#i just felt like expressing myself
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hplonesomeart · 2 months ago
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I can’t think of any funny quips to put as description for this one so uh- suppose this time around I’ll just let the art speak for itself lol
Enjoy the daily dose of fanart while it lasts because I can’t quite guarantee I’ll be able to keep up this speed throughout the upcoming month. But I’ll sure try to! Thank you all for the support <3
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uncanny-tranny · 11 months ago
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I think what might actually help the families of trans loved ones is to actually engage with where the trans person is at - especially if the family isn't quite understanding yet. When I came out, I was completely alone in figuring out my manhood. I had peers and I had exposed myself to so many trans people who explored gender, and while it was amazing, it isn't quite the same at times. I grieve quietly, sometimes, about all the missed opportunities that might have just made it easier for my family to have seen how utterly happy I was. It took them a very long time to actually notice that I was happy, especially once I got on testosterone. I'm lucky that they saw that happiness eventually, and slowly accepted it. My manhood is completely detached from their influence, both to my relief and chagrin. It's sad to me that I learned to shave from a kind online stranger, somebody who didn't even have a father and yet, I do. I have a father. I grieve at the loss of a potential shared experience. I grieve about the pain I went through when I was in that stage of transition, especially because it was raw and vulnerable. I grieve that many trans people today are traversing the path I had to, because it's sometimes lonely (even when you do have other forms of support).
It's hard to know that I will never have gotten my sense of being from my family. In many ways, it has severed a lot of connection with them because there were so many times that I was begging them to see happiness when they were focused on the idea that I was almost in a state of purgatory - flesh which felt warm but held no familiarity to them. I don't harbor ill-will toward them, I hope I don't leave the impression that I despise them. I understand what they felt, even if I can't conceptualize it myself. However, it's a raw wound in my heart, and I don't want to leave anybody else feeling that way, either.
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insertsomthinawesome · 9 months ago
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I'M BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!!! Okay so honestly I have been very very inconsistent over the years with just disappearing for periods of time due to various things 😂 So it probably seemed pretty normal to most people.
But it felt different on my side, so I'm excited to be back in business. I took a month long hiatus! 31 days of not drawing digital art. Its not something I talk about on here? But I've been suffering from some serious long term Art Burnout for.... a really really long time. Long enough that I should've taken a break probably years ago. It finally got so bad that I could barely draw. I was scared to do it (cause it always looked "bad" in my eyes [i'll come back to that]) and doing it was exhausting and disheartening.
I talked it over with somebody and realized that the fear and anger and frustration I felt towards my own artwork was uh. Not Normal or Healthy. And I finally committed to taking a real break for once.
I still drew a little bit by hand? Traditional art has always felt like it has lower stakes for me (i don't often share it online, and sometimes I don't even share it with friends) so I did some of that when I felt like it. But Digital art was completely off the table.
I had put such an immense pressure on myself to make my digital art perfect, to make as much of it as quickly as possible to satisfy something. It wasn't fun anymore. I'm proud of what i've made over the years! But for a long time now the stuff I've been making was made while hating every second of making it. With some rare exceptions.
I hated my art! It was a combination of Perfectionism, taking in too many external expectations, and the burnout. If you hate doing something its kinda hard to love it even when you want too lol. It wasn't "Bad" in the sense that the quality was low and it was ugly! It was "Bad" in the sense that it was unhealthy for me to keep doing it at that point in time.
I'm glad to report though, that with my hiatus officially over as of Wednesday last week: I am once again. In Love. With doing art, and being an artist :)
I put off taking a break for years cause I was scared that taking a break would mean that I would never achieve all the things I wanted to do with art. I was scared it was a stupid and lazy thing to do that would mean I'd never achieve my dreams. And Also even though I kinda hated drawing, I also loved making art. Its a weird duality that I can't even really explain??? I hated it but I also loved it. I wanted it but I also wanted to run from it. It wasn't until I was more mature and had more clarity and insight (and unfortunately also until the problems got worse) that I was finally able to let go of those fears and just do it.
And I'm really really glad I did. It was everything I needed. And I hope to strike a better balance in the future with art. Taking more breaks when I need them, or just when other things have my attention like reading or Video games (Some star rail got played during this time xD)
From the outside things probably aren't going to be that different?? At this point I don't really have any sure plans to post anything I've been drawing since my Hiatus ended. I might or I might not xD I'm still a hobbyist artist taking things at her own pace, but I hope that it shows how much happier I am :)
Whumptober 2023 is being officially put to rest by this post btw! I was in major burnout when that event started, and I'm ready to just, move on from all the past expectations I'd shoved on my shoulders. If I feel like filling any of the prompts or going back to any of the ideas I'd come up for it I will! But I'm not going to worry about doing it unless the desire sets in. Thanks to everybody who's been so kind to me throughout my time on here as an artist! Ya'lls tags and screaming and kind words, the fanfic, the asks and the responses? Its been fantastic :) You guys have made me laugh, smile, and cry tears of joy. I hope from here that things only get better and sweeter! And if I have bad days again, that's okay too.
Here's to 2024 and whatever it may bring ya'll :D 🎉🎉✨✨🧡💜
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weirdmageddon · 6 months ago
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how do people even find partners. i dont want a bullshit answer, like really
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gripes-withthesun · 9 months ago
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why have you carved me out of flesh?
[ID: It Writes Back - Hritvika Lakhera
Lord above you have carved me/ out of flesh;/ will you return/ to stem the bleeding?/ You have left me rotting,/ repulsive,/ hard to breathe around./ Blood left on the sheets/ is harder to scrub out;/ blood left on the floor/ wafts of rot instead of iron;/ you are my butcher/ casting me into offal.
I am immortality./ I am the shifting darkness,/ the echoing cliff –/ why/ have you made me/ out of bleeding,/ rotting/ flesh?
/end ID]
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clowningcrows · 6 days ago
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lol i pregamed a tiny bit for agatha but now after finishing im just taking shots for coping reasons
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#i am…… not all that pleased with the ending#/not trying to sound like a complainy bitch#SPOILER WARNING ->#i expected agatha to die tbh#but honestly what i Did not expect was for the ending to feel unfinished#and for me to come out of it feeling so deeply unsatisfied#and it’s not that any of the scenes were bad really!! i loved them#i just feel like a lot of them…. needed some further context or elaboration that we got absolutely none of#like i have So Many questions still that weren’t at all answered by the finale#and also questions that came up BECAUSE of the finale that didn’t get answered lol#idk i’m just.#i’m so proud of kathryn hahn and all of the cast and crew#and i don’t want to seem ungrateful bc i can FEEL that they put their heart and soul into this show#but the writing and contextualization just REALLY really fell flat for me in the last two episodes#also some decisions that felt…weird and last minute#like the reveal of agatha being the one to take jen’s powers?? still makes zero sense to me#idk i just wish we had more time with them i think#also i’m not upset that agatha died again i kinda expected it but the manner in which she died felt abrupt and inauethentic to. e#it just didn’t feel fleshed out at all idkkkkk#ugghhhhhgg#can’t believe i got fucking got by yet another sapphic show#i’m just asking for one good sapphic show with a satisfying ending PLEASE#(read: NOT necessarily a happy ending im not asking for all that i just need it to MAKE FUCKING SENSE!!!!)#anyway. i have more thoughts that ill get into soon im a bit tipsy and prob and not expressing myself right but TLDR love them all but…. 😬#agatha all along#agathario#agatha harkness#billy maximoff#kathryn hahn#joe locke
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camgoloud · 7 months ago
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you ever just. become overwhelmed by a sudden out-of-nowhere wave of tenderness and affection and longing for reconnection directed towards someone to whom you no longer speak for Very Good Reasons
#‘out of nowhere’ she says like she hasn’t been doing a lot of reading/thinking recently about various tragic messy breakups#and the later regrets of the parties involved#anyway. tell me not to text her#it’s been over two years since the last time we talked… absolutely no reason to break that streak now. lord give me strength#she was really fucking mean to me! like objectively intentionally unwarrantedly cruel! it ruined an entire year of my life#and fundamentally changed me as a person on a deep level! there’s a lot of things i used to like about myself that i don’t think i’m ever#going to get back#and yet every once in a while we have to do the whole ‘maybe i could make things right’ song and dance ��#the thing is most of the time i’m not even really angry with her anymore like enough time has passed since all the shit went down that#really i just sort of look at her behavior and feel sad. both because of the impact on me but also because of the ‘that’s really how you#felt you needed to act towards someone who cared about you? you couldn’t have just expressed your feelings in an honest and productive way#instead of just lashing out in the cruelest possible way and ruining the entire relationship beyond hope of repair?’#and i feel bad and sorry that it went that way and honestly i kind of pity her and hope she’s gotten some of her shit worked out#so i’m not like. actively pissed off at her anymore. but also i can’t think about her without thinking about the worst year of my life so 🙃#i don’t actually feel that trying to reopen that door would be very healthy for me at least#we did try a Reconciliation of sorts a couple of months after the initial falling-out and while it was kind of helpful for me in that she#like. apologized lmao. and affirmed that i wasn’t crazy and she did in fact On Purpose say the most hurtful things she possibly could have#said to me given the information she had at her disposal. and that i really had not done anything to her that could warrant that. etc.#it also left a sour enough taste in my mouth that i just don’t see a future where the two of us spending time together is enjoyable for me#and yet… the regret will always live inside me i think. maybe if i were a stronger person…#caseyposting
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b4kuch1n · 7 months ago
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tdov was like a week ago already but I just wanna say when I came over to vacation slash help my sworn brother move flat he told me, "ever since you said you wanted to get top surgery I've been thinking about it. it's straight up number two on my bucket list"
#bakuspeech#number one is a house bc obviously. if u can own a house wouldnt u#he was very drunk at that time of the evening. I was not bc I have the constitution of a hot air balloon and any stimulant will blow me up#(relatively new development. france fucked me up big time turns out)#we held hand on his bed for like the whole evening. it was honestly very funny in hindsight but we were extremely earnest in the moment#and Im like. working on this thing as well. I dont got meds or therapy lmao Im bootstrappin here#but yeah early last year his bf offered to get me meds and I... turned it down... I think I was worried abt like. idk. something#but one year past looking back Im fully like that was a stupid move you shouldve gotten meds. youve once again fucked urself baku#but yeah with that kinda realization Ive also come to realized I've somewhat? accepted. that I'm just gonna be. like this#this in light of a number of likely chronic stuff too (hence my balloon-like constitution lmao) and#that's kinda bled into the rest of me without me really noticing#but him bringing that up fully unprompted... kinda jolted me out of it#its just. really incredibly sweet. that someone doesn't want me to settle for what I make do with#and like. preps for that work. just kinda held my hand and told me it's possible to do this actually#I didn't really express how I felt very well in that moment I think my brain is very bad and I process emotions with like a day of delay#but. well. Im thinking abt it Right Now. so yknow thats the kind of impact that had on me lol#not super sure why I wrote all this down here really. I think I just want a good n nice reminder that object permanence is real#and I exist in my friends' life even when Im going insane in a hole by myself#and with the power of friendship we can alter the universe's plan for ourselves and also kill god#that's that. anyways I eat lunch now and then pass out probably. last night was... eventful lmao#but!! very good things on the horizon hopefully. well manifestly we hold hammers and we use them#have a good day lads. let's go out and slay monsters under a highway
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uhbasicallyjustmilex · 1 year ago
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fire and the thud came on my spotify shuffle while me and my sister were listening to music this afternoon, and at the end of it she turns to me and goes “who was that? the lyrics sound like the kind of thing you’d write” and honestly i think it’s one of my favourite unintentional compliments i’ve ever received
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liesmultixxx · 7 months ago
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Hi🫶🏻 this is peak stream of consciousness writing so beware: cringe ahead (nonetheless I’d be happy if someone read this lol it would mean a lot)
——-
The sky is blue
The grass is green
Still my mind is playing tricks on me
if what I feel and what I see would be less real
Then maybe I’d have a lot less ghosts
roaming around and fighting me
i am so tired, do you know
it takes everything in me to be this strong
I cannot stay, but I cannot go
who the fuck wants to die alone?
I guess I do, It’s all I know
an eternal curse put on to me
thanks to my lovely family
I do love them, I cannot lie
it’s just this feeling i’ve got inside
would someone love me for
who I am, this wretched mess
who am I kidding- of course they won’t
This life is all just for show
wish someone had told me this once before
just let go of your fears and ghosts
they’ll come back sooner or later anyway
no point in driving yourself crazy
wish I could believe this sage
I still choose to put the blame
all on me
it’s kinda sad
i don’t why
i won’t be loved, I won’t be liked
what can I do?
maybe I should just stop
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flagggermus · 1 year ago
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my cool lesbo version of the rocky horror picture show
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uncanny-tranny · 1 year ago
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You know... it's okay to trust your body. If you are separated from your body to such an extent you feel you cannot trust it, I truly from the bottom of my heart empathize and feel grief for you, but you can trust your body.
It's okay to listen to your body and to heed what it is telling you. I wish you (and your body) well wherever you go. You deserve the peace of mind to feel able to do what you want.
#positivity#mental health#mental health support#gentle reminders#this is something i struggle with myself so that's why i said i empathize (well... i guess as much as you CAN empathize)#(because even if you have gone through the same thing... it's not going to look the same as somebody else going through that)#(and while it can be valuable to express empathy it doesn't mean you truly 'get it' from the other person's point of view)#i struggle sometimes not to feel like my body is fucking with me because sometimes i expect it to function at bare minimum#or i just assume that when it is in debilitating pain that it's just... somehow to fuck with me and i am cognizant that this isn't true#i am cognitively aware that the body isn't Specifically Designed to have a Fuck With You mode even if it feels like it#but my experiences with disabilities and general unwellness made it easy for me to alienate myself from my body#in order to preserve myself i felt the need to separate myself from every flaw (or 'flaw') i have#so when people are confused about why you could mistrust your /own body/ it's stuff like this that can somewhat illustrate it#i think we don't really talk about this but i think it's more common than i would assume#(mostly based on the There Are Eight Billion People principle)#hm making this also makes me realize that abuse absolutely plays into how i mistrust my body. hm.#mistrust in your body feels like self-protection and self-preservation in this weird and almost twisted way (at least in my experience)#but then you start mistrusting *everything* and nothing feels... GOOD or NORMAL anymore#i'm going to play mahjong about this 🫡👍
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designernishiki · 1 year ago
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after the intensity of kiryu’s response to the news that majima was (supposedly) killed and the lengths he went to to find who’s responsible and do god knows what to them and all that– it’s fucking wild that there was no kazumaji reunion at ALL at the end of y5 like are you kidding me. all of that rage and grief? and their relationship is brushed off like it doesn’t even exist more or less?? cruel cruel cruel
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bunnihearted · 4 months ago
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🕸️
#yeah so the problem is that ... i fuck things up :(((#i know that i mattered to him i felt that he cared and that i was important#like honestly it's one of the few times i've ever felt it#but then comes the fucking bpd and avpd insecurity#like if i just one time perceive that oh im annoying#then i just pull back and think am i crazy why could anyone not think im annoying#even if i got reassurance multiple times i was like still .. it was still so hard for me#and like with everything i write on here it makes it seem like i dont care or dont value etc etc#also like :(( im not too fragile to hear abt problems or troubles. i make it seem like its that way#but i WANT to be here and listen to the person i care for. it's not too much for me and idk with how emotionally intense i am#idk how to show that... and im too scared of expressing positive emotions bc i fear being ridiculed by the universe#and it all gets so wrong bc he never made me feel ashamed or stupid or too much#he made me feel the opposite!!!! it was me who made it seem like i didnt care it was me who pulled back#it's so sad and frustrating bc the entire time i kept thinking to myself dont ruin this dont ruin this#be aware of the avpd symptoms and stop them pls dont ruin this#and i tried but in hindsight and with more context clues from the other perspective..#i realized that what i felt wasnt shown... :(((#so i am upset bc im not 'losing' someone (romantically) who doesnt value or care for me#it's someone who i did matter to who did care for me and want me#who i was too scared too fearful to be brave and show him and let him#god.. i hate myself so much!!!#and i do hate myself bc of this. bc it has happened before#it happened now with the most important person to me#and it will happen again#and idk.. bc my brain is also so stupid bc#NOW i know. now im not scared anymore with that person. but it's too late :c#(like i thought i shouldve given space but then i get anxious and i pull away too much and idk how to find the balance)
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unexpectedbrickattack · 1 year ago
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Does Peppino actively enjoy using himself as a subject or does he just use it for marketing? What other things does he usually like to draw or make? Is he a wood carver? I can see him as a wood carver
Oh this is interesting; ive been stuck on this for a little bit. The needle swings between yes and no mid response lol. I think he enjoys being able to use his likeness for marketing, but less so for personal, artistic use. It feels obvious to use ur own face and/or name for ur business (one that u put so much blood sweat n tears in) but he doesnt feel compelled to draw himself. There is a level of self awareness(?) i think u have to have to even desire depicting oneself in art and i think he would be too focused on his failing business to start that process. He has more important things to do. But on the flipside; i think he would look at his own creations (for his business) and regard them as reminders of his failures. So he wouldnt have the best opinion of himself.
But! i think he would enjoy others depictions of his likeness. Despite his awkwardness, he enjoys putting on a show, he enjoys performing to some degree, he likes entertaining a crowd. He feeds off of positive attention (like most people do) even if it leaves him a little flustered. People take pictures of him and he smiles earnestly. He doesnt have the words for it, but it is grounding to see himself outside of his business and existing outside of his failures.
This obv gets better postgame as he gets more support for his business. But also, as Pepperman starts to take genuine interest in his form to use as a muse. It is the perfect balance of him enjoying being an art subject, without him having to Make the art. And tying his visage to a now profitable, successful shop, makes him feel a bit better about seeing his own caricature on the storefront. I can see him in Peppermans studio being convinced to draw himself on canvas, and instead of his usual caricature style, it is an attempt at realism with him waving hi towards the ‘camera’, which is a nice contrast to Peppermans first picture of Peppino looking very blue and very sad. Pepperman is delighted lol look at his muse branching out !!!! Pepperman does not do this for anyone but he lets Peppino take the picture home with him (‘But you must promise to give me a copy of this to hang in my studio 😊 PROMISE ME-‘)
And yes, Peppino wood carves bc Peshino is a wood carved toy!! Hes got some bits in him to let him move around w a simple wind up mechanism. I dont think Peppino would do this in his free time prior to postgame, but as he gets more (positive) time to himself, he starts to take up some easy crafts. Wood carving when hes home and watching tv, and sculpting/painting when hes at Peppermans studio.
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reallyaaron-art · 26 days ago
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Folded
Placed in a box
Thrown in a drawer
And forgotten
Neat and tidy
Perfect as ever
Hollow inside
And rotten
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