#i just got back from a lecture
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Random studyblr post #?/?
The only thing keeping me sane is the new Linkin Park album. I have 2 exams, a report and a paper due next week, and of course I started at the very last minute
#i have a headache#it's 5pm on a friday#i just got back from a lecture#i haven't eaten anything yet#i am on the verge of a mental breakdown#my weekend will be full of studying because I can't start at a responsible time 😭
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05/30/2024
where have i been, you ask? bar prep 24/7, baby!! well more like 24/7 dread about bar prep and only several hours of studying after calming myself down....... the only thing getting me through this tumultuous time is wearing cute shoes, drinking coffee, and using my cute new planner🌼
#please ignore the wrong info about the types of deeds as i am just quickly taking lecture notes.. i have since corrected it#my 3L law school hobonichi ended in march so i had to use the back grid pages as a weekly planner in april :(#now i'm using a 100 days motemote planner i got from korea and it is literally just a list of tasks for everyday#mine#studyblr#tea-tuesday#study inspiration#studyspo#studying#study#study motivation#b*r pr*p
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bako do you mind if you. erm. elaborate more on what happened on the Tafakur at your school? that was insane holy shit
It was. Honestly not that crazy, but everyone was freaked out anyways. Oh also I still has the alumni's Instagram account blocked.
So at 7:30pm after Isya and dinner, we were supposed to attend a lecture to end the day. You know how it goes. A lecturer, typically an ustadz, tells you some sad shit about your parents until you cry and pray for them. Yada yada yada you know the drill.
Interestingly, the lecturer happened to be an alumni who also graduated from FH UI. Funnily enough he kept bragging about it at the start of the lecture. Us 10th graders at the time were like "okay is this supposed to be an inspirational lecture or something?" It's not!
It starts light with the parents stuff, with a video of some sad story about a parent and a kid (I remembered it's about a father who's blind.) And then he starts showing the graphic birth video. And then a brain operation video saying how "it's amazing how God makes all this"
The 10th graders were freaked out. Even the OSIS were freaked out. A kid got a panic attack. It was about 9pm and he still haven't stopped the lecture. The OSIS realizing they were running behind schedule told the alumni that he should end the lecture. He refused. Continues the lecture and yells at the OSIS saying how important this will all be when we grow up and how all of us will thank him.
The OSIS thinked fast and sneaked some of us out the lecture hall. The alumni was furious when he realized, and went on a rant about it and yells at everyone in the room. In the end the teachers (who were on a break quite far from the lecture hall) realized what's going on and deescalates the situation. The alumni got yelled at by our most brutal math teacher. Thanks miss math teacher.
#we were supposed to sleep by around 8. like 8:30 i think. but yknow that happened.#we still gossip abkut him to this day LOLLL#my friend got nightmares from thay experience#i wasn't as affected because i spent the whole thing drawing LOLLLL i didnt listen at all when i realized he just wants us to cry#when people start panicking i was confused. then i look at the projector and went ooooh. this bitch is a lunatic. okay.#was wondering the whole time how the teachers approved of this motherfucker.#they were not. lol. they didn't know. i guess they let him lecture because of nostalgia#my agama teacher said he was a member of rohis back in the day#my classmates fucking REFUSED to listen to him which i guess is what makes him angrier in hindsight#jasa pos telkomsel#cewe sketsa gambar#ahhhh#i told mogs methampyrone about this in the morning when it happened!!!
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I'm really bad at law school 🧍♀️
#just got my mark back for an essay#buh-bye honours program next year ig#I haven't been handing anything in on time but this is the first time someone's actually picked up on it and deducted marks#IF IT'S HANDED IN THE SAME DAY JUST HOURS AFTER 4 PM BUT BEFORE MIDNIGHT WHY IS IT COUNTED AS A DAY LATE#granted this specific one was like 10 mins before midnight#but holy shit bro I got murdered in my feedback#I'm too stupid for law school honestly why the fuck am I here#yes I passed and I got a credit but that's not what I was aiming for and it's not what I would have gotten if it wasnt late#because I could have been that much closer to a distinction which would ease some pressure of the exam off#but nooo I had to get marks taken off for handing it in BEFORE MIDNIGHT#got told I don't really seem to have an understanding of corporate theory and I seem confused#it was clear I engaged with the materials But Not Enough#do you know how many FUCKING sticky notes I have in my damn textbook??#I even looked at a SECOND textbook!#and took written-on-paper-notes to try and wrap my head around the different theories that applied to the topic and how to argue them!#on top of what notes I had from the lecture slides#and you're telling me 😭 that was all just for my professor to call me silly in fifty different nicer forms? 😭#had a cry because I am Going Through It today#and I have another assignment to hand in tonight#and then another one next week#and another one the week after#AND the week after that#and then it's my exams 😔 someone please murder me
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elena ferrante did all that...
#okay just got back from the clinic now i need to study chem and then i have a biophys lecture but hopefully i can tune in#and watch an episode tonight. mwah mwah mwah love you all ❤️#letters from stephanie*
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the forest looks like heaven today i woke up feeling the heaviest weight at the top of my heart
#yesterday on the study they said they were dating two others and it was going well and i cant imagine fucking you but#you have great tits. they got upset at me not inviting them to a party. my research partner told me to write a 1000 word essay on why they#should come. they spoke about how much they wanted theiir ex and they wouldnt tell me much about who theyre dating bc#they thought i still had feelings for them which. god. theyre right but the assumption is so arrogant#the streams r rly beautiful im walking to a date and shes gorgeous and some of my friends know her but i look#exactly like ive slept on my friends floor for the past few days so . aaa anyway#god after that whole call i just felt so deflated like i felt over it but now its all . back. like seeing them being happy w smn else#inflicts active misery upon me which means ii think im becoming a worse person bc of them. i called my friend and i just . idk i walked home#i kept wanting to weep but . woah the sun is so pretty#there are petals and dandelion seeds floating in the air#med school students walking to their lectures#she does biochem btw. the person im meeting now#there are two butterflies dancing together. i cant make this shit up the past few days have looked like actual heaven#ive spent them being on survival mode and not even bc of my studies like ok focus on log functions while the person kn the screen#tells u abt how if her ex were to call shed fold immediately and the new girl is a singer and its going well and maybe ill tell you#more abt it in a few months. SO YOU KNOW IT HURTS ! SO WHY WOULD YOU TELL ME YOUD MAKE OUT W ME AT THE CLUB WHY WOULD U FALL ASLEEP NEXT TO#ME WITHOUT CLOTHES ON ! WHY WOULD YOU CARESS YOUR OWN SKIN LOOKING AT ME IN THE MIRROR !!!!#anyway im like . sane.#i just . felt like it was over#i realised i kept seeing ppl who i thought were more attractive etc etc than her bc i needed to prove to myself#that im attractive enough to be liked or that i can be liked at all and a part of me wanted to prove it to them too#its just a horrible mindset to have and yh not only do they not care but they also bring out the worst in me actively like . I DONT KNOW#BUT THEN WHO ELSE KNOWS THAT THE GOLDEN HOURS IN TEHRAN ARE PINK AND LILAC WHO GOES TO TECHNO RAVES AT THE BASE OF DAMAVAND#WHO CAN PIN YOU AGAINST A WALL LIKE THEM !!!#anyway#standing up it just feels so#exhausting#like this the most exhausted ive felt from all this ever
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how am i supposed to raise my gpa if i keep getting the shittiest fucking teachers on earth oh my god. no more peace and love i hope they die.
#i am. so fucking done.#14 days left of the semester and i am on the verge of giving up#staring at the final in a week or two like.#girl. no one is passing that shit and it is your fault.#and then youre going to have the fucking audacity to lecture us about#how we're the problem because we dont study correctly#like you always fucking do#and its like no!#youve always been the fucking problem!!#go back to the school you fucking came from bc we were a lot better without you bitch#god im just. so angry.#like my team mate was honest to god unironically praying after we took the quiz#like girl !!!! people should not have to pray for good grades !!!#tell me how we still got a 72 with ALL OF US working together#AND DOUBLE CHECKING IT LIKE 5 TIMES#AND WE WERE LIKE THE HIGHEST GRADE IN THE CLASS ???#BE FR.#I HOPE YOU FALL IN A FUCKING PIT#and i probably wont be able to take spanish 4 next year because HE teaches upper level spanish now#and im so fucking pissed about that#like i want to learn spanish but im not doing that in this class. because he doesnt teach it.#i cant do this for another semester. i would rather die.#and next semester im taking art and#apparently i got the teacher who never gives hundreds because 'art isnt perfect'#girl WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU#IF I DID THE WORK GIVE ME THE 100 STOP MAKING THIS SOME MORAL BLATHER OR WHATEVER
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the urge to talk my head off vs. the calm of quiet vs. the Thoughts
#just me hi#vs. the Spookiness#anyway i have not been able to focus at all today#which could be credited to me staying up til like 1 a.m. last night#which i really don't know why i did. the mysteries of this world!!#/anywho thinkin about the Pink again#mostly the magic system cuz i'm still working out the kinkssssssss#like there's Camouflage and Minor Transformation and then there's also inventories which is just a bit of fun for me hbfhs#but that's jumping ahead of ritual Types- and then also jumping ahead of how the magic system works on itself so yea lol :)#//oh yea also bc i am a master at procrastinating lmao--#tryna figure out where i'd want pi.e to be mainly posted cuz i hate vertical scroll but also don't know if i want to put pages up seperatel#cuz i dunno.. i don't really like that for my own thang too much hfhsh#yea though.. still tryna figure that out#// oh i've gotta finish some stuff i'm drawing too lol#i am drawing a gun in perspective which isn't fun for two awesome reasons:#i don't draw guns#i funkin hate perspective so bad can somebody get me out of here hello lmfshvhg#anyway aside from that it's alright hghfjshv :3#/and ik i'm sort of apprehensive abt cussing online (that's for a couple reasons pfsvh) but i'm prolly gonna leave this uncensored#just cuz like. i Do have a mouth on me and i'd like to use it now and then hbfsh :)#and also saying this so i don't back out. you hear me [<- pointing at self]#yea though!! gonna finish this :3#/got apollo in here to see if i drew this thang right and i DID YIPEEEE#he's like super super into guns and has given me very long lectures when i draw them poorly so this is like winning a 5k HFbvhsjh#YAYYY i am Winning out here hgsbvhf#OKAY i'm gonna pop off to finish what i'm doin now :3#making food and drawing. two things that are not done effectively while typing lol#YE going now.. i'm going.. oo.. i'm gone.. ohh... toodles pfshv :D !!
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i don't understand how some people are chronically involved in drama. i have literally never; not in school, not with extended family, not with neighbors, not at work, and not in fandom spaces. ppl have tried to make drama with me but it never stuck? like, How Are Yall Like That?
#neighbors tried to get an insurance claim by saying i stole from them#cop took one look at 13yo me walking around in my pjs and went “nah they're lyin”#old gay coworker accused me of stealing and being lazy bc i picked up a piece of trash that turned out to be sentimental to somebody#boss was embarrassed he had to lecture me on the downlow#and every now and then some troll on here laughably takes potshots at me#i couldn't even be bullied in school bc i just didn't care? they got bored and left?#is everyone else just extremely emotional and lashes back?#what is this drama y'all speak of!#i see the lamest catfights over celebs and ships on here and the ppl involved are serious?#lol imagine being offended by some nerd on tumblr about a cw show!
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i seriously need to get a new job and start making money again asap bc i cannot keep living at home much longer it’s driving me insane
(wrote an entire essay in the tags without meaning to oops)
#i feel so isolated from everything bc i’m not in school rn but all my friends are and 90% of the ones who are in state go to the same school#so they’re all in the same town and here i am 45 minutes away#i never get invited to anything bc 1) my friends all tend to make plans really last minute#and 2) if we want to go out and drink - which we usually do bc that’s the stage of life we’re in rn - i’d have to stay the night with#someone bc i absolutely cannot afford a 45 minute uber home and most of my friends don’t like staying over / having people stay over#so i have basically no social life and it’s only gotten worse in the past couple months since i got laid off from my main job#not only did i love that job but i loved my coworkers and work was pretty much the only time i left the house and interacted with people#and without that job i can’t even do the little solo things i used to do to cheer myself up like go see a movie#or even just go for a long drive bc i’m broke (as in i have $17 in cash to my name and am like $1000 in debt rn)#so all i do is rot in bed all day and apply for jobs that i’m overqualified for yet still don’t get hired#i barely even leave my room bc i avoid my family which just makes me feel guilty bc i love my family#but they get on my nerves so easily and most of the conversations i have with my mom end in her lecturing me about something and me crying#and on top of everything it’s just straight up embarrassing to be unemployed and completely directionless about college and living at home#logically i know i’m still very young and it’s common to live at home when you’re 20 but literally none of my friends do#i had a couple friends who lived at home for the first 2 years after high school and went to community college but by now they’ve moved out#and they’re all at universities and either graduating this year or next year meanwhile the earliest i could possibly graduate is in 2 years#i should be finishing my junior year rn but i’ve only completed my freshman year#i hated the school i was at and planned on transferring sophomore year but long story short that didn’t work out#even longer story short i ended up doing a semester each at 2 different community colleges and failed all my classes both times#and took 2 semesters off so now i’m a full 2 years behind and even though my freshman year was miserable#i’m starting to wish i stayed at that school anyway bc at least i would be at a university and accomplishing something#plus theres a huge difference between staying at home for a couple years after high school then moving out later#vs living on your own right away then having to move back home after you’ve already experienced having your own space#and on top of everything i have an older sister who’s a literal genius and graduated last year#and a younger sister who just finished her freshman year at the school i hated but she loves it and got perfect grades and made friends#so they’re both thriving and here i am living with my mom and my 13 year old brother and just completely failing at everything#i’m just so miserable and obviously moving out again and going back to school wouldn’t magically fix everything#but at least i would feel like my life was going somewhere and i wasn’t getting left behind by everyone i know#i just have no idea how to move forward and i feel like ever since high school not a single thing has gone the way i wanted it to#vent
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You know, looking at a diet soda can it occurs to me that it might not be so wretched to me if the cans weren't so unpleasant
Like we know that things like color play a role in how our brain perceives things, and I realized looking at the can that they're always this bland but at the same time nasty looking silver and it just... it looks foul and I think that compounds with the fact that I also just plain don't like diet soda
My point here isn't to say anyone else shouldn't like diet soda, just how I never realized how much of an impact the can has on me not liking it... there's just something offputting about it to me
#I don't ever drink soda these days#like I drink so little soda that root beer is basically something I treat like a dessert at this point#and it's funny; cause I drank nothing but soda when I was a teen#it was just kinda like a switch flipped one day; no idea on why#which is a shame; cause I've known people who really really wanted to stop drinking soda and... I wish I could tell them what I did#but... I kinda didn't do anything; I just changed#would love if I could give practical advice#now; you'll never hear me shitting on people for drinking soda; or have me sitting here telling people how awful it is#we all know what soda is; I mean man... you wouldn't have helped me if you lectured me back when I was drinking nothing but soda#in fact you'd probably have held me back from whatever clicked to make me stop cause you would have annoyed me#...but I don't miss it; now it's so damn sweet to me cause I got sometimes years without drinking it#nah... occasional root beer at a specific pizza place or with dessert; that suits me just fine#anyway; what my real point was is take my thoughts on diet soda with that grain of salt that I don't like regular soda either#I'll take regular over diet any day cause I prefer the sweeteners... like... if it's gonna be a once in a blue moon thing#I know which sweetener I'd rather taste; and it's not gonna be that big a deal to me either way cause I have it so rarely#but yeah; when I make this observation know it comes from someone that never drinks soda#so it's not like my input is that important or useful#...and yet... I'm not gonna go look up how to spell it; but you know barques... barks? you know that one root beer has a silver can#and that wasn't as much of a problem though... I think that even though I liked it the can was a hang up for me that spoiled it a little#really I just like all the brands of root beer; they're all different; but all good in their own way#I should go to Japan and preform as a masochist for them; since my understanding is the general consensus there is#that root beer tastes like medicine; let me put on a show as a weird american who drinks the thing they think is bad and enjoys it
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Also went looking for something through my notes and remembered that Roxy's entire existence before Ruin was just a huge middle finger to Fazbear Ent. I should bring that energy back lmao she wasn't always trapped in a pit of MXES network flavoured angst.
#the specific note was about her being programmed for acoustic and drums#and management saying to the band 'yeah yeah just incorporate the new member into the set however the preprogramming should sort it'#and then she shows up with a fucking keytar she found in the basement and spray painted green.#being told to put it down and go back to her normal instruments shes SUPPOSED to have where did she even get that from#and she concedes like fine fine whatever#then rocks up on stage with it anyway and her debut show is a huge fucking hit for it#cause she quite literally stole the show with it#literally she fit into what the band was doing yeah but at some point when it came to her official intro#she just fucking went for it#all improv baby she had a blast out of spite!!!#literally steamrolled at least one entire song to fuck around and find out and everyone had to improvise around her#freddy offered backup vocals but literally sang 'i dont have an instrument' at some point#to kind of clue her in that he doesn't know what the fuck she's expecting#and she just 'well thats a shame not my problem' in perfect tune right back at him lmao#then carried on like it never happened!!#freddy chica and monty wanted to fucking throttle her for this. the FUCK is she doing?!#but they expected management to do it enough for all of them... then they just didn't.#she got a slap on the wrist because the audience had loved it#like a very half-assed lecture and she very clearly didn't care#and they're so fucking mad about it dndnkd#that was the notes! roxy is an asshole and gets away with it! and when she doesn't it doesn't stop her anyway!#and it drives the others nuts for ages!#for good reason of course#but yeah that's that lmao
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i have such a reputation that four separate people incorporated pringles into my birthday gifts. be that girl
#to the point my one mate today (the one i almost ditched in that seminar LMAO) ((WAIT I NEED TO TELL YOUSE ABOUT HIM))#anyway! he was like 'oh i actually got you something!' which given our dynamic despite RECENT DEVELOPMENTS AHEM#is so unusual like he was NOT required to get me a gift. but then i immediately was like 'it's pringles isn't it'#and he was just like 'sigh. yeah' LMFAOOOOO#and you know what? chuffed to utter bits. ive already eaten half of them in 24 hours. scranning even more as i type this#anyway back to that guy. so you know i sometimes mention my flatmate from first year who also happens to be on my course#so off the bat we've got a weird friendship bc he's not just a coursemate bc i also lived with him#but also first year halls were assigned not chosen so it's not like we were actually FRIENDS#especially bc my flat did NOTTT get on lmfao so me and him were mainly just. acquaintances who lived and studied together?#very strange foundation to have with someone. but we went all of second year barely staying in contact#and then this year we live in the same area and for the LIFE of me i cant remember how we got back in contact#but all of a sudden we were messaging every day and meeting up before lectures and sitting together in them and stuyding together etc#and we get on REALLY well like he has my exact sense of humour i know ive posted about him several times#over the past three years being like 'me and this guy are the funniest people i know' 'he would do bits on tumblr' etc#AND THE OTHER WEEK HE ADMITTED THAT HE LIKES ME AND WE WENT ON A DATE#AND IT WENT REALLY WELL BUT I CANNOT FOR THE LIFE OF ME FIGURE OUT HOW I FEEL ABOUT HIM#SO IM TRYING NOT TO PUT PRESSURE ON ANYTHING and i was super clear w him also that im not actively searching for anything#so if smthn happens organically then it happens but if not it's my final year and that will always take priority and he was super chill#so i dont feel like i HAVE to make a decision just yet but we're going out again tomorrow#and it's like. even if it doesnt become smthn romantic i just really click with him?? like we get on so well??? IT'S SO FUN#AND THAT'S WHAT MATTERS! WOOHOO! pringles post derailed by a MAN. awful#hella goes to uni
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Kaeya most definitely made at least one joke about how bc Addie and Elzer helped keep him alive during Luc’s Adventurous 4yrs Adventures Abroad, he was gonna make himself their problem.
Addie will never forget to bring up he has yet to make good on his threat every time he visits.
#hc; kaeya#Kae: You saved my life. now you’re never gonna get rid of me. I might just stick around & make yall miserable lol#Addie: fucken BET#//Every time he rolls around to the Winery on business after that she’s just Where is the misery you promised Master Kaeya :)#//‘Thought you said we’d never be rid of you :)’ ‘Addie I—‘ ‘You wouldt DARE lie to me would u Master Kaeya? :)’#//Elzer is more low key abt it#//But in a silly way that sounds awful out of context#//Like ‘Y’know; we could always use a little more misery around here. why don’t you stick around longer :)’#//Everybody and Luc stares blankly in disbelief and or confusion; meanwhile Addie’s lurking nearby while Kae’s sweatin bullets#//Just ���why won’t they let that GO: aaaaAAAAA-‘#//Luc learning abt the bit might make Kae tormenting him at the tavern go down easier#//Like ‘Ah; he’s here to deliver the misery he promised :)’#//Only to regret everything and his life choices(/j) the INSTANT Kae opens his mouth#//Each time he sees him dropping by to clown; he rests a little easier knowing Kae is sticking around; however it goes down#//Has a heckin STRESS every time he decides to Cats Tail instead#hc; diluc#//Sigh; that goes there now hdbdb#//do I need to tag for the dark humor. and if so how#//Anywho back on subject; Kae would crack jokes abt this to exceedingly close ppl like Jean or Varka; too#//He got a MASSIVE lecture from each of them the first and only times he cracked that sort of joke#//Abt how important he in fact rlly IS to them; and misery is the LAST thing he’d EVER give them#//Which hurt him more than them insulting or denouncing him bc NOW he feels guilty & anxious#//Like he feels he inevitably WILL bring them misery; no matter how hard he strives otherwise#//And boy oh BOY would he try to avoid it for them in particular; just as he would Addie and Elzer#//Luc; he’s just being a LIL bit spiteful; LIL bit attention seeking#//Getting attention/keeping him in his life the best way he knows how without worrying Luc will see it as a sign to try & bridge the gap
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falling - pettiot - Peaky Blinders (TV) [Archive of Our Own]
PART ONE - DAY ONE
Ch 1 | Ch 2 | Ch 3 | Ch 4 | Ch 5 | Ch 6 | Ch 7 | Ch 8 | Ch 9
PART TWO pending
A Modern AU take on Tommy's immediate return from military service, and the period between his demobilisation and the start of S1.
(Tags shall be progressively updated)
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Tommy Shelby/Lizzie Stark, Ada Shelby, John Shelby, John Shelby's Children, Arthur Shelby, Polly Grey | Alternative Universe, Modern AU (ish), No iPhones, Awkwardness, Age Difference, Disassociation, Miscommunication, Banter, Fast Food Vendor of your Choice, Pre-Season, Past Trauma, Flirting, Have I Met You Before, Heckling, Cars, Drug Use, Past Childhood Trauma, Mrs Shelby Lives, Gender Role Dynamics, Small Neighbourhoods, Greta Jurossi Haunting the Narrative, Brotherly Dynamics, Sibling Dynamics, Class Issues, Attraction, Casual Sex, Car Sex, Military Transition Program, Willful Medical Noncompliance, Melodrama, Illegal Bookmaking, 90s Fashion, 2000s Fashion, Slow Reveal, Slow Burn, Coming Home, Dysfunctional Family, Lasting Legacy of Catholicism, Bad SMS Etiquette, Gang Activity, Domesticity, Booty Call, Guilt, Shame
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#peaky blinders#peaky blinders fanfic#tommy x lizzie#my writing#slowdown expected from now as i shift back into study mode until late August#got th most ridiculous high grade for my first assignment and now i feel like i can't let my lecturer down which is just daft. nevertheless#i THINK the structure of this is#Part One = Day One. Part Two = Month One. Part Three = Year One (and it ties into S1 from there)
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papa emeritus iii has murdered vapoursynth from beyond the grave
#he is too much. 3 whole windows offed themselves#i can feel my laptop heating up dramatically rn its struggling#first ever papa iii edits may not make it out here rip#just got back from lectures tho and i would really like to switch off ... just me and photoshop#love
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