#i just feel so empty right now | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

cryxngxnrxd · 1 year ago

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Just wanted to add to this that one of my college lecturer had passed away just today. He was fighting lymphoma and was honestly such an amazing person to have been around.

He had kept a strict face around me but soon it faded to casualness as we began to bond about the doctor's chicken scratch writings and me asking about his experience in the Physiotherapy field.

I guess what hit me the hardest is how he had this vision and drive to finish his Masters and he was supposed to work at this new hospital. He was so excited and I felt the same for him too.

But I'd never forget the most how he had taken the time to understand and be sympathetically understanding about my chronic illnesses and how he had stepped in to cover for me every single time.

Sir Fadzley told me to lay down and take a break by just letting me sleep for an entire hour before waking me up and asking if I was okay.

He was also definitely one of the people who was the most concerned when my dad's case happened and even stood by me after all that happened. He's sincere and hard working and I dont ever doubt for a second that he had tried his best so much.

I think him battling his lymphoma was something that resonated within him when he heard just how it is like to battle my chronic illness and trauma on top of it.

As the day went by, I saw him become more and more pale and unwell. By Friday, he was already admitted to the hospital and had been on MC ever since then.

I think the biggest regret is not making it to the hospital to see him and send my regards. Here I am laying down and feeling so... Odd.

Him and I weren't even that close.

But I knew him. And I knew that he was a person who was kind to me.

Even until now, it's hard to process his passing. I wish I could've seen him atleast.. The guilt is so heavy.

He should've been working in the new hospital.. Working and completing his Masters too.

God, it's just so unfair.

I can't even say rest in peace or it'll sound too real.

You're gone and I didn't even say a thing or see you to thank you properly.

I really am going to miss having you around, especially for graduation.

Thank you for teaching me everything I needed to learn.

I'll carry on your wish if it's the last thing I do.

Thank you for everything, Sir Fadzley.

hey, don't cry. one cup heavy whipping cream, two tablespoons granulated sugar, three tablespoons cocoa powder and whisk until stiff peaks form for three ingredient chocolate mousse, okay?

#my pxst #my txxt #i just feel so empty right now #he's really gone now..

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housederiva · 8 days ago

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#I’m like…sad sad about this game #it’s a good game but it’s not a good dragon age game #dragon age #dragon age veilguard #dragon age the veilguard #da4 #It’s a good game it’s just not the one I wanted #I want to love it but I’m so disappointed #I’ll get there but I need a moment #this series is so special to me and I feel empty right now #veilguard’s fun it has its moments but I would’ve enjoyed it more if I knew nothing about about the ones that came before it

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yeonjune · 2 months ago

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Yeonjun about the strain he felt while preparing for his debut solo project ✙ "GGUM" MAKING FILM

#yeonjun #choi yeonjun #tomorrow x together #txt #ggum: making film #gifs #creations #userzaynab #useryeonbins #skyehi #rosieblr #megtag #hibiebear #heyiri #ultkpopnetwork #kpopccc #kpopco #this are like the rawest emotions we've seen from him... I feel... it's really sad to watch him like this #i mean I know they're under lots of pressure and stress #It's only natural when you work with so many people who you could potentially disappoint #and I know it was his choice to make this solo project happen now but i feel like the company could manage his schedule better #because why he films till 3 am and then right next day has a flight to another country for a concert...#and now we know from soobin they're super busy again #I'm worried his body will just say 'enough' one day and something bad will happen :(#and you have him work so hard and stress and then all this losers online whose biggest achievement is getting 100 likes on a post #writing the worst things about him for no reason... its not that hard to be kind and you dont need to have an opinion about everything :D #at the end of the day that celebrity you hate so much is still pretty and successful #and you're just a friendless jobless empty-headed rotten fool with likes on a post that mean nothing once you close the ap #I'm just glad all this is still fun for him and that he has such a great support system: his members family staff who care about him and us #all we can really do is support them and send them lots of love fr ;; you've done well my jjunie ily ♥

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bixels · 5 months ago

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I'm not getting into The Giving Tree discourse...

#personal #delete later #idk i just saw a post of the “alternate ending” comic on my dash and everyone praising it as an improvement and “fixing” the original #which i kinda resent #while tulli and i was taking my nephew to a book store we walked around the kids section and found the giving tree and we read through it #and i was so stricken by how profoundly sad it is. it's not a happy story #in the end both versions tell the exact same lesson. but one flat out tells you and the other makes you sit with a pit in your stomach #and work to find the answer #i dunno it's kids literature but kids literature is important. i don't wanna discredit anyone's bad memories with the book but also i think #sometimes it's ok to make kids a bit sad and upset with fiction.#tweet that goes “what if romeo and juliet didn't kill themselves and explained to the audience that family feuds are bad”#idk you can't seriously read the original book as an adult and say it's glorifying self-martyrdom #when the final drawing of the book is of an old tired man sitting on arotting stump with his hat fallen to the ground #again i don't wanna invalidate people's feelings if they enjoy the alt version i think it's really nice too. but the original has its #purpose too. imagine if at the end of the lorax they show that the boy did it and replanted the world happy ending #wait they did that in the movie shit #i dunno i just love somber children's literature. tulli and i are talking about moomin right now and how the series ends with the moomin #family just leaving. and nobody gets to say goodbye to them. their friends have to find ways to live with the emptiness they've left behin

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zehl0w · 2 months ago

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Zenitsu agatsuma has got to be the biggest egg I have ever seen in my entire life

#demon slayer #kimetsu no yaiba #zenitsu agatsuma #nezuko kamado #there’s genuinely no way bro doesn’t have smth going on with his gender #nezukos bamboo necklace is chewlery btw hehe #I hope I was able to capture the expression of like #just genuine tender yearning #it’s something he’s always had the longing for but never quite understood where it came from #or even what it was #just a very empty hole in his body that he could only ever describe as self hatred and disgust even if he knew that wasn’t quite right #I think when they’re older nezuko would rlly help him like #get comfortable w the idea of actually exploring his identity #he’s spent so much of his life just truly and bitterly hating himself to the core #he couldn’t stomach the idea of thinking about who he was beyond the surface level #I think nezuko would make him feel so much more okay with himself and help try to get him to a point of at the very least knowing who he is #it’s a very long road that zenitsu really honestly isn’t sure if he’s comfortable with #but he can’t help but at least try #if not for himself but for the ache of the child inside himself who has so desperately longed for comfort and love and belonging #he wants to know that child who was so brutally outcasted could eventually find a home #he wants to believe there’s hope for himself #Zenko chan I love you so much #she is so important 2 me…..#sorry transed your zenitsu. no yeah we can’t undo it. yeah he’s a she now. sorry nothin I can do.

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firstkanaphans · 9 days ago

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feels absolutely surreal to just get on here and start reblogging shit like nothing happened but what the fuck else am i supposed to do? and what do you mean i still have to go to work??

#i just feel so empty #and scared #and like i know my silly little fandoms don’t matter #but they bring me joy #and i don’t have much of that right now so #yeah

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monstermoviedean · 16 days ago

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season 15 is BAD bad. not even fun bad or so bad it's good. it's just fucking bad. and do not tell me it was because of covid

#spn #oh look jack's soul is back. no explanation for how that happens or why.#we can get into the empty (or hell) at any time. but we won't.#the empty is on death's side but pretty soon the empty is going to kill death so #death is making plans that certainly are not influenced by god in the slightest. oh definitely not. no way no how #oh and alt sam and dean are just. hanging around #fuck me. i'm so frustrated with this #like i can appreciate bad but this is not the fun kind of bad #this is like 'the writers should feel embarrassed' bad #don't tell me it was the network either. i don't want to hear that right now

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naamahdarling · 2 months ago

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#i miss our boys so much #i miss them so much and it isn't fair they all had to go together #I don't normally apply the word fair to this sort of thing #unless we are talking murder or children or some other tragedy #natural death from illness isn't fair or unfair #it just...is #it happens #but this #the circumstances of it #this was not fair #im sure ive made this same post already but it just keeps hurting #the babies spend the nights in the studio so i am still so lonely #it will get better that's why the babies are here and we are all learning to love each other and things will be good again #but right now the house still feels empty #and i guess it always will be #just a little

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silkjade · 3 months ago

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i haven’t been here much recently, and i’m sorry i’ve only been negative on the off chance i’ve been online, but let me just say one last piece before the end of this month, so that maybe the next might be better….

#or maybe my time here ends w this month…i’m not sure i guess it all depends on how i feel but as of right now #everytime i think i'm fine i open tumblr and immediately am sad again the whole app has become my doomscroll at this point #i got a notification on a random talking post from a while ago and it felt like reading the words of a completely different person #lately i find it difficult to find any joy here at all when it always feels so lonely… a type of loneliness i’ve never experienced before #everyone always has ppl interacting w them who are interested in their stuff or are always sent things that are reminiscent of them....#i’m always praised for remembering stuff abt other ppl but i wonder if anyone remembers anything abt me #what is it about me that is so forgettable am i dull am i uninteresting did i not solidify myself enough do you guys just not like me lolz #but i don't want this to come across as guilt tripping or being ungrateful to what i do have because ik comparison is the death of joy but #it's still hard to watch when it's so in your face and it makes me think if ppl only talk to me because they feel obligated to #because anyone can say empty words.... i wish my perception of things didn't turn bitter i wish i hadn't become so jaded but #over and over i've felt irrelevant cast aside overshadowed and i cannot exist in a place where i feel like i'm a ghost in the corner #idk i've never felt like This before and i'm at least glad it's something i can walk away from by just....leaving...#sad that this used to be somewhere i can run away To but now it's become somewhere i want to run away From #i don't know...even if i get over whatever this is...things will never be the same for me... i just don't think i belong here #if only i had never made this blog then i would have saved myself a world of turmoil

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kitten4sannie · 2 months ago

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look at the way i ride ~

#lyss.vent #been feeling very much on the edge lately #of what? i’m not really sure #a classic Meltdown ™ maybe #i have a therapist i talk to weekly now and that’s been a huge help fs #but it’s still like #my boat has a hole #too many to count actually #i’m constantly dumping out the water but it doesn’t matter yk?#i’m still sinking #there are so many things i should be thankful for #friends and family that care about me #i have hobbies that i enjoy #a good consistent job that pays well #i’m working 40 hrs a week and making enough to save monthly #this is what it means to be successful right ?#i should be happy…i have everything i need…#yet i feel rundown and empty #i’ve also realized that there are horrible ugly things that still live deep inside my bones #why do i blame myself for them when i was just there? when i was the victim?#i’m the only one who can save myself from it all so why can’t i?#what’s even worse is that i have to watch from the sidelines while life single-handedly fucks up my loved ones too #i’m so powerless in all aspects of my life #everything’s out of my control #and it hurts so much :(((#tbh old me would’ve given up by now but that dumb bitch isn’t in the driver’s seat anymore #she’s just along for the ride now but she won’t give me the aux #tho new me is stubborn and has something to prove so i’ll keep driving :3 vroom vroommm #i’ll play my own music soon #i love queue ☆〜（ゝ。∂）

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bacchuschucklefuck · 7 months ago

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assorted thoughts 1/when sklonda mentioned getting drinks with sandra lynn now and then I straight up cheered I was so scared for her social life being so overworked 2/straight up have no judgement on the whole ratgrinder situation on account of being a whole grown man. Im not getting into beef with fictional teenagers let them sort that out among themselves 3/sprak levefre