#i just need to breathe and go to sleep
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night from hell 👍
#tv.txt#tommorow will be a better day#i just need to breathe and go to sleep#its 2am im never up this late#i rarely stay up past 10.30#and im fighting cramps and the cat pissed on my bed again and my mattress smells and my stomach hurts and im so tired#and i have to work tomorrow#ill close my eyes and try again tomorrow#tomorrow is a new day#a better day#ouagh and The Yearning#i need physical touch
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You've never done that when I got close to you before. Why? None of your business. Tell me, or you can't leave.
KISEKI: DEAR TO ME Ep. 10
#kiseki: dear to me#kisekiedit#kdtm#kiseki dear to me#ai di x chen yi#chen yi x ai di#nat chen#chen bowen#louis chiang#chiang tien#jiang dian#uservid#userspring#userrain#pdribs#userspicy#userjjessi#*cajedit#*gif#every time i color this scene i get stronger. anyway there were so many expressions i just couldnt leave out. the deep breath ai di takes#steeling himself before admitting it. & the way chen yi absorbs it the way he blinks away & his mouth opens before focusing on ai di again#thinking about it. thinking about four years of attacks ai di had to withstand. understanding the way he is now but hating how its happened#and also the guilt hes gotta feel from that! & yet thats overcome in this moment by a need to not let ai di put a wall between them#which is what ai di keeps trying to do. he admits a vulnerable thing and then deflects FOUR TIMES in this scene. first when sleeping#& choking chen yi when woken(& avoiding when questioned abt it). second by dropping his guard & worrying when he finds chen yi injured#& twice more shown in this set. he has to shake it off he has to put his wall back up but his instincts are strongest & chen yi SEES them.#you can see the way ai di wants to relax into that hug. the way he just wants to BREATHE but instead uses those breaths to defend himself#he chooses to flirt hoping it'll make chen yi back off. hoping he'll stop asking him to be vulnerable. but chen yi knows his tricks now.#and hes not going to let ai di continue believing he doesnt CARE about him. its poetic the way he gives him a taste of his own medicine#like it's *strategic*. he watches and learns. he knows his own influence over ai di he knows that HE is ai di's weakness. it's..chef's kiss
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(on my hands and knees begging tumblr to not mutilate the quality of this drawing 😭) anyway, coming out as a secret marvel fan to announce that i really enjoyed the recently she-hulk run w/ Jen and her boytoy and am sad to see them go. Jack pls dont disappear into the ether i just got attached to you (ID in alt)
#marvel comics#sensational she hulk#sensational she hulk 2023#she hulk#jennifer walters#jack of hearts#jack hart#im typing thrse tags on an ipad rn (hell) so im going to be brief for once but yeah i reslly enjoyed this series#it was a sweet slice of life breath of fresh air and i found myself really invested in the relationship between jen and jack#Lowkey tempted to hop onto avengers just to keep up w jen#maybe- maybe not. We’ll see! Either way thse two are cute lol#this came together surprisingly quick for his detailed it is (by my standards lmao) and that makes me#nervous. Mainly#theres bits that r off but overall i like it#tried to fit lettering in but it didnt work lol#anyway#i know the authors on tumblr. Rainbow rowell if you somehow find this hire me /j#i dont think thats how it works since theyre a writer and not an editor lol#ANYWAY I REALLY NEED TO SLEEP#goodnight to all 8 ppl who will reblog this#mine
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You'd think the worst part of being immunocompromised would be catching All The Things, but honestly, the actual worst part is not being able to visit very sick loved ones because they're afraid of you catching the sickness :(
#i just discovered an hour ago that my mother was hospitalized last night and my dad mentioned 'the ambulance gave us nebulizer equipment'#by force of will i didn't say 'WHAT ambulance?!' because they don't need more anxiety right now#they were driving home together and my mother sounds awful and said she still didn't feel like she was breathing properly#dad was like 'she's really tired so i was thinking of giving her the nebulizer and getting her to lie down'#me: 'WHAT NO KEEP HER UPRIGHT' /calms slightly 'and tell her to take her nebulizer and be careful and i love her.'#'but seriously. don't let her lie down and don't let her go to sleep.'#i hate her pathetic fucking doctor so much though#she was doing better after i bullied her into seeing an asthma specialist but she caught some awful ... something and then this happened???#anghraine babbles#asthma
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YOU'RE BETTER THAN THIS
HE SAYS AS A HAND SLAPS MY FACE AND I STAND
AND SAY NO GOOD MAN GRACE
I CAN'T DO THIS (YOU CAN)
I CAN'T DO THIS (YOU CAN)
I CAN'T DO THIS (YOU CAN)
I CAN'T DO THIS YOU DON'T UNDERSTAAAAAAAND
#oh sleep now oh she pleads you're not a coward 'cause you cower they're brave because they broke yet broken still you breathe so breathe bre#tadposting#it's a 'listen to the old witch sleep and the good man grace' on the headphones at Loud As Fuck volumes kinda mood tonight#i would recommend this song to anyone i come across but it is almost 9 minutes long (9 heavenly minutes that'll change your brain chemistry)#it's just so good i need it injected directly into my veins#oh no is it going unhinged over tad time again#the amazing devil
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^ face of someone (me) who just finished the arcane finale
#GOODNIGHT I NEED TO PROCESS#im STRUCK#there r tears rolling down my cheeks fuck this damn show😭😭 (affectionate. this is the peak of all media ever)#okay yall arcane spoilers#arcane#arcane s2#that ending was honestly SO well done#the WHOLE finale#and all the rest lmao#but fucking GOD#the cycle....and the way each character was considered within..just- SO GOOD#and ekko......#and JAYCE oml yall better take back all the shit tbh he's genuinely become such an intriguing character throughout s2#and going to admit. i did Not care abt him in s1 sry😞#but the s2 arc has been captivating from the start and jayce is NO exception#also viktor's eyes im so glad we got to see them again. ohhh the irony of grief and relief mean SO much to me#his eyes. mean sm to Me. doomed scientist yaoi i lov e u#and mel.....omg not much to say regarding initial thoughts. im afraid haha. buuut i wanted to learn more about her link to the black rose#LOVED ambessa. her characterisation was so brilliantly captivating that i dont think i ever rlly hated her lmao#and jinxx omfg im sick. i love her so much. oh fucking hell ep7 killed me actually. im dead.#the sisters r so close all throughout the show and i loved the little direct confirmation of this like i actually started crying then#and VI oh my goddddd vi. could write a thesis on her. the visual rep of the lessening of her guilt after jinx. with singing. with acceptanc#oh fml im going a little insane i love this show so much#and VANDERRR and the beast and FUCK how even at the end he covered jinx.#i love how the show covered her end. it feels like a sigh of relief. the final breath. u end up hoping the best for her.#OH MAN THE MUSIC STARTED AND I STARTED CRYING SO HARD.#this is s1 ep3 all over again#oh and HOLY SHIT we got lesbian sex im ECSTATIC. thannk u fortiche for the whole show but yeah. especially. uhm. this.#okay im loggin off now i need to clock out and sleep. process my thoughts and then word vomit tmr.#nyx talks shit
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Cyanobacteria my beloved 🖤
#who needs mood stablizers when u have access to a microscope and like 200 vials of goo#im only a lil kidding. i used to go transfer cultures when i was feeling really fucked up bc its like ok i have to focus#and i have to breathe for the 4hrs im sitting here. and i would go in at fucked up hours when i couldnt sleep#and i havent transfered anything for weeks and now im like oh right. my babies#i especially love when cyanobacteria r all chubby. rn its probably a sign that their nutrient levels r fucked up#bc theyve been in one tube too long but idk im delighted by fat filamentous cyanos. the colors make me happy#also true branching cyanos r so fucking beautiful. f1sherella my beloved 🖤🖤🖤#listen. in my biased opinion nostocales r just thr fucking best. i dont want fucking cocci i want annoying filamentous who can differentiate#their cells. fucking wild. multicellular bacteria#cyanobacteria
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Grant: “I just need you to be complacent.”
He wraps his hands around my neck and begins to squeeze.
Grant: “So that we can go home together.”
I scratch at his hands, trying to dig my fingers underneath them but it’s to no avail.
Grant: “Please darling . . . just go to sleep.”
He squeezes tighter. I feel my head swell, a dizziness takes over.
Player: “P-ple . . . ase . . . s-stop . . .”
Grant: "Just . . . sleep . . . and then I can let go."
#Hnnggggggg 🥴#Oh my goddddd um WOW okay!!!!#I'm going insane#ouuuughg holy shit#hes so hot im sorry#I LOVE WHEN CHARACTERS FEEL SAD HURTING SOMEONE BUT NOT ENOUGH TO STOPPP!!!!#i need a moment to breathe#LITERALLY#IM??????#WAWAOWAWOOWOWOWOW#OHHHHHHHHHH MY GOD .#Grant is terrifying#biting him biting him biting him#aaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAA ohhh my god ohhhhhhh my godhxgdg#If you refuse to go to sleep and try to stay awake Grant will accidentally strangle you to death.#Since he's SO CONVINCED you'll eventually just submit. It's one of the few endings where you're killed.#HELP#i’m so in love with him please#RUFFRUFFBARKAKSDNKSNDBARLBARK#He needs therapy sooooo bad#i want him#TakenForGranted#Being strangled to death is actually one of my biggest fears LMAO#Unknown Visaul Novel#Grant Turner#UnknownVisualNovel#Tw Strangling#Strangling#Tw Strangulation#Strangulation
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idk how to live so im going to talk to myself out loud until i do
#listen. take a deep breath. i know your bpm is high but you need to think with me for a second.#remember that you are paper thin. all your facets are sheets of paper and what you gave her is just another one.#make a new one. you dont need it. you dont need her to see you. i know you think you need her but you will be okay. i know its hard.#you wish you could have shown her how you loved her. listen to yourself. you are made of paper.#she might be concrete or maybe wood or maybe gold. you need to start laying your roots elsewhere. shut that thought down#and blink and listen. the parts you keep thinking of arent lost. they still happened and they are yours to keep.#there is beauty in this loss. tell me about the beauty in this loss. its okay to think about it. you got to see it all and nothing more#and this is great because it would have been bad. you know it would be violent in a way you dont need. you know this to be true.#you are going to look at that empty space in her shape and youre going to fill it with everything that happened when you knew her.#the memories with her but then also the the way your friends talked you through it. the game with the clovers.#your first allergic reaction you almost died and you couldnt stop laughing and you were held so close to their hearts.#learning the names for all the floursecent gene tracking dyes that everyone else knows already. about the exam - listen again.#i know you think if you fail your life is over but you need to try your best. youre not going to get a good grade in a uni test for the fir#youre going to make up for it. youre going to make sure you make up for it. do you understand? i love you. you have to do this.#right now you need to sit up. breathe. i know your heart hurts. go to the living room. grab something to eat. i dont care if you feel full.#youre going to clean your mattress heater. youre going to study a bit longer and then youre going to sleep. youre going to tell your mother#im sorry and i might genuinely fail a test. shes going to tell you its okay. if you do badly in this course you can just become a neurosurg#just agree. dont argue right now. its okay. youre okay. you are paper thin. i know any puncture hurts.#breathe. think of your friends. think of their hands in yours. it isnt eternal.youve lived through worse. the empty sky is still beautiful.#the lack of her is still beautiful
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"We're old moms, we can't wait to stop breastfeeding so we can get [very excited, shrill even] botooooox!!!"
We are never making it out of the patriarchy.
#every time i open instagram i see videos promoting botox for the moment you turn 20 and face lifts and plastic surgery#and skincare regimens that are not care at all but just fifty products to torture your skin (and spend money!!)#the ties between the patriarchy and capitalism that support one another are terrifying.#but not even that . i feel like i'm going insane#how did we in this day and age normalise so much of this shit#what happened to feminism... why am i seeing a man who works as a plastic surgeon#talking about ''when a client walks in and i know EXACTLY what she needs to change so i am able to get her to#sign up for four more procedures asides from the one she came here for ^_^'' i'm going to kill you.#beat you with rocks. do you guys know botox is a bacteria? do you guys know about botulism?#you throw away a can of food because it's slightly dented so you don't die from botulism#but you inject it straight into your forehead because someone told you signs you#lived a long life full of expressing your emotions guilt-free was what made you ugly#the way i see influencers who will call themselves feminists talk about those wrinkle-free straws... don't sleep on your side#don't breathe wrong don't crease your eyebrows don't smile don't cry don't drink from straws#you're all fucking insane. and wrinkles are caused by your skin losing elasticity. you will STILL have wrinkles#if you live long enough that is (<- can you see why it's a blessing?)
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You’re getting this ask now. when you get this, answer with five things that make you happy then send it to the last ten people in your recent activity 🎤
ignores me for *checks calendar* five months and then expects me to instantly answer her ask
tigerghost
rollerblading on smooth pavement
literally everything to do with fall and winter aesthetics
when my mooties are all active and online at the same time
vida games
#not in any particular order of course#but actually i eat breath and sleep tigerghost right now so that one is probably accurate#also slighty delerious and shoudl probably sleep#everything is fuzzy and cant tell if i need glasses#or if its just me running on five hours of sleep#ANYWAYS BE PREPARED CUS I'M FIRING THIS BACK AT YOU AGAIN IMMEADTILY ANA#AS SOON AS I WAKE UP TOMORROW#CUS NOW I'M GOING TO PASS THE FUCK OUT#ASK#gallopinggallifreyans
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hanging out w ppl is great (I’m constantly nauseous)
#I don’t even like feel scared ??? Or wtv ??? The worry thoughts aren’t there I’m just like about to vomit.#yknow? I’m going to throw up.#And then when I think about being around ppl I’m like haha that would be fun (sick to my stomach)#Kind of insane. Alas. Such is life. (no I don’t think that’s it.)#though they have pointed out I literally don’t breath unless I’m thinking about it so that might be part of it.#hm. Anyway the diaries of guy who had no friends and thought that uni maybe he’d meet some nerd group#and instead is friends with the group who did so much shit constantly and are much more socially comfortable than he could ever be#I feel I may be punching above my weight. Yknow? like maybe they shouldnt think I’m cool ? Why do they think I’m cool?#I also haven’t been sleeping proper bros still 3 hours ahead I need to get on east coast time#there’s many reasons to be nauseous actually.
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as much as I make fun of him as being cringefailure e-catboy, I sometimes think about how he canonically likes puppies and the thought makes me cry 😔😔
#like he had his puppies sent away for Wei Wuxian knowing he is terrified of them???? 😭😭#literally the sweetest fucking thing i’ve thought about#i just woke up literally 10 minutes ago and went: yeah jiang cheng canonically likes puppies and CRIED#he helped Jin Ling train fairy and that’s my hc (unless it’s actually canon… i’ve only watched the donghua 👁️👁️)#someone pls confirm this i need to know#as much as i make fun of him I love him so much I simply cannot breathe#jiang cheng#mo dao zu shi#the untamed#grandmaster of demonic cultivation#魔道祖师#ok goodnight i go back to sleep now
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Me: I need some time for myself I need some time to decompress after constant work and high stress and responsibility you guys dump on me with no time for me to think or be by myself to rest and focus on my hobbies since I can't get that from you guys ever during the week I'm taking a day I WOULD get paid and go to my actual for real paying job so I can just rest so I hopefully stop daydreaming about killing myself.
My family: OK BUT WHAT IF THIS LIL "EXTRA FREE TIME WAS MORE UNPAID LABOR FOR THE FAMILY HUH WHAT IF WE JUST TAKE THAT TIME N USE IT TO DUMP MORE WORK ON YOU AND THEN MAKE YOU FEEL GUILTY FOR WANTING FIVE SECONDS WITH OUT A CHILD SCREAMING IN YOUR FACE OR A SOAPY DISH RAG N YOUR HAND WHAT IF WE DO WHAT THE LORD IS CALLED US AND DO SOMETHING PRODUCTIVE WITH OUR LIVES WE CANT GET IT DONE BY OURSELVES WE NEED YOU TO TAKE ON THE WORKLOAD OF THREE PEOPLE AND DO IT WITH A SERVANT'S HEART AND A SMILE ON YOUR FACE!
me: do I look forward to dying so I can get some actual rest?
#eh it's not just my family there's something wrong with me that just makes people dump everything on me friends old room mates coworkers#people just think i deserve all the labor i guess all day everyday nonstop housewife and surrogate mother#its good be something i do because it's a nonstop trend of me saying i want to go to bed and then four hours amd forty six minutes later I'#still cleaning#people just seem to assume I'm built for hard continuous labor because even as a child and i went to friends houses#they're mom n dad would make me weed the garden and clean their yard before i could play#so it is definitely something wrong with me because it keeps happening but fuck do these people live to take advantage of it#it is what it is but fuck if i knew id just be working id have gone into work and at least gotten to take naps on my fifteen minute break#and lunch break#i need to get a home by myself so that i can be at home and not have to spend four hours sorting laundry but can actually sleep on my days#off and maybe have time to actually try to teach myself how to knit or draw or read and actually read not listening to audiobooks you find#on YouTube while you clean and just not have to think#but have to constantly be on the clock i can take my face off and just breath#but i do not think i can get that living with people i think i need to live by myself or with my wife#extreme introvert never allowed a second alone but even in the toilet or in bed i have people bugging me nonstop constantly#JUST CONSTANTLY#i just want thirty minutes were NO ONE FUCKING TALKS TO ME OR LOOKS AT ME P L E A S E
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'yandere sebastian' 'yandere abigail' 'yandere wizard' give me yandere clint 🖐✊🖐✊
#random thoughts#stardew valley#love the idea of a clint who slowly loses interest in emily and starts fixating on the farmer#it wouldn't get violent so not REALLY a yandere he just gets kinda stalker-y and really passive-aggressive#about you talking to and romancing other people#i just wish more stardew mods kept the original kind of asshole-y personalities of the nonromancable characters#don't make morris a sympathetic guy whose dad died and he's 'just following orders' give me reasons WHY he thinks pelican town sucks#and make me be able to kiss him anyway#a character doesn't need to be morally good for me to understand their motivations!!!#GIVE ME ASSHOLE WIZARD!!!#actually you know what i love the idea of clint killing someone and immediately regretting it#like in a heat of the moment 'my crush's spouse is arguing with me while im forging and well.'#'i got mad and i had a hammer'#immediately freaks out but OBVIOUSLY he can't go to harvey about this!!!#so he takes the body (were they still breathing? he was so freaked out he can't remember anymore and he hates it)#and buries it in the grove of trees behind his house where you get that one statue#goes inside and cries himself to sleep or smth#gets all jumpy for a while until you trigger his next heart event#when you go to his shop while he's visibly upset and he's like#'would you still like me even if i did something really wrong? would we still be friends?'#and depending on how you answer he either gets moderately back to normal or kills himself#the ghost of your spouse starts haunting him btw. visible only to him#you can see inside his house before you enter during the cutscene and you (the player) can see the ghost#but when you go inside it's gone#if he kills himself you find a note saying to check out back to see what he did#my guilty pleasure is really fucking edgy character mods can you tell#anyway if you get married and have a kid after this the kid has your deceased spouse's name by default <3
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god literally only like three weeks and then I can be a normal sane human being with interests and hopes and dreams again*
#*If I Can Get Through It#and *provided nothing goes horribly wrong w exams etc Fingers Crossed#thoughts#god I'm so desperate not to be doing this anymore akdjhfljkasdhfjks. the only thing keeping me going is I'm almost done#that and this accommodation lasts for like a month after my last exam so I have a bit of time before I need somewhere else to live to just.#breath & sleep & maybe do a drawing or two. which I'm absolutely dying for
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