#sometimes it seems like parents who believe their child has died after they express their transness make that a self-fulfilling prophecy...

[uncanny-tranny]

I think what might actually help the families of trans loved ones is to actually engage with where the trans person is at - especially if the family isn't quite understanding yet. When I came out, I was completely alone in figuring out my manhood. I had peers and I had exposed myself to so many trans people who explored gender, and while it was amazing, it isn't quite the same at times. I grieve quietly, sometimes, about all the missed opportunities that might have just made it easier for my family to have seen how utterly happy I was. It took them a very long time to actually notice that I was happy, especially once I got on testosterone. I'm lucky that they saw that happiness eventually, and slowly accepted it. My manhood is completely detached from their influence, both to my relief and chagrin. It's sad to me that I learned to shave from a kind online stranger, somebody who didn't even have a father and yet, I do. I have a father. I grieve at the loss of a potential shared experience. I grieve about the pain I went through when I was in that stage of transition, especially because it was raw and vulnerable. I grieve that many trans people today are traversing the path I had to, because it's sometimes lonely (even when you do have other forms of support).

It's hard to know that I will never have gotten my sense of being from my family. In many ways, it has severed a lot of connection with them because there were so many times that I was begging them to see happiness when they were focused on the idea that I was almost in a state of purgatory - flesh which felt warm but held no familiarity to them. I don't harbor ill-will toward them, I hope I don't leave the impression that I despise them. I understand what they felt, even if I can't conceptualize it myself. However, it's a raw wound in my heart, and I don't want to leave anybody else feeling that way, either.

[creature-wizard]

The importance of separating belief from practice from economy when criticizing spirituality

I notice that a lot of people who want to criticize harmful expressions of spirituality often conflate the beliefs and practices of those spiritualities together, rather than separating them and asking themselves which one is harmful exactly, and why.

Sometimes, both practice and belief are harmful. For example, going on a highly restrictive detox diet because it will supposedly rid your body of toxins put into regular food by an evil conspiracy. There's no evidence that detox diets actually work as claimed (and if they seem to, it may be that you actually have a food allergy or intolerance, and you feel better because you happen to be cutting out that food for awhile), and they can actually be very harmful. Meanwhile, this sort of conspiratorial worldview has roots in old antisemitic conspiracy theories used to justify violence against Jews in the past, and today, justify queerphobia and ableism by way of suggesting that an evil conspiracy is putting chemicals in our food and water that turn kids gay, transgender, or give them ADHD, autism, or whathveyou.

But other times, it's not quite so simple. For example, let's look at modes of faith healing that hold that you should eschew evidence-based medicine in favor of praying and getting right with God. Meanwhile, studies show that people who rely on faith healing don't exactly have a great recovery rate. Many children have died from treatable diseases because their parents were taught that sickness was a test of faith and God would damn them for seeking conventional medicine. (Can you even imagine how terrified of eternal damnation you'd have to be in order to watch your own child die in agony?)

If we look at most people who believe in prayer, we can see that most of them don't agree with this extreme position. Most people believe in prayer and evidence-based medicine. If anything, prayer gives many people a way to feel like they aren't just sitting around doing nothing while their loved ones are in the hospital, and that itself is arguably beneficial.

Now, if you personally have trauma connected to prayer, or just don't find any meaning or satisfaction in prayer, then it's fine if you don't want to do it. But that doesn't mean it's appropriate to tell everyone else that they shouldn't do it. When you do this, you're just using your own personal feelings as a moral compass, and as we know from observing the "thinking about gay sex grosses me out, therefore it's unnatural and against God's will" crowd, that's no way to go.

So how about beliefs and practices used to extort people? For example, energy healing services often come with steep price tags. But let's be real, so does evidence-based medicine in places like the US. This clearly does not mean people should just stop seeking evidence-based medicine. It does means that we drastically need to change the system, so healthcare is more accessible. Additionally, if there's one thing I've learned from researching alternative medicine, it's that practitioners are more likely to actually offer something for patients' complains, rather than telling them that it's all in their heads or that they need to lose weight. This doesn't mean that an exploitative alternative industry should be allowed to exist, of course. But it does mean that we need to understand how prejudice among doctors fuels it. Moreover, I think we can agree that someone who watches energy healing videos on free YouTube after they've done all they can from an evidence-based medicine standpoint, or offers free energy healing sessions to friends who are in the same boat, are not in the same category as scam victims and scammers.

So yeah, when you're out there criticizing harmful forms of spirituality and religion, remember to separate practice from belief from economy and examine each one separately and in terms of how they connect to each other and to larger issues, rather than putting it all on blast together.

[yggdraseed]

Crime, Punishment, and Himiko Toga

I've seen a lot of people take umbrage with what they're erroneously claiming is a case of "Talk no Jutsu" with regards to how Uraraka approached the situation with Himiko. If you're one of those people, or have had conversations with those people that have left you with questions, this post is probably for you.

The whole thesis with HeroAca's villains is that "bad people" aren't born, they're made. People don't just roll out of bed one day, rub their hands together, and decide arbitrarily to hurt others. When a person steals or commits an act of violence, it is almost invariably because their needs aren't met and they believe they can't meet their needs any other way. This is the whole driving force behind the League of Villains: they're rejects, misfits, survivors of trauma, and turned to crime because society didn't leave them another way. Or at least, the people around them made them feel like society wouldn't.

With Toga, people will sometimes lean on the "psychopath" angle, akin to an insanity plea, or they'll appeal to it being a work of fiction and say you have to make concessions for that. I don't like either of these arguments because they don't really demonstrate an understanding of what Toga's arc is about.

First of all, Toga isn't a psychopath. She wasn't born with some mental defect that made her kill. In fact, outside of the way that her Quirk meant she needs to drink blood in order to process her love for other people, she seems like her mental state was perfectly normal and healthy as a child. She seemed curious, interested in others, caring for others - one of the flashbacks has dialogue about her parents yelling at her for drinking her friend's blood, and she replies that she was trying to kiss it better. Implying her friend probably cut her finger and Toga began to suck the blood only after.

But instead of finding a way to translate that compulsion towards blood into a healthy form of interacting with others, Toga's parents rejected her, treated her with disgust, and forced her to repress her feelings. It's only after years and years of being raised like this that Toga snapped, drank the blood of that boy she liked, and ran away.

Two things to note here. First of all, Toga would almost certainly have not ended up on this path if her parents had properly taking care of her. Telling a child not to smile, telling a child she's not human - can you even begin to imagine how damaging that is? She's made to feel like her love is wrong, that she's a monster and will never be loved or be able to express her love properly. Her parents doomed her; they made her feel like damaged goods without any hope of repair. When you see Toga crying while drinking her crush's blood, it's because she's lost all hope of being loved. She knows what she's doing is wrong, but her heart and her desires can't just be smashed down and ignored anymore.

Secondly, think about all the times we've seen Toga cut or injure someone and/or drink their blood. A bird that was already injured. A friend who got hurt. Her crush. Ochako. Izuku. Camie. Rock Lock. The PLF grunts under Curious, and Curious herself. Twice. The heroes raiding the PLF base after Twice died. The various heroes whose blood had been spilt on the battlefield in the most recent chapters.

So the first two are self evident: the bird and the friend of hers, who she didn't injure herself, only drank their blood after. She took Ochako's blood, but other than a few knife swings at the start of the scuffle, she didn't try to do anymore harm than necessary. She was drawn to Deku after he'd been injured during the Summer Training Camp raid, and nabbed his blood after the License Exams without doing lethal harm to him. We know that she didn't kill Camie when she took her blood, and even released Camie after the License Exams. She didn't kill Rock Lock to impersonate him, either. Curious and her goon patrol were going to kill her if she didn't kill them. Twice was already dead and likely would have wanted to either leave his blood to her or would have given it willingly if he'd survived. She attacked the heroes invading the PLF base only after Twice had died; both because she was emotionally shattered and seeking revenge, and because this had proven to her that all the talk of heroes not killing, only apprehending no longer applied. She was in a death spiral of hopelessness, pain, and rage when she was using Sad Man's Death Parade, and most of the heroes whose blood she took had already been injured anyway.

Even when it comes to the guy she had a crush on, we never see her actually injure him. We only hear second-hand accounts of classmates who say she did. And her parents are clearly untrustworthy as they immediately assume the worst of her. This sets up a precedent that people assume she'll be violent if she doesn't get her way. However, when we actually get her side of the story or see her actions for ourselves, Toga always opts to take blood non-lethally and only fights to kill if she thinks she'll be killed or has lost control due to a traumatic circumstance. I wouldn't be shocked if the boy she liked - who we see getting into a fight once or twice - actually got hurt in a fight and she drank his blood after. Possibly even a fight he got into to stand up for her. Remember that blood and love go hand-in-hand for Toga. Maybe the reason she drank his blood that time on that day was because he got into a fight for her sake and her love became too much to repress. Speculation, know, but there's already a trend of Horikoshi elaborating on flashbacks with Toga to show details we weren't privy to before.

Context is crucial. You can look at an injury or death connected to someone's actions, and it's easy to just blame them. But what if they were defending themselves? What if they had blood on their hands because they were trying to staunch their wounds? A wife who kills her husband to get his money is not the same as a wife who kills her husband to escape a relationship of abuse and entrapment. Context is everything. Intention is everything. Even if you point to that corpse we see Toga with when she's introduced, ask yourself this: what's a grown man in a suit doing in an alleyway with a teenage girl on the run from her parents? Toga is a sensitive, crafty person who does what it takes to survive. Who's to say she didn't spot perverts who wanted to prey on a defenseless girl, lured them off to where no one would see, then killed them and took their money?

Even setting all that aside, you need to try to understand the state that Toga is in. She was forced to choose between being true to her feelings, or being accepted. This isn't just Toga lashing out, this is Toga acting on what she's been taught: that she's unlovable, and so it's either just selfishly follow her heart without ever being wanted, or live a lie and have a falsified version of her be accepted.

Quirks don't just affect the body, they affect the mind and heart. Drinking blood and transforming into people isn't just something Toga can do, it's a necessary part of her experiencing love and expressing love to others. Taking that away from her is like taking away the ability to hug or kiss someone you love. It's isolating, it's traumatizing, and it's ripping a part of her away and prohibiting her from exploring and validating it.

Let's play make believe for just a moment. Here's how things could play out: Toga walks into class, having had a letter about her Quirk be delivered to the school. The teacher sets time aside to explain how her Quirk works and how it affects her personality, and asks the other kids to be understanding to her. Some of them won't, but at least a few of them will. She grows up, and makes crushes, and finds a few who she can trust and be trusted by enough to ask them for blood, after explaining the context of her Quirk. She'll be rejected by some, but she'll probably find at least one boy or girl who'll accept her. And she grows up communicating with others about what makes her different and building ways to be loved while being true to herself.

If you're going to take a hard line and say "Nope, murder is murder," then that means Shigaraki, Dabi, and the rest of the League have to die. That means Hawk has to die, too; he killed Jin, not in self-defense, but to expedite the mission. Endeavor has to die, too; doesn't matter how hard he's worked to atone for his sins, die die die. Bakugo has to be punished, too. The whole class except for Jirou, Tsuyu, and... Aoyama, I think? Will need to be expelled since nobody stopped Izuku and friends from going to save Bakugo. While we're at it, why don't you punish All Might for putting Deku in danger even though it was what Deku dreamed of and wanted? How about you punish Deku like those pros were in chapter one for rushing to save Bakugo from the mud man?

Not only would that interpretation run counter to everything the story has done about these sorts of gray areas, it's just a depressing, cruel way to think of things. Crimes won't be undone if you kill the criminal. You gain nothing. Redemption can't be earned by dying, but it can be earned through living and trying to atone.

I don't know how many American or European fans are aware of this, but Japan has a 99.9% conviction rate. Generally speaking, the Japanese courts will deem you as guilty until proven innocent, and the justice system will punish you in really excessive ways even for minor offenses at times. I think part of Horikoshi's intentions are to push back against the myopic, self-righteous culture that gives rise to that kind of excessive desire to punish.

And Ochako never lets Toga off the hook for what she did. The story doesn't just give her a free pass. Ochako literally says that she can't just wipe Toga's crimes away. However, she also acknowledges that if she ignores what she's seen of the pain and hopelessness that led Toga to this point, then she'll have failed as a hero.

Heroes don't win when people die. They win when people live. If you want to ignore context and insist that an abused teenage girl needs to die, it doesn't matter what she did, you are the problem. You are the problem. You are Toga's parents, and you are the one who needs to learn to be a hero. Don't sit and squawk and act like you were ever a good enough person to pass judgment on other people. Reach out your god damn hand and start helping instead of expecting other people to do it for you. Give kindness, not cruelty, and the world will start to become a kinder place.

[iloveyanderes]

Shikama doji/sika madu yandere analysis, this is mainly for me and my friend that will probably never read this despite the fact that they'll probably never read it, warning bad words and sexual themes.

This same friend made me read the manga and I have to say no character has such a big of an impact on me as shikama doji gives me, this man is number two on my list of favorite characters, sitting right next to my beloved shiraori(btw I headcanon the both of them as siblings) and I've noticed a very short amount of fics on him, I've really only found one so if someone could send me some more I haven't found it be very appreciated.

Anyway moving on the analysis we go into the first part, his character.

To this day he remains very mysterious, he's an angel like character who's intentions still remain partly hidden, my greatest guess is that he wants to revive his son Mika but Mika is kind of alive? Maybe there's like two Mika's and he attempted to create a perfect replica of his son but failed so many times until we got our current Mika? Maybe our Mika is a reincarnation of his son and shikama knows this but that wouldn't make sense since he kinda was really unnice towards Mika when he was turning into a demon and destroyed his dreams, one thing is clear is that he has an attachment towards his son because he quite litterly kept him in a clear coffin for an unknown amount of time, I'd guess about a thousand years.

He also is very manipulative while making himself seem almost saintlike, he uses people and then abandons him, he seems to care about people by calling them endearments before threatening to kill them and attempting to follow through with it.

I imagine him as a controlling yandere, while also being a training yandere(one that trains you to act a certain way), he's not one to lose his temper but on the rare occasion he does I pray for you. He's also not big on physical punishments, most of the time he'd opt for mental ones, even so he does really not like punishments going more for positive reinforcement. Kidnapping you is a pretty much guaranteed but locking you up really depends on the situation, a bit protective but really possessive.

I have so many ideas for this guy and I'm so excited to share them with you.

If we were talking Platonic yandere I have a couple ideas.

1.you being the angel Mika's twin brother, after his son died he'd probably lock you up, on a tower like Rapunzel, funny enough I could imagine him singing mother knows best,.in this idea I don't think he'd ever let you talk to anyone other then him, he would leave you alone for days sometimes even months, only to appear at the most random times, brushing your hair so delicately as if he didn't just leave you totally isolated for the longest time. He's overprotective anyone that even dares go near you will meet death, you wouldn't believe how many of his fledgling vampire accidentally walked into your quarters and perished.

2. Your one of the orphans he took in and turned into vampires, in this idea he would give you a lot more freedom, not consistently worried that your going to die if someone bad even looks at you, though he would keep you with him all hours of the day, those other Orphans and salves he brought? They wouldn't even have the chance to express there jealousy towards you simply because you have never once left his side, he'd also occasionally wrap you in his wings and hold your tiny body next to him, I don't think he'd let you age, preferring to keep you as a tiny child that he could forever manipulate.

3. This is my final idea for platonic yandere and definitely the funniest in my opinion, imagine if you were his younger sibling and he absolutely adored you from birth, taking over the job of whatever parents the two of you came from, being there when you said your first word, when you took your first steps, EVERYTHING. The funny part of this comes from you, you've always known that your brother Is a psychopath, you know about the people he's tortured despite how hard he's tried to hide it, you want nothing more to get the absolute fuck away from him, he's absolutely fucking delusional, everytime you try to hide from him he somehow convinces himself that your playing hide and seek, every time you run he's right behind you asking where your going in such a hurry, he follows you everywhere and your trying to get the Frick away from him. Imagine you somehow manage to seal him away for a couple hundred years and you meet our Mika and yuu and get super confused about it, wtf is his son here and the weird creation that he made. Imagine just dreaming peacefully, feeling happy you don't have to deal with your brother anymore and waking up terrified when your brother whose now possessing shinoa is hugging you, screaming on the top of your lungs and bolting down the hallway of whatever house you decided to sleep in. Basically this entire idea is you running while screaming and him following you.

Moving on the the romantic yandere:

1. Imagine being a cute little bird he found one day, one of that he ended up liking a little too much, so much that he turned you human and kept you in a cage, a cute golden one only for the most beautiful of birds, almost no one knows about you and it's going to stay that way, he's very territorial over you, being an angel himself he thinks of birds as lesser beings, so technically he owns you.

2. Instead of shinoa getting him as cursed gear, he gets you instead, though unlike shinoa he ends up liking you a little too much, haunting your dreams every night, clinging so close, and forcibly possessing your body just so he could be a little bit closer to you, he's with you all hours of the day.

3. Your one of his servant, you were a slave he bought and you listen to every single one of his orders, when he wants you to kill someone you do it, when he wants you to watch as he tortures an innocent person you had the audacity to help you do it, when he demands that you place your head in his lap you do it. With him you don't have anymore free will, just him only him.

This is all I've got for now, pls let me know what you thought of this and feel free to give me your ideas! Have a great day.

[karkkidoeswriting]

Happy Storyteller Saturday! What about your story is currently plaguing your thoughts right this moment? A certain character? A plot point? A particular scene? A concept for something new? Be as vague or as detailed as you like!

Happy STS! Thank you for the question!!

Right now Faerathos and Marcus from BCC are living rent free in my mind. They have somewhat codependent and dysfunctional adoptive father-son relationship. Faerathos is one of the main siblings and after their clan got killed in a civil war 15 years prior, he was taken as a hostage to the court, to deter his uncle, who managed to escape, from coming back from exile to cause trouble. Marcus is his aunt's widow (she died years before the civil war) and the commander of their house guard, though there's barely anyone alive from their house, so now he is more just Faerathos' bodyguard.

Faerathos was pretty traumatized by the civil war at age 13 and after that he's been 15 years in the court under constant surveillance and control, so it's safe to say he's mentally not great. He does a lot of self-sabotaging by getting into bad and dangerous situation and fucking over his life and relationships by being shitty to people. He craves affection, but also doesn't think he deserves it, which leads him to do things like that. More than anything he wants affection from Marcus, who is very emotionally unavailable. He has also internalized having his every move scrutinized, so he's compulsively acting like he's totally fine, and therefore also unable to just ask help or support. So Marcus, who already has trouble reading people's emotions, doesn't even know what he needs.

Marcus was Faerathos' father's (Julius) lover for several years before he died (Faerathos' parents were platonically married), which Faerathos doesn't know. So when Julius died in the civil war, Marcus also took it pretty badly, but he couldn't ever really properly grieve, because he could not show weakness being constantly under the enemy's nose, and no one knew about it. He could not save Julius, so his life mission since has been to protect Julius' son, and he barely has any life outside Faerathos. He also believes he is cursed, because tragedies seems to follow him, and he is constantly afraid something will happen to Faerathos. This is partly an internal justification to be so emotionally distant (because he's like "maybe the curse won't work if I don't talk about my feelings" - Sure, Jan), because he really just fears emotional intimacy, which would require him to actually face his grief. So he deeply loves Faerathos as a son, but is unable to express it, which is the one thing Faerathos really needs from him. It's also painful for him to watch by as Faerathos for seemingly no reason just fuck over his life over and over again without being able to do anything. So sometimes he has to emotionally check out from their relationship and just keep Faerathos alive.

Despite all that they can also be affectionate. Marcus doesn't usually like to be touched, but Faerathos likes platonic physical intimacy, so the way Marcus shows his love (since emotional intimacy is off the table) is by affectionately touching Faerathos' hair or something or letting Faerathos nap against him. (To paint you the picture, Faerathos is 195 cm and Marcus 169 cm. His son is very overgrown.) When Faerathos was younger, they didn't have this tension, since a naturally parent-child relationship is not balanced, and Marcus could be there for Faerathos without having to be that open himself. But as Faerathos grew up, their relationship should have become more reciprocal, but with the combined effort of Marcus' emotional unavailability and Faerathos' self-destructive behavior, their relationship just become more dysfunctional. So on one hand they are very close, but on the other hand they can be very hurtful to each other, because they are so close.

To show you how rent free they live in my head here's a little sketch I made of baby Faerathos and Marcus having an "I'm guess I'm a father now" moment after they have become hostages because I could not stop thinking about them.

Sorry for the long answer, I have just endless amount to say about them :'D

[godeaterazathoth]

So I re-download the game

All new and improved Hedd Wyn

So I changed her look to better reflect her new personality.

Her new personality is very peppy and confident. Maybe too confident. I have an idea of her almost always talking in like Shakespearean English cuz she thinks it’s cool and makes her seem mysterious. She is really into collecting knowledge on swordplay and combat. I think she would primarily use a lance to fight cuz she wants practice, she really loves her horse Torrent and dog Blaidd.

A lot of her personality is based on her past.

Background

The place Hedd Wyn was born lost its name long ago just like her. She was born into a normal family as 1/3 of a group of triplets. Her parents and two sisters lived perfectly average lives, they lived on a small amount of land and owned a red horse named red mane.

Until they were 8. When a revolt led to a revolutionary army to set up in the region. The noble who oversaw the region decided to cut off the rebels at the food source, he destroyed all their food and blocked anything from entering the area. Quickly famine set in and the rebellion fell apart, but even then no food was given. Red Mane died first and the family ate what was left of him. Their parents died quickly after leaving her and her siblings to hunt rats. Soon there were no more rats and the sisters survived by drinking each others blood. But within 2 weeks both younger sisters were dead. It was the middle of winter and the girl couldn’t bury her sisters. She had to stay up and guard them from scavengers, until she decided she had to leave or die. She ate her own sisters and buried what was left. Then ran away.

The girl was picked up by a band of mercenaries, she did anything to earn her keep until she was 10 and began to fight on the battlefield. Even as a child she was a competent worrier, killing many men. At 12 the drunken leader attempted to assault her and she killed him accidentally. When the others found her they attacked her badly wounding her, but she managed to escape. She was found by the bookstore owner who nursed her back to health. And then raised her as his own.

At first She was cold and detached not even having a name and only following orders. In order to open her world view Akatsuki taught her to read and gave her freedom to read whatever she wanted. Inspired by what she found, she built a new personality. Gallant and boastful speaking in an old fashioned style. She gave herself the name Hedd Wyn.

She found Rio on the woods and made her first real decision in taking him in. She thought it was honourable sticking up for him and looking after him, but now she wishes he would get a job and move out.

Hedd Wyn enjoys taking part in tournaments against over swordsman, she is known in the city for her strength and prideful attitude, that strangers mistakenly assume to be arrogance. She is very popular amongst women for her chivalrous character.

Prologue

She was only interested in the festival because of the show of strength tournament, even if it was just arm wrestling, she won and on her way home with her winnings stumbled on the drunkerd scene. Except the scene was half way through, a girl has already stepped in, Leon and Chevalier were already there, Hedd Wyn just didn’t notice them (at all) she just wanted to play hero and got herself in way too deep.

Trivia

Blood type O

She is around 18 years old

Sometimes her scars ache

She sleeps in the barn with Torrent and Blaidd

She made her own clothes, made for practicality

She believes the loss of memory is a kind of death

She is experienced with most weapons (except fire arms)

Despite her big appetite she can’t taste food

Despite her hole persona being an act she doesn’t change anything about her opinions or beliefs just how she expresses them

She isn’t a fan of sweet things, she likes spicy food

If she doesn’t like something she just won’t do it

She sleep fights

[feliciagarrivan]

MIHAELA NOROC

ABOUT MIHAELA NOROC

Mihaela Noroc is a 36 years old photographer from Romania. After photographing women in almost 100 countries she believes that this is not the end of the road, but only the beginning. 

As a mother of a young girl, Mihaela feels more motivated than ever to share the diversity of the world with her daughter and with her audience. Since she became a mother, three years ago, Mihaela and her daughter visited over 30 countries together. 

Mihaela dreams to make The Atlas of Beauty a lifelong project that promotes the beautiful side of humanity and brings a contribution, no matter how small, to a better world.

What is The Atlas of Beauty ?

For the past 9 years photographer Mihaela Noroc has been traveling the world, photographing women and listening to their stories. Her goal is to show that beauty is much more than what we usually see in the media.

Real beauty has no bounds and you’ll find it anywhere, from villages in Afghanistan to big avenues in New York City, from isolated communities in the Amazon to crowded crossings in Tokyo.

Real beauty is not about how we look, but about all the qualities that make us good human beings. In a more and more divided world, The Atlas of Beauty aims to show a different perspective, promoting hope and love.  

On this website in the gallery section we can get information about the subject along side of the portrait of them.

Juncal was working hard, when I noticed her a few weeks ago in Barcelona. The life of this young street sweeper was never easy. She’s originally from the Basque Country, an autonomous community in northern Spain. When she was a child, her mother abandoned her and her father died of cancer. After these terrible events Juncal moved to Barcelona where she was raised by an aunt. She started this job two years ago when she was only 19. While many other youngsters continue to live with their parents at this age, Juncal told me she is proud that she’s financially independent and living on her own. In this photo, it seems to me that Juncal resembles a heroine from a Japanese manga story. And I think people like her -who despite all painful moments in their childhood manage to grow up so beautifully- are indeed heroes.

It was a day of September, when I visited Barton Spring, in Austin, USA. This is a place where people come to relax and swim. Looking around, at all those perfect bodies and the splendid landscape, you could feel like on the set of a photo shoot for a glamorous magazine. But for me beauty is much more than that. When I noticed Veronize and her serene expression I instantly knew that I want to photograph her. Veronize was mega surprised of my proposal. But she was equally thrilled. By chance that was the first time in her life when she was wearing a two pieces swimsuit. Sometimes things happens for a reason and maybe that’s why I was there, in that day of September. Veronize just started to work on accepting her body and that was one of the first steps. But on the way there were many years of struggles. Her parents emigrated to the States from the Dominican Republic, dreaming that their daughter will have a better life. They created a unique name for her, combining their owns, Veronica and Ezekiel. Veronize was bullied since she remembers. She was only 12 years old when somebody spread a rumour in her school that she was pregnant. And that was just one of the dozens of episodes when she was humiliated because of her body. But with all the suffering, she remained a kind hearted person. Love was her answer to all the hate. Today she works in a holistic shop and she seems the kind of nurturing person who takes care of her beloved ones whenever are in need. Dear Veronize, not only that you have a special and beautiful name, but you are also a special and beautiful woman.

I noticed Katalin on the alleys of a small village inhabited by ethnic Hungarians in Transylvania, Romania. This lovely woman was holding some herbs from her garden. She was eager to offer them as a gift to another lady from the village. When I look at Katalin, I see a whole generation of Eastern Europeans who have been through difficult times, but learned to see the beauty of simple pleasures. As children, they witnessed the second world war at its epicentre. Then an abrupt and painful transition to communism and cruel dictators. Then another painful transition to capitalism. But there was also a lot of happiness in their life, because they valued even the little things. Maybe that’s why this small bundle of herbs looks like a treasure in Katalin’s hands.

I photographed Tuazikirapi and her little boy in Opuwo, a small town in north-western Namibia. She is an ethnic Zemba and, following the tradition, her boy will have a name only after a special ritual will be performed around a Holy Fire. In this part of the world, fire is an essential part of the cultures for both spiritual and practical needs. Tuazikirapi carries firewood on her head every single day, even now when she has just become a mother. Zemba people came here as refugees from the neighbouring Angola and selling firewood became their only way to make a living. Despite all challenges, Tuazikirapi has dignity, a splendid smile and a great sense of style. Women like her are usually unknown, but for me they are true heroines.

She is Marzieh, one of the strongest women I have ever met. She was driving in Isfahan, Iran, eight years ago, when two men on a motorcycle came close to her car. One of them threw acid on her face and then they ran away. Police never caught them, although the street was surveyed by video cameras. There were a few other similar cases in Isfahan, in the same year, and the perpetrators have never been caught. All these horrible acts were directed towards women who were not wearing conservative outfits. Many Iranians believe that these attacks were made in complicity with different authorities to discourage women from adopting a more liberal way of dressing. But both national and local authorities denied any involvement. Today Marzieh is trying to raise awareness about these terrible attacks and advocates for the ban of acid sales. Although she started to cry when she remembered that horrible day, she wanted to tell me the whole story. Then she smiled again. It was the smile of a powerful woman, who found the strength and courage to overcome the suffering and to fight for her cause every single day, so this would not happen again to other women. Dear Marzieh, incredible women like you are the reason I’m doing this project. Thank you so much for showing me the purest form of beauty.

I met this lovely, elegant lady on the old streets of Palermo, in Sicily. In this traditional part of Italy, most people are very dedicated to their families and to their faith in God. Giovanna lost her mother when she was only 10 years old, during the Second World War. So she had to take care of her four younger brothers from a very young age. Later, she had herself three children. When I met her she was very worried about one of her daughter’s health, who was suffering from a critical disease. Giovanna’s life was a carousel of ups and downs. She lost family members, she lost friends, but she never lost her faith and her elegance. I guess that faith helped her finding the strength and hope, while elegance gave her a sense of normality during difficult times. When we said goodbye, after our short encounter, she took my hands in hers, she looked at me with kindness and told me something in Italian. I think it was “May God bless you.”

We met in Reykjavík, the capital of Iceland. Ragga is a force of nature. She’s been part of a unique expedition at the South Pole, she drove huge trucks with tourists on glaciers, she worked in mountain rescue teams and as an EMT, and now works as a firefighter, all of these while being a dedicated mother too. She grew up with her three older brothers and although she was the only girl and the youngest in the family, her parents never treated her differently. Maybe this kind of education is one of the reasons why Iceland is considered the best country in the world in terms of gender equality. But Ragga told me that even here, in the most equal place on earth, there are still some prejudices regarding women working in fields dominated by men. But as you can imagine, nothing will ever stop this extraordinary woman from following her path.

I met Jacinta in a Mayan village called Chichicastenango, in Guatemala. Her story begins many, many years ago. It was 1916, when a 50 years old woman in Guatemala decided to cause herself an abortion. She thought she is too old to have another baby. The abortion failed and a few months later Jacinta was born. Now make the calculation. Yes, Jacinta is 103 years old. She was a surviver, even before she was born. She was the youngest daughter, so according to tradition she took care of her parents until they passed away. Then she got married, but the marriage wasn’t so great. Her husband used to be quite oppressive so they didn’t get along very well. She was 70 years old when he passed away. But Jacinta admitted frankly: after that she finally started to enjoy herself for the first time in her life. She was still feeling young and the best time of her life was just beginning. Jacinta lived by herself until she was 99 years old. Then, after broking a foot, she decided to live with one of her granddaughters. The granddaughter told me that Jacinta was always a humorous person. Once in a while she tells her laughing that her bed is really cold and she needs somebody there. When I met them, they were coming from a technician where they adjusted Jacinta’s hearing aid. Now she needs it more than ever, because she recently started to learn Spanish. Although Spanish is the official language of the country, Jacinta have spoken all of her life only Quiché, her indigenous native tongue. Now she watches TV programs in Spanish and asks her granddaughter about the new words that she hears. Incredible, right? So what are the secrets of Jacinta’s longevity? One is for sure the food. Jacinta always loved to cook and kept in her memory dozens of traditional Mayan recipes. Her granddaughter gathered them and opened a traditional restaurant. Most recipes are very sophisticated, meat is rarely used, and there’s a rich combination of herbs. I could go on with stories about this extraordinary woman, but 103 years of strength and beauty would never get enough text. I just hope this inspires you to always be as young in spirit and beautiful as Jacinta.

I met this fierce and courageous young woman in Baghdad, the capital of Iraq. Jannat decided to take self-defence lessons after she was attacked on the street, by a thief. She chose Kyokushin, a full contact style of Karate. When she started she was surrounded by men in her class so her father didn’t want to let her participate. But Jannat persisted and soon became a great fighter. She started to post pictures of herself in social media, as a fighter, and soon received many messages from women who wanted to follow the same path. Today Jannat has her own Kyokushin class dedicated to women. She has over 30 pupils who come to practice this tough full contact style. I was fascinated to participate to one of the courses. I saw fierce women with very different backgrounds, both conservative and liberal, fighting with determination and united by an ambition to brake boundaries.

While visiting one of the slums of the city, I was fascinated by the gentleness of this lady in such a rough environment. For nearly 30 years, she has been selling meat every day, in exactly the same place.

When Amy-Mae started to show me a few Irish dancing moves it felt like she was flying. She made it look so simple, but behind it there are years of efforts and sacrifices. She started to practice Irish dancing when she was only two years old. She grew up in the countryside and attending a good dancing school required very long ways. Although she was in love with dancing, she never imagined that she will become a professional. In high school, actually, inspired by some meaningful experiences, she decided to become a doctor but life had different plans for her. When she was preparing to start the university and study medicine she got a call. That was the moment when she was invited to join the Riverdance. Riverdance is one of the most successful shows in the world, a legendary production of traditional Irish music and dance. Amy-Mae joined the show as a troupe dancer. She started to fly literally and figuratively on stages around the world. But that was only the beginning. After a while she was invited to perform the lead role of the show. Her life felt already amazing but it became phenomenal. Looking back she believes that she may not had as much natural ability as others, but she worked really hard and she was super passionate about it. She says that when she hears the music of the show her heart starts to beat really fast and she can feel the adrenalin in her body. Amy-Mae still plans to become a doctor in the future, but in the meantime her dancing is her therapy for us, the audience. A therapy for the soul.

Escolastica is 88 years old and lives in the Sacred Valley of the Incas, in Peru. When I met her she was walking on the way home. She was joyful and energetic, full of humour and wisdom. She told me she has walked and walked all of her life, on the steep slopes of this fascinating valley, between its isolated villages, sometimes carrying heavy burdens, exactly like her ancestors, the Incas. In our world we go to gym to stay in shape and buy tours to visit such breathtaking landscapes. But Escolastica has all these for free. Without doubt, life is very hard in this kind of places, but it comes with different kind of rewards. And maybe this is the secret of Escolastica’s bright and vivid spirit.

Ta Mai lives in a small village in Northern Vietnam and is part of an ethnic group called Red Dao. In her community women wear this red turban only after they get married. Ta Mai got married when she was only 16. Now she’s 20 and already has two children. That’s common in her community. What is uncommon in her case is that she had a love marriage. The life of these fascinating people is complicated. They mostly live from agriculture, eating only rice and a few vegetables every day. Meat is only for special occasions. And still, they wear beautiful handmade clothes that take months to weave. This might seem impractical in our world: struggling to survive, while dedicating so much time to craft and beauty. But I guess that any human being needs beauty and those who have a simple life are sometimes closer to it.

These lovely ladies met in high school and they remained good friends since then. About 70 years later, I met them on the streets of Oslo, Norway. It was a dark day of May, but they were shinning. They told me they are out “to celebrate old age”. Beautiful age and beautiful friendship!

Her name means dove in Spanish and after many years of struggles she learned how to fly away from all the suffering. Paloma is from Havana, Cuba, where I met her last October. Paloma was born without a left hand but she never saw that as a disability. She was only 20 when she gave birth to a baby girl. Although Paloma was very young, she was a very happy and dedicated mother. But a tragic event changed everything. Because of a severe infection her baby passed away. After a terrible suffering she recovered and became a mother for a second time. Her boy is two years old now and Paloma is raising him by herself. I was impressed to find out how she changes the diapers with one hand or how she makes her manicure with her feet. Paloma makes her living as a seller, in a souvenir shop. Although she studied informatics and was one of the best in her class, she didn’t find a job in this field because employers saw her unfit. But Paloma proves that they were wrong. I asked her, isn’t all this situation overwhelmingly difficult? And she told me that nothing in life is difficult compared with losing a child. Today all the daily challenges mean nothing to her, as long as she has a healthy and happy child. Dear Paloma, your boy has a an extraordinary mother.

[made-some-ki-points]

Character Ideas Day 5: Ancestral Guardian Barbarian

You started your journey as a typical up and coming warrior, ready and willing to protect your new party in combat, and quickly making friends with each of them in turn. As time went by, however, you started to see spectral figures attempting to protect them during combat, and staying close to them during low times. Though you ask frequently, no one else seems to see them, but their descriptions match what the party members begin to tell you about their dead loved ones to a startling degree. Eventually, you ask the specters themselves, who confirm your thoughts and begin to respond to your efforts. You’ve gained ancestral guardians, even if they’re not yours. 

You are a tattoo artist, the only one in a small town who is known for elaborate pictures and scenes, many of which you have tattooed on yourself. You thought they were just art exercises, a way to practice mythical beasts and sprawling landscapes to tell a story of a fictional hero. But, when you are attacked one evening, the hero rushes to defend you, explaining that they were indeed a real person whose story had been forgotten. They want to thank you for bringing it back to the light. In return for saving you, you agree to spread the message, sending you on the steps of an odd new journey. 

You recently heard an important family secret for the first time, one that completely shakes your faith in those around you. An elusive relative that only you seemed to be close to, did not in fact die in an accident as you were told. They were murdered, and not a soul in your family seems to care aside from you. Enraged, you go out to track down those who killed them, and perhaps even achieve vengeance. The first time you face down combat, you are shocked to see the spectral presence of that relative, eager to fight for their legacy by your side. 

Your work as a ghost hunter and investigator of haunted sights around the world has earned you fame and a strong reputation, to some as an expert in the esoteric, to some as a complete crackpot. As an effort to prove yourself, you set off to encounter the most dangerous haunting you’ve seen in years. You didn’t expect a fight, but you got one anyway, and just when you seemed overpowered, some of the friendliest ghosts you’ve met over the years came to your aid. Now, you’re out to show others your new protective hoard, hoping to get more people to believe in your talents.

You are the child of a single bard who barely made enough money to keep you off the street. You were never an easy kid, getting into fights all the time, but their singing voice was beautiful and always calmed you in an instant. So when your parent died, angry and confused at the world, you could sometimes swear you still heard that song, soft and gentle yet fiercely protective. Eventually, you started to see spectral music notes burst forward during fights, the song itself seeming to keep you safe from harm. Now, you’re out to determine what exactly you can do, though you have no intention of stopping it. 

From a young age, you’ve been told you descended from one of the strongest heroes the land had ever known. It became part of your identity, a fixture in your definition of self that you wore with pride. When you showed fighting prowess, your parents sent you to live with a group of barbarians, in the hopes they could train you to summon the hero’s strength in combat. When you did manage to summon something, it didn’t look anything like the history books. Turns out, the ancestor was a writer, and their character lived on far longer than they did. They apologize profusely, and still express a desire to help you fight, if you’re willing. Reluctantly, yet curiously, you agree. 

As is tradition in your home culture, you embarked on a journey to a great but distant library to learn ancient secrets and arcane ways after revealing yourself to be somewhat of an intellectual prodigy. The journey was hard and long, and at the end, you didn’t find what you expected. You found the library burned to the ground, the marker of a rival militia painted in the ashes. As rage filled your mind, you suddenly became aware of several presences, the spirits of those that died in the fire, who seem to share your desire for vengeance. It’s hardly the path you thought you’d take, but as you stand in the ashes of greatness, nothing but vengeance seemed imaginable. 

As a guard for the main temple for the god of death, spirits have been normal to you for most of your adult life. You aren’t religious, but the pay is good, so seeing and dealing with rowdy spirits is just part of the job. Your boss is very religious, claiming he calls upon spirits to help them fight, but you’ve never actually seen anything. Strange, you thought, but that’s how most of religion feels to you, so you brush it off. Until one night when someone breaks in on your shift, and while trying the tactics your boss mentioned out of desperation, spirits come forth and fight beside you, ones that everyone around you can see. Now, many are convinced you’re divinely chosen, a cleric of proportions no one has ever seen before. You know in your gut they’re wrong, but there’s just no way to prove it. 

Ever since you were young, you’ve lived in a nomadic barbarian tribe, cutthroat and ruthless but very closely bonded. As you grew, they taught you their methods, and encouraged you to call on ancestral spirits to make you into a mightier warrior. When you did, though, the ancestors you called acted and looked very different to theirs, no less fierce but very obviously not the same. It’s hardly a conventional way to find out you’re adopted, but it could have gone a lot worse. 

You grew up in an exceedingly haunted house, though your parents never seemed to see it. Thankfully, the ghosts seemed friendly enough, and you co-existed peacefully for most of your childhood. As you became a teenager, however, you started to grow rebellious, a spirit the ghosts seemed to push. They encouraged you to run away, staying with you in moments of rage and helping you fight when needed. Now, however, you can’t help but look back with regret, no matter how much your guardians push you not to. Slowly but surely, you’re learning an important lesson: Just because they’re your guardians, they’re not necessarily your friends. 

[bigskydreaming]

Hi, I was reading your post about Jason punching Dick in the face when Dick revealed he fake his death was bullshit ( which it was) and it reminded me of an issue/question that has bothered me for sometime.

Why did people believe Dick was actually dead?

I’m not the most avid comic reader so maybe I missed something but it was always weird to me that everyone just accepted this especially given how Bruce was acting or should I say wasn’t acting.

This is a man when his child died another child had to come along and told him sir you are being too violent and emotional you need supervision. When his other child died he went all over the universe to bring him back to life because he knew it was possible ( which was happening at the same time), so why didn’t anyone think it was weird he wasn’t doing that for Dick. Can you imagine Dick really dying that soon after Damian it would be injustice Batman Version. You are telling me that Tim, Jason or Barbara didn’t think it was weird that Bruce didn’t also bring Dick’s corpse to the bring Damian back to life mission or mention it to themselves. Like what more likely Dick dead and Bruce is handling it well or that he fake his death to do something stupid and Dangerous after his partner/brother/ little bit my son the feelings are complicated died after he was knocked out and woke up to his corpse.

Oh man, this is like, the entire nature of my beef?

(Slight derail just to emphasize the fact real quick that Dick DID actually die, he was just revived quickly, but like, the trauma of his death was very real and its not like anyone was clued into Luthor having a resurrection backdoor built into his literal murder of Dick in the actual moment of it happening. So Dick’s death wasn’t fake, and additionally, he didn’t have anything to do with like, telling people about it, because he was literally comatose in the cave and recovering while Bruce was telling people....by the time Dick woke up in the cave, we already know that Alfred at least had already been convinced by Bruce that Dick was dead, so I have a kneejerk need to pushback against the Dick faked his death narrative by reminding people wherever possible that Dick had no agency in the spreading of that narrative. 

It happened without him being involved, and the only actual contribution he ever made to it was just not revealing he was alive before Grayson #12, after Bruce like.....emotionally, mentally and physically badgered him into accepting that doing so would be directly harmful to his family and he didn’t want to be the reason more people died when like, people had just died because he ‘let’ himself be captured and interrogated by Power Woman’s Lasso of Submission, did he?

SORRY TO BE PEDANTIC, just wanted to start this off on a clarification, even though I know the aim of your ask was very much in tune with the rest of my response. A lot of people don’t read the actual comics, so like, I’m never gonna skip over an opportunity to emphasize that the shorthand people use to refer to Dick’s death and the year he was with Spyral, is like, literally just shorthand for describing it. Its not actually an accurate description of how all that went down and who had the most hand in it).

BUT ANYWAY. BACK TO THE MEAT OF THE BEEF.

Okay so like, not only was the entire family and Bruce himself giving Dick shit for his death and Spyral, like, PAINFULLY egregious because it was literal victim blaming in every possible sense of the word....

None of it made a LICK of sense with ANY of their characterizations, and they ONLY all accepted it on face value because the Plot Demanded It, and when you're like, no, as a reader I say The Plot Demanded It is not a good enough reason for me to be like well sure, that makes sense......looking at the characters ACTUAL actions at face value pretty much just makes them all look like assholes?

Like, Tim has never gracefully accepted anyone's death. Ever. This is core characterization for him. He will go to the ends of the earth for his loved ones and to bring them back, prove they're not dead, refuse to let death be the final verdict for them. He was tempted to use the Lazarus Pit to bring his parents back to life. He refused to accept Bruce was dead long before he had any proof whatsoever of that theory. He tried to clone his BFF/future-husband Kon in his fucking basement like, dude was two whole inches away from going Full Dark Side in his quest to bring back a lost loved one no matter WHAT the cost.....and then you've got Dick unmasked onscreen, killed offscreen, and Bruce then reporting to the rest of them with zero inflection 'oh Dick's dead now. Its very sad' and Tim's just like, sure. Sounds legit.

I mean?!?!

And you're SO RIGHT ABOUT THE DAMIAN THING! Bruce LITERALLY LITERALLY LITERALLY went BEYOND the ends of the Earth, like, he full on chartered a fucking space ship to fly his whole family out to APOKOLIPS to bring Damian back from the dead by going to EXTREME lengths.....WHILE everyone else thought Dick was dead....

And not a single person looked at Bruce and was like, okay, not that we're not down to do this for Damian because we miss Stabby Smurf something fierce ourselves, but.....what the fuck is UP with you dude? Why aren't you displaying ANY hint of this same kind of energy in regards to your eldest son that you said you watched die right in front of you?

Like....I don't know that we were actually ever told that Dick's coffin was empty or had a fake in it, but like....this family of detectives who refuse to accept death, defy death, COME BACK FROM THE DEAD....not a single one of them said like, okay, if I'm gonna like, ACCEPT accept that Dick is dead and gone for good, I need to at least just see him one last time? That's literally all it would have taken for someone to realize hey something's a little wonky here. Where's the dead body, Pops?

Since when has Jason ever missed an opportunity to prove Bruce is a) full of shit, b) acting like an emotionless robot and all his kids deserve better especially when they've just like....died, c) just factually incorrect and wrong and jumped to a conclusion before it was conclusively proved, d) lying like a liar or e) all of the above?

Nobody even ASKED if Dick's body could be put in a Lazarus Pit? Yeah, Jason wouldn't necessarily recommend it himself, given what it put him through, but actually fuck that, I take that back, because I'm NOT actually of the opinion that Jason full on hates his life and actively spends every second of every day wishing he hadn't been resurrected, even if it had come with a huge buffet of additional trauma and pain.

And that's kinda what's implied when people just take it for granted that he would never be on board with any scenario involving using a Lazarus Pit to bring Dick back, because it suggests that based even just on his own experiences and feelings, he honestly believes Dick would prefer being dead and not have ANY further opportunities to be with his loved ones, his friends, help save the damn world again at some future point.....that Jason, projecting based just off himself, legit feels Dick would rather be dead than have another shot at life even WITH the downsides of Lazarus Pit usage? Nope. Sorry, I don't buy it.

Speaking of not buying it.....you know what was missing from all those soliloquies the others monologued at Dick about how they felt and were hurt and just devastated by his death, to such a point they can't seem to muster a single shred of happiness that he's NOT dead still -

(seriously, Damian was the ONLY person in ALL THE LANDS OF EMOTION-HAVING who expressed ANY kind of positive reaction to having Dick back. We were so fucking cheated of like.....ANY opportunity to have the characters show just how much they valued him by just being fucking HAPPY he was alive, no matter what else was involved....and then most of fandom compounded that by for years being like mmmm, no, Dick didn't get yelled at enough by his family for what HE put THEM through. Needs more yelling. More punching too. Bad Dick. Bad. This is the only way you'll learn not to die and get shipped off on a mission that you don't want but at least is to protect your family after being beaten into it by your dad whilst victim blaming you for dying in the first place. WHEN WILL YOU LEARN TO THINK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE AND THEIR FEELINGS FOR A CHANGE, DICK?!?)

- But like, BUT I DIGRESS aside....you know what was missing from all those monologues about how hard DICK'S death and ensuing year of basically exile from his loved ones was for EVERYONE BUT HIM?

We never got a single line of explanation as to what everyone else officially thinks even happened to him in the first place?

Like, did Bruce straight up just say oh bad news kids, your brother umm. Expired. Spontaneously. There's no one to blame, he just keeled over, its all very sad.

Is that how that went down?

You're telling me that the explanation of Dick's death didn't come with a single pointed finger at someone for this family of blame-happy vigilantes to like, BLAME for the loss of this brother they all mourned oh so much, they just couldn't help but blame him for all the hurt it caused them?

The family that in every other fic is like OBSESSED with avenging and being avenged and all things vengeful and even tangentially vengeance-y....like didn't ask for a single detail on whomst the fuck deprived us of our brother-having?

Where were the attempts on Luthor's life by Jason (who I mean, yeah I know it was in a previous continuity, but erasing that timeline doesn't erase my awareness of the time Dick killed Jason's murderer so like.....mmm, just saying, woulda been nice)....where was the rage directed at the Crime Syndicate and references to how seriously and personally the Batfam took making sure that they were PUNISHED for all this and would never be free to wreak havoc on their world or their family again? What did they tell Damian when he came back to life, and how are you going to tell me that this fraternal little ball of fury didn't aim himself like a cannonball at whomever the fuck had DARED take HIS Batman from him when Damian wasn't around to have his back?

Not only does everyone else's desire to be avenged start falling really flat the second you factor in hey maybe Dick feels "mmm what about MY avenging" sometimes, and why doesn't anyone ever care about doing that for him.....but also, y'know what REALLY sucks about the ONLY person we actually SEE being blamed for Dick's death and ensuing absence being like....Dick himself?

Not only were his family all super keen on making all of this HIS fault and HIM the bad guy because of how it made them all feeeeeeel (and meanwhile fuck his feelings, am I right Batfam hfaklshfklahfkla).....

They somehow found a way to justify prioritizing this OVER ever even getting around to blaming some villain for his death in the FIRST place, in the entire year or so they thought he was still dead!

Like, you couldn't come up with a single target in all that time, but Dick's back two seconds, and you don't even give him a chance to EXPLAIN before you're punching him, shutting him down with 'I expected better from you' and turning away with 'I don't want to hear it, why am I surprised Dick Grayson disappointed me again'?

afshklfhalfhalfhla

Make it make sense!

And like, it won't, cuz it doesn't, and it never will, and like I said at the top, the ONLY reason it all played out this way is because DC doesn't give a fuck about character development and deemed it necessary to go down this way for the sake of the plot (which was totes worth it, I mean, glad we sacrificed characters for this A+ plot which was clearly the greatest plot of all time and definitely justified every story choice made or not made around it loooool).

BUT.

BUT BUT BUT.

The problem isn't JUST that DC is stupid, even though that is an eternal mood and quite the problem.

Its that the SECOND large parts of fandom decided to play along with DC and just accept the story at face value, only add to it and play into it exactly as it happened in canon with no significant deviations, and like, heaping on the LITERAL abuse from Dick's siblings while ignoring the LITERAL abuse from his father....

THAT....is when all of this becomes relevant.

Because the second people decided TO engage with the reasoning DC gave for what Bruce did and how and what Dick did and how and just not mess with any of that and have it all play out exactly like that...

The second people are like, okay we're FINE with not just dismissing this story as OOC writing that doesn't make any sense, and actually VALIDATING it to various degrees by engaging with it as is....

That's when 'OOC writing' stops being an excuse or explanation for alllll of the above gaps in character logic and actions.

Because its like, when you had abundant chance to REJECT this story and say nope, this was bullshit from start to finish and I'm not here for it, when you were just as capable of transforming literally ANY aspect of this story you didn't like into something that made more sense to you....

And you chose not to.

That's.....accepting it as valid writing. You were like, okay, I'm game to just treat this as a thing that happened, just like they said that happened.

For the chance to give Dick shit for it, see. For the angst, see.

And that's when I'm like okay cool, so when engaging with this story as is and accepting it on face value and just delving into the characters as they were SHOWN interacting with and around these events......for the angst or whatever....

You guys just all decided en masse to just hop, skip and jump over allllllllll the opportunities for angst inherent in examining even ANY SINGLE ONE of the above lapses in judgment or hypocrisy on the parts of the characters (who don't get to be excused by OOC writing if you're not going to call the story an example of OOC writing, whoops).

And its just like, uh, what's up with that?

[wellnoe]

who do you think is jean grey's favorite child? (between nate, rachel and nathan)

i think, def nate grey ( xman ) but after cable .... i still can't believe why she mothering cable ( we need jean with nate and rachel only ) and ignoring her own kids

i haven't read many comics with nate grey, but the ones i have read don't really point to him and jean being particularly close, imo.

i see the sentiment expressed here ("we need jean with nate and rachel only", or that jean mothering cable is weird and wrong) sometimes! and it is one i do not understand and am not sympathetic to. i do not know what the alternative would be, except, i guess, for x-factor going down very differently. as it stands, jean was in a very serious relationship with cable's father while cable was very young. she was one of his primary caregivers in x-factor, and felt the loss of nathan very strongly. she continues as one of his primary caregivers in the adventures of cyclops and phoenix, during which she raises nathan for (iirc) about a decade. she did not give birth to him, but she is functionally his mother, a relationship that i think they both really value. out of all her children, i think jean has the most consistent relationship with cable, and i think her relationship with him is the one that is most immediately recognizable as parental, bc she did spend so much time raising him when he was very young. he's her son.

i think jean's relationship with rachel is more complex, in part bc of her early rejection of rachel (something that she has apologized and tried to, in some ways, make amends for), and in part bc of rachel's relationship with the idea of jean (both the jean that gave birth to rachel, and the jean that existed in 616 but supposedly died on the moon). i think rachel is definitely closer to scott than jean? partially bc jean has been dead or otherwise absent for a lot of rachel's time in 616. i think jean still loves rachel, but is kind of unsure of how to navigate their relationship at times, which can make things kind of fraught on rachel's end.

i think jean as a character has a lot of interesting things going on, re: motherhood. as she says in x-factor, she'd always thought she and scott would have a baby girl, and later once they're married she also seems interested in raising children. it is interesting to me, then, that (with the possible exception of nathan) jean's children do not come about out of that desire to have kids. both nate and rachel are children from another universe, but she is nevertheless supposed to become a mother figure to them. this lack of choice is explicitly a part of her initial discomfort and rejection of rachel: she feels forced into a role she is not ready for, and feels she is being forced into a connection with phoenix she is not ready for, at a time when her life is already very stressful and emotionally difficult for her. this lack of choice is also evident in plots about different people wanting to force jean to take part in breeding programs. x-factor is one of these, though maddy ends up forced into it instead. but there are also others.

also storylines about jean and motherhood often seem, to me anyway, to be in part about grieving? about loss? rachel comes from a world where everyone jean knows and loves is dead (and this is also a part of her discomfort with what rachel represents). in nathan's case, jean explicitly feels like her life was taken from her! that she would have had maddy's life with scott, had things shaken out differently, and she kind of mourns that that wasn't true for her. in x-factor especially, jean experiences a lot of anguish over the relationships had by phoenix and maddy, the fact that she isn't these women.

anyway the point is: i think jean wouldn't say it, but nathan is her favorite kid, with rachel as second and nate as a distant third. i will accept counterarguments about first and second place but i am absolutely certain about third.

[curlsofsagesmoke]

TMNT (2012) characters as dysfunctional family roles

here I go again analyzing a kids show that ended four years ago. anyway, I saw a tiktok by user doinbigthink where they gave a quick overview of the six kinds of dysfunctional family roles, and I immediately thought of tmnt bc it’s my current hyperfixation. so I spent almost an hour doing research and writing up this analysis, as one does.

as a preface: dysfunction in a family can be caused by anything from someone struggling with addiction to a parent being abusive or unavailable/neglectful to someone having narcissistic personality disorder (npd) etc. etc. Usually there is one person who is the root cause of this (very deep seated) dysfunction and the others in the family (often the kids) fall into these roles in order to cope.

Leo: The Hero

The Hero is often the oldest child. They cope with the dysfunction in the family by being high achievers or perfectionists, and they need a sense of control in order to feel safe within the family. They are seen as very well-adjusted, balanced, and high-functional and are often used as an example of how well the family as a whole is doing. They may allow this misconception to continue (whether consciously or unconsciously) in order to hide the family’s problems. They may be parentified as children (that is, forced to take on a parental role for their younger siblings) and usually feel a lot of pressure to solve the family’s issues. With Leo in particular, you see these two behaviors in the way he approaches leading his brothers as well as the way he obsessed over bringing Karai into the family for Splinter’s sake after discovering her true identity. As an adult, the Hero is often drawn toward romantic partners who are emotionally unavailable (again, see Leo’s crush on Karai) and tend to throw themselves into their work (Leo’s obsession with ninjutsu)

Leo: The Golden Child

The Golden Child is not a dysfunctional family role but instead describes a relationship that develops between a parent/guardian with npd and one of the children in the family. In these cases, the parent tends to favor the Golden Child because the Golden Child exhibits all the traits the parent loves in themselves. In Splinter and Leo’s case, these characteristics are their devotion to ninjutsu, their general temperaments, and their more spiritual/mystic natures. There are MANY examples of this favoritism in TMNT canon; for example, Splinter teaching Leo his reiki technique (the healing hands) in “the deadly venom” because everyone things Leo is the most capable of learning such an advanced technique (in the episode, Donnie says that he doesn’t think anyone else on the team could’ve done what Leo did, i.e. using the healing hands on himself and saving the others from karai). The parent has a volatile relationship with the Golden Child and often their love is conditional (that is, the parent will favor the Golden Child as long as the Golden Child continues to act like the parent). Because of this, the Golden Child often has trouble establishing an independent identity (see: Raph calling Leo “Splinter Jr.”, though I can’t remember if this happens in 2012 or just in the 2003 version). The Golden Child may also participate in the narcissistic parent’s abuse against the other children in order to protect themself (this is less explicit in canon, but I think that Leo’s leadership style fits this bill)

Raph: The Scapegoat

The Scapegoat is often the second child. As the name suggests, they are often blamed for things that go wrong in the family regardless of whether it was actually their fault or not. Scapegoats are often very aware of their position in the family and as a result they may feel rejected, isolated, and unlovable. I think a good example of Raph feeling like this is the fact that, early in the show, he only openly expresses his emotions to Spike. Scapegoats learn that negative attention is better than no attention (especially from a parent/guardian) and they often engage in high risk behaviors such as sex, drugs, etc. (in Raph’s case, his reckless fighting style and the way he seeks out fights, and this also explains his temper and overall angry demeanor). Because of this, they tend to get into a lot of trouble and are often singled out as the child who needs individual help (aka therapy) even though the root problems lie with the family as a unit. In cases where the parent has npd the Scapegoat is often pitted against the Golden Child. This is called splitting and it is another way to distract from the family’s deeper issues. I feel like I don’t need to explain the way that Leo and Raph are pitted against each other.

Donnie: The Lost Child

The Lost Child, as the name implies, often fades into the background. Usually this is on purpose in an effort to keep themself safe, as they might be scared to draw attention to themself or rock the boat, especially in an abusive household. They may often feel ignored or neglected and are often described as loners who have difficulty developing social skills or self-esteem. Like the Hero, the Lost Child is often used as an example of the family’s stability and success because they aren’t causing trouble. They tend to struggle when forming friendships/romantic relationships, and they are usually praised for not needing a lot of attention/being independent. Because of this, they feel safer when they’re by themselves. Although Donnie does cause trouble sometimes (see: all the times he’s blown some shit up in the lab, the Mutagen man thing, etc.), he’s not seen as the troublemaker. Raph (and Mikey, to a certain extent) definitely takes that title. Donnie is often alone in his lab---working, admittedly, but he still tends to isolate himself, and he is often seen as the most socially awkward of the brothers (see: his relationship with April). There’s also this very interesting exchange from the episode “Enemy of My Enemy” when they’re in the Shellraiser and Leo is about to take the stealth bike to help Karai:

Raph: Hey, the stealth bike’s my thing. Leo: Now your thing is sucking it up. Donnie: Hey! That’s my thing!

Mikey: The Mascot

The Mascot is often the youngest child. They use humor and goofiness to diffuse tension and distract the family from their issues, though when this works, they feel increased pressure to continue to step in when things become tense or volatile. The Mascot acts from a place of anxiety and trauma, and they may have bouts of depression. They also tend to feel as though they cannot express their negative emotions (because they often see themselves as responsible for their family’s happiness). They tend to bend over backwards for people with little regard for their own safety/comfort, and they are drawn to intense and dysfunctional relationships (whether romantic or platonic) where they will be called upon to diffuse tension. This can be seen in the way Mikey approached his friendships with both Bradford (pre-mutation) and Leatherhead. Mikey is also very rarely shown as being sad, angry, or depressed the way that the other three are, and it’s only in times of extreme emotional distress (like the season two finale) where he drops his humor. Even in the midst of tough battles or tough situations, Mikey tends to insert himself into the middle of the tension and is almost constantly cracking jokes or trying to keep things lighthearted. When he does show more negative emotions, it’s in (mostly) one of two ways. One, giving comfort or seeking comfort, usually from Raph (again see the season two finale, where he hugs Raph to calm him down after Splinter “dies” and seeks comfort from Raph in the Party Wagon as they’re driving away from the city). Two, acting combative with Donnie.

Note: Mikey and Donnie acting combative

This second one in particular is really interesting to me because both Donnie and Mikey exhibit a level of comfort/feeling safe with each other that they don’t display with the other two. Mikey only ever gets physical with Donnie (their little slap fight in “Turtle Temper” or attacking him at the end of “The Creeping Doom”), while Donnie only ever purposefully antagonizes Mikey to get a reaction (slapping him in “Turtle Temper”, which prompts the slap fight, or teasingly insulting him at the end of “The Creeping Doom”, which prompts Mikey to attack him). Mikey likes to get under Raph’s skin, but he never retaliates when Raph gets physical with him. Donnie does occasionally argue with Raph and Leo, but usually backs down after Raph threatens him with violence (see “New Girl in Town”), and with Leo it never escalates past a verbal fight (see the season two finale, “the fourfold trap”). Actually, it seems that in Mikey’s and Donnie’s relationship, they take on the roles that you usually see in Raph’s and Mikey’s relationship. Mikey antagonizes Raph and Raph retaliates; similarly, Donnie antagonizes Mikey and Mikey retaliates, but neither of them would act this way toward their other two brothers.

Splinter: The Root of the Dysfunction

I’ve made a lot of allusions by now to Splinter having npd, or at least some narcissistic tendencies. There are many times where he shows favoritism toward Leo or acts in a very stubborn or even self-absorbed manner. In the season one finale, for example, he refuses to help the turtles fight and only leaves the lair after april is kidnapped by the shredder. In “the pulverizer returns”, he makes the turtles switch weapons (for literally no good reason), they almost die in a fight and switch back, and as punishment, he takes their weapons away entirely; this isn’t addressed in the episode, but i do believe that if they’d had their weapons, they could’ve prevented timothy from being mutated in this episode. (Admittedly there are times when he apologizes, admits he’s wrong, and changes his mind, which is why I hesitate to say he exhibits fully narcissistic behaviors). There’s also the physical aspect of their relationship. He’s teaching the turtles ninjutsu, so you can expect a very physical relationship in the form of training, but there are times when he causes the turtles pain for the sake of pain as punishment (e.g. randori, which we see a few times, or when he goes for their pressure points, or when he trips mikey in the episode “monkey brains”, or when he stabs raph with his cane in the episode “turtle temper”, and these are just the examples i can think of off the top of my head). There has been discourse in the fandom about whether these characters (splinter and raph in particular) are abusive, and i don’t want to get into that. However, i think it’s undeniable that splinter raised his kids with the intent to turn them into child soldiers, and also i fully believe that this (plus his parenting style) is the root of the dysfunction in the hamato family.

[silverechosandblankmasks]

Platonic Polyam Bench Trio Marriage AU

You guys asked, so here I am to deliver! Platonic Polyam Bench Trio marriage au where Tommy marries into Tubbo’s and Ranboo’s platonic marriage. (focus on Tommy lol)

NOTE; These are about the c!characters and not the irl people, and I'm writing this like a poly queerplatonic relationship okay? None of this is intended to be romantic or anything else and anything that is in this list is PLATONIC INTENTIONS ONLY

Edit; Now called the Bench Husbands Au

-It kinda all kicks off when about a week or so after Tommy gets out of Prison. (Note, nothing after the first stream after Tommy gets out is canon in this au, as well as some things before)

-Tubbo and Tommy finally have a small fight and argument, before talking, like really talking and Tubbo invite Tommy to come live with them in the mansion in snowchester once its done.

-Tommy doesn't really want to... but he’s tired and lonely and still scared to death and Tubbo promises he’s safe with them, plus if they lived together they could plan on how to kill Dream easier as well.

-Ranboo doesn't mind but after that he tries to go talk to tommy more, but Tommy isnt... the most receptive? Tommy is suffering still and is feeling very replaced and lonely, but doesn't excuse his kinda snippy behavior with Ranboo

-This finally comes to ahead when Ranboo snaps and calls him out, leading to another small fight, before Tommy apologizes and they also talk. This one is more in depth though and Tommy talks about what happened in exile, in the prison, and just general shitty stuff that's being going on. 

-Ranboo, in turn, talks to him about the voices and Dream’s voice and the sleepwalking and Tommy is very much more concerned about them then anyone else he told was, and validates the fear about it, and resolves to help Ranboo get rid of it somehow.

-After this, and both trying to convince the other they should tell Tubbo, that they both probably need to tell Tubbo. They want to keep him safe and not worry him, but... they both need help in different ways and they both love him enough to not do that to him.

-The night ends with lots of tears, Tubbo admitting his own traumas and tears and what he’s been not saying, and a promise to help each other.

-Its not a while after that actually Ranboo brings up the idea of adding Tommy to their marriage. He can tell the blond is struggling with feeling replaced and low-self esteem, and it would help him feel more equal and loved maybe? Tubbo thinks its a great idea and they go to ask Tommy.

-Tommy’s pretty uppity at first, he believes its just them pitying him and treating him like glass again, which he hates more then anything, but after they calm him down and explain they just want him to feel equal and that they both actually cared for him and wanted him to join in on their thing, he’s more contemplative. Ranboo nervously throws in a few other points, like how for legal reasons it could benefit him like it was for them, their allies had to leave him alone, plus Tubbo only started making his own hotel becuase he wanted Tommy to start interacting with him again, and-

-At this point Tommy just, interrupts and says yes, surprising them. They didn't exactly think he’d say no, but they thought it would be harder then that. He laughs at their expressions and says why not? Plus it stood to reason they’d want Tommy, everyone wanted Tommy.

-Ranboo and Tubbo exchange a look before bullying their now platonic fiancée. They agree to get married as soon as the Mansion is done, and till then Tommy can finish packing his stuff and a few other things he wanted to do.

-Also Tommy is totally not avoiding Michael because every pet he ever got close to has died and he doesn't want to get attached and risk Tubbo and Ranboo losing something they cared about because of him, no siree, why wouldn't you think that?

-Speaking of Michael!

-Its not all that strange to keep undead mobs like Zombie piglins as pets, in fact Zombie Piglins are the probably better undead mob to keep around due to their mostly passiveness if you want a pet and the fact they don't need much to eat and wont really be harmed if out leave them alone for long periods of time

-Though Tommy kinda thinks Tubbo and Ranboo’s insist on treating him like their child is weird, but he’s willing to let them have it, clearly it made them happy to play around

-Isn't until he finally moves in that he realizes that Michael is different then other zombie piglins and finds himself being pulled into the parent dynamic as well

-Though now that he thinks about it, something about Michael seems off… welp it's probably nothing :)

-When the mansion is done, he tears down the dirt shack and makes it a community garden and it becomes one of the only things that stays free of the red vines (who knew watering it with water from the holy land would make it untouchable? It's thanks to this garden later others figure out how to defeat the egg)

-They elect to not have a ceremony, not now at least but Tommy actually thinks a small wedding party would be fun at a later date. Ranboo doesn't mind much if they have one or not but Tubbo is actually very excited about planning it.

-Tommy wears his ring on a necklace most of the time, but occasionally wears it on his fingers, usually when he needs something to fiddle with.

-Ranboo wears his on his tail (the area right before to fluffy part) normally but also wears it on his finger sometimes when he feels like it. (If your version has horns, he also does that too) it just really depends on what he’s feeling and if he’s forgotten where he put it. He also like, never takes it off unless to move it around because he’s afraid to lose it.

-Tubbo wears his as an actual ring on his finger (though if he has horns, sometimes he puts it on one of em if he needs the ring to be off his hand.) Tubbo learned the hard way when building nukes or other machinery (since, if you can believe it, his husbands aren’t that comfortable with the nukes as he is) you can't wield or do high heat stuff while wearing metal and nearly lost his finger. He’s very lucky and he has a small scar from it.

-Each of them have their own rooms so they can have their own space and somewhere to go if they want time to themselves/store their stuff in, but there is a 4th room (directly across from Michaels) where they share and tend to curl up to sleep together. About 5 out of 7 days of the week, some combo of them are cuddling together at night, more if they're having a bad day or nightmares.

-There's multiple bathrooms in the mansion but there's one they all like the best and will fight over it/race to get into it first before the others and the other two will stalk off salty to use a different one

-They're all pretty tactile people but out of them, Tommy is the most tactile (once the fear of being hurt recess he practically attaches himself to the others) and Ranboo is the least (he won't seek out comfort and touch as much as the others unless he needs it, but is the best at telling when the other two need touch or need to be left alone) and Tubbo is in the middle of that.

-Tommy is the one that cooks most of the time, Ranboo is banned from it after The Incident and while Tubbo is okay at cooking, Tommy just knows more recipes and how to make things taste really good.

-Tommy picked up sewing from when he was a kid, even before he was found by Wilbur and adopted by Phil, it was useful to be able to patch the rags he called clothes, and just ended up continuing because his brothers and dad sucked at sewing. It then morphed into full tailoring because he found it relaxing and liked being able to make his own clothes. He can and will be insulted if anyone wears anything he deems ‘ugly’, especially his new husbands. He makes them clothes all the time, specially Michael.

-In fact he also cleans the most, he just gets bored and while he makes a mess, if the house gets to a certain point he gets really uncomfortable and overstimulated, so he cleans.

-DomesticInnit? In my au? More likely then you think!

-Gradually the whole ‘watching the prison’ and ‘planning to kill Dream’ starts to fade as he gets back into the groove of living again and therapy. He’s just… tired of Dream having a hold on everything Tommy does, he’s sick of it. So… he just tries to live these days one step at a time. (Healing arc baby! Dream can die mad UwU)

-Tommy dragged them both to Therapy with him after a while.

-Because of this he finds himself home a lot with Michael, especially if the other two are busy. They’ve pretty much decided that someone has to be home with Michael at all times, which is now 100% more doable with the 3 of them, and Puffy or Foolish babysit if there’s ever time they can't.

-Tommy is a lot less of a hovering helicopter parent then the others and was the one to finally convince them Michael cant live trapped in a room. Yes, they were all worried for his safety but… you can't raise a kid in a cell, even if it's a nice one. Tommy takes Michael out more

-Tommy started to sleep walking again once they moved in and he still gravitates towards water for some reason. Nothing more startling then waking up because you plunged into frigid below 0 temp water while sleepwalking. Ranboo also enderwalks/sleepwalks more as well and there've been some nights where Tubbo has had to track them both sleepily walking around and make sure they don't hurt themselves or drown or something. At least Ranboo is semi-aware when enderwalking and normally just does weird ender things, Tommy likes to apparently walk into oceans or climb the mansion and nearly fall off and wander hundreds of blocks away. Tubbo’s not salty at all, really.

-Sapnap, Quackity, and Karl are 100% salty the benchtrio got platonically married before they got married

-They fight about last names all the time despite none of them actally taking eachothers last name, and if they happen to pick and choose on which one they’re feeling based on mood, well they can do what they want!

-However its agreed Michael’s last name is hyphenated so he’s now ‘Michael Beloved-Underscore-Innit’

These are all I have for now, feel free to ask about it or use my ideas! <3

[superhero--imagines]

Part 1 here! / Part 2 Here! / Part 3 Here! / Part 4 Here!

A/N: I can’t always do tags since these parts are long but if you want to be tagged just lmk @thecrazytealady

* Honestly, everything feels so normal

* You’re sitting in the stands of a football stadium as a sea of graduates pass in front of you

* Well it’s mostly normal except for all the stares you get

* “You’ll get used to it” Kate tells you from your right side, you’re not sure when it happened but somehow you’ve become her favorite little member.

* “Sometimes we stare back to mess with them” Irina says from your other side with a teasing grin.

* Irina also seems to really like you, she’s probably you’re favourite

* While everyone else treated you like a child (which in a sense you are), she treated you like an adult

* You hope you can save her if things go exactly like they did in the book

* You’re hoping your close friendship with Edward changes things

* “Oh look there they are now-“

* And right on cue Alice was called first, then Edward

* An entire group of cheers erupt from your section, a few stands above you sits the entire Cullen clan

* Apparently the rest of them have already “graduated”, Alice and Edward are playing a year younger

* You catch him after the ceremony on the -pretty cold- field along with your-

* aunts?

* You’re not really sure what the official family structure is.

* “So what is this, your thirtieth time graduating high school?” You whisper to him after handing him his graduation present

* Some sheet music you know he’s been eyeing and a card that says “you only graduate once”

* You think he’ll appreciate the joke

* “It actually only my sixth” he grins, he so close you can feel a ghost of a breath on your ear

* You notice a couple of boys, adorning similar green graduation gowns staring at you. When you meet their eyes they hastily look away.

* “Hey Edward, what are those guys thinking right now?”

* He follows your line of sight and grins even wider

* “They’re thinking that it suddenly makes sense why I’m not interested in anyone at this school when I’m already dating someone as beautiful as you”

* And if you were anyone else you might have realized how you and Edward look when you’re together to everyone around you

* And it might have been the first sign that things have started to veer of the future you imagine

* But of course you don’t, and you say:

* “Really? You want me to believe two teenage boys used such eloquent language?”

* He laughs

* “I might have picked some.. kinder diction.”

* You both laugh, another private joke that would be referenced for years

* “And where’s my graduation gift?” Alice asks, you hand over a brightly wrapped package, it’s a magic 8 ball and a Chanel scarf, Edward already read Alice’s mind and assured you she would love it.

* “That’s hilarious” she says with a laugh, she hasn’t even opened the package, already seen what’s inside with her gift.

* “Are you coming to our graduation party tonight?” When she notices your confused expression she gives a pointed look to Edward. “You didn’t invite them?”

* Edward rolls his eyes

* “I didn’t think it would be that fun,” he looks to you and explains. “It’s just a party Alice likes to throw to help us fit in better.”

* “It also to commemorate graduating and going to college, which is Infinitely more fun.” She grins, a hand on Edwards shoulder

* He turns his attention to you, his mouth quirked in a lopsided smile

* “Do you want to go?”

* The party scene in Eclipse sure looked fun

* “Sure, sounds like a fun time.”

* It’s decided you’ll drive up with Edward after they all split up, and go to the party with him.

* You’re telling Kate and Irina when they get a look on their face

* “Is that not okay?” You wonder if it’s about Tanya, and how maybe she doesn’t like you spending so much time with Edward.

* “No it’s fine it’s just... will you be alright with all those humans?”

* You had done fine on the stands, but a house party was different, you guess it’s probably easier to eat someone when there are so many dark corners and so many suspects to pick from

* You wrinkle your nose, honestly you don’t get what the big deal is, sure they smell kiiinda nice, but the scent is comparable to one of your deers.

* Also, who knows where these people have been and what they’ve been eating. The thought of eating an alcoholics blood makes you scowl.

* “I think I’ll be fine” Irina laughs, and rests a hand on your shoulder

* “We’ll tell the others, do you want me to bring you a drink later on?”

* You shake your head, you ate a little bit more since you were going to be around so many people today.

* “I should be fine, Edward will probably drive me home, but if not I can always run”

* You always forget you can run faster than a car now.

* “I doubt Edward will refuse the opportunity to spend more time with you.” Irina smirks and you roll your eyes

* You’re both just friends, stuck in family’s where everyone seems to be in a relationship (except for you that is)

* There’s only so much you can take watching Eleazer and Carmen’s pda

* “I’ll see ya later” you excuse yourself to find Edward, who seems to be talking to a group of boys

* “So what’s their deal, are they your cousin or something?”

* “Um... they’re a family friend”

* Looks like Edwards confused about your family structure too

* “They look older are they in college?” Another asks, Edward hesitates, well you are older but you’re not really in school

* “Are you hooking up with them?” Edward winces

* “No we’re not close like that.”

* You decide now is a good time to intervene in the conversation

* “Hey, are you ready to go?” Edward looks relieved to see you

* “I’ll see you guys tonight at Alice’s party” he offers a polite smile before leading you towards his car

* When you’re finally out of earshot, you say

* “You know, I always thought we were the closest of friends” You think he’ll grimace at your teasing but instead he grins.

* “Do you enjoy being the subject of several teenage boys imaginations?”

* “I mean, it’s not-not a little bit flattering.”

* On the drive back to his house Edward takes you through town and points out every mundane landmark like you’re on a safari tour

* “And that is the grocery store I never visit, and next to it is the diner I had to pretend to eat food at during my mandatory “senior breakfast””

* “So what you’re saying is, this is the worlds’ most boring town.”

* “I would say boring adjacent, the town we’ll move to next doesn’t even have a major grocery store”

* He’s definitely talking about Forks.

* You must have killed quite a bit of time with your impromptu tour because when you get to the party it’s in full swing

* You and Edward stand in a corner and play your favorite game

* “Blonde girl in the corner.” He says

* Edward picks someone, and you have to guess what they’re thinking. You’re never right but it’s still funny

* “Hmmmm I’m going to say she’s thinking... ‘This is what all the hype was about? Can’t believe I’m wasting my Saturday night HERE.’”

* He laughs and shakes his head

* “She’s actually thinking about how the object of her affections hasn’t noticed her once, and has been spending all his time with someone else instead.”

* You totally miss the meaningful look Edward gives you.

* You make a face, unrequited love was the worst

* “Well that sucks, I wish there was some way we could help.” Edward only shrugs

* “They’re human problems, for us even if the person we love doesn’t love us back, we just wait a a decade or so, and they usually change their mind.” He grabs your untouched red solo cup

* “I’ll go get us some more drinks.” For a second you wonder if maybe Vampires can drink alcohol, but then you immediately deflate.

* Oh right, the human act, you almost forgot.

* You’re standing by yourself when the “unrequited love” girl from before approaches you, another girl with hair the color of caramel in tow

* “Hey, I haven’t seen you around before, do you got to our school?”

* Any person could see this was a hostile encounter

* anyone except you that is

* “Nah, I’m taking a gap year right now.”

* “Oh?” Miss. Unrequited lights up at that. “Didn’t get into your first choice school?”

* “No my parents died.” You say it causally, but they both freeze at that. So much has happened, colleges and your parents are the last thing in your mind. You notice the reaction though “It’s been a while though, so everything’s fine now”

* You give your best smile and the girl in front of you seemed flustered

* “How do you know Edward?” Miss. Caramel asks, while her friend takes a long sip from her cup.

* “Well- I guess he’s a family friend, but really I met him through Carlisle.”

* “Through Carlisle?

* “Dr. Cullen,” you quickly supply, to them he’s just the local handsome doctor. Not exactly someone who they’re on a first name basis with. “Yeah, Carlisle talked about Edward a lot when I was in the hospital.”

* Before you can scar either of these girls further, Rosalie appears by your side

* “Hey! Glad to see you made it!” She gives you a side hug and turns her amber eyes to the girls in front of you. “Amber, Bethany glad to see you. What are you guys talking about?”

* Both of the girls fall speechless in front of her, probably from her beauty you guess.

* You still get the urge to shield your eyes when you look at Rosalie.

* “Edward.” Rosalie rolls her eyes

* “Of course, the most perfect man alive.” You snort at that.

* “Perfect my ass, I saw him snort drinking yesterday and he sprayed the whole counter top.” Rosalie raises a well groomed eyebrow

* “Really?” A smiles tugging on her lips

* “That’s not even the worst part, do you know he took 43 minutes to clean it up.”

* Rosalie laughs, and the other two look at you with awe.

* “Edward Cullen snorts?” The caramel Coloured hair one, Bethany asks.

* “To be fair I did say a pretty good joke”

* “What was the joke?” Amber asks, and you grin.

* “What did the vampire say to the girl?” They look at each other and shrug

* “What”

* “See you next month” The two girls don’t seem to think it’s good, but Rosalie is dying of laughter

* “He must have hated that!”

* “Oh I’m sure he did, that’s why I said it” Rosalie laughs even harder

* By the time Edward comes back, it’s basically just a two way conversation with you and Rosalie roasting the ever loving crap out of Edward, with two humans eagerly watching

* “One time while we were eating Edward just kept complaining about how “existence is agony and how none of us have a soul” like dude, we’re eating, could you just chill for a second please?” Rosalie says and you laugh

* “I have the perfect Edward impression” you clear your throat and set your face to the best “I’m constipated and existence is agony” face you can manage “I’m an outsider. No one can understand me. No one has thoughts like I do. Existence is agony”

* if Rosalie could die she would have died of laughter, she’s hunched over and every time you think she’ll stop laughing she starts another wave.

* “To be fair, I don’t think anyone has thoughts like mine” You turn to see Edward behind you, he’s actually got an amused smile as he hands you a red solo cup.

* “It’s Henrietta,” he whispers in your ear. “ I figured all the laughing might have made you thirsty”

* “For an outsider like yourself, that’s awfully kind of you.”

* The laughing did make you thirsty, it also explains what took him so long. You wonder if he ran all the way to your house to get you a drink.

* Rosalie doesn’t say anything just grins as she watches you two, Edward’s eyes flick from you to her, and you wonder what he’s experiencing right now

* You’re not going to lie, his narrative of mind reading was your favourite part of midnight sun

* “Do you want to dance?” Well that question came out of nowhere.

* “Sure”

* Queue you and Edward awkwardly waltzing on the makeshift dance floor

* “Who taught you how to waltz?” Edward asks as you step on his feet yet again, you’re glad he’s a vampire and can’t feel pain.

* “You. Right now. I’m learning from the school of life experience.” You grin and he rolls his eyes

* “Here,” he picks you up, and places your feet on top of his. “Better?” You nod and laugh

* “They’re kind of cute right?” Rosalie says to Amber and Bethany, a twinkle in her eyes. Amber sighs.

* “Yeah they are.”

* Rosalie feels kind of bad. She didn’t mean to rub it in her face, but she doesn’t like anyone being mean to you. She already kinda liked you from The game night , and after tonight she REALLY likes you. It’s nice to have someone else on the “roast Edward squad”

* “Oh look, it’s Bradley from the swim team, should we go over and say hi?” Bradly was definitely single, and Rosalie loves playing matchmaker “Sure”

* Edward drives you home at the chaste time of 11:30

* “Did you have a good time tonight?” He asks, walking you to the front door. Ever the gentleman.

* It’s not like a thing alive could hurt you anymore.

* “Yeah it was really fun!” He let’s out a sigh of relief and a nervous smile.

* “That’s good, you’ve been seeming kind of... off lately so I was worried”

* Ah, so he had noticed. You had been feeling off lately. Only four more years with him at most until he moved somewhere far away.

* “Yeah, I’m just a little jealous I guess.”

* “Jealous of what?” His eyebrows thread together. And you sigh.

* “You get to go to college and I can’t.”

* You really are jealous about that, While you’re stuck in the house, Edward will get to move forward and make all sorts of relationships and memories

* His mouth purses, and you feel bad. You shouldn’t have said anything, there’s nothing he can do about it after all.

* “Ah, don’t worry about it, I’m just glad to be here with people who care about me.” That only makes him frown more. But he offers you a small smile.

* “I’ll see you tomorrow.” He says and then he does something really unexpected:

* He kisses your forehead, before retreating back to his car. You watch his car wind away down the circle driveway from the porch. A hand on your forehead where his lips touched and a flutter in your heart.

* Man, Edward was so unintentionally smooth, no wonder Tanya was still hung up over him

* Wait, was Tanya still hung up over him?

* Somehow you found her behavior not consistent with someone with unreciprocated feelings

* The days pass on by, Edward’s around more now because it’s summer break.

* Likewise trips to the Cullen residence are also more frequent because it’s summer break

* You oddly enough spend a lot of time with Rosalie, you mostly roast Edward but occasionally you reminisce about human stuff

* “What do you miss the most?” She asks and you think for a minute

* “Probably Italian food, maybe alcohol” She let’s out a moan

* “Oh my god, how good does mushroom ravioli in a creamy Marsala sauce sound?”

* “Good enough to kill for”

* By extension you also get close to Emmett, but in a totally different way

* “Alright hit me with everything you’ve got!”

* “Uh are you sure about this Emmett?”

* You’re both in a clearing about thirty feet apart

* “Yeah, just show me what you’re made of” He giving you a wicked grin, no doubt glad to have someone new to spar with.

* You shrug, he is asking for it

* He doesn’t even make it a foot forward before he crumples to the ground. You’ve been holding back so long, it almost feels good to not have to contain all your body’s grief

* You reel it back in when he taps out. You expect him to look at you like you’re a monster but he just grins

* “You’re really something else kid”

* You even get close to Esme who assists you in drawing up a schematic for a barn, and Jasper helps you build it.

* “I think the door should go here” he tells you

* “But then it would be facing the fence and that doesn’t seem right”

* He scratches his head and you stare at the architect sketch in your hands

* “It’s supposed to be right here” Alice tells you, already searching through the future for the correct placement.

* And of course you and Edward continue your piano cat and mouse game, where you each start a piece and wait for the other to catch up to your playing.

* Maybe it’s because things are going so well that you can’t help but wonder what went wrong with Tanya and Edward

* So one night, when you’re sitting together in the library, you ask her

* “Tanya why do you hate Edward” She sputters

* “I don’t hate him!” You raise a skeptical eyebrow and she sighs “it’s just- it’s embarrassing !”

* She tells you about how Carlisle had told her about his son, and how he was the last to be without a mate, and was very depressed

* “I thought of it like I was doing a service you know, we would date for some time and have a brighter perspective on this life.”

* You can already guess how this story ends, but you ask “So what happened?” She huffs

* “Well he flat out rejected me, told me I wasn’t his type, can you believe that? A forever 17 year old telling ME I’m not his type.”

* Yeah for a woman like Tanya who was every man’s ultimate fantasy that does seem pretty mortifying

* “Is it-“ you meet her eyes “is it okay that I’m friends with him then?”

* Her eyes soften and she beckons you into a hug

* “Of course it is little one,” she kisses the top of your head “and if it ever happens to grow into more than that that’s okay too.” You wrinkle your nose

* “I wouldn’t bet on that Tanya.” She rubs your shoulder

* “Well you never know, and if that happens, and for some reason he’s lost his mind at tells you you’re not his type don’t take it personally, there’s something seriously wrong with that boy.” You laugh

* The days pass by in a blur.

* Edward starts college studying veterinary science, and every day he comes back and teaches you what he learned

* “Sometimes I feel like I’m getting more out of this than you” he tells you as you do his homework

* “It be like that sometimes”

* You start experimenting with other animals blood, mostly chickens, ducks, and geese.

* You also have a moose now so that’s cool

* After many faithful years Henrietta passes away. You stayed in the barn with her all night, and planted a pine tree over grave.

* “All things die in the end huh?” You whisper as you stand over the first deer you befriended, and Eleazer rubs your shoulder

* “Not us” he whispers

* “Not us” you repeat

* You and Edward are lying next to each other in your bed, both of you pretending to sleep

* “What was it like when you turned?” Edward’s the one break the silence. He always is when you do your dreaming sessions

* “It was... nice” it really was, the venom was warm like a blanket, lulling you into a peaceful last sleep. This surprises him.

* “Are you some kind of masochist?”

* “Well what was it like for you?” You roll your eyes. He goes on a long descriptive tangent, but in short: it was absolute agony.

* “Well that’s weird, I wonder if Alec had some kind of special venom or something.” He flinched at the mention of Alec but doesn’t say anything else.

* The days pass on, just as they always have, but something starts to feel off. Both in your household and in the Cullen’s house. Some sort of tension

* You think about asking Edward or Eleazer about it, but decide against it.

* Maybe you’re just being paranoid

* One day you’re getting blood from the kitchen, when you notice the entire coven is sitting on the kitchen table

* Weird, but maybe they do this all the time and you just never noticed.

* “(Y/N) can you come here for a moment?”

* Well crap

* They all ramble over each other for a few minutes, and you only catch bits and pieces of what they’re saying

* “Everyone here loves you-“

* “It won’t be forever-“

* “Carlisle might even get you a blood bag or two-“

* “Enough!” Tanya roars and immediately the others fall silent, she looks at you with warm eyes and a kind smile

* “(Y/N), the Cullen’s are leaving,” ah, so it’s already time for them to go, Tanya explains how the Cullen’s move around more often than your coven does, on account of Carlisle’s job. Well you knew this was coming. It was nice while it lasted

* “-And that’s why we think you should go with them”

* Wait what.

* “You want me to leave?”

* “No of course not!” Irina shouts, wide eyed, she’s sitting the closest to you. “It’s just-“

* “We see the way you look at Edward,” Eleazer says. Oh not this again, how many times do you have to say it. YOU BOTH ARE JUST FRIENDS.

* “Like you want what he has.” He finishes

* Oh

* “We’re too late in the cycle to send you to school, Irina and Kate have already gone, and it will be another ten years before we decide to move.” Carmen says, her teeth digging into the flesh of her lip. “A lot of things could happen in ten years,”

* The Volturi could want you back on ten years

* “so we think you should go with the Cullen’s and get an education and have a normal life-“

* “Normal-adjacent,” Kate interjects, because life was never going to be completely normal for you ever again. Carmen grins,

* “Normal-adjacent life, you’ll get to have friends, and you could study whatever you want, you don’t have to learn secondhand from Edward.”

* “And you can come back whenever you want!” Kate reassures. “If you decide you don’t like it, and that it’s not what you want, you can always come back, we’ll be right here.”

* They all stumble over each other to reassure you that it’s your choice, and if you decide to stay that’s fine too. But there’s only one question on your mind

* “Do the Cullen’s already know about this?” The table falls silent.

* “Yes, they do.” Tanya says

* “And what do they think about the arrangement?” All eyes trail to Eleazer, so he was the go between for your Covens

* “I think they’re all pretty excited, Carlisle wanted you from the start.”

* Carmen sucks her teeth and lightly slaps him on the arm. “What it’s true, you know Esme’s been cross with him ever since she met them, she wants you too.”

* They’re all looking to you waiting for an answer. You’re not sure what the right thing to do is.

* You’re not stupid, you know things have changed from the original story line, you know the Volturi isn’t going to want Bella as much now that they have you.

* But still... you do want an education, a chance to do everything the way you always imagined

* You also kind of want to see Edward and Bella’s love story play out. Especially now that he’s your friend

* Also you think you should really deter him from watching her sleep, that crap was creepy as hell

* You sigh, there’s really only one choice

* “I’ll go with the Cullens’.”

[animeyanderelover]

R!Ciel and O!Ciel fighting for childhood female darling (Do you think they could share?)

Here again, please keep in mind that I’m not completely finished with the manga yet.

Tw: Yandere themes, unhealthy mindset, unhealthy relationship, possessiveness, obsessiveness, manipulation, paranoia, threatening, blackmailing, bribing, controlling behavior, sabotage, kidnapping

R!Ciel and O!Ciel fighting over their childhood friend

☕️🍵I don't think they would be able to share, at least not with both of the twins agreeing willingly or even reluctantly. Ciel thinks that he has the right to be the heir of the Phantomhive manor since he fulfilled all the duties of one the last four years whilst his brother wasn't there. He was clearly enraged due to the inauspicious return of his older brother and declared war to him by dismantling one of the blood factories which "Ciel" needs to function. He is exceedingly competitive and doesn't stop fighting until a victor is declared. It's the same with fighting over the same darling

☕🍵"Ciel" on the other hand desires a rivalry between his brother and was somewhat excited when finding out about the blood factory. On the other hand he seems to have an obsession over his little brother and it probably intensified after after he became a Bizarre Doll. Such creatures run on their past dreams and "Ciel's" past dream used to be with his little brother and the darling. So his obsession became stronger too, for both the darling and Ciel. He still wants to be with his brother, but after he nearly died and was saved from Undertaker, he became so much more willing to cause his little brother great troubles. I can see him planning to win against his brother, for the position of the heir of the Phantomhive and the darling, and afterwards get his hands on his brother as well and controlling and keeping them both for himself. Despite all he does still care for his brother, in a twisted sense, but it's there! He would still not be above taunting his brother if he should win.

☕🍵Even when all of you were younger, "Ciel" was already very possessive of the both of you. He was most likely more lenient with letting his brother spent time with you since Ciel suffered from asthma and for that couldn't leave the house for a longer time until it slowly got better and he was able to leave the house more often too. "Ciel" wanted to protect you even back then, together with his brother you were very important to him. I do not doubt that he might have liked you even back then, just like his younger brother did. Back then Ciel had a bit more of an advantage, most likely because he wasn't engaged to Lizzy. So the small boy sometimes talked that he wanted to marry you later on since you were together with his older brother one of the very few people who he was able to play and spent time with. He shared maybe the dream of opening a toy store in England together with you.

☕🍵"Ciel" was jealous because of this all, because his little brother and the girl he liked didn't have to be forced into the things he had to do. His partne had already been chosen, his life was already decided. He cared for his brother and knew that Ciel liked you, but he got jealous nevertheless and it might have led him to pleading his father if he could eventually not be the fiancé of Elizabeth, but with you. He had this dream of marrying you, just like his brother had. His parents most likely knew about his and Ciel's love of you and it worried them a bit. But separating you from the twins was a bad idea. "Ciel" would express his frustration an his anger and Ciel would be saddened and in a bad mood with his older brother reassuring him that you'll come back to them.

☕🍵But "Ciel" was from a very early age on just so much more charming than his younger brother was. He was more open, more playful, more fun to be with and could do much more with you than his brother could. It made Ciel worry a lot, knowing that due to his sickness he couldn't do all the things his brother could do. Due to that he always clinged somewhat onto you whenever you were with him. He was insecure, knowing that his brother was more of a fitting partner you might later on desire than him and due to that like him better later on that him.

☕🍵After "Ciel" died, his brother took his identity and the name of the Earl of Phantomhive. He had become a more cold and cruel individual. He had lost his brother and went through a terrifying experience which made him much more possessive over his childhood friend. He most likely managed to break off the engagement, using Sebastian as a way to set up rumors which led to the Midford's and him ending the engagement. He would be very smart about it just like his brother would be, though he would be more colder about it. I think since you knew them since childhood, you might realize that this isn't the real Ciel, but his little brother. And Ciel himself wouldn't want to keep this a secret for too long either. He had to go as a child through the fear of the darling potentially ending up liking "Ciel" more than him and whilst he didn't plan on his brother to die, he takes this advantage to make the darling his.

☕🍵He most likely kidnapped his darling so she wouldn't tell anyone about his real identity and locked her just up in his house with Sebastian and the servants making sure she doesn't escape. The servanta have unswaying loyalty towards their master so they wouldn't really believe you whenever you tell them that this isn't the real Ciel. You're somewhat stuck with Ciel having the upper hand.

☕🍵So the sudden appearance of "Ciel" ruined his plans and if it wouldn't have been for Lau and Ran Mao helping him escape, he would have ended up in a lot more troubles. "Ciel" would be for now the one who has a hold on his darling since she would be really thankful for his appearance since Ciel kept her isolated all for himself and it is also good to finally have the truth spilled out. Whilst "Ciel" isn't necessarily angry with his younger brother taking his identity, he is mad that Ciel treated you the way he did, abusing you directly mentally and being harsh with you. This isn't "Ciel's" style. I don't say he's any better, he is actually the more terrible one. But he is just so much more sly and charming about his way of manipulation and after years of being kept from the world, and since Ciel isn't the best in showing affection and his feelings too openly, the darling is just starved for more human feelings which "Ciel" uses to his advantage.

☕🍵He brings his darling into staying isolated anyways, whatever love he held beforehand for her became twisted and enhanced due to his transformation into a Bizarre Doll, though he doesn't tell his darling from this so she doesn't feel freaked out or scared. But he does uses his sudden physical dysfunction and weakness to guilt-trip her into staying with him. He was for years away and went through too much so it would be no wonder in her mind that he himself is love starved as well. He would be so much smarter about the engagement and use Elizabeth's confused feelings to break off the engagement again, but this time officially since the previous break up wasn't real due to his brother playing his role.

☕🍵He would quickly progress into courting his darling and making her his fiancée. He would just end up confessing his love after just spending time with her and given the circumstances, she might not have the heart to reject him and there is probably also the thought in her mind that this is "Ciel", the charming and caring boy. Nothing like his brother. That's what he is counting on, but in reality he is so much more fearful and terrible than his brother, instead of threatening and blackmailing, he relies more on gaslighting and effective guilt-tripping. He makes you paranoid of the world without you even knowing and you have to attend to him anyways more due to his weakened body.

☕🍵Currently Ciel is in a worse position, mostly because he doesn't have you. He is of now seen as a criminal, but at the very least is not alone. He has all his servants, Ran Mao, Lau and Sebastian by his side. He knows that his brother wants a fight, over power just as much as you and Ciel doesn't back exactly off from this. He's frustrated with the current situation and wants to turn the tables around. He knows "Ciel" can only function as long as he has plenty of fresh blood since his body needs it to function. So he plans on starting with cutting off all the places where he gets that blood from to beat him once and for all.

[robininthelabyrinth]

NHS ghost travels to the past and the only ones who can see him clearly are baby!NHS & NMJ

on ao3

“Would you believe that I’m a saber spirit?” the ghost asked. “Or maybe an ancestor?”

“No,” Nie Mingjue said. He did not put down the exorcism talisman.

The ghost sighed. “Well, it was worth a shot.”

Before Nie Mingjue could do anything more, the ghost rushed at him – taken aback, Nie Mingjue flinched, and when he opened his eyes again the ghost was gone.

He still pinned the talisman onto the swaddling wrapped around his baby brother, who was grumbling in sleepy dissatisfaction at having been nearly woken up.

He wasn’t taking any chances with his brother’s health.

-

“I’m actually not dangerous,” the ghost argued. He’d figured out that if he hovered high enough, Nie Mingjue wouldn’t be able to get at him – though he still flinched whenever Nie Mingjue threw rocks at him. He must be a relatively new ghost. “I know it’s difficult to believe, but I’m here to help.”

“Sure,” Nie Mingjue said. There were plenty of pebbles next to the place where laundry got done, and he could grab one without being spotted whenever he dunked the clothing in. “I believe you. Come down here a little closer, I’ll believe you some more.”

The ghost sighed.

-

“Just give me a chance, okay?”

“No.”

“Please.”

“No.”

“I have good reasons –”

“Don’t care.”

-

“If you come any closer, I’ll douse you in a male virgin’s urine,” Nie Mingjue said. “Ghosts are supposed to hate that.”

The ghost huffed. “Like I’m dumb enough come near you when you’re swaddling the baby anyway.”

-

“I’m leaving, I’m leaving! Just put Baxia down already!”

-

“You need more salt.”

“I thought ghosts hated that, too?”

“Maybe it’s rock salt ghosts hate?” the ghost asked, floating over Nie Mingjue’s shoulder. “I don’t think I have anything against proper seasoning.”

Nie Mingjue huffed, rolling his eyes, but he did add a little more salt.

“Ah ha!” the ghost exclaimed. “You are starting to listen to me!”

“That’s when the recipes says to put it in,” Nie Mingjue said. “I was always going to add some more of it in then.”

“I don’t believe you! You were definitely listening!”

-

“Listen, if I was a normal ghost, your father would have totally gotten rid of me, right?”

“Never said I thought you were normal,” Nie Mingjue said, soothing his brother to sleep in his arms with soft murmurs and a gentle voice that did not come naturally to him. “I said you were a pest. Did I ever say anything about being normal?”

“…no, I guess not,” the ghost conceded. “Damnit, I thought I was onto something with that. Also, shouldn’t a nursemaid be doing that?”

“Can’t be trusted,” Nie Mingjue said.

The ghost frowned, then blanched. “Right, right,” he murmured. “I nearly forgot, what happened with – uh, what happened right around that time. That would have been recently, too, wouldn’t it? You’ve always remembered it better.”

Nie Mingjue didn’t say anything.

“Still, you’re only seven. Even if they were scared to hire a nursemaid for fear of letting in another assassin, shouldn’t someone else be doing this?”

“I’m eight,” Nie Mingjue said.  

“The point still stands. Surely one of the servants..?”

Nie Mingjue sighed. “I’m not sure if you’ve noticed, but we’re at war,” he explained. “Everyone who can swing a saber is out fighting it, and that includes the servants.”

“I thought it was too quiet,” the ghost said, half to himself. “I haven’t seen anyone else in – okay, actually, now that I think about it, I haven’t seen anyone.”

“War,” Nie Mingjue said.

“You’re eight,” the ghost said. He looked upset. “How could they leave you alone like this? You make your own food, you do the laundry, you take care of – this is ridiculous! There must be people who are too old to go that could help…there must be other children! Where are the other children?”

Nie Mingjue didn’t say anything.

Nie Huaisang needed his sleep, after all.

-

“I refuse to let this go,” the ghost said. “Even if – especially if – a whole bunch of the other kids died or something, even if all of them died, which they didn’t, there’s absolutely no reason for you to be left alone like this.”

Nie Mingjue sighed. He’d hoped that the ghost would let it drop, but apparently, no.

Apparently, he was going to have to engage.

(Nie Huaisang waving his hands at the ghost, burbling happily, had nothing to do with that decision.)

“You assume they left me,” he said. “You have it backwards.”

“…what?”

“I ran away,” Nie Mingjue explained, and the ghost’s jaw dropped. “This place was abandoned because of the war – too awkward an outpost to be worth it for either side – and I took my brother and we came here, just me and him and Baxia. I’m planning on staying until the war’s over.”

“But why? You’re the heir.”

“Yeah,” Nie Mingjue said. “That’s why.”

“…what?”

“It’s ‘sang’ as in mulberry leaves, right?” he asked. “For his name? I heard you whispering it to him.”

“I - yeah, it’s mulberry,” the ghost said, blinking at him. “And ‘huai’ as in ‘to hold’…but you know that already, surely?”

Nie Mingjue shrugged.

The ghost stared at him. He didn’t blink, which was typical of ghosts, but still a bit unnerving.

“You named the child, didn’t you,” the ghost said. It wasn’t a question. “You take care of him, you raise him, you’re refusing to return home…it’s war, you said. Because of the massacre of the junior generation that everyone pretended was an accident but wasn’t, because of Mother’s death from that assassin pretending to be a nursemaid. People do things when they get angry, during war. What was going to happen to – to the baby?”

“Massacre at his conception, declaration of war at his quickening, assassination at his birth,” Nie Mingjue recited. “That’s three bad things; bad luck comes in fours, and we really can’t afford to lose this war. Newborns die easy as flipping over your hand, and maybe the next one won’t be so unlucky, won’t be a calamity star – that sort of thing. It was too dangerous.”

“Oh,” the ghost said. “I never knew.”

“Of course you didn’t,” Nie Mingjue said. “Who would have told you? I would’ve killed them, first.”

The ghost twitched, and stared at him.

“I like Huaisang,” Nie Mingjue said. “It’s a good name. Even if how you got it is a bit circular.”

-

“Someone murders you,” the ghost – Nie Huaisang of the future, as Nie Mingjue had long ago figured out, but it was easier to keep thinking of him as ‘the ghost’ – said, sitting with his back against the wall and his knees pulled up to his chest. It’d be a sad and pathetic sight, except for the way he was sitting on the ceiling. “I was trying to come back to stop it from happening…maybe even prevent our father’s murder, too, if I could. That happens when you’re fifteen, by the way. You have to inherit, and spend the rest of your life avenging him.”

“Do I succeed?”

“…yes.”

“That’s good, then,” Nie Mingjue said.

“Don’t you want to know more?”

“Why? Are you planning on going somewhere?”

The ghost uncurled himself from his dramatic misery to float down until his head (still upside down) was floating in front of Nie Mingjue. “What’s that supposed to mean?” he asked.

“Ghosts that resolve their business are liberated,” Nie Mingjue said. “Maybe I like having you around.”

“…oh.”

-

“One day you’re going to save the world,” the ghost told him.

“Today, you already have,” Nie Mingjue replied.

-

“Maybe I never went back in time,” the ghost said. “Maybe I’m just dead, and this is one of the eighteen hells, punishing me for everything I’ve done.”

“Are you having a bad time?” Nie Mingjue asked. He himself was having a good time: Nie Huaisang wasn’t crying, for once, and he had him sitting in his lap, a stick wrapped in his little baby hand (supported by Nie Mingjue, of course) waiving in the air in the rudimentary beginnings of proper saber forms.

“Well, no. But then again, ‘everything I’ve done’ wasn’t that bad, and all done in the name of filial piety – I even bought already-dead cats – well, except for little Mo Xuanyu. He deserved better than he got from everyone, me included.”

“None of that made even the slightest bit of sense to me, you know,” Nie Mingjue said. “But if you feel so bad about it, I promise to change it this time around.”

“No, you don’t understand,” the ghost said. “If this is the underworld, then you wouldn’t have the chance to change it. We’d just repeat this over and over again, forever!”

“How many times has it been for you, then?”

“Well, only one. But it could be the beginning of many times! Or – or – maybe I’ve forgotten the previous times!”

“Seems like a pretty stupid punishment if you just forget about it,” Nie Mingjue said.

“…hmm. Good point.”

“You’re prone to anxiety, aren’t you?” Nie Mingjue said to the Nie Huaisang in his arms, who made an expression that was clearly his best effort at smiling. He was still building up those facial muscles. “We’ll have to work on that, in this life.”

“Hey!”

-

“Okay, so, positing that this whole living in an abandoned outpost is a real thing that is happened and is still happening, which I’m still not convinced of –”

“I don’t seem like the type to run away?”

“…you were always very righteous.”

“Sometimes, righteous people do stupid things,” Nie Mingjue said.

“Remind me to tell you about someone called Wei Wuxian,” the ghost said, now thoroughly distracted. “He’s more or less the walking, talking incarnation of that…”

“Did he have a sad childhood?”

“What? I mean, I guess so? His parents died, he lived on the streets for a while, developed a fear of dogs, but then he got rescued by Jiang Fengmian and adopted, so – are you taking notes?”

“How else am I supposed to keep track of all these names?”

-

“Maybe you should go pick up Meng Yao. If you’re planning on changing things, I mean.”

Nie Mingjue squinted at the ghost, who was supervising the stew he was making. It was meat, for once – a pheasant that had conveniently gotten scared to death. The ghost had gotten very creative in how he could help out despite his general incorporeality. “Isn’t that the name of the person who eventually kills me?”

“Well, yes.”

“Why would I go help him?”

“…he had a very sad childhood?”

“If I adopt everyone you say had a sad childhood, there won’t be a junior generation anymore,” Nie Mingjue pointed out. “They’ll all be Nie sect.”

“And it would be better for them.”

“Annoying for me, though.”

-

“ – and that’s what demonic cultivation is,” the ghost concluded. “Why do you ask?”

“I have absolutely no reason to be interested in a type of cultivation specifically designed to make dead creatures do what I say, including shutting up whenever they’ve started talking in the middle of the night,” Nie Mingjue said, yawning. “None whatsoever.”

“It’s not that late, it’s only – hmm. Oops.”

-

“It’s not that different from what I do with Baxia,” Nie Mingjue argued.

“What you do with Baxia eventually kills you,” the ghost argued back.

“I thought you said I was murdered?”

“Through an existing weakness!”

“Without which the world will end, so it’s fine.”

“It’s not fine at all!”

“I’m just saying, it would be –”

“No! I am not letting you demonically cultivate with me, and that’s final!”

“Fine!”

“Fine!”

“Your older self is so annoying,” Nie Mingjue told Nie Huaisang after the ghost had stormed off. Through a wall, no less, and that was purely to be especially dramatic about it since Nie Mingjue knew that he knew where the doors were. “Such a pest!”

-

“If we’re going to do this – I can’t believe we’re going to do this – we’re doing it slowly,” the ghost said. “You hear me? Slowly. I don’t care how much of a cultivation genius you are.”

Nie Mingjue nodded.

“And no one ever finds out about it, okay? No one. If someone happens to see me, you need to lie and say that I – that I’m –”

“A saber spirit?”

“Shut up.”

-

“Baba!” Nie Huaisang burbled, or at least something that sounded vaguely similar. He was probably a few months too young for actual speech, though.

“Da-ge,” Nie Mingjue corrected, just in case.

The ghost sniggered. “So much of my childhood is suddenly explained, you have no idea.”

“I think I’m going to tell him to call you mama,” Nie Mingjue said thoughtfully. “What do you think that’ll explain?”

-

“You’re depressingly good at this,” the ghost said. “I mean, everyone always said you were a genius, but you’re really good at cultivation.”

Nie Mingjue shrugged.

“I still think you should hold off on the demonic cultivation aspects.”

“We’ve already agreed to disagree,” Nie Mingjue said. “And knowing demonic cultivation helps me refine my cultivation of Baxia as well – I can filter out only the finest resentful energy for her.”

“You make it sound like cat food.”

“Since you also thrive on resentful energy, what does that make you?”

“A mouse, surely.”

“Nah. Hedgehog.”

The ghost acted as if it had been stabbed and fell over backwards.

Dramatic bastard.

-

“There’s a person outside,” the ghost said. “They’re at the edge of the boundaries.”

Nie Mingjue could feel his shoulders stiffen. “What are they wearing?”

“Nie colors. I would’ve taken care of it myself if it was a Wen.”

They’d had an incident with a Wen squad coming too close, once.

The ghost, strengthened by Nie Mingjue’s demonic cultivation and the bond he’d formed between him and Baxia, had ripped the cultivators in the Wen patrol squad to pieces before they’d gotten too close.

Nie Mingjue had told him that he appreciated the enthusiasm, but to try to keep the mess down a bit next time. All that blood had attracted predators willing to feast on human flesh, and Nie Huaisang was still small.

“What boundary?” he asked, and went to go look down at it from one of the windows. “Oh.”

“Is this going to be a problem?” the ghost wanted to know.

Nie Mingjue looked at the man walking up. “No,” he said. “No problem.”

“What does he want? Is he going to make trouble for Sangsang?”

“No,” Nie Mingjue said. “Just for me.”

He waited outside the door, Baxia in his hand.

His father came to a stop a reasonable distance away. “What will it cost for you to return?” he asked.

It was about what Nie Mingjue had expected. They were a practical family.

Nie Mingjue didn’t have memories of his future life, and the ghost didn’t remember this period of his previous life: the months they had spent together in this abandoned fortress, the way Nie Mingjue taught him to smile and to crawl, fed him and changed him and slept with him to calm him, the life they had shared in the world without the ghost.

Still, he had asked the ghost the questions he had wanted answered, casually dropping names into conversation with the ghost to judge his response, and he figured out what his answer must have been in that life before.

He’d asked for the heads of those that had directly threatened Nie Huaisang, and an oath that the sect would honor Nie Huaisang as the heir, that he would be sect leader following Nie Mingjue. He’d gotten what he’d asked for, but what had been meant as a gift had in the end only been a burden – the ghost wouldn’t have been so desperate to come back to this time if it wasn’t.

He wouldn’t make that mistake twice.

He smiled.

“I’d like to make some changes,” he said, thinking of all the people that the ghost had talked about – all the ones who had sad childhoods. Many were the children of the other Great Sects, which would make things tricky to start – most people didn’t want their children raised by outsiders – but he’d thought of ways to make it work, and he knew the investment would ultimately bear fruit. His father, ruthless as he was, would understand that part of it, at least, even if he didn’t understand the rest. “Back me in full, or lose me forever.”

This was even more of a gamble than what he had asked for in his past life. A few heads, even of loyal servants, didn’t matter much, compared to blood – a blank slate was a far more dangerous request.

His father looked him over, and Nie Mingjue knew that he was calculating whether it was worth it. Whether it was Nie Mingjue’s head that he should take, this time, since he himself was still young enough to have more sons. But Nie Mingjue had learned from the ghost all the secrets he’d known about his own future cultivation, added to it the demonic cultivation he’d deduced, and he was, in the end, a genius.

There was a reason he was confident enough to make the request.

“Very well,” his father said. “I will back you.”

-

They told everyone that the ghost was an ancestor.

[hargrove-mayfields]

more religious Billy pls

trigger warnings for homophobia, child abuse and religious trauma.

From family, to friends, to neighbors, everyone around Billy always said, people like Billy were never supposed to get their happy endings. You sin, you repent, you get to live it up in paradise. But if you don’t repent, you go to hell. It was simple the way they taught it.

And that’s exactly the problem. Billy never knew exactly how he was supposed to earn forgiveness when his sin was just being himself, simply existing, but he tried, for years he did.

He went to every Sunday service and prayed each night like a good Christian boy was supposed to. He did everything he could to make up for being the way he was, from asking out all the pretty good girls at school to participating in the anti-homosexual pushback at the town hall even if he did go home and cry so hard he threw up after that, but those things were all just a performance, cowardly, futile attempts at pleasing the big man in the sky (and at home) that were getting him nowhere near any closer to the pearly gates.

Eventually he breaks. He starts drinking and smoking and screwing around with as many men as will take him out for the night. He grows his hair out long and pierces his ear, gets a tattoo and wears makeup he stole from the church store to sneak it to a gay bar. But still in the end, he just feels worse.

In the moment it’s like a high, like he’s finally getting to see even just a glimpse of who he, who Billy Hargrove really is and not just he was told he had to be, but Neil makes sure to remind him how wrong he is. He cuts his hair with a knife and beats him bruised and bloody, he makes the family go to church on Wednesdays instead of just Sunday, he puts the Bible on his night stand every night and he prays and prays and prays the gay out of that boy, most nights making Billy do it too through his tears.

And Billy tried, desperately he did to believe that all they said and did to him was wrong, that he could be who he wanted without all these rules just to please some unseen dictator that may or may not even be real, but the things he had been taught were so deeply ingrained into his mind. He knew he wasn’t bound for anything better, and he blamed himself for that.

On the floor of the mall, he doesn’t mean to think about it, what will happen after the fact.

He knows he should be thinking about how Max’s life is going to be once he’s not there to protect her, how everyone’s lives will be plagued with all of the destruction he caused, the grief that would come from the deaths of the people he killed. The irony of the Saint-Christopher pendant around his neck when he’d attempted to carry a child to her death instead of to safety.

As much as he’d like to see a familiar face, between everything he’d done, what he put Max and her friends through, all that had happened this past week, he knows he doesn’t have a place in paradise. Not that any of that even matters. He’d had a special spot in hell reserved just for him since he told his momma he had a crush on a curly headed boy named PJ in the second grade and the poor woman almost fainted.

Billy is terrified to be facing it now, but all his life he’d known this was coming, and he thinks he deserves it all the same.

Except, the next time he opens his eyes, he doesn’t see that he’s surrounded by hellfire and tortured souls, instead he’s staring up at a white tiled ceiling, the sound of the steady-unsteady beeping and whirring of machinery filling his head.

He tries to speak, but he doesn’t think anything comes out. A panicky little redhead leans over him in the bed to press one of the buttons. He looks at her face and he concentrates hard, and thinks he knows her, but he doesn’t know her.

A nurse comes at his sister's signal, and they first make sure he’s fully responsive, which is somewhat hard when he can’t speak, and then they inform him he’s been in an induced coma for months. They tell him that anything he saw on the other side wasn’t real, and he was alive that whole time. It doesn’t do much at all to comfort him though. How can it, when he doesn’t even know who he is?

He learns that his name is William, Billy according to the snappy girl who he knows is his little sister now, but whose name he can never seem to remember. His name feels strange in his throat when he repeats it back like a question, “Billy..?” That doesn’t feel like who he is, not anymore at least.

They have to teach him literally everything all over again. All he knew how to do when he woke up was facial expressions and vague, but very painful as he learned, gestures with his hands. Anything else was fair game.

It takes a whole year in the hospital, things going so slowly because of the pain, but even more so because of the setbacks he faces.

Two days after he woke up, when he still couldn’t speak, Neil had showed up. It wasn’t for a visit or even to see his son was going now that he’s finally awake. Neil is there to first ask him what he saw when he died, and when Billy just stares blankly, his vocabulary still too small to articulate anything, to accuse him of being the devil and deliberately mocking Him by coming back.

Needless to say, Neil isn’t allowed in for many more visits.

But it still resets those two days of progress they’d made, and it was like he’d just woken up that same day. This would keep happening every time anything distressing happened around Billy, and they had to find the perfect balance between having too many nurses and visitors in the room at once that he’d get overwhelmed and distracted, or not enough and get lonely and regress.

But once they’re out of the woods with that, things go mostly smoothly. Eating and drinking and walking, he’s gets that all down pat pretty easily, but his memories just aren’t coming back to him. He remembers a few insignificant childhood memories, but it’s mostly the bad things, things like his mother leaving or his father kicking him out for a week when he was fifteen, and so on. He still has no idea what happened to him though, and Max and her mom and the nurses are all telling him these stories, trying to persuade him into remembering, but something is just not clicking.

That is, at least, until he’s allowed to visit with Steve again.

Doctors worried showing him someone who had so many bad memories associated with him might be confusing to Billy, so they held off on allowing visitation from Steve, or anyone else who wasn’t immediate family, but he was at the hospital a few times dropping Max off when Susan was working, and he wasn’t allowed to see Billy then either.

They planned on keeping it that way until they could either be sure Billy’s identity was more secure, or if they were really desperate to get Billy's gears turning, and unfortunately the latter came first, so seven whole months after Billy woke up, Steve is allowed in his room.

The thought process was that the boys were on the basketball team together, at least until Neil pulled Billy as a punishment just before the season ended, and even if all he remembers is beating Steve up, he’s still a familiar face, and it might help, so once when Steve’s about to turn around and walk out like he always does, Max comes back out, wide eyed and flustered looking, and tells him he’s allowed to come visit with her brother.

Nobody can understand why Steve is so teary eyed, or why he says Billy's name with so much desperation, but his reaction quickly gets ignored when Billy responds with a simple, “Stevie.”

It shocks everyone, Steve was the first person who Billy remembered without months of work, sometimes he still called Max by her mother’s name if he was having a hard day, but with Steve it was like there was nothing even wrong. Like it had only been a couple of days since he’d seen him.

Before, if they asked Billy anything about high school, he couldn’t tell them much other than the bad things. But with Steve, those memories that had once been impossible to touch, the blurry images of a past he wasn’t even sure belonged to him, were unlocked, and with time Billy returns to himself. Remembers everything.

His overall progress goes much quicker after that, to the point where they’re planning on letting him out as soon as his medications are all in order, and still nobody can figure out what is so special about this boy.

That is, until a nurse walks in on them, holding hands and sitting on the bed, foreheads pressed together like they’d just been kissing. She goes a little pale in the face, but she says she’s not going to tell. That doesn’t stop half the ward from knowing in less than a week.

Nurses refuse to care for him. Susan starts standing by the door in case anyone comes in. They are told their love was sinful, but it was exactly that that had saved Billy.

Without Steve and what they had, Billy still would have no idea who he was. This wasn’t something the hospital would ever actually admit to Max or his parents, but after so long, they were sure he was never going to have his sense of self back. Because while physically he was recovering, until he had that extra push, he just wasn’t himself.

That was more of a blessing than any holy figurehead could offer. When he finally, after a year and a half in the hospital, got to come home, into Steve’s care because Susan refused to take her stepson back to Neil, his space with Steve offers Billy more comfort and safety than any isolated house of God or reformation camp ever could.

And most of all, Billy isn’t afraid to be himself anymore.