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ghouldump · 6 months ago

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Love Me | Lestat de Lioncourt x Bi!Reader

ෆ as your companionship seems to be failing, you retreat, seeking comfort from a woman who looks awfully similar.

a short fic from me to you. bi reader, as well as rockstar lestat, has been high in demand. i actually accidentally deleted a few really good ones, but there i honestly write whenever i’m bored, so more is bound to come along.

Throwing the large book, you expected it to hit him in the head, but before it could connect, the book went left, falling onto the floor.

“How long will you continue this, ma chérie, you don't menstruate, so why must you go on like this? Hm, do you want to shop, a new handbag, shoes, a new boy toy?” Lestat asked, smirking. Behind the grin, he was incredibly frustrated. The two of you had been arguing for over an hour, and he didn't even know why.

“What does that have to do with anything? You always have to ridicule, when a problem is being addressed,” you screamed, a few tears escaping. As much as you tried to hold them back, the barrier was crumbling, as you grew angrier.

“Are you serious? What is the problem? Go on”

“That boy that you bought home, he looked like him-

“It was merely a coincidence”

“And the one before that, and before that, and many more. All of them resembled him, your Louis,” you whispered, wiping your tears.

“All of them were also drained and burned”

“After you fucked them,” you said, shaking your head as he chuckled.

“50 years, I have given myself to you, and you alone, but I haven't been enough, I’m not Louis”

“Y/n-

“You revealed your identity to the entire world for him. I let you turn me at only nineteen to fill your lonely void, and you’ve never told me you loved me, do you even love me?”

“What kind of point are you trying to prove? I told you, Louis and I had a very different relationship, than what you and I-

“Right, you loved him, and I was the replacement,” you laughed, grabbing your phone and handbag.

“Where are you going?”

“Out, text me from your iPad, if you need anything,” you grumbled. He was too much of an illiterate man-child to even learn how to use a phone, depending on you and Siri.

“The sun will be out soon”

“I won't be long,” you said, making sure to slam the door.

Your emotions were all over the place, angered at the terrible decisions you'd made over the years. You were a young party girl, in the 70s, when you met Lestat. It didn't take long before he was your boyfriend, and you were bragging to your friends about the sex. After months of dating, he confided in you about a weird call from his former lover’s partner, revealing his identity afterward. Soon, he asked you to join him in darkness, and immediately you agreed.

However, looking back, you felt like an idiot, you should've stayed away when the adults told you about the strangeness of Lestat. The rumors of him not aging, only being seen at night. You couldn't see past his charming personality or handsome face, to realize he was trying to fill the void Louis left.

Walking through the French Quarter, you maneuvered through the crowd. You rolled your eyes at all of the tourists, especially since the writer, Daniel Molloy came out with his book, people were flocking to the city.

Going into a random bar, you sat down, your eyes scanning the menu. Alcohol didn't have much of an effect on you, only making you slightly tipsy, but it was something that made you feel human.

“I bought your drink, the least you could do is give me your number,” you heard the man next to you say rudely.

“What can I get for you?” the bartender asked.

“A pineapple martini,” you said, handing him your card.

“I didn't ask you to,” the girl argued.

“Listen, I didn't spend $20 on an overpriced daiquiri just because you're cute-

“And I told you, I didn't ask you to buy it,” she argued.

“Can you two take that elsewhere, I don't want to hear all of that, while I enjoy my drink,” you said, tapping the man’s shoulder.

“No one cares, and keep your hands off-

The man stood from his seat, lunging forward to grab you next, when you caught his arm, twisting it. You watched the man in satisfaction, thinking of how men hadn't changed, even in the 60s, 70s, 80s, and so on — there were always the disgustingly perverted men.

“You don't know how to keep your hands to yourself, it’s gross, but it makes me feel less guilty for breaking your arm,” you said, shrugging before twisting his arm. He screamed in agony, holding his arm as he ran out of the bar, just as your martini was sat down, along with your card.

“Hey, thank you for that,” the woman started, as you sat down. By her accent alone, you knew she was a tourist.

“It was nothing,” you mumbled, twirling the little straw, focused on the drink.

“How did you do that? Do you take self defense classes?” she asked.

“No”

“Well, that was pretty impressive, I don't think I’ve ever seen-

“Lady, I just want to enjoy my drink-

Your eyes widened at the woman, she was perfect, she looked like Lestat, if he had been gender-swapped. Her blonde tresses were inches away from her waist, sky blue eyes, and full pink lips. Her bone structure was symmetrical, her straight teeth as white as milk. She dressed hyper feminine, wearing too much pink and white. You tried not to be weird, forcing your eyes to stop wandering, despite catching a glimpse of her toned body.

“I’m sorry, I know I can talk too much sometimes, sorry,” she apologized.

“You’re fine, I’m just in a shitty mood,” you shrugged.

“What’s wrong?”

“My partner is caught up on his ex, even though they broke up forever ago,” you admitted.

“Why do you hold on to him then?”

“Everything else is perfect about him, I can’t help but want to be loved by him,” you mumbled, thinking of Lestat. Since he revealed himself, he had been very busy, but when he wasn’t, his attention was on you. Waiting for him backstage, in the hotels, in his coffin, the quality time was incredibly intimate.

“If he’s as perfect as you claim, why are you here, obviously upset?” she asked, scooting closer.

“I don’t think I will ever come close to being loved as much as Louis,” you admitted, gulping down the pressure of the tears.

“I’m sorry,” she said, reaching to touch your hand.

“I will be fine, are you new to New Orleans?” You asked, staring at her hand laid against your own.

“Yes, I’m Lisa by the way, but I want to move here, I’ll be out here for a few weeks, maybe we can hang out, you could be my personal tour guide,” she said, briefly biting her lip. In her thoughts, she was hopeful, wanting more than to spend time with you. You seemed mysterious and she was dying to know why.

“Y/n, What did you want to do?”

“See historical landmarks, try local cuisines, hang out with you,” she said, leaning towards you.

“Me?”

“A woman as beautiful as you deserves all of the attention”

“I could say the same thing about you,” you smirked, remaining still as she leaned closer, allowing her to press her lips against your own.

As you moved closer, your phone dinged, making you reach into your pocket. Pulling away, you rolled your eyes as you stared at the coffin emoji, paired with a question mark.

“I have to go,” you told her, going to stand.

“Could I have your number, we could hang out sometime, if you're free,” she said, fidgeting. Smirking, you couldn't help but think of how much she looked like him, yet acted completely different.

Laughing, you unlocked your phone, handing it to her. After her number was saved, you were making your way to the townhouse. The sun could be seen coming into view, and just as you began opening the door, you could feel the heat burning against your skin.

“I thought you wouldn't be long,” Lestat said from the top of the stairs, as the door was shut.

“I wasn't”

“You left nearly two hours ago,” he said, following behind you, as you walked past him, up the stairs.

“And I’m home, did you want to argue more?” you asked him, rudely. He was stunned by your tone, but recovered quickly.

“No, I wanted you to return to me, in perfect condition,” he said, watching as you stripped from the clothing, holding your phone near.

“I’m okay, it will heal,” you told him, feeling his eyes on your lightly burned shoulder. You didn't say anything else, climbing into your coffin, and he couldn't admit your already different behavior left him feeling embarrassed.

Just as your eyes were about to shut, your phone lit up, as Lisa’s message appeared on the screen, asking if you made it home safely. Lestat stared at your coffin, hearing the sound of you typing, before slowly moving to his own.

“Sleep well, ma chérie”

“You too,” you said, hearing the sound of his coffin closing.

Lestat was confused by the way you were acting. This wasn't the first and most likely wouldn't be the last time you'd get into an argument, but this time seemed different. You'd leave and eventually come home, and he'd pick a fight, and just as you started to argue back, he would apologize for his actions and everything would fall into place.

Now, just two hours later you acted completely standoffish with him, as if you didn't want to be bothered. Was the argument that serious to you? You understood the love he held for Louis, but that it was best that they remained friends alone. He was with you, he had been all these years, he cared for you, he lo-.

Lestat didn't know how to express himself, arguing, being jealous, possessive, then ravishing you with gifts, that's all he knew. What he didn't realize was his failure to comfort and reassure you, not taking you seriously, you were pulling you away, as you began to desire your needs elsewhere.

Immediately, Lestat could see the red flags going off, you were gone every night. Some nights before he even woke up, others you'd silently dress in front of him, before leaving. Even when he left for his music business, you always traveled with him, but now you had excuses.

He didn't want to follow you, but he had to, the jealous assumptions were beginning to pile up in his thoughts. Months, it had been months of you ignoring his presence. You’d look at him, hunt with him, and even talk with him if he wanted — but you weren’t putting your all into the relationship anymore. He was making the same mistake as he did with Louis. Choosing when the relationship could and couldn’t open.

He’d dabble in his different tastes regularly, no strings attached, usually killing the person after. You were different, the only way you’d have another person, was if Lestat was present. You weren’t as open to the idea of having others, and in a way, it satisfied Lestat knowing you would never sleep with another, or so he thought.

He had been following you, all the way to Gentilly, until you stopped at the unfamiliar house. His heart could have shattered, as he watched you through the window. The woman, you touched, touched in a way that was only meant for him.

He watched as you and this is unknown woman made love, his heart throbbing. The two of you, going on for what felt like hours, before you were both giggling, going into the bathroom. As the woman came out, grabbing a towel, Lestat was sure his dead heart would stop. This woman, she looked exactly like him, he couldn’t even say he looked better, because they resembled each other so much.

After your shared shower, you both plopped on the bed, holding each other. Your hearts full of passion towards each other.

“Y/n,” Lisa said, playing with your sharp nails.

“Hm?” You answered, your eyes closed. Her warm skin felt nice against your forever icy skin.

“I think I love you,” she said, making you open your eyes.

“What?” You asked, looking at her.

“I love you, I know it’s only been a few months, but that’s all I needed with you to know,” she said. You could feel the tears building up, as you pressed your lips against her own.

Staring at her, you could only see Lestat, the one who stole your heart all those years ago. No matter how idiotic you’re decision was, at the time. All you wanted was for him to declare his love for you, with his mouth.

“Say it again, please?” You asked her, as you pulled away.

“I love you,” she smiled brightly, smashing her lips into yours, as she pulled you back into a hug.

Lestat had tears pouring down his face, as he turned to leave. He didn’t think he could watch any more of whatever that was supposed to be. He couldn't take the idea of you being loving or being loved by another. All this started because of love, you claiming he didn't love you.

“Lisa, tell me you love me, once more,” you said, as you began to glamour her.

“I love you,” she exclaimed.

“No, you don't, you never met me, you won't recognize my face and you will never approach me, do you understand?” you asked her, watching as she silently nodded, you wiped the bloody tear from your eye, just as it escaped,

“Yes”

“You will sleep now, you're very tired,” you said, watching as she nodded, dozing off. She lay beautifully, as you covered her with the blanket. You couldn't replace him, even with the female doppelganger — especially with her. Lisa was a sweet girl, you didn't want to take away her life, revealing your nature, for your selfish reasons.

Leaving her home, you silently went back to your shared townhouse. It was quiet, Lestat already in his coffin, as you undressed.

“Good night,” you mumbled, getting into your coffin.

If this would be life, then you accepted it, second to Louis. You loved Lestat with every piece of your soul, so much that you could take not being loved, but being liked enough to be in his presence.

As the sun eventually left, you got up, dressing to go hunt. You found a random man, draining him in an alley, but as you made your way back home, your eyebrows furrowed. Entering the house, your eyes widened at the sight.

Exotic dancers, well over ten of them, all with wavy blonde hair and shades of blue eyes. A few of them were fawning at Lestat, but he paid none of them any kind of attention.

“What is the meaning of this?”

“For you, ma chérie, I’ll drain them, but I’ll let do whatever you please with them first,” he grinned.

“What are you talking about? Get them out, now,” you said, shrugging off a hand that was about to rub your shoulder. Watching as Lestat controlled them, sending them away, before he sat down, drained from the action.

“What is wrong with you? Bringing all of those women here? God, why don't you think,” you grumbled.

“I was just trying to appease your passions since they were more of your type, I mean, it only took a few months for you to find out,” he shrugged, making you realize he had been there.

“You can't be serious, you're such a creeper,” you laughed bitterly.

“For months, I’ve reached out to you, and you recoiled at my touch, just for me to find out you're having an affair with a woman, who looks too much like me”

“And how is that any different than what you've done?” you asked, crossing your arms.

“I heard you both, making love to her, kissing her, touching her the way that you do me. Texting her throughout the day, you're in love with her,” Lestat cried.

“I’m in love with you, but you love Louis. I can't replace him, so I wanted to replace you,” you said, turning to storm away, when he caught your hand.

“I will always love Louis but don't think that I don't love you. You are my wife, my companion, the one who saved me from myself. I don't want to see you with another, only me,” he confessed. His face was covered in blood from the tears pouring down his face.

“And you have me, but you have to say it, I know you show it in your own ways, but to hear it from your lips, would help me so much,” you told him.

“I love you, I love you, I love you. I know, I am a hypocrite, but end your affair, I can't take knowing you love another, I love you” he pouted.

“Fine, you won't have to worry about her,” you told him, as he moved closer to embrace you. Swiftly, he lifted you, holding you in his arms.

“Are we made up now?”

“Yes, love”

“I don't know how much I could take of that excruciating cycle of neglect,” he expressed.

“Lestat?” you said, as he sat down, having you straddle his lap.

“Yes, chérie?”

“Tell me again, tell me you love me,” you said, sighing in fulfillment as his arms wrapped around your body.

“I love you and I’ll say it as many times as you need”

…

#interview with the vampire #lestat de lioncourt x reader #lestat x reader #lestat de lioncourt #amc iwtv

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kazbrekkerfast · 6 days ago

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what instrument I think F1 drivers would play + reasons (from a cellist who is objectively correct)

(if you disagree that's fine please share your opinions I really want to know them)

Get ready cuz this is a LONG post. I also mostly stuck to the 2024 grid cuz I couldn't be bothered with much more

also please note that I wrote this whilst exhausted and avoiding practicing so if it has any spelling/grammar mistakes, you didn't see anything

1. Max Verstappen: percussion

ok so max is to me a percussionist through and through but also seems like the type of percussionist who learnt how to play the violin as a kid and hated it, so became a drummer instead. definitely plays the marimba like his life depends on it. also becuase I have a thing for them so ye 🥰 (I do however love a good fanfic where he's like a super competitive violin/piano player even if I can't really see him play them)

2. Charles Leclerc: piano

so he obviously already plays piano which suits him sm so I'm going to keep that because he has the correct vibes and everything for piano, but more on the late classical onwards stuff than the earlier music (I NEED to hear him play Debussy like omfg please)

3. Carlos Sainz: conductor

ok here me out but I can't see him playing in an orchestra BUT he would definitely conduct, and could probably play a string instrument/piano quite well but like it wouldn't be his passion if you get what I mean (I also feel like he'd be quite strict as a conductor but get super good performances out of the orchestra)

4. Daniel Riccardo: trombone (+bass trombone)

ok he's the reason I'm making this list because OMFG THIS MAN IS A BRASS PLAYER like defo lower brass too but I can't really see tuba player from him so trombone. he's also the kind of brass player to be stupidly good at percussion too so ye that too. also get this man in a big band. please.

5. Lando Norris: violin

ok so lando is always giving main character energy and like there's not much more main character than a violin, and also I can very much see him being a more romantic/lyrical player (he just has them vibes idk). HOWEVER broski has a MASSIVE hand span so he has to play piano cuz he can deffo reach them 10ths let's be real

6. Oscar Piastri: oboe (+french horn)

ok HEAR ME OUT!!!! tell me you can't see this guy play an oboe. I think he has the right sized face for it idk that sounds strange but I can see it please believe me 😭😭. Also french horn cuz it's my fave instrument except my own and I think he'd serve playing it idk

7. Lewis Hamilton: cello

I'm biased. he has the vibes. (not really but idc). also probably sings (he already does but shh). Definitely not a baroque player and probably plays more Dvorak era stuff (the things I'd do to see him play Brahms E minor) but this is all because I am spectacularly biased and want to see my fave drivers play my instrument. also producer vibes but that's unrelated.

8. George Russell: flute

ok so personally most male flute players I know are complete dickheads BUT I think George is the exception like he just seems quite flutey (also he kinda gives classical era piano player but that may be me being silly) but bro definitely doesn't like syncopated rhythms like let's be real if it's off the beat my guy would be completely lost. he does seem like the type to be able to read ledger lines tho

9. Yuki Tsunoda: percussion

I think he's another percussionist tbh but more cymbals and timps than tuned percussion. I don't have much more to say about Yuki because he's just cymbals in my head lmao

10. Pierre Gasly: euphonium

right. he gives wind because he's french BUT he probably is euf cuz like I can very much picture him playing it and also I can very much see him giggling at the back of a brass band or some shit with Yuki (yukierre nation what's good) so I've put him as a euf cuz why not

11. Esteban Ocon: clarinet

another biased opinion but I can see it like he just is a clarient I think. I think it's probs just the fact he's tall but like the stereotype of people looking like their instruments is real so he (he does give cellist a bit too but that may also just be because he's tall)

12. Fernando Alonso: trumpet

right this was a very tough one BUT he holds all the chaos and menace of a trumpet player (especially when he was younger), and I think it suits him quite well. he does give lower brass a bit but I think he has more trumpet vibes than lower brass so ye

13. Lance Stroll: clarinet

ok rich boi obviously would have been taught the violin and I think he'd be pretty good at it tbh BUT he gives clarient vibes so fucking hard like especially bass clarinet, cuz he's different like that

14. Nico Hulkeberg and Kevin Magnussen: trumpet

right. these two are together for a reason. these two are the two trumpet players in an orchestra who sit there yapping for half the rehearsal, play the 4 bars they have in a piece and then are done for the day. don't say you can't see it. you can.

15. Alex Albon: guitar

this one is quite specific but he gives like classical and jazz guitar vibes in a very specific way. also woodwind. idk he contains multitudes and I think we should celebrate that. maybe flute? I can see that. (I'm losing the plot here wtf even is an instrument)

16. Logan Sargent: viola

PLEASE DONT COME FOR ME I SAY THIS IN A GOOD WAY!!! he really has strings vibes to me but definitely is not violinist at all, therefore I think he'd be a good viola player. I'm sorry we all need one somewhere 😭. HOWEVER as he is American I will say get this man on the cheer squad and like idk have him throw people in the air while the marching band does it's thing I can see him doing that

17. Sergio Perez: french horn

sorry he's so far down I had actually no clue what instrument he has the vibes for at all. BUT I made up my mind, and I think he gives french horn vibes. don't ask me why I don't know it just is there

18. Valterri Bottas: tuba

HE TUBAS MORE THAN ANYONE HAS EVER TUBAD BEFORE also probs plays percussion on the side but in the sense that they didn't have enough one day so he volunteered to play for fun. I almost put him as a double bass but he really doesn't have strings vibes at all so I moved him to tuba

19. Zhou Guanyu: piano

this is going to sound weird af but don't take it that way but holy shit this guy's fingers are LONG like I think he could probs do a 9th or 10th easily (I'm so jealous) and I feel like he has piano vibes. also a bit stringy but also not idk I feel like he'd own a harp but not play it often so ye

20. Franco Colapinto: violin (?)

idk him that well and he has very similar vibes to lando (this may be due to the edits I have CONSUMED over the last few months) so ye I think he could be violin, maybe like leader of the 2nds kinda thing for the fun of it

21. Liam Lawson: guitar and drum kit

ok. this is a copout cuz he already does and posts things of him playing but like he just is guitar like that is what he is in my mind. also he gives the vibe of that one guitarist who decided to learn drums but hasn't got the coordination quite right yet so isn't great at keeping time but thinks he's great anyways (I love him really)

ANYWAYS IM DONE THANKYOU IF YOUVE GOT THIS FAR I WISH YOU ALL THE LOVE AND HAPPINESS IN THE WORLD

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medusas-graveyard · 2 years ago

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Letting this out of my system before I fall asleep;

Danny developing D.I.D. because yk what. Basically there's 3 (or 4 if it's a Danny/Damian siblings AU) with one being the host aka Danny, one being the protector aka Phantom, one being the Persecutor aka Daniel (and if it's a siblings au one is the gatekeeper aka Abidan/Danyal depends on which you prefer)

Adopted Wayne au again, yes, except: Danny doesn't know he has DID. He just thinks that after he died his memories are blotched, even after doing something he sometimes doesn't realize he's doing it. Cue Danny overthinking stuff one day while talking to his adopted siblings about how he's not sure if they could come to understand him even though he doesn't understand himself (very weird thing to say, huh?) But they reassure him that they're all doing their best and he needs to give himself a break.

BUT the catch; they don't know each other's double life. Danny doesn't want to be a vigilante— he doesn't want them to KNOW he was a vigilante. Batfamily isn't spilling their night endeavors with the normal child in the family that grimaces everytime they 'discuss' about heroes.

ANOTHER CATCH: Danny is the only one that doesn't know the Waynes are the bats and birds. His alters though, does. Daniel and Phantom isn't too pleased about ANOTHER rich man. Cue Phantom antagonizing Batfamily, saying that if something were to happen to Danny he would just take him away (considering they don't even know what Phantom is, safe to say they're paranoid)

Sorry, I listened to me and the devil for like an hour straight and this suddenly popped out. Also I just think it's funny how Danny and Waynes all civil and basically caring for each other and then night turns, Bats and Birds ready to bash fists with Phantom.

On another note, I'd like to push the emphasis that Danny is constantly missing his memories in this concept. For reference, imagine Duke walking up to him in the Kitchen (Daniel was about to make coffee) and greeted him. Danny just spaced out for a while, blinked, look at what he's holding, and blurt "what am I doing again...?"

As you've might guessed, Alfred was the one who found out first.

#danny phantom #dp x dc #batfam #danny fenton #dp x dc crossover #dp x dc prompt #dpxdc #dpxdc prompts #dc x dp #dc x dp prompt #am going to sleep now

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hollowed-theory-hall · 5 months ago

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Hiii! Do you think Harry stopped growing at 17? If he was as tall as James in DH I would imagine he was taller than his father. I have three brothers and my family is full of male cousins and they all had growth spurts after 17. I could see him growing another couple of inches after the war. His mind and body is finally at peace after 16 years. I always hc him to be 6’0-6’2 at the age of 21.

As far as Harry being scrawny… aren’t most teenage boys? My brothers were into sports and didn’t get into the gym until they were done with high school. With the profession he’s in I would assume fitness would be a requirement for the role. Yeah, you have a wand but what if it breaks or you lose it? He has a huge target on his back having defeated the darkest wizard of all time, and I can’t imagine him not learning how to physically defend himself and his loved ones. I don’t see him a huge buff gym junky, but I do see him as someone who has a lean athletic figure and someone who concentrates more on leg day than arm day. I think going to the gym would be an escape for him and help him decompress. I know the hp world prefer a shorter skinny hero (probably because of Daniel Radcliffe) who looks like an underdog, however every underdog grows up and barely anyone has the same physique as their teenage self.

Honestly, all this differs a lot with genetics. Harry's growth spurts in the books reminds me of my younger brother. Like, my brother was like 5'2 at 15, then, in like, one month near his 16th birthday, he grew to 5'10 and when he was around 19 he grew again by two inches. So, Harry could definitely still grow taller, but we don't really have a way to know.

Like, men can still grow in height until their late 20s, and it's possible James didn't even finish his growth since he died at 21, so he might've grown even taller if he survived to 25. Like, that's possible. I just don't really have evidence for or against besides saying, yes, it's possible, but I wouldn't call it likely since it's highly individual and based on genes. Like, I know guys who stopped growing at 16 and have been stuck at the same height since then. I also know guys who are 25 and still grow taller. It's the magic of genetics.

Muscle mass, physique, and the ability to gain weight are also heavily dependent on genetics and age. Men in their teens and early 20s usually have a much higher metabolic rate, which keeps them lean regardless of how much they eat (again, genetics play a big role here and this isn't true for everyone). Physical activity like Quidditch, would make the already fast metabolism faster. This naturally fast metabolism, combined with certain genetic makeup, can leave you looking lean regardless of how much you go to the gym as well. Some men need to reach their mid-20s before they can actually start gaining the weight necessary to appear buff.

I think Harry would look less lean as he got older. Like, I can hardly imagine a Harry in his mid to late 30s being as lean as 16-year-old Harry. I think his physique will change as he grows, as happens to most people. But I agree with you I don't see him as a super buff gym dude at any point in his life. He's always on the leaner side in my head, but this is all in headcanon territory since it isn't covered by the books.

I would like to add that all the super short and scrawny descriptions of Harry come from the first 4 books when these descriptions are correct. In book 6 Harry is thin, but no one describes him as a scrawny boy with knobbly knees past book 4. Not even he himself. So I definitely see Harry of the final 3 books as more lean than scrawny.

And yeah, you're right about Radcliffe messing up everyone's mental image of Harry, both in looks and personality. It's one of the things that bother me most about the movies. And, everyone can headcanon whatever they want, but I personally don't like short Harry (when he's older, when he's 14, make him short). It's not his canon character and when writers write him short, it's sometimes accompanied by him being written as too passive and meek for my liking because Harry James Potter is not passive or meek. (Radcliffe Harry in the movies is much more passive, hence the skewed mental image I mentioned, but I digress).

Besides, while malnourishment and food intake could affect one's growth, people tend to overlook the 6 years of Hogwarts and Molly's food which would be a huge boost during his puberty years in which he's having most of his growth. Additionally, some people's food intake matters less to their physical development than others — again, I can't stress enough how specific genetic makeup is super important in all this discussion.

TL;DR

Harry might grow taller to be 6' or 6'2. We don't have any evidence for or against really, so it's up to your preference on what you want to headcanon. But it's definitely super possible. If Lily was taller than the average it would even be likley (but I couldn't find any notes on Lily's or Petunia's height). In the books, he is very lean, and it's a combination of a lot of different factors working together: his lifestyle, genetic makeup, and yes, being a teenage boy with the fast metabolism that comes with it. As Harry grows up, he'd probably want to stay fit, but to what degree is also in personal headcanon territory (I personally don't like him becoming an Auror, but that's my preferred headcanon. I still see him staying pretty fit out of paranoia, sort of. I mean, he spent all his teenage years with a Damocles sword over his head. He literally died. I think he's allowed to be a little hypervigilant after that. I mean, he already is, but you get the point).

#harry potter #hp #hp meta #hollowedtheory #asks #anonymous #harry james potter #my best boy hjp #hollowedrambling

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inchidentally · 10 months ago

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x. com/ln4norris/status/1785872795974652036 thoughts on this?

this is one of those instances where so many ppl have this wildly different take on smth and honestly myself and the moots I talk to didn't even… realize it could be taken any other way ??

I think part of this is also bc some ppl are pretty new to landoscar so I'll put more effort into replying to this than I normally would bc I genuinely didn't and still don't see this as being some dramatic thing that Lando said!

but for better reference, I've actually compiled the full clips from the person who posted them in their stories originally with two clips of Lando and Carlos separately saying how their F1 buddies are NOT the same as their actual private life friendships bc I think it helps contextualize what Lando is talking about here.

I think the funniest misinterpretation about this is ppl taking these Shared Activities as indicating deep and meaningful friendships and that therefore Lando doesn't have anything deep or meaningful with Oscar… just bc no padel or golf ?? lasjfgsjla

"we don't do as many things away from the circuit [as Lando does with other drivers like Carlos and Max]"

like. in what world is that him saying anything but … that ?? it's not deep ??

esp when it corroborates what Lando said in that clip about how his relationships with the drivers he’s friends with depend on shared activities and that they’re not his actual close friends the way Max F and all his buddies in London are (he even says in the video above that his friends are mostly in London not Monaco!) and Carlos corroborated the same thing!

so for one thing, the reason he's fine with saying this is because he doesn't see it as some huge thing that he doesn't happen to have with Oscar ?? bc it's not some deep meaningful thing that he hangs with other drivers sometimes outside of F1! they're buddies sure but they're not his private life friends. that's normal and healthy !!

but the other thing that's honestly funny is ppl deciding to misinterpret this as either Lando being a callous asshole to Oscar or again, taking rpf too seriously and thinking "yaayyy I can pretend Lando is secretly in love with/has a deep bond with/is fucking [insert driver here] and hates Oscar"

and like Carlos, Daniel and Lando literally have identical bromance formats with each other and other drivers which makes the whole rpf competition thing so hilariously dumb?? they all do the common hobbies thing, the playing gay for laughs thing, the posting every interaction to social media for fan engagement thing, the roughhousing physicality thing - all with at least 3-5 other drivers. and when you count up the like rpf ship points that these people use to say which one is "better" then m@xiel shits all the way on dand0 for bonding and being mutually invested and charl0s absolutely dunks on carland0 for gay physicality and mutual affection and norrib0n comes along and reminds ppl that Alex remains a hero to Lando and Lando still gets starry eyes over him in a way he never will for Carlos or Daniel etc etc etcccc

all of which still end up paling in comparison to the actual, deep relationships these guys have with their girlfriends and with their private life friends! the idea that Lando will ever love a male friend the way he does Max F is like going to a rakes lying down park and stamping around to get hit in the face repeatedly like why would you bother to be that stupid bffr

[sidenote that I am SO glad for Lando to say smth like this video if it drives those fans away from landoscar. no joke. we do NOT want them here and we do NOT want them treating Lily the way they treat Heidi and Rebecca and treated Luisa and Isa. please stay in carland0 and dand0 and whatever else with that l@rry stylins0n misogynistic, closeted gay men as a fetish shit]

the reality is that if Lando was just meh about Oscar and disinterested in spending any more time with him than he needed to then why would he even point this out ? why would he bother to point out - with even kind of an exasperated pout in his voice - that Oscar isn't interested in anything they can spend time together doing if he… doesn't want to spend time with Oscar anyway ??

exactly asfgsajgflagf

and for ppl who are new, literally the reason a lot of us are so Compelled is precisely bc Lando and Oscar don't follow the cookie cutter bromance format and their respect and interest in each other doesn't rely on common activities or playing into fan PR. they're literally the anti-PR partnership not bc they hate each other or have drama but bc every member of their team says how much they've bonded as drivers and that every time we get content of them together they're beaming at each other and seem to have all these cute little in-jokes and softness. but none of it is for show! none of it jumps off the screen or has them knowingly trying to bait fans!

their entire dynamic is for their own benefit alone and both of them have said how happy they are to have their future together settled for so many years. and the whole vibe of landoscar fandom is that we were all fine with the idea of them just being work friends! then Silverstone happened and the Austin filming happened etc etc. and now we're all watching it and writing fic and making gifs and edits bc landoscar is gentle and gradual and sweet and boyish and genuine.

it's been this gradual little dance between two guys who each have a unique preoccupation with each other but they don't do any of the usual blokey things to force a friendship. Lando's fixations on Oscar's name and his hair and how he's taller and bigger than him and the weirdly horny verbal burps that come out aren't something he does with any of his other driver friends. Oscar is so chilled about other drivers and doesn't even do the whole hero worship thing, yet his internet history about Lando is it's own extremely unique thing that has carried over as his teammate in a way he's never been about another driver.

they don't roughhouse or make fun of each other or push each other's buttons for fun and they don't even raise their voices around each other ?? everything is so gentle and not macho at all ! Lando strangely feels awkward and looks right at Oscar to explain why he diverted to visit Daniel with Martin as a spontaneous unplanned thing even though Oscar wasn't even in Australia anymore when that happened and Oscar didn't even feel like it needed to be explained! Oscar learns and adapts to what Lando feels sensitive about and needs some help with and sometimes even keeps an eye out for his physical well being.

and I think something that has kind of been missed entirely is that the context for the latest video was Lando saying how he's always been the youngest or least experienced in a driver friendship dynamic and - as he's said many times before! - he finds the idea of having to be the older experienced leader not at all comfortable!

which leads to smth a lot of us have always found the sweetest part of the 814 dynamic, the fact that Lando realized early on that he doesn't have to Try with Oscar and he can just exist in his feelings with Oscar and Oscar does not push and he does not get annoyed or weird or offended! and that means that Lando is yes, free to be the full range of bratty to sweetheart and everything in between bc Oscar will just smile at him and be patient. but !! it also means that unless Lando uses his words or takes charge, Oscar will remain in that quiet patient position in their dynamic and won't presume to take charge.

so Lando wishes Oscar would be the older one and take the initiative and now he's in a pickle where he's saying they only don't hang out bc Oscar won't share an interest with him and you can see for a second he knows what he's saying isn't true bc they all talked on a fan stage about a padel competition between Williams and McLaren and he remembers inviting Oscar out to golf at the last minute one time and that Oscar only declined bc he doesn't know how to play and didn't want to hold everyone up but ugh !!! like that is SUCH a Lando situation to get himself into and to somehow be mad at Oscar about <3<3

but ever since Oscar arrived with very little fanfare and decided not to draw too much attention to himself until literally recently, when the Alpine drama was finally firmly behind him, he's been so intent on showing his deference to Lando and even as lately as the place swap in Melbourne that he fully understands the driver dynamics within the team and respects it. and the thing is that Oscar genuinely is so happy to wait and see what Lando wants or needs that it would never remotely occur to him to push or insert himself into Lando's social life unless invited!

so yes, being a fan of landoscar is just like this! it'll never be the PR friendly bromance or the l@rry stylins0n conspiracy theory.

and yep weirdly enough for how so many ppl are taking it, this video for us is so sweet bc Lando's publicly muddling around about why won't Oscar do a mutual interest with him but also already having admitted that he's not good at taking the role that he needs to and pulling Oscar along into his social life the way Carlos, Daniel, Max etc have always done with him - all while Oscar is oblivious and doesn't think anything is even wrong ! and oh boy, Oscar being too literal and not being the type to be pushy ends up assuming he's doing the right thing by not trying to invite himself along to anything with Lando!

like, this is how it goes! if you want the whole bromance catering precisely to your ship needs OR you're hunting for huge drama and simmering resentments that turn into huge drama then this is NOT the place for you lasfgalfg

don't get me wrong I eat up the bromances and the doomed drama partnerships too but I just don't find them worth writing all these stupid posts about like I do w landoscar bc those partnerships are what you see is what you get. apparently what gets me going is The Yearning and The Miscommunication.

#inchreplies #landoscar #twinklaren #mctwinks #apparently ppl are posting wank in the main tags so I'm sticking this in there for counterbalance saflgjsal #mine #landoscar lore #reference

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fiveredlights · 2 months ago

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also I now have so many questions about the DAUD AU world that I don't know what to do with them. if a DAUD performs really well in the other universe does that do anything for them in their home universe?? What if they do really poorly? is there a system in which they are allowed to stay in the alternate universe?

Has a DAUD for vcarb/rb/alphatauri/whatever ever been part of one of redbulls mid season driver swap/promotion/demotion shenanigans?? is that even allowed?? rb still run three cars as allotted for being the designated team but they run 3 drivers from their normal universe and red bull steals the DAUD for their second car?

thank you for enabling me to talk about The DAUD AU

before we begin i very quickly have to solve the problem of benjamin’s DAUD program being one race only versus matilda’s DAUD program bring a whole season by saying in 2030 the FIA changes the program that drivers have to stay for a whole season and everyone agrees that it’s fine for teams to run three drivers for the season because as callan says, the DAUDs are usually shit!

okay now onto your very good questions. usually DAUDs are reserve/junior drivers and if they do well in the program, usually teams will move them up into the seat but it’s not like a direct correlation. sometimes DAUDs can do really well but they don’t end up with a full time seat 🤷‍♀️ like how winning f2 doesn't always guarantee a f1 seat.

but it helps your case massively if you do well which is why people attempt the DAUD program as a way to get into a f1 seat. that’s probably the main reason why benjamin does the DAUD program, he’s in the RB junior team and needs to make a name for himself.

matilda does the DAUD program because she hates her teammate (devon jackson when i catch you) and ferrari won’t fire him because idk he’s like super rich (pay drivers have hit ferrari in 2048) so he sees it as a way to escape for a season.

(also she’s running away from someone like callan but we don’t need to get into that. matthew doesn’t like her in the beginning and i wonder why …)

if they do really poorly there’s leniency depending how far forward/back they went (eg. drivers who go back 20+ years almost never do well so nothing happens) but if they went to a similar time period and do very badly they will almost always get dropped from their teams. like if you were from 2024 and get sent into 2025 and you DNF in the race you are unfortunately probably gonna get kicked out.

DAUDs aren’t allowed to stay in the alternate universe permanently because of *waves hand around* universe somehow not liking it BUT if you win the race/championship you get a special little universe time travel bracelet that allows you to travel between your home universe and your alternate universe whenever you wish. so matilda is absolutely travelling back and forth for the sole reason to annoy matthew and callan.

there’s a whole thing where callan’s like you don’t want kids after knowing matilda and max just sighs super loudly and is like “you must be really stupid if you don’t think daniel considers you two as his weird adult children. i knew i would be stuck with you two when i started dating daniel. be so serious callan.”

okay so the whole Red Bull/RB/DAUD swap is such a funny and great thought because red bull are absolutely doing crazy shit like that. below is the craziest possible option i could think of.

in 2035 in the old habits/glitter on the floor DAUD verse i think RB/red bull attempt this crazy driver thing, where the RB DAUD does incredibly well for the first race but then does like mediocre for the rest and of course red bull are immediately like well with results like that we gotta get them in the main team!

the race before the summer break, the 2nd red bull driver contracts appendicitis on the friday. red bull call on the RB DAUD to replace them, he beats matthew for that race and red bull are like okay you're staying for the rest of the season. i don't think you can give someone appendicitis but there's obviously going to be news articles on red bull giving appendicitis to the 2nd red bull driver as a way to get the RB DAUD into the seat.

everyone starts petitioning the FIA to stop red bull from doing this, lawsuits are launched, there's a full on civil war between teams, everyone in red bull and RB are walking on eggshells, and to top it off the after the 2nd red bull driver recovers they refuse to drive the RB so they quit midseason and then we go into summer break with five cars between the two teams and only four drivers.

RB didn't run the 3rd car in the race before summer break, so obviously now daniel has to find a driver for the rest of the season. he doesn't want to pull up any of the drivers from the junior team because they are not ready and honestly he's still holding a grudge against red bull for stealing one of his drivers behind his back AGAIN. he is teetering between also quitting mid season and calling andretti up being like hey you wanted a f1 team right??

matteo jokingly says daniel should drive the 3rd car, daniel is like i can't drive because of my hand. he's trying to figure out if he can call matilda again but ferrari won't let her drive. then max is like well i can. everyone turns to the door and max is like well it is not like i am doing anything else.

daniel thinks he's joking but then realises he is very much not joking and he's not going to look a gift horse in the face, shoves max into the factory to do seat fits etc. everyone in RB agrees to keep it hush hush because red bull would throw a fit if they found out max was replacement driver and swap the DAUD for max.

matthew catches wind that max is the replacement, attempts to get himself demoted so he can be teammates with max, callan throws his phone out the window before anything can happen.

summer break is over and RB haven't announced who the replacement driver is so everyone assumes they're abandoning the DAUD program/3rd car. no one suspects that max is the driver when he walks into the paddock, but when FP1 starts and people see the 3rd car with 33 on it everyone promptly loses their shit, daniel and max have the biggest shit eating grin on their face, christian is having a mental breakdown down at red bull, red bull shareholders are pissed, matthew is still trying to get himself demoted and on top of that FIA places a temporary ban on driver swaps mid season to deal with the lawsuits/petitions.

so then it turns out that the DAUD who was once thought to be a generational talent maybe wasn't that good at all because the first race back he hits matthew and causes him to retire. a fluke maybe. nah he hits callan in the next race. red bull come to the startling realisation they are stuck with this guy for the rest of the season. someone googles how to give appendicitis to someone else.

adding salt to the wound, RB finish above red bull in the WCC, callan wins the WDC and matthew quits red bull and the FIA give red bull a massive fine because what they did was illegal and outside of the regulations etc. red bull agree to sell RB to andretti at the end of the season and daniel has never ever been happier. this is what he wanted all along.

max wins the last race, we finally get the daniel, max, matthew, callan podium line up. max retires again, matthew quits red bull and goes to andretti with daniel as TP. matteo also joins andretti, we get the oops all matt team and mostly everyone lives happily ever after.

matilda visits at the end of the season and is like woah. what the fuck happened here and everyone just starts crying because it's been a long year.

is this situation so ridiculous and crazy? yes. but so is this universe.

#five answers #The DAUD #so basically you GOTTA watch f1 in the 2035 in the old habits/glitter on the floor DAUD verse because it's crazy #this is now my favourite universe because it's simply insane #when The DAUD 2nd chapter comes out i will be back to add the OG DAUD verse into this old habits/glitter on the floor

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nalyra-dreaming · 10 months ago

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Oh I love these:

Jacob Anderson

On Sam Reid's performance as dream Lestat: "I noticed after we did a few scenes together with that dynamic, I would just notice Sam copying me. I would have to be like, 'OK, he's studying the way that I stand or the way that I say things. It's the story. It's what's supposed to be happening.' But occasionally I was like, 'I don't do that!' Now I've seen the season, and I'm like, 'It's genius.' I'm looking forward to seeing what Sam says about playing Louis, essentially. It's Lestat as Louis remembers him, filtered through the things that Louis doesn't want to say, and can't say. And maybe the things that Louis is embarrassed or ashamed about, Lestat just says it."

Sam Reid

On Lestat and Armand's relationship: "They have a very, very, very messy relationship. I think a big part of why Lestat didn't want to go back to France, in Season 1, when they were in New Orleans, is because he doesn't want to run into Armand. He doesn't want to see Armand. He's got a very, very complex relationship with him. It's not like he's like, "Ugh, Armand!" [Disgusted noise] It's like, "Ugh." [Exasperated noise] He's not twisty, turny, thinking about Armand every single day or whatever. He's like, "Ugh, I just would rather… Yeah, I don't want him around." But when he does the flick of his wrist when he thinks about Armand, he's also flicking a huge chunk of his life away."

Delainey Hayles

On Louis and Claudia's relationship: "The book became like my Bible in a way, where I was able to look back and look at how Anne Rice describes Claudia. And I was taking into consideration that it's been her and Louis for a very long time. As a child, you absorb your surroundings. Claudia has spent a lot of time with Louis over the past couple of years. So I think, in a way, his empathy kind of rubs off on her."

Assad Zaman

On the show's memory theme: "I personally think often we equate — if the memory's a little bit inaccurate, then the feeling isn't real. [But] if you think back to our childhood, we elaborate on the stories in our heads so much, and often the tiniest things, moments that meant a lot to us become bigger as we remember them. Time slows down or speeds up, and people become larger or smaller in our heads depending on how they made us feel in that time. I think [there's] a lot of that this season — when we go into Paris, I think that's where the performative nature comes into it. We get to really embrace those emotions. The love between Louis and Armand, the romance, is one of the most beautiful parts of it, the way it starts."

Eric Bogosian

On his experience working on the show: "To be working on such complex material and be asked to do things that I haven't done before, and to be working with such amazing creative team — I mean... I've been around. I'm not speaking from, like, this is my second show or my third show. This is like, my 35th show, or 60th, or something. So when I say that Rolin [Jones] is amazing, Hannah [Moscovitch] is amazing — that's our writing team — and that Jacob and Assad are amazing — these guys are very generous. And I think a lot about [how] when you go into deep work as an actor, you have to feel safe. I have definitely not been safe [in the past], especially with men. Men can be real jerks on set, and the audience can't see it, because we have to do our job. But if you're with a bully star, it's hard to go to where you need to go to. And Jacob, who's mainly who I'm working with, he's a very loving guy. Maybe people don't want to know this about him. Maybe I'm only supposed to say things like, 'In real life he's actually a vampire,' but in real life, he's actually a real, very sweet man. Very human."

Ben Daniels

On Santiago's approach to the theater: "It's like people trolling on Twitter. It's like, they're hidden behind the screen, but his screen is the fact that he's pretending to be a human. And he sort of is getting those mortals by the scruff of the neck and saying, 'Look at yourselves. Look how ridiculous and pathetic you are.' But they lap it up because they think it's a show."

THERE'S MORE!

#tv guide #cast quotes #iwtv cast #ben daniels #eric bogosian #assad zaman #delainey hayles #sam reid #jacob anderson #amc iwtv #iwtv #amc interview with the vampire #interview with the vampire amc #iwtv amc #interview with the vampire #iwtv s2 #interview with the vampire s2

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buckysgrace · 9 months ago

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Gator Tillman Headcanons

Just some random thoughts I had about baby boy tonight <3

I for sure think he was born premature? A teeny tiny little baby with big brown eyes lol.

Definitely got doted on because of his huge eyes and messy hair. Very hyper kid too, always needed to be doing something. Probably a biter tbh (spanked a lot sadly smh)

Threw an absolute fit when he was itty bitty and they were weening him off of the pacifier. That was his paci damn it!

Grew to love snakes because his mom hated them and he was quick to remove them from her garden. He thought it was funny to chase her while holding them

Roy use to make Linda keep it in a buzz cut because he hated how long it was on Gator. Thus, leaving Gator to find his own style when he was old enough.

He definitely showed cattle when he was younger. His favorite cow was named Rosie and he won several ribbons for how well kept she was <3

Knows how to ride a horse but doesn't have a desire to do so. Plus his lower back and hips are always so sore after

Prefers dogs over cats, but you best believe any time a cat is around him they're all up in his business

I also think he struggled with asthma when he was little too?? He hasn't had an attack in years but still carries an inhaler around

(don't bring up him vaping while having asthma, he gets very defensive and irritated lol)

Never been out of his hometown unless he needed to travel for competitions or for work. Probably never been on a real vacation before either.

I think he was always tall and lanky but stopped growing his sophomore year of high school?? He always wanted to be taller tho

Was in the FFA obviously.

Being an all-state quarter back I'm sure he had a ton of college offers? I imagine he was fairly average in school, probably enjoyed science more than anything else

Had a really hard time after his mom "left". I think he had a lot of anger issues at this time

His leg injury blew away any chances of him really believing that he could do better for himself, so he followed in Roys footsteps

He gets cold easy, so he always bundles up into layers and layers.

Sucks at cooking. Could not boil water to save his life. I think that he'd take cooking lessons later in life (or learn from someone hehe)

Has a surprisingly good green thumb if he'd keep up with it

Enjoys drawing in his free time and is actually really good at it.

Cannot survive anywhere where it gets too hot. He burns easily

He's in church every Sunday (sometimes Wednesday nights too, depending on his shifts) but it doesn't stop his potty mouth

Car lover of course. Likes to work on vehicles too. Occasionally welds I believe.

Loves going to car shows, or to tractor pulls lol

Most of his tattoos were random, little afterthoughts or done while he was drunk. I think he bought his own tattoo kit but opted out of it.

Flirts like a middle school boy. Will poke and prod at you, lots and lots of teasing. If you meet at a bar you best believe he's gonna be showing you all of his cool drinking tricks lol

A surprisingly good big brother, although Karen thinks he's a bad influence so he doesn't get to spend much time with them

Big fan of Game of Thrones but also loves Golden Girls lmao. And Westerns.

Does that thing where he acts like he's not interested in what's on TV but then he stands there with his hands on his hips watching the whole time lol

Do not ask him to pick you up something for the store, he will not find it

When he's high on weed he's very giggly; thinks everything is hilarious. Will absolutely lay underneath the stars and try to explain the way the universe works. Very snuggly and has the worst munchies (devours a bag of Cool Ranch Doritos in one sitting smh)

Will drink coffee (usually with a protein shake mixed in) but he 100% prefers energy drinks

Jack Daniels and PBR are obviously his drinks of choice hehe. Although he does love a good margarita occasionally

Absolutely devours some Taco Bell after he gets off the night shift. He always gets a box with a chalupa, beefy 5-layer burrito, and the fiesta potatoes but he's also getting a cheesy gordita crunch and the Cinnabon delights. And a Baja Blast. Mans has worked hard and he's hungry lmao

Hates ankle socks

For a late night snack he is breaking open something sweet. I imagine he prefers Heath bars and 100 Grand Bars.

He also loves carrot cake

#Gator Tillman #Gator Tillman headcannons #Gator Tillman headcannon #Gator Tillman HC

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lsunstreakerl · 1 month ago

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plz ignore if it's spoilers :)) but I am very curious about Daniel's POV in all of this and especially his relationship with Max. Is there a bit of 'what if?' that he feels? Like, if he didn't break Max's trust by leaving, he might be in the position that Charles is in now? Or disappointment that their dynamic was strictly dom/sub in scene and he never got the opportunity to 'be nice' to Max and have that different level of closeness with him. To paraphrase Taylor Swift said....will he always wonder? He clearly respects Charles and his relationship with Max (and is very happy to be Josh Allen's WAG apparently lmaoo) but, I am thinking that there is a subset of his feelings towards max that aren't just platonic/sexual...is that something Daniel has assessed if it is there?

And, we know Charles is a possessive little freak. Does he feel at all resentful or jealous that Danny got to experience these things with Max first? That Max was able to open up to Daniel sexually like this but kept it reserved with Charles. Or is the knowledge that at the end of the day Max chose him and is his forever person enough?

For the record, you have awakened a monster with these questions, because I have been waiting for someone to ask about Daniel. Heartbreak highway ahead.

I was planning on going a little bit more in depth in chapter six, but these aren't technically spoilers for the fic. if you're interested in reading it organically through chapter six and the eventual updates to the maxiel prequel, don't keep reading. :)

Daniel and Max are soooooo complicated in the Search History universe. (spoilers for 09000767)

- it's blatantly clear to the RedBull garage that Max was not raised right, or with much love in the home, and the way he throws himself into events and parties and PR events, the way he'll do anything if he thinks it'll get him even a scrap of affection, is something the whole garage, especially Daniel, can see. Max is also a minor when Daniel meets him, so he's not thinking of him in an intimate way at all- he thinks Max has a bit of a puppy love/hero worship thing going on.

- Daniel even jokes with Christian in 09000767 that he's "too responsible about his victory sex to be a father". He views a lot of both his and the garages earlier interactions with Max as raising him, or in the fic they describe it as teaching him how to be a person.

- unfortunately, when all your development happens in a sport like F1, shit gets complicated fast, so Max ends up with some heavy dependencies on bad habits when he's 18/19. (he drinks, he does drugs, he does both at once) Daniel only picks up on this when Max starts really spiraling.

- Daniel steps in to pull Max out of his spiral, and the whole thing is a moral grey area, because what Max needs at that point is professional help, but Daniel doesn't want to tell the team because Max will get kicked out, and Daniel (rightfully) assumes that would be the worst possible thing for Max at the time.

- Max, at this point, has really only been around Jos. He doesn't handle softness or tenderness, and he'll butt heads with anyone and everyone, so Daniel is kind of backed into a corner- to take care of Max, he needs Max to listen to him, to make Max listen to him, he needs to be firm. He doesn't necessarily want to treat Max that way, but he's picking up on the way that Max isn't really capable of looking out for himself, and that he needs someone to step in and tell him what to do.

- Daniel ends up taking Max back to a small place he has in Australia, which is where the dom/sub thing starts, and it's a very slippery slope for the two of them. Daniel starts kind of micro-managing for the two of them, because he notices Max does well with that, and it's clearly making some kind of progress. He tells Max when they eat, when they sleep, when they workout. He's washing Max's hair, portioning his food, and he's constantly watching him.

- Max gets his wires crossed (Daniel is taking care of him and telling him what to do) and starts unintentionally slipping into subspace. Neither of them realize that's what's happening for a while.

- for my 09000767 readers, the first time Daniel gets Max off he's not even really touching him in a sexual way, he's massaging his muscles after a run, and Max is young and on a hair trigger so Daniel kind of just. lets him. He notices what's happening and doesn't explicitly stop it, because he's mentally decided: "If Max needs his positive verbal enforcement to also come with the positive chemical reinforcement an orgasm gives, Daniel can do that."

- Daniel has mentally told himself that if Max makes it a sex thing for himself that's okay, but Daniel's not actually going to fuck him, which leads to a lot of situations where Daniel is talking Max through it, telling him what to do or what not to do, and Daniel doesn't really think about it a whole lot, beyond the fact that it's helping and it's progress and it means Max has a chance of being okay.

- Daniel doesn't really recognize it as a dom/sub thing until Max starts really dropping with him, and even then he's not super informed, he's just like "this seems more intense than it's supposed to be". When he looks it up and starts learning, he realizes they've been doing it all wrong, so he puts a lot of effort into learning how to do it right.

- one of the things Daniel tells Max to do in 09000767 is come up with less destructive coping mechanisms, and Max ends up saying one of them is subbing for Daniel, so they end up still doing it, even when Max is pulled out of his nosedive and ends up doing better.

- throughout this entire thing, Daniel is aware that what he has with Max is not healthy, and it's foundations are inherently wrong. He's always telling himself he won't go further, and every time he still does, and he also is well aware that Max has never actually had a relationship before.

- Daniel recognizes that Max would let him do anything to him, and he fundamentally feels wrong about the whole thing, especially because when Daniel is actually with someone, he wants to be nice to them, doesn't always want to have to be firm, and he feels like he needs to be that way with Max.

- Daniel is also aware of Charles, and pretty much everyone except Max has always been able to tell that the two of them are special, that they really mean something to each other. He kind of has a feeling the whole time that Max is going to end up with Charles, it's inevitable.

- Daniel gears his time with Max more towards learning healthier things, but he's never really tender with him the way he wants to be, because he and Max are never going to get to be that way, and who is Daniel to get in the middle of that?

- Max is convinced that he loves Daniel, and that's just another reason Daniel knows their relationship is wrong, because Max doesn't know what love is yet, and Daniel knows it. So he breaks Max's heart, and he leaves Redbull. Leaves Max.

- when Daniel goes to Renault, he leaves Max behind, because it's a lesson Max needs to learn. (and also, because Redbull needs a primary driver, and Redbull loved them both, and you can't have that in a team. The team cannot love both and succeed at the same time, something has to give, and Daniel has only ever wanted the best for Max. Daniel knows how to learn a team, how to adjust, but Max will never be able to thrive anywhere but Redbull.)

(Max's first real heartbreak is Daniel's final act of love. He will never see that.)

(Charles can.)

- Charles enters the grid and can immediately tell Max and Daniel have something going on, because he's never seen Max like that with anyone, but he doesn't particularly care at the time, too busy with racing and trying to impress Ferrari, and as long as Daniels not trying to claim he's Max's rival they have no problems.

- obviously, the entire grid can feel the tension when Daniel leaves Redbull, and no one really talks about it, buts it's an unspoken thing. Max closes off a bit to the other drivers, although he goes home with people at parties a lot, though it starts to really taper down right before covid hits anyways.

- when Charles and Max first get together, Max assumes that they're strictly hookups for several months, doesn't realize until they're out to dinner and he asks why Charles is bothering, he could've just invited him to his hotel room.

- Charles then assumes Max's last partner treated him like absolute shit, and he's furious about it, before Max catches on, and Max is mature enough (mostly) to look back at his situation and recognize it for how complicated it actually was, and they have a whole conversation about it.

- Charles realizes midway through the conversation that Daniel really did love Max, and he realizes at the same time that Max will never see that, will only ever see Daniel leaving him.

- Charles has some moments in Search History where he realizes Daniel still loves Max, might always love him just a little bit, and he can't find it in him to be upset or angry about it, because what Daniel did for Max to help take care of him Charles can never repay him for.

- in 1+1+1, if Daniel wasn't also dom'ing Charles, it might've been a problem, but instead it's a genuine three way thing for that weekend, and it also gives Charles a slight peek behind the curtain, at the way Daniel wanted to love Max, the way he can't.

- "It is very easy, being sweet to him." "Yeah. It is." This right here is the entire summarization of Daniel and Charles' relationship. Charles stating it like a fact, like the sky is blue, because it's something he gets to do, as easy as breathing. Daniel stating it like a jail sentence, because it's something he never got to do, and never will, it's a reminder of something he'll always wonder if he could've handled better, something he'll never get to have.

If you read all that and you're thinking "fuck you Sunny, that was way angstier than it needed to be", here is your consolation prize:

- Daniel does eventually end up with someone in a healthy relationship, where he gets to treasure them the way he wants, and he gets loved endlessly in return. (no spoilers.)

Anyways, that was definitely more than you were asking for, but I've been sitting on it for weeks <3

#search history verse #(is three)#09000767 #surprise! daniel angst!

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butyou-callmewhenyourebored · 2 years ago

Text

When We Are Together - Matty Healy

Summary: In which Matty falls in love with you in stages his entire life. He knows everything is better when you're together but the two of you are oblivious to the fact you're in love with each other.

Warnings: Swearing. A small section of smut in flashback 2. Unfortunately it's not with Matty. It's with George because I am a whore. Mentions of The S*n. Mentions of Matty going to rehab, obviously we don't know all the personal details apart from the fact there was an intervention after the ilwys era ended and he went and now he's in recovery.

Author's Note: Self proclaimed 'Not a Matty girl' just wrote 12K lol this has legit taken so long cause I procrastinate but hope you like it! Really fucking long because I tend to let my mind wonder, I don't even know if this is any good but I'm trying to get better. I thought the concept was cute anyway. So enjoy! Let me know what you guys think and if you liked it x

Word Count: 12K

Your life had always been surrounded by the boys. So many moments in your life that their fans could only ever dream of knowing about or being involved in but you didn’t know any different, it was just your life. You had no choice in the matter when your brother and best friend in the entire world was the bassist in the band. That’s right; Ross MacDonald was your big brother and you seemed to be somewhat of a legend amongst their hardcore fanbase yourself for putting up with their antics for as long as you had! Not that you really had a choice when you were tied to them via blood but they had also hired you as their personal assistant so you could follow them around the world and so none of them had to part from you for too long.

You had personal relationships with all of the band, not just your brother who genuinely was the best big brother you could have ever asked for. He was your best friend and had been since the moment you were born. Sometimes it irritated the others how annoying the two of you were when you both got into silly moods, with all your inside jokes and side looks that nobody else understood. Especially Matty who always wanted in on the joke. But Ross was a ride or die kind of guy and you were the same. If it came down to it you would fight over who took the first bullet.

Adam Hann. Adam truly was an angel of man sent to earth to be your bestie and you don’t think you could love him anymore if you could. Someone you could geek out about The Office with on the tour bus and who brought you coffee when he could see you needed a pick me up. The most level headed of the boys, you know he’ll always be on your side. Someone who’s come to your rescue during many nights out both pre and post fame and took your hand, pretended to be your boyfriend with no questions asked and got you away from creeps more times than you would have liked. You couldn’t be more grateful for a selfless friend like Adam Hann.

George Daniel. Your ‘little’ Georgie had been in your form at school, so apart from your brother until you were much older and started hanging out with them more, you had spent the most time with him. So it’s fair to say that the pair of you were close. So close that you lived with him and Matty in your early twenties. Even a small indiscretion on his 23rd birthday much to your brother’s dismay didn’t change the course of your relationship. Now that you were both thirty two and you were still working for him, clearly the two of you didn’t care that you had seen each other naked. If anything your night together all those many moons ago had brought you closer together. You would trust him with your life.

Then there was Matty. Matty was something else. If you asked his fans, depending on if you were asking old or new fans. He was something else in two senses of the word. To you he was just Matthew. Your big brother’s best friend who was a bit of a weird kid, transitioned into a somewhat cool teenager who you had a bit of a crush on when you were seventeen, to the most annoying person you’ve ever laid eyes on. But also he was your best friend. An old married couple is what George labeled you both and he wasn’t wrong, the pair of you did have a bit of a domestic life together when he wasn’t busy being a rockstar.

I think the fans would be shocked to find out he likes doing the mundane things in life like doing the food shop with you and fighting at the tills that it was his turn to scan his club card. Or walking the dog, drinking a good cup of tea at his Mam’s house or cooking with you over a glass of wine with Donny Hathaway playing in the background on the record player.

He had done so much for you over the years and you always thought it was just Matty being Matty and looking out for you. Hiring you as the band’s assistant, so you could see the world with them so you weren’t stuck in a stuffy office job in England. Even though you had graduated from uni with a first class degree in photography. Moving you into his home when you broke up with your long term boyfriend in 2020 so you weren’t wallowing in self pity. It was probably then, that George cemented your “marriage status” because you did do everything together and apparently you had been oblivious your entire friendship until now.

It was in this moment in Belfast on the last night of the UK tour that your head swimming with all of the moments in your life that led you to here with Matty, tears brimmed with tears. That you realised that it was him the entire time.

April 2007

You pulled the front of the white tank top you were wearing down, allowing the frilly cups of your red bra to peek out the top. Your top tucked into a short black mini skirt, paired with a big chunky belt and hoop earrings and some wedged sandals on your feet. You actually felt good about yourself for once! You, Sarah and Rebecca ready to get drunk and dance your asses off with all of your friends as you celebrated Matty’s birthday.

Matty’s 18th birthday party was being held at his house. A classic Healy house party yet you still wondered how Denise and Tim were somehow trusting him enough for the night to not burn the house down so he could celebrate his birthday with his friends without parental supervision.

You of course had yet to turn eighteen, as had your brother who was only eleven months older than you. So you turned to your lord and saviour Adam Hann who went to the local off license and bought you a pack of Bacardi Breezers for the party.

When the three of you arrived; you immediately got swept away by your other school friends, giggling at the thought of getting drunk with all your friends and making out with boys your brother would definitely disapprove of was the motivation you needed to open your first drink of the evening.

It was after a few drinks, definitely too many shots of whatever George had proclaimed Matty’s Dad’s had left for the birthday boy. You were starting to feel the effects of the alcohol you had drunk that evening when you spotted Max. Tall, brunette, curly hair and a killer watt smile that made you weak at the knees, talking to George.

Silent motivation from Phoebe as she ruffled her hands through your hair and pushing your tits into a good position as Sarah dabbed on some more lip gloss before pushing you in the direction of the boys, slapping your ass with a quick “Go get him tiger!”

Shooting her a grin over your shoulder, you strutted on over to where George and Max stood clutching their beer bottles as they conversed about god knows what. Hoping to catch his attention, you threw on your best smile as you stopped in front of the two of them.

“Hello boys!” You beamed a the two of them, eyes lingering on Max a little longer. “Having a good night?” You asked, twiddling the straw around your drink as you waited for their answer.

“Even better now you’re here gorgeous!”

Your heart fluttered for a moment. Max was flirting back.

“Your tits are looking mega tonight babe!”

George broke your eye contact with the tall brunette as your eyes flitted towards him. The blush flushing across your cheeks at George’s compliment, “Ohhh thanks G!” You laughed awkwardly, catching his eyes fall to your tits once more just as Ross walked past the three of you.

“Dude! That’s my sister!” He punched him in the arm; a scowl on his face and immediately pulling you away with him and far away from the boys and into the crowd of people dancing in Denise and Tim’s living room.

“You’re no fun!” You huffed.

“You can do a lot better than Max sis. Believe me! I’m just looking out for you.”

He smiled softly at you and you sighed, knowing you couldn’t ever stay mad at him. He knew you better than anyone else and always looked out for you no matter what. “Thanks bro. I know. I’m just going to get some fresh air, it’s a bit stuffy in here.”

You sent him a smile, squeezing past him and all the other sweaty bodies to head out the sliding doors at the back of Matty’s kitchen. Letting out the breath you hadn’t realised you had been holding as the cool spring air brushed over your skin. Taking in the serenity of the night air, you didn’t realise anyone else was out there until you heard a cough causing you to snap your head towards the noise.

Matty was leaning up against the back wall, cigarette hanging from his lips.

“Alright birthday boy! What you doing out here by yourself?” You laughed lightly as you approached; leaning next to him as you took in the slightly solemn look on his face.

“Bit overwhelming in there. Thought I’d like the attention but there’s too many people. Half of them are just here to get drunk, they don’t care about me.” He laughed bitterly; blowing smoke into the air. “Anyway. What are you doing out here?”

“Just needed some air. It was a bit stuffy in there. Too many people.”

“Ahhh so we’re alike in our thinking.” Matty laughed. “Wish it was just you and the boys to be honest.” He mumbled, shuffling his feet.

“Hey. You know if you want we can have a do over. Come over to mine and Ross’ tomorrow. We’ll order pizza and watch True Romance. I’d hate for you to not look back fondly at your 18th.” You smiled softly as you spoke.

“You’re brilliant.” Matty’s eyes bright as he looked at you. “I’d really like that. Thanks sweetheart.” Matty shot you a genuine smile for the first time since you stepped outside.

A brief moment of silence settled across the two of you before Matty spoke again.

“You look incredible tonight.”

“Ohhh.” You looked down at your feet, unsure of how to take the compliment.

“Hey.” Matty lifted your chin up. “What’s all that about? You’re the most beautiful girl in the room.” He said earnestly; swiping at the apples of your cheeks and holding your jaw in his hands.

“Just didn’t think anyone could look past the fact I’m Ross’ sister. Nobody ever calls me beautiful.”

“Not even Josh? Didn’t you date him for nearly a year?” Matty asked as you shook your head.

“Then he’s an idiot. You’re always the most beautiful girl in the room darling.”

“Matty.”

It came out a whisper as you both stared into each other’s brown eyes. Matty’s eyes dancing across your features, settling on your lips before looking back up and catching your gaze already on him. Matty leaned in, his face getting closer to your own as your mind started racing.

Did you want to kiss Matty? Kinda, yeah!

Should you kiss Matty? No, definitely not. Ross would kill the both of you.

Did you kiss Matty? Yes.

“We shouldn’t.” You whispered, lips mere inches away from his own.

“But a birthday kiss is all I want this year.”

His words came out of a whisper, you didn’t say anything else just pushed your lips against his and allowed him to pull you closer as his mouth moved against the softness of your glossed lips. His hands moving from your face, dancing down the sides of your body and landing on your waist before he reluctantly pulled away, forehead resting against your own.

“You’re good at that.” He pecked your lips once more.

“Mmmm.” You hummed; opening your eyes as Matty held you close. You quickly opened your mouth to say something and promptly shut it again when you caught the way Matty looked at you. “Fuck it!” You mumbled and slammed your lips back against his own.

The birthday boy now pushing you up against the wall, hands impossibly tight on your waist as he pulled you as physically close as possible. Your hands uprooting themselves in the hair at the back of his neck and tugging as you snogged him like your life depended on it. Like you weren’t pushed against the back of his kitchen wall in his garden, where any of your school friends could come out and catch you. Or worse; your brother but you didn’t care because the way Matty was kissing you made your whole body tingle.

Tugging his hair again as his tongue moved against your own. Matty groaned loudly; finally pulling away. “Fuck settle down! You know I can’t be found with you and if you keep doing that, someone is going hear us.” He groaned as he continued to pepper kisses up the side of your jaw.

“Hmmm, don’t feel like being murdered by my brother right now.” You sighed; leaning back against the wall to take him in. Lips swollen and eyes bright as he watched you.

“I don’t want to be murdered by your brother either. Worst birthday ever!” He chuckled; hands dancing across your waist. “But that was my favourite birthday gift! Thanks sweetheart!” Matty grinned; watching you push yourself off the wall and smooth yourself down before heading back towards the house.

You paused for a moment; your foot on the last step, your hand lingering on the handle to the back door for a millisecond as you looked over your shoulder one last time at Matty who was just watching you. You sent him a soft smile, your hair falling in front of your face as you laughed before leaving him the dark as you rejoined the party.

A kiss with Matty who was your big brother’s (and your) annoying friend, someone you had an innocent schoolgirl crush on once he started becoming a tiny bit cool as the lead singer in their band. Something you didn’t think was an overly big deal, after all people kiss people they shouldn’t when they’re drunk all the time. Turns out it was the starting point of the trajectory of how your’s and Matty’s story begun.

March 2013

In the midst of releasing a series of EPs and gigging around the country and building up their hardcore fanbase. You had managed to get the boys all to just relax for a moment and celebrate the release of their Music for Cars EP and the fact that it was George’s 23rd birthday this weekend. And how did you celebrate? The only way you lot knew how, a dirty ole’ house party just like the good old days.

You had managed to squeeze God knows how many people in little flat you shared with George and Matty. As far as flatmate’s go, they weren’t all that bad. You had moved in with them straight after university so you had definitely had worse.

You had just downed what you believe was your fifth vodka shot of the evening and decided you needed to pace yourself a bit more if you weren’t going to stumble into your room and pass out any time soon. So upon spotting Ross, you wondered over to your brother who was sat talking to Hann; wiggling your way in between the two of them with a giggle. Ross automatically lifting his arm for you to slip under as you nursed the rest of your wine at a slower pace until your glass was empty.

After your head stopped spinning a sufficient amount, you found yourself milling about the flat and smuggling yourself into Matty’s embrace as he poured you another glass.

“Enjoying yourself sweetheart?”

“Mmm. Have you see the birthday boy?” You felt Matty’s lips pressed to the top of your head as you asked.

“You leaving me already?” He chuckled. “Think he popped out the back for a cig.”

He motioned towards the back door. You immediately unravelled yourself from him, a kiss smacked against his cheek, catching the corner of his mouth. Not that you noticed in your flurry but Matty did. The longing for the feeling of the two of you had shared in his back garden prickling at his chest as his eyes locked onto your retreating figure as you rushed through the throng of remaining people in the kitchen and exiting the flat.

Matty was right. You found George smoking out the back in your little tiny back garden under the dying glimmer of your shit security light that was attached to your back wall. Turning in your direction at the sound of the back door shutting, George automatically opened his arms for you to slot into his side, arm hung loosely over your shoulder as he let out the smoke he had just inhaled. Wordlessly placing the cig in your mouth to let you take a drag yourself, you passed it back and forth between the two of you in silence.

Stubbing the end into the brick, George dropped it into the bucket of dirty filters before breaking the silence. “God what time is it?” He asked as you watched him push the balls of his hand into his eyes.

“Nearly 2am! Why you need to go to bed Grandad?!”

“Fucking maybe?! How many people are left?” The now blonde motioned towards the house.

“Only a few. Heard Sally talk about some of them heading into town on the way out and Luke and Helen have to be up early so they left nearly a hour ago. Just the band and about three other now. You ready to head in birthday boy?” You asked; holding out your hand for him to take with a smirk.

With a silent nod George didn’t hesitate to grab onto your hand as you tried not to trip over the many plant pots that were littered across your garden path. “You given me my birthday present yet? I can’t remember?” You turned to look at the drummer. An amused look on your face because he had given you the brightest smile when he had opened the personalised drumsticks you had gotten him earlier. “Or are you my present? Wait is this an ambush?” George gasped. “Please be an ambush!” He grinned at you.

“You should be so lucky!” You scoffed; before shooting him a smirk as you opened the the kitchen door.

“Your tits look mega in that dress by the way!” His tone smug as he closed the kitchen door behind him. Your only response being the cackle that left your mouth as you left George to watch you walk away as you joined the rest of the band in the living room.

Lucky indeed because once the remaining guests left about twenty minutes later. You had snuck into George’s room to say good night and wish him a happy birthday and it’s how you found yourself currently with aching arms. As they were locked either side of George’s knees, his hands tight on your waist as you bounced on his cock.

You weren’t sure how long you had been in this position. You do know he had already made you cum twice though. Once on his tongue and once with his fingers but my God were you spiralling towards your third. The thick drag of his cock between your legs as he stretched you out was delicious but you needed to cum quick because you weren’t sure how long you could stay in this position for.

“Jesus Christ! So fucking good George!” You wailed; as George’s thumb swiped through the slick between your legs and rubbing at your clit.

“Feel good baby?”

“Yes. Shit! So good!” You panted. “Arms hurt though, fuck.”

“Don’t worry. I’ve got you.” He said; pulling you forward.

You fell forward at full speed; having to catch yourself on either side of his face to stop yourself from head butting him as his large hands moved from your hips to grab on to the globes of your ass before plowing up into your cunt so fast you saw stars dance under your eyelids. All you could do was shake and babble out a string of, “So good. So good. So good.” As George made you cum again.

Pulling out quickly. You had no time to recover as George flipped you over; face already in his pillows as he pushed back into you as he chased his own orgasm. The drag of his cock made you feel delirious at the speed in which he was fucking you back into the mattress.

“Fucking hell. You’re so good G! Yes! Yes! Yes!” You screamed into the mattress, really not caring that your mutual best friend was on the other side of the wall.

His name fell from your lips like a chant. You hadn’t been fucked this good in forever, if at all and the fact it was your Georgie made your head spin.

“Come on baby. One more and I’ll give it to you.” He whispered in your ear, kissing the back of your shoulder before pulling you back on to his cock at rapid speed and sending you hurtling towards your fourth orgasm of the night (well morning) and George to fill you up with a satisfied groan.

Pulling out; your gentle giant rolled over, the pair of you catching your breath after fucking for a good hour. Rolling your head to the side to take him in, you pressed a kiss to the top of his shoulder with a chuckle. “Happy Birthday G!”

The now blonde let out a loud laugh as the pair of you snuggled into each other’s arms, like you would normally do under any other circumstances as George pressed a kiss to the side of your face. The temporary bliss shielding you both from the circumstances you’d have to face in the morning.

When you did manage to wake up the next morning, George was still fast asleep but his alarm clock read 10:12 and you knew you’d have to get up to tidy the flat because Matty certainly wouldn’t. As you looked around George’s room, you scrambled to find anything to hide your dignity as you moved around to clean up. As you pulled the shirt George was wearing the night before over your bare body, you didn’t have chance to register the other voices on the other side of the bedroom door.

“Where is she? She’s not answering her phone? She’s not in her room either.”

Matty didn’t answer Ross’s question, just grumbled into his arms before flinging himself down onto the dining room table dramatically.

“What’s the matter with you? You look like shit Healy!” Hann shoved his shoulder with a laugh as he threw himself on the sofa.

“Well you’d look like shit if you didn’t get any sleep cause you could hear George fucking at all hours of the night too.” Matty snapped at the two of them.

“Who was he shagging? I thought he wasn’t seeing that blonde anymore?”

Unfortunately for you, this was when you decided to make your grand appearance. Walking out of George’s room in nothing but his shirt and your knickers from the night before. The three of them silent as they took in your appearance.

Adam’s jaw slack as he looked on in shock as everything clicked into place before his very eyes.

Matty looked pained as he ran a hand through his curls before pushing himself up off the dining room table and shuffling into the kitchen, silently flicking the kettle on.

Ross looked angry. You could see it simmering in his eyes. The vein on his neck pulsing as he starred you down.

“I’ve been trying to ring you. Why were you in George’s room? ”

“I’ve been asleep. I’m here now aren’t I? Everything alright?” You brushed past him, trying to avoid talking about the inevitable. You hated when Ross was angry.

“Why do you have George’s shirt on?”

The two of you competed in a stare off. The both of you silent. Neither of you making the next move. If there was one thing you MacDonald siblings were, it was stubborn. Adam was watching on in anticipation. The only noise to be heard was Matty shuffling around the kitchen in the background. Your brother asked you again. Why was he asking you questions he didn’t want to know the answers to.

“Don’t make me say it bro.” You sighed; annoyance flashing across his features.

“You slept with my best friend?” Ross immediately started raising his voice. He already knew the answer, he didn’t need your confirmation. Not that he waited for it because he was already storming towards George’s room and right on queue, the door swung open to George just in his boxers.

“Ross. Stop!” Your voice loud and going ignored.

“YOU SLEPT WITH MY SISTER?!”

Ross was seething. Hann was immediately by your side ready to intervene. Matty still off and away from the drama (which was very unlike him) that was about to unfold. He was unlawfully quiet but you couldn’t think about that when Ross was squaring off with George in the doorway to your rooms. The shouting sounded like you were under water as you zoned it out. This was a disaster. It was only when Hann touching your arm, whispering if they should intervene or not that brought you back to reality and had you storming right in between the two giants.

Pushing your way in between them. You stood with your back against George’s chest, a hand on your brothers and looking up at him with pleading eyes. “Ross. Please. Fighting George isn’t going to solve anything.”

“You slept. With my sister. What about fucking bro code?! Not cool dude!”

“It was me.” You shouted over the top of his booming voice, all four of them turning to look at you as you very rarely raised your voice. “It was me. I initiated it. So if you’re going to be mad at someone, shout at me because it’s my fault.”

“Babe you don’t have to defend me.” George touched your shoulder gently. “I know, we shouldn’t have done it.”

“Don’t touch her!” Ross zoned in on George’s hands upon your shoulders. He quickly lifted them up in surrender.

“George, we’re both consenting adults.” You addressed him before turning back to your brother. “I’m sorry but if you’re going to sulk about it, blame me because I started it. Ross you know I love you more than anything in this world but you can’t hate everyone that goes near me.” You reached for his hand to give it a squeeze. “It was literally a one night stand. Promise it won’t happen again.”

Ross tried to pull his hand out of yours at your words, the vein in his neck twitching at the fucked up thought of his little sister casually sleeping around. “I’m not fucking happy about it. Fucking bro code dude.” He threw his hands up dramatically before turning towards the door. “I’m going for some fresh air.”

Ross quickly yanked open the front door, Hann hot on his tail, muttering something about checking on him which left you with Matty and George. The three of you standing in silence for a moment before George popped a kiss on top of your head and mumbling about a cig and heading out the back.

Matty disappeared again into the kitchen as you plonked yourself down at the dining room table with a groan. The ticking of the clock the only thing to be heard as the two of you were now the only ones left in your tiny flat. Sitting down next to you, Matty didn’t say anything. Just pushed a mug of coffee towards you and sipping his own.

“You don’t hate me do you? You haven’t said anything all morning.”

Matty took a sip of his coffee, a look of contemplation on his face as his eyes flitted towards you. The silence deafening and the thought of him being upset with you made your heart ache.

“You never offered me that on my birthday.”

You blinked rapidly as you stared at him. That was it. That’s what he chose to say.

Matty tried to say it with a joking lilt to his words. A smirk hiding behind his mug of coffee as you took in his words. But he knew deep down that there was a seriousness to it. It was true, you’ve never done anything with him other than when you kissed at his 18th, on his birthday or otherwise. Apart from one drunken weekend about two weeks later. He wasn’t sure why the thought made his heart pang. But it did. You opened your mouth to respond, quickly shutting it again as a flush rushed to your cheeks as you remembered the night in his garden five birthdays ago.

You let out a shaky laugh, not knowing what to say, shoving his shoulder playfully as you settled back into your chair, steaming coffee ready to be drunk.

“I don’t, you know.”

You turned you head to curly haired man beside you confused at what he was saying.

“I could never hate you.”

2014

You weren’t exactly sure where you were. What state you were in. What time it was or how much you and the band had to drink or what drugs Matty had taken tonight but you were fucking exhausted. You had been following your brother and your best friends around the world for the best part of just over a year, ‘acting’ like their personal assistant.

You were essentially a glorified baby sitter for these four man children. You wouldn’t change it for the world though, you got to travel the world with your best friends and take cool photography in the cool cities you visited but it was all catching up to you. All whilst they were busy being rockstars, some more than others but that was a different story.

You wanted nothing more than to be in the dingy little flat you shared with Matty and George in Manchester, catching up on washing, going down to your local Sainsbury’s and doing the weekly shop. Anything that didn’t require going to bed post 3am.

But you were currently in a club in Atlanta or was it Nashville? You didn’t know but what you did know was that you were bloody tired and the thought of travelling on the tour bus to the next state with a hangover was genuinely about to send you into a downward spiral if you didn’t get yourself back to the hotel asap.

Tucked neatly underneath Hann’s arm, his arm loosely hanging over your shoulder as you rested your head upon his shoulder, you prayed for your brother to round up the other two quicker than he was because you were actually asleep standing up at this point. You didn’t think it was possible to be asleep with your eyes open but you were positive at this precise moment in time it was currently happening.

Ross finally reappeared with George in tow but there was no Matty trailing behind the two of them. You groaned loudly as you clapped eyes on the two of them. Ross looked defeated, tiredness set his eyes too. George smirked when he heard your groans.

“Not the usual type of groans you make when you see me baby.”

“I’ll punch you so hard before Ross even gets the chance to if you don’t shut the fuck up Daniel's. Where’s Healy?” You huffed, scowling at the boy in front of you.

“Mumbled something incoherent before refusing to leave.” Your brother grumbled.

“Give me two minutes.” You sent Hann a soft smile, before removing yourself from the bubble the two of you’d created at the end of the bar before pushing your way through all the sweaty bodies until you found him trying to chat up some blonde model type near the DJ booth.

Gently placing your hand around his bicep to get his attention, his curls whipped in your direction to see who was touching him. The first thing you noticed apart from the bright grin he was now sporting were his dilated pupils. So he had taken coke again, brilliant.

The sigh that left you so deeply rooted, you’re surprised he didn’t pick up on it. You hated the way it made him feel after the high was over.

“Hi darling! Hasn’t tonight been amazing? Wait where are the others? Can you believe your brother tried to make me to go back to the hotel? How sick was the gig tonight? Do you want to dance? Hey let me introduce you to…” He spoke at a hundred miles a hour as he spewed out utter nonsense, turning to realise the blonde he was chatting up was long gone.

You watched Matty’s shoulders sag, sad eyes now back on your own. “You fancy coming back with me? I’m dead on my feet and don’t really fancy nursing this inevitable hangover whilst being stuck on the tour bus for over six hours with you lot without at least four hours of decent sleep.”

“But I don’t want to go home yet.” He pouted.

“You come with me now, I’ll let you stay in my bunk tomorrow and I won’t complain about how clingy you are. Promise!”

“Like a sleepover?!” Matty’s face lit up again.

“If you like, yeah!” You laughed at his childlike enthusiasm.

“Come on then, let’s go right now!” He started to drag you through the crowds. “I’m sharing with Ross tonight. I think he’d rather kill himself than watch you throw yourself at me!”

“I don’t throw myself at you.” You laughed at the frown he was pulling at you.

“It’s been known to happen Healy! I don’t mind though. My bunk tomorrow. Pinky promise.”

“Tomorrow.” Matty sent you a soft smile; his pinky looping around your own before you started to tug him back towards the boys. “I just want to clarify, I don’t throw myself at you I just like lying on your tits is all!” He said, pulling a laugh out of you as you approached the rest of the band. Your brother already leading the troops out the club as he saw your approach, eager to get out of there and into bed.

You had currently been on the road from Atlanta to Raleigh, North Carolina for the past two hours and the hangover was showing no signs of disappearing. You had already watched half a season of The Office with Hann and had taken a half arsed nap with Ross but it was hard trying to sleep in the lounge, when your head was knocking off his shoulder every time the bus hit a pot hole.

Not to mention; if Matty made one more fucking sound, you were absolutely positive one of you was going to throw him out the window. It was a toss up between you and Hann, whoever got to him first I suppose. But he was getting on your last nerve. He was annoying at the best of times but there was something about his come down today that was irritating you to no fucking end. He so much as breathed too loudly and it was sending you spiralling into deep pit of annoyance.

You and the band were up back in the lounge area, some Adam Sandler movie playing quietly in the back ground that you were pretty sure none of them were even paying attention to. When Matty threw his phone across the bus, swearing something incoherent under his breath and it was the last straw.

Standing up abruptly, you managed to startle both Ross and Hann at the speed in which you moved. Pulling down George’s hoodie that you had stolen, so it covered more of your ass over the pair of gym shorts you had on. You turned back towards your brother and Adam, irritation etched across your features, scowling at Matty as you eyed him out of your peripheral, as he moped about next to George.

Just the image of him, made you want to roll your eyes.

“I’m going to my bunk before I fucking throttle him!”

You sent them both a sarcastic smile before storming off to your bunk. You can’t have been there ten minutes before your peace was interrupted by Matty who was peering around the curtain and asking if he can join you. You let out a big sigh before silently nodding your head as he lumbered on into the small space.

Immediately wrapping his arms around your waist; his head found home upon your chest just like it always did when he wanted a cuddle. Your hand that was wrapped around him made its way up to his head, where it settled in his curls, finger tips running across his scalp. The sound of his soft sighs automatically calming down the irritation that had been bubbling inside you since he had awoken this morning.

You weren’t entirely sure how long you had been lying there in silence. You only broke the silence when the coldness of Matty’s fingertips slipped underneath your hoodie to touch the warmth of your skin. His thumb rubbing circles across the softness of your hips as he snuggled further into your tits as one of his legs started pushing its way in between your own as he got comfy.

“Matty?” Your voice gentle as you tried to get his attention.

“You said you wouldn’t complain.” His voice muffled as he spoke into your covered breasts.

“Your fingers are fucking freezing that’s all.” Your chest vibrated with laughter.

“Sorry sweetheart” Matty moved the slightest bit, to kiss the underside of your chin before snuggling back into the warmth of your hoodie.

“I don’t mean to, you know?” He whispered softly.

“What are you talking about?”

“I don’t mean to make you angry.”

His voice was barely above a whisper, that you nearly missed it.

“I’m not angry. Why would you think I’m angry at you?”

“You looked like you’d rather die than be anywhere near me before.” The hand that was weaving through his curls stopped. “I hated it. Hated that you looked at me like that. Made me feel even more shit than I already do.”

“Healy look at me.” Matty didn’t move a muscle, head still tucked underneath your chin, no effort in moving at all at your words.

“Babe. Look at me.” Your voice more stern, wiggling away from his grip so you could look down at him properly. “I could never hate you. Ever.” Your eyes flitted across his features, hardened by the late nights on tour and the hardcore partying. “I hate what that stuff does to you. I would never stop you from having fun but when you do that stuff, I hate how it makes you hate yourself the next day. I don’t want you doing something you’re going to regret because believe it or not Healy. I’m quite fond of you and I don’t think my heart could take it if something happened to you. Neither would my brother’s or Hann’s or George’s. We love you a stupid amount you know.”

Matty blinked at you as he took in your words, his brown eyes glossing over before shoving his face into you neck, the grip around your waist becoming impossibly tighter. Your body shaking as his vibrated against yours, soft sobs leaving him as he chanted; “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.” Over and over again.

All you could do was hold him closer and reassure him, that he had nothing to be sorry for and you were just looking out for him because anything else, you were afraid it might break you and you’d cry too. As your best friend was breaking his heart and wetting the hoodie you were wearing.

“Don’t apologise for having fun. I just want you to be careful. All I ever want is for you to be okay and sometimes what you do with all those people you don’t know isn’t good for you sweetheart.”

You squeezed him tighter, pressing a kiss to the top of his head. As he mumbled how “I’ll be better, I promise” into your neck, pressing multiple kisses in quick succession to just under the right side of your jaw before settling back into silence where the two of stay for some time.

The soft regular movement of Matty’s thumb rubbing circles on your hip stopped, his hand significantly less colder than they were before he had them up your hoodie, moved across the expanse of your lower back and rolling you over so you were now draped over him instead and tucked into his side.

“You know sometimes I feel the only time I might get better is when we are together. You ever feel like that?”

It was now your turn to nod silently, a soft hum leaving your mouth as you pressed a quick kiss into his skin as you settled into a slumber.

2017

You had been pottering about your flat most of the morning, doing a deep clean of the place before you were supposed to be heading to meet the boys for Sunday dinner. Your boyfriend of nearly a year Michael, once again opting out of spending time with you and your family, claiming he had better things to be doing that sitting about and listening to the boys talk about what they had been getting up to in the studio again.

Personally you think it was because George let slip last time Michael could actually be bothered to join you all for a drink, that he had slept with you in a drunken ramble, much to the dismay of your boyfriend, your brother and yourself. And Michael didn’t take too fondly to the fact you were still close with George after the confession.

You were in the middle of folding the last bit of the washing that you had dumped on your bed when your phone pinged with a text from Hann.

‘Did you get a letter in the post this week? x’

‘I get a lot of stuff in the post Ads! Off who? x’

‘Matty x’

The moment you saw his name, your heart got stuck in your throat. None of you had heard from him since he he had left, something to do with his recovery. So the thought of contact from him had you dropping your phone on the bed and rushing from your room, shouting at Michael about the post you had received this week. Only receiving a mumble from him about the fire place; had you dashing to the living room, where you rifled through the post sat on top of the mantelpiece.

There slotted in between this months Rolling Stone subscription and a local take away menu was a white envelope addressed to you.

A Barbados post mark sitting in the top right corner.

Dropping the rest of the mail on the coffee table, you rushed back to your bedroom, locking the door immediately before sitting at the edge of your bed and taking in Matty’s scrawl of a penmanship. Running your fingers over the ink; your mind flashed back to that day.

The day you realised he wasn’t okay.

How completely out of it he was as you watched him at their last festival gig of the iliwys tour cycle. How utterly miserable he looked as he threw himself about the stage, looking just the shadow of the man you knew and loved.

You knew something wasn’t right as you watched from the side of stage with their manager Jamie. George ever the professional, had even broke his concentration bubble to catch your eye several times during their festival set, worry set in his features.

The way your gentle giant walked straight up to you, stopped in front of you and just by the look in your eyes. Your face never one to hide your emotions. George wrapped his arm around you and without a single word, the pair of you knew you had to speak to the other boys about it. You needed to talk to him.

The night of the intervention. The way he screamed and shouted at you all. He admitted to using but he didn’t do it quietly. The way Ross stepped in front of you in defence when he swore at you. Hann’s hand wrapped tightly around your own, George’s hand squeezing your shoulder in support as your brown eyes glossed over as you took in the man in front of you. He wasn’t your Matty and you hated looking at him like this.

You didn’t want to look at him at all and it broke your heart.

Slipping your finger into the envelope you finally tore it open, slipping out several pages of paper. You weren’t sure how long you were holding them before you actually unfolded them but it felt like a lifetime of contemplating before you managed to finally take a deep breath and compose yourself enough to read his words.

‘Darling,

As part of my recovery, I’ve been tasked to write a letter to everyone I’ve hurt and yours is the last one I’ve got to write. Not because you mean the least to me. Quite the opposite. Yours has been the hardest to write. Harder than Gabby. My Mam, Dad & Louis & the boys because you mean the absolute world to me.

This is actually the third time I’ve attempted to write this. Admitting that I’ve hurt you is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. You know what I’m like, I’m a stubborn twat at the best of times but I needed to do this because you deserve this apology probably the most.

You’ve never once judged me and the fucked up things I do when I’m on one. Since we were kids you’ve stuck by my side, defended me when I really didn’t deserve it and loved me endlessly from the sidelines and I’ve definitely not deserved your love but you gave me it anyway.

Do you remember that time we were on tour in 2014 and I was fucked up on coke for god knows how many days in a row and you couldn’t even be in the same room as me that day on the bus when I was on that god awful come down on the way to North Carolina?

Yet you still didn’t say no when I selfishly came crawling to your bunk to interrupt your peace and quiet with my tail between my legs, asking to come lie with you. You could have told me to piss off but you didn’t, you let me squish myself into your bunk and your arms and let me sleep off my hangover in your arms without complaining once. I would have complained but you didn’t, you let me and my cold hands snake their way into your personal space like I hadn’t gotten on your last nerve just ten minutes prior.

I’m quite a selfish person. You my darling are the most selfless person I know and I don’t deserve the good grace you’ve given me time and time again. Especially seeing as I dragged you along for the ride and then you’ve had to babysit me because I can’t control myself when it comes to drugs and showing off because I want everyone to like me.

You could have taken the tough love route, told me I’m a big fuck up and judged me for my drug use and tried to get me to stop (which probably would have have had the opposite effect out of defiance) but you didn’t. You silently kept an eye on me and made sure I didn’t end up killing myself. Until I took it too far.

I’ve seen you look at me with distaste over the years. Yet nothing compares to the way you looked at me that day you guys staged your intervention. I didn’t think you guys had noticed. I thought me and Miss H had this great big secret going on and I didn’t want to let any of you guys in on it because it would ruin what we had.

Yet you know me better than anyone. You and George both just knew that day. Of course you did. You’re my best friends. But you don’t know how happy I am the four of you staged that intervention and told me I needed to get my shit together.

When I think about the way I lashed out at you. The way your big brown eyes that usually sparkle with mischief when we’re with each other, glossed over as you just stood and took it and didn’t even raise your voice at me once. I can feel the lump in my throat tighten as I write this.

I deserved it you know. I deserved whatever fury was bubbling inside you because I was a class A cunt that day! I’m truly surprised Ross didn’t knock my head off and I wouldn’t have blamed him either if he had done!

I’m just so glad you did something because the thought of losing every single one of you shatters my soul so much, I would cease to exist without you.

I could sit here and write down the list of all things I’m sorry for but physically we don’t have the time or enough paper! But you should know that I am.

I’m sorry.

For everything.

I’m doing okay. The best I’ve been in a long time. The only way being here might get better is if you were here too.

I don’t deserve your forgiveness. But I’m begging for it because the thought of you hating me and not being able to trust me anymore kills me.

You really an angel on this earth.

I don’t deserve you.

I love you.

Yours Matthew x

p.s I cannot wait to be reunited with your tits! I’ve missed them!

You let out a chortled laugh as you read through the last line of the letter. Your hands quickly making their way to your face as you wiped the tears that were streaming from your face. The cuffs of your hoodie wet from where you’ve tried to stop the flow of tears. Pressing the letter to your chest, you took a few deep breaths to try compose yourself before you left the confinements of your bedroom.

Hurriedly shoving the letter into your handbag, so there was no chance Michael could stumble across your letter. He didn’t like Matty as it was, you didn’t want to give him ammunition to say anything. You grabbed your car keys and rushed out of the house without a word to your boyfriend and heading straight to Hann’s.

2020

You had broken up with Michael.

The red flags should have been there from the start really. He always had less than nice words to say about you and your relationships with the boys. He didn’t have a lot of nice things to say in general but you were blinded by love and the man he was when you first met that you didn’t see the red flags being waved right in front of your face until your heart (and self confidence) were already broken.

Your brother didn’t like Michael, he thought there was something off about him from the off but you put it down to Ross doing his job as your big brother but his opinion didn’t waver once in the four years you were together. George never liked how possessive he was and the fact he became even more so and tried to stop you from speaking to him after he found out about your night together. Which just fyi happened three years prior to meeting him, so he (everyone) was flabbergasted as to why he was so bothered! Hann. Your sweet angel of a bestie had even voiced how he didn’t like him and he was never one to be rude which should have also been a clue you were dating a dickhead.

Then there was Matty. Matty hated him. The feelings were mutual. Michael had told you plenty of times over your four years together that he hated your best friend but he would never tell you why. Matty told you it was because ‘he was a twat who didn’t deserve you’. You were obliged to agree because that mother fucker cheated on you!

Multiple women across the last two years of your relationship.

To say you were stunned was an understatement yet it somehow made sense and fell into place so easily when you thought about it all. Yet that didn’t make it hurt any less. But a friend of yours sending you the evidence whilst you were on the last night of the UK tour was the final nail in the coffin that was your shitty relationship with him.

You weren’t sure who wanted to kill him more. Your brother? Matty? Or George? The three of them were raging amongst one another at their after party which should have been a celebration whilst Hann sat with his arms wrapped around you as you cried to him and Carly. You didn’t think anything would make you feel better apart from getting obliterated with your favourite people and forgetting about Michael and the impending doom that was about to be bestowed upon the entire world.

Matty was your saving grace.

Asked you to move in, without even hesitating. Naturally you said yes, sitting in your flat all by yourself whilst you cried over your douchebag of an ex during lockdown did not sound appealing to you. It was giving ‘Emma Pilssbury crying to Celine Dion in her car from Glee’ and you weren’t quite ready to hit that stage of your breakup depression just yet.

Two weeks turned into two months and then four months of lockdown but quite frankly you had never been happier. Living with Matty again, surprisingly was just as good the second time round if not easier. Except this time you weren’t poor, your kitchen roof wasn’t leaking and there was a 95% less drug taking which made your life a whole lot less stressful.

It was just easy with him. At some point whilst the world stood still, Matty and Tahliah broke up and then it really just was you two; doing your washing, fighting over who’s turn it was to use their club card during the weekly shop at Tesco and raising his (both of your’s) new dog, Mayhem.

The two of you had been getting ready to move into a studio tomorrow with George after four months of just the two of you playing house, the pair of them just itching to get back to work. You were aware that Matty had been writing already but you knew it would be full steam now Notes had been released and you wanted to make use of the time you had left just the two of you.

Only because you knew as soon as you got your hands on George. That was it! Not a chance Matty was getting any attention. You had missed your big friendly giant more than anything and you knew from your FaceTime with him last night whilst you couldn’t sleep that he was more than excited to see you too.

All three of you were sunbathing in the garden. Mayhem by your side as the two of you soaked up some much needed sun. The heatwave the UK was currently in the middle of was doing wonders for your skin. You had been lying in silence for the past thirty minutes, a book covering your face to block out the sun as you tried to read. Matty’s head in your lap as you presumed he was napping when you suddenly felt him turn over in your lap, now on his side and looking up at you.

Lifting the book ever so slightly, so you could peek underneath at him, you cocked an eyebrow as he watched you with a gentle gaze. “Yes?” Your tone rich with sarcasm as you stared back at him. “Anything actually going through that pretty head of yours Healy? What you thinking about?”

“Us.”

“Us?” You laughed. “What about us?”

“You remember my eighteenth birthday?” He asked; peering up at you with a soft smile.

“The party?” Matty nodded. “I remember Ross stopping me from getting with Max! Remember him? I was gutted!” You laughed. “Why?”

“You know that’s not what I meant?” Matty frowned slightly as he pouted at you.

“Of course I do.” You put your book down, your hands automatically reaching for what was left of his curls,“What about it?”

“You ever think about it?”

“Sometimes. Think we’ve done a fantastic job at keeping it from my brother! Especially with your big gob!” You smiled down at him as you ran your hand through his curls gently.

“Funny!” He sent a glare your way, causing you to laugh loudly at his attempt to be intimidating.

“What’s got you thinking about that kiss from a million years ago anyway?”

“Wanking material.” He somehow managed to say without cracking smile.

It was your turn to shoot him a glare at his crudeness. It wasn’t long though until he was grinning up at you from his place in your lap. You pushed his head away from you in fake annoyance. God you couldn’t stand him sometimes!

“Ohh come on darling. I hear you sometimes! We all do it, you’ve got to think of something!” Matty tried to lighten the mood.

“Yeah I think about G’s 23rd birthday.” You smirked. Your vibrator was good but it wasn’t George. You couldn’t remember the last time you had a good orgasm and thinking it might have been before Michael makes you want to cry. Your confession/kind of a joke caused the grin to fall from his face and you almost felt bad, knowing he doesn’t want to hear about the incredible night you had with George because if anyone asked him, he absolutely did not want to relive it.

“I’m joking!” Your hand reached for his curls again. “Seriously though, what’s got you reminiscing about it. It’s been a long time.”

“Just thinking about how much I love you is all.” His confession made you stop. “What would have happened if we’d said fuck it and we ended up together.”

“I don’t think Ross would have been too happy. You saw how mad he got about G!” You laughed nervously as you thought about stopping your brother from knocking his band mate out.

“He’d have gotten over it.” Matty was now leaning up on his arms, leaning forward to press a light kiss to your bikini clad torso before pressing several kisses in quick succession up your stomach until he was hovering over your chest and looking down at your face. “If we were happy, he’d have been happy. You know he would have been.”

His actions made you hold your breath. It being strangely intimate and probably the most intimate you’d been since you were teenagers. You wondered if he was actually going to kiss you again but he just looked down at you fondly.

“You know I’d do anything for you right?” You nodded. “You’re one of the only people who makes me truly happy. I’d literally go too far just you have you near. I’d go blind just to see you!”

You rolled your eyes at the dramatics of his statement but the sweet sentiment made you smile, you reached up to hold the side of his face in your hands. Your thumb sweeping over the apple of his left cheek. The pair of you just basking in the warmth of the sun and each other. Unsure how long you hadn’t said anything, Matty broke the silence in the most Matty way.

“Literally anything you need. I’ve got you for life sweetheart. A cuppa? A joint? An orgasm? I’m your man!”

A chortle left your mouth as he cheekily beamed down at you, waiting for what he knew would be a somewhat sarcastic response. He didn’t realise he’d really set himself up for what you were about to say.

“Don’t worry I’m good. I’m seeing G tomorrow!”

The way his eyes narrowed at you made you cackle even louder as he finally jumped up off you, to walk back inside without another word. “I’m sorry!” You laughed. “I promise not to shag George when I see him. I’m good with my vibrator I promise!” You manage to sputter out through your laughter. “Stick the kettle on whilst you’re in there love.” You shouted after him.

Matty threw you the middle finger over his shoulder which made you laugh even more as he went though the back door, Mayhem hot on his heels; knowing fine well he was going to put the kettle on and make you a brew just how you liked it because for as long as he can remember he’s never been able to say no to you and he didn’t think he’d ever will.

2023

The 1975 in Show and Concert was possibly your favourite tour that you’d been apart of with the boys. There was an accumulative of factors; the fact you weren’t the only girl on tour this time round, Carly had joined Adam with their son and Charli had come to as many shows as her own schedule permitted. You also had a little part to play at Matthew’s request (obviously!) donned in a white lab coat, you brought Matty a hot honey and lemon on stage every night and pottered about with the rest of the crew, making sure your brother and the rest of the band were all good before slipping off to watch the rest of the show from backstage.

Or it could have been that you and Matty were closer than ever. Ever since lockdown and the pair of you had been living together, everything seemed so simple that since restrictions were lifted, you just carried on living together. I think when George removed the last box of things from your old flat to take to Matty’s did it for him, that he just shook his head with a laugh.

“You guys really are an old married couple!” He chuckled; slamming the boot close and jumping in the car before you could get a word in edgeways.

He wasn’t wrong, you guys did essentially everything together apart from have sex. Not that you hadn’t thought about it. Somewhere between moving into the studio with him and George and then your brother and Hann joining them to start recording their fifth studio album. You hadn’t shagged anyone in over a year and there was only so many times you could use your vibrator before you got bored and there wasn’t a cat’s chance in hell you were ordering a new toy to the studio because Matty didn’t have boundaries and absolutely would have opened it before you could even get the chance to get your hands on it.

You had also promised after day one; after one too many jokes and essentially mounting George at any given moment just to have him near you that you wouldn’t sleep with him. Even though a repeat of his birthday from seven years prior was literally so so temping to you! So what the hell were you going to do? The thought of dating apps made you want to vomit and hanging about bars really didn’t seem that appealing.

But Matty being Matty; was being overly affectionate one night after one too many glasses of red after a show, had the two of you giggling like teenagers and wondering if the two of you had gotten better at kissing since Matty’s 18th. Curiosity getting the better of the both of you, had you surging towards one another in a flurry of horniness after the kiss, was how you found yourself straddling his lap and snogging him like your life depended on it! Until you physically had to pull away to get your breath back and a rush of sense flashed through your brain. The two of you went to bed separately.

Neither of you spoke about it again.

Nor did you ever think about how the two of you were always drawn to each other no matter what shit storm was going on around you until now. You were just tying up the end of the UK leg of the tour, you and the band were in Ireland and Jamie had just told you that *The Scum* were running a horrendous article about Matty. This had in turn resulted in an argument after their penultimate show between the boys.

You knew he did things in the heat of the moment whilst he’s on stage or says shit without thinking and it comes to bite him in the arse almost every time but he’d never do what they’re accusing him of on purpose.

But seeing your brother hurt by Matty’s stupid actions; the repercussions for not just himself but for the rest of the band, your brother, yourself just by association. It was enough for you to step in, in defence of your brother. He came before everyone else, every single time.

This you didn’t realise; had as big of an effect until you were stood frozen on stage in front of your brother, Matty in between you and Ross. Apologising to him, crying in front of thousands of people. How Ross hadn’t broke the facade and took him in his arms was beyond you because your brother’s face was currently blurry to you and he was stood a foot in front of you. Tears filled your brown eyes and were threatening to spill as Matty let his vulnerable side show in front of everyone. Something he never does.

You had done so well until he apologised once more; removing his hand from Ross’s arm and reaching behind him blindly to grab on to you. The tears automatically fell; the action enough to make Ross twitch in an ache to comfort you. Something he couldn’t do until the band had come off stage at the end of consumption.

After the final song of tour; the boys usually head on out for the after party. Tonight you had Matty back at the hotel in your room on his knees and begging for you.

Begging for you to not leave him. Begging for you not to move out. Begging for you to stay by his side. Begging for you to still love him.

You furrowed your eyebrows as you looked down at the man in front of you; on his knees as his hands grasped at your legs, pulling you close as he hugged you as physically close as possible as he sobbed against your legs. Instinctively you reached for his curls, running your fingers through them softly.

“Baby. Look at me.” The softness of his curls tickled your thighs as he stayed pressed against you. “Matthew. Darling look at me.”

You managed to loosen his grip enough to slide down on to your knees in front of him, taking a hold of his face in your hands as you eyes flitted across his face, smiling softly at him as he tried to calm himself down.

“I can’t lose you. I can’t lose any of you.” He shook his head, curls flying in front of his face. “But I can’t lose you darling. I can’t.”

“Matthew. Look at me. Why do you think you’re going to lose me? You’re never going to lose me. You’re kinda stuck with me!” You laughed. “And even if I decided to fuck off, my brother being your bassist kind of means I’m stuck with you anyway.” The grip on his face got tighter as his hands reached up to hold on to your wrists.

“But last night…”

“Ross and I just want you to use your brain sometimes before you do stupid shit! You’ve not lost either of us. I promise.”

“Promise?”

Your heart jumped into your throat at the swell of tears in his eyes and his lip quiver.

“Life. That’s how long you’ve got me for Healy. Promise.” As soon as you stopped speaking; Matty threw himself at you, arms around your neck and squeezing you so tightly you nearly stopped breathing. “Thank you. Thank you. Thank you” Being repeated in your ear over and over as you squeezed him back, pressing your lips to the side of his face in consecutive kisses until he abruptly pulled away. Eyes red and looking at you so softly you thought he was going to cry again.

“I love you.”

“I love you too. You know I do.” You smiled at him warmly.

“No. It’s always been you.” He said as he reached for your hands and it felt like you had been hit in the chest. The sting of tears trickling up your face and threatening to fill your eyes as you silently took him in. You went to open your mouth but nothing came out.

“I know I always talk too much but just listen to me. I love you. Since we were kids I reckon, I was just too chicken to ever do anything. When you kissed me on my 18th birthday. When you saw I needed help, you saved my life sending me to rehab. Every day, I thought about getting home to you. It’s what got me through every day. You make me a better man darling. When you take my shit when I don’t deserve it. When you make me a brew in the morning just how I like it. When you roll me a joint when you realise I’m too tense and in my head without me even having to ask. When you tell me to shut the fuck up before a situation escalates. When we go to big Tesco and walk the dog or do all the washing together. I fucking live for that shit because it’s with you. Fuck I’ve been writing songs about you for the past decade! You are intertwined with every era of this band sweetheart. I mean 60% of the last album is about you! ” He chuckled softly.

“What?” Managed to escape you in a gasp.

“Come on sweetheart. Some of this music has literally been out for ten years!”

“I - Just never - Why have you never said anything before now?” Your voice horse with frustration.

“I love your brother too much. But thinking I’d lost the two of you, just made me think fuck it. You deserve to know. You need to know.” Matty shrugged casually.

“That’s stupid.” Your deadpan tone, stunning him silent.

“Sorry?”

“Wasn’t it you that said to me that if Ross knew I was happy. That we were happy he wouldn’t care. He’d have gotten over it? And you’ve just subliminally been telling me you love me through music this entire time?”

“Yes?”

You cocked an eyebrow at his hesitation, the questioning tone as your eyes flit across his handsome features. Cheeks tinged with pink due to his tears, his chest falling up and down rapidly at his confession as he awaited you answer. You still didn’t say anything, thinking about how to respond until you found the perfect response.

Surging forward you pushed your lips against Matty’s. Hands reaching for the curls you loved so much. Waiting for him to reciprocate felt like a life time but your Matthew was well equipped in the art of kissing you back so realistically it was 0.2 seconds after he had gotten over the shock.

You kissed him over and over again, not wanting to stop the feeling of how your lips moved against his, how his tongue felt against yours. You felt like you were on fire, he was intoxicating. He always was but fuck was he more than ever. Finally finding the strength to untangle yourself from him, chests heaving as you both got oxygen back in your lungs you said the words, the way he’d been wishing to hear for the past sixteen years.

“I love you too.”

When he was finally seen in public two days later on the eve of their Gorilla gig in Manchester. The fans noticed Matty was in higher spirits than he had been two days prior when his breakdown was caught on camera. You had been nervous to tell your brother but Ross claimed he already knew Matty was in love with you, he was just waiting to see if he’d actually grow some balls or not! Then he hugged you so tightly and whispered he was happy for the both of you, which in turn had you and Matty crying backstage in their green room as you found yourself in a 1975 sandwich!

You don’t think you had seen Matty look so happy on stage in a long time. He loved touring but it was gruelling but seeing him on stage in this tiny venue with his best friends and his girl watching and waiting for him side stage. He couldn’t stop beaming. The fans noticed, the comments already flying in online about him. They increased tenfold when he jumped offstage, not waiting the ten second walk backstage before kissing you like his life depended on it.

The blurry picture of Matty holding your jaw in his hands as he kissed you in the shadows of the stage was on a 1975 update account within minutes.

Captioned: If you know you know. Finally 🖤

You were obliged to agree.

#Matty Healy #matty healy imagine #matty healy fic #matty healy x reader #matty healy x you #matty healy fanfiction #the 1975 imagine #the 1975 fic #the 1975 x reader #George Daniel #george daniel imagine #Adam Hann #adam hann imagine #Ross MacDonald #ross macdonald imagine

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wannaeatramyeon · 2 years ago

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uhm could you possibly do jealous lookism character headcanons? (._.)

Thanks for the ask anon! This has been a wild 2 weeks of hyperfixating for me and I'm starting to dry up so this has come as a good time (altho I've got lots of drafts sitting around lol)

This has been super interesting. Some characters obv have a jealous personality, but I've never thought about those who don't. This will def become a multi-parter!

Most jealous here!

Lookism jealous headcanons: least jealous

Let's start with these guys first (Jake, Vasco, Gun, Daniel, Eli): hc for being jealous themselves, and hc for you trying to make them jealous

Jake Kim

To be with Mr. Butt, you would have developed a pretty good relationship anyway to move into the romantic terrority. He knows you are loyal and trusts you implicitly.

Any naturally occuring feelings of jealousy are for him to deal with on his own. Will take a bit of poking and prodding before he talks to you about it.

But if you're trying to provoke him? Why are you even trying to make him jealous? Two can play at this game if you're trying to be a pain in the ass. He'll try and talk things through with you first, to see if he's pissed you off. But if you carry on? Expect him in full silly mode: kneeling down before you, shouting his apologies, announcing his feelings, literally begging you to stop flirting with this ugly nobody.

Vasco Tabasco

Rarely, if ever, gets jealous. He's just so happy to be with you. It's one thing if you're in trouble, but if he notices someone is being overly friendly but you're nonplussed? He just looks at you with heart eyes: "Ahhh look at Y/N. They're so cute and pretty! I can't believe they're with me!!"

If you're provoking Vasco then good luck. He wouldn't really understand your actions but will be upset about how he is feeling. "Do you like them more than me, Y/N? :(((" The sad face is enough to guilt you into stopping. Really, it's like kicking a puppy. Why would you do that.

Gun Park

Feeling jealous of his own accord? Guess being with you proves he is human afterall. He's arrogant, confident but aware of his own limitations. Jealousy isn't an emotion he's well acquaintained with. Will result in him brooding or being extra cold until he can put his finger on it and figure out the next steps.

Lucky for you, Gun is pretty forthright. He'll tell you what has been making him jealous so you can both work through it.

Trying to make him jealous? Also good luck. Gun will see right through your attempts. Depends what mood he is in. At times he's amused but generally he will ignore you and your childishness.

Daniel Park

Yes, he's had a glow up in his first body and yes, he gets lots of attention in his second but that doesn't erase years and years of bullying and hating himself. The feelings of inadequacy will overwhelm and cause him to shrink back into himself.

He'll need a lot of reassurance that you love him for him. It's better if you don't focus too much on his appearance. "What happens if one day I put on weight again? or when I get old? Will you still like me then? :("

Provoking him? Please don't be so mean to Daniel. Especially if you know about his insecurities. This is more of a reflection on you and your issues if you're purposely making him jealous. Shame on you.

Eli Jang

Tends to get jealous if he thinks someone else is a better provider for you: physically, romantically, mentally, financially etc. Being the Big Daddy for Eli means he should be able to do it all, and then some. He will get in his head if he thinks someone else is better suited to you.

For Eli, actions speak louder than words - show him how much you love him and he has nothing to worry about.

Cannot imagine him being with a partner that would try and make him jealous. There's enough on his hands with Hostel and Yenna. He wants a mature and stable presence in their lives, he doesn't want nor have the time to play these games.

#lookism #lookism headcanons #lookism hc #lookism x reader #jake kim x reader #jake kim #vasco #vasco x reader #euntae lee #gun park #gun park x reader #daniel park #daniel park x reader #eli jang #eli jang x reader #wannaeatramyeon

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astridthevalkyrie · 4 days ago

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Do you think the ck fandom downplays Miguel and Sam cheating on their partners? I don’t think it’s talked about enough, regardless of Whether sam was drinking

I may be a little biased because I HATE cheaters

i mean the fandom definitely doesn't downplay sam cheating lmao. at least not on tiktok or reddit. generally i think it's considered the worst thing she ever did. people hate her for that more than they hate the other characters for literally anything, including physical assault and attempted murder.

miguel maybe? the show and fandom both kinda excuse him for it because he pays the price during the school fight. mind you i think if sam had been the one who ended up paralyzed (fire fanfic idea btw) people would still probably hate her more than they hate miguel in canon.

the show downplays it by never really having sam or miguel apologize to tory and robby, but again. the reason they don't is because tory attempted to kill sam and robby came very close to actually killing miguel. like in juvie robby full didn't know whether miguel would make it or not and he doesn't seem to show remorse about it. did sam and miguel hurt them first? yeah. but tory and robby hurt them more, and i think it'd be hard for anyone, let alone teenagers with PTSD, to be the first to apologize in that scenario. by the time they're all on the same side, it doesn't seem like tory or robby want an apology either or care to have one (which. doylist explanation is just that the writers didn't care to have it).

frankly more than the cheating i wish they'd acknowledge how miguel helped to escalate the school fight for almost all its entirety. during robby and miguel's fight in s5, robby should've actually said the words "i'm sorry" instead of just "it was also the worst moment in my life" like bruh c'mon. why are you making this about you he got PARALYZED. and after that miguel should've apologized for escalating the fight when robby was trying to stop it. if the writers gave a damn about miguel and tory's relationship they should've apologized to each other too.

i think the actual words "i'm sorry" being spoken are also why almost everyone generally agrees sam and tory's apology scene is better. but notice how during that scene, tory says "it's not like you haven't tried to kiss my boyfriend before" but robby never says anything like that to miguel? sam will always hold the blame in the writers' and fandom's eyes for the kiss despite being hammered.

tory and miguel should've apologized to each other. sam and robby should've also apologized to each other. at some point robby should've learned that when the kiss happened, sam was reeling from learning that robby had lied to her (i have. thoughts about sam's feelings here but i won't get into them rn). sam's actions in s3 should've been more consistent. she went to the skate park everyday to look for robby and emails him all the time but never once tries to visit him in juvie? could make a watsonian explanation that daniel told her how angry he was and so she was afraid to see him or maybe she was mad about what happened to miguel but idkkk she does still email him. she clearly does still care for him. robby's actions are also weird i think him being this mad at daniel is just strange. way too many of robby's plot points are dependent on bad timing lmfao.

the writers didn't want to completely villainize sam but still needed to give robby a reason to join ck so that's why characters have to act super inconsistent. daniel not visiting robby in juvie even ONCE is insane considering he tells him he'll visit everyday. sure, robby was hanging up on his calls, but that shouldn't have stopped daniel. sam and daniel both had to be ooc to give robby a reason to fall into kreese's clutches. it's just weird.

i got very off topic but tldr it would've been nice to get proper apologies from miguel and sam for cheating. but it also would've been nice to get proper apologies from robby and tory for attempted murder 💀 the fandom doesn't downplay sam's cheating, but it does downplay miguel's, albeit for somewhat good reason

#the ck writers just decide big things they want to happen and then change the characters' personalities to make those things happen #instead of trying to stay in character #cobra kai #this is not anti robby or tory at ALL btw #i agree they should have had apologies given to them #and if the writers had cared about samrobby or toriguel as anything but tools to get samguel together #we might've gotten it #miguel diaz #samantha larusso #robby keene #tory nichols

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el-moscorrofio-y-el-mercachifle · 9 months ago

Note

Just saw Luis Mesa's tweet saying that in fact, Daniel fell/would feel in love with Betty BEFORE her transformation and I'm spiraling because it makes sense the Betty/Daniel parallels in the first chapters, he going mad with Patricia because she blocked Betty's computer, he literally says that he's after Armando's head, not Betty's; also asking her why she looks so scared when she sees him with a reflective look. Also when he heard about Betty's boyfriend, he goes full mad to humiliate session on her look BUT he actually saw her look literally minutes ago and didn't said nothing.

I think it would be kinda interesting but in telenovelas, the guión is decided by the audience so it was only Betty/Armando without a triangle (Nicolas doesn't count ajsksks) until Michel.

What do you think YSBLF would go if they went with Daniel/Betty/Armando?

HIIII

Omgggg someone pls send me a screenshot or something!! I need tl see this!!! I'm usually not a big fan of what the actors say, but this one I kinda believe it lmao

I thought for a very long while when watching for the firdt time that Daniel was eventually going to go after Betty! I thiught he would fall for her or at least want "something" with her... not actual love, perhaps, but you know, SOMETHING... but no!

I hadn't noticed some of the details you're mentioning! I did see the parallels at the beginning, and how Betty pretty much falls perfectly in lone with what Daniel looks for in a woman. I also noticed that he seemed to genuinely find humour in his talks to Betty but didn't like her winning the arguments. I also noticed he was surprised with how scared she was of him! But that thing about his reaction to hearing Betty has a bf?? Uf, I hadn't noticed or made the connection!!! I will definitely pay more attention to Daniel this rewatch!

Uff what a hard question!! It'd be very difficult to know how it'd go, and things can change so much depending on when Daniel were to be interested in Betty. I think that if the initial idea was to make Daniel actually eventually fall in love, it was a short lived idea, because Daniel never even shows a bjt of kindness like Armando does. I mean, Daniel is a pretty twisted man and a bit sadistic. I imagine that if they had actually wanted to make Daniel a love rival, Daniel's personality and wickedness would have been softened.

I've been writing a fanfic about this (not a D/B, but he still pursues her), and in my vision, I think he'd need to see her physical potential for beauty. Pretty much like Armando, Daniel also feels attraction for Betty but is repelled by her looks. Armando was forced to bream this barriers during the Sinister Plan, but I think Daniel would only break them if he saw Betty improving her appearence. He seemed to me a more superficial man compared to Armando, and I don't think Daniel would ever even consider going public.

I definitely think that Armando would be losing his head over the idea of TWO men going after Betty tho (Nicolás and Daniel) lmaooo also Mario would have a hell of a time laughing about it. Marcela would be FURIOUS about it. Patricia would feel humiliated thinking that Daniel could have had her and instead chose BETTY. And Betty herself would be HORRIFIED, because she hates his guts lmaooo straight up the only way she would ever tolarate him was with blackmails (cough cough like about the Panamá illegal businesses or something cough cough)

It's still a very interesting take! I definitely see where it comes from but I also think this idea was too quickly forgotten. I wouldn't even know where the AU could start for Daniel to be a proper love rival!

Thank you for the lovely question!! Sorry if I couldn't elaborate much🥲

#ysblf #yo soy betty la fea #betty la fea #armando mendoza #beatriz pinzon solano #daniel ysblf

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onakomiyaki · 9 months ago

Text

you with the dark curls, you with the watercolor eyes. pt.1

pairing: daniel ricciardo/max verstappen

summary: max always love him. like a moth drawn to a flame. but he flew too close to the fire. the love that once felt like the warmth of the ray of golden sun burnt him, leaving a daniel-shaped-scar on his heart.

warning: angst, unedited, rushed, and some incorrect grammar.

inspired by this song and its meaning. fueled by 3 cans of redbull energy drinks at 3 a.m

i really need someone to be my beta reader fr.

he wasn't sure what to feel when he heard about the rumor that has been going around the paddock. daniel is leaving the team. he is going to leave him. and max feel empty, almost. he feels like he should be mad at daniel.

together forever, he promised him back then–when he still a young naive boy, messing around at the garage of the karting track with a dream of becoming what daniel is. a damn good driver.

and he is leaving now. alas, he still have faith that it was just a flying rumor, made by the engineers to amuse themselves. so he just brush it off.

but when horner gathered the team at milton keynes–just a week before the next grand prix to announce the departure of the beloved aussie by the end of the 2018 season–he fell silent.

max–who sat across daniel on the meeting room–watch the older man in disbelief. his eyes desperately trying to make contact with him.

talk to me, daniel.

but his eyes never meet him. instead, daniel's head hung low, eyes on the floor. then to horner, then to the staffs–roaming around the room but refuse to make contact with him.

and that make him furious. he just silently stand up, walking towards the exit door. horner watch in silent, holding his hand up to stop daniel who is about to follow max.

"he is not good with goodbyes, let the kid be."

but he didn't listen. instead just give horner a stern look before jolting out to chase the blue-eyed dutch.

"max, wait-"

"leave me alone daniel."

"max, please listen to me-"

"i don't want to hear it daniel."

"max i'm sorry-"

"i said leave me alone!"

daniel stop at his track, staring at max who just shout at him. the younger halting his walk also, shoulder hunching before crouching down. he dug the heels of his palms into his eyes, trying to stop the tears from flowing out.

"why?" he weakly ask, voice even more hoarser than usual.

max had never been good with goodbyes, thanks to his beloved father's unorthodox way of teaching him a valuable lesson back when he was a mere young child and his parent divorce.

the older man walk towards him, crouching beside him then ruffling his dirty blond hair. max–eyes blearing red, nose runny, and face turning as red as a tomato–turn his head to watch him. the tears stain on his cheeks glisten under the light that seeps through the tinted glass wall.

"because i have to." daniel simply said.

"what's wrong with staying here? is it not enough?"

"max, it is more than enough here. its just-"

"me? is it because of me?"

and daniel went silent, lips shut in thin line. his eyebrows knitted together, trying to hide the pain. his brown eyes lost his sparkle, masked with the sadness with a tint of jealousy. and max, notice that. he always notice the subtle changes on people's eyes. he knows when people were mad at him, or disappointed at him, or in this case, jealous of him by looking into their eyes.

so that's why daniel refuse to look at him. he is jealous of him.

daniel gently wipe the tears from max's cheeks, cradling his face with both of his hands carefully before touching their forehead together. max welcome his touch, leaning into him as both of his eyes closed and he let out a quiet sobs.

"it is me, max. never you." he said, pulling him into his warm embrace.

max buried his face on the crook of his neck, inhaling his scent as he's clutching his polo shirt like his life depend on it, afraid that he will disappear on him. god, he don't want him to go.

"i'm sorry daniel..." max said, mumbling into his shoulder.

daniel let out a small chuckle as he pat his back. he kissed his temple before letting go of the hug, once again cradling max face with such gentle touch as if max was a precious delicate diamond.

"how the hell you're a better driver and more mature than me, yet you are 8 years younger than me max? you beat me in every aspect in life at this point." daniel give him a big grin, showing his dimples to the pouting young man.

daniel put his right hand on top of max's head, brown irises met ocean-blue. he give him a reassuring smile when max–clearly still upset–didn't utter a word.

"max, i will stand with you. always. i'll watch every move you take. i'll be there at your wins or lost. i'll be there at your first world championship and many more i believe to come. i have my eyes on you, and i have no plan to take it away soon. together forever, right?" he continue, smiling at him.

max once again staring at him with quivering lips, searching for any lies in it. and when he didn't find it, he jumped into his arm, making the older man stumble back with a yelp but still catch him anyway.

"daniel?"

"yes, max?"

"i love you."

"i know, you can't resist a handsome bloke like me, maxie."

little did he know, max–underneath the gloomy sky of milton keynes, in his warm embrace–had confess to him.

max emillian verstappen, love him–daniel joseph ricciardo.

after the dramatic departure of daniel ricciardo, max had become a different person. people around him begun to notice the different vibe max is with daniel and without. he smile less now and keeping the conversation around him bare minimum. its just like his debut era once again, but worse.

and truth be told, the redbull racing team miss the loud ball full of energy aussie in the pit. pierre gasly is the driver who replace daniel ricciardo on the team for 2019 season. the shy soft-spoken frenchman can never fill the seat of daniel, max thought. and of course all the team share the same sentiment.

so when pierre introduce himself at max, the dutchmen just shot him with a half-hearted smile. pierre knew that the 22 years old still need time to adjust, so he is not offended by that. especially after daniel himself told him to just brace for the impact. he remember how the aussie describe max as a feisty cat.

"he will warm up to you after a while. let him come to you first, not the other way around."

and so, pierre just keep enough distance to keep max at bay, in case the dutchmen need his help or change his mind.

but even before max start to warm up to him, the redbull team decided to drop him from not performing well enough mid-season. max doesn't say anything.

then, came in a young talented driver from torro rosso, alexander albon, to avert the crisis. like pierre, daniel actually approach him and tell him to take his time with max. which alex responded that he'll be fine.

surprisingly max opened up immediately with the half-brit half-thai driver. their mutual hatred towards the marketing team bonded them in a way that pierre gasly couldn't do. that, and also the fact that alex ignore all the warnings from pierre and talk to max anyway.

"so you're telling me, that you are in love with ricciardo?" alex ask, pointing at max with his plastic fork.

"yeah... kinda?"

"but you only realize that you're in love with him after he left?"

"yes..."

alex let out a cackling laugh, and max shot him with a confused look. he scoop his salad then eat it, chewing as he tried to held back his laugh when max frown.

"did i say something funny?" max asked.

alex shake his head, swallowing before shot him a smile.

"you two are so bad at this." he said.

just when max about to open his mouth, daniel wave at them, calling their name as he jog towards them. his yellow polo and hat stuck like a sore thumb on the sea of navy blue.

"god that color is hideous." alex said, shielding his eyes from the bright color.

meanwhile max just stare in awe. he missed him so much, and boy do daniel look ravishing with that trimmed beard.

and he hate to admit the fact that daniel look good in yellow and black. no one should look good in that bright yellow color, but daniel just did. and max had to look away to compose himself.

who knows yellow would suit him well, personality-wise and appearance-wise.

daniel walk to the redbull hospitality like he owns the place, catching few handshake and hugs from his former crew teams. alex shake his head at the sight, muttering something about the crew being daniel's groupie. and max couldn't agree more.

even though he is not a redbull driver anymore, the whole redbull crew allow him to enter the redbull hospitality. he is still an honorary member of redbull racing team in the heart of the crews. and christian horner of course. so its only normal that the aussie had the privilage to enter redbull hospitality.

alex turn his body, waving at daniel before giving max a knowing smirk. max shot him with a warning glare, mouthing a silent 'don't' to the older driver.

"hello fellas."

"daniel! join us!" albon said, pointing the empty seat beside him.

daniel–being the sunshine he is–nod his head as he sat down. he give alex a pat on his back then give max a warm smile as he open a can of redbull he fetch earlier.

"what you eating maxie?"

and max stomach fluttered at the nickname. daniel is one of the only person who can call him that, leclerc being the second just because max feel close enough to the monegasque. max finally peel off his gaze from his sad-looking salad, to stare at daniel.

blue met honey color, and max felt his breath stuck in his throat.

"lunch, i hope." he simply answer, stabbing his salad like he want to murder it.

alex watch in silence as he exchange text with george and lando in their group chat. he sent them a secret snap of max and daniel who sat across each other with a simple caption 'imma play cupid.' which lando only reply with 'max gonna kill u' and the other brit simply send a rolling eyes emoji.

he stand up from his seat taking the empty container and the half-full redbull can with him as he pocket his phone. max shot him with a confused look, eyebrows knitted together in silence. and alex noticing the poor look on the dutch's face.

"i'm done with lunch, you guys take your time okay? i have to go and fetch george from williams garage." he said raising his eyebrows at max.

"aww mate, just invite george to join us! the more the merrier, right max?" daniel said, reaching for max's arm and put his hand on top of it.

max swallows as he look at his arm. "yeah, sure."

"nah he'll be okay... he just want to complain about the cheap foods they serve on williams hospitality."

if george heard alex had thrown him under the bus, he would kill him immediately. but he had to, he's playing 'cupid' after all. alex is ready to risk it all.

"is it that bad?" daniel asked.

"oh yeah. it is that bad. they can barely afford spareparts what makes you think they can afford decent foods?"

"damn alex that was uncalled for." the aussie wince.

"careful what you said about them, you might be the one to replace george someday you know?" max said, almost as if he put curse on alex.

and alex shivers at that.

"hey, i thought we were bonding max! not even a year and you're already kicking me out of the team?" he said with pout, while the dutch shrug.

"unbelieveable, i'm outta here." alex said with exageratted sigh as he walk away from the two men.

max silently watch alex with an annoyed glare when alex give him a thumbs up when daniel wasn't looking. he even more annoyed when he saw alex making kissing gesture with his hand. max just give him a secret middle finger as he scratch his temple and alex let out a silent mocking laugh.

after alex was gone from his vision, max stole a glance at the older man, cheek blushed at the thought of kissing him. then he let out a shuddered breath.

he still look the same and it hurts him. it hurt to see him in that yellow polo instead of navy blue. it hurt to see him walking side by side with nico hülkenberg instead of him. what hurt the most is the fact that he can not spend times with daniel throughout the race together anymore.

he remember what he said at the interview while doing truth or lie challenge with daniel, and honestly he doesn't feel good about it. but he had to, so daniel can be rest assured.

"you okay?" daniel asked as he watch max with a worried expression.

max nod his head, continue to eat his salad in silence. the older man nudge his cheek with his point finger, making him stop his chewing and stare at him instead. daniel shot him with a big smile, showing his pearly white teeth.

"you need to smile more." he said.

but how can he smile more when the reason he smile is him, and he is away now.

"what if i don't want to?" max said.

"then i'll have to come to you every racing week to remind you." he said, giving him the wide grins he love so much.

i would love that, thank you.

"oi, ricciardo! its time to go." nico shouted, earning few head turns from some redbull crew who enjoyed their lunch in peace.

some redbull crew shouted back, saying that daniel is theirs now, and nico let out a barking laugh.

"that's my cue." daniel said.

"oh, yeah."

before he left, he take off his cap. max watch slightly confused at the older one, he watch as the older man stand up and walk to him. and what comes next was something he didn't expect.

daniel had taken max's hat off, putting it on his head while he put his hat on max's head. daniel adjust the strap of the hat and look down at max with that tender look, patting his head as he finish.

"a bit of happy color here to brighten your day." he said, walking backward as he adjust max's cap on his head. he shot him a wink as he run back to nico's side.

nico raised his eyebrow as daniel walk closer to him, pointing the hat. daniel just shrug his shoulder as he slung his arm around nico's shoulder, walking together. max watch him with mouth slightly ajar.

"fuck..." max silently cursed as he pull the hat down, trying his best to hid his flushed face with that hideous yellow cap.

he hate how daniel got him feeling all nervous without even trying.

he love hate that man so much.

the 2019 season went by like a blur for max. lewis had won another world championship, adding 6th trophy to his collection. and max is on 3rd position on the championship standing. he heard that daniel got into 9th position.

max knew that 9th is not enough for daniel, it will never be enough. the boy wonder–who fell rather ungracefully–would not accept 9th place to redeem himself.

and so there he was, standing near the renault garage. far enough for the crew to not notice him but close enough that he can see daniel's car, while almost all of the grid celebrate lewis's 6th wins.

"whatcha' doin?" alex said, standing still behind max as he whispering to max.

max jumped a little before turning his body to face the taller man.

"holy shit–stop sneaking up on me!" max answer, hand on his chest

alex let out a giggle before move to stand beside the poor dutchman, redbull on his hand. he quirk an eyebrow at the man before staring at renault garage.

the pit crews and engineer team seems to working on daniel's car, checking and doing some inspection. alex clicked his tongue.

"poor man went from riding a rocket ship to a family car," he said. "no wonder he look pissed."

"you saw daniel?"

"no, but lando did. he saw daniel screaming with his helmet on. its like 2018 all over again he said."

"oh, yeah."

max fidget with his fingers, biting his lower lips. the 2018 japan q3 was daniel last straw and he remember, all of the world remember. and boy he remember how everything went downhill from that point on.

"i mean i would scream too if my team keep screwing me up. or worse, if other driver screw me over." alex said, took a sip of his redbull.

"but you're not that type of person, no? you hardly swear." max asked, turning his body to watch alex.

"no, but i would cry myself to sleep after that though, that for sure."

he didn't expect that answer from the thai, and he burst into laughter letting out a high-pitched noises as his hands closing his mouth. alex let out a giggle through his straw, also didn't expect that reaction from max.

"are you guys looking for daniel?"

both max and alex turn their head, their laugh had stop. nico watch with amused look on his face at the two redbull drivers as he fold his arm in front of his chest.

"well, that's the plan," alex sheepishly said. "do you know where he is?"

the older blue-eyed man and the younger one seems to sizing each other up, exchanging a silent threat to each other. alex in other hand is too busy looking around to notice, trying his best to find the curly aussie. nico nod his head as he point to the direction he last saw daniel. max eyebrows furrowed and alex tilted his head in confusion.

"he went to our garage?" alex asked as he stare at the german in disbelief.

"horner took him." nico answer, shrugging his shoulder.

the younger redbull driver let out an 'ah' sounds, suddenly what nico said make sense. well christian horner fancy daniel, of course that man would cheer the aussie. 2019 season with renault had been rough for daniel and horner knew that he need a few pats on the back.

now that he thought about it, max sometimes see horner as a threat. then he realize how stupid that sound when he knew horner treat daniel like his oldest son.

but now it seems like he need to worry about certain german in the game. he had been watching how close nico and daniel from afar, highkey jealous at the interaction. he also have notice a few times nico give him a smirk everytime he and daniel sharing a bromance moments. max starting to dislike that man.

nico shot max with a small smirk as pat him on the shoulder. "goodluck finding him. it was nice talking to you guys, see you at the party." he said as he wave at the duo, walking to renault's garage.

alex wave back at the german with a smile on his face before returning his gaze to max, who keep staring at nico's back. alex sure that if max have a laser-eyes, nico's head had already turn into pulp right now.

"should we go now?" alex nudge him with his shoulder, trying to distract max from nico.

"yeah, lets go." max said, already walking towards their garage.

well that was something.

they didn't find daniel on their garage, instead they were greeted by sebastian vettel, which is also suprising but make sense? vettel used to drive for redbull after all although now he drive for the italian team. while alex was excited to talk to sebastian, max can't share the same excitement.

"sebastian, what a surprise!" alex said, pratically buzzing with excitement.

sebastian let out a chuckle, his blond hair bounce a little when albono hug him. he pat the rookie in the back before letting go.

"hope you don't mind me staying. i need to talk to the big man." he said, voice laced with a german accent.

"please, you are always welcome here. or anywhere basically," alex said as he give the older man a smile. "have you met christian yet?"

"yes he have." helmut said, walking to the trio with a smile on his face. christian was following him, not far behind.

"oh you're talking to the big men. i'm out of here." alex said as he raised his hands, slithering away from the room. "christian please don't replace me with sebastian!" alex shouted once he out of their sight, and horner let out a laugh.

"interesting kid, huh? he seems to be shy at the beginning but his personality starting to show." horner said.

sebastian nod in agreement as he give him a smile. max clear his throat as he stand there awkwardly.

should he leave?

should he stay?

either way he wait for his cue.

"are you looking for daniel?" horner asked and max raised an eyebrow. "if so, he's back to his hotel room."

"i'm sorry?"

"i said daniel is back to his hotel room, you can find him there." horner said as he give max the name of the hotel daniel staying in with the room number.

"i-"

"go, he need a company. and mine won't be very helpful, poor man almost cried when i invite him here. so i send him home, he looks exhausted." horner pat the young man before turning his body to talk to sebastian and helmut.

ah. he knew.

"thank you christian." max politely thank him.

and so he bid them a farewell as he walk to his room, and sebastian watch with a smile on his face.

"its webber-vettel all over again, huh?" sebastian said. and horner laugh.

"trust me, it is worse." horner said.

max is standing at the front of the elevator, playing with the hem of his rb polo shirt as he wait for the door to be opened.

he had asked the receptionist to take him to daniel's room since he doesn't have any access card, although the receptionist almost refuse. but after seeing max's worried eyes and hearing his pleads she nod her head.

when the door was open, the receptionist simply tap her card as max push the button on the 9th floor. and he was thankful that the receptionist didn't follow him because max need his time alone to calm himself.

what should he said to comfort daniel?

he should've bring gifts for daniel earlier.

what if daniel doesn't want to see him?

worse, what if daniel is in there with another person? a woman?

before max even had a chance to back off, the door open with a ding, making him jumped out of his trance. he let out a nervous sigh as he walk toward daniel's room.

and now suddenly he was standing, face facing the door as his finger hovering at the bell button.

but even before max can push the bell, the door open in front of him, and max watch with suprised look on his face.

daniel look like a mess, in short brief and plain white t-shirt that hug his body perfectly, hair messy–cleary tussled. his eyes were red and watery. his nose also in the same color.

oh he had been crying.

"the receptionist call and told me that you'll be here." daniel said, voice hoarse as if the man had not drink for a month.

"sorry for coming uninvited. i have beers." max said as he show him a pack of beers in his hand.

daniel let out a chuckle, his chest tremble as he open his door wider, inviting the younger one inside.

the room is surprisingly tidy, the bed cover are the only messy thing in the room. max had expect daniel to trash around the room but maybe daniel is too tired to do so, or maybe because it is daniel and not him.

max sat down on the bed as he watch daniel fetch something from the fridge. damn that man even look better in his short brief and that plain t-shirt that shows his back muscle with the dim lighting of his room. he tried his best to not drooling over the aussie right now.

"i only have sliced fruits, is it okay?" daniel said, breaking the silence.

"its okay... i'm fine." max answer, the pack of beers sat nicely on his lap.

the aussie turn his body, giving him the mixed fruit to the young dutch. max took the container, mouthing a small thank you and daniel return with a small smile, ruffling his hair before taking the pack of beers off his lap.

he put the pack on the table and open it, taking a can of beer then sitting down beside max, thigh touching. max silently stare down at their thighs (more of daniel's and his tattoos), face redden at the close proximity. then he turn his face to watch daniel downing the beer.

"are you okay?" max asked.

"m' fine." daniel answer.

but max knew that daniel had lied to him. he knew that he is, in fact, not fine. he knew that daniel knew that he can see right through him. so he just stare at him silently.

talk to me, daniel.

daniel let out a sigh, cradling the can of beer on his hand. his hand is trembling and max can see that clearly. so he did the only thing he knew.

he took daniel's right hand, bringing it to his lap. max intertwined their hand, as he calmly rub it. daniel shuddered at the touch. yes physical touch are something that they are not foreign about, but something about it feel different.

it feels more, intimate.

daniel watch their hands in silence, his tremors slowly fade away. then, he peel off his gaze from their hands to max's face, watching at how soft his gaze at their intertwined hands is. he studied his face, how his lashes fluttered a little as daniel squeeze his hand tighter.

"better?" max asked.

"yeah."

"good."

max–finally muster up a courage–turn his head to face daniel. once again after few moons, blue meet honey color. he held his breath when daniel's eyes wander from his eyes, to his nose, and finally to his lips. daniel give him a small smile.

"i never notice that." daniel said

"notice what?"

daniel's free hand softly cradling max's jaw, thumbing at his upper lip.

"that.." he said, face inching closer.

oh.

"my–my mole?" max asked, trying his best to not melt and lean into his touch.

"your beautiful mole, yes," daniel whisper as he stop midway, nose almost bumping to max's. "you are so beautiful, it hurts." he finished.

max feel dizzy. he only let out a nervous chuckle as he look away from him, free hand hiding his-now red-face. max was not sure if its really daniel or he currently daydreaming about him, again.

it's unfair, no? what daniel did to him is unfair.

"wha-what are you saying? me? beautiful?" max ramble, still looking away.

"you are max. your beautiful ocean eyes especially."

"s-stop saying such nonsense, i'm not."

"but you are, and i'm not a liar."

max let out a cough. he need to get away from daniel, he can't hold it together any longer. he took his hand back, then standing up. this man is dangerous, too dangerous.

"i'm thirsty, do you have water-"

max feel his body shifted, he let out a gasp. daniel had yanked his arm towards his direction, making him stumble onto him. max's eyes widened when daniel open his legs, pulling max even closer to him. he feel daniel wrap his hands around his torso, burying his face on his stomach.

"dan-"

"m' sorry."

the choked voice of daniel broke his heart even more. he touch his curly hair slowly and he feel daniel's hold getting tighter around him. daniel let out a muffled sobs, his shoulder are trembling.

he finally letting go of his emotion.

turns out the happiest man on the grid was not the happiest all the time.

max warp his hands around daniel's head, body a little slouched as he held the man. and daniel desperately clawing and fisting his polo shirt, almost screaming onto him.

max is sure his polo is now drenched in tears, but he doesn't care. he care about daniel, only him.

i love you.

...

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