#I am a woman and my name is Esther.
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I think I’m happy enough that being misgendered and dysphoria actually have a noticeable negative impact upon me
#either that or I’m feeling mire#I think the depression season officially coming to a close#has my apathy at a minimum#meaning I care about things#I am a woman and my name is Esther.#I’ve never felt more like a person than I have this year specifically#before 2024 I have been living for others this really is the year I start living for myself#i have a partner and it’s the first time I haven’t immediately and unhealthily dedicated myself to them#Idk i just think i might be happier after getting bottom surgery
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[“It was only after I came out as a dyke that, for the first time in my life, I felt ready to celebrate being a girl, and I did. Actually, I overdid. Armed with Esther Newton’s Mother Camp, Judith Butler’s Gender Trouble, and Joan Nestle’s A Restricted Country, I embraced femme. I dressed up in short flowery dresses, pushup bras, satin panties, and lacy stockings. I paid great attention to my long, curly, perfectly-coiffed hair, my glamorous makeup, and especially my pouty lips. I spritzed Lola’s smell on my skin—Estee Lauder’s Private Collection—and painted my nails. I wore all of it with black combat boots and a brilliant sense of irony. I reveled in my girliness, went over the top, learned how to tweeze my eyebrows and line my lips with a lip pencil.
My gender presentation was unmistakable: blatant female sexuality. I was a proud, in-your-face, take-no-prisoners, uppity, don’t-assume-I’m-straight-because-I-wear-lipstick-and-dresses femme dyke. Because femmes are always assumed to be straight or sleeping with men, and I do sleep with men, I made sure to always have a butch on my arm so I’d be read as femme. Even though I was sure I’d be mistaken for straight, the boys took one look at me and steered clear. It was as if I was too much of a woman for them to handle, like I was a handful, and I was. But butch girls love a handful—a handful of tits, a handful of ass, a girl who needs to be handled, a girl who can handle herself.
How I figured out I was a femme had a lot to do with the women I was attracted to and the dynamic between us. When I was in junior high, I used to mess around with a friend of mine named Angela. Angela was one of those girls who developed early; I remember she had big breasts in like sixth grade. We mostly kissed and touched over clothes, and we played out various boy-girl scenarios. I was always the girl—my early femme roots. My favorite of all our little scenes was the one where she was my male boss and I was the secretary. The boss made me have sex with him and told me if I didn’t I would get fired. Now this was all before Clarence Thomas, Anita Hill and the media awareness/obsession with sexual harassment. I remember she’d tell me to suck her dick and push my face unmercifully into her crotch, which smelled amazing,. The drama of it all—the force, the degradation, the power games—really got me off. After that, there was no going back to simplicity. I was hooked on the power.
Jen really epitomized all the girls I was attracted to then and still am. Being with a butch girl, I was valued for my combination of strength and vulnerability, for dressing up, for wanting an arm to hold onto, hips to wrap my legs around, being able to give my body over to her and say, I trust you, I’m yours. My butch loved me in low-cut dresses, appreciated my sexual voraciousness, worshipped my inner slut. I reveled in the fact that I could be strong and submissive all at once. Surrender and still be a feminist. Being a dyke is not just about who I fuck and love, it’s about being a girl who doesn’t play by the rules.
Butch girls don’t play by the rules either, and I love butch girls. Girls with hair so short you can barely slide it between two fingers to hold on. Girls with slick, shiny, barbershop haircuts and shirts that button the other way. Girls that swagger. Girls who have dicks made of flesh and silicone and latex and magic. Girls who get stared at in the ladies room, girls who shop in the boy’s department, girls who live every moment looking like they weren’t supposed to. Girls with hands that touch me like they have been touching my body their entire lives. Girls who have big cocks, love blow-jobs, and like to fuck girls hard. Every day, it is the girls that get called Sir that make me catch my breath, the girls with strong jaws that buckle my knees, the girls who are a different gender that make me want to lie down for them.
Someone else said it about me recently and it’s right on target: “She gets off on all different sorts of people sexually, but she falls for butches.” Like the poet who bought her first strap-on with me and then wanted to sleep with it on. The shrink-in-training who got harassed every time she drove down South. She did look so much like a fifteen-year-old boy: blue button-down shirts, neatly-combed blond hair. The ad exec who had names for her dildos and used to love for me to spit-shine her wingtips. The photographer whose face was so mannish she could pass almost anywhere. The writer who wanted a body like Loren Cameron’s. The telephone repairwoman who drove a truck. The cook who had a boy’s name. The academic who got cruised by gay men on Castro Street. The cornfed farmboy from the Heartland with arms so hard and strong you swear they’ve been working the land, not the iron at the gym.
And there’s the one who’s got the James Dean stare down, and dresses like a clean-cut fag, and looks at me like she could look at me forever and never blink or grow tired or move from the spot she’s in. She’s a girl who loves girls like me—girls in velvet bras, girls who want to surrender to her mouth. She’s a girl who isn’t afraid to throw a femme down on the bed and fuck her. Possess her. My kind of girl. This girl is different.”]
tristan taormino, from this girl is different, from a woman like that: lesbian and bisexual writers tell their coming out stories, 2000
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Twilight Imagines- Jasper x Fem! Reader
I Am A Fool
[other imagines]
Requested by: @raviolisblog
Summary: Reader is a nurse in the military which is how she meets Jasper, they fall in love and plan a future together but unfortunately Jasper gets moved to another base and they are separated. Which is where he turns and disappears, his writing to Reader stops and she doesn’t understand why. Only to go into her own demise, turning into a vampire. She searches for her love for over a century.
"[Name]!?" A voice calls after me as I clean my medicine station. I turn around to see my only friend, Esther. Both of us started training to become military nurses at the same time. We stuck around each only each other in the beginning and then that's eventually how it stayed. "Yes?" I respond with a tiny smile upon my face.
"Did you hear the soldiers and us will be eating lunch together this week?" She asks, her eyes sparkling with joy. I only chuckle at her question, getting back to what I was doing before she came into the tent. "I did hear. It doesn't matter though, I'm stuck with cleaning duty this week." I sigh out, annoyed. I didn't really care either, getting to know the soldiers who treat us nurses like dirt. As if we aren't the ones who take care of them whenever they get injuries that range from the tiniest splinter to gunshot wounds.
"Oh, [Name], you have to join me. I'll help you get your work done." She grabs my hand, forcing me to look at her once again. I raise a brow at her. "Please, I would like to get to know them. Maybe... we won't be as lonely." She whispers, glancing around but there was no one else but us there.
I knew she had another motive though. She wanted to fall in love. It was something she always talked about. Wishful thinking. All because of these romance novels she read before becoming a nurse.
"I don't mind being lonely, Esther. Besides I don't think I could handle the stupidity that reeks off of those men." I take my hand back from her grasp. Finishing up my cleaning.
"[Name], I will only beg this of you for the rest of the week." She tells me in a sharp tone. "That's only 7 days. I shall live." I grin cheekily, sitting down as I write down things I need from the utility room.
"[Name], join me one day at least. Please." She pleads with me, dropping down in front of where I sit. I place my clipboard and pencil down. Staring at her for a moment before throwing my head back. "One day, Esther. That's all I give you. No more begging after that." I point a finger in her face. Her expression beams with happiness, she stands up from the ground, grabbing my hands once again. "Thank you, thank you. You will not regret it!" She squeals, kissing my hands as if I had saved her family member from death or something. I shake my head, with a tiny smile that I couldn't hide even if I tried. "I better not." I mutter in a joking voice.
And the day after that conversation is the day she chose for me to join her to lunch. Lunch with the army men that chatted with every woman that they could. Multiple coming up to us. I sat silent during most conversations. Esther enjoying every moment. I quietly ate my food. Observing how the nurses almost dumb themselves down for all the men that come their way. It was embarrassing. I felt embarrassment for them. Even though I know they couldn't care less how they're perceived unless it is by the said men.
I stand up abruptly to throw away my empty tray. My best friend doesn't even notice I had left. I shake my head with a small laugh. She would've been fine without me, if only she had known.
After throwing away my tray I stand there for a moment, deciding on if I should go back to my seat or go start on some cleaning. My thinking was interrupted by a tap on the shoulder. I stand up straighter, mentally preparing myself for a horrible, short conversation. I turn to see a longer haired blond.
He looks familiar as well. I glance down to his empty tray. "Sorry, am I in your way?" I ask, stepping to the side. "Only a little bit." He gives me a curtly smile, his dimples forming immediately. "My apologies." I bow my head, I go to walk away but he clears his throat. "May I ask what your name is?" He speaks up once again. "I guess you may." I joke before answering him. "[Name] [Last Name]." I tell him.
"That's a beautiful name." He compliments me and I feel my face begin to heat up. I stammer for a moment, attempting to calm myself down before speaking. "Uh, thank you. I uh I better get going." I start to walk backwards bumping into a table. Apologizing to it like an idiot before hurrying away to start on cleaning tasks.
"I looked like a fool Esther!" I cry out, hiding my face in my hands. "I'm sure you didn't." She disagrees with me, I could tell she wasn't paying attention though. Her eyes looking off into the distance as we were supposed to be doing tasks for the day. Cleaning the sheets from the men's beds. "Oh but I did. I bumped into a table and said sorry to it as if it were a human." I ranted to her anyways. "Oh wow." She mumbles.
"I feel as though you do care for what I am saying." I stop my cleaning, staring at her. "Mhm." She hums, she was looking around, outside of the tent. I roll my eyes. "Who are you looking for, Esther Anne?" I question her loud enough to snap her out of it. Her eyes widen as she looks at me. "I'm not looking for anyone." She shakes her head. Lying to me. "Right. What did I just say moments ago?"
She stays silent in response and I begin to laugh. "Ugh, I'm sorry [Name]. I just, I've been talking to one of the soldiers. His name is Ryan. He's perfect. He walked me to the tent after lunch yesterday and then found me later in the day." She excitedly informs me, going back to looking out of the tent where the men walk by. "He told me he'd look for me today." She smiles brightly. "I'm sure he will." I assure her, going back to washing the sheets.
"Oh I hope so." She quietly says under her breath. "So the man you talked to yesterday, was he cute? He had to have been if you called yourself a fool over him." She changes the subject and I glare at her. "I did not call myself a fool over him. It was over me bumping into a table." I argue with her, upset that she would even say that. Acting stupid over a man. I make fun of women like that all the time. I wouldn't go doing it myself. "You didn't answer my question." She sings.
"What question?" I furrow my eyebrows. "Was he cute?" She asks with a smirk. "He was..." I think back to his looks. His hazel eyes, his dimples that appeared when he smiled or even talked a little bit. His blond hair that fit him perfectly. I shake the thoughts out of my head. "He was all right." I shrug my shoulders. She stares at me for a moment with a disbelieving expression. "Yeah, okay."
I don't have the energy to argue with her this time though. Moving on from the conversation as we put all the sheets into baskets, heading out of the tent to hang them up to dry.
Esther begins to talk about Ryan again, describing his features and physical beauty. I stayed quiet only responding when there was a pause of silence.
As we hung up the sheets I felt a couple of presences pop up behind us. I turn around to see the man from yesterday along with two others.
"What can we do you for?" I ask, wondering why they came up to us. Esther notices them and her eyes widen. "Oh Ryan, you found me." She grins, hooking up one last sheet before going up to him. "I told you I would." He smiles gently. He was on the shorter side but he genuinely matched her so well.
"This is Jasper, a friend of mine. And this is John." He introduces his friends. I stare at the ground as they talk. Esther shaking the other men's hands. "Nice to meet you two." She sweetly says. "You as well, I have to get going though. Just wanted to see the pretty girl he won't shut up about." John messes with Ryan before walking away. Ryan rubs the back of his neck embarrassed but Esther only grins ear to ear hearing that.
Suddenly she snaps out of her trance and pulls me forward. "This is [Name], she's my best friend I told you about." She tells the two men not knowing that Jasper is the man I told her about. "Pleasure to meet you." Ryan nods his head to me and I do the same. I look at Jasper who already has a smile on his face. "Nice to meet you, again." He says to me and I give a short smile. Esther has a shocked face but then smirks.
"I was going to show Ryan something on one of the trails, you two should get to know one another." Esther grabs the shorter man by the arm, beginning to walk away. "What? But- Our other chores!" I call after her. "We have time to finish them later." She smiles, turning away and ignoring my other protests.
I give up and turn to the man in front of me. "Hah, so... Jasper is your name." I awkwardly say. He chuckles, nodding his head. "Jasper Whitlock." He sticks his hand out. "Whitlock." I repeat quietly. It's familiar. I take his hand but I don't let go as I try to remember who he is.
"I've taken care of you before." I tell him suddenly. My grip lessening on his hand but I still don't let go. Not even realizing I'm doing it. "That is true. I got sick with a common cold." He says. I stare at him, scrunching my nose. I glance down to see our hands still holding and I let go quickly. "Right, glad to see you're feeling better." I grab the baskets from the ground, stacking them so it's easier to carry.
"Thank you, let me help you." He begins to take the baskets from my hands and surprisingly I let him. We go to the tent to put the baskets away. "Thank you." I say softly, he smiles. His dimples forming even more. I feel my body stiffen and I don't know what to talk about with him.
"Would you want to join me on a stroll in town?" He asks me suddenly and I go to talk but he speaks up once again. "Not today, maybe during the weekend. When you've finished your tasks." He finishes, he seemed nervous and I still stay silent. Not knowing how to respond without stuttering or making myself look like an idiot in front of this beautiful man. "You don't have to, it would be as friends." He assures me, the word friends disappoints me though. I smile. "I would love to join you." I begin to walk out of the tent. "Even if it was more than friends." I tell him.
"I have to go to my higher up, maybe I will see you in the evening?" I ask him, turning to look at him as he still stood in the tent. "Maybe I will look forward to it." He responds and I break out into a smile before walking away.
Days pass, Esther has been busy with Ryan along with her duties so we haven't seen each other much. Only before we go to bed and attempt to catch each other up on everything that has been happening. Jasper comes to find me every day. Even for a short minute it's only to talk to me. Making sure I'm still up for our stroll on Saturday evening, today. He will be seeing me outside of my uniform. Unfortunately he will still be in his. I don't mind it though, I rather enjoy him in it.
I finish up with my tasks for the day, changing into a frilly black skirt and a light pink long sleeved shirt. Tucking it into the skirt. I go to the mirror, checking out the outfit before putting my boots on. It's rare I ever wear these types of clothes. Only being in my uniform lately. It was a nice change. My hair was curled as normal, styled in a certain way that was a little different than what I do for work.
I was happy with how I looked. I head out of the bedrooms and go to the dining hall where he told me to meet him. To my surprise he was already standing there. He didn't notice me walking up to him so I try to stay quiet before loudly saying "boo!" His body jolts up and he looks up at me. "Oh my goodness." He clutches his chest. I laugh, apologizing. "That was too good!" I clap my hands together.
"That was good, but just know there will be payback." He tells me and I smile. "Oh really?" We begin to walk. "Mhm, you'll never expect it." He looks ahead, leading me to the horse stables.
We take his horse into town, I hold onto him the whole time. Maybe more than I have to but I don't hear him complaining.
Once he gets to a spot to tie the horse to I let go of him so he can get down. I watch as he ties the reins to a pole. He pets the animal before his attention goes to me. He lifts his hand and I take it. I swing my leg over and make sure my skirt won't slide up.
I then panic on how I'm going to get down. "I have never really been on a horse before." I tell him suddenly. He furrows his brows. "You got on with ease though?" He reminds me and I smile awkwardly. "I just watched how you get up and I hoped for the best." I tell him and he begins to laugh.
"Just jump down." He tells me and I look at the ground and it feels higher up than it actually is. "I'm a little fearful, Whitlock." I admit to him. "I got you darlin, I promise." He says, but it's still not enough. "What if my skirt rides up?" I pat down the fabric that I am wearing.
"I won't let that happen." He assures me and I sigh out. I was still holding his hand. "here." He lets go of my hand and then both of his hands grab my waist. "Jump off, I got you." He nods for me to do it and I grimace. I close my eyes and then do as told. I let out a little noise but he puts me down gently and I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding.
"See, nothing to worry about when I'm around." He nudges me and I smile. "Sorry about that." I frown, holding my hands together. "You're quite alright, darlin. It was a cute moment I will cherish." He takes my arm and we begin to walk. "Darlin a new name for me?" I tease him, moving closer to him as I hold his arm. I look up at him to see him smiling. "If you'd like it to be." He looks down at me in the corner of his eye instead of actually turning his head.
"I don't mind it." I answer, looking forward.
The rest of the day we talked, he bought me little treats throughout the stroll. Telling me it's to support local businesses.
It was a wonderful date that I want to do for the rest of my life. Especially with Jasper. It has only been a week and I think I've fallen for him. In a way that's almost painful when we're apart. I take in every minute we have together.
Weeks pass and it seems we only fall for one another harder than the day before. Our lips haven't even locked but the passion between us is something I've never felt before. We talk of the future. The ending of the war and building a life together.
At least that's what we did until he got told he was leaving to another base. He ran immediately to me to tell me. "Maybe I can leave too, you guys will need nurses." I say in a hopeful tone but he frowns. "I was told they already had their nurses at that base." He was gripping my hand as if I would go away. "I can still ask. We have to be positive." My chest began to move up and down. Panicking. You never know what is to happen in the war.
If this will be our last moments together. I couldn't bear the thought of never seeing Jasper ever again. "Hey, my darlin. It's okay. It's okay." He places a hand on my cheek trying to soothe my thoughts away. I lean into his hand.
"I will write to you every day." I tell him, letting go of his hand to pull him into an embrace. His arms go around me, holding my waist tightly. "As I will do the same." He whispers, kissing the top of my head. We let go and I stare at his lips. One of his hands was still on my waist.
A tear fell from my eye. "Don't cry, darlin." He kisses it away. "I'm not." I lie.
He lets out a small, pain filled laugh. "Can I kiss you?" I ask. "You don't have to ask, my love." He tells me and I put my hand on the back of his neck as I pull him into a kiss. The touch of our lips leaves shivers down my spine. Igniting a fire within me and I never want it to go out.
I never wanted this feeling to go. Even when he left, I saved every letter he sent me. I waited for every letter to come. Writing back immediately.
Then a week passed where I got nothing. Then it turned to two weeks. I couldn't sleep, knowing there was something wrong. He wouldn't do that to me. He wouldn't stop writing to me for no reason. His last letter filled with love and affection. He couldn't have just lost that feeling with me. Something had to have happened. I ran to Ryan not knowing who else to go to.
Esther and him were eating together when I showed up. I looked like a mess. My hair hasn't been kept together, my clothing wasn't as neat as usual. The eye bags under my eyes showing how much sleep I haven't been getting. "Have you heard from him?" My voice was raspy and hoarse. Ryan's eyes faltered and I didn't know what that could mean. Anxiety filled me.
"Have you heard from him, Ryan?" I repeat myself. Esther stared at me sadly. Did she know something I didn't? Did everyone know something I didn't? "Ryan?" I ask.
"They can't find him." He tells me and my body straightens. "What do you mean they can't find him?" I ask.
"He was doing a stroll, he was by himself and hours passed. He never showed back up. I just got word from my Lieutenant. He hasn't been seen for two weeks. His horse came back but not him." He explains to me and I begin to feel dizzy. I grip on the wall beside me. "He could be found. They can find him." I say, it was mainly to myself. I started to spiral. Clutching my chest. "He might've um, he must've gotten lost. The horse possibly flung him off." I say to the two in front of me. "Running off without him, you know? Right?" Eyes filled my eyes as I look to them for reassurance but their faces don't give me what I wanted.
I lose it and begin to sob. Seconds later arms hold onto me. It was Esther. She tried to give me comforting words but nothing works. I soak her shirt as I cry.
I cry only to feel numb. The numbness growing as more weeks pass and nothing new is brought to Ryan or to I. He's officially a missing soldier. They want to call him a dead man but I won't let them. I won't let anyone call him a dead man. He's alive. I know it. He can't be dead.
I ended up getting moved to a new base, Esther and Ryan also were coming. There's been cases of animal attacks here. Draining blood from the bodies. It's incredibly strange. Us nurses are working hours on end, even going into the next day. Helping the villages around the base as we've been instructed to do.
I was told to go to one with Esther, and two other nurses. A few soldiers were guarding the village, Ryan was luckily one of them for Esther. They were the lucky couple. Somehow always getting put together. I was envious. Wishing that could've been Jasper and I and we never would've been separated. He never would've gone missing.
It was a late night and Esther and I were working the shift tonight. Working with children that had lost their parents. I was tired, holding a toddler in my arms. Esther was reading a story to the older children to get them to bed. The toddler I held was fast asleep. His slowed breathing only made my tiredness worse.
And eventually I accidentally fell asleep.
Waking up to the sounds of screaming outside of the tent. My eyes shot open, the toddler I once had in my arms was now in a crib beside me. I look around to find Esther but I couldn't see her. I count to make sure all the children were there and it seemed like one was missing. Maybe they were going to an outhouse is what I thought to calm myself but when I remember I woke up to screaming I go to the exit of the tent. Hearing another scream.
I look back to the sleeping children. None of them even flinching to the scream. I poke my head outside of the tent and see something run in front of me. I gasp, getting back into the tent.
I back away not knowing what to do. It was fast. Faster than a human, faster than any animal I've ever seen.
I look around and find a metal stick that's to control fires. I step outside of the tent. Hearing a scream again. This time I realize it's Esther's screams. A child crying with it. My heart begins to race and I run towards the sound. Staying quiet.
I look up to see smoke, along with light further in the village. I grip the stick and head towards the fire. It was a stupid idea but I couldn't just let Esther die. Along with that poor child.
As I get closer I see Esther holding the child. There were people standing around her and she was cornered. I didn't know what to do. I stood there like a coward. Like a fool.
I am a fool.
I didn't even notice the man that stood behind me. The man who grabs me, covering my mouth as he bites into my neck. I let out a muffled scream. I feel my blood draining from my body but it stops and my body drops to the ground. I see a woman attacking the man who just bite me.
I feel immense pain growing in my neck. I sweat from the pain. I groan, gritting my teeth together. The woman comes over to me and I stare at her in fear. Her eyes were red and she wasn't a woman. She seemed to be a teenager. "Who-" I grunt trying to speak but she just shushes me. It seems like she's about to kill me but a man shows up behind her. "Hold." He says.
"She's a strong one." His eyes were wide as he stares at me. I sit myself up, leaning on the wall, still breathing heavily from the pain. "Who are you!?" I scream out, still holding my neck. The pain growing throughout my body.
"Shh." He puts a finger to his lips. I glare at him, confused on why they are shushing me. I'm confused on why a bite from a man is hurting so badly. Burning my insides.
"What is happening to me?" I beg to know.
I don't get an answer though. I don't get an answer, I never do. Three days of agonizing pain. They left me in an empty village that was killed off.
I sat against a wall the entire time. The only sight I see is the body of the child I never saved along with Esther who still held that child. Even while dying. And the man that attack me with no head beside me.
The sky changing was the only thing that kept me going. Begging that this would pain end eventually.
And when it did I stood up. A strong smell filling my nose. The smell of blood but stronger than usual. I felt feral.
I walk towards the smell, it was coming from the children's tent, the one Esther and I were in three days ago. The night it happened.
I enter inside, seeing the bodies of the dead children. I cover my mouth and nose, smelling their blood. Making me weirdly hungry. I felt disgusted with myself. I felt like I was stopping myself from doing something I know I shouldn't do.
I hear a small voice and I groan out, the feeling getting stronger. My eyes shoot around the tent needing to know where it's coming from. I see movement beside a crib and I go over to it in a fast motion I didn't even know I could make. I see a woman lying there. I worked with her. She's one of the nurses. She seems to be waking up. Her eyes open and look at me as I stand over her. "[Name]?" She mumbles and I just stare at her not knowing what to do but I know that my urges are to suck on the blood from inside her body.
"[Name] are you okay?" She asks me, starting to sit up, my nostrils flair. I start to breathe out of my nose heavily. "You're acting weird." She holds her head and I try to back up but it feels like my body is stuck in place. I see blood from the side of her forehead.
She goes to speak to me again but in a quick motion I'm biting on her neck and draining the blood from her body. She tries to scream but she can't. I feel someone behind me but I don't care enough in this moment as I feel like I've been starving.
Hands wrap around my body and pull me away from the woman that I can't remember the name of. "You've drained her completely, hun." A gentle voice tells me and I glance up to see a blond man with golden eyes staring back at me. "Who are you?" I push him away from me, he grunts but doesn't seem to be surprised by my response.
"My name is Carlisle. I just want to help you." He tells me but I hold myself, backing away from him. "Help me with what?"
"Don't you want to know what you are? Why you just fed off of a human?" He questions me and I glance from him over to the woman's body on the ground.
"You're a vampire. You're not human anymore." He informs me. I snort out a laugh. "Those are myths." I shake my head.
They were myths, but I guess they actually exist. Carlisle told me everything I needed to know. He taught me how to control my hungry and only go after animals. Controlling my thirst around humans.
We learned I have an ability. He told me how some have them. I turned out to be one of them. I can make people forget what they're thinking about in that current moment. Make them forget things that happened ten minutes ago and replace their thoughts and memories with something different. We found it out when we were caught eating off an animal by a hunter. We didn't want to kill him and I somehow focused on him and I was begging him to forget everything. Somehow it worked.
Now we've been practicing on random people.
Carlisle has truly been the biggest help in this whole weird thing.
I told him I wasn't staying with him though. I needed to find what happened to Jasper. I told him about Jasper, about how he was the love of my life. I never told him his name though. I wanted to keep my human life private. It was nothing against the man that saved me but I just wanted to keep certain things to myself. And Jasper was mine. He wasn't for everyone to know about.
And after both Carlisle and I knew we were okay on our own we went separate ways but I told him if he ever needed me I'll be in this area. I gave him my name so he can always look me up. I'd be there to help him with whatever it was.
I spent decades, over a century trying to find anything about Jasper but it was like he disappeared off the face of the earth. No one saw him. I couldn't find anything about him. Nothing about his death. I searched everywhere. Even going into oceans to see if his body was dropped in them. Lakes, the desserts around to see if he was in small areas no one could find him.
Nothing. No trace.
It was the 2000's and still nothing. I had given up at one point. Once it hit 1982. It had been over 110 years since my love went missing. A part of me hoped he became what I have. The selfish part of me. The other hopes he's in heaven, getting everything good that he deserves.
I still traveled, hanging out with random covens for a couple years before moving onto the next thing. That's how it's been for years.
Until I got a call from Carlisle Cullen. The man who saved me from damnation. "Have you heard what's happening in Seattle?" Was the first words out of his mouth. "Yeah, I thought the Volturi would've taken care of it by now." I answer him, crossing my arms as I stood outside of an alley in Chicago Illinois.
"We thought so too. But it looks like they're coming to Forks. We have a human they're after." He tells me and I furrow my eyebrows confused on why they would be protecting some random human. "I'll explain when you get here. We need your help." He says and I stiffen, licking my teeth.
"I'll be there in a couple hours." I tell him before hanging up the phone. He didn't need to explain anything. I'd help him with whatever he asks me to do. Even if it was against my morals. It's Carlisle.
And then I was on my way to Forks, Washington.
I pull up to a beautiful house, lots of glass, doesn't really hide anything. It fits Carlisle though. And his wife Esme. I met her once when I bumped into Carlisle. She had just turned. She was a lovely lady. Only got a few days to know her though.
She matched him perfectly.
I park my car and get out, Carlisle, two men, Esme and the human girl were standing on the porch. I raise my eyebrows. "A welcome party, oh you shouldn't have, Carlisle and Esme." I comment cheekily, walking towards them.
"Anything for you [Name]." Esme smiles to me and I grin back to her. "This the human girl we're fighting newborn vampires for?" I cross my arms, observing the brunette in front for me. She was nervous but she was observing me back. One of the boys pushes her behind him.
"Who are you?" I ask with a smirk. "This is Edward. That's Bella, his girlfriend." Carlisle explains to me. "And this is Emmett." Esme points over to the other boy. "Got yourself a little family now, cute." I hum quietly.
"There's others as well. Let's go introduce you." Carlisle says and they lead me into the house. There were three other people standing in the living room. A man and two women. We get closer and the three turn to me. My eyes widen when I see the mans face. He looked exactly like Jasper...
I walk closer to him. Eyebrows scrunched together. It looked like he recognized me as well. "Jasper Whitlock?" I say the name that almost seemed foreign at this point. "Darlin?" He smiles back and my face falls before pulling him into my arms rather harshly.
"Jasper Whitlock!" I squeal as he lifts me up, I grab his face kissing him aggressively, my legs wrapping around his waist.
"I thought I'd lost you!" I cry out, no tears coming out of course. All he does is hum in response, kissing me once again. "You have been with Carlisle Cullen for how long!?" I jump down asking him. "Since 1953." He tells me and I close my eyes putting my head down.
"I've been searching oceans for you for over a century and a half." I tell him. "And you've been with one of my closest allies for 50 of those years." I whisper. "I could've been with you for 50 years." I lay my head on Jasper's chest.
I then turn to everyone who was just watching the scene confused. Except for Carlisle.
He was the only one either of us told each other about and he didn't even know it was about one another. I didn't let go of Jasper the entire time they told me about what was happening.
Having to reconcile with my lover after the explanation. I got introduced to Rosalie and Alice. Alice was a nice girl, she was super excited for Jasper and I. She kept going on and on about how amazing it was until Carlisle pulled her away so we could catch up on everything.
And when it was just the two of us, I look at him. My eyes piercing into his. "I never thought I'd see you again." He tells me earnestly. "Where did you go?" I ask, my voice breaking slightly. "I stopped getting letters, no one could find you." I tell him and he frowns.
He explains how a vampire named Maria turned him, forcing him to be her right hand man. He told me about his abilities which led me to tell him about mine. About how and when I turned. I told him about Esther and Ryans horrible fate.
How for the past century I literally searched bodies of water for him along with the desert he disappeared at. He told me how he heard about the base attack and heard I was there. He thought I was dead this whole time.
"I am never leaving your side ever again." I tell him with a serious expression.
"I would never want you to." He pulls me onto his lap, kissing me on my lips.
"I love you, I'm such a fool for not calling out your name to Carlisle." I lay my forehead on his.
He kisses me once more. “I am a fool as well, darlin.”
—————————
This was 6000 words. 😕
It took me almost all day.
I hope you enjoyed is all I’m going to say right now.
#twilight#twilight x reader#alice cullen#bella swan#carlisle cullen#jacob black#jasper whitlock#jasper hale x reader#alice cullen x reader#esme cullen#jasper cullen x reader#jasper cullen#jasper hale#jasper#twilight fanfiction#benjamin twilight#twilight imagine#rosalie twilight#the twilight saga#twilight saga#x reader#edward cullen#carlisle x esme#embry call#rosalie cullen#charlie swan#seth clearwater#leah clearwater#billy black#denali coven
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Why is Judaism inescapably queer, you ask? Consider the following:
Adam and Eve were initially a bigender, androgynous being
Abraham and Sarah were tumtumim
Rebecca is gender non-conforming and described five times as na’ar, a young man
Jacob ‘wrestled’ with an angel
Joseph cross-dressed
Dinah is a trans man; is also referred twice as na’ar.
David was a twink musician whose biggest love was Jonathan
Solomon had a ‘companion’ named ‘gifted’
Ruth and Naomi
Mordecai breastfed Esther
Daniel was a eunuch
Judaism itself, moreover, bears evident shards of that queerness:
Am Israel is God’s wife, a fair maiden, yet we are betrothed to the Shabbat bride, to Shekhinah
Through Jacob, the B’nei Israel are named after homoerotic wrestling
The Torah is a butch lesbian, for we know that wisdom—the Torah—is personified as a woman, yet wisdom—chokhmah—is a masculine aspect of God
Some aspects that are, perhaps, more ambiguous but nonetheless exude queerness:
Torah is almost entirely composed of puns, which are trans culture
Sources available upon request. If I state something directly without explanation, it’s because there is an explicit mention of it in the Tanakh or Talmud. If there’s an explanation, it’s because I am adding my own interpretation to something that’s explicit in the Tanakh or Talmud.
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Now that I’ve checked out enough of all three newly-ish cdramas: Fangs of Fortune, Love Game in Eastern Fantasy and The Story of Pearl Girl, the results are kinda surprising.
I am, as you can tell, OBSESSED with Fangs. That is unexpected because while the trailer was gorgeous I couldn’t really figure out much that would make me obsessed from the summary and all the actors except TJR were either ones I am indifferent to or downright dislike normally. And now I love them all. I don’t know what’s the biggest surprise for me - Cheng Xiao, until now literally my least favorite actress from any country’s dramas, giving a good performance that makes me invested or HMH who I remember thinking of as so handsome but so bland but is now just utterly on fire and has entered Dylan in CLJ “you had THAT in you? How?” territory. And the story and the themes and the visuals! I haven’t seen a drama catering this hard to my personal narrative and character preferences since Novoland Eagle Flag.
Eastern Fantasy is even more of a surprise tbh. At least I was interested in peeking at Fangs for the visuals. I almost didn’t even check out Eastern Fantasy at all. I enjoyed the novel but that is never a guarantee of anything with adaptations (and it was never a major love of a book anyway), I like Esther a lot but not enough to watch stuff just for her. DYX is someone I have a soft spot for but not a single drama of his worked for me in years to the extent I kept joking he’s cursed. I hated all the trailers and posters - they looked kooky and not in a good way. Plus my track record of liking it when shows try to go for funny is abysmal and the whole thing seemed targeted to an audience that is so young they are still in middle school.
Only checked out because I had some time and omg it’s funny and clever and darling and the performances and characters and dynamics and the vibe are all on point (and so is potential for angst.) Soooooo good!
And now Pearl. It was by far my most anticipated of the three - trailer was cool, love the leads (and the fact that they reunited!) etc etc. But now? It’s a solid enough drama and enjoyable but it’s my least favorite of the three. A lot of it is genre viewer mismatch - I don’t really like “woman makes her name in trade with a side of hot scary man who eventually helps her” (see 2022 A Dream of Splendor - a well acted big hit that left me utterly cold.)
I just don’t care about the mechanics of trade or Horatio Alger stories even if Horatio in this case is a beautiful young woman. ZLS starts talking about cuts of profit for selling jewel waste products and my brain shuts down. It doesn’t help that while I find LYN character realistic for who he’s supposed to be, their dynamics so far do not make me ship them in the least and in fact I want her to lightly stab him (I genuinely don’t see how it will switch to her liking him.) It’s the same issue I had with Dream as well - just as here the chemistry was great but it was not a shippy dynamic that does it for me.
Oh well, that’s why it’s fun to watch new things, you never know…
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The Marvelous Woman
by Mohja Kahf
All women speak two languages: the language of men and the language of silent suffering. Some women speak a third, the language of queens. They are marvelous and they are my friends.
My friends give me poetry. If it were not for them I’d be a seamstress out of work. They send me their dresses and I sew together poems, enormous sails for ocean journeys.
My marvelous friends, these women who are elegant and fix engines, who teach gynecology and literacy, and work in jails and sing and sculpt and paint the ninety-nine names, who keep each other’s secrets and pass on each other’s spirits like small packets of leavening,
it is from you I fashion poetry. I scoop up, in handfuls, glittering sequins that fall from your bodies as you fall in love, marry, divorce, get custody, get cats, enter supreme courts of justice, argue with God.
You rescuers on galloping steeds of the weak and the wounded -- Creatures of beauty and passion, powerful workers in love -- you are the poems. I am only your stenographer. I am the hungry transcriber of the conjuring recipes you hoard in the chests of your great-grandmothers.
My marvelous friends -- the women of brilliance in my life, who levitate my daughters, you are a coat of many colors in silk tie-dye so gossamer it can be crumpled in one hand. You houris, you mermaids, swimmers in dangerous waters, defiers of sharks --
My marvelous friends, thirsty Hagars and laughing Sarahs, you eloquent radio Aishas, Marys drinking the secret milkshakes of heaven, slinky Zuleikas of desire, gay Walladas, Harriets parting the sea, Esthers in the palace, Penelopes of patient scheming,
you are the last hope of the shrinking women. You are the last hand to the fallen knights You are the only epics left in the world
Come with me, come with poetry Jump on this wild chariot, hurry --
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Love…
Love is a dangerous game.
Love is a fickle thing.
Love is unpredictable.
Love is merciless.
Love can be both feared and desired.
Love can make a woman do such awful things.
Love can drive a woman mad.
It drove me mad. It made me do awful things. It made people scared and it made people excited. It made me merciless, unpredictable and dangerous but my love was never fickle and it never will be.
Not when it came down to Niklaus Mikaelson.
______________________________________________________________
It started off way before he arrived in town.
I grew up in Mystic Falls, one of the only witches in town alongside the Bennett family. When I was little, Sheila Bennet-Grams would always offer to babysit me from my mother. When I would play there with Bonnie my emotions would always get the better of me, objects would begin to float or catch fire. Grams would always pick me up and calm me down while telling me how powerful I would become.
She never mentioned magic to Bonnie, and I promised not to either even though we were so close. However my magic was something I had always been aware of and Grams said that finding control over it would be better than pretending it didn't exist.
Once I got a little older, she began to teach me things on other supernaturals. Starting with the Lockwood heritage and the basics of werewolves and then we went deeper, to Eenadu and how/why she created the species. Then a while later it was vampires. The basics first again and then the Originals, and Esther.
That was when I first heard of him; Klaus.
Grams spoke his name with such distaste but it stirred something inside me. She only told me the bast things, put a sinister spin on everything about them. So I had to do some digging myself.
He was just so damaged.
He was so broken, but so fixable.
He was just so loveable.
I knew he needed the doppelgänger so I convinced Bonnie that we should befriend Elena.
I knew he needed a werewolf so i befriended Matt through Elena which lead to befriending Tyler.
I knew he needed a vampire too but I didn't need to worry about that. I was certain that Katerina Petrova, Katherine Pierce, would pay the town a visit and death would follow her like the plague. She would either be my vampire or make me a vampire that I could give to Klaus.
And she did, just as predicted. So when I was sure that she had done everything for me: triggered Tylers 'curse', turned Caroline and collected the moonstone, I made my move in form of a letter.
It had taken a damn long time to find him. He moves, a lot. However, I too had made contacts over the last few years with other witches across the states and was able to pinpoint him.
And reach out.
..............................................................................................................................
Dear Niklaus Mikaelson,
We have yet to meet though I am certain that when we do you will be pleased. Come to where it all began for I have an opportunity for you to seize.
..........................................................................
It was simple but still cryptic enough to grab his attention. I sent it to him with my magic and patiently waited.
And planned.
Klaus would definitely want to create more hybrids. Which meant some sort of trip as soon as the ritual was over and his wolf was free. I also knew that he and Stefan were friends in the 1920s, courtesy of Gloria who was a witch I had met and remained in contact with who was also in communication with Klaus and helped me find the man.
So I was betting that he would find a way to take Stefan with him to find his hybrids and bring the ripper out of him, which would not be difficult. I remember when he had gone a little mad for human blood earlier in the year. It wouldn't take a lot to push him back over that line.
Now was a nervous when Katherine went missing which meant klaus was in town? Yes. But I was much more excited.
I could feel myself literally buzzing when I stepped into the Salvatore manor house, I could feel the magic rolling off of Alaric! I sat between him and Damon and I could feel my skin burning. Damon kept putting his hand on my knee to stop my legs bouncing, asked if I was on drugs a couple times too but didn't suspect too much. I hadn't revealed to everyone the amount I knew. Though Elijah knew that I was much more than I let on but I kinda wanted him to know.
Of course everyone knew I was a witch but they assumed I was an amateur, Bonnie knew I was better than I made out to be but still didn't know the extents of what I was now capable of. When you've been practicing magic since you were a small child your power ages with you, I knew that I'd only grow stronger. And so far I have.
I just hoped that he couldn't feel my magic as well as I could feel his. That was a silly thought. I knew that he couldn't, I had a spell to mask it.
Time went fast, one second I was sat next to him and the next he was walking out the door and Damon was asking what was wrong with me today. I got out of it and went home to my planning board.
I wondered how long it would take for him to know that it was I who sent him the letter. I wondered how he would react. I also wondered how he would be if I sent him another.
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Dear Niklaus Mikaelson,
I see that you have arrived though not as I may have expected, Either way I hope you appreciate the ingredients that I have collected.
..............................................................................................................................
I sent it via my magic again, I knew that it would lay waiting for him when he returned from the decade dance. It meant I was far too excited the entire time. Though I did my best to keep my mouth shut around Alaric Klaus himself.
Even when he revealed his true identity I had to bite back my smile, instead I allowed him to pin me, toss me and harm me until he though he'd won. I couldn't reveal my powers, the truth behind my innocent mask. I needed him to think I was weak but still interesting enough.
Bonnie ended up 'sacrificing' herself. To be completely honest it made me mad. Of all the people he could have hurt he had to choose her. I wouldn't have cared if it was any one else but Bonnie was the only true friend I had made, she wasn't here for me to use or bargain with. I liked her and felt my skin burn with rage.
So I made a little spell to cause Klaus an extensive amount of pain .
I got over it of course but I needed him to understand my feelings. It's the only way we could work.
I was pissed off that he hadn't used my chosen ingredients. Damon saved Tyler and Caroline and Bonnie was saving Elena.
Still, I watched his ritual anyway from a distance, my eyes lighting up as I watched his bones snap and his wolf rush to the front of his mind. Elijah's eyes locked on mine for a split second, a slight nod from us both before he took his brother to a place in the woods.
After that I had to babysit Damon while he whined and shook in pain. When his fevers got too bad I would place a cooling spell over his body and transfer some of his pain to myself. Despite not being Damons biggest fan, he was the one I got along most with out of the little group that had formed. He had a sense of humour and wasn't afraid to get his hands dirty. Damon was no liar like most of the others and I admired that. Still, I did not trust him exactly but I didn't mind his company.
Eventually Katerina arrived, she did not look eager to see me however she delivered the cure as expected and revealed what I had assumed. Klaus had taken Stefan.
Unfortunately for Klaus, since finding him the first time, I was able to play a tracking spell on his soul. If I closed my eyes and chanted the right words I was able to find exactly where he was in the moment I did so. Which meant he received more letters.
They were always short and suggestive, never revealing quite how much I knew but just hinting at it. I knew it would annoy him, he would see it as child’s play but that's what made it all so amusing when I would whisper my spells and watch his jaw clench as he attempted to tear up the paper only for it to magically bind back together in mockery of his frustration.
It was when he arrived in Chicago that Gloria had me on the phone.
"I warn you child, he's been asking me to find out who's sending the notes. I wouldn't ever tell on you dear but you know how he becomes. Don't play with fire unless you plan to get burnt" she told me, her tone worried
"Thank you Gloria but you've always known I enjoy the burn. Even if he knows, I can contain him. I've been preparing." I murmur, as my fingers trace over the sketch of the cage I plan to create for him should it ever be necessary.
"Do be careful" she whispered, "They don't call him a beast for fun"
"I know" I hum "It's going to be wonderful" I stated, my mind picturng those golden eyes of his.
Gloria had to hang up when she heard Rebekah's voice nearing but messaged me an update later that day. Unfortunately I felt as her life was taken, by Katerina of all people though I couldn't be too surprised. Her obsession with Stefan never failed to shine through.
Not that I could judge.
Plus it worked in my favour. Klaus came back home.
I got to see him and senior prank night, he even grabbed my wrist. I asked if he just wanted to hold my hand which made him smirk and made my lower stomach implode.
He did in fact hold my hand.
Sure it was while he dragged me down a corridor but he held it all the same.
Then he started killing people and turned Tyler which made me happy. At least my werewolf was useful after all.
Eventually I got back home and went to bed, with Klaus still on my mind of course.
Things got much more interesting from then onward. Klaus was in town much more and always getting in everyones business. I both enjoyed it and loathed it.
It was lovely because it meant I got to talk to him, and because I knew so much about him already I was able to keep him entertained and talkative. Especially when it came to art. I had to research so many artists so that I could engage him in conversation for long periods of time. I convinced the others that it was to distract him while they did their stupid little plans but it was really just for me.
I still sent my letters but I was confident that he didn't know it was me. Somehow I had made him believe that I was brand knew to magic and practically hopeless which he apparently found 'cute'. Whether he meant it or not it still made me blush.
After a few months I had the cage made. It was doused in magic to ensure he couldn't ever escape and I had put in a bookshelf with books I knew he would enjoy as well as a sketch pad and an array of crayons. Pencils were a little risky as they had a point but I put in some blunt charcoal. I had vervain growing beside the cage and wolvebane on my bedroom windowsill. The cage was set up in my basement.
My mother never went down there, she still thinks it's all horiible down their. She also doesn't really practise magic anymore so she's basically a human and oblivious to my supernatural involvment.
Thanks to her unawareness I was able to go about things without even being that discreet. Even if she had picked up on it, she made no effort to intervene.
So I continued to indulge in my obsession.
It was mostly harmless, though my letters progressively became love letters. It was entertaining to watch his brows rise as he read the suggestive words, often now his fingers would trace over the lipstick print I had left in the bottom right corner. Occasionally I would wear the same shade around him, just to test my limits. Sometimes I would spray the paper with my perfume before sending it too.
Soon I began sending other things too, like a rose alongside the letter or a sugary beignet that I had made myself. Sometimes they would contain propofol or something similar. This, with a high enough dosage, would knock even the original hybrid out long enough for me to go on over. I would often sit down beside him on his bed, usually my fingers would stroke through his sweet curls and I would press a kiss to his cheek. Almost always leaving the same mark as I did on those letters and taking pride in the confusion that painted his gorgeous face when he would see it in the morning and wash off my mark.
There were a couple close calls where I had assumed him to be passed out only to find him waiting in his bed, then I would have to be more forceful with putting him to sleep. Often magic was involved and I would lay with him, stroking the area I had struck him with my power to soothe the sting away.
Since then I had noticed his glances over his shoulders as he walked and the way his fingers would nervously tap against his scotch glass. I couldn't deny the pleasant feeling that buzzed through me at the knowledge that I made him nervous, borderline afraid. He even went so far as to have one of his hybrids stand guard outside of his room when he slept. So I had to climb up through his window. It was a hassle really but it got easier each time I did so.
I found myself in his room pretty much every single night. Something about how he was when he slept was so peaceful and innocent that I couldn't help but crave it. It soothed something within me.
What was even better than watching him while he slept?
Finding a painting in his art room...of me!
It was beautifully done and looked just like a photo. If i hadn't touched it to feel the layers of paint then I wouldn't have known he created it. A true, genuine smile graced my lips when I held it and I couldn't help but go through all his sketch pads to find more.
My next love letter hinted toward the art but I think that he was beginning to over think the notes at this point. They were driving him a little mad.
I considered leaving him alone for a little while but then he started getting into trouble. Too much trouble. The kind that got him hurt and stabbed by white oak. The kind that had him ready to leave Mystic Falls.
So I had to start eliminating threats toward him.
I went as far as hospitalising Elena, making it look like natural causes so that the others would have to leave Klaus alone for a while.
I befriended Rebekah, started learning things about Klaus's childhood, the little things that meant so much to him. So I went home and hand carved him a wooden wolf and left it on top my letter.
Slowly, I think he began to have suspicions. Sometimes I catch him watching me with a very calculative look in his eye though he would break into a nervous smile and look away, often walking out the room entirely. I didn't like that.
He tried to distance himself but I wouldn't let him. I thought it was clear that he was mine by now. If he had figured it out then he should be happy and relaxed knowing that it's me, not tense and worried. What did he think I would do, really?
Didn't matter. Time went on.
Thanksgiving came and went, Christmas and then New Year. I always sent and received a present. The Mikaelsons actually threw a Christmas ball which I of course attended and I was able to bag multiiple dances with Klaus. I also danced with Elijah, he directly asked me if I was the one messing with his brothers head, we were whispering and I made a little spell so Klaus couldn't eavesdrop. I confirmed it without actually admitting it and made some little threats for if he should try to stop anything, after I left for home.
I continued with my visits, my growing friendships and my gifts. And then valentines day came around.
I had been contemplating whether I treat it any differently to every other day. I never had before however this time I had somebody to think of, somebody I loved.
So when I woke up, I decided that perhaps I'd at least go see Klaus today.
What I had not expected was a large bouquet of roses, bunched into the shape of a heart set on my dining room table with a typed note attached.
..............................................................................................................................
Dearest Y/N, I don't usually engage in human holidays however you've recently changed my perspective. I hope you don't think I've been oblivious to your advances, I'll admit they've been affective. Love Niklaus
..............................................................................................................................
The note made me smile. The rhyming scheme matched all my letters and this was all the confirmation I needed that he had accepted my feelings.
So I got dressed into a dress, the same deep red as the flowers he had gifted me with the eyeshadow and lipstick to match. I drove myself to his home and this time knocked on the door.
Klaus must have been waiting for he opened it as soon as my knuckles hit the wood and he was dressed to perfection. His blood red tie matched my dress as though he just knew and his hand held out for mine without a word being said. I nodded to him and held his hand, enjoying the way it caused my magic to ignite inside me.
I was lead inside to the area which was usually primarily empty and used for parties and events however it was down littered with rose petals. Fairy lights and candles lit the room and a little square table rest in the centre of the room covered by a white table cloth with two golden plates hidden by gold plate covers sat waiting to be revealed.
"Oh wow" I whispered quietly. This was most definitely not something I had thought of occurring. I heard Klaus clear his throat a little as he hesitantly slipped his hand round my waist causing my tummy to flutter pleasantly before he kept leading me over to the table. He proceeded to pull out my hair, waiting for me to sit and then carefully pushing me closer to the table before sitting opposite me.
"I do hope you'll enjoy the food though if you don't I can be sure to get you something else-" His voice began to speed up, I could see his nerves playing.
"That won't be necessary, I'll have what I'm given and I'll enjoy it" I state simply with a reassuring smile. He returned it and nodded quietly to himself as he lifted the cover off of his play and I did the same. Underneath was a beautifully cooked slice of beef wellington with potatoes and a few vegetables alongside and a sauce to go with.
"I was going to do starters as well but I didn't want you too be too full as I have more for us to eat later" he explained quietly.
"Later?" I question with the slight tilt of my head and he smiled.
"We have a lot to talk about" He answered and I hummed, lifting the wine glass to my lips and allowing the rich taste to please my tongue. I licked my lips clean, watching as his eyes followed my tongues movements as he sat a little straighter. "However," he began, clearing his throat again making a slither of amusement make its way to my face. "For the moment, I just want to have a valentines dinner with you, my questions will wait for after." He decided and I nod, happy with his arrangement.
"Very well" I agreed as I cut into my steak and pastry and popped a piece into my mouth, moaning at the flavour and locking my eyes onto his. His adams apple bobbed and his eyes darted to his plate making me grin.
Dinner was mostly small talk, a few flirty comments through desert before he took our empty plates out to the kitchen. I got up from my seat to follow him but he shook his head and asked that I stay while he cleaned. I agreed without resistance, if he wanted to do the dishes then I wouldn't object.
He was back in just a minute and holding his hand out for me to take again, which I did. Then I was brought upstairs which made me raise a brow, "Already huh?" I ask teasingly.
He glanced over his shoulder at me with a knowing look "Don't act like you don't spend nearly every night in my room" he replied making my eyes roll playfully.
He pulled me into his room and closed the door behind me. On the bed lay every single letter I had written him, I clicked my tongue as I looked over the generous pile and slowly glanced up at his face. His arms were folded over his chest and he had that look in his eyes that just told be to begin.
I smiled up at him and let out a little laugh "Right..." I muttered, "Well..., okay, can we sit for this?" I asked and he hummed, gesturing two chairs that we went to.
And then I started talking. A lot.
I went from the start, Grams. There was no point lying to the man, so I just laid it all out bare for him. From the first time I heard his name to the first time I was able to see his face to the first time we actually met, to now. It took hours of explaining and answering questions for silence to actually come around.
His expressions changed throughout the discussion, sometimes he looked a little confused, sometimes he even looked a little afraid but for the most part he just looked intrigued. When I was done and his questions stopped flowing, he leaned back in his chair and looked up at the ceiling.
"You're crazy" He whispered and I felt my demeanour change, just as I went to snap his eyes went back to mine and a wide smile spread across his face. "You're so insane, I love it" he murmured before my face was in his hands and his lips were on mine.
I'll admit it took me by surprise so it took me a minute to react. Of course I kissed him back, would have been really dumb not to at this point.
His hands seemed to be everywhere all at once, every single nerve I owned stood on edge for him and my magic began to flow a little too fast than I was used to. Klaus pulled away, a chuckle leaving his lips making my eyes, which I didn't remember closing, open.
"You've set the curtains on fire sweetheart" he mumbled, stroking a few strands of hair behind my ear as I took a breathe and silently mended the curtains with my mind. A kiss was placed behind my ear and I breathed in deeply. "I can't believe you let me think you couldn't even light a candle when I met you" he muttered and he smiled.
"You let everyone think you were Alaric, so..." I trailed but he tutted.
"Ah, ah. Everyone except for you as it turns out so we are in no way even. You have been tormenting me, lying to me, watching me sleep..." he smirked and I rolled my eyes, "borderline assaulting me!" he exasperated and I dropped my head back with a sigh. His lips pressed to my neck in response and I hummed with a clenched jaw. "You do not like to be teased" he stated and my eyes flicked to him "I'm not mad" he told me but I didn't think he was anyway "your methods for my...affections have been questionable-"
"Well-" I interjected but he shook his head and kissed my lips again which was a seemingly affective way to keep me quiet but I liked it.
"But" he cut in "It has been incredibly sexy to watch you pull an unbelievable amount of power moves under everyone's noses, including my own. I look forward to seeing how many more moves you have" he whispered, his voice becoming progressively lower.
My gaze fixed on him, my eyes narrowed a little. Was he saying what he wanted to say or what I wanted to hear?
His hands slid down my sides to the backs of my thighs before he lifted me onto his lap, having me straddle him in his chair and causing my dress to ride up. My hands held onto his upper arms lightly, he looked back at me with the same calculative look I'm sure I was wearing. His head tilted to the side making my lips twitch, he looked cute like a confused pet.
"I don't take well to being played with" I tell him and he frowned.
"I'm not playing" he replied, his hand caressing my thigh in a way that made an unfamiliar warmth spread through me and I wasn't quite sure what to do with it. For some reason I had mapped out a plan for every scenario except for one where he actually showed the interest I wanted from him. "I wouldn't toy with you Y/n. Should I have wanted to harm you I would have just done so"
"You don't think I'm a threat?" I question and he furrowed his brows
"Do you want me to see you as a threat?" He asked confused and I hesitated, did I?
"Maybe?" I whispered, unsure and he huffed softly.
"You have been dancing around me for almost a year now, don’t you think it’s time we both give in?” He murmured and I stared at him. Slowly his hands brushed higher up my thighs and he pulled me closer on his lap making my heart pound. “Will you let yourself give in to me?” He asked as his fingertips grazed the thin material of my panties. “No more stalking or knocking me out…just be with me, you can sleep beside me…with me and I’ll give you everything you could ever want”
I hummed quietly and clenched my jaw as I felt and heard the elastic in my panties snap. His hand pulled the fabric away from my body and tucked them into his pocket as his eyes locked on mine. I shifted a little on his lap, my thigh clenching around him as I felt my pussy flutter against the erection that was pushing against his suit trousers.
“You have no idea how hard it was to figure out who you were” he muttered as he pushed my hips back and forth in a slow motion. I could feel my skin heating up as my sensitive flesh rubbed over his pants. “You drove me mad” he whispered, his lips brushing against the shell of my ear making a warm shiver slide down my spine.
A breathy moan fell from my lips as I felt his hips grind up against my bare pussy. “Do you remember that letter you wrote, you were practically begging me to fuck you” he reminded making my eyes shut, my lips parting as I moved my hips with his to receive the perfect amount of friction against my clit. “Do you know how many faceless dreams I’ve had of you? I had to guess what your pretty moans would sound like, how tight your cunt was, I need to see if my imagination was accurate” He practically purred against my neck.
I kept grinding myself on his crotch, panting softly to try catch my breath and my thoughts and his hands cupped my ass firmly. They brushed across the tops of my thighs before a finger was rubbing my clit making my hips thrust up and a moan to escape me.
My hands curled into his jacket, I always had the control in situations. I needed the power and the control yet I couldn’t even think about taking it right now. I just needed to chase that feeling.
I couldn’t help the choked sound that left me when a finger plunged its way inside of me. At this point my hips were rutting against his hand, my pussy surely dripping onto his pants but I couldn’t stop myself.
“Happy Valentine’s Day sweetheart” his voice cooed against my ear and I moaned aloud. Kisses burned into the top of my neck and base of my jaw, “I’m gonna fuck you against all of your little love letters” he mumbled and I cried out his name weakly.
Another finger stretched me open with my clit was rubbed ferociously making my hips stutter and thighs tremble with need.
His mouth captured mine as I felt my resistance snap. My body shook and my head felt light as my lips pushed against his with force. After he pulled back and let me catch my breath he lifted me up and dropped me onto his bed amongst all the notes I’d left him in the past.
His body knelt between my legs and his face hovered over mine as he brushed his nose against mine.
I think it was that moment that I knew:
Love would destroy us both.
#yandere!reader#yandere reader#obsessive love#power play#valentines day#valentines special#klaus mikaelson#the originals#the vampire diaries#klaus mikaelson x reader#klaus mikealson fanfiction#klaus mikaelson one shot#klaus mikaleson imagine#elijah mikaelson#rebekah mikaelson#the vampire diares imagine#kol mikaelson#niklaus imagines#niklaus mikaelson#tvd klaus#klaus m#klaus mikaelson x y/n#klaus michaelson#tvd universe#hope mikaelson#klaus mikaelson headcanon#klaus mikaelson fluff#klaus mikaelson yandere#klaus mikealson smut#klaus mikaelson x yn
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Soft Spot
Pairing: David 'Deacon' Kay x shy!assistant!fem!reader
Summary: When you're kidnapped and used as a pawn, Deacon sets out to find you. Once you're tied up together, he changes his goals regarding your safety, finding a soft spot in the kidnappers and himself.
Warnings: spoilers (rewrite) for SWAT episode 3x15 "Knockout"; angst to fluff
Word Count: 3.4k+ words
A/N: Deacon in a suit + Street's scene in the luxury box = one of the best episodes.
Picture from Pinterest
You have only been Gio Torres’s personal assistant for a week - since he arrived in Los Angeles - but he got attached to you quickly. Your shy demeanor and kindness toward his wife made it easy for Gio to decide he likes you.
“Where are we going?” you ask quietly.
“To meet the security team, hermana,” Gio answers, smiling as he wraps his arm around Esther.
Frowning when you think of meeting even more people, Gio takes pity on you and offers to handle the introductions.
“They don’t need to know who I am, Gio,” you remind him. “I’m just here for you and Esther.”
Gio tilts his head to the side as Esther replies, “And if they want to meet you?”
“I hope they don’t,” you mumble.
✯✯✯✯✯
When you enter the arena, a few men in suits are standing around a television displaying the building’s blueprint. You notice the one closest to the screen is attractive and immediately drop your chin as he looks toward you. Walking behind Gio, though, you don’t expect he’ll even realize you’re there. Most people don’t.
“Hey, champ,” the other man greets. “This is my business partner, David Kay. He’s managing our security team. Meet Gio Torres, reigning welterweight champion of the world, and his wife Esther.”
David shakes hands with Gio and Esther before the other man excuses himself to answer his phone.
“It’s very nice to meet you,” he says. “And please, call me Deacon.”
“Diacono? Like padre, priest?” Gio asks.
“No, no, it’s just a nickname.” Deacon looks to Esther to ask, “It’s your first?”
“Yes,” she replies happily.
Deacon turns toward you, extending his hand. “I didn’t catch your name.”
You shake his hand, giving him a small smile as you say your name. “I’m Gio’s assistant.”
“Nice to meet you as well, and I guess that means we’re kind of working together.”
Nodding, you’re glad when Gio draws Deacon’s attention away.
“You know, this place is so… new. We had nothing like it in Havana,” Gio explains. “One day we will.”
“Well, best of luck to you tonight,” Deacon says. “And congratulations.”
“Gracias, Padre.”
You shake your head at Gio’s nickname, smiling at Deacon again as you follow Gio and Esther out of the arena. You can feel Deacon’s eyes on you, and your neck warms at the attention.
“Someone likes padre,” Esther teases, bumping her elbow against your arm.
Rolling your eyes, you keep your head down so your giddy smile doesn’t betray your secrecy.
“Sí, claro,” Gio agrees, chuckling.
✯✯✯✯✯
Gio sent you to find Deacon, telling you he wants to give him something for his SWAT team. You don’t know how Gio learned he was a SWAT agent when he isn’t working in private security, but it’s your job to get what Gio wants, so you go. Standing to the side and waiting for him to notice you, you accidentally overhear his conversation.
“Aren’t these fights usually in Vegas?” the woman beside him asks.
“Yeah,” Deacon answers. “But Maxwell wanted to fight in his own hometown.”
“Why does the former champion get to call the shots?”
“That’s why.”
Deacon points to Jackie Shaw, who you had the displeasure of meeting this morning. He’s full of himself and has a wandering eye. He may be the biggest promoter and responsible for the biggest fight of the season, but he does not seem like a good man.
“I’m gonna make the rounds,” Deacon says, turning toward you. He stops when he sees you, smiling as he says your name.
“You remembered?”
“How could I not?”
Pressing your lips together and dropping your eyes to the floor, you say, “Gio wants to see you when you have a minute.”
“I can go now. Care to show me the way?”
Looking up, the smile on his face makes you think he knows that his actions are impacting you. When he falls into step beside you, keeping his attention on you as you walk, you realize that Esther was right; you do like him, but you’ll never be able to act on it.
✯✯✯✯✯
“Oi, Padre,” Gio greets as you lead Deacon into the room.
“I’m going to go with the driver to get Esther from the hotel,” you tell Gio.
You nod at Deacon on your way out, and the look he gives you makes you wish you could stay.
✯✯✯✯✯
You walk out of the hotel, answering an email from Jackie Shaw’s marketing team as you get in the car. Esther should be out in a moment, but the door beside you opens suddenly, and a man you don’t recognize climbs inside.
“Uh, I think you’re in the wrong car,” you tell him.
The car begins moving, and you ask the driver to go back, but he doesn’t acknowledge you. When you look out the window, the man beside you unsheathes a serrated knife, holding it up so you can see it.
“Don’t yell for help,” he demands.
✯✯✯✯✯
Deacon is doing his rounds again when he stops by Gio’s locker room.
“My nephews are gonna go nuts. Thank you,” Chris says, accepting a signed poster.
“De nada,” Gio replies.
Esther and one of the security guards enter the room, and Deacon looks over when Esther says your name.
“No esta aqui?” Esther asks.
“No.”
They continue speaking in Spanish, and Deacon can tell they’re distressed and concerned about something. He doesn’t like that your name is involved.
“What’s wrong?” he asks Chris.
“His assistant disappeared from the hotel. His trainer’s out looking for her.”
Someone knocks on the door, and Deacon steps in front of him. “Hey, not now. You can get a selfie later.”
“Hey, Torres, I’m supposed to deliver this to you,” the man says.
“Let me see that. Chris,” Deacon calls.
“Stand right here. Don’t move,” Chris demands, pulling the man into the room.
“There’s a voice mail.” Deacon presses play, his jaw clenched as he listens to the distorted voice.
‘We have your hermana, your assistant. Lose this fight or she dies. No cops, or your wife is next.’
✯✯✯✯✯
“You got the wrong girl!” a man yells.
You flinch at the sudden noise. Tied to a chair, blindfolded, and gagged, you have no way of knowing who the men are or what they're doing in here.
“How do you mistake her for Gio’s pregnant wife?”
“She was in the car, I didn’t know!”
“He likes her, so it’ll have to work. That or we find another chance to get the wife.”
“It’ll work.”
That’s what you’re worried about.
✯✯✯✯✯
“What can I do to help?” Gio asks.
“Your weigh-in’s about to start. If you don’t show up, people will know something’s wrong,” Chris answers. “It might alert the kidnappers.”
“I know this is hard. But you have to go out there and pretend that everything is normal. We have people with your wife, they can’t get to her, and we’re doing everything we can to find the people who did this,” Deacon promises.
✯✯✯✯✯
Deacon notices a man filming Gio at the weigh-in and follows him out of the arena, pausing in an alley to call Hondo.
“Yeah, Deac, talk to me. What’s going on?” Hondo asks.
“There was a suspicious guy around the weigh-in. White, six foot, 25 to 30. It’s probably nothing, but I want to check it out,” Deacon replies. “He walked into an old factory six blocks from the arena.”
“You got an address?”
“Twelfth and Maple. Northwest alley.”
“Street’s callin’ for backup, Deac.”
“I’ll keep you posted.”
✯✯✯✯✯
Secured to the chair and blindfolded, you can’t see when people come or go, and have no idea where you are. Several men have been in and out, and you try to breathe quietly and listen for them.
A voice - Deacon, you know immediately - says your name before asking, “Are you okay? I’m here to help.” He lifts the blindfold over your head and says, “Hey.”
You pant as he pulls the gag from your mouth, nodding as you thank him. Deacon kneels beside you, keeping a hand on your arm. He pulls his phone from his pocket and talks while he unties you.
“Hey, Hondo,” he says. “I found her. She’s tied up, but she’s okay.”
You shake your arm, trying to alert Deacon of the men entering the room, but it doesn’t work, so you turn your head toward him, hoping to find comfort in his presence.
“Stand up,” one of the men commands.
Deacon drops something into a box, moving his phone to his pocket as he stands and raises his hands in surrender. Both men point guns at Deacon, and you push back against your chair, hoping that this doesn’t end terribly.
“I probably shouldn’t be here, huh?” Deacon asks. “I followed him from the weigh-in. I was in the room when Torres heard the message, and- and he begged me not to do anything, but I… I thought if I found his assistant, you know, maybe he’d give a reward or something. Look, the name is Schupatz. I’m just a security guard. I don’t want any trouble.”
“Turn around,” the men demand.
“I don’t want to cause any problems.”
Deacon turns, and you flinch when he’s hit over the head with the butt of a gun. Bringing your shoulder to your cheek, you look away and try to hide, but the man turns to you, forcing you to drink a strange-colored medicine before everything goes dark.
✯✯✯✯✯
You regain consciousness before Deacon, watching him as you sit in the dusty room. He tips his head back and groans before opening his eyes.
“You okay?” you ask quietly.
“Yeah,” he answers. “Are you?”
With Deacon’s complete attention on you, despite the life-threatening situation, you grow shy and can only shrug.
“Did they hurt you?”
“Gave me medicine that knocked me out,” you explain.
“You feel okay?”
Nodding, you look at Deacon’s shoes.
“I don’t know the men who did this, but help is on the way,” Deacon promises. “There are people looking for you. They’ll come for me too. I’m a police officer.”
“SWAT,” you murmur.
“How’d you- Gio. Right?” Deacon looks around, and you flex your wrists under the rope. “All right, we got to get out of here. They need you alive as leverage until Gio loses the fight. But they’ll get rid of me soon enough. Unless we get out of here first.”
“What can I do?”
“Best thing you can do? Stay calm. I’m gonna get us out of here.”
You nod as Deacon moves his arms, trying to find a way to get free.
“Will Gio really lose?” you ask, looking at Deacon’s face.
“For you? Of course.”
He smiles as he answers, and you find it much easier to stay calm.
“Who’s Schupatz?”
“A clue to help my team find us, I hope.”
Nodding, you fall silent again. While you watch Deacon, you take his advice to stay calm and trust him. He’s breathing deeply from trying to free himself, and when he pauses, you decide to try talking to him again.
“The medicine they made me drink… will it hurt me?”
“Nah. You’ll be fine. I promise.”
“Gio and Esther have to be okay. If they have to leave early because of me, and their baby is born in Cuba, their lives are as good as over. They need to stay in America, Deacon. Tonight can’t be the end for them.”
“No, and it won’t be,” Deacon agrees, raising his arms again before the door opens.
You fold in on yourself, moving back as a man kneels before you, offering an open bottle.
“It’s just water,” he says.
Looking at Deacon, you wait for him to say, “It’s okay,” before taking a drink.
You feel a bit better, your dry lips and throat soothed by the water, but you furrow your brows at the look on Deacon’s face. He waits for the men to exit, closing the door behind them, to speak.
“I think we just found their soft spot,” he explains. He doesn’t mention that he’s developing his own soft spot for you.
✯✯✯✯✯
You force yourself to cry, screaming in faux pain as you push yourself against the control you’re tied to. Hooking your arm through it, pretending to be trapped, you follow Deacon’s instructions exactly.
“Hey, she needs help!” Deacon yells toward the door. “She’s losing circulation!”
The door opens, and two men enter, looking between you and Deacon.
“She tried to turn around and her arm got caught, you need to get her help,” Deacon explains. “Look, I’m a trained medic. All right? Let me out of here. Let me help her.”
“Unlock him,” one of the men says.
You continue your act as Deacon is released, standing before pushing one of the men against the wall and reaching for his taser. The second man grabs Deacon from behind, slamming him against the metal machinery he’s been tied to for what seems like forever. He groans as the men resecure his bindings, elevating his arms over his head.
“Torres is gonna lose the fight. He’s gonna do whatever you want, so there is no reason to keep her trapped like an animal,” Deacon exclaims. “Let her go.”
The men leave without another word, and you lean your face against your hands as Deacon’s chin drops toward his chest.
✯✯✯✯✯
“How much time do you think we have?” You stretch your legs toward Deacon, wishing you were feeling talkative for any other reason.
“I don’t know,” he answers.
“What are we going to do? And please don’t say you don’t know.”
Deacon chuckles, raising his shoulders. “Ow.”
“What?” you ask, looking up as Deacon moves his hands on the metal beam above him.
You hear the wire around his wrists scrubbing, and you know it has to be torture on his shoulders, but you grow hopeful at the prospect of Deacon freeing himself.
✯✯✯✯✯
“Footsteps,” you alert, just as Deacon’s arms drop, the wire snapping.
He rises, stumbling as he gains his bearings before moving to a corner behind the door to wait. Deacon is keeping his promise, and once you are safe, he’s going to try to make you shy again. It’s not necessarily a noble goal, but if it’s enough to get him through the fight, that’s all he needs.
One man enters, and Deacon waits for him to walk past before wrapping one arm around his neck, pulling tightly until the man collapses. You watch as Deacon finds a taser in his pocket, taking it before moving to untie you.
“All right. Come here,” Deacon whispers, helping you to your feet. “Are you in any actual pain or was that just really good acting?”
“I’m okay.”
Deacon looks into your eyes, nodding before leading you into a hallway. Someone yells, the sound echoing through the building.
“You can go without me, Deacon,” you offer, trying to release his hand.
His grip tightens, and he pulls you closer. “No, listen. Go in here. I’m going to lock you in here. You’ll be safe. Trust me, they’re gonna think you escaped. You just stay as quiet as possible.”
You grab his hand again, finding the courage to look directly into his brown eyes as you ask, “Will you come back?”
“I promised, didn’t I?”
You nod, releasing his hand and stepping back as the metal door closes on you.
✯✯✯✯✯
While you grow scared, alone in a locked room, Deacon is working on keeping his promise. A few blocks away, Gio is throwing a fight to save you. If your life weren’t in danger, you wouldn’t be able to handle this much attention.
You hear a police officer radio that a suspect is down and call for help. The door opens, and a man in a SWAT uniform identifies himself as a police officer.
“I got you,” he says, leading you to another officer, who takes you toward the door.
In another part of the theater, Deacon climbs onto the edge of a balcony, waiting for the right moment to drop onto the Schupatz lookalike, attempting to tase him before fighting over a gun. As they roll over one another, the trigger is pulled, and several bullets are fired into the large projector screen showing the fight.
Deacon rises to his hands and knees, knocking the other man off balance as he stands. Moving behind him, Deacon tackles the man, knocking over the projector as they fall together. Pinning the man to the floor, Deacon punches him until he stops fighting back.
“Deac!” Tan yells, entering the theater.
Deacon says your name and Hondo answers, “She’s outside with the EMTs.”
“We got the whole crew,” Street adds.
“It’s good to see you, Schupatz,” Hondo jokes.
“Good to see you, too,” Deacon replies. “All of you.”
✯✯✯✯✯
At the same time that Gio learns you are safe and turns the tide of the fight, you are watching the theater entrance for Deacon. When he walks out, rushing toward you, you stand and meet him halfway, hugging him tightly and pressing your face into his dirty blazer.
“Your face is cut, sir, we’re gonna need to tape that,” an EMT says.
“Give me a minute,” Deacon answers, tightening his grip on you.
“Let ‘em do their job,” you murmur.
Deacon huffs, and you feel his heartbeat as you pull away. Holding your hand, Deacon pulls you with him as the paramedic cleans and tapes the cut on his cheekbone.
“Still pretty,” you whisper.
Smiling widely, Deacon turns his head toward you. When you duck your head and try to pull your hand from Deacon’s, he chuckles and tugs you closer.
“This would be a terrible time to find out you’re leaving with Torres,” he murmurs.
You shake your head, explaining you’re based in Los Angeles but do freelance work with celebrities while they’re in town. Deacon is sure you’re a popular choice, unwilling or unable to talk to celebrities simply because of who you are.
“Esther went into labor,” Hondo tells Deacon. “They’re at Shaw Memorial.”
Deacon leads you to a grey Dodge Charger, taking the keys from Street before helping you into the passenger seat. He smiles as he drives, glad he completed both promises: getting you out safe and making you shy afterward.
✯✯✯✯✯
“Hi,” you greet, walking into Esther’s hospital room.
Deacon enters behind you, waiting at the foot of the bed while you hug Gio and Esther, extending a finger to their new baby. Chris arrives a moment later, and Gio turns his attention to her and Deacon.
“I’m not sure how to thank you,” he expresses, hugging Chris.
Deacon watches you and the baby, a caring look in his eye accompanying his smile.
“Padre,” Gio greets, shaking Deacon’s hand before hugging him too.
You roll your eyes at the nickname again, and Deacon smiles when he notices.
“Mira,” Gio says, directing attention to his son.
“We name him Jorge,” Esther adds.
“Congratulations,” Chris offers.
“Welcome to the world, little man,” Deacon cheers, looking at Jorge before his eyes return to you.
Chris moves to close the door, and Deacon tears his eyes from you to speak to Gio and Esther. “So I know this isn’t a great time, but the Cuban delegation is camped out down the hall. This might be our only chance to talk.”
“They charted a flight to Havana for you, leaving Monday morning,” Chris adds.
“So I contacted your immigration lawyer in San Francisco, and he said he’ll be here Sunday night.”
“Thank you so much,” Gio replies. “Pero, how did you know?”
“Someone gets talktative when they’re held hostage,” Deacon jokes, looking over at you.
“Gracias, hermana,” Gio says, pulling you into another hug.
You’re glad to hide from Deacon for a moment, but when it’s time to leave, he takes your hand, and your skin warms immediately.
“I shouldn’t talk to you ever again,” you tell him.
“But you will?” he asks.
You nod, and Deacon turns to you, the same caring look present in his eyes as he raises his free hand to your cheek.
“Then I’m glad I kept my promise.”
“Seems like you have a soft spot too,” you mumble against his hand, leaning toward him.
“Maybe I do,” Deacon agrees, smiling as he moves his hand, wrapping his arm over your shoulder and pulling you close. He kisses the crown of your head and laughs when you turn to hide against his suit again.
#david deacon kay x reader#shy!reader#david kay x reader#deacon kay x reader#david deacon kay#deacon kay#swat cbs#fem!reader
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Author Spotlight: Talia Bhatt
We're excited to highlight Talia Bhatt, author of the current club read Dulhaniyaa. Read on to hear how her identity and experiences informed her writing, and how queer love is a jailbreak.
“Desi trans lesbian” feels, sometimes, like an ephemeral identity.
I am situated nowhere transhistorically and barely transculturally, having to borrow the language, social trappings, and forms of identification of the nation(s) that colonized and impoverished mine to even express my embodiment and positionality coherently. In a world where Afsaneh Najmabadi can pose the question “Is any one of you a lesbian?” to a room full of Iranian transsexual women and get blank stares, as she relates in Professing Selves, or where Deepa Mehta notes in her groundbreaking lesbian romance Fire that Hindi lacks even a word to express the concept of a woman loving another intimately, romantically, carnally, I am unmoored and unfixed, an anomaly because I dare to imagine my transsexuality independent from men.
“Woman are for men”, assumes every culture with harsh patriarchal contradictions—which does not entirely exclude the West—and trans women doubly so, since the abhorrence of non-heterosexual modes of living and social organization leads many from cultures like mine to presume that a woman would only transition to be with a man. A profound loneliness dogs my very existence, alerting me to the wispy shadows of a shrouded past that barely had a record of women like me prior to the midpoint of the 20th Century, only whispers and rumors and sensationalist gossip scrawled in academic journal by Esther Newton, alluding to the idea of a “man” that, having availed of hormones and surgical interventions, now sleeps with lesbians—the scandal.
No ancestors that are mine to claim.
Dulhaniyaa is not a particularly melancholy book, though a certain pensiveness pervades the opening chapters. There a story within the story written in subtext, in allusions and word choices and snippets of dialogue, that Esha and Billu and Dolly and others are aware of: my homeland, my motherland, my culture and my nation and my state—it is not a place for queer women. It is certainly, emphatically, not a place for a trans woman who fancies herself still attracted to other women, or even indelibly non-binary in a way. Women like us have no names, no pasts, and almost certainly no futures within the narrow confines of the constructed and stifling heterosexual hegemony.
A reviewer was kind enough to sum up Dulhaniyaa for me better than I ever could, stating triumphantly that “Queer love is a jailbreak.” It’s a quote that has stuck with me both for how simply it states a core theme that I certainly labored to convey without necessarily consciously meaning to, as well as for how profoundly vast and unencompassable the prison I find myself in is. My shackles are Time and Language itself, my cell the land I was born in, my wardens its people. I am a refugee in a sense that many, many queer and especially trans people tend to be, evicted and disowned and erased from hearth and homeland.
I wrote Dulhaniyaa because someone broke me out of that cell. She saw the woman I was as well as the woman I could be, and helped me bridge the gap between the two. She is now my wife.
Queer love is a jailbreak. Get your pickaxes ready.
#wlw books#booklr#lgbt books#contemporary#book recs#sapphic books#diverse books#desi#bollywood#trans author#guest post
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dead boy detectives episode eight thoughts
oh my god we're here... the finale... god i have so many thoughts with this. im gonna try to keep things slightly organized and do a little wrap-up at the end but. we'll see!
moved spoilery stuff under the cut haha. but also technically everything is a spoiler? so it's just all under the read more 👍
first of all... niko my love my heart. i've moved past the shock i'm just sad now... my girl!!! i hate being right sometimes like... god she was so kind and she tried so hard and and. huauaauaghh i don't have the words for this just know im absolutely gutted 😭😭
and crystal... god i love the way they did her memories and i love that she was an asshole, but also she was a neglected kid with parents who didn't even notice when she went missing!! god. it sure does explain some things huh... idk i love the way she reacted, how scared she was of the person she used to be. but ultimately, of course, the only way she can go is forward. the only thing she can do is live with who she used to be and choose who she wants to be going forward, and she won't be doing those things alone
JENNY IM SO GLAD JENNY CAME TO ENGLAND WITH THEM. it sucks that her shop got exploded but also i think it'll be good for her, to get a fresh start somewhere else after the shit she's been through. i'm glad she's staying with the group i care her ^^
monty helping save them... alright man. you're on thin ice but you're at least back on the ice instead of falling right through so. you have earned a little bit of my respect back and im sorry that you were bound to such a shitty witch 👍
ALSO HEY SPEAKING OF EDWIN'S LOVE INTERESTS. can we talk about the gorgeous animation for the cat king's story????? HELLO that was beautiful and so impressive!!! it really transported me into the story being told and it looked so classic disney which made a wonderful juxtaposition with what was happening. i love that so much!!!!!
esther... god what do i say about esther. her acting is phenomenal, she's so well written to be funny and absolutely terrifying, i love her story and i love the way it was resolved. i absolutely LOVE that she wasn't beaten by the gang overpowering her, it was karmic. it was the retribution for the lives she's taken, all the little girls she's killed for her own selfishness, and their retribution comes to claim her. who gets justice for them, indeed
OKAY can i just say. i am absolutely thrilled with how the lilith thing went down i didn't even think they would use the image of her in esther's memories to contact her!!! i hoped she would be involved somehow, would right the wrongs that had been done to those little girls, but i did not expect it to be this amazing!!!! god i love that they put those pieces into the show so early, so we were able to guess that they'd come together and then they DO in such an amazing way!!!
and once again niko saves the day by being genuine and talking to people... god i love her so much. she learned the exact information they needed for this fight episodes ago, by talking to the woman near the beach because she likes talking to people and learning things!!!! niko sasaki the woman that you were.... god the fact that it's were instead of are. im gonna fucking cry
and the ending!!! they aren't on the run anymore it's been recognized that they're doing good so they're allowed to keep doing it and helping people!!!!! GODDD that makes me so happy i love that so much!!!!!!
ALSO I WILL SAY. when the superior didn't give them her name and then said the thing that tragic mick (finally learned his name!) told niko before she died... im not gonna lie my first thought was that she Was niko like somehow after dying she ended up in the afterlife outside of time or whatever. i don't think that's true i think it's just the theme of the show and that's why they said it twice but. for a minute i was like HELLO???
but the very ending scene!!! niko and the sprites? i think? idk im really bad with faces and recognize people through their hair so. did not help that they were dressed sensibly for the weather and their hair wasn't showing haha. BUT STILL. was that her afterlife? why are the sprites there?? what does that scene Mean is there still a chance for her to meet the group again??? please i need answers you can't just leave me hanging about my girl!!!!!! 😭😭
god this whole show has been amazing i'm so glad i watched it... thank you noble for introducing me to dead boy detectives!! i have had such a good time, it's been an emotional rollercoaster and i'm so sad it's over. i'm off to the tumblr search to reblog whatever i find and then it's to ao3 for me, with noble's profile as a starting point and then i'll scour the tags haha. thank you guys for coming along with me on this lovely experience! i'm doing a little wrap-up summary below to end things off
FAVORITE MAIN CHARACTER: god this is so difficult.... it's gotta be niko or charles, but know that i say this with the other two very close behind. they're all fantastic, it's rare that even when i imprint on a character (in this case charles) the others are all so good that it's still hard to pick a clear favorite, with niko even rivalling that imprint
FAVORITE RECURRING SIDE CHARACTER: jenny it's gotta be jenny!! i love her scenes i love her personality she's so fun i love how no-nonsense she is only to consistently be dragged into the Most Nonsense. she's a delight i love her and her proficiency with knives
FAVORITE ONE-OFF CHARACTER: kashi!!! fish guy!! he is such a goddamn delight he is the first character whose name i learned On Purpose instead of through the natural course of the show. i love him he showed up for one episode, performed his role magnificently, and swanned off to implied further fascinating adventures. love that guy
FAVORITE EPISODE: okay surprising no one ever, probably episode seven? i love what it does with the characters, i love the scene of edwin and charles meeting (well worth the wait!), i love all of it
SECOND FAVORITE EPISODE: okay this one has gotta be episode four or the jock one. five maybe? idk im torn between those two bc of the excellent charles characterization and development we get, and i've mentioned before what a soft spot i have both for the scene where he first breaks down and the scene where he and edwin hug. i love them both i cannot choose!!!
FAVORITE LOCATION: this has gotta be the dead boy detective office or maybe the inside of the fish. idk they're very different locations but they both serve their purpose very well and have a lot to offer!! oh wait shit actually i take it back the inside of crystal's mind with the tree. that's absolutely gorgeous and i love it so much
LEAST FAVORITE CHARACTER: daniel. the demon ex sorry i choose not to remember his name <3 he is daniel To Me. anyway they just did a really good job of making him a shitty asshole who also happens to be a powerful demon
FINAL OPINION ON THE CAT KING: uh. i mean i still don't respect him but he's a very fun character and i do enjoy his vibe. i actually liked him a lot better when he wasn't essentially holding edwin prisoner (imagine that!) so i think the coercive nature of that original dynamic is what really threw me off. i found myself enjoying his character a lot more with the bracelet off and them interacting on even footing!
and finally, i couldn't possibly choose so here
LIST OF FAVORITE SCENES
- charles dying and meeting edwin
- charles having a breakdown at the night nurse
- every kashi scene
- crystal speaking to lilith and when she appeared to claim esther
- simon seeing the blue light and possibly leaving hell
- pretty much all of niko and edwin's one on one talks
- the conversation between niko and crystal when they first opened up to each other
- edwin telling the cat king the binding bracelet is all he is and leaving to save his friends
- charles hugging edwin after edwin comforts him
- esther killing the cat king
- charles getting stuck in the loop of the devlin murders
- niko going out into the storm to save her friends
- niko's reading comprehension skills <3
AND MANY MORE that i am forgetting but here you go ^^ goddamn this show is good. hit me like a trainwreck though i need a fucking nap
#pat.txt#pat watches dbd#dead boy detectives#okay we're good i fixed it#darn thing posted early but thankfully it's all good now
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I heard once that in the discarded drafts, Joel would have a romantic partner, I think her name is Esther, I just don't remember what happens to them. But anyway, I'm glad they sent this idea away bc I can't imagine Joel dating anyone, you know what I mean? And I'm not a Joel fangirl, so It isn't jealous, It's just... Doesn't fit him? Since I've watched first game I always thought of Joel as a sort of a loner most of the time when it becomes to relationships, and It always had been my headcanon that it is even more reinforced after the events of first game, cause Joel already thinks ellie is enough in his life and heart. But at the same time, his "Well, I am the romantic type" line still makes me think. Anyways, any toughts anyone?
Yeah, Esther was supposedly Joel's romantic interest. It was Tommy who paired them originally. As stated by one of the directors; they were supposed to meet her through one of the earlier flashbacks when Ellie was younger—like 15 or freshly 16. Joel and Ellie would visit her in a city near Jackson (she wasn't living in Jackson with them but lived nearby). They would find her infected and trying to heal herself after a bite. In this scene, Joel sent Ellie to bring water, but on her way outside the house, she heard a gunshot. And neither Ellie nor the player would have known whether it was Esther pulling the trigger or Joel.
Joel was also supposed to get remarried to this woman at some point, but it got scrapped because the creators didn't have time to establish her, as they said. She was a legit character, but she didn't make it into the actual story.
I also have a feeling that Joel is a loner. He loves being alone and the only woman in his life is literally just Ellie. The only one who he let's get closer—so to speak—in his bubble.
But I'm not gonna lie. I would love to see some of Esther because I have a feeling that young Ellie would be a little jealous of some other woman stealing Joel from her with her abandonment issues. It was already seen (for those who noticed it) that show Ellie was a little jealous of show Joel reuniting with Tommy. Maybe 'jealous' is not the right word to use, but she would definitely be scared of getting replaced. I would just love to see game Ellie have these thoughts. Because not only would it be freaking cute, but also, can you imagine a scene where Joel finds out and tries to reassure her of his love?
#the last of us#tlou#ellie williams#ellie tlou#joel miller#joel tlou#ellie and joel#esther tlou#joel and esther#the last of us game#tlou game#the last of us part 1#tlou part 1#elliespuns answers
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DANS LA COUR DES GRANDS
DC Comics, Batman, pre-Flashpoint / New Earth continuity - Jason Todd / the Red Hood, Sasha / Scarlet Prompt: Someone pretends to be someone they're not. Content warnings: allusions to sex predators in a school, to serious maiming as acts of vigilantism, the general mess of the concept of underage sidekicks, the whole new can of worms that is an underage sidekick to the Red Hood.
Yes the title is in French, because that shitty pun is perfect and it doesn't translate to English. Jason would agree. (la cour des grands = literally the yard of the seniors, figuratively the big leagues).
The plaid skirt looks funny.
Jason frowns, tilts his head, frowns some more. He tries to remember what the posh girls at the manor's afternoon parties had looked like. Did they ever wear their school uniforms? Or was that just on pictures in the society section of the Gotham Gazette? The memories overlap and melt together like microwaved frozen lasagna when you try to serve a slice.
Sasha pulls the blazer open, messes around in a way that reminds him of him when he got his first leather jacket. More memories. Bad memories.
"Don't. You need to look like a good girl, remember?"
She perks up, eyes wide and-
"You need to lose the make-up, too. These schools are real hard asses on the dress code."
He tilts his head the other way, tries to figure out how to fix this. What to fix. (Nothing to fucking fix, Little Red is leagues better than any rich little bimbo, could outrun, outlast, outpunch them all, and soon she'll beat them all in every class, if he gets his way about it.)
He straightens his head. Stretches, slow and lazy. No need to worry poor Sash', right before her first solo infiltration.
"Let the skirt cover your knees. Don't want some teacher to ask about the scratches."
Or look her the wrong way, if their intel is correct. He tries not to think how Sash' will look like a scholarship student, alone and vulnerable in her fancy boarding school, easy prey for all the rich creeps.
Kinda the whole point of the thing.
He looks at the little Cheburashka keychain tied to the strap of her satchel, and reminds himself to breathe. He hands her the necklace with her com.
"Got your taser in that bag?"
She rolls her eyes.
"Good, good. Okay. Knife fits in the shoes?"
She shrugs. "Yes, Mama."
She's snarking away the jitters. He should know. Picked up the same habit in the same place, back when he was just a little kid. Before- breathe, Jason, breathe - before.
"That's madam bear to you, young lady." She giggles. Good, he's doing good. "Don't worry, I'll be around, okay? Stick to the script, and we'll wrap this up easy-peasy."
She puts the necklace on all by herself. Strong independent woman, she is. (A kid, she's a fucking kid, and if anybody touches her, he'll slice their fingers like fucking salami.)
His fingers twitch on the handle of his gun while she cleans her eyeliner off, fluffs her sandy blonde hair, pulls the skirt, undoes one button on the shirt. She twirls around, both hands on the shoulder strap of her satchel, and gives him the most tooth-rotting smile he's ever seen her pull.
"Hi! My name is Tatiana, but please call me Tanya! I am so happy to be transferring here at Saint-Esther! Sorry, my English is not very good!"
Her smile twists, shows the one canine she broke in a fight with a thug who tried to grab her in a subway station while they were in New York. That guy had broken much, much more than a tooth that night.
"Wanna bet we make a necklace with their balls before the end of the week?" she asks.
Laugh tears out of his chest, lets the green pour out, pushes air back in. "Gosh darn, Little Red. You're a star!"
He puts his elbow on her shoulder as they move out of the old flat that serves as their base of operations. He ruffles her hair while they're in the elevator, dodges a round kick that makes him so goddamn proud, and goes to open the door of the sleek back car they've procured as part of her lock-picking practice, two cities away.
As she slides in, he drawls: "I bet you're gonna kill it out there."
They snicker all the way to the school gates.
#dc comics#batman#fic#jason todd#the red hood#sasha (dcu)#scarlet (dcu)#gen#pre new 52#tw: mutilation#(mentioned)#tw: csa#(allusions to sex predators in a school)
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David the "Deer" and a strange Oneshot
so uh, if you don't know, i play dnd and today i had a session for a oneshot my friend held due to two of my other friends being unable to attend with one of them being the dm for another campaign that i am in, that campaign is called "The Eyes of a False God", following five death row amnesiacs, with a yuri subplot i guess. anyways, this oneshot takes place in the 1950s after the great depression and ww2 in Los Angeles, California, USA. and since there was like... four of us with one being the dm, we only had three characters. one of my friends played as a Frank Abagnale inspired character, who used to work for the FBI under the fraud division before deciding to use that to his advantage to cash in loans from banks. he remains jobless and is now cursed by some weird shadow demon things. His name is Indigo. another friend played as a COD inspired character, a military man who betrayed his squad and is now facing charges or something, anyways.... His name is Phillip. and me, i decided to play as the very condescending and quick to temper woman boxer named Esther, who got burnt to a crisp by her opponent before a match. we also had to choose what virtue and vice our characters represent the best, with Indigo having greed as his vice and diligence as his virtue. Phillip having wrath and also diligence too. Esther had wrath and humility, but i feel like temperance might be a better virtue than humility as i believe she may be a little stubborn or prideful in some way. also we have a "deer" named David. he's uh, a rather interesting and very silly character. i say "deer" because really, we don't actually know if David is truly one, due to the fact that David the Deer is just two white glowing eyes in the shadows of the forest, sometimes, David summons ghostly hands out from the shadows to take corpses to consume. David the Deer is an npc btw, but nonetheless peak character design and personality. did i also mention that David and Esther are friends? well, they are best friends. also another thing, fuck you Derek and Rachel. (as in the npcs in the oneshot, gosh they were so annoying to deal with)...
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NAME : REBEKAH MIKAELSON … ( BEX, BEKAH )
HOMETOWN / CURRENTLY LIVING : ORIGINALLY ( NORWAY ). NEW ORLEANS. CURRENTLY ( BEACON HILLS )
FAMILY : MIKAEL (( FATHER )), ESTHER ((MOTHER)). FREYA ((OLDER SISTER)), FINN ((OLDER BROTHER)), ELIJAH ((OLDER BROTHER)), NIKLAUS "KLAUS" ((OLDER HALF-BROTHER)), KOL ((YOUNGER BROTHER)), HENRIK ((YOUNGER BROTHER). HOPE MIKAELSON ((NIECE)).
APPEARANCE : HONEY BLONDE, GREY BLUE, 5'7
PERSONALITY : ESFP. 2W3. CHAOTIC NEUTRAL.
SPECIES : ORIGINAL VAMPIRE
SKILLS : ENHANCED STRENGTH, SPEED, AND AGILITY ⟋ COMPULSION ⟋ EXCEPTIONAL COMBAT ABILITIES ⟋ SKILLED AT MANIPULATION AND STRATEGY ⟋ FLUENT IN MULTIPLE LANGUAGES ⟋ KEEN FASHION SENSE
AESTHETIC : THE HONEY-SWEET TASTE OF IMMORTALITY, DRIPPING WITH BOTH PROMISE AND POISON. ⟋ PRINCESS LOCKED IN A COFFIN FOR CENTURIES, DAGGERED BY THE VERY HANDS THAT PROMISED TO PROTECT HER. ⟋ PEARLS AND BLOOD ON SILK SHEETS ⸻ THE ETERNAL DAUGHTER, THE PERPETUAL SISTER, FOREVER YOUNG AND FOREVER YEARNING. ⟋ I DANCE THROUGH THE CENTURIES LIKE A BALLERINA IN A MUSIC BOX, SPINNING AND SPINNING, ALWAYS RETURNING TO THE SAME MELODY OF FAMILY AND BETRAYAL. ⟋ MY LOVE IS A FUNERAL PYRE ⸻ IT BURNS BRIGHT AND CONSUMES EVERYTHING IT TOUCHES, LEAVING ONLY ASH AND MEMORY. ⟋ TELL ME, BROTHER, WAS IT PROTECTION WHEN YOU STOLE DECADES FROM ME? OR WAS IT MERELY CONTROL DRESSED IN LOYALTY? ⟋ THE SOUND OF HEELS ON COBBLESTONE STREETS, ECHOING THROUGH A THOUSAND YEARS OF LONELINESS. ⟋ CHAMPAGNE GLASSES AND BROKEN PROMISES ⸻ SHE WEARS DEVASTATION LIKE DIAMONDS, BEAUTIFUL AND CUTTING. ⟋ SOMEWHERE BETWEEN THE GIRL WHO WANTED TO BE LOVED AND THE WOMAN WHO LEARNED TO SURVIVE, SHE BECAME BOTH THE BLADE AND THE WOUND. ⟋ HOW MANY TIMES MUST I DIE FOR MY FAMILY BEFORE I AM ALLOWED TO LIVE FOR MYSELF? ⟋ AN ANCIENT THING WEARING MODERN SKIN, CARRYING CENTURIES OF GRIEF IN DESIGNER DRESSES.
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drop five facts each abt all your Wednesday ocs pls!! (including Esther bc it’s a crime that I don’t know much abt her fr) -🍂
Ahhhh, thank you so much for asking about them, Alvita!! I am also gonna tag @luucypevensie and @dancingsunflowers-ocs since they’re my other Wednesday girlies. <3
We’ll do some facts about Esther first, since she’s my properly-introduced baby:
Given that I don’t think I’ve properly explained Esther’s outcast type to anyone besides Grace, I’ll explain it now: she’s a nephilim! Her mother, the woman who acted as a surrogate for her fathers when they were having her, was herself the daughter of an angel and a human, and because of this Esther is able to tap into a few different angel powers (if not all of the ones available to a nephilim, because Esther is a quarter angel rather than half).
These powers include being able to manipulate and generate light, being able to calm other people’s mental distress simply by projecting calming energy at them, being able to release powerful blasts of light that can cause physical destruction (which is what lead to the collapsed bell tower that got her transferred from her old school to Nevermore), and being able to wield a glowing angel sword by summoning it from the astral realm which is able to destroy demonic creatures (not that Esther has met any of those yet).
Esther’s family is actually pretty rich, with both of her fathers being lawyers and partners in their respective firms (which are actually rival firms, a fact that Esther and her younger brother Maddox find hilarious). Esther doesn’t like showing off or flaunting her family’s money, but she also doesn’t let it stop her from wearing nice clothes and buying her friends expensive gifts on their birthdays or other special occasions.
The St. Claire family also has a golden retriever, which Esther’s fathers rescued as a puppy when Esther was seven and Maddox was three. Esther was allowed to name her and chose the name Reno, after the main character in the musical Anything Goes, because her obsession with classic musicals had started even at that young age. Reno is an absolute sweetheart who always misses Esther whenever she’s away at school, and the entire family absolutely adores her.
Esther has never officially come out as a lesbian to her dads and Maddox - they’ve all pretty much known since Esther was pretty young, and when Esther finally comes home on a school break holding Wednesday and Enid’s hands, everyone just kind of shrugs and welcomes the two girls into their home.
Next, let’s talk about my beloved bitchy lesbian fairy Padma:
Every fairy has an affinity for one of the five forms of elemental magic: fire, water, earth, air, and metal. Padma’s affinity is for fire, because of course it is.
Padma is a twin! Her brother Akshat has an affinity for earth, doesn’t attend Nevermore - he is instead homeschooled as the majority of fairy kids are - and is pretty much the exact opposite of Padma in every way. He’s very quiet and passive, and doesn’t have even a hint of her quick temper.
Like Esther, Padma is also a rich girl (I mean, her family has been around for centuries since fairies live a really long time plus they can literally enchant people), but she is a lot less afraid to show it off. She’s always wearing the latest fashions and has her nails and makeup freshly done, and whenever she gets a coffee from the shop in Jericho she always leaves a twenty dollar tip or something even more because she just has no idea of how much thinks cost.
A really big part of the reason Padma is so determined to compete academically with Bianca for so long is because, deep down, she’s really afraid of people seeing her as just a stupid, pretty rich girl, when she’s actually wickedly smart and cunning. She’d rather rip out her own teeth than admit this, though, or at least it takes her a long time after they even start dating for her to admit it to Bianca.
Sometimes when Eugene’s not around and she’s stressed, Padma will go to the spot where he keeps his bees and just chill with them to calm herself down. Fairies, being forest creatures by nature, have an innate connection with all plants and insects, even if they don’t have an earth magic affinity, and Eugene’s bees really like Padma and will often bump against her face to say hello to her.
Now let us talk about Gus, my beloved stoner werewolf:
Despite werewolves very rarely maintaining canine characteristics when they’re in human form, Gus very much does - he always gets incredibly excited when someone he likes returns after being gone, even if they were only gone for a few minutes, and if you scratch a certain spot behind his ear he will just melt into a happy puddle.
Gus is also insanely clingy and affectionate when he’s high, and it doesn’t even really matter who it is he’s clinging to; if you’re close by and not already hugging or cuddling someone, you can expect a lap full of Gus, burrowing his head into your shoulder and giving you a bunch of compliments in a hazy voice.
Gus has had a bi flag hung up above his bed in his Nevermore dorm since he first arrived at the school. His first roommate, a haughty psychic who came from a super rich family, made a douchey comment about it, and it didn’t even take a whole week for Gus to report the incident to Weems and get his roommate expelled (Nevermore, thankfully, has a very strict no-discrimination policy). He doesn’t really care if people insult him, but he was not about to let the guy think that kind of behavior was okay and risk him repeating it with someone else.
As kind of a surprise given his general sunny disposition, Gus actually really likes true crime podcasts. On most given nights when there’s not some kind of get-together he needs to provide weed for, you can find him sitting on the window seat in his dorm room, smoking a joint with the window open and with his phone playing a podcast beside him.
Gus’s first kiss was actually with Yoko; it was at a little party thrown for Ajax’s birthday freshman year, after Yoko’s spin landed on Gus during a game of Spin the Bottle. The kiss was really quick, but it was also nice, and Gus is pretty proud to say it was his first kiss (and to tease Yoko about her supposedly wanting to kiss him again, which she always rolls her eyes at him for).
Speaking of Yoko, let’s finish these facts off with her new girlfriend, Holly:
I’m still not going to reveal exactly what Holly is just yet (you know, Alvita, of course, but I’d like to keep it a bit of a secret still), but I can tell you with absolute certainty that she hates it about herself. Despite attending a school full of what most people would consider “monsters,” Holly sees herself as an actual monster, and would give almost anything not to be the way she is.
What she is has also caused a lot of problems between her and her family, and as such, she’s one of only a handful of students who stay at Nevermore year-round, not going home for the holidays or summer break, which only serves to add to the layers of mystery and fear that most Nevermore students have around her.
Holly very nearly gives Xavier a heart attack the first time she speaks to him, after Wednesday defeats the Hyde and she decides to start trying to make friends - which, consequently, is the first time she’s really spoken to another person since coming to Nevermore. He nearly winds up falling off a balcony, she scares him so much, which Holly feels really bad about, but he’s also quick to reassure her about it and strike up a genuine conversation with her.
During the time when she kept to herself and didn’t speak, Holly would usually keep herself busy with embroidering various things, which she learned from her grandmother. She’s incredibly good at it, and even gifts Yoko a handkerchief embroidered with a quote from Dracula for their first anniversary.
Holly’s favorite holiday was always Halloween when she was a kid (coming from a family and a very long line of outcasts, it was kind of inevitable), but due to some very significant reasons from her past she can hardly stand it anymore. She now throws all of the energy she used to put towards Halloween into celebrating Christmas, and though of course everyone around her notices how much she avoids Halloween, they’ve learned by now not to question it.
Thanks again for asking me about my babies!! Love you!! <3
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MerMay 2024 Day Eleven I Am a Friend
“Where to go, where to go...” Jack set the map he’d brought down on a flat rock, pulling some small stones out of his bag and placing them on the corners to hold the map down. “Hmm... what do you think, Sam?”
Sam swam around him in circles. She didn’t really respond to the question, being just happy to come along. Jack smiled at her, then returned his attention to the map. This was one of his own; being an explorer meant that he had to have some mapmaking skills. If he found something new, he had to make a note of it. But this map was still half-empty. The east was mostly filled in. He had a bit in the middle he’d been gradually drawing in on his journey today, but did he want to continue heading west, or did he want to shift to the north or south?
He was so focused on scanning the map, trying to remember where the most interesting possibilities were, that he almost missed the voice echoing through the water.
But he did notice it eventually. Jack looked up, confused, and glanced around. There was a boat moving across the surface of the ocean in the distance, blocking out the sunlight that rippled across the sandy ocean floor. Something dangled from it into the water. Something on a tether.
Jack instinctively shrank back. He quickly stuffed the map and the holding stones back into his bag. Sam, sensing Jack’s sudden nerves, flew into the bag as well. What was this boat? Why was a voice coming from it?
He knew he should probably swim away as fast as possible... but as the voice echoed through the waves, his curiosity grew. It sounded vaguely... familiar...
He hesitated, but after a while he decided to swim over there, proceeding with caution. At the first sign of the slightest thing going wrong, he was going to bolt.
The voice grew louder and louder. Jack squinted, and saw some sort of metal box at the end of the tether coming from the boat. That must be where the voice was coming from. “I do not plan to harm you,” the voice is saying. “I am a friend. I am aware of your existence. Ich habe nicht vor, dir Schaden zuzufügen. Ich bin ein Freund...”
Jack’s eyes widened. Now he remembered where he heard that voice! It’s that one doctor who helped Anti get Chase out of that TridentCorp facility! What was her name again? Lisa? Esther? Either way, she was probably friendly, right?
After a moment’s hesitation, Jack sped up, swimming after the boat. Faster and faster, until he broke the surface next to the boat. He examined it—sleek and gray—and then edged up further to get a good look at the deck. He could see someone sitting there—yes! It was the same woman, though she appeared to have cut her blonde hair down to a chin-length bob. She was sitting at a table, tapping on a... computer. Yes, that’s it. He always forgot that word. Jack whistled, hoping to get her attention.
The woman jumped in surprise, then stood up and hurried over to the side of the boat. She looked over the side and her eyes widened. Then she smiled. “Doch! Ich wusste dass es irgendwann funktionieren würde! Meerjungfrau, kannst du mich verstehen?”
Jack stared up at her, uncomprehending.
“What about English?” The woman asked.
Jack nodded.
“Hah!” The woman smiled. “My name is Lise Ester, I-I am a friend, really.” Her eyes narrowed slowly. “Wait a moment. Were you... there? With that group that helped to rescue that clownfish m-mermaid?”
Jack nodded again.
“Hah! Well, what a coincidence!” Lise smiled.
Jack shrugged. Most merms wouldn’t want to approach any human boat. The only reason he did was because he recognized Lise’s voice. He wouldn’t be surprised to find out that other merms had heard Lise’s message and decided to avoid the boat.
“This does make things easier,” Lise said. “I do not have to explain about TridentCorp, do I?” She waited for Jack to shake his head before continuing. “I have managed to keep my job there, through, ah... deliberately... misleading them... as to how involved I was.” So she lied and bluffed her way out of being kicked out of the organization. “But I am no longer in charge of Project Mermaid. Ah, that is the... program that... was researching aquatic humanoid lifeforms.” She paused. “Do you understand any of this?”
Jack nodded slowly. He was getting a bit lost, but he could follow.
“Oh good.” Lise looked relieved. “The man they put in charge instead, Mr. Visser... he is not doing the research to learn about you and maybe protect you. He wants to use this to make money.” She shook her head in disgust. “I need to get in contact with s-someone to help. Can you do that? Maybe you can, ah, help me get in contact with the others who helped your clownfish friend?”
He’d be happy to do that. But... the language barrier was going to make this difficult. He pointed over to the computer.
“Hmm?” Lise followed his gesture. “My laptop? You know what that is?”
He made a so-so gesture. Then he pretended to tap on the keys in ways he’d seen humans before.
“You want me to take notes?” Lise asked. “Ah, I am sorry, but... can you... speak? Your clownfish friend spoke English.”
“Oh I can speak, you just don’t understand it,” Jack said.
Lise blinked at the sound of whistles, clicks, and random vowels. Then she gasped. “Oh! Is that—is that a language?! You all have your own language?!” She grabbed onto the rail and squeezed it excitedly. “This is amazing! We are sharing the planet with another species capable of complex thought and speech! I-I cannot believe—” Then she cleared her throat and pulled back. “Ah, well... for that reason, you must be helped. So... can you find some way to tell me what you mean?”
Jack nodded slowly. He had to find some way to let her know how to contact Stacy or Ollie or the Institute of Marine Biology. Well, this was going to take a while. He should try to get comfortable while treading water here.
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