#i just haven’t felt like a person ! | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

tetsuskei · 24 days ago

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this made me want to walk off the nearest twenty story building because, yeah, they’re correct.

#risu’s rambles ☆#ajax 𓆩☆𓆪 #hi guys #i’m here to share another daily selfship lore bomb #but back to childe and loneliness #i fear that even though he has his family #part of his family probably doesn’t acknowledge or care for him #especially with how things occurred after he fell into the abyss #he never mentions his older siblings #you wouldn’t know he had any unless you read his character stories #anton and tonia are the younger ones who are aware of his job #teucer doesn’t and he obviously doesn’t want him to #which makes me further believe that people in his family haven’t taken too kindly of him being part of the fatui #i think in the aspects of my selfship with him #it’s hard for him to trust ppl #that are outside of his family #and he’s used to being alone #so there’s also some deflection in how it makes him feel #but anyways #i feel like being that first person outside of his family that he really opens up to #that person would mean a lot to him #especially with how much he values honesty and trust #ex.) how betrayal he felt by zhongli lying #or hiding that he was an archon #i am rambling but anyways guys i just want to be there for him #he really needs a hug bad :((#kujax ☆

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ricciardhoes · 3 months ago

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from the bottom of my heart, thank you for everything. there will never be another like you. ever.

#yellow was his colour because it emphasised the light he gave off #this is so redundant given i haven’t used this blog for two years and then i came back for like a week only for this to happen LOL #anyways if you’re reading this: thank you. this blog meant more to me than anything & the friendships it gave me will last a lifetime.#i think he’d be happiest to know that over the years he gave people a sense of community & belonging.#especially people who maybe felt like they didn’t have that growing up (me)#sitting back and realising i grew up with him fills me with such a sense of privilege & happiness that i cannot even begin to describe #this is so personal but i struggled a lot in 2020 (as everyone did) and having him along with f1 & this blog was such a saving grace for me #and i don’t think i could ever begin to express my gratitude. to him & to anyone this blog gave to me.#he will always be formula one to me & the reality that he won’t be here again is just far too painful for me to accept.#i feel good about leaving this blog behind for good & everything it holds. every photo. every liveblog. snapshots of his career.#i hope people can continue to get the same joy from it that i had when posting. and i hope you can remember daniel’s career for what it was #he deserves it.#so again: thank you.

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leviiackrman · 5 months ago

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I am fighting for my life to be mentally stable and it’s not working

#personal*#jess talks #trigger warning cus I’m feeling really low and might vent #but genuinely I want to give up #I don’t want to exist #I feel like a burden and a scrounger #I realised yesterday that everything I have is because of someone else #I haven’t earnt anything for myself or done anything with my life #I complain that I can’t support myself #yet I make no effort to fix that #im scared of my insecurity to do anything #I’m scared I’m not good enough #I’m scared to exist in my own home #it doesn’t feel like my home #I haven’t felt ‘at home’ since before uni #I’ve moved house 6 times in the past 7 years #I never feel secure or safe #and I feel responsible #I wish I could just go get a good paying job and support myself and my family #all I want is my independence back like I had at uni #but even at uni I was living off of a loan I’ll never be able to pay off #my whole existence is a waste #I’m contemplating giving up on my art and business because it’s getting me no where #I might as well give up entirely #I can’t see any positive resolutions in sight and I feel so helpless #but all I’m doing is feeling sorry for myself #my parents are sm worse off than I am currently yet I’m the one having panic attacks and terrified to leave my room??#I’m gonna be 26 still living with my parents achieving nothing for myself #with no relationship experience and not an inclining of self respect #grow up Jess

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operationdeadbolt · 30 days ago

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respectfully I love your account and you were one of the first cod blogs i've followed here and I would be so sad if you left <3

but I also support you doing what's best for you <3

hi anon thank you for being sweet <3 i think being away has been good for me but I do miss this account and cod and everyone I have on here so maybe i’ll be back for good

i know this ask is months old but hopefully the sentiment is the same bc it was very nice to read

#today is my birthday so i thought i might as well come back #i changed my user from keegansshark i promise it’s still me 😞😞#very sorry to everyone who’s tagged me in posts or interacted with me in the past few months i promise i wasn’t ignoring you #i just haven’t felt like a person !

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badolmen · 1 year ago

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I can fix him*

*bad writing, underutilized gameplay mechanics, characters with unfulfilled potential, funded by bootlickers

#ra speaks #personal #sorry I made dr phone calls and have like. ten minutes til I gotta get ready for first class of the semester. let me have this.#I think I should get every COD game ever for free. it’s MY tax dollars at work after all (actually anything produced w us military funding #should be free I think I can trap even my bootlicker tax hating dad into getting onboard w this one)#anyways. ghosts was…decent. but jfc if you give me a silent protag I expect SOME self awareness in the writing.#why are characters calling to him on comms when they know he won’t respond? why doesn’t he have an AAC device or something more futuristic?#I’m just saying if you explicitly limit a character you need to respect those limits in te writing. it’s not that hard.#like non of the characters even acknowledge that Logan never talks. esp weird when he first meets the ghosts #also. obv not a big fan of ‘all of South America has United into evil space terrorists’ but it was 2013 so ¯\ _(ツ)_/¯#wish we got to see some SDC civis y’know? get a bear on the average attitudes abt the whole. invading the US thing.#(jfc do not get me started on The Wall like this is a 2016 trump voter’s power fantasy)#also Riley was such an interesting mechanic why couldn’t they have at least substituted him w drones or something on the other missions??#you get him for like. two missions. and then he gets shot and you have to protect him (gosh I actually loved that section)#just. it was clear Logan was The Dog Guy with an aptitude for tech. honestly Hesh felt more like the MC than Logan.#and while Logan doesn’t have a ton of personality we can glean as a result of non speaking + ZERO communication at all ever #seriously he doesn’t even like. wave or give thumbs up to people wtf dude do ppl just assume he’s psychic or something???#I do LOVE the few scenes we get with him acting outside of player control/where he actually has agency (Elias’ death. the final cutscene)#and like it’s not much but it’s enough that I WANT to see what happens next #but alas. a decade old game without a true sequel (I think??? haven’t actually looked into it.)#my brother is making fun of me for being a COD gamer now like boy. I have no defense pls be nice to me T-T

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talesofwhimsy · 6 months ago

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Car Seat Headrest, “Weightlifters” // the Mountain Goats, “Isaiah 45:23”

#I am the most stagnant person to ever live #if I were a body of water #mosquitos would flock to me like salmon to waterfalls and inland lakes and rivers #because I haven’t changed in nearly a decade #nothing changes with me #I am the bog water in the basement after the flood #untouched for years #yearning to be disturbed #unable to set myself to moving #god i’m so pretentious I wish I could just sleep for like #1322 days #wake up and have something be different #different or over #because being over would mean being different #and I’m delusional too if I think anything will ever change #I’m doing the same shit I did eight years ago #I’m feeling the same shit I felt fourteen years ago #and no matter what I tell myself #or others tell me #it never changes #because I’m so fucking deluded that I think #if everything stays the same #if I don’t do anything #things will change around me #things will become better around me #that if I keep my mouth shut #god will answer all my prayers #I’m so fucking DELUSIONAL god please just smite me with the knowledge of how everything will end. please. please. please. please. please.#Car Seat Headrest #the Mountain Goats

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loveletterworm · 1 year ago

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Things i made while trying to test an animation app which clearly each took an exactly equal amount of time and effort to make I promise

#my art #oc #i say ‘’app’’ and not program because this wasn’t on my computer hence why I wasn’t just using csp like a normal person…#my mom gave me an ipad for my birthday but I didn’t mention it at the time because I felt shame for owning an apple product.#but the new sonic game is on it. i still haven’t played it yet for some reason but the option now exists.#pbm

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trannykong · 6 months ago

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I think I’m happy enough that being misgendered and dysphoria actually have a noticeable negative impact upon me

#either that or I’m feeling mire #I think the depression season officially coming to a close #has my apathy at a minimum #meaning I care about things #I am a woman and my name is Esther.#I’ve never felt more like a person than I have this year specifically #before 2024 I have been living for others this really is the year I start living for myself #i have a partner and it’s the first time I haven’t immediately and unhealthily dedicated myself to them #Idk i just think i might be happier after getting bottom surgery

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skhardwarevers1 · 1 month ago

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does everything suck or is it just me being over dramatic

#The sk trauma deniers (myself are fighting a hard battle (against myself also)#Me when life altering events alter my life: 😰#Vague venting because everything sucks and my shoulder blades feel weird and I miss him #And I miss the way life used to be and I miss being happy and I miss being safe #And I miss a lot of things and I hate a lot of things and I miss a lot of things that I hate #Struggling and I feel like there’s a lot of things I’m feeling that I don’t acknowledge out of the subconscious #(Example: very upsetting part of my dream in which I saw my ex. Clear as day. It was so awful I wanted to cry)#Everything sucks im going to sleep and maybe feel better in the morning for a little and then collapse into tears again #Killing myself party is back on actually. I miss the person I was I miss my sister I miss my family #Everything is different now and I wish what happened never happened even if I refuse to acknowledge it happened sometimes #I just miss. A lot. I wish I could just shut off all of this #Vent #I’m fine just tired and feel like everything is crashing …..and I’ve been thinking about one thing my dad said #“Not to encourage your little relationship” ?????? I have never felt more like shit #I know I haven’t given a reason for my parents to like the people I’ve dated but the one time I date a guy who is genuinely so kind #And they’ve been hearing about him for over a year and they’ve even met him they still don’t want to trust me #It’s utterly awful that I feel like I’m improving for him rather than for my family #I should want to improve for both. But it’s so demotivating. I do it for him #Ugh….vent over I hate this shit

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seekingthestars · 7 months ago

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little floof has the best possible time at con, proceeds to spend the next month crying about it

#personal #not trying to be dramatic but i have actually cried a little two separate times tonight because i'm just so. happy. 😭#these past three-and-a-bit days have been packed to the brim with so much joy and excitement there was nowhere else for it to go #i feel so warm and just /happy/#i haven’t felt this much like myself in months and months i adore con #it just feels a little like home every year #it feels safe and full of joy and laughter and i can just dress up and be goofy with my friends #and getting to see my favorite guests brings me such infinite amounts of happiness #and all the interactions i have with them and how they REMEMBER ME and have started CALLING MY NAME IN THE HALLS TO SAY HI fjeiwoaf #and skip beat asking me if i’m coming to their next show every time they finish one #and shun giving me Super Top Secret Information today that they’d be performing in the traditional music concert & asking if i’ll be there #and them waving and smiling when they see me #jigoroh being so cute and going 'HI SARAH HI SARAH' and going for a high five when i went up to ask for a picture after their panel #and a bunch of them reposting my stories / posts on ig with the SWEETEST little thank you notes thanking me for coming #and them all telling me ‘see you next year!!’#anyway i cannot possibly explain it in words but this con honestly means so much to me and i love it so so much #and i’m just. right now. so happy. that there’s nowhere else for the joy to go but to leak out of my eyeballs

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banghwa · 1 year ago

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genuine question how do u get over ur fear of existing

#i haven’t been able to rly let myself enjoy my new job without stressing about whether it’s enough #and i know it is because other people work here with the same paycheck and live alone and happy #but i cant let myself believe that like. i’ll ever be okay on my own #i think ive been rly conditioned to think i’ll fail no matter what even though i know i wont #like i’m fucking smart im competent i have proved it i can live on my own i AM independent #but literally this house is a jail cell it gets to a point where i don’t even notice the days go by #i have never felt like a real person until i moved out for those few months and that was so scary #like. how do i get over that fear of screwing my life over and just fucking go out and live #dl

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aroaessidhe · 4 days ago

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2024 reads / storygraph

Life Underwater

adult contemporary

about a man navigating his relationship with his partner after they move in together, having never been interested in relationships before; as well as bigoted people questioning their relationship, (as he's Muslim with a younger white partner)

along with dealing with the fact that his partner is a with a marine biologist - and he’s extremely hydrophobic due to trauma, but wants to find a way to be involved in what his partner is so passionate about

trans grey-aro ace MC, nonbinary LI

#life underwater #aroaessidhe 2024 reads #aromantic books #asexual books #I enjoyed this overall!#great exploration of a aromantic mc with one exception; as well as a sex repulsed asexual in a relationship with an allo #in the midst of so many demi-aspec romance books where the demi character is like I haven’t felt attraction before #or been in a relationship but i WANT to and I’ve never felt HAPPY/RIGHT about my aspecness etc etc it’s so refreshing to have a #arospec character that’s like yeah I was secure in being aroace but then this one person changed things #but if this didn’t work out I probably wouldn’t seek it out again #(though being aro-spec-ace rather than allo-demi is part of the reason for the difference)#(obviously the former is something that people experience. it’s just. i get it! every demi book! okay!)#(anyway. this felt like a breath of fresh air in that regard)#I think the structure of the narrative is a bit strange - it’s very slow to start #and sort of deals with some stuff in the first half and then completely different stuff in the second; and also honestly after the build up #I expected it to deal more in depth with him actually dealing with the phobia. but then it just sort of ends #I am also hesitant about a book by a white author (pretty sure) that has a Muslim MC that deals with racism/islamophobia #- I don’t think there was anything bad about it specifically….. it’s just i would usually not pick up Books By White Authors #Exploring Racism over a book by a Muslim author. i mean obviously this is a very small selfpub book so like whatever I guess.#just as a note.

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merrymissmouse43 · 5 days ago

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6 weeks of breathing clean air, I still miss the smoke…..

🏝️🤙🏄🏾‍♀️🏄🏼‍♂️💔

#seemed appropriate to use t swift lyrics since I associated so many of her songs with them &haven’t been able to listen to any of them sinc #I don’t even want to say their names #if you know you know #purging them from my life has been depressing as hell #I’m so fucking sick of behind the scenes bullshit ruining my favourite ships #this is the THIRD TIME this has happened to me btw #I’ve genuinely been in mourning #I’m not even exaggerating when I say that finale triggered a days long anxiety attack for me #it’s so ridiculous how something that wasn’t even real caused me to have physical symptoms of distress but it’s true #my heart wouldn’t stop racing. chest was tight. started shaking a few times. felt lightheaded. couldn’t sleep. eating made me sick #it was awful #but now I’ve mostly moved on to anger #I’m angry at a lot of people involved for different reasons #I’m also angry because I’ve lost my inspiration to write #I was solely committed to writing about them the past few years and now that they’re over I have no desire to write for them or another shi #I’m crushed that I’ve lost my joy for writing those ficlets but it’s too painful now. probably always will be tbh #feeling pretty lost creatively…#thank god I made a new friend on here before shit hit the fan #she and I have been venting out our sadness and frustrations together and it’s helped a lot #I hope everyone else in the fandom was able to find support like I did #I know my exit from the fandom was abrupt but I had just finished watching and was reacting purley on raw emotion #but I still think it was my best way to cope with it all #apologies for the rant and to everyone following me who don’t know wtf I’m talkimg about but I was thinking about them today #and I needed to unload a bit #I’m not going to tag anything but I do miss this fandom terribly #I’m still at a point where I don’t want to hear anything about this show or ship ever again… but yeah… I really miss those good times #take me back to the season 3 hype #THIS is the bad place #personal #laura says things

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okcoolthanks · 6 days ago

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I feel like my family’s getting sick of me

#I don’t listen I don’t do anything they ask unless it directly affects me #and even then I rarely do it unless it’s about to happen like right the fuck now #I don’t do shit for future me I’ve Never done shit for future me because I didn’t think there Would be a future me so I never bothered to #learn how to be an actual person #I was shut off from everything outside of shitty fandom Pinterest and my family who are All doing Awful #I don’t know how to do anything and I don’t know if I’m gonna make myself try #there doesn’t feel like there’s a point even though I know there is #I’m just so fucking tired all the time I want to sleep I want to not wake up I want to be a concept I don’t want to be like this man #I haven’t felt like a person person for so long I’ve just been making myself like a character #stories and the real world aren’t. they’re not the fucking same #in stories you only see one side of them maybe two but you don’t see how they live or the in betweens #the ride to places the signing up for schools the job hunts the actual becoming an adult not just. relationship shit.#I haven’t felt like a person person for years and it’s biting me in the ass now I don’t think I can do anything about it now #I’m gonna end up in my early 20s homeless and dead on the street from hypothermia because I cant make myself do things that isnt comfortable #fucking shit man #I’m gonna sleep at a normal time. try to see if I get up earlier tomorrow

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cloud-based-and-rainpilled · 1 year ago

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Personally, as an autistic person, I love people being flabbergasted about pronouns. Oh wah wah wah you’re having issues with how to refer to people?? Baybe I’ve been struggling not to refer to myself in the second person since 1997, don’t @ me until it takes you 20 years to remember which way is right and which way is left without making an L with your fingers

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bich-the-moss · 15 days ago

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I think I failed my personality test 🫡

#not trying to be edgy like I had to take a personality test for a job interview and haven’t received any response #probably for the best tbh. I don’t really want to work for this company #I just applied because I felt like I needed a job ASAP after not working for a whopping 3 weeks #I did an introductory interview on Thursday and the editor was like ‘how are you paying the bills right now? 🤨’ like. Just fine thanks?#idk I know he was scouting out any potential responsibilities (ie distractions from work) but that question just really rubbed me wrong #he also asked if I’d be willing to move closer despite me living 30 minutes away #just a weird vibe. really hoping that something else comes along

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