough and also saying things in public where people can hear me is, it turns out, absolutely excruciating. please no one be mean to me about this post, especially if you wrote one of these fics, because if you are i will simply fill my pockets with rocks and take to the sea, ok? ok.

excited to find out what i manage to do that ruins the formatting, links the wrong fics and/or people, or otherwise breaks things in this post. please tell me if i've fucked up, or if your fic is on this list and you would rather i keep your name out of my mouth, or whatever.

first, a very special mention to the mlc reference guide by @yletylyf. this is such an incredibly comprehensive and generous resource. you want a timeline for this show that does an incredibly poor job of maintaining its own timeline? it's here. you want episode summaries? they're here. you want all the people and places? they're here. if you're writing fic, you want this guide, because it's so much easier and faster than scanning episodes or subs files to figure out the name of one specific guy or whatever. it also means that at least occasionally you work on the thing rather than accidentally rewatching the same scene five times, or hypothetically watching two to four episodes without even really thinking about what you're doing. the reference guide is the unsung mvp of fandom.

beyond porch and portal, difanghua, teen, by willowdream. this is the vampire au that i didn't know i wanted? the author posted it and their note was like 'i'm trying to be the change i want to see in the world,' and i was like ok sure, i'm not really convinced that the change i need is vampire aus, but i'll give it a go, and then i did and was like, oh shit, i'm eating fucking glass about this vampire au, i'm chewing on my own fucking fingers, i'm so fucking normal about this, i need another hundred thousand words of this and also seventeen more vampire aus in my inbox by monday morning. i literally finished reading it and scrolled right back to the top to read it again. i have no idea why this fic hits so hard, but it took me out at the knees. the voices are perfect. something about it is just impossibly compelling.

不安的遠離，再无歸期 | restless distance, without return, fang duobing/qiao wanmian, mature and teen, by @difeisheng. this is technically two fics but they're short and you should read both of them because they're such a brutal, perfect encapsulation of grief, and a really beautiful acknowledgement of the ways that fang duobing and qiao wanmian can be read as reflections of each other, separated by a decade, and it just fucking guts me. i dunno. it's about the grief! it's about the yearning! it's about someone who understands parts of you that you wish didn't exist! i think i've reread this like once a week for the last six weeks and i feel like it gets overlooked because it's not A Ship but like. it could be. it should be.

dance the silence down, fanghua and feihua, explicit, by @momosandlemonsoda. this fic. ugh. ok. i'm breaking my own rules. i had two when i started writing this post: no works in progress, and no reccing things that i haven't left a comment on, like a goddamn grownup. this one fic is breaking both of those rules and i feel bad about it and will hopefully spend like, all day tomorrow just commenting on every chapter or something, but i have to do this. this fic is so good. this fic ruins me. this fic is 63k, still a work in progress, and also if i were losing the whole internet tomorrow and i got to keep one fic in all the world and it was the only fic i could have for the rest of time, it might have to be this one, even as a work in progress. i ignored this fic for so long—by which i mean probably two of the four months since i first watched mysterious lotus casebook—because i was like, i don't like aus, and i especially don't like rock star aus. (or sex work aus, and you're never gonna fucking believe what else this author is writing and what else i absolutely cannot get enough of—this is a sneaky bonus rec for all i wanna do is wrong, another fic that i feel so so so normal about!) but then i was like okkkkkkk but. maybe i'll try it. people seem to be nuts for it. and then i read it and i was like OH HOLY SHIT PEOPLE ARE FULLY CORRECT TO BE ABSOLUTELY UNHINGED ABOUT THIS and normally, honestly, i wouldn't bother posting a rec like this because it's like 'oh haha have you read the five most popular fics in this fandom?' and it feels so redundant, but i know for a fact that a friend of mine who finished watching the show yesterday is reading this post, and even if everyone else has read it, she has not! anyhow as a former music person and a former diner cook, this fic like. i don't know. i feel like it broke me but also fixed me? i literally criticise writing professionally and every time i try to talk about this fic i find myself speechless because it's so perfect to me. i am deeply unwell about this fic. every time a new chapter comes out i sit down and read the whole thing again, yes, all sixty-thousand-plus words of it. some nights you go to bed and you're like 'what's the fucking point?' and then you're like 'no wait, there will eventually be more of dance the silence down,' and somehow that makes things suck a tiny bit less. my wife has made me take out like six sentences from this rec because they're too intense and too weird about it but i need you to understand: you have to read this fic.

in this dream, there is a lover to share this life with, fanghua, g, by @lianhuajing. alternative ending for the end of episode 27, in which li lianhua—precious man who has yet to discover a hill he's not willing to die on—apologises to fang duobing the only way he knows how, and it's wildly upsetting for everyone (but it's ok and it doesn't end miserably, no one panic). this is a delightfully angsty treat, and i love how conflicted fang duobing is in it—i feel like it's not something that i've seen explored a lot, but this poor boy really fuckin goes through it—his best friend and his childhood idol are the same person but are lying to him about it, and his dad's not actually his father and has been lying to him about it, and his best friend/childhood idol may have killed his father, and—yeah, is lying to him about it. like? someone give this poor man a hug and a cup of tea and a snack and a blankie. i love that we get to see some of his internal conflict in this.

quintessence of dust, feihua, teen, by justthereforit. this plays with one of my very most favourite tropes in the world, which is the one where the heart is a physical object and a physical form of trust and control and surrender and—like. this is so good. it's set in episode 13, which is, for me, one of the absolute peak angst points, and it absolutely nails it. di feisheng who's upset and vulnerable and frustrated and angry, li lianhua who knows he's going to die and can't bear the thought that he's going to take anyone else down with him, and they're both just so fucked up. chef kiss. i love it when everyone is emotionally wrecked and continually like 'ok no, i can take one more knife in my soul to protect someone else', and this absolutely delivers on that.

under moonlight, we change our futures yet again, feihua, explicit, by @thesilversun. the wedding room! obviously we have to have a wedding room fic, right? i'm not going to lie: i'm willing to suspend a lot of disbelief for wedding room fics, but in this one, it's actually a wonderfully, horrifyingly plausible setup. it walks a really fine line of keeping people in character, and acknowledging the inherent horror and seriousness of the situation, and also providing some desperately hot sex, and also managing to get the emotional beats of it, too. it has a sequel, which imo really has to be read as the conclusion to this fic, and it's just as good. it's possible that some of what i'm saying here is 'i love vulnerable-inside crusty-outside di feisheng' but like. i do. i love it so much.

what's sealed away, feihua, teen, by @bbcphile. AMNESIA FIC yessssss, a-fei my beloved, fics that handle brain damage/memory issues/amnesia well my beloveddddd. i love the a-fei arc, but i also have had a number of brain injuries and some other stuff that means that my own memory is…not so great, so i sometimes really struggle with how often amnesia in fiction is played off either as nothing to worry about or as a funny thing where everyone's in on the joke except the person who has amnesia. this fic is a great and sometimes very visceral exploration of a horrifying experience, and a really fantastic study of a-fei/di feisheng as a character, as well as the relationship that he has with li lianhua. a-fei trying to balance the trust he has in the sense memory of his body with his understanding of his relationship with li lianhua with li lianhua's reaction to—everything, really—is really well done and wonderful/terrible to read.

我只愿面朝大海 | i wish only to face the sea, g, by foreverstudent. ok so you wanna fuck yourself up some more? go read this. this is canon divergence from episode 39, and fang duobing has learned too well the lessons he's been taught, and sees the shape of things before li lianhua ever touches the wangchuan flower—so he sets about making sure that he won't be able to throw it away. this is agonising and gorgeous and maintains the canon relationships while developing the narrative differently. i wept literal tears. i was like 'ok that's it the worst part is over!' and then i remembered that there was another part coming and then i started crying. anyhow, it is—as ever, with me—about the devotion.

我住長江頭, 君住長江尾 -- i live upstream, you live downstream, fanghua, teen, by @rimbaudofficial. ok so this is Not a fic that i should like, because i am a massive academic failure and despite being in my forties have regular nightmares about having to re-engage with academia for like. any reason. HOWEVER. as noted, i read indiscriminately, even when i'm like 'reading this is a terrible idea and will be upsetting for me personally!', so i was like 'well, how bad of an idea can it possibly be?' and then instead! it was. incredibly charming? it was so fucking cute? the fang duobing characterisation in this is somehow just perfect to me—he's simultaneously confident and vulnerable, and also just so deeply committed to the weird clueless guy who he's decided is meant for him. di feisheng and li lianhua have a perfect weird-bros friendship. i would read another ten chapters of this and i would love it.

[angelsdean]

trying to speed-run through some eps of my rewatch rn so I’m not doing proper live-blogging but will circle back and write some thoughts later but. It’s very interesting to me how in 2x10 sam is so insistent on roping Ava into things and when she wants to walk away and forget abt things and return to her “normal life” sam is like “you really don’t want to know the Truth abt who you are???” and he really pushes the whole “we’re connected!!” thing. And like, I get it. He doesn’t want to feel alone in all this. He wants to connect with these other ppl that are like him. But it’s just interesting to me how in previous episodes and on other cases sam sort of laments having to tell people abt the supernatural and wishes they could “stay innocent” and oblivious to what’s out there. But here he’s so set on telling Ava everything and shattering the illusions of her perfect life. And if feels a bit like sam is projecting his own fears and wishes onto her. Like HE wishes he’d known abt all this stuff sooner. HE feels like he was out of the loop abt things and now thinks well EYE would have wanted to know so I must tell this woman everything. And he had his “normal life” shattered by the supernatural (though it’s interesting to note that Sam himself refers to his life in california as trying to “run” from his destiny. To which dean promptly says FUCK DESTINY.) Anyways, how Sam acts with Ava, felt to me like he was projecting and treating her like HE would want to be treated but not considering what she might actually want. And he just seemed so desperate to connect with her, esp after all the other special children he met so far either died or wanted nothing to do with him. And it’s just an interesting shift, where before sam might’ve wanted to preserve people’s normal apple pie lives now he’s seeing “normal” as escapism and not real and he’s prioritizing the need of Knowing and the Truth abt what’s out there

[my-rose-tinted-glasses]

This was the hardest monthly wrap up I ever had to do because I forgot about it until like two days ago and my brain is not at its best and I'm tired so I can't really write a lot. So anyway as usual, spoilers and opinions below, read at your own risk.

QL - Currently Watching

🇹🇼 Blue Canvas of Youthful Days [2/12] - I really like the look of this show and all the art. I'm not yet sold on the main couple as a possible item but I really like the characters individually. I adore the second couple. The scene with the hearing aid was beautiful and I like the fact that it's not about the couple. Perhaps in a bl from a different country this would be about them finally being able to communicate, but because Liu knows sign language, it's simply about helping Tan Yin. Don't know why but I really liked this.

🇰🇷🇹🇭 Eccentric Romance [8/12] - It's not the worst thing ever but at several points during the episodes I find myself asking, what am I watching?

🇹🇭 Every You, Every Me [4/8] - This show constantly surprises me. The different stories every week and the aspec rep was how they got me at first but now I'm invested in the meta and the absolutely adorable mains. And this show is just so gorgeous to watch.

🇹🇭 Fourever You [5/16] - Beautiful Pond. Cute Earth. I'm annoyed. Hopefully the next couple is better in terms of storyline.

🇹🇭 Jack & Joker [8/12] - Can they just get together first and then give me all the drama? I'm okay with that. I actually liked Love Mechanics, so give it to me. But Jack is all over the place with his behaviour, he says Joke is family and they seem to have a shared view of the future, and they sure behave as if they're a couple, but then he hides things from Joke, supposedly 'for his own good'. I feel for Joke, because he's being jerked around by Jack.

🇹🇭 Kidnap [8/12] - I love Ohm. And that is the one and only reason I'm still here.

🇰🇷 Let Free the Curse of Taekwondo [6/8] - I'm obsessed. I think about this show way too much. It's painful and beautiful, brilliant writing and visuals and I need it to be over but I don't want it to end. I think we're gonna have a second time skip since they are not in our present yet and I just want to see them happy.

🇰🇷 Love in the Big City [4/8] - Obsessed in a total different way. This story is like an open tab in my brain at all times. I'm dreaming of edits and gifsets. I think of Young and my chest tightens. I'm having a hard time writing about the second part of the show because it's just so much, although it feels lighter than the novel. I'm dreading the next part.

🇯🇵 Love is a Poison [7/10] - I love it here. Everything about it. This being Shiba's first love sure explains a lot, and the onsen date was amazing. I think the actors are nailing this.

🇹🇭 Peaceful Property [10/12] - I've said enough about it. I'm here for TayNew and trying to just ignore everything else.

🇹🇭 Perfect 10 Liners [1/24] - And so it begins. Every gmmtv boy is here and they are all playing engineers. They got two Flukes and everything. I wish Force wasn't once again an asshole jock and Book the clueless fool but I guess that's too much to ask. This is the couple I'm least interested here so I want to see the rest.

🇹🇼 See Your Love [3/13] - Taiwan just doing giving all the rep with disabled characters and as usual a parade of bl actors. It's fine for now.

🇯🇵 Smells like Green Spirit [6/9] - I love Mishima. I think the scenes with him and Kirino are always great. I'm still not totally on board with the romance but I'm somewhat fascinated with Yumeno.

QL - Finished

🇹🇼 First Note of Love - I feel like I need to rewatch this as a binge because I think this format didn't help this particular show. Although I like the mains and I really liked the actors, their romance never truly clicked for me. I need more of the sides. The language banter was my favourite thing about this.

🇹🇭 I Saw You In My Dream - This is super cute. They are all adorable and they actually communicate. Ultimately I was a little underwhelmed about the concept.

🇹🇭 Monster Next Door - It's fine. I like Big and he was great here. But I've already forgotten everything about this.

🇭🇰 Our Golden Times - I watched it. It was okay.

🇹🇭 Reverse 4 You - Pretty show. Good concept. Not great execution all the way through.

Dropped / On Hold

Waiting to binge - 🇹🇭 The Loyal Pin | 🇹🇭 Apple | 🇻🇳 Teenager Judge

Rose Watches OJBL

Same Difference aka Docchi mo Docchi (2014) - I don't even know what to say. It's not good. That's it.

Others - Watched

🇯🇵Densetsu no Head Sho| 🇰🇷Black Out | 🇯🇵Double

Upcoming Shows - November

As usual my ask box is open. Have a wonderful weekend💜

[m1ssunderstanding]

Understanding Lennon McCartney Rewatch Part 4.1

This is embarrassing but I'm actually so obsessed with the first five minutes of this episode that I've got it bookmarked in my YouTube account. It's just so perfect!

“Say you don't looooove him, my salamander. Then why did you neeeeeeed him? Ono don't answer.” He genuinely thinks need and love are the same and I really hope he's got therapy for that messed up mindset by now.

Officially honored as the most successful musical composer and recording artist of all time. That damn well better be mentioned in his movie. And people still don't take him seriously. But also. John definitely smashed his TV.

I'm screaming. I love Linda the promoter so fucking much!! Interviewer: I knew a lot of your records had went gold and platinum and– Linda: a lot of them? All of them! Ugh I wish she was still with him now.

And then THIS! “What really happened between you and John?” As the first notes to “I Will Survive” play. It's too good. Everyone has to go watch that bit right now.

Linda coming in for the kill again with her fake posh accent: critics? Critics? Oooooh! … They're always three years behind.

Look at him (to the tune Bitch by Meredeth Brooks) he's a whore, he's a father, he's a star, he's a success, he's a lover he's smug, he's laughing, he's having fun, he's working hard. He's everything.

Interviewing Wings concert goers and this one girl goes, "oh I just got off on all of it" and another one goes “It was great, i came twice!” Literally it should've been me!!!!

The McCartneys are seriously such a big family. And it's been Paul's responsibility since was about 21, really, to make sure they're all okay financially. That Francie story of him crumbling in the street in Liverpool haunts me.

"Why shouldn't they go to the same school as everyone else goes to?" State schools should be the only legal schools btw.

I love what the creator does to contextualize their songs by pairing them with other contemporary footage. It makes it much easier for me to understand why something like “arrow through me” (which I love but none of the people I've shown it to do) would've been so popular.

Oh here we go again. Just show us the marriage certificate already.

Cackling at the contrast between “Old Siam Sir” which is one of my all time fav rockers and footage of the Stones being cringe AF and Dylan being so beyond done he's basically dead.

Oh. Okay. And then they slap us in the face with John's poor baby late 70s demo voice crooning, “Don't want your looooove. Anymore.” “I die each time I hear your name.” I'm fine. It's fine. I'm just vomiting my guts out because I'm sick. That's why.

The pairing of “Mr H Atom” with Paul's would've-been drag show is genius, but what is that clip of some sort of trial stuck in there? If anyone knows, please inform me. (16:15)

John sounds so sad talking about the “endless search for . . . Scotland . . . Within an hour of New York.” I can't help thinking of the Mull of Kintyre. But John was also the one who turned Paul on to Scotland in the first place, ≈always waxing poetic about the heather and the hills≈.

Sean is so adorable. Reminds me of my little guy a bit actually.

Why do I always want to tell Paul to be nice to John? John is worse to him. Idk maybe because John's pain is more visible.

[tsxkkis]

tadashi yamaguchi - cooking genius

a/n = finally found some time to write something with the mess that is school starting last week, and i'm not really the happiest with this work to be honest T-T also i've been reading one piece lately and i absolutely LOVE sanji hence why using his character in this fic

summary = a (not so) secret admirer starts leaving lunches on your desk everyday at school.

warnings = nothing really, pure fluff.

yamaguchi was feeling gloomy from the moment you turned the tv on.

the two of you had a tradition; two times every week, you would meet up at either your or his house, watching different tv shows and movies together as a way to relax from school, volleyball, and other stressful things filling your lives. it was a perfect deal; you finally had someone to talk to about your current hyperfixations, and thanks to you, he finally had the motivation to watch all the things he never truly picked up.

so when you suggested rewatching your childhood favorite series, one piece, he was more than happy to agree. well, at least at first.

a grimace was almost stuck to his face the whole time since a certain blonde cook appeared on the screen, taking in all of your comments about your favorite character as the episodes went by. he listened as you gushed over the blonde, pupils almost heart-shaped at the sight of him in every scene, mumbling something along the lines of loving guys who can cook well as your hands went to grab the snacks.

but somehow, his lack of excitement went unnoticed by you; your focus being completely and utterly on the screen, invested in the story you already knew by heart. what you did notice, though, was a bento box lying on your desk at school a few days later, with a small note on top of it.

'made these just for you :)'

your head immediately turned towards yamaguchi, a tap on the shoulder being enough for him to turn around to you with a questioning look on his face.

"did you see who left it here?" yamaguchi shook his head in response, a soft sigh leaving your lips as you sat down and opened the box, eyes scanning the food inside.

you barely missed the faint blush and shy smile on your friend's face as he watched you notice all your favorite foods inside, digging into one of them with the happiest look in your eyes.

as days went by, more and more boxes appeared on your desk, the food in each one, to your surprise, tasting better than previous meals you got. each one came with another sweet note; whether a compliment or just something nice to make you smile for the rest of the day. before you knew it, you were stuck wondering who could it be; yamaguchi being the victim of listening to all your (terribly wrong) speculations about who might be behind all of this. 

"ahh, i wish i knew who it is." you mumbled under your breath, pen scribbling little doodles on your english notebook, the empty box lying next to it with a few crumbs of the food inside. "you know, i might just marry them on the spot."

yamaguchi's eyes widened hearing those words, a faint blush on his face as he listened to your rambling, tsukishima's comment of how corny you were being going completely unnoticed by him.

he could hear the exciting squeals from you when the next day at school, the note on your bento box was something completely different than before.

'meet me at the history section in the library after classes, please :)'

when the bell rang, signaling the end of your last class that day, you ran to the place as fast as you could, breath shortening with each passing moment as the adrenaline mixed with stress ran through your body.

the history books section was one at the very end of the library, your steps slowing down as you approached the place. when your head finally turned to face the person hiding behind everything that's been making you smile for the last few weeks, you almost couldn't believe it.

"you came." a shy smile appeared on yamaguchi's face, hands trembling as he took in your surprised expression. "i- i was a bit scared you'd back out last second because you changed your mind or somethi-"

"it was you this whole time?"

your body froze, a thousand thoughts flooding your mind all at once. how did you miss the fact that it was yamaguchi? he was the only one who could possibly know you so well to pull this off.

the only one who could actually put in so much effort.

seeing yamaguchi nod in answer made your body react before your mind could even fully comprehend the situation; arms wrapping tightly around the boy's figure, head hidden in the crook of his neck. soon enough you could feel his hands creeping around your waist as well, unsure movements as he gently pulled you even closer to him.

"you said you liked guys who can cook well," his words were a faint whisper as he started explaining, the lack of eye contact with you in this very moment helping him properly voice his thoughts. "tsukishima said it was stupid and i should confess to you already because in his words, it's obvious you feel the same way."

"well, he was right about one thing, at least."

you pulled away from the hug, eyes locking with his as your hands made their way to his, gently squeezing them. yamaguchi had no idea what made his face more red at that moment; the fact that you could feel just how shaky his hands were, or the fact that you just admitted to liking him back.

"i've always liked you, tadashi." hearing those words, he thought he was imagining things. and yet, this whole situation was really happening; it wasn't another one of his stupid dreams, another dumb fantasy of his. "you've just given me another reason to do so now."

yamaguchi blinked. once, twice. his body was frozen on the spot, and yet somehow he managed to let a few words out, said so quietly that you almost didn't hear them.

"so, does that mean... you'll go out with me?"

you leaned in, placing a quick kiss on his cheek, and you could swear that you heard him gasp as you did so.

"i would love to."

taglist: @ox1-lovesick @moonswolfie @wyrcan

[bitter-panacea]

Goultard's "reincarnations"

In the World of Twelve, we know of many different characters who have reincarnations. Whether they have 9 lives and keep their memories with every reincarnation like ecaflip's sons, or whether they are immortal but lose their memories at every rebirth like most eliatropes and dragons of the council.

Goultard is sort of an anomaly. Although he calls this process "reincarnation", there is no rebirth involved.

Goultard : We were friends in one of my reincarnations, and i remember i had a lot of fun with you.

We know Goultard has died before. Probably many times. But (as far as i'm aware) we only know of two specific times. One in the Dofus manga and one in Wakfu.

When goultard dies, his body simply... stays dead, until it has the time to regenerate. Goultard uses a specific word to speak of this regeneration : "recompose" himself. As in the opposite of "decompose", "putting himself back together". And he can apparently also absorb things inside him during this process???

Goultard : I must have accidentally absorbed you when I recomposed myself

In volume 5, we see Goultard die, or more accurately, we see Vald die, since at this time Vald is the one controlling the body that they share.

Vald was at the wrong place at the wrong time, got caught in a scheme that didn't concern him, and paid the price anyway. He was drugged, and his body cut in two at the waist.

Vald : No... Not... like this... I can't die... like... this...

Shortly after, the body has come back together, and Goultard makes his first appearance.

Goultard : Unfortunately for you, the plan wasn't perfect! / Homar's minion : What? Who the hell are you? / Goultard : My name is Goultard, little maggot, behold my darkness...

Goultard : ... For it is the last thing you will ever see.

I have SO MUCH to say about the way Gou's introduced in the manga but that's for another post.

Note : Goultard later "survives" similar or worse injuries. Since Vlad and Vald are said to be less powerful than Gou, i think we can imagine they're also less resistent to injuries than he is. He gets brutally impaled on the Cornu's fist in volume 17, but stays conscious and keeps trying to fight even with a giant hole in his abdomen.

Cornu Mollu : I have to admit you're taking a long time to die, it commands respect.

Just look at him teehee :)

Not dying means his body has a harder time regenerating by itself, and he requires medical attention to recover. (Arty needs it too they both got demolished in that fight)

Eni : Don't act like a child, the eniripsa suppository is the best way for you to get your strength back!

Eni : Didn't need to make a big deal out of it (slaps his ass)

Didn't need to include that, i just wanted to.

In Wakfu s01e22 Rubilax, we learn that Goultard is dead when Tristepin visits his tomb and starts to talk about what his life has been like since they parted ways.

I assume Goultard dying was the very reason they parted ways and Tristepin started adventuring on hiw own.

We have no clue what killed Goultard or for how much time he's been dead. But Tristepin is still young, and i dont think he's been on his own (with Rubi) for very long. I'd say two years at MOST.

But Goultard wakes up and says, although he was dead, he's not anymore, so really, there's no reason to worry or even ask. And they never mention it again after that.

I've seen multiple people say Goultard faked his death. I would tell them to rewatch the episode because this really does not look fake to me.

Goultard coming back from the dead exactly at the moment tristepin needed him is not a coincidence, to me it shows that goultard's "reincarnation" is at least partly a conscious decision. He could have simply stayed dead but decided otherwise.

In the Dofus manga special-issue Les Shushus de Rushu, while he is enchained and imprisoned, we can see that Goultard can sleep for years on end, entering a sort of hibernation/meditation.

Kiki : When are you going to wake up and take care of your wives? / Azra : You've been sleeping for years, it's time to get up! Wake up Goultard!

I think him dying is similar to this. To him, choosing to stay dead instead of regenerating and waking up is like staying in bed and oversleeping.

In volume 27, Goultard himself implies he doesn't know if he can die permanently.

Goultard : First of all, nobody knocked me out.... We don't even know if that's possible.

When he's dead, does his spirit go where all other spirits go when they die? No way to know. But my guess would be to say no. Since he laughed hearing Tristepin's stories, it means even dead he's somewhat conscious of what's going on around him. Maybe like a ghost?

Is he, in a way, like a walking corpse, already dead but kept alive by magic? This feels kind of puella magi madoka magica to me, but I obviously can't explain what i mean without majorly spoiling puella magi madoka magica.

[savagewildnerness]

E12

OK... I normally make notes on an episode when I rewatch, but I dunno... after watching S2E5, I just feel compelled to say a few things...  First... LOL...

Armand at the end!!! hahahaha!!!

OK, so first off - the acting is SO GOOD:

Jacob - especially the way he delivers his interview 1 take down of Lestat is SO MAGNIFICENT, OH MY! Jacob! You are DIVINE! (Also: Louis' see-through grid shirt: YES PLEASE!!!!)

Luke - is SO ERIC. OMG, he is SO GOOD!

Eric - is SO GOOD! The emotion. I want Ericasavampire and seeing as much of DM is still-to-come - Eric as a vampire - PLEASE!!!!?! Finally someone to love Armand for all he is. Write an entire NOVEL of your own invention writers please for Daniel!!!

Assad - I am at this point bowing down to my Assad shrine! I haven't the words for how perfect your Armand is. I only have love.

There is SO MUCH to analyse from this episode.  We must PSYCHOANALYSE the characters this week fully!!!

I utterly ADORED it!  One thousand thanks to the writers for creating something like this - not in the books, but totally feels like the books. 

And OMG, at this stage I will be devastated if Daniel isn't involved in this entire show from start to end... which also feels somehow some kind of a homage to River Phoenix, who would have played Daniel in the 1994 film had he lived...?

ANYWAY!  OMG ASSAD I LOVE YOU!  OMG WRITERS, I LOVE ARMAND!  Like this episode - how CRUEL Louis is to Armand!  And yet, Armand saves his life!  And not only that, he offers that pathway to Lestat... right until he is unable to utter Lestat's "I love you.."  And really, Armand, you did that in so much love for Louis - you sacrificed your self! Armand, Armand, Armand.

And Armand, seeking in Daniel what it means to be fascinating and special.  The irony is that Armand IS special!!!  He is absolutely the most complex vampire… he just doesn’t understand how to love or be loved… and Louis is NOT his "one"! But he is SO fascinating!  And special.  All of the edits to Radiohead's Creep PLEASE!!!!

I also find it WONDROUS in a show about vampires - where vampires are always a metaphor to The Outsider... yet... in art, The Outsider is often portrayed in imo an unrealistic way, as in "actually the outsider is infinitely special, really!", BUT IN ARMAND, the writers have given us a truly actually special character who feels like many outsiders do - AND is told by the person he loves SO much he would literally be a pathway to their other love that he is boring and not special and not enough... THAT is relatable! (Even though nobody has told me this, as I am simply isolated, personally! Yet, still, I feel it!)

Also - OMG it is both infinitely tragic and simultaneously hilarious that Loumand true sexy times cannot begin until Armand literally WIPES Louis’ mind of Lestat!!!  LOLOLOLOLOL (Poor Armand!)

Also LOL @ Jacob in the post episode thing - saying he can’t think of a bigger betrayal than rewriting the history of a person you love and that it makes him angry… referring to what Armand does to Louis… when IN THIS SAME EPISODE, that’s literally what Louis does to Lestat..!

Meagre thoughts as I didn't write notes during the episode, so just a few points I think of now (and I have had a glass of wine with this episode lolololololol!!  Lalalalala... GOTHIC JOY!!!!!!!!!!)

Lestat is my boy, but ASSAD'S ARMAND.  Armand was always my second favoruite vampire, but Assad - I do not understand how you are making me love Armand even MORE!  Be MORE evil, Armand.  And more tragic.  And more loving.  Be every thing you are.  I know you are fascinating!!!!!

Also, I cried A LOT in this episode! Though I did not note when. Like, that I feel compelled to do a post now with my random tipsy thoughts on a non HQ version with no subtitles I hope expresses A LOT about how I love this episode!?!??!!

[respectthepetty]

Pride Petty Watch (SOTUS) 2/5

Since so many people voted for the two blacklisted shows I was supposed to watch during Pride, it unlocked the wild card of me rewatching my sworn enemy SOTUS. I don't remember anything about the show, and the only thing I truly took away from it was hating Krist for the last eight years, so I'm settling in and revisiting the past to figure out why I forgot about every single plot point of this show including that Jan was in it and that Kongpob x M were the perfect ghost ship.

I left off praying that Arthit gets meaner before he gets nicer, which I consider as getting better before he gets worse, but since I'm getting Dangerous Romance flashbacks flash forwards, I doubt Arthit can commit to bullying Kong much longer before he turns full simp.

How am I not supposed to root for Kong x M when M looks so devastated every time Kong leaves his side to go talk to May. I know M likes May, but the way these scenes are set up, it's hard not to think that M likes Kong and he is in pain when everyone else gets his friend's time since he has known Kong SINCE JUNIOR HIGH!

Thrilled that Wad is always ready to lay hands first and ask questions later. Also excited that he is motivated by pettiness just like me, so the only reason he is playing in the tea product placement game is just to spite the seniors. Petty work makes the dream work. Amen.

The pink milk in this series needs to be studied because on one end of the spectrum, we in BL Land know the pink milk is a staple of a Thai BL (which is slowly coming back in Last Twilight, Only Friends, Addicted Heroin and I Saw You in My Dream), but on the other end, the show itself treats the pink milk like those dumb hot takes from people asking if drinking fruity cocktails makes a man a fruit, or if sucking on popsicles makes a man want to suck a dick, or if eating food in general makes a man queer. It just feels as if this show treats Arthit that way every time he orders it, like "GOTCHA, QUEER!"

If I were that food vendor, and Kong started popping out with these little nuggets while Arthit just kept threatening him, their business would be all up in the group chat because I'd be messaging all my friends that these two gay guys were practically foreplaying right in front of my salad pork skewers.

So of course Arthit would show up to the game just to stand there and glare at a man drenched in sweat from playing a hard game of basketball like the internalized-homophobic asshat he is.

God, some things never change.

WE GOT COCA-COLA MONEY?!

I gasped not because of the note on this conversation but because of the comment coming from AN OPENLY GAY MAN on the hazers squad. I am not Thai, so the only way I can relate to the hazers is through Greek life (fraternities and sororities), and even a long long time ago, I knew openly gay men in frats, and they pulled ALL the girls since girls felt safer around them than the straights, but the look Prem and Arthit are giving Tuta when he says this is what I'm laser-focused on because they show toleration rather than acceptance. I'm taking those looks personally.

Arthit continues to say Kong's face is annoying, but he never says it's ugly. Sir, I see your gay awakening on the horizon.

AND M WITH THE FUCKING LOOKS AGAIN! He is looking at Kong on stage then looking at May looking at Kong on the stage, and I know where this is going, but my god does it feel like M is sad because he believes Kong is straight and wouldn't reciprocate the feelings he has for his best friend SINCE JUNIOR HIGH!

I have made it clear that I do not like Krist (I believe his acting is flimsy but I can't even act like I like people, so who am I to judge), but I don't think the people behind the filming of this show liked him either because these opening title cards between the parts of the episodes are doing him dirty.

Excuse me, little stage presenter, I need to know what the fuck was going on with this performance that they had a western theme with modern guns. Was it Big Sean's "I Don't Fuck With You"?

And why is Jan looking like Taylor Swift in "Teardrops On My Guitar"? This show was in 2016, but the styling and hair are in 2003.

Now the judges are coming for Kong, and Lord knows he is going to answer in the most uncontroversial way because Kong refuses to pick a side against hazing and the boy he likes being punished by.

*eye roll* I did not think I'd make it here this quickly, but I'm on Arthit's side because Kong IS annoying. Jan's character looks full-on Stockholm Syndrome into the camera when Kong is answering, yet homeboy is just over there giving the most ridiculous reason of "our hazers have their reasons for hazing us" and now I see the direct line to GMMTV forgiving parents for abuse (Double Savage!).

Kong can play basketball really well. He remembers everyone's name. The whole class wanted him to be president. He is great in school. Now he is the Freshy Moon. Marsha, Marsha, Marsha. I hate this kid.

M, my most beloved, now I see why you're quiet a lot.

I appreciate M for also stating that Kong is just great at everything without trying, but it also feels that he is hyping up his boy because he has been IN LOVE WITH HIS SINCE JUNIOR HIGH!

In a room full of people, only Kong notices that M is unhappy, and now I see the direct they-are-married-but-not-a-couple line to Peaceful Property. New understands these roles well.

THE QUESTIONS THAT NEED ANSWERS! Can you run 54 laps, Arthit? Can you squat 200 times, Prem? These freshmen won everything, yet Arthit is still being a dickwad, and he just got his ass off of school probation. Bold move, sir! I want the juniors to suffer. Except for Bright. My boy has never done anything wrong, and if he did, he didn't.

I saw an umbrella in The Ex-Morning pilot trailer, and if that show doesn't give me a scene of these two arguing in the rain over the dumbest shit, then what is the point?

All those people watching Arthit, and none of his boys could run with him? If the purpose of hazing is unity, obviously the juniors didn't get that memo when they were being hazed as freshmen, so why continue the traditions that they don't even abide by?! Arthit is better than me because I would have crawled my ass back to my dorm before accepting their help SINCE THEY DIDN'T EVEN RUN LAPS! And now this little freshman wants to be up in his face. What's the point of the umbrella now?! He is a boy in a BL who has been in the rain for hours. HE IS ALREADY GOING TO DIE NO THANKS TO YOU UNHELPFUL DOUCHE NOZZLES!

I was just on Arthit's side, but then the show decided to tell me that entire seniors-hazing-the-juniors thing was a setup, and mixed with most of the images on Arthit's door being black-and-white, and one of those images being Charles Manson's Rolling Stone cover, I'm back to hating him again. So in case anyone is still following along, I now hate both of the leads. Can I get M and Bright back?

Kong says several times that Arthit can punish him, then he irons Arthit's clothes. If this show would just lean into the kink of it all, I would embrace everything about it. If Kong could just be a masochist dom, I would be delighted. JAPAN, COME HERE RIGHT NOW! Fuck remaking Love in the Air! Remake this kinky shit instead!

This is what a sado sub looks likes and Japan would know exactly what to do with him. Now I'm mad that I'm watching the babygirl-fication of a perfectly good jerk.

Well hello there you two! You wanna make out before going to the hospital? Maybe keep it all a secret from everybody else? I'm so pissed that I can't remember this plot now because I don't think they will be a thing BUT THEY WOULD BE PERFECT!

And I'm still rooting for my boy M to get his best friend since unlike Arthit, M can at least acknowledge that his friend is pretty to his face. No internalized homophobia here but probably because M isn't even a homo. I've sailed ships with less.

😬🥴🙃 Thank you subtitler for keeping the word. It's important. So are the looks that I'm taking personally. And BRIGHT IS THE ONE TO SAY IT! So I like M now and only M. Everyone can eat dirt and choke.

Arthit's nickname means warmth? I'm starting to remember why I forgot this show. Like Celine Dion, "It's All Coming Back to Me Now"

And I hate it.