#i just cant be quiet about something
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my favorite guy
suffered the wrath of zerochans horrible load features to get these by the way. hes lucky hes worth it
bonus: mr. nice guy (clearly)
#i’m in the middle of a kurobas rewatch#since starting it:#two fics have been dumped onto ao3#(deletes watch thread on main twt)#(accidentally starts one on priv)#its the way of life#i just cant be quiet about something#especially not when ive liked it for 3(?) years#cringelord rambles#aomine daiki#kuroko no basket#knb#kuroko’s basketball
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truth serum / system reveal au where shen qingqiu gets hit with an uncloaking spell that reveals the system in the reflection of his eyes every time it pops up.
during one of his missions, in the treasure hoard of some dragon-like creature, he finds a golden, oval shaped hand mirror, its gaudy style more victorian based than anything (airplane you hack!), that doesn't seem to do anything when he looks into it. but when he does, it reveals the system's screen in his eyes.
he doesn't notice this, of course, because he can't see it, and the system, surprisingly, stays quiet.
the peak lords think he's cursed.
maybe mu qingfang is the first to notice, during the mandatory post mission check-up, when shen qingqiu is scrolling through his most recently accumulated points and mu qingfang can see the strange vividly-blue lines reflected in his pupils. it's gone when shen qingqiu blinks, like it was nothing but a trick of the light.
it comes out when yue qingyuan is visiting and, just as he's done laying out the plans for a new mission, shen qingqiu's eyes glaze over and a bright blue box takes over the whole of his iris. shen qingqiu goes quiet; the thing in his eyes moves, shifts, pulses for a second, like static worms crawling all over his pupils. then he blinks, and it's gone, and shen qingqiu accepts the mission that yue qingyuan was almost sure he would decline.
maybe there is an intervention, when the peak lords corner shen qingqiu at qian cao peak and try to figure out what's wrong, subjecting him to all kinds of treatments and curse-finding spells that turn up empty, they can't find anything.
of course, the silencing threat is still very much up and running. at first shen qingqiu was kind of confused by the whole ordeal, but when the peak lords start describing a "strange blue box", he realizes, with sickening suddenty, that they're describing the system. and he can't say anything.
this only makes everything worse, because their fellow peak lord now keeps evading every question and acts like he doesn't understand. liu qingge points right at his face and asks, "that blue box, what is it?" and shen qingqiu laughs nervously and starts talking about how bright the weather is and surely it's the sky and nothing to worry about!
even worse, during the intervention the system thought it was a good idea to start talking to him, so now even the peak lords who hadn't seen it and who might have been persuaded by light tricks and reflections, get a first row view that no, that definitely isn't a trick of the light.
they try to do the whole thing of "are you in danger, blink twice" but shen qingqiu can't even do that because it's still a direct admittance!
maybe eventually he starts saying vague confirmations that don't actually confirm anything, like "this master hears what you're saying", or maybe he goes with a classic "this master can neither confirm nor deny that." but the system starts warning him for that too and eventually he stops saying anything, which worries the others more.
luckily mu qingfang catches on that every time they ask a direct question about the box or shen qingqiu says anything vaguely confirming, it appears. it doesn't appear when they ask about curses or demons, so it must not see that as a threat.
for a little extra angst: maybe the peak lords keep pressuring him for answers, and at some point shen qingqiu gets fed up and snaps out something like, "why don't you understand that i'm not allowed to answer that!" the system counts this as a direct admittance, threatening it's existence. so it punishes. shen qingqiu has a qi deviation so bad it lasts two weeks and takes two people every day to cleanse his meridians. the system doesn't appear in that time. it doesn't appear for a long while after that, either. the peak lords stop asking, mainly because shen qingqiu will instantly leave the room if they do. they don't stop searching for a cure, though.
shang qinghua returns from a business trip and catches on the second someone mentions a blue box and forced silencing.
#i like the idea of sqq sort of disassociating every time he talks with the system#like his eyes go unfocused and he goes quiet and doesnt seem to hear what others are saying#and the others always thought that was odd but hey. whatever. until some strange *thing* started showing up#i do also like the idea of the system slowly allowing sqq more liberties#bc its decided it likes this storyline#liu qingge comes to cleanse sqqs meridians and gets red with anger when the system pops up in sqqs eyes#but then sqq reaches out to him and says ''no. it... likes you.''#the system doesnt (cant) really like anyone. but its gifting him friendship points when liu qingge visits him and that's positive?#liu qingge doesnt see it as positive and gets even more mad because what do you MEAN this monster enitity ''likes him''????#liu qingge is going to kill it the first chance he has!!#yue qingyuan talks about a mission looking for volunteers and you can *see* his face fall when the blue box appears#''it wants you to go. doesn't it?'' ''this shidi would like to join this mission.'' ''i understand.''#sometimes the blue box appears and sqq looks *stricken*. like he just saw something really awful#but he just cant talk about it#svsss#scum villain's self saving system#scum villain#shen qingqiu#yue qingyuan#mu qingfang#system svsss#svsss au#reveal au
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On average, what is the total MONTHLY amount that you spend on dining out*?
*(This doesn't only count going out to restaurants, but also stuff like picking up fast food to bring home, getting a coffee on the way to work, getting a premade sandwich from a grocery store deli during lunch, buying a quick snack from a convenience store or food cart whilst walking somewhere, ordering a pizza or any other food to be delivered to your home, etc.)
*(If you often dine out in groups/as a household: calculate and divide the costs so that you get a Per Person average. This is for YOU individually, NOT the total household/group costs)
(I'm sure polls similar to this have been made before (very common topic), I just haven't personally seen one that I can remember, so, I was curious to do my own! I was discussing this with a group of people today and it was very interesting to see how widely the number varied between individuals. :0c )
(Reblog for bigger sample size if you can, and feel free to explain your answer in tags if there's anything extra to add!)
#polls#tumblr polls#I'm mostly in the 0/1 - 25$ category. Maybe the rare month is a bit over $25 if there's something specific going on like birthday.#Which I'm NEVER eating in an actual restaurant (erm... covid... plus I just hate restaurant environments. i would rather pickup#the food and bring it home to a peaceful quiet environment that I control lol). But more typically like stopping by a grocery store deli#section or something. I don't have coffee that much. And I can't eat fast food much due to my health issues/diet restriction stuff#so if I'm out like coming back from an appointment and I start feeling really sick and weak. I know that a hamburger will just#blow up my system and cause nausea or something. So I try to pick the breadiest most#neutral looking turkey sandwich at the safeway deli to eat during the hour ride home or whatever lol#I actually kind of wish I could do stuff like get food more often vecause it would take the burden of cooking everything off of me#but.. alas... Money... and Health Things... T o T#I still wouldn't do it ALL the time but like... once a week instead of once a month or something.. or maybe turning into a coffee#person.. I do love drinks A LOT .. i am a drink person who will have 5 different drinks sipping on at all times#But i just have to make them all myself mostly lol#And I cant really have too much coffee since it will make me sick. so like.. teas and juice mostly#When I inevitably become a millionaire by never using social media never networking and only finishing one#sculpture every 5 months which I dont even post about or sell - then I shall... get more drinks..#I will somehow wean my body onto coffee and drink one a day solely for the ritual of it#Though even then... I would still probably just like.. buy the mateirals to make it at home or something#Like if you had a million dollars you could just buy a kitchen grade ice cream machine and other stuff to make your own milkshakes and#coffees and smoothies and bubble teas. Genuinely I think even if I were a BILLIONAIRE I would still look at playing likr $8 for a single#coffee and go .. uh.... I could just buy the equipment to make this and then save that money. PLUS. its in my house now so no need to#have to leave. I can make my own drinks in the comfort of home. .. ideal..#Like no matter how rich I ever got I would still have the lingering scroogey stinginess. like i am NOT paying for that. I will jus#make it myself. Especially if it was an Everyday thing. Anythign thats part of my routine I try to optimize and make as efficient as#possible... ANYWAY.. In an IDEAL world I would get treats. but probably not that much. as on a daily basis it would start to get#to me and I would just save up to buy kitchen machinery if I was rich lol
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cant stop thinkin bout charles and erik readin together on the couch but instead of reading with him charles is listening to eriks thoughts while he reads. Live mind commentary ……..
#xmen#cherik#charles xavier#erik lehnsherr#snap chats#the rare time i post an idea of mine only because i really cant think of a way id draw this#usually i hoard my ideas cause i like surprising you guys but this aint really one i feel like drawing so. For You my friends#like i COULD but. idk just isnt particularly something im itching to draw it just seems cute#but anyways no chat let me cook alright hear me out cause i talk in my brain all the time while i read#sometimes i stop reading just to think about a bit i read yeah#i want charles to listen in on all of eriks side comments or observations he makes while reading something#like if he wanted to charles could read the whole book in less than five minutes- maybe shorter than that#and that aint fun that aint cool …. so time for Audible: Husband Edition. With Commentary#ITD BE SO COZY just hangin out by the fireplace …. maybe its snowin outisde … if snow even exists anymore atp#a light fire cracklin and the study SEEMS totally quiet otherwise and yet…..#charles has been locked in to erik’s off-the-cuff literary analysis and mild comments for the past twenty minutes. its simple but its bliss#charles doesnt have to worry about being seen as invasive .. he doesnt have to suppress his powers …#the rare occasion erik lets charles into his mind for somethin so innocent .. ive made myself sick i fear#see now i wanna try writing a fic but 1.) have written in years 2.) id have to really think hard on how erik would commentate on a book#hm…… actually i do wonder what erik’s commentary on The Fable of the Bees would be …..#IN ANY CASE. maybe - at the very least- i can draw cherik by the fireplce someday ….#thatd be cute … hm …. depends on if i get in the mood for it down the line#anyways i have to drive back to my dorm !!! boo !!!! so good night everyone !!!!!
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Can we talk about how Karen definitely has some sort of PTSD because you can't just wake up one day with a knife and bloody hands and a dead coworker on your carpet one and then be fine. You don't get arrested and then almost strangled to death while in custody and be fine. You don't get kidnapped and threatened and then kill someone in self defense and be fine.
Oh my god can we PLEASE talk about Karen and her trauma oh my GOD.
#i havent seen the series in a while but ive started rewatching it again#still in s1 currently so i dont remember the later seasons very well#but just#karen definitely has some trauma#also since ive been thinking about how cute nelson murdock and page are as a trio i cant help but think#about karen calling one of them in the middle of the night just to hear their voice to calm down#Karen trying to call matt every time but he never picks up. so she learns to call foggy instead.#foggy asking one night if she wants him to come over#karen agreeing and foggy coming over and making them both hot cocoa or smt before going to bed#karen sleeps better and feels much safer with someone else right next to her#after karen finds out matts identity- matt hearing karen having a nightmare and if its a quiet nigjt he will climb through her window#and he'll comfort her#and she knows she always has the devil of hells kitchen looking out for her#something about the image of matt in his daredevil getup and cuddling karen is so cute to me ngl#karen makes fun of him and his stupid lil horns and he eventually pulls the cowl off ofc#anyway#lmao that was a lil ramble. i love platonic m/f relationships sm#stiff talk#daredevil#karen page
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I feel like one of the big differences between an okay monster movie and a banger of a monster movie is that the monster has to be JUST as interesting as the human characters. Half of the audience should probably end up rooting for the monster as much as the other half is rooting for the people, do you know what I'm sayin...
#i am sayin this bc i just saw the 3rd a quiet place movie#and it's just like ok but dude these monsters are so boringgggg im sorry#not just because this is the 3rd movie by now but because idk they are just hungry aliens that eat loud things and cant swim#think about the utter classics of the genre that people revisit over and over#the monsters are like fun to think about#or very cool to look at#or have some sort of a motive or culture or something that is either oddly sympathetic in some light or interesting to contemplate#anyways i feel like im such a hater and cant enjoy anything anymore but it was fun to get out to the movies again anywayz#p#a quiet place spoilers#a quiet place day one spoilers
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Ananza realizing that Deacon's mom was a devoted follower of hers THEREFORE that's her son now, too! And she will dote on him and love him and never pick on him like all the other deities tend to do. That's her precious little boy who lives in another city and rarely gets to see her!
#my characters#deacon gets mocked for being weird by every other deity but her and ymber (though he does think hes a TAD weird)#and ananza is like NOPE THATS MY LIL BOY !!! I LOVE HIM! and after deacon and ymber leave from their visit#she gets all huffy with fulj because YOU COMPLAINED ABOUT DEACON SO MUCH ??? my sweet lil angel?#and fulj just what - hey wait - did we meet the same person? sweet lil angel?#also for if you care cause i definitely do#ananza is like hmmmm since thats my son now i HAVE to give him something but .... ymber is so protective....#and then she is like OH YEAH ! ohime said deacon recognized my dance !#then she is like deacon please come dance with me i formally request a dance come here away from him please here hey#and since deacon is a nice guy hes like ok but i cant really dance well and shes just noooo worries!#and then as they dance she slowly gets him away from ymber and after they are at a decent distance she just#takes his hands in hers and then FWOOSH there's a bunch of wind and deacon is left speechless like ??? what was that?#and so then she is so proud to say that while ymber placed a very PASSIONATE blessing on him she did no such thing!#it is a simple blessing for him since hes like a son to her and hey it might not make you immune to stuff like drowning#but if you are ever in combat which i hope you arent then you will be super duper agile and quiet#and so hes like oh thats pretty cool actually! hey wait what did you mean by passionate hey what#but then the super light footsteps actually are not simply for combat and now hes just a very tall quiet guy#and since he cant remember faces if he sneaks up on someone and they say AGAIN? HOW ARE YOU SO QUIET? hes just#im sorry i didnt mean.... to.... do that.... again.............. (whomst is this and how many times did i spook them)#and ymber is just really happy that thank goodness his blessing and ward act as a GPS and so at least HE knows when deacon is nearby#and fulj is like i hate him even more now did you know he nearly gave me a heart attack like two hours ago ??? this is a crime against me#anyway ananza and deacon are just cute together and hes her precious lil son!
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Im perfectly fine with most of downpour's set up; but the thing I least accept is it's interpretation of slugcat "intelligence" I think the fact that the base game of RW implies that scavengers as a whole might be "evolved" than the player creature to be way more compelling, along with how nicely that pairs with the dev's old statements about how it must feel to be a rat in new york and like, get things on only the most superficial level, but being unable to grasp the complexities of what youre crawling around on. Able to conceptualize it- to think about it- but denied the ability to 'get it'. Gourmand (and even some tidbits about spearmaster) are charming and cute, but they push ultimately for a familiar and safe type of intelligence. They go for early human that communicates in a way we know is "smart" and it, unintentionally or not, sucks both the animalness and alienness out of them. They're the same as scavengers now, and we know exactly what scavengers remind us of with their culture and set up. We can place them, humanize them, no longer are we putting ourselves in the role of a creature in a confusing and complex world but rather a developed thing that has already progressed enough to begin to tame it. The slugcats as a creature that doesn't seem to emote or speak, but shows understanding- a level of which the player can not fully place- works so much more for me. These are things that are clearly intelligent, but we don't really have a good way to measure it past their ability to use basic tools and understand commands given to them when blessed with a fictional boon of understanding. I'm reminded of the ever growing way science in the real world is having to accept the intelligence of things we were so certain must have been unintelligent. Some of things we readily accepted as too undeveloped to even feel pain as creatures -somehow- able to play and learn. Creatures who were we baffled by because everything about what we know says that their brains should be too small and undeveloped to do what they do. That, and I really like the vibe slugcats give off as a creature on the cusp of "higher intelligence" - something that is clearly smart, but maybe not all the way there in the sense people would expect. Something capable of having complex thoughts and motivations and emotions but not yet fully able to process them or make use of it fully. Hard to explain
#Its kinda one of the reasons i find artificer interesting#because we have seen revenge and retaliation in animals but only on a more#basic level. targeted harassment kinda deal#but i do also see slugcats as highly intelligent but just not quiet 'human' intelligent and certainly not human society type intelligent#so artificer for me is an animal that basically experiences trauma and rage but doesnt have any way to grasp how on earth you cope#with those concepts. what do you do when youre so angry you want to hurt something. what do you do when you feel spite#they dont make therapy for slugcats!! so you spiral until you either die or are killed. things tell you about things you dont understand#and that dont mean anything to you. you cant see what they mean in words youve been forcefully made to understand#I like the slugcats are being very smart creatures who are deeply puzzled by a system they can see and understand but dont 'get'#they understand the rain. they understand moon and pebbles. they hear what they say but they dont know why they can or why these things#speak to them about these topics. topics that are interesting and they can follow but seem so distant#topics that ultimately mean nothing to them. understanding denied understanding
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i drew silly gijinkas of my dogs
the dogs in question
#doodles#uhhh ill tag this oc even though its just my dogs lmao#oc#anyways#for the record about their personalities#dakotas very much a grumpy old lady. shes pretty quiet and when she has something to say its not very nice#vyse used to be a little menace!! but hes mellowed out as he got older#and orpheus is a menace!! he loves annoying people its his favorite hobby#he doesnt try to be destructive he just does things he thinks will be cool without thinking and causes massive damage in the process#hes the kid who went WANNA WATCH ME DO A BACKFLIP OFF THIS WALL??? without knowing how to do a backflip#hes like 15 and he was on his schools football team but then one summer everyone came back really buff and he did not#so he doesnt play football anymore#and hes covered in bandages from all the stupid things he does#anyways in terms of designs. i had a vision for dakota and orpheus and none for vyse#dakota specifically i thought should have a long braid and one of those fucked up canadian hats. and orpheus should look like-#-a teenage boy who cant dress nice!! also his hoodie says hellhound on the back#the neon shorts are DIRECTLY ripped from the ones i got from when i did wrestling. theyre so fucking comfy btw#dakota is mostly just cold and comfy. she REFUSES to dress lighter#vyse i didnt have any real ideas for again. i wanted to make him look a bit like his namesake vyse skiesofarcadia but i wasnt sure how#in the end he got that red scarf. which i think does make him look a bit more mischevious since so much of his face is hidden#anyways theyre like a fucked up little found family!! vyse would murder for dakota and orpheus. and dakota probably does too#probably. you can never be sure if she does actually like him#oh also this is mostly irrelevant. but vyse and dakota were meant to be like later 30s (dakotas maybe 38 and vyse is 34? ish?)#and also theyre russian. vyse and dakota i mean. idk if it comes across for vyse but one of my friends guessed it with dakota so!!#idk siberian huskies. theyre russian. россия or whatever
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#question... has anyone of you with neighbors ever had your attention called over making noise bc it happened for me yesterday and i feelbad#it was 100% our fault it was really late and we didnt realize so the neighbors#hit the ceiling hard a few times but theh hit it a lot so they were clearly pretty mad 😥#obviously we're not going to do that again but like. irrationally terrified that they hate me cause i make noise sometimes#its also jarring bc I've always lived alone so I've always been extremely quiet almost like a ghost but its so much easier to make noise#if you're with someone else#god does this make sense?? augh. i just needed to vent a little#this is actually the second time we get a notice like that but over something else and now im worried babey!! what if the neighbourhood#kicks me out or something!! augh (this cant happen i dont think especially not about smth like this but like auuuggghhg panic)#I just dont wanna be a bad neighbour man
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To be honest, stardew valley has me in such a chokehold. It always has, even before the 1.6.
In such a way that my brain wants to smash my hyperfixation into it. So late at night I'll be awake thinking of this stardew/south park mashup.
Call that bad boy Star Park AU.
But no brain! Bad! We already have too much going on! You have a Secret Soulmate AU. Fantasy AU, A Cowboy AU story staring Kenny that's still in the outline phase, and these one shots!
(Look at the tags to watch me descent into madness)
#like C'mon#it would be so cute and wholesome#ya know#everything south park isn't#its not my fault I think about me and my friends ocs starting a little farm together#i got one friend I rp with#we smash everything into our stardew rp#it ain't even really stardew besides like the layout of the town#I could write something like that up#like Stan and his family are already “farmers”#the heart event where he tells you he fucking hates it#but next heart event he confesses he's starting to associate farming with you#and now...maybe its not so bad?#COME ON#Kenny taking Karen to see your animals and falling in love with the way you're so gentle with her#Kyle finding you passed out in the mines and scolding you for being careless#but he's patching you up while he does it!!!?#Cartman demanding you bring him crops from your farm because#“everyone elses crops taste like dirt and ball sweat! at least I can stomach yours.”#(its the sweetest thing hes ever said tbh)#tweek having his little coffee shop set up there#he gets away from his parents and moves out to the valley because its quiet!#Craig moves out there to study the stars because they're so clear he can almost see all of them without a telescope#Clyde is JUST Alex and you cant change my mind#after the death of his mother he goes to live with his grandparents#Bebe is like a mix of Haley and Emily!#her events would be you helping her get her outfit designs off the ground and using her photography skills to have you model them#Wendy's whole thing would her being the mayors assistant but over heart events you make her believe in herself#and she becomes mayor; fuck you lewis you old fuck#shhh its a secret
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Sorry for being so rambly today (and last night) I have thoughts so onto the blog they go
I feel like part of the joy of art is in community, like you create something and you get to talk about it and share it with the world. This year I lost touch with the friends who I would always talk about art with and I think that loss is heavily impacting my ability to create (and the enjoyment I get from it.) I miss having a new idea and getting to ramble about it excitedly. I miss texting people the sketches and the mock ups and the color palettes.
I got into art for me. I wouldn’t show anything I made to anyone for years. So I’m no stranger for creating for the target audience of myself. Still, I miss that sense of community. I love this blog and I absolutely adore the lovely comments you all leave on my art but sometimes it feels so one-sided on here. I post a piece, I receive a lovely tag back and that’s it. End of story. I spend hours and hours working on something and it kind of disappears into the void in a day or so.
Trying to put it into words, but I think I wish I could create art that starts a conversation. That inspires people to create their own things in response, or even just talk with me about process. I think the perfectionism has gotten out of hand lately because I feel like I’m missing something—which I attribute to the quality of the piece—but really what I’m missing is buddies to chat about art with. There is no level of being “good enough” that will serve as a substitute for a real community.
#ahaha if you can’t tell I am a very introspective person#and a lonely one the transition to college has been rough and all my friends are back home#anyways I was thinking about drawing more stuff for my ocs today#and then I remembered the friend I loved to talk about them with hasn’t replied to me in a month#which is understandable. she’s busy. she made new friends. she’s not struggling like I am so it makes sense that she’s just kind of moved on#but I miss her#I had no chance of making it to her in group because all her friends she met through dance and I can’t dance for shit#I don’t even think she meant to ghost me but who knows#it sucks that I won’t get a real goodbye#anyways all of that to say I was going to draw my ocs and then I got so sad because who would I even share them with#there are a few art groups on campus but I have anxiety and mild agoraphobia and when I try to go I just feel awkward and shy#anyways if anyone ever wants to chat about art#it’s only one of my fav things in the whole world#lea talks#WHY CANT I BE A PROPER TORTURED ARTIST#WHY CANT I TURN MY ISOLATION INTO SOMETHING BEAUTIFUL#WHY DO I NEED SOMEONE ELSE TO BE PRESENT IN THE PROCRESS#is it not enough to descend into a quiet madness on my own and create from that??
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I really do love how the fandom has their ship but man do I wanna see a bit more of the rivals to codependent to lovers route more
#satosugu#in which them beefing in the gym was hilarious to me and i wanna see that be a part of their early friendship stages#and THEN it turns out theyre both so stupid they just wanna kiss each other#you know that whole yakuza vibes where fighting definitely means more than just fighting#idc what anyone says#alot of yakuza could have been solved if they'd shut the fuck up and talked in some cases kissed even#anyway#i need fics where they talk about how fucked gojo's mental state must be over all#cause your telling me someone who was born so powerful and is hated because of it and only treated well (in a distant sort of way) is okay?#like damn geto had him snatched with that one scene#i need more shoko love frfr also#also does geto ecen eat given he has to eat curses and shit like they cant put that shit in some soup or a smoothie or something???#i need a fic where gojo cries but like the quiet kind cause he's always been the stronfest and strong people would never cry like a weakling#type shit#i want a fic where gojo learns new emotions as he's taught to unlearn the damage his title and family have given him#like genuine joy or non deadly fear or or crying is okay#i need geto to have a support system thats not just gojo like theyre each others number one's but theyr both fucked up#they needed adult nanami in their lives imo cause my guy seems to be the only one who got it
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I've felt my eye twitching the WHOLE day
but no one said anything so i hope im just imagining things<3
#kekablabbers!!#also the old man coworker for a moment squeezed my shoulders like on a lighthearted reassurance but#it was sudden and i thought my heart almost stopped but it was funny still#man seeing my coworkers (ages ~25-40) being so chatty and stuff and them being weirded out by my quietness#im just.. did they all never heard of introverts or something??#a year almost passed and they mostly stopped nagging me about my silence probably around a month ago#its scary when you cant explain yourself from first few tries cuz it just irritates the other person and it feels weird like damn#i hate failing social interactions#like IM SORRY DUDE but i literally don't know what to say even if we spoke the same language!!
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im going to bed
youtube
heres a song i like goodnight
#......................#.............................................#..............................................................................#thats probably enough of a buffer.#last night i dreamed i was in the hollow below the tree that my body was in. when i woke up in the morgue all i wanted to do was curl up#my bones remember i think. even if i dont. sometimes i feel a phantom emptiness on my chest#like the arrows. like the knives.#its scary. its so scary.#im just a kid#will i remember it forever? how long will it haunt me?#people die all the time. people die and come back. people die and come back and they remember but it doesnt haunt them#i was trapped in death and i think thats... its not gone. maybe it is magically but i still feel it.#all i had for so many months was the vague knowledge that i was dead and this overwhelming sense of sharp coldness#my body remembers. i remember. how does anyone forget things like this? i dont want this. i dont want to remember.#i like it under my bed. ive put pillows and blankets down here. the vent that blows in cold air is here too so it feels comfy#and maybe it reminds me of being under the tree. and i dont know why but thats something im actually okay with#my body was under something for so long. the soil was cursed but i loved those woods. i miss the woods. my body hurts.#my mom is missing a leg and sometimes she talks about phantom pains. like her leg realizes it isnt there and screams#can you feel that way about a hole in your chest and your neck. can you feel that way about a tree above you.#can you feel that way about death#maybe i should get angry. but alone. so so alone so i dont hurt anyone.#i cant prove him right. because he was wrong and everything he ever said was wrong and he sucks and i hate him#im not like him.#im like gertie and my parents.#im so tired. im so tired. i want to sleep in dirt for a few more months. maybe sort myself out somewhere dark and quiet.
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oh boy it's my least favorite weekend of the year 🙃
#my smol quiet village hosts an art festival every columbus day weekend#so it goes from being dead to having thousands of people walking through#and theres so much traffic i basically cant leave my house the entire weekend#and random people try to park in my driveway#and people i dont like that are friends with my parents always come and park in our driveway without calling to ask if its ok#i fucking hate it 🙃#its like the one weekend everyone i hate in my state is lurking outside my home waiting to see if ill leave my cave#thats what it feels like anyway#anyway#whatever no one cares i know i just needed to bitch about it for a second#ill be hiding all weekened if anyone wants to play a game or something
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