#and I’m still terrified
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I miss who I used to be. I mourn what this disorder took from me.
#I finally told my parents about my eating disorder and how they planted the seeds for it#it was a really good conversation actually#but it’s got me thinking about when I used to be strong. I had weight to throw around#god I could. carry so much#50lbs on each shoulder#and now. mm#the reason I’m disabled is because I hurt myself while I was starving myself to an extreme degree#and I just never healed because my body. couldn’t#and now I just am this way#it won yknow#I got control. and the cost has been. massive#and I’m still terrified#I’m so scared of being treated the way I used to be treated again#it’s so. fucking hard#it’s hard.#next time I go thrifting I’m gonna shop a size up so I have room to grow.#that’s what I can do for now#it’s something#batty posts
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Finally got around to watching I saw the tv glow and I’ve had an incomprehensible sense of dread ever since 🙂↕️
#i saw the tv glow#isttvg#pink opaque#owen i saw the tv glow#it just OOF when I got done watching the film I felt like I wanted to vomit aha#the trans commentary is obviously the centerpiece of the film and it’s abs amazing#but just the films message that there is still time until there isn’t is TERRIFYING#I’m so sensitive to media I probably should’ve looked up tws before lowkey but it was worth it#there’s still time left tho right?#artists on tumblr#digital art#digital portrait#art#my art#painting#digital fanart#fanart#a24 films#a24 movies#a24 horror#a24
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i think, for trauma survivors, especially those who were emotionally abused, invalidated, or gaslit, it is really important not to underestimate the significance of speaking bluntly about what happened to you. Forcing yourself not to beat around the bush, not to downplay what you went through with your words. say what happened, without any caveats, without any “but it could’ve been worse”, “but i might just be being overdramatic”, “but it wasn’t really THAT bad,” and so forth. sit with the discomfort until you can begin to let yourself realize that it WAS that bad, you WERENT being overdramatic, and even if it could’ve been worse you still didn’t deserve it. It’s almost like a form of reclamation, taking back your memories, taking back your life, even the difficult or gross parts, and refusing to let anyone change the narrative or tell you how you should feel anymore, even yourself. and it hurts and it’s scary and it feels weird and awkward and sometimes you want to convince yourself you’re lying, but i think sitting in those weird feelings and letting yourself admit that you really did go through trauma puts the power back in your hands to process things and be compassionate to yourself while you heal
#like. recently i’ve been reflecting a lot on this trauma i have with this absolutely godawful english teacher i had in grade 7#he was an absolute creep and even though he never touched me i knew he touched other girls and made even creepier comments to them#than he did to me. and i never really had time to fully understand the gravity of the damage he did to me because i was#so focused on the fact that it could’ve been worse and he never even actually touched me or got that close to me save a few times#but yesterday as i was reflecting on this i finally got myself to admit. i was terrified of him and i was terrified for every fucking minute#that i spent in that class. and i was a child who never should’ve had to deal with that and it’s clear that i still have a lot of problems#from that whole event. and the more times i repeat that and get myself to understand it. the more i’m able to be compassionate to myself now#and patient with myself in the things i struggle with as a result of what happened#childhood trauma#trauma#cptsd healing#cptsd recovery#cptsdawareness#trauma survivor#trauma recovery
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At the Three Pure Ones Abbey the Great Sage Leaves His Name; At the Slow Cart Kingdom the Monkey King Shows His Power
#IM FREE#FINALLY GRADUATED WOOHOO#can finally post again#this is my favorite chapter out of all of jttw and I’ve always wanted to draw a piece for it :D#just three full chapters of swk absolutely disrespecting everything these demons stand for#I like to think about how from the demons pov he’s absolutely terrifying#y’all lucky he’s a Buddhist now cuz I guarantee he woulda been draining the blood their severed necks kali style#digital art#my art#journey to the west#journey to the west fanart#jttw sun wukong#sun wukong#monkey king#hell yeah stunt on em dasheng#now that I have no more assignments to worry about I can finally start reminding you guys and myself that I actually know how to draw#mostly to myself -w-#I hope you guys haven’t forgotten about me TwT I missed posting#finals season is a blight upon this earth#oh yeah#tw gore#I mean I’m bad at it but it’s still there#tw animal death#just in case
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IM GONNA BE SICK SHDKDHSSJSH Hori’s really saving him for last,, we’ve got panels of every single character guiding Deku, cheering him on, pushing him through… except Bakugo?
we’re about to get something so incredible
#I DID SOB YES IT GOT ME I WAS VERY VERY OVERHWELMED AND SO SCARED AND ANXIOUS AND FED UP FROM DISCOURSE#IM JUST ON REPEAT OF PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE#I’m still so terrified…#SHAKING LIKE A WET RAT#‘kacchan and everyone else’ REAL REAL#mha 422#mha spoilers#bnha spoilers#bkdk#dkbk#bakudeku#dekubaku#:’)#ktdk
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Please excuse my attempt at being funny
#transformers animated#tfa#tfa optimus prime#tfa sentinel prime#tfa elita one#alpha trion#sparkling siblings au#after draiwng so much I’m starting to crash#but here have a shitty comic of alpha trion accidentally creating a nuke#and his kids being absolutely terrified of it#like they see him adding random ass shit to the pan and they brace for impact#you’d think after 6 billion stellar cycles alpha learns how to cook#very cheesy but I wanted to get this out of my system#and maybe I’ll draw more adult sibling content#still practicing how to draw better more Tfa looking#as you can see from my op it’s not looking so good#but I just have to keep working#tq tq for the support as much as I feel like trash I’m glad others don’t#I hope at least#maccadam
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Coincidence???? Or not?????
Source: @/lilyssoldout Twitter
The Heart Killers, Ep 3
#gawd I really need to go watch this episode multiple times s#I’m missing so many things#stylefadel#Madam Lilly still terrifies me#the heart killers#thk ep 3
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portrait Hinata jumpscare (+ various non-fanart studies under the cut)
#duckie art#haikyuu#hinata shouyou#portrait study#haikyuu fanart#sorry for the style jumpscare it won’t happen again#I was getting frustrated with trying to do painterly anime styles around this time and still have them look okay#I’m still trying to find a balance#day 1 of terrifying people’s dashboards
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The fact that Leo can go literally anywhere on earth to be alone with his thoughts at a single moment’s notice is something that shakes around in my head all the time. Like, portals and teleportation are amazing and convenient abilities both in and out of battle, but they could also so easily be used to run away as well.
I don’t think Leo ever would, at least not most of the time. He loves his family too much, and is too dependent on their love and attention to cut himself off so suddenly like that, but it’s a very real possibility nonetheless.
It’s a good thing Leo’s overall temper is more on the mild side and he prefers going to his room or something to complete solitude, because it really is dangerous for a kid to have the ability to isolate themselves like that at their fingertips.
#rottmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rottmnt leo#rottmnt headcanons#rise leo#and like#it doesn’t even have to be on purpose either#anything could happen where Leo goes out to travel real quick somewhere and suddenly he can’t get back#sure Donnie has the trackers but trackers only do so much when the one you’re tracking is across the globe#that one short of Leo ending up trapped hanging off the Eiffel Tower all alone when he’s still new to portaling#is actually a bit terrifying when viewed through a more serious adult lens#don’t mind me just doing what I like to do best aka think about Leo and his abilities#I’m still saying tho that his abilities make running away so easily#and he’s quite good at that#even if he’s physically there his MASK lets him run away from truly processing unwanted situations or conversations#imagine Draxum telling the boys about the other hidden cities and Leo takes it upon himself to go scout them out#and he does so going around and letting his bros know of the cities he finds here and there#only to end up in one that cuts off foreign mystic energy#like imagine being suddenly cut off and alone#this ability can be SO USEFUL up until it’s cut off midway and suddenly uh oh it’s horrifying
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Merging the characterizations of epic the musical Poseidon and Percy Jackson Poseidon into one unholy being
#epic the musical#pjo fandom#poseidon#seriously are there any fics where Poseidon is still like a good dad#as gods go anyway#but still totally terrifying??#ruthless if you will ahah#fic recommendations anyone??#or epic fics mostly focusing on Poseidon that works too#I’m not very picky
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For every note this little post gets, i’ll work on my art projects for 2 minutes this month.
#you are literally under no obligation to interact with this post#speck rambles#power of the crowd and gays#i’m going ti take a nap listening to the rain. i just wanted to post something that let me talk about the rain#because like#it’s been just thundering#terribly. and i’m in love#i’ve never been cozier and my head feels fuzzy#i also did not sleep well. so the rain is calling me and sending me to sleep#i love the rain. i love the thunder. i’m so glad that im going to nap#and then? if i wake up and it’s still rainy? a cup of tea warmed up for my soul#god. but the abundance of rain also has me terrified of the flooding and-#oh. lightwnobg jsr almost stuck me#ah. okay. not fun. uh. stilly. bed now
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'bully/crush/eventually first girlfriend' mx phem could you expand on this story pls
what’s there to explain? She was a big tough girl who was mean to me and pushed me around so obviously I got a crush on her lol.
Eventually we became friends because I just…didn’t leave when she picked on me like most people. Then we became girlfriends at like 14, which meant we made out a few times then she ghosted me and started making out with guys and acting like I was the weird one for being hurt. Play stupid games win stupid prizes but hey I was literally 14 I was more hormones than human at that point lol. Livt and learnt.
she messaged me and apologized when I was in college so we’re cool now 👍 I think she runs a vegan bakery
#I’m a big dumb gay sub idiot#it’s worth it to note that Shauna remains to this day the only friend and/or partner I’ve ever had#that didn’t terrify my parents#Shauna made my mom cry the first time they met and she was still the favorite#that tells you something lol#boring text posts#Asks
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Something I drew awhile back when I was tryin to figure out how to chimera the falin
#dungeon meshi#delicious in dungeon#dun meshi#dungeon meshi falin#delicious in dungeon falin#falin dunmeshi#falin touden#falin dungeon meshi#chimera falin#dragon falin#falin fanart#falin touden fanart#dungeon meshi art#delicious in dungeon art#digital art#artists on tumblr#I have since figured o it how to chimera the falin#well tbh I’m still kinda figuring it out but I’m getting better I think#I love when women are big terrifying beasts I think they should do that more
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DPxDC Writing prompt: A new circus is in town appeared seemingly overnight, a circus of meta humans with red eyes and equally terrifying and wondrous acts. It’s suspicious as all hell and even more suspicious when Jason suddenly feels overwhelmingly compelled to join it when he sees the commercial for it on the TV. Seriously, where the hell did this ‘Circus Gothica’ even come from?
Ok hear me out; y’know in that one episode where we’re introduced to Freakshow and he brainwashes Danny but then it’s ok because he’s saved by his friends?
What if Sam and Tucker and been too late? If Danny had been successful taken?
What if no one believed Sam and Tucker when they said Danny had been kidnapped and he’s not a runaway?
And what if he’s been brainwashed for over 3 years while travelling in the Circus, the only people caring enough to find him being unable to do anything about it?
And what if Freakshow made the mistake of preforming in Gotham where the Bats dwelled? And where they’ll take a deeper look into the circus’s suspicious behaviour…
#dcxdp#this is just an excuse to have more sibling Danny & Jason#and an excuse to use Freakshow more as a villain#that fucker is TERRIFYING when you think about it#and creepy as all hell#I want to see him in more in fics during flashbacks#danny phantom#jason todd#Freakshow#circus au#I headcanon that Danny is somewhat more aware as the years go by but he’s still heavily under the influence#because he’s a halfa#and he got the werid biology#brainwashed au#idk what I’m doing with Jack and Maddie in this fic#bad parents?#i guess so#Jazz?#she’s going feral#same with Sam and Tucker#but they’re minors so they can’t do anything#Jazz can’t pinpoint and get to the circus in time whenever it stops#Danny is really edgy due to the orb’s influence so I can imagine if Jazz does get there in time that he’ll just dismiss her#or tell her to fuck off#look he’s been under the influence of the orb for years rn#give him a break#No one bats an eye at the REALLY suspicious stuff because of the orb’s influence or the circus just up and leaves before an investigation#seriously#it’s hard tracking a magical ghost train#and the ghosts working there overshadow the authorities whenever things get too heated
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🫶🏻
#I have struggled with trying to get their faces right omgggg#I’m still not happy but oh well#no sleeves for them#serennedy#leon kennedy#luis serra#luis serra navarro#resident evil 4#resident evil 4 remake#leon s kennedy#misc fanart#I’ve been trying to finish resident evil 2 but mr x pop ups terrify me for some reason lol#resident evil fanart#serennedy fanart
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freedom,,,,,,,,,,freedom fries,,,,?(if you can ofc)
Soldier is definitely going to take all those metaphors literally,,
#I couldn’t decide on whether spy should be terrified or flattered so I did both#I really love all those sfms about the family computer they all have and wanted to put my little spin on it lol#transfem spy#for the funsies#I’m always down to draw some freedom fries anon! Not that it’ll be any good but still down 👍👍👍#tf2#freedom fries#soldier tf2#spy tf2#asks#daffys drawings
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