#yknow? I’m going to throw up.

[inkats]

hanging out w ppl is great (I’m constantly nauseous)

[amphirrhvx]

🩵

w/o the text ^_^

[zeb-z]

thinking about how bad went through all the stages of grief the first few days the eggs were gone, and then ended on revenge, before kidnapping and torturing a worker. how today with tina that’s most of what he talked about - not just getting the eggs back, but how once they’re back he’s still not going to rest until he’s taken revenge on everyone involved. it does not matter who, so long as they had a hand in it, they’re already condemned.

this is something he views as necessary. he doesn’t pretend it isn’t a gruesome, destructive task, he doesn’t pretend like it isn’t scary to those who may witness this. he keeps returning to this one comparison, this common metaphor, in that of forest maintenance. fire is destructive, and terrifying, but controlled burns are healthy, and necessary, to keep the ecosystem of a forested area healthy and thriving. it keeps brush build up down, contributes to a rich top soil. saving the trees by burning the forest, as he said to foolish. as he said to tina.

and there is nothing he would not do to get his children back. a very limited list on those he wouldn’t throw into the flames without question or remorse - and even those on the list are in a hierarchy. he’s made it clear to this limited list of people that there is a lot that is expendable, so long as it gets him closer to reaching his son and daughter. the worker in his basement, while no longer one he sees as needing to take vengeance on, is easily expendable. a lot of members on the island are expendable. so long as he does not love them, and they are not necessary in this task, they are expendable. and in the scheme of things, he himself is expendable. any cost is worth the price, so long as he gets his kids back to safety.

he keeps keeps using this metaphor - burning the forest to save the trees, controlled burning to better the ecosystem. but it’s no secret he’s somewhat delusional, and an unreliable narrator at the best of times. and as meticulous as he is, as cautious and careful as he is, fire is tricky to control, as it is tempting. this is no controlled burn - its scorched earth. and he does not care if he himself is caught in the blaze, so long as everything he wants burned to the ground is reduced to ash and dust.

[j-esbian]

i’m going to throw up

[mossytrashcan]

Unrelated but I was thinking about Koschei for reasons (I was reading about proto indo European pantheon and it turns out 'Fire God formed in water' is a myth researchers think they mightve had and it remonded me of Vassa) and am I allowed to say how funny it is that like, Koschei is so directly named after a myth. Like Bone Carvers his own thing and Stryga is technically got like The Three Fates/The Witch in Hansel and Gretel vibes, and then there's Koschei who is basically just the guy from the myth including the title. ALSO protoindoeuropean pantheon speculation is dope BTW you should research it its fascinating

Bold of you to assume I haven’t already researched it. I fucking loved anything protoindoeuropean as a kid, the folklore FUCKS

Anyways, personally I would’ve loved it if SJM combined Lanthys and Koschei together into one character. I think (no shade to ACOSF and it’s enthusiasts) instead of the rehab/whatever plot we got, we could’ve gotten to see a little brief corruption arc w Nesta and Koschei

Cuz like imagine a story where this deathless death god found out about cauldrongate and was like psychologically manipulating Nesta into gathering all of the troves (his soul bits) so that she could 1) become his queen/weapon, 2) make him all powerful, and 3) become a literal shield for him because the gang would have to kill her to kill him

(gonna unprofessionally ramble in the tags because I need to brainstorm about this lol)

[milo-is-rambling]

I have the watch party for the recording of the last play I worked but I’ve been ghosting 💨 and I’m gonna see 💨 and 🗿 today like in front of all these ppl and I’m so anxious about it and I’m trying to be normal but I can’t decide if I should tell her like. “Yeah December just was crazy and the grief and the stress and then January has been crazy too.” Or should I be like. “My family doesn’t trust you. You’ve literally been hanging out with me and then randomly said “ah….. I’m a bad friend.” And then continued acting the exact same way. HELLO? also 💨 was the one who brought the whole 41 year old man thing into my life and also left him at MY HOUSE alone with me for like. Hours. with no way to kick him out bc her boyfriend was his ride and they drove somewhere like two hours away while leaving him with me in my bed. HELLO? also 41 year old man stole my dab pen and a blanket from my house and she’s acting like she had no idea but like girl. You didn’t tell me about the blanket for like weeks even tho I know for sure you saw his ass getting in and out of ur boyfriends car with the blanket from my house and you didn’t say ANYTHING??? And there’s the time weed went missing from my house after you came over. Like my mom and brother are convinced you’re stealing from us and I can’t even defend you bc i don’t even know if I can trust you anymore and I’ve been doing so much better since I completely detached from your batshit crazy life and your boy drama and your boys baby mama drama” Ughhhhhhhhhh. But I’m so scared of confrontation and I don’t want to have grudges and bad vibes between me and people from theater esp not ppl from theater who I know smoke weed and accepted me into their little friend group but ugh and it’s so extra bad bc 🗿 doesn’t really know about half of the drama with 💨 so I can’t even like talk to someone outside of my family to get a third party opinion and I’m just like losing my minddddddd and idk what to do and the watch party is at five tonight and I want to throw uppppp

[joestarfucker420]

the worst part of working with old ladies is nothing gets past them

they’re gonna rip me apart today

[canisonicscrewyou]

While it’s on my mind— once my studio is set up in Salem/Boston, I’ll be selling some of the original pieces from A Murder Confessional, and to a lesser degree, Tell Me You Love Me (among other works).

So. If anyone’s interested in a specific piece. You know where to find me. And we can talk pricing!!

[morgana-pendragon]

.

[fregget-frou]

Minor vent today was just really bad :p

—-

—-

Ok I don’t know if this is dumb to ask but is it embarrassing to need to go home because of period cramps?? I think I made a big deal but I mean I did pass out but also I’ve heard people do deal with it??? I’m pissing off my parents because I’ve been sick so often and having to make them leave work because of it. It hurt alot but like. Idk.! I’m not even sure if I should’ve even gone home????? I just oh my god I feel really dumb and weak for some reason but also I get it because I passed out from the pain and this just does not happen but also I was told to ask my doctor which I know he’ll just say it’s my weight but. I don’t fucking know. I feel like I’m gaslighting myself and having a meltdown over a scratch but it’s not a scratch to me but aLSO I know that even if it wasn’t I should react and cause problems I’m being a burden. I mean they said it themselves I’m disrupting their work more often and I don’t want to do that but the last time I tried to tough it out I had to go to the ER which made an even bigger disruption and I just don’t wanna do that again.

Ok I don’t know if this is dumb to ask but is it embarrassing to need to go home because of period cramps?? I think I made a big deal but I mean I did pass out but also I’ve heard people do deal with it??? I’m pissing off my parents because I’ve been sick so often and having to make them leave work because of it. It hurt alot but like. Idk.! I’m not even sure if I should’ve even gone home????? I just oh my god I feel really dumb and weak for some reason but also I get it because I passed out from the pain and this just does not happen but also I was told to ask my doctor which I know he’ll just say it’s my weight but. I don’t fucking know. I feel like I’m gaslighting myself and having a meltdown over a scratch but it’s not a scratch to me but aLSO I know that even if it wasn’t I should react and cause problems I’m being a burden. I mean they said it themselves I’m disrupting their work more often and I don’t want to do that but the last time I tried to tough it out I had to go to the ER which made an even bigger disruption and I just don’t wanna do that again.

[spottyissleepwalking]

I am. Miserable

[snarltoothed]

proud girlcat mommy for 16 years now!!!

ou they doing cat misogyny on tiktok now

[catboyspells]

it’s gotta suck to be a normal person in the Ancient Greece of Disney’s Hercules bc imagine trying and failing to get a career and people who are into stocks or whatever are like “you just have to pick yourself up by the sandal straps, like Hercules, he was a nobody and now he’s a big hero” and you’re like . Okay . AND . His parents are literally the king and queen of Olympus . He was weakened to DEMIGOD status . I’m asthmatic and allergic to food groups, we are NOT the same

[chronicles-of-illness]

I’m in so much pain rn holy shit

[harksness]

A/N: i was so feral over detective harkness i wrote a quick lil smut fic (thanx to the rings anon who gave me an idea for this lol <3)

also I KNOW SHES TECHNICALLY AGNES HERE SHHHH JUST GO WITH IT

Warnings: SMUT, oral, Agatha receiving, hair pulling, degradation and praise. Dom! Agatha as per usual. Sub! Reader as per usual.

WC: 2.1k

Carefully, you push the door to Agatha’s office closed behind you and twist the lock. She doesn’t even notice that you entered, hunched over her desk with papers and files sprawled out beneath her, pen clenched in her left hand as she bends over the mess. Strands of hair had slipped out of her ponytail, hanging along the sides of her face.

Once in a while you’ll surprise her at work like this. She’s been so stressed lately that she hasn’t been sleeping through the night. That's not abnormal for your wife, she is a bit of a workaholic afterall, but sometimes she just needs you to drag her back into reality. And that's been hard to do with your conflicting work schedules and her long days lately.

Slowly, so you don't startle her, you walk over to Agatha’s desk. Her eyes glance up to you but don’t seem to process you right away as the flick back down to her work, before landing back on you again. As the realization finally sinks in, a smile grows on her features.

“Hey, hot stuff.”

Your heart leaps into your throat at the way she shoots you a wide grin, legs spreading as she leans back in her office chair to look up at you.

“Hey, even hotter stuff.”

She snorts at your flirting, throwing her pen down onto her desk. It makes you feel a little too smug that it's so easy for her to forget her work when you're around.

“You don’t look in the mirror as much as you should. You’re obviously the hotter stuff.”

She argues lightheartedly as you turn and lean against the desk next to her, the plush of your ass digging into the edge of the tabletop as you smile down at her.

“Well I could say the same thing to you.”

Again, she snorts.

“I’ve barely slept the last few days, my eye bags are huge, my hair is a mess and I’ve got stains all down the front of my frumpy flannel. I’m not hot right now.”

Agatha's eyes are tired and her words make your heart ache in your chest. She's always the most beautiful thing in the world, the details don't matter. She's just always stunning.

You lean in towards her and take her face in your hands, her eyes fluttering closed as she leans into your touch.

“You’re always hot, baby.. It doesn’t matter the circumstances.”

You coo at her, a little laugh escaping her lips as you lean in and press a kiss to her forehead. You decide to speak up before she can continue arguing you, knowing her stubbornness wouldn't let this go unless you changed the subject.

“You look stressed, my love..”

Agatha groans at your words, frustrated.

“There’s just a lot going on right now.. Yknow?”

You nod your head in understanding. When you married her, you knew this is what you were signing up for. She’s obsessed with her job, gone for long periods of time and unable to take her mind off of her work. And that dedication is something you love about her regardless. You’re okay with being her anchor, tethering her and bringing her back to reality. She always floats back to you when you pull her back down to Earth, and that’s all you could ever ask for. 

You’ll happily keep doing this for the rest of your life.

Leaning down, you press your lips against her cheek in a lingering kiss, lips ghosting against her skin as you speak.

“Why don’t you let me help you take your mind off of things for a bit..”

You whisper against her soft skin, and she lets out an amused noise as you continue to kiss her, your lips moving to trace along her jawline as you guide her head to tilt to the side.

“Baby… Fuck.. We can’t-”

As she says that her hands are reaching for you, grabbing you and pulling you closer. You smile against her skin.

“Are you sure you want me to stop? I will if you really want me to..”

She doesn't answer, torn between doing what she wants and the responsible thing.

You pull back, admiring her beautiful, tired features for a moment. She looks up at you with love pooling in her eyes as you trace your thumb affectionately along her cheek, under the deep purple bags creasing under her pretty bright eyes before placing a lingering kiss on her lips.

Then, you quickly glance behind you at the door you locked on the way in, ensuring it’s still secure before you drop to your knees in front of her, right below her desk and between her spread legs. The firm carpet is rough on your knees but you don't care, the woman before you is more important. She groans and lets out a louder curse at the sight of you before her.

“You have no idea how many times I’ve imagined this..”

She breathes the words out and you smile up at her, leaning forward and running your hands up her clothed thighs.

“Then let me make your fantasy come true, baby.. Please?”

You beg sweetly, batting your eyelashes up at her. She digs her teeth into her bottom lip, eyes flickering greedily over you as she contemplates what to do. 

“Fuck, you’re worth getting fired over.”

You’re grinning ear to ear as you lean forward, running your hands from her knees all the way up her thighs and to the waist of her pants. She watches you with eager eyes, greedy smile etched into her pretty pink lips as she raises her hips off the chair.

Quickly, your hands scramble to undo her pants before grabbing the hem and pulling them down and off her legs, underwear and all, leaving her bare for you as more and more of her soft, pale skin is exposed.

She laughs softly at your eagerness, raising a hand to card sweetly through your locks.

“You begged for this, sweet girl.. Now, you better do a good job if you’re willing to risk my career over it.”

She teases and you lean in, holding her gaze as you press a lingering, open mouth kiss to the inside of her knee. You’re a bit insulted by her words.

“I would never leave you unsatisfied..”

You mumble against her plush skin, taking your time as you softly, firmly press your open mouth against her thigh over and over again as you trail kisses further up her legs.

Here and there you bite softly, dragging your teeth across the sensitive flesh. You feel yourself turning into putty beneath her at every soft gasp that slips past her lips, one of her hands mindlessly toying with your hair.

You start to repeat the actions on her other thigh, wanting to lavish her with sweet kisses and worship her when she lets out a frustrated sigh. Agatha winds her fingers into your hair, slumping down even further and spreading her legs wider as she pushes your mouth against her waiting cunt. You groan, immediately parting your lips as you breathe her in eagerly.

“No teasing, sweetheart… You’re gonna be a good girl and give me exactly what I want, aren’t you?”

She coos down at you, soothingly rubbing her fingers against your scalp. Immediately you let out a needy noise against her and nod your head, desperate to please.

“Good fuckin girl.”

Her voice is low as you drag your tongue through her wet folds. She lets out a controlled, quiet noise, only loud enough for you to hear as you lick up her sweetness. Your eyes roll into the back of your head at the taste of her heavy on your tongue.

You begin toying with her clit, first using your tongue to ghost over it in experimental patterns as you try to wind her up. Her chair creaks as she shifts a bit, hand tightening in your hair. 

You can’t get enough of the taste of her. Heavy and metallic and so good, you don't think it could ever be enough. You’d live between her thighs, eating and surviving off of nothing but her pussy for the rest of your life if you could. You make out to kiss the little bud, puckering your lips as you drag them over it before opening your mouth and sucking it between your lips. 

She groans at that, throwing her head back against the back of her seat as you flick your tongue along her clit in quick passes, groaning against her wet cunt as you do. You feel her arousal soaking your lips, and you want to lick up every sweet drop.

“Fuck, baby..”

Agatha curses, heavy breaths dropping from her lips as she looks down at you with lidded eyes. You look back up at her, squirming desperately from your place between her legs.

“You’re such a slut, just for me, hm? So desperate for me to fuck your mouth that you had to crawl under my desk and beg for it, hm?”

Agatha's voice is breathy and erratic as she rests one arm against her chair, canting her hips up against your waiting mouth, her hand buried in your hair and forcing you down and against her with each thrust. You groan against her cunt, breathing heavily as she grinds herself against your tongue. 

You just hold your tongue out for her, letting her guide you however she needs as she fucks herself against your mouth.

“Say it, say you’re my slut with your mouth full of my pussy..”

You groan at her words, nails biting into her calves as you gargle out the words that are muffled by her cunt. She laughs softly, dropping her hips back down onto the chair for a moment and pulling your head back. You heave for air, a stupid smile on your lips as you feel her wetness soaking your lips and chin.

“Say it again.”

Agatha demands, a sadistic grin on her features as she sharply pulls your head back by the fistfull of your hair. You can’t control the moan that bursts past your lips as the delicious sting settles across your scalp.

“I’m your slut, Agatha.. Just yours.. I belong to you..”

You manage to heave the words between breaths and she grins down at you with a satisfied smile on her lips.

“Good girl. Now, get back to work, slut..”

She demands, leaning back into her chair once again and you’re eagerly diving back between her soft thighs, warm and dewey with a thin layer of sweat. Her moans are more frequent now, soft and quiet and deep as they escape her lips. You suck her clit between your teeth gently, flicking your tongue over the nub as quickly as you can.

“Ooooh.. Yes..”

Agatha breathes out, jolting a bit as she raises her hips off of her seat, pressing your needy mouth harder against her wet cunt as she begins to rut against your tongue desperately. You moan into her, meeting each thrust, making sure each movement of your tongue on her clit is calculated and precise.

She gasps sharply, freezing and desperately smushing your face harder against her. You know she’s close, and with that you harshly suck on her clit, hands desperately pawing at her soft thighs as they squeeze around your head, her mouth hung open in a silent moan as she curls in on you, curses dropping from her lips.

Your whole world stops and she’s the only thing that exists as she seizes up, sharp gasps escaping her lips as her eyes pinch shut, body tensing all around you as she cums against your waiting mouth. You watch her with wide eyes, drinking in every little reaction.

A strand of her lovely brown hair sticks to the side of her face, her long, pale neck exposed. You just want to pepper kisses along every inch of her skin. The way her fingers are tightly gripping your hair burns your scalp, but you revel in the sting because it’s just an expression of her pleasure as she cums for you.

With one last relieved gasp her grip on your head loosens and she collapses into her chair, the wheels clanking as she throws her weight back down onto it. She starts breathily laughing, raising one hand to push her stray hairs behind her ears while she rubs soothing circles against your scalp with the other. 

“Ahh.. You’re right.. You never leave me unsatisfied. You’re so good for me, sweet girl..”

She coos, smiling lazily down at you before she leans forward, pressing a loving kiss to your forehead. You hum happily, a lovesick grin on your lips.

“I’m always happy to be good for you.."

You smile up at her, resting a cheek on her soft, warm thigh. But the sweet moment is short lived, because your features drop and panic sets in when a firm knocking sounds from her office door.

[bigbuffjoonie]

SEOKJIN PLEASE LMAO

I ran out of tag space I’m so sorry in advance but I just wanted to say I love that their names are Dark Hobi and Evil Yoongi lmao bc that also means in canon either they call themselves that or the heroes call them that and either way is so funny to me 😂

Versus | MYG, JHS - Chapter Two

Pairing: Yoongi x Reader x Hoseok

Genre: smut, fluff, angst, crack, enemies to lovers, Villains!AU

Rating: M (18+)

Warnings: weapons - daggers & laser gauntlets, swearing, mentions of blood, fighting (superhero workout-style), masturbation (m), allusion to shower sex

Word Count: 2.7k

Disclaimer: NSFW, obviously I don’t own BTS - they just inspire me

Summary: Supervillain exes Yoongi and Hoseok are sick and tired of having their plans for world domination wrecked by you, aka Vitality, the world’s most powerful superhero. When fellow villain Jimin suggests a little competition to see who can bring you to your knees, they both eagerly accept. Now the battle is on as both men engage you in fight after fight to see who will conquer you first. Will you finally defeat these two, or will they destroy you - and possibly take each other out in the process?

A/N: The challenge has been accepted, now it's time to establish the rules! And introduce a few other key players. Also, uh, gird yourselves, here comes the angst. Just a little!

Unbeta’d as usual. I’d love to know what you think - my inbox is always open! 💕

Chapter One ✨ Series Masterlist ✨ Chapter Three

CHAPTER TWO - THE RULES OF ENGAGEMENT

Hobi stalks angrily through his lair. Struts, actually. Not intentionally. It’s just how he walks, like the world’s his runway. Helps that he’s usually dressed to kill, both literally and figuratively. 

At the moment, he’s striding towards his weapons room wearing a stunning embroidered Louis Vuitton suit that has all of his henchmen doing double takes, and not just because of the splattered blood staining the luxe threads.

The life of a henchman is hard, as one constantly risks bodily injury time and time again for one’s leader, but working for someone who looks like that helps to soften the blows a bit. 

Hobi glares into the retinal scanner outside the weapons depot and the doors slide open as it recognizes his chestnut orbs. It also recognizes his glare. 

“Rough day, daddy?” a robotic voice purrs overhead. 

“Yes, Jin, today was shit,” Hobi declares as he returns his laser gauntlets to their place in his vast arsenal. “And I thought I told you not to call me that?”

“Sorry, sir,” the integrated A.I. system replies. Hobi rolls his eyes in annoyance. Perhaps it was a mistake giving the Synthetic Electronic Optimum Knowledge Jung Intelligence Network aka S.E.O.K.J.I.N. (Jin for short) sentience. The first thing it did upon rebooting was declare its undying devotion to Hobi. Which means an endless stream of ridiculous terms of endearment. Or pet names. Or worse.

Hobi’s starting to fear he’s going to grind his teeth into dust.

“Want to tell me all about it?” Jin inquires, automatically opening the vault door to Hobi’s inner sanctum.

“Not particularly.” He’d rather not rehash his day. It was painful enough living through it. 

Of course, Jin is undaunted. “Did the meeting at Jimin’s not go well?”

Hobi’s lithe fingers work the knot in his tie, loosening it until he’s able to tug the thin strip of fabric from his neck. “It was fine. Productive. We nailed down the rules of engagement for Jimin’s contest.” 

The terms of the challenge are concise and clear:

No outside help

No teaming up

The competition ends when Vitality draws her last breath. The man responsible wins.

The first rule is the most important. No outside help means neither can ask for assistance from any other villains, including Jimin, who must remain an impartial observer, as he so haughtily put it. The only exception is the allowance for both to continue to use Jimin’s power disrupters. 

Jimin originally decreed that the disrupters were banned, but swiftly reversed course and said they could use them since they already had them. The meeting then paused so Jungkook could apply some bandages to Jimin before he bled out all over his newly-cleaned rug.

As far as Hobi is concerned, rule two is completely unnecessary. Moving on. 

The final rule is mainly a technicality, making sure everyone understands the goal here. Once that annoying little superhero is gone, the victor will be declared. And to the victor go the spoils. Namely, a straight line to world domination, and the knowledge that they’re the superior villain, second to none. 

“That doesn’t sound very upsetting,” Jin muses. “Is it because Yoongi was there again?”

At the mention of his ex’s name, Hobi snarls. “No. I can handle seeing him.” He continues to strip, frowning at the sight of his ruined suit. Once he’s completely bare, he wanders through his bedroom to his en suite for a shower. 

“Then I guess I just don’t know what’s got you so mad, kitten.” 

Hobi presses a finger to the pinched spot between his dark brows, rubbing soothingly. The bathroom door opens. “I’m going to shower. If Jimin calls, tell him to expect a dry cleaning bill tomorrow.” 

He sighs wearily as the door closes behind him. There are no cameras in this room, so Jin is blind to what goes on in here. Not because Hobi is shy. Quite the opposite, actually. But he needs one room in the underground lair he calls home where he can go to be totally and completely alone.

Tucked away at the bottom of his vanity is a picture frame. He pulls it out, gently running his thumb over the photo inside. Bad idea. Too many conflicting emotions swirl through his already disquieted mind. He tilts the frame away and catches his reflection in the fingerprint-coated glass. The man gazing back at him struggles to maintain his cool demeanor. He turns away.

Warm water pours from the rainfall showerhead, filling the room with steam. Hobi stands directly underneath the stream, still adrift, until one particular feeling bubbles to the surface, and he strokes himself until he’s shuddering, his release washing away without a trace. When he exits the bathroom later, towel slung low over his hips, his expression is calm once again, betraying no sign of the maelstrom within.

THOCK

Taehyung strolls down the quiet hallway of the mansion. 

THOCK

He pauses outside the study, strands of his bright blue locks falling in his eyes as tips his head, listening. 

THOCK

With a grimace, he twists the doorknob. “Yoongi-hyung.” 

“Taehyung-ah,” Yoongi responds cordially, before flinging another dagger. 

THOCK

The blade lands directly in the middle of a face.

“Didn’t know you were back already.” 

Yoongi doesn’t reply as he saunters across the room. With a violent yank, he jerks the dagger out of the nose where it’s embedded, and grabs the other six that form a perfect circle around it, leaving only the one at the top that pins the portrait in place. 

“Meeting ended early,” he finally states. He removes his striped suit jacket, hanging it primly over the back of a chair before resuming his position several paces in front of the wall. “Jimin fell ill.” 

Taehyung notes the dried blood still clinging to one of the blade handles. “What did he want this time? Did he finally figure out the bug with the power disrupters?”

“Of course not. No, he wanted us to go over the rules for his stupid little competition.” 

THOCK

“And you didn’t like his suggestions?” Taehyung gestures to the dirty dagger. “Hence the blood?” 

Yoongi pauses mid-throw to inspect the handle of his blade. “Oh, we had a little disagreement, you could say. But Jimin eventually came around to our point of view, and I agreed to all of his terms. As did Hoseok.” 

THOCK

Ah, of course. Hoseok-hyung was there again. No wonder the wall was currently under attack by Yoongi’s blades. Taehyung tries to remember where he’d put the spackle after Yoongi’s last assault on the drywall.

THOCK

As another dagger whizzes by, within millimeters of Taehyung’s unconcerned face (he knows his hyung never misses), he tries not to think about what happened when Yoongi and Hoseok split. Taehyung had never seen Yoongi on a rampage like that before. So many blades. So much blood. As much as he adores his hyung, that’s a side of Yoongi he hopes to never see again. 

“So… what are the rules?”

“No outside help.” 

THOCK

“Even from me?” Taehyung pouts at the thought of not being allowed to help his hyung vanquish his enemy. His entire life is devoted to Yoongi, after hyung saved him. He gave Taehyung a purpose and something solid to cling to when the cruel winds of fate tried to tear him apart. 

In other words, Yoongi’s his rock. 

“No outside help from other supervillains. You’re not on the outside. You’re in my inner circle.” 

Taehyung beams proudly, boxy smile lighting up his handsome features.

“The other rules are simply formalities. No teaming up.” Yoongi laughs dryly. “As if that would fucking happen. I’d rather die than ask Hoseok for help, and I’m quite sure the feeling is mutual.” 

THOCK

“And the challenge is over once Vitality is dead.” 

“Okay. Those all make sense, to me.” Taehyung treads lightly. “So… just letting off some steam, then?” 

THOCK

“A little. But I’m also brainstorming. You know the blades help me think.”

Right. Taehyung remembers when Yoongi was preparing for the Tokyo maneuver. What a horribly stressful time that had been. Yoongi spent so many nights strategizing that Taehyung had ended up replacing an entire section of the wall. Spackle only goes so far. 

“Strategizing how you’ll take Vitality out?”  

“Yes. But I’m planning so much more than that.” He tosses a dagger straight above his head. Taehyung watches it flip a few times before Yoongi effortlessly plucks it out of the air, pinching it by the blade. The smile he flashes chills Taehyung to the bone. “I’m going to take them both out.” 

THOCK

The hilt quivers with the force of Yoongi’s throw, dagger buried once again dead center in Hoseok’s face.

“Harder!” A grunt falls from Namjoon’s panting mouth at your command. “Come on, Joon, give it to me!” 

“Can’t…don’t…wanna hurt you.” 

You scoff, rolling your eyes. “I’m not gonna break, Joon. Fucking stop holding back!”

Namjoon obeys, throwing his next punch with more oomph. Still, you easily dodge the blow, sliding beneath his outstretched arm and landing a jab to his gut. 

“Jesus, if you punch like this on your next mission, you’re never going to win! You gonna need me to come fight all your battles for you?”

Your goading works. The yellow haze surrounding Namjoon shimmers as he spins into a roundhouse kick. As his large foot connects with your torso, you let out a pained “OOF!” and fly across the mat, landing square on your back. All the wind in your lungs leaves your body in one loud whoosh. 

Namjoon hovers over you, hands on his knees as he catches his breath. “You okay?”

Weakly, you flash a thumbs up. 

“Okay, I think that’s enough sparring for today,” Namjoon clucks his tongue. 

“‘M fine. Just gonna… lay here… for a while.”  

Your teammate flops down next to you and rolls into his cool-down stretches. “I know what you’re doing, by the way.”

“Trying to breathe?”

“You know what I mean.” 

Of course Joon sees right through you. He’s your best friend on the team. The two of you have clicked since the day Doc brought you to the company. His hulking frame and frankly mind-boggling strength run counter to his sweet, quiet nature. A gentle giant if ever there was one. But he’s an astute motherfucker, much to your displeasure

“You don’t have to punish yourself for Dark Hobi and Evil Yoongi both escaping again. That’s not on you. Once we capture our targets and turn them over to the containment teams, it’s on them to keep them imprisoned.” 

Obviously, you know this. But it doesn’t do anything to calm the anger still roiling in your chest. How many times are you going to have to defeat those two before they’re captured for good? 

It’d be so much easier if you could just take them directly to The Hole, where all the villains found guilty of crimes against humanity are taken and locked away for eternity. But no. You know the rules - find the target, take them down, turn them over to containment. They’ll be brought to justice by the company’s tribunal, who judge whether a villain is fit to be rehabilitated and reenter society or sent to The Hole forever. 

Justice. What does that word mean, anyway? Why does the company get to decide their fates? You’re the one with the power. 

You know better than to mention these thoughts to Namjoon as he reaches for his toes, loosening his hamstrings. He’ll just recite the same annoying phrases again and again–we’re not above the system, we work for it. No one is meant to be judge, jury, and executioner all in one. It’s not right. 

Except… it sure seems like the company is all three. Why does it get to decide what’s right?

These questions are above your pay grade. Which, admittedly, is pretty high. 

“I’m not punishing myself,” you finally reply, grinning. “I just prefer to spar with someone worthy. No one else here can really give me a workout like you can. Being friends with the strongest man in the world has to have some sort of perks, you know?” 

“Besides literally bench pressing you?” He winks. “Like the other night?”

You stare off into the distance. “Ah, yes, that was a magical evening. The day I discovered I have a size kink. You really made my head go brrrr, you know that?” 

Namjoon frowns. “Sometimes I think we speak two different languages.” 

“Whatever. Help me stretch my thighs, will you? They’ve felt really tight since we got off the treadmills.” Lying on your back, you lift both knees to your chest. Namjoon nods, kneeling by your ass. He grabs one of your ankles and extends the leg, then presses your thigh into your torso. 

It’s a terribly intimate position, but neither of you flush, both deeply familiar with the other’s body by now. It’s hard as fuck to date as a superhero. Practically impossible, really, with the crazy schedules and the always lurking paparazzi, not to mention the groupies–the cape clingers, as the company calls them. So the two of you have an arrangement. Purely physical. 

“I heard the search for Hobi’s lair isn’t going well,” Namjoon murmurs, his thick fingers digging into your flesh as he switches legs. He is unfortunately correct, which you already know without hearing whatever gossip he’s about to drop. “Doc said the presentation to the shareholders last month kinda skirted around the scout’s report.” 

Over the years, Dark Hobi has completely managed to elude your company’s ability to locate his base of operations, despite the fact that you’re pretty sure his weapons cache alone must be the size of Texas. Whatever he is using for security is clearly more sophisticated than anything the company has, a fact that absolutely drives the CEO mad. He wants to be the one with the best toys. 

“I’m telling you, he’s got an underwater base. It’s the only thing that makes sense,” you mutter back, making a face at Hyunjin when he walks by and whistles suggestively at the two of you. “Oh, fuck off, Jinnie, you know you wish you were the cream filling in this delicious whoopie pie right now.” 

Hyunjin just laughs, but Namjoon rolls his eyes. ”Whoopie pie?”

“I don’t know, I’m hungry.”  

Namjoon releases your legs and begins to stretch his own. “Anyway… he said the meeting was pretty cut and dry, the usual facts and figures, not much new. Oh, I guess there was some sort of weird Geiger spike the other night out in Busan but when the teams combed the area it came from, they didn’t find anything.”

“Busan? Who do we suspect is in Busan these days?”

“No one new that we know of. Just Jimin.” He snorts and you both begin to cackle. 

“Fuck, could you imagine if that guy got his hands on nuclear weapons? Probably blow himself up immediately.” As far as villains went, Jimin aka Mr. Machiavelli is less of a threat to mankind than Dark Hobi or Evil Yoongi than he is to himself. And he isn’t some sort of amazing tactician who keeps slipping through your fingers–no, you’ve defeated him plenty of times. The only reason he isn’t currently in containment is because he has an uncanny knack for charming the guards into letting him go. 

With a yawn, Namjoon stands, offering you his hand. “Probably. Come on, I need a shower.” 

”And that requires me?”

“Yes. You blew off your steam, now I gotta blow off mine.” 

Namjoon tugs you into the communal changing area where your other teammates are milling about and you giggle as he helps you shuck your gym clothes in front of an eye-rolling Hyunjin. “Stop gawking, Jinnie, haven’t you ever seen two people about to fuck before?”

Bang Chan runs into the shower area, blue aura blazing. “Vi, we just got word that Dark Hobi’s been spotted off the coast of Jeju Island. Doc wants you ready to mobilize in ten.” 

You sigh. Just another day’s work. “Ten minutes? Fine.” Taking Namjoon’s hand, you lead him into one of the shower stalls. “Come on, thunder thighs, show me what you can do in five.”

© 2022-23 by sunshinerainbowsbts/minisugakoobies. Crossposted to AO3. Please do not copy or repost.

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