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peony-always · 4 months ago

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Dial Drunk

wolverine/logan howlett x afab!reader

words - 4k

tags: dp&w!Logan, damsel(ish)!reader, angst angst angst (he has so much potential as a sad wet tomcat), feelings (Logan isn't good at them), use of alcohol, canon-typical violence, !attempted assault!, implied assault

quick an: this is my first full fic!! the ghost of Logan's past hovered over my shoulder as I wrote this, loosely based on Dial Drunk by Noah Kahan but it's more of just an inspiration border creds to @/bunnysrph

Logan was pissed. Furious. He was so overwhelmingly angry with himself that his claws had extended and for a while, he couldn’t retract them. He finally got them to slide back under his skin when the cop standing outside his holding cell door threatened to put him in with the general population if he didn’t put his ‘weapons’ away.

That was the last thing he needed right now. He was already on edge, and being surrounded by people who hated him just for who he was would probably be his last straw. He sighed, slumping back against the dirty concrete wall behind him. He rubbed his temples, taking a few deep breaths to calm his once again rising anger.

He understood why he was in that stupid cell. Bar fights were enough to get a normal person arrested for being drunk and disorderly, but cops were always especially ready to arrest a mutant. He hated that he had let his animalistic side get him here, proving them right about how dangerous he was, but he could only take so much of that stupid guy in the booth behind him spewing ant-mutant hatred right in his face.

“Damn liquor,” Logan thought to himself as his head continued to throb. That in and of itself was enough to make him upset, as he was typically so well acquainted with alcohol that it never got to him. Tonight, however, he had drunk way more than usual, throwing back shots in the dingy bar a few blocks from his apartment as quickly as the bartender could pour them up.

The idiotic man he had beaten at the bar wasn’t the true cause of his anger though. That honor fell to his stupid, stupid brain. It was after the cops had wrangled him and shoved him into their stuffy, too-small cruiser that Logan had made his infuriating error.

The driving officer, a short and stocky man with a pudgy face, had looked back at him from the rearview mirror and said,” The guy you were fightin’, George, he ain’t gonna press charges on ya. He’s in and outta the lockup every other week, and he ain’t gonna be lookin’ for any more trouble than he’s already in. Plus, I think you’re more of a danger to yourself than to anybody else, goin’ around that drunk. You ain’t caused any trouble before, but we still gotta bring you in. Procedure, ya know. Got anybody you want us to call to pick ya up?”

Logan hadn’t even thought about it before your name came spilling from his lips. He hadn’t even realized what he said until they arrived at the jail and the pudgy cop pulled him from the back seat. “Her? Really?” the cop said, suspicion heavy in his voice. “She babysits my kids on the weekends, didn’t know she associated with drunk fighters like you.”

Logan snarled on instinct as he heard the inherent prejudice in the cop's voice before he realized who the cop was talking about. ‘No,’, he thought. ‘God, no.’ He hadn’t seen you in months, and he hadn’t been planning on seeing you ever again. He didn’t know why he didn’t tell the cop he wanted to change his call. He could have gotten him to phone Wade or Laura, they would have picked him up in a heartbeat.

Maybe he didn’t say anything because he wanted to see you, to make sure you were okay after the long months you had spent apart. Or maybe he was just still drunk, forgetting the past and wanting you to take him home with you, to let him have his seat on the couch while he sobered up, drinking your fruity teas and eating the sickeningly sweet cookies you always bought from the local bakery. “Too much sugar and you’ll rot your teeth out,” he’d tell you with a lopsided smile, knowing how you’d respond. Every time he said it you’d prance up to him and poke a finger into his chest, grinning,” You’re already so sweet that my teeth ache, so what does more sugar hurt?” And then you’d lean up, pecking him on the lips as you move to go back to your tasks.

His heart ached as that memory resurfaced and his head fell to join his back against the unforgiving chill of the cell wall. He tried to fight it (no he didn’t), but his drink-addled brain was unable to stop the memories of you from flooding back into his system.

Your first meeting, a year ago that felt more like ten since you had left. Logan had been stalking his way down the street, huffing and puffing, pissed at Wade for inviting people over and blaring music when he had known that day was Logan’s only day off for two weeks. He had grabbed his jacket and stormed out into the chilly New York evening, turning left outside their apartment as he made his way toward the nearest bar. He craved a stiff drink, damn Wade and Laura had hidden all of the alcohol in the house from him. They told him he needed to dry out, and he did. He knew it as well as everyone else, but it was hard. After years of drowning his guilt and grief in drink, it made him nervous to let go, to face his days head-on instead of looking at them from the syrupy brown lens of his old friend whiskey.

It was on his way to the bar that he heard it. A muffled cry, the sound of flesh hitting concrete, a grunt of pain. He took off in the direction of the sound, his hyper-sensitive nose smelling the fear lacing the air the closer he got to a dingy alley two streets over. As he rounded the corner, he saw you. Your hands were bound behind your back and there was a gag stuffed in your mouth. Your eyes pled with Logan to save you as your attacker dragged you across the ground, mumbling and lurching back and forth as he pulled you along,” Stupid fuckin’ whore. Women. Always gettin’ in the way of what I deserve. Maybe I’ll put you in the dumpster when I’m done with you, let you rot with the flies.”

Logan’s nostrils flared as he surged forward, yanking your leg from the man’s grip and pushing you further away as your attacker spun to face him. “What the-” was all the scumbag got out before Logan clocked him, knocking him out with one punch. He really wanted to keep beating on the guy, but his enhanced hearing had him turning toward you as you shuddered, whimpers escaping the gag as tears rolled down your face.

He held his hands up, approaching slowly and kneeling on the dirty ground in front of you and gently pulling the gag from your mouth as you squeezed your eyes shut. You let out shuddering sobs as he reached around you to loosen your bindings, careful not to touch you more than he had to. He had experienced more than his fair share of trauma, and he knew how hard it could be to have someone be so close to you when you were going through it, so he made sure to lean back as soon as he had freed you.

However, you immediately proved his assumption wrong. You slumped down against him, your hands fisting his t-shirt as you sniffled and coughed. “Thank-thank you.” you stuttered as you tried to calm yourself. “Thank you so, so much.” Logan tentatively reached around you to pat your back,” You’re welcome, bub. Just doin’ what needed to be done.” As his hand tapped out a soothing beat against your back, you felt yourself begin to come down from the adrenaline rush of almost being kidnapped. You thought back to the man’s ugly words, sniffling again as you whispered, “He was going to kill me.”

Logan bristled immediately, his hand coming to a halt on your back. “Never would have let that happen, ya hear me. I’d have heard ya from a mile away,” he grunted and gently stood to his feet, pulling you up with him.

“You live close?” he asked.

“Yes,” you replied. “Just down the street.”

He finally got a good look at you, and by God were you pretty. Even with bits of gravel leaving red divots in your cheeks and your eyes watery with tears, you were among the most beautiful women he’d ever seen. He shook himself out of his daze as you took a deep breath and started walking shakily down the street. He tried to stay close but not too close as you walked, following behind you and scenting the air for any more threats. He sure as hell didn’t want to put you through anything else tonight.

The two of you walked in silence until you finally stopped, turning to face Logan as you stood outside the lobby door of your apartment complex. You managed a slight smile as you looked up at him, “I’m sorry that I’m not inviting you in,” you said. “It’s just that this evening has been hellish and I’d like to be alone.”

Logan shook his head, stepping back, “No, no, I understand, I’ll be-”. You cut him off,” Come tomorrow around noon. I’ll treat you to coffee for saving me.” You said this forcefully, almost demanding him to do as you said. It shocked Logan, and a small smile made it’s way onto his lips. “Yes, ma’am.” You thanked him one more time and headed into your building, leaving Logan standing outside, staring at the doors, more curious about you than he had been about anyone in a good long while.

He did show up the next day, letting you take him to a quaint cafe and buy him a coffee, plain black, which you teased him for. You spent what felt like hours asking him questions and telling him about yourself, and it felt so right, so natural for both of you. Just being there with you was enough to take Logan’s mind off of the things that haunted him, solely focused on your beautiful face and animated expression.

When you realized you had been yapping at this near-stranger for almost 3 hours, you figured it was time to go, gathering your trash and standing up, blush heating up your cheeks. “Thank you again,” you said. “For saving me last night and for letting me talk your ear off today.” Logan flashed you a small smile, tilting his head slightly, “How about the same time tomorrow then? My treat.”

He watched your face light up and thought to himself that he’d go broke buying you coffee if you’d just keep looking at him that way. You quickly agreed, telling him that you’d definitely be there if he wouldn’t mind you being a little late, as work was a little further than your apartment.

And so it began, the two of you had gotten closer and closer, until a random Tuesday when you blurted out that you wanted to be his girlfriend, if he’d have you. After teasing you about your blush, he of course agreed, claiming that you had been his girlfriend for weeks and you had just noticed.

You brought him around to your place, where you cooked with him, watched all your favorite movies, and made love. He brought you around to his place, too. You met Wade and Al, which prompted the discussion about his mutation and history. You took everything in stride, reassuring Logan that his past changed nothing, that you were still his if he was still yours. He found a job at a local community college, taking training classes and becoming one of the campus security officers. He quit drinking so much, instead relying on your perfectly brewed cups of coffee to get him through the day, only having a drink or two after work if you were feeling like it.

Logan had never been happier. It was like you were made for him. He took care of you and in turn, you soothed his battered soul. No one had ever touched him with the tenderness that you did, no one ever made him feel as good as you. His existence had become pure bliss and he felt he finally had a purpose again.

Your lives went on this way for a year and three months, until, just like with every other good thing he had ever had, he ruined it.

Logan had come to your place before you got off work, aiming to surprise you with dinner after you had complained of a particularly hard week. He had just stepped through the door when he stopped cold, smelling that someone was here, or had been here recently. It wasn’t a scent he recognized, and he prowled through the apartment, checking every room thoroughly for an intruder. When he found no one, he made his way back to the kitchen, still uneasy.

It was there that he saw the papers on the counter, one neat little stack that would change his life. He moved the blank paper on top and a chill shot up his spine. It was a photo of you, taken when he was sure you thought no one was watching. It showed you through the window of your apartment, a soft smile on your face as you put on a coat over your work uniform. He could even make out the locket around your neck that he had given you for your anniversary.

He moved on to the next pages, letters detailing your entire life, down to how much your water bill had been that month.

It was the second to last page that sealed his fate, his name next to a summons, a set of coordinates he was to come to or they would kill you. He quickly thought to himself that he could protect you from anyone who tried to hurt you, then immediately realized that that wasn’t the kind of life he had wanted to give you, always on the run and afraid for your life. No, he would have to end things with you and go take care of this mess himself. It broke him to think of hurting you in the way that he would be required to. You were so resilient, so passionate, and stubborn when it came to him. He would have to destroy all of that to get you to leave him alone.

And so, he sat down in the living room and waited, tucking the papers into his jacket so you wouldn’t see them. Dread filled his bones, dragging him down into the couch and he thought he might not make it out of your apartment alive.

It wasn’t much later when he heard the front door open, your lively humming filling his ears and making him feel so much worse. He stayed seated as you made your way through the apartment, shedding your bag and coat as you went.

“Oh, Lo! You scared me!” you said as you saw him, your hand going to your chest in mock shock. “What are you doing here before me?”

Logan swallowed and spoke, trying not to let his voice shake,”We need to talk.”

Your smile dropped instantly and you moved toward him, balking when he held a hand up to stop you. “Lo, you’re scaring me. What’s wrong?”

The look on your face was killing him, so he looked away as he spoke,”I want to break up.”

You sank down to your knees, squinting as you tried to get him to meet your eyes,” What? Lo, what happened? I promise we can figure it out together. You’ve just got to tell me what’s wro-”

“I cheated,” he said, cutting you off. “I don’t want to be with you anymore. I want to be with her.” As soon as he said it, he knew if he could just convince you that he had really broken your trust that way, you’d be done with him.

You laughed slightly, awkwardly,” Logan, that’s not funny. You shouldn’t say things like that. Did I do something wrong or make you mad? I’m sorry for whatever I did, but you really shouldn’t lie.”

The look on your face was almost enough to break his resolve, but the need to protect you won out over his impending grief, “I’m not joking. I’m done with this relationship and I’m done with you. I've found something better.” He felt so wrong saying those words, knowing you feared that you weren’t good enough for him.

“Lo-Logan, please, we can work this out. I can do better, I can be better if you’ll just tell me what you need that I’m not giving you. Please.”

You reached out and grabbed his sleeve, your expression pleading. Logan felt his heart that you had mended shatter back into a million pieces, standing up and ripping his sleeve from your grasp.

“Are you stupid?” he asked, injecting as much venom into his voice as he could. “I said I don’t want you anymore. I don’t want you stupid food, or your stupid gifts, or your pathetic love. I’m done. Do you hear me? Get it through your thick skull and stay away from me. I never want to see you again.” He turned away from you as he walked toward the door, stomping over his heart on the way.

He shook you off again as you grabbed his pant leg, still on your knees on the floor. Your voice warbled as you begged. “Logan, baby, please,” you cried. “I can change I swear. I can be whatever you need. Just please don’t leave me. You’re my whole life. You make me so happy. I can’t-I can’t do it without you. Please.”

He risked one glance back at you, telling himself he needed to see your face one more time to remind himself why he was leaving. The sight of you on the floor, tears pouring down your cheeks, was killing him. He should have known that he couldn’t have you, that something would force him to leave, but he had foolishly hoped that he could spite whatever higher power kept hurting him by keeping you.

“Don’t come around,” he spat with as much vitriol as he could muster. “I won’t contact you, and you don’t contact me. Let’s make this as easy for you as possible. Just forget I ever existed.”

He didn’t look back again, didn’t watch you weep as you began to mourn what you thought would be forever, knowing you could never stop loving him, even now that he hated you.

Logan groaned, leaning forward against his knees as he came back to himself, his heart aching as painfully as it had when he had lived it the first time. After he had left you, he had gone to the coordinates on the papers he had taken from the apartment. They led to a rural town in Quebec, a place he couldn’t remember but felt like he had been before. There, he met up with a gang of mutant hunters who believed that somehow the universe’s Logan had come back from the dead. They tried to kill him again and threatened him with more violence toward you if he didn’t die willingly. Fat chance. Logan was a newly hollow man and had no qualms about tracking and slaughtering every one of the mutant hunters so that his kind could live in a semblance of peace.

He stayed up north for a while, squatting in an abandoned cabin and letting his instincts rule him. That was better than having his every waking thought be filled with how he had left you broken on your living room floor, believing that he had betrayed you.

Eventually, he went back to Vancouver. Somehow, his job let him come back, and Wade didn’t pester him with questions (probably because Logan had almost bitten his head off after he asked the second one).

He had considered going to your apartment now that the threat against you was handled, but he knew that as soon as he found happiness with you he’d have to leave again. It was for your own good, really. He wanted you to be happy, and you couldn’t be happy if Logan was constantly walking out on you.

So he went to work and started drinking heavily again, which had led him to the inside of a holding cell, coming to terms with the fact that he would be there all night.

As soon has he had laid down on the hard metal bench he had been sat on for hours, he heard footsteps approaching. He turned his head and watched the cop approach, fully expecting him to say that you had hung up as soon as you heard what they were asking of you. Maybe you hadn’t even answered and Logan would get another call.

What he didn’t expect, however, was for the cop to swing the cell door open and grunt at him, motioning for him to get up. Logan quirked up a brow as he stood, “Is it chow or somethin’?” he asked. The cop chuckled, “You sure you’d rather eat the slop they serve here than leave with the pretty little lady that came to get you? She signed your papers, so you’re good to go. And please, don’t come back.”

Logan almost stumbled as he processed what the cop had said, his mind racing as he sniffed the air.

You.

You were here, close. Your scent was so strong. Logan’s heart clenched. He truly believed he would never smell you again, the sweet musk of your skin paired with your perfume. He slowly turned, and there you were.

You were soaking wet, your hair drenched and your mascara slightly smudged, a jean jacket falling from your shoulders. Something was wrong, though. You were hunched over yourself, almost cowering in his presence. Your hands shook as you pulled your jacket further up your arms. Logan would have thought nothing of it and assumed you were just cold if you scent hadn’t changed. He could smell fear on you, a fear he hadn’t come into contact with since the night you met.

You turned and started walking toward the jailhouse door, glancing over your shoulder to make sure Logan was following you. He caught up to you in a couple strides, staying slightly behind you to give you your space. All he wanted was to reach out and touch you, to hold you in his arms again, but he resisted. On one hand, he was immensely grateful that you had come to get him. On the other hand, he felt so guilty that you had come to save someone who had broken your heart.

The two of you walked out into the rain, Logan still following you. You led him to a small car, one that you hadn’t had when he left you. He didn’t move as you rounded the car to get in, assuming he’d walk back to Wade’s from there.

“Get in, Logan,” you said quietly.

He took a deep breath as he opened the passenger seat and got in, leaning forward so as to get as little water on your seats as possible. “Thank you,” he said. “Really, you didn’t have to come get me. I don’t even know why I gave them your name. I’ve just had too much to drink and-”

It was only then that you turned to face him, your face illuminated softly in the hazy light from the lamps lining the street. He scanned your face, his blood running cold as he saw your black eye and split lip, your eyes bright red with shed tears. “Logan,” you said, cutting him off. You took a deep, shaky breath, “We need to talk.”

#Logan Howlett x reader #Wolverine x reader #James Logan Howlett x reader #Logan Howlett x you #Wolverine x you #James Logan Howlett x you #Logan Howlett x reader friends to lovers #Logan Howlett imagine #Wolverine imagine #James Logan Howlett imagine #X men imagine #Hugh Jackman #Deadpool and Wolverine #Logan Howlett fluff #Logan Howlett x reader fluff #logan howlett fic #logan howlett angst #dial drunk #james logan howlett

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ceroro · 9 months ago

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local idiot gets sad

#original #cardiegon #dragongirl

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moss-sauce · 6 months ago

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well to put it simply i think this country is fucked. i don't see myself living a "normal" life where i grow old and retire. i dont see myself having my own house. i don't see myself being happy. i see myself doing the deed probably like five years from now bcause it becomes unbearable, you see

#local idiot sad #i dont man. i dont have hope for anything anymore lol

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vaultdwellerbarbie · 5 months ago

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chasing shadows

javi rivera x f!reader (8.5k wc)

summary after the trauma of losing three friends, your boyfriend javi becomes incredibly distant and leaves for the military with as little as a note. when he finds out that kate had helped you get a job with her in new york upon asking her to come back to oklahoma with him, neither of you are sure how to proceed

content warnings smut, vaginal fingering, unprotected sex (don't try this at home), angst with a happy ending, trauma/near death experiences, probably more than half of this is tooth-rotting fluff, heavy mentions of freckles i'm so sorry i love them, idiots in love trope

hi all!!! i'm moving tomorrow and may not have time to write full fics until august 4th - if anyone has any hc requests for any or all characters pls send them almost a week without posting fics abt my beautiful twisters characters makes me sad

When you were a witness to three of your closest friends dying, and happened to only escape by the skin of your teeth, you figured that it couldn’t get much worse than that.

Coping with what had happened was difficult, but you had survived. Kate had survived - even though Kate ran to New York City - and your boyfriend, Javi, had survived. So long as you had Javi with you, you reasoned, you were going to be able to recover from what had happened. You had lost them, but you hadn’t lost the person who you loved more than anything.

Kate, before leaving for Manhattan, encouraged you to keep him close. She had watched the beginning of your relationship - really, she had taken part in it. Her and Addy had been the ones that played matchmaker to get the both of you together since they were absolutely sick of watching you pine over each other like needy teenagers. She had lost her partner in the storm, and she was a constant reminder that you were lucky that you still had Javi. She reminded him that he was lucky that he still had you, too, since you had been by her side when the storm hit. You didn’t stay back with him, data collection wasn’t your role in the group.

When you came back, he had to search hospital after hospital to find the two of you. Javi had no idea whether you were alive or not, and that was what killed him the most.

In the hospital, he promised to never leave your side, just as he had promised to Kate that he wasn’t going to take your relationship for granted. He had almost lost you, and he vowed that he was never going to allow himself to lose sight of you again.

For the first few months, you tried to find purpose in your life. While Javi was struggling to even think of a place where he could work, you ended up working at a local news station in the meteorology department. Javi wasn’t bringing any money home, but you didn’t expect him to. He moved in with you for a while, and you had hoped that the two of you were going to be able to recover.

The first time you saw him smiling again was the first sign of hope you had that he was going to be able to get better, to at least get himself out of the house for more than the few hours that you went out with him. That hopefulness ended up being foolish, though.

Javi did end up deciding to to out more, just not with you. Not with… anyone that he knew, and he certainly didn’t get a local job.

In a note that he left on your nightstand, seemingly after sneaking out in the early hours of the morning, he let you know that he had made a decision to join the military. Some part of you wanted to understand that he was coping, but you were coping too. You had done everything in your power to be there for him, to support him, to help him find some sort of peace in his life, and after promising to never let you out of his sight, he decided that he couldn’t find that peace with you in it.

At first, you tried moving in with family. You couldn’t stand the idea of being alone for even a second, and you now had to add heartbroken onto the loss of your friends and your near-death experience. It was the very next day after his unannounced departure that you decided to move in with family, the very first time that you questioned if you had a purpose on the planet at all or if you were just being thrown into a sick joke after a sick joke until you finally got the memo that your time on this Earth was limited.

Living at home lasted for about a week and a half before you reached out to Kate. She was, of course, dismayed that Javi had left without doing anything more than leaving a note. You still had his phone number, you could have reached out to him, but after the first day, you didn’t even consider it. He had chosen to break his promise, and you weren’t sure that you wanted him to respond. Did you want to hear his voice? Did you want to have a text message read and ignored by him? The risk felt like it outweighed the reward. So, while you were technically the one who went no-contact, it was his own choices that led you down that path.

A day after your phone call with Kate, she called you back to let you know that there was an opening within her organization. It was more akin to what you had been doing, working in the meteorology department, but you would be reporting to a partner of the company and delivering the forecast on the news. The job sounded daunting, just speaking in front of that many people seemed scary to you, but it also seemed like a fresh start.

Plus, some petty, juvenile part of your brain wanted Javi to turn the weather on and be forced to see you one way or another. Granted, he probably wasn’t getting Manhattan-local weather wherever he was stations, but it was the thought that counted.

So, with a little fee for breaking your lease early, you moved into a shoebox apartment in Manhattan with a single roommate because you didn’t trust yourself to have a place all to yourself. Not with your deteriorating mental health.

After a while, you fell into the rhythm of things. Romance was something that never came back to you, but you also never looked for it. Sometimes, you considered doing something to bring some sort of romance back into your life. Mainly, you would try to go to a nice bar after work and consider bringing someone home after having yet another night’s sleep haunted by dreams of Javi and painful memories of the tornado. Each time, if someone got a little too close, you got clammy and ran. Maybe it was a refusal to have your heart broken again, or maybe it was because you just couldn’t find anyone who compared to him in your mind.

At one point, years later, you had received a message from Javi. Rather than send an actual apology, he just asked if you could call him. Naturally, rather than confronting your feelings and your past, you pretended that he had the wrong number. Was it the mature decision? Not at all. But, considering the fact that he had run away with little consideration for your feelings to do something that he had never once mentioned as being something that he was interested in, you weren’t convinced that the mature decision was something that he actually deserved.

It wasn’t until he showed up at the office that you forgot how to behave.

Having decided to visit Kate in the morning to bring her coffee, something that you did every morning if she was starting after you, you didn’t expect to end up having her tell you to ‘come along’ to the conference room since she was certain that it wasn’t something you could at least sit outside of. Breakfast together was something sacred to you both, and everyone knew that. She, of course, could never have anticipated that the person that she was meeting with was the person who’s face, smile, freckles, and cold exit haunted your every waking moment whenever you let your mind wander to what could have been.

Now, in your mind, there were two options. Option one, you could choose the flight response and leave the room just as quickly as Javi had turned to face you. Or, option two, you could choose the fight response and get into an argument with him right then and there about why he had done what he had done and how it had hurt you. Instead, you decided upon a secret third option in which you stood there silently, refusing to meet his eyes, playing with the sleeve of your shirt while he spoke with Kate.

If it weren’t for Kate dragging you along with her, you probably would have remained glued to that office floor for the rest of the work day just trying to figure out if what had just happened was real. But what had happened was real, and even though he had changed his hair and come back with a new look, he was still Javi. He still looked at you as though he was still in love with you even though you were certain that he never was, and he was still the person who had made you question if romantic love even existed.

What began as an invitation for just Kate to come to Oklahoma, ended up being an invitation for the both of you to come. Both of you rejected it, but while Kate rushed out of the diner, you remained glued to your seat - this seemed to be a common occurrence.

“Are you going to come?”

“What?” That being the first thing either of you said to each other was certainly not how you would have ever hoped to reunite with him - but had you ever been hoping to reunite with him to begin with. Your heart was heavy just looking at him. Not just because you remembered the most recently feeling associated with Javi, being pain and heartbreak. But because you remembered the love that you had for him, and how much you adored every feature on his face, how it had become habit for you to trace and count the freckles on his skin and to stare at him when he smiled like he hung the moon in the sky. That pain went a lot deeper than feeling betrayed, because it took everything in you to not ask him if you could ever try again.

“Are you going to come to Oklahoma?”

“Oh, uh, you heard Kate… so. I should probably get going, it was nice seeing you.”

“Wait-”

“I’ve gotta go. Late for work.”

Without giving him another glance, you almost sprinted out of the door and back to the office.

The rest of the day was filled with pain for you, pain even with Kate’s company because all you could think about wasn’t how he had hurt you, but how much you missed him. You almost wanted to text him, to tell him that you’d go. If you were being honest, you genuinely were interested in what he was describing. If it was what he said it was, perhaps what you had all wanted to have as an end goal to begin with was possible. But, beyond that, you knew that you were never going to stop missing him; you knew that you would never stop being in love with him.

Still, you held firm in your position to not reach out - how could you even explain to him that he actually did have the right number without sounding juvenile? Maybe you shouldn’t worry too much about that, since he was the one that left you to begin with. But you still worried, and you still couldn’t bring yourself to text him because as far as you were concerned, his efforts to patch things up had been abysmal at best.

The next morning, Kate was incredibly forward with her desire to go back to Oklahoma. That was how you ended up on a plane with her even though you weren’t one hundred percent certain that you were making the right decision. It was one thing to go back to the place where you experienced your worst trauma, another to do the exact same thing you were doing that traumatized you in the first place, and it was only made worse with the added knowledge that you were going to be doing it all alongside the person who had left you more broken than you already were to begin with.

Arriving in a place that was once so familiar to you should have felt like coming home after a long time away. In a sense, it did. Everything was something that you recognized at least in some capacity, and you couldn’t proclaim that you didn’t feel some sort of familiarity when Javi came to pick yourself and Kate up from the airport, but that certainly didn’t aid with your discomfort. Regardless of how comfortable you wanted to portray yourself, you were incredibly, incredibly worried about spending a week with Javi. In general, you just weren’t sure that you could handle it. Especially since he had taken the time to learn how to dress and smell nicely, rather than you just finding him attractive in anything he wore.

Still, you couldn’t deny that he would still be attractive in anything regardless of what it was. No matter how much time had passed, no matter how upset with him you were, you couldn’t deny that you still found him to be the most attractive person you knew - but maybe that was jut because you were in love with him.

The first day was a bit rocky for everyone. Kate hadn’t been able to go through with the chase and you had been so distracted with trying to help her that you weren’t able to do much to stop her. When she rushed you all into the car, you presumed that she knew what she was doing; Kate always knew was she was doing, so you trusted her. When it became clear that she didn’t, that she was just afraid, you could understand why. You had seen a few tornadoes since the last one, lived through them since you didn’t leave immediately, so you were a bit more desensitized to it. But chasing again was a different story, and it invoked a lot of memories that you had hoped would stay buried in your subconscious until you returned home at the very least.

When you were able to return to your motel, you ended up spending part of the night out talking to some of the people tailgating in the parking lot. Javi had invited yourself and Kate, though you were certain that he knew just as well as you did how awkward it was going to be. That was why he didn’t mind so much when you broke off from awkward, stiff conversations to talk to Dani and Lily. They were, technically, the rivals to Storm Par, but he had done enough damage to your relationship and didn’t really feel any desire or need to do anything more to it.

Although you were a bit nervous to look at him, you would have been entirely blind to miss the longing glances. How every time you smiled - according to Lily - his entire face lit up before he started ‘pouting like you kicked him in the nuts’. When the Wranglers started dissipating into their rooms, the groupies that followed them did, too. There were only a few remaining stragglers, two of which being yourself and Javi.

“Thank you for inviting me.” Your voice was quiet, but your words were the same that you would give to a friend or a relative inviting you out for something or another. It should have been nothing more than that, it should have meant nothing more than that, but you knew that it meant something else. Even though you’d barely spent any time with him directly, you’d spent some time with him, a lot more time than you had since he left.

“Anytime, you should-” Javi paused, walking you to the steps of the motel. You let him walk up with you, it was the gentlemanly thing to do. Any man would do the same thing, was what you reasoned to yourself, even if it meant nothing since you were no longer in a relationship. “You should come out more often.”

“To Oklahoma? That would be pretty expensive.” You knew what he was really saying, but some part of you wanted to deflect it as much as you could.

“No- well, if you want to. But, no, I mean while you’re here. These don’t really stop unless something really bad happens. You know that.” You did know that, you used to do this with him all the time. The difference, though, was that even before you were dating him you spent the entire night glued to his side. Whether he was making you laugh, or it was the other way around - or, even, you just sat closely together because you liked being close together.

For a moment, your mind was lost in a memory of a tailgate after a chase, a relatively calm chase at that. It was a bit busier outside than usual, not quite as humid as it could have been so more people were out and enjoying the weather and the company. You, however, got a little cold after a while. Sitting next to Javi, he noticed. He lent you his jacket, he let you fall asleep on him, and he held you until he felt just a little bit unsafe sitting outside since most people were in bed and it was getting incredibly late. That was the night in which you realized that you loved him, but now you were just left wondering if it ever really mattered just how much you loved him - how much you still love him.

“Maybe, depends how tired I am I guess.” You responded, finally reaching the door to your motel room. You expected to just hear him bid you a goodnight, but you felt him lightly place a hand on your shoulder.

Turning to face him, your breath hitched in your throat as you noticed how close he actually was.

“Sorry.” Javi dropped his hand from your shoulder, but he almost seemed like he didn’t want to do so.

“It’s okay.” Your voice was meek, because a part of you craved his physical touch more than anything, just- something. A hug, even, a handshake. Something, after being apart for so long. You wanted him close more than anything, but that felt like it was something entirely out of your reach at this point.

“I just wanted to talk to you- I wanted to tell you that I fucked up.”

“With the scanners?”

“No, I- I’m sorry, I’m so sorry about- I shouldn’t have left you like that, I regret it every day and I know nothing I can say to make it up to you but I just want you to know.”

You weren’t sure what to say, what you could say without crying. You wanted him to apologize years ago, but you also weren’t sure if anything he could ever do or say could make it up to you.

“Why didn’t you at least keep in contact? I would’ve been okay with you going anywhere, even the military, if you didn’t cut me out. You know I would have supported you.” Just as you had supported him every day that you were together. He knew that, you knew he knew that. It was why it made no sense to you that he seemed to feel as though you wouldn’t be okay with what he had chosen to do. Realistically, you would have missed him, but you would have understood because you truly just wanted him to be okay.

“I was a coward, that’s why. It had nothing to do with you, I messed up, not you.” Javi seemed to be struggling to find the words he was looking for - he had an expression on his face that was similar to one you had seen Kate pull, one that meant he was trying to find a way around expressing information that made him uncomfortable to even think about again. “I had so much guilt, I should have been there for you and I wasn’t. I’m sorry- you never should have been in the field, not without me, and you needed someone who can protect you, but I missed- I miss you. I miss you so much.”

“That was never your fault, Javi.” You hated that he felt guilty for not doing more to help, for losing people he loved and almost losing you and Kate as well. Even though you were always upset with him for going without saying anything, you hoped that he had been able to find some sort of peace within himself in the process. He never seemed to conquer that guilt, but you hoped that he would. “I miss you more than anything.” You admitted, your eyes locked on his for only a brief moment before you were in his arms again.

You weren’t entirely sure who initiated the hug, but you couldn’t get enough of having him this close again, of the warmth coming off of his body. He was always so beautiful to you, and even though he looked different now, he was still the most beautiful, warm person you had ever had the absolute pleasure of knowing. A small part of your mind hated how much you still loved him despite everything, but another part of your mind was just happy to have him close.

The feeling of his face pressed against you made you want to lean in closer, to hold onto him like it was the absolute last thing you were going to do. But, eventually, you had to pull away, to look at him, to speak more to him.

“I lied about my phone number. I’m sorry.”

He nodded, not looking entirely surprised by that. “I probably deserved that.”

“Do you want to, um, do you want to talk about it more?”

“Please.”

So, for about three hours, you sat with Javi in the motel-room bed, discussing everything that had transpired and where it went wrong. At first, it almost just seemed like a series of apologies. Apologies that morphed into telling each other how your lives had been during the time that you were apart. Story tellings that morphed into you laughing together like nothing had ever happened, which morphed into you letting him hold you while you fell asleep and he practiced being transparent and telling you that he would probably leave while you were asleep since he had a meeting in the morning.

Even though you fell asleep cuddled up to him, you rejected the impulses to kiss him again, to tell him that you were still terribly in love with him and that he should know. You, still planning on going back to New York, couldn’t be the one to do the very same thing that he had done to you and leave him alone

The next day should have been fine, and it was until the storm. The storm that left you hiding with a bunch of other people for shelter - without any of the people who you cared about the most. You knew that Javi had something to handle with his work, and you knew that Kate was with the cowboy that seemed fond of her. So, you decided that you wanted to explore. Since you hadn’t been around in a while, you wanted to re-experience the things that had once been so familiar to you before everything had gone wrong and you had decided to leave.

For a while, it felt nice to wander around. But that didn’t last, and by the time you found Javi, you were thoroughly convinced that there was a chance you were never going to see him again.

“Please, please call me if you get stuck in a storm. I just need to know that you’re okay.” Javi’s voice was shaken, even though there were more things that were burdening him. Namely, Kate. Kate was burdening his mind because of their disagreement, because she had taken the car that let her use earlier in the day and run somewhere with it. But he was also shaken because he remembered what it felt like to almost lose you before, and he couldn’t do it again.

“Javi- I have to go back to New York.”

“What? No, no, you can-”

“The motel’s kinda out of service.”

“Stay with me, please. Just stay with me.”

Staying with Javi was a slippery slope. If you had a vehicle, you could have driven to the family home. As it stood, that was too far away, and renting a car at this hour when a storm had just hit town was out of the question. If you wanted to, you could wait it out in the airport, eventually get an extremely early-morning trip back to Manhattan. Or, you could stay with Javi. The issue with staying with Javi was that you were worried that, if you did, you would never want to leave.

“Please, just one night.” Javi had been petrified of losing you, you knew that. “Just so I know you’re okay.”

“One night.”

It was almost sad how badly you wanted to pull him closer, to kiss him because a small part of you was worried that you were never going to be able to again since you were so ill-prepared for that storm. Instead, you settled on giving him a chaste kiss on the cheek and let him drive you back to where he lived.

For about an hour you tried to sleep alone in his room while he slept on the couch, but when you couldn’t stop tossing and turning you found yourself lying awake. The underlying fear that another surprise would come from mother nature that evening was something that you couldn’t fully shake, even though it was incredibly unlikely. But then there was Javi. As much as you tried to think about something else, to distract yourself, all you could really think about was him. You hated that he was sleeping on the couch in his own home, that this bed smelled so much like him.

Finally deciding that you had enough, you got up from the bed and walked into the main room. He was still awake, texting one of his co-workers from the looks of it. There was a deep frown on his face, his eyebrows furrowed as he read whatever he was being sent. Even though he had denied earlier that he felt wrong about what he was doing while he was talking to Kate, it was clear that some part of him did. Maybe, though, it was her that got through to him and made him question if he was okay with his own actions or not.

“Javi?”

“You’re still awake, do you need anything?” He questioned, turning the phone off and giving you his full attention.

“You shouldn’t sleep out here, it’s not right.”

“I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

As you walked closer to the couch, Javi moved into a sitting position so you had room to sit beside him. Theoretically, you could have chosen to sit on the opposite end of the couch. Instead, your body naturally decided to sit closer to him than you needed to.

“I’m not comfortable being alone right now.” It was something that you didn’t really want to admit, even to yourself. Growing up surrounded by storms, chasing them, it was something that you were used to. But you had almost died doing this before, and you had been caught entirely off guard by this one. Showing fear in the face of something that you were used to made you feel weak, and Javi could see the insecurity in your eyes when you told him that. That’s why he didn’t give any more thought to his own worries and agreed to join you in the bed.

It didn’t take more than five minutes for you to swallow your pride and cuddle up to him, and his warm and welcoming arms allowed you to hear just how quickly his heart was beating. You couldn’t deny that you missed the feeling of his warmth, of his touch, of being with him like this. You had never stopped missing him, even though you tried to convince yourself that you were okay and at peace with what had happened. While you had predominantly found peace with your trauma, you could never find it with the idea of not having Javi in your life.

The feeling of his fingers tracing shapes into your skin distracted you from your thoughts, your mind beginning to slow down as you were lulled to sleep.

When you woke up, you almost expected Javi to have already left. Last night was chaotic, and given the nature of his company, you were certain that he was going to have a lot to deal with. But there he still was, fast asleep with his phone still charging on the night stand. Often, you woke up before him when you were still together. It was how you got so good at making breakfast, even though your heart was always warm when he made an effort to get up early to make you breakfast instead.

There was an urge within you to get up and do what you always did when you woke up before him, but you had no idea how long he could stay after he woke up or what he even had in his kitchen. It felt like overstepping your boundaries to go in there and just start cooking without even asking first.

Besides, you were content to just lay there watching him. You always liked having time to observe him, to count the freckles on his face and enjoy the sight of him entirely relaxed. Even though you were both a little bit older, and he had cut his hair and shaved, he was still the man who you once knew. He was a little wiser now, though. A little more responsible than he was when you were with him before.

As nice as it was, you grew worried after about thirty minutes. Assuredly, it was getting late and he needed to get up. Having lost your phone during the storm, you also had business that you were going to take care of during business hours. Mainly, though, you knew that Javi was messaging people about work late into the night, and as much as you wanted to watch him and let him rest, you also didn’t want him to get into any sort of trouble. Glancing toward the nightstand again, you finally found a small digital clock - it was partially concealed by a cup, but with a quick movement you finally took note of the time. It was a little bit after eleven in the morning, and you were certain that Javi should have been up by now.

After a momentary internal debate, you finally decided that you needed to do the responsible thing and wake him up.

“Javi, I think you overslept.” Your voice was quiet, not wanting to disturb him too much as he blinked awake. You knew that he was never the biggest morning person in the world, so being too harsh with him was just going to make him pout.

“What time is it?”

“A little after eleven.”

His eyes widened for a second, glancing at the clock. He grabbed his phone to make sure, and from the amount of scrolling he was doing it was clear that he missed a lot. You moved to get off of him, expecting him to drop the phone and run to get dressed as quickly as possible. Instead, he sent a single (long) message and set the phone back down as he turned back to look at you.

“Aren’t you going to get up?”

“The only storm today is pretty small, Scott can handle things for one day.” Scott seemed to have an easier time handling things than Javi did to begin with, though you were certain it was because he had a lot less of a heart than Javi did. “We weren’t planning on chasing today, so unless the predictions get upgraded…”

“What happened to mister responsibility?”

“I’m doing the responsible thing.”

“By calling out of work?”

“By spending the day with you, I have more responsibilities than just my job.” Even though he wasn’t in a rush to get to work, he did still sit up. You sat up with him, your heart beating a bit faster than it was before. Javi was being somewhat presumptuous, but you had slept in the same bed as him for two nights in a row. If you had no interest in spending time with him, he would know that. But, that wasn’t the case. “Wanna get lunch?”

So, you got lunch with him. You spent probably too much time at the restaurant with him, and for the first time, you didn’t really think about the past. Really, you didn’t need to. You and Javi had both changed, but in a lot of ways, you were still the same. Some tiny, miniscule part of your mind was still upset with him, but you knew you had no reason to be anymore. He had done everything he could do to apologize, and was now choosing to spend time with you instead of running off to do work.

After lunch, he took you to get a new phone. Of course, that took a lot longer than either of you wanted it to take. It wouldn’t be until late afternoon that you were finally able to feel fresh air on your skin again, but, you at the very least came out of that waking nightmare being able to respond to the voicemail that Kate had left you inquiring if you needed a place to stay or if you were going back to New York. When she heard you had stayed with Javi, she was a bit conflicted based upon her tones, but she wanted to figure that you knew what you were doing even if she wholly disagreed with it.

Finally, Javi decided to take you to a park - a park that it didn’t take you very long to recognize was familiar to you. The weather was looking better after the early afternoon, low-damage tornado.

“The week’s half over, isn’t it?” He asked, drawing your attention away from the playground in the distance. You had come here with him and the rest of your friends before, you knew he lived close to it but you weren’t sure if he went here often. Granted, you also did a lot of work here. There weren’t too many wifi coffee shops in the area at the time, so you often just volunteered one of your hotspots and did your course work in the park. Things were typically moved inside once you got your hands on the van.

“According to my calculations, yes.”

“You excited to go back?” Javi did his best to keep his voice level, to not give you too much of an indication of how he was actually feeling about the idea of you going back without actually putting any pressure on you to answer in any particular way. Just because you were okay with spending time with him now didn’t mean you would stay just because of him. The thing was, if he asked you to, you would - you might not quite realize it without it happening, but you would.

“Not particularly excited, no.” You admitted, sitting down with him on a park bench. “It’s been nice not having to be on people’s television every morning.”

“Right, forgot you were doing that. What’s it like being a celebrity?”

“Wouldn’t say local access news makes me a celebrity.” You retorted, especially since you were only on for half of the week unless there was a big storm coming. Most of the time, you were in the office. “I think you’d be a good weatherboy, so long as you don’t get on camera with Cheeto dust on your face.”

“I’ve actually cut back on those!”

“You know, there was a shocking lack of red powder on your blankets I must admit.”

“I was never that gross, was I?”

“I guess not, when you remembered to shower.”

To be clear, he never went a whole week without showering, but three days - four days? He typically just forgot because he was too invested in what he was working on, so you took it upon yourself to remind him that he needed a work-life balance. The mere fact that he had even come out here with you, done things with you today, when he could have been working said a lot about his willingness to actually start having a work-life balance. But, Javi had changed a lot in general. His hair was shorter, he was more responsible, he had a lot more equipment, and he had seemed to be at some level of peace with what happened. Obviously, there’s no forgetting it or ever being the same, but he wasn’t depressed about it anymore.

“So, um, you’re okay with me staying the full week right?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Well-”

“Just keep in mind that we can’t oversleep tomorrow.”

“I think you’re the one who overslept.” You responded, but you did too. You slept until pretty close to eleven in the morning, that was a lot later than you typically had to get up for work. Being in his arms was calming, it was the best sleep you had gotten in a long time. But you weren’t sure how to admit that, or if you even should. “Javi, I- uh…”

“What’s wrong? Do you want me to sleep on the couch?”

“What? No. I kinda… I don’t- maybe I want to stay a little longer.”

“Oh.” There was a twitch of a smile on his face, but he subdued it by clearing his throat. “You can stay as long as you want.”

“It won’t bother you? I don’t know how used to the one-person apartment life you’ve gotten.”

“I promise, it won’t bother me.”

You nodded, glancing down at your hands before taking a breath - why not air out more of your conscience? It seemed like as good a place as any to do so.

“Last night, I was really scared about- just about what happened, I guess, since I wasn’t prepared.” You hardly ever talked to him about your trauma from the past, because you didn’t need to. You had no reason to explain it to him because he had it too, even though he had been a bit safer than you had been. “But I was worried I wouldn’t see you again, mainly. I don’t want to not see you again.”

The feeling of a hand on your shoulder forced you to look up at him, your eyes locking on his. He always was so beautiful to you, but the caring look in his eyes really just made you want to look into them forever.

“I can’t handle the idea of not having you in my life again.” His words made your breath hitch, your eyes not parting from his for a moment. You were both silent, unclear where to go from there.

Ultimately, it was you who broke through the invisible fence that separated the two of you. You who gingerly placed your hand on his cheek and leaned in, but it was him who closed the deal with a sense of relief and urgency that knocked the air out of your lungs.

Javi’s hand found the back of your neck, his other hand resting on your hip to urge you closer so the kiss was more comfortable. You kept your hand on his cheek, your thumb moving over those freckles of his that you had missed touching and seeing more than anything. Your other hand rested on his forearm, holding him as closely as possible.

It wasn’t until he deepened the kiss that you pulled back enough to speak, enough to take a breath. Your forehead rested against his, even though you were suddenly aware of your public surroundings.

“You should take me home.”

“I should take you home.”

The ride back to his place was an absolute nightmare. Whether it be your distress from the feeling of his hand against your thigh, or his distress from the way that you wouldn’t stop staring at him and playing with his fingers every time he touched you. At some point, he tried to ban you from looking at his arms because it was ‘stressing him the fuck out’, but you eventually made it in the door.

It’s important to note that you only made it in the door, because you didn’t make it much further before he pushed you against the wall.

Javi had his lips against your neck fairly quickly, his hand sneaking down your body at a tortuous pace. You kept a hand tangled in his hair, your eyes never leaving him.

“Did I tell you that I like your haircut?”

“Not yet.”

“Well, I really like your haircut.”

“I like yours too, but I like everything about you.”

Grabbing his face, you rested your hands on his cheeks, his movements stilling as your thumbs brushed against his soft skin.

“I want the first time we do this again to be in your bed.”

Javi’s eyes softened before he leaned in to press a chate kiss against your mouth before taking your hand to lead you into the bedroom.

He took his time removing the clothing from your body, which was a lot more than you could say for yourself as you frantically tore item after item off of him before both of you were finally left in your underwear. He seemed amused as he kicked off the pants he was wearing, amused at the way you eyed him, at how eagerly your hands ran across his body.

“You really missed me, huh?”

“I should hope you really missed me too.”

“I did, more than you know.

You let Javi push you back against the bed, your eyes locked on his as a slight smile covered your lips.

“Are you gonna show me?”

“Trust me, I’m gonna show you.” He motioned you to the top of the bed, following you and caging you in beneath him. “Sure you’re ready?”

“Don’t get cocky.” You replied, but you couldn’t help the wide smile that covered your face when you saw him smiling for just a moment. His smile had always been infectious to you, it was the thing that gave away to Kate that you were in love with him to begin with considering how you looked at him whenever he smiled. But that smile also always distracted you, which was how you just didn’t notice the feeling of his hand trailing down your body until he had a finger beneath the fabric of your panties, swirling around your seemingly already wet clit. “Fuck-”

“Just making sure you’re ready.”

Javi was always generous in bed, the only times he wasn’t was when you were both pressed for time but in desperate need of being together so you didn’t spend an entire day hot and bothered for no good reason. You had merely forgotten just how eager he was to please, though, he was often eager to be pleased as well which you were grateful for since you absolutely loved to hear him let loose.

As much as you wanted to kiss him, it was a bit too intimate for a brief moment as his fingers dripped inside of you, the heel of his hand brushing up against your clit with each movement. To lock eyes with him, to be this vulnerable in front of him for the first time in five years, was a lot. It was overwhelming, but the intimacy was needed. You were certain that you could see the pent up emotions, the love, behind his eyes - and he was certain that he could see it behind yours, too.

After a moment, you stopped staring at him so you could feel his mouth against yours. While He enjoyed the sounds coming from your mouth, he enjoyed feeling them against his lips even more. Everything felt both new and familiar, and you couldn’t shake the feeling that you never wanted to be apart from him again.

Maybe it was just because you were so pent up, or maybe it was because he had put his best effort into the way in which his fingers moved inside of you, but you could feel yourself getting lost in the feeling a bit too much. When your kisses became weaker, Javi’s lips trailed down your jaw, settling on your upper neck where his teeth lightly grazed your skin.

His fingers curled inside of you, your hips arching off of the bed for a moment before he used his free hand to keep you from gyrating too much. You tried to keep your eyes locked on him. On his face, his hair, everything about him. But it was just too overwhelming.

The smell of him surrounding you, the feeling of his mouth against you, of his fingers inside of you - it was all so much at once, and if it weren’t Javi, you would have been embarrassed about how quickly you came on his fingers.

Javi gave you a moment to calm down before bringing his face to be level with yours again, his hand slowly pulling out from your panties before playing with the hem of the fabric.

“Are you sure?”

“I don’t think I’ve ever been more sure of anything.”

With that confirmation, Javi quickly pulled the last remaining article of clothing from your body while you removed the boxers that separated you from him. there was a feeling of relief, of familiarity, that came along with being able to be this close to Javi again. You missed him more than anything when you were apart from him, so feeling him push inside of you once again made you question if you were even okay with being apart from him when you both needed to do something as simple as work.

Once he had pushed all the way inside of you, he gave you a moment to adjust. Bringing a hand to grab onto his hand, he turned it so you could intertwine your fingers with his.

“Before we do this, I need to tell you that I love you.”

His breath hitched for a moment, his eyes widening before a smile covered his lips. “I love you too, so, so much.”

You were almost taken aback by how swiftly he leaned down to kiss you, your fingers tangling in his hair as you kissed him back. It was incredibly eager, but it made you laugh, too. You felt like whatever part of you that had been feeling incomplete was complete again, complete because you were with Javi again, because he had made an effort to make things better, and because after all that time apart you were still just as in love with each other as you had been before anything had ever gone wrong.

Once he started moving inside of you, you knew that you were a goner. Your fingers squeezed his hand, your leg wrapping around his hips to pull him closer. The sounds inside of the room were obscene, the mumbled words of affection and the moans coming tumbling against each other’s lips - you were just glad that he didn’t have roommates.

Javi didn’t really hold back, but you didn’t expect him to. You had both been apart, you needed this just as much as he did. You needed to feel his hips grinding against yours, to feel him moving in and out of you in a pace that was both needy and caring. No matter what, it was always clear to you how much he cared about making you feel good. Never did he do anything too rough, and if he got a little rough he would always catch himself and make sure that you were okay. But this was something wholly different, because it was almost like it was muscle memory for him, like he knew exactly what to do to make sure that you both felt as good as possible.

Your body arched into his naturally, and Javi seemed to get the memo that you simply wanted him as close as possible as he let his hips push you down a bit. The feeling of his warm skin against yours had your fingers tightening around his hand, you weren’t sure how you could get any closer than this but you were sure that you would do it if there was something more that you could do.

Bringing a hand down your body, you felt Javi press his fingers against your clit. You could feel his smile as you accidentally bit down on his lip, a moan leaving his mouth as he felt you soothing the bite with your tongue.

His hips became more erratic, your moans melding together against each others lips as you became too distracted to be wholly invested in a kiss. It was incredibly intimate having him this close again, knowing that he wants to be this close to you after everything that has happened between the two of you.

As you squeeze him throughout your own orgasm, it takes everything for him to not finish right then and there. But he holds off until you’ve ridden out your orgasm, pulling out to finish on your inner thigh

It takes a few moments of sloppy kisses before you both get up, taking a shower together before ultimately crawling into bed. You’re surrounded as him as you do. By his smell, by his skin as he holds you tightly against his body, by the feeling of his clothing being on your body as you cuddle into him in the bed.

“I want you to stay, I don’t ever want you to go back to Manhattan.”

Glancing at him, your head lifting from his chest, you see the nervous expression on his lips upon confessing that to you and merely smile reassuringly. “I want to stay, Javi. I never want to leave you again.”

He lets out a breath, leaning in for a soft kiss. Your fingers brush through his wet hair, before resting on his cheek. Pulling away, you can’t help the giddy smile that covers your lips as you look at him. You may have gone through a lot of issues together, and apart, but it was clear that you both understood that you were better together.

Some part of you was always sure that he was going to end up in front of you again, that your life was never meant to be one without Javi, and you just couldn’t help but be beyond happy and relieved to know that part of you was right. Javi, you were sure, was always meant to come back to you - and you were always meant to be with him. Now all you really needed to worry about was making up for lost time and settling into your new (or… old… familiar) way of life.

#twisters x reader #twisters fanfiction #javi rivera x reader #javi x reader #anthony ramos x reader

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theemporium · 2 months ago

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a belated quinn birthday blurb with my favourite idiots<3

series masterlist

Quinn Hughes was never one to make a big deal about his own birthday.

It was just another day for him, as sad as it sounded. Or maybe he had just gotten into the habit of treating it like another day after he had been drafted, after he moved across the continent where he wouldn’t be able to celebrate his birthday with his family or his friends back home in Michigan.

He didn’t completely shun the day, he just didn’t go out of his way to make a big deal of the whole thing like some of the other boys (read: Brock) did for their birthdays. He was happy with a dinner, or maybe a few rounds of drinks at a local bar depending on the schedule. He was happy to treat it like every other day in the season.

They were fresh off a game with the Flyers the day before with only a practice the next afternoon before they would have to fly out for the next roadie. Quinn had been planning to have a chill day, maybe make a few calls and leisurely pack his bags since they would be travelling most of his birthday.

But Conor had insisted he at least grab lunch after practice with the rest of the boys. And that had dragged on far longer than Quinn anticipated, considering there was always some new conversation to rope him into staying every time he made a move to leave.

Quinn didn’t really put two and two together to sense anything suspicious when Conor finally agreed to let him head back to his apartment after they had been sat in the restaurant for over three hours. Not as he shuffled towards his front door, his shoulders slumped and his body craving a short nap before he started on dinner.

He hadn’t even noticed the second pair of shoes by his door until he lifted his head and found you standing in his living room, holding a massive balloon in each hand that spelled out 25 as you grinned at him.

“SURPRISE!��

Quinn’s lips parted, his brain trying to process the sight in front of him as his bag hit the floor with a thump. His eyes darted from you to the presents on the table to the other decorations around his flat before they landed on you again.

And all he could mutter out was, “how?”

“There’s these things called planes, babe,” you teased, finally letting go of the balloons to round the couch and make your way towards him. “You didn’t think I would miss your birthday, did you?”

“But it’s not my birthday,” Quinn murmured, his brain still trying to catch up but his body reacting on pure instinct to pull you closer. “You said you had that big diss meeting—”

“A little white lie was necessary,” you shrugged, grinning up at your boyfriend as you wound your arms around his neck and pulled him towards you so you could finally kiss him. “Hey.”

Quinn beamed. “Hey.”

“It’s not much but I know you weren’t gonna do anything for yourself,” you murmured, your smile looking a little mischievous but it made his chest tighten fondly.

“You planned this with the boys, huh?” Quinn mused, shaking his head.

“Conor started panicking and asking me for conversation topics when I got stuck in traffic on my way here,” you snorted, the sound only making his fondness grow.

“Worth it,” Quinn muttered before he leaned in again, pressing his lips against yours and letting himself sink into your embrace. The tension in his shoulders eased as he pulled you closer. “Fuck, I can’t believe you’re here.”

“Hm, well believe it,” you murmured against his lips before you pulled back, something a little apprehensive in your expression as you flashed him a sheepish smile. “This might be the last birthday I can surprise you.”

Quinn’s brows furrowed together. “What?”

“Well, it’s my senior year and I’ve been thinking about my future,” you started, your eyes focusing on the collar of his shirt instead of his face. “And I kinda like the idea that my future is here. In Vancouver. With you.”

Quinn didn’t hide the way his grin widened. “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” you confirmed with a nod.

And he let himself imagine it. He let himself imagine next summer when the two of you would have to leave the lakehouse early, when Quinn would be helping you move into his apartment here. Or maybe the both of you moving into a bigger apartment to share together. He imagined getting to wake up to you every morning and having every dinner with you at the table. He imagined celebrating every birthday and anniversary and holiday together.

He could imagine it all so clearly.

“Fuck,” Quinn muttered as his arms tightened around you, as he pulled you against his chest and nuzzled his face against the crook of your neck. “Best birthday present ever.”

“It’s not happened yet, idiot,” you laughed, tucking yourself against him happily.

“I stand by my point,” he grumbled, pressing a quick kiss just below your ear to emphasise his point. “Having you here is a dream come true.”

“Sap.”

“Always, baby.”

#quinn hughes #nhl #vancouver canucks #quinn hughes x reader #quinn hughes x you #quinn hughes x y/n #quinn hughes fic #quinn hughes one shot #nhl x reader #nhl x you #nhl x y/n #nhl fic #nhl one shot

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thestoryofella · 8 months ago

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telephone

summary: after a breakup with Sirius, allowing him to make a move to pursue his music dreams, you find yourself in an exciting game of telephone with his best mates, desperate to find out details of his new life. Unbeknownst to you, there are others involved in this game of telephone.

warnings: slight angst (happy ending), fluff, miscommunication, two idiots, sfw mentions of sex, swearing

sirius black x reader ✿ 6016 words

Three weeks. That's how long Sirius and you had been broken up. And yet, every day still felt torturous. Your girlfriends had suggested that you try dating again, but you didn't think it was fair to the poor bloke on the other end for you to be so desperately hung up on your ex-boyfriend.

You still remember the day you two had broken up. Sirius had been pursuing music for a few years after graduation as a lead singer and had failed to succeed. It wasn't until a month ago that he'd come bursting through the doors of your shared apartment, saying, "I finally got a gig! Isn't that great?" At that moment, he'd hugged you so hard, peppering your faces with kisses, leaving you both blushing, giggly messes. That was the happiest you'd ever seen him after typically grueling auditions and gigs with low attendance.

It was great, honestly. You were so happy Sirius finally had the opportunity to pursue his dreams. However, what wasn't great was that the gig was in Scotland, with a well-known, but anonymous to you, rock band in Glasgow as their lead singer. You didn't want to ruin his initial excitement, so you'd kept your worries and fears about the location to yourself. When Sirius realized a seven-hour drive to Glasgow from your apartment and a full-time job in London was an issue, you two finally sat down to talk a week after he received the offer.

He sat with you on your sofa, with cups of tea for you both. Your eyes were red and puffy, as you'd anticipated a breakup as soon as you two had agreed to discuss the upcoming move. After a two-hour-long discussion where Sirius had desperately tried to arrange to come on the weekends and subsequently realized the band schedule was unpredictable–not to mention he didn't have enough money to visit every weekend anyway–and you had realized you couldn't hold back the man you love from his dreams, you two tearfully agreed to call it quits for the sake of a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.

Today was also the day that Sirius was leaving for Glasgow. Despite being broken up and not talking regularly, he had asked you to come to say goodbye to him at the train station. So, here you were, head buried in the crook of his neck, both his arms wrapped tightly around your waist, inhaling his scent of cigarettes, amber, and cedarwood as you said goodbye to the man you loved. You figured the level of this embrace wasn't appropriate for people who were "just friends" now, but who knows when you'd hug each other again. You hoped this wouldn't be the last time you'd inhale his scent or feel his embrace; you desperately wanted him to stay. You hoped he didn't see the tears on your cheeks as you waved goodbye from the train platform.

♡ ♡ ♡

It had now been a month since Sirius left for Glasgow. You'd been doing okay, better than you initially thought possible. Your heart was still recovering from the heartbreak of a breakup, but you'd been going to work regularly and hanging out with your girlfriends to make up for the loneliness that came with being recently single. You were still sad deep down, but having good friends and a hectic, time-consuming job was a great distraction from heartbreak.

Tonight, you and your friends planned to go to a local bar that you used to frequent with Sirius for drinks and darts. You got ready quickly, picked out an outfit suitable for a bar, and styled your hair hurriedly. Just before you were about to leave, you felt a ding in your back pocket and read a text from your friends telling you that they had to cancel.

Sighing, you shoved your phone back into your pocket. "Just my luck," you muttered. You were excited to see your friends and have a few drinks, but it doesn't seem that will happen. Unless… you were already ready anyway, why not go to the bar to have fun alone? You quickly decided that was a great idea and left in a hurry to walk to the bar. You made haste and walked to the bar quickly, excited to have fun and admittedly get a little tipsy after a long week.

Although the bar was only six blocks away–relatively short for London standards–walking in heels left you with blisters when you reached the door. When you entered the bar, you sat on one of the stools near the bartender and ordered an old-fashioned, planning to get buzzed quickly.

After downing approximately four old-fashioned drinks–though you'd truthfully lost count–you were solidly tipsy and ready to socialize with the nearest human. You had probably looked a bit odd hunched over at the bar hammering drinks alone, but hey, desperate times call for desperate measures, and you'd consider a recent breakup and friend cancellation desperate times. At this point, you could feel the effects of alcohol buzzing through your system. You were warm, admittedly just slightly sloppy, delighted, and ready to socialize with some people.

Spinning around on your bar stool to face the crowd, you peered among people's faces, looking for fun, friendly girls and playing a game that made it easy to join. Scanning left to right, you stopped once you saw two familiar faces: James and Remus. Usually, one would think you'd hightail it out of the bar after seeing your recent ex's two best friends–perhaps it was liquid courage or sheer stupidity–but you decided to waltz over to their high-top table and plop down next to them as they played a game of cards.

Startled by your non-stealthy, loud, and frankly drunk movements, Remus and James looked up simultaneously to meet your loopy, dazed grin and an embarrassing spot of red lipstick on your teeth you were unaware of. "Hi Remus, hi James," you spoke excitedly, any ounce of social anxiety smothered with whiskey.

"Hi, Y/N, having a fun night?" James spoke first, quickly noticing your inebriated state. He sported a friendly smile but looked a bit shocked by your entrance. You knew Remus and James well. The possibility of them not being your friends after the breakup had been difficult and saddening. Remus and James frequently accompanied you to Sirius' smaller gigs in London, and all four of you often got drinks after the show ended. By the time you and Sirius had broken up, you had considered Remus and James good friends and assumed they felt the same way about you.

"I'm having so much fun," you near-shouted excitedly, a broad smile overtaking your features. Remus and James laughed in response, eyes crinkling as they observed your enthusiastic state.

Pausing for a second, figuring out how to phrase his next question, Remus asked, "How are you doing? Especially after everything that happened, if you don't mind me being intrusive." He wore a smile, but as his eyes scanned your face and figure, you could tell he was trying to analyze how you'd been coping with the breakup outside the bar.

You sucked in a breath, the feeling of air expanding your lungs dulled from the liquor but grounding you nonetheless. Not expecting the sincere question, you pondered on it for a moment. You had been doing okay with the band-aid of your job and your friends keeping you busy. However, you weren't sure if you were doing okay because you felt okay about the breakup or hadn't given yourself enough time to process it.

After digging deep down to address the wound in your heart, you decided it was the latter. "I've been doing okay. I've kept myself busy with work and friends, but I miss him a lot," you answered truthfully. Before Sirius got the gig in Glasgow, your relationship was almost perfect. Aside from the typical small arguments here and there, you two were infatuated with each other. Your breakup was necessary, but it wasn't wanted from either side.

Remus nodded, understanding what you meant and probably even the context of it all due to his proximity to Sirius. James interrupted the heartfelt moment with his typically cheerful attitude. "Well, if you're looking for more distractions, you could join us for a round of cards!" Although enthusiastic, his offer came out unsure, wondering if you wanted distraction or comfort.

You laughed in response, touched by his effort to comfort you even though you and Sirius were no longer together. "I think that sounds nice," you answered with a soft smile.

And so, over a few hours, you, Remus, and James drank multiple beers, played numerous card games, and divulged in far too many details regarding your feelings about your and Sirius' recent breakup. You told them you didn't know when you'd be ready to start dating again, that you missed the social connection and physical intimacy from a romantic relationship, and that you didn't know how much longer you could ignore the feelings of a brutal breakup with work and friends. They listened empathetically despite the inappropriate nature of you divulging these details with your ex's closest friends.

The excellent news is that alcohol hadn't just loosened up your filter but also James' and Remus' filters. Sirius was notoriously private, so his social media was no help finding details about his new life in Glasgow. Most of his posts were for marketing purposes. However, Remus and James were evidently mouthy drunks, and throughout the evening, you'd find out that although Sirius had tried going on dates, he stopped because the heartbreak was still too raw. Serves him right. When James shared that with you, Remus kicked him a bit too obviously, James flinching from his foot hidden under the tabletop, but the damage was done, and the information was stored in your mind.

"How is the gig going?" you asked. Although you had been craving details of Sirius' dating life, you also wanted to know how he was doing after years of hard work and sought-out gigs.

"I think he's doing okay. He took over for a lead singer who had a baby and listed his leave as indefinite, though he said it's weird being the new one in a band who has been together and known each other for years." Remus answered, James, nodding along. You hadn't thought about the social awkwardness associated with joining a band so late after its formation, but it seemed Sirius was adjusting well.

Staring at the somewhat blurry clock on the wall, you realize it is almost 3 a.m. and far past your bedtime. Gathering your coat to brave the cold weather, you leaped up from the bar stool and stretched your sore limbs. "Well, I have to get going, but thanks for keeping me company tonight," you offered your thanks with a small smile.

Remus and James looked at the clock in response, gathering their jackets and cards after seeing the time. "No problem, we're glad to hear that you're doing well," James smiled at you, his eyes crinkling up. He was always so friendly.

Walking out of the bar alone in the frigid night air reminded you of your loneliness again. Perhaps the cold air was sobering, or maybe it reminded you how nice it was to hold Sirius' warm hand on frigid nights like this and how his constant teasing always made warm, boisterous laughs escape your mouth.

♡ ♡ ♡

When you woke up in your apartment the following day, you still had on your clothes from the night before, recalling how you stumbled into the door and promptly passed out on the bed. Remembering the events from before with James and Remus–although delighted by the information you received–you expected them to never talk to you again, and even worse, you expected Sirius to hear about your nosiness and subsequently block you too.

So that's why you were surprised to see a text in a brand new group chat with Remus and James that read, "Cards and beer again next weekend?"

And so it began.

♡ ♡ ♡

The next time you met up with Remus and James, you had a lot of life updates. For one, after reminiscing about Sirius and you walking home from the bar, you decided to go on a date to get him off your mind. It went terribly wrong. You went out for dinner with one of your coworkers, Charles. You two had sat awkwardly together while you devoured a steak, barely making any conversation outside of eating noises and sipping drinks in an attempt to get rid of anxiety. When he walked you home, he very unsubtly tried to get you to invite him upstairs, and by the end of his efforts, you were convinced the only reason he went out with you was to end the night in your bedroom. Now, things are awkward at work, and you've decided you can never speak to him again.

Trying to date again only made you want to get back together with Sirius more; you wished that was possible. You missed the comfort of being in a relationship with someone who knew you like the back of their hand. It never felt like an effort to converse with Sirius, even when it took you too long to come up with a comeback to his constant banter. It also never felt nerve-wracking or scary to initiate hand-holding, embraces, or kisses, only sometimes when he looked exceptionally handsome.

You were also incredibly frustrated. You'd resorted to looking at one of Sirius' few fan pages as a more minor artist and had discovered he'd been on a date. You had no idea how it went, but it dampened your mood nonetheless. Hypocritical? Yes. True? Also yes.

When you found yourself sitting across from Remus and James with the same beer as last time, lazily playing cards and more focused on conversation, you told them just that. Most people probably would feel stupid indulging in such personal endeavors to their ex-boyfriend's friends–you probably should feel more stupid doing so–but your friends are so busy, and you can't keep your tragic dating life to yourself anymore.

"And get this, after practically ignoring me the entire date and asking me to split the bill, he asked if he could come upstairs with me when we reached my apartment building! Isn't that ridiculous?" You rant to James and Remus about your date with Charles, feeling new waves of anger and frustration as you remembered the events. Although less wasted than last time, drinking multiple rounds of beer made you more loose-lipped than usual.

Remus' face crinkled in poorly concealed disgust. "Men like him have no shame. You would think he'd try to set things right as your coworker, but the fact he hasn't talked to you says a lot about him." James nodded in silent agreement.

Grumbling and propping your head into your arms on the table, you mumbled, "Ugh, I know. I wish dating wasn't so hard." Frustration sank deep into your veins. Being in a relationship with Sirius felt like one in a million. He was handsome, kind, thoughtful, respected boundaries, and made you so comfortable. Now, the first time you were thrown back into the ring, you happened to go on a date with someone who was Sirius's antithesis.

James patted your back in what was supposed to be a comforting rub. Then suddenly, he chortled. "You know, Sirius also has had trouble dating. He tried going out again with this girl he met at a bar. She went to the restroom and never returned after he told her he was a musician." Remus elbowed James in the ribs, likely for telling you something Sirius would not want you to know. You internally cheered; now you knew the answer to your looming question.

You shoot up almost immediately at the information, a bright light of warm, comfortable, purely selfish happiness burrowing itself in your chest. "Really!?" You ask excitedly, which both Remus and James laugh at.

"Hey, try not to look too excited! He's still one of my best mates," James laughs at your response, clearly bemused by your immediate shift in mood. A small smile graces Remus' lips, and a shiny, mischievous glint overtakes his eyes.

You try to tone it down a bit. "I know, I'm sorry. I know I'm being selfish. I just can't help but wish Sirius was still hanging up on me, too," you admit, letting a bit of sadness come to the surface of your emotions.

"You're still hung up on him?" Remus asked, putting a hand on your shoulder. You knew it was embarrassing to admit, but years of feelings don't go away after a couple of months. Of course, you were still hung up on Sirius. He had been your best friend, too, which James and Remus may have forgotten.

"Isn't that obvious? Of course, I'm still hung up on him. He was my best friend," you admitted quietly, eyes glazing over. You knew this was definitely something you shouldn't be sharing with James and Remus. But the smooth flush of alcohol in your system and feelings of nostalgia quickly overwhelmed your senses.

Remus and James noticed your heightened emotions, side-eyeing each other very clearly. You did not appreciate that. "If you tell him that, I will hurt you two," you threatened, narrowing your eyes.

Remus and James simply laughed but nodded at your empty threat, resuming your game of cards. "Scout's honor," James swore, swearing himself to secrecy.

By the night's end, you'd heard much about Sirius' gig, dating life, and adjustment to Glasgow. It sounded like it was going well, which you were conflicted about. On the one hand, you want the best for him. On the other hand, you're a selfish monster who wants nothing more than for him to come running back home to you. Not that you'd be the first person he would see anyway.

Over the next month, you had to travel to Paris for a work trip, severely restricting your scheduled beer and card games with Remus and James. This was highly displeasing; you wanted nothing more than to hound them for updates. The travel may be for the good, but it would help you move on quickly. And also help me seem less like a deranged stalker, you thought to yourself. Nonetheless, when you were back in a month, you, Remus, and James had beer, cards, and gossip planned again.

♡ ♡ ♡

Paris was more fun than you could've ever imagined. Although you still had to work there, and this was the most extended work trip you'd ever been on, your boss was accommodating and perhaps lazy, allowing you to take most of the day to lounge around and explore the city.

And that's how you met Jean. Jean was a handsome Parisian man who did a fantastic job taking your mind off Sirius. You had met him at a nightclub about two weeks into your trip, at approximately 3 a.m.—who knew Parisians partied so late and so hard? When he slipped his number into your back pocket, it almost felt like fate. You weren't entirely convinced he was your soulmate, but you were getting close.

You two weren't exclusive, but you found solace in spending the night intertwined, allowing you to escape the hotel and find romance after a long, painful, dry spell. Although a secret, tumultuous romance sounded quite appealing and much like a romance novel—which made you feel like a cool protagonist—you knew you had to talk to someone about your new fling.

The issue was that your girlfriends would be too nosy. They would want to know everything about Jean, including his social media, which could be disastrous. You need to talk to someone who would know, but they wouldn't grill you for information, so you decided on Remus and James.

You were hoping their oath to secrecy wasn't a lie because when you sent a text to your group chat that read, "Guess who can say she's been with a Parisian man?" it felt perilous. You were hoping you could unpack the details of your fling when you saw them again, not wanting to send a long text explaining everything.

However, when James replied, "I see you're going worldwide," with a winky face, your doubts eased a bit. It felt good having your secret fling off your chest, even if you knew telling James and Remus was an idiotic, terrible, but oh-so-relieving idea.

That night, you spent the night at Jean's again. You never really had much conversation with him. Your French was shoddy at best, and when he kissed the skin under your ear lobe after sharing a bottle of wine, it felt almost as good as a meaningful conversation. It was nearly enough to push away the memories of Sirius and you talking until your conversation ended with bellies and lungs tight from laughter, your faces wet from happy tears.

♡ ♡ ♡

It had been another week since you'd been in Paris. Things had slowed down significantly with Jean, especially after you'd realized that he could not cure your heartache. You both knew your arrangement, or whatever it was, was only short-term. He was handsome and into you, but he also lived in Paris and, hence, was not a viable option for you. He kissed you on the cheek when you parted, but it felt surface-level. Which it was, considering you had seen each other for only a week.

Thinking of Sirius also still wanted to make you violent, to make you bang your head against the wall. When you'd shared that with James and Remus, they said he missed you and that things were tough in Glasgow, but you couldn't tell if they were saying it just to be excellent. Given the new low levels they'd observed you at, they had reason to.

Today, you were walking to a coffee shop for remote work. If you'd consider staring at an empty Excel spreadsheet, work. When you said your boss was relaxed, you meant it. He'd posted a photo of himself at the Eiffel Tower eight times over the three weeks you'd been in Paris.

You ordered yourself a cappuccino and sat down at a booth to lock in and watch TV shows on your computer while you pretended to be doing work. That was until you saw a familiar head of jaw-length black hair walk into the coffee shop: Sirius.

No fucking way. You had to fight the urge to gasp out loud, bolt out of the shop, and abandon your electronics to escape the feelings of gut-wrenching heartbreak that reappeared upon seeing his face. He honestly looked a lot worse than when you'd seen him last. His face needed a good shave, he had heavy eye-bags, and he looked like he'd lost a concerning amount of weight since moving to Glasgow. You frowned at the thought of him suffering there.

Apparently, he could feel your eyes on him because his gaze fell on you when he turned his head to scan the coffee shop. Internally screaming, you had to fight the urge to sink underneath the table and pretend you didn't exist. You should've run when you had the opportunity.

His mouth opened in recognition and shock, a small smile curving upon his lips. Fighting the urge to pretend you didn't know him and run, you offered him a small smile and wave, gesturing at him to join you. This was such a bad idea that you internally face-palmed yourself at your unbelievable stupidity. You have been pining over your ex-boyfriend for months, and what do you do? Invite him to join you at a coffee shop and talk. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

He approached your table, pulling out the chair on the opposite end of the booth to sit down in. "Hi Sirius," you spoke first, quiet, maybe timid, but friendly nonetheless. Your heart felt like it could explode out of your chest, and levels of heartbreak, sadness, and longing flooded to the surface, seeing him so close to you. Not to mention, he looked unwell, and you wanted nothing more than to embrace him like you would've done in the past.

"Hi, Y/N," Sirius said, too. You both looked at each other for a second, a cloud of awkwardness and heartbreak in the air. He inhaled deeply, "How are you?" he offered up, breaking the silence.

"I'm doing okay," you answered truthfully. "I've been busy with work and seeing my friends a lot," and there's the lie. You stared at a spreadsheet all day, and the only friends you'd seen frequently were Remus and James, who were Sirius's more friends than yours.

"I'm happy to hear that," Sirius responded with a small smile. He paused for a second, thinking about his following words. "I heard from James that you've been dating again; I'm glad you're doing well," He spoke again, a forlorn look glazing over his brown eyes. His lips wore a neutral smile, but his eyes told a different story. Upon hearing these words, your heart dropped into your lower stomach. I'm going to kill him, you thought. James was so in for it. The worst part was you weren't even dating Jean anymore. You weren't ever dating him; he was just a fling and a distraction.

You needed to figure out how to correct this vital error. Clearly, Sirius had gotten the wrong impression about your dating life from James, that bastard. Despite your frustration, after thinking about it, you didn't know there was a use in correcting the error. After all, despite how pathetic and in love you were with Sirius, he was still in Glasgow. "Thanks, Sirius, I appreciate it," you opted to respond to his comment after thinking about your situation. "How are you?" you asked. Despite his interesting appearance, you had hoped he wasn't terrible.

"I'm okay. I'm moving back to London soon, though," he smiled. Oh no. You swore you felt your heart drop on the floor. When you convinced yourself that this relationship was forever out of your grasp, he dropped this bomb on you.

"Oh! Really?" You ask with an empty, fake smile, though you were admittedly surprised by this confession. "I suppose it will be nice to be closer to James and Remus again!" You added. You hoped he thought it would be nice to be closer to you again, too, but he officially thought you were dating someone else, and it felt too late into the conversation to reverse back on the error. It would be both confusing and humiliating to admit you had gone on with the lie.

He nodded. "The lead singer was on leave because he had a baby; even though he listed it as indefinite, he decided to start working again," Sirius answered honestly, explaining the situation to you. You swear you could feel your heart snap into a million little pieces. You and Sirius had broken up believing this job arrangement was permanent, but now it felt like all your heartbreak was for nothing.

"I see. What are you gonna do in London?" you asked, trying to convince yourself he might get tied down to another band. That way, the heartbreak would feel a lot less awful.

"I'm going solo," Sirius told you. His typical confident demeanor was shredded; he was excited, but his words left enough room for you to tell he was looking for your approval.

"Congratulations, Sirius. I'm really happy for you," you said. You were happy for him; this had always been his dream, but it was easier to break into the music scene in a group. However, this was probably the worst situation for mending your heart. If Sirius was solo, he wasn't tied to a band or their touring schedule. If he didn't think you were dating Jean, it would be entirely possible for you guys to rekindle your relationship. You felt like going to the Eiffel Tower solely to climb it and throw yourself off.

You took a deep breath, desperately needing to escape the situation and think. "I have to get going," you blurted awkwardly and rashly. "I have to go back to the office; my lunch break is over," you added in a quieter, more normal-sounding voice. You hoped Sirius would ignore that it was 10 a.m. and nowhere near lunchtime. It was a pathetic, poorly thought-out lie in an attempt to escape.

"Oh, well, it was nice talking to you. See you around!" Sirius responded, clearly taken aback by your sudden departure. If you didn't feel like you were going to vomit up your breakfast, you would've felt bad, as he clearly thought you were desperate to ditch him. You were, not because you hated him, but because you still loved him.

You nodded, quickly packed up your belongings, waved goodbye, and bolted out of the coffee shop, nearly tripping over your shoes on the way out. It was so embarrassing. You opened your group chat with Remus and James, sending a single text, "Traitors!"

James' reply was a single emoji with their tongue sticking out.

♡ ♡ ♡

You had been back in London for a week, and after multiple texts from now-apologetic James and Remus, who had been apologetic from the start, you agreed to meet them again at the bar to talk. You were honestly still a bit upset. Knowing that there was now a possibility of getting back together with Sirius, which you had subsequently squashed, had reopened deep sadness.

You entered the bar, immediately spotting James and Remus at your usual table. You sat down with a small smile; they were still your friends, and you waited for an explanation.

Immediately as you sat down in the booth, James blurted out, "I'm sorry!" You nodded but raised your eyebrow, waiting for an explanation. "Please forgive me. I promise I thought you were dating Jean, and Sirius asked about you. I couldn't leave him hanging; he's my best friend." James blurted out the information rapidly, clearly apologetic and anxious.

However, there was only one piece of information that you immediately narrowed down on. "Wait, Sirius was asking about me?" you asked, shocked and slightly shaken. Here, you thought you were the pathetic ex-girlfriend hounding details out of James and Remus, but maybe, just maybe, Sirius was the pathetic ex-boyfriend, too.

Remus responded with a snort, "Please, Sirius has been asking us about you nearly every day for the past three months!" James nods hurriedly, clearly trying to appease your worries.

"And you didn't tell me?" you ask, a twinge frustrated—scratch that, a lot frustrated. You'd been ranting to them for months about how heartbroken and sad you were, only to discover that Sirius was equally upset.

"Well, we didn't know if he'd be returning either. We thought we were being good friends hearing you guys out. We didn't want either of you to know about the other in case Sirius stayed in Glasgow," Remus explained, his words coming out quickly.

You nodded in response. Although you were frustrated, Remus's and James's explanations made sense. Honestly, you felt terrible dumping all that responsibility on them.

"Well, we have to go. Bye!" James said, grabbing Remus' arm and running out of the bar. You gaped in response, shocked by how quickly they tried to run off. Their mannerisms made no sense until you saw a familiar face for the first time since Paris: Sirius.

He looked shocked to see you approaching the table you sat at. "Hey, Y/N, what are you doing here?" That seemed like something you should ask him.

"I just met up with James and Remus," you replied sheepishly. You didn't know if he knew about your continued meetings. And you hoped he didn't know that you had been milking them for information about his life in Glasgow.

"Oh, they told me to meet them here," Sirius said. "I wonder if they decided to switch locations. I can go to meet them," he continued, using his thumbs to point towards the door and indicate his departure.

You think you both knew that James and Remus had planned this. However, you also knew that Sirius was likely being nice and didn't want to make you uncomfortable since he was under the impression that you were dating Jean.

When Sirius started to retreat, you saw his broad, tall figure walk out the bar's doors, a bell dinging as he left, and you knew you couldn't sit back. You couldn't let the man you love get away from you again. Knowing you could've done something to stop it, you couldn't deal with another heartbreak.

You hopped up from the bar stool, running after Sirius's figure until you reached him two blocks away, in front of a brick alleyway. "Sirius, wait!" you nearly pant, clearly out of shape, reaching out to clutch his wrist. He turned around to face you, looking dejected. "I'm not seeing Jean," you blurted out–still out of breath–a rare moment of vulnerability. You wanted to smack your hand over your mouth. "He was just someone, something, to get my mind off you for a while." You felt like you needed a muzzle right now.

His expression shifted from sadness to surprise but then again to emotions you couldn't put your finger on. “Y/N…” He began, but you quickly cut him off.

"Please, I know I messed up," you admitted quietly. You were embarrassed. "I should've been honest with you. I should've told you I missed you and had been honest with you, but I didn't know if you would ever return. So I resorted to playing a game of telephone with James and Remus. I should've just asked you how you were doing."

He looked bashful for a second, an emotion you didn't usually see on Sirius. "Well, you weren't the only one playing the game telephone. I kind of, maybe, told James and Remus to continue meeting with you so I knew what was happening in your life." He pauses for a second, trying to figure out how to continue. "And for the record, you didn't mess up seeing Jean; we were broken up, and you had every right to move on. I just selfishly wished you had been waiting for me."

You laugh at his confession. You should've known James, and Remus wouldn't have continued to update you without telling Sirius information, too. After all, he was their friend first. "I should've known they would sell me out to you and that they wouldn't be the most reliable relayers of my life." You sucked in a quick breath, "I wish I had waited for you, too; I just didn't know if you were ever coming home." If you weren't embarrassing yourself enough, you suddenly said, "I never stopped loving you."

A vast silence washed over the two of you for a moment, your sudden confession hanging over your heads like a ripe fruit from a tree, desperate to be desired. Then, Sirius reached out to cup your cheeks, both rosy from the cold air and the heat of your confession. His eyes searched yours before he spoke. "I never stopped loving you either," he admitted.

A surge of relief flooded your system, along with bone-deep golden joy. You didn't let another moment pass before you wrapped him in a tight embrace, your head falling under his chin. He allowed a burst of happy, surprised laughter to escape his lips before wrapping his arms tightly around your waist. When you held each other, all the misunderstandings and doubts between you two melted away, replaced by love and closeness. You never wanted to let go of him again.

After a moment, he pulled away, "You could've just told me you missed me, dollface." Although you felt touched, he had so quickly re-adopted your old nickname, you punched his arm nonetheless.

"Shut up," you murmured, leaning upwards to envelop his lips in a gentle, soft kiss. When he smiled against your lips, you hoped you two could stay like that forever.

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