#i just dont want to told i have to live like this for the rest of my life and nothing can be done
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*signs* I dont like that we are fighting about Caitlyn so I would just like to point out some of the things I noticed.
Cait never apologise in words but I think its for the better. Her apologies doesnt make things better. She accounts for her action(saying shes aware of the pain she has caused siding with Ambressa) and she has only tried to be better. She was blinded by her grieve and agreeing with Ambressa because shes the only one justifying her grievance and rage toward Jinx. Even herself might have been aware that Jinx's act wasnt simply a deranged person doing but a respond from generational opression(hence her line: its so easy to hate them). Nothing that she does will change the past, even her apologies, so
- In the ending scene we see that Cait was holding part of Jinx's bomb while looking at the building blueprint. Shes trying to find her! For Vi!
- She told Vi that she doesnt have anyone guarding the cell because she wants Vi to get Jinx out. She cant because she still has lost her mom to this person.
- The scene where Vi rests her head on Cait's shoulder, we see Cait's eye open. Maybe she never find peace, maybe she will spend her whole life living knowing what she did.
- That line: Are you still in this, Vi? Cait doesnt expect Vi to, she knows she doesnt deserve to ask Vi to stay. She can just hope.
Like everyone's emotions are valid Im not saying you shouldnt be upset or disappointed that the media didnt deliver what you expect. But maybe we will all feel better reading into the nuance. I think Cait suffers, and eventhough the fact that she suffers doesnt erase what she did, she still a person that did something bad and suffer the consequences of her actions. And Vi love her, she didnt ask her for an apology and she chose to stay(so maybe we give some credit to Vi character's agency?).
We always say we want a morally grey character, Caitlyn is one no?
#not a Caitlyn apologist#just a big fan of how Caitlyn character was written#caitvi#caitlyn kiramman#arcane
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#i walked into a situation today where my mom was effectively already dead. effectively bc her body was and is still alive. still breathing#painful groaning purrs. but her mind was gone yesterday. my dad said he showed her a picture of the mountains i took that day and told her#i loved her and she smiled. thats what he said. maybe he was just being nice. or maybe thats the last time she thought of me. i dunno. but#the human body is an incredible thing. shes got a heart still powering a broken body. too full of tumors to function anymore. stomach#streched like a pregnant mother. it happed really fast and now its happening very slow#im somehow probably better off than the rest of them. i only got here for the aftermath of a downslide. my daily life will b least effected#i only really saw her twice a year living so far away and she didnt text much. didnt call often. so life wont change much ill just kno shes#not there. which is sad. but theres nothing to b done abt it. life goes on. it hasnt been all bad tho. its nice to talk to my family abt her#how incredible she was. bc she was. wish her mom wasnt here tho. she doesn't deserve to b here. my mom wouldnt want her here. she didnt want#her here. but anyway. i wish her body would just let her go now. so we can sleep. so this can be over. so she can rest#but even like this shes stubborn and resilient. they say it could go on for days but i hope not. may the universe let her rest shes gotta b#so tired after 10 years of this. but i have no regrets. she knew how i felt abt her. and i dont think she had regrets either. she did so#much up to the very end. went out on a high note without the burdon of knowing it was coming#i dunno. its just such a strange experience to watch the empty shell of your mother sleeping like a gurgling baby#unrelated
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Happy Birthday @cashweasel beloved, have a soft kiyazan non confession confession, love you and these two idiots sm and I hope your day was amazing
#my art#kiyazan#oc: Kiara#Yazan Hadidi#certified blorbo in law#i had to beat art with a stick for the whole day over this but I love them sm#what the fuck even is night time lighting i dont know i put all my eggs into the golden hour basket#anyway#kiara is 100000% feeling jus a bit nervous#tapping her fingers nd resting her head on her knees ab it#but i mean how else do u react to someone you love but haven’t really told reading your feelings right next to you FDFFSDF#reading ur feelings in a letter where btw u still don’t explicitly confess#shes still v :heart eyes: tho#she cant help it#i thought ab living yazan some mirror dice FDSFSDFDS but also it would make more sense if this was her car considering birthday surprise#shes just passenger princess for the ride back lol#she deserves a break from driving i dunno#anyway i considered the dice then i was like well I want it to be a gift from someone bc OBviously and so i didnt put one#OMG it should be from Karima jus sayin#maybe she doesnt have it yet#ok jus imagine the fuzzy mirror dice XD#anyway happy birthday bestie#i know its not the day of for u anymore but I wanted it to be pretty for u
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sometimes researching for avatar redesigns has you 6 layers deep into the Japan's Meiji era allies wiki
#im trying to mess with some of the stuff that feels weird about the ways the fire nation is depicted idk#like i do not feel optically it is good for like them to be so heavily based on japan's imperialist actions#while dressed in clothes that come from places japan colonized#but i dont want it to just be solely japanese though i did draw zuko and azula in hakama but its largely cause i wanted to draw hakama#and like the only place with strong japanese influence being kiyoshi island and my own frustration with the modern day samurai depiction#i think fundamentally it isnt a choice that had as much thought as i am putting in put into it but it does raise an eyebrow for me#anyway i think keeping the thai influence is fine despite the brief invasion japan had into thailand due to thailand then allying with japa#and further allying with the axis due to allying with japan#ugh and ive been told not to think this much about it because its fiction but its also fiction so so so heavily based on real places#and when you base fiction on real cultures you fall into some unintentional pitfalls#i also fucking hate the royal fire nation robes they look so meh and the most costumey out of everything in the show#they look like heavy blankets despite being a supposedly hot nation#theres ways to have heavy robes (heian era japan) but they look like i make them out of fleece and velvet blankets#back to kiyoshi island i think the really only aesthetically japanese reference in the show being an island of noble warriors is lame#plus over done#it feels like nowadays theres a lot of people who get all whiney about people saying fire nation is based off japan#but like dude the creators in the comics and korra like go even more into the japanese influence and clearly it was the original intentions#also i do think you could do some pretty interesting world building by having say there be an older cultural influence on kiyoshi island#from the fire nation especially if the place is established as a central port area then you tie in some okinawan or even hawaiian reference#and gives an explanation that makes sense to why kiyoshi stands out from the rest of the earth kingdom you have long term cultural trading#and it establishes interesting relationships even pre kiyoshi time thereby drawing back onto some real historic references#cause for awhile ryukyu china and japan used to be this trading triangle which could explain some of these various influences going on#i think you can get a really interesting harmony when you create the fire nation out of a mix of japan and thailand#i mean both have these floating buildings due to living on some pretty wet lands and theres harmony in that mix#god i did see one person go like “fire nation is more based on china because theres a lot of red and red is important in china”#my brother in christ red is also important in japan#red is important in like many many asian cultures#i mean of course a lot of that importance stems from china and cultural exchange with china but idk kinda silly to say with your whole ches#like if you want to bring china in then the dragons are the biggest thing like sure some mythos has dragons in japan#but a lot of those comes from china in some way
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the problem when your main symptom is crushing fatigue is that fatigue can be a symptom of literally any medical condition or disease in existence
#dr suggested ME and im like my dude do your fucking job first and run more than a bestic set of blood tests and then we can talk#instead of going well its not obvious so im gonna diagnose you with a lifelong condition that we know basically nothing about#that has no cure or treatment and that we dont even have reliable diagnostic testing for#because were apparently doing vibes based medicine now#(thats not to say I dont think ME is a real illness bc it very much is#i just dont want to told i have to live like this for the rest of my life and nothing can be done#without making absolutely sure it's not one if the many many other fatigue causing conditions first)#*basic
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another childhood bucket list item obtained: i finally have a snuggie
#and it's the real thing not even a knockoff#kinda surprised they still exist#but also not surprised bc Blanket. blanket is universal#i just remember a lot of those As Seen On Tv ads like. imploding within 5 years#they still do As Seen On Tv products like there are still boxes marked with that logo it almost feels wrong like an ancient relic#bc most like. ubiquitous 2000s brands from my childhood are just Gone or at least so fundamentally changed it's not the same thing#heard about like 50 more companies going bankrupt probably in the last year alone#anyway ive always wanted a snuggie it's one of those Always Wanted things that never go away#others include: staples easy button (obtained!); mini fridge (not); pillow pet (i had a knockoff once); power drill (not)#i spent a surprising amount of my childhood actually going out of my way to buy stuff i could use in my own apartment in the future#i grew up lower middle class and then just lower class#so like. i always Knew i couldn't just furnish the whole apartment at once i Knew I'd have to build stuff up over time#also bc when my sister got kicked out she had like. nothing. in her trailer. and i did not want to have nothing#i knew if dad was willing to just toss out my sister like that i would absolutely follow suit#and i did! two years younger than my sister when she was!#it just happened that my mom didn't want me homeless at FOURTEEN when i legally could not work for two more years#so she went with me and we lived with my grandma#so take that dad. turns out throwing family members out willy nilly makes the rest of your family not trust you or like you!#and now i get to rub it in his face that HE can't function in a house by himself and still needs to beg my mom to clean up after him#bc i spent so much of my childhood getting berated and called lazy for not doing chores#getting told stuff like 'you have to function by yourself your parents can't always pick up after you'#and then he's literally useless without his wife#he's not disabled and he's not neurodivergent he's never even had a serious health scare he just doesn't bother to learn how to clean#his excuse is that he doesn't know how to use the washer and dryer (it has been almost ten years fucker. learn)#or he doesn't know which cleaning products to use (you have google and a library card. LOOK IT UP)#he's the only person i get mad at for this behaviour bc he's a fucking hypocrite and a child abuser about it too#he is the exception to my rule of everyone needs to be given the space to get things done where they're able and deserve help when needed#and I'll bend over backwards to make excuses for other people so i DONT exclude them from my rule i will try to find every good reason first#he has no fucking excuse though he made two teenagers nearly homeless bc he thought we were too lazy and then he's even worse
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since nonbinary has had its claws and teeth and wings clipped by people who've turned it into the third gender of whats now a trinary, i think we should expand its definition; what if nonbinary means you dont subscribe to any binary
#no man/woman no sick/well no black/white no religious/secular no east/west no neurodivergent/neurotypical#no cis/trans no binary/nonbinary even (oh no)#no normal/freak no enemy/friend#no past/future#no good/bad#i was gonna say radical solidarity but when you google that you only get like. priests talking about abortion so 😬#um. why?#why is that#i guess it's the same concept just applied to different things#anyway radical solidarity with the living we're stronger together#sometimes i come across profiles of fellow freaks who want me dead#and im gonna stay out of hitting range im not stupid but im gonna stay on their side#i dont think we can afford not to#told on myself by calling it a side just then huh#i guess i still do believe in a binary#binary of people who try to control others vs the rest#im gonna hold onto that one im with the rest#still if theres people who want to control others but they dont have the POWER to do so#see: fellow freaks#then we're still on the same side until they get the power you know what i mean?#im not gonna attack my side of anti-control i dont think we can afford to#anyway
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life really fucking sucks right now
#teddy situation has undone probably a year of recovering haha i fuckig hate landlords#basically told us we need to get rid of ted because 'he is a liability'#THE DAY BEFOREBTHANKSGIVING#and i was expected to be chipper and happy at family dinner.#naw man. i havent really left the house because i wana spend time with ted hahahaha#he's going to live at my sister's place but still. i dont want him to have to go#selfharmed as in nearly scraped the skin off the entire back of my left hand#WAS HIT WITH 'I HONESTLY FIGURED/EXPECTED YOU TO (SELF HARM' LIKE DAMN HAHA#idk. i want to be hit by a fucking car. or anything else that will blast me away.#had another prospective friend end up being just a dumbfuck that wanted an easy lay#dad's been home all week#its just a lot man. and losing all that progress i worked hard for its another kick to the teeth#and its like. why should i go see my therapist again. im gonna tell her whats wrong. im gonna cry. she oretends to care. i come home#i just dont want to be here anymore. i dont. i keep hoping for things to get better because thats what im told to do and things get worse#i cannot live the rest of my life like this. im allowed to be selfish and say it isnt fair to me. and nobody should be stucj dealing with me#im not gonna have a happy ending like all my friends did. im gonna be lonely and suicidal until i finally get thr balls to just fucking doit#local idiot sad
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guys what if i want to make my own apollo justice game.
#i need to write a prequel to aa4 pls pls pls pls pls#okay get this: so phoenix isnt disbarred yet and he doesnt have trucy. hes still taking and winning cases#one day he gets a call from edgeworth and hes all like ''wright i need your assistance'' and hes like what for and edgeworth goes#''ive been given the most ridiculous case and i think youre the only man in law who can take care of it''#so phoenix bikes his ass to the detention center and boom. child behind bars#and phoenix is like ??? hey kid what are doing here. and this kid is the most surly mfer on the planet like you couldnt get-#-a word out of him if you tried. hes kinda giving phoenix the stink eye too but hes just the littlest guy on earth#and phoenix feels bad for him so he tries to get a rundown of the case (maybe edgeworth gave him an autopsy report or smth beforehand)#but get this. the kid still wont speak. he hasnt even moved a muscle. and after some prodding you find out this little dude-#-doesnt speak english (i dont love aa6 but i think apollos tragic backstory can be interesting so we're going w that but taking it seriousl#anyways so maya is like omg this kid is speaking khurainese but hers is kinda broken bc shes not from the mainland and only knows it-#-from like prayers#so you only get bits and pieces of the kids testimony. plus he still doesnt wanna talk bc ''dhurk told me not to talk to you''#so you start following the new lead but you ask too many questions and apollos like oh shit i said too much and wont talk to you anymore#but now you have two leads: khur'ain and a man named ''dhurk'' plus the fact that this is kid might be new to america since-#-he cant speak english but is smack dab in the middle of california. its all v curious and phoenix wants to get to the bottom of it#for the rest of the case i feel like it would go in the direction of ''we dont know exactly whats up w this dhurk guy or where this kid-#-came from but we do get him acquitted and phoenix is able to save him from the dark path he was heading towards'' thus steering apollo-#-in the direction of law and giving him a wayyyy better reason than aa6 gave him <3#i kind of like the interlinked nature of ace attorney's storytelling. like everything leads into smth else and everyone is impacted-#-by another person before they even become properly entangled w each other's lives#like how mia faced dahlia years before she met phoenix but dahlia was the one to connect them#or how trucy gave phoenix the diary paper but she's also the one who ropes apollo into the waa. even before they know they're siblings#or how lamoire left apollo and trucy as children and when they reunite as adults they cant recognise each other but they all find each-#-other anyways#i could go on but i think this could be cool yknow esp bc i think the most interesting thing about apollo's aa6 backstory is his life-#-post dhurk. like where did he stay? was he a foster kid? was he put into the system? how did that affect him? what kind of ppl took him in#i just wanna know how that whole thing would have effected him bc like when yiu think about it how did he even get to america?? his dad's#-considered a terrorist. idk man i think its interesting and apollo and dhurks interactions are one of the only good parts of aa6
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#to translate this post: someone liked this post i made (on the upper left) on AUGUST 28 having a moment of self awareness that i was running#away from my whole life and not moving or learni ng to drive or anything. it is now march 8. it has been almost 7 months. and i have made#basically zero progress. and there is nothing stopping me but me. i could read the drivers manual and whatever whenever i want. but i am not#doing anything. and i don’t know how to get myself to start.#purrs#i know it’s a cop out excuse but i truly do think it’s covid. i think being in lockdown for a year and a half made me just let go of any#sense of progress. made me scared to take steps forward. and i mean i did bc i lived on campus for a while after that but it’s like.. EVERY#part of my life is stagnant rn it seems. and it’s not just me it’s my siblings too. we’re all getting older but none of us is trying to move#out or gain our independence in any way and my brother isn’t even looking for jobs even though he needs one. we’re all just getting older#but we’ve lost (or maybe had knocked out of us by covid and our mom being so strict) any sense of moving ipward and spreading our wings.#forgotten we have wings at all. and ive done important things like going on a house tour or traveling with my besties (<3). but i have only#made it to page 8 of the drivers manual and i truly do not want to read the rest of it. i have only been on one house tour and im longing to#move out but how much am i really because i can’t bring myself to schedule another tour and start searching for a new home in earnest.#i just come home every day UTTERLY exhausted and spend all my free time trying to process or rest. and im not making room for myself to use#my wings. and it’s truly terrible. why are we all okay with living like this. my younger self would be HORRIFIED if she saw how much i had a#atrophied since graduating and moving back home. my brighton self would be HORRIFIED. i told myself i wouldn’t and then it’s exactly what i#did. and ik im being harsh and ive spread my wings in some important ways during this time but… these are so obvious. such low hanging#fruit in some ways. bc any 16 year old can take this test and pass it so why can’t i at 24? why won’t i let myself? dont i want a nice cozy#home i make my own where i can eat what i want and sleep when i want and have control over sounds? then why am i not running for it?#delete later#i am wasting my youth i am wasting my youth i am wasting my youth 🤑🤑🤑🤑🤑🤑🤑 my one precious life 😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃#also LMFAOOOOO the next tag on that aug 28 post was that i need to get a new campus id card… guess who hasn’t done that either ♥️
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as lonely as being aro can be I honestly wouldn't have it any other way because as a kid I felt like my life would be over in my 20s once I married and started having kids but the first time I realized I didn't have to do that shit was akin to a bird getting released from its cage
#like idk. i remember watching my mom growing up. no time to read or paint or sing or do anything she wanted to do#because she was always doing chores and housework and taking care of the kids#and she said she chose that life and was happy with it but it felt like a cage to me every time i thought about it#and in the ''religion'' i grew up in anyone with ovaries was supposed to get married and have lots of babies as soon as they could#so yk. 20s.#and as a kid growing up in that environment i Literally thought i would only get to live for 20/25 years#and then i'd be miserable and locked inside the house for the rest of my life#and all my friends growing up Wanted that !! they wanted marriage and a million kids and all the things we were told we needed to have#and im sure a lot of this was just the culture we grew up in. even now after leaving years ago im still struggling to unlearn things#and as kids ?? we didnt know Anything.#but idk. i remember watching brave and connecting with merida so much because i didnt want to get married either !!!#but i thought i had to !!! literally that movie made me cry so many times fr#but finding out what aromanticism was was literally so insane it was like. i dont have to do any of this bullshit actually.#it was literally the most radical thought i'd ever encountered at the time#it felt like i was defying everything i've been taught and it took me a long time to separate myself from the mindsets i grew up with#and then longer still to eventually separate myself from that environment completely#but idk. im a little lonely sometimes and my siblings and friends are all getting married and paired off#but i dont have to. my life isnt over and i can live it however i want.#idkkkkkkkk im feeling kinda emotional rn. being aro is incredible fr#winter speaks#queer#personal
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i am having a great time here on life dot com
#/s#i only ate a scrambled egg today; i couldnt finish it and i feel sick#something else happened today that just showed how this girl is even more manipulative. how did you turned out like this.#or maybe you were ALWAYS like this and youre just showing your true nature now? how i didnt realized this before? we were friends for years#and honestly at this point i would say whatever ruin your life; nobody is going to stay that long around you like we did.#but you have A WHOLE ASS CHILD. A 4 NEARLY 5 MONTHS OLD BABY THAT DEPENDS TOTALLY ON YOU!!!!#STOP BEING SO SELFISH!!!! AT LEAST THINK ABOUT THE SON YOU CLAIM TO LOVE!!!!#maybe im exaggerating but i feel betrayed by someone i saw as a sister + i saw her son as a nephew.#i already lost a 11 years friendship last year why is this happening to me again. and is ending in a horrible way#sorry that the rest of the group dared to still do friend stuff even after you became a mom and thus became unable to do certain things now#i *get* it; you feel envious. but we cant stop our lives just because YOURS changed. we told you multiple times we love you and your son#we love when you bring him with you because we love him; and two of us dont even like kids that much. we were excited the whole pregnancy#we supported you because we can imagine how difficult being a young; single mom is. we did that because youre important#but we committed the horrible sin of doing things without you; because you yourself said you couldnt and/or dont want to go#we committed the horrible sin of still being friends with each other and eventually bring in another friend#whom we tried for you to get along; but it didnt happened and were in the wrong for still hanging out with him.#we tried to talk about you feeling excluded from the group; but you only told us 'i dont know'; because if you directly said#'i dont like that you three have a social life together without me even when im literally unable to follow your steps now because im a mom'#you would sound extremely selfish. and you know what? you are. i get missing the stuff youre not able to do now being a mom; its normal#but its not a fucking excuse to try to destroy the rest of the group. i love how youre pretending to be the victim in this case#by saying 'oh [x] said she felt uncomfortable with me she doesnt want to be friends with us anymore :((' when its not what happened#she said the problem is YOU; not the rest of us. she told you the problems she has with you; we saw the fucking convo#and youre twisting her words to make her look like the attacker. plus trying to make us think she also wants to stop being friends with us?#literally not whats happening. you think were just going to take your word anyway and not ask her about it?#even when breaking a friendship out of nowhere is pretty important? were just going to go 'oh [x] is a bitch' without asking anything.#also we know now she has been your punching bag for so long. we saw convos and your recent attitude towards her confirm it.#anyway youre a fucking selfish manipulator who cares about things going her way only. and were seeing it now#well; i guess at least it means were aware of your true nature; even if we feel betrayed for how long you pretended towards us#things are going downwards and is literally your fault#negative
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[text ID: Black image with purple text showing the tags from Tumblr user lyriumrain. The tags read as follows: #i’ve been thinking a lot about how you really can just tell whatever story you want #there are components that your story *can* include if you want to #but you don’t have to #there’s a billion trillion stories out there #might as well tell the one you want to tell how you want to tell it. End ID]
Every 21st century piece of writing advice: Make us CARE about the character from page 1! Make us empathize with them! Make them interesting and different but still relatable and likable!
Every piece of classic literature: Hi. It's me. The bland everyman whose only purpose is to tell you this story. I have no actual personality. Here's the story of the time I encountered the worst people I ever met in my life. But first, ten pages of description about the place in which I met them.
#reading this post the first thing to come to mind was wuthering heights#the main characters arrives gets so angry he has a nose bleed and spend like two weeks in bed#he was so forgettable that i forgot he existed and with it i forgot the entire setup of the story#for those who dont know a story from the past is being told to him by the maid while he recovers in bed#it cuts to him occasionally for his input buts its quite rare and doesnt really happen much until the second half#i should reread wuthering heights i think id enjoy it much more if i read it as a comedy#i should also mention that i read it back around the same time i started watching anime. and i started with older anime obviously#like ouran high school host club and fairy tale and soul eater. things with ridiculous nose bleeds#so to crack open a literary classic and the main character immediately getting a nose bleed. i laughed my head off#i still havent finished crime and punishment (i am a cringefail girl sorry) but i love it so much because#the main character is also so very cringefail. hes a nasty stinky boy the wettest of unhatched men#like his views on depression and the way change can restructure our entire lives is poetic mastery dont get me wrong#but only in crime and punishment do you get statements like 'stop you queer fish' and 'if you were a baked onion id buy two of you'#i got that second quote wrong but shhhhh let me have this#but honestly part of why i love fanfic and have started preferring it over regular books is exactly for this reason#you dont have to follow the rules of regular modern writing. you dont have to have a beginning end and climax#you dont have to end on a happy note. you dont have to redeem your main characters foul actions#it can just be sex or just be pain or just be love and theres no need to justify your decisions on it#you really can tell the story EXACTLY as you want to tell it without any filler. and likewise you can read it the same way#its like rereading your favorite part of a book that you lovingly dogearred and getting to ignore the rest of the book again and again <3#gosh i should get back into reading classic literature and finally finishing macbeth and crime and punishment#they really bring me such joy. my brain is just anti-book-dopamine at the moment#writing#classic literature#charles dickens#as always i am brand new to adding id text captions please be gentle with me
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my parents really are never going to change. theyre a team and im on my own. in the most literal sense
#i see it every time i express how i feel about something and they dont incorporate that in their beliefs for next time#and use it as something to help us navigate our interactions better#its alwaysssss right back to square one. same exact repetitive auto responses and nonchalant attitude toward my feelings#i try to reach some understanding but man its fucking impossible when the other person doesnt hear u at all#everything is so miserable#i dont have it in me to try and make somethinh out of myself because theyve completely destroyed any self image i have#but i also need to make something of myself so i can afford to get the Fuck out of here and cut off any contact#for the rest of my life#i feel trapped in the most hopeless way possible#today my father told me im going to die alone and unloved and no one will ever care about me#just because i told him to be mindful of the things he says rven indirectly#because ive gotten mad over it before so to avoid any future situations again#its best to avoid expressing the thought he expressed#for a guy who hasnt asked me a single personal question he really said all that like he knew me even a little bit#with so much demonic confidence#never wouldve thought id hear those words from a family member but it seems like he festered them for a while#and my mom stayed silent the entire time scrolling on her phone#clearly im not wanted around here and if i were petty id think 'ill distance myself to teach them a lesson'#but i know theyd prefer that#whenever i do isolate its only for my own sake. which is funny because when that happens they STILL blame me for isolating#nothing good ever comes from trying to insert some common sense into them#im always the demon child i ask for too much im ungrateful i should tolerate their mistreatmant#i should boil down and kill any feelings i have that are a reaction to their behavior etc#but all this is going to make me do is kill all of us#its reaching to that point i think#so if i ever go missing from tumblr thats probably what happened#if i lived away from them i wouldnt put them on my mind at all but i have to see them during the day#it adds and adds and adds and adds onto my mental state and one day ill snap#im a rat in a cage thats being constantly negatively stimulated#living in this type of environment is only possible if the other people are puttibg some effort into trying to coexist in peace
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#sappuy posting but im really happy ab parali ve … ive never been so happy ab a piece of media before and i could say this ab a lotta media#but it changed my life. as a creative ive been looking for media that would make me this excited and overjoyed when just seeing a picture o#it but literally everything ab this has helped me out so much… i think ab my friend who introduced me to it and all the lovely people i’ve#met through it (hello !!!!! love ygsbyou know who you are) and quarantine and Bus Crash and lockdowns and jus having allen in my headphones#so it was all good and getting me out of artblock and being able to create again. also kenta was ofc the gateway for me to openly selfship#and im so glad im able to be in such a lovely community filled with genuine sweet and kind people. parali ve is just genuinely such a fun#franchise and im happy to see the characters grow and its done so much for me like i feel ive learned to be myself and ive become a person#that i recognize through it if that makes sense i just feel alive and glad to be living and creating and being w others who do like ivemean#to be. im really happy im still alive still listening to parali ve and i can have friends to share joy and excitement with i dont think i#could want anything more than that <333 aside from maybe kenta plushie of this fit.. i want tobury him alive if he told me give me all your#blood i would gladly become a crinkled raisin hes stunning im stealing this outfit from him baggy clothes and prison orange have never#looked soo good why did they handsomemaxx shiki anf kenta. kenta and shiki excellent jawlines high set cheekbones symmetrical wide lower#third positive canthal tilt i will find them and create a wax mold of them and hang their face molds up on my wall shiki would look so good#w his hair slightly parted kinda allen style yanno but also he could be covered in blood i wish they were covered in blood they could wear#like mc steve outfit and still look great i wish i could sew their fingers on my hand we can trade and when they rest their cheek on#their palm it will be me touching their cheek also their unnecessary amount of zippers so silluy … they are so handsome i might put them in#a glass case on display and pick a room where the light hits them perfectly but thatd be hard cause theyre already so perfect i want to sna#their necks and drown them for making me blush and my heart race like this ugh so silly i love them… i love them i love parali ve i love my#moots i love my god i love my country
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Take a hint. ✿ part 2
part 2 finally!! im really proud of this writing. i had a lot of fun, and i think it brings a lot more depth to the story :) Part one HERE <3
my masterlist
sevika putting up with more oblivious reader!! this time, how does she react when her subtle ways of flirting don't get to you. every move she makes seems to bounce right off your head and land back in her hands !! [short little blurb at the end for the cute ending]
After your previous encounter with Sevika, you start to see her around more than you'd like. After having a few drinks with you and playing a game of cards (which you lost), you think you could even call the woman a friend.
You dont notice it, but she's gone soft. Specifically around you. Surprisingly, she didn't make you pay her for the forsaken poker game. Even more surprisingly, it seems as if you never had to drop a coin when you're in her presence.
Wanted a drink? It's on her. Ran into her when grabbing a snack? You just earned yourself a free pastry. Grabbing a ride home in the dark? She's got your cab. (And threatened the driver)
All of this in your eyes was simply nice deeds from a nice friend. In other peoples eyes, the undercities most threatening woman had been tamed.
She insists on walking you home after an encounter at the bar with the repeated saying, "I have nothing better to do, so I guess I'll do you the favor."
She glares at anyone who even tries to look your way. She knows you're a pretty thing, but she wants you for her eyes only. Obviously, this goes unnoticed by you as her nasty looks are sent over your head.
The people in Zaun are undoubtedly curious about your relationship. In a way, it almost scares Sevika, knowing that if the wrong person knows about you, you could immediately turn into a liability.
Having said this: she tried to keep her "affections" away from prying eyes, but she couldn't help but smirk when you asked questions about her arm or her job, even Silco, seeming genuinely curious. She'll answer with a teasing remark and an almost genuine smile.
Of course she does still have her guard up around you, only having known you for a few months. But one day caused her to be more vunerable with you more than she ever has to anyone since she was a kid.
A loud thud wakes you, its the middle of the night, what the fuck could that possibly be?
You glanced at your clock, the minute hand on 35, the hour hand on—two?? It was the ripe hour of two a.m., and you couldn't get some peace and quiet in Zaun. You almost rolled over to the other side of the bed before you heard an almost silent grunt from outside.
This prompted you to sit up and grab a jacket that was resting on your nightstand, still barelegged you made your way to the front door. The door creaked as you opened it, and you jumped at the sight of Sevika, on the ground, leaning against your doorframe. "You do know it's dangerous to open your door in the middle of the night to a stranger, right?" Sevika teased.
You panicked, "Sevika! What happened—I mean, why are you— did you plan on sitting on my doorstep if I wasn't awake? You're seriously reckless!" You tugged at her arm trying to get her up.
"Slow down, I just needed a place to sit and catch my breath thats all." She grunted at your motions, stumbling up but standing nonetheless.
"Catch your breath? Are you crazy?" You catch a glimpse at the blood seeping through her shirt, "Shit— are you okay?" You led her into your house, letting her plop down onto the couch with a grunt.
You told her to stay there (not like she could move) as you went to the bathroom to grab some bandages and other miscellaneous things you assumed you needed. You barely noticed your hands trembling when you opened the cabinet. You were worried. Extremely worried. I mean, you knew her job was dangerous, but like this? Damn.
As you re-entered the living room, Sevika was perched haphazardly on your couch, barely fitting with her size. She clutched her torso, where blood stained her shirt and dripped down her arm. You hurried over to her, dropping to your knees beside her left leg to move her hand and survey the wound. "Already on your knees for me?" She let out a strained chuckle.
You rolled your eyes at the crude joke, "Will you be serious?"
She went quiet while you pulled her shirt up and started to disinfect the wound. She hissed at the slight burning, but you continued. At a particularly tender spot, she grunted and grabbed your wrist for a moment but pulled away quickly.
"How did this happen?" You questioned, less shakey now that you had her on your couch, somewhat fixed up.
"Just some enforcers, trying to mess with Silcos people. He gave me the task of getting rid of them. The usual," She stared at you her gaze shufting to the goosebumps on your bare legs.
"The usual?" You muttered to yourself.
You motioned for her to scoot forward so you could wrap the bandages all the way around her exposed (but now clean) torso. If you were looking, you'd see the way her face contorted in embarrassment. But of course, you weren't.
"So...why my doorstep? Like, why not... I dont know— Silcos?" You shrugged.
"Silco? Seriously? You think I'd go to the guy who put me in this mess over you?" She scoffed, shifting in a way that wouldn't strain her wound. Then, she brushed her hand over your leg, trying to calm the coldness with the heat of her hand.
Humming at the warmth, you asked, "So what im hearing is you like me more than your boss?"
"Well yeah? You're—" She cut herself off when she caught your gaze, looking up at her through your eyelashes.
"I should go, I need to report back to Silco." She quickly gained composure again but made no move to get up.
"Back to Silco? Sevika, I think you can wait the night. You're hurt." You unconsciously leaned into her touch, her hand still resting on your thigh.
You got up, heading to the bathroom to put your leftover supplies away; leaving no room for disagreement.
You could hear her shuffling around outside and stand up to open the bathroom door. You open it to her standing closer than you expected, leaning on the doorframe. Her flesh arm balanced just above your head, mechanical arm on her hip.
"You're too sweet on me, y'know that?" The woman questions a hint of humor in her voice.
"Well thats what friends are—" She cuts you off.
"No. No more of that friend bullshit. Do you not see what im always trying to imply here?" She was now getting irritated.
"Sevika what the hell are you talking about?" Before you can barrage her with more questions she groans and clutches her torso, head falling onto her arm.
Your demeanor instantly shifts, now putting your hands atop her mechanical arm with concern. She pushes your hands away and groans either out of pain or frustration (probably a mix of both). "Let me help you." You wrapped your arms around yourself, sighing at Sevikas' sudden outburst.
"You've done enough. We are just friends, after all. You dont need to overstep." She started walking (stumbling) towards the front door.
You followed after her in frustrated strides, faster than her limping form. Standing in front of her, you blocked her path to the door, "Are you trying to imply we are more than friends?"
"No. I just said we are just friends? Did you hear me," She spoke shortly and with an obvious temper.
"Dont be smart with me," You pointed a finger in her face.
"I've been trying to talk you up, okay? I thought you'd notice, but i guess you're just as dumb as I thought you were," She stood motionless, waiting for you to speak.
"Wait..like the guy at the bar that you said tried to get into my pants?" You cocked your head to the side, making a face.
She almost growled at you, pushing you out of the way so she could get to the door. I mean, seriously? She's going to basically confess to you, and you twiddle it down to her wanting to get in your pants? She's no better than the guy at the bar, right?
Before she can even touch the knob you pull her by the shoulder, spinning her already weak body around (something you definitely wouldn't be able to do when she's at full health) and stared up at her. "I wouldn't mind it." You said a little too confidently.
You slid your hand down her mechanical arm and held onto her forearm. "You wouldn't mind.. me trying to get into your pants?" She cocked an eyebrow.
"Yep."
"Alright." She sighed, sliding her human hand down her face, "I just thought you knew. Since you're always doing shit like that, " She motioned with a tilt of her head to your hand on her prosthetic.
"Like what?"
"You know nobody else wants to touch my mechanical arm. Especially in the way you do." You recall all the ways you held onto it when you walked together or tapped on it languidly when you're bored.
"Well, im not scared of you, you know?" You spoke somewhat defensively.
"Yeah. I caught onto that." She grumbled.
"Can we just go sit down and talk about this?" You sighed.
Not letting you pull away, she latched her other hand onto the back of your neck and pulled your head up towards hers. She bent over ever-so-slightly to meet you in the middle and pressed her thick lips against yours.
Her mouth tasted like a burnt cigar and something bitter, but you leaned in nonetheless. Your free hand gripped onto her bicep and pulled her impossibly closer. A grunt escaped her mouth at that and you realized she was still hurt.
"I'm sorry did I hurt you—" You pulled away.
"No." She lied, trying to pull you back in.
You retaliated and giggled at her eagerness. "Can I sit you down and make you something to drink before we 'talk' about this?" You quoted yourself, knowing talking most likely wasn't needed for the next few hours.
thank you for reading :) i have to taglist yet, so pleasseee specifically, comment if you want to be on it ! for now, I'll tag the people that have commented on part 1 so far !! <3 im slightly new to this, so support, tips, and reuqests are ALWAYSSS appreciated
@lesbo-tuliplvrr @luvmei
and i hope you guys like this as much as i did <33 thank youuu kissessss
#sevika#sevika arcane x reader#angst with a happy ending#arcane#need that#sapphic#lesbian#wlw#arcane netflix#arcane s2#arcane season 2#sevika x reader#sevika x you#sevika x y/n#i love sevika#arcane sevika#sevika arcane#i love women
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