#and so to have someone who knows nothing about am go ‘hey these lyrics remind me of the way your mind works’

[uhbasicallyjustmilex]

fire and the thud came on my spotify shuffle while me and my sister were listening to music this afternoon, and at the end of it she turns to me and goes “who was that? the lyrics sound like the kind of thing you’d write” and honestly i think it’s one of my favourite unintentional compliments i’ve ever received

[yukidragon]

Sunny Day Jack - Songs to Listen to While Descending into Madness

Hey, remember when I found Ian's perfect theme song for Sunshine in Hell? Well, I found one that fits Joseph's descent into madness and embracing the personality of Jack. Maybe I should make a playlist specifically for Sunshine in Hell sometime...

Not only does it have this manic energy that switches to disturbing and somber, a lot of the lyrics really give me the vibe of the suffering Joseph went through as he tore away at his very identity to become someone and something else.

When did I become afraid of the dark? Are my eyeballs just yet to adjust to seeing the light? The room I'm in is still the same, the shadows have not rearranged it No, the only thing that's changed is how I see at night I fumble for the switch and strap on infrareds and wish For sunshine when the morning's somewhere else But I can't change what time it is or dilate my irises Only what I look at, and I'm looking at myself I am not the sunshine, I am not the moon at night Well, who else could I be when I can hardly see? I am not the sunshine, I am not the moon at night I'm no one if I'm nowhere in between When did I become afraid of the dark? Was it when I left the cave and swore I'd never go back? If we can't see each other, then there's no more use for hiding I've decided I'll abide it; why deny the color black? I'm not a flower, not a solar-powered calculator Damn my eyes for seeing what's not there I'll trade in vision for a practiced intuition 'Til my fears come to fruition, I'm not scared I am not the sunshine, I am not the moon at night Well, who else could I be when I can hardly see? I am not the sunshine, I am not the moon at night I'm no one if I'm nowhere in between The future must know where you've been The past predicts the state you're in The present did and will not last Is, isn't, was, have, hasn't, has All that I ask is, keep those empty frames If nobody's in them, then no one is to blame For your self-portraits, sign another name Well, who should I be then, if I'll never be the same? I will be my sunshine, I will be my moon at night Who else could I be, when I can't fucking see? I will be my sunshine, I will be my moon at night I'm nowhere now, here's no one now to be And if dreams can come true, what does that say about nightmares? I'll stay awake tonight

It really gives me vibes of the animatic Sauce made where Jack antagonizes Joseph, particularly that high energy of Jack strutting around, being cheerfully scary and threatening. It also reminds me this classic picture of a cheerful Jack and a traumatized dead(?) Joseph.

It even has a sketch updated version you can check out here!

Credit as always goes to the awesome Sauce for their awesome art, characters, and stories. They and the rest of the crew of SnaccPop Studios are a wealth of endless inspiration. Consider joining their patreon, won't you? Just remember - don't repost anything privately posted there!

There's so many lyrics that make me think of Jack's broken mind and the effects of hell had on him. I have to really break it down to show all the different feelings/images that it conjures up, since there is so much here virtually every line.

"When did I become afraid of the dark?" When you were trapped in hell, Joseph. His loneliness was bad while he was alive, but his death made it so, so, so much worse. He's terrified of being alone and forgotten. He can't stand the cold numbness only broken up by pain. It's a night he can never sleep through or wake up from.

"The room I'm in is still the same, the shadows have not rearranged it. No, the only thing that's changed is how I see at night." It didn't get better. Nothing changed in that hell. It just repeated his death and the delusions of his decaying mind. The only thing that changed was himself into someone else, someone who could better handle the madness.

"I fumble for the switch and strap on infrareds and wish, For sunshine when the morning's somewhere else." Joseph struggles desperately somehow, someway to find some sort of light, some hope in hell. Unfortunately, his sunshine Mary is somewhere else, reborn as Alice. All he can do is wish for a miracle.

His sunshine was always like a miracle to him. She found him twice. He prays she'll find him again.

"But I can't change what time it is or dilate my irises, Only what I look at, and I'm looking at myself." Joseph can't change his circumstances. He can't feel anything but cold and pain, no matter how much he struggles. He's helpless.

The only thing Joseph can do is relive his death and look inward into an ever growing abyss that stares back at him. That abyss, that hell is changing him because he can't do anything but stare inward.

Joseph only has himself in this hell, and the longer he stares at himself, the more he hates what he sees.

"I am not the sunshine, I am not the moon at night." Joseph isn't as good as his sunshine was, in his opinion. He's not even as good as a fraction of her, like the sunlight is reflected on the moon. He doesn't even have a glimmer of her light either.

"I'm no one if I'm nowhere in between." In a way, he is nowhere, trapped between life and death. Joseph/Jack was erased. He became no one.

"When did I become afraid of the dark? Was it when I left the cave and swore I'd never go back?" Jack swore never to go back into the tape, never to be Joseph ever again. He's terrified of being alone, and he refuses to ever be alone and forgotten ever again.

"I've decided I'll abide it; why deny the color black?" Joseph gives into his darker impulses, his madness, his yandere side. He'll do anything to be free of this hell, to have his sunshine back.

Even if that means staining his soul irreparably with sin by torturing and killing others to do it.

He'll be damned to hell either way. He knows that from experience.

"Damn my eyes for seeing what's not there." When someone is put through sensory deprivation, they hallucinate, make up alternate personas, and the like. Jack himself was confused at first when the tape was played, asking if MC/Alice really was real, that he wasn't just dreaming.

How many times did Jack imagine someone was really there to save him, only to be disappointed by a cruel reality that he was still trapped in hell?

"I'll trade in vision for a practiced intuition. 'Til my fears come to fruition, I'm not scared." These lines sum up the whole Jack persona. He'll bury himself in that cheerful façade in order to deny his own fears that he'll be trapped in hell forever. He'll lose himself in a dream of his own making since he can never sleep again.

The only way to avoid being scared of an eternity in hell is denial, denial, denial.

"Well, who else could I be when I can hardly see?" He's Jack. He can't see himself as Joseph anymore. His mind can't handle it. He's blinded himself to his real identity by burying memories of anything else.

"The future must know where you've been." This feels like the video tape. The few traces left of what happened in the incident of 1984.

"The past predicts the state you're in." All the mistakes Joseph made and the few things that made him happy with himself are the reasons why he became Jack.

"The present did and will not last." Time is cruel, constantly marching forward and erasing the past. Jack lost everything so many times. He lost his identity, his dreams, his sunshine, and his life. Everything was lost so easily... how can he not dread losing it all again?

"All that I ask is, keep those empty frames." If nothing else, Jack is desperate to be remembered. Even if the person in the picture isn't himself anymore, he's desperate for at least some trace of him is remembered, even if it's this caricature of the character he played.

"If nobody's in them, then no one is to blame." A reference to LambsWork Productions covering up the part they played in Jack's death or the scandal the 1984 incident created. They can't have their reputation ruined if no one remembers the SunnyTime Crew Show after all.

"For your self-portraits, sign another name." This makes me think of all the autographs Joseph had to sign as "Sunny Day Jack." The character had his face, his voice... but it was a different name. He couldn't break character, because the character was what people loved. It's another reason why he's Jack now instead of Joseph.

"Well, who should I be then, if I'll never be the same?" Joseph Cullman is missing. [Redacted] Haberdae is dead and erased. He can't go back to being either. Who should he be? What name or persona should he use that will give him peace?

"Who else could I be, when I can't fucking see?" What is left for him but to be Sunny Day Jack? He has nothing else but that persona in this hell.

"I'm nowhere now, here's no one now to be." This line sums up Jack's state in the tape. He's nowhere, and he doesn't know how to be himself anymore. He is nothing... so he'll be the character he played.

He doesn't know how to be Joseph anymore because he can no longer see the good qualities he had as Joseph. Everything good was attributed to Jack in his mind, even his sunshine's love.

"I will be my sunshine, I will be my moon at night." He will be Sunny Day Jack. He will be his own hope, his sunshine. Losing himself to this alternate persona was the only thing he had to cling to in that cold and lonely hell. He clung to it like a piece of driftwood until the splinters dug into his hands and made him bleed madness.

"And if dreams can come true, what does that say about nightmares?" Now this shift makes me think of after Jack is freed and the lingering trauma from being in the tape. It's fitting because it comes after a drastic shift in the song to something somber, slowly building into something almost... hopeful?

His dream of being saved came true... but the nightmare of that hell still haunts him.

What if he goes back?

Jack could, just as easily, be sent away if Alice doesn't want him there. He needs to make sure that never happens.

Can Jack really dare to cling to this hope that he's been given, that this actually is reality?

Was he really saved, or is this just another delusion?

So even though Jack finally can sleep, he's finally safe... his fears still haunt him. He can't truly rest until he's sure, absolutely sure, that he won't lose his sunshine ever again. It's the hope he's desperate to hold onto.

"I'll stay awake tonight." The hell of the tape robbed Jack of his ability to sleep, both in the past and in the present. His trauma and mental scars run deep.

No doubt there were many nights where Jack just laid in bed and watched Alice sleep. He focused on her warmth, her steady breathing. Her heartbeat, her soft skin, her smell...

Alice is real. This sunshine is real. Jack knows that. He knows that deep down in his soul, but...

What if?

Just one minute longer. One second more to reassure himself.

This beautiful person Jack holds close in his arms is his salvation. Alice chose to save him. She promised to never forget him. She promised him forever.

Jack feared that the tape would be his forever.

So even though he's tired, Jack just needs a little bit more, just that extra moment more to drink in Alice with all of his senses so that he can truly believe that she delivered him from damnation.

Joseph is dead. The good parts of him, the light and hope he found in himself as that redacted identity are gone from even his memory. Jack is the only one there now.

Alice is the only sunshine Jack can see now, and he'll do whatever it takes to make sure he never loses that light, his hope, his love ever again.

Of course, during these moments of insecurity, Alice would stir, just a little, and cling to Jack tighter. Sometimes she even murmurs his name softly. She can feel that he needs her love through their connected souls.

The thoughts and feelings flow both ways. Sometimes Alice can pick up what Jack is thinking too, especially when his soul cries out to be seen, heard, felt, and loved.

Even though Jack didn't say a word, Alice heard his thoughts, his deepest need, and answered in a sleepy mumble, "Don't worry... I've got you. 'm not going anywhere..."

The soft words, slurred by a haze of sleep, sent a jolt through Jack, and all the love and gratitude he felt for her washed over him. Even in her dreams she would reach out to him, reassure him that she won't let him go. Even when in moments when his fear made their connection feel so tenuous, so fragile, all it took was a soft squeeze of her delicate hand always holding so gently onto his to quiet his fears.

Alice won't remember what she said in the morning, or anything else she mutters in a half-asleep haze, but she'll always remember Jack. She'll remember this man, no matter what name he uses, no matter what the fractured picture of his sanity looks like now. Their love is forever.

Even if Jack can't find the light in the man he used to be, even if the light of the good parts of Joseph are dead, buried, and forgotten in his mind... Jack can always believe in Alice, his sunshine. As long as he has her, he doesn't have to fear the dark or that he'll be banished back to hell.

Jack has the light of hope. It's in his sunshine Alice, and in the persona he wears. Most of all, it's in their love that lived on even after death.

Fortunately, over time, Alice will help him see that the light was always there even when he went any other name. With her help, he'll be able to finally find true peace and rest his weary soul in the gentle sunshine of their love. He'll finally be able to heal and truly shine in spite of the darkness.

Yeah, I know the song ends on a more somber note, but I'm all about happy endings and fluffy vanilla goodness. I couldn't help but add on a bit of a sweet reprise of sorts, even if not in so many lyrics. Sunshine in Hell is all about these wounded soulmates helping each other heal after all.

@channydraws @earthgirlaesthetic @sai-of-the-7-stars @cheriihoney @illary-kore @okamiliqueur @kurokrisps

[girlinthetardis04]

LIVE WISDOM SAGA REACTION!!!!!!!

I'm finally free!!!! Penelope and Telemachus I'm coming!

Legendary

Telemachus, you haven't even spoken yet and I already love you.

"Open Arms" callback??????

"Full Speed Ahead" callback??????

Athena!!!!

Hey, neat "Monster" reference.

I want to give him cookies and a pat on the back.

Wait wait wait, that's the same melody as "where is he? Where is he? Keep your head down he's aiming for the torches!"

Bitch! Is that Antinous?

EXCUSE ME?????

TRAMP????

TRAMP??????

★I'll be honest, at the beginning of the song I thought it was right after Thunder Bringer, I didn't realize we already skipped ahead. And the irony of him singing about all the things his dad had to get through to get back to him? Ugh!★

Little Wolf

Bold words from someone who has barely three years on Telemachus.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ATHENA'S BACK ATHENA'S BACK ATHENA'S BACK

"Uppercut him. 😐" DID NOT HESITATE LMAO

"Let's try this again" is she talking about the fight moves or about having a protege/Warrior of the Mind? Eh? Eeh?

Bwahawaha the "ooh, maybe I pushed him a bit to hard 😬" "ow ����" hahahaha. Reminds me of the training scene in Disney's Hercules.

★I genuinely was not expecting this song to be as uplifting as it was based on the preview snippets. The parts with Athena made me actually laugh out loud, which is new considering how much of a straight man she is Act 1★

We'll Be Fine

★This is actually one of two songs of this saga I actually haven't heard anything from, I don't even know what it's about or who sings it!★

A FRIEND! A FRIEND! SHE CALLED ODYSSEUS A FRIEND!

I know this melody. Why do I know this melody? Curse non musically inclined brain!

Hold it. Are those kalimbas in the back? Polites's instrument? Am I just delusional?

Telemachus, baby, you gotta raise your standards here.

★DA FEELS!★

Love in Paradise

★This is the other song I heard nothing about. I assume it's the one with Calypso★

THE TIME DIVE!

OH MY GOODNESS IT'S NOT JUST THE INSTRUMENTALS HERE!!! IT'S GOT THE ACTUAL LYRICS!!! AAAAAH THAT'S SO GOOD SO MUCH BETTER OH MY GOSH AND LISTEN LISTEN ANY AMOUNT OF STEVEN RODRIGUEZ'S VOICE IS WELCOME HERE PLEASE SING MORE!!!!!

It's like going on the shuffle on my playlist!

Wait, wait, wait, the preview didn't have "Different Beasts", "Scylla" and "Thunder Bringer"!!!!!!!!!

"She's my wife" "....😶....anyways 😊"

Oh, a twist on a classic! Is Jay contractually obligated to reference "Just a Man" every three songs or something?

Poor Ody sounds traumatized...like "not again!" The difference:

Circe: >:]

Calypso: >:3

Hey, Jay, ypu didn't have to do this. It wasn't written down anywhere. The doctor didn't prescribe it.

HEY! HEY! NO. Bad songwriter, Jay, bad! *pretend there's a spray bottle emoji here* you don't get to reference "Open Arms" like THAT

Oh, and now you actually have Polites's voice here! 🔨 *bonk go to time out jail*

★okay I'm gonna take a couole of minutes so I don't physically explode when I listen to God Games★

God Games

★We're gonna hear Apollo and Hephaestus and oh my god hahahaha★

ASAFDAGFAHDSIJE NOT A DRILL PEOPLE NOT A DRILL READY FOR ME TO BE ABSOLUTELY INSUFFERABLE FOR FIVE MINUTES AND NINETEEN SECONDS?

YES YES IT'S REAL WE'RE ACTUALLY HERE PEOPLE!

🫰🫰🫰 hmmm, Luke Holt's voice mmmhmm, and the way he pronounces the names??? He really sounds like a video game annoucer!

Also wait, wait wait, did- did Apollo's voice sound different? That's hehe totally not me freaking out hahahahaha. Justhitplayjusthitplayjusthitplay

Hera has a new voice????? Velvety!

I physically collapsed on my bed here, it's worth noting.

I was not expecting that motivation for Apollo! Interesting!

Oh, okay so that's why Apollo was Level 1.

I was kinda hoping he'd sing for longer but okay 🥲

Hephaestus! My... fourth favorite god! (After Hestia, Hermes, and Hades. Just the H ones)

Is that...Jay? No, it can't be, right?

AND NOW THE PART I'VE HAD ON LOOP FOR MONTHS!

Lol, I'm sorry for laughing but in the demo Athena sounded so much more pained and here she's like "dammit why are you interrupting me I'm in the middle of something!"

AH THE "WARRIOR OF THE MIND" REPRISE!!!!?

Oooh, okay Hera's new voice! I like it, velvety, it's very high class. Though I also loved the demo version because she sounded so JUDGY.

BOSS BATTLE!

Dadada dada dadaa... That's Thunder Bringer in the background!

Hold on, I'm gonna lower my volume a bit because I get the feeling my ears are gonna suffer otherwise.

Oh yeah, I made a good call. Though that voice control dayum!

BWAHAHA I CAN'T TELL IF IT'S ARES OR HEPHAESTUS WHO ASKED THAT BUT EITHER WAY, HILARIOUS! (That's really what it do be like after your siblings fight with your parents - I say as a only child)

*deep inhale* the piano version of "Warrior of the Mind"? Really?

No clue what the visuals are supposed to be here, but according to the music I should be happy.

[mrs-monaghan]

Hey, since you often catch details and seem like an open-minded person, I want to share what I observed in the last few days. So, I definitely believe in Jikook but that was not always the case. My bias is Jimin and I always mostly focused on him, but once I observed Jungkook more carefully, the truth revealed itself step by step. Now something similar happened since I focused on Taehyung. And it seems crazy, to me as well, but please give it a chance! Watch "Nippon TV BUZZ RHYTHM 02 - BTS Cut" timestamp: 13:55, and watch (and listen to) all of their expressions closely, especially Jikook and Taehyung. Keep an eye on Namjoon, too. Then please look at the lyrics of Sweet Night and really reflect on them. Just as a reminder, there is Taehyung calling Jimin his "one and only best friend" in "Let's BTS" and similarly in Festa 2019, for example. I also am stuck on Jin calling Taehyung very generous and big-hearted in "Special Movie BTS MUSIC JOURNEY" (after the release of Sweet Night) and the others agreeing, their expressions speaking once again. Then finally those compilations where Taekook is apparently jealous of each other. Or Vmin. And now you just have to connect the dots but I did not see any other person who has done so. All those moments, all those compilations make so much more sense to me. All in all, it seems that Taehyung has or had feelings for Jimin. Sounds crazy! Of course we should not assume too much but the connections are there and in hindsight, they seem obvious. You just have to put the puzzle pieces together. I really hope that Taehyung is over it, because unrequited love hurts badly. Taehyung as a person makes so much more sense to me. His actions, his depression, his pain... Well, I guess Jimin did not call himself "Tailor of Chaos" without reason. That situation must have been difficult for him, too. Maybe (just maybe) that is an indicator regarding his state in 2020... And of course on Jungkook. But maybe that is the actual reason why Jungkook and Taehyung seem to be closer now, maybe mending their friendship! Especially, since Taehyung found a partner. And maybe Jikook feel some kind of guilt for causing Taehyung pain... who knows. There is much to think about and honestly, it sounds like pure fanfiction but if I learned something in life, it is that nothing is impossible. Hope you give it a chance, I really would like your opinion on all that. I certainly am feeling very surprised. Have a nice day :)

Yes anon, it takes very little for me to judge people seeing as I'm a lunatic myself 🤭🤭 if I had a shilling for everytime someone called me crazy I would have attended all of Suga's concerts and then some 😂 so u get no judgement from me my lovely 🙌🏽

Except insecure Jikookers, of course. Fuck you! I judge you everyday! 🤨🤨🤨

So! Umm yes. I've seen this theory being thrown around. I have friends who think this might be the case. And one of them is actually really good at analysing and picking up cues and she believes V may have had feelings for Jimin at some point and her arguments make sense.

But for me... idk. Idk anon. 🤔 I have a hard time picturing this. I will share a clip that will be hard for some of you to watch. So brace yourselves

Oh boy. Glad I have my anons off because u guys are already kinda mad at V atm 😂😂

Things to note about the first clip: (I know... I know. It's bad. I recently just discovered it and it doesn't look good, I agree)

a) Point to note number one is that, that is how most people in SK feel about homosexuality. As u can hear V is basically telling Jimin something is wrong with him mentally for liking men. And when u grow up with everyone around u telling u this, of course u will believe it. It also explains why he would keep the company he keeps. (Go Google Bogum and his cult scandal) People in SK don't believe men can be with other men. And those who have seen it happen, think its a mental illness. This was obviously embedded in V for him to have done this not once, but twice. And this is only what we saw on camera.

b) 2nd point to note; Taekook just cannot be real. It's just, impossible. Yes, V has changed, obviously. Hanging out with Jimin will do that to you. He obviously doesn't feel as strongly about homosexuality like he used to. And he loves Jimin and JK which means he has adjusted his mentality. But, this is a guy who used to say basically homophobic stuff to his friend. And as u can see, that clip is from around May 2015 So at what point would V have started dating JK as early as 2013 when this is how he felt about his friend a boy, liking boys?

c) 3rd point to note; Jimin doesn't deny it. I hate how he's just defending himself there repeating over and over; I don't like you that way, so what's your issue? I dont behave that way towards you, why you mad? Anyway, Jimin doesn't once say "no i don't like men." Or "stop lying" he just says "I don't feel that way about you."

d) Last point to note, Jikook is real. Why? Because what triggered V, was Jimin telling JK to sit next to him. And immediately V goes off about how something is wrong with Jimin in the head because these days he likes men. Likes JK.

Now anon, let's go back to point number 2. I know internalised homophobia is a thing. (Thank you Shameless! You taught me sm!) But it stems from someone hating that they like someone of the same sex and they don't want to be that way, but they are. So saying V used to have a crush on Jimin insinuates he would have had to get over his homophobia and start seeing Jimin in a new light. I mean, it's Jimin and the Jimin effect is a thing that exists. But, still. Idk. I just don't know. Watching that clip tells me that his parents are like this. Him being so close with the WS, tells me he wouldn't have kept them as friends if at any one point he started liking someone of the same sex. Knowing how they feel about it.

V is more accepting now, of course. But Jikook are in the closet and only close knit people know about it. And V definitely isn't divulging that to the WS. Again, knowing how they feel about this topic.

What am I saying anon? I think those V jealous Vmin moments that exist are because he "lost" his bestfiend when Jikook became a thing. He had to share Jimin with JK. And I imagine Jimin tried to be there for both of them but sometimes JK took priority and maybe V didn't like that. They used to be bestfriends. Super close. V even looked after Jimin in school. Asked some people he knew to look after the new kid because that was his friend. They were close. Really close. Then satellite Jeon comes and changes everything.

Now to the assignment you gave me. The question was who's the most romantic

Suga (what?) And RM say JK. Guess they've seen it first hand. 🤭 Also Jikook both point at Jin

V on the other hand says Jikook but then changes it to just Jimin

I also looked at the lyrics of sweet night (he sounds so good) and I'm guessing you're talking about this part;

Anon, if you ship Vmin, or are suspicious of Vmin, it would be easy to conclude this song is about Jimin. Easy. But if you're like me who believes V is as straight as a ruler, then the first thing I think of when I hear that, is some girl he liked at the time that he was really close to. Someone he dated in the past, maybe. To me V is as straight as they come and I could try, but I cannot see where you're coming from.

But if you listen to sweet night and then watch V jealous compilations, you're gonna be influenced. Because you're going in already thinking the best friend he's talking about is Jimin! But, remember, you don't have to have romantic feelings for someone to be jealous. You can be jealous that your sister is spending too much time with someone else. You can be jealous your bestfriend doesn't make time for you anymore ever since they started dating. You know what I mean?

That's what I think you saw. In my opinion, of course. I could be wrong and way off base but...yeah.

In Conclusion: Vmin isn't real and there was never potential for it to be so.

I appreciate u trusting me with this ask, anon 😘

[beaker1636]

Single Lyrics Chapter 7 - Ryan Sitkowski

AN: They finally make up.... mostly, but we are not over yet :) Also I have kind of hinted at who I envisioned her father to be throughout this story, curious if anyone has put two and two together!

“I’ll be by soon for this, I just wanted to get Violet in bed for the night first if that is okay?” Ryan messaged you, reminding you of the impending doom that is coming with this conversation.  

You don’t want to have it, to have to discuss one of the hardest things you have been through.  It’s scary, what if his reasoning was good? Or what if it was awful and ruins everything all over again… not that things are exactly good right now anyways but what if?

“Stop overthinking shit,” you see on your phone and almost laugh when you see it is from Vinny.

“I swear to god you are a mind reader sometimes… thank you,” you respond back with a smile, feeling a little better.

About 20 minutes later there is a knock on your hotel door and you let out a sigh before getting up and opening it, better get this done and over with right?

Or maybe you’ll just die inside and be let out of your contract?

At this point either option seems reasonable if you had to say so yourself.

“Hey, you can sit wherever,” you say softly, moving to settle back in your chair by the window so that you can look at it and not at the guitarist.  You know that is a dick move but you just can’t bring yourself to look at him right now, Justin tried telling you that he is sorry for the fight but you are still hurt and you don’t want to see that he is sorry on his face.

“I want you to ask me anything, seriously anything that you want to know and I will be honest y/n.  I realized that we have been avoiding talking about it and that isn’t the way that we move past things.   But first I want to apologize for kissing you yesterday how I did, I just thought that you were saying that is what you wanted and I have been wanting it… I shouldn’t have cornered you and just went for it.  I realized after that I was wrong,” he says, talking soft and you are pretty sure it is just to try and keep things from exploding like yesterday.

“Why were you so upset when I wanted to resign yesterday? I offered to find someone else who would be great and would be less of a problem and you seemed genuinely upset,” you ask softly, glancing over at him long enough that you could see he looked like shit, like he was upset.  

And now you are even more confused, why is he upset about any of this? All he should care about is that Violet is being taken care of, so why does he care that you are wanting to go? Especially when you said you would find help, you are nothing that special in the grand scheme of things.

“Violet loves you, you are amazing with her and more than what you need to be.  Even yesterday when you were upset and wanted to get away from me you took time to hug her and reassure her that nothing was wrong when she wanted one from you.  There are times I am with her and she asks for you.  She seems a lot happier than she was before and I know it is because of how much love you share with her, because you know what it is like to lose parents and you know how to approach that with her and still make her feel loved.” He pauses for a second, before continuing.

“I feel like we need you, not just her but both of us.  You have helped me learn so many things with how to take care of a little child that I didn’t know.  You have shown me countless moments of forgiveness and compassion.  I know you don’t see it but it’s starting to feel like you are a part of this family I have with her, that you are needed.  I’m not ready to see you go, I don’t want it to be someone else here helping me take care of her.  I want it to be you.”

This is when you now take the time to turn and look at him, in shock.  You didn’t expect anything genuinely serious from him, or this emotional.  This is why you didn’t want to do this, you knew that his answers would draw you in and make you want him more and that is the problem, you want him but can’t have him.

“But I-I’m not part of your family with her Ryan, I’m just her nanny,” you say softly, looking at him and hoping your shock isn’t written on your face at his words.  But it probably is, because you can already feel the tears welling up in your eyes.

“You have been her family for awhile now, the night she was sick and you sang your dads song to her I knew that you were.  You always said that if you had a child that would be what you would sing to them when they needed comfort and then you did it with her, that night I sat there listening to you longer than I probably should have but it made me start thinking things differently… made me realize how much we both need you, not just her.  Listen, I know I fucked up but I have been trying to figure out how to fix it, I have been trying to show you that you mean a lot to me but apparently I have done it wrong.” He admits, letting out a sigh of his own. “I want you to ask me what you actually want to, why I suddenly ghosted you and said what I did to Miranda back then.  Please, let me explain.”

“Ryan,” you turn to look at him this time, wanting him to know that you are serious about this.

“I’m scared to know, I am scared to know because what if it hurts me all over again? Or worse, what if it's something that you meant well and I then hate myself for resenting you for so long? I want to know but I don’t want to decide myself if I do or not, taking that power back and asking myself….” you cut yourself off, feeling a couple of the stray tears starting to hit your cheeks now that you finally can’t hold them back anymore.

“Ask me, let me tell you.  Please?” He begs, meeting your eyes with an intensity behind them. “If you hate me then you hate me after, but I want to tell you, please?”

You think about it for a minute, both of you sitting there in awkward silence while you decide if you actually want to know or not.  You can’t outweigh the thoughts that want to know, know why he chose to do that to you, especially when you swear things we’re going so well.  

“Okay, why, why did you?” You can’t even bring yourself to fully voice it, still hurt just thinking about what happened, how you lost multiple friends in the process of it all.  

“Your sister Taylor begged me to leave you, said she didn’t want to see you hurt while I was gone because it was going to happen.  That she watched how much your dad hurt her mother, hurt your mother with cheating, drinking, and all of it on the road,” he pauses, letting out a sigh. 

“She said that she would tell you I was caught with someone else, make you think that I betrayed you like that if I didn’t leave you first.  The sad part is she had me convinced that I was going to do it to you, that I would eventually fuck things up so I just gave up on us because I thought you deserved that.  I swear I tried to reach out when I heard a couple days later your father died but everyone talked me out of it, said there was no way to explain anything to you without hurting you more when you already were hurting so bad.  I shouldn’t have listened to anyone, but I did and I let it fuck things up.  But to be fair no matter what I did I wouldn’t have won, you never would have believed your sister was lying. It was easier to try and tell you that I wanted someone better, to make you think that I was an asshole and to make you hate me than it would have been to let you think I cheated, I can’t explain it but we all were protecting you in our own fucked up ways during an awful time of your life. I know that was all she was doing, and by me going along with it and just up and leaving you, it was my way of trying to protect you because I felt that you would be hurt more if you thought I cheated over if you thought I decided you weren't enough. I’m sorry, I wanted to be there for you.  If you look at photos from those first couple weeks after you can even see that I was a fucking wreck but I did what I felt I had to and I regret it all the fucking time.”

By this point you can see the sincerity on his face, in fact he looks as distraught as you feel.  Both of you are silent as you try to read what the other one is thinking, because neither of you know how this is going to go now that the truth is out there.  How this will change things, Ryan feels a little relief getting it all out there, and you do feel a little closure now that it is out there.

“I’m so fucking sorry, and I know I have said that a lot but I can never say it enough.  And I get if you don’t believe me, or if you can’t forgive me because when you needed me I wasn’t there for you,” he continues to ramble now, just trying to fill the silence because it is making him anxious while he thinks about it. “I know you were extremely close to him and….”

“Ryan, shut the fuck up and give me a moment please.  I fucking believe you, I can tell how genuine you are being but it is changing the way I think of a lot of things and I don’t know how I want to take that.  Especially when I never actually fell out of love with you, and now… do you still?” you ask, without straight up asking… almost scared to do so.

“Do I want this with you? Do I love and care about you? The answer to everything is yes, and I have been trying to show you this.  Why do you think that when you were sick I made sure to leave soup and medicine outside of your hotel room? Who do you think left you flowers in your bunk while you were gone on the anniversary of when your father died? Actually I have sent you some every year. I just never signed the card… who do you think is the one who buys you coffee half the time when you wake up and there is one on the counter?  You may not realize it is me, but it has been.  I just didn’t have the guts to say it was me.”

“That was you who sent them every year? I never fucking knew that, Ryan… that is so sweet, all of it is.”  By this point you are no longer fighting tears, they are streaming steadily down your face, as you accept everything.

Both of you sit there quietly for a moment, you now watching out the window again as you try to process everything.  You don’t notice that he moved until one of his hands rests on your face, using his thumb to brush the tears away as they fall.  Both of you are silent as you take in the moment, take in the fact that both of you never got over what happened between you.  You never realized that it still hurt him, and he never realized that you never fell out of love with him.

“I want you in my life, I want you in Violet’s.  I fucking love you, more so every day when I watch you with her.  Please, can we try things again?” he asks, turning your head so that you meet his eyes.

“If I say yes I have rules, I don’t want her to see things between us at first.  That way if it doesn’t work she isn’t hurt…. And we both have to start being honest about things,” you say softly, trying not to come across soft.

“Whatever you want, and if you don’t want this I can live with that… I deserve that honestly.” He says, suddenly aware of how close the two of you are.

Neither of you move, suddenly aware that the two of you are next to each other, touching.  Both of you are vulnerable, unsure what to do but wanting to do something.  You finally move, wrapping your arms around him, catching him completely off guard and after hesitating he wraps his arms tightly around you as well, pulling you into his chest as you both relax in the embrace.  

Neither of you are sure of what exactly is happening, but it sure feels right.

….. But then your moment is interrupted.

“Dude, fucking kiss her already!” you hear through the door, followed by an Owww.  You are assuming that whoever is next to Vinny, listening in to everything, just smacked him after he called out to the two of you. 

“You just got us caught dumbass,” you hear Ricky groan.

“Even if we kissed you wouldn’t know for sure…. Wait, who is watching violet if you are all listening through the door in the hallway?” Ryan asks, laughing.

“She’s sleeping, we have the baby monitor, it’s all good. Now kiss dumbass,” Chris yells this time, taking Vinny’s side and agreeing that is just what you need to do. “ Kiss and make up, get it over with.  Everyone has been waiting for it, the two of you have been waiting for it.”

“Wait, are literally all of you out there?” You ask, now curious if everyone is waiting out there for the two of you to make up, and slightly embarrassed.

“.... no,” Justin answers softly, before you hear a bunch of footsteps running away down the hallway making you laugh.  Of course everyone was listening in on this, why does it not shock you that those nosey jerks were.  You can’t help but smile though, knowing that everyone is supporting the two of you, even if their way of showing it sucks.

“So can I?” Ryan asks, glancing down at you from where you are still hugging him, wanting to feel him close to you.

“I mean we better give the fanclub what they want before they all kill us in our sleep,” you joke with a smile, trying to ease the tension that is building between the two of you at the moment.

Both of you lock eyes for a few moments before he finally does, leaving a soft, gentle, breathtaking kiss on your lips that leaves both of you silent afterwards as you sit there processing everything.

Suddenly both of your phones ding, and you look down seeing a message from Justin in a group chat he made.

“I’ve got Violet tonight, enjoy your time together,” you both read and then smile before slowly making your way over to the bed.  Many soft kisses and cuddles shared that night as you bask in the afterglow of finally fixing things between both of you, not letting yourselves worry about where things are going yet.  That sounds like tomorrow's problem… and it will be, you have plans to call your sister in the morning.

[is-therefreefood]

Committing to Being a Swiftie Part 2: Fearless (TV)

Song: Fearless Would save?: It's been saved Favorite lyrics: & I don't how, it gets better than this Thoughts: I've loved this song for over a decade, when listening outside Era's N3 in my city, when the guitar started I stupidly asked "what song is this" because of the shock and overwhelm, I couldn't believe I was finally listening to it live. I simply replied to my friends answer with "This is MY era!" I still get goosebumps. Song: 15 Would save: Since I was 13 lol Best Lyrics: When all you wanted was to be wanted, wish you could go back and tell yourself what you know now Thoughts: This song was on repeat during my freshman year of high school and singing it now at nearly 30 is so cathartic (especially the "I didn't know who I was supposed to be" part) but my intro to this song was the debut with Miley which I also adore and wish was on Spotify Song: Love Story Would save: Also since I was 13 Best lyrics: He knelt to the ground and pulled out a RING Thoughts: Such a classic. I've teared up watching proposals to this during eras, and wish so much I saw Tiktoks about this being the last song on a wedding playlist before my wedding date (But we all scream sang it during birthday karaoke 2 years later, so still a win). I also took my friend to Eras and he had never heard this!! So seeing his pure, unfiltered reaction at the end of the song was everything! Also, who hasn't cried heartbroken on the stairs to this song?

Song: Hey Stephen Would save: since high school Best lyrics: "I know looks can be deceiving, but I know I got my eye on you" Thoughts: High school BFF #1 showed me this and told me that it reminded her of her crush of the week also aptly named Stephen, but I know it's applied to her other crushes too.

Song: White Horse Would save: Since '10 Best lyrics: "I'm gonna find someone someday who might actually treat me well" (You gotta scream these, lbs) // "in the rearview mirror disappearing now" Thoughts: High school BFF #2 showed me this song when her long distance relationship of a year ended, and I fell in love with it. The amount of times I've belted this in a 4 month period in my junior year bedroom is unreal

Song: You Belong With Me Would Save: Since '09 at least Best lyrics: "Thinking to myself, hey isn't this easy?" Thoughts: My pick me ass LOVED this anthem when my crush acquired a girlfriend but I still spent like 8 months heartbroken about it. To this day its in my top 5 Taylor songs just because of the impact it (and this whole album) had on my teenage years Song: Breathe Would Save: no Best lyrics: "You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand"

Song: Tell Me Why Would save: Since high school Best lyrics: "you might think I'm bulletproof, but I'm not"

Song: You're not Sorry Would save: Since '08/'09 Best lyrics: "You used to shine so bright but I watched all of it fade" //"I wont pick up the phone...there's nothing left to beg for!" Thoughts: I once heartbrokenly cried on airplane to this song, if you've been manipulated or forgiven too easily...then you know Song: The Way I Loved You Would Save: no Best lyrics: "It's 2 AM and I'm cursing your name" Thoughts: I've never understood why the whole turbulent/roller coaster thing was (and still is) enticing for folks. My anxiety could never, I need the stability

Song: Forever & Always Would Save: Since '10, at least Best Lyrics: "You told me you loved me -- were you just kidding?" Thoughts: I don't listen to this often, but still know all the words lol I think I got into this during during my JoBros obsession bc... duh

Song: The Best Day Would Save: It's ADORABLE! But no Best Lyrics: "I have an excellent father, his strength is making me stronger" // "I love you for giving me your eyes, for staying back and watching me shine" Thoughts: This is such a wholesome song about dad + daughter relationships ^.^, I feel like people only focus on the relationship anthems she creates, but her other stuff is just as good!

Song: Change Would Save: no Best lyrics: "I believe in whatever you do, and do anything to see it through" // "When the walls they put up to hold us back fell down" Thoughts: I know she didn't embark on anything political until the Lover era, but could be the early working of such, no? (Also, the guitar solo sounds a lot like the break down of the title track)

Song: Jump then Fall Would Save: Since at least '10 Best lyrics: "I like the way youre everything I've ever wanted"

Song: Untouchable Would save: no, too slow Best lyrics: "I wanna feel you by my side, standing next to me" Thoughts: This song should've been called 'come on', but is generally far too repetitive for my taste

Song: Forever & Always (Piano Version) Would save: no Best lyrics: "one second it was perfect, now you're halfway out the door" Thoughts: I wouldn't save this because I feel like the playful & sassy tone of the song is lost on this acoustic/piano and it changes the vibe altogether

Song: Come in with the rain Would save: no Best lyrics: I'll leave my window open, 'Cause I'm too tired at night for all these games"

Song: Superstar Would save: no Best Lyrics: I'm invisible and everyone knows who you are (could this be more untrue, they're both A-listers)

Song: The Other Side of the Door Would save: no Best lyrics: "if you know everything tell me why you. couldn't see when I left I wanted you to chase after me" // "and I broke down crying was she worth this mess, after everything and that little black dress" Thoughts: I like that she refers to her other songs in the final line, but it really felt like a vault track

Song: Today was a fairytale Would save: ever since it was in Valentines Day Best lyrics: "You got a smile, it takes me to another planet" Thoughts: I wanted a perfect date like this so. badly. when i was 15, especially with Taylor Launter. You can't help but scream these lyrics with infatuation Song: You All Over Me Would save: no Best lyrics: I learned and found out what it was to turn around and see that we were never really meant to be"

Song: Mr Perfectly Fine Would save: I saved it upon the (TV) release Best lyrics: "It's wonderful to see that it never phased you" Thoughts: I was really hoping the media wasn't going to obliterate Joe Jonas upon the release of this song, but thankfully that didn't happen 14 years after the fact, once he was a husband and father...ofc in 2023, he obliterated his own reputation but that's a different story

Song: We were happy Would save: no Best lyrics: "I hate those voices telling me I'm not in love anymore, they don't give me choices" Thoughts: Seems like a part two to Mary's song, I was waiting for 'the other shoe to drop' of her realizing her ambitions -- maybe a nod to 15?

Song: That's when Would save: cute, but no Best lyrics: "that's when, when I woke up in the mornin', That's when it was sunny or stormin'"

Song: Don't you Would save: no, too slow Best lyrics: "I heard she's nothing like me, I hope she'll make you happy"

Song: Bye bye baby Would save: no (also too slow) Best lyrics: "the picture frame is empty, vacant just like me" Thoughts: Given that this was the (TV) re-release, I was very nervous I wouldn't like vault tracks moving forward... 12/26

[ailee-celeste]

Since I am German and people from other countries don’t usually listen to our music like we do to theirs I’ll list up my favourite German songs + my favourite lyrics with HEAVY meaning to me… {I’ll translate them for y’all}

Grüne Augen lügen nicht - Jeremias

I‘m watching documentaries out of boredom, would rather have your face in front of me.

We‘re smoking cigarettes after sex and years and years in my attic apartment from number 4.

Letzer song - CRO

And I heard about your new boyfriend, and it doesn't hurt anymore, you're fine and you're alive, and it's good to see that. I wish the best for you and that someone gives you what I couldn't be for you. I'm sorry, sun.

Leichter//Kälter - Edwin Rosen

And your lips are purple, like the flowers that I never buy you, that I never buy you...

Spiegelbild - Mayberg

And I am grateful that my life is enough for me to live, some don't have it so easy, some don't have it so easy. I know people who don't have it so easy...

So schön - CRO

And even if you can't babe I love when you dance, oh I love when you dance dance dance for me, no matter how it sounds oh I love when you sing oh I love how you sing sing sing for me!

Ich will nur - Phillip Poisel

I just want you to know: I still love you, and that in the end there is no one else who changes me so much. That moves me so much.

Herz über Kopf - Joris

Haven't looked at me like that for a long time,

I tried to understand us far too often,

The eyes meet, the wine is already half empty.

Oh, I know exactly what you're thinking

The train has left the time was given away.

Feels so right, but is so wrong.

And whenever it's time to go,

I forget what once was and stop

The heart says stay, the head screams go..

Heart over head

Augen auf - Sido

Hey, mom, open your eyes, drive out my fluff. I want to grow up so much and not die at the age of 18.

Irgendwie, Irgendwo, Irgendwann - NENA

Give me a hand, I'll build you a castle of sand, somehow, somewhere, sometime.

Whatever - CRO

Yeah! Bye, bye I feel so free, free. I don't want to go home anymore and I don't give a shit what comes tomorrow, I'll lift my glass and scream…

Vermissen - Juju

I get back on the tour bus and I'll smell your shirt,let's see if the scent still remains,until I get off the bus again..

How can you miss someone so much?Like I miss you in this shitty moment?I'm so torn right now.Should I just write to you again or not?

How can you miss someone so much?Like I miss you in this shitty moment?I'm so torn right now.Should I just write to you again or not?

Lieder - Adel Tawil

I was one of five boys, "one minute", off, then it was over I only sang for myself, for an infinitely long time. Then I met her, and she reminded me that we were worlds away and yet from the same star.

Astronaut - Sido feat. Andreas Bourani

We are building higher and higher until it goes to infinity, almost eight billion people but humanity is missing. From up here, all this suddenly doesn't matter anymore, from here you can see no limits and the color of the skin. All this noise and nothing is silent, I can't hear you anymore. Slowly I have the feeling that I don't belong here. There is no forward and no turning back, only down and up. One in a hundred million, a small point above the ground.

[path-to-the-dead-end]

May 3, 2016

The airport was busy as always and Brayleigh casually looked around for his parents. Cassie stood beside him searching as well, but she couldn’t help but notice how alert Brayleigh was. It was strange to see him so anxious for once, his usual easy going attitude was all but gone at this moment.

“Hey.” He looked at her. “What’s up with you? I’ve never seen you like this.”

“Like what? I’m the same as always.” Brayleigh repeatedly flicked a strand of his hair until it fell just right as he said that.

“Even you don’t believe that lie by the looks of it.” She stood in front of him and grasped his hands. “Are you worried about telling your parents about all the work you’ve done?”

Brayleigh stared at her. The noise of the airport seemed to quiet and he let out a sigh. “That obvious huh?” Cassie simply smiled. “And I’m not sure why, I mean I’ve told them worse things and for some reason I’m nervous now.”

“Maybe because it’s the first time you’ve ever done something with so much effort. I saw how hard you worked on your songs, stayed up for hours developing the music and lyrics, and now having sent something off to a producer, who wouldn’t be worried?” Cassie touched his cheek. “I think this is the first time you’ve had something serious to worry over.”

He took a deep breath. “So… you feel like this all the time?”

Cassie giggled. “Yes, more or less. I constantly worry about what I should be doing and how others are going to perceive it and especially about telling others about it.”

Brayleigh seemed to take comfort in that and squeezed her hands tighter. “What do you do then… to calm down I mean?”

“Well, I’ve had years of experiences stressing the drive-thru, so I’ve developed some things that help me. You need to remember that whatever happens isn’t a bad thing, it’s just something that happens. Remind yourself that this is life and there will be a tomorrow. You life isn’t over if you parents aren’t happy with what you’ve done, and it’s not the end of the world if you get rejected by the producer.”

“That part still hasn’t sunk in.” Brayleigh walked them over to sit down. He clasped his hands together and went on. “I never thought I’d be worried about much of anything let alone something related to my music.” His head shook. “I’ll never understand how you live every day with this feeling.”

Cassie’s eyes watched him move with an adoration unmatched. “Just that you understand that it’s difficult to reason with it is a really good start. You can’t truly understand this feeling unless you experience it for yourself, but being a support system is all anyone needs.”

Brayleigh has a half smile to her. “So you mind huh?”

Cassie found herself smiling at that. “Yeah, I guess I am.”

Brayleigh leaned over and rested his forehead against hers. Their eyes closed and no matter everyone around them, they relished in the moment of being together.

“You know, sometimes it feels like we’re-”

“Brayleigh?”

He was interrupted by someone calling him, they separated and looked up seeing the tense expression of two adults looking down at them. Brayleigh shot up and dragged Cassie along with him.

“There you two are!” He approached them, his parents, and stood beside Cassie in front of them.

His mother, Mrs. Blasé, looked to Cassie for a quick second before speaking to her son. She spoke in a foreign language that Cassie assumed to be French. This only made Cassie retract a bit as it felt like those unknown words were about her.

Brayleigh, however, understood his mother and furrowed his brows when she finished.

“Is that important right now?” He responded.

Mrs. Blasé nodded. Brayleigh’s father made no attempt to even speak and said nothing while his wife spoke.

Brayleigh stared at his mother, unsure of how to respond. Having been asked who Cassie was, caught him off guard, and he wasn’t expecting his parents to be worried about her. Glancing back to her, he saw how uncomfortable she looked. He sighed a bit, and answered his mother.

“This is Cassie, mere, she was nice enough to come with me to pick you two up.”

Mrs. Blasé continued to speak in French. Eventually, Cassie let go of Brayleigh’s hand and stepped back a bit. Brayleigh’s head snapped back to her and she gave him a shy smile, politely turning her head down.

“Brayleigh!” His mother snapped.

“I’m sorry, just… just wait a second.” Brayleigh turned back to Cassie. His mother let out a huff and started talking to her husband. “Cassie, what’s wrong?”

She softly shrugged. “I shouldn’t get in the way. This is your business, so I don’t mind leaving you guys to talk.”

“I do. I can’t tell them anything about what I’ve been doing without you.” Cassie’s eyes widened slightly, but before she could say anything, Brayleigh looked back to his mom. “Guys, could we speak in English?”

Mrs. Blasé gave a dismissive point to Cassie as she responded to the question. From what Cassie did understand of French, was that his mother declined the request.

Once again, Cassie felt out of place and started to step away a bit. Brayleigh looked to his father, hoping to have him vouch for his idea. At his son’s glance, he sighed and spoke to his wife softly. The soft conversation quickly turned heated as they began to argue.

“B-brayleigh?” Cassie pulled on his shirt. “I… I can just leave. I don’t mind.”

“No. I don’t know why my mom is so agitated right now, but you’re important to what I was going to tell them.” Brayleigh reached for her hand, which Cassie allowed to be grabbed. “Please, just… don’t leave. I’ll work this out okay?”

Looking up at him, Cassie had almost blocked out the heavy feeling she got from his parents. However, their conversation stopped and both his parent’s eyes were on them. Brayleigh turned around seeing Cassie looking back at them.

“I hoped it wasn’t true. You have another girlfriend.” His mother finally spoke in english and it seemed this comment was aimed at them both. “What did I tell you?”

“What? There’s nothing wrong with me having a girlfriend.”

“There is.” His father began. “We told you this break from school shouldn't be wasted. We hoped you’d do good work if we let you stay with ton oncle, but seeing you with a girl…” He didn’t finish that.

“You’re always fooling around with girls. Getting too many girlfriends and here’s another one.” His mother fumed as she spoke. Eventually, she let out a sigh. “You spend months of your life playing around. It’s too much now and we hoped you would stop playing around if we let you take off from school.”

“I wasn’t fooling around while I was here. That’s why she’s with me!”

“For what? To be introduced as your girlfriend? I’ve seen that many times before.”

Cassie lowered her head. Despite these comments being hurled at Brayleigh, she felt them within herself as his mother went on. Brayleigh attempted to defend his position, but it seemed his parents weren’t interested in hearing him out. At their dismissive looks, Cassie sighed and tugged on Brayleigh’s hand, which silenced him as soon as he felt it.

“Cassie, please just-”

“I’m not gonna leave, I wanted to say something.” Brayleigh looked at her as Cassie looked to his parents. “Would you please allow me a second to speak with Brayleigh? I want to tell him something and I swear to be out of your way after.”

Brayleigh opened his mouth to speak, but Cassie glared at him. Their eyes met for a second and Brayleigh turned his back to her. Cassie looked back at his mother, awaiting her response.

She let out a long sigh, but eventually nodded, holding her hand up in slight compliance.

“Thank you…” Cassie then started to pull Brayleigh away and they spoke behind a column. It was quiet enough for them to hear one another and the irritation on Brayleigh’s face was hard to miss. Cassie grabbed a hold of his shoulders and tried to get him to look at her.

“Brayleigh!” He glanced at the sharp tone of his name. “Stop acting like this. If you knew your parents would see me as a distraction, then you should have told them about me sooner. You’re putting them in a difficult position and right now, I shouldn't be here.”

“You’re only saying that because they’re-”

“I’m saying that because it’s true.” Brayleigh stared at her, his eyes welling with tears. “Why are you so worried about letting me leave?”

He looked off. “You don’t know my parents. They’ll twist things around until they hear what they want to and I’ll… they’ll get me to leave Cassie.”

Her breath hitched. “You mean, going back to France with them?”

Somberly, Brayleigh nodded. “They’ll just tell my uncle I’m fooling around and he’ll kick me out, forcing me to go back to them or stay here with no way to support myself. They’ve always wanted me to just finish up university, but they allowed me to spend the summer working on music. If they think I wasted that on you then…” Brayleigh shook his head. “No, I didn’t waste it on you, but they’ll think that.”

“But Jess’ dad knows me, there’s no way he’d assume I was just some random girl fooling around with you.”

“They’ll find a way,” Brayleigh said softly.

Cassie closed her eyes, her breath was shaky and her hand trembled, but she slowly reached for his face and made him look at her.

“Brayleigh, do you think, if you leave it’ll repeat what happened to me before?”

Having no way to avoid her eyes, he slowly nodded with a bitter frown. “I’ll leave and we’ll… break up. Now I know why you worry about stuff like this, it could happen and I don’t know how to handle it if it does.” His own hands went to her shoulders. He leaned closer and spoke in a harsh whisper. “I don’t want to lose you, Cassie.”

At his words, Cassie grew a bitter smile. “Then let’s promise to stay together. Let's assume it happens... we’ll talk whenever we can and no matter what happens, we’ll be doing everything so our lives can join each other again.”

Brayleigh choked up and grabbed Cassie in a tight hug. “You think… it won’t happen?”

“There’s no doubt in my mind.” Cassie’s eyes began to water, but she managed to pull back and saw Brayleigh's tear stained face. “I know we’ll stay together what happens. A thousand miles of ocean may separate us, but our love can make the distance.”

Brayleigh’s eyes shook as he tried to hold back any more tears from falling. His head dropped and he rested his forehead against her as Cassie held him, rubbing down his back. Her hands shook while doing so, but she tried to give him all the comfort she could give him.

“Okay… okay Cassie. Not even a thousand miles… can separate us.” His voice was soft as he repeated her words. They naturally fell against one another picturing the world where the best happened.

[sargeant-bxrnes]

1 step forward, 3 steps back.

warnings: rafe being… rafe. drug mention & consumption, cursing, toxic relationship, sexual situations/implications, mental health issues. ANGST.

[AN: this is the first thing i’ve written, ever, so my apologies if it’s not flawless ; also, english is not my first language, that’s a warning on its own]

my requests are open btw

click for my master list

word count: 4.4K

Called you on the phone today

Just to ask you how you were

All I did was speak normally

Somehow I still struck a nerve

“Hey,” you said in a soft tone as soon as Rafe picked up the phone, you were laying down on your bed, staring at the ceiling.

“Hey princess,” his tone was calm, but his voice was rough and raspy all together.

“How you doing?” you asked him, even though you’d seen him last night, up close.

“I’m doing great,” he replied in a surprisingly cheerful tone, which is weird this early in the morning. Rafe is not a morning person. “You sound tired.”

“I am tired,” you confirmed with a sigh. “Guess I have you to thank for that.”

“My pleasure.” he replied cockily, and even though you couldn’t see him, you could practically hear his proud smirk.

“So, what’s the plan today?” you asked in a casual tone, fidgeting with the edge of Rafe’s shirt, the one you wore to sleep.

“Uh, what do you mean?” he asked in a distracted tone, he sniffed subtly and coughed.

You knew what that meant, but still, you hoped it wasn’t what you deep down knew it was.

“Yeah, I mean—“ you said and made a brief pause. “Wanna go to the club? Maybe we can take a ride on the boat, you know, with food, alcohol... just us.”

“Can’t, I’m busy.” he said after a few seconds, if you didn’t know him better and his occasional mood swings, you would’ve said his tone was harsh.

"Really?" you asked in a soft tone, trying to disguise your disappointment with interest. "But I thought we were going out together today."

"Y/N, just because I'm your boyfriend it doesn't mean I have to be with you all the fucking time."

Okay, now he was definitely angry, you thought you said the right thing, but it still made him angry.

"Rafe-"

"No, Y/N. I have a life of my own, you know? Things to do besides you."

“That’s okay Rafe, I get it,” You said calmly, nodding your head softly. “Have fun today.”

Now you clearly heard the sound of him sniffing something and the sigh that left his lips after, and Barry’s voice in the background. “Don’t play the victim card on me, that’s not gonna work. I deserve to have some time off.”

“I didn’t,” you said softly. “And it’s okay baby, you’re right, you deserve to have some fun.”

“See? No need to be so fucking dramatic,” he said, his voice and words slurring. You? Dramatic? It was all him. “But don’t worry princess, I’ll drop by tonight and fuck the attitude out of you, yeah? That way I’m not just doing things with you, I’m doing you.”

And with such a vulgar comment and a harsh tone, Rafe hung up on you, leaving you completely dumbfounded and filled with incredulity.

What you did know for a fact, is that he would keep up his word. And judging by his tone of voice and how annoyed he was, you could already imagine the ache between your legs.

You got me fucked up in the head, boy

Never doubted myself so much

Like, am I pretty? Am I fun, boy?

I hate that I give you power over that kind of stuff

You knew exactly what you were getting into when you started hooking up with Rafe, and what you were committing to when you agreed to be his girlfriend.

You know that man carries more problems than he shows, he prefers to make himself appear as the Kook prince who lives a life of partying and money; hiding all the things that were going on in his head.

However, there were times when his attitude made you doubt yourself.

You couldn't help but think, ‘What if one day I don't manage to calm him down?’ ‘What if one day he realizes that there is someone prettier, or hotter, or wealthier out there?’

And Rafe would get angry if you doubted yourself. He would complain to you about it, saying you had no reason to be insecure about your looks; if you are absolutely gorgeous, or to feel insecure about your personality; if you were the most genuine person he'd ever met, and you could make him laugh until he forgot all his problems.

But what really made him furious was when you had doubts about the relationship itself, about whether or not he was capable of leaving you for someone else. He took those doubts personally, as if he wasn't trying hard enough to show you how much you mean to him.

When in reality; you were doubting yourself.

'Cause it's always one step forward

You were preparing dinner for you and Rafe, your family was out for the weekend, and Rafe had decided to spend it with you.

Your hair was tied up in a bun, your attire consisted of nothing but your underwear and a shirt that used to be Rafe's, but you took it so long ago that it's yours now.

Music from your shared playlist played in the background, as you danced absentmindedly with a spatula in hand, extremely calm and enjoying time with your boyfriend.

Rafe could do nothing but stare at you with admiration, you are literally the only good thing in his life; his little piece of heaven. You are everything to him.

As soon as Dark Red by Steve Lacy started playing, you let out an excited gasp. That song in particular is Rafe’s and yours, like… if you two had to choose a song to describe your relationship, it would be that one. It represented how you two did not always have good times, but your love prevailed.

Seeing you this happy, comfortable and at ease with him made Rafe's soul happy. All his life, he had done nothing else besides make people angry, disappointed, terrified. But with you, everything was different.

You were so focused on swaying your hips to the music and singing, that you didn't notice when Rafe stood up and walked over to where you were.

It wasn't until he stood behind you, chest to back and with his hands on your hips, that you realized he was closer. His head was bowed, you could feel his breathing close to your ear, so he was able to murmur in your ear the lyrics of the song:

“Only you, my girl, only you, babe,” he sang in your ear, his voice a soft whisper as he wrapped his arms around your body and started to sway with you. “Only you, darling, only you, babe.”

The gesture quickened your heart to unsuspected levels, you felt your knees weaken as you pressed closer to his body, appreciating his closeness as he pressed a kiss against your temple.

“You know I love you so much, right?” he mumbled in your ear, as you closed your eyes and relished his presence.

“I love you too, baby.”  you mumbled back, leaning your head against his chest, caressing one of his arms around your waist with your fingertips, and bringing your hand to his ash blond hair, stroking it softly.

and three steps back

“Why is he mad at you, again?” Topper asked you with a raised eyebrow, after witnessing Rafe utterly avoiding even looking at you when he walked into the room and then left without a word.

“Because I told Barry to not open the door if Rafe dropped by,” You replied with a shrug, closing your eyes and leaning back against the chair. “And when Rafe tried to lash out on him, Barry said it all had been ‘Mrs.Country Club’s’ request.”

“And he’s mad at you because you don’t want him to get all fucked up?” Topper questioned next, trying to understand the situation. But he never knew what the fuck you two were up to.

“Yes, but it’s Rafe, are you surprised?” you said with a heavy sigh.

“No, not really,” Topper admitted. “Honestly, I don’t know why you keep up with him, Y/N.”

“I ask myself that all the time…” you said with a deep sigh. “But I love him, so I guess that’s the answer.”

“And? I mean, I don’t want to be ‘that guy’ Y/N, but he’s…” Topper trailed off, apparently looking for the right word.

“I know exactly how he is, Topper, I don’t need you to remind me. I already think about that way too much.”

You and Topper had easily assumed that Rafe was no longer around, since he seemed to be making his best efforts to avoid you.

But Rafe was there, and he heard everything. He’d heard Topper giving you bad advice (or what he considered bad advice) And he heard you, having doubts about why you loved him or stood by him at all,and it made him want to lash out again.

I'm the love of your life until I make you mad

It's always one step forward and three steps back

Do you love me, want me, hate me? Boy, I don't understand

No, I don't understand

[+18. Really]

“Leave me alone!” his voice boomed in the room, his brows furrowed and the veins in his neck were popping out.

“Rafe—“ you tried once again, approaching slowly in an attempt to place a hand on his shoulder, but he waved it away aggressively.

“Leave-me-alone,” he said, pausing in between each word to emphasize on how much he meant it. His eyes were bloodshot, his nose had specks of white dust, his lips were dry and his voice was coarse.

You weren’t entirely sure what you could say to get him to calm down. Or if there was anything at all you could do.

Normally, what upsets him the most is Ward. His own father. Rafe has spent his whole life trying to prove he's a good son, to make his father proud, and Ward never appreciates his efforts, only notices the bad, and ignores Rafe's clear calls for help, has since Rafe was 10 years old, so he certainly wasn't going to pay attention to him now that Rafe finally had a steady girlfriend, someone who had willingly decided to help.

95% of the time, you managed to talk to Rafe before he decided to resort to intoxication. Most of the time just seeing you helped him calm down, hearing your voice soothed him, and your lips, your skin, put him in a state of peace.

But the other 5% is when Rafe resorted to alcohol and, above all, drugs.

When Rafe is upset and decides to get high, he only manages to become unstable, erratic and yes, aggressive if not handled with care.

In those situations, the best thing you can do, putting yourself first, is to give him his space. Let him screw himself as much as he wants for that day, and help him deal with the consequences the next day, while you listen to him lament his attitude.

Rafe always said he would quit the vice; claiming you were all he needed to calm himself down, that you made him feel at peace. And above all, that you weren't slowly killing him; on the contrary, every minute he spent with you made him feel more alive.

However, for one reason or another, he always came back to it. Whether it was at a party, because Kelce suggested it, or, as is almost always the case, when he's upset with his father and needs quick relief.

And usually, this ‘quick relief’ ends up with Rafe fucked up, big time.

Once he was convinced that you wouldn't try to intervene again, Rafe went back to his business. He turned to the table, and since he already had the line ready, he simply leaned over and inhaled it, throwing his head back, running his hand through his hair and exhaling as he closed his eyes.

You exhaled heavily, shaking your head as you stared at your feet.  You knew he would struggle to quit, after all it is an addiction and he has to fight it, but sometimes you get the impression that Rafe doesn't want to quit, not really.

"Do you want to help me?" asked Rafe eventually, turning his head to look at you. You didn't know if it was a trick question or not, so you hesitated before answering. "Answer me."

"Yes, of course I want to, Rafe." you replied with your respective hesitations, wondering what he was up to.

"Come here then," he said, making a 'come hither’ sign with his fingers.

You took a hesitant step but stopped, your eyes narrowing as you analyzed Rafe, trying to determine his intentions.

He raised both eyebrows in your direction, in a silent question of whether or not you're going to go with him.

Eventually you walked over to where Rafe was, he smiled at you while biting his lip lightly. Without saying anything he approached you and kissed you; the drugs made his senses heighten, so the kiss was intense from the beginning.

So that's when it made sense to you what he wanted, he wanted you. Your most obvious thought is that he would use you to take out your frustration, put the drugs aside and, most likely, fuck you.

Your idea seemed to be the right one as soon as Rafe grabbed you by the waist, still with his lips on yours, left a little bite on your lip before pulling away; and without any problem, lifted you off the floor and placed you on the table.

It's something you wouldn't admit out loud,—mostly out of shame and guilt,—but this kind of sex with Rafe was the best, he's completely unrestrained, rough, full of stamina and teasing, and above all, possessive. And that, in combination with his attractiveness, always drove you crazy.

And honestly; if what he wanted was to fuck you to take out his frustration, you'd let him.

His kisses were hungry and his hands desperate, running all over your body without distinction, as if he didn't know where to start.

He parted his lips from yours, and left a kiss at the corner of them, on your jaw; and began to make a little trail of slow kisses down your neck. The feeling of his lips on your neck made you bite your lip as you wrapped your legs around his waist to feel him closer.

You slid your hand under his shirt, caressing his defined abs and the sides of his body gently with the tips of your fingers, as he left little bites on your neck. Your hands slowly moved up, intending to remove his shirt, but Rafe was quicker and brought his hands to the edge of your shirt, causing you to stop your movements to raise your arms, so he could remove your shirt with ease. And so he did.

He parted his lips from your neck and stared at you, the hunger in his eyes made you feel a fire in the pit of your stomach that only he could put out.

Desperately, your lips connected again as he settled between your legs. One of his hands traveled to your neck, and he wrapped his fingers around it, pressing lightly to the sides. Your eyes rolled to the back of your head; though he couldn't see it.

With just enough strength, Rafe used the grip he had on your neck to push you down onto the table, so that you were lying on top of it.

As soon as he leaned over the table, you could feel his breath over abdomen, so you bit your lip in anticipation for what was to come.

He began to leave slow, wet kisses on your abdomen, making a slow trail to the edge of your shorts. Your automatic reaction was to close your eyes and put a hand in his hair, stroking it gently.

What you didn’t know is that the fact that you closed your eyes had given Rafe an opportunity he couldn't miss. Without you noticing, he slid a hand to the side of the table, where the small bag of white powder was.

To conceal his actions, he unbuttoned your shorts, and returned his lips to the beginning of your abdomen for more time.

The little bite he left to distract your attention caused a gasp to escape your lips; and that sound almost caused him to change plans completely.

He did want to fuck you, don’t get him wrong. He even had a mental debate about whether to continue what he was doing or simply sink his head between your thighs and provoke more sounds like that.

But he wanted to try something first. He had always wanted to try it, but had never asked you, because he knew that you would most likely say no.

With ease, he slid your shorts down your legs; so that they stayed at your ankles or fell to the floor; he didn't care. One of his hands slid into your underwear with ease, his fingers going straight to where he knew you needed him the most.

Trusting that you would not open your eyes, carefully, he put the white substance on your body, so delicately you didn’t notice. He began to prepare to inhale, while biting his lip in reaction to the sinful sounds that left your lips.

And obviously, without warning, Rafe inhaled a line from your thigh.

And all your sounds stopped, your eyes opened and your expression was filled with surprise, the bad kind.

You couldn't believe what Rafe had just done, you felt like an idiot for falling into the trap.

You also had to bite your lip to keep from letting out a moan in reaction to what his fingers were doing in between your legs, but your pride forbade it.

But more than anything else, you were outraged.

“Rafe, you did not just—“

“It felt nice, yeah?” Rafe’s voice was hoarse, you could feel his breath over your skin, as he left little kisses around. “After all, I did feel you clench around my fingers.”

His dirty words, hoarse voice, and close proximity to your body, not to mention his fingers deep inside you, caused you to let out a soft moan, causing Rafe to smirk in what he thought was victory.

But you wouldn't let him win this little game.

Although you really didn't want to, you grabbed his hand by the wrist and pulled him away, your legs trembling slightly at the sudden lack of anything between them.

Rafe's eyebrows furrowed in confusion as soon as you pushed him away from you and got off the table, lifting your shorts off the floor and putting them back on without a word.

"What are you doing?"

You didn't answer, as you searched for  your shirt, feeling his heavy gaze on your body.

"Y/N, where do you think you're going?"

“I’m leaving you alone as you asked me to, remember?” you said in irony. “Before you sniffed a line off me after I begged you to quit that shit?”

“Oh, so now you’re playing the victim?” his voice rose. “Don't- Don’t act as if you wouldn’t have let me fuck you less than a minute ago!”

"Yes I would have let you, to distract you from that shit!" you admitted to him, failing to control your anger. "I said I wanted to help you, to distract you, to give you something different to do. Not that I'd give you another place to snort lines from!"

Rafe knew you were right, of course he did.

You had spent months after months trying to get him to quit, you had offered him countless hours of your days to give him something new to do, distractions, attention and love. And this is how he had decided to pay you back?

But Rafe was angry too, very. You had interrupted him, you were yelling at him; and you had left him so hard, that it would start to hurt unless he did something about it.

“Fine, then get the fuck out of here.” Rafe spat, his anger clearly getting the best of him.

Your eyes widened at that, you hadn't expected him to react like that.

Your best case scenario would be that your attitude would piss him off, yes, but that he would retaliate by getting you back to the table and showing you everything you were missing.

Instead, he simply took your word for it and told you to get out of the room.

“What?”

“You heard me, get out.”

“Rafe—“

“You uh, you have three options, yeah? You let me fuck you over that table and do whatever I want, you get out of here, or I’ll get you out of here.”

The first offer was tempting, it really was, but you wouldn’t allow him to talk to you like that. Before anything, came respect and dignity, and no matter how much you wanted him to fuck you silly, you were too angry and disappointed at him to let it slip.

Blinking repeatedly to chase away the tears from your eyes, you grabbed your phone from the other end of the table, your jacket from Rafe's bed, and walked out of there without another word as you heard him calling your name.

And maybe in some masochistic way

I kinda find it all exciting

Like, which lover will I get today?

Will you walk me to the door or send me home cryin'?

Your relationship with Rafe was unique.

Not because of the circumstances in which it was created. A one-night-stand that turned into something casual, that was formalized after a dinner.

If not for Rafe.

You loved him, no doubt about it. You would give anything to see him happy and at peace, at peace with himself and succeeding in his life.

Rafe would do anything for you, really, anything. No matter how risky, demanding or dangerous, he would do anything for you.

He would die and kill for you.

But that surely didn’t mean it was an easy relationship, hell no. In fact, the willingness both of you had to do anything for each other sometimes made things too complicated; for at times it seemed that not a single rational thought crossed your minds.

And yes, Rafe’s addiction was a big issue. Whenever he was too high, or going through withdrawals, he wasn’t the Rafe you knew or had grown to love, it was another side of him you wanted to help get rid off. And the process wasn’t easy.

While trying to get clean; there was no way to know how he’d behave. He could either get clingy and want you around at all times to calm himself down, or he’d be in a very bad mood all the time, constantly snapping at you and raising his voice.

So there were days where he’d walk you to the door of your house and leave you there with a tender kiss and a smile.

Or days when you’d get out of his truck without a word, with tears streaming down your cheeks while he kept yelling for probably the stupidest thing.

No, it's back and forth, did I say something wrong?

It's back and forth, goin' over everything I said

It's back and forth, did I do something wrong?

'It's back and forth, maybe this is all your fault

Rafe knew he wasn’t okay. After all, he had begged his father for help, begged for anything that would get those thoughts to stop, but his father hadn’t listened, had only told him to ‘man up.’

You knew he wasn’t okay. Which is why you wanted to help him, to offer the support no one else had bothered to give him before he met you.

Whether he wanted it or not, those thoughts were still there. Being with you made them easier to ignore, but it’s not like they vanished entirely. He still had some ideas that made his own skin crawl.

And sometimes, you’d say or do the wrong thing and trigger those thoughts. And things got bad again for him.

Rafe knew you wanted nothing but to help him get better and be the best version of himself, and he really wanted to give you that. To change and make an effort. Not only for himself but for you. He wanted to be a man worthy of your love.

But it was hard to be anywhere near decent when you two went out and a guy stared at you for longer than Rafe’s limits allowed, or when guys tried to hit on you, when his friends got a little bit too close for his comfort.

Whenever he got jealous, he turned into a walking, talking ticking bomb. Anything could, and would set him off.

It wasn’t your fault, not really, but most of the time you felt it was. You knew Rafe dealt with a lot of insecurities already, of not being a nice person, not being good enough and so many other things. And you hated being one of the factors that caused his insecurities to arise.

And I'd leave you, but the roller coaster is all I've ever had

It was a complicated relationship, and it would probably never stop being complicated because both of you are complex people, plus there are other factors that affect the relationship.

But that didn't mean either of you would stop fighting to keep it alive. Neither would let the other go.

Rafe utterly refused to ever let you go. He loved you as he had never loved anyone, as he never thought himself capable of loving with that twisted heart of his.

You are, without exception, the best thing in his life, the best thing that ever happened to him. And you being in his heart was slowly turning him into who he had wanted to be during all those years of loneliness.

And you would never let him go, because you loved him with all your heart, soul and nerve of your body. And because you know that no one will ever love you like him. With so much passion, intensity, honesty and purity.

Because every feeling Rafe expressed with you was true; he was himself with you. And you didn't want to let him go.

Even if the two of you went one step forward, and three steps back, that single step would be longer than any step life makes you take backwards.

[insistonyourcupofstars]

Daniel "Bleeding Heart" Humphrey: A Playlist

1.) Call Me a Dreamer - Kings Elliot

Overall, this song is entirely Dan. Almost every lyric sticks out as dan-coded, and I feel this song really works for him because of its idealism and dreaminess.

"Call me a dreamer // Call me naive // Like a gun to my head // Caught in a fever // Tryna deceive myself // That you'd stay // When you left"

2.) Arms - The Paper Kites

S5-6 DERENA!!!

"What can I give that is all for you? // My heart's no good 'cause it's split in two // What can I give that is all for you? // These arms are all I have"

3.) Gone - Blake Rose

"So don't tell me when it's over // I don't want to know // I'm done carrying the weight of the world // So heavy on my shoulders// I just wanna feel this love"

4.) So Far - Ólafur Arnolds

S6 Dan is honestly my poor little meow meow. Like, he is pure evil, but he is still my tragic little guy.

"So far from who I was // From who I love // From who I want to be // So far from seeing home // I stand out here alone // Am I asking for too much?"

5.) Call It Fate, Call It Karma - The Strokes

This is kind of playing into the idea of Dan and Serena never truly being able to leave each other, or at least, they have put so much effort into their relationship, that it has to mean something for them.

"Can I waste all your time out here on the sidewalk? // Can I stand in your light just for a while? // I've waited around to wait in a room // Having a hard time watching you"

6.) Mystery of Love - Sufjan Stevens

"Oh, oh woe-oh-woah is me // The first time that you touched me // Oh will wonders ever cease? // Blessed be the mystery of love // Now I'm prone to misery // The birthmark on your shoulder reminds me"

7.) THAT’S WHAT I WANT - Lil Nas X

Bisexual baby just wants love.

"These days, I'm way too lonely // I'm missing out, I know // These days, I'm way too alone // And I'm known for giving love away, but // I want someone who love me // I want someone who needs me // Cause it don't feel right when it's late at night // And it's just me in my dreams"

8.) Wilderness - Jon Bryant

4.17 & 5.17 KISS!

"Stay with me tonight // Let your senses lose this fight // In the open wilderness of love // Let me show you how // You will never be without // So lay your weary hand on mine // And I'll show you who this heart beats for"

9.) Back to the Old House - The Smiths

AAAAHHHH!!! The fact that the loft was once a refuge for the Humphreys and the UES kids, and it became essentially a haunted house; filled with memories of a past life that Dan can never go back to because so much damage has been done.

"I would rather not go // Back to that old house // There's too many bad memories // I would love to go // Back to the old house // But I never will"

10.) Everybody Wants to Rule the World - Tears for Fears

"Acting on your best behavior // Turn your back on Mother Nature // Help me make the // most of freedom and of pleasure // nothing ever lasts forever // Everybody wants to rule the world"

11.) O Children - Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds

Alright, this one might be a stretch, but I still see this as a Dan (+ NJBC) song. Something something their parents left them in a world that was unknowingly built to destroy them.

"Hey little train, wait for me // Was held in chains but now I'm free // I'm hanging in there, don't you see // In this process of elimination"

12.) when was it over? - Sasha Alex Sloane

post s5 dair!

"When was it over for you? // When was it over? // When was the moment you knew // That you were going to walk out eventually // It's still not over for me"

13.) Safe & Sound - Taylor Swift (ft The Civil Wars)

I read this song two different ways: Dan's relationship with Blair, and Dan's relationship with Milo. Honestly, I think I'm more partial to S&S being a Milo&Dan song because of @terrainofheartfelt milo!verse hcs about Dan fighting for custody over Milo, and it makes me want to cry.

"Don't you dare look out your window, darling everything is on fire // The war outside our door keeps raging on // Hold on to this lullaby even when the music's gone, gone // You'll be alright, no one can hurt you now // Come morning light, you and I'll be safe and sound"

14.) I Wanna Be Your Slave - Måneskin

Everytime I hear this song, I think of Dangina. Specifically speaking, this song gives off the s6 Dangina dynamic and I'm living for it. You and I both know that there was a lot of fucking going on during that summer.

"I love you since this morning // Not just for aesthetic // I wanna touch your body // So fucking electric // I know you scared of me // You say I'm too eccentric // I'm crying all my tears // And that's fucking pathetic"

15.) In the Woods Somewhere - Hozier

post!s1 derena/s5 dair breakup

"My head was warm // My skin was soaked // I called your name 'til the fever broke // When I awoke // The moon still hung // The night so black that the darkness hummed // I raised myself // My legs felt weak // I prayed my mind be good to me"

16.) Fourth of July - Sufjan Stevens

ALISON AND DAN HUMPHREY RIGHTS!!!

Listen, I think about them more than I should. But, like... the sheer amount of PAIN that these two share is bizarre. They love each other, but with Alison leaving and Dan taking up a maternal role for Jenny, the resentment built between the two is so fucking sad. And the show never elaborates on it! They go from having a delicious story full of bitterness and resent and love, and then just say "oh, them? nah, they get along." LIKE WHAT?

Anyways, I have strong opinions on Dan and Alison and how alike they are, and I will gladly talk to you about them.

"Did you get enough love, my little dove // Why do you cry? // And I'm sorry I left, but it was for the best // Though it never felt right // My little Versailles // Make the most of your life, while it is rife // While it is light"

17.) Sinking Ship - Wild Child

"Feel like wasting time // Feel like wasting time // Feel like wasting time with you // See the rising tide // Know it's only a matter of time"

18.) Until You - AHI

Much like #1, this song is, in its entirety, a Dan Humphrey song.

" There ain't much I can give // But I'll give you everything // You helped me believe in something // I was one of the wandering // I was empty, lost without a clue // Until now // Until you"

19.) Two Men in Love - The Irrepressibles

I'll give you guys three guesses as to who I am referring to.

"If I asked you now // Will you be my prince // Will you lay down your armor // And be with me forever // Gonna build you up, gonna help you believe honey // We're just two men in love"

[thishintoflove]

“I Think He Knows” - A Kingsman Fanfic

TSwift Songfic Week Day 5

Pairing: Agent Whiskey x M!Reader

Warnings: 18+ Explicit (Pining, dirty talk, hand jobs, oral sex)

A/N: I feel like there’s a lack of M/M in the Pedro cinematic universe fandom, so here’s some bisexual Whiskey having a good time with a fellow male agent.

Summary: You and Agent Whiskey are paired together for an out-of-state mission. On your last night, your pining and his flirting finally come to a head.

I think he knows his hands around

A cold glass

Make me wanna know that body

Like it's mine

The mission was long but you were finally finished with it. Three weeks in Dallas were more than enough for you, and you were looking forward to getting home to your own bed and your own office in Kentucky. You were aching for the privacy it offered, after spending almost a month sharing a hotel room with your fellow agent. This time you’d been paired up with Agent Whiskey, and because of that you were glad the trip was almost over.

It’s not because Agent Whiskey- Jack - was incapable. Quite the opposite. He was extremely efficient and good at his job but he was also… extremely attractive. Which was a huge distraction.

You took pride in being a capable agent but Jack and his pretty face compromised that. You’ve never been in a situation like this before. Lusting over your coworker felt extremely unprofessional, but it was impossible to ignore him. He was an in-your-face kind of guy, always butting in with a comment or joke, always using his body as a weapon. He’d lounge around your shared hotel room in nothing but a thin towel, his wet hair draped across his forehead, and you swear he did it on purpose. The man knew how attractive he was and he obviously loved flaunting it.

He was tall and tan, with soft brown hair, a pair of beautiful round eyes that seemed to sparkle with amusement, and a smile that made your knees weak. The downside was that his smile made just about everyone weak. You were living in your own personal hell. Every single day having to watch Jack be attractive without even trying, and then watch as everyone in his vicinity tried to flirt with him. Tonight he was wearing a black leather jacket and extremely tight jeans, looking more like a movie star than an undercover agent. The man could pull off anything. It’s actually unfair.

You were out at some dive bar, celebrating the end to a successful mission before flying home tomorrow. It was Jack’s idea of course, but you’d agreed because you needed a stiff drink after these three long weeks and honestly you couldn’t say no to him.

“Another round, kid?”

You glanced up and saw him staring at you, a twinkle in his bright eyes. His hand gripped his empty whiskey glass and you eyed your own half-full drink. You couldn’t throw it back like him.

“I’m good for now,” you answered.

He nodded and slapped you on the shoulder as he stood up, “I’ll get you another one anyway. You better finish that by the time I get back.”

You sighed as you watched him walk away. His ass looked fantastic in those jeans. All the training and harsh exercise routines that Champ put the team through really worked for him. No wonder he could get any pretty thing he wanted.

Speaking of which, he seemed to have turned his affections on someone else. You groaned, your eyes never wavering from where Jack stood. He was currently making small talk with the pretty brunette bartender. He was giving her the full Whiskey treatment- gazing at her with those soft, mocha-colored puppy dog eyes and giving her a charming half-grin. Watching him flirt was simultaneously entertaining and torturous. He threw his head back, laughing at some dumb joke the bartender must have said, and you almost growled out loud as you hungrily stared at his neck.

Stupid horny bastard.

He got that boyish look that I like in a man

I am an architect, I'm drawing up the plans

It's like I'm seventeen, nobody understands

No one understands

You were getting really sick of hiding your partial hard-ons and jacking off in the cold shower, but everything the man did was hot. The deep voice and accent alone were enough to get you going on most days. God, you hadn’t felt like this since high school.

If Jack noticed you staring or caught on to the fact that you took extra long showers, he didn’t say anything. You were openly out at the agency and your sexuality wasn’t a secret. When you first joined the Statesmen, you felt you had something to prove at work, as if you had to demonstrate your masculinity by keeping up with the largest members of the team. But you’ve excelled in your role for years now and you were beyond proving yourself at this point. You were just glad that Agent Whiskey wasn’t one of the people who cared that you liked men.

In fact, he treated you just like he treated everyone-- this meant he wasn’t shy about flirting and teasing you. Sometimes it seemed like he was coming onto you, but you had to remind yourself that he was like that with everyone-- you weren’t special and there was no way he was actually interested.

Before falling asleep each night, you’d listen to Jack’s soft snores and run scenarios through your head of every possible way that you could share your feelings. You thought about all of the things you could say, and all of the ways Jack could react. It was agonizing but your analytical mind couldn’t stop. You wished you had the courage to just ask him out. The worst that could happen is he’d say ‘no’ and maybe request to never work with you again, but then at least you’d be free of him.

Wanna see what's under that attitude

Like, I want you, bless my soul

And I ain't gotta tell him

I think he knows

A loud laugh suddenly interrupted your thoughts and you looked over to the bar again. The bartender was giggling and grasping at Jack’s arm. The sight made your stomach turn, and you made a quick decision to get out of there before you had to watch them start making out over the bar.

You stepped up next to Jack and finally drew his attention away from the girl.

“Hey, hold off on my drink. I’m gonna head out,” you told him.

“What? Come on now, it’s so early!”

“Yeah. I just don’t really feel like hanging out anymore. I’ll see you back there.”

Before Jack could respond, you threw down some cash on the bar and turned away. You were already across the floor and on your way out the door when a hand on your arm stopped you.

“Hey. Are you pissed at me or something?”

“No,” you muttered, trying to ignore the shot of arousal you felt when he grabbed you, “I just don’t feel like sitting in the corner, watching you flirt with some chick.”

You tried to turn away from him, but Jack let out a quiet “ohhh” of understanding. His grip on your arm tightened.

“We’ve been on this mission for weeks now, and on our last night you finally decide to say something?” Jack laughed, turning you around so you were facing him again. He invaded your personal space, ducking his head and trailing his nose along your neck and jaw.

“What?” you asked, confused because he couldn’t possibly mean...

“You're so slow, that’s what,” Jack mumbled, his lips tracing along your neck. It felt amazing, but... was Jack- your fellow agent and known womanizer- really nuzzling your neck right now?

“I'm confused, are you really into this?” you asked again, trying to hold back a moan. Jack pulled away and looked at you with huge eyes.

“God, you’re an idiot. I've been sending you obvious signs, makin’ eyes at you and showing off what I got, and now I'm literally biting your neck, and you're still asking?” Jack said incredulously. You searched his face and saw eyes that were filled with desperation and lust.

“I just assumed…”

“I like it both ways, kid. Is that clear enough for you?”

He then took one step forward and kissed you fully on the lips. There was only a moment of shock before you melted into the kiss, pressing your bodies closer and running your hands over Jack’s shoulders and back. All of your worries disappeared then. You didn't feel the terrible anxiety that constantly filled you with dread. Your mind stopped frantically thinking about every possible worst case scenario. Everything stopped. There was only Jack.

“Oh ohhhh right. Yeah I’m an idiot,” you quietly mumbled against his lips, “Want to go back to the hotel?”

“Fuckin’ finally,” he replied with a grin.

Lyrical smile, indigo eyes, hand on my thigh

We can follow the sparks, I'll drive

So where we gonna go?

I whisper in the dark

You weren’t sure how you made it back to the hotel so quickly, but as soon as you tumbled through the door, Jack had you pinned to the bed underneath him. His hands roamed all over your torso, and he pulled the shirt over your head and tossed it aside before quickly doing the same to his own. The room was filled with your little whimpers every time Jack ground his hips against yours. You stared up at him, his lips swollen and red bitten and eyes blown with lust, and you were positive that you looked just as debauched. He looked just as beautiful hovering over you as you’d always imagined, and you wanted to feel him everywhere.

“More,” you whined, canting your hips up into Jack’s.

He groaned and trailed his hands down your chest, his fingers brushing against your nipples, causing a moan to slip from your mouth. He continued his journey down until he reached the fly of your jeans.

“Lift up,” Jack mumbled, leaning in to kiss your neck as he tried to tug your pants down. You obeyed and soon your pants and your boxers were off, leaving you completely exposed.

“Fuckin’ hell,” he moaned, his fingers barely brushing over your erection, “You’re even prettier than I thought, darlin’.”

You groaned, pushing your body closer to Jack’s. As his hand slowly learned the feel of your cock, your own hands wandered all over his body. From his strong shoulders to his muscular back, to his waist, his hips, his thick thighs. You slipped one hand into his jeans to grab his ass, finally getting the chance to touch the part of Jack’s body you’d fantasized about the most. You could feel his clothed erection rubbing against your thigh as Jack continued steadily stroking your cock.

“Jack,” you whimpered, gazing into his dark, lust-filled eyes. You were barely able to control your thoughts properly since Jack’s pace was getting quicker and way too distracting. He grinned down at you.

“This good, baby? You want it a little rougher?” he asked, a groan slipping from his lips as you squeezed his ass in response.

Jack pushed forward and kissed you harder this time, moving his hand faster along your cock. Then he kissed his way down your neck, sucking and nipping all your sensitive spots. Suddenly he bit down hard on the skin between your neck and shoulder, following it up with a long lick with his wide tongue. That show of possessiveness was enough to push you right to the edge. You cried out as pleasure tore through you, coming in ropes all over Jack’s large hand. You gasped for breath, your chest rising and falling as your head lolled against the pillows.

Jack hovered over you, continuing to kiss your neck and upper chest as you came down from your high. “I’ve been told I’m good with my hands, can I get a confirmation on that, darlin'?“ he asked with a cocky grin.

Your eyes blinked open and you smirked at him. “You’ve got the confirmation all over your hand.”

“Ooooh, so he’s mouthy all of a sudden. Guess I just had to get you in bed to see the sassy side of you, huh?” Jack tutted.

“I’ll show you mouthy,” you muttered, blushing at the stupid euphemism even as you trailed a line of kisses down Jack’s sternum and belly.

When you reached the top of his jeans, you surprised your fellow agent by flipping him over and yanking his pants down in one fluid motion. Jack growled at the switch, but when you took his cock into your mouth, he gasped and surged forward. You enjoyed the desperate moan he made as you swallowed him completely, his hips bucking into your mouth. But you wanted to take your time with this. You grasped his hip bone with one hand and held him down, before pulling off his cock and moving to lightly lick his balls. Jack was making beautiful, desperate noises and you loved the idea that this strong, confident agent was falling apart because of you. You smiled against him and swiped your tongue along the bottom of his shaft before taking him fully into your mouth again.

“Holy hell, you’re fuckin’ amazing,“ Jack groaned as you bobbed up and down on his cock, “I’m so close-”

You sucked harder and reached your other hand down to fondle his balls again as Jack thrust into your mouth. Soon he was arching forward and shouting your name. You let him come in your mouth, swallowing his seed down like it was another shot at the bar.

When you looked up at Jack from between his legs, you grinned. He had his head tilted back, one hand thrown across his mouth as he stared at the ceiling, breathing heavily. When he felt your eyes on him, he looked down at you with a satisfied smile.

“Damn, that was…”

“Amazing,” you cut him off, “Even better than I imagined.”

“So you imagined it, huh?”

Unable to control the urge any longer, you leaned forward and pulled Jack into a sweet, affectionate kiss. You ran your fingers through his soft hair and you could feel him grinning the whole time. When you finally pulled back, he was still smiling but he also looked a bit confused.

“Why haven’t we done this sooner?” he asked.

“I was convinced you were straight. I’ve been a fucking mess trying to decide if I should say something or not,” you replied.

Jack hummed and reached for you, but you chuckled and pulled away.

“You need a shower,” you said, “Then we can talk some more.”

“Only if you join me, sugar...”

I want you, bless my soul

I ain't gotta tell him

I think he knows

[idy-ll-ique]

Voices.

Pairing: Chris Evans x F!Reader

Genre: nothing but floofy-floof

Warnings: none

Requested: nope

Summary: in which you can hear the voice of your soulmate in your head and Y/N's soulmate is someone really special— her celebrity crush.

Author's Note: Hiya peeps! do y'all know how long ago I wrote this fic, like— at least 2 years ago. damn. so in advance, im sorry if there are any grammatical mistakes or bad punctuation in the fic that I forgot to correct (apology for bad english 😌)

oh and

bold/italics - chris

only italics - y/n

---

Hey, you still there?

Y/N snapped out of a trance and focused on the voice. Yeah, yeah I'm still there, she thought to herself. She was hearing the voice of her soulmate, or rather, was speaking to him, telepathically. The thing is, you could hear the voice of your soulmate in your head. You could talk, hold conversations, but the only thing was that you couldn't ask for their name.

You had to guess. Most of the people made plans, like let's meet here or there and concentrate hard enough, I'll see your name written on a paper. It was a thing, I mean, if you concentrated hard enough, you could see what your soulmate was doing. It was like a cheat code of sorts. Most of them found their soulmate in that way.

You see, Y/N loved surprises, so she wasn't going to find her soulmate just yet. Y/N wanted to figure it out for herself. Your soulmate couldn't hear every single one of your thoughts, though (which was how she had zoned out mid-conversation). Listen, we should meet up sometime.

Aw, already? she thought with a pout on her lips. Yes, I'm very excited to meet you, I've been waiting for too long, the voice replied, chuckling. It was a manly voice, really deep and raspy. She loved it. When Y/N was small, about 4-5 years old, all she could hear were swear words and dirty thoughts; characteristics of a teenage boy.

From that, she inferred, that soulmate was much older than her, about 8-9 years older than her. She didn't mind, She was kind of into older guys anyway… But I like this game we have! Why do you want to ruin it? she asked, shaking her head. Alright, sweetheart, just for you, I'm holding back. But I don't have much patience, the voice laughed. Y/N smiled.

Without even meeting her, Chris loved the voice in his head. She sounded so sweet and welcoming, maybe she was younger than him. He couldn't wait to meet her. Chris had tried to plan their meeting for so long now, but she just wouldn't give in. She was also a feisty one. He smiled to himself as he walked down the street, engaged in thoughts about his soulmate.

In his haste, he accidentally bumped into someone. "I'm so sorry!" he blurted out, instead hearing a soft ouch, shit in his head. His brows furrowed. The lady he had bumped into just kept on walking. Are you alright? he asked his soulmate in his mind. Yeah, just bumped into someone while walking.

I bumped into someone just now too! he told her excitedly, still staring at the lady who had now stopped in her tracks. She turned around, scanning the crowd. Then she looked at him, but maybe she didn't realize that she had bumped into him. Holy shit, I see— Then it all went blank. See what? Chris questioned desperately.

He still wasn't sure whether the woman he had just bumped into was his soulmate or not.

Why can't I say the name of the guy who played the role of Captain America?

Chris froze and stared at the lady, jaw dropped. She was lost in her thoughts, confused. He slowly walked to her and stood in front of her; she stared back at him, her heart racing. This was her celebrity crush, who was currently looking at her as if she hung the moon. But why? Why was he looking at her like that?

"You can't say his name because that's me, you technically can't say his name because you aren't allowed to," Chris whispered to her, smiling softly. Her eyes widened.

"You! You're the voice I hear in my mind! Chris freaking Evans is my soulmate?! How did I not realize?!" The woman exclaimed, shocked. Soon though, she got a wide smile on her face. His eyes widened too, hers was the voice he heard as well! "What's your name?" he asked her as they hugged. "I'm Y/N Y/L/N," she replied, smiling.

"Wanna join me for a coffee?" he offered, holding his hand out. She put her palm on top of his and nodded. Both of them entered a nearby coffee shop. "So, what do you do?" he asked her after ordering two coffees. "Nothing. I'm unemployed right now, just got out of my last job. I gave an interview yesterday at Ralph Lauren, just waiting for a call back," she shrugged.

"Oh, into fashion?" he asked her, smiling. "Yeah, got my degree and all. Just needed a job, Ralph Lauren offers a good amount of money," she chuckled. Chris smiled again. "Reminds me of Rachel Green." She laughed more, which warmed his heart. Her laugh was adorable. Suddenly, her phone rang and she looked at him, wide-eyed.

He nodded dismissively and she picked up the call. She spoke for a while and when she ended the call, she had the biggest smile on her face.

"I got the job at Ralph Lauren, I'm starting tomorrow!" Y/N squealed. They couldn't have picked a better timing. "Congratulations, Y/N!" he told her, grinning. After spending some more time at the cafe, they parted ways. She went home while he went back to the sets where they were filming Avengers: Age of Ultron.

"Hi Chris, you were out for a long time, what's up?" Chris Hemsworth asked, smiling at Chris Evans as they stumbled upon each other. "Nothing, just met my soulmate, had a cup of coffee with her." The older Chris feigned nonchalance. "You what?! That's awesome, man! So, how is she, what does she do?" Hemsworth asked him excitedly as both of them walked inside.

Robert and Scarlett were there, talking. "She's so beautiful, I stopped functioning when I saw her. She works at Ralph Lauren, she's a fashion designer," Chris told him with a smile. Robert and Scarlett looked up. "Who?" Scarlett questioned. "Y/N," he said simply, sitting beside Robert. "Who's that?" Robert inquired. "My soulmate." Chris smiled, as if in a trance.

"Boy, you look like you're in love," Scarlett laughed. "Because I am, she's that beautiful," he told her adamantly. "Whoa, did you ask her out?" Robert snorted. "I'm back from our first date." We had our first date right now, didn't we? he asked her in his mind.

Of course we did, I loved it. Hope to meet you again soon, her voice replied and he could practically feel her smile.

Sure, I'm in town for a few more months, I'll mind-text you as to when I'm free, he told her, sporting a smile on his face. She outright laughed in the comfort of her own home. Mind-text? Sounds fun, she agreed and focused on the Netflix series she was watching, turning off the "magical telepathic link" between them.

Chris, too, focused on the others only to see them smiling at him. "Talking to her?" He nodded at Scarlett. A few minutes later, all of them went to another room to begin with the shooting of a new scene.

---

Y/N danced as she prepared dinner, singing along to You Don't Know Me by Jax Jones. It had been a month since she last saw Chris. He had promised her a date, but he didn't get time. She couldn't blame him, he was a busy man. Y/N was shouting the lyrics of the song in her head, unaware of the fact that Chris was snooping in on her mind.

Hey, calm down, she heard Chris chuckling in her mind and shrieked in real life. What are you— are you snooping on my mind? Chris! she thought, scandalized. He laughed more. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I wanted to ask you out. Are you free right now? We could meet in the same coffee shop, he asked. She grinned and nodded to herself. Of course, I'll be there in 15.

She quickly got dressed, wearing a pair of track pants and a t-shirt (like she was wearing on their first date). She didn't bother with her hair or makeup, it looked good anyway, she just bolted out of the house. Y/N entered the coffee shop to see Chris already sitting there, wearing a suit. She cursed herself mentally, making Chris look up.

He stifled a laugh. She went and sat in front of him.

"I'm so sorry I look like a single mother of two kids who hasn't slept in a year," she moaned, "I didn't know you were gonna show up in a suit." She facepalmed for good measure. "It's quite alright, you look beautiful. I wouldn't have you any other way, I should say. I'm coming back from a party right now, therefore the suit."

She blushed softly at his compliment. He ordered two coffees for them and they started talking. "So, how's your job at Ralph Lauren?" Chris asked, smiling at her. "It's amazing, I got promoted. Now I'm the head of the department, with my own office and all," she told him, smiling back. "That's great! Oh, congratulations, honey," he grinned.

"Thanks," she muttered, blushing slightly when he called her a nickname. "You look cute while blushing, has anyone ever told you that?" Chris winked as their coffees arrived. "No one, ever. I don't interact with people much, it's a tedious job," she half-joked, smiling.

"Really! So who are the people you talk to?" he joined in. "Well, there's my assistant, my mother, my bro and you. That's all. I've got some friends, but I rarely talk to them, only on the phone while texting, that is," she shrugged. "Nice, nice," he nodded as they finished their coffees. "Allow me to drop you home," Chris offered, taking out a key which she found out was for his bike as they left the café.

"No it's alright, I'll go," she refused immediately. "Nonsense, you're practically my girlfriend! I'm going with ya," he shook his head. They looked like an odd couple; one wearing a suit while the other looked like she had just woken up. Surprisingly enough, the one who looked like she just woken up had the best fashion sense among them. "Hop on," Chris grinned.

She sat down behind him, wrapping her arms around his waist. Both of them chatted for the 2 minutes that took them to get to Y/N's home. Once they reached her building, she got down from Chris's bike and turned to him.

"Thanks, Chris, this has been an amazing second date. Can't wait for the third," she told him with a smile. "Me too," he smiled back. A few seconds later, she turned to leave but Chris suddenly grabbed her hand, turning her around. "Wha—" She didn't get to finish her sentence as Chris pressed his lips to hers. She kissed back, wrapping her arms around his neck.

"I just had to, sweetheart," he panted as they pulled away from each other, breathless. "Wow," she breathed out as Chris rested his forehead against hers. "So, um, see you on the third date, yeah?" Y/N giggled as they stepped away from one another, smiling. "I'll make it as quick as possible. Can't stay away from you, darling," he winked.

"How flattering," she winked back and turned to leave, purposely adding a sway to her hips knowing that he was watching. And fuck, was he watching. "Oh, the things you do to me, my dear Y/N."

"I heard that!"

"Good!"

---

A/N: Thanks for reading, leave a like if you enjoyed!

[writingsfromhome]

Sorry x Rare

A/N: I got two lyric requests for Sorry by Beyonce and Rare by Selena Gomez. They were both sort of two sides of the same coin so I wrote them together it mostly goes from rare to sorry. Thanks for the requests, fingers crossed it lives up to what you wanted! <3

Synopsis: You and Harry have been together for a long time but he’s not the same man you fell in love with anymore.

-----

I move my dinner around on my plate, my gaze on the man pacing outside the restaurant on his phone. My man. But it didn't really feel like that these days. These days, Harry was a stranger to me--late nights, phone calls interrupting dinner, waking up to find him gone and not even sure if he'd come home at all.

I watch him remove the phone from his ear in a rush, stare at it, and then shove it aggressively in his pocket. He walks back in, cheeks pink and huffing.

"Should we ask for the bill?" He sits down in a flurry. I stare at his barely-eaten meal and my own dinner mashed to bits.

"We've barely had dinner."

"Babe, we've been here for over an hour since..." he takes his phone back out to inform me of how much time exactly but something must catch his attention because his sentence dies on his lips. I stare, he was so distant lately. "I'll drop you off at home, I've got to meet the boys they decided to talk business-"

"It's 8pm on a Thursday," I state the obvious. "Can't you catch up with them la-"

"This isn't an argument Y/N," Harry finally looks at me. He was done discussing it. He lifts his hands to the waiter and a minute later dinner's been paid for. He wasn't my baby, I think as we stroll outside to his car. I don't know who this man was.

***

I wake up the next morning with the weight of Harry on the other side of the bed. I could smell him, the booze sitting in his pores.

“Ugh,” I groan, not wanting to smell that first thing in the morning. I get up and start my day before I head to work. Soon, Harry appears squinting as I stir sugar into my coffee.

“I need a coffee,” he says, his voice hoarse. It used to sound sexy but now it was just another reminder that things changed. We lived like roommates and it hurt that he never wanted to talk. Half the time, he acted like I wasn’t even there.

I watch him settle with his coffee, taking the first sip and letting out a deep breath. A memory comes to me suddenly, the first year we were dating,

“I think this is the best coffee I’ve ever had,” it was the first night Harry had stayed the whole night and I’d made him coffee in my outdated coffee maker. It came out burnt half the time but that morning’s cup was decent. We’re swaddled in my blankets--the room I rented back then had poor circulation in the winter.

“I think you’re still slightly drunk,” I lean my shoulder against his and cup the warm drink. “I’ve definitely had better coffees.”

“Maybe coffees are just better the morning after,” he says, glancing at me and I know he can see the flush on my cheeks. He knew I was shy talking about certain things in the light of day.

“We can say that,” I mumble into the cup. “It’s just nice to have a heat source.”

“Here,” he takes the cup from me and reaches over to put both on the nightstand.

“Hey I wasn’t done with that.”

“I know but if you’re cold, I know this other heat source--it even works for hypothermia.”

His statement causes a blood rush that warms me already but I don’t say no to what he has in mind. I could make us another cup later.

Harry catches me staring when he looks over and raises an eyebrow. I snap out of my thoughts and twist my lips into a smile, looking back at my own drink bitterly. Who was this man in front of me? Out loud, I ask: “How was your night? You came in late.”

“I was out with the boys.” he says in a tone that meant he didn’t want to talk about it. “It got late.”

“A text would’ve been nice,” I say, still looking at my cup.

“S’not like you were waiting up,” he turns to walk back towards the bedroom.

“Learned not to,” I mumble but I know he’s heard me with the way he pauses. But he didn’t care enough to argue, dispute it, nothing. He leaves.

***

"Guess who just made a commission that's more than I used to earn in a year?" April walks into the small office, an infectious grin on her face.

"You sold him on it?" I put away the file I'm working on and jump up to hug my friend.

"I had to flirt a little--give him a vivid picture of what he could have there, and he signed! I'm bloody brilliant."

April was my American ex-pat who I met when she was looking for a flat a few years ago. And now here she was, working for me at the small real estate office I managed with a few other people I considered friends.

"Do you know if he was single?" I tune back in to hear Janelle asking.

"No, don't give her bad advice!" I scold Janelle. “We don’t date clients.”

"I'm miserably single," April pouts. "I'll take advice even if it’s bad."

"Bad advice is to stay with your college sweetheart to the point where you're not sure he even cares about you." I say to no one in particular. It was just us in the office today, and they knew everything about my life so I didn't care much. But the pin-drop silence that follows is different. I look up to see my friends eyeing each other. "What?"

"Nothing." They stay tight lipped but I push and they crack. "Well, so...we know things are rocky between you and Harry..."

"Things aren't rocky," I clarify. "They're just...nonexistent."

"Right," April slides closer. "Soo, we saw him at the club yesterday."

I raise my eyebrow, "He told me he was meeting up with his boys."

"Oh!" They sound surprised I know, but they look at each other again so I push them. "He was...there was a girl? Sitting on his lap for most of the night? Like, nothing happened I don't think so?" She turns to look at April at the end of each sentence.

Personally, I feel gut-punched even though I suspected this. I knew he wasn't where he said he was going to be sometimes, or with who he said he was going to be with. But he cut our own dinner short last night to be with strangers yesterday? I grip the pen in my hand.

"Y/N honestly...you know we love you and support you. But, you're a special girl and you deserve better than that sod."

"Yeah," Janelle puts her hand on my shoulder. "You're a gem Y/N. There's someone else out there who's gonna see how rare you are."

"I know," I blow my cheeks out. We'd had different conversations like this before, although never this direct. I guess we'd never had direct proof of what my husband was doing until now though.

"He's an idiot not knowing you're so rare," my friends try to comfort me. I feel my eyes well up and I swipe at them. I wasn't going to cry at work but they must sense the tears because they excuse themselves, "We're going to get you a tea, and some pastries to celebrate April's sale. April?"

I keep my face buried in my hands as they leave, take a few deep breaths. "I am rare," I say to myself but even that makes me laugh bitterly. Harry and I had been together for 5 years and here I was trying to count up all the reasons we should stay together when he didn't even care. He was out with other women, and I was waiting around for him.

"I'm rare," I say again. "I'm special, I deserve better. I...deserve better."

When will u be home tonight? I text Harry before I lose my nerve.

Busy he says. That’s it. And then, Why?

What time? I ask again.

8 or so, he responds.

Okay, we need to talk then. I put my phone away, too scared what he might text back. A tear falls from my cheek onto my keyboard, landing on the letter H. It mocks me. I wipe it off, and before I can think about what I'm doing I smash the letter down with my fist. I stand up and walk to the back of the office, a window overlooks the busy street. I'd had enough, I decide. Fuck Harry.

I’m not sure how long I stand there stewing, but my friends walking in with pastries and tea ends the emotional boiling pot from overflowing.

"Thanks," I take the cup from them.

“So we were talking and...” April looks at Janelle and she nods. “You should come out with us some time. Like...tonight. Dance with us, with other people...”

“I...I’ve got something at 8,” I come up with an excuse. As angry as I was, I wanted to have this conversation. It was long overdue.

***

I check my time again, the last text Harry sent me Ok. But it was 8:25 and Harry still wasn’t home. I’d give him five more minutes, I decide. I’d already tried to ring him with no answer.

I stare at the ring on my finger, it was supposed to symbolize a promise he made to me. What a fucking joke. I should’ve never said I do in the first place.

Was it young love, I wonder. Did we do this too fast and we were just set up to fail? But I remember the good memories, the soft and sweet times between us.

“I-I’ve never done something like this before,” I tell Harry. “I hate heights.”

“Listen,” he crowds around me, blocking my view of his friends who are walking up the narrow trail like it was any old walkway. “You go in front of me, I’ll have my hand on your back the whole time. I won’t let you fall. I promise.”

I look up into those gentle eyes and swallow my fear. “Okay.”

“I promise it will be so worth it,” he gushes, his excitement uncaged now that I’d agreed. “There’s no lights there so the stars are so bloody bright--I know you’re going to love it!”

I can’t help it, my lips crack into a smile at his boyish excitement. He catches it and pauses, a breath in this whirlwind of a night. What started out as a house party turned into a walk to a local beach which turned into a hike into the woods and up a precarious--and very steep--ridge to get to an isolated lookout. Only with Harry did I find myself in these situations. And I loved it. I loved him, I realise then. My expression must change because he tugs on my hand, probably worried I’d change my answer.

“Walk ahead,” he instructs and I nearly tip toe on the ridge that’s at least 30 feet across. But his steady hand on my back pushes me gently and I walk across confidently until I look down 2/3 of the way. I freeze in place but Harry’s ready. “Y/N, you’re safe here. Look at me-look...”

I crane my neck and he grounds me, oh my god how did I just realise now how in love I was with him? He squeezes my hand, asks if I was okay. I had to be, I couldn’t stay stuck in the middle.

Inch by inch we finally make it to the other side and I jump off with a yelp which sets Harry off in a burst of laughter. Pretty soon he’s lifted me over his shoulder and carries me to the lookout on the edge. My feet had been through enough, he’d said.

And he was right--it was so worth it; the view with all the stars laid out. The buildings and their light pollution below were blocked out by the outcrops and it made the stars twinkle in all their glory. It made it the perfect place to be with the person I loved.

“Isn’t it the most incredible view?” Harry whispers in awe behind me, his arms wrapping around my waist.

“I.....I have no words apparently,” I laugh and turn in his arms. “Thanks for pushing me, this...it was worth it.”

He tucks a strand of hair behind my ears and gazes at me in a way that makes me want to squirm. But I hold his gaze.

“Do you know how beautiful you are?” he asks with a smile.

“Compared to the view,” I glance behind us. “I guess I’m alright.”

“No,” he guides my face back towards his. “This view over that one, any day. M’just that lucky.”

My words die on my lips as I’m overwhelmed by this feeling between us, the one I thought would keep us together like this forever.

He raises an eyebrow when I go silent and I shrug, “I’m all out of words today.”

I close my eyes as he kisses my temple. I turn back around and we spend the moment in silence, drinking in the view. His friends chatter around us but they’re background noise. My life felt like a movie right now.

Before we leave as a group, I tug Harry back. This was a good as place as any to tell him. I press my lips to his, and it takes him a second but he’s kissing me back. Before it can get carried away I push away and tell him what I’d been thinking all night, “I love you.”

He takes a step back, and then he’s grinning and pulling me back. “I love you! I love you listen, I’ve been wanting to say that for weeks!”

“Weeks?!”

“Yeah weeks! My sister said it was too soon, I might scare you off!”

I think about a few weeks ago, I was intensely shy around him even then. Maybe she was right, but the idea that he talked about me to his sister makes me flush. I wrap my arms around his waist “I just...this moment is so perfect. I never want it to end.”

“It doesn’t have to.” he’d promised. “I’m yours forever Y/N.”

When 8:30 comes and goes I call April, she lets me know where they were. “We’re so happy you’re coming! Are you sure you don’t want us to meet you somewhere else?” she shouts into the phone. When I tell her I just wanted to be where they were she reminds me to text them when I was nearby.

I have to dig into the back of my closet, past the pantsuits I wore to work, the casual dresses and loungewear. I still had some of my old party clothes, just a bit tighter than they used to be. But for where I was going, it would fit in.

Before I leave, I take a pen and scrawl a note: “Great talk"

My friends spot me as I walk in. The music is instantly too loud, the lights too bright, and there are too many people. But one of my them shoves a drink in my hand and pretty soon it’s the best place on earth. It was exactly where I needed to be. I turn off my cellphone and enjoy myself.

After a certain point, I don’t even know who I’m talking to, but pressed up against a body, feeling wanted, it drives me to keep dancing all night. Eventually, I crash at April’s and don’t roll out of hers until 11 the next morning. Harry’s barely an afterthought until I’m tucked in the taxicab taking me home and turn on my phone. 8 missed calls, 2 voicemails and 13 texts.

I’m shocked at the volume, Harry hadn’t blown up my phone like this in over a year. I listen to one voicemail: “Where the hell are you? I come home an hour late and you’re bloody gone with this stupid note here. Pick up! I’ve called you a billion times.”

I stare at my phone, I hadn’t heard Harry this passionate since...well it was a long time. And all it took was going out late and not answering his calls, giving him a taste of his own medicine. It almost makes me angrier; I had to partake in this juvenile dance to get his attention, even though we’d been married nearly 2 years.

He’s on a call when I get home, talking numbers or something. I head directly to the shower, clean up, and take my sweet time. It must’ve driven him mad waiting for me because by the time I’m out he blows a gasket.

“What’s this stunt you pulled last night? Wanting to talk and leaving me a stupid sarcastic note just because I’m late? Where were you?”

“Out,” I shrug. “I didn’t know you were late. You didn’t text.”

“I didn’t tex--oh I see, now we’re being petty yeah?”

That irked me, “I’m not being petty. It’s not like I get the same courtesy when you’re out late!”

“I’m busy, I can’t always be texting you!”

Excuses, I laugh and he looks at me like I’m crazy. “Busy what? Screwing other women-”

“Don’t be making shit up-”

“I’ve had people tell me that they see you with other women Harry! S’not a far stretch!”

That quiets him. Finally, he comes forward to stand inches away. “Y/N, c’mon. You and me...this is stupid. Sure I go out to party but I’m not-”

“Stop.” he was actually trying to talk his way out of this. And because I’d rather step in front of an oncoming train than cry in front of him, I head to the front door and walk out. I’d find someplace to crash today, but I wasn’t doing this.

***

“How’re you doing?” Janelle asks. I’d shown up at her doorstep and she set up her guest bed. She had plans so I spent most of my time burying myself in work, trying to get rid of all that angry energy pent up in me. Janelle had just come home.

“I’m just trying to move on. I don’t want to talk about him, I just don’t care at this point--I’m fed up!”

“As you should be,” she agrees. “Listen, I know we had a crazy night yesterday but I’m going out with some friends today and...maybe it’ll help you?”

I think about the killer headache this morning, but I also remember how good it felt to forget for a bit. I agree. Before I know it, Janelle’s found something that fits me and we’re back at a different club than the night before. Her friends are familiar faces but after a few drinks we’re all best friends. It feels great. Until I spot Harry’s face.

“That’s enough,” his face looms over mine as he pushes away the man I’m up against.

“What the fuck Harry...” I trail off as he pulls me away from the middle of the crowd. I try to pry his hand off but there’s too many people and he’s moving too quickly...and I’ve had a lot of drinks. “Let me go!” I say when we finally step away. We’re in what must be a private room. He seemed familiar with it--of course.

“So just because you heard I’m out and about some nights, you decide to come here and fuck around with random men?”

“Excuse me?” I stare at him, he was out of his mind. “I’m out having fun with my friends! I’m not here because of you.”

“Really? You come to the same place I come to all the time and dance with these strangers? And you’re drunk as fuck!”

“Since when did you care?” I ask. “Just leave me alone. You’ve been doing that perfectly fine the last few months.”

“I’m your bloody husband Y/N, you can’t just-”

“Then act like one!” I shout, and in the muffled quiet of the room with the bass thumping through it rings out. “I don’t need you! And you made it clear you don’t need me. These rings are a fucking joke, here-” I take mine off and throw it at him.

“You don’t mean it-”

“I do.” I give him a level stare, suddenly clear-headed. Maybe I’d process it later, but right now I was finally seeing what he’d become. He deserved to feel how I felt, and quite frankly, I didn’t give a fuck. I flip him with both hands, “Quite frankly Harry, you can suck my d-”

“Harry!” A shrill voice rings out from the entrance that now carries the loud beats of the dance floor, swallowing my words. “Liam told me you were here!”

I glance at the brunette in the doorway and back at him. I couldn’t even muster an eye roll; I had enough.

“Y/N!” Harry calls my name as I walk out.

“No it’s me, Becky?!” she tries to correct him. I can’t help but laugh as I make my way back to my friends with a drink in my hand, feeling free.

***

“Y/N, it’s Harry. I don’t know how it got this shite just please call me back. Just give me five minutes that’s all I n--message deleted”

“He’s moved on to the office phone then?” Janelle asks, her desk was beside mine so she’d heard him as I checked my messages. It was two weeks since that glorious night when I’d dumped Harry’s ass. Although a lot of my things were still at our house, I was just staying in a hotel right now while I figured things out. One thing I knew for sure though, I didn’t want to see him again.

“It’s pretty pathetic,” I say. It was also pathetic how long I’d stayed waiting around for us to be magically fixed. But that was something I was working on getting past.

“You’re glowing without him,” April says from where she’s getting her files together. “Haven’t you got that showing out east?”

“Yeah, oh god is that the time?” I rush to get my files in order. “I’ll catch up with you later-”

“We’re still getting drinks after?”

“Yes, drinks!” I call out as I leave the office and head down to the lobby. I don’t expect Harry there, and I barely have time for him as he comes up to keep my pace.

“Harry, I’ve got somewhere to be please leave me alone.”

“Y/N, wait just please listen to me.”

“No.”

“2 minutes!”

“Not even 1,” I spot my cab out front and head towards it. I’m about to get in but Harry holds the door. “Harry let go I’m going to be late.”

“Just let me talk to you, please!”

I finally look at him and he’s quite a sight. His hair is matted and without it’s usual bounce. He’s got a rough look and a 5 ‘o clock shadow.

“You had plenty of time to talk to me for months, you were too busy at the club. Sorry not sorry,” I tug at the door and he lets go, I don’t spare a backwards glance as we drive away.

One of the showings is successful, I manage to sell the family on the home and we set up a meeting to go over details at my office later in the week. I’ve got a bounce in my step as I return to the office. I tell the girls I’d meet them at the bar as I finalize my papers at the office. My bounce falters when I go head out after 5 to see Harry waiting outside the building.

“Y/N,” he calls out when he sees me. “I’m not going to leave until you talk to me.”

“That’s called stalking,” I say. A few people walking past us turn to glance at him and he notices. He moves to the inside lobby and asks me to follow. With a big sigh I do.

“I know what I did.” he begins.

“Congratulations,” I roll my eyes.

“No wait, I know what I did to you. And sorry can’t cover it. Just let me make it up to you, we have history and-”

“You don’t get it.” I stop his monologue from going any further. “I’m gonna be just fine. Without you. You didn’t care about our history until you couldn’t have me. I don’t know what happened to you Harry, but you’re not the man I fell in love with-”

“I know,” he says, tears of frustration coating his lashes. “I fucked up, I-I didn’t see what I had right in front of me and I just-”

“Let her slip away? Is that the best you can come up with?” I scoff. “You know what Harry? I’m done with this! Boy...bye.”

“Y/N just--” he grabs my arm before I can leave and pushes something cold into my palm. My wedding ring.

“I don’t want this,” I push it back in his hand.

“Please just take it--hold onto it,” he pushes it back into mine and closes my fingers over it. “I can’t...I can’t hold onto it just take it! You don’t even have to think about it-”

“Harry,” I soften my tone. He was desperate and even though some part of me thought it was about time he felt this type of way, my heart hurt a little. I didn’t want him to see that though so I just tuck the ring into the pocket of his button up and pat it. “Goodbye Harry.”

I walk away with my head held high even though he calls out to me. I walk the few blocks to where my friends are waiting and their warm smiles are enough to help me push the memory of Harry’s teary eyes, and the real history we did have once upon a time away. I was done with him, no longer thinking about him.

I just kept telling myself, I was rare like a gem and I had to see that. And maybe one day, someone else will too.

[cobycobsy2k]

CobyCobs Tag Game

Hey guys! I hope you're doing well, I'm officially back from my break, honestly I felt really bad blogging for personal reasons, but hey, here I am to start again here on tumblr with a tag game!💕🥰

1.- Could you summarize the content of your Tumblr?

My content regularly varies (I think that's my big problem), but if I could sum it up it would be Simblr, 2000s, Random Stuff and Other Games

2.-What inspired you to upload content?

The first thing I did when I entered Tumblr was to search for things about Simblr, and there I found the fabulous @simstralia, I swear guys, I am very fascinated by seeing Simstralia's blogs, their photographs and their way of telling stories seem super cute and interesting! I also usually get a lot of inspiration from my favorite youtubers Cukizilla, Jaiden Animations, Let me explain studios, Danna Alquati, La Divaza, Civer and others haha 💕💗

3.- Would you change your content in the future?

Not at the moment, but I am thinking of dedicating myself entirely to abandoning simblr and uploading content related to Stardew Valley and South Park in the future.

4.- Do you have in mind some blogs that you want to do?

If haha ​​I have several among them they would be: A blog of the Vmas (By the way, are you going to see the vmas this year? Honestly, I prefer to wait for the grammys, since there is nothing interesting, unless something happens) , The blog of the custom universities I'm doing, the blog of my Alpinloch custom hood and possibly an outfit Lookbook.

5.-A song that reminds you a lot of something

Back To December by Taylor Swift, this song reminds me a lot of my trip to Cotopaxi (Because I listened to that song almost all day haha)

Hey Soul Sister by Train (If I remember correctly), it reminds me a lot of when I was a little kid and I went to the boy scouts, I literally still love that song and I still remember the lyrics

6.- Some song you listen to when you blog

Roman Holiday by Nicki Minaj

Don't let me be the last to know by Britney Spears

Traitor by Olivia Rodrigo

Montero by lil nas X

Matilda by Harry Styles

7.- Biggest dream?

To be famous, honestly I want to make music (And I'm even working on it) but there is a little problem: The music industry is very fucked up nowadays, if you want to be a singer you need to be attractive or already be an influencer (This shows a lot how little amount of talent there is some "celebrities" have, and this is very noticeable here in Latin America), So for the moment I will continue improving everything and maybe I will publish some demos here 😅🤡

8.- If you could collaborate with any other blog, who would it be?

I would like to collaborate with @sims-for-semi @simstralia, @simstate, @simsdada (My bestie), @ophelianigmosz (my other bestie), @twoleafsimmer (A friend who is worth gold, her art is great and fabulous), @themeasureofasim @unanimouslalablah @andrisims and @jawusa (A friend who I appreciate very much) 🥺❤

9.- Have you had a fight with someone?

No, but I have met people who are a bit hypocritical, who speak wonders about other people but are not even able to support them or speak ill of them behind their back... Which makes me very sad, since I admired those people a lot... . 🙄😤🙁

10.- Characters from a series you love

Butters Stotch, Kenny McCormick, Kyle Broflovski and Pip Pirrup from South Park

Katara and Toph from Avatar  

(THEY´RE SO CUTEEEE!!)

11.- Would you feel cringe if you saw your tumblr in 10 years?

No, what's more, I would use my tumblr to tell my children: "This is what I used to do when I was a teenager and I had nothing to do haha"

12.- If you could travel in time, where would you go and what would you do?

Obviously I would travel to the 2000s, to be more specific to 2001 and I would become friends with Britney Spears, I would tell her everything that will happen to her in the future. I would also travel to the 70s or 80s to meet Freddy Mercury or even Michael Jackson

13.-Frustrated dreams

Having long hair (but my mom always tells me to cut it whenever my hair is a little long), dress like in High School Musical, be emo, have a myspace, have a collection of something and above all... Last for at least one year in a relationship

14.- What do you want to be when you are an adult?

If I don't become famous, I would dedicate myself to learning several languages ​​and become a private teacher, I would also study philosophy or just study programming (To make games)

And well, this has been my Tag Game haha, I hope you want to play it and have a lot of fun!!🤩💗

I'm going to tag @andrisims , @ophelianigmosz , @simsdada , @simstralia , @simstate , @sims-for-semi

[hizashiiis]

Bakusquad + “Why are you awake” Part Two

PART ONE HERE

So here’s part two! Fun fact, the song Jirou plays you in her part is actually a song I wrote! I didn’t include any of the lyrics though because its lowkey really cheesy :/

I hope you like this! This one is for Sero, Mina, and Jirou.

Warnings: insomnia, depression kinda

Sero Hanta

- Sero is very much a hypocrite when it comes to getting enough sleep

- He’s constantly up at all hours, even sending you random texts if he can’t sleep

- But when you aren’t going to bed at a normal time?

- He’s so sad

- He looks like you kicked his puppy and then him in rapid succession. 

- It’s crazy because he seems to just instinctively know when you’re awake

- Like he bolts up in his bed all, “they ain’t in bed. I’m abt to beat some ass.”

- He’s never sure if he’s right though, so he texts you a meme he made specifically for you being up too late

- It’s probably really cheesy and outdated, but the effort is there

- If you respond to it (because you will) he knocks on the wall between your dorms and talks to you 

- Often, you both just stay up like that

Sero’s body is awake before his mind, moving him to sit up in bed before he can think. He was having a really intense dream; something about talking mice. He didn’t mind it, but he woke up as if he’d had a nightmare. 

Faintly, from the wall beside him, he can hear low music playing, but he can’t make out what song it is. It’s coming from your room, though, so he’s concerned. 

The sky outside is dark, clouds drifting across his windowed view of the moon. It must be pretty late; all the noise is gone, leaving nothing but static air, and the music. He leans over his bed to look at the time on his phone. It’s around 2 am. The song you’re playing ends, and he recognizes the next one. It’s on your sad playlist. 

He sends you the meme, as well as an invitation for a hug as soon as it’s morning. You respond almost instantly, assuring him that you’re fine, you just couldn’t sleep. But he knows you better than that. 

Knocking on the wall between you, he hears the music stop suddenly. He calls out to your wall. 

“Mi amor? What’s keeping you awake?” He’s met with silence for a moment before your shaky voice responds.

“I’m okay. I just kinda got hit with some sad, y’know?” He does know. He knows that this happens sometimes. It happens to him, too. But he hates hearing your voice sound so lost. You almost sound hopeless, and he can’t bear it. 

“I understand.” He places his hand up to the wall, wishing he could hold you. Unfortunately, you had both been told off by Iida for sleeping in each other’s rooms more than enough times lately, so he couldn’t just go see you. He opts instead for hugging a stuffed giraffe you had gotten him after the Sports Festival. 

“Do you want me to distract you, or do you want to talk about it?” He asks, stroking the giraffe’s head as if it’s your hair, not knowing that on the other side of the wall, you’re holding a stuffed lion the same way. 

“Distract me?” Your voice comes out only just loud enough for him to hear you, but he understands. He begins to tell you a story. He’s told it before. It’s about a great hero, one who fights crime valiantly, and his partner, also a fantastic hero. He ad-libs parts of it, making pretend villains say silly slogans, and recounting how the heroes save the day. 

As he reaches the end, he hears you giggle a bit. “Oh? Did it work? Are you smiling over there, my sweet?” He calls to you, a teasing lilt to his voice. 

“A little bit.” You respond, playing with your stuffed animal. “If you keep talking, maybe I’ll even smile more.”

He laughs, eyes bleary with sleep, but happy to talk to you the whole night.

Mina Ashido

- Honestly, she’s no better than you about staying awake

- She tries to sleep, but her thoughts are always racing

- Sometimes it’s thoughts of you, sometimes of new things she wants to try in training, or things she wants to see if she can convince her friends to do

- But she wants you to get adequate rest, even if it’s hard for her to do the same

- She used to get told off for sneaking to your room every night, but then Momo and Iida saw how much better you were performing in school on the days after she’d been there, and they started letting it slide

- It’s nicer for her, too, because she has someone to ramble to as the two of you fall asleep

Mina skipped down the hallway toward your room. It was a bit past midnight, and usually, you would be asleep by this time. It was well past lights out, and classes had run long that day, not to mention the endless exams that were happening at UA right now. So when she reached your door, she was surprised to find you watching a movie on your phone instead of snoring. 

“Hey bug! Why are you still up, don’t you know what time it is?” She says, throwing a grin your way as she puts her blanket down next to you. 

You shrug, yawning. “I could ask you the same thing, love.” She pouts at that, tossing her arm around your shoulder and pressing a kiss to your temple.

She watches you watching your show for a few minutes before saying anything. It looks good, she supposes, but she has a better idea of what to watch. “Scoot over.” She pushes you lightly, giggling as you scrunch to the side to give her more room. “Do you wanna watch something with me?” She asks, holding up her phone. 

You look at her for a moment. “That is what we are currently doing, is it not?” You hold up your phone in return, showing her the paused screen. 

“But I have a better movie!” She insists, unlocking her screen and shoving it above yours so that you can see her pick. She’s right, it is a better movie. You guys have watched the entire Studio Ghibli filmography, but even you know that her favorite, “When Marnie was There,” is the better option at this particular moment. 

You toss your phone to the side, pulling her in to lay next to you. “Fair enough, bubs, I guess yours is better.” You feign reluctance, watching her excitedly press play and tuck the blanket in around the both of you. Her arm curls tighter around your shoulders, and she giggles as the opening credits start. 

“Hey Minari?” You use her favorite nickname, looking at her through hooded, sleepy eyes. She hums in response. “Why is this one your favorite?”

Hearing the question, she pauses the movie, turning to look right at you. She’s quiet for a moment, thinking about her answer. “I guess because they remind me of us! Like I’m Marnie, and you’re Anna, and we’re having this great adventure together!” You feel your face heat at her words, thinking about the movie more critically now. Mina continues, “It’s like…” she pauses, finding the right words. “Like Anna is learning how her friendship with Marnie can make her feel more right, as a person. And I feel like that about you!” 

You’re tearing up now, unsure how to respond. Mina is so many things, and being with you is that important to her? It’s a new feeling, but certainly a welcome one. You pull her down, giving her a kiss. And then another kiss. And one on her nose. 

“Press play, Mina.”

Kyoka Jirou

- Lol u think she sleeps?

- She does, but not at night

- Were it not for classes, Jirou would be essentially nocturnal

- So you try to remind her to go to sleep

- Sometimes you’ll walk past her dorm at night, and you hear her guitar, softly playing her favorite songs

- Before you got together, sometimes you would sit outside her door and listen to her play

- Not in a creepy way, there’s just a little common area right outside her room and you like took a book there, you weren’t like ooh it’s late i think i’ll sit outside someone’s room and listen to them

- You aren’t Mineta. 

- But anyway

- Now that you are together, Jirou thinks it’s really sweet that you listen to her play

- Sometimes she leaves her door cracked open so you can come in

It’s 4 o’clock in the morning, and the light is on in Jirou’s room. You had come out to go to the bathroom, but you noticed her guitar, and decided to stay. The soft strumming is pretty, and you’re glad to be one of the few people allowed to hear it. 

Opening Jirou’s door just a bit more, you nod toward her desk chair in a silent question. She nods, so you go sit down. 

She’s playing a song you don’t recognize, and the lyrics are sad. Even still, it’s beautiful, and your eyes seem to naturally close, taking in the melody of her voice. She used to tell you her voice wasn’t anything special, but she seems content now to let you listen. 

The guitar resonates with the last few chords, and the ending note is held for three beats. When she’s finished, Jirou opens her eyes and looks at you, waiting for your thoughts.

“It was beautiful. Did you write that?” You ask her, your hands fidgeting with the urge to hold her own. She nods, but doesn’t say anything. 

You don’t acknowledge the sad theme of the song. She’s told you before that sometimes sad songs are easier than happy ones. That the melody is clearer. You don’t mind. All her songs are beautiful, and they reflect her in them, and isn’t that what makes a piece of art?

“I have another one, if you’d like to hear it?” She looks nervous; something you never see on her.

“I’d love to!” Your exclamation seems to snap her out of the anxiety in her eyes, which narrow a little. 

“Just…” She starts, looking away from you to adjust the capo on her instrument. “Don’t freak out, okay?”

Confused, you nod, and she starts playing. 

The song starts out with a few chords repeating in a loop, and then she begins to sing. The lyrics are confusing to you at first, and you still aren’t sure why she’s told you not to freak out. But then she gets to the chorus, and it begins to make more sense. 

Lyrics, in essence, are a poem, and this one is a love poem. Her thoughts, written out, are so sweet and loving, that you’re sure you don’t know what to think. She sings elegantly, like someone who’s never known how to dance, and yet is waltzing perfectly across a shining floor. 

She finishes the song with a declaration of loyalty, and you realize your eyes are watering. She looks at you, waiting for your thoughts. 

You say nothing. You don’t know how to say anything, so you stand, cross to her, and pull her into a hug. She’s not usually one for physical touch, but she holds you tightly. 

“It’s about me, right?” You laugh, leaving a kiss on her calloused fingers. She rolls her eyes. 

“Obviously.”

She smiles at you, pulling you to lay on her bed as she puts her guitar in its case, taking the capo off the strings. “You should sleep. It’s like, morning now.”

“You should too.” You retort, still holding her hand. 

“No.”

[dreamylittlesugarcube]

The Beat of My Heart

Genre: Romance/Fluff, EXO AU

Characters: Kyungsoo x Reader

Summary: You crushing over a man you met on a karaoke app. He invites you to sing live with him, what’s a reader to do?

A/N: Am I the only one who’s had karaoke fantasies about D.O.? Singing with him would definitely be the greatest, yet most intimidating experience ever. I hope you like this Kyungsoo story. Please let me know if you have other ideas for stories that you’d like to see!

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“I never believed in…what I couldn’t see…I never opened my heart…to all the possibilities.”

You sang your heart out to the lyrics of your favorite High School Musical song, “The Start of Something New”, feeling light and buoyant as the familiar melody washes over you. Despite bringing you back to your tween I-love-Zac-Efron days, the song was still one of your favorites to sing. It reminded you of the good old days in middle school when you performed in musicals, when you weren’t so afraid to be center stage. These days you were a little more discerning about the places you sang in…the #1 place being your shower. This is what brought you to download a karaoke app, Song Star, that allows users to record karaoke for their favorite songs and post them on an app for others to join. So far, you’d only recorded the audio of you singing, still a bit shy to show your face. You love singing duets, and are so happy when someone records his/herself singing along with your vocals.

In your heart of hearts, you longed for a romantic partner that could sing duets with you in real life. Singing with another person was an intimate experience, a small moment in time where you and the other person were totally connected through song. This had been your dream as a choir girl all through high school, which never really came to fruition. Maybe someday there’d be someone to join you for shower karaoke, just maybe.

After completing the song, you hit the “post” button, and go to the kitchen to grab some water and a snack. About an hour later, you hear a soft *ping*, signaling a notification on your phone. You grab your phone and tap the screen to see a notification from Song Star.

“User ‘DoKyungSings’ has joined your karaoke track’, “The Start of Something New”.”

Your finger pauses over the notification. It’s him,” you think. The mysterious stranger on the interwebs with a voice like honey and fine wine. DoKyungSings had started to join your karaoke tracks a few months ago, starting when you completed a track for Jason Mraz’s “Lucky”. When you heard his voice, you had to pinch yourself to make sure this man’s voice was real. You wondered if he was a professional singer. Despite never seeing his face, you could tell from the way he sang that he had excellent breath control, a well-connected vocal range that allowed him to transition easily from register to register, and an ability to do ad-libs and runs like nothing you’d ever heard before. How could someone like him find his way to your humble karaoke channel? You hit the play button as you close your eyes and wait for the sound of his mellow tones to hit your ears.

“Living in my own world…didn’t understand…that anything can happen…when you take a chance..”

It’s perfect. He’s perfect. You and him sound so good together. Why is he so perfect??!! And why is he not real?, you sigh. You begin to type a comment on his video:

“Hey DKSings, thanks so much for joining again. I really enjoy singing with you and wish we could do it in-person.”

You’d never written him a comment before, but you’d admired his voice for so long and him joining you on your favorite song just absolutely melted your heart.

You hear another *ping* indicating his response.

“Hello SingingSiren, I really enjoy singing with you too and I look forward to when you post songs. I also would love the opportunity to sing with you more often.”

You smile.

*ping*  A second message from him reads:

“I’d love to sing this song with you live on the karaoke app. Would you possibly be open to that? We’ve been singing together for quite a while and it would be lovely to put a face to a username.”

You froze. See your face? Why would he want to see your face? That was a lot scarier than the mostly anonymous audio recordings you’d been doing. You’d typically said no to requests to do face-to-face karaoke requests on the app in the past, but something about DKSings’s request made you pause. Maybe it was because you also secretly wondered what he looked like. Was he blonde? Brunette? Was he short or tall? Did he have a beautiful smile, like you daydreamed that he might? The reality was that you had a massive vocal crush on this man. You had fantasized so often about looking into his eyes as you seamlessly harmonized together. Your chest felt tight with longing, even though you didn’t even know the man. Gathering up your courage, you responded affirmatively to his request.

A week later you’re ready for your karaoke duet “date” a little early. You put in some effort to curl your hair, giving it a slight wave, you applied some light makeup, and you put on clothes other than the athleisure apparel that have been your go-to options after a long day at work.

You open the app and are on the fence about whether you’d be offended or relieved if your mysterious singing partner didn’t show. All that’s left is to hit the “Join Karaoke” button. You take a few seconds to take several deep breaths and give yourself an “It’s going to be okay” pep talk. You hit the “Join Karaoke Button” and hold your breath.

You see two half-screens appear, one with the lyrics for “The Start of Something New” and the other with a message saying, “Waiting for DoKyungSings to join the karaoke party”.

Suddenly, a beep sounds and the message is replaced by the face of a man. You don’t speak, you simply take a few seconds to take in the scene before you: large brown eyes, fluffy black hair that looks soft to the touch, and smooth, thick lips that form into a smile.

Say something, Y/N. Don’t just stand there staring. SAY SOMETHING, OMG. “Hi, DoKyungSings, it’s nice to finally meet you.” You feel a little awkward as you speak, hoping that he doesn’t notice. Nice. Excellent. Very smooth, Y/N, you think.

He chuckles, a small smile forming on his lips as he glances down bashfully. “It’s nice to meet you too, SirenSings. I always look forward to singing with you and it feels kind of surreal to be able to sing face-to-face.

You blush. “Same, DoKyungSings, same. Singing with you is special to me too.”

A red flush steals its way onto his cheeks. “Well, shall we get started?” he suggests.

You nod and hit the play button. As the song starts, you look into his eyes, giddy that you are finally able to sing with the voice of your dreams. He starts, his voice flowing like a calm, yet sure river. Your voices separate, then combine. Nothing had ever sounded so good, you never wanted it to end. The emotion pours off of him as he sings, and you feel butterflies in your stomach. As the final notes of the song fade away, you stare at each other, savoring the moment you were joined together in song. You didn’t know where this would lead, or if you would ever actually be in the same country, let alone the same room, with the man you shared this musical connection with. One thing was certain though, that he was just as affected as you. Was this man your musical other half? You wondered if it was weird to fall in love with someone just from their voice alone. As he broke the silence, you knew only one thing, that indeed this could be the start of something new.

~~~~~~The End~~~~~~~

If you’ve made it this far, thank you so much for reading my little drabble. Beyond anything HSM, I’d also love to sing “A Whole New World“ with Kyungsoo, if given the chance, not gonna lie. What song do you dream of singing with him? Leave a comment below if you have one!