#i just need a fucking friend or hug.
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literally i feel like i can’t fucking breathe anymore. everyone always telling i have too much emotions, so all i do it keep everything inside just to make everyone else fucking happy.
what’s so happy about crying everyday?
i will never be ENOUGH
why do i fucking deserve to be fucking treated this way.
A FUCKING DOORMAT.
#fuck you man#i love way too much#my emotions#i’m crying so fucking hard right now#i just need a fucking friend or hug.
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i think its stupid that you can feel lonely yet be surrounded by people who love and care about you
its a fukin scam
#I miss flirting with people#why am I such a loser#ahhhhhhhhhhhhh#I hate everything about myselfffffffff#why am I like thissssss#why am I typing this when I don't want anyone to see it#who am I fucking kidding I wouldn't be making this post if I wanted no one to see it#I cant be depressed when everyone else is depressed they need someone to support them not drown them deeper#I need a hug ;v;#my mom cut contact with me my irl friends have moved on my aunt is busy my grandparents don't have anything in common with me#I just feel so shitty#and I'm definitely not going to talk to my dad#he's a bar creep that only fed his damn kid when he had a woman over#I just need to be someone's favorite person#I need to not be forgotten#but they're all moving on without me#no one can handle me at my worst#I'm tired of this I'm tired of feeling so alone and that's why I've made characters in my head that I've used for 6 years now to keep me#from going insane
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is gemstuck sollux a fusion? :0
WHAT A FITTING ASK I'M IN THE MIDDLE OF DRAWING THESE GUYS!!!
yes, yes he is.
#chris doodles#homestuck#gemstuck#hs#sollux captor#i'm obsessed with them#was talking with a friend and we have their fucking entire story and vibe built out#in an episode like jailbreak#rather than how sapphire was kinda distraught and ruby was panicked to find her#bixbite and maxixe are both collectively like “i need to get out NOW before (other one) does because i REFUSE TO LET HIM HOLD IT ABOVE ME”#“HE CAN'T ESCAPE FIRST HE'LL HOLD THAT OVER ME FOREVER”#when they both escape the screen does a split screen and we see them running to try and find each other desperately#when they do#they rush at each other calling out each other's names#slamming into each other with something half between a headbut and a hug#one mutters to the other “i saw you first” the other says “i missed you” just as quietly#holding each other's gems as they touch foreheads#and theN THEY FUSE BACK TOGETHER!!!#he has this moment where he stands there and blinks#relishing in the moment#before summoning his visor and flicking it down like “alriight. back iin fuckiing buii2ne22”#stronger than you but its blackrom#instead of fighting jasper he fights eridan because fef and eridan are kinda the first antagonists to the group#and it gives SOOO much background for what happens with erisol later (i have a whole story for that fusion planned in my head)#anyways holy fuck#yeah im insane ask me more about them
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So, my mom was telling me how much free time I have, and I was like, "I have no freetime wth do you mean?????" And I just wanna see if this is like. A normal way to think of things?
Things I need to do:
Finish reading icebound land
Make a whole lotta art that I promised people
Research study abroad programs
At least one Dutch lesson a day
Keep my room clean
Talk to my friends so they know I love them (and so I don't go insane)
My math homework
Keep myself clean (showers, finally brushing my teeth after months, etc etc) so I don't go insane
Eat at 7pm
Various things I enjoy as to not go insane
All from 6pm to 9 pm, every day, after being at school from 8 am to 3:30 pm and then The Public (teen center) from 3:30 to 5:30, and I need to be in bed by 9:30 and asleep by 10:00
So, basically, I'm "on the clock" from 7 am (When I start getting ready for school) until 9 pm, with no breaks
But yeah no I totally have free time. Yeaup
#“but you never actually do that stuff! you just sit and scroll!”#yeah cause if I'm not doing what I need to I'm not Allowed to do anything else#but I'm just. too tired. to do what I need yo#I hate high school#rambles#adhd#executive dysfunction#<- I've heard that this kinda mental math can be a symptom of those things? idk#im so tired#burnout#adhd burnout#(????? I think????)#high school#I'm just so tired of all of this#the sun is going down way too early and I barely speak at all at school and I never finish work early anymore and the teen center is loud#and I still want to be active in the fandom but I don't have time to make posts anymore#and I don't have any in person friends anymore and I don't know when the last time I got a hug was#and I'm just. so. tired. my room is clean and I have good grades and I talk to my friends everyday and I shower routinely#why the hell am I so stressed#I do everything I'm supposed to do#I just want to go somewhere else man#The Netherlands hopefully#I wanna actually DO something#go on a trip for band#not just finish the work put in front of me day after day after day after day#I wasn't built for this shit#I'm so fucking tired
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Marty McFly VS The Doc-pocalypse or smth like that idk
I put way too much effort into what was supposed to be a stupid doodle so uh. Have this Tumblr. I really don’t have a better explanation for this other than I got two more Doc Pop! Figures today, which leaves me with a growing army of 3 Docs and one singular Marty, and I keep laughing every time I look at them in my display case so here we have Marty dealing with multiple Docs from different times that have all somehow ended up in the garage in 1986. Four dimensional thinking has never been his strong suit, and trying to figure this out is not helping. He’s got two hours of sleep, a bajillion positive encouraging post-it notes from the Doc of the present telling him to sleep, hot chocolate, and four very enthusiastic Emmetts crowding the lab. Send help. And caffeine. And maybe Clara cause he’s not so sure he can keep them from blowing something up for much longer.
Picture of the inspiration under the cut :)
Behold, my growing Doc army and my one single Marty McFly left to deal with them
At least Marty has his tunes. That might help him stay a little sane
#just cause I have to say this- DO NOT TAG AS SHIP HOLY FUCK#STAY BACK 🤺🤺🤺#okay now that that’s out of the way#Marty needs sleep#and a hug (which he’s already gotten multiple of because no matter the decade Doc is his best friend)#from left to right we’ve got:#confused 2015 Doc#paranoid 1955 Doc#one (1) very tired Marty who is actively ignoring the million sticky notes telling him to sleep#far too laid back (also due to lack of sleep) present Doc#and very excited to talk about science with someone who gets it 1931 Doc from the games#WHO IS A GINGER THATS CANON LOOK IT UP#i have no idea how this would happen or what would cause it but it seemed too funny not to doodle#then the doodle became a flat color#and here we are#high key could probably play with this idea if ppl showed interest#Oops All Docs AU#Docpocalypse AU#now for the obligatory tags#back to the future#back to the future the musical#back to the future the game#bttf#bttf musical#back to the future fanart#bttf fanart#until we meet again!
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if you have a good vibe/kind thought to spare and could send it my way. i'd really appreciate it.
#saying goodbye to my friend murphy tomorrow#i'll be okay. it's the right decision and i'll get through.#life is just going to be really hard and sad for a while#i don't want to talk about it in any detail but i feel like i have to say it out loud#and i have this paranoid anxiety thought that's like if I don't tell people he's gone they will ask about him#snd I won't be able to handle that for a little while#I don't need acknowledgment or sympathy. I don't need to talk to anyone. I don't need cheer-up fodder#so no need to send me anything or talk to me about it really i promise#just if you can take a second to love and appreciate the animals in your life. that would be really nice.#you don't have to tell me about it it would just be nice to feel there's love out there#writing this all out is making me feel so stupid. i've deleted and rewritten several times#but i gotta because it would be a lot worse if i was worrying about not talking about it#so yeah. no need for likes or comments or dms or asks or anything. just give someone some love for me ok?#murphy is the senior yellow lab you may have seen me post pics of sometimes. he's my parents' dog but he's my buddy.#and he's gotten me through a lot. like a lot a lot#and i'm going to miss the hell out of him#and i'm so worried about my parents. they're going to have a much worse time than me.#and they don't need anything else on their plates right now#it's just everything you know?#and all at the same time too. 2024 has been just one gut punch after the other#so yeah. if you could give your pet a hug or a treat or a scratch or take them on their favorite walk. that would be awesome#this was good actually typing all this nonsense out helped a little. still don't want to talk about it but at least i have ideas for#the 'leave me the fuck alone' email i'm going to send everyone tomorrow at work
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Grinds my teeth to dust…. i wish touch didnt have so many Implications. im just trying to survive out here
#after all this i need a cuddle and a movie But who do i ask withoit them thinking im coming on to them#i need to paint a giant doomsday-guy-on-the-street-corner style sign to wear around my neck that says I AM AROMANTIC ASEXUAL#born to hug and kiss all my friends forced to stand around hands in my pockets#im scared to death of people misinterpreting my behavior or feeling uncomfortable#od be so much more relaxed like at a core of my being level if this was a nonissue#dude im desperate i might just ask the guy i almost fell asleep on tje otjet night#the ice is broken and he already knows my deal#(fantasizing about snuggling with people i like) im so fucked up ….#it’s also made way worse by tje fact that I apparently come off as very flirtatious#im playful and i love people Sorry …..#im like All or Nothing . oh my god lol#i had a friend who called me her ‘koala’ because i was constantly clinging to her#we were 7 so it was socially acceptable#99% of the time we were together i was wrapped around her legs or torso. i miss you so much sybil#the start of the end was when i innocently restrd my chin on my friend’s shoulder to watch what he was doing#and the next day someone asked me why i did that#i was like huh…? he’s my friend?#why wouldn’t i?#then i felt all weird about it And ive felt weird about it sincd#unrelated but my best friend is autistic she has misophonia and hates touch But im the misopjonia exception(real thing) AND#i’m one of the only people she hugs. straight up my biggest flex ever
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i think my biggest problem is that i've always been this kind of friend who's like "i may not understand your favourite thing in the world but i'm here to listen, support it with all my heart and be excited about it with you", so i kinda expect my friends to do the same thing for me. if it matters to you, it's important.
#i'm pretty sure that's the reason bel and i have been friends for years now#we're changing fandoms but we've always been super supportive about it like YAS GIRL TELL ME ALL ABOUT YOUR NEW BLORBO#my sister has always been like this too and sometimes without even telling me like#i literally found out last year that she's listening to twenty one pilots because of me (that's what she told me)#all the things i've learned about miley cyrus in a span of a year? you'd be surprised#well all thanks to one of my best friends who loves her so much#i could listen to him talk about her for hours (and sometimes i do) and i don't even like her music#and yes we listened to her together too#but he does the same thing for me with my favourite bands and it's fucking awesome#this post is chaotic as fuck but what i'm trying to say is that#i've always been this way#i don't care if i like it or not#i wanna listen to you talk about it because it's important to you so it's important to me#idk#last couple days have been a nightmare i just need a hug#i say whatever and whatever that i want*
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demi/puck at wc but like. specter of lotte right
#avoiding being productive by kopeckeringing god bless. but i’m Thinking#going back to this article ab demi responding to lotte questioning the dutch team’s leadership and if they really had a proper strategy#and it bring’s up a quote from puck saying that it makes the rest of the team more confident knowing demi is so strong#like AUGH. also the two of them getting closer in paris… puck being a little shell shocked over beating Demi Freaking Vollering on stage 4#but the journalist bringing up puck’s quote like ammo for demi’s side of things…. getting w someone like a post breakup Fuck You#and not even like she’s using puck to get over lotte or even thinking she’ll notice but it’s like an I Moved On sort of thing#like she’s soooo unbothered! she’s Fine!!!#also puck did seem a little starry eyed w/ demi#being not only new to road but having her first win be against the literal best in the world and to have her sing your praises to the media#PLUS THAT CLIP OF THEM TALKING POSTRACE WHERE DEMI’S LIKE “ahh you won” and the first thing puck does is go in to hug her 😭😭#like i would be having a girlcrush too fr. not to mention demi vollering looks like demi vollering soo.#idk i feel like demi is someone puck respects/admires a lot and to have someone like that like you… no better way to be absolutely taken#so whatever happened w lotte puck’s automatically gonna be on her side and it’s nice to have someone tell you no you’re right they suck#in a breakup. even if she feels split about it if puck’s there to be like fuck them demi you’re better!! it’s sort of like a tether right#everyone needs a friend(?) to hate on your ex 😌😌 and maybe they’re a little in love with you#it’s just easier to be with someone who likes you that much with no caveats as opposed to something more complex but also an emotional mess
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im gonna explode. there are two small children and flatmate's mother doing a mess in the kitchen. why are they here
#this is making me so uncomfortable im gonna cry#and i can't focus on the project#i ask roommate how long they're gonna be here because i don't feel comfortable doing my things in the kitchen with them around and she#called me insane and that i should change my behavior because it's not normal#well sorry that the way my brain works isn't normal but im still uncomfortable with strangers in the place where i live#especially when they're being loud are touching my stuff and are drinking my tea#makes me think that people want to be friends with mentally ill people until those people start showing signs of mental illness#like im working on myself ive been working on changing by brain for almost a year but it takes time i can't just be suddenly normal#i need a hug so fucking bad
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"Kingdom Hearts is so complicated" "Nomura made it up as he went along" "KH makes no sense" Have you considered that Riku is 15 and autistic and gay bc if you do I think itll change things
#domt get me wrong a lot of kh is fucking ridiculous and some of it is way too complex but like#bare bones? Rikus motivations are so real to me like Riku is such a realised character#Giving him hugs#If sora at any point in the game was like “Riku youre my best friend and i value you” nothing wouldve ever happened /hj#Obviously overhearing the dock convo with Kairi definitely triggered a fight or flight response in him#and him being like “Winner gets to get with Kairi 😼” and then as soon as the race is over being like “lol it was just a joke bro haha”#And him trying so hard to be a cool guy (which works tbf bc sora idolises him but is still evident)#Him tossing Sora a paopu and sayin “c'mon. you know you want to try it.” eithout ever saying Kairi to test the waterz#his main priority after opening the door to darkness being making sure Sora comes with him and feeling betrayed when he doesnt#and then in traverse town running when Sora has the chance to abandon him for his new friends#and then maleficent is like Lol he replaced u <3 and riku is gay and autistic and 15 about it#I care so deeply about kh1 riku. Hes just a little guy and he just needed a hug#apollo says stuff#UGHHHH#Its feeling so so sad about Riku Kingdom hearts hours#riku kingdom hearts#kingdom hearts#kh riku#soriku#beverly says stuff
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idk comfort characters moment ig
#i should REALLY stop doodling around and start doing more serious art#anyways this is not shipp art btw i dont shipp them for me they are like brothers best friends even#demoman#miss pauling#tf2#team fortress 2#kino art#idk i just feel like drawing sad demo i think he got too much going on in that little head full of beer and depression...#and well he just needs a hug and venting for real and not making it much of a joke#IDK I WAS JUST LISTENING TO MITSKI AND LAMP AND BOOM sad doodle i guess#i think for demo is a bit hard to find a good time to vent and well his team kinda sucks for that#same goes w miss p this two are full of shit in their heads so why not listening w each other and crying idk#its been a time since i have draw demo...#those fucking hands... i hate often times drawing hands#idk why i made tf2 sad art i think is funny but who cares cringe is free look at me doing lovey dovey and sad art haha laugh at this guy
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Kind of hard to ask as anon
But you doing ok?
Need to vent?
Hi very kind and thoughtful of you to ask, i am doing mmmmm suboptimal but i do not need to vent to a person per se, so much as i need to say absolutely insane shit in my tags and have everyone pretend not to see <3
#my stuff#asks#this is the problem with using tumblr as a multi-role platform bc when i want to talk about my fcuking metnal illness i stress-#about my online friends judging me for it#not in like a mean sense but just that it feels like it would change their opinion of me#like on tumblr u can say you have adhd or autism (i have the latter and likely the former)#but anything more intense is regarded as sketchy#so when i’m having symptoms disease of an additional metnal illness it’s like hmmm i don’t think i’m supposed to talk about that#mostly because the majority of the time it’s something i mask over#and do subconsciously until i get particularly tired or stressed or fatigued#so when i get to those states i’m trying extra hard not to blindside everyone with what a fucking mutant i am under the surface#like yippee hooray more ammunition for some transphobe to use in 3 weeks next time i get anon hate#anyways im. tired. i need more tattoos. i need a vacation. i need a forever hug. i need to feel cute. i need things to just be okay#i need to not be fractured into so many snapping pieces i need to know what is expected of us#i need to not feel like an adult babysitting a child who’s actually controlling me#i feel weak and undisciplined but i know fixing those won’t fill the hole gnawing my heart#im going to bed. blegh.
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fun side effect (thats so not the right word but idc) of being aro is that while everybody else is in love with fictional characters, i just really want to be their friend!!! i just really really really want to give them a hug & make them a nice warm drink (yes i am one of those people that makes drinking tea their whole personality. what about it.) like. i just. i want to listen to them rant about their life & how their day was. I WANT TO LISTEN TO THEM INFODUMP‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️ ugh. just please be neurodivergent with me for a minute. please. guys. autism. please.
#also nd does not just mean adhd/autism but that is what i’m referring to here‼️‼️#also i am actually autistic i am not just saying autism for no reason LMAO#but uh yeah. anywyas. love my silly little guys. just want to give them a hug & listen to them rant#please please pkease tell me about your special interest or current hyperfixation or whatever#i want to hear everything tell me every single little detail i love you#ALSO ON THAT NOTE!!!! i experience platonic love SO FUCKING AGGRESSIVELY#and i feel like alloromantic people do not understand that as much???#like i said to one of my friends thst they were ‘one of my best friends’#and they were like wdym. u only have one best friend. and i was like bro. actually i love you all so intensely so don’t even say that man#like i just. ugh. i love ny friends so much. platonic love is truly sososososoo beautiful & we need to appreciate it more bc what.#anywyas.#aromantic#aro#arospec#tea#comfort character#autism#adhd#yeah idk that’s all i got#oh one more.#martin blackwood#bc that is really who i’m talking about here lets be so real
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There are four main types of Batfam fans in regard to how people interpret Bruce Wayne as a dad (/Joking. This is mostly satire and should not be taken seriously):
Fans that think Bruce is emotionally constipated and isn't the best at being a parent but still tries (Differs per person). Don't necessarily think he's absuive but thinks he can be toxic or have unhealthy expectations for the Robins. Can smell the Oldest Daughter Syndrome coming from Dick and have Family Line (By Conan Gray) as their top song on their Dick inspired playlist and Daddy Issues (By The Neighbourhood) for Jason.
Fans that choose to believe Bruce goes to therapy in their own canon. Love B:WFA. Thinks the comic can be cheesy at times and so find a balance between B:WFA Bruce and Please Go To Therapy BruceTM as their middle ground. He struggles. They advocate that Bruce is not a bad parent, he just has bad writers that seem to forget Bruce wouldn't hurt kids, especially not his own. Love the humane moments and scenes he has in BTAS and the early JL cartoons. He may not be perfect but he's not literally abusive. Whores for Bruce being able to admit when he is wrong and for Jason and Bruce reconciling. I recommend Grow As We Go by Ben Platt for this one.
A mix between the first two. Was fine-ish when Dick was younger. Didn't help him in the healthiest way but eh. Still emotionally constipated but that happened more so after Dick left and Jason died. Started getting better when Tim came back but was still closed off. Should probably go to therapy with the kids so they can drag his ass about all the things he's done that have actually affected them negatively. Understands his mistakes and is also able to admit when he's wrong, eventually. It's not easy but he starts to do better and learns to be more emotionally available. Still has to get chewed out by Alfred sometimes but definitely better than he used to be and it shows. Reconciliation is slow and gradual but progress is made for everyone involved.
The one's I personally avoid for my own sanity and wellbeing:
Think Bruce is a complete bastard and abuser. Want him to choke. Hate any and all interpretations of him. Some of which will refuse to understand how anyone could have a different interpretation. Will point out comics where, in all fairness, he is a dick but forget that characterisation can significantly differ from one series to the next, as comic characters are constantly passed around to different writers and have been for decades. Not to mention movies, shows, etc.
#Bruce Wayne#Batman#Batfam#Batdad#I'm not tagging everyone in the Batfam I can't be assed#Sorry there's like 500#Bruce has a child for every mental disorder he has#Dick is his ADHD. Jason is his C-PTSD. Tim is his Anxiety. Cass is his OCD. Damian is his Autism.#Like bro the therapist is RIGHT there#You have the money just GO#I am a mix of 2 and 3 tbh but more so 2 because he is my comfort fictional father figure. I already have a shit dad irl#I'm not dealing with it in my favourite media too#Type 4 fans scare me I lowkey see so many people like that and I'm like. If the block button wasn't free. I'd be in debt by now#I get that you saw Tom Kings work. So did I. I hate that fuck. But I personally prefer the scene of him in JL with Ace on the swings#Or the one with him playing with shape block toys with a baby whilst Supes and WW handle the questioning#Or when he hugs literally any of his kids#Or the one of him and Jason watching a movie and eating popcorn when Jason's ill. And they have the picture of them posing#Or when he cried in Flashpoint over the letter his dad left him because the little boy in him needed that#Plus any time Bruce and Clark interact as Best Friends. The Golden Age comics where they were basically Dick's gay dads 💀#But yeah. I could make a poll from this tbh.#This is a generalisation on purpose genuinely do not take it seriously#If I see ANY disclosure. It's delete and block on sight#Bruh I'm still recovering from the notes of my Fallout 4 John Hancock in a Drag Race outfit crossover post#I know it sounds like I'm being paranoid but that's because I am. You have not seen the things I have seen in my notes#You do not know of the wars I have fought of over ghoul dicks and high heels#I have seen things I can never burn from my vision. Read things I will never have the mercy of forgetting#Over silly little shitposts. Lmao. Anyway. Here. Have some food.
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he sat there on the ground and cried. for cas. cas told him he loved him was taken away and he buried his head in his hands and wept
#AND THEN THEY TRIED TO PRETEND LIKE IT WAS FINE? and after the widower arc#it wasn’t even as nearly fucked then this time all their friends got thanos snapped and we don’t even get canon confirmation that they were#brought back. even with covid not even a vo or offhand mention or reference#jack is god and in every drop of rain or whatever.#sure yeah whatever they beat the final boss and got over the protagonist angst of it all but the world was still the same it just wasn’t a#chuck story which only ramped up to being The Big Problem in the season 14 finale.#cas was stabbed by an angel blade and dean broke while wrapping his body for the funeral pyre. ALONE. and was. not doing well#and you tell me it’s whatever after he sat there in that dungeon refused to answer sam’s calls and cried during the complete and total end#of the world. that he just bounced back from that and died and drove around heaven for decades in a few minutes and smiled while americana#electric guitar played on some bridge#cas helped oh that’s nice I guess smile now I have GOT to go drive my car around. because I did not get enough of that in my time on earth.#unlike my time with cas which I am satisfied with and in no need of closure. perhaps a conversation. looking upon him to see him alive and#well. healing some of that trauma of the last time I saw him. a reunion hug maybe even which has become tradition. CUT THE CAMERAS deadass#he’s going for the face touch. no this we cannot possibly have time for we have to play carry on wayward son twice#sorry. it has been three years. sorry. it’s just so funny buddy your ass did NOT escape the hamster wheel
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