#its reaching to that point i think
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babbyspinchh · 4 days ago
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my parents really are never going to change. theyre a team and im on my own. in the most literal sense
#i see it every time i express how i feel about something and they dont incorporate that in their beliefs for next time#and use it as something to help us navigate our interactions better#its alwaysssss right back to square one. same exact repetitive auto responses and nonchalant attitude toward my feelings#i try to reach some understanding but man its fucking impossible when the other person doesnt hear u at all#everything is so miserable#i dont have it in me to try and make somethinh out of myself because theyve completely destroyed any self image i have#but i also need to make something of myself so i can afford to get the Fuck out of here and cut off any contact#for the rest of my life#i feel trapped in the most hopeless way possible#today my father told me im going to die alone and unloved and no one will ever care about me#just because i told him to be mindful of the things he says rven indirectly#because ive gotten mad over it before so to avoid any future situations again#its best to avoid expressing the thought he expressed#for a guy who hasnt asked me a single personal question he really said all that like he knew me even a little bit#with so much demonic confidence#never wouldve thought id hear those words from a family member but it seems like he festered them for a while#and my mom stayed silent the entire time scrolling on her phone#clearly im not wanted around here and if i were petty id think 'ill distance myself to teach them a lesson'#but i know theyd prefer that#whenever i do isolate its only for my own sake. which is funny because when that happens they STILL blame me for isolating#nothing good ever comes from trying to insert some common sense into them#im always the demon child i ask for too much im ungrateful i should tolerate their mistreatmant#i should boil down and kill any feelings i have that are a reaction to their behavior etc#but all this is going to make me do is kill all of us#its reaching to that point i think#so if i ever go missing from tumblr thats probably what happened#if i lived away from them i wouldnt put them on my mind at all but i have to see them during the day#it adds and adds and adds and adds onto my mental state and one day ill snap#im a rat in a cage thats being constantly negatively stimulated#living in this type of environment is only possible if the other people are puttibg some effort into trying to coexist in peace
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gentil-minou · 1 year ago
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Everytime I see posts like this I get filled with such profound sadness
Cause you know who has the same brainrot as you? The same unhinged feelings as you after you've read the fic? The person who always wants to scream about the fic with you?
THE PERSON WHO WROTE IT
I never used to leave comments but since I got into the habit of commenting on everything i enjoy it's been incredible. Especially when the author gets back to me about it and we get to have a discussion of what other ideas they had. One writer replied to my comment with a 5 paragraph essay detailing the Floorplan of the building the characters lived in and it was incredible
Anyways this is all to say that if you find a fic that just makes you want to scream from the rooftops, leave a comment saying that to the author and maybe they will join you and you can scream incoherently together
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dykedvonte · 22 days ago
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Curly's little blurb on his steam trading card just keeps reminding me he is a much more miserable person than people realize.
We don't get a lot of his thoughts, inner confliction that aren't bogged down by what Jimmy says or does. Even in the The Last One and Then Another, his dialogue is reflective, not the Curly before the crash but the result of everything. Parts of the him he was are there of course, but also disfigured and warped beyond recognition just like he is physically.
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Curly really doesn't think much of himself and desires. He clearly chases fleeting moments of happiness. He doesn't really have prospects for himself, assumes in a similar way to Swansea, that if it should make it happy then he is happy. Though, he hasn't reached the point Swansea did to admit it doesn't. He neither sees the glass half full or empty, it's just water, something he needs and he'll take it from any perspective.
He wasn't running from anything but he's never really been going towards something either. He's listless. I've been using the term complacent to describe how he feels about his life and the closest people (really just Jimmy) in it, but now that word feels too neutral, too nice. Happier than Curly really was. There isn't just one word for it, he's unfulfilled, uncertain, uninspired. There are no active problems he faces and that's the issue, why should he be upset?
I believe he really is a person who doesn't know who he is or wants to be. He follows a structure. I don't think he's suicidal, but he clearly doesn't think about what makes him happy. He's numb. I suppose that is a better word than complacent, used to the feeling even if he hates it. It doesn't hurt so why stop it?
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lightnersdream · 29 days ago
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i've been thinking about exactly why people portraying one of the other crew members successfully killing Jimmy as a "for what you did to Anya" kind of thing rubs me the wrong way a bit and it's because like..... this is just another form of taking agency away from Anya, in a way. it's kind of framing her as some meek, shivery woman-thing who's entirely at the mercy of the men around her, either to hurt her or save her.
(i understand these are mostly for wish fulfillment on the audience's behalf because everyone would like to see Jimmy pay for his crimes. whether or not this is the intention of the person writing it isn't really relevant, characterization happens with or without intent. i feel like it misses the point by portraying it as an 'ideal ending'.)
because... Anya is a capable person. she takes things into her own hands when she can. it was partially(?) her idea to get into the cargo,
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(before he interrupts her.. remember when she interrupted Curly in the dead pixel segment?)
it was her idea to get the code scanner from the cockpit,
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it was her idea to get the medication from behind the foam.
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(the chance to do these things herself is not given to her.)
she'd been keeping Curly alive for months in a critical state somehow, her psych evaluations at the start are only so useless because Jimmy refuses to take it/her seriously and Curly is obviously biased when he puts it into his own hands. he's known him a long time, like he said. "I'll just put good for that one."
there's not a lot of material to work with because of how the game is framed, but it's there. we are working with two very biased perspectives and neither one lends Anya what she deserves
there's significant changes in how she speaks post- and pre- crash, and depending on who she happens to be talking to. i recommend re-reading her dialogue, because the difference is drastic
she acts the way she does around Jimmy because he has tangibly done horrible things to her, is actively hostile, and physically could not escape him by any means. she can't take away Curly's agency herself, in my eyes. you have to remember that Especially in the post-crash segments of the game, it's entirely from Jimmy's POV, and he obviously does not (and has never) thought very highly of her or treated her with a shred of respect
i've seen a general idea that she can't bear to hurt other people for any reason, but that doesn't really track to me. this is the real point of the post by the way
it seems based on the parts where she says she struggles to give Curly medication. "It just hurts him so much, I can't stand the noise." "It makes me nauseous."
it's not really the same thing as, say, hurting someone in self defense
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this sounds like she did want the gun itself. this never felt worded like someone who would refuse to, at very least, threaten Jimmy with a gun, with violence. if she had been given the agency to make that decision on her own. she wasn't though
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she still tries to reclaim some of it even as she's denied it
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by the end she's still trying to keep that gun out of his hands
i think some people overly soften her, for similar reasons the game itself is trying to comment on. she's not a tender victim who couldn't cause pain to another out of the softness of her soul, she's a person who's had every last bit of agency ripped from her repeatedly until she couldn't take it anymore. that's the point. that's why framing her that way, "needing" someone to save her, is odd to me
she didn't need Curly to save her, she needed him to take responsibility
she didn't want to escalate things, but she's not an idiot. self defense was absolutely on her mind
but who knows im just saying shit *smiles serenely*
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i think tim is high maintenance the way a boarder collie or austrialian shepherd is. like you have to make sure they're not only given space to expend energy but you have to specifically let them get the herding instinct out and challenge them intellectually or they start destroying ur home
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carnivalcarriondiscarded · 11 months ago
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I imagine barnaby trying to be all cool and flirting with howyd subtly but his smoke gives him away fjsns
he thinks he's smooth smh...
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satsuha · 1 year ago
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home
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critter-wizard · 5 months ago
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ep 43 had me tearing up in a fucking shopping centre ‼️‼️
b+w alt version that I truly couldn't decide if I liked it more . Also I included a lot of thoughts in the tags but they're somewhat incoherent<3
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#i dont know what i expected but i was waiting for a friend and too excited to wait until later#malevolent podcast#john doe#john doe malevolent#john malevolent#malevolent fanart#grimm art#ep 43#ep 43 left me with a lot of thoughts ... i didnt quite like how much of a recap it felt like at times but that might#be because ive been relistening and like yeah everyone knows that john 🙄 but that's not the case for everyone and with monthly uploads#things get forgotten easily#i find the discussion of “humanity” so interesting because John has shown that without someone that he has forcibly grown to value as an#equal... something he cannot do as the king of yellow as he is superior to all of his realm and presumably stays out of other elder god's#anyway. without that equality and enviroment to grow he fails to reach his goal of compassion and falls onto old ways.#John. The King in Yellow. shown by both times each has found themselves in human form do not just crave power and influence!!!#THEY CRAVE COMMUNITY!!! an endrich being not born or raised with nothing but power and ego#CRAVES COMMUNITY.#His goal of “humanity” is not a selfless goal like John projects - it is ultimately somewhat selfish as he does not want to be alone!!#which makes this desire so much more human#i don't know maybe this is just me spelling out whats already there but the way john and the witch argued about humanity frustrated me#it felt like they were missing the point or that perhaps the “good/evil” “black/white” retoric was already realised by me and john needed#realise it himself . which is fair !!!#i dont know!!!!#the witch was talking about how bad everyone was and how humanity is cruel and john was talking about Lily (#who also frustrates me how shes used in the plot somewhat she was literally just a nurse doing her job bro#) but to John - yes internally he is struggling with his moral greyness and im so proud of him for growing being himself SO PROUD#JUST.!!! he wants community. he needs community. he loves his friend. 'humanity' at its core does not matter as long as you try to be bette#and i think thats awesome and i really enjoyed the episode#guhh im rambling enjoy my tag rambling i dont know i want john to have more friends :(#yorrick can be another friend godd i love you yorrick so silly
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masterfuldoodler · 7 months ago
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wait guys actually! I have a great idea! Instead of feeling bad for reblogging our own art why don't we do a thing where we reblog older pieces/art that didn't get much attention/whatever you want and give commentary on it! Talk about what was fun to draw, what was hard, any interesting stories surrounding the making of it! Behind the scenes! pls guys that would be so fun to read I would LOVE to see that let's do it!
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reckonner · 2 months ago
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i think we are all kinda poisoned by a culture of nostalgia. you actually dont have to hold onto things forever by romanticizing them and trapping yourself in a cycle of reminiscing. i mean you can do it for a bit but it reaches a point where it doesnt serve you anymore. like listening to music that reminds you of a person and dwelling on the heartache is actually torturing yourself a little IDK like you have free will. stop picking the wound.
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scltbvrns · 7 months ago
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homogenising something that has always been inherently diverse will kill us all one day.
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puppyeared · 4 months ago
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learning abt friendship decay and "not reaching out to your friends for months at a time unprompted is not neurotypical behaviour" has me feeling a certain way
#experiencing some BIG FEELINGS OVER THIS REVELATION#listen i have never ever been bothered abt not seeing someone in a while or making time to talk to them bc in my mind its like not thst muc#time has passed. i mean it with every fibre of my being that when im like 'oh its ok even though we havent talked in a while and have our#own things going on it doesnt mean we're not friends anymore since we left things on a good note 8 months ago' i sincerely believe that#and for the longest time i just thought everybody makes peace with it at some point and not automatically assuming the other person doesnt#wanna talk to me anymore or smth. my longest lasting friendships are with ppl who work the same way i just thouhght that was normal#whatever organ everybody has that makes them reach out to their friends and plan hang outs i probably dont have it#i was already hesitant to ask out Alex bc i spend almost every waking hour doing smth that isnt talking to ppl unless they happen to be in#the vicinity. and at first it was bc i planned on making sure i had everything set up so i dont get stressed out and do it one at a time#but then i find out theres a friendship decay mechanic? and after dating and marrying someone you lose -10 friendship points for every#day u dont talk to them?? actually ive probably been losing friendship points this whole time without knowing bc of this?????#and i notice a lot of my own habits are also reflected in how i play bc ive been avoiding getting close to pierre and marnie since its more#of a professional relationship. like i know theyre npcs but im approaching it the way i would in real life its fucking nuts#i think its a little relieving im playing /as/ a character than myself bc as im playing im just making up little interactions in my head#than approaching things the way i would myself so it takes a bit of the stress off trying to put myself in there as a spectator. but well#being in a relationship demands a certain amount of energy even more so when theyre things that already take up energy on its own#like making time to talk to your partner and make sure they know theyre loved. i dont always have energy to put all my mental focus into it#and this is true for real life so im not really bothered by not dating anyone. but when its a game and i want my character to be with someo#and i know its fully optional and i know i could just apply the same logic to this i dont /want/ to. sometimes i want to experience#the same things other people do at least to a certain degree without the same emotional andmental stakes#no offense krobus#yapping#stardew#stardew valley#puppy plays sdv#sdv#this game has me by the ankles man
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treasureplcnet · 1 year ago
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btw i love revenge stories i dont think anyone should ever move on peacefully. a bit obsessed with the way weissman went to the synagogue and rabbi and asks, "my choices killed a child. would god take mercy on someone like me?" and the rabbi says "it's not god's mercy you should look for. its the child's" and like you think that would spur this man into charitable activities and to maybe look out for orphans but instead he goes on a 24 hour revenge bender that ultimately ends in two revenge killings and his own death. what's better than righteous anger and wrath and love twisting someone into the worst but also a truer version of themselves <3
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joshuamj · 26 days ago
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Linktober Day 8. Tunic
#linktober#linktober 2024#the legend of zelda#wind waker#ocarina of time#loz#loz ww#loz oot#link#josh art tag#had a lot of fun with this one despite how annoying it was to draw#oot link was at a difficult angle and i also just could not shade this for the life of me. restarted the shading like 3 times#i think im reaching that point in the cycle i typically go thru with my artstylr where ive grown tired of my shading style#to the point that i forget how to do it and it never quite looks right#so if my next post features changes to my artstyle thats why lol#but i enjoyed making this despite that cuz i like the ideas behind it!#i normally wouldve redesigned ww!link's outfit but i purposefully drew it accurately#to highlight how its more like a costume. cuz thats kinda what it was! and its modeled after the hero of times clothes#but is pretty innacurate. which i think is cool.. shows how much time has passed and how the view of the hero of time has warped#so i also purposefully made oot link wearing my redesigned outfit for him (even if you cant see much of it at this angle)#to further emphasize how ww!link's outfit is not only essentially a costume but is also quite innacurate#i like having ww!link ditch the costume for something else to show how he stops being some kid in oot!link's shadow#and grows into a true hero of his own#hence my ww!link redesign where i put him back in the lobster shirt. but i do keep some green and something similar to the hat#to have him fit in with the other links while still being unique#look i have a lot of feelings about ww!link and oot!link#i wish zelda would do more stuff like this... i think having oot relate to wind waker makes the story more interesting#and makes ww!link more interesting! cuz he cant be the hero of time they want. but he does become the real hero they need#the oot ww tp trio is so good... and they all work great as standalone games but their connections do really add something
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luck-of-the-drawings · 6 months ago
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POOR GABRIEL MONTEZ! YOU NEVER SAW THIS COMING DID YOU? ALL YOU WANTED WAS POWER. SECURITY. SAFETY. & THATS EXACTLY WHAT YOU GOT! JUST IN EXCHANGE FOR YOUR BODY. LETS JUST HOPE NO ONE FUCKS THIS UP. LETS JUST HOPE YOU WONT HAVE TO CLEAN UP THE MESS.
#jrwi fanart#jrwi show#cw gore#jrwi suckening spoilers#jrwi suckening#jrwi gabriel#jrwi gabriel montez#LOOK FAMILIAR?hahahahahDONT WORRY#IM REUPLOADING THIS HERE BC i fixed up the drawing a lil. and also i wanted to add main tags#U WONT SEE ANY DIFFERENCES BETWEEN THISSUN N THE POST ON MY SIDEBLOG.i changed the image there too.HA!!!!!!!#ANYWAY.i rambled plenty about pain and gabe on my sideblog.SO LETS TALK ABT THE ART SHALL WE.ihad i very hard time getting the colors down#would u believe i nearly left this uncolored??FUCKED UP!! it was only a sketchhow did it end up like this. it was only a sketch...#BUT IM RLY GLAD I WENT W COLORING IT.this time i actually used the airbrush n pencil tools BUT i also have a handy dandy brush i made#its just the mspaint air brush tool. fucking LOVE THAT THING. but now its in fire alpaca and it can be slightly transparent.IT LOOKS SOGOOD#perfect for splatters and grime.i love you mspaint i love youuu.im also so happy w the blood here.i think i reached a shift last year#back when i made that genloss fanart something abt the way i draw blood finally CLICKED and im like OH. the inside must always be darker.#like i KNEW that already but it was like my hand itself finally had it click.i wonder what i will learn next?I LIKE THE ORGANS HERE TOO#not as veiny or thready as i usually draw em. but i think thats fine. not as WET as id like em to be but thats also fine.#i got the point across. the point ofc being WOW THIS IS GRUESOME AND PAINFUL AND TERRIBLE#I LOVE HIS EXPRESSION.i love pain and thinking abt pain. you lose yourself to it after enough time passes of just being in an ocean o agony#at one point its just too tiresome to scream or writhe. theres a point when the body accepts it.sometimes.atleast.#OHHH GABRIEL AS A CHARACTER DELIGHTS ME SO MUCH.he is a dog to me.a thing to serve others.I WISH I KNEW MORE#WHAT ELSE DID YOU WANT BOY?? SURE POWER AND SECURITY AND SAFETY ARE NICE.BUT DID YOU HAVE DREAMS? WANTS? PASSIONS?#WHAT WAS THE STORY BEHIND THAT TIGER TATTOO ON YOUR ARM?WHAT DO THE DOGTAGS SAY BOY?I WISH I COULD HAVE TEA W U#OHHH TO SIT DOWN WITH A CHARACTER AND JUST SPEAK TO THEM. AND YET. AND YET IN THE END ITS ALL TRAGEDY AND COMEDY#TRAGEDY AND COMEDY THAT IS SO SO PAINFULLY UNBALANCED. SIGH.#WHATEVER CMERE BOY YOURE BECOMING AN OC OF MINE NOW UR GONNA BE IN SPACE AND UR NAME IS GONNA BE VINEGAR#UR STILL GONNA BE SHIP OF THESEUSED THOUGH. OOOHHH GABRIEEELLL GABRIEL MONTEEEZZZ#HOW MANY PEOPLE WERE BUILT INTO YOU.HOW MANY DID YOU LOVE AND CHERISH.HOW MANY TATTOOS DO U RECOGNIZE ON UR NEW ARMS#WHAT WAS IT LIKE? ON THE NIGHT U WERE SIRED?WERE YOU EXCITED? DID YOU SEE YOUR BOSS' FACE?WHAT WAS THIS PROMOTION LIKE?
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shakingparadigm · 5 months ago
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there was a poll about the main four in a normal setting and everyone was bodying till so hard 😭😭. Like absolutely no one voted for him as the most popular one in their group, he had the worst grades, the worst wardrobe, he was the most teased member... bro cant ever catch a break fr lmaooo
LMFAOOO Till punching bag of ALNST real.
Till getting bodied in polls is so funny 😭??? it definitely checks out if I'm being honest. Literally cannot catch a break. General ed grades are a mess, his physical state is terrible, mental state is even worse, living conditions absolutely abysmal, he can't make friends and the few he did manage have all left him. Most unphotogenic human alive. Started a fight with a kid smaller than him and got his ass beat. Teased and humiliated relentlessly in the official arts. Constantly sleep deprived. Almost never shows up without bruises or scrapes. Up against freak #1 in the final round. Now he's losing polls 😭 heart and talent but at what cost
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