#i just don’t trust enough still | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

goldkirk · 7 months

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#my brain is HOUNDING me #buddy I KNOW #I UNDERSTAND YOU WANT TO TELL #I however! still dont feel safe to! so you’re gonna have to gimme a FUCKIN minute #shh katie #I genuinely have not been able to figure out what to do I keep rifling through options like a stack of index cards #i just don’t trust enough still #brain please turn down the pressure valve I am going as fast as I can #we don’t have the luxury of being a child anymore it’s not so simple

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acearchivist359 · 7 months

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do i trust gertrude robinson at all in any universe? absolutely not.

am i choosing to ignore that and focus on happy painter gerry and act like nothing could possibly be wrong? yes. yes i am.

#i wouldn’t trust gertrude as far as i can throw her personally #i know this isn’t OUR gertrude . but she’s still odd enough that i’m suspicious #however i also want gerry to be happy SO BAD #i also don’t trust jonny and alex that like gerry is just gonna show up and be okay and that’s it #those two are evil #they give and then they take away and they have given us happy gerry for a reason i’m sure of it #but happy painter gerry <3 #i will live in blissful ignorance for awhile #the magnus protocol spoilers #the magnus protocol #tmagp spoilers #tmagp

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cravingpepsimax · 12 days

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listening to against the kitchen floor and WOW this is EXTREMELY stancest. specifically post-canon and from ford’s guilty pov. goddamn

#stancest #you should know that i’m sorry for being careless with you #lord knows i owe you more than i’m pretty sure i ever could give anybody #so i could hold your hand but keep you at arm’s length #i swear i’m really trying #it just don’t come natural to me to think that you’d want me for me #oh i’m sorry i promise i’m doing my best #i just haven’t learned hiw to be human as you are yet #i still don’t know who you are #i only know i’m still lonely #that morbid sorr where even company can’t cure me #AND THE MORE YOU REASSURE. THE LESS I TRUST.#I KEEP A LOCKET WITH A PICTURE OF THE BACK OF MY HEAD!!!!#I’VE LIVED MORE LIVES THAN ENOUGH I HAVEN’T DIED QUITE AS MUCH #DID I HAVE ANY OF THAT GRAVITY MAYBE YOU’RE QUICKSAND BECAUSE I REALLY COULDN’T TELL HOW DEEP MY FOOTPRINTS WENT #I’M CATATONIC IN YOUR ARMS CEYING HOW DID I CAUSE SO MUCH HARM…#I’M DOWN POUNDING MY HEAD AGAINST THE KITCHEN FLOOR APOLOGIZING FOR MY LIFE AND EVER ENTERINF YOURS #I KNOW *YOU’VE GOT SCARS OF YOUR OWN*#I SWEAR I’M SO FUCKING SORRY I’M NOT A GOOD PERSON I’M BARELY A PERSON AT ALL BUT SOMEDAY I’LL BE PERFECT AND I’LL MAKE UP FOR IT ALL.

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opticsel · 4 months

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crazy to think that people my age want to have sex… and that many of them have had sex before… and that they are actively seeking out people to have sex with….. and that they talk about sex with their other sex-having friends……. couldn’t be me but y’all have fun tho! stay safe out there and stuff

#idk i just don’t think about having sex with specific people. mostly i think about it as a concept i guess #i think it could be a very positive experience with the right person/people #and if someone trusted me enough to share that level of vulnerability with them i would be beyond honored #but y’all just met 8 hours ago!#how do you already trust each other that much!!#and that’s not slutshaming or whatever i just really do not understand #like i still don’t know exactly what i am but it’s definitely some flavor of #asexual #same goes for drinking/drugs tbh #like you wanna go ingest mind altering substances in a loud environment with flashing lights and strangers?#have fun or whatever ill be Literally Anywhere Else. call if you need a dd #this thought prompted by me finding a ‘fuck marry kill: actors edition’ card game on the shelf downstairs #and asking my mom why it was there #and her replying ‘well i got it cause it looked fun and i figured you could take it to (friend)’s birthday party’#and i was like why would i want to do that?? and then i remembered #ace chats

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dumpster-fire-sapphic-failgirl · 5 months

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don’t min me just putting on my clown makeup here, but I think it’s possible that KLCK *didn’t* kill Lucy

“… Lucy had multiple assailants. There’s lacerations, there’s breaks, there’s clear spell damage”

You could get that just as easily from just a gloomstalker ranger, a barbarian, and a wizard as you would with all five of them (maybe Ruben’s in there too, but it’s funniest to me if Fig has been torturing him when he’s not done it). Or maybe Ruben led KLCK away/distracted her.

Porter tells KLCK to kill Lucy. KLCK puts in the god change paperwork instead. Lucy balks. Or Porter doesn’t buy it. either way, the other three are sent to take care of it since KLCK obviously can’t. Lucy doesn’t come back.

Kipperlilly Copperkettle starts planning.

#I may be a fool but I’m not convinced four dogs would murder her only bestie #i don’t think Porter trusts her #I think she might be antoginizing the bad kids on purpose #to get their attention #of course she killed buddy she gave no fucks about porter’s plant on the team #lucy outlived all the other ratgrinders #there’s enough loose ends that give me some kind of hope #people out there still simping for oisin but hating on klck #maybe it was just Jace and Porter #but i think Maryanne and Oisin are the only two ratgrinders we can be sure killed Lucy #fhjy spoilers #fhjy #dimension 20 spoilers #dimension 20 #kipperlilly copperkettle #gonna laugh if i’m right

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impossibledial · 6 months

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i’m so intrigued by dannyclara despite not shipping them. i think that relationship is an interesting addition to clara’s character arc and i’m still trying to to figure out it’s purpose.

#read tags #doctor who #doctor who meta #clara oswald #clara oswald meta #danny pink #twelfth doctor #discussion #tagging pinkswald but let it be known i don’t ship them.#i think they were cute for what they were though.#it’s hard for me to view their relationship without being blinded by twelveclara but i’m trying.#my reason for not shipping them is due to clara’s treatment of him which i feel people don’t bring up often enough.#the only thing danny ever asked of clara was to stop lying.#twelveclaras tend to act as if he was possessive or territorial or demanding but he wasn’t.#he wasn’t insanely jealous in the caretaker. twelve was. he just wanted to know what was going on.#even in motoe he checked in to ask clara if she’s really sure she wants to stop travelling. she had no need to lie.#in the flatline script he says ‘if you’re back with the doctor it’s okay. you don’t have to lie to me.’#yet time and time again clara does.#clara may have loved danny but there was no trust.#she continually broke his trust. she never felt like she could confide him.#despite this i still view clara as a fundamentally selfless character.#i now think this is why she was willing to die to be with him dark water. she felt that was the least she could to make up for her lies.#i hesitate referring to it as a punishment because being with danny could never be that for her but i do think it was because of guilt.#it’s that lack of trust that makes her hang up in a sense.

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zeb-z · 1 year

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right ok so if etoiles is the strongest mf in terms of fighting off the codes, and the codes just keep putting him in situations as if to test his strength and get stronger themselves, and they keep giving ominous messages that seem to be threatening Pomme and the other eggs…

could they just be testing to see how much it’ll really take to get etoiles to finally break, so when their next attack on the eggs come, he won’t be an issue?

#like if 2 + 2 is four….#like. so they know just how much effort it’ll take to kill him and still be able to kill eggs #without having to go all all out in an overkill #or even then having to train because they can’t go overkill. but for some reason I doubt that #either that or they’re really trying so hard to kill etoiles to get that shield and he just won’t die lmfaoo #but like. idk it just doesn’t add up yknow #the codes and the federation have to just be playing with everybody again #because cucurucho sending Cellbit out to solve puzzles. codes fighting etoiles. it leaves just enough to not add up yknow #idk I don’t trust anything on that goddamn island and I’m so scared for the eggs all the time pfoskfjfjsh #anyways #qsmp #mcyt #etoiles #qsmp etoiles #z speaks

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lumiilys · 1 month

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What if I just rambled in the tags rn?

#personal stuff don’t mind me #just musings about sex and relationships #am I ace or aro? am I just opposed to the idea of a relationship cause I feel like I could never trust anyone on that level?#am I ace? sex sounds fun enough but it also doesn’t feel necessary? and I can’t imagine ever wanting to sleep with anyone #I literally never considered this until one of my friends complained to me about being sexually frustrated and I was like ???#??? THATS A REAL THING ???#I THOUGHT IT WAS A JOKE #where am I going with this #I’ve had 4 crushes in my life (excluding fictional characters cause I don’t think that’s the same)#I’m definitely bisexual #and yet am I? am I even attracted to anyone?#maybe I’m just on the ace spectrum somewhere?#and does it even really matter? why should I feel like I have to label it?#maybe it’s cause I feel like I have to label it to be valid #otherwise people view you as a loser #it’s frustrating #people talk about the concept of virginity being meaningless #and I usually see people talk about it in the sense of like #having lots of sex and sleeping with lots of people doesn’t make you impure #(which is true!!!)#but I feel like some people who say that still look down on people who don’t have sex #and view them as no fun or prudes or whatever #and the double standards piss me off #lol sorry for all of this I just need to ramble somewhere #ollie rambles #adding on #like the fact that I’m ashamed to admit even in the tags here that I’ve not had sex before is ridiculous!!!#it shouldn’t be this way!!!!#it’s something completely neutral!!!!!#it should be on the same level as admitting I’ve never tried melon or never been rollerblading!!!!

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elliesbelle · 9 months

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NOW I HEAR YOUR VOICE EVERYTIME THAT I THINK I’M NOT ENOUGH

#but literally like #that’s exactly what happens now #AND I FANTASIZE ABOUT A TIME YOU’RE A LITTLE FUCKING SORRY #LIKE???? is there NO guilt?!?! i have to live with the grief and you get to be fucking happy #‘i deserved to move on’ ‘you think it was easy to move on’ IDGAF you still moved on??????#YOU ONCE CALLED ME FOREVER NOW YOU STILL CAN’T CALL ME BACK #the FUCK happened to loving me always????????? through thick and thin???? i never stopped fucking loving you despite what i was going thru!!#all i feel now is fucking shame and disgust for myself because didn’t i fucking say?????? didn’t i fucking say you were gonna leave me again #and you swore you never would again!! then wtf happened!!!#you couldn’t handle my trust issues with you and i just know you hated me for not getting over them #i literally can never trust anyone ever again i am never trusting anybody with my fucking heart again EVER i can’t do it anymore #AND I JUST CANT IMAGINE HOW YOU COULD BE SO OKAY NOW THAT IM GONE #literally you’re fucking okay and in fucking LOVE with SOMEONE ELSE i am literally fucking NOTHING to you anymore #you always have and will ALWAYS find love in and with someone else and i never will again #the possibility of being with someone again literally disgusts me i am not doing it ever again #‘you’ll find someone else eventually’ i am NOT like YOU who always finds someone else i literally have NEVER found anyone else since you #i am literally and have never been enough and you don’t care #v #belle speaks

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designernishiki · 1 year

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y3 has made me feel many things but one of the things that lingers with me the most about it is how majima takes every possible opportunity and makes every possible gesture to say “please don’t leave me alone again, please take me with you when you leave, I WANT to be right next to you when you need me, I’ll literally do anything for you, just don’t leave me alone again” always indirectly but in strong enough ways that i think it’d be obvious to anyone paying attention EXCEPT Kazuma Kiryu, The Densest Man On Earth, who he’s pleading to in the first place. it’s. frustrating to watch. someone needs to grab kiryu by the shoulders and tell him. for the love of god. this man loves you so much and you keep leaving him when all he wants to do is help you and be with you please just take him to okinawa oh my god

#kazumaji #it’s FRUSTRATING #specifically thinking about the scene in the bar after the pink truck debacle #where majima finally says like. if you’re going to Okinawa to deal with this whole assassination thing or whatever comes up I’m coming #with you. you don’t have a ton of support down there and me and you together are basically unstoppable #pretty much completely outright #and kiryu. the dense stubborn motherfucker he is. is like. i don’t have No One down there I have a few friends (missing the point). I’ll be #fine. I don’t need your help there. you should stay here #I’ll give him some credit because then saying ‘someone has to stay here and keep the Tojo clan from total collapse’ is a good point and it #does mean something that he trusts majima to be that person (especially given I don’t think anyone else on earth would trust him with that)#(despite him being totally capable- you know mad dog persona and all that blah blah blah)#like that’s a good point idk who else would be a good choice to do that considering daigo’s out of commission and who’s even left after that #obviously mine is Sketchy. kashiwagi is (supposedly) dead. everyone else kiryu trusts in the yakuza is dead or injured more or less.#not gonna leave fuckin DATE in charge or something #so. fair enough point. but nonetheless it doesn’t erase the fact that kiryu overlooks what majima means in the grander scheme of things #and still believes first and foremost that he doesn’t need/want his help when he does and he should #he’s just. allergic to making life easier for himself #among other issues #sigh #yakuza 3 #y3 #goro majima #kazuma kiryu #kiryu #majima #rambling

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catastrxblues · 10 months

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i hate group assignments so much oh my god

#i want to scream #fuck that #i still have to do another assignment and it’s 12 am #and tomorrow is sunday i have exams on monday so i can’t just leave it for tomorrow #well i mean i can but i don’t trust my time management skills enough to do it #the thing is #most of my friends *have* read the messages and some did contribute #but it’s mostly the two of us AND SOME DIDNT EVEN FILL IN THE TABLE WHEN ITS ABOUT *THEM*#aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa #i’m not cool about this i hate group projects so much #getting passive aggressive in texts because what the hell guys 😭#some i can understand because i know they were busy and booked due to competitions and practices and such #but YOU #you who responded in other groups YOU WERE ON #okay going to listen to some songs to let out this frustration and then continue on goodbye <3 #nadirants

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exopelagic · 3 months

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this election feels so hollow even though it’s likely ostensibly gonna be a good outcome. labour really just sucks fucking ass rn huh

#if the tories lose bad enough to make lib dems the opposition though… a guy can hope #I think it’s the fact that this is the first general election I can vote in that’s making me lose my mind a little here #I have done basically nothing but read today. I DO know a whole bunch more abt voting systems and the nightmare the tories have been now tho #I’m just kinda like. okay so what happens next? bc labour WILL do some decent shit but they also. fucking suck.#planning to look into the local green party once I’m back at uni bc I could actually do stuff there #I think I’m just dealing with a little bit of whiplash going from doing a biology degree where Everything is about climate change #like unambiguously it gets brought up in every topic (I DO focus on ecology and agricultural stuff and not like genetics but still)#clear consensus from literally everyone you talk to that shit has to happen right the fuck now.#it’s not even like I’m unaware of the state of policy rn I KNOW it’s a nightmare to do anything but we at least TALK about it #and then this election where it’s barely a footnote. biggest thing is the sewage dumping everyone’s talking about and yeah fucking finally #but is that all you’ve got?? the labour manifesto is bleak. it has a section and the stuff they’re proposing isn’t bad but it’s so little #and yeah no they’ve changed the official line on the manifesto to ‘make Britain a clean energy superpower’#I SWEAR it was different a few days ago #maybe I’m being pessimistic bc their plans for clean energy if they actually do them could be huge especially if they manage it by 2030.#it’s just that I know what the targets are and they’re already pulling back on shit like EVs bc of the shift right and I am So Tired #two party politics is a curse. as much as reform is an actual nightmare them getting a decent vote share might actually be the thing that #gets people talking abt proportional representation again bc they are nothing if not good at being loud #did you know we had a fucking referendum in 2011 bc what the fuck. and it went SO BADLY even though people generally supported it #god idk I think I’m once again being naively optimistic about people and election coverage has been very good at knocking me down a bit #people generally are good. I have to believe this. but man the british public is making that really fucking hard #genuinely I think a good chunk of that is down to first past the post driving politics to be divisive and aggressive #like is it the only problem? fuck no. but it’s definitely poisoning the way this shit goes bc when all the parties do is jab at each other #what are we actually doing here #idk I’m gonna stop now but this is taking up a ridiculous amount of bandwidth rn I can’t wait for it to be over #already dreading what the next election could look like in 4 years if starmer continues to suck ass bc I don’t trust him to not like at all #luke.txt #I said i was done but I just looked at the lib dem manifesto and oh my god it’s actually pretty good on this? holy fucking shit

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phantom-does-a-thing · 6 months

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It’s almost worse knowing they hurt me unintentionally because I don’t have any right to hate them. It was an accident, they didn’t know, but still I have breakdowns at the mention of them and they don’t even know.

#I haven’t talked to them in months #and by god I don’t want to talk to them again #because it hurts So Bad #and I’m not even in the right to hate them bc they didn’t do it on purpose #I’d rather them do it on purpose because then I could hate them #because I’m angry and upset and I had a panic attack last night about it #this person who probably doesn’t even think about me for a second #and they’re constantly in my mind making me feel like crap #that’s not fair #I hope my name is never in their thoughts again and I hope they always wonder why I stopped talking to them #I wanted closure before but it’s too late for that because it’s been long enough that #wtf would I even say?#you hurt me. you abandoned me? but I’m the one that stopped talking #it felt like you abandoned me and I didn’t have the energy to keep up a one sided talk #when I know there were people who would talk to me #I know you’re busy. but at least something would be nice #I’m needy. and clingy. and I KNOW that #but still. it hurts because it’s like everything I always get left behind and they’re the PRIME example of that #I don’t even know why they hurt me so bad #maybe it was because it was someone I trusted completely #someone that I was closest to above all else above everyone else #I trusted them. I loved them. we talked about getting to meet up one day #but I hope that when they come up here I am Long Gone and they never think of me again #I trusted them enough they knew my state. I trusted them with parts of myself I barely trusted anyone else with #and the absence hurt like hell #and there wasn’t even one big event to break it off #just a slow deterioration in anxiety and stress that sometimes bubbled up in a message #but I always kneecapped the conversation because never was a good time to have it #and then just no more messages #I should block them. but I don’t want to ruin all the messages we had

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goldenspringmornings · 3 months

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plotting is very new to me (im very much more of a pantser) but my keir fic is making me think of what the hewn city is really like and how the magic system of the world works and it made me think of just what the night court’s special magic would be cause they’re the only ones without a specific ability iirc cause feyre never mentions what power she gets from rhys from the end of acotar expect that in the next book she’s experiences trouble with her daemti powers so long ramble short I’m headcanoning that daemati are all either native to or descended from a night court

#being daemati in my fic (currently untitled for now) is still rare in the night court but not so rare as it’s depicted in canon #it does become slightly important from what I’ve got outlined rn not very but important enough I felt the need to talk about it #it’s an intimate act with people you trust and simultaneously a deadly threat #love that sort of dichotomy and so does keir👀#anti rhysand #anti feysand #just in case #nothing overtly negative I just don’t like them #words on the wind

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i-am-a-freg · 1 year

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Not to post about again the post I made but it’s kinda sucky to see how pro abortionists are takin my post

#there aren’t a ton of them #but like #none of what I said is unreasonable #I was focusing on the baby not so much the mom #although even if I was they’d still disagree ofc #bc in their minds I hate women and want them to be puníshed for killing babies #like??? no????#I was feeling the feels because I’m going to be working VERY closely with mothers and newborn babies #and sure yeah I could’ve focused more on the struggles of women in that position #but I DIDNT #I mean I have no problem doing it #I just didn’t #I was thinking about little babies #who are unwanted because they’re not ‘normal’#and yeah I feel so much for the mother and father who make that decision #but all lives are blessings #even if you don’t trust yourself enough to have that baby #you can at least find it a good home where it’ll still have loving parents #anyway I’m not trying to be petty by talking about ppl instead of talking to their face #but in my experience they don’t care they just have their opinion like the rest of that and they’re not gonna listen so #idk man #I mean it’s not like I can’t empathize with someone who’s scared to have this baby because of all the what ifs #but that’s another reason ultrasounds are not always the best #the baby might not even BE disabled or malformed or whatever else #and if it was a surprise when it’s born you’re not gonna kill the baby??? bc that’s a human being??? it alwasy was???#i do NOT think that women should be punished for abortions because oftentimes they’re lied to and misinformed and all these other things #it’s just insane to me how people can take what I said and twist it to be so horrible #ANYWAY all of you ignore this I just rlly needed to get that out

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ccomilk · 1 year

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i love my coworker but sometimes i am very suddenly reminded that she is a rich white private highschooler who still hasn’t left that bubble yet

#coffee talks #we’ll be having a great time and then she’ll just say the darndest thing #also she keeps kind of implying that i’m too kindhearted bc i’m not suspicious of certain customers????#as if i’m naive?? love you queen but i’m just trying not to profile people #like she tells me to watch out when visibly poor or drugged people come in #or like. groups of teenagers laughing #but then says she trusts private school boys not to steal bc ‘they have enough money’#which. is so ironic when she implies i’m naive about people #it’s just. sigh #usually she’s fine but it’s just Some Things that pop out and give me pause #but she’s still just in highschool so it’s hard to really get someone out of that bubble #and there was just. a certain comment she made about a group of indigenous boys that came in today #she said it wasn’t bc of that but i don’t think she really understands that the context of who she’s saying it about changes the impact

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