#I’m a big dumb gay sub idiot

[phemiec]

'bully/crush/eventually first girlfriend' mx phem could you expand on this story pls

what’s there to explain? She was a big tough girl who was mean to me and pushed me around so obviously I got a crush on her lol.

Eventually we became friends because I just…didn’t leave when she picked on me like most people. Then we became girlfriends at like 14, which meant we made out a few times then she ghosted me and started making out with guys and acting like I was the weird one for being hurt. Play stupid games win stupid prizes but hey I was literally 14 I was more hormones than human at that point lol. Livt and learnt.

she messaged me and apologized when I was in college so we’re cool now 👍 I think she runs a vegan bakery

[steddie-fanfic-recs]

I’m a lover, boy

by GayJinkies

Rating: Explicit Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationship: Steve Harrington/Eddie Munson Characters: Steve Harrington, Eddie Munson Additional Tags: Eddie Munson has a dick piercing, what a tag to start off with, First Time Blow Jobs, Blowjobs, Doing it for the dare, Eddie Munson Has a Crush on Steve Harrington, Steve Harrington speedruns his sexuality crisis, Himbo Steve Harrington, Bisexual Steve Harrington, Gay Eddie Munson, They’re both disasters folks, ”I’m not gay but I wanna blow you anyway” type disasters, Crack, This is dumb as hell I’m so serious, Smut, Alternate Universe - No Upside Down (Stranger Things), Alternate Universe - Different First Meeting, They’re idiots your honour, Happy Ending, Enemies to Lovers, but more like morons to lovers, a sprinkle of angst for flavour, Dacryphilia, like big time, Top Eddie Munson, Bottom Steve Harrington, Sub Steve Harrington, give the guy a break he’s just now figuring out what he’s into Words: 13,425 Chapters: 3/3

Summary

“Uh.” Harrington’s eyes are darting up to Eddie’s face and back down to his clasped hands, over and over. “So. I was — but it’s not like that, y’know? Because I’m — and I just wanted to —“ “Harrington,” Eddie interrupts, scowling. “Stop wasting my time. Spit it the fuck out.” Harrington glares at him, eyes narrowing. “Fine. Fine.” He pauses, biting his lip, before saying, “Are you gay?” Eddie’s blood runs cold. His brain stalls. “Uh. I don’t think I understand.” Harrington throws his head back in frustration, cursing under his breath at the sky. The movement ruffles his hair, strands curling around his ears as he looks upwards. When he looks back to Eddie, he says, very slowly, “I was hoping you were gay, Munson, so I could give you a blowjob and prove to myself that I’m good at it.” —— Or; the basketball team unanimously votes that Steve would be the worst at giving a blowjob. Steve wants to test the truth of that with the only guy he knows might be down to help - Eddie Munson.

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL

March 2021 Part 4

Being a highly subjective assessment of one tiny corner of the interwebs. 

This is a LONG ONE, it’s been A WEEK everyone. 

Ongoing Series - Thai

Lovely Writer Ep 5 - a little slow this week, but at least Gene finally flirted back, and very cute flirting it was, too. Also we got Aey’s motivation, background, and love interest. Thank goodness for that. 

Brothers Ep 8 - still pants, what can I say? Clearly I am a BL masochist. Very embarrassing for everyone concerned. 

1000 Stars Ep 9 - the conflict over Tian’s father was REALLY well done. The plot of this drama is excellent, the leads are great together, and yes I totally cried. What, you didn’t? 

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

Word of Honor (China) Ep 16-18 - big battle fighty fighty stabby stabby. Ep 17 switches to “this drama isn’t big enough for two chaotic-neutral godlings!” So what do they do? Drink together and bicker... A LOT. Then in Ep 18 we all get the dubious joy of really freaky puppets. (I HATE puppets.) Also how is China letting this be so SO VERY VERY GAY?  Also, I wanna walk through the forest wearing a smanshy purple robe and waving a big fuck-off white fan around simply because I’m a pretentious fuss monger. And frankly, I feel like this is an achievable life goal for me. 

We Best Love 2 (Taiwan) Ep 4 - not gonna lie, this is looking to be one of my top 3 BLs of 2021. It’s SO GOOD. Big bonus to this ep for treating stalker behavior like the mental illness it is and not as some dumb representation of enduring love. 

The Most Peaceful Place is My Place (Vietnam) Ep 1 - finally dropped (find it under NƠI BÌNH YÊN NHẤT LÀ VỀ BÊN EM on O2′s channel). It’s got actors already comfortable with BL and looks pretty good so far. An angry tsundere uke reunited with his ex, a stoic chef, giving us lots of snap, crackle, and pop out the gate. 

Dear Uranus (Taiwan GL) Ep 2 - I want to love it, but it is just moving too fast. There’s not enough character dev and then they’re throwing flashbacks in? It feels like a treatment rather than a show, and a rushed treatment at that. Bummer. 

HIStory 4: Close To You (Taiwan) Ep 2 (AKA Ep 3-4) - let the cheesy popcorn continue! Idiot remains an idiot; ingenue remains an ice queen; nice gay guy remains nice and gay; obsessive stalker brother is getting ever more whackadoddle. Of course these last two have the best chemistry. (It’s caregiver codependency and the salvation trope. We got us a Leo/Fiat situation going on.​) Plus lots of classic BL tropes because OF COURSE there are lots of tropes. 

Occasionally, I am tempted to argue that shows like H4 or Cherry Magic or Ossan’s Love aren’t technically BL because of the office setting and age of the protags - but then they all behave like high school students anyway, so *shrug* 

Stand Alones

Cute little Taiwanese micro BL Friend or Lover dropped, about bisexual realization within a friendship group. Normally these are too short for me, but this one did pretty good with its 15 minutes of charm, plus it’s abad boy + shy softy pairing. 

Breaking News - Thai BL

Fish Upon the Sky released its actual trailer. The upside-down kiss is gone, which makes everyone sad, and it seems far less rivals to lovers than the first iteration, which makes ME sad. But it still looks good and a more classic BL than GMMTV has given us in a while. New trailer focused more on the makeover trope and they’ve upped Mix’s role (the object of everyone’s affection) now that he’s proved himself. (Or they are using him more to carry the trailer since he has a fan base form 1k*). Starts April 9 on GMMTV in 1K*’s time slot, probably with a 10 ep run. 

2gether the movie is apparently coming April 22 to Thai theaters. F4 Thailand must be having issues or GMMTV just wants to milk the BrightWin cash cow. It’s rumored to be a combination of 2gehter + Still 2gether with some extra scenes and ending. Also, one assumes a lot will be cut out, if it’s movie length.

Call It What You Want released its updated trailer. If anything, it looks more scary than before. What are we in for? April 9th. 

Nitiman got a release date, May 7 on One31. 

I Told Sunset About You 2 got an updated release date of May 27 on LineTV. 

Second Chance the series is coming to LineTV on March 29. I don’t know much about this one. Tons of familiar faces (mostly TharnType side dishes) and some nice looking new talent but a dearth of eng subs. I think it may take on Brothers’ time slot. Line did eng subs for Brothers so maybe they will do 2nd Chance too? 

Close Friend the series is coming April 22. This is a combination of 6 couples with 6 story arcs as music videos (maybe)? It’s an epic fan service with familiar faces like OhmFluke (UWMA), MaxNat (LBC also in Y-Destiny), YoonLay (YYY also in Y-Destiny), KimCop (GenY), and JaFirst (TT2).

Y-Destiny starts March 30, and has starting dropping couple’s trailers. I’m still suspicious given the director but it seems like there is plot (or plots) and a theme. Looks to be a series of 7 single ep vignettes (amended, see comments, might be 2 eps each for 14 eps total), different couple each time, some with supernatural elements, all with decent chemistry and acting chops. 

Sun MaxNat’s tutor/student arc

Mon jaded rich kid meets poor innocent  

Tues sports romance enemies to lovers 

Weds the messy realistic actual dating one 

Thurs hot ghost boyfriend (sad) 

Fri YoonLayPerth coping with loss and finding new love (sad). This one will all rest on Lay's acting so we know it’s in safe hands. Our boy is going to KILL it. 

Sat time-slip memory loss reunion romance 

I’m thinking we can’t expect any of these to end happy or be classic BL. They’re gonna be more slice of life-ish. 

Gossip - BL Outside of Thailand 

Scholar Ryu’s Wedding Ceremony AKA Nobleman Ryu’s Wedding (Korean historical BL) got a legit teaser (eng sub here). @curriculumvtae​ reports that it’s releasing April 15th on WeTV (Philippines & Thailand) and Idol Romance (South Korea), while Will of Thai Bl says it’ll be on Viki too. It’s a short run of 8 ep built on a fake relationship trope (arranged marriage variant):

Ryu Ho Seon’s (Kang In Soo from You Wish) arranged marriage turns out to be with his expected bride’s brother, Choi Ki Wan (Lee Se Jin from Mr Heart). Ryu tries to undo the marriage, but his ill mother opposes this saying the scandal would be too much. Meanwhile, Kim Tae Hyeong (Jang Eui Soo from Where Your Eyes Linger), a senior at Ryu’s school, comes to congratulate him and falls in love with Choi. Then one day, the original bride disappears.

Okay it seems a bit twisty turny for ONLY 8 EPS, but oh my goodness how excited are we? Our first intentional historical BL out of Korea!

We already knew Hong Kong was doing a remake of Japan’s Ossan’s Love under the same name (not my favorite Japanese BL but so very popular) but it’s now reported to be coming to Viu in June. Who knows how the CFA will take it. Depends on whether Hong Kong bows before the NO GAY KISSES regs or if they are going to use this as a political nose thumb... things could get cray with this puppy (the original has several kisses and s shower scene). Are we back in Addicted territory only with added comedy and civil unrest?

Speaking of Japan, Absolute BL (AKA Zettai BL ni Naru Sekai vs Zettai BL ni Naritakunai Otoko) dropped sooner than anyone thought, March 27. But being Japanese who knows how/when/if we get subs. Protag finds himself trapped in a world of BL, but being straight he fights against any hot guy that draws near, but the whole world (literally) is conspiring against him. It’s a parody adapted from a yoai.

What with Absolute BL from Japan plus Lovely Writer and Call it What You Want from Thailand, is 2021 the year of BL being ultra self referential? Sure feels like it.

In Case You Missed It

Faded a gay micro film from Taiwan from 2017 deals with parental acceptance and serves up a ton of BL tropes (piggyback, forehead kiss, etc). I’m pretty sure this was a propaganda piece for legalization of gay marriage, and it’s an interesting nugget of BL history as a result. Yes, it ends happy. It’s cute. 

Next Week Looks Like This:

Some shows may be listed a day later than actual air date for accessibility reasons.

Upcoming 2021 BL master post here.

Links to watch are provided when possible, ask in a comment if I missed something.

Man there’s a lot going on right now! Spring has sprung... I suppose. 

P.S. I cannot believe I missed Absolute BL as a blog name. Numbnuts = me. 

[dreamygeorgenap-archive]

hi dreamy!! ive been subbed to dream for a while now and have binged his videos a lot but idk i guess i never got around to “minecraft, but item drops are multiplied every time... again” but the entire video is like one big flirting competition. i highly suggest watching that video if you wanna see 2019 dnf being highly gay and playing it off as a bro moment

Hi! Yes, I adore that video. I believe that was one the one that made me start shipping them. It’s a very cute video. 

First of all, yes, this video was very cute and also felt very nostalgic for me even though I believe I watched it for the first time in March of last year. I always love watching old videos just to see how much they’ve grown. Like the way they used to build nether portals? Dream missing block clutches? Who was this man? The way they used to record their videos on Munchy MC. I love how at the end Dream is joking around saying, “subscribe to my 10th channel, I’m coming out with a podcast soon, look out for that” and now there’s going to be a Dream Team podcast soon (hopefully). It’s also interesting that Dream called George “dude” at least 3 times in this video and he never calls him that anymore, he’s just George to Dream now. Also, I love how they said “you’re so dumb” and “you’re so stupid” a nice variation to “you’re such an idiot (affectionate)” 

And a huge shout out to the name truther counting how many times Dream said “George” in the comments before name truthing was even a thing! 

But from what I observed, this video is the perfect example that in the beginning, it was so clearly bait. I mean the roses scene, as iconic as it is and as much as I love it, is Dream is the ultimate fan-service mode. He stands in the middle of a bunch of roses, plays romantic music, curveballs to his soft voice, and gives all the flowers to George. Then when George clears his inventory of flowers, Dream breaks more to give them to him. It’s an extremely cute moment and it’s one of my favorites but it’s clearly bait. 

Compare that moment to the more recent moments and the differences are astronomical. In my opinion, the moments now seem far more real. Dream doesn’t need to add romantic music because the way he talks to George is just romantic and his soft voice is just always on for George. 

[allaboardtheussharringrove]

So @billy-baby mentioned That 70’s Show and Harringrove, and it reminded me of a *whole ass* set of hc’s about a 70’s/Stranger Things AU that has been sitting in my notes for literal years collecting dust, so here it is:

-Billy & Hyde would be besties, probably neighbours in the same shitty neighbourhood

-They headbang to hard rock and metal, jam to 60’s & 70’s rock while drinking TONS of beer and hotboxing the Camaro and El Camino, respectively

-Bands they’d have in common: AC/DC, Black Sabbath & Ozzy Osbourne, Scorpions, KISS, Judas Priest, Van Halen, and Led Zeppelin just to name a couple

-Hyde always gives Billy shit for like, never wearing a shirt, Billy gives Hyde shit for his ever-present sunglasses & sideburns

-They know each other’s parental problems, and take refuge in the Forman’s basement/the empty Harrington house (yes, we’re talkin’ a Hawkins, Indiana/Point Place, Wisconsin mashup here)

-Billy still has a major crush on Steve (Harrington that is, Steven Hyde will only be referred to as Hyde [and that possible name mix-up could cause some hilarity whenever anyone calls out “Steven”, and some embarrassing rumour drama for Billy, Steve, & Hyde (or omg a block party at the Formans where Kitty calls out “William! Steven! Michael!” And she turns around and has Billy, Will, Hyde, Steve, Mike, and Kelso starting at her expectantly)])

-Billy probably also thinks Eric and Kelso are kinda cute, but total dumbasses, they both definitely annoy him

-Fez would have a totally awkward and hilarious crush on Billy, and you just know Billy would flirt with him on purpose just to make him nervous (this might make Steve a lil jealous and annoy him to no end)

-Jackie would have the BIGGEST crush on Steve, after Kelso, and drag him around to go shopping and shit, he would tolerate it but Billy would absolutely hate her as a “bitchy rich entitled snot-nosed brat” cause she would be vocal about him being poor and he’d have to be calmed down by Hyde and Steve all the time

-Billy would give Hyde an unimaginable amount of shit for going out with Jackie, hooo boy!

-Steve would get a kick outta Kelso, but I think he and Eric would be pretty close friends, with Steve always pushing to hang around at the Forman’s cause Eric’s parents are always present, as opposed to his empty house (he adores Kitty Forman for SURE as the mother he never had)

-But the gang would surely hold parties at the Harrington’s....and only sometimes get away with it (both these groups are known for their KEGS! and the 70’s teens would lose their damn minds over Keg Kings Billy & Steve)

-Billy would put the charm on for Kitty sometimes just to see her blush, and Red would get annoyed and just a little threatening saying something like “Like to see how charming you are with my foot up your ass” and Billy being the abused kid that he is automatically takes it a little too seriously- probably flinches, goes a little pale, stutters out a “Yes sir, sorry sir”

-This would make Kitty and Red a bit concerned, pay a visit to the Hargrove household- I wouldn’t be surprised if they experience Neil putting Billy down or catch a glimpse of a smack or something and they would for sure take action with Red intimidating Neil cause you know he could

-Anyway! Girls. Robin and Donna would be THE BEST FRIENDS EVER, cause Donna had no other cool girl friend to hang out with and you just KNOW Robin might have an “itsy bitsy” (huge) crush on Donna, cause she’s Hot Donna, also they’re both super into female empowerment (and honestly, when Donna/Eric break up I could see her maybe falling for Robin too)

-Donna and Billy would be buds, she might like him for a hot minute but be cool with him being gay (Out of everyone in the 70’s gang, I think he’d most likely share this with her - cause she’d probably figure it out - even if it’s just to gush about their dumb, brave, pretty brunette boys to each other)

-Max would LOVE Donna, not just because of the hair (but also redhead solidarity is important), but because they’re both badasses and would totally vibe together- Max, Billy, and Donna would be an unexpectedly fun trio (and Billy would complain about having to drive the “GingeTwins” around all the time or something to that effect)

-And Jackie having to babysit Erica (because Donna does it sometimes, but she’s out for the night) would be the best thing ever good lord, Erica would put Jackie in her place, but they’d probably make up some schemes together too

-Also Erica would be absolutely appalled at having a similar name to Eric, she’d probably call him something along the lines of “Supreme Nerd” or “King of the Nerds” and have an endless supply of unimpressed looks for him during their debates of whose name is better

-Eric would totally join Mike, Will, Lucas & Dustin in their nerd exploits (STAR WARS!) And he and Dustin would get into loooong nerd debates

-I think Kelso would join Dustin & Lucas (and maybe the other boys too) in doing mischievous experiments including but not limited to: pyrotechnics, wrist rockets, radios and electronics... He’d begrudgingly listen to the scientific explanations of the boys (which would all fly right over his head) and they would have a moderate success rate, but also have to run away from the trouble they’d get in

-Lucas and Hyde would always be cool, but after finding out about Hyde’s biological dad they could become closer (Hyde’s dad and Lucas would have the best banter)

-Will and Eric would geek out over comics, and I think Eric would be super nice/supportive about seeing Will’s drawings

-Jonathan would be pretty quiet at first, but might talk to Fez since they’re both kinda the odd man out in each group (and he’d be genuinely NICE to Fez, *side eyes 70’s teens*)- then he’d be roped into doing random/stupid/mildly illegal stuff with the gang

-And despite Billy & Hyde being besties, I think Jonathan would bond with Hyde over shitty dads (plus I think Hyde would love Joyce, and she’d be another offer of refuge for him & Billy) and WEED WEED WEED

-Actually that might definitely be a sub-trio: Jonathan, Billy, & Hyde- they’d all have each other’s backs when it came to family drama (and later on when Hyde gets his record store, he’d offer them both jobs and Jonathan would be over the fuckin’ moon and work there)

-Billy would for sure work for Red in his muffler shop, and Red would take him under his wing, probably unwittingly become the father figure Billy never had.

-Nancy, hmmm, well she’s on the richer side of town so her and Jackie might be friends? but she’d for sure get annoyed with Jackie’s shallow bullshit

-OH and Robin would also hate Jackie I think, ‘cause of her entitlement and relentless obsession with boys (poor Jackie, I’m not setting her up for anything great here huh)

-So that’d be why Steve is friends with her, if only ‘cause he feels bad when she alienates herself from the rest of the teens, they (and I hate to say this) *could possibly* date for like 5 minutes, it’d be a REALLY hard time for Billy...and Kelso. And those two would probably come up with some hairbrained scheme to break them up (and succeed, but each get ripped a new one because of it)

-But at least the group of teen girls would be bigger if Donna, Robin, Jackie, and Nancy all hung out together sometimes (and if they tried to have a sleepover or something there would be toooo many idiot boys trying to creep on them, I think Billy would be the voice of reason and tell them they’re all being dickheads)

-And he’d give Fez a fuck ton of shit for being such a voyeuristic creep, probably make him stop hiding in people closets (wait what? Fez is like constantly coming out of closets in that show?! hello?? is that a thing??? Oh ho-ho they’d have a whole talk about that)

-Steve would get a kick outta Fez, probably think he was the funniest dude on the planet, as I’d say they’re the goofballs of the group (and yes, I am mostly excluding the King Steve narrative from this and using only cool mom Steve, cool? cool.)

-Steve might also have a lil crush on Donna, (‘cause a strong personality and blue eyes is like his kink, we all know this) but Eric would throw a fit about that and then they’d be all buddy-buddy discussing Donna & Billy (I think Eric being kind of a dumbass about his own gay kiss might put Steve off for a bit [and make Billy super hesitant and real pissed], but I also think Eric would be cool with hearing Steve out about his big bisexuality-discovery-adventure)

-Donna and Eric trying set Steve and Billy up by saying they’re all gonna hang out, and then like locking Billy/Steve in a room together or something and leaving😈

-When Billy/Steve’s relationship comes out, Hyde’s reaction is probably “That’s cool, man” Kelso would make some corny statement about how hot *he* is, Fez would probably fangirl over it with big ole heart eyes, Jackie would be like “weird, whatever”, Kitty would get flustered and then overly excited about it after a while, Red would be uncomfortable but okay with it saying something like “I better not catch you two dumbasses doing anything in my house”

-Ohmygod, Red as a father figure to Billy, Kitty as a mother figure to Steve, and they end up being so supportive of the boys ‘cause they have to put up with so much parental shit (say what you want, but the Formans have compassion) and they convert their house/backyard into a little private prom for the whole gang just so Billy/Steve can dance together and be themselves

-Billy, Steve, and Robin would die laughing every time they saw/talked to Leo. And I feel like Robin would talk her way into a job at the Photo Hut and then just end up being the manager and hires Jonathan herself to do the developments

-And you know how Hyde is always punching Kelso in the arm? Well he’d always get one, and Billy would punch the other arm as he’d classify Kelso a special kind of idiot, they’d always be teasing Kelso together, but Billy (and Steve I’m sure) would have some wicked BURNS that Kelso would love

-Steve and Kelso as friends? Sure, pretty boys gotta stick together~ especially when Steve gets called that by Billy, and then Kelso insists he’s a prettier boy, and Billy either rolls his eyes or flirts aggressively cause Kelso doesn’t understand WHY that’s Steve’s nickname, and it’s a whole can of worms you guys

-(And I didn’t forget about El, I’m just not quite sure where she fits in this AU... she probably doesn’t have powers and is the new kid who moves into town cause of a bad home life, she’d befriend Max in school and then I think Donna would take her under wing, then she’d be a hit with the teen gang cause she’d break her quietness with witty comments/one-liners, and since she’s very intuitive still, she gravitates towards Billy & Hyde and there would be some touching heart-to-hearts about shitty parental situations followed immediately after by inappropriate offers of beer to which she responds with a firm “gross”)

-And finally, *the Circle* would be so much bigger and funnier with the Stranger Teens in it

[bluinary]

gag anime that you need to watch maybe

 hi hello my name is juli and i will now gently guide ur attention to some top-notch shows, please pay attanetion

(this list is for people who don’t watch much anime or who are new to it. if ur a fucken weeb youve probably seen it all. dont @ me i want to help the kids)

ONE PUNCH MAN (the obvious 1st choice lol)

Genre: Action/ Shounen

Expectation: OP protagonist with riveting backstory fights to become the strongest hero, makes many friends along the way who recognize his talents and pure heart, big bad scary villains make him stronger

Reality: OP protagonist is already the strongest hero. His backstory? After fighting a lobster-man with nipples drawn on him with a Sharpie, Saitama decides to do a workout routine every day, and somehow ends up becoming the most powerful known being in the universe. His main issue is that now, he literally can take down any villain with a single punch, and he’s very bored of it.

Best Qualities: Animation is bomb, music is dope, humor is funnie, and Best Boy is a man whose superpower is riding a bicycle. Also Saitama egg head

If you were in a coma for all of 2015, this is the main thing u missed. Moving on.

Gekkan Shoujo Nozaki-kun (Monthly Girls’ Nozaki)

Genre: Romance/ Comedy/ Slice of Life

Expectation: Smol shoujo protag girl grows closer to her oblivious crush through a fated, if awkward, incident which reveals an embarrassing secret that has to be kept at all costs. Through one another they gain more quirky friends, help each other grow, and, eventually, the male lead realizes that what he needs has been beside him all along.

Reality: The crush writes romance manga, and that is literally all the man cares about. It’s not a secret, but when he told people they didn’t believe him. Nozaki and Sakura grow closer, but only because he confuses her confession with a request to be his Beta. They gain quirky friends through one another, but there is zero character development throughout the entire fucking cast. Every episode is run by Idiot Plot. All the characters share a singular brain cell. There’s a tall butch lady turning every girl in the school gay. Please watch

Best Quali-teas: Everyone is baby, lots of gay shenanigans, and toxic masculinity does not exist, the OP is pretty nice, too

I literally heard about this damn show, like, two months ago. This shit was released circa 2015. Pleeze watch

The Disastrous Life of Saiki K. / Saiki Kusuo no Psi Nan

Genre: Shounen/ Supernatural/ Fucking Everything tbh

Expectation: Slice-of-life supernatural where protag has psychic powers, albeit limited ones, and has to keep them a secret at all costs for fear of his safety. He has a few friends he loves and cherishes, and at least two girls who are in love with him that he has to choose between-- all of which are people he wants to protect from his double-life.

Reality: Kusuo is very aware that he is the protagonist of an anime, and he does not want to be. Born with pink hair? He rewrites the human genome to make colored hair normal. End of the world looming? He just keeps rewinding time so he doesn’t have to deal with it. Harem situation? He actively uses his powers to avoid all love interests at all times (see the above). The plot of each episode is him trying to stop the plot as quickly as possible without killing anyone. The main issue is that everyone around him is either dumb or just generally attractive to plot-driving circumstances, and they all, for some reason, want him to be in on their adventures.

Best Qualities: Heavy “me and the boys” energy, plenty of Idiot Plot, so funny that my 47yo mom who hates anime admitted that it’s funny, meta as fuck, occasionally sweet scenes, equally good dub and sub, Saiki is babie

The fandom for this shit is like. Nonexistent. Apparently it came out the same season as Mob Psycho 100, so that might be why. I almost didn’t watch it, but I got bored and it turned out to be a serious gem. Go watch if ur having a bad day, it will make u cry laughing

Sakamoto Desu Ga/ Haven’t You Heard? I’m Sakamoto

Genre: Slice of life/ Comedy

Expectation: God I don’t even know. I’d say a typical slice of life where the quiet kid is bullied but makes friends, there’s a love triangle as they grow up together through high school, yadda yadda, but look at this dude. I can’t imagine him being anything other than what he is-- a legend.

Reality: The entire show is just a question of how extra one man can be, and how well he can pull it off. Sakamoto is an “average” high school senior (in the sense that he has no supernatural abilities), but he’s....far more than that. He’s Sebastian Michaelis if he’d never been a demon. Everything always works out for him in the most ridiculous of ways-- he’s just that good. He makes a McDonald’s uniform look like Prada. He’s so smooth his bully ends up having a crush on him (and yes, it is a gay crush. no heteros in this show). 

Best Qualities: lots of homo content. the side characters, inspired by Sakamoto’s grace, all become better people, and you root for them. The circumstances are always average, but the presentation is fucking riveting. Watch to send ur depression into remission.

Another one no one talks about????? U all were so busy with ur broku no hero macadamias and ur Nartoes that you slept on this. Now’s the time to take back what was lost. Love yourself and binge this shit. 

Nichijou/ My Ordinary Life

Genre: Slice of Life/ Comedy

Expectation: Cute girls do cute, girly things and have fun with Their Close Good Friends (TM).

Reality: Cute girls get into very bizarre situations with extremely manic energies. Sometimes, the situations are normal, but the girls react in a bizarre, manic fashion. It will make you alarm-laugh.

Best Qualities: Adorable art style, little continuity, relatable as fuck

A nice little watch if you’re bored. I think the eps are on YouTube.

Pop Team Epic/ Poputepepiku

Genre: Only God Knows

Expectation: Probably a cutesy 4koma-type thing with 2 schoolgirls having shenanigans.

Reality: A regular acid trip with lesbian icons Popuko and Pipimi who are not schoolgirls, but gods. Like if Eric Andre and Hannibal Buress were turned into omnipotent anime icons. Watch at your own risk.

Best Qualities: Lots of unexpected parodies and references amongst a shitpost of a show. The OP is a bop. Popuko terrifies me, but also empowers me as a young woman because she will not hesitate to kill a bitch. She and Pipimi love each other a whole lot, so it is LGBTQ content, which is always a plus. 

I’m sure you’ve seen this one floating around. It will make you feel fear, and then laugh. Now, finally...

Ouran Highschool Host Club

Genre: Romance/ Comedy

Expectation: The protagonist is a girl who is mistaken for a boy and must be the servant of six rich, handsome young men, all of which are in love with her, and her secret must be kept at all costs. A reverse harem anime with plenty of fanservice.

Reality: Haruhi is a genderfluid queen who doesn’t give a fuck what others think she is. Because she broke a Conveniently-Placed Vase and is relatably poor, she has to pay off her debt by being a host herself-- which means male-presenting when flirting with her female classmates to make her dough. The six rich, handsome young men all share three brain cells, and most of those cells go to the character who has one line per episode (usually, it’s “Yeah”. I hope that VA got paid well). The only love interest-- the “leader” and most popular of the six men-- is so dead-set on their club being his Found Family, he confuses his romantic feelings for Haruhi with paternal ones. This is obvious to everyone but him. He never gets the brain cells. 

Best Qualities: Trans characters!! Lesbians!! Extreme “me and the boys” energy, except they’re all rich, so shenanigans skyrocket. Many 4th wall breaks. The most powerful Host looks like he’s 5. Any “fanservice” is never played straight. Takes the Found Family trope to a whole new level. Nice Parks & Rec-quality balance between hysterical and sweet. Everyone is in drag at some point.

I know all of us senior citizens grew up on this shit, but you younguns need to watch the classics to appreciate the newfangled stuff. I recommend watching when you’re in a cheesy rom-com mood. 

Honorable Mentions:

I can’t count these as gag anime, but they’re still ridiculously funny.

Mob Psycho 100

Scissor Seven

Kill la Kill

Cells at Work!

Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure 

Ones I haven’t seen but have heard a lot about

Osomatsu-san

Himouto! Umaru-chan

Azumanga Daioh

Gin Tama

Sgt. Frog

Okay that is all just limke put this in ur feel-good tag because these shows will make you happy and donut for get to like and describe to my channel, where I post literally nothing at all ever good night.

[fratboykate]

Ugh “13 reasons why this shouldn’t be made blah blah” and I agreed, kinda. But just bc I have a twitter account, opinions™, & am feeling self-righteous, doesn’t mean I’m gonna go & physically restrain these ppl from making it. So I just didn’t watch it lmfao. Easy. “Kids will have access to it.” Change the Netflix password or something lol. “They keep making more.” Cause y’alls stupid asses keep watching it just to shit on it bc you want to feel morally superior & show that off on social media.

So many "BIG ASS MOOD" moments tonight.

Some people are pressed because they think I'm defending the show. I only watched the first season and it's all I needed to know to be aware that the show is fucking atrocious. The acting is below sub-par and the writing was...yikes. I'm not "dying on the 13rw hill". This isn't about ONE show, it's about the current state of the internet and the pattern I'm seeing with censorship. Just last week or the week before Netflix had to agree to not show smoking in their shows because...FUCKING AGAIN..."Think Of The Children". You're seriously going to tell me that your kid is going to start smoking because he saw Hooper taking a couple of hits on Stanger Things? Let's hypothetically say he does: 1) your kid is fucking dumb 2) burn those cigarettes and put the fear of god in them every time you see them smoking like any good latino or black parent would do and I bet the problem is solved. 3) if that doesn't work then.........your kid is still dumb and it's not the responsibility of a showrunner and a network to teach him better. They're not parents or baby sitters, that's your job. Fuck that.

"If my kids sees you smoking he'll want to smoke so ban the smoking!" is the same as "if my kid sees you kissing a man he'll want to kiss a man so ban the gays!". It's the same dumb ass train of thought. It's people being outraged about absolutely fucking nothing of importance. Why is the latter one absolutely idiotic but the former one isn't??? 🤔🤔🤔

[sasukebarmitzvah]

watching every naruto opening and discussing my opinions because im bored liveblog

original

took me a little while to warm up to it idk why maybe because its not as up tempo and its a shonen and i want to get hype but i love it now. love the part where the camera pans around team 7 fighting randos they are babies… also its so funny when sasuke holds out his hand to naruto to help him out of the lake and he jsut fist bumps him. gay boy

Haruka fucking kanata baby!!!!!!!! a fav. like we all know this. i listen to the song just regularly a lot and every time it comes on shuffle im like Oh my god its haruka kanata. read the english translation of the lyrics… sns

this one got stuck in my head for a while lol. i like seeing everyone babie and i like naruto shaking his head at the end to dry off like a dog

DDMnanannaddnnaaaaa naaaaaaaaa nda aaWE ARE FIGHTING DEAMERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OOLI OLI OLIOOOOoohh!!!!! very fun very good also a very good time in the show, hello tsunade

**edgy shonen opening where theres something important in front of a chain link fence**

lol skipping 6-9 bc thats the huge chunk of filler which i didnt actually watch most of

shippuden

heros come back is SO GOOD absolutely one of my favs. banger first of all. i love how its actually choreographed and naruto sakura kakashi are like moving to the beat and i love the part where the animation is like pencil sketchy and theyre running and their bodies warp bro its just cool. the part where everyone dramatically reaches for gaara is fun, also love deidaras moment. anyway i shake my ass to this song eveyrday

distance oh god oh fuck. YOU ARE MY FRIEND!!! the sasuke and naruto stuff where they are little baby at the beginning at the end we return to the same place theyre there and like about to stab each other i’m going to scream. i lvoe the song of course. hello sai! i love team 7s little spotlight moments where they get to pose to the music its so cute. why is sasuke snake jesus? DO you remember that long lost DREAM!!!!!!!!!!

BLUE BIRD YA BANGER ok the whole symbolism. when naruto falling next to sasuke rising is positioned like yin and yang lol. when naruto is falling from the sky but then sasuke comes to mind and he springs into action lol. ok random people from the fillers i dont care about. naruto fell in the lake he picks up the bird feather interspersed with a couple shots of sasuke horgh. additional reading: paper bag by fiona apple

closer is one of the ones where im like eh its ok its not my favorite and then it gets to the chorus and my dumb ass is jsut screaming YOU KNOW THE CLOSER YOU GET TO SMETHING THE TOUGHTER IT IS TO REACHIT. the funniest part where narutos moping and thinking of sasuke and then he just perks up and smiles at the camera like. gay boy. like getting to see the asuma fight scenes in this op, also it was so funny seeing him get all the screentime in this op knowing hes about to die like yeah very subtle

SHA LA LA!!!! LOVE IT i love it i love it soooo much first of all banger second of all naruto looking into the water and his reflection is sasuke. lollllll. metaphor m-e-t-a-p-h-o-r the little prechorus bit in the middle gives me chills. love sasuke walking into the purple pool like a smug motherfucker thats my boy. at the end zooming into sasukes pupil zoom out it’s narutos eye oh the poetry..

signs another one of the ones where im like eh whatever its fine but not my fav but by the chorus i am standing on the table freaking out. like fuck jiraiya but this one got me a lil. the lighting and choreography of the sasuke itachi fight bit is sooooo nice and pretty, love getting to see all the new players in the story. baby ame orphans fading to the shot of yahiko as pain.. :(

this one literally makes me cry. i get chills what the fuck. definitely one of my favs. am i a bitch? maybe. i like the song by itself but like the way the rise/general shape of the melody flows with the visuals its like oh god oh fuck. again fuck jiraiya but like the role his character serves as a link between these disparate groups of people and the way thats used in this opening… how it starts and ends with him writing and this is the arc where naruto reads tales of a gutsy ninja and he learns about how he got his name and jiraiya wrote the book and hes WRITING and im going CRAZY!! i’m starting to tear up watching it rn. the shot of konan and the pains in that moment just before they leap forward. Sayonaaaaaaara aa lksasldfkwpoeifjhnuerIELFeuiertekdjsnlfweiourbg kakashis moment is cool in this op. also love to see the girls getting fight scenes in this op cus they sure dont in the actual show LOL anyway yeah im at the part where the melodys just hitting sooo different oh my god naruto frog eyes

DIVERRRRRRR. FAV literally like naruto is drowning. hes drowning and everyone is pushing him up so he can breathe again everyone is fighting to save him and thnen he s ouf ot the water and then he sees sasuke drowning and he JUMPS BACK IN. FOR ONE PERSON EVEN THOUGH ALL THESE OTHER PEOLE were working to help him out he dives back in for SASUKE whos drowning in the eyehole of obitos mask which is cool. ok yeah this is another one where im like tearing up because THe cymbal is em….. the way The movement of the visuals is choreographed with the song is so much. nico TOUCHED the fucking walls.

this one kinda annoys me i dont know why it just wasnt my favorite. love the sasuke and naruto staring at each other intensely moment though, would this be a shippuden opening without that. also the part at the end where sakura holds up her kunai and it like slashes and covers sasuke and naruto… inch resting…

newsongs so weird i love it. like what the hell is going on. why is naruto running like hes from some weird gmod video from 2013. love the LITERAL choreography, everyone dancing to the song like this is a musical. theres just a lot of weird moments which is fun. love sai naruto and sakura making the seal together to shoot lightning. raikage leaping gracefully across the beach

i do not enjoy this one. i just dont. it just feels like we’re bootlicking which of course we are because this is the war arc and everything is a nightmare

i remember seeing the first episode with this opening and i was excited bc its like… great another naruto pining for sasuke one this is what im here for. a light banger. minato manlet monday. ohh right this was the one where gaara sees his dad again and his OH I SEE SASUKEE

Banger! nico did indeed touch the walls again. i like that this one is like visually thematically consistent thru the whole thing, i like the nighttime dimly lit atmosphere with the bursts of brighter colorful lighting, also whenever i see tsunade i freak out. narutos cute at the end

SUCH A BANGER!!! also very cool visual style, appreciate it for that like the last one, its got that pretty consistent aesthetic with the red sky and the high contrast black blocking its fun and cool to watch. did i mention the song is a bit of a banger. obito passing thru the rock is cool too bad hes an idiot

ok from this one there were two lines i remember always seeing in the english sub that made me freak out. and one of them was like “this red hot love burning my heart” and it was over kakashi and obito fighting like damn OK. also the “i put the candle out with my finger” thing sticks in my head idk why. hate that we have the narutos big meaty claws i mean manly hands moment though. omg its hashirama and madara and then it CUTS TO SASUKE AND NARUTO IN THE SAME POSE LOL OK…

SILHOUETTE IS a banger… not as much so as some of the others but its a lot of fun. very colorful op, we got some naruto pining for sasuke, classic. also love the thing where ppl are running and they age as they do and they sort of grow into their present selves, a fun visual bit. the end where narutos like obito be nice now look at all these people behind me who think youre a meanie please be nice :(((((((((

another one with a really good visual principle ugh i love how the style of the show is integrated w the styles of more traditional printmaking its very swexy and nice to look at

LINE uugrgh i love this one, maybe a fav… naruto chasing after the light and sasuke trying so hard to snuff it out as they both reflect on their memories of each other oh god oh fuck… also i love the bits where it just has all the characters in a row like it reminds me of that one post about how in the endgame trailer they had a shot of all the female characters together to be like Girl power!! and someone was like yeah thats them showing u exactly how many women theyre going to disrespect LMAO but yeah i do love this op. also the song itself being slower w/ the triplet tempo is a nice change of pace

blood circulator hee hee… the version of this with naruto and sasuke moments is A Lot but even just the generic first version is fun. the part where narutos like knocked on his face hes sinking into the tar and hes not even trying to save himself hes just staring at sasuke, but then he sees sasuke distressed and he goes bijuu mode immediately like What did u say about my mans? there is some homoeroticism

i really hate everything about this i hate it all. sasuke is cute. thats it. ok first of all why did choji cut his hair his long hair look was so gooooooood. hinata bimboification? i mean if anything it was fun to watch these fillers just cus it was fun to watch kakashi be the hokage but really goofy and also the Crumbs tossed to the kakairus… but yeah i hate everything temari got bimbofied too like ugh please let her be a dyke :( this isnt even me talking necessarily about the opening this is me just being like i hate the naruto ending. LOL SASUKE AND NARUTOS NO HOMO BRO HIGH FIVE AT THE END LOLLLLL

ok im done

[ivadeshin]

Five Soda Maximum (High School AU) pt 15

(need to start from the beginning?)

“What do they do in Germany for dates?”

Caleb laughs and opens a bag of chips. “I would not know.”

“C’mon.” Molly’s tail flicks behind him, amused. Caleb shrugs and tries to think.

“Same thing as Americans, I guess. Kids go to movies. Adults go to restaurants with the lights at... hmm. Medium lights?”

“With the lights dimmed?”

Caleb nods. “With the lights dimmed.”

“And a single tea light in the middle of the table,” Molly adds in a serious hush, pretending to cup his hands around a tiny candle between them. “To roast... your tiny fancy restaurant marshmallows on.”

Caleb snorts. “On toothpicks?”

“Yeah,” Molly agrees. “You could use the ones that come in hot chocolate mix.”

“Nein, those are... too hard, they are like sugary American cereal pieces. What is that brand Jester tried to - oh, Lucky Charms. Those are not marshmallows!”

“They’re... marshmallow... inspired?” Molly pulls out something wrapped in foil, and it turns out to be half a meatball sub. Caleb makes an interested sound, tugging the bag toward him and rummaging for the other half. “Is your stomach thing getting better?”

Caleb feels a mild rush of embarrassment, but it’s more minor than it would have been several weeks ago. The entire group seems to have settled on offering to share what food they’ve got, happy when he eats full portions and not pressuring him when he can’t. It’s a lot less confrontational than what he gets at home, and he feels a little silly for expecting outsiders to treat him the same as his parents. “Yes,” he says honestly. “I think um, just unpacking... knowing my school schedule... understanding more English...”

“Being settled,” Molly finishes for him. Caleb nods.

“Yes, good word. Settled.”

“Is it that new things, um, stress you out, or was it specifically moving from Germany to here?”

“Much more the second thing.” Caleb tucks some hair behind his ear, taking a deep breath and looking around a little. He can smell faint tobacco smoke from the alley they went in - it seems like the employees take their breaks there instead of up here, and so it’s unsurprising that they haven’t seen anyone else come up. That’s probably why Molly picked it.

“Did you move for work?”

Caleb blinks, a little too lost in thought to make sense of the question.

Molly shrugs. “I mean, your dad, or your mom, did they have to move here for a job.”

“No.” Caleb laughs softly. “Their jobs here are... are not better, I think they are, they, they are much worse, actually.” He unwraps his sub and takes a few bites.

“I’m not making the best conversation to get you hungry, am I.” Molly rubs his horn and looks away.

Caleb wants little more in life than to keep Molly from being sad. “S’ok,” he says around a mouthful of meatball. “Did... you... mag...dese?”

Molly laughs. “Yeah, my own secret recipe. I wanted us to have some hot food but I can’t make much.”

Caleb shakes his head and makes a thumbs up sign, glowering at his thumb when he sees that it’s already got a streak of red sauce on it.

“Oh! Here, hold on.” Molly sorts through the bag, pulling out a large plastic chip clip that’s holding on to a small stack of paper napkins. He pulls a couple out and then sets the clip on the table between them. Caleb’s just finished cleaning himself up when his phone chirps.

Nott (green fist emoji): sup

Caleb grins at his phone. “I am going to take a picture and send it to Nott,” he says, and stands up to take a top-down photo of the items spread out on the table. Molly starts to lean back, getting his folded arms out of the shot. “No, it is okay, you are part of the...” Caleb blushes and Molly laughs, leaning in further and crossing his eyes at the camera lens. Caleb takes the picture.

“We should take a selfie later,” Molly is saying, as Caleb clicks through the options to send the attachment to Nott. “My Facebook profile picture is super old.” He stops when Caleb freezes. “Friends take selfies together here, guy friends, it’s-”

“I cannot go on Facebook,” Caleb says too quickly. “I mean, I can. I can look at it but I cannot, no pictures.”

Molly blinks. “Even if I don’t tag you?”

Caleb shakes his head quickly. “I’m sorry, it’s, it’s complicated.”

“How would your parents even know? I’m not trying to be an asshole, I just...” Molly gestures with the remains of his sandwich. “You filled out that form to not be in the yearbook, and it’s like, there are parts of it I don’t get, I guess.”

“Those two things are not about my parents, exactly.” Caleb looks down at his sub, sitting up a little straighter and making himself finish it before he says anything else that’s going to send him into stomach cramps. He’s almost done when he realizes Molly hasn’t said anything, is waiting on him, aware that there’s more. “I cannot have my face show up on the internet. Neither can my parents. We came to America because we could not hide well in Germany.”

Molly’s voice gets quiet. “Are you serious?”

“Yes.” Caleb crumples up his tinfoil very carefully, turning the corners inward and then the corners made by that, over and over. “It is not, we are not terrorists or something. The German government is not mad at us.”

Molly doesn’t say anything.

“It is hard to explain and I have not told anyone yet. I do not want people to know. I had to... there is a queue you must wait in, they decide if you can m-move to the U.S. and we had to go quickly so, so I made up, I.” Caleb takes in a shuddering breath and realizes he’s trembling a little. He tries to complete the sentence, but his mouth opens and nothing comes out. The table shifts a little as Molly gets up, and Caleb looks up and sees Molly rushing around the side to scoot in next to him, grabbing his hand on the table and squeezing it.

“Are you having a panic attack?”

“I do not know,” Caleb says, and laughs a little desperately. “I am sorry... this... it is all very...”

Molly shakes his head several times, then tilts his head so his left horn is resting gently against Caleb’s right temple. “Um. I can’t remember anything from before I was fourteen.”

Caleb inhales slowly. “A... again, please?”

“I can’t remember anything from my life from before I was fourteen. I only remember things from age fourteen to now.” Molly’s face isn’t visible to Caleb right now, but he sounds like he’s smiling and also like he’s kind of hurt. “Does that help? I’m not trying to one-up you, I’m just. Trying to make sure you don’t feel weird.”

That certainly wasn’t what Caleb was expecting to hear. “You... hit your head? Something hit your head?”

“No.” Molly’s thumb strokes over his fingers in slow, gentle sweeps. “They did a bunch of scans because that’s what everyone figured, but there was no, you know, internal swelling, or skull damage, or any brain damage...”

“Are you sick?” Caleb sounds about as scared as he feels.

“No, there’s no reason to think so.” Molly pulls back and frowns at Caleb’s expression “I think I scared you worse. Shit.” He laughs and shakes his head. “I’m sorry. I kind of panicked.”

“But that is real, what you said.”

“Yeah, it’s really real. I don’t remember anything. They think it might be psychological but that’s, like, impossible to rule out, so it’s always on the table? If that makes sense?”

Caleb tries to reach into his mind, searching for what he knows about memories and brains and... “Trauma, sometimes it gets locked up and you cannot ... think of it?”

“Yeah.” Molly shrugs. “Like, to be fair, I was in a city famous for runaways and gay homeless kids who got one-way tickets from their families, so if something awful happened to me, I was in good company.”

“I’m sorry, one-way tickets, I do not understand.”

“Like, if your shitty family finds out you’re gay, they give you a one-way ticket to a big city and tell you to never come back...” Molly nods at Caleb’s disgusted expression. “Yeah.”

“That is awful.” Caleb tries to imagine this. “My parents would never...”

“Yeah, mine maybe did.” Molly shrugs. “Or maybe they were great and died! Or, I don’t know.”

“What,” Caleb tries to digest this. “What is your first memory?”

“Like, a haze of a few days where I was lost and trying to find a familiar street, and then I gave up on that and begged, but that wasn’t getting me much money...” Molly peeks up, maybe gauging Caleb’s reaction so far. “Some, um, some working girls found me... wandering around lost, so they sort of adopted me.”

“--what?”

“They were like, ‘You’re a kid! It’s not safe out here!’ They yelled at me and told me I was a fucking idiot and I could get hurt and... and they took me to a Waffle House and bought me like all the food I could eat.” Molly sniffs. Caleb watches his face, the sad sort of calmness of it. “I stayed on one of their couches for a few weeks. I hung out with them a lot and one day they got busted and, um, and the cops thought I was, you know...”

“...also working?”

“Yeah.” Molly laughs. “I busked, sure. Other than that I was in their apartment. One of them had been making me watch educational tv to make up for the fact that I wasn’t going to school. Like... yeah.”

“Did you get arrested?”

“At first? Sort of? They couldn’t process me because I didn’t have any ID or anything, and the cops, um, were mostly human, it was one of the tiefling girls that finally convinced them I was a young kid, and they did some blood test and were like, ‘oh, shit, you’re a minor’, and then my case changed departments like seven times... finally most of the girls got out by giving up dealers’ names and I went into the foster system.”

Caleb frowns. “So your name is...”

“Made up.” Molly shrugs. “The girls called me ‘Empty Stomach’, and then just ‘Empty’, and that sort of sounded like ‘M.T.’, and so by the time the sting happened I was M.T. It’s sort of dumb.”

“It is not dumb.” Caleb turns his hand awkwardly under Molly’s, wrapping his fingers around Molly’s hand and squeezing it. “I like it a lot.”

Molly snorts and ducks his head a little further. Caleb doubles down, switching his left hand to hold Molly’s so he can reach out with his right hand, initiating a hug across the other boy’s shoulders.

“Do you ever remember more pieces? Or is it just... not there?”

“Just not there.” Molly pulls his hand free, standing up - but it’s only to pull his food to this side of the table, so he can resume eating without moving away. Caleb smiles. “My memory of things now is pretty normal. There’s just, you know, nothing before a certain time.”

Caleb ruminates over this for a while, taking a drink from his water bottle. “Do other people know?”

“Gustav knows. Yasha knows. Tova knows. Bosun and the twins don’t.”

Caleb nods. “I will not say.”

“It’s not bad, I’m not embarrassed, it’s just... weird.” Molly shrugs. “Like yours, I guess.” When Caleb laughs hollowly, Molly hesitates. “Yours... is bad?”

“Remember the ‘huge mistake?’”

Molly frowns. “That you texted about? It’s that? You did -  what the hell could you have done to make your family have to move?” He pales a little and goes quiet. “Did you kill somebody by accident?”

“What!? No.” Caleb slouches on the bench. “I... my friends, we liked computers, and... we thought we were, you know, big shots.” They were so stupid, Caleb thinks. They were kids. “We had, you know, a computer club at school, we would use proxies and do whatever we wanted... we got dark web browsers and decided we would take down one of the little empires on there. They sold, um, very awful videos. And we tricked them and got some information on some of ... of the people who made the videos, and leaked it to the police. They were busted. Nobody...”

“You were like internet super heroes?”

“No!” Caleb hits the table, making it reverberate. “We were idiots. We could have died. They were criminals and they did not care, and, and, and they, they did not all, they were not all there, they were all in different countries. So some were arrested, the rest were very mad... they traced us, they started calling our houses, watching us on security cameras, they wanted us to pay.”

“Holy shit.”

“We had to tell our parents what we did. Local police could not do anything, these men were in other countries, using spoof phone numbers, hiring...” Caleb buries his face in his arms and shakes.

“Caleb.” Molly’s hand is light between his shoulder blades. Caleb tries to take full breaths, but he can’t, so he just gasps for air as quietly as possible, over and over, until he feels an insistent swatting feeling on his thigh. When he moves his arms to see, it’s Molly’s tail, giving him the gentle little friendly smacks like during their lunches. In spite of himself, Caleb chokes out a brief laugh, and Molly tilts into him and covers his body with his.

“I do, I do not think I make much sense,” Caleb mumbles into Molly’s shirt.

“You tried to stop some shitty people and they tried to get back at you?”

“Yes.”

“And they wouldn’t stop and the cops wouldn’t help?”

��Yes.” Caleb hiccups. “They said they would poison my friend’s family. And burn my house down. They had plans for all three of us.”

Molly holds him tighter.

“I am sorry I am a big mess.” Caleb can feel the perspiration covering his skin getting Molly’s shirt damp. “I think maybe I am not good for dating.”

Molly is still for a moment, then tucks his head in carefully, pressing his lips to a spot on Caleb’s neck. “We’ll just have to keep trying until we’ve both run out of crazy fucking stories.”

[manifestoonmoralmanlove]

Blood Bank Review

Blood Bank

Sheesh it’s been awhile since I’ve done one of these!  I feel a bit rusty.

TW: Mentions of physical and sexual violence in side characters. Toxic behavior in main couple.

Also major spoilers.

Blood bank!  Golly this is the first vampire BL I’ve seen since Vassalord that’s half decent! So while I’m not going to swoon myself into a coma over this one, let’s give some credit where credit is due!

Blood Bank is about a vampire future where humans are raised like livestock for wealthy vampires. Meanwhile both humans and rival vampires are trying to disrupt the status quo.  That’s right they actually fleshed out this universe with a ‘save the world’ plot!  It’s quite nice to see this in a gay BDSM vampire porno.  Some of that fleshing out is a bit dicey but overall I’m impressed with their commitment to a larger story.

Put that on hold for now though, it comes into play later. 

Let’s start with the beginning of the story which features the BL element of this more heavily.  It starts off with a wealthy vampire taking sexual interest in one of his employees. And while this guy is a hypocritical, idiot douchebag…he’s not the standard hypocritical douchebag that I’ve come to hate.

That being the twist here….turns out powerful vampire Nobel is a super sub (Shell) who wants the human (One) to dominate him.  It’s a nice change of pace!  We actually have discussion and use of a safe word (albeit 1/3 the way in) but it’s the 1st time I’ve seen it even mentioned in BDSM yaoi! Huzzah! The vampire’s interest in the human cause he’s ~different~ is also later explained instead of just “Marty-Stu is special cause Marty-Stu!” Double Huzzah!  I was also pleasantly surprised that One does not include his own dick in the BDSM until much later in the story.  Triple Huzzah!

Now let’s talk why Shell is shit.  Shell is a stalking creep who barges into One’s house and tries to bribe him into sex. Shell never really takes into account how One would feel about well…anything…and later puts the onus on One to pretty much fix the entire system that he was 1 part complacent and 1 part created.  Shell whines that he hates being a predatory vampire and the system he was born into but does jack shit about it.  I shouldn’t say that, he once goes awhile without blood which puts his health at risk which just gives One more god damn work.  His vampire hate is directed solely at himself and never does anything hard like confront his father, establish new rules, advocate for human rights, donate money, or even really consider how privileged he is.  NOPE!  I’m not a fan of the self-hating vampire, even though it’s a fine trope to use. However I’d rather have the generic brooding tormented limp biscuit of a vampire that’s common in this fiction over the pathetic piece of shit that Shell is.  Shell also just does a ton of really dumb bullshit that should have fucked him over much earlier in the story but it doesn’t cause *shrug.*  This also negates the tension of conflict further in the story cause it’s like, “Welp guess Shell can do what he wants without consequences.”

However I will say the dynamic between the two is interesting.  One takes out some of his vampire hate on Shell while Shell channels his self-loathing through his love of being a sub.  It’s not healthy sure, but it’s interesting and it’s good to see that neither side takes it too far.

Okay maybe move on to the actual story? OH ONLY IF I HAVE TO!  Turns out, One is the half-vampire grandson of Shell’s rival vampire and he can create some really special Body odor that makes vampires kill other vampires. The main antagonist, a human sex slave named Humpty Dumpty, manipulates and captures One into gaining this power with the intention of killing all vampires.

YES I KNOW! HIS NAME IS HUMPTY DUMPTY! I KNOW! The bad naming runs deep in this manga, as if ONE and SHELL weren’t already key indicators.

I actually really like Humpty Dumpty as an antagonist.  He’s basically a super abused human who goes, “ENOUGH IS ENOUGH” and seeks to genocide the entire vampire race.  He’s sympathetic and you get where he’s coming from.  Yet I didn’t really get WHY he kills One’s dad.  Even if it really hurt him, it’s hard for me to picture HD bothering much with that since he’s got bigger fish to fry.

The use of the side-character Ghost was also mishandled.  She could have been a great character but she’s kind a forgotten about and her motivations are a jumbled mess.  That’s kind the slip-up with this story.  That it has some legit interesting lore and writing but like it doesn’t seem to have enough time and sometimes it uses tropes without really getting the weight behind them.  Like what the hell was ever the point of Evil vampire bottoming for Shell’s dad scene? Like that dynamic could have been interesting and another piece to this vampire drama puzzle….but no it just kinda stumbles in and feels more like a big-lipped alligator moment.

One’s main motivation seems to be to protect Shell from all this bullshit going down.  Even though he basically grew up as a poor human, when shit is going down and regular humans are expressing excitement in seeing their overlords (who literally sucked the life out of them) tearing each other apart One marches in and talks shit about them.

Now I don’t mean, “Don’t revel in this violence!” but rather “Humans are just are dependent shitheads. You turds are illiterate livestock who will be lost when the vampires are dead.”  …REALLY BRO? You grew up with these people.  You’ve seen the damage vampire bullshit has given to you and them. Sure there are some bad humans, but….REALLY?  

Anyway the ending and wrap up were pretty rushed.  This is especially jarring since we have like 15 pages of a sex scene right before the entire ending of a lore heavy story is wrapped up in about the same amount.  The wrap up in particular was pretty bad.  It pretty much amounts to, “Well like humans have it slightly less shitty but like…for no discernable reason. Also shit-eating Shell just gets to walk away from it all. The best he ever did was buy a dude a bike even though he was trying to bribe him for sexual favors.”

TL;DR

Decent story, shitty uke, rushed ending, but much more bang for your buck than you’d expect for the genre. Also the sex was pretty good.

[deepfriedtwinkie]

ship asks, as many as you like, with enjoltaire where [pairing] is. xo

I have decided to pick five; bless you for this, kind human

How did you start shipping Enjoltaire?

Like a lot of other people here on Hell Dot Com, I didn’t know shit about Les Mis (other than tidbits from @faeriviera) until the 2012 movie. I’d heard a lot of good shit about it, so like three days after it came out, I decided to see it—and immediately fell in stupid slackjawed love with the dumb cocker spaniel in red, and wanted to cry because of his stupid pining wannabe boyfriend in green. And then saw it again on my birthday. And then three MORE times. And started doodling the stupid idiots on everything and scouring AO3 for fanfic and following anyone who blogged about them and RPing them with @faeriviera, both canon-era and modern AU (I’m Grantaire). It has been fiVE YEARS AND I STILL DON’T HAVE MY LIFE BACK

Why do you think Enjoltaire is so popular?

Because first of all, George “Are You Fucking Kidding Me” Blagden and Aaron “I Can’t Fucking Look At You” Tveit personally came after all of us in our homes, murdered us, cleaned up the crime scene with our baby blankets and made themselves a sandwich in our kitchens, and we thanked them and asked if they wanted our social security numbers too, because they are Captains of Fanservice and we are not remotely worthy. And because it’s pretty goddamned refreshing to see the gay subtext (and the “sub” part is generous) so clearly represented in the mainstream (movie OR theatre) adaptation of a classic novel. And also, we’re all big fat masochistic suckers for angst and pain.

What’s your favorite headcanon of Enjoltaire?

This is only for the modern AU, but I love the one (and everyone seems to have their own version) where Grantaire ends up drawing on Enjolras one day—in mine, it’s a lazy morning, and Enj has expressed that he never really “got” why anyone would want a tattoo, so R ends up rather earnestly explaining the passion behind that kind of expression as he draws a freestyle design near his hipbone with a Sharpie (and I actually drew that design, and ohp, would you look at that, it’s right here)—and after R leaves for the day, Enjolras ends up thinking about what R said, and he realizes he doesn’t ever want to wash that Sharpie off. So he consults Bahorel for the name of a good tattoo parlor (and Bahorel is sO PROUD), and he gets it tattooed on, that same day. And when R gets home, he’s stunned when he realizes it’s permanent. And then it’s fluffy and then it gets smutty and I am a happy human being.

What’s your favorite canon moment of Enjoltaire?

I’m going with the movie because I still haven’t officially gotten through the book, fUCK YOU WATERLOO—and BESIDES the beautiful and awful moment of their deaths when their faces make me want to tear mine off and cry, I’d say it’s probably the whole “ABC Cafe/Red and Black” bit where Enjolras is in full-on revolution mode and Grantaire is in Little Shit mode—“Don’t let the wine go to your brains~!” / *SWIGS AT HIM*—and every single expression they both make at each other is like deconstructed angerfucking.  

What songs remind you of Enjoltaire?

Evil gutwrenching soundtrack aside, there’s a shit ton. I’m literally just gonna go through my playlist. “Radioactive” (Imagine Dragons), “True Love” (P!nk), “If God Made You” (Five For Fighting), “Hallelujah” (Jeff Buckley cover), “There’s A World” (Next To Normal), “Sober” (Freedom Or Death cover), “Young and Beautiful” (Lana Del Rey), “I Will Wait” (Mumford & Sons), “Bitter and Blue” (Michael Weatherly), “Some Nights” (fun.), “Just For You” (William Tell), “Ho Hey” (The Lumineers), “Revolution” (Jim Sturgess cover), “Helena Beat” (Foster The People), and “I Will Follow You Into The Dark” (Matt Simons cover). 

[kayfabejake]

WWF In Your House: Mind Games 1996 PPV Review

While WCW is running perhaps the greatest wrestling storyline of all time, what is WWF doing? Just kind of spinning their wheels. Mankind and The Undertaker is the only interesting feud going on in the promotion right now in my opinion and Shawn Michaels cannot possibly lose! To be fair, Owen Hart is doing his Slammy Award-winning heel gimmick and I enjoy that, and I love me some Jim Cornette, but aside from those things I don’t see much going into IYH: Mind Games to get me excited.

Date: 9.22.16 / Arena: CoreStates Center - Philadelphia, PA / Attendance: 15000 / Tagline: N/A

Caribbean Strap Match Savio Vega def. Justin Bradshaw in (07:09)

Savio absolutely streaking into the ring and diving in like he’s sliding on ice

Not gonna lie, I don’t really see the point in having this stipulation over a flat out No DQ match and just bringing a belt or a strap in. The four-corners thing is silly to be honest

ECW chants already starting. We love ya Philly!

WAIT A MINUTE, WHO’S THAT IN THE FRONT ROW? TOMMY DREAMER AND THE SANDMAN ATTEMPTING TO JUMP THE BARRICADE?

Vega won, I kinda stopped giving a fuck after the ECW guys showed up to be honest.

My Rating [1*] / Daddy Meltzer’s Rating [1.25*]

Jose Lothario pins Jim Cornette in (00:57)

Lothario comes out to HBK’s music, which I think is fucking hilarious

“Cornette setting an all time record for cholesterol levels!” -JR

Ugh this is such an idiotic dumb match. Nobody wants to SEE THIS GOD

I’m the biggest Cornette stan on earth and even I hate this

Thank god it’s over quickly

My Rating [0*] / Daddy Meltzer’s Rating [-1*]

WWF Tag Team Title Match Owen Hart & The British Bulldog def. Billy Gunn & Bart Gunn “The Smoking Gunns” [c] w/ Sunny in (10:59)

Owen’s hip tosses are so damn crisp, you gotta love them

Absolutely vicious chop block headfirst slide from Owen to Bart Gunn takes out his legs

Bulldog working on Bart’s knees after that

Owen with a beautiful sitdown onto the injured knee into a figure four (I think it’s a figure four)

Bulldog may not be as impressive as Owen but he’s strong as shit and still totally off the sauce--hits a delayed vertical suplex and a kip up

Billy Gunn smashing Bulldog into the steps

Clarence Mason is now out as the Camp Cornette third

Billy Gunn with a flying punch after springboarding off the back of Bart

Bart and Billy hit a sidewinder but Owen breaks up the pin after a Clarence Mason distraction

Bulldog pins Bart while Owen DECKS Bart with a roundhouse kick

My Rating [3.25*] / Daddy Meltzer’s Rating [2.25*]

Mark Henry sub. Jerry “The King” Lawler in (05:13)

“The only reason I watch the Olympics is to see if one synchronized swimmer drowns, do they all have to drown?” One of my fave King lines of all time

They’re putting over how unprepared Henry is so he’s probably going to fuck King up

Just some back and forth bullshit to show how strong Henry is and how big he is, pretty uninteresting

Lawler takes a nasty bump against the railing jesus christ

Henry wails on Lawler with the knees, submits him with a backbreaker

Helmsley and the New Rockers come in to fight Henry and he just fucks them up

Trips still paying for the curtain call I guess lol

My Rating [.25*] / Daddy Meltzer’s Rating [DUD]

Final Curtain Match The Undertaker Goldust in (10:23)

The pop for Taker is ridiculous. That’s never going to change as long as he wrestles, man. What a fucking legend.

The “Final Curtain Match” stipulation means that it’s No DQ, basically. Just a fun name for that.

Goldust’s finesse is ridiculous--that fucking swinging neckbreaker is so smooth

Thunderous vertical suplex from Taker

Taker walking on the ropes is always cool asf

Goldust gives Undertaker a face full of...well, gold dust

Taker is fighting comically blind and punching the air after that lmao

Goldust drawing heat by lookin kinda gay, as he usually does

Loud fucking suplex on Goldust, holy shit

Undertaker being the best pure striker in the WWF, Maggle!

Massive flying clothesline spot in the center of the ring sends Goldust on his ass

Turnaround chokeslam on Goldust from the top turnbuckle

Taker hits a tombstone piledriver and destroys both Goldust and his fucking knees

My Rating [2.5*] / Daddy Meltzer’s Rating [1.5*]

WWF Heavyweight Title Match Shawn Michaels def. Mankind by DQ in (26:25)

In a prematch promo, Shawn Michaels insinuates he’s going to fight Mankind’s mindgames by not having much of a mind himself, which is fucking hilarious

Mankind comes out in a casket with the druids and Paul Bearer. Speaks directly to my goth soul

JR points out how challenging of a champion Mankind would be to market

things we know about Shawn Michaels going into this match

he thinks he’s cute

he knows he’s sexy

he’s got the looks that drive the girls wild

he’s got the moves that really move ‘em

he sends chills up and down their spines

Fast paced right out of the gate with Mankind having the advantage

More ECW chants

Mankind throws Michaels into the barricade

Mankind rips the padding off the concrete but Michaels dropkicks him through it and then stomps on him a bunch of times

Shawn Michaels leaps up to the top and double axe handles Mankind

HBK drops that motherfuckin elbow yasss sexy boy

Brawling in the center of the ring with some hard right hands

MANKIND POSITIONING A TABLE AND MICHAELS LEAPS OVER IT! DEAR LORD

SNAP SUPLEX BY MICHAELS ONTO MANKIND INTO THE FUCKING STEEL STAIRS MAKING LITERALLY THE LOUDEST NOISE I HAVE EVER HEARD THOSE STAIRS MAKE

Michaels continuing to work the knee

A leg drag on Mankind. The absolute torque HBK applies here is insane.

And a figure four locked in on Mankind!

Michaels hits a low dropkick on that knee again!

Incredible psychology here

Mankind stabbing his knee with a pen jesus

Michaels takes a beating in the corner

HBK getting his fucking face bashed in on the canvas

Attacks back with a suplex!

Michaels flips headfirst into the corner off an irish whip and Mankind just goes to town on him as he’s tied up

Fucking rough bump on the stairs, then on the ringpost, from Mankind

MANKIND’S NECK GETS STUCK BETWEEN THE ROPES YET MANAGES TO APPLY THE MANDIBLE CLAW! MY GOD

MICHAELS BRINGS IN A CHAIR ON THE OUTSIDE!

Painful looking joint manipulation from Michaels on Mankind

SHEESH Michaels goes flying over the top ropes and is lying on the ground--and eats a Mankind elbow for his troubles

DDT from Mankind on Michaels for the two count

Mankind throws two chairs into the ring

Michaels gets shoved into the casket but escapes! Flying clothesline! And a kip up! And a top rope crossbody!

MANKIND TAKES HIMSELF AND SHAWN MICHAELS THROUGH THE FUCKING SPANISH ANNOUNCE TABLE DEAR GOD

MANKIND COMING OFF THE TOP ROPE WITH A CHAIR BUT MICHAELS JUMPS UP OFF ANOTHER CHAIR AND HITS THE AERIAL SWEET CHIN MUSIC

VADER JUST FUCKING RUNS IN WHY NO WHY UGHHHHHHHH

Psycho Sid comes in too? What a bullshit finish to an otherwise incredible match.

And somehow Taker was in the casket as well? What the fuck?

You can’t take away that much from what these guys did though, holy fucking shit.

My Rating [4.5*] / Daddy Meltzer’s Rating [4.75*]

Final PPV Grade: C

Dear lord this PPV is such a mixed bag. The Shawn Michaels / Mankind match is fucking incredible and frankly timeless, but there’s a bunch of boring and embarrassing shit on this card as well--and even the well-put together matches aren’t terribly exciting in terms of story. But, y’know, it’s an IYH. Not as disappointing as if one of the big PPVs was this mediocre.

[manifestoonmoralmanlove]

Gormless Wrap-Up

A well-meaning friend gave me a book series that is hilariously bad. The first book was Souless and my riffs were entitled brainless. This second book is entitled Changless and these riff are then gormless.

I mean to say I have entitled them gormless! Not that my riffs are dumb, and the effort I spend on them stupid since I’m the only one who enjoys them. HAHA!

The story is SUPPOSED TO be about how a badass lady wearing a rad-looking carriage dress hits baddies with her umbrella and bangs her hot werewolf husband.  In reality it’s mostly poor attempts at being witty, flirty, and superior.

For the last book check out the brainless tag.

If you want the TL;DR version but want to read these new riffs anyway?

This story is set in supernatural Victorian steampunk England.  Alexia is our NOT LIKE OTHER GIRLS protag.  She is a soulless, which means she’s able to negate the abilities of vampires and werewolves by touching them. She’s recently married a big oaf, named Lord Connel Maccon.  He’s the manchild in charge of the supernatural police with a zillion dollars and he’s totes super hot too ok.  Their relationship is mostly arguments about how Maccon can’t tell her fucking anything.  Alexia has also recently become head of ~Soulless affairs~ in Queen Victoria’s government.  She has a dumb friend named Ivy, a gay vampire friend named Akeldama, a family who’s evil because they do the same shit as her but while being blonde, and most importantly Alexia is better than everyone cause…cause.

So here are my final thoughts on the book Changeless for those interested in such things:

Once again the big problem/perk of the story is the consistent frivolousness of it all.  The book is much more interested in its supposed comedy of manners than the last.  This comedy of manners mostly boils down to lol Ivy is stupid, and look at how uptight everyone is.  For the most part it’s just not that clever and more often than not I’m just rolling my eyes at it.  I will say this book is funnier than the last one.  There are a few jokes that are just so dumb, they do hit me in a good way.

However it’s kinda frustrating when nobody seems to care about the overarching plot at all.  Like there is an active shooter in the castle and they all just shrug and go to dinner and later bed.  For me personally, and I don’t know if people would disagree with me on this…when I pick up a supernatural action/comedy/romance.  I’m kinda there for the action, and hoping to enjoy it being peppered with a fun romance and silly comedy.  Not for the action to show up once every 3 chapters, and most of it is a couple of unlikable buttholes being belligerently horny at one another and a dumb character off in the corner going, “Duhhh what does this button do?” The action at the center should be propelling the rest of the story but rather it just feels as if it was an afterthought.

But I mean…at least I find the comedy funny a few times, I did not find the action at the center compelling at fucking all.  The ~who dun it spy~ antagonist was painfully easy to guess.  She does a piss poor job at structuring the suspense and wastes a lot of obvious opportunities for drama.  The few dramatic moments we do get I spend the time going, “that makes no sense” rather than, “WILL THEY MAKE IT OUT ALIVE?!”  Part of this issue comes down to the fact the book wants you to miss out on feeling the ~BAD~ emotions.   You’re not allowed to be sad, scared, or confused as to the right course of action. ONLY HORNY AND LAUGHING! ONLY HORNY AND LAUGHING!  Not only are we missing out on feelings that could make one more deeply invested in the characters and story…but there are moments that should be sad or scary and instead are just powered through with oblivious humor, which makes the lead characters seem monstrously callous or thick as pig shit.

Alexia was kinda a plucky idiot last book.  This book her utter lack of human empathy and kindness makes her harder and harder to root for.

Maccon’s asshole-osity becomes increasingly apparent.  He has a very bad case of hypocrisy in this book.  He refuses to share basic information with his wife but gets seething mad when she doesn’t tell him much less vital information. It’s really not hot or the sign of a good leader that his tactic for dealing with people is mostly intimidation, with a pinch of violence, and that he was seriously considering hurting his wife over listening to her. The only thing he puts effort into is trying to have sex with his wife, and he really should have a few things higher on his god damn list.  And honestly? He doesn’t really do much for this story at all. Alexia does all the plot lifting on her own.  The only thing he contributes to is the ending, and it casts him in an incredibly dark light.  And yanno it just sucks to know that he’s going to be forgiven for it and probably for as little as a “My bad.”  

I continue to find the Alexia/Maccon relationship beyond irritating but at least there were a couple of moments were they genuinely seem to connect in an intimate way, which were absent from the last book.  To be clear I am not conflating intimacy with sex when I use the word.  The two of them are most definitely not equals in the relationship. I wouldn’t classify the relationship as abusive, but best case scenario it’s not equal and worst case scenario it’s quite unhealthy with Maccon holding most of the cards.  But…I mean I can see why somebody would find their pissing contests entertaining.  But for me they’re child-adults who can’t speak to one another outside of annoyed sighs and dry humping.  Their banter is just not sexy or funny to me.

The Ivy and Tunstell subplot drama doesn’t work well at all.  The story outright tells you it doesn’t really care about it.  And the way it moves forward is clunky as all get out.  In particular when they just make-out out of nowhere.  I know they were trying to reconcile with how Tunstell saved her…than let that be the event that catapults them back together.  Let Ivy look up into Tunstell’s eyes after the rescue and breath, “….You saved me…and after all those awful things I said about you.”

Nahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh who cares!?

Speaking of which we get a lot more out of Ivy this book than last and I’m just not impressed with it.  I predicted that Ivy was going to be the comic relief dumb friend.  That Alexia would keep her around for her own ego and just be condensing to her the entire time.  Last book we didn’t get that. THIS BOOK WE GET WHAT I PREDICTED IN SPAAAAAAAAADES! Ivy is not framed as lovable, and not even for a second does Alexia interact with Ivy outside of irritated condensation she hides with a snide quip.  Sure Alexia can be snarky toward her, and Ivy frustrated but there is no affection from either of them.

I’M HONESTLY NOT SURE IF ALEXIA IS CAPABLE OF SUCH A THING!

LeFoux was cool though, even though there was no reason why she had to lie about Maccon asking her to keep Alexia safe.  And like the thing about their two dads knowing each other is interesting but honestly there’s probably nothing more to it.  I’m not a big fan of Alexia sexually assaulting her for no reason, or how Alexia needed it explained to her that lesbians are real.  But like, I’m glad the story is getting gay.

I’m kinda confused why Channing was even here?  She OPENS THE BOOK with a conflict about this character and then nothing of import comes out of him or the situation at all.  The whole team up with Biffy and Lyall sub-sub-sub plot should either not have even been in the book at all or there should have been significant more effort made to make their antics increase the drama for the main plot.  I suspect Channing is going to be more plot important next book.  AKA the next Angelique.  

Just like last book the antagonist is super weak.  I mean you could argue that she wasn’t revealed as the big bad until the 2nd to last chapter, you couldn’t build on her much…however her spy antics were throughout the book and none of it is very compelling. There could have easily had a better confrontation.  That Alexia confronts Angelique about spy stuff, and Angelique breaks out crocodile tears explaining, “NO it was LEFOUX!  I’m so sorry my lady, I couldn’t stop her!”And for a second Alexia questions it and hesitates but in that moment of hesitation BLAMO! STAB IN THE BACK! We should have had that stark contrast between her meek diligent servant persona and what a manipulative conniving bitch she’s supposed to be.  Make that betrayal FELT you know?

TL;DR

What’s good?

This book is more humorous than the last.  Again it’s just that NO-BUMMERS train chugging past a lot of dumb jokes in a steam-powered train straight into werewolf-fuckville.  The story getting gayer is enjoyable, and I have genuinely not read a het romance that teases any lesbianism. (Though I don’t read many het romances anyway.)  Despite my distaste for a lot of the characters and how this is all written, LeFoux was genuinely a lot of fun!  Her flirtations were WAY sexier than anything Alexia/Maccon had…but I don’t know if that’s cause I’m gayer than I am straight WHOOPS!  I will say that I think the pacing of the action in this book was better than the 1st.  Also the ending, despite me not caring for the characters, was a pretty good gut-punch.

And let’s be honest, in a trilogy the middle book is the hardest to pull off.

What’s bad?

Everything falls apart on any kind of base analysis.  The story spends way too much time holding your hand on stupid details like the current state of LeFoux’s dimples or is that other hot werewolf, who’s not plot relevant at all, still hot?  The mystery aspect was easily guessed, the plot does not hold water, and if you take a step back from any of these characters…most of them are completely distasteful.  Also this one featured much more open racism and sexism.  So booooooooooo. Would not recommend.