#and his kids being absolutely terrified of it
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icarusredwings · 2 days ago
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Thinking about Wade being one of the best mercs that there is job completion wise, his ratio must be somewhere close to 1:53 seeing as that's how unlikely he is to not complete a job one way or another right?
I feel like this ultimately is terrifying to actually witness.
Logan seeing just how much work Wade puts into his job and hearing stories from Vanessa of finding him sharpening knifes while staring at her while she slept in dead silence or finding maps, photos, very detailed plans laid out about his next kill down to where he lives, how long it would take for the police to reach him if he uses his gun and how difficult it would be to clean up if he used his katanas, etc. Everything is laid out from the second he steps out the door to the moment he gets back home.
Now Al's blind. So he gets into the bad habit of leaving everything out, giving Logan the chance to snoop, looking over the plans only to realize- holy shit. He has everything from how many vents are in his house to which neighbors might be a problem AND plans to deter them.
He comes to realize that all that over thinking Wade does and his one track mind makes him the perfect killer. Most killers have other motives. Wade just needs the dopamine of completely the task and moving on to the next one.
I can see him coming out of the bathroom to see Wade sharpening his tools while looking absolutely pissed but he's just focused.
"... wade?"
The once scrunched face man glances up at him and suddenly has the most confused puppy face before smiling. "Hi Wolvie. Finally awake, sleeping beauty?"
"..you good?"
"Hm?? Oh- Yeah I just got a job later." And thats all he says before going back to glaring, frowning at the metals, trying his hardest to get it damn near perfect.
You never really would expect someone so affectionate to be so serious about killing people, even taking intimidation jobs these days, as well as working for children.
And he never is kidding about the price that he sets. Sometimes, the price is calculated based on time and the amount of ammo he'd be using. Other times, it was a supreme pizza with banana peppers. So when he gets back he will be expecting his pizza with banana peppers. Dont let him down.
This works out sometimes. Other times, he gets too excited and says he'll do it for significantly less than what he should charge, but hey- it's all about that rush of serotonin once the jobs done. Nothing else matters.
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muletia · 22 hours ago
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guys,,, let me cook......obsessed!orion
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what if optimus’ infatuation with you bypasses his memory loss? he may not remember your name or what you look like, or even that you exist, but he feels that something is wrong—that his spark is so... empty as if it’s searching for something, or someone, to fill it. he feels that someone is missing from his life, that he longs for someone, but he has no idea who. combined with the disorientation and panic caused by suddenly finding himself in an entirely unfamiliar place, it creates a true cocktail of terror.
in this au, the autobots take in optimus with amnesia, not the decepticons. ratchet tries to explain who he is, why he’s there, and what their mission is, but orion can’t bring himself to believe it. what’s more, he keeps looking around the base, closely observing every member of his team, as if he’s searching for someone specific. then he meets fowler and the kids, and he’s instantly fascinated by them. they seem very... familiar to him, as if he’s encountered members of their species before. and when someone mentions that the autobots have another human ally, orion is overjoyed. he desperately wants to meet them, so ratchet calls you.
orion can’t understand why you are so important to him, but you complete his spark. he feels the need to be around you 24/7. while optimus might have restrained himself in his fixation, orion doesn’t. he follows you around like a puppy, refusing to leave your side even for a second. and when you tell him that you’ll have to leave him because you need to go to work? oh god, you’ve never seen such a terrified and panicked being in your life. he’s absolutely desperate to go to work with you or at least drive you there, and explaining to him that it’s not a good idea, that he must remain hidden, and that you can’t spend the whole day in the base is incredibly, incredibly difficult.
i can totally imagine a situation where a lovesick orion is so unbearable at the base that ratchet ends up begging you to take time off work until they find a way to retrieve his memory.
i need to write a longer fic about this...
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compaculaaa · 2 years ago
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Please excuse my attempt at being funny
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krysmcscience · 1 month ago
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Don't mind me, just slacking on a big Billford comic by making other far more ridiculous Billford comics and also some AU art (please excuse my slapdash human!Bill thank you please, also before anyone asks the art style is messy and all over the place because idgaf LOL)
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This started out as an excuse to design a Bill Cipher-inspired "wedding" dress, but then spiraled wildly out of control. Various rambles and a bunch more human!Bill arts under the cut, including another silly little comic at the end! (Feel free to skip the rambles, I won't be offended. I know I'm bad at shutting up. XD)
I may or may not write some comedy stuff for this AU, which I'm calling 'For Better Or Worse (But Mostly Worse)'. While Ford DOES remember getting sloshed enough for one thing to lead to making out with another after karaoke, neither he nor Bill remember this wedding, At All. The Love God did nothing to dissuade them from going hog wild on their marriage spending, either, so it got...uh. Exorbitantly Expensive. As in, the grand total could probably buy the entire fucking MOON sort of expensive. (It's fine, don't worry, Bill's good enough at crime to be able to afford it.) Also, because the logic of this AU is mostly dictated by Rule of Funny, the Love God's powers are close to unlimited when it comes to matters of romance, but ONLY when it comes to matters of romance. (Like weddings!)
Want an empty human vessel to smash the soul of a triangle into for date nights or when it's convenient, or perhaps even when it's NOT convenient? Easy peasy! Want the marriage to be recognized in every corner of the multiverse from now until the end of time, thus making any potential future divorce nigh-on impossible? Can do! Want to buy an entire beach for the ceremony and honeymoon and in general, and totally not at all because it would be Super Hilarious to prevent any specific movies from being made on that very same beach in the future? Fine, whatever, it's not his finances he's ruining!
Does the Love God also provide special rings that just so happen to turn incorporeal as long as the "happy couple" doesn't remember that they barged into his dreams to bully him into presiding over their marriage? ...No comment!
He spends the next thirty years trying and failing to get in touch with either of them for payment. This is why you should always demand half the money up front, my guy!
Also it's absolutely a traditional Jewish wedding, because I like the idea of Bill demanding all the keepsakes from the marriage that he paid for, and being completely confused when one of the things he's handed is a fancy container full of broken glass. He gets it later, but in the moment, he thinks the Love God is just fucking with him some more.
Ramble over! Here's the full dress that caused the comic to happen, along with what Ford wound up wearing at the wedding (and begrudgingly agreeing to put on again later for Reasons), aaaaand also a close-up of Bill's ring:
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I may have forgotten to draw Bill's hair floofier when drawing the back of the dress, lmao
Since double ring ceremonies have been leaking over into Jewish wedding customs for a while now, Ford also has a ring, but his is the much more traditional plain gold band. There's definitely a message engraved on the inside - embarrassing, cringe, or incriminating somehow - but I haven't decided what it is yet, so use your imagination for now. XD Bill, on the other hand, saw the phrase 'traditional plain gold band' and said "No Thank You" before proceeding to embellish his ring to his liking. And because he's a secret sap who adores Ford's extra fingers, the triangle points add up to twelve, as do the engraved stars. Yes, they're stars, not dots, I just got lazy. There's also six lashes on the eye gem, and probably an eye engraving on the inside with another six lashes. (Bill's got it BAD, okay? We all know this.)
Here are the initial scribbles of Bill's custom vessel in more casual attire, please ignore the wonky anatomy and the fact that I flat out refuse to ever draw him with a proper top hat:
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He does actually need a cane in this vessel; since Bill tends to possess men and especially Ford more often than not, he's used to having a higher center of gravity when in a human body, so his ability to balance is pretty garbage. (He may or may not topple over with concerning regularity.) As for his empty eye socket, his bangs don't do much to hide it since he's so high-energy (dude is constantly on the move), and he also refuses to wear a patch over it, because 1.) why bother, and 2.) it's more fun to freak people out.
To better align with Ford's attraction towards the strange, the vessel was designed with super minor shapeshifting ability - Bill can look like a perfectly normal human, but he can also make the teeth and fingers sharper whenever he likes (which is mostly just when he's angry or being more of a menace than usual), as well as slit down the pupils or outright ditch the irises altogether. He can also have whatever he wants in the downstairs department, just because I'm an indecisive bitch on that front, lmao. Maybe he can have boobs if he wants them, too, but I ain't drawin' tits on no triangle, nuh-uh, no sir. His powers are otherwise limited down to what humans can do, because for some reason, the Love God doesn't trust Bill to not snap into Immediate Apocalypse Mode if he's given a physical form that's actually all his and no one else's.
Due to the body being all his and no one else's, it's also not really a standard possession so much as it is just...Bill being temporarily human. He's a lot more aware of and in tune with his human body's senses than he ever was with his "puppets", which makes things like pain a lot more intense. (He is mostly fine with this, because he's a fukken masochist.)
A bit more fashion stuff, including beach and party attire~
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The beach outfit was mostly me trying and failing to nail down his body shape, which is still not bottom-heavy enough. I then decided to slap a bikini on it, before making it supremely unsexy with a pair of fugly shorts, because Bill's fashion choices are not allowed to be conventionally attractive. Meanwhile, the party outfit was mostly me looking at the casual attire I designed, asking 'how would Bill make this Worse', and then drawing the result. The mismatched thigh-highs are killing me inside! :D
No, his vessel can't actually summon fire, I just drew it for funzies before I decided on said vessel's limitations. Yes, the gold brick tattoos are absolutely a reference to the fic 'Knowing Me, Knowing You' - I simply could not resist.
I also HAD to draw Bill in one of his canonical(?) shirts, just made tank-top'd:
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He is absolutely about to over-correct and fall backwards after this. USE YOUR CANE, GOOFBALL!!! (I meant to draw Bill closer to this degree of bottom-heavy in the other images, but. Alas. I am bad at anatomy, LOL)
And, last but not least before More Comic Time, I attempted to draw him closer to Gravity Falls style:
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Jury's out on whether or not I succeeded, but - hey. I tried. Now have some Handyman Bill AU, but with my goofy human design, instead:
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Hey, it's a 'mystery snack', and the guy wanted A BITE to eat - the joke was right there, guys!!! (Based on this post, because it just screamed BILL CIPHER to me.)
whoops i forgor bills ring and cracks ahaha too late now
I WILL SHUT UP AND STOP RAMBLING NOW K THX BYYYYYE
#fanart#gravity falls#billford#bill cipher#stanford pines#stanley pines#the love god#human bill cipher#human bill design#fashion design#comics#poor stan gets to find out his twin boinked a triangle when the love god shows up at the mystery shack demanding payment LMAO#cue internal panic for stan as dipper and mabel lose their collective shit over the fact that they now have a surprise new grunkle bill#the love god helps himself get paid by teaching the kids how to trap bill in his human vessel for the foreseeable future#bill is bewildered and pissed but also very much 'holy shit i have a FAMILY again??? neat but terrifying??????? what the F*CK do i do now'#he then proceeds to attempt to lovebomb his new family into being okay with the impending apocalypse#all while the three of them attempt to lovebomb HIM into giving up his plans for said impending apocalypse#then two days later ford shows up and is just like. what the ACTUAL F*CK IS HAPPENING???#cue stan immediately screaming 'I HAD TO PRETEND TO BE THAT THING'S HUSBAND FOR TWO DAYS STRAIGHT SO F*CK YOU AND YOUR BAD TASTE FOR THAT!'#stan spends those two days straight dropping very sour hints that he's being punished for someone else's terrible mistakes#bill finds this absolutely hilarious and thus plays along - but not without dropping his own hints that ford is the FAR superior twin#dipper and mabel have ZERO idea of what is actually going on because the love god did NOTHING to clarify the situation#dipper is convinced that stan and bill are speaking in some kind of bizarre code that only adults can understand#mabel is convinced that the code is flirting - which means stan and bill are going to live happily ever after and have tons of kids + pets#NEITHER of them are prepared for ford showing up. not that they were in canon. but still. now it's even MORE crazy#'what do you mean we get TWO NEW GRUNKLES???' 'two grunkles in two days - gotta be some kinda record'#ford then has to decide if he wants to remain justifiably furious at bill or join the other pines in lovebombing him into submission#he then gets to learn that lovebombing bill works surprisingly well because that triangle is just The Biggest Attention Wh*re#the entire AU would just be ridiculous antics with a splash of billford#these tags are an abomination lmao
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cubedmango · 1 year ago
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AAAAA like honestly I really don’t care for tsugemina but I know they have a decent sized jp fanbase so I get the vol 12 sacrifice once again💔 but kurodachi as parents my God naina… I can see it so clearly like in my dream they’d be the sweetest most loving parents ever like in my dream it was weird cause it was little snippets? But I can just see it… adachi falling asleep with their baby girl already far into dreamland on his chest and kurosawa using every molecule of strength in his body not to start crying (53636 burst shots were taken), kurosawa buying matching pyjamas for all three of them (cherry print I’m sorry I’m a weak, weak person…), that classic moment of them laying together in bed ready to sleep, wedding photos framed prettily on the bedside, when all of a sudden the baby starts crying and they both make a move to get up but then one of them stops the other with a gentle hand with the ‘I’ve got it, rest yourself’ line oh I’m insane. Positively INSANE
ANON DO U HAVE ANY IDEA . HOW SEVERELY THIS ASK CHANGED MY BRAIN CHEMISTRY.??? ive been thinking about ur scenarios all Day. i started thinking of whole ideas and hcs and everything head in hands i never knew krdc being parents could be this powerful...... im choosing to believe ur dreams are prophetic bc i need this to happen in canon so badly its not even funny . brb i need to send sensei a very tearful request letter
anyway thank u so much for this ask i drew u some la kurodadchi in return after taking some inspiration pls enjoy .......
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maudiemoods · 1 year ago
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How many dreams have you had of moon hunting you down? I've had 3!
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aroaceleovaldez · 2 years ago
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variety in my canon-divergence aus:
Percy is successfully pulled into Tartarus during his quest to the Underworld in TLT (kronos!Percy)
Sally drives everyone home in her car after the beginning of TTC instead of Thalia driving the sun (8 hour roadtrip)
#pjo#au#aus#do not be fooled theyre both extremely silly#13 y/o Percy possessed by a Titan is still TLT Percy so he has Absolutely Zero Idea What's Going On and just wants his mom#and he ends up with a little squad of Titan Army kids who arent like security or anything they're just basically babysitting him#cause this kid could easily destroy half the continent but he doesnt even know who all the olympians are yet and he'd like a debrief#and also he spends half his time laying face-down in the pool on the deck of the Princess Andromeda#everyone's terrified of him but he's just having A Time#then the other is just. 8 hour roadtrip of hell#poor Sally's on no sleep and she's stuck in a car with like 8 upset bickering teenagers#its literally just the TTC quest crew + Nico and Sally. except jammed into a car for eight hours.#the rest of the Hunters probably just went about their business as per usual but Zoe and Bianca went with everybody else#Bianca's fighting with Nico. Nico's annoying Percy. Percy's fighting with Thalia. Thalia's fighting with Zoe.#Grover Percy and Thalia are all crying over Annabeth. It's 4am and Sally is running on no sleep stuck in traffic in the winter#and they have 4 big 3 kids in the car so they really have to book it back to long island#and meanwhile despite all the bickering everyone is in unanimous agreement to NOT PISS OFF SALLY#theyre all at each other's throats but Sally is Lovely and is being nice enough to drive them home#so theyre all trying to strangle each other in the Least-Disruptive-To-Sally way possible#feel free to ask me more about these aus cause i love them dearly
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theheadlessgroom · 8 months ago
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@beatingheart-bride
"Emily, my heart has been looking for you for centuries," Randall replied solemnly, as he sat up further-he supposed now was as good a time as any to tear the Band-Aid off. "I may not have truly understood that until last night, but in my heart...I knew there was someone I was missing, and it was you! And I don't want to go another minute of my life without you. You're the woman I love, I've always loved, and always will-I want no one but you-no woman could compare to you, I know that.
And..." he began, a touch more hesitantly now, trying to think of the best way to word this suggestion in a way that wouldn't alarm her. "Last night, I...I was thinking of more than just our engagement. I was thinking because, well...Emily, you've been through so much heartbreak-more than you ever should have, and...I don't want you to ever go through it again. I don't want you to ever lose me again, and I don't want to ever lose you.
So..." he finished, taking in a deep breath as he said, "I...I want you to turn me. So that we can be together forever, and we can do all the things we never got to do, without worry. I know it's a huge, huge decision, I know, and please, don't think I haven't thought about it, because I have, and...I'm willing to do it if it means I get to be with the woman I love."
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classical-vanity · 1 year ago
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I feel like holding a baby might fix me a little bit
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hoperays-song · 2 years ago
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Nooshy vs Johnny
My favourite thing about writing the differences between characters so far has to be Nooshy and Johnny... because they are the most chaotic siblings imaginable. 
Nooshy’s entire personality is “Fuck it, we ball”, “YOLO”, and “What’s the worst that could happen”, while Johnny over here is the living incarnation of “Oh gods no, whyyyyy”, “I want to go home”, and “Can I please just sit this one out”.
And meanwhile Marcus is in the background five seconds from having either a heart attack or and aneurism wondering how the hell he’s supposed to manage these two and Stan and Barry are so confused on how their niephew and nephew turned out to be exact mini versions of them.
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leefi · 2 years ago
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terrifying thought i just had about how conditioning our attention spans to be so tiny is probably gonna lead to a huge spike in early onset dementia in the future
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perenlop · 2 years ago
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ok sorry for grace ranting again but like. no really did infinity train fans and i watch the same season because literally so much shit ppl claim about her is not true
#like ‘’ugh shes never held accountable for her actions shes forgiven immediately ’’ NOT AT ALL???#she watches the child she grew to love decide to abandon her because she enabled her friend to abuse her and she herself manipulated her#and alienated her and traumatized her and it is THE POINTTT that she was a bad person!!#the whole season is about her being forced to confront her lifestyle and behavior and grapple with the weight of her actions#and by god she CHOOSES to become a better person and shes not a karma houndini she watches her friend die for fucks sake#the show knows full well that she was bad and it never once tries to excuse her or handwave it and she comes to the conclusion that she has#to change on her own instead of being forced to#and dont get me started on the ppl who take glory in being like#‘’ugh shes awful because she told simon that bigger numbers were the goal! if it werent for her simon wouldve been fine!’’#like wow. i sure hope u share that vitriol with amelia and one one. bc theyre at fault for that in the big picture#like. grace did NOT have any guidance at all and she was a terrified child with an already screwed up home life#and seei my amelias robot was her ONLY clue. ffs she did not cackle and go ‘’ah yes i must be EVIL to win-#and i will TELL this RANDOM KID to raise his number because i KNOW im wrong mwahaha’’#like yes she absolutely bears responsibility because she did give him the idea and she did enable him so shes not blameless#but its not solely on her. they were all failed by the adults around them and thats the point. the train system is horrifying#echoed voice#anyways. yall beg for complex female characters and then bitch when you get them
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rassilon-imprimatur · 2 years ago
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Batfamily fans are annoying because they hate Bruce, Batdad fans are annoying because they woobify or reduce Bruce, neither of them give a shit about the villains as the secondary main characters, nor Gotham as any atmospheric or thematic weight other than “backdrop city,” the main comic titles currently are catering so heavily to the weekly Twitter discourse it’s actually a real fucking problem, etc etc.
And then meanwhile I’m over here defending The Dark Knight Returns and trying to figure out what the hell to do with my realization I don’t give a fuck about Dick as Nightwing.
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soulsxng · 2 years ago
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"Mmm, I don't really want to fight right now, though. Sounds like a hassle. My hair is super nice today too, and this is totally gonna ruin it."
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"If that's the case, you can feel free to forfeit...though I was hoping to get a little bit of a workout from this."
Zahine Besiira: His biggest three abilities are his affinity for ice, and his abilities to inflict charm (which he's not allowed to use, because it doesn't really wear off, and tends to essentially brainwash whoever gets hit with it), and frenzy respectively. For ice, he prefers to use it at a longer range-- typically forming arrows and a bow of ice that will spread over his opponent's body, or burst once they're hit, depending on how gory he feels like getting that day...though he can also use it for deflecting other ranged attacks away from himself. He's exceptionally knowledgeable in anatomy and the like, and his precise aim allows him to target vulnerable areas with relative ease. As for frenzy, the most dangerous thing about this state is that it makes the opponent lose any and all inhibition, and they will fight even at the expense of harming themselves. It also usually tires them out quickly, as they expend huge bursts of energy to attack pretty much whatever catches their attention.
Aside from that, he's actually the most dangerous when he's up close. Typically, he tries to keep a more "impersonal" approach to fighting, which is a big part of why he usually fights at range. Once he's fired up enough to allow someone to get in close, he uses his brute strength to take them out immediately. Surprising to most, his physical strength is actually much higher than his magical strength, so they'll get close thinking he'll be at a disadvantage, only to have him literally crack them like a glow stick. Also, major healing! But he doesn't usually do too much of that in a fight, if he doesn't have to. He's stubborn about that.
Ber Bireth: Primarily a caster, relying on elemental magic (He really has next to no physical strength. It's very similar to what an average human's might be)-- he favors the earth element most, as he feels it gives him the most range for "status affliction" type attacks. That being said, he does also tend to favor large scale, powerful magics right off the bat, and has the energy to cast them more frequently than most others would. Tends to just wrap himself up nice and cozy in the strongest barrier he can cast, and sit there while his ranged magics force his opponents to run around the field like a headless chicken, trying to dodge them.
The biggest issue with fighting him (in a battle like this anyway-- otherwise it's the fact that he just regenerates immediately upon being killed, and comes at you like an angry cat that you just tried to drop in a bath tub) is by far his command over time based magics. Though he's no longer one of the masters of the Stream of Time, he's still able to do things like temporarily speed up, slow down, or stop time. He can also leap forward and back in any given timeline, but he's not allowed to do that here. He also isn't allowed to just indefinitely pause time to decimate his opponent while they're frozen. Soul sight and hearing means that, if his opponent has a soul, Ber knows exactly where they are at any given time. He can also manipulate souls like his dad can, but...again...that's not allowed here either. No murder, baby Ber. That's bad.
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youregonnabeokay-kid · 10 months ago
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i think a lot of people (especially those who haven’t read the books) are underestimating Hades
yes, he presents as the sassy queer uncle who’s done with his family’s drama, but he’s not “just some guy”
when his Helm is stolen, no one knows about it. he uses his own resources and orchestrates a plan to bring Percy to the underworld alive, all while managing an entire freaking kingdom
he doesn’t threaten war because he doesn’t have to and he knows it. unlike Zeus, he keeps a level head and thinks about the situation logically
think about Percy’s priorities throughout the show, look at what the flashbacks are teaching us about him and his relationship with others. think logically. this is a 12 year old kid who grew up with a single mom and no friends
his priority is his mom, it’s always been his mom and Hades knows that. Percy’s worst fear is losing his mother and Hades uses that against him
he takes Sally before Poseidon claims Percy because he has eyes everywhere. he already knew who Percy was and he already had a plan formed before Percy even set foot in camp
when he greets Percy and Grover he isn’t surprised, relieved, or agitated because he planned this. he knew that Percy would come to him whether by force or by his own choice (for my book readers, think about this in comparison to how Zeus reacts to the situation. Zeus comes off as desperate and angry, whereas Hades is at ease. annoyed, sure, but never panicked)
when he offers them pomegranate juice it’s in the guise of politeness and humour but it has an underlying meaning. Percy knows the stories about Hades and Hades knows that he knows. the pomegranate juice is a reminder, it’s Hades demonstrating his power without outright threatening Percy. it’s him going “I can make something as small as a pomegranate seed into a weapon” it’s him asserting his dominance and control over the situation
he leads them to a seating area clearly made for their arrival. another reminder that he knew they were coming and Sally stands, frozen in the middle of it as a reminder of what they have to lose
when he learns that it’s Kronos behind the robberies he immediately offers sanctuary to Percy, Grover, and his mom. Kronos, the king of titans, the father of all Gods, and a being who could once tear the world in two with the snap of his fingers, wants Percy, and Hades offers to protect him because he’s that powerful
so yes, Hades makes dad jokes and he talks in a way you wouldn’t expect an all-powerful being to talk, but he isn’t “just some guy”
he’s powerful, he knows it, and he shows just enough of that power to absolutely terrify Percy
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the-fandom-hopping-mage · 11 months ago
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pov you find out that you're the source of one of your best friend's
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